text:
Conor Oberst

Conor Oberst (born February 15, 1980) is an American singer-songwriter best known for his work in Bright Eyes. He has also played in several other bands, including Desaparecidos, Commander Venus and Park Ave.

Quotes

 * I never fuck with Facebook. I absolutely despise social networking. I think it's truly going to result in the destruction of mankind. Sometimes I just wish I didn't live in this time. Before, there was so much more freedom and privacy, and you could truly escape places.
 * As quoted in "Conor Oberst's Mystical Awakening" by  Chris Norris  in Rolling Stone (25 June 2009), p. 66-84

A Collection of Songs Written and Recorded 1995-1997 (1998)

 * The world's become a little too mean.
 * Saturday as Usual

 * And me I'm in my bedroom drawing in my notebook Because my hand thinks I'm an artist But my heart knows I'm a poet It's just words they mean so little to me.
 * Saturday as Usual

 * My Brother went to college To become a doctor And if he studies hard enough He'll end up just like papa, who hates his life.
 * Saturday as Usual

 * And me I'm in the bathroom crying out my eyelids because it's hard to be a man when you're scared, just like a little kid.
 * Saturday as Usual

 * If I die tonight, then I guess I die tonight Let me go on.
 * Falling Out Of Love At This Volume

 * I started to sink like the moon tends to do if you stare at it too long Then you blink and it's gone
 * ''The Awful Sweetness Of Escaping Sweat

I guess time has a way of making everything alright it's just there is not enough of it and so we drink and we sing and we celebrate this lie and hope that it will last morning is here night has passed A celebration upon completion

but i guess fear has a way of making sleep unbearable and the days seem cold and long but we'll cry and we dance and we stumble into love in awkward perfect grace the moon is gone and the sun has took its place A celebration upon completion

Letting Off the Happiness (1998)

 * I swear that I'm dying slowly but it's happening, and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere... just take me there.
 * If Winter Ends

 * In a coma, you don't dream, you just hope that someone sits with you.
 * Padraic My Prince

 * I had a brother once, he drowned in a bathtub, before he'd ever learned how to talk. And I don't know what his name was but my mother does, I heard her say it once, she said, "Padraic, my prince, I have all but died from the sheer weight of my shame: you cried but no-one came."
 * Padraic My Prince

 * I find that life is easier when it is just a blur With no details to confuse who or what or where I was So when the ending comes the full regret will be obscure
 * The Difference In The Shades

Insound Tour Support No.12 (2000)

 * Well morning came, and it dressed the sky in a lovely yellow gown. Shopping malls are opening in that narrow hallway of downtown, filled with people who are shopping for their lovers and their friends, singing "I won't ever be lonely again"
 * I Won't Ever be Happy Again

 * There's a cat in the window, of the house of my lover. Well she sleeps there alone now, or perhaps with another. Oh I try no to think about that, I try not to think at all!

 * My parents ask if I'm alright; I say "I've just been staying up too late. I need to sleep" I need to do something! To get this awful weight up off my chest, keep her pretty ghost from chasing me!

 * So you say there are spaces, opening wide? Oh believe me, there's day longer than nights. And you could be happy, if only you'd try. But you don't try. No you don't try.

 * And you speak of a fever, that burns you inside, as you explain to your mother, how you've wanted to die. So she kisses your fingers, and says "My darling, but why? When there is so much more. There is so much more."

 * You could be happy, the minute you try. Why won't you try? Oh won't you try?
 * The Joy in Forgetting - The Joy in Acceptance

Fevers and Mirrors (2000)

 * And the sad act like lepers They stick to the shadows They long to ring bells of warning To tell of their coming So that the pure can shut their doors.
 * Arienette

 * I drug your ghost across the country, and we plotted out my death. Every city and memory we whispered "Here is where you rest." Well I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees And I settled for a telephone, sang into your machine: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."
 * The Calendar Hung Itself

 * And I sing and sing of awful things The pleasure that my sadness brings.
 * Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh

 * For a sunrise or a sunset, you're manic or you’re depressed. Will you ever feel ok?
 * Sunrise, Sunset

 * I think it is more like a ghost that has been following us both. Something vague that we're not seeing, something more like a feeling.
 * Something Vague

Now I know a disease that these Doctors can’t treat. You contract on the day you accept all you see is a mirror and a mirror is all it can be. A reflection of something we’re missing.

And these clocks keep unwinding and completely ignore everything that we hate or adore. Once the page of a calendar is turned it’s no more. So tell me then, what was it for? Oh tell me, what was it for?
 * A Scale, A Mirror And Those Indifferent Clocks

Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving good-bye.
 * ''The Movement Of A Hand**

You combed your hair inside that mirror The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears Something about those bright colors Would always make you feel better. <

You said you hate my suffering, and you understood, And you’d take care of me. You'd always be there for me Well, where are you now?

Haligh, Haligh, a lie, Haligh, The plans were never finalized, But left to hang like yarn and twine, Dangling before my eyes. Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh

Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset. Swiftly go the days. Sunrise, sunset. You wake up, then you undress. It always is the same. a sunrise and the sun sets.

Sunrise, the sun sets. You are hopeful and then you regret. The circle never breaks.

For a sunrise or sunset. You’re either coming or you just left but you’re always on the way.

It’s a sunrise and a sunset. From a cradle to a casket. There’s no way to escape. Sunrise, Sunset

Did you expect it all to stop At the wave of your hand? Like the sun’s just gonna drop, If it’s night you demand.

I think you lost what you loved In that mess of details. They seemed so important at the time Now you can’t even recall Any names, faces, or lines; It’s more the feeling of it all. An attempt to tip the scales

But all I have for the moment is a song to pass the time. Yeah, a melody to keep me from worrying. Oh, some simple progression to keep my fingers busy. And words that are sure to come back to me and they'll be laughing. And they'll be laughing. My mediocrity. My mediocrity.

A Song To Pass The Time

Don't Be Frightened of Turning the Page (2001)

 * There was this book I read and loved, The story of a ship Who sailed around the world and found That nothing else exists Beyond its own two sails And wooden shell And what is held within. All else is sure to pass. We clutch and grasp And debate what's truly permanent.
 * Oh, You Are the Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet and Hold the Earth in Place

 * I sing and drink and sleep on floors And try hard not to be annoyed By all these people worrying about me. So when I'm suffering through some awful drive, You occasionally cross my mind. It's my hidden hope that you are still among them. Well, are you?
 * Oh, You Are the Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet and Hold the Earth in Place

Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground (2002)
but you will never shake the light. It will greet you every morning and make you more aware with its absence at night there is no more time. So you can struggle in the water and be too stubborn to die, or you could just let go and be lifted to the sky.
 * If you wanna see the future, Go stare into a cloud.
 * Well is it your fear of being buried that makes you so afraid to speak?
 * So you can try and live in darkness
 * The hook is in deep boys,

 * The Big Picture

 * If the world could remain within a frame Like a painting on a wall, Then I think we would see the beauty, then We would stand staring in awe At our still lives posed Like a bowl of oranges, Like a story told By the fault lines and the soil.
 * Bowl of Oranges

He falls from the lowest branch of the apple tree and lands in the grass and weeps for his dignity. Next time he will not aim so high. Yeah, next time, neither will I. And I would throw my whole billfold if I thought it would help. They give us fact or fiction? I guess an even split. We're still the pawns in their game. we must stumble blindly forward, repeating history.
 * Ambition, I’ve found, can lead only to failure. I do not read the reviews. No, I am not singing for you.
 * The animals laugh from the dark of the wilderness.
 * I’ve seen a child, he's caught in the sad trap of gravity.
 * Well, I stood dropping a coin into the pit of a well.
 * "Honesty" "Accuracy" is just "Popular Opinion."
 * Well, ABC, NBC, CBS: Bullshit.
 * And each new act of war is tonight's entertainment.
 * As they take eye for an eye until no one can see,

 * Let's Not Shit Ourselves

 * Love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do, I do then hurt me.
 * Lover I Don't Have to Love

 * So you think I need some discipline, well, I had my share. I have been sent to my room. I've been sat in a chair. I held my tongue. I didn't plug my ears. No, I got a good talking to. And now I don't know why, but I still try to smile when they talk at me like I'm just a child. Well, I'm not a child. No, I am much younger than that. And now I have read some books and have grown quite brave. If only I could just speak up I think I would say that there is no truth. There is only you and what you make the truth.
 * Don't Know When But A Day is Gonna Come

 * He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper. I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
 * It is clear to see that it is not them but me, who had lost my self-identity. As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve. And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. And everything I have made is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time
 * Waste of Paint

 * My head's a carousel of pictures and The spinning never stops.
 * Nothing Gets Crossed Out

 * For a song I was bought Now I lie when I talk With a careful eye on the cue card. Onto a stage I was pushed, With my sorrow well rehearsed. So give me all your pity and your money, now (all of it).
 * False Advertising

 * But where was it when I first heard that sweet sound of humility? It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody! How grateful I was, then, to be part of the mystery, To love, and to be loved! Let’s just hope that is enough.
 * Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and to Be Loved)

 * But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living Cause it's the ones with the sorest throats Laura, who have done the most singing.
 * Laura Laurent

no private screening This method acting, well, I call that living
 * It's not a movie,
 * Method Acting

This was my real life, And not some cage where I've been placed, Well then, I could tell you The truth like I used to And not be afraid of sounding fake.
 * If I could act like

 * False Advertising

I keep making this to-do list but nothing gets crossed out Working on the record seems pointless now When the world ends who's gonna hear it?
 * And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt

And it's all pre-determined, can't change your destiny Guess I'll just keep moving, someday maybe I'll get to where I'm going
 * Everything that happens is supposed to be
 * Nothing Gets Crossed Out

And blind him with your kindness. And he'll make war, oh war, On who you were before. And he'll claim all that has spoiled in your heart.
 * So hurry up and run to the one that you love.

is as good as gospel in this town. You can save face but you won't ever save your soul. And that's a fact.
 * Because the truth is that gossip
 * Make War

Sometimes that is all it takes.
 * It was a small mistake

when I was lifted up by someone's hand And delivered from the corner my enemies had got me in But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell that is myself
 * But, I was as helpless as a chess piece

when I'll hear the key as it turns in the lock And the guard will say to me, "Oh my patient prisoner you waited for this day and finally, you are free! You are free! You are free!"
 * So I wait for the day
 * From A Balance Beam

There Is No Beginning to the Story (2003)

 * We're all too busy working, entertaining ourselves With forty hours, television and prescription pills Well, I take two a day to help my brain behave It never does, but who's to say? At least my doctor gets paid.
 * Loose Leaves

 * 'Cause a costume can be comfortable It can make you feel more beautiful It can even make you look like someone else But it's still you, so there's nothing you can do Like a bad habit, the one you couldn't kick, there it always is And it's nothing that no doctor's gonna fix.
 * We Are Free Men

I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning (2005)

 * I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss So many men stronger than me Have thrown their backs out trying to lift it But me I'm not a gamble You can count on me to split The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.
 * Lua

 * I'd rather be working for a paycheck, than waiting to win the lottery. Besides, maybe this time it's different, I mean, I really think you like me.
 * First Day of my Life

first tell me which road you will take I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday so you walk that way I'll walk this way for my landlocked blues And our freedom's a joke we're just taking a piss And the whole world must watch the sad comic display If you're still free start runnin' away 'cause we're comin' for ya! from the shackles of language and measurable time
 * If you walk away I'll walk away
 * I found a liquid cure
 * And there's kids playing guns in the streets And one's pointing his tree branch at me So I put my hands up I say "Enough is enough, If you walk away I walk away." And he shot me dead.
 * But greed is a bottomless pit
 * You'll be free child once you have died
 * Landlocked Blues

Were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer? Well, I don't think that I ever loved you more And all their tearful words will turn back into steam
 * And I never thought this life was possible,You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for.
 * In polaroids you were dressed in women's clothes
 * Well let the poets cry themselves to sleep
 * The sound of loneliness makes me happier
 * Poison Oak

Flowers sleepin' in their beds The city cemetary's hummin' I'm wide awake, its mornin'
 * Well, I could have been a famous singer If I had someone else's voice But failure's always sounded better Let's fuck it up, boys, make some noise!
 * The sun came up with no conclusions

 * Road To Joy

 * i keep drinking the ink from my pen and i'm balancing history books up on my head but it all boils down to one quotable phrase if you love something give it away
 * landlocked blues

 * a good woman will pick you apart a box full of suggestions for your possible heart and you may be offended. and you may be afraid but don't walk away, don't walk away
 * landlocked blues

 * we made love on the living room floor with the noise in the background of a televised war and in that defeaning pleasure i thought i heard someone say if we walk away they'll walk away
 * landlocked blues

Love was always cruel And don't act strange, don't be a stranger It happened to me, now it's happening to you But if you'd take that train underwater Then we could talk it through
 * So don't be fooled, so don't get lied to

I was a camera until I went blind
 * Yeah, I was a postcard, I was a record

 * train under water

is to pretend that I've done nothing wrong and to dream about a train that's gonna take me back where I belong
 * I guess the best that I can do now

All my thoughts they come in pairs Oh I will, I won't, I doubt, I don't, I'm not surprised but I never feel quite prepared
 * So I go back and forth forever

I guess you call that paintin' in a cave And there's a word I can't remember and a feeling I cannot escape
 * Now I'm hunched over a typewriter

And I awoke to my alarm clock it was a pop song it was playin' loud
 * I dreamt this ship was sinkin' there was people screaming all around

or I will cower like a dog I will kick and scream or kneel and plead I'll fight like hell to hide that I've given up
 * So I will find my fears and face them

 * Another Travelin' Song

Digital Ash in a Digital Urn (2005)
That wakes you up and makes you clean I know I'm just the weather against your window As you sleep through a winter's dream
 * I want to be the surgeon who cuts you open Who fixes all of life's mistakes I want to be the house that you were raised in The only place where you feel safe.
 * I wanna be a shower in the morning
 * Ship in a Bottle

 * I hear if you make friends with Jesus Christ, you will get right up from that chalk outline. And then you'll get dolled up, and you'll dress in white all to take your place in his chorus line. And then in you'll come with those marching drums in a saintly compromise. No more whiskey slurs, no more blonde-haired girls for your whole eternal life. And you'll do the dance that was choreographed at the very dawn of time. Singing "I told you son, the day would come you would die, you'd die you'd die you'd die you'd die".
 * Arc Of Time

 * Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts I never really dreamed of heaven much Until we put him in the ground.
 * There is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free
 * Easy/Lucky/Free

 * You took off your clothes and left on the light, You stood there so brave, you used to be shy, Each feature improved, each movement refined, And eyes like a showroom.
 * Take it Easy (Love Nothing)

so don't look so worried
 * There is no Hell when you die
 * Light Pollution

Noise Floor (Rarities: 1998-2005) (2006)
cause thats as close as it will ever come and believe you're were you're are keep acting out the part but at the end of the day the trees all get wheeled away and you'll be standing alone in a blank, blank space
 * so immagine what you want and hold onto that thought

and stay in character but at the end of the play the audience walks away and ill be shivering cold on a well lit stage
 * so believe you're who you are

 * The trees get wheeled away

They’re all about the same They’re waiting for something Hoping to be saved
 * The drunk kids, the catholics
 * Drunk Kid Catholic

Some decisions you don't make I guess it's just like breathing or not wanting to There are some things you can't fake
 * And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you

I know that it is late, But thank you for talking, because I needed to. Some things just can't wait.
 * I'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you.

 * Happy Birthday To Me (Feb 15)

So that these winds of circumstance won't keep blowing me around. From when I land to when I leave there is enough time to sleep and sing. I keep running around, when all I want is to lay motionless.
 * So I want to get myself attached to something bolted down,

 * Motion Sickness

Cassadaga (2007)

 * It's exploding bags, aerosol cans Southbound buses, Peter Pan They left it up to us again I thought you knew the drill It's kill or be killed.
 * Clairaudients(Kill or Be Killed)

The Torah's deaf. The Qur'an is mute. If you burned them all together you’d get close to the truth.
 * The squatters made a mural of a Mexican girl With fifteen cans of spray paint and a chemical swirl She's standing in the ashes at the end of the world Four winds blowing through her hair.
 * The Bible's blind.
 * Four Winds

 * On a detox loft through a Glendale Park over sidewalk chalk Someone wrote in red, "start over."
 * Cleanse Song

 * Oh, I've made love, yeah, I've been fucked, so what? I'm a cartoon, you're a full moon, let's stay up.
 * Hot Knives

 * You mean nothing to no one but that's nobody's fault.
 * Soul Singer in a Session Band

 * Little soldier, little insect You know war it has no heart It will kill you in the sunshine Or happily in the the dark Where kindness is a card game Or a bent up cigarette In the trenches, in the hard rain With a bullet and a bet.
 * No One Would Riot for Less

 * Everything must belong somewhere. I know that now, that's why I'm staying here.
 * I Must Belong Somewhere

My feet just led the way
 * I never thought of running
 * If The Brakeman turns my way

But my dreams gave me away
 * I tried to pass for nothing
 * If The Brakeman turns my way

 * Don't be so amazing or I'll miss you too much.
 * Lime Tree

Conor Oberst (2008)

 * You’ve been a father to me. Your 1960’s speak. Gives me comatose joy like re-run TV. While the mountainside was shining. Wild colors of my destiny
 * Cape Cañaveral

 * And in the morning when the sun rise. Look in the water, see the blue sky. As if heaven has been laid there at our feet.
 * Sausalito

 * I wanna be your happiness. I wanna be your common sense pain.
 * Get-Well-Cards

 * If I loved you, well that's my fault
 * Lenders In The Temple

title: Conor Oberst


text:
Sports Night

Sports Night (1998–2000) was an American television series, written and created by Aaron Sorkin, about a fictional sports news show.

Pilot [1.01]

 * J.J.: I’m concerned with Casey’s performance on the air lately.
 * Dan: What's your point?
 * J.J.: My point is, at the moment, Casey has less on-air charm and charisma than my high school driving instructor, and you know it, Dan. Now I think the time has come for you to think about the possibility of another partner.
 * Dan: I'm not going to do the show with your high school driving instructor, J.J., if that’s what you’re asking me.
 * J.J.: Look, Dan, you've got a bright future at this network, and—
 * Dan: My future is writing and anchoring a sports program, with my partner, Casey McCall. Now, if it's here, it's here. If it's not, it's someplace else. For right now, I'm gonna forget this conversation ever took place. Dana, Isaac, you guys need anything?
 * Dana: No Dan, you're done here, thanks.
 * Isaac: I really got to admire the way you manhandled my staff this morning, J.J.
 * J.J.: Look...
 * Isaac: No! Don't take me on.
 * J.J.: The network's not going to wait forever.
 * Isaac: It's your call Dana, but pretty soon it's going to be my call. Cause here's the thing: I can't let it be their call.

 * Casey: You wanna do something tonight after the show?
 * Dan: Yeah, y'know, I was gonna hop a ride on the Staten Island Ferry for awhile, eat a hotdog. You wanna come?
 * Casey: Yeah, absolutely, and I'll tell you why. Cause it's seventeen degrees outside with the wind chill so what I want to do is stand on a boat in the middle of New York harbor at half-past midnight.
 * Dan: You have a better idea?
 * Casey: Well, we could go to a bar, find some people we don't like and beat the crap out of them.

The Apology [1.02]

 * Dana: Hey, look everybody. It's two sports anchors, and that's a good break for us, because we're about to do a sports show.
 * Casey: Sarcasm, thy name is Dana.

 * Dan: I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam's a genius. I mean, literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He's energetic and articulate, curious and funny. A great source of pride to our parents. And there's no doubt that he'd be living a great life right now, except for that he's dead. Because when you're fourteen years old, all you ever really wanna be when you grow up is your sixteen-year-old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day that Sam got his driver's license. And he celebrated by taking a drive with some of his friends. Drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran. And he probably never saw the eighteen-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank, either. That was eleven years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands. And I apologize.

 * Casey: You should try making it shorter.
 * Jeremy: What's the key?
 * Casey: In this case?
 * Jeremy: Yeah.
 * Casey: Making it a lot shorter.
 * Jeremy: I can't imagine what i'd cut.
 * Casey: Well, you start off with Cedric, the leadoff batter, at the top of the first inning, despite the fact that nobody scored until the 5th inning.
 * Jeremy: There's action beyond scoring.
 * Casey: Yeah, but Cedric grounded out to the short stop and was thrown out at first by quite a large margin.
 * Jeremy: Yeah.
 * Casey: Well, that is what is called a routine ground ball. In your search for things that are newsworthy, let the word 'routine' serve as a danger sign.

The Hungry and the Hunted [1.03]

 * Isaac: It's taken me a lot of years, but I've come around to this: If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you. I'm an awfully smart man, and Mike Sabath is an idiot. He had you, and he blew it. You're gonna do great here, but you've gotta trust us.

 * Jeremy: We shot a deer. In the woods near Lake Mattatuck on the second day. There was a special vest they had me wear so that they could distinguish me from things they wanted to shoot, and I was pretty grateful for that. Almost the whole day had gone by, and we hadn't gotten anything. Eddie was getting frustrated and Bob Shoemaker was getting embarrassed. My camera guy needed to re-load so I told everybody to take a ten minute break. There was a stream nearby and I walked over with this care-package Natalie made me. I sat down and when I looked up I saw three of them; small, bigger, biggest. Recognizable to any species on the face of the planet as a child, a mother and a father. Now, the trick in shooting deer is you gotta get 'em out in the open. And it's tough with deer, 'cause these are clever, cagey animals with an intuitive sense of danger. You know what you have to do to get a deer out in the open? You hold out a twinkie. That animal clopped up to me like we were at a party. She seemed to be pretty interested in the twinkie, so I gave it to her. Looking back, she'd have been better off if I'd given her the damn vest. And Bob kind of screamed at me in whisper, "Move away!" The camera had been re-loaded and it looked like the day wasn't gonna be a washout after all. So I backed away, a couple of steps at a time, and I closed my eyes when I heard the shot. Look, I know these are animals, and they don't play bridge and go to the prom, but you can't tell me that the little one didn't know who his mother was. That's gotta mean something. And later, at the hospital, Bob Shoemaker was telling me about the nobility and tradition of hunting and how it related to the native American Indians. And I nodded and I said that was interesting while I was thinking about what a load of crap it was. Hunting was part of Indian culture. It was food and it was clothes and it was shelter. They sang and danced and offered prayers to the gods for a successful hunt so that they could survive just one more unimaginably brutal winter. The things they had to kill held the highest place of respect for them, and to kill for fun was a sin. And they knew the gods wouldn't be so generous next time. What we did wasn't food and it wasn't shelter and it sure wasn't sports! It was just mean!

Intellectual Property [1.04]

 * Mallory: Listen, I think it's sweet that you and your partner sing to each other on television. Others may think it’s vaguely gay, but I disagree.

 * Dana: You have good ideas a lot. I find myself saying, "Natalie's got a good idea."
 * Natalie: But you also find yourself saying, "Natalie, if you screw that up again I'll set you on fire."
 * Dana: When was the last time you had a good idea?
 * Natalie: This morning, I decided not to stick my hand in the blender.
 * Dana: That's what I'm talking about.

Mary Pat Shelby [1.05]

 * Dana: How much do you love me?
 * Dan: I want to grow a goatee.
 * Dana: Very, very bad idea. How much do you love me?
 * Dan: I think it would look good.
 * Dana: I think you would look like Colonel Sanders. How much do you love me?
 * Dan: A little less than I did before the Colonel Sanders thing.

 * Bill: This is a third place show on a fourth rate network.
 * Dan: Yeah, but that's all gonna change once I grow a goatee.
 * Casey: He's just crazy enough to do it.

The Head Coach, Dinner and the Morning Mail [1.06]

 * Jeremy: This is professional television. Surely there's some kind of strict procedure that's followed when something like this happens.
 * Dana: Absolutely.
 * Jeremy: What is it?
 * Dana: Well first, everyone stand up and see if you're sitting on it.

 * Casey: I am a commentator, I am a pundit, I am doing my job.
 * Dan: You're a pundit?
 * Casey: I am.
 * Dan: Well, your parents must be very proud.
 * Casey: They are.

Dear Louise [1.07]

 * Elliot: How's the writer's block?
 * Dan: You're gonna need to get someone to fix my computer.
 * Kim: What's wrong with it?
 * Dan: It's in several pieces on my floor.

 * Dan: If you wear something blue you get two dollars off a giant blue margarita.
 * Casey: You know I make a pretty good living. I can actually afford to wear what I want and pay full price.
 * Dan: I'm not promoting the economic upside as much as I am the opportunity to drink something giant and blue.

Thespis [1.08]

 * Isaac: So you say a few words. You make a gesture. You remember an important date. A small price to pay for what you get in return. For what you get in return, it's a steal.

 * Dana: I've named this Thanksgiving. I'm calling it "The Thanksgiving of Mom's Disapproval." Included on the two-record set are the hit songs "Why Aren't You Married?" and "Sports Is No Place For An Educated Woman," and "Didn't Anyone Ever Tell You How To Cook a Turkey?"

The Quality of Mercy at 29K [1.09]

 * Dan: A couple of months ago I wrote a check to someone. Now I'm in the middle of Dickensian London.

 * Natalie: Two guys have ascended five miles into the sky. They walked up a wall of ice, and are preparing to knock on the door of Heaven itself. There's really no end to what we can do. You know what the trick is?
 * Dan: What?
 * Natalie: Get in the game.

Shoe Money Tonight [1.10]

 * Jeremy: Look at me. I'm not lying to you. I have a straight.
 * Natalie: How do you know I don't have a big house?
 * Jeremy: A FULL house. Dan already folded the six you needed, and I have the other one. You don't have a house of any sort, you don't have a pup tent. You've got trip sevens, and I have a straight. I want you to trust me right now. I want you to say to yourself, yeah, I've dated a string of jerks in my life, they were stupid, they were mean to me, but maybe this one's different. Maybe I should take a chance and not adopt the break-up-with-him-before-he-breaks-my-heart strategy. I want you to remember that when I started liking you, I didn't stop liking tennis. And I want you to know that I don't think there's a woman in the world that you need to be threatened by, no matter how glamorous you think she is. But mostly, I want you to trust me, just once, when I tell you you have three sevens, and I have a straight.

 * Sally: Anyway, I really appreciate the two of you sticking around and filling in.
 * Casey: It's no problem.
 * Sally: Oh, please, you think I wanna be stuck doing the two a.m.? This is just a temp gig.
 * Casey: Temp gig?
 * Dan: Temporary gig.
 * Casey: Thanks.
 * Sally: My stuff's out there. I talk to a lot of people.
 * Dan: Just as long as none of them are talkin' back.
 * Sally: CNBC, MSNBC—
 * Dan: M-O-U-S-E...
 * Casey: Danny—
 * Dan: Oh, like she's listening to anybody but herself.

The Six Southern Gentlemen of Tennessee [1.11]

 * Isaac: Danny, I need to talk to you.
 * Dan: Good, 'cause I need to talk to you too. Who should go first?
 * Isaac: Since I don't really care what you have to say, I think it should be me.

 * Isaac: Exaudio, comperio, conloquor. That's a Latin phrase that translates "To listen, to learn, to speak." Those words are carved into the stone arches that form the entrance to the undergraduate library at Tennessee Western University. This afternoon, an extraordinary young man named Roland Shepard made what had to have been an excruciating decision. He said he wasn't playing football under a Confederate flag. Six of his teammates then chose not to let Shepard stand alone. And I choose to join them at this moment. In the history of the South, there's much to celebrate. And that flag is a desecration of all of it. It's a banner of hatred and separation. It's a banner of ignorance and violence and a war that pitted brother against brother, and to ask young black men and women, young Jewish men and women, Asians, Native Americans, to ask Americans to walk beneath its shadow is a humiliation of irreducible proportions. And we all know it. Tennessee Western has produced some outstanding alumni in the past hundred years. People of wisdom and vision. Strength and compassion. One of them is Luther Sachs. Luther Sachs owns Continental Corp. Which owns the Continental Sports Channel, which you're watching right now. Luther Sachs is a generous alumni contributor to Tennessee Western, with a considerable influence over its chancellor, Davis Blake, and its board of trustees. Luther, you've got a phone call to make. You've go to call Chancellor Blake, and tell him to take down that flag, or he can stop looking for your checks in the mail. You've got to put these young men back in a classroom. And I mean pronto. These boys are gonna make you proud one day, Luther. I challenge you to do the right thing. Not an unreasonable request to make of a man whose alma mater declares, "Exaudio, comperio, conloquor." "To listen, to learn, to speak." In the meantime, God go with you, Roland Shepard, and you six Southern gentlemen of Tennessee. God's not done with any of you, yet.

Smoky [1.12]

 * Sally: As we speak, one of your LC-Wire frames is misprocessing data while two of your associate producers stand over the monitor attempting to have phone sex.
 * Isaac: Please don't tell me which two.
 * Sally: Just think about it.
 * Isaac: All right, my guess is, it's Jeremy and Natalie.

 * Isaac: May I add, Dana, that things I say in my office stay in my office.
 * Dana: Natalie's my second-in-command, she's the only one I told.
 * Natalie: Jeremy's my boyfriend, he's the only one I told.
 * Jeremy: I told many, many people.

Small Town [1.13]

 * Dana: You think at a certain point during the evening you'll say something wonderful to me and I'll melt and that'll teach me for going out with Gordon instead of you.
 * Casey: I'll settle for you spilling something on yourself.

 * Natalie: You want to leave the room?
 * Jeremy: No!
 * Natalie: Then allow for the possibility that from time to time other people might be at least as smart as you are.

Rebecca [1.14]

 * Dan: So, I'm gonna try telling you this story one more time.
 * Casey: Can I just make a suggestion?
 * Dan: Sure.
 * Casey: What if, instead of you telling me this story again right this second, you never tell me this story ever?

 * Dana: Wow.
 * Casey: Wow what?
 * Dana: Those cars are going fast.
 * Casey: Yeah, they're going as fast as they can because the first one across the finish line gets a trophy and a check.
 * Dana: Like a race?
 * Casey: Right.

Dana and the Deep Blue Sea [1.15]

 * Casey: "A neighborhood park all covered with cheese"?
 * Dan: I said cheese?
 * Casey: You said cheese.
 * Dan: Dana, did I say "park all covered with cheese"?
 * Dana: There's a consensus, yes.
 * Dan: What are you lookin' at?
 * Casey: I'm here for you, man.
 * Dan: Let me fix it when we come back.
 * Dana: Fix it when we get back.
 * Casey: Are we sure it's wrong? Are we sure the park isn't all covered with cheese?
 * Dan: It's covered with trees; now shut up.
 * Casey: I was just about to change my mind and recommend you.
 * Dan: Really?
 * Casey: No.
 * Dan: Dana, Casey's being mean to me.
 * Dana: Casey, be nice to Dan.
 * Casey: "Sophomore sensation credits her agility and quick first steps to her father, who used to take her to a neighborhood park all covered with cheese." Dana, we got all kinds of sentence construction here. I think he's gonna have to explain that it's the park that's covered with cheese and not the father.
 * Dan: This is an unforgiving room.

 * Casey: I gather it went well.
 * Dan: You know sometimes it's worth it, taking all the pies in the face. Sometimes you come through it feeling good.
 * Casey: Yes.
 * Dan: And how was your day?
 * Casey: Sometimes you just stand there, hip deep in pie.

Sally [1.16]

 * Dan: You're nineteen feet tall. Why are you wearing heels?
 * Sally: Are you feeling diminutive?
 * Dan: No, but now I have to go look up that word.

 * Jeremy: Number two, I'm Jewish. And her family is, you know, incredibly not. Which isn't by the way any sort of a problem for me but I do think it might be a problem for them. Because after all there are those who think I killed their Lord Jesus Christ. Not me directly, mind you. I didn't drive the getaway car or anything.

How are Things in Glocca Morra? [1.17]

 * Dan: Casey.
 * Casey: I'll tell you what the problem is here.
 * Dan: No provolone cheese?
 * Casey: No provolone.
 * Dan: You're saying you don't want to talk about it.
 * Casey: I'm saying I'd like, just once, for there to be provolone.
 * Dan: Is this one of those times when you say you don't want to talk about it, but you really do?
 * Casey: No, but it's shaping up to be one of those times when I say I don't want to talk about it but we end up talking about it anyway.

 * Dan: Hey Sally, you must've slept with this guy Fedrigotti. How long you think he can keep at this?
 * Sally: I was just thinking, it's been such a long time since Dan said something charming to me, and then there it was.

The Sword of Orion [1.18]

 * Dan: Did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?
 * Casey: I do not know.
 * Dan: You don't know?
 * Casey: I do not.
 * Dan: Natalie, did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?
 * Natalie: That's a good question.
 * Dan: Thank you very much. Did he pitch this afternoon?
 * Natalie: I do not know.
 * Dan: Thank God none of us works in sports.

 * Dan: You know what pumps me up?
 * Casey: I know you like grape jelly.

Eli's Coming [1.19]

 * Dana:: Listen, Isaac's gonna want to show us pictures from his vacation, so I'm gonna get a "welcome back" cake and we'll have a little party in his office tomorrow.
 * Casey: What kind of cake?
 * Dana: What kind of cake?
 * Casey: Yes.
 * Dana: I don't know, Casey, why do you ask?
 * Casey: I'm particular about cake. And I have to say, it's been my experience that men buy better cake than women. I've found that women tend to get these yogurt-frosted low-cal things laced with a rum and fruit concoction that make eating cake into something you do to be polite. So that's why I was asking what kind of cake you were planning on getting to celebrate Isaac returning from vacation.
 * Dana: Wow. I didn't know you felt so strongly about it. But now that I do, I guess the answer is "whatever cake I damn please."
 * Casey: Excellent.

 * Dana: You're damn right there's an economy of language. I got the job done in two words. And I think... I can make another cut! Yes. We don't need "back"! We can cut the "back".
 * Jeremy: Cut the "back"?
 * Dana: Yes.
 * Jeremy: And have it just say "Welcome"?
 * Dana: Yes.
 * Casey: "Welcome"?
 * Dana: Do you have a problem with that?
 * Jeremy: He'll think he just cleared Customs.

Ordnance Tactics [1.20]

 * Casey: Is there anyone who can say anything that will make us feel like the smart thing to do is to stay in this building right now?
 * Dana: In ten minutes, three and a half million people will tune in to watch the two of you on television. Many of them will be women.

 * Dan: Well, if you've got some calm people and you want to make them upset, I say we're the guys to do it!

Ten Wickets [1.21]

 * Dana: There are three things that I'm doing. I'm losing things, I'm forgetting things... and there's the third one.

 * Jeremy: There are countries other than ours.
 * Dana: Yes, there is, for instance, Belgium, to name but one.

Napoleon's Battle Plan [1.22]

 * Dan: Alyson, as you can see, Casey and I aren't wearing any pants, so I think in the interest of office professionalism you should avert your eyes.
 * Alyson: Okay.
 * Dan: Either that or take off your pants.
 * Alyson: I'll avert my eyes.
 * Casey: Suit yourself, but you should know I play squash three times a week and my calves have been called shapely.
 * Dan: Casey?
 * Casey: Yeah?
 * Dan: Who's been calling your calves shapely?
 * Casey: My mom.
 * Dan: Okay. Don't talk to me for the rest of the show.

 * Dan: Why is it wrong to tell her, huh?
 * Casey: Doesn't seem very manly, does it?
 * Dan: [sulkily] Do it in a deep voice.

 * Casey: I have a plan.
 * Dan: What's the plan?
 * Casey: It's Napoleon's plan.
 * Dan: Who's Napoleon?
 * Casey: Nineteenth century French Emperor?
 * Dan: Cracking wise with me now?
 * Casey: Yess.
 * Dan: Thanks.
 * Casey: He had a two-part plan.
 * Dan: What was it?
 * Casey: First we show up, then we see what happens.

What Kind of Day Has it Been [1.23]

 * Casey: Try not to traumatize the new nanny.
 * Dan: Why would I traumatize the new nanny?
 * Casey: I don't know, but you always do.
 * Dan: I like nannies.
 * Casey: I know.
 * Dan: I'm thinking of getting one for myself.
 * Casey: Good.
 * Dan: 'Course, she'd probably end up going back to her ex-husband.

 * Jeremy: Dana, do you have the first idea how to operate any of this equipment?
 * Dana: This is called an owner's manual, my friend, and I've read it cover to cover.
 * Jeremy: I've read Doctor Zhivago cover to cover. It doesn't make me the czar.

Special Powers [2.01]

 * Dan: Isaac, you can't work full-time.
 * Isaac: I have to.
 * Dan: Why?
 * Isaac: Because they pay me to.
 * Dan: You had a stroke.
 * Isaac: Is that what that was?
 * Dan: Yes!
 * Isaac: I thought it was bad swordfish!

 * Jeremy: I deem that the fight is officially over.
 * Natalie: Excellent. I deem I'm coming to bed in your tuxedo shirt, high heels and nothing else.
 * Jeremy: Excellent.
 * Natalie: Tell me women don't have special powers!

When Something Wicked This Way Comes [2.02]

 * Dan: Hillary Clinton thinks I'm an idiot!
 * Casey: Either that or a religious bigot.
 * Dan: I went to an Ivy League school, Casey.
 * Casey: Proud day for Dartmouth, Dan.
 * Dan: I made an idiot out of myself in front of Hillary Clinton!
 * Casey: Yeah, but at least you had to spend a thousand bucks to do it.

 * Casey: I'm known in some parts for my first date. In certain parts I have a rep. There's such a thing as street cred, Dan.
 * Dan: Listen to this.
 * Casey: Tell them about my street cred.
 * Dan: Haha, seriously.
 * Casey: Tell them about my rep.
 * Dan: You don't have a rep, you don't have street cred. Your last date was 14 years ago and you ended up with marriage and a divorce.
 * Casey: In some parts.
 * Dan: There are no parts.

Cliff Gardner [2.03]

 * Dan: I have gifts for you.
 * Dana: That wasn't necessary.
 * Dan: I think it was. You once took a trip to Napa and you visited a small vineyard there. You told me you tried some wine that you loved and could never find it anywhere. I thought I remembered the name but I wasn't sure. Is this it?
 * Dana: [surprised] Yes.
 * Dan: Good! I always like wine with cheese.
 * Dana: I know.
 * Dan: I wanted to get you some cheese. There's a great cheese place over on Second Avenue. I went over there after I got the wine but it's gone... there's a hardware store there now.
 * Dana: That's okay.
 * Dan: I got you some spackle.

 * Isaac: Just because we didn't execute all the network's suggestions doesn't mean we weren't listening, it just means we didn't agree. You didn't expect me to substitute your judgment for mine, did you, J.J.?
 * J.J. Not then, no.
 * Isaac: But now?
 * J.J. Yes.
 * Isaac: Will it keep my staff from losing their jobs?
 * J.J. Excuse me?
 * Isaac: If I allow you three to go in there and mess with my show, will it keep my staff from losing their jobs?
 * J.J. I can't make promises.
 * Isaac: J.J.?
 * J.J. Yes?
 * Isaac: I've never liked you.
 * J.J. I know.
 * Isaac: [knocks on desk] We're done.

Louise Revisited [2.04]

 * Sam: I've noticed you people have an ability to chatter at someone with energy and enthusiasm regardless of whether they seem interested or not.
 * Dan: And that's not just on camera.

 * Natalie: Hello.
 * Jeremy: Aaah!
 * Natalie: Did I scare you?
 * Jeremy: No.
 * Natalie: Why did you yell?
 * Jeremy: I meant to say "hi."
 * Natalie: What happened?
 * Jeremy: I misspoke?

Kafelnikov [2.05]

 * Dana: There's no question that there's a way to look at this where it's my fault.
 * Jeremy: What's another way to look at it?
 * Dana: There's no other way to look at it.

 * Dan: Good evening from New York City. I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall. Those stories plus Luciano Pavarotti shocks the track world by running the 100 meters in six seconds, my mother hits for the cycle, and Martina Hingis sings selections from No, No, Nanette.
 * Casey: You're watching Sports Night on CSC.
 * Casey: Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute, was 26 for 32 in passing...
 * Casey: Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute, was 26 for 32 in passing...

Shane [2.06]

 * Isaac: How do you think Dana would feel about it?
 * Casey: Dana?
 * Isaac: Yeah.
 * Casey: Ah, who knows with Dana. One day she's up, another day she's down. That's girl's nuttier than a squirrel's cheeks in October. The point is... she's standing right behind me, right?
 * Dana: I cannot believe you.
 * Casey: Wait.
 * Dana: You went over my head.
 * Casey: I can explain this.
 * Dana: How?
 * Casey: I went over your head.
 * Dana: Casey!
 * Casey: Hey, I'm just trying to be courteous, okay? I didn't want to interrupt your dancing.
 * Dana: And you just sat there?
 * Isaac: It's my desk!

 * Abby: Danny, of all the psychological problems you have, and they are myriad, not being able to pronounce Yevgeny Kafelnikov isn't one of them.
 * Dan: Then why can't I pronounce it?
 * Abby: Because it's a hard name to pronounce.

Kyle Whitaker's Got Two Sacks [2.07]

 * Dana: Stand there. I'm gonna sack you.
 * Jeremy: Okay, I need just another moment of your time, then you can go back to being crazy.

 * Dana: My brother can beat up your brother.
 * Natalie: My brother's a grad student in comparative literature. My mother could beat up my brother.

The Reunion [2.08]

 * Natalie: I love you, Danny. You're the best.
 * Casey: Hang on.
 * Natalie: What?
 * Casey: I thought I was the best.
 * Natalie: Things change.

A Girl Named Pixley [2.09]

 * Dan: Honesty for Pixley!

 * Dana: Any new word?
 * Dan: He's still alive if that's what you're asking.
 * Dana: Oh, man.
 * Natalie: Dana!
 * Dana: Hey, you think there's any chance he was gay?
 * Natalie: Dana!
 * Dana: It would make a better story.
 * Natalie: He's on his death bed.
 * Dana: I am about to make this man the most famous 7th place archer in the history of sports. I think the very least he can do is die in a timely manner... and be gay.

"The Giants Win the Pennant, The Giants Win the Pennant" [2.10]

 * Dana: "Momentarily" does not mean "in a moment."
 * Chris: Here's two dissolving to three.
 * Dana: It means "for a moment."
 * Jeremy: Yes.
 * Dana: That makes me crazy.
 * Jeremy: We've been wondering what the source was.

 * Dan: The one that he wanted was you anyway.
 * Dana: Wanted?
 * Dan: All this is doing is making him feel a lot less like the man he is, which is why he left Lisa in the first place. I know what he wants, and I gotta say, he's done a pretty good job of going after it, which isn't, like, the most natural thing in the world for Casey to do. And I know what you want, and all I've seen you do is hide behind this psychotic behavior all dressed up as cute. He wanted you, and he told you every possible way he could. You've just been hanging out in the men's room.

The Cut Man Cometh [2.11]

 * Casey: Who knows more than we do about boxing?
 * Dan: Boxers.
 * Casey: Besides them.
 * Dan: Boxing experts.
 * Casey: Besides them.
 * Dan: Boxing fans.
 * Casey: Besides them.
 * Dan: No one.
 * Casey: Damn straight!

 * Isaac: A famous monk once said, "I don't always know what the right thing to do is, my Lord, but I think that the fact that I want to please you, pleases you."
 * Casey: But you would have preferred a book of famous monk quotations...
 * Isaac: No, you put some thought into me. What could be a greater gift?
 * Casey: I look like an idiot.
 * Isaac: Added bonus.

The Sweet Smell of Air [2.12]

 * Natalie: You're letting him make you crazy.
 * Dana: I'm not letting him make me crazy. I haven't given him permission or anything. He does it all by himself.

 * [after Casey makes a presentation for his son's class]
 * Dan: What did you do?
 * Casey: I did what I do, Dan. I did what I do.
 * Dan: You screwed up your romantic life in front of fifth-graders?

Dana Get Your Gun [2.13]

 * Dan: You can have my first-born son, just take tomorrow night's show.
 * Casey: So I'd have to work tomorrow and raise your child?

 * Casey: This girl named Lillian I just met said I dress like her father.
 * Dan: You do dress like her father.
 * Casey: You know Lillian's father?
 * Dan: I don't have to know Lillian's father.
 * Casey: You're asking me for a favor and mocking me at the same time?

And The Crowd Goes Wild [2.14]

 * Dan: You can't see anything right now, can you?
 * Casey: No.
 * Dan: You're just typing gibberish.
 * Casey: Yes.
 * Dan: Okay.

 * Casey: I'm a little scared of getting trapped in a fire.
 * Dan: I understand.
 * Casey: Would you help me to safety?
 * Dan: If there wasn't anything else better to do.
 * Casey: Like what?
 * Dan: Save myself.

Celebrities [2.15]

 * Casey: That is why I discourage fraternization in the office.
 * Dan: You discourage fraternization?
 * Casey: I do.
 * Dan: Are you not counting the last year and a half with Dana?
 * Casey: I am, as a matter of fact, not counting that.

 * Dan: Do you know how anal you are about your books?
 * Casey: Uh, I know that Natalie's got your manhood stuffed inside a Prada bag.

The Local Weather [2.16]

 * Isaac: Does the porn star know you're this much of a dork?

 * Dana: Guess where I've been.
 * Jeremy: Church.
 * Dana:You see? He knew.
 * Jeremy: I was standing right here.

Draft Day, Part One: It Can't Rain at Indian Wells [2.17]

 * Casey: You're dating a porn star?
 * Jeremy: I have met and spent social time with an actress who appears in adult films, yes.
 * Casey: How you manage to make dating a porn star sound like a day at the public library is beyond me.

 * Natalie: I broke up with you, Mr. "Obviously has a short-term memory loss with a myriad of other problems which I won't even go into but thinks he broke up with me because of the short-term memory loss which is so obvious".
 * Jeremy: No need to be formal. I've seen you naked. Call me Jeremy.

Draft Day, Part Two: The Fall of Ryan O'Brian [2.18]

 * Casey: I'm sorry.
 * Dan: Yeah?
 * Casey: I'm very sorry.
 * Dan: I don't think you are.
 * Casey: I am. In fact, I'm so sorry it's almost hard for me to think of different ways to say "bite me."

 * Casey: Sounds like you're ready to go for it.
 * Jeremy: I am. I absolutely am. I mean, if not now, when? If not me, then who?
 * Casey: Later and somebody else?

April is the Cruelest Month [2.19]

 * Jeremy: I'll go write the pageant.
 * Dan: The pageant?
 * Jeremy: Well, there are sections of the haggadah that, quite frankly, could use a polish.
 * Dan: You're gonna do a rewrite on the haggadah?
 * Jeremy: It's not written in stone, Dan.
 * Dan: Actually, some of it is.

 * Natalie: You dated a porn star and never slept with her?
 * Jeremy: Yeah.
 * Natalie: What a goober.

Bells and a Siren [2.20]

 * Dana: Are you growing a beard?
 * Isaac: No.
 * Dana: Did you shave this morning?
 * Isaac: No.
 * Dana: Why?
 * Isaac: I like an electric razor.
 * Dana: You should buy one.
 * Isaac: I have one. I have four.
 * Dana: You have four electric razors?
 * Isaac: Yes.
 * Dana: Why?
 * Isaac: I like them.
 * Dana: Is your electricity not working?
 * Isaac: Esther baby-proofed the house.
 * Dana: Matthew's here! I totally forgot. When was the last time you saw him?
 * Isaac: About nine months ago, before the stroke.
 * Dana: Matthew's here!
 * Isaac: The kid can't even walk yet - why are we locking the medicine cabinets?
 * Dana: Does he crawl?
 * Isaac: Not up walls, no!

La Forza del Destino [2.21]

 * Elliott: Dan?
 * Dan: Hey.
 * Elliott: These are for you. [puts flowers on desk]
 * Dan: Elliott, look, last night, seriously, I was talking to Kim. I was doing a little thing.
 * Elliott: They're not from me.
 * Dan: Like it'd kill you to give me flowers once in a while? [opens card] "R.W." It says "R.W."
 * Casey: What else does it say?
 * Dan: It just says "R.W." Robert Wagner has sent me flowers.

 * Dana: How did you know Time Warner was gonna drop out at 27?
 * Stranger: I didn't.
 * Dana: You did.
 * Stranger: I guessed.
 * Dana: You didn't guess, you had information.
 * Stranger: I had a lot of information. That's what makes me good at guessing.

Quo Vadimus [2.22]

 * Trager: Anybody who can't make money off Sports Night should get out of the money-making business.

 * [On air]
 * Casey: ...with revenge on their minds they welcome the Tigers to the house that Ruth built this evening.
 * Dan: Excuse me, Casey, but Ruth didn't build the house this evening, did he?
 * Casey: No, Dan, and thank you very much for correcting my every mistake no matter how small, oh these many years.
 * Dan: What are friends for?
 * Casey: Annoying the hell out of you?
 * Dan: Exactly.

Cast

 * Robert Guillaume - Isaac Jaffe
 * Felicity Huffman - Dana Whitaker
 * Peter Krause - Casey McCall
 * Josh Charles - Dan Rydell
 * Sabrina Lloyd - Natalie Hurley
 * Joshua Malina - Jeremy Goodwin

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Sports Night


text:
The American President

The American President is a 1995 film about the conflicts of a widowed president between a new love and a legislative agenda.
 * ''Directed by Rob Reiner. Written by Aaron Sorkin

Why can't the most powerful man in the world have the one thing he wants most?

President Andrew Shepherd

 * For reasons passing understanding, people do not relate guns to gun-related crime.
 * For the last couple of months, Senator Rumson has suggested that being President of this country was, to a certain extent, about character. And although I've not been willing to engage in his attacks on me, I have been here three years and three days, and I can tell you without hesitation - being President of this country is entirely about character. For the record, yes, I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU, but the more important question is, why aren't you, Bob? Now this is an organization whose sole purpose is to defend the Bill of Rights, so it naturally begs the question, why would a Senator, his party's most powerful spokesman and a candidate for President, choose to reject upholding the Constitution? Now if you can answer that question, folks, then you're smarter than I am, because I didn't understand it until a few hours ago. America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the land of the free. I've known Bob Rumson for years, and I've been operating under the assumption that the reason Bob devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain was that he simply didn't get it. Well, I was wrong. Bob's problem isn't that he doesn't get it. Bob's problem is that he can't sell it! We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle age, middle class, middle income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family, and American values and character, and you wave an old photo of the President's girlfriend and you scream about patriotism. You tell them she's to blame for their lot in life. And you go on television and you call her a whore. Sydney Ellen Wade has done nothing to you, Bob. She has done nothing but put herself through school, represent the interests of public school teachers, and lobby for the safety of our natural resources. You want a character debate, Bob? You better stick with me, 'cause Sydney Ellen Wade is way out of your league. I've loved two women in my life. I lost one to cancer. And I lost the other 'cause I was so busy keeping my job, I forgot to do my job. Well, that ends right now. Tomorrow morning, the White House is sending a bill to Congress for its consideration. It's White House Resolution 455, an energy bill requiring a twenty percent reduction of the emission of fossil fuels over the next ten years. It is by far the most aggressive stride ever taken in the fight to reverse the effects of global warming. The other piece of legislation is the Crime Bill. As of today, it no longer exists. I'm throwing it out. I'm throwing it out and writing a law that makes sense. You cannot address crime prevention without getting rid of assault weapons and handguns. I consider them a threat to national security, and I will go door-to-door if I have to, but I'm gonna convince Americans that I'm right, and I'm gonna get the guns. We've got serious problems, and we need serious people. And if you want to talk about character, Bob, you'd better come at me with more than a burning flag and a membership card. If you want to talk about character and American values, fine. Just tell me where and when, and I'll show up. This is a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up. My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I AM THE PRESIDENT!

Sydney Ellen Wade

 * How do you have patience for people who claim they love America, but clearly can't stand Americans?

Dialogue

 * [Discussing whether or not President Shepherd should call Sydney]
 * President Andrew Shepherd: This is not the business of the American people!
 * A. J. MacInerney: With all due respect, sir, the American people have a funny way of deciding on their own what is and what is not their business.

 * Lewis Rothschild: Who're we calling, sir?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: I'm calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a minute.

 * President Andrew Shepherd: I want to buy her some flowers. That's what men do when they break a date.
 * Robin McCall: That's not what men do. I know no men who do that.

 * Lewis Rothschild: At least let the agents do a security sweep. We don't know who's in there!
 * President Andrew Shepherd: You think there's a florist in there planning an assassination on the the off-chance that I might be stopping by?
 * Lewis Rothschild: ...It's possible.

 * Lewis Rothschild: I tell any girl I'm going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation from me thirty minutes beforehand.
 * Robin McCall: And they find this romantic?
 * Lewis Rothschild: Well, I say it with a great deal of charm.

 * President Andrew Shepherd: What I did tonight was not about political gain.
 * Leon Kodak: Yes sir. But it can be, sir. What you did tonight was very presidential.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Leon, somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor's working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence headquarters. He's going about doing his job... because he has no idea that in about an hour he's going to die in a massive explosion. He's just going about his job, because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You've just seen me do the least presidential thing I do.

 * President Andrew Shepherd: You're attracted to me, but the idea of physical intimacy is uncomfortable because you only know me as the President. But it's not always going to be that way, and the reason I know that is there was a moment last night when you were with ME, not the President. And I know what a big step that was for you. So, Sydney, I'm in no rush. Here's my plan. We're going to slow down, and when you're comfortable, that's when it's going to happen.
 * [Sydney emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts]
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: [feeling the bed] No, you explained it great.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Are you nervous?
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: No.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Good. My nervousness exists on several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: [approaching seductively] The most powerful man in the world?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Exactly, thank you. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction that comes with the office. I mean, if, uh, Eisenhower were here instead of me, he'd be dead by now.

 * [watching Bob Rumson on CNN]
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Oh, wait a minute, here comes my favorite part...
 * Bob Rumson: My name is Bob Rumson, and I'm running for President!
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Sure glad he cleared that up, because that crowd was about to buy some Amway products.

 * A.J.: Oh, and Leon, don't be the nice guy from Brooklyn on this. Do what the NRA does.
 * Leon Kodak: What, scare the hell out of them?
 * A.J.: Exactly.
 * Leon Kodak: I can do that.

 * Lewis Rothschild: Yeah, just vote your conscience, you chicken-shit lame-ass! [hangs up] We lost Jarrett.
 * Leon Kodak: Well, I hope so, because, you know, if that was an "undecided", then we need to work on our people skills.

 * Lewis Rothschild: You have a deeper love of this country than any man I've ever known. And I want to know what it says to you that in the past seven weeks, 59% of Americans have begun to question your patriotism.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Look, if the people want to listen to-...
 * Lewis Rothschild: They don't have a choice! Bob Rumson is the only one doing the talking! People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Lewis, we've had Presidents who were beloved who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand 'cause they're thirsty. They drink the sand 'cause they don't know the difference.

 * President Andrew Shepherd: Is the view pretty good from the cheap seats, A.J.?
 * A. J. MacInerney: I beg your pardon?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Because it occurs to me that in twenty-five years I've never seen your name on a ballot. Now why is that? Why are you always one step behind me?
 * A. J. MacInerney: Because if I wasn't, you'd be the most popular history professor at the University of Wisconsin.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: [slamming pool cue down] FUCK YOU!

 * Leon Kodak: [cut to conversation in progress] You see, the country has mood swings.
 * Lewis Rothschild: Mood swings? Nineteen post-graduate degrees in mathematics, and your best explanation for going from a 63 to a 46 percent approval rating in five weeks is mood swings?
 * Leon Kodak: Well, I could explain it better, but I'd need charts, and graphs, and an easel.

 * Lucy Shepherd: My Dad told me to tell you that he's on the phone with his dentist, and that I should behave myself and entertain you until he gets back.
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: Oh. Your father's on the phone with his dentist?
 * Lucy Shepherd: No, he told me to tell you he's on the phone with his dentist. He wants you to think he's a regular guy.
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: Oh. Well, who's he on the phone with?
 * Lucy Shepherd: The prime minister of Israel.

 * A.J.: Excuse me, Mr. President, I just got off the phone with the federal mediator in St. Louis. Management just walked away from the table; the baggage handlers, pilots and flight attendants are all getting set to walk out in forty-eight hours.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: You know, I studied under a Nobel Prize-winning economist, and you know what he taught me?
 * A.J.: Never have an airline strike at Christmas?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: I'm going to St. Louis.

 * President Andrew Shepherd: Lewis, however much coffee you drink in the morning, I want you to reduce it by half.
 * Lewis Rothschild: I don't drink coffee, sir.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Then hit yourself over the head with a baseball bat, would you please?

 * A.J.: Good night, Mr. President.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: A.J.?
 * A.J.: Yes, sir?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: When we're out of the office, and alone, you can call me Andy.
 * A.J.: I beg your pardon, sir?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: You were the best man at my wedding, for crying out loud. Call me Andy.
 * A.J.: Whatever you say, Mr. President.

 * [Playing pool]
 * A.J.: Nice shot, Mr. President.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: "Nice shot, Mr. President"? You won't even call me by my name when we're playing pool?
 * A.J.: I will not do it playing pool, I will not do it in a school. I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: At ease, A.J.! At ease!

 * [Shepherd calls Sydney at home]
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: Hello?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Yeah, hi, is this Sydney?
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: Leo?
 * President Andrew Shepherd: No, this is Andrew Shepherd.
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: Oh! It's Andrew Shepherd! Yeah, you're hilarious, Richard, you're just a regular riot!
 * President Andrew Shepherd: No, this isn't Richard, this is Andrew Shepherd.
 * Sydney Ellen Wade: Oh! Well, I'm so glad you called, because I forgot to tell you today what a nice ass you have. I'm also impressed that you were able to get my phone number given the fact that I don't have a phone. Good night, Richard.
 * President Andrew Shepherd: Uh, this isn't Richard- [Sydney hangs up] This used to be easier.

 * A.J.: Better call the printer, Lewis.
 * Lewis Rothschild: I know, we gotta rewrite the State of the Union.
 * A.J.: Every word, kid. It's a whole new ballgame. You have exactly 35 minutes.
 * Lewis Rothschild: Oh, good, I thought I was gonna be rushed.

Tagline

 * Why can't the most powerful man in the world have the one thing he wants most?

Cast

 * Michael Douglas - President Andrew Shepherd
 * Annette Bening - Sydney Ellen Wade
 * Martin Sheen - A. J. MacInerney
 * Michael J. Fox - Lewis Rothschild
 * Anna Deavere Smith - Robin McCall
 * David Paymer - Leon Kodak
 * Richard Dreyfuss - Senator Bob Rumson

title: The American President


text:
Pierre-Simon Laplace

Pierre-Simon Laplace (23 March 1749 – 5 March 1827) was a French mathematician and astronomer, discoverer of the Laplace transform and Laplace's equation.

Quotes

 * "On voit, par cet Essai, que la théorie des probabilités n'est, au fond, que le bon sens réduit au calcul; elle fait apprécier avec exactitude ce que les esprits justes sentent par une sorte d'instinct, sans qu'ils puissent souvent s'en rendre compte."
 * Translation: "One sees, from this Essay, that the theory of probabilities is basically just common sense reduced to calculus; it makes one appreciate with exactness that which accurate minds feel with a sort of instinct, often without being able to account for it."
 * From the Introduction to Théorie Analytique des Probabilités, second and later editions; also published separately as Essai philosophique sur les Probabilités (1814). Œuvres complètes de Laplace, tome VII, p. cliii, Paris: Gauthier-Villars, 1878-1912.
 * Also reported as: "The theory of probabilities is at bottom nothing but common sense reduced to calculus; it enables us to appreciate with exactness that which accurate minds feel with a sort of instinct for which ofttimes they are unable to account."
 * Or as: "Probability theory is nothing but common sense reduced to calculation."

 * Said the great and magnanimous Laplace: 'It is India that gave us the ingenious method of expressing all numbers by ten symbols, each receiving a value of position as well as an absolute value; a profound and important idea which appears so simple to us now that we ignore its true merit. But its very simplicity, the great ease which it has lent to all computations, puts our arithmetic in the first rank of useful inventions; and we shall appreciate the grandeur of this achievement the more when we remember that it escaped the genius of Archimedes and Apollonius, two of the greatest men produced by antiquity.'
 * Pierre-Simon Laplace, as quoted in Will Durant, Our Oriental Heritage : India and Her Neighbors.

 * "Les questions les plus importantes de la vie ne sont en effet, pour la plupart, que des problèmes de probabilité."
 * Translation: "Life's most important questions are, for the most part, nothing but probability problems."

 * "La dernière chose que nous attendions de vous, Général, est une leçon de géométrie !"
 * Translation: "The last thing we expect of you, General, is a lesson in geometry!"
 * Laplace to Napoléon, after the latter had reported on some new elementary geometry results

 * "Ce que nous connaissons est peu de chose, ce que nous ignorons est immense."
 * Translation: "What we know is not much. What we do not know is immense."
 * Allegedly his last words, reported in Joseph Fourier's "Éloge historique de M. le Marquis de Laplace" (1829) with the comment, "This was at least the meaning of his last words, which were articulated with difficulty." Quoted in Augustus De Morgan's Budget of Paradoxes (1866).

 * "L'homme ne poursuit que des chimères."
 * Translation: "Man follows only phantoms."
 * His true last words, according to Augustus De Morgan's Budget of Paradoxes (1866).
 * Compare Edmund Burke's famous remark, after a parliamentary candidate's sudden death, about "what shadows we are, and what shadows we pursue".

 * "Lisez Euler, lisez Euler, c'est notre maître à tous."
 * Translation: "Read Euler, read Euler, he is the master of us all." (Sometimes freely translated as: "Read Euler: he is our master in everything.")
 * Reported by Gugliemo Libri in the Journal des Savants, January 1846, p. 51: « ...ces paroles mémorables que nous avons entendues de sa propre bouche : "Lisez Euler, lisez Euler, c'est notre maître à tous". »

 * "Nature laughs at the difficulties of integration."
 * Quoted in I. Gordon and S. Sorkin, The Armchair Science Reader, New York, 1959.

 * "Il est facile de voir que..."
 * Translation: "It is therefore obvious that..."
 * Frequently used in the Traité de mécanique céleste when he had proved something and mislaid the proof, or found it clumsy. Notorious as a signal for something true, but hard to prove.

 * It is India that gave us the ingenious method of expressing all numbers by means of ten symbols, each symbol receiving a value of position as well as an absolute value; a profound and important idea which appears so simple to us now that we ignore its true merit.But its very simplicity and the great ease which it has lent to computations put our arithmetic in the first rank of useful inventions; and we shall appreciate the grandeur of the achievement the more when we remember that it escaped the genius of Archimedes and Apollonius, two of the greatest men produced by antiquity.
 * Quoted in H Eves Return to Mathematical Circles (Boston 1988).
 * On demandait à Laplace quel était selon lui le plus grand mathématicien de l'Allemagne. C'est Pfaff, répondit-il. - Je croyais, reprit l'interlocuteur, que Gauss lui était supérieur. - Mais, s'écria Laplace, vous me demandez quel est le plus grand mathématicien de l'Allemagne, et Gauss est le plus grand mathématicien de l'Europe.
 * They asked Laplace who, in his opinion, was the greatest mathematician of Germany. "It's Pfaff," he answered. - "I thought," the questioner replied, "that Gauss was superior to him." - "But," exclaimed Laplace, "you're asking me who is the greatest mathematician of Germany, and Gauss is the greatest mathematician of Europe."
 * Quoted in Nouvelle Biographie Générale, volume 19, page 686.

Philosophical Essay on Probabilities (1902)

 * source, translated by Frederick Wilson Truscott from Théorie Analytique des Probabilités (originally published 1812) 6th ed.

Ch. 1 Introduction
 * The most important questions of life... are indeed for the most part only problems of probability. Strictly speaking it may even be said that nearly all our knowledge is problematical; and in the small number of things which we are able to know with certainty, even in the mathematical sciences themselves, the principal means for ascertaining truth—induction and analogy—are based on probabilities.

Ch. 2 Concerning Probability
 * Imaginary causes have gradually receded with the widening bounds of knowledge and disappear entirely before sound philosophy, which sees in them only the expression of our ignorance of the true causes.

 * Given for one instant an intelligence which could comprehend all the forces by which nature is animated and the respective situation of the beings who compose it—an intelligence sufficiently vast to submit these data to analysis—it would embrace in the same formula the movements of the greatest bodies of the universe and those of the lightest atom; for it, nothing would be uncertain and the future, as the past, would be present to its eyes. The human mind offers, in the perfection which it has been able to give to astronomy, a feeble idea of this intelligence. Its discoveries in mechanics and geometry, added to that of universal gravity, have enabled it to comprehend in the same analytical expressions the past and future states of the system of the world.

 * All these efforts in the search for truth tend to lead it [the human mind] back continually to the vast intelligence... but from which it will always remain infinitely removed. This tendency peculiar to the human race is that which renders it superior... and their progress in this respect distinguishes nations and ages and constitutes their true glory.

 * Let us recall that formerly, and at no remote epoch... all the unusual phenomena were regarded as so many signs of celestial wrath.

 * The theory of chance consists in reducing all the events of the same kind to a certain number of cases equally possible, that is to say, to such as we may be equally undecided about in regard to their existence, and in determining the number of cases favorable to the event whose probability is sought.

 * It is to the influence of the opinion of those whom the multitude [the populous] judges best informed, and to whom it has been accustomed to give its confidence in regard to the most important matters of life, that the propagation of those errors is due, which in times of ignorance, have covered the face of the earth. Magic and astrology offer us two great examples. These errors... having for a basis only universal credence, have maintained themselves during a very long time; but at last the progress of science has destroyed them in the minds of enlightened men, whose opinion consequently has caused them to disappear... through the power of imitation and habit which had so generally spread them... This power, the richest resource of the moral world, establishes and conserves in a whole nation ideas entirely contrary to those... elsewhere... What indulgence ought we not then to have for opinions different from ours, when this difference often depends only upon the various points of view where circumstances have placed us! Let us enlighten those whom we judge insufficiently instructed; but first let us examine critically our own opinions, and weigh with impartiality, their respective probabilities.

Quotes about Laplace

 * Whenever I meet in La Place with the words "Thus it plainly appears," I am sure that hours, and perhaps days, of hard study will alone enable me to discover how it plainly appears.
 * , Memoir of Nathaniel Bowditch (1839) p. 62.

 * Laplace made many important discoveries in mathematical physics... Indeed, he was interested in anything that helped to interpret nature. He worked on hydrodynamics, the wave propagation of sound, and the tides. In the field of chemistry, his work on the liquid state of matter is classic. His studies of the tension in the surface layer of water, which accounts for the rise of liquids inside a capillary tube, and of the cohesive forces in liquids, are fundamental. Laplace and Lavoisier designed an ice calorimeter (1784) to measure heat and measured the specific heat of numerous substances; heat, to them, was still a special kind of matter. Most of Laplace's life was, however, devoted to celestial mechanics.
 * Morris Kline, Mathematical Thought from Ancient to Modern Times (1972)

 * Laplace created a number of new mathematical methods that were subsequently expanded into branches of mathematics, but he never cared for mathematics except as it helped him to study nature.
 * Morris Kline, Mathematical Thought from Ancient to Modern Times (1972)

 * This is another important dispute in the history of how we think about being wrong: whether error represents an obstacle in the path toward truth, or the path itself. The former idea is a conventional one. The latter... emerged during the Scientific Revolution and continued to evolve throughout the Enlightenment. But it didn't really reach its zenith until the early nineteenth century, when... Pierre Simon Laplace refined the distribution of errors, illustrated by the now-familiar bell curve. ...Laplace used the bell curve to determine the precise orbit of the planets. ...By using the normal distribution to graph... individually imperfect data points, Laplace was able to generate a far more precise picture of the galaxy. ...aggregate enough flawed data, and you get a glimpse of the truth.
 * Kathryn Schulz, Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error (2011)

 * Laplace had taken Newton's science and turned it into philosophy. The universe was a piece of machinery, its history was predetermined, there was no room for chance or for free will. The cosmos was indeed an ice-cold clock.
 * Brian L. Silver, The Ascent of Science (1998)

 * With respect to the cohesion and of liquids, I have had the good fortune to anticipate Mr. Laplace in his late researches, and I have endeavoured to show, that my assumptions are more universally applicable to the facts, than those which that justly celebrated mathematician has employed.
 * Thomas Young, Preface, A Course of Lectures on Natural Philosophy and the Mechanical Arts (1807) p. viii.

Disputed

 * "[Sire,] je n'ai pas eu besoin de cette hypothèse."
 * De Morgan, Augustus (January 1872). Sophia Elizabeth De Morgan ed. A Budget of Paradoxes, London: Longmans, Green, and Co. As found in http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/~history/Quotations/Laplace.html, accessed February 13, 2006.
 * Translation: "[No, Sire,] I had no need of that hypothesis."
 * Reputed reply to Emperor Napoleon I, who had asked why he hadn't mentioned God in his discourse on secular variations of the orbits of Saturn and Jupiter ("Mais où est Dieu dans tout cela?"/'But where is God in all this?').

 * The exchange is reported by Victor Hugo (who in turn was citing François Arago) as:
 * "Comment, vous faites tout le système du monde, vous donnez les lois de toute la création et dans tout votre livre vous ne parlez pas une seule fois de l'existence de Dieu !"
 * Translation: "How can this be! You made the system of the world, you explain the laws of all creation, but in all your book you speak not once of the existence of God!"
 * Alternate translation: "You have written this huge book on the system of the world without once mentioning the author of the universe!"
 * Alternate translation: "How is it that, although you say so much about the Universe, you say nothing about its Creator?"
 * "[Sire,] je n'avais pas besoin de cette hypothèse-là."
 * Translation: "I did not need to make such an assumption."
 * Lagrange, also present (or to whom Napoleon repeated Laplace's reply, in another version), then commented: "Ah ! C’est une belle hypothèse; ça explique beaucoup de choses."
 * Translation: "Ah! That is a beautiful assumption; it explains many things."
 * Alternate translation: "Ah, but that is such a good hypothesis. It explains so many things!"
 * Sometimes (as in Félix Blanchet's preface to his edition of the Œuvres complètes de Lucrèce. Paris: Garnier, 1861, p. xx) this comment is attributed to Laplace himself.
 * Wikipedia recounts research about this much-cited episode.

title: Pierre-Simon Laplace


text:
James Hutton

James Hutton (3 June 1726 – 26 March 1797) was a Scottish geologist, physician, chemical manufacturer, naturalist, and experimental agriculturalist. He originated the theory of uniformitarianism—a fundamental principle of geology—that explains the features of the Earth's crust by means of natural processes over geologic time. Hutton's work established geology as a science, and as a result he is referred to as the "Father of Modern Geology".

 * See also: Theory of the Earth

Quotes

 * If an organised body is not in the situation and circumstances best adapted to its sustenance and propagation, then, in conceiving an indefinite variety among the individuals of that species, we must be assured, that, on the one hand, those which depart most from the best adapted constitution, will be most liable to perish, while, on the other hand, those organised bodies, which most approach to the best constitution for the present circumstances, will be best adapted to continue, in preserving themselves and multiplying the individuals of their race.
 * Source: An Investigation into the Principles of Knowledge (1794)
 * Note: This passage suggests that more than than 50 years before the publication of On the Origin of Species, Hutton anticipated  Darwin's theory of natural selection.

 * The past history of our globe must be explained by what can be seen to be happening now. No powers are to be employed that are not natural to the globe, no action to be admitted except those of which we know the principle.
 * Source: Theory of the Earth (Paper, published in Transactions of the Royal Society of Edinburgh in 1785)

 * We find no vestige of a beginning - no prospect of an end.
 * Theory of the Earth (1795)

Quotes about Hutton

 * Hutton published a landmark treatise, Theory of the Earth, in which he set forth the principle of uniformitarianism: the present is the key to the past. He proposed the same processes of erosion, weathering, uplift and sedimentation that are sculpting the land today have been at work throughout the eons. ...In Hutton's day, uniformitarianism was a refutation of theories that called upon catastrophic events like the biblical flood to explain the way the world looked. But even as these deux ex machina theories fell to the wayside, Hutton's ideas continued to hold sway...
 * Shawna Vogel, Naked Earth: the New Geophysics (1995)

"Biographical Account of the late Dr James Hutton, F. R. S. Edin." (1803)

 * John Playfair, Transactions of the Royal Society of Edinburgh, Vol. 5

 * In a letter to Sir John Hall, he says that he was become very fond of studying the surface of the earth, and was looking with anxious curiosity into every pit, or ditch, or bed of a river that fell in his way; "and that if he did not always avoid the fate of Thales, his misfortune was certainly not owing to the same cause." This letter is from Yarmouth; it has no date, but it is plain from circumstances that it must have been written in 1753.

 * Among other advantages... we must reckon that of being able to enjoy, with less interruption, the society of his literary friends, among whom were Dr Black, Mr Russel, professor of Natural Philosophy, Professor Adam Ferguson, Sir George Clerk... his brother Mr Clerk of Elden, Dr James Lind... and several others. Employed in maturing his views, and studying nature with unwearied application, he now passed his time most usefully and agreeably to himself, but in silence and obscurity with respect to the world. He was, perhaps, in the most enviable situation in which a man of science can be placed. He was in the midst of a literary society of men of the first abilities, to all of whom he was peculiarly acceptable, as bringing along with him a vast fund of information and originality, combined with that gayety and animation which so rarely accompany the profounder attainments of science. Free from the interruption of professional avocations, he enjoyed the entire command of his own time, and had sufficient energy of mind to afford himself continual occupation.

 * A good deal of his leisure was now employed in the prosecution of chemical experiments. In one of these experiments... which I have heard of from Dr Black, he discovered that mineral alkali is contained in zeolite. On boiling the gelatinous substance obtained from combining that fossil with muriatic acid, he found that, after evaporation, sea-salt was formed. ...from circumstances... it was earlier than 1772. It is, if I mistake not, the first instance of an alkali being discovered in a stony body.

 * From the date... when he was yet a very young man, and making excursions on foot through the different counties of England, till that which we are now arrived at, a period of about thirty years, he had never ceased to study the natural history of the globe, with a view of ascertaining the changes that have taken place on its surface, and of discovering the causes by which they have been produced.

 * Few men have entered with better preparation on the arduous task of investigating the true theory of the earth.

 * He was one of those who are much more delighted with the contemplation of truth, than with the praise of having discovered it.

 * The object of Dr Hutton was not, like that of most other theorists, to explain the first origin of things. He was too well skilled in the rules of sound philosophy for such an attempt; and he accordingly confined his speculations to those changes which terrestrial bodies have undergone since the establishment of the present order, in as far as distinct marks of such changes are now to be discovered.

 * The first general fact which he has remarked is, that by far the greater part of the bodies which compose the exterior crust of our globe, bear the marks of being formed out of the materials of mineral or organized bodies, of more ancient date. The spoils or the wreck of an older world are every where visible in the present, and, though not found in every piece of rock, they are diffused so generally as to leave no doubt that the strata which now compose our continents are all formed out of strata more ancient than themselves.

 * The present rocks, with the exceptions of such as are not stratified, having all existed in the form of loose materials collected at the bottom of the sea, must have been consolidated and converted into stone by virtue of some very powerful and general agent. The consolidating cause which he points out is subterraneous heat, and he has removed the objections to this hypothesis by the introduction of a principle new and peculiar to himself. This principle is the compression which must have prevailed in that region where the consolidation of mineral substances was accomplished. Under the weight of a superincumbent ocean, heat, however intense, might be unable to volatilize any part of those substances which, at the surface, and under the lighter pressure of our atmosphere, it can entirely consume. The same pressure, by forcing those substances to remain united, which at the surface are easily separated, might occasion the fusion of some bodies which in our fires are only calcined. Hence the objections that are so strong and unanswerable, when opposed to the theory of volcanic fire, as usually laid down, have no force at all against Dr Hutton's theory; and hence we are to consider this theory as hardly less distinguished from the hypothesis of the Vulcanists, in the usual sense of that appellation than it is from that of the Neptunists or the disciples of Werner.

 * The third general fact on which this theory is founded, is, that the stratified rocks, instead of being either horizontal, or nearly so, as they no doubt were originally, are now found possessing all degrees of elevation, and some of them even perpendicular to the horizon; to which we must add, that those strata which were once at the bottom of the sea are now raised up, many of them several thousand feet above its surface. ...This force, which has burst in pieces the solid pavement on which the ocean rests, and has raised up rocks from the bottom of the sea, into mountains... exceeds any which we see actually exerted, but seems to come nearer to the cause of the volcano or the earthquake than to any other, of which the effects are directly observed. The immense disturbance, therefore, of the strata, is in this theory ascribed to heat acting with an expansive power, and elevating those rocks which it had before consolidated.

 * Among the marks of disturbance in which the mineral kingdom abounds, those great breaches among rocks, which are filled with materials different from the rock on either side, are among the most conspicuous. These are the veins, and comprehend, not only the metallic veins, but also those of whinstone, of porphyry, and of granite, all of them substances more or less crystallized, and none of them containing the remains of organized bodies. ...The materials of all these veins Dr Hutton concludes to have been melted by subterraneous heat, and, while in fusion, injected among the fissures and openings of rocks already formed, but thus disturbed, and moved from their original place.

The Founders of Geology (1897)
Sir Archibald Geikie

 * Hutton was... no narrow specialist, wrapped up in the pursuit of one circumscribed section of human inquiry. His mind ranged far and wide over many departments of knowledge. ...His pleasure in every outward step made by science and philosophy showed itself in the most lively demonstrations.

 * The world... might have had still a long time to wait for the appearance of his dissertation, had it not been for the interest he took in the foundation of the Royal Society of Edinburgh... At one of the early meetings of this Society he communicated a concise account of his Theory of the Earth., which appeared in the first volume of the Transactions. This essay was afterwards expanded...

 * Dr. Hutton... was highly pleased with appearances that set in so clear a light the different formations of the parts which compose the exterior crust of the earth... On us who saw these phenomena for the first time, the impression made will not easily be forgotten. ...The mind seemed to grow giddy by looking so far into the abbys of time; and while we listened with earnestness and admiration to the philosopher who was now unfolding to us the order and series of these wonderful events, we became sensible how much further reason may sometimes go than imagination can venture to follow.
 * Quoting John Playfair

 * His character was distinguished by its transparent simplicity, its frank openness, its absence of all that was little or selfish, and its overflowing enthusiasm and vivacity.

 * Though his partnership in the chemical work brought him considerable wealth, it made no difference in the quiet unostentatious life of a philosopher, which he had led ever since he settled in Edinburgh.

 * Hutton's claim to rank high among the founders of geology rests on no wide series of writings, like those which Von Buch poured forth so copiously for more than two generations. Nor was it proclaimed by a host of devoted pupils, like those who spread abroad the fame of Werner. It is based, so far at least as geology is concerned, on one single work, and on the elucidations of two friends and disciples.

title: James Hutton


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Bert De Waele Tectonics Special Research Centre The University of Western Australia M004 School of Earth and Geographical Sciences 35 Stirling Highway Crawley, Western Australia 6009 http://www.bdewaele.be

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