text:
Scott Adams

Scott Adams (born 8 June 1957) is an American cartoonist and satirist, best known for his Dilbert series of comic strips and books.

The Dilbert Principle (1996)

 * These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.

 * Ninety percent of all new business ventures fail. Apparently, ten percent of the time you get lucky, and that's enough to support a modern economy. I'm betting that's what separates us from the animals; animals are lucky only nine percent of the time. I suspect this is true because I play strip poker with my cats and they rarely win. In fact, it's gotten to the point where they run like cowards at the sound of my electric shaver.

 * It's useless to expect rational behavior from the people you work with, or anybody else for that matter. If you can come to peace with the fact that you're surrounded by idiots, you'll realize that resistance is futile, your tension will dissipate, and you can sit back and have a good laugh at the expense of others.

 * You're only as important as your furniture. And that's at peak levels of dignity. [...] If you think about it, you can get fired but your furniture stays behind, gainfully employed at the company that didn't need you anymore.

 * A Mission Statement is defined as "a long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly." All good companies have one. Companies that don't have Mission Statements will often be under the mistaken impression that the objective of the company is to bicker among departments, produce low-quality products, and slowly go out of business.

 * Contrary to popular belief, it's often your clothing that gets promoted. [...] Always dress better than your peers so your clothes will be the ones selected for promotion. And make sure you're in your clothes when it happens. One man made the mistake of bringing his dry cleaning to work and ended up as a direct report to his own sports jacket.

 * Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

 * The office is designed for "work," not productivity. Work can be defined as "anything you'd rather not be doing." Productivity is a different matter. Telecommuting substitutes two hours of productivity for ten hours of work.

 * If not for the compulsion of engineers, mankind would have never seen the wheel, settling instead for the trapezoid because some Neanderthal in Marketing convinced everybody it had great braking power. And there would be no fire, because some middle-manager cave person would point out that if fire was such a good idea the other cave people would already be using it.

 * The goal of change management is to dupe slow-witted employees into thinking change is good for them by appealing to their sense of adventure and love of challenge. This is like convincing a trout to leap out of a stream to experience the adventure of getting deboned.

 * The most important skill for any leader is the ability to take credit for things that happen on their own.

 * I have a saying: "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook (1996)

 * As a manager you could do a lot of thinking, experimenting, and continuous training. Or you can just do what everyone else does and blindly follow my directions like an unthinking zombie. Blind obedience is easier than the alternatives and the pay's the same. In fact, the pay is better, if you look at it from an hourly perspective.

 * Always "lead by example." Let's say you're trying to reduce costs in the company. You can set an example by ordering your chauffeur to get his hair cut at Super Cuts. This is the kind of personal sacrifice that inspires the employees. Soon you'll be able to squeeze their health benefits like a tourniquet on a seedless grape.

 * When we are born, all humans are clueless, self-absorbed, and helpless. Most babies will grow out of it. Those who don't become managers.

 * When you have an exceptionally nasty project, present it to your employee as a "challenge." That seemingly minor change in syntax will cause the employee to feel like an Olympic athlete instead of the boot-stomped carpet mite that he is.

 * Rumors are an excellent way to keep your employees nervous and edgy, which is similar to being alert. Actually, it's better. When they're alert they realize what you're doing to them and they resist. But when they're edgy they work like crazed bumblebees and die of stress before they become cynical. In other words, everyone wins.

 * The most efficient way to implement an empowerment program is to have meetings where you punish people for the decisions they made while at the same time encouraging people in the group to think for themselves. Eventually, the employees become numb, thus developing a healthy tolerance to the hopelessness of their situation. Hopelessness isn't the same as happiness, but it's enough to make the employees stop complaining, and that's a good start.

The Dilbert Future (1997)

 * People don't change their basic nature, they just accumulate more stuff upon which they can apply their stupidity, selfishness, and horniness. From this perspective, the future isn't hard to predict.

 * Technology magnifies the ability of one person to have a big impact on other people. If that doesn't scare you, then the next time you see professional wrestling on television, look at the crowd shots and ask yourself if you'd like those people to have a bigger impact on your life.

 * Of all the things that influence elections, it appears that information is the least significant. Elections are won by the candidate whose staff members are the most skilled at manipulating the voters. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because you have to be quite smart to figure out the best way to manipulate millions of Induhviduals into marching in the same direction.

 * A growing number of workers -- those who are more clever than industrious -- have already discovered the unbridled joy of sitting at home and getting paid for sleeping, eating, masturbating, and watching television. This technique -- sometimes called telecommuting -- has all the financial advantages of being employed with none of the stigma of being a filthy, perverted hobo.

 * Companies form confusopolies to make it impossible for the average Induhvidual to determine who has the lowest price. This way each major company gets a share of the pie, the size of which depends on how skillfully they can dupe customers with advertisements. That will be the primary job of marketing professionals in the future-- disguising the true cost of your product in order to be a successful confusopolist.

 * The first thing that young people need to realize is that the concepts of "career" and "job security" are a bit dated. In the future, most people's jobs will involve scrambling around like frightened chipmunks trying to find the next paycheck in an endless string of unrelated short-term jobs. But since "Frightened Chipmunk" doesn't look very impressive on a business card, people will call themselves entrepreneurs, consultants, and independent contractors.

 * Rich guys used to be able to manipulate the stock market and make huge profits at the expense of smaller investors. It was big news when the small investors discovered they'd been screwed. Now there are many safeguards against the small investor ever finding out how much he's getting screwed.

 * I predict that news outlets will try to compensate for the loss of relevant news by focusing on stories that are more shocking and depressing than ever. At least that way they'll get your attention and sell advertising even if the stories aren't "news" in the traditional sense.

 * What if there are other optical illusions about our existence that are just as major as the illusion of the Sun revolving around the Earth? [...] What are the odds that you live in exactly the window of human existence when all of the major optical illusions have been discovered? Wouldn't that be an amazing coincidence, since every previous generation of humans has believed they were born in that window of time?

The Joy of Work (1998)

 * Thinking is easier than working. And the best kind of thinking is the kind where you don't have to write anything down, i.e., "meeting thinking." When you think up an idea during a meeting, all you have to do is blurt it out. You won't have to involve any parts of your body except your mouth and maybe your brain stem.

 * Never laugh when you're being sarcastic. It will ruin the effect. If you feel the uncontrollable need to giggle, wait until your boss says something hilarious, such as, "Is this only Wednesday? It feels like Friday already!" Then you can throw back your head, open your mouth like you're about to swallow a live porpoise, and laugh like a naked teenager in a field full of pussy willows. Sincerity like that will make your sarcasm all the more convincing.

 * Unless you work alone, one of the biggest assaults on your happiness is something called a meeting. A meeting is essentially a group of people staring at visual aids until the electrochemical activity in their brains ceases, at which point decisions are made. It's like being in suspended animation, except that people in suspended animation aren't in severe physical discomfort and praying for death.

 * Trying to win an argument with an irrational person is like trying to teach a cat to snorkel by providing written instructions. No matter how clear your instructions, it won't work. Your best strategy is to reduce the time you spend in that sort of situation.

 * Creativity doesn't require much time. But creativity always needs your energy. You can't create if you're pooped or your brain is full of junk. A person who manages creativity makes sure his schedule has lots of free spaces, no matter how many priorities are looming.

 * For humor to work, it must be original. It's easy to create original humor -- or anything else original -- if you follow my formula. [...] Identify someone who has more creative talent than you do, then try to imitate that person exactly. If you're like me, you can depend on your lack of talent to make your imitation look nothing like the source. Over time, you'll drift even further from the source of your theft, thus becoming "original."

 * The hardest part of writing humor is finding a topic that hasn't already been used more times than the only back scratcher at the Institute of Very Itchy People. Ideally, you want a situation that makes you smile even before the humor has been added. If you start with a fresh and inherently funny situation, you're halfway home. [...] If a topic makes you gag, or clench your buns, or laugh, or sigh, or retch -- or react physically in any way -- you have a winner.

 * Some humor experts say the secret to humor is to combine something unexpected with something bad and then make sure it's happening to someone else. But if that's all it took, serial killers would be winning comedy competitions. The evening news is full of unexpected bad things that happen to other people. Most of it isn't funny, unless it involves exploding whales, ear biting, or pies thrown at billionaires.

 * If you're going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don't win, you're usually no worse off than if you hadn't played.

God's Debris (2001)

 * Four billion people say they believe in God, but few genuinely believe. If people believed in God, they would live every minute of their lives in support of that belief. Rich people would give their wealth to the needy. Everyone would be frantic to determine which religion was the true one. No one could be comfortable in the thought that they might have picked the wrong religion and blundered into eternal damnation, or bad reincarnation, or some other unthinkable consequence. People would dedicate their lives to converting others to their religions.
 * The Avatar

 * It is absurd to define God as omnipotent and then burden him with our own myopic view of the significance of human beings. [...] The concept of 'importance' is a human one born out of our need to make choices for survival. An omnipotent being has no need to rank things. To God, nothing in the universe would be more interesting, more worthy, more useful, more threatening, or more important than anything else.
 * The Avatar

 * We like to believe that other people have the same level of urges as we do, despite all evidence to the contrary. We convince ourselves that people differ only in their degree of morality or willpower, or a combination of the two. But urges are real, and they differ wildly for every individual. Morality and willpower are illusions. For any human being, the highest urge always wins and willpower never enters into it.
 * The Avatar

 * People think they follow advice but they don't. Humans are only capable of receiving information. They create their own advice. If you seek to influence someone, don't waste time giving advice. You can change only what people know, not what they do.
 * The Avatar

 * Conversation is more than the sum of the words. It is also a way of signaling the importance of another person by showing your willingness to give that person your rarest resource: time. It is a way of conveying respect. Conversation reminds us that we are part of a greater whole, connected in some way that transcends duty or bloodline or commerce. Conversation can be many things, but it can never be useless.
 * The Avatar

 * Express gratitude. Give more than is expected. Speak optimistically. Touch people. Remember names. Don't confuse flexibility with weakness. Don't judge people by their mistakes; rather, judge them by how they respond to their mistakes. Remember that your physical appearance is for the benefit of others. Attend to your own basic needs first; otherwise you will not be useful to anyone else.

Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel (2002)

 * People who have children have the best work-avoidance excuses in the world. If you don't have kids, get some immediately. The playgrounds are full of them.

 * There's a special word for bosses who care about their employees: unemployed. The whole point of being a boss is to get employees to do more work than they want to do and to accept less pay than they deserve. If a boss starts caring about employees, it screws up the whole oppressor-victim dynamic of capitalism.

 * The only people who serve on juries are people who have nothing better to do. Many of those people have jobs, which means jury duty is more pleasant than their jobs! [...] If my job was less pleasant than jury duty, I'd want to convict innocent people just to see their eyes bulge when they hear the verdict.

 * It's illegal to kill yourself in a quick and painless way, but if you do it slowly over a few decades -- say by not exercising -- that's called laziness, not suicide, and it's completely legal. You might even get credit for being jolly or get a job as a TV chef on a cable network.

 * The only person who wants real fairness is whoever has the worst life on earth, because he has nothing of his own to share in return. I don't know who that person is, but I have a mental image of a naked guy with no arms and legs, living in a rented poison ivy patch and being forced to read this book.

 * The fastest way to spot a weasel is to look at a shiny surface. The second-fastest way is to look for people who are certain about the future. When a person conveys a sense of certainty during times of great uncertainty, that is either a sign of mental illness called "leadership" or a sign of a weasel who is trying to get his way.

The Religion War (2004)

 * Humanity is like a huge organic computer. The hardware is functioning fine — reproducing more humans, creating food, learning — but the software is broken. Beliefs are our software. When the software works properly, our beliefs help us survive. Sometimes there are glitches in the software, in the form of delusions that are harmful. My job is to remove the glitches.
 * The Avatar

 * Extermination had begun. A thick rain of missiles streaked through the sky and landed on hospitals, schools, bridges, homes, mosques, businesses, and military targets. The missile crews and jet pilots didn't know what they were blowing up or why. [...] No one questioned why entire blocks — eventually entire cities — were being annihilated. Everyone did his job as if it were nothing more than delivering packages.

 * The public didn't know who said it first, but it was the most powerful question in human history. In nine words it overturned centuries of tortured logic and magical thinking. It pushed superstition into a cage and gave common sense room to maneuver. [...] The question was translated into thousands of languages, published billions of times. In English it was "If God is so smart, why do you fart?"

Newsletters

 * Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
 * "A Kind Word", in DNRC Newsletter #9 (December 1995)

 * If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying.

 * The biggest issue in this election is something called flip-flopping, and all candidates are accused of doing it. A strong leader is expected to maintain steadfast resolve in his opinion even if the environment changes or he gets new information. In any other context, that would be considered the first sign of a brain tumor. When presidents do it, it's called leadership, and frankly, we can't get enough of it.

 * As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.

Blogs

 * Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

 * The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.

 * Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.

 * They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it's at least partially because they don't have the Internet.

 * Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.

 * There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.

 * If an economist uses a complicated model to predict just about anything, you can ignore it. By analogy, a doctor can’t tell you the exact date of your death in 50 years. But if a doctor tells you to eat less and exercise more, that’s good advice even if you later get hit by a bus. Along those same lines, economists can give useful general advice on the economy, even if you know there will be surprises. Still, be skeptical.
 * Press release, 10 September 2008

 * My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.

Menus

 * You might think the word “homemade” is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don’t realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that’s why.
 * Attributed to Adams by

 * We know the goats are imported because they don’t speak English.

 * If you think it’s easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you’ve probably never tried.

 * If you have questions about this salad, give your server the spinach inquisition.

 * Named after the great romaine emperor, Julius Salad.

 * We smoke the bacon so you don’t have to.

 * This sandwich used to include endive, but no one wanted to eat a BELT.

 * Our salmon sandwiches are so good you’ll want to swim upstream to our kitchen and spawn. But please don’t.

 * If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

 * We use only the finest days of the week in this dish.

 * This dish might not turn you into a syndicated cartoonist, but whatever you’re doing now probably isn’t working either.

 * If you don’t believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

 * Stacey puts a little love in each pasta shell. But it’s self-love, so it won’t help you that much.

 * Biblical scholars tell us that this is the same meal that Jesus ate at the last supper. But hey, I’m sure you have a good reason for ordering something else.

 * Our scallops are so delicious your mouth will thank you, which is creepy because your mouth can actually talk.

Miscellaneous

 * The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. This has not proved to be the winning strategy that you might think.
 * "The Dilbert Principle", The Wall Street Journal (22 May 1995)

 * The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It's just easier this way for everyone. You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.
 * "Men's Rights", Scott Adams Blog, quoted in

The way society is organized at the moment, we have no choice but to blame men for bad behavior. If we allowed men to act like unrestrained horny animals, all hell would break loose. All I'm saying is that society has evolved to keep males in a state of continuous unfulfilled urges, more commonly known as unhappiness.
 * The part that interests me is that society is organized in such a way that the natural instincts of men are shameful and criminal while the natural instincts of women are mostly legal and acceptable. In other words, men are born as round pegs in a society full of square holes. Whose fault is that? Do you blame the baby who didn't ask to be born male? Or do you blame the society that brought him into the world, all round-pegged and turgid, and said, "Here's your square hole"?
 * , quoted in

 * Years later, when "Dilbert" was in thousands of newspapers, people often asked me if I ever imagined being so lucky. I usually said no, because that's the answer people expected. The truth is that I imagined every bit of good fortune that has come my way. But in my imagination I also invented a belt that would allow me to fly and had special permission from Congress to urinate like a bird wherever I wanted. I wake up every morning disappointed that I have to wear pants and walk. Imagination has a way of breeding disappointment.

 * But history has turned on a few people—like the Founding Fathers and Jesus Christ come to mind—who used the same tricks: They describe to people a better vision of themselves. And Trump fits into that [model] in the most direct way you could possibly do. He’s saying, "You're an American, I'm going to make you feel great".
 * On Donald Trump, interviewed for "'Dilbert' Creator on How Trump Is Like The Founding Fathers & Jesus" The Daily Beast (September 14, 2015, updated July 12, 2017)

 * I am saying: I see a flame thrower. I think the flame thrower guy wins in the stick fight.

 * When you understand persuasion ... the truth is not as useful as it should be ...
 * (14:43 of 2:17:44)

 * I think New Yorkers are more provocative in every way.
 * (55:42 of 56:02)

 * If Biden is elected, there's a good chance you will be dead within the year. Republicans will be hunted. Police will stand down.
 * Tweet (July 1, 2020), as cited in "The Worst Political Predictions of 2021", Politico (December 24, 2021)

 * Much of politics is about hating imaginary people.

 * I thought it was true until I saw it in the news.
 * (30:30)
 * Concerning a conclusion he had arrived at about the health of Vladimir Putin.

 * [P]olitics is about winning the definitions of words.

 * When a young male (let’s say 14 to 19) is a danger to himself and others, society gives the supporting family two options [...] 1. Watch people die. 2. Kill your own son. Those are your only options. I chose #1 and watched my stepson die. I was relieved he took no one else with him.
 * If one more person hallucinates to me about some "program" where teens are kidnapped and "fixed" and returned to their happy parents, I might explode. No such thing exists. You have two options. Only two. No help is coming. Only death and suffering.
 * If I were to invent a solution to the dangerous young man problem, I think it would involve putting them all in one place so they could only hurt each other, not necessarily in jail, just away from society. Once they are separated from society (and drugs) maybe help is possible.
 * From a series of tweets (July 6, 2022), as cited in "'Dilbert' cartoonist Scott Adams has a bleak take on our 'dangerous young man problem'", Los Angeles Times (July 6, 2022)
 * Following the Highland Park parade shooting in Illinois on July 4, 2022 in which seven people were killed and 48 injured.

 * Political differences are mostly a matter of what frightens you the most, with a thin frosting of rationalization on top.

 * If nearly half of all Blacks are not okay with white people—according to this poll, not according to me, according to this poll—that's a hate group. I would say, based on the current way things are going, the best advice I would give to white people is to get the hell away from Black people. Just get the fuck away. Wherever you have to go, just get away. Because there's no fixing this. This can't be fixed.
 * Real Coffee with Scott Adams (February 22, 2023) (14:30)
 * Quoted in Justin Baragona,

 * You should absolutely be racist whenever it's to your advantage. Every one of you should be open to making a racist personal career decision.
 * Most of my income will be gone by next week [...] My reputation for the rest of my life is destroyed. You can't come back from this, am I right? There's no way you can come back from this.
 * Comments on YouTube livestream (February 25, 2023), as cited in "'Dilbert' dropped by The Post, other papers, after cartoonist’s racist rant" The Washington Post (February 27, 2023)

 * In a way I think [Trump] may have brought it on himself. His very first statement about Hillary Clinton should be in jail. I feel like when he started talking real jail then politics changed. And [the Democrats] said "If you're going to talk real jail for us, we're actually going to put you in jail." And it looks like that's what's happening.
 * "Trump Must Win to Avoid Prison - Scott Adams"(at 16m57s), Triggernometry, 13 September 2023.
 * Referring to the indictment of Donald Trump in 2023.

 * Every single one of our large entities, we've seen, is corrupt. From the FBI to the DOJ. I'm not talking about every person, but at least leadership elements. We've seen that our congress can be corrupt. We've seen that the CDC, basically everybody's corrupt once you find out what's really going on. The exception, we're told, is all 50 separate elections for a national election, all 50... All 50 of them are all good, but everything else is corrupt? But not those 50 things?
 * "Trump Must Win to Avoid Prison - Scott Adams" (at 31m10s), Triggernometry, 13 September 2023.

 * [About the 2024 US presidential election:] It feels like not an election to find your best guy, or woman. [...] It screams two sides trying to stay out of jail.
 * "Trump Must Win to Avoid Prison - Scott Adams" (at 56m7s), Triggernometry, 13 September 2023.

 * There is no such thing as as news about public figures that's true.
 * "'YOUR WELCOME' with Michael Malice #278: SCOTT ADAMS" (at 27m46s), YouTube, 27 September 2023.

 * The way that most political hoaxes are done is that the person who gets cancelled did a real thing, lets say it's on video or they wrote it in this email, but nobody can imagine how that could be out of context. [...] You look at it and you go 'You know, I don't know the whole story, but how in the world could I be wrong about this? I'm looking right at it. It's really clear.' And that's how the trick is done, because there are ways to manipulate it to its actual opposite.
 * "'YOUR WELCOME' with Michael Malice #278: SCOTT ADAMS" (at 28m56s), YouTube, 27 September 2023.

 * If your job is to look for that stuff, any offense, well you're gonna find it because that's your job. And the more you find, the more you're worth I guess, because you found a lot of it.
 * "'YOUR WELCOME' with Michael Malice #278: SCOTT ADAMS" (at 45m12s), YouTube, 27 September 2023.
 * Referring to DEI departments in companies.

 * If you could reframe race relations, that would be the biggest win in America. And so here's my reframe: Every time somebody says 'The average of this group is not doing as well as the average of this group', they're fucking you. They are not your friend.
 * "'YOUR WELCOME' with Michael Malice #278: SCOTT ADAMS" (at 27m46s), YouTube, 27 September 2023.

 * I could not have been luckier. I have the luckiest cancellation of anybody who's ever been cancelled. [...] It just couldn't have been better. It just absolutely could not have been better.
 * "'YOUR WELCOME' with Michael Malice #278: SCOTT ADAMS" (at 45m58s),YouTube, 27 September 2023.

Quotes about Adams

 * Every calamity has its bard, and downsizing's is Scott Adams.
 * David Van Biema, "Layoffs for Laughs", Time (March 18, 1996)

 * Scott Adams is a very, very funny guy who writes a brilliantly perceptive comic strip.
 * Steven Levy, "Strip Mining the Corporate Life", Newsweek (August 11, 1996)

title: Scott Adams


text:
Robert J. Hanlon

Robert J. Hanlon of Scranton, Pennsylvania, is famous for his submission to a book compilation of various jokes related to Murphy's law: Murphy's Law Book Two : More Reasons Why Things Go Wrong! (1980) by Arthur Bloch.

Quotes

 * Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
 * Murphy's Law Book Two : More Reasons Why Things Go Wrong! (1980) ISBN 0843106743 by Arthur Bloch page 52.
 * This statement has often been referred to as Hanlon's Razor, though the author himself has remained relatively unknown, and some theories arose that "Hanlon" might have been a corruption of "Heinlein". Hanlon actually was a winner in a contest to come up with further statements similar to "Murphy's Law", for publication in this particular book. This phrase or very similar statements have also been attributed to William James, Napoleon Bonaparte, Richard Feynman (who might well have quoted it) and others.
 * Similar statements have been made by Goethe, and indeed, Robert Heinlein: In The Sorrows of Young Werther Goethe declared, "Misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence." In his story Logic of Empire (1941) Heinlein declares: "You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity". He calls this the "devil theory" of sociology. His character Lazarus Long also voices a variation on the theme in the novel Time Enough for Love: "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
 * Variants of the phrase which have been variously attributed to this wide assortment of authors include:  Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.   Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by incompetence.   Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Robert J. Hanlon


text:
Talk:Theodore Sturgeon

A note on synchronicity for you: I had been working off and on for several hours yesterday on quotes of Theodore Sturgeon, and Robert J. Hanlon among others, and meant to paste them yesterday, but ran out of time and had to rush elsewhere. I was reluctant to leave without pasting them, because I thought some other person might be "tuned in" to thoughts about "Sturgeon", and wanted to be the first to honor him with quotes here, but decided I wanted to look my information over a bit more before pasting. This morning I was amused to discover that someone had indeed created an article for Theodore Sturgeon. My initial paste for Sturgeon was exactly as it stood yesterday, and includes both quotes that the other person used. I have more quotes that I was working on formatting as well, and its likely that I normally would have altered things a bit before creating the page. I might be a bit too busy to add them today, but I just thought I'd mention the amusing coincidence. Thank you, anonymous poster: I'm glad to see there are indeed other admirers of Sturgeon at work. ~ Kalki 12:49, 30 Apr 2004 (UTC)

title: Talk:Theodore Sturgeon


text:
Leó Szilárd

Leó Szilárd (11 February 1898 – 30 May 1964) was a Hungarian-American physicist, and probably the first scientist to take seriously the idea of actually developing atomic bombs; he drafted the famous letter sent by Albert Einstein to U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt that was largely responsible for initiating the Manhattan Project to develop nuclear weapons during World War II.

Quotes

 * Suppose Germany had developed two bombs before we had any bombs. And suppose Germany had dropped one bomb, say, on Rochester and the other on Buffalo, and then having run out of bombs she would have lost the war. Can anyone doubt that we would then have defined the dropping of atomic bombs on cities as a war crime, and that we would have sentenced the Germans who were guilty of this crime to death at Nuremberg and hanged them? But, again, don't misunderstand me. The only conclusion we can draw is that governments acting in a crisis are guided by questions of expediency, and moral considerations are given very little weight, and that America is no different from any other nation in this respect.
 * "President Truman Did Not Understand" in U.S. News & World Report (15 August 1960)
 * Variant: If the Germans had dropped atomic bombs on cities instead of us, we would have defined the dropping of atomic bombs on cities as a war crime, and we would have sentenced the Germans who were guilty of this crime to death at Nuremberg and hanged them.
 * As quoted in The Decision to Drop the Atomic Bomb (1996) by Dennis Wainstock, p. 122

 * A great power imposes the obligation of exercising restraint, and we did not live up to this obligation. I think this affected many of the scientists in a subtle sense, and it diminished their desire to continue to work on the bomb.
 * "President Truman Did Not Understand" in U.S. News & World Report (15 August 1960)

 * If we focus our attention on the next twenty-five years we may say that development is likely to reach some point intermediate between the first bomb detonated over Hiroshima and processes which once initiated might put an end to all life on earth. Just what intermediate point will be reached within twenty-five years no one can tell.
 * Speech at the Atomic Energy Conference (21 September 1945)

 * I'm looking for a market for wisdom.
 * As quoted in "Close-up : I'm looking for a market for wisdom. : Leo Szilard, scientist" in LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 75

 * A scientist's aim in a discussion with his colleagues is not to persuade, but to clarify.
 * As quoted in "Close-up : I'm looking for a market for wisdom. : Leo Szilard, scientist" in LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 75

 * The most important step in getting a job done is the recognition of the problem. Once I recognize a problem I usually can think of someone who can work it out better than I could.
 * As quoted in "Close-up : I'm looking for a market for wisdom. : Leo Szilard, scientist" in LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 75

 * In order to succeed it is not necessary to be much cleverer than other people. All you have to do is be one day ahead of them.
 * As quoted in "Close-up : I'm looking for a market for wisdom. : Leo Szilard, scientist" in LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 75
 * Variant: If you want to succeed in the world, you don't have to be much cleverer than other people. You just have to be one day earlier.

 * It is not necessary to succeed in order to persevere. As long as there is a margin of hope, however narrow, we have no choice but to base all our actions on that margin. America and Russia have one interest in common which may override all their other interests: to be able to live with the bomb without getting into an all-out war that neither of them wants.
 * As quoted in "Some Szilardisms on War, Fame, Peace", LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 79

 * In life you must often choose between getting a job done or getting credit for it. In science, the most important thing is not the ideas you have but the decision which ones you choose to pursue. If you have an idea and are not doing anything with it, why spoil someone else's fun by publishing it?
 * As quoted in "Some Szilardisms on War, Fame, Peace", LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 79

 * Science is progressing at such a rapid rate that when you make a prediction and think you are ahead of your time by 100 years you may be ahead of your time by 10 at most.
 * As quoted in "Some Szilardisms on War, Fame, Peace", LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 79

 * All we had to do was lean back, turn a switch and watch a screen of a television tube. If flashes of light appeared on the screen it would mean that liberation of atomic energy would take place in our lifetime. We turned the switch, saw the flashes — we watched for about five minutes — then switched everything off and went home. That night I knew the world was headed for trouble.
 * On the experiment at University of Chicago which indicated a nuclear chain reaction was possible, as quoted in "Some Szilardisms on War, Fame, Peace", LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 79
 * Variants:
 * We turned the switch, we saw the flashes, we watched them for about ten minutes — and then we switched everything off and went home. That night I knew the world was headed for sorrow...
 * As quoted in the Boston University Graduate Journal (1968)
 * We turned the switch, saw the flashes, watched for ten minutes, then switched everything off and went home. That night I knew the world was headed for sorrow.
 * As quoted in The Making Of The Atomic Bomb (1986) by Richard Rhodes

 * A man's clarity of judgment is never very good when you're involved, and as you grow older, and as you grow more involved, your clarity of judgment suffers.
 * As quoted in Leo Szilard : His Version of the Facts, edited by S. R. Weart and G. W. Szilard, in Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (February 1979), Vol. 35, No. 2, p. 38

The Voice of the Dolphins : And Other Stories (1961)

 * Even if we accept, as the basic tenet of true democracy, that one moron is equal to one genius, is it necessary to go a further step and hold that two morons are better than one genius?
 * Variant: I'm all in favor of the democratic principle that one idiot is as good as one genius, but I draw the line when someone takes the next step and concludes that two idiots are better than one genius.
 * As quoted in "Some Szilardisms on War, Fame, Peace", LIFE magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 79

 * 1. Recognize the connections of things and laws of conduct of men, so that you may know what you are doing.
 * 2. Let your acts be directed toward a worthy goal, but do not ask if they will reach it; they are to be models and examples, not means to an end.
 * 3. Speak to all men as you do to yourself, with no concern for the effect you make, so that you do not shut them out from your world; lest in isolation the meaning of life slips out of sight and you lose the belief in the perfection of creation.
 * 4. Do not destroy what you cannot create.
 * 5. Touch no dish, except that you are hungry.
 * 6. Do not covet what you cannot have.
 * 7. Do not lie without need.
 * 8. Honor children. Listen reverently to their words and speak to them with infinite love.
 * 9. Do your work for six years; but in the seventh, go into solitude or among strangers, so that the memory of your friends does not hinder you from being what you have become.
 * 10. Lead your life with a gentle hand and be ready to leave whenever you are called.
 * "Ten Commandments"
 * Variants: Don't lie if you don't have to.
 * Personal dictum, (variant of #7) as quoted by Albert Szent-Györgyi, in Science, Vol. 176, (1972), p. 966

Are We on the Road to War?

 * Speech at Harvard Law School (17 November 1961) ; republished in Toward a Livable World: Leo Szilard and the Crusade for Nuclear Arms Control (1987) by Leo Szilard, Helen S. Hawkins, G. Allen Greb, and Gertrud Weiss Szilard, p. 432

 * I sometimes have the feeling that I have lived through all this before and, in a sense, I have. I was sixteen years old when the first World War broke out, and I lived at that time in Hungary. From reading the newspapers in Hungary, it would have appeared that, whatever Austria and Germany did was right and whatever England, France, Russia, or America did was wrong. A good case could be made out for this general thesis, in almost every single instance. It would have been difficult for me to prove, in any single instance, that the newspapers were wrong, but somehow, it seemed to me unlikely that the two nations located in the center of Europe should be invariably right, and that all the other nations should be invariably wrong. History, I reasoned, would hardly operate in such a peculiar fashion, and it didn't take long until I began to hold views which were diametrically opposed to those held by the majority of my schoolmates.

 * Even in times of war, you can see current events in their historical perspective, provided that your passion for the truth prevails over your bias in favor of your own nation.

 * The people who have sufficient passion for the truth to give the truth a chance to prevail, if it runs counter to their bias, are in a minority. How important is this "minority?" It is difficult to say at this point, for, at the present time their influence on governmental decisions is not perceptible.

Quotes about Szilárd

 * I had not been long back from Hiroshima when I heard someone say, in Szilárd's presence; that it was the tragedy of scientists that their discoveries were used for destruction. Szilárd replied, as he more than anyone else had the right to reply; that it was not the tragedy of scientists, it is the tragedy of mankind.
 * Jacob Bronowski in "Knowledge or Certainty" in The Ascent of Man (1973)
 * By the time his ideas became accepted he had already forged ahead to take up a new attitude. Szilard himself illustrated this characteristic in a story which he liked to tell about himself. He served once on a jury in a murder case. When the first vote was taken, eleven jurors were in favour of convicting, but one — Szilard — was for acquittal. Since unanimity was required, the discussion was resumed and Szilard expounded his arguments. After some time another vote was taken; the result was again eleven to one, but this time eleven were for acquittal, and one for conviction: the odd vote was Szilard’s who had in the meantime changed his mind!
 * Rotblat, J. "The sixteen faces of Leo Szilard." (1973): 67-68.
 * After the war ended, partly disgusted by the cruel use to which his beloved physics had been put, Szilard left professional physics to explore new pastures – in his case, biology... there was a more pragmatic reason. As Szilard put it, this was an age when you took a year to discover something new in physics but only took a day to discover something new in biology.
 * Physicists in Biology; And Other Quirks of the Genomic Age, Ashutosh Jogalekar, December 10, 2012. Scientific American
 * Another explanation for the failure of logic and observation alone to advance medicine is that unlike, say, politics, which uses a form of logic – mathematics – as its natural language, biology does not lend itself to logic. Leo Szilard, a prominent physicist, made this point when he complained that after switching from physics to biology he never had a peaceful bath again. As a physicist he would soak in the warmth of the bathtub and contemplate a problem, turn it in his mind, reason his way through it. But once he became a biologist, he constantly had to climb out of the bathtub to look up a fact.
 * Barry, John M. “The Warriors.” The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History. Penguin Books, 2009. 24. Print.

title: Leó Szilárd


text:
Thomas Malory

Sir Thomas Malory (c. 1405 – 14 March 1471) was an English author. His prose epic Le Morte d'Arthur, written during a long imprisonment in Newgate Prison as a captured partisan of the Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick during the Wars of the Roses, covers the careers of King Arthur and his knights. It is largely a free translation of various French romances.

Le Morte d'Arthur (c. 1469) (first known edition 1485)

 * It befell in the days of Uther Pendragon, when he was king of all England, and so reigned, that there was a mighty duke in Cornwall that held war against him long time. And the duke was called the duke of Tintagil.
 * Book I, ch. 1

 * Well, said Merlin, I know whom thou seekest, for thou seekest Merlin; therefore seek no farther, for I am he.
 * Book I, ch. 1

 * Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise the King born of all England.
 * Book I, ch. 5

 * Then were they afeard when they saw a knight.
 * Book I, ch. 23

 * In the midst of the lake Arthur was ware of an arm clothed in white samite, that held a fair sword in that hand.
 * Book I, ch. 25

 * With that truncheon thou hast slain a good knight, and now it sticketh in thy body.
 * Book II, ch. 14

 * Knight, keep well thy head, for thou shalt have a buffet for the slaying of my horse.
 * Book III, ch. 12

 * Always Sir Arthur lost so much blood that it was a marvel he stood on his feet, but he was so full of knighthood that knightly he endured the pain.
 * Book IV, ch. 9

 * What, nephew, said the king, is the wind in that door?
 * Book VII, ch. 34

 * The joy of love is too short, and the sorrow thereof, and what cometh thereof, dureth over long.
 * Book X, ch. 56

 * The month of May was come, when every lusty heart beginneth to blossom, and to bring forth fruit; for like as herbs and trees bring forth fruit and flourish in May, in likewise every lusty heart that is in any manner a lover, springeth and flourisheth in lusty deeds. For it giveth unto all lovers courage, that lusty month of May.
 * Book XVIII, ch. 25

 * Nowadays men cannot love seven night but they must have all their desires: that love may not endure by reason; for where they be soon accorded and hasty, heat soon it cooleth. Right so fareth love nowadays, soon hot soon cold: this is no stability. But the old love was not so.
 * Book XVIII, ch. 25

 * All ye that be lovers call unto your remembrance the month of May, like as did Queen Guenever, for whom I make here a little mention, that while she lived she was a true lover, and therefore she had a good end.
 * Book XVIII, ch. 25

 * I shall curse you with book and bell and candle.
 * Book XXI, ch. 1

 * Through this man (Launcelot) and me (Guenever) hath all this war been wrought, and the death of the most noblest knights of the world; for through our love that we have loved together is my most noble lord slain.
 * Book XXI, ch. 9

 * For as well as I have loved thee, mine heart will not serve me to see thee, for through thee and me is the flower of kings and knights destroyed.
 * Book XXI, ch. 9

 * Then Sir Launcelot saw her visage, but he wept not greatly, but sighed.
 * Book XXI, ch. 11

 * Thou Sir Launcelot, there thou liest, that thou were never matched of earthly knight's hand. And thou were the courteoust knight that ever bare shield. And thou were the truest friend to thy lover that ever bestrad horse. And thou were the truest lover of a sinful man that ever loved woman. And thou were the kindest man that ever struck with sword. And thou were the goodliest person that ever came among press of knights. And thou were the meekest man and the gentlest that ever ate in hall among ladies. And thou were the sternest knight to thy mortal foe that ever put spear in the rest.
 * Book XXI, ch. 13

Quotes about Malory

 * For herein may be seen noble chivalry, courtesy, humanity, friendliness, hardiness, love, friendship, cowardice, murder, hate, virtue, and sin. Do after the good and leave the evil, and it shall bring you to good fame and renown.
 * William Caxton's "Preface" to the first edition of Le Morte d'Arthur (1485)

 * In our forefathers' time...few books were read in our tongue, saving certain books of Chivalry...as one for example, Morte Arthure: the whole pleasure of which book standeth in two special points, in open manslaughter, and bold bawdry: In which book those be counted the noblest Knights, that do kill most men without any quarrel, and commit foulest adulteries by subtlest shifts...This is good stuff for wise men to laugh at, or honest men to take pleasure at. Yet I know, when God's Bible was banished the Court, and Morte Arthure received into the Prince's chamber.
 * Roger Ascham The Schoolmaster (1570)

 * Malory's description of himself as "the servant of Jesu both day and night" has been assumed to imply that he was a priest, but his description of himself as a "knight" confutes the suggestion. Pious ejaculation at the conclusion of their labours is characteristic of medieval authors.
 * Sidney Lee, in The Dictionary of National Biography

External links:

 * Luminarium: Works of Sir Thomas Malory
 * Caxton Edition, in Middle English at the University of Michigan
 * Luminarium: Works of Sir Thomas Malory
 * Caxton Edition, in Middle English at the University of Michigan

title: Thomas Malory


text: User:Moby

title: User:Moby


text:
Linux

Linux is a free and open-source kernel for unix-like operating systems. It was first developed in 1991 by Linus Torvalds.

Quotes

 * Linux is not in the public domain. Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches. That's the way that the license works.
 * Steve Ballmer. Cited in "Microsoft CEO takes launch break with the Sun-Times" (1 June 2001) Chicago Sun Times

 * Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had.

 * …the Linux philosophy is 'laugh in the face of danger'. Oops. Wrong one. 'Do it yourself'. That's it.

 * Linux is only free if your time has no value.

 * Note that nobody reads every post in linux-kernel. In fact, nobody who expects to have time left over to actually do any real kernel work will read even half. Except Alan Cox, but he's actually not human, but about a thousand gnomes working in under-ground caves in Swansea. None of the individual gnomes read all the postings either, they just work together really well.

 * 2.6. : still a stable kernel, but accept bigger changes leading up to it (timeframe: a month or two). 2. .x: aim for big changes that may destabilize the kernel for several releases (timeframe: a year or two) .x.x: Linus went crazy, broke absolutely _everything_, and rewrote the kernel to be a microkernel using a special message-passing version of Visual Basic. (timeframe: "we expect that he will be released from the mental institution in a decade or two").

 * Making Linux GPL'd was definitely the best thing I ever did.

 * One of the reasons that basic research is advanced most by not resorting to intellectual property is that while doing so would have questionable benefits, the costs are apparent. [...] Interestingly, even in software, this system of open collaboration has worked. Today we have the Linux computer operating system, which is also based on the principle of open architecture.
 * Joseph Stiglitz, Making globalization work, §4

 * I used to [look at the Linux source code], for Plan 9. They were always ahead of us—they just had massively more resources to deal with hardware. So when we'd run across a piece of hardware, I'd look at the Linux drivers for it and write Plan 9 drivers for it. Now I have no reason to look at it. I run Linux.
 * Ken Thompson; cited in

 * Everything [in Unix] was small... and my heart sinks for Linux when I see the size of it. [...] The manual page, which really used to be a manual page, is now a small volume, with a thousand options... We used to sit around in the Unix Room saying, 'What can we throw out? Why is there this option?' It's often because there is some deficiency in the basic design — you didn't really hit the right design point. Instead of adding an option, think about what was forcing you to add that option.
 * Doug McIlroy (2005). Ancestry of Linux — How the Fun Began

 * I don't know the counts of Unix and Linux servers. I do know that my heart sinks whenever I look under the hood in Linux. It is has been so overfed by loving hands. Over 240 system calls! Gigabytes of source! A C compiler with a 250-page user manual (not counting the language definition)! A simple page turner, 'less,' has over 40 options and 60 commands! It's proof that open-source can breed monsters just like the commercial pros. Miraculously, though, this monster works.
 * Doug McIlroy (2013). In their own words: Unix pioneers remember the good times

 * Linux is open source and very secure.
 * Tim Cook. Mashable

 * [Comparing the motivations for making Linux or Windows]: The Linux community wants to make software, and Microsoft wants to make money.
 * "Is Linux Finally Beating Windows? (Microsoft Windows vs Linux OS Battle)" (at 5m54s), The Infographics Show on YouTube, 23 August 2019.

title: Linux