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Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey (born Mark Bailey 13 January 1965) is a British musician and comedian.

Cosmic Jam (tour 1995, DVD 2005, 2006)

 * What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

 * I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.

 * But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

 * And just as he said that a feminist jumped out of a manhole - just jumped up and oh, and she didn't like that. That she didn't like that.
 * Who photographs kebabs?
 * Three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three; could be four or five. Could be nine or ten, doesn't matter. Could have been fifteen, twenty - fifty. Round it up. Hundred. Let's go mad, eh - two-fifty. Tell you what, double it up - five hundred. Thousand! Oh, I've gone mad! Two thousand! Five thousand! (adopting auctioneer persona) Anyone? Five thousand, six thou, six thousand, ten thousand! Small town in Hertfordshire goes into a pub! Fifteen thousand blokes! Alright, let's go - population of Rotterdam. The Hague. Whole of Northern Holland. Mainland U.K. Let's go all the way to the top - Europe, alright? Whole of Europe goes - I say Europe. Could be Eurasia. Not the band, obviously, that's just two of them. Alright, continents - North America! Plus South America! Plus Antartica - that's just eight blokes in a weather station. Not a good example. Alright, make it a lot simpler, all the blokes on the planet go into the pub, right? And the first bloke goes up to the bar and he says "I'll get these in." What an idiot!

Is It Bill Bailey? (TV, 1998)

 * Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious! Episode 1, 1:36
 * I am a confectionary-based existentialist.
 * Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
 * Nostalgia: How long's that been around?
 * Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.
 * A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?

Bewilderness (DVD, 2001)
Note: Chapters and running times refer to the 2005 'director's cut' of Bewilderness enclosed with Cosmic Jam.

[solitary cheer from audience] BB: Hypnotized, or actually? What are you doing here? Audience member: I had to come. BB: What do you mean you had to come here? What, you were on some dark purpose? '''Ch. 4, 07:38'''
 * BB: I'm actually from the West Country...

 * Arbroath; it was the scariest heckle I ever had. Arbroath, I don't know if you've ever been - very very cold throughout the year, and I was pacing up and down, primarily to keep warm really, I was freezing. And this chilling voice came from the back of the room, it just said "Stand still"... [mimes holding a rifle] Ch. 4, 08:18

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
 * The Chaucer Pubbe Gagge

And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,

In expectatione of revelrie,

For 'twas the houre that is happye.

Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,

And hadde a reallye good laffe.

'Til drunkennesse held fulle dominione,

For 'twas two for the price of one.

Yet after wine and meade and sac,

Man must have a massive snacke,

Great pasties from Cornwalle!

Scottishe eggs round like a balle!

Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese!

They suck'd the bones and drank the grease!

(One fellowe stood all pale and wanne,

For he was vegetarianne)

Yet man knoweth that gluttonie,

Stoketh the fyre of lecherie,

Upon three young wenches rounde and slye,

The fellowes cast a wanton eye.

One did approach, with drunkenne winke:

"'Ello darlin', you fancy a drink?",

Soon they caught them on their knee,

'Twas like some grislye puppettrie!

Such was the lewdness and debaucherie -

'Twas like a sketche by Dick Emery!

(Except that Dick Emery is not yet borne -

So such comparisonne may not be drawne).

But then the fellowes began to pale,

For quaile are not the friende of ale!

And in their bellyes much confusione!

From their throats vile extrusione!

Stinking foule corruptionne!

Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes,

The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe,

'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe!

Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette,

In the street, no coyne, no strumpette.

Homeward bounde, must quicklie go,

To that ende - a donkey stole!

Their handes all with vomit greased,

The donkey was not pleased,

And threw them into a ditche of shite!

They all agreed: "What a brillant night!"

 * The national [Welsh] dish, cheese on toast, that's fantastic. "That's no bother". "We're having a big ambassadorial reception." "All right, I'll get the grill on shall I? You want a bit of chutney on it?" "No, don't go mad Rhodri, it's only Fiji." I think though that it has actually hampered Wales's cultural diversity, because if you think of the other national dishes, like Ireland - Irish stew, bubbling away for hours on end, during which time poems are written, plays are written, fine linen is crafted, the whimsy is spun; Scotland, you have haggis, many many days it takes to pulverise the eyes, lips and all the toes, every [part] of the animal, the hooves, the shirt, the trousers, the abbatoir worker's laundry, everything goes in there, and it's bubbling away for days on end under the ground in the lung of a small burrowing animal, during which time electric light is invented, penicillin, a fine legal structure, those little things you lick, press down and they ping back up, 'Oh, I forgot about them, oh yeah'; England, roast beef, roasting away for days on end, during which time poor, defenceless countries around the world are brought under the relentless yoke of imperial oppression; Wales, cheese on toast, "Right...oh, it's ready. Shit." Ch. 9, 17:43

 * I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. I call them the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability. And when I buy them, I always ask for them in the third person: "Bill Bailey would like the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability." I did that the other day and it answered me back, and he said to me: "No, I am Bill Bailey. You are not Bill Bailey, you are just a mere doppelgänger. I am the true Bill Bailey, in another dimension." And I went, "Oh, I hadn't planned on that." Then I thought the only way to solve this, I have to run at my doppelgänger, then we will be fused forever. So I ran full-tilt at it, and just before I got there I realised it was the highly polished side of the cheese counter. Ch. 12, 21:57

 * I'm amazed by how compliant people are in this country. They go into service stations - 'cathedrals of despair', as I call them - where baseball-capped ghouls of the night lord it over their congealed bean kingdoms, their fried-bread twilights, their neon demi-mondes, tempting you to enter to become them, undead. "Ooh, beans on toast, £18.95, very reasonable. Oh no, I'm not going to complain. They probably pump them up from London in special tubes." God, £18.95? If that was the price, for my money, each bean would have to be carried over in a heron's beak and laid on an orchid and then placed on a very rare train set and carried all the way to my table on the train set and then pinged off by a tiny little rare vole and it rolls onto a beautiful silk leaf and I eat it with a Fabergé egg. Then you'd get your money's worth. Ch. 16, 26:40

 * At parties, sometimes, for a laugh, I introduce myself - people say 'What do you do?' and I say 'I'm Aled Jones, its all gone wrong for me. No, look, I've still got it! (drunken bawl) I'M WALKING THROUGH THE AIIIIIIR, HAAAAAAHAHAHA.' Ch. 19, 32:55

 * There is one language I can't understand, because it's from another planet, another dimension - that is the language of dentists. They speak in some kind of code, it's quite disturbing and sinister. They'll talk to you perfectly normally. You'll be sitting there like that Saloth Sar!' Just to let them know I'm onto them I always freak them out right back - they look down and say 'Everything alright?' and I look up and I say (in chair, psychotic voice)'' 'The pheasant has no agenda'. Ch. 23, 51:53

 * BB: Are there any men in? (no response) BB: Any women? Female voices: Yes! BB: Ah, you see, there's this crisis in masculine identity at the moment. Women, totally at home with their sexuality. 'I am woman, wo-man, I, wo-MAN.' Men 'Er.. (awkward expression) Someone else'll shout out, I'll be alright'. Alright, is there any blokes in? Masculine voices: Yeah! BB: You see, there's a term that men feel more comfortable with. Bloke, blokey bloke bloke. It's a kind of friendly term. 'Oh, he's a bloke, lovely bloke, nice bloke, blokey bloke. I'm a bloke, you're a bloke, wahey!' It doesn't impose any unnecessary demands on us as men. 'Bloke', that's just basically 'carry stuff, don't get in the way'. 'Man', that's all kinds of other things, isn't it? That's nobility, gallantry, wisdom... that conjures up some image of a bloke in a cardigan with a pipe saying 'Cover up those table legs, mother, they're inflaming my sexual ardour'. Ch. 24, 53:21

 * This is a song inspired by the work of Phil Collins; the nasty, whining little git. Ch. 36, 1:18:46

 * When I was a child, I was terrified by this. (plays theme from The Magic Roundabout) It was very sinister, wasn't it? It just went on and on, like Dante's seventh circle of Hell. I recently found out there was a secret middle section deemed unsuitable for small children. There's about four hours of this, then it all starts to go a bit weird. (plays discordant music) (Booming echoing voice) I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion! Ch. 38, 1:24:37

Bewilderness: New York (audio CD, 2002)

 * Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it. 'Beards' (track 12) 5:29

 * It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.

Part Troll (2004)

 * Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability. [seems to drift off in a daydream out of disenchantment, then comes back]

 * My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you in a- oh shit you've got one already haven't you? Well never mind...

 * But we won't have any genetically modified food, oooh no, we won't have any GM. Which is a shame, I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.

 * [responding to scattered audience applause] Ah, lovely: the ripple, the ripple there. That's nearly the Zen clap of acceptance there, wasn't it?

 * I'm a vegetarian. I'm not strict; I eat fish, and duck. Well, they're nearly fish, aren't they? They're semi-submerged a lot of the time, they spend a lot of time in the water, they're virtually fish, really. And pigs, cows, sheep, anything that lives near water, I'm not strict. I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

 * You're absolutely right, Hitler was a vegetarian. It's very unseemly to think so, but there he was. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

 * Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently... [Wild laughter and applause from audience]

 * I can't ever remember ever seeing any charity porn, though. "Farmyard Frolics 3: A portion of this goes to a women's literacy programme in Eritrea".

 * There’s this one celebrity, Rosie O’Donnell, a talk show host, and she said this: “I don’t know anything about Afghanistan, but I know it’s full of terrorists, speaking as a mother.” So what is this "speaking as a mother" then? Is that a euphemism for "talking out of my arse"? "Suspending rational thought for a moment"? As a rational human being, Al-Qaeda are a loose association of psychopathic zealots who could be rounded up with a sustained police investigation. But speaking as a parent, they’re all eight foot tall, they’ve got lasers under their moustaches, a huge eye in their foreheads and the only way to kill them is to NUKE every country that hasn’t sent us a Christmas card in the the last 20 years!! "Speaking as a mother".

 * There's more evil in the charts than in an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

 * (After asking the audience about their negative experiences with Marijuana) BB: So, what form did these experiences take? Audience Member: Swimming with dolphins! (mentioned earlier on the show) BB: (misunderstands) Dolby? What, you hear everything with a slightly reduced hiss? (As Audience Member) I like to hear the world in Dolby, it's fantastic! Mind you, it means that no snake will I ever hear. And I said that in a very strange way. [As Yoda] No snake will I ever hear, mmm! [Normally] Never put Dolby on snake detectors, that's what we must remember.

 * Anyway, beards and drugs leads me neatly to the Taliban; were they really that backward, or were they the finest minds of the fourteenth century? Nobody seems to know or care. That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.

 * [as George W. Bush] I will tame evil, I will get the evil ones, We must find the evil ones. We must get evil, we must laminate evil, we must wear it round our necks, at the backstage party in paradise!

 * I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. I actively seek it out.

 * The reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom. Whoever was charged with making the announcement momentarily lost all sense of procedure and we got this tantalizing glimpse into the chaos on the trains, and all we could hear was (bangs on microphone) "Gary, it's burning, what we gonna do?!" And everyone on the carriage just cheered, "Hooray! We're rubbish!"

 * "God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers? [Audience wildly applauds]

 * Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

 * You get somebody to explain the Trinity to you, they'll say "Well God, he's God, and Jesus is God as well, and the Holy Spirit is...[mumbles indistinctly]". "What?" "He's the fecund spirit of the Lord who impregnates Mary, then gets a bit up himself and is reduced to light clerical duties?" Let's examine that in joke form: three male divine natures go into a cosmic essence, giving and receiving love, but not in a gay bishop way, to which the whole of Islam goes "Wha?"; Hinduism: "Nah!"; or Buddhism: "Ssh!".

 * Milton Keynes: Satan's lay-by.

 * Talking of tough gigs, I saw a very tough gig in New York, it was Whitney Houston. She was doing this open-air gig in New York. It was in the winter, and it was like minus eight degrees, in Lincoln Plaza. She was meant to be on at three, there were about three-thousand people there. Ten past three, no sign of Whitney. Half past three, crowd getting a bit grumpy, a bit restless. Eventually, four o'clock, Whitney sashays onto the stage in a fur coat. She comes up to the microphone, she says "I just want to say I love every single one of you." And this huge black guy next to me says "Sing, bitch!". Tough crowd.

 * [Singing as U2, in Irish accent] Hello! Some old Celtic bollocks!

 * Even if you’re not particularly religious, then you have to admit that religion surrounds us even in the most mundane aspects of our lives. I was trying to rent a car, and the bloke said to me: "You’re not covered for acts of God." I said: "What do you mean by that?", he said: [waving arms] "Woooooh!" I said, "Can you be a bit more specific?", and he went, [vaguely gesticulating] "Eh... ooooh... uh?" I said, "I’m intrigued because you said 'acts of God', and not gods, or spirits, or jinn, or nymphs, but 'God', a capital God, a monotheistic religion, maybe a Judeo-Christian religion, which would imply a belief system, which would perhaps lead to free-will and determinism, so logically anything that man does directly or indirectly is in fact an act of God, so I’m not covered for anything!" He said, "I’ll get the manager." Then I said, "What do you mean by an act of God? What do you mean by that?" He said, "I dunno, a plague of locusts or something." "'A plague of locusts'? They swarm round the vehicle, rip the wing mirrors off, and I’m liable for a fifty pound excess?” And he said, "No, like, rain or something." I said, "Yeah, but how much rain? It’s drizzling a bit now, is that an act of God? At what point does the rain reach a certain level beyond which it takes on the more apocalyptic mantle of the water-based punishment of the Lord!?" And he said, [despairing] "I just work Saturdays." I said "You can’t answer me, can you? Your policy is riddled with theological inconsistency. You disgust me. You twist and turn. You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly-convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey, the so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralysing venom, and the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing. Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing: [imitating spider] 'Siberian spider have good leg, have nice day, can catch fly, can make web, can catch fly for family, I can do nothing, my leg, it drags behind! It drags! [audience laughs] And you laugh! You make fun! Oh, ha, big joke! I am failure! I am freak! [singing] But in my dreams I can fly, I'm the greatest spider in town. But I wake and it's cold, and I feel so old, and my legs are dragging me down.'" And then the manager came out, and he said: “Stop all that spider singing." Pointed to a sign on the wall: a spider with a line through it. "Oh, fair enough." He said "I can offer you an upgrade, fifty quid, and we can include in it policies set in place by the Marquis de Laplace, the French scientist who declared that all things in the universe are predetermined, so you would be covered even if time-travel was invented during the period of rental.” I said, "Nah, probably leave it."

 * And if it all goes horribly wrong we've still got Argos. Don't you just love Argos? With the Laminated Book of Dreams. You know why it's laminated don't you? To catch the tears of joy! (mimes turning pages, crying) "So many beautiful things! I cannot possess them all! Quick, stock check! Beep beep beep". It's like the ultimate betting shop, isn't it? The tiny little pens, the slips of paper, but everyone is a winner! And then you have the staff there, the pale mythical wardens of the treasure.

Tinselworm (2008)

 * Hey, ASDA, I ain't gonna be your bitch!

 * (Imitating a Belarus citizen commenting on their national flag) Stupid National Anthem....Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? "Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit"

 * Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard

 * BB: So, who here has a guinea pig? Various Audience Members cheer BB: What kind of guinea pig? Muffled suggestions from audience members BB: Nah, you're not serious about it! (Imitates guniea pig owners) "I dunno, some brown thing...". So what breed? Audience Member: Crested! BB: (misunderstands) A what? A crusty...a crusty guinea pig? (Imitates owner) I think you should take it to the vet as soon as possible! "Gah, it's crusting over again, it's crusting up Captain!!" (understands) Ah, crested? What you have there is a newt I think, madam! Some bloke in a pub sold you that! (as man in pub) "Yeah, that's a crested guinea pig, they're lovely, them..."

 * (Commenting on band The Killers' lyrics from the song 'All These Things I've Done') Deep down, it really is just a meaningless lyric, isn't it? [Sings] "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier". I mean, you may as well be saying "I got ham, but I'm not a hamster"

 * (On bizarre Conspiracy Theories) - Countries are actually closer than you think...Pilots just fly aeroplanes around longer to make you THINK they're far away - There are tiny cameras in ham...They're called 'Hameras'

 * It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life..."

 * I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine

 * (Quoting his three year old son on a James Blunt song) "Daddy, turn it off, it's spoiling my brain"

 * I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

 * (On being prepped for a gig supported by the bank, UBS) She told me not to mention Nazi Gold, and of course if you tell a comedian not to do something, they'll immediately go and do it. So I went out on stage on a giant, neon Swastika, and sang "Gold, gold/always believe in your soul/you're indestructible-like the Third Reich!""

 * "So go into your local branch of UBS, and say "I'd like to open an account please.", and when they say "What with?" take out a loud hailer and say "NAZI GOLD! Just like you did!"

 * Juxtaposition, you can't handle the juxtaposition!

Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra (2008)

 * I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.

 * Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

(describing how to play the theremin)
 * There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

 * Not a very well-known fact, but on planes they always carry a trombone just in case there's a disaster and they need to keep morale up. All cabin crew - fully proficient in the trombone. And of course there's a double facility: if you ditch at sea, it can be used as a snorkel.

(about William Tell)
 * Was he a Swiss nationalist, or a nutso with a crossbow? I don't know.

(during the Cockney arrangement of the William Tell overture)
 * ... have a banana!

(about 1970s American cop show themes)
 * You knew exactly who the good guys were and who were the bad guys just by the chord: the good guys got a perfect fifth - strong, compassionate - the bad guys got an augmented fourth... Just a semitone, but sometimes in life when you make the wrong choices, it's just a semitone out.

(about the NBC News theme 'The Mission' by John Williams)
 * This is the news theme, but it sounds like pure Hollywood entertainment. It sounds like E.T. on a horse being chased by Darth Vader, which is something I'd love to see.

 * It's always been my long-held belief that eventually insects will take over the world.

Dandelion Mind (2010)

 * Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

 * Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.

 * I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say "work", you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all...

 * Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

 * Thank God for Darwin, eh?

 * And the thing is, I'm amazed they went with Obama at all, you know, I mean, I thought Hilary would have been a shoo-in, but no. [Shrugs] Apparently America's got an issue with gender, not with race. Huh. So, erm...

 * It's what we've always known for many years outside of Australia...You can't have a world leader called Kevin. [On Kevin Rudd]

 * Is it an Oud?

 * Creationists mainly are Americans who think the world was created in 1982 to coincide with the rise of Supertramp, but you can very easily dispute this by playing some of Supertramp's earlier albums.

 * Or I get my navel fluff out and weave it into wigs so that fleas can act out Victorian melodramas. [On relaxation]

 * James Blunt - a man who recently got voted more annoying than paper cuts.

 * I was digging with a fork out of the kitchen drawer, sewing tictacs, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. After a bit I got bored and just started burying cheap spoons to baffle the archaeologists of the future. [On gardening]

The Museum of Curiosity (BBC Radio 4, 2008)
At the end of an episode broadcast on Wednesday, 5th March, he (ostensibly) misquoted Bertrand Russell as having said that, "Everything is vague to a degree you do not realise till you something something something", (with the last three words fading out).
 * The actual quote attributed to Russell is, "Everything is vague to a degree you do not realise till you have tried to make it precise."

Lyrics
(Insect Nation)
 * They will take us And they'll make us Human slaves! In an Insect Nation!

(Insect Nation)
 * Where did we all go wrong? The insects used to be our brothers. Along came pesticide And on that day our friendship died And pouring boiling water down ants nests couldn't have helped.

(Bewilderness)
 * Beautiful ladies in danger. Danger all around the world. But I will protect them, because I am Chris de Burgh! Beautiful ladies in emergency situations. Beautiful ladies are lovely but sometimes they don't take care They're too busy with their makeup and combing their lovely hairTo take basic safety precautions But I will protect them I will save the pretty onesWith their smiles and their beautiful eyesBut let the ugly ones dieI have no place for them in my new world orderI won't waste my seed on hideous trollsKill kill kill kill kill the trolls hunt them down there shall be no clemencyKill kill kill kill kill the trollsLook under the bridges that's where they hideThat's where they hideAnd beauty shall be my bride.

(Translation: It's him, in the night- Doctor Who. He travels in the Tardis, the fantastic space telephone box. The interior is much larger than the exterior And that is the mystery of Doctor Who The enemy, he's called Davros, the captain of the Daleks. He's half-Dalek, half-man- incredible! He wants to control the world, always control the world He wakes up in the morning, he wants to control the world After breakfast, he wants to control the world! But he never controls the world- it's not very realistic. With Daleks, the Doctor is superior. "Exterminate! Exterminate again! Oh, no! We are lost!" The doctor wins, he laughs 'Ha ha ha- I won because I am Doctor Who)
 * C'est lui, dans la nuit- Docteur Qui Il voyage dans le Tardis. La boite de telephone fantastique d'espace! L'interieur est beaucoup plus grand que l'exterieur Et ça, c'est le mystere de Docteur Qui L'enemie, il s'appele Davros, le capitain des Daleks Il est demi-Dalek et demi-homme- incroyable! Il veut contrôler le monde, toujours contrôler le monde Il se leve le matin, il veut contrôler le monde! Apres le petit-dejeuner, il veut contrôler le monde! Mais il ne contrôle le monde jamais! Ce n'est pas tres realistique Avec les Daleks, le Docteur est superieur. "Exterminez-vous! Exterminez-vous encore! Ah, zut alors! Nous sommes perdus!" Le docteur gagne, il rit 'Ha, ha, ha- j'ai gagné parce que je suis Docteur Qui

(Dr. Qui?)

( On the self-pitying whine of modern rock. Part Troll (2004))
 * You picked me up from school You attended all my sporting functions You bought me a car Gave me use of a credit card But how can I feel pain, How can I feel pain, How can I feel pain When you're being so supportive?

( On the shallowness of contemporary rock music. Part Troll (2004))
 * "I texted you on a Monday, But you did not get my text 'till the Tuesday, Because of a network problem. I texted you on a Wednesday, But I did not know that you'd called Because your SIM card was not correctly installed. Oh no no no. You texted me on a Thursday To say that you would meet me at the Shopping Centre And i texted you back and said "Where should i meet you?" And you said Dixons But i did not know which Dixons you meant Was it the one inside the door Or was it the one further up by Currys These are my worries. You texted me on a Monday To tell me it was over But i did not understand Because you used Predictive Text And it was Jrrg gruuh nnmmg guu hmmg doo doo doo".

("Love Song", Part Troll (2004))
 * I was alone, my heart was cold, it was a stone, My soul was lonely like a stone there was no moss. And when I danced, I danced alone, But then I did not dance, because I was alone, so I did not dance. I shuffled through life invisible to all the happy couples Who would mock me with their merry laughter - ha ha ha. The only sound I heard in my lonely silent world was the rusty hammer of my heart, nailing at the hatred in my soul... But then you came... And my life was turned upside down. You showed me the beauty of the things that I had never seen, like a snowflake that melts on the eyelash of a startled deer. Or the painting of the dog that wears a deerstalker and smokes a pipe that made you laugh so heartily, but I had previously thought was rubbish. Or the duck that lands so clumsily on a frozen pond in Winter, but the intoxicating power of our love transforms this simple act into an anthropomorphic drama. Where Mr Duck's embarrassed and the other ducks are laughing. Quack, quack, quack. And then you left. And I died a thousand deaths and I will die a thousand more. And I thought you were an angel but you turned out to be a whore. And everything has turned to dust, everything is infected with a plague - Why did you have to sleep with Craig? 'Oh, he's so sensitive, he's got a tattoo' Yeah, carving your name with a compass in my forehead was not enough for you! The snowflake on the eye of the deer has turned to pus that oozes from an open wound... The deer now blinded stumbles into a ravine. The duck lies shredded in a pancake, soaking in the hoisin of your lies. The dog has moved from the pipe to 60 cigarettes a day and coughs his away life in the cold neon research lab of your betrayal. Of your betrayal!

("Das Hokey-Kokey", Part Troll (2004) (presented as a "lesser-known, lesser-performed" Kraftwerk track))
 * Man streckt die linke Arm ein, die linke Arm aus Eis, aus, ein, aus Man schütteln alles rund Man macht das Hokey-Kokey und man dreht sich herum Das ist die ganze Sache Ja, das Hokey-Kokey Ja, das Hokey-Kokey Ja, das Hokey-Kokey Knien gebogen, Armen gestreckt Ra, ra, ra

 * I stole some pins from the noticeboard And pressed them into my hand And they spelled 'why?' Why did they spell 'why'? Because there weren't enough pins for 'oblivion'.
 * ("The Song Written From The Perspective Of A Young Man Who Works At Starbucks and Probably Self-Harms", Tinselworm (2007))

Camilla lights a candle, starts to turn around, 'Charles, what is it, baby? You seem kinda down.' He said, it don't seem fair, and it just ain't much fun, When your mama's got two birthdays, And you only got one! You got that Royal Birthday blues, That lack-of-an-official-birthday-blues,

Phillip takes a drink o' wine, And tells it like it was, 'This is what you have to do my boy, and here's the thing, because.... One day you're gonna rule the world, but you're gonna have to hang around... 'Coz you're mama's not goin' anywhere, She ain't givin' up that crown!' You got that Royal birthday blues, They gonna creep up on you just like that. Yeah, you really been paying your royal due,

Well, in and out and up and down, That's the way the money goes, and whether the pound will finally stop... Nobody really knows!

One thing that you don't want, that what really ain't that funny... Is when your...face even ain't on the money! We got badgers and lizards and hedgehogs and squirrels and even Darwin too, They've even got one elegant Scottish Hebrew, But the one thing that ain't on the money, that definitely ain't on the money.... Isn't it strange that you ain't even on the change, It doesn't make sense that your not on the pence, I never found you on the pound! Not even on a lottery ticket or a subway token or anything around there, or anything around there, now. There ain't nothin' on the money, you ain't definitely on the money, The one thing that ain't on the money....is YOU!!

 * (Song for Prince Charles, performed with Robin Williams on We Are Most Amused (2008))

I've seen youth In a booth Near Redruth I've seen lies I've seen eyes I've seen lies in the eyes of flies But yoooooou are a beautiful flooooooower You bloom every hooooooour, oooooooh So preeeeeeeecious and reveeeeeeeealing Like a raaaaaaaaabbit stuck to the ceeeeeeeeeiling Soooooo beautiful and raaaaaandom Like a weeeeeeeasel and a duck on a taaaaaandem Ooooooooh
 * I've seen truth

(Ode to James Blunt, Dandelion Mind)

Misc.
(Comic Aid, 22 February 2005)
 * [Re:Claims Direct] No win, no fee, no basis in reality. Just a room above a minicab office in Acton and a steady stream of greedy simpletons whose delusion is only matched by their clumsiness.

(Spaced (as Bilbo Bagshot))
 * I was like you once, Tim. Blonde hair, scraggly beard, child-like ears. Full of beans and spunk. I once punched a bloke in the face for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish... but that's not the point, Tim. The point is, I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity when what I should have said is "Dad, you're right. But let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later."

(The Ultimate Collection (2003))
 * God, I'm in the same studio as de Burgh! He may have stood right where I'm standing now... and just thought his mad thoughts. Like "I am brilliant."

(Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
 * The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said "I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat! Makes it a bit harder".

(Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
 * (after Phil Jupittus had insulted Michael Jackson, and David Gest had said 'be nice!') Aw, be nice to the baby-dangling freak.

(Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
 * It's like a mohican on your pancreas, man!

(Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
 * Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

(Game from DVD version of Bewilderness)
 * This shed does not contain me.

Grey and grey and grey, I can sing a woodlouse.. (Q.I.)
 * Grey and grey and grey and grey,

title: Bill Bailey


text:
User:Mr. Billion

"I hate quotation."
 * Ralph Waldo Emerson

Especially quotations taken out of context!

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: User:Mr. Billion


text:
User talk:The wub

'''Probably best to leave messages at my en.wikipedia talk for a quick response. Or e-mail me.'''

Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy!--Aphaia 00:41, 14 May 2005 (UTC)
 * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read Wikiquote.
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title: User talk:The wub


text:
User talk:Mr. Billion

--Aphaia 00:44, 14 May 2005 (UTC)

 * Thank you for your reversion! [[Image:WikiThanks.png|18px|WikiThanks]]--Aphaia 22:46, 22 May 2005 (UTC)

Ivy Lee
I have added a "" template to the article Ivy Lee, suggesting that it be deleted according to the proposed deletion process. All contributions are appreciated, but it may not satisfy Wikiquote's criteria for inclusion, for the reasons given in the deletion notice (see also "What Wikiquote is not" and Wikiquote's deletion policy). You may contest the proposed deletion by removing the  notice, but please explain why you disagree with the proposed deletion in your edit summary or on its talk page. Also, please consider improving the article to address the issues raised. Even though removing the deletion notice will prevent deletion through the proposed deletion process, the article may still be deleted if it matches any of the speedy deletion criteria or it can be sent to Votes for deletion, where it may be deleted if consensus to delete is reached. Ole.Holm 21:39, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

title: User talk:Mr. Billion


text:
Bolesław Prus

Bolesław Prus was the pen-name of Aleksander Głowacki (August 20, 1847 – May 19, 1912), a Polish journalist and novelist known as the leading representative of realism in 19th-century Polish literature.

Quotes

 * Folly is as great as the sea, it will compass anything.
 * Pharaoh (1894–1895)

 * A life whose beginning we do not remember, and whose end we do not know.
 * The Doll (1887–1889)

 * And is there no war on today? It is the weapons that have changed, that's all. Instead of an axe or scythe or scimitar, they fight with roubles.
 * The Doll

 * For human nature is strange: the less we are inclined to self-sacrifice, the more we insist on it in others.
 * The Doll

 * In all of nature, a male belongs to a female that he fancies and who fancies him. And so among the animals there are no idiots. But with us!... I'm a Jew, so I musn't love a Christian woman... He's a merchant, so he's got no right to a countess... And you who've got no money, you've no rights to any woman at all...
 * The Doll

 * Money really is a great power, only one must know how to use it.
 * The Doll

 * Pity is an emotion equally unpleasant to the bestower as to the recipient.
 * The Doll

 * There are neither graves nor death in Nature; there are various forms of existence, some of which enable us to be chemists, others only chemical substances.
 * The Doll

 * ‘There are two men in me,’ he thought, ‘one quite sensible, the other a lunatic. But I am not concerned with that any longer... What shall I do, though, if the sensible man wins?’
 * The Doll

 * Your true Pole starts to sweat at the second decimal place, at the fifth he runs a temperature, and at the seventh has a stroke...
 * The Doll

 * Nature has done well and wisely, in not permitting a man to live forever and in bringing into the world ever new generations. An old person is a used-up machine [... He] has too many dogmas to [...] easily [...] believe in a new truth [...]; too many sympathies and antipathies [...] for him to come to love something unfamiliar; [...] too many habits to be able to settle on new ways. Let us add suspiciousness — the fruit of bitter experiences; a pessimism inseparable from all manner of disappointments; and finally, a general decline of powers from exhaustion [...].
 * "Oda do młodości" ["Ode to Youth"], 1905

title: Bolesław Prus


text:
George Wallace

George Corley Wallace, Jr. (25 August 1919 – 13 September 1998) was an American politician who served as the 45th governor of Alabama for four terms. A member of the Democratic Party, he is remembered for his staunch segregationist and populist views. Wallace sought the United States presidency as a Democrat on three occasions, and once as an American Independent Party candidate; he was unsuccessful each time. Wallace opposed desegregation and supported the policies of "Jim Crow" during the Civil Rights Movement, declaring in his 1963 inaugural address that he stood for "segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever".

Quotes

 * Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?
 * Absurdities, Scandals & Stupidities in Politics (2006) by Hakeem Shittu and Callie Query, p. 106

 * If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he'll ever lay down in front of.
 * Said at a speech, footage of which is shown in the documentary George Wallace, part of PBS' American Experience

 * If I can't forgive him, the Lord won’t forgive me.
 * About Arthur Bremer

 * I was young and brash.
 * Regarding his stand in the schoolhouse door

1950s

 * We shall continue to maintain segregation in Alabama completely and absolutely without violence or ill-will. … I advocate hatred of no man, because hate will only compound the problems facing the South. … We ask for patience and tolerance and make an earnest request that we be allowed to handle state and local affairs without outside interference.
 * First gubernatorial campaign (14 February 1958), quoted in George Wallace: American Populist (1995) by Stephen Lesher

 * I want to tell the good people of this state as a judge of the 3rd Judicial Circuit, if I didn’t have what it took to treat a man fair regardless of his color, then I don’t have what it takes to be the governor of your great state.
 * First gubernatorial campaign (1958), quoted in George Wallace: Conservative Populist (2004) by Lloyd Earl Rohler

 * I was out-niggered by John Patterson. And I'll tell you here and now, I will never be out-niggered again.
 * To Seymore Trammell (1958), quoted in George Wallace: Settin' the Woods on Fire

1960s

 * As your governor, I shall resist any illegal federal court order, even to the point of standing at the schoolhouse door in person, if necessary.
 * Gubernatorial campaign promise (1962), quoted in George Wallace: Conservative Populist

 * It is very appropriate that from this cradle of the Confederacy, this very heart of the great Anglo-Saxon Southland, that today we sound the drum for freedom as have our generations of forebears before us time and again down through history. Let us rise to the call for freedom-loving blood that is in us and send our answer to the tyranny that clanks its chains upon the South. In the name of the greatest people that have ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever.
 * First Inaugural Speech as Governor of Alabama, (January 1963)

 * I stand here today, as Governor of this sovereign state, and refuse to willingly submit to illegal usurpation of power by the Central Government.
 * Speech in the door of the University of Alabama auditorium (11 June 1963), quoted in New York Times (12 June 1963) "Alabama Admits Negro Students"

 * The unwelcomed, unwanted, unwarranted, and force-induced intrusion upon the campus of the University of Alabama today of the might of the central government offers frightful example of the oppression of the rights, privileges and sovereignty of this state by officers of the federal government.
 * Speech in the door of the University of Alabama auditorium

 * You’ve got some folks out here who know a lot of four letter words. But there are two four-letter words they don’t know. W-O-R-K and S-O-A-P, you don’t know those two letter words I’ll tell you that much.
 * 18th October 1968

 * I am a conservative. I intend to give the American people a clear choice. I welcome a fight between our philosophy and the liberal left-wing dogma which now threatens to engulf every man, woman, and child in the United States. I am in this race because I believe the American people have been pushed around long enough and that they, like you and I, are fed up with the continuing trend toward a socialist state which now subjects the individual to the dictates of an all-powerful central government.
 * Speech (4 July 1964)

 * There is no need for him to call on me. I am not about to be a party to anything having to do with the law that is going to destroy individual freedom and liberty in this country. I am having nothing to do with enforcing a law that will destroy our free enterprise system. I am having nothing to do with enforcing a law that will destroy neighborhood schools. I am having nothing to do with enforcing a law that will destroy the rights of private property. I am having nothing to do with enforcing a law that destroys your right --and my right -- to choose my neighbors -- or to sell my house to whomever I choose. I am having nothing to do with enforcing a law that destroys the labor seniority system. I am having nothing to do with this so-called civil rights bill. The liberal left-wingers have passed it. Now let them employ some pinknik social engineers in Washington, D.C., to figure out what to do with it.
 * Speech (4 July 1964)

 * Being governor don't mean a thing anymore in this country. We're nothing. Just high-paid ornaments is all. I'm thinking of running for president myself.
 * Quoted in "On the Lookout for Lurleen" Life (22 July 1966) by Shana Alexander

1970s

 * I have learned what suffering means. In a way that was impossible, I think I can understand something of the pain black people have come to endure. I know I contributed to that pain, and I can only ask your forgiveness.
 * Address to the Montgomery Dexter Avenue Baptist Church (1979), as quoted in "George Wallace – From the Heart" (17 March 1995), The Washington Post.

 * I was wrong. Those days are over, and they ought to be over.
 * Speech (1979), as quoted in Government in America: people, politics, and policy (2009), by George C. Edwards, Pearson Education, p. 80.

Attributed

 * I tried to talk about good roads and good schools and all these things that have been part of my career, and nobody listened. And then I began talking about niggers, and they stomped the floor.
 * Attributed in George Wallace: Settin' the Woods on Fire.

Quotes about Wallace

 * I'm not about to accept another kind of cultural dictatorship. I won't accept it from Governor Wallace, and I won't accept it from anybody else, either. I am an artist. No one will tell me what to do. You can shoot me and throw me off a tower, but you cannot tell me what to write or how to write it. Because I won't go.
 * 1970 interview in Conversations with James Baldwin edited by Louis H. Pratt and Fred L. Standley (1989)

 * Everyone overlooks the impact on the black population of our country of the present Administration, and that is very sinister. It's an insult to every black American that the President of the United States should be in competition with the governor of Alabama for votes. The civil rights laws? Bullshit.
 * 1972 interview in Conversations with James Baldwin edited by Louis H. Pratt and Fred L. Standley (1989)

 * But no one who knew Wallace well ever took seriously his earnest profession, uttered a thousand times after 1963, that he [had been] a segregationist, not a racist...
 * Dan T. Carter, The Politics of Rage (1995, pp. 236-37)

 * Wallace, like most white southerners of his generation, genuinely believed blacks to be a separate, inferior race.
 * Dan T. Carter, The Politics of Rage (1995, pp. 236-37)

 * Shooting segregationist dinosaurs wasn't as bad as harming mainstream politicians.
 * Arthur Bremer, as quoted in "Mourners praise George Wallace at vigil" (16 September 1998), CNN, State of Georgia: Cable News Network, Inc.

 * During her failed presidential bid, Mrs. Chisholm went to the hospital to visit George C. Wallace, her rival candidate and ideological opposite, after he had been shot -- an act that appalled her followers. "He said, 'What are your people going to say?' I said: 'I know what they're going to say. But I wouldn't want what happened to you to happen to anyone.' He cried and cried," she recalled.
 * article (2005)

 * "Governor Wallace" is a song that came out of the response to the violence against nonviolent marches on the Pettus Bridge. And it’s addressed to Governor Wallace. It says, “You cannot put all of us, who are going to pour into Alabama, in jail. You cannot jail us all.”
 * Bernice Johnson Reagon Interview with Democracy Now (1997)

 * A decade later, Alabama governor George Wallace’s defiant segregationist stance vaulted him to national prominence, leading to surprisingly vigorous bids for the presidency in 1968 and 1972. Wallace engaged in what journalist Arthur Hadley called the “old and honorable American tradition of hate the powerful.” He was, Hadley wrote, a master at exploiting “plain old American rage.” Wallace often encouraged violence and displayed a casual disregard for constitutional norms, declaring: "There is one thing more powerful than the Constitution….That’s the will of the people. What is a Constitution anyway? They’re the products of the people, the people are the first source of power, and the people can abolish a Constitution if they want to." Wallace’s message, which mixed racism with populist appeals to working-class whites’ sense of victimhood and economic anger, helped him make inroads into the Democrats’ traditional blue-collar base. Polls showed that roughly 40 percent of Americans approved of Wallace in his third-party run in 1968, and in 1972 he shocked the establishment by emerging as a serious contender in the Democratic primaries. When Wallace’s campaign was derailed by an assassination attempt in May 1972, he was leading George McGovern by more than a million votes in the primaries.
 * Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt (2018) How Democracies Die. New York: Crown.

 * I came away from these Wallace [supporter] interviews with two basic feelings. First, that democracy in America (in any sense of the word) just might not make it. My mind flashed to scenes of Germany in the late 1920's. Confusion, rebellion, frustration, economic instability, a wounded national pride, ineffectual political leadership — and the desire for a strong man who would do something, who would bring order out of the chaos. Could it happen here? With the inability of the national leadership to solve the real problems facing this country, could the the blacks, long-hairs, "welfare chiselers", and political dissidents become the Jews and Communists of the Nazi experience? Could it happen here? I see no reason why it couldn't.
 * Bernie Sanders (June 1972). "Wallace in St. Albans: some interviews/some thoughts". Movement 1 (2)., quoted in McDermott, Nathan (May 8, 2019). The Making of Bernie Sanders: How a hitchhiking campaigner pushed a vision that remains remarkably unchanged. CNN.

 * Four-time Alabama Democratic governor George Wallace lost his first gubernatorial race when he ran as an economic populist against a candidate with a segregationist platform and famously vowed never to be "outniggered again" and he never was. He declared, "Segregation now, segregation forever!" as he took the oath of office in 1963. He stood in a schoolhouse's door in Tuscaloosa to prevent black students from integrating it. He was responsible for the vicious beating of voting-rights activists in Selma. By 1984, however, Wallace's memory of his own actions, like Stephens's, had changed. "It was not an antagonism towards black people, and that's what some people can't understand," Wallace explained to a reporter from PBS for the documentary Eyes on the Prize. "White Southerners did not believe it was discrimination. They thought it was in the best interest of both the races. "I love black people. I love white people. I love yellow people," Wallace said. "I'm a Christian and, therefore, I don't have any ill feeling toward anybody because of the race, 'cause our black people are some of our finest citizens." In remarkable symmetry with Stephens's defense of treason in defense of slavery, Wallace recalled his defense of racial apartheid as resistance to tyranny. "I spoke vehemently against the federal government, not against people. I talked about the, the government of the, the United States and the Supreme Court. I never expressed in any language that would upset anyone about a person's race. I talked about the Supreme Court usurpation of power. I talked about the big central government," Wallace said. "Isn't that what everybody talks about now? Isn't that what Reagan got elected on? Isn't that what all the legislators, electors, members of Congress, and the Senate and House both say?"
 * Adam Serwer, The Cruelty is the Point (2021)

 * The day after Moore's body was found on the road near Attalla, Alabama, a poll was made by telephone of the SNCC Executive Committee, and they agreed to continue his walk to Jackson, Mississippi. The following day, April 25, 1963, SNCC sent a wire to Alabama Governor George C. Wallace, informing him of the walk, and asking him: "Will the State of Alabama provide protection for our walkers?" Wallace had denounced the murder and even offered a reward for apprehension of the killer, but he replied: "Your proposed actions, calculated to cause unrest, disorder, and a breach of the peace in the state of Alabama, will not be condoned or tolerated. Laws of the State of Alabama will be strictly enforced."
 * Howard Zinn SNCC: The New Abolitionists (1964)

title: George Wallace


text:
User talk:Kjammer~enwikiquote

--Aphaia 11:46, 14 May 2005 (UTC)

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

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Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Kjammer. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Kjammer~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

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title: User talk:Kjammer~enwikiquote


text: User:Markaci

title: User:Markaci


text: User talk:Markaci

title: User talk:Markaci


text:
Frederick II of Prussia

Frederick II of Prussia (January 24, 1712 – August 17, 1786) was king of Prussia from 1740 to 1786. He was also known as Friedrich der Große (Frederick the Great)

Quotes

 * Ich empfinde für das göttliche Wesen die tiefste Verehrung und hüte mich deshalb sehr, ihm ein ungerechtes, wankelmütiges Verhalten zuzuschreiben, das man beim geringsten Sterblichen verurteilen würde. Aus diesem Grunde, liebe Schwester, glaube ich lieber nicht, dass das allmächtige, gütige Wesen sich im mindesten um die menschlichen Angelegenheiten kümmert. Vielmehr schreibe ich alles, was geschieht, den Geschöpfen und notwendigen Wirkungen unberechenbarer Ursachen zu und beuge mich schweigend vor diesem anbetungswürdigen Wesen, indem ich meine Unwissenheit über seine Wege eingestehe, die mir zu offenbaren seiner göttlichen Weisheit nicht gefallen hat.
 * I feel the deepest veneration for the divine being, and therefore I am careful not to attribute to him unjust, fickle behavior, which would be condemned by the meanest mortal. Because of that, dear sister, I prefer not to believe that the almighty, benevolent being is at all concerned with human affairs. Rather I do attribute everything that happens to the living beings and certain effects of incalculable causes and I silently bow down before this being which is worthy of adoration, by admitting my ignorance concerning his ways, which his godly wisdom chose not to reveal.
 * Letter to princess Amalie von Preußen

 * I think it better to keep a profound silence with regard to the Christian fables, which are canonized by their antiquity and the credulity of absurd and insipid people.
 * Letters of Voltaire and Frederick the Great (New York: Brentano's, 1927), trans. Richard Aldington, letter 37 from Frederick to Voltaire (June 1738)

 * A single Voltaire will do more honor to France than a thousand pedants, a thousand false wits, a thousand great men of inferior order.
 * Letters of Voltaire and Frederick the Great (New York: Brentano's, 1927), trans. Richard Aldington, letter 48 from Frederick to Voltaire (1740-01-06)

 * Truth to tell, treaties are only oaths of deception and faithlessness. The jurisprudence of sovereigns is customarily the law of the strongest.
 * Preface to “Histoire de mon temps”, Works (1743), quoted in W. W. Coole (ed.), Thus Spake Germany (London: George Routledge & Sons, 1941), p. 82

 * But a prince, when he binds himself, does not bind himself alone, otherwise he would be in the same position as a private individual. Instead, he exposes great countries and great provinces to a thousand misfortunes. Therefore, it is better that he should break his contract rather than that the people should perish.
 * Historie vom Jahre 1746, quoted in W. W. Coole (ed.), Thus Spake Germany (London: George Routledge & Sons, 1941), p. 82

 * It has been said by a certain general, that the first object in the establishment of an army ought to be making provision for the belly, that being the basis and foundation of all operations.
 * Military Instructions (1747), Article II: Of the Subsistence of Troops, and of Provisions

 * ''Avec toute l’algèbre du monde on n’est souvent qu’un sot lorsqu’on ne sait pas autre chose. Peut-être dans dix ans la société tirera-t-elle de l’avantage des courbes que des songe-creux d’algébristes auront carrées laborieusement. J’en félicite d’avance la postérité; mais, à vous parler vrai, je ne vois dans tous ces calculs qu’une scientifique extravagance. Tout ce qui n’est ni utile ni agréable ne vaut rien. Quant aux choses utiles, elles sont toutes trouvées; et, pour les agréables, j’espère que le bon goût n’y admettra point d’algèbre.
 * [A] man with all the algebra in the world is often only an ass when he knows nothing else. Perhaps in ten years society may derive advantage from the curves which these visionary algebraists will have laboriously squared. I congratulate posterity beforehand. But to tell you the truth I see nothing but a scientific extravagance in all these calculations. That which is neither useful nor agreeable is worthless. And as for useful things, they have all been discovered; and to those which are agreeable, I hope that good taste will not admit algebra among them.
 * Letters of Voltaire and Frederick the Great (New York: Brentano's, 1927), trans. Richard Aldington, letter 93 from Frederick to Voltaire (1749-05-16)

 * Only sneaky people and impostors can oppose the progress of sciences and can discredit them, because they are the only ones to whom the sciences do harm.

 * Do you think I take any pleasure in this dog's life, in seeing and causing death in people unknown to me, in losing friends and acquaintances daily, in seeing my reputation ceaselessly exposed to the caprices of fortune, in spending the whole year with uneasiness and apprehension, in continually risking my life and my fortune? I certainly know the value of tranquility, the charms of society, the pleasures of life, and I like to be happy as much as anybody. Although I desire all these good things, I will not buy them with baseness and infamy. Philosophy teaches us to do our duty, to serve our country faithfully at the expense of our blood and of our repose, to commit our whole being to it.
 * Letters of Voltaire and Frederick the Great (New York: Brentano's, 1927), trans. Richard Aldington, letter 141 from Frederick to Voltaire (1759-07-02)

 * Of all Prussia's neighbours the Russian Empire is the most dangerous, both from its power and its geographical position, and those who rule Prussia after me should cultivate the friendship of those barbarians, because they are able to ruin Prussia altogether through the immense number of their mounted troops, whilst one cannot repay them for the damage which they may do because of the poverty of that part of Russia which is nearest to Prussia, and through which one has to pass in order to get into the Ukraine.
 * Histoire de mon temps (1763-1764), quoted in W. W. Coole (ed.), Thus Spake Germany (London: George Routledge & Sons, 1941), p. 225

 * Neither antiquity nor any other nation has imagined a more atrocious and blasphemous absurdity than that of eating God. — This is how Christians treat the autocrat of the universe.
 * Letters of Voltaire and Frederick the Great (New York: Brentano's, 1927), trans. Richard Aldington, letter 215 from Frederick to Voltaire (1776-03-19)

 * It is disgusting to notice the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects, and the amount of money that goes out of the country as a consequence. Everybody is using coffee; this must be prevented. His Majesty was brought up on beer, and so were both his ancestors and officers. Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer, and the King does not believe that coffee-drinking soldiers can be relied upon to endure hardships in case of another war.
 * 1777; quoted by Bert L. Vallée, Alcohol in the Western World, Scientific American, Vol. 278, No. 6 (June), 1998, pp. 80-85

 * As to your Newton, I confess I do not understand his void and his gravity; I admit he has demonstrated the movement of the heavenly bodies with more exactitude than his forerunners; but you will admit it is an absurdity to maintain the existence of Nothing.
 * Letters of Voltaire and Frederick the Great (New York: Brentano's, 1927), trans. Richard Aldington, letter 221 from Frederick to Voltaire (1777-11-25)

 * Je voulus faire un jet d’eau dans mon jardin; Euler calcula l’effort des roues pour faire monter l’eau dans un bassin, d’où elle devait retomber par des canaux, afin de jaillir à Sans-Souci. Mon moulin a été exécuté géométriquement, et il n’a pu élever une goutte d’eau à cinquante pas du bassin. Vanité des vanités! vanité de la géométrie!
 * I wanted to have a water jet in my garden: Euler calculated the force of the wheels necessary to raise the water to a reservoir, from where it should fall back through channels, finally spurting out in Sans Souci. My mill was carried out geometrically and could not raise a mouthful of water closer than fifty paces from the reservoir. Vanity of vanities! Vanity of geometry!
 * Letter H 7434 from Frederick to Voltaire (1778-01-25)

 * (About the battle of Kunersdorf) "I shall not survive this cruel misfortune. The consequences will be worse than defeat itself. I have no resources left, and, to speak quite frankly I believe everything is lost. I shall not outlive the downfall of my country. Farewell, forever!"

 * Theme of The Musical Offering
 * Theme of The Musical Offering

Anti-Machiavel

 * Machiavel's The Prince is to ethics what the work of Spinoza is to faith. Spinoza sapped the fundamentals of faith, and drained the spirit of religion; Machiavel corrupted policy, and undertook to destroy the precepts of healthy morals: the errors of the first were only errors of speculation, but those of the other had a practical thrust. [...] I always have regarded The Prince as one of the most dangerous works which were spread in the world; it is a book which falls naturally into the hands of princes, and of those who have a taste for policy. [...] There is a real injustice in concluding that the rotten apples are representative of all of them.
 * Foreword

 * It is thus the justice (one would have to say) which must be the main responsibility of a sovereign. Since it is the prime interest of the many people whom they control, they must give it priority over any other interest of their own. What then becomes of Machiavel's recommendations of naked self-interest, self-aggrandizement, unleashed ambition and despotism? The sovereign, far from being the absolute Master of the people which are under his domination, is only the first servant.
 * Ch. 1 : What A Strong Prince Really Is, And How One Can Reach That Point

 * It is a fact that princes who try to raise other princes with violence, end up destroying themselves.
 * Ch. 3 : Mixed Principalities

 * "It is enough", this malicious man tells us, "to extinguish the line of the defeated prince." Can one read this without quivering in horror and indignation?
 * Ch. 3 : Mixed Principalities

 * But France's powerful armies, and a very large number of fortresses, ensure that the French Sovereign will possess the throne forever, and they do not have anything to fear now concerning internal wars or their neighbors invading France.
 * Chapter IV

 * Compare Holland with Russia; you see only marshy and sterile islands in the former, which rise from the center of the ocean: a small republic which is only 48 miles length by 40 wide. But this small body is the very nerve-center of the region: immense people live in it, and these industrious people are both powerful and rich. They shook the yoke of the Spanish domination, which was then the most formidable monarchy of Europe. The trade of this republic extends to the ends of the world; and new trade appears almost immediately; it can maintain in times of war an army fifty thousand men, without counting a many and well maintained fleet.
 * Ch. 5 : How It Is Necessary To Control The Cities, Or The Principalities, Which Are Controlled By Their Own Laws Before They Were Conquered

 * We humans are foolish in many ways: we want to conquer all as if we had all time, as if our lives did not have any end. Thus, our real time passes too quickly, and often when one believes that they are working only for themselves, they are in fact working for unworthy or ungrateful successors.
 * Ch. 5 : How It Is Necessary To Control The Cities, Or The Principalities, Which Are Controlled By Their Own Laws Before They Were Conquered

 * If the men were without passions, it would be forgivable to see Machiavel try to give some to them; he would be the new Prometheus bringing celestial fire to breathe life into robots. But no man is without passions. When they are moderated, they are the heart of the enterprise; but when the brake is stripped of them, they are its destruction.
 * Ch. 6 : New States That The Prince Acquires By His Valor And His Own Weapons

 * Hero demolished both his friends and his soldiers, who had helped him in the execution of his plans; he found new friends, and raised other troops. I say, in spite of Machiavel and of the ingrates, that this policy of Hero is very bad, and that it is much more prudent to trust the troops which have tested and known value, and have friends whose loyalty has also been tested. The new and unknown ones are also unsafe. I leave the reader to push this reasoning further; all those who detest ingratitude, and who truly value friendship, will not remain neutral on this matter.
 * Ch. 6 : New States That The Prince Acquires By His Valor And His Own Weapons

 * (About Cesare Borgia) What cruelties were not the result of his? Who could count all his crimes? Such was the man that Machiavel prefers to all the great geniuses of his time, and to the heroes of antiquity, and of which he finds the life and action make a good example for those that fortune favors.
 * Chapter VII

 * The cruel man is of misanthropic temperament, and is a man of moods, oscillating from quiet brooding to sudden explosions. If a man like this does not fight this unhappy provision of his soul during his youth, under no circumstances could he avoid becoming furious - and foolish. There are those who would leave it up to God, but to ensure justice on the earth, and not fob it off to the Divinity, it is mandatory that people know both virtue and its benefits, since the virtues lead to unity among them, not the war of all against all. Therefore, it is absolutely necessary to conserve them, and show that crime can only return misfortunes and destruction, including of the criminal himself. Who is the last victim of his crimes.
 * Chapter VIII

 * Just as people are born, live a time, and die by diseases or old age, in the same way republics are formed, flower a few centuries, and perish finally by the audacity of a citizen, or by the weapons of their enemies. All has their period; all empires, and largest monarchies even, have only so much time: the republics feel continually that this time will arrive, and they look at any too-powerful family as the carriers of a disease which will give them the blow of death.
 * Chapter IX

 * It does not pay a man to exist until the age of Methuselah by making his days indolent and useless. The more this is reflected upon, the more the reflector will desire to undertake meaningful and useful actions, the more they will have lived.
 * Chapter XIV

Attributed

 * Like a long boat which follows in the wake of the warship to which it is tied.
 * On the decline of the Dutch Republic subject to British power
 * Attributed in T. C. W. Blanning, The Eighteenth Century (Oxford, 2000)

 * If my soldiers began to think, not one would remain in the ranks.
 * Attributed in J.A. Houlding, Fit for Service: The Training of the British Army, 1715-1795 (Oxford, 1981)

 * "My people and I," he said, "have come to an agreement which satisfies us both. They are to say what they please, and I am to do what I please."
 * Attributed by Thomas Babington Macaulay, Life of Frederick the Great (1882), pg 48.
 * Repeated by Thomas Babington Macaulay in a review of "Frederick the Great and his Times. Edited, with an Introduction, by Thomas Campbell, Esq". Edinburgh Review, ISSN 1751-8482, 04/1842, Volume 75, Issue 151, p. 241-242, though it does not appear in the original work.
 * Knowles, Oxford Dictionary Of Quotations (5th Edition) (Oxford University Press, 1999)

 * Rascals, would you live forever?
 * To hesitant guards at the battle of Kolin, 18 June 1757
 * Attributed in E. M. Knowles, Oxford Dictionary Of Quotations (5th Edition) (Oxford University Press, 1999)
 * "Kerels, wollt ihr den euwig leben?" Frederick the Great, by David Fraser, Penguin 2000, p. 353 Other versions have it: "Hünde, wollt ihr euwig leben?" (Dogs, do you want to live for ever?).

 * Diplomacy without arms is like music without instruments.
 * Attributed in The Times: "Diplomacy without Arms", 1 February 2010.

 * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

 * They were stronger than Turk and Saracen, but not than Hunger and Disease. Leaders did not know then, as our little Friend at Berlin came to know, that “an Army, like a serpent, goes upon its belly."
 * Attributed in Thomas Carlyle, “History of Friedrich the Second, Called Frederick the Great", (1858).

 * Christianity… is an old metaphysical fiction, stuffed with fables, contradictions and absurdities: it was spawned in the fevered imagination of the Orientals, and then spread to our Europe, where some fanatics espoused it, where some intriguers pretended to be convinced by it and where some imbeciles actually believed it. Attributed in "The West and the Rest", by Niall Ferguson, Penguin 2011 (Kindle edition).

 * If I had a province to punish, I would let it be governed by philosophers. Attributed in The Orthodox churchman's magazine; or, A Treasury of divine and useful knowledge (1803).

Misattributed

 * Audacity, audacity, always audacity!
 * Il nous faut de l'audace, encore de l'audace, toujours de l'audace!
 * We must dare, dare again, always dare!
 * Georges Danton, speech, Assemblée legislative, Paris (1792-09-02), reported in Le Moniteur (1792-09-04)

Quotes about Frederick II

 * Frederick is what the English call an ‘acquired taste’: repulsive on first contact, yet as one gets involved with him one becomes addicted to him and finds him arousing a sentiment that cannot be called love but that may possibly be stronger than love.
 * Sebastian Haffner, The Rise and Fall of Prussia (1980), p. 32

 * The essential character of modern German nationalism was chiefly moulded by the tradition and structure of the Prussian military State. The latter itself changed in the process from a dynastic-aristocratic to a national form. Frederick the Great was elevated to a national divinity in a manner unknown to any other nation. His example became the supreme national dogma.
 * Frederick Hertz, Nationalgeist und Politik, Vol. I (Zuerich, 1937), p. 450, quoted in Lord Vansittart, ‘Preface’, W. M. Knight-Patterson, Germany from Defeat to Conquest, 1913–1933 (1945), p. 9

 * The character of the founder of the greatness of Prussia...can have no attraction for those who require as an indispensable condition of fealty that their hero shall have either purity, or sensibility, or generosity, or high honour, or manly respect for human nature. ... Frederick's sensibility was of the literary and aesthetic kind, rather than the humane and social. ... There has never been any epoch whose foremost men had such faith and hope in the virtues of humanity. There has never been any prominent man who despised humanity so bitterly and unaffectedly as Frederick despised it. We know what to think of a man...who never found so much pleasure in a friendly act as when he could make it the means of hurting the recipient; whose practical pleasantries were always spiteful and sneering and cruel.
 * John Morley, Voltaire (1886), pp. 166–168

 * He is king among the heroes. His mind rises above the earth, he turns upon his own axis like the sun, shines in his own light, shares her heat and her spots. His are the dimensions of a great spirit, and centuries to come will study his stature and nature with the utmost care. ... He demands the space of a colossus. ... I can think of no being more exalted than the King.
 * Friedrich Karl von Moser, Der Herr und der Diener, geschildert mit patriotischer Freiheit (1759), pp. 19–20, quoted in Gerhard Ritter, The Sword and the Sceptre: The Problem of Militarism in Germany, Volume I: The Prussian Tradition, 1740–1890 (1972), p. 36

 * The development of foreign ministries further restricted the scope for summitry. But rulers often retained their own private diplomatic networks. Louis XV was a prime example, while Frederick the Great of Prussia created his own Kabinett, or private office, and took over the most important business from the Foreign Office. Not surprisingly, Frederick also tried his hand at summitry: seeking a rapprochement with Austria after the Seven Years War, he met the emperor Joseph II at Neisse in 1769 and Neustadt in 1770.
 * David Reynolds, Summits: Six Meetings that Changed the Twentieth Century (2007), p. 1

 * We have just sung a Prussian national hymn which celebrates Frederick the Great. What renders that sovereign so present to our memory is not our monarchical faith, but he is for us the personification of the ancient Prussian spirit.
 * Gustav Stresemann, quoted in W. W. Coole (ed.), Thus Spake Germany (1941), p. 39

 * Frederick the Great is for us the embodiment of that ancient Prussian spirit on which is based the categorical imperative of duty. The King ... in whom the idea of the State overshadowed all else ... is a figure more suited than any other to a nation that is labouring under heavy burdens.
 * Gustav Stresemann, quoted in W. M. Knight-Patterson, Germany from Defeat to Conquest, 1913–1933 (1945), p. 369

 * Frederick the Great once asked his personal physician, Dr. Zimmermann, "Can you name me a single proof of the existence of God?" Zimmermann replied, "Your Majesty, the Jews!" By that he meant that if one wanted to ask for a proof of God, for something visible and tangible, that no one could contest, which is unfolded before the eyes of all men, then we should have to turn to the Jews. Quite simply, there they are to the present day. Hundreds of little nations in the Near East... have dissolved and disappeared in the huge sea of nations; [only] this one tiny nation has maintained itself.... If the question of a proof of God is raised, one need merely point to this simple historical fact. For in the person of the Jew there stands before our eyes the witness of God's covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and in that way with us all. Even one who does not understand Holy Scripture can see this reminder.
 * Dogmatics in Outline (1949) as translated by Tr. G. T. Thomson ISBN 006130056X, quoted in "Word Alive! An Introduction to the Christian Faith" by John Schwarz (1995)

 * Imperial Germany does not depart sensibly from the pattern of Prussia under Frederick the Great, in respect of its national policies or the aims and methods of government control, nor do the preconceptions of its statesmen differ at all widely from those prevalent among the dynastic jobbers of that predaceous era of state-making.
 * Thorstein Veblen, Imperial Germany and the Industrial Revolution (1915), p. 81

title: Frederick II of Prussia


text:
Talk:Alien life

There's a great new astrobiology blog, run by newspaper editor Rob Bignell, at http://alienlifeblog.blogspot.com/. It includes roundups of the latest news from the various scientific fields that form astrobiology and information about SETI.

Perhaps someone should add Dennis Kucinich's quote regarding his sighting of a UFO, including his sass regarding Bush's approval rating. This is extrememly important, especially with the 08 presidental campaign.

The Reagan quote is misleading; the quote is valid, but it is snipped out of context. Just after the portion cited: "And yet, I ask you, is not an alien threat already among us ? What could be more alien to universal aspirations of our peoples than war and the threat of war?" -- that's not quite the same thing as saying there is an alien threat; he was using aliens as an allegory for international conflict. see http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/archives/speeches/1987/092187b.htm --Teledyn 04:29, 13 December 2008 (UTC)

title: Talk:Alien life


text:
User talk:Yce~enwikiquote

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User talk:Lanway~enwikiquote

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User talk:Dbolton

--Aphaia 01:00, 15 May 2005 (UTC)

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User talk:194.72.141.2

Welcome to Wikiquote, the free compendium of quotations! You don't have to log in to read or edit articles on Wikiquote, but creating an account is quick, free and non-intrusive, requires you to provide no personal information, and gives you many benefits, including:
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User talk:134.215.226.37

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User talk:139.18.112.141

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User talk:145.222.138.134

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User talk:131.111.8.97

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Andrew Dice Clay

Andrew Dice Clay (born Andrew Clay Silverstein; September 29, 1957) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, musician and producer.

Dice Rules (1991)

 * When you jerk off, you’re saying “Hey, I care about me.”

 * What am I looking at? I want to eat you like a tossed fucking salad!

 * I like a bush. A nice big, hairy, stinky, smelly fucking bush. And I hate when they put cologne on it. They dummy it up with cologne like you don’t know where you are. I like that nice natural scent of salmon.

 * Korean delis, Indian newsstands, Greek diners, and ass-fuckin' parties every night of the week! That's New York; how are ya?!

 * How come there's no parking for midgets? You ever notice that? Not one spot in the fucking mall for midgets. Unbelievable. You want to know why? 'Cause there's no telethon for midgets. Nobody gives a fuck. The kind of humidity you get in Manhattan during the summer... by the time you even get to the front doors of the mall, they're passing out. You've got to piss on them to revive them. And I love midgets with those pumpkin heads, little bug legs. I never fucked one, I'll admit that. But I would do it. They're people. So they're a little light, all right. So, so you stick 'em on your dick, you can shave, shower, they don't get in the way. You throw 'em in a drawer when you're done. "Yeah, use my socks as a pillow honey." "Wait, a mouse went under the table, get the fucker." Could you imagine being a maitre d at a fancy restaurant and a couple midgets come in for dinner? What do you say? “Table for, ugh, I don't know, fuck, three quarters?" Midgets, man. What do they do when a midget is missing? Put 'em on the back of a container of Half & Half?"

 * You ever date a chick with a hunch-fucking-back? I did. I’m in a grocery store with this chick, the security guards were all over her, because they thought she was trying to smuggle a turkey under the back of her fucking jacket. I had a hunch. I had a hunch they’d stop her with that bad fucking back. They should have a telethon for hunchbacks. That’s- that’s what I think. They bring ‘em out on a string like a pack of camels. [mimics a hunchback walking] “Bump be dump bump.” I think something could be done. Chip the fucking thing off. You ever date a chick with buck-fucking-teeth and a hunch-fucking-back? Huh? Oh, just trying to talk to a bucktooth fucking chick is incredible. [Forces his mouth into an overbite] “Hey. You want to go to a movie?” “Shut up stupid! Pop the cork on this bottle.” And to make love to a chick with buck-fucking-teeth and a hunch-fucking-back is a complete horror show. You’re in bed with them and it’s like you’re on a seesaw. You know what I’m saying? They’re like [forces his mouth into an overbite again] “Ugh, it feels so good. It feels so good.” “Shut up!”

 * You know, a lot of guys, you know like, what I'll do, you know, especially in New York - out in L.A., they don't have a subway system. But here they do, and a lot of people don't like it, but I know how to use the subway system. Like, I'll set my alarm clock for 8 o'clock - 'cause I don't even have a day job; this is what I do, you know - but I'll get on those rush-hour trains at 8 o'clock for that 8 o'clock grind...you're passin' every chick in the train, you got your dick lodged behind 400 asses before you hit DeKalb Avenue...you drop a load, you turn around, you're back in bed before 9 o'clock, your day has started.

 * Go ahead, marry her. Don't marry her, man. How do you know where she's been? Huh! How do you know she's not the biggest fucking whore to ever walk this fucking town, man? I went with this one girl, she was such a fucking tramp, I had to double park my dick on her ass and wait an hour to get in. It's unfuckingbelievable, I'm telling ya.

 * [to a fan that called out to him] What'd you yell out?...Mother Goose. So what you're saying is you wanna review 1989?

title: Andrew Dice Clay


text:
User talk:Tigergirl~enwikiquote

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The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind is an open world fantasy action role-playing video game developed by Bethesda Game Studios, and published by Bethesda Softworks and Ubisoft. It is the third installment in The Elder Scrolls series of games, following The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall, and preceding The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. The game depicts a prisoner who has arrived at the imperial province of Morrowind where they are released and given a mysterious job offering in a city, but are left free to explore the volcanic island and become involved in the complexities of indigenous and inter regional politics and religions.

Azura

 * You no longer bear the burden of prophecy. You have achieved your destiny. You are freed. The doomed Dwemer's folly. Lord Dagoth's temptation. The Tribunal's seduction. The god's heart freed. The prophecy fulfilled. All fates sealed and sins redeemed. If you have pity, mourn the lost but let the weeping cease. The blight is gone, and the sun's golden honey gilds the land. Hail savior, Hortator and Nerevarine. Your people look to you for protection. Monsters and villains great and small still threaten the people of Vvardenfell. Enemies and evils abound, yet indomitable will might rid Morrowind of all its ills. For you, our thanks and blessing, our gift and token given. Come, take this thing from the hand of god.

General Darius

 * Your duties are to the Empire and to your commanding officers - in that order. Carry yourself with dignity and uphold the law. You are the face of the Empire to the common man.

Dialogue

 * Azura: [In the very beginning of the game] They have taken you from the Imperial City's prison, first by carriage, and now by boat. To the east, to Morrowind. Fear not, for I am watchful. You have been chosen.
 * Jiub: Wake up. We're here. Why are you shaking? Are you ok? Wake up. Stand up. There you go. You were dreaming. What's your name? [after the player enters their character name in a text box] Well, not even last night's storm could wake you. I've heard them saying we've reached Morrowind; I'm sure they'll let us go! Quiet. Here comes the guard.
 * Guard: [to the player character] This is where you get off. Come with me.

 * [During the Nerevarine's final conversation with Dagoth Ur in his fortress; dialogue varies widely depending upon the player's selections]
 * Dagoth Ur: My first question is: Are you really Nerevar reborn?
 * Nerevarine: By the grace of gods and fate, I am Nerevar reborn.
 * Dagoth Ur: That is bitter. The gods and fates are cruel. I served you faithfully once, Lord Nerevar, and you repaid me with death. I hope this time it will be you who pays for your faithlessness.
 * Dagoth Ur: My second question is: if you win, what do you plan to do with the power from the Heart? Will you make yourself a god, and establish a thearchy? Or will you complete Akulakhan, and dispute control of Tamriel with the Septims? Or will you share the Heart with your followers, as I have, and breed a new race of divine immortals?
 * Nerevarine: Share the Heart.
 * Dagoth Ur: You have a noble spirit. I share the power I have from the Heart to help free mortals from their ancient fears of the gods. Who knows what we might be capable of once we no longer fear death? Your goal is worthy, and I honor you for it.
 * Dagoth Ur: My final question is: If I had offered to let you join me, would you have surrendered Wraithguard, Sunder, and Keening to me to seal your oath?
 * Nerevarine: No, I would never surrender the tools.
 * Dagoth Ur: An interesting response. You might have been willing to join me, but never to surrender the tools. Very interesting. I'm glad I didn't try to bargain with you. And now, if you have any questions, ask them. Otherwise, you are the challenger. I await your first blow.
 * [after the Nerevarine first attacks, seemingly killing Dagoth Ur easily, he appears again in the next chamber]
 * Dagoth Ur: What a fool you are. I'm a god! How can you kill a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence! How could you be so naïve? There is no escape. No recall or intervention can work in this place. Come, lay down your weapons; it is not too late for my mercy.

 * Female Nord: [near her cabin on the island of Solstheim] You are not welcome here, stranger, leave now!

 * Dagoth Ur: "Come Nerevar, friend or traitor, come. Come and look upon the heart, and Akhulakhan. And bring Wraithguard, I have need of it."

title: The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind