text:
Léon: The Professional

Léon: The Professional (French: Léon; also known as The Professional) is a 1994 film about a professional assassin who takes in a young girl after her family is killed.
 * Written and directed by Luc Besson.

He moves without sound. Kills without emotion. Disappears without trace.taglines

Léon

 * The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.

Mathilda

 * I don't give a shit about sleeping, Leon. I want love, or death. That's it.
 * I hope you're not lying Leon. I really hope that deep down there's no love in you. And if there is, I think in a few minutes you'll regret you never said anything. I love you Leon.

Dialogue

 * Stansfield: I like these calm little moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven. Can you hear it? It's like when you put your head to the grass and you can hear the growin' and you can hear the insects. Do you like Beethoven?
 * Malky: I couldn't really say.
 * Stansfield: You don't like Beethoven. You don't know what you're missing. Overtures like that get my... juices flowing. So powerful. But after his openings, to be honest, he does tend to get a little fucking boring. That's why I stopped! [laughs and sighs] Toss the apartment.

 * Mathilda: [on telephone] Hello?
 * Caller: This is Margueritte McAllister, headmistress of the Spencer School for Girls in Wildwood, New Jersey. Is Mr. or Mrs. Lando home?
 * Mathilda: [faking deeper voice] Yes, this is she.
 * Caller: Mrs. Lando, when your husband enrolled Mathilda at Spencer, he told us she had "problems". Well, as you know, we pride ourselves on turning troubled girls into healthy, productive young women. But if they are not here, there is very little we can do. Now, Mathilda left school without permission nearly two weeks ago. I know your husband paid tuition in advance for a year, but if you will refer to page twenty of the rules and regulations manual we sent you, you will see that unless there is a valid excuse for prolonged absence, your tuition will be forfeit.
 * Mathilda: She's dead. [She hangs up.]

 * Léon: I'm sorry about your father.
 * Mathilda: If somebody didn't do it, one day or another I would've probably done it myself.
 * Léon: Your mother, she —
 * Mathilda: She's not my mother! And my sister — she wanted to lose some weight anyway. Bet she never looked better. She's not even my real sister. Just a half-sister, and not a good half at that.
 * Léon: If you couldn't stand them, why are you crying?
 * Mathilda: Because they killed my brother! What the hell did he do? Four years old... he never used to cry. He just used to sit next to me and cuddle. I was more of a mother to him than that goddamn pig ever was!

 * Léon: Revenge is not a good thing, it's better to forget.
 * Mathilda: Forget? After I've seen the outline of my brother's body on the floor, you expect me to forget? I wanna kill those sons of bitches, and blow their fucking heads off!

 * Mathilda: Leon, what exactly do you do for a living?
 * Léon: Cleaner.
 * Mathilda: You mean you're a hit man?
 * Léon [reluctantly]: Yeah.
 * Mathilda: Cool.
 * Mathilda: Do you "clean" anyone?
 * Léon: No women, no kids. That's the rules.
 * Mathilda: How much would it cost to hire someone to get those dirtbags who killed my brother?
 * Léon: Five grand a head.
 * Mathilda: Wow. How about this: I work for you, and in exchange, you teach me how to clean. Hmmm? What do you think? I'll clean your place, I'll do the shopping, I'll even wash your clothes. Is it a deal?
 * Léon: No, it's not a deal.
 * Mathilda: What do you want me to do? I've got no place to go.
 * Léon: You've had a rough day today. Go to sleep now. We'll see in the morning.
 * Léon: You've had a rough day today. Go to sleep now. We'll see in the morning.

 * Léon: You sleep well? [Mathilda nods.] Good. After breakfast you gotta take off.
 * Mathilda: Where to?
 * Léon: Not my problem.
 * Mathilda: [setting note in front of Léon]: Read it.
 * Léon: Uh — [stares blankly at note.]
 * Mathilda: You don't know how to read.
 * Léon: I'm learning, but I've had a lot of work lately, so... I'm a little behind. What's it say?
 * Mathilda: I've decided what I want to do with my life. I wanna be a cleaner.
 * Léon: You wanna be a cleaner? [sets a pistol on table] Here, take it. It's a goodbye gift. Go clean — but not with me! I work alone, understand? Alone!
 * Mathilda: Bonnie and Clyde didn't work alone! Thelma and Louise didn't work alone! And they were the best.

 * Léon: Tony, all the money I make that you keep for me —
 * Tony: You need some money?
 * Léon: Just curious. 'Cause I've been working for a long time and I haven't done anything with my money.
 * Tony: You met a woman.
 * Léon: No.
 * Tony: Léon... Léon, you gotta be careful with women. Remember when you first arrived in this country? When I took you in you were still wet behind the fuckin' ears, and already you were in deep shit because of a woman. Don't forget that, Léon.
 * Léon: I wish I could sometimes. You know, about my money — maybe I could give a little to someone, you know, to help out.
 * Tony: Hey, it's your money. I mean, I'm just holding it for you, like a bank. Except better than a bank, 'cause you know banks always get knocked off. No one knocks off old Tony.

 * Mathilda: Leon, I think I'm kinda falling in love with you.
 * [Leon chokes on his milk]
 * Mathilda: It's the first time for me, you know?
 * Léon: [wiping himself off] How do you know it's love if you've never been in love before?
 * Mathilda: 'Cause I feel it.
 * Léon: Where?
 * Mathilda: [stroking her stomach] In my stomach. It's all warm. I always had a knot there and now... it's gone.
 * Léon: Mathilda, I'm glad you don't have a stomach ache any more. I don't think it means anything.

 * Officer 1: We know you're a busy man and we'll try to make this as short as possible. Now if you just take us step by step through exactly what happened.
 * Stansfield: The guy was here, he went for his gun. Bang! We shot him.
 * Officer 2: Where exactly were the kids?
 * Stansfield: I don't know! They should have been at school, don't you think?
 * Officer 1: But in the statement you said you were the first man in, didn't you see any kids?
 * Officer 2: The door was broken, what happened? Did you follow the procedure?
 * Stansfield: I lost a good man here. What the fuck do you want with me?
 * Officer 2: Cooperation.
 * Stansfield: I haven't got TIME for this Mickey Mouse bullshit! You want cooperation? Come up my office, will you? Room 4602.

 * Mathilda: Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid?
 * Léon: Always like this.

 * Léon: You need some time to grow up a little.
 * Mathilda: I finished growing up, Léon. I just get older.
 * Léon: For me it's the opposite. I'm old enough. I need time to grow up.

 * [Mathilda and Léon complete a hit together on a man who possesses cocaine. Mathilda proceeds to the counter with the cocaine on it and picks up a flammable liquid.]
 * Léon: What are you doing?
 * Mathilda: You said no women or kids. Who do you think this is going to kill, donkeys and monkeys?
 * [Mathilda pours the liquid over the cocaine, lights a match, and sets it on fire.]
 * Mathilda: [in tears] Now... it's clean.
 * Léon: Let's get out of here. [Pulls Mathilda out of the room with him.]

 * [Mathilda has entered Stansfield's office building by faking a food delivery; Stansfield has cornered her in a restroom.]
 * Norman Stansfield: Special delivery, huh? Let me guess. Chinese? Thai, maybe? I've got it — Italian food. What's your name, angel?
 * Mathilda: Mathilda.
 * Norman Stansfield: Mathilda, I want you to set the sack on the floor. Good. [He draws a pistol.] And now, I want you to tell me everything you know about Italian food... and don't forget the name of the chef who fixed it for me.
 * Mathilda: Nobody sent me. I do business for myself.
 * Norman Stansfield: So, th-th-this, this is something personal, is it? What filthy piece of shit... did I do now?
 * Mathilda: You killed my brother.
 * Norman Stansfield: I'm sorry. [he moves in close to Mathilda.] And — you wanna join him?
 * Mathilda: No.
 * Norman Stansfield: It's always the same thing. It's when you start to become really afraid of death that you learn to appreciate life. Do you like life, sweetheart?
 * Mathilda: [whispering] Yes.
 * Norman Stansfield: That's good — because I take no pleasure in taking a life if it's from a person who doesn't care about it.

 * [In the restroom, Stansfield reacts to the news of Malky's death at the hands of Leon]
 * Willie: I think it was something personal.
 * Stansfield: [whispering] Death is... whimsical today.

 * SWAT Team Leader: Alpha team, final position, ready to go.
 * Stansfield: Be careful.
 * SWAT Team Leader: Alpha team, man down, man down.
 * Stansfield: I told you. Benny, bring me everyone.
 * Benny: What do you mean "everyone"?
 * Stansfield: EV-ERY-ONE!!
 * Stansfield: EV-ERY-ONE!!

 * Mathilda: I don't wanna lose you, Leon.
 * Léon: You're not going to lose me. You've given me a taste for life. I wanna be happy. Sleep in a bed, have roots. And you'll never be alone again, Mathilda. Please, go now, baby, go. Calm down, go now, go.

 * [Stansfield has shot Leon in the back of the head.]
 * Leon: Stansfield?
 * Stansfield: At your service.
 * Leon: [giving Stansfield something] This is... from... Mathilda...
 * Stansfield: [sees that it's a pin for a grenade and opens Leon's vest to find grenades strapped to his body] Shit...
 * [The building explodes, killing Leon and Stansfield.]

 * Tony: In the meantime, all you gotta do is come here every once in a while and I'll dish it out so's you can have a little fun. Okay? Here's a hundred bucks to start with.
 * Mathilda: Can't I get a job instead?
 * Tony: A job? What the hell can you do?
 * Mathilda: I can "clean".
 * Tony: I ain't got no work for a twelve-year-old kid, so get it out of your goddamn head! It's OVER! The game's OVER! Léon's DEAD!
 * [Mathilda breaks down in tears.]
 * Tony: You hear me?! [softly] Come on. You think I ain't hurtin' too? But he's dead. And you're gonna forget all this craziness and get your little ass back to school. Capisce? [Starts to get impatient] Now take this money, and get the hell outta here, and don't let me see your face till next month, cause something tells me I'm about to lose my famous kind streak!

 * [Mathilda is at the Spencer School for Girls.]
 * Mathilda: My parents... d-died in a car accident four weeks ago. Terrible.
 * Headmistress: You know, we didn't have the time to get to know one another when you first came here. But I want you to know that I'm not the kind of woman that would let down a child — whatever her situation, whatever her mistake. So I'm going to help you and do my best to welcome you here again. But on one condition: you have to stop lying to me, Mathilda. I want you to take a chance, and trust me. Now tell me what happened to you.
 * Mathilda: Okay. My family got shot down by D.E.A. officers because of a drug problem. I left with the greatest guy on earth. He was a hit man — the best in town. But he died this morning... and if you don't help me, I'll be dead by tonight.

About Léon: The Professional

 * I was 11 years old when I first read the script; and I remember reading it, I was sitting in my dad's study sitting in his chair; and I read it and I was crying at the end. I was a very sort of emotional little kid. My parents said, there is no way you're doing this movie; this is absolutely inappropriate for a child your age to do this film. And I was like; this is the greatest thing I've ever read; you will ruin my life, and I was fighting with them so much.
 * Natalie Portman

Taglines

 * He moves without sound. Kills without emotion. Disappears without trace.
 * A perfect assassin. An innocent girl. They have nothing left to lose except each other. He moves without sound. Kills without emotion. Disappears without trace. Only a 12 year old girl... knows his weakness.
 * You can't stop what you can't see.

Cast

 * Jean Reno - Léon
 * Gary Oldman - Norman Stansfield
 * Natalie Portman - Mathilda
 * Danny Aiello - Tony
 * Peter Appel - Malky

title: Léon: The Professional


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Mahathir bin Mohamad

Mahathir bin Mohamad (born 10 July 1925) is a Malaysian politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020.

1970–1999

 * The Malays are spiritually inclined, tolerant and easy-going. The non-Malays, and especially the Chinese, are materialistic, aggressive and have an appetite for work. For equality to come about, it is necessary that these strikingly contrasting races adjust to each other.
 * The Malay Dilemma (1970).

 * The Jews are not merely hook-nosed, but understand money instinctively.
 * The Malay Dilemma (1970).

 * It is disgraceful that you should be used by adults for the purpose of trying to shame us ... The timber industry helps hundreds of thousands of poor people in Malaysia. Are they supposed to remain poor because you want to study tropical animals? Is your study more important than filling the stomachs of poor people? Are Malaysians expected to lose millions of pounds so that you can study animals? [...] I hope you will tell the adults who made use of you to learn all the facts. They should not be too arrogant and know how best to run a country…
 * Letter to Darrel Abercrombie (1987, quoted at Free Malaysia Today

2000–present

 * It's quite obvious that when the Eastern bloc was still there, it was a bustle between capitalism and communism. Once communism was defeated, then capitalism could expand and show its true self. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes.
 * "Commanding Heights" interview with PBS (2 July 2001).

 * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of terrorism. Islam, as I said, is a religion of peace. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people.
 * Speech in New York City

 * We [Muslims] are actually very strong. 1.3 billion people cannot be simply wiped out. The Europeans killed 6 million Jews out of 12 million. But today the Jews rule the world by proxy. They get others to fight and die for them.
 * Speech to a summit of 57 Islamic countries (16 October 2003), as cited in "Mahathir attack on Jews condemned", CNN (17 October 2003)

 * We are up against a people who think. They survived 2,000 years of pogroms not by hitting back but by thinking.
 * They invented Socialism, Communism, human rights and democracy so that persecuting them would appear to be wrong, so that they can enjoy equal rights with others. With these they have now gained control of the most powerful countries and they, this tiny community, have become a world power.
 * Speech to a summit of 57 Islamic countries (16 October 2003), as cited in "Muslim reaction to Mahathir speech", BBC News (18 October 2003)

 * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president.
 * Perdana conference, Kuala Lumpur, cited in

 * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right.
 * The Star (Malaysian publication, December 2005).

 * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong.
 * December 2005, on his successor Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's Parliamentary majority of 92%.

 * I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised.
 * in reference to Prime Minister Najib Razak during a speech at Pasir Gudang on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were UMNO to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech.

 * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. "Dr M on what makes a great leader" malaysiakini (13 August 2009)

 * I am glad to be labeled anti-Semitic [...] How can I be otherwise when the Jews who so often talk of the horrors they suffered during the Holocaust show the same Nazi cruelty and hard-heartedness.
 * Personal blog entry (2012), as cited in "Malaysia’s Newly Elected Prime Minister Has a Troubling History of Hating Jews", Tablet (24 May 2018).

 * We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse.
 * Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on Channel News Asia, "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister" (5 March 2016).

When somebody does wrong, I don't care how big they are. They may be powerful countries but if they do something wrong, I exercise my right of free speech. They criticize me, why can't I criticize them?
 * There is one race that cannot be criticized. If you are antisemitic, it seems almost as if you are a criminal [...] Antisemitic is a term that is invented to prevent people from criticizing the Jews for doing wrong things.
 * Interview with the Associated Press (13 August 2018), as cited in "Malaysian prime minister justifies his license to be antisemitic", The Jerusalem Post (16 August 2018)
 * "Antisemitism [is] hatred of and hostility toward the Jews, at times including the belief that they pose a threat to society and should be eliminated. The term was coined in 1879 by the German anti-Jewish writer Wilhelm Marr to refer specifically to "scientific" rather than "religious" opposition to Jews, but it is generally applied to all manifestations of hatred of the Jewish people." (Adele Berlin (ed.) The Oxford Dictionary of the Jewish Religion, 2nd ed., 2011)

 * I am exercising my right to free speech. Why is it that I can't say something against the Jews, when a lot of people say nasty things about me, about Malaysia, and I didn't protest, I didn’t demonstrate?
 * Speech at Columbia University (25 September 2019), as cited in "'Why can't I say something against Jews?' Malaysia's PM asks at Columbia", The Jerusalem Post (26 September 2019)

That was then, before the creation of the state of Israel, the oppression of the Arabs and the seizure of Palestine land to build Jewish settlements. Very often you kill them. That is what you are doing to them in Jenin [...] '''With all your arrogance and cruelty how can I keep sympathising over your suffering during the Holocaust? ... It was a sympathy that was misplaced and wasted.''' It could have been more; it could have been less. If I said it was four million, I may be right or I may be wrong.
 * I sympathised with the Jews of Europe who were being oppressed by the Nazis, being arrested and killed in their concentration camps.
 * Jews suffered greatly under the Nazis. That experience should make you understand the sufferings of others ... But you oppressed the Palestinians, hounded them from their country, arrested them and jailed them.
 * [Jews are] no longer being subjected to yearly pogroms — genocide. [Instead they] invented and dominate the banking system.
 * [On the number of Jews murdered during the Holocaust] Your figure is six million ... How did you arrive at this exact figure?
 * Comments reproduced in "Ex-Malaysian PM says he rejects ‘Jewish propaganda’ about six million dead", The Jewish Chronicle (27 July 2023)
 * The ellipsis are in the original text.

Malaysian Politicians Say the Darndest Things [Vol I]
Matahari Books, Kuala Lumpur, 20007 ISBN 978-983-43596-0-7
 * We will shoot [any Vietnamese migrants] on sight.
 * Comments (1975) as deputy prime minister on how Malaysia would deal with refugees from Vietnam fleeing the Sino-Vietnamese War, p. 12.

 * To be known you have to be a little bit nasty. In any case, I'm nasty only toward governments. I'm not nasty towards business people.
 * As quoted by The Financial Review (19 November 1993).

 * We also do not call each other "Bapak This" or "Bapak That, not like in the past. We now only hear people calling "Bapak" (father) at home.
 * p. 22

 * Even if I were to kiss and hug Anwar Ibrahim in public, they will say there is a rift because this is what they want to see.
 * p. 31

 * This country stands out like a sore thumb trying to impose its European values in Asia as if the good old days when people can shoot aborigines without caring about human rights.
 * Comments reported by the BBC (December 2002), p. 37
 * on Australia and its perceived political interference in Southeast Asia.

 * When one is short, one should stand on a box to get a better view. The Twin Towers is [sic] to our ego what the box is to the shorties.
 * Quote from Asia Times (3 September 1999), p. 47.
 * The "twin towers" mentioned are the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, the tallest buildings in the world from 1998 to 2004.

On Mahathir bin Mohamad

 * He has no close friends that I know of.
 * Daim Zainuddin, as quoted in Malaysian Politicians Say the Darndest Things [Vol I].

 * What concerns me right now is that with the actions of Dr Mahathir, who is a lauded statesman and a beloved international icon, the country could become unstable, driving away foreign investors from this nation at the same time. As a former Prime Minister, he should be more understanding of what democracy is, which cannot be achieved the way Dr Mahathir is going about it now.
 * Malaysia's Minister of Foreign Affairs Anifah Aman said in a statement on Saturday (March 5) that he was both surprised and disappointed with Dr Mahathir, quoted on Channel News Asia, "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister" (5 March 2016).

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Mahathir bin Mohamad


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User talk:202.105.135.4

This IP has been blocked from editing at Wikiquote because it has been used by a persistent vandal to post unwanted commercial advertisements here. Wikiquote is a non-profit, non-commercial, public service site, not a place for gratuitous advertising. If you are not this vandal, you can notify your Internet service provider of this activity, so that this violation of ethical standards, internet etiquette, and in some places the legal statutes can be addressed by the proper authorities. If you are this vandal and this behavior persists much longer, notifications WILL be sent to the contacts available to the Internet service providers at the CHINANET Guangdong province network and complaints to anti-spam@ns.chinanet.cn.net. If this behavior ends, no notice will be sent to any ISP by me, and after a period of two weeks these notices that have been posted here will be removed. ~ Kalki

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User talk:Ujeev

Welcome to Wikiquote. This is a "User talk" page where people can have dialog about the Wikiquote project. If you click on the "user page" tab above, you can get to a page where you can place information about yourself or your interests, if you desire to do so. The page that you originally created, Ujeev was created in the "article space" of Wikiquote which is primarily for famous people and famous works, rather than among the User pages which are for anybody who wishes to log in. I will probably delete that page in the next few days, but you can copy any of its contents to your user pages. I hope that you will like it here. ~ Kalki 13:31, 9 Dec 2004 (UTC)

title: User talk:Ujeev


text:
Garfield

Garfield is a popular comic strip created by Jim Davis, as well as the name of the main character of the strip.

For quotes from the animated TV series based on the strip, see: Garfield and Friends.

 * Jon: Hey, Lyman. What do you think of my new tennis racket?
 * Lyman: What's it strung with?
 * Jon: Catgut.
 * Garfield: Aunt Reba!
 * (6 Jun 1979)

 * Jon: (to the phone) I may not be rich, but remember this: money can't buy happiness.
 * Garfield: You rent it?!
 * (8 May 2006)

 * Garfield: (Standing atop Jon's easy chair) From this vantage point, I can survey all that I rule!
 * Odie walks by, as does Jon, wearing a T-shirt that says "Kiss Me," a pair of heart-print shorts, and bunny slippers.
 * Garfield: Sigh… I abdicate.
 * (20 May 1991)

 * Jon: Doc, how are you?
 * Liz: Fine.
 * Jon: And how's your boyfriend?
 * Liz: I don't have a boy-
 * (Jon smiles)
 * Garfield: Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.
 * Liz: -friend…
 * (26 Jun 2000)

 * Jon: I'm bored.
 * Garfield You're also boring. (smiles) You do it all!
 * (21 Nov 2000)

 * Jon: Quiet day today.
 * Garfield: Did I mention I rolled Odie up in a blanket and stuffed him onto the top shelf of the hall closet?
 * Jon: Very quiet.
 * Garfield: Quiet indeed…
 * (11 Sep 1993)

 * Garfield: Hey, Jon, what's new?
 * Jon: My life stinks.
 * Garfield: I said what's NEW?
 * (2 Aug 1993)

 * Jon: Somewhere out there is the woman for me!… hiding no doubt.
 * Garfield: That was MY line!
 * (29 Apr 2002)

 * Garfield: (bragging to Jon) I came within an eyelash of catching that pesky mouse today.
 * Mouse: I'm back from Hawaii!
 * Garfield: OK, so it was several eyelashes.
 * (17 Apr 1997)

 * Jon: How cute! Nermal brought me my newspaper! And my slippers and my pipe! What more could a man want?
 * Garfield: (dragging in a woman by her legs) How about a woman?
 * (25 Jan 1984)

 * Garfield: What a dismal day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
 * Jon: Good morning, Garfield. It's a beautiful day today.
 * Garfield: What a beautiful day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
 * (8 Mar 1982)

 * Jon: Having a girlfriend changes everything, Garfield. The ways things taste, the way things smell. I'm gonna have to change my socks more often.
 * Garfield: Especially the way things smell.
 * (8 Aug 2006)

 * Sign: Beware of Dog
 * (Garfield walks along)
 * Sign: Or visit me on the web at:
 * Sign 2 WWW. cut off by panel edge
 * (14 Oct 2006)

 * Jon: I'm in the mood to party!… Or fold laundry.
 * Garfield: There's little difference in Jon's world.
 * (15 Aug 2006)

 * Phone: (When Garfield picks up) May I speak to the head of the household?
 * Garfield: No…
 * Phone: Hello? Hello?
 * Garfield: Cats can't talk.
 * (31 Jul 1996)

 * Phone (Garfield picks up) May I speak to the moron of the house?
 * Garfield (Looking over his shoulder, seeing Jon and Odie) Could you be more specific?
 * (26 Jun 1998)

 * Garfield sleeps at the doorway
 * Jon: (Walks in the door and trips over Garfield, spilling his shopping everywhere) ARRRRGH!
 * Jon GARFIELD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE NEAR THE DOOR?!
 * Jon: (Gets up) I'm sick of tripping over you!
 * Garfield (Walks into the living room) All right! All right!
 * Jon: (Gets up and puts his shopping back into the bags) Why does this always happen to me?
 * Jon: (Walks into the living room and trips over Garfield again, spilling his shopping again) ARRRRGH!
 * Jon: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM?!
 * Garfield: (Puts paws on head) I can't win.
 * (7 Jun 1987)

 * Garfield is building a snowman
 * Jon: (Off-screen) Garfield, hurry up! I'm getting tired!
 * Garfield: Gripe, gripe, gripe.
 * Jon: (Off-screen) And I'm freezing, too!
 * Garfield: You can't rush art, you big crybaby.
 * Cut to Jon dressed as a "model" for Garfield's snowman, wearing a white cap and a fake carrot on his nose and with his arms spread out wide a la the twig arms on the snowman.
 * Jon: The things I do for my pets.
 * Garfield: Hold still.
 * (10 Jan 1992)

 * Jon: Garfield, why aren't women attracted to me?
 * Garfield snatches Jon's coffee cup
 * Jon: Hey! That's my Binky the Clown cup! (Throws temper tantrum) MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!
 * Garfield: I think I've isolated your problem.
 * (18 Nov 1991)

 * Jon: So, doc, how's Garfield?
 * Liz: Fine.
 * Jon: And how's Odie?
 * Liz: Fine.
 * Jon: And how are you?
 * Liz: Fine.
 * Jon: Okay if I pay by check?
 * Liz: Fine.
 * Jon: How about a date?
 * Liz: Fine.
 * Jon: (Cheering) YEEESS!! YEEESS!!
 * Liz: THAT'S CHEATING!
 * Garfield: If you can't attract 'em, trick 'em.
 * Odie: ?
 * (13 Oct 1991)

 * Jon is whistling off screen, there is a plate of 4 cookies on the table and Garfield walks in with a cup of coffee
 * Jon: (Off-screen) Okay, here we go....Aaannnd... (Garfield picks up a cookie)
 * A loud crash is heard. Garfield takes a bite out of the cookie.
 * Jon: (Off-screen) Okay, okay, I know what I did wrong... Let's try that againnnnn... (Garfield takes a sip of coffee)
 * Something falls over, creating a second crash, glass breaks and there is a small tinkling noise is heard. Garfield finishes the cookie.
 * Jon: (Off-screen) ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY... YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP OR ELSE!! (Garfield takes another sip of coffee)
 * Something falls over again, creating a third crash.
 * Jon: (Off-screen) AAARRRGGHH!
 * Garfield: Christmas Tree: 3. Jon: 0.
 * (6 Dec 1998)

 * (Jon discovers that Garfield ate all of the Christmas cookies)
 * Jon: You ate all the Christmas cookies!
 * Garfield: So I did.
 * (Jon looks angry)
 * Garfield: (crosses his arms) So, what are you going to do about it?
 * Jon: (walks off) I'm telling Santa.
 * Garfield: WAIT! I'M SORRY! I'LL MAKE SOME MORE! I'LL LEARN TO BAKE!
 * (12 Dec 2007)

 * Jon: (Watching Garfield eat) You know, Garfield... I wouldn't say you're fat, but...
 * Jon is shown with Garfield's food bowl lodged in his mouth.
 * Garfield: Then don't.
 * (2 Jun 1987)

 * Garfield: (Showing a single cat hair to Jon) This is all I'll be shedding today.
 * He leaves the hair on the table and walks away.
 * Jon: I dread tomorrow.
 * (10 Oct 2002)

 * Jon: (Showing a plate of food to Garfield) Garfield, see what this tastes like.
 * Garfield: (Sampling the food) Tastes like an old hyena!
 * Jon: It's old hyena.
 * Garfield: Then why don't I feel like laughing?
 * (24 May 1995)

 * Jon: (On the phone) Hello, Evelyn? This is Jon Arbuckle. Would you care to join me in a little fine dining this evening? I know this cozy little out-of-the-way seafood bistro... Wonderful food... Great atmosphere... Pardon? Stinky Bob's Sushi Bar and Bait Shack.
 * Garfield: Cue the crushing rejection.
 * (1 Sep 2002)

 * Jon and Garfield are racing for the last hot dog. Jon reaches it first.
 * Jon: HA! BEAT YOU TO IT!...Uh, Garfield, would you mind taking your claws out of my hand?
 * Garfield: Give me a good reason.
 * (25 Jan 1990)

 * Jon: Why don't you ever listen to me?
 * Garfield: Huh?
 * Jon: Why don't you ever agree with me?
 * Garfield: That's not true.
 * Jon: Why don't you show me any respect?
 * Garfield: I do... bonehead.
 * Jon: Why don't you ever show affection?
 * Garfield: Catch me around a mirror sometime.
 * Jon: Why don't you cause me so much grief?!
 * Garfield: Because I'm a cat.
 * Jon: And why do I still love you anyway?
 * Garfield: See previous answer.
 * (06 Oct 2002)

 * Jon: Two steak dinners, and make mine medium.
 * Irma: And your buddy's?
 * Garfield: Moo.
 * Jon: Rare.
 * Irma: Check.
 * (04 Mar 2002)

 * Jon's mom: (reading a photo album) Here's you, Jonny, in the first grade.
 * Doc Boy: Awwww...
 * Jon's mom: And here's Doc Boy, running naked through the soybeans.
 * Jon: When was that taken?
 * Jon's mom: This summer.
 * Jon: (mockingly) Awwww!
 * (16 Dec 1993)

 * (A spider hits Garfield with one of his legs, so Garfield squishes him with a newspaper, leaving it on top of him.)
 * Spider: Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
 * (17 May 1995)

 * (Jon is talking to Garfield.)
 * Jon: I'm trying to decide which would be more exercise: Running around the block... Or running around you.
 * (Garfield now has an angry look on his face, and is showing his claws to Jon.)
 * Garfield: How about running from me, smart guy?
 * (18 Mar 2003)

 * Jon: Cats are mysterious creatures.
 * Garfield wheels past him on a unicycle, while wearing a pair of underwear on his head, flapping his right arm like a chicken, and holding a pennant that says "I Like Ike" in his left hand.
 * Jon: And scary.
 * (30 Nov 1998)

 * Jon: Just one bite of chicken and that's it, Garfield.
 * Garfield opens his mouth wide and puts the entire bird inside.
 * Jon: If you swallow, I'll tie a knot in your neck.
 * (24 Dec 1979)

 * ''Jon and Garfield are just about to leave the farm.
 * Jon: Thanks, Mom. We really ha-
 * Mom: (interrupting) How about taking some food with you?
 * Jon: Well... maybe just a...
 * Mom: (interrupting again) Dad!
 * Cut to Mom tying something big to the roof of the car, while Garfield looks on, clearly pleased.
 * Dad: Hey, Doc Boy! I think that side of beef will fit in the trunk!
 * (11 Nov 1989)

 * Jon: (brandishing a letter) This came in the mail for you.
 * He takes the letter out of the envelope and reads it.
 * Jon: Maybe now you'll consider dieting. You've been classified as a small planet!
 * Garfield: Cool!
 * (15 Apr 2004)

 * Jon: Do you think glasses would make me look smarter?
 * Garfield: Let's find out. (leaves, then returns, wearing glasses)
 * Garfield: No, you still look stupid.
 * (5 Sep 1997)

 * Jon: I'm starting your diet, Garfield. How would you like this head of cabbage prepared?
 * Garfield: Deep-fry that sucker.
 * Jon: Boiled it is.
 * Garfield: What we have here is a failure to communicate.
 * (4 July 1979)

 * (Garfield chases Odie up a tree.)
 * Jon: Odie! Dogs can't climb trees!
 * Garfield: It's amazing what one can do when one doesn't know what one can't do.
 * (19 Jan 1982)

 * Jon: Hey, Garfield, how are you going to get out of that tree?
 * Garfield: (bounces off of Jon and Odie's heads) Why, by using my head... and Jon's, and Odie's.
 * (21 Jan 1982)

 * Mouse: (running) Help! I am frightened of that big, strong cat!
 * Jon looks confused by what the mouse said, then he turns and glares at Garfield, who's holding up a cue card that reads "Help! I am frightened of that big, strong cat!"
 * Garfield: What?
 * (15 Jan 2004)

 * Jon: (while walking out the front door, carrying a surfboard and a beach ball, and wearing flippers) Got my beach ball, got my fins, got my surfboard...
 * Woman: (off-screen) EEK!! (Jon looks down in shock)
 * Garfield: I'll get your trunks...
 * (10 July 1997)

 * Jon: (groggy, and holding a tube of toothpaste) Where's my toothbrush? (Garfield hands him a toilet brush) Thank you. (proceeds to brush his teeth with the toilet brush)
 * Garfield: (smiling with delight) These are the memories that last a lifetime.
 * (6 Oct 1989)

 * Jon: Garfield's in for a big surprise. I put an alarm on the refrigerator. (In the background, Garfield is seen running into the kitchen.) That's the first rule for successfully living with a cat. (Garfield looks at Jon from around the corner.) You must be smarter than the cat. (Garfield is seen in the background, carrying the refrigerator, which is now unplugged, on his back.)
 * (31 Aug 1983)

 * (Garfield is asleep in bed.)
 * Odie: BARK! (wakes Garfield up)
 * Garfield: Shut the..... (Looks around room) Oh, yeah, it's Christmas morning. This morning, I have to get up early, be nice to people, skip breakfast...
 * Odie: Urf!
 * Jon: (holding Garfield) I love you, Garfield!
 * Garfield: I wish it would never end.
 * (25 Dec 1988)

 * Jon: Meow. Meow. Okay, what did I just say to you, Garfield?
 * Garfield: You said "Meow," you idiot.
 * (14 Jan 1998)

 * (Jon is on the phone. He looks behind him, then resumes talking.)
 * Jon: Hi, I'd like to order a pizza...
 * (He looks behind him again.)
 * Jon: ...with everything on it...
 * (...and again.)
 * Jon: ...and do you have anything bigger than a large, you dork?
 * Garfield: (holding a cue card that reads "Bigger than a large, you dork") Oops...
 * (18 Sep 2005)

 * Garfield: (running to Jon) I had nothing to do with it!
 * (beat, then something falls off-screen, creating a thud.)
 * Garfield: (face palm) Timing, Garfield, timing!
 * (17 Oct 1997)

 * Jon: (showing Dad his bathroom) Here it is, Dad; a modern bathroom with all the conveniences.
 * Dad: I know that! What kind of rube do you think I am?
 * (Jon walks out of the bathroom... and immediately hears a loud crack.)
 * Dad: (off-screen) MODERN CONVENIENCES, HA! CHEAP, YOU MEAN!
 * (Jon looks back into the bathroom... and sees a huge fountain of water coming out of the sink.)
 * Dad: (holding the faucet in his hand) Pumped the handle twice and it snapped like a twig!
 * (28 Jan 1988)

 * (Jon is sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. He hears the doorbell ring, then walks to the front door and opens it. To his surprise, it's Garfield.)
 * Jon: Garfield, cats don't ring doorbells when they want in.
 * Garfield: Fine... (re-exits the house)
 * (Heavy scratching is heard at the door, then Garfield walks back inside. Much to Jon's chagrin, the front door is covered in claw marks.)
 * Garfield: Happy now?
 * (27 Mar 1994)

 * Jon: (holds out his arm) My future is looking bright!
 * (Beat)
 * Jon: (shaking his arm) CRAMP! CRAMP!
 * Garfield: Has the future started yet?
 * (22 Apr 1999)

 * Garfield: (standing in a field on a sunny day) Ah, nature!
 * (A thunderstorm suddenly begins. Later, Garfield is seen inside, soaking wet, and glaring at Jon.)
 * Garfield: Did you forget to pay the nature bill?
 * (7 Nov 2002)

 * (It is the middle of the night. Garfield walks to the refrigerator and opens it, but no light is seen.)
 * Garfield: Hmmm... the little light in the refrigerator has burned out. (walks to the drawer, carrying the tiny bulb.) This dinky thing was never bright enough anyway... (holding a regular-sized light bulb) Better.
 * (Later that night, Jon is seen walking to the fridge.)
 * Jon: A snack should help me sleep...
 * (Cut to an exterior view of the house, shown from across the street. Jon opens the refrigerator door, and the house is immediately illuminated with a very, very bright light.)
 * Jon: GARFIELD!!
 * (10 July 1994)

 * (Garfield is walking with Odie, who has a bone in his mouth. They eventually arrive at the edge of a cliff.)
 * Garfield: Here's a good spot to bury your bone, Odie!
 * (Odie is seen digging into the cliff, as a content Garfield walks away.)
 * Garfield: I love my job.
 * (24 June 2009)

 * (Garfield is lying on the table.)
 * Jon: GARFIELD! (Jon is seen holding a carrot on a plate.) ''' Dinner!
 * (Jon sets the plate on the table and walks away, while a shocked Garfield comes to the table. Sadly, he takes a bite out of the carrot, then walks to the kitchen while still chewing his carrot. He then starts crying, standing by a locked fridge.)
 * (8 Oct 1995)

 * (Garfield is lying on the table, when a blueberry muffin comes up to him.)
 * Blueberry Muffin: Hi, I'm a blueberry muffin and seem to have lost my way.
 * (A butter pat appears behind the muffin.)
 * Butter Pat: Excuse me... I'm a butter pat and I'm also lost...
 * Blueberry Muffin: Hi, Pat!
 * Off-screen voice: Pardon...
 * (A cup of coffee appears behind the pat.)
 * Cup of coffee: I'm a steaming-hot cup of coffee and I do believe I've taken a wrong turn.
 * Garfield: (realizing this is a dream, and shedding a tear) Even if this is a dream, it's still the happiest moment of my life.
 * Blueberry Muffin: I'm cold. Can you warm me up?
 * Butter Pat: Me too.
 * Cup of coffee: I'm burning up...got any cream?
 * Crescent roll: (appearing behind the cup of coffee) Hey, parlez-vous francais, anyone?!
 * (21 Apr 2002)

 * (Garfield is seen with a carrot on a plate at the table.)
 * Garfield: (with an angry look on his face) I hate this diet.
 * (Music from an ice cream truck plays, possibly from the window. Garfield, hearing this, starts crying, wanting to quit his diet.)
 * Jon: (also hearing the music) Ice cream truck.
 * (10 Nov 1997)

 * (Odie is howling outside.)
 * Jon: (inside the house) Odie! Cut that out!
 * ''(Garfield is also heard howling... by the fridge. Jon does a face-palm when seeing this.)
 * (27 May 1982)

 * (It is the middle of the night. There is no light on, and only Garfield's eyes are shown)
 * Garfield: Hmmmm...It's that time of night. Time to sneak out to the fridge for a midnight snack.
 * ''(He sneaks to the fridge and opens the door. To his surprise, no light is seen. Garfield screams off-screen. As he does, Jon is shown in bed, holding the now burned-out light bulb.)
 * (5 Nov 1995)

 * (Jon comes in the door, wounded.)
 * Jon: I had an accident today at the salad bar. I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of garbanzo beans onto the floor. A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen. Then her husband threw a bowl of broccoli florets at me and I ducked, falling face first into the french dressing. Then the woman attacked me, force-feeding me jalapeno peppers and stuffing black olives in my ears while her husband put a cold pewter plate down my plants.
 * Garfield: So, what was the soup of the day?
 * (10 Oct 1999)

 * (Garfield is seen with Pooky.)
 * Garfield: Oh no! Pooky's broken a stitch! (He starts crying, then stops for a moment.) When I diet, I get emotional.
 * (8 Apr 1982)

 * (Garfield is shown standing by the fridge.)
 * Garfield: I'm strong. I can handle this diet. (He begins sobbing.) Then why do I feel like I've just lost my best friend?
 * (1 Jul 1982)

 * (Garfield is shown standing by a hamburger.)
 * Garfield: I shall now use sheer willpower to resist eating that hamburger. (He tries not to eat the hamburger, but then ends up crying.)
 * Jon: I'm beginning to worry about Garfield.
 * (9 Sep 1982)

 * (Garfield is seen on a laptop, getting ready to type a note. He types in:
 * Dear Jon,
 * Life here with you has
 * become unbearable.
 * I can't stand it in this
 * house another day, so I am
 * running away to join the
 * French Foreign Legion.
 * Please don't try to find me.
 * Just know that this is what I
 * want, and that it's the best
 * thing for both of us. Goodbye.
 * (He prints the note on a printer and carries it. Later, Jon spots the note in a fish bowl (in which the fish had already been eaten by Garfield, complete with tartar sauce and a lemon wedge.))
 * Jon: GARFIELD!!
 * (26 Apr 2009)

 * (Garfield is lying in bed and holding a stick with his face on it)
 * Garfield: Monday check. (A small pie hits the face) HA! (He gets up from the bed, as a huge pie is about to hit Garfield in the back) Fooled you!
 * (18 Jan 1993)

 * ''(Garfield is riding on Odie's back, holding on to his ears. Garfield suddenly disappears, with only Odie remaining. Garfield is then shown in a tree with his feet off the ground and a branch stuck in his mouth.)
 * Garfield: Mmmph.
 * (29 Jul 1981)

 * (Jon sets up Garfield's food bowl)
 * Jon: They've improved your cat food. It doesn't look and smell as disgusting as it used to.
 * Garfield: (walking away on all fours) Then it isn't cat food.
 * (29 Apr 2004)

 * (Garfield is seen sitting on a bench)
 * Garfield: So what if I'm lost. Big deal. I can handle it. Cats are adventurous. Cats are independent. Cats are strong... (Garfield unexpectedly ends up sobbing) I want my teddy bear!
 * (2 Feb 1981)

 * (Garfield is seen up the tree)
 * Garfield: What does Garfield The Cat do when he's stuck up a tree? Why what any honorable cat would do, of course.
 * (He starts crying for attention)
 * (7 Jul 1981)

 * (Garfield is begging to Jon for food)
 * Jon: Garfield, begging for food is not going to get you anything to eat. (Garfield starts throwing a crying tantrum) Throwing a tantrum is not going to get you anything to eat. (Garfield stops the tantrum and tugs his shirt, getting ready to punch Jon.) Now you're getting somewhere.
 * (2 Nov 1985)

 * (Jon is seen in an assembly)
 * Jon: (clears his throat) I am honored to address this assembly of the United Nations. And the millions watching by television. I am Jon Arbuckle, and I can't get a date to save my life. (lowers down to reveal he isn't wearing pants) Also, I forgot to wear pants. (It turns out to be a dream, and Jon wakes up screaming.) Garfield, I just had a terrible nightmare!
 * Garfield: Not the one about the rubber pizzas?!
 * (1 Dec 1991)

 * ''(Jon, whistling, is seen packing a picnic lunch for Liz. Later on, he comes to Liz's house, drives to the woods for their picnic, and starts to unpack stuff. But as they unpack, Garfield in suddenly heard burping in the basket. Later, Jon and Liz, unpleased, are shown in a drive-thru at Binky Burger with Garfield in the back, using a toothpick.)
 * Cashier: May I have your order?
 * (8 Jul 2007)

 * (Jon is on the phone)
 * Jon: Hello? Yes, this is he...A date?...With me?! This Friday night?! Pinch me, I must be dreaming!
 * (Garfield pinches him, and then Jon wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming.)
 * (13 May 1999)

 * (Garfield is seen watching TV)
 * Announcer: This week on "Unfinished Sentence Theater," we will...Thanks for watch...Tune in again next... (Garfield screams)
 * (26 May 1999)

 * (A mouse is standing behind Garfield, glaring at him.)
 * Mouse: Hey! That girl you sit on the fence with ate my buddy, Dave!
 * Garfield: Arlene?
 * Mouse: (distraught) Never again will I thrill to him playing those traditional mouse folk rumbas on his tiny accordion! (walks away, sobbing)
 * Garfield: I'll speak to her about it.
 * (Cut to the fence, later that night. Arlene is sitting on the fence, then Garfield walks in and sits down next to her.)
 * Garfield: Hi, Arlene.
 * Arlene: Hi, Garfield.
 * Garfield: Thanks for eating Dave.
 * Arlene: His sister-in-law sent me flowers.
 * (18 Jan 2009)

 * (Jon is walking into a room, holding something behind his back.)
 * Jon: Oh, Garfield...
 * ''(Jon enters the room, where Garfield is sitting in a recliner in front of the TV, surrounded by numerous potted plants, a hanging plant, a couple of framed pictures, a coffee table, a lamp, and an umbrella stand. It is revealed that Jon is holding a box of kitty treats.)
 * Jon: Garfield, I'm going to teach you self-control. This is a box of kitty treats. (puts the box on the floor) Do not take the kitty treats. (turns to leave) I'm leaving the room now. You are not to take the kitty treats.
 * (Jon waits outside the room briefly, then starts to return.)
 * Jon: Okay, I'm coming back in now! The kitty treats had better be there!
 * (Jon looks into the room... and sees that everything is gone, including the light switch. That is, everything... except the kitty treats.)
 * (1 July 1990)

 * (Liz is shown at the vet on the phone)
 * Liz: Hi, Jon, this is Liz. I was just calling to remind you that Garfield is due for his checkup next week...
 * (A sudden hiss is heard on the phone, followed by being hung up. Cut back to the house to reveal Garfield was on the phone and hung up on Liz.)
 * (27 Apr 1993)

 * (Garfield is on the kitchen table, waiting for coffee.)
 * Jon: (setting a coffee cup down) Here's your coffee. By the way, we're out of cream. I'll get the sugar though.
 * (Both Jon and Garfield walk away, Jon getting the sugar, and Garfield walking outside. Some crying (likely from a baby) is heard from outside. Cut back to the table. Jon is holding the cup of sugar, and Garfield had gotten a baby bottle with milk, to substitute cream.)
 * (20 Oct 1996)

 * Garfield: I hate Mondays.
 * Jon: Hey Garfield! It's Mondayǃ

ːGarfieldː And people who love that I hate Mondays. ː(21 Jun 2004)

 * Jon: (Garfield had eaten his lunch) Garfield, stealing my lunch wasn't nice.
 * Garfield: Not nice? (Garfield starts sobbing in confusion and tugs Jon's shirt.) '''Not nice?! Oh, no!!! Anything but that!!
 * Jon: You're cold.
 * Garfield: What if I shaved my head as penance?
 * (23 Mar 1993)

 * (Garfield walks in on a dog and a "Beware of the Dog" sign that has a lot of free space underneath it. He takes out a pencil and writes on the sign, so that it now says "Beware of the Dog's Breath!")
 * Dog: Now that hurts.
 * Garfield: (grinning and holding a breath mint the size of a cake) Mint?
 * (25 Oct 2005)

 * Jon: All right, Garfield! (reaches for the phone) That's it! I'm calling Santa! (dialing) And I'm telling him what you did!
 * Operator: You have reached the North Pole "Naughty Line". We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls. Please stay on the line, and your call will be answered in the order it was received.
 * (Jon gets put on hold with a loud voice singing "Deck the Halls")
 * Garfield: With any luck, he'll be on hold till January.
 * (12 Dec 2010)

 * Jon: (standing outside the front door) What a beautiful morning! (taking off his shoes) Who needs shoes on a day like this?
 * (Jon and Garfield are walking through the front lawn.)
 * Jon: Yesiree, Garfield, there's nothing like the feel of fresh, cool grass on your fee-Hey, there are ants in this grass! Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow!
 * (There is now a snake coiled around Jon's leg.)
 * Jon: A GARDEN SNAKE! YAAAAH!
 * (Jon retreats to the sidewalk, which, unfortunately for him, is...)
 * Jon: HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!
 * (His frantic dancing causes him to step in some...)
 * Jon: GAAH! GUM!
 * Garfield: (still in the grass) Shall we have a moment of silence for this man's dignity?
 * (16 Aug 1998)

 * Jon: (to Odie and Garfield, smiling and holding a big bowl of salad) Who wants a salad?!
 * (The two pets just stare at Jon in confusion; Garfield has a blank expression, while Odie legitimately looks ready to cry)
 * Jon: (somewhat annoyed) Thank goodness no one was hurt in the stampede.
 * Garfield: (whispering to Odie) That's his little attempt at sarcasm.
 * (14 Jan 2011)

 * (Jon and Garfield are outside)
 * Jon: Isn't this better than watching TV in a stuffy room? This is reality!
 * Garfield: Ummm... so it's like a documentary?
 * Jon: (irritated) It's called "OUTSIDE"!

 * (Odie's dingleball passes through Garfield's legs)
 * Garfield: Uh-oh.
 * Dingleball: Dingle dingle
 * (The dingleball passes through Jon's legs. Garfield is now riding Odie. Jon is reading the newspaper and the door is open.)
 * Jon: YAAAAAHH!! (They are now outside. Odie is chasing the dingle ball, Garfield has Jon's feet in his hands, and Jon is waving his hands around with his newspaper in his face. two cops are watching the whole scene.)
 *  Cop #1: I'd say they've broken at least three city ordanances, right, Bubba?
 *  Cop #2: I didn't see nothin'. let's go get a donut.

 * (There is a purple sign around Garfield's neck. It reads "Hunter")
 * (There is also a light blue sign around Squeak's neck that reads "Prey")
 * Jon: See, Garfield... You are the hunter... the mouse is the prey. Now what does the hunter do?
 * (Garfield & Squeak take off their signs and hang a yellow sign around Jon's neck that reads "Dork Boy".)

 * Jon: You know, I've always felt like I was destined for greater things... (a very loud snort is then heard.) What was THAT?
 * Garfield: (holding nose) A really painful stifled laugh.

title: Garfield


text:
Brian Wilson

Brian Douglas Wilson (born 20 June 1942) is an American musician most famous as the chief songwriter of The Beach Boys. Besides acting as their co-lead vocalist, he also functioned as the band's main producer and arranger.

1980s

 * Being single is like liking a Phil Spector record.
 * During an appearance on The Tonight Show (1984)

 * All of us have the privilege of making music that helps and heals — to make music that makes people happier, stronger and kinder. Don't forget: music is God's voice.
 * At the induction ceremony of The Beach Boys into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (January 1988) · Video of acceptance speech

 * Being called a musical genius was a cross to bear. Genius is a big word. But if you have to live up to something, you might as well live up to that. God damn!
 * "Brian Wilson: God Only Knows" in Rolling Stone (11 August 1988)

 * On all of [our Beach Boys records] I said this is a smash! this is a number one smash! And that's how I used to talk to people. I'd talk to Mike Love, I'd say we've got a Top Ten smash on our hands! On Billboard, on Cashbox. And then finally it'd go to number one and I'd call him and say, "We've made it to number one!" and he'd go, "Whoa!" We'd get excited, right. We couldn't help it. It's an exciting thing to get a number one record. A number one record is like the first time you ever fucked a girl, it's a thrill. You know what I mean?
 * You don't want to be scared all the time. There are other emotions besides fear. You've got anger. You've got jealousy. You've got joy. You've got fascination. You've got jealousy. You've got anger. You've got frustration. You've got hunger. You've got all those emotions. But that's how it's strung together. We strung all these hits together. One hit, strung it together. Another hit, strung it together. Another hit, strung it together. And pretty soon we had a string of hits.
 * "Trouble in Mind - An Interview with Brian Wilson" in BAM! (August 1988)

Bassics interview (1999)

 * "The Low Down on the Low End" Interview with Dale Turner (songwriter) (9 December 1999); published in Bassics (June/July 2000)

 * I would have the musicians keep playing over and over again till the sound made sense. I worked overtime on that; I worked hours to get it right. If the sound didn't make any sense, then I wouldn't know what to do — I'd be lost! It's instinct that tells me. I have an instinct for music, or a feeling about it, and I'll have my feelings guide my hands.

 * It was very competitive in the '60s. And everybody caught the bug, y'know? It was like a “competitive bug.” And, as far as I could see, everybody was turning everybody on. … The Beatles were a part of that whole “competition” thing. Rubber Soul blew my mind. It really made me wanna record; it made me wanna cut. It sounds like a collection of songs that belong together, and it was an uplifting feeling. So I thought I'd make a collection of songs — called  Pet Sounds  — together. That's how I got that idea. … I'm proud of it. I think it's a very everlasting album. I'm very proud of the love that went into it. A lot of love went into that album. And people pick up on that too, and they really like it 'cause they feel the love.

2000s

 * I think because I felt so sad I had to bring out my feelings, and try to create music that would make me and all my friends feel better.
 * Caroline Now! interview (20 April 2000)

 * It's funny how people are pickin' up on our music now, you know? I think it's wonderful that people like our music.
 * Caroline Now! interview (20 April 2000)

 * I met Paul in 1967, Ringo in 1985, and I saw George Harrison in a nightclub somewhere in L. A. I never met John.
 * On the Beatles. "A Pop Genius Speaks of Love, Mercy, and Melody " (6 November 2001)
 * We wanted to bring some love to the world. I thought we were good at doing that. Bringin' love to the world.
 * "A Pop Genius Speaks of Love, Mercy, and Melody " (6 November 2001)

CNN interview (2004)

 * Larry King Live (20 August 2004)

 * I'm doing good. I've had a slight nervous breakdown in the '60s. I got through that. And I got through the '70s. And I was in a doctor's program during the '80s and then I met Melinda and we've been together ever since. I've got a happy life.

 * Did I suffer from depression? Yes, a little, from time to time. Yes. … I'm not as depressed as I was. I get depressed now and then but not very much anymore. … At the height of it it was just God-awful. It was really bad.

 * It started out — my mom and dad took a little vacation to Mexico and they left $250 for food. But instead of food we went and bought some instruments. We got a bass, guitar and a set of drums. … I was 19. Dennis was 15. Carl was 17. Mike was 18. Al was 19. And so we wrote a song called "Surfin'" in my living room. We were all playing and singing and Mike and I wrote a song called "Surfin'" and that's how it all started.

 * Dennis surfed. I couldn't surf. I never learned how.

 * The sound was essentially background sound, myself, and Carl, Dennis and Al Jardine, Mike was our lead singer. The four of us put our voices together. We had done it really beautifully. We had a beautiful blend. We really did.

 * My cousin came over to my house one day just to fool around and we said — he said, some day we should start a rock n' roll group. We could all get together. And I said, I know I guy named Al Jardine who plays bass and could probably sing good. You know. So we went from there.

 * I was very, very surprised. I never thought I would be that loved or respected.

 * Now and then I'll be a little brief with some of my band members. I won't talk or I'll refrain from talking to my band while we're rehearsing. But basically I am friendly with people. … I'll go on cold streaks. I'll work with a collaborator then I'll stop calling the collaborator for a couple weeks. I'll say I need a break from you for a couple weeks. But they're "OK, fine, fine, I'll see you in two weeks."

 * I talked to Paul McCartney over the years ranging from 1967 to 2004. … At the landmine show he did "God Only Knows" with me and I did "Let It Be" with him. And then I called him about four months ago asking him if he could come out and do — sing a song called "A Friend Like You," which I wrote for him, me and my collaborator wrote for him. And he said he'd love to come out. And he came to the studio and that was one of the bigger thrills of my life to tell you the truth, to produce Paul McCartney. And that was a thrill for me. That was a thrill.

 * If there's not love present, it's much, much harder to function. When there's love present, it's easier to deal with life.

OffBeat interview (2005)

 * "Backtalk with Brian Wilson" by H. Andrew Schwartz

 * Humor — it helps to make the vibe better — it loosens up the vibrations.

 * Spirituality amounts to love with me. I consider it the same as love. And my band members are full of love.

 * When people hear music that is spiritual it gets through. Music that is Godlike and loving gets through. I don’t have any power in this world, but I have spiritual power. I think God gave me my music and my talent. I’m trying to get across a feeling of spirituality; I think I have a spiritual influence on people.

 * I think about God, yes, and I wonder if there is a God. And if there is a God, will God please help me through my hard trips.

From collaborators

 * Brian didn't really write lyrics to the songs; he edited them. That means he might have simply said that he didn't like a particular line. I would then have tried to convince him of its merit, if I felt strongly about it, or I would have written an alternate in an attempt to get closer to what he seemed to be after. None of this is to say that he didn't supply words to some of the songs. He did. But his role was more to react to what I did after I did it, rather than to direct it before it occurred or even as it was occurring. It's fair to say that the general tenor of the lyrics was always his and the actual choice of words was usually mine. I was really just the interpreter.
 * Tony Asher, lyricist on many of Wilson's songs; quoted in the liner notes for Pet Sounds by Brad Elliott (May 1999)]

From other artists

 * There is a new song, too complex to get all of first time around. It could come only out of the ferment that characterizes today's pop music scene. Brian Wilson, leader of the famous Beach Boys, and one of today's most important musicians, sings his own 'Surf's Up.' Poetic, beautiful even in its obscurity, 'Surf's Up' is one aspect of new things happening in pop music today. As such, it is a symbol of the change many of these young musicians see in our future.
 * David Oppenheim, as quoted Brian Wilson official site

 * I've always liked Brian Wilson all the way through The Beach Boys. But Pet Sounds blew me away. It’s still one of my favorite albums. When I first heard it, I thought, Wow, this is the greatest record of all time! Brian took the bass into very unusual places. The band would play in C, and Brian would stay in G. That kind of thing. It gave me great ideas. That musical invention of Brian Wilson was eye-opening, I mean, ear-opening. ... It was Pet Sounds that blew me out of the water. I love the album so much. I’ve just bought my kids each a copy of it for their education in life … I figure no one is educated musically ’til they’ve heard that album … I love the orchestra, the arrangements … it may be going overboard to say it’s the classic of the century … but to me, it certainly is a total, classic record that is unbeatable in many ways … I’ve often played Pet Sounds and cried.
 * Paul McCartney, 1990 interview with David Leaf

 * He's a modern day Stravinsky, the way he constructs his music, he's a madman.... He was doing stuff [40 years ago] that modern people do now, looping his work and stuff. There's a track on Smile with a whole bunch of tubas having a conversation with trumpets. It's great.
 * Questlove, The Roots

 * The one thing that stopped Pet Sounds from being the best album ever made was that the titles are not memorable at all. The tunes are just sensational, though. Ever since, I've been a giant fan of Brian.
 * Jeff Lynne,

title: Brian Wilson


text:
Category:Economists

 * See also: Category:Economics (themes).

title: Category:Economists