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William Hague

William Jefferson Hague, Baron Hague of Richmond (born 26 March 1961) is a British Conservative Party politician and life peer who served as Leader of the Conservative Party and Leader of the Opposition from 1997 to 2001. He was the Member of Parliament (MP) for Richmond (Yorks) in North Yorkshire from 1989 to 2015. He served in the Cameron government as First Secretary of State from 2010 to 2015, Foreign Secretary from 2010 to 2014, and Leader of the House of Commons from 2014 to 2015.

2000–2001

 * I was the driver's mate, delivering the bottles and beer around South Yorkshire. We used to have a pint at every stop – well the driver's mate did, not the driver, thankfully – and we used to have about 10 stops in a day. You worked so hard you didn't feel you'd drunk 10 pints by four o'clock, you used to sweat so much. But then you had to lift all the empties off the lorry. It's probably horrifying but we used to do that then go home for tea and then go out in the evening to the pub.
 * Interview, GQ magazine, August 2000
 * Reminiscing about his days delivering soft drinks for the family firm while a teenager. The interviewer asked whether that might make 14 pints per day and Hague agreed.

 * Nothing is more absurd than a Prime Minister who has committed us in principle to joining the Euro saying last week that he was against it. He talks about his five tests; we know what they are: "Does Peter want it? Will Gordon let me? Will the French like it? Will Robin notice? Can I get away with it?
 * Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons (25 October 2000).

 * In the Prime Minister, we have a man who has forfeited the right to be believed or to be trusted. In more than 20 years in politics, he has betrayed every cause he believed in, contradicted every statement he has made, broken every promise he has given and breached every agreement that he has entered into. In 1982, the Prime Minister said that we would negotiate a withdrawal from the EEC. In 1994, he said: "Under my leadership, I will never allow this country to be isolated." In 1996, he said that he had made it clear that if it is in Britain's interest to be isolated then we will be isolated. There is a lifetime of U-turns, errors and sell-outs. All those hon. Members who sit behind the Prime Minister and wonder whether they stand for anything any longer, or whether they defend any point of principle, know who has led them to that sorry state. In one of his frequent meetings with the former leader of the Liberal party, whom he so much preferred to meeting his own Cabinet, the Prime Minister told us as it is. He said that he had taken from his party everything they thought they believed in and had stripped them of their core beliefs and that what kept them together was power.
 * Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons (6 December 2000).

 * I thank the Prime Minister for his remarks about me. Debating with him at the Dispatch Box has been exciting, fascinating, fun, an enormous challenge and, from my point of view, wholly unproductive in every sense. I am told that in my time at the Dispatch Box I have asked the Prime Minister 1,118 direct questions, but no one has counted the direct answers—it may not take long.
 * Prime Minister's Questions, House of Commons (18 July 2001).

2006–2008

 * For the first time in history at Question Time, all three parties are represented by a stand-in for the real leader.
 * Prime Minister's Questions, House of Commons (15 February 2006). Deputising for David Cameron who was absent, but Tony Blair was answering questions as the active leader of the Labour party. Hague was suggesting that Gordon Brown was the "true" power behind the party.

 * To see how the post of a permanent President of the European Council could evolve is not difficult even for the humblest student of politics, and it is, of course, rumoured that one Tony Blair may be interested in the job. Now, if that makes us uncomfortable on these benches, just imagine how it is viewed in Downing Street! I must warn Ministers opposite that having tangled with Tony Blair across this Dispatch Box on literally hundreds of occasions, I know his mind almost as well as they do. I can tell them that when he goes off to a major political conference of a centre-right party and simultaneously refers to himself as a socialist, he is on manoeuvres, and is busily building coalitions as only he can. We can all picture the scene at a European Council sometime next year. Picture the face of our poor Prime Minister as the name of "Blair" is nominated by one President and Prime Minister after another: the look of utter gloom on his face at the nauseating, glutinous praise oozing from every Head of Government, the rapid revelation of a majority view, agreed behind closed doors when he, as usual, was excluded. Never would he regret more no longer being in possession of a veto: the famous dropped jaw almost hitting the table, as he realises there is no option but to join in. And then the awful moment when the motorcade of the President of Europe sweeps into Downing Street. With gritted teeth and bitten nails: the Prime Minister emerging from his door with a smile of intolerable anguish; the choking sensation as the words, "Mr President", are forced from his mouth. And then, once in the Cabinet room, the melodrama of, "When will you hand over to me?" all over again.
 * Daily Hansard HC Debates, Column 1261-1263 (21 Jan 2008).

 * [To Harriet Harman] Before turning to domestic issues, I was going to be nice to the right hon. and learned Lady. She has had a difficult week. She had to explain yesterday that she dresses in accordance with wherever she is going: she wears a helmet on a building site, she wears Indian clothes in the parts of her constituency with a large representation of Indian people, so when she goes to a Cabinet meeting, she presumably dresses as a clown. As I said, I was going to be nice to her before her previous response.
 * Prime Minister's Questions, House of Commons (2 April 2008).

2010–2012

 * [T]he Conservative Party is like an absolute monarchy, but this is qualified by regicide. If we take any form of PR back to our parliamentary colleagues, they will be looking for new leadership
 * Comment to Chris Huhne during the negotiations for the Cameron–Clegg coalition (May 2010), according to David Laws in 22 Days In May, London: Biteback (2010), p. 105

 * This country needs an increased capability to protect ourselves, not only against cyber attacks on the government but on businesses and on individuals
 * "Cyber attacks and terrorism head threats facing UK" BBC News (18 October 2010)

 * It remains the case that the single biggest terrorist threat to this country remains al-Qaeda, or people inspired by al-Qaeda, but what has happened is a reminder that it is not the only source of violent extremist or terrorist attack.
 * "Norway massacre: Police probe killer's links to UK" BBC News (26 July 2011).

 * I described the euro as a burning building with no exits and so it has proved for some of the countries in it
 * "William Hague: Euro is a burning building" BBC News (28 September 2011).

 * [The EU has] too much power.. there should be powers that are returned to this country
 * "William Hague: Euro is a burning building" BBC News (28 September 2011).

 * The very making of these allegations undermined Britain's standing in the world as a country that upholds international law and abhors torture. As a government we understand how important it is that we not only uphold our values and international law, but that we are seen to do so.
 * "Hague backs closed hearings for intelligence cases" BBC News (16 November 2011).

 * [Without intelligence agencies] terrorist groups would have free rein to harm UK citizens here and abroad
 * "Hague backs closed hearings for intelligence cases" BBC News (16 November 2011).

 * It is strongly in the interests of Syria, of the wider region and of the United Kingdom that we support them and deny space to extremist groups
 * "Syria conflict: UK recognises opposition, says William Hague" BBC News (20 November 2012).

2013–2015

 * We want to get a better relationship with the EU - there are changes we want in that relationship
 * "'Strong case' for EU referendum, says Hague" BBC News (20 January 2013).

 * We also need to see how changes in the eurozone are affecting the EU and how that affects this country and the relationship of the countries together. But when we have done that there is a strong case for fresh consent in this country and the people of this country having their say.
 * "'Strong case' for EU referendum, says Hague" BBC News (20 January 2013).

 * It is about... making a success of membership of the EU but also with democratic consent for that in its modern form and the best form that we can bring about.
 * "'Strong case' for EU referendum, says Hague" BBC News (20 January 2013).

 * I welcome the formation of the new Israeli Government. I warmly congratulate Prime Minister Netanyahu on his second consecutive term in office at this important time in Israel’s history. We look forward to working with his new Government to further develop our strong bilateral relations and to advance our successful partnerships in areas such as trade, security, science, technology and higher education. As I have said previously, there is no more urgent foreign policy priority in 2013 than making progress towards achieving the two-state solution. I have urged the United States to lead international efforts to revive the peace process and pledged that the UK will spare no effort in mobilising European Union and Arab states behind decisive moves for peace. I welcome President Obama’s visit to the region next week. I call on Prime Minister Netanyahu, and President Abbas, to demonstrate leadership and courage in working with the international community to secure the peace which is so strongly in the interests of both Israelis and Palestinians.
 * "India, Welcoming the formation of the new Israeli Government" GOV (17 March 2013).

 * We will continue to work closely with the Somalia government on shared priorities, which include tackling conflict, countering terrorism and piracy, providing humanitarian assistance, and promoting UK interests in Somalia
 * "William Hague opens new British embassy in Somalia" BBC News (25 April 2013).

 * [Publishing the bill is a] demonstration of our commitment to a referendum [on the EU]
 * "Conservatives publish EU referendum bill" BBC News (14 May 2013).

 * We are determined to reach a diplomatic settlement to the Iran nuclear crisis.
 * "Iran differences are now narrow, says William Hague" BBC News (11 November 2013).

 * There has never been any doubt in my mind that we should have an embassy in Tehran if the circumstances allowed
 * "UK to re-open Iran embassy says Hague" BBC News (17 June 2014).

 * To end up destroying the UK and gravely weakening the European Union would not be a very clever day's work. So, even as a long-standing critic of so much of that struggling organisation, I am unlikely in 2016 to vote to leave it.
 * "EU exit could lead to break up of UK, says Lord Hague" BBC News (23 December 2015).

2017–2018

 * Any [Brexit] deal is bound to be full of compromises which one group or another in Parliament finds difficult to stomach.
 * "Downing Street rejects Hague call for snap election" BBC News (7 March 2017).

 * If you are less influential in crafting the overall approach of the EU you end up with less influence in the rest of the world.
 * "UK to lose global influence after Brexit - Lord Hague" BBC News (6 July 2017).

 * The electorate voted to leave the EU, and therefore we leave. What is more, the number of people who voted to do so was higher than the number of votes cast for any government in our history. To me and many of my former colleagues in government who preferred to remain, the argument was over.
 * "World leaders asked how UK would 'get round' Brexit, says Hague" BBC News (1 August 2017).

 * [There is potential for Brexit to become the] greatest economic, diplomatic and constitutional muddle in the modern history of the UK, with unknowable consequences for the country, the government and the Brexit project itself
 * "World leaders asked how UK would 'get round' Brexit, says Hague" BBC News (1 August 2017).

 * [Philip Hammond] has evidently been trying to persuade his cabinet colleagues that we should be seeking to stay in the EU single market and customs union during a transition and 'implementation' phase lasting to 2022, followed by a free trade deal with our former partners after that. This is seen by longstanding advocates of leaving as a 'soft' position or a climbdown. But in reality it is a plan to rescue Brexit from an approaching disaster.
 * "World leaders asked how UK would 'get round' Brexit, says Hague" BBC News (1 August 2017).

 * Imagine going back to the people of this country and saying 'you got this wrong in the referendum, you may have turned out in record numbers and most of the country voted to leave but nevertheless we think you got it wrong and we are going to run it again'. Imagine the hate-filled campaign that would divide this country. I do not think that is a price worth paying.
 * "New Brexit referendum would be 'divisive and hate-filled' warns Hague" BBC News (1 November 2017).

 * [The Chequers Brexit proposals are] the most that can be achieved within the inevitable and inescapable constraints
 * "Chequers Brexit plan is the best option available, Hague tells Tories" BBC News (11 July 2018).

2022–2023
That he wants revenge on Rishi Sunak is already apparent, but if Liz Truss is elected, she will face the identical problem. The chances of her loyalty to him being repaid are close to zero. Boris lives his life as a performance, and he will want the next act to fill every seat in the theatre of British political life. The Conservative Party had no choice but to remove Johnson from office. His standards of governance and veracity had fallen below what reasonable people could defend. The downside is that the party will always have the problem of what he will say next.
 * [On the history of former prime ministers and their successors] Now think of Boris Johnson. All of these feelings will apply to him. He is going to be [Edward] Heath with jokes added in, and [Margaret] Thatcher with consistency taken out, all rolled into a bundle of resentment, denial, attention-seeking and attempted vindication that will be a permanent nightmare for the new prime minister.
 * "Tories must beware Boris the incredible sulk" The Times (25 July 2022)
 * Boris Johnson announced his intention to resign as Prime Minister on 7 July 2022, remaining in a caretaker role until Liz Truss was elected as his successor and Johnson resigned as PM on 6 September. Liz Truss herself resigned as PM on 25 October 2023 and was succeeded by Rishi Sunak.

 * In the distant days when I was Tory leader I had a private rule never to appeal for party unity. This was mainly because, if your request as a leader for unity is promptly followed by more infighting, you look even less credible and in charge than before you asked. It was also a recognition that unity is seldom produced by calling for it. Unity arises from a leader creating the conditions for it.
 * "To avoid a Tory wipeout, here's what not to do", The Times (10 October 2022).

 * Labour looks less alarming than under Neil Kinnock but it is also a lot less exciting than under either him or Blair. The party is not the wave of the future, as it was in the early days of New Labour. Sir Keir Starmer's team are currently interesting because they are judged to be close to power, rather than being close to power because they are judged to be interesting. And excitement doesn't even come into it.
 * "Tories can win if the whole party is hungry for it" The Times (30 January 2023)

 * Those of us who have been in public life have all had the privilege of meeting extraordinary people — soldiers who kept fighting when injured, Paralympic athletes who triumphed, small businesses that learnt from failure to succeed — and have seen the power of moving on without rancour or self-pity. Political leaders would do well to aspire to those attributes and to shoulder their own share of responsibility. If you became prime minister, with a majority behind you and a decent term in front of you, but were overthrown amid chaos, there is indeed someone to blame. It’s you.
 * "Boris Johnson and Liz Truss should fess up to failure" The Times (6 February 2023)
 * Boris Johnson and Liz Truss, who both resigned as prime minister in 2022, were blaming others for the end of their period as prime minister.

2024–present

 * I don’t envy the remaining Tory MPs. It was a hard job in 1997 and this time it will be even tougher. There's a moment when you understand you face the challenge of your lifetime, but that's a sign you’ve only just begun to grasp it. For the Conservative Party, the next big move can start a recovery or bring extinction.
 * "The Tories’ next big move? It will lead to either recovery or extinction", The Times (5 July 2024).
 * The Conservative Party had suffered a heavy defeat in the 2024 general election.

Quotations about William Hague

 * To make matters worse, they have elected a foetus as the party leader. I bet a lot of them wish they had not voted against abortion now!
 * Tony Banks, speaking at the Tribune Rally at the Labour Party conference in 1997, as cited in "Beyond a joke: the ones that went too far", The Guardian (27 February 2004).

 * [I]f I were looking for advice on what to wear or what not to wear, the very last person I would look to is the man in the baseball cap.
 * Harriet Harman at Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons standing in for Gordon Brown Hansard HC Debates Vol. 474 (2 April 2008). While he was the Conservative party leader, he received negative publicity for wearing a baseball cap emblazoned with the word "HAGUE" during a visit to the Alton Towers theme park.

title: William Hague


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User talk:193.165.222.1

hi i dont know a thing about you!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha HA I want to watch the Irish people dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: User talk:193.165.222.1


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User talk:59.92.157.238

i think you are really weird and I want to see the irish people dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

title: User talk:59.92.157.238


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Talk:Patrick Henry

The quotations below are unsourced and removed from the Patrick Henry article on the English Wikipedia. Please feel free to merge any of these into the Wikiquote page if so desired. Best regards, Hall Monitor 18:06, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

The founded on Christianity quote is disputed?
I don't understand how this quote can be disputed. It simply doesn't appear anywhere in the writings of Patrick Henry and in all likelihood was made up for political purposes.

 * I agree with this assessment and have changed the section heading from "disputed" to "misattributed" — the assessment at Snopes.com of November 2006 which you provide had not previously been available, when I labeled it as disputed in March of 2006. ~ Kalki 14:53, 18 January 2008 (UTC)

"The Constitution is not an instrument" quote is fake
I does not appear in Henry's writings that I can find. More tellingly it does not show up in Google Books until 1994, despite the hundreds of books by and about Henry and the politics of the period. It should be moved to "misattributed." LarryCebula

69.121.153.14 writes "This quote may, in fact, be authentic to Patrick Henry in that it is cited in the HANDBOOK of AMERICAN CONSTITUTIONAL LAW by Henry Campbell Black, LL. D. Fourth Edition; West Publishing Company. 1927 http://usa-the-republic.com/jurisprudentia/Handbook_%20of_American_Constitutional_Law.pdf" I downloaded the PDF, and this document, whatever it is, does indeed quote from Black's Handbook; the section with the alleged Henry quotation, however, must have been written much later than 1927 as it refers to "the Constitutions of the 50 states", an anachronism in that there were only 48 states in 1927. (Hawaii became the 50th state in 1959.) Further it gives no source for the alleged Henry quotation. I am therefore reverting the page. Sbh (talk) 07:16, 2 July 2012 (UTC)

As a quick follow-up let me note that the document cited by 69.121.153.14 appears to be an excerpt from the "Constitutions" page of the website Originalintent.org. The earliest appearance of this page at the Internet Archive is from February 2003 (http://web.archive.org/web/20030212182901/http://www.originalintent.org/edu/constitutions.php). Thus this appearance of the alleged Henry quotation is no earlier than any of those previously known. Sbh (talk) 21:11, 2 July 2012 (UTC)

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J. Paul Getty

Jean Paul Getty (December 15, 1892 – June 6, 1976) was an American industrialist and founder of the Getty Oil Company.

Quotes

 * If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
 * As quoted by Robert Lenzner in his book, The Great Getty (1985)

 * My father said, 'You must never try to make all the money that's in a deal. Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won't have many deals'.
 * J. Paul Getty cited in: Alison Branagan (2009) Making Sense of Business: A No-Nonsense Guide to Business Skills. p. 136

Attributed

 * The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.

 * If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
 * As quoted in The Five Rules for Successful Stock Investing (2003) by Pat Dorsey & Joe Mansueto, p. 234

title: J. Paul Getty


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User talk:156.63.181.3

~ UDScott 18:47, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

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User talk:66.32.143.74

~ UDScott 19:16, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

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Splendor in the Grass

Splendor in the Grass is a 1961 film about a fragile Kansas girl's forbidden love for a handsome young man from the town's most powerful family that drives her to heartbreak and madness.
 * Directed by Elia Kazan. Written by William Inge.

A LOVE STORY UNLIKE ANY OTHERS !! taglines

Deanie Loomis

 * [voiceover, quoting Wordsworth's Ode: Intimations of Immortality] Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, We will grieve not; rather find Strength in what remains behind.

Mrs. Loomis

 * You know, it would be nice if children could be born into this world with an absolute guarantee that they were going to have just the right kind of bringing up and all lead happy, normal lives. Well, I guess when we get born, we just all have to take our chances.

Dialogue

 * Mrs. Loomis: What were you and Bud doing all this time, for Heaven's sake?
 * Deanie: We were stu—udying together. [Awkward, suspicious pause.] I'm going to bed, Mom; I'm awful tired.
 * Mrs. Loomis: Deanie. Now, Wilma Dean.
 * [Deanie sighs]
 * Mrs. Loomis: Deanie. I want to talk to you. Now, Wilma Dean, Bud Stamper could get you into a whole lot of trouble—and you know how I mean. Boys don't respect a girl they can go all the way with: boys want a nice girl for a wife. Wilma Dean, you and Bud haven't gone too far already, have you?
 * Deanie: No, Mother.
 * Mrs. Loomis: Tell me the truth, Wilma Dean.
 * Deanie: No, Mom; we haven't gone too far.
 * Mrs. Loomis: That's a relief.
 * Deanie: Mom.
 * Mrs. Loomis: Mhm?
 * Deanie: Is it so terrible to have those feelings about a boy?
 * Mrs. Loomis: No nice girl does.
 * Deanie: Doesn't she?
 * Mrs. Loomis: No. No nice girl.
 * Deanie: But, Mom, didn't—didn't you ever—well, I mean didn't you ever feel that way about Dad?
 * Mrs. Loomis: Your father never laid a hand on me until we were married. And, then, I—I just gave in because a wife has to. A woman doesn't enjoy those things the way a man does. She just lets her husband come near her in order to have children. [Deanie stands with her back toward her mother] Deanie, what's troubling you?
 * Deanie: Oh, nothing, Mom.

 * Mr. Stamper: Been out with that little Loomis girl?
 * Bud: Yes, Sir. I—I'm—
 * Mr. Stamper: She's watchin' herself with you now, ain't she, Son? You—you're not doin' anything, Boy, you're gonna be ashamed of, are you?
 * Bud: Oh; no, Sir. I—I tell you, what I—
 * Mr. Stamper: Oh, she's a nice kid, Son; she's a good-looker. I known her folks ever since—well, old Dell and I were boys together. I got nothin' against 'em, Bud, 'cause they're poor; I'm not a snob or anything like that: the only difference between me and Dell is that I got ambition.
 * [Bud chuckles]
 * Mr. Stamper: But, if—
 * Bud: Well, Dad I—
 * Mr. Stamper: —if anything was to happen, you'd have to marry her. You—you'd have to marry her, Son; you realize that, don't you?
 * Bud: Uh—
 * Mr. Stamper: You get a girl in trouble and you gotta take the consequences.

 * Bud: You're nuts about me, aren't you? You're nuts about me....[After making out a while, he begins to touch her below the waist]
 * Deanie: No, Bud...
 * Bud: [He pushes her down to her knees in front of him.] At my feet, slave.
 * Deanie: Bud, don't.
 * Bud: Tell me you love me.
 * Deanie: Bud, you're hurting me.
 * Bud: Tell me you can't live without me. Say it.
 * Deanie: I do.
 * Bud: You do what?
 * Deanie: I do love you.
 * Bud: And you can't live without me...And you'd do anything I'd ever ask you, anything.
 * Deanie: [fearfully] I-I'd do anything for you.
 * Bud: Deanie, I didn't mean to hurt you. Deanie, Deanie! Deanie, I was just kidding. Look, I'm the one who should go down on his knees to you, Deanie. Deanie, I was just kidding. I thought you knew that.
 * Deanie: I can't kid about these things. Because I am nuts about you, and I would go down on my knees to worship you if you really wanted me to. Bud, I can't get along without you. And I would do anything you'd ask me to. I would! I would! Anything!

 * Bud: Dad, I'm gonna marry Deanie.
 * Mr. Stamper: Whoa now, Son.
 * Bud: I don't really want to go to Yale. I'm not a very good student.
 * Mr. Stamper: What do you mean you're not a good student? Boy, you can do anything you set your mind to do.
 * Bud: I'd like to go away to a good agricultural college for a couple of years. I'd really like to do that, Dad. I could come right back here and I could take over your ranch just south of town.
 * Mr. Stamper: Ranching's no life.
 * Bud: I could marry Deanie. I could take her off to college with me. That's what I really want. She'd be a big help to me, Dad.
 * Mr. Stamper: I spent my life trying to create a place of importance for you in this world then you come home telling me you want to marry some little girl!
 * Bud: It's what I want that counts.
 * Mr. Stamper: Son, a boy your age doesn't even know what he wants. After you've had a college education, then you might change your mind.
 * Bud: A college education will take me four years.
 * Mr. Stamper: Trust me.
 * Bud: I do trust you, but--
 * Mr. Stamper: Trust me, trust me this time, son.
 * Bud: I trust you, Dad. I do trust you, but four years--
 * Mr. Stamper: Listen to me now.
 * Bud: But, Dad...
 * Mr. Stamper: Son, all I'm asking you to do is to finish Yale. And then if you still want to marry the li'l Loomis girl, you come back here and you marry her, boy, with my blessing. I'll send you both off to Europe for a honeymoon. Bud, please wait, son!
 * Bud: I just don't know if I can, Dad! I feel like I'm going nuts sometimes.
 * Mr. Stamper: I understand, Son. Your old man understands, Son. What you need for the time being is a different kind of girl. When I was a boy, son, there was always two kinds of girls. Us boys - we-we'd never even mention them in the same breath. But every now and then, one of us boys'd sneak off with a girl - and we'd get a little steam outa our system.
 * Bud: Dad, Dad, no girl looks good to me except Deanie.
 * Mr. Stamper: I know.
 * Bud: I love her, Dad!
 * Mr. Stamper: I know, son, I know!
 * Bud: See, I don't want to do that. OK. I'll go to Yale. But I want you to know that I'm gonna marry her as soon as I get out. That's a promise.
 * Mr. Stamper: I want you to remember that.

 * Ginny: Why don't you quit trying to pretend you're so pure and righteous?
 * Bud: If you weren't my sister--
 * Ginny: If I weren't your sister, you wouldn't do anything. You never do anything except what Dad tells you. Isn't that right, Deanie? You been finding that out, haven't you? He just lets things torment him inside and make him miserable and he never does anything about them. He never does anything.

 * Bud: I'm pretty nuts about Deanie Loomis.
 * Doc Smiley: I don't blame you.
 * Bud: I mean, I love her. And she loves me. But it's no fun to be in love. It hurts. Every time that we're together I have to remember things. You know what I mean?
 * Doc Smiley: Oh, yes.
 * Bud: I just can't go back to seeing her again. Not like the way we were doing. We'd go out every night and I'd hold her and I'd kiss her and...I'd just go home. I mean, a guy can go nuts that way.
 * Doc Smiley: I don't know how to advise you, Bud.
 * BUd: My dad said that I should get another kind of a girl. But when you don't really want another girl...I don't know.

 * Mrs. Loomis: What's been the matter the past few days?
 * Deanie: I'm sorry I've troubled you. I don't want to worry you. I don't want to worry anyone.
 * Mrs. Loomis: Is it all on account of...because of Bud? Because he doesn't call for you anymore?
 * Deanie: I don't know. I don't know, Mom.
 * Mrs. Loomis: I have a mind to call that boy and tell him....
 * Deanie: Don't you dare! Don't you dare, Mom! Don't you dare! Don't you dare!...No, Mom! Momma, if you do something like that, I'll do something desperate! I will, I will, Mom! I will!
 * Mrs. Loomis: Deanie, how serious had you and Bud become? I mean, well, you know what I mean. Deanie - had he - had anything serious happened? Did he - did he spoil you?
 * Deanie: Spoil??? Did he spoil me? No. No, Mom! I'm not spoiled! I'm not spoiled, Mom! I'm just as fresh and I'm virginal like the day I was born, Mom!
 * Mrs. Loomis: Stop it! Stop it!
 * Deanie: I'm a lovely virginal creature who wouldn't think of being spoiled! I've been a good little girl, Mom! I've been a good little, good little, good little girl! I've always done everything Daddy and Mommy tell me. I've obeyed every word. I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!

 * Deanie: [making sexual advances] Bud, please Bud, please.
 * Bud: Deanie, cut it out.
 * Deanie: Now, Bud.
 * Bud: Deanie, you're a nice girl.
 * Deanie: I'm not. I'm not a nice girl.
 * Bud: Come on, cut it out.
 * Deanie: I just can't go on like this anymore.
 * Bud: Now come on, Deanie, we're gonna go back inside.
 * Deanie: No.
 * Bud: Come on.
 * Deanie: No. I don't want to go back inside...I wanna stay here with you...I want you.
 * Bud: This isn't the way it should be.
 * Deanie: Why? Why not? Why not? Why don't you, Bud? Why don't you?
 * Bud: Deanie, you're not yourself. Deanie, where's your pride?
 * Deanie: My pride? MY PRIDE!! [He slaps her face as she becomes hysterical]
 * Bud: Stop it, Deanie! Stop!
 * Deanie: Oh, God. I haven't any pride. I HAVEN'T ANY PRIDE!
 * Bud: Oh God, Deanie, what am I gonna do with you? [He hugs her]
 * Deanie: I don't care what you do. I don't care what happens. I haven't any pride. I just want to die. I just want to die.

 * Bud: I married Angie when I left New Haven. You know I didn't even finish my first year there?
 * Deanie: She's real nice.
 * Bud: She was wonderful to me when things started to go wrong.
 * Deanie: You're happy, Bud?
 * Bud: I guess so. I don't ask myself that question very often now. How about you?
 * Deanie: I'm getting married next month.
 * Bud: Are you, Deanie?
 * Deanie: A boy from Cincinnati. I think you might like him.
 * Bud: Things work out awful funny sometimes, don't they?
 * Deanie: Yes, they do.
 * Bud: Hope you're gonna be awful happy.
 * Deanie: Like you, Bud, I don't think too much about happiness either.
 * Bud: What's the point? You gotta take what comes.

Taglines

 * A LOVE STORY UNLIKE ANY OTHERS !!
 * It's unrelenting moments, Its tragedies and splendors!
 * There is a miracle in being young...and a fear.

Cast

 * Natalie Wood - Wilma Dean "Deanie" Loomis
 * Warren Beatty - Bud Stamper
 * Pat Hingle - Ace Stamper
 * Joanna Roos - Mrs. Stamper
 * Audrey Christie - Mrs. Loomis
 * Fred Stewart - Del Loomis
 * Barbara Loden - Ginny Stamper
 * Zohra Lampert - Angelina
 * John McGovern - Doc Smiley
 * Jan Norris - Juanita Howard
 * Martine Bartlett - Miss Metcalf
 * Gary Lockwood - Allen "Toots" Tuttle
 * Sandy Dennis - Kay
 * Crystal Field - Hazel
 * Marla Adams - June
 * Phyllis Diller - Texas Guinan

title: Splendor in the Grass


text:
Gotti

Gotti is a 1996 film, aired on HBO, about John Gotti, the head of a small New York mafia crew who breaks a few of the old family rules, and rises to become the head of the Gambino family and the most well-known mafia boss in America.
 * Directed by Robert Harmon. Written by Steve Shagan, based on the novel The Last Gangster: Winning the War Against John Gotti and the Mob, by Jerry Capeci and Gene Mustain.

John Gotti

 * JoJo walks into the bar. He's wearin' a solid gold belt buckle this big: says JoJo on it, he's got a bracelet on his arm: says JoJo on it, he's got a fuckin' necklace: says JoJo on it, he's got solid gold cuff links: they all say JoJo on 'em. So this little chink waiter walks over and says, "Excuse me mister JoJo." He said, "Shut the fuck up, I don't want anyone to know I'm here."

 * John Gotti: Makes you think. Makes you think about the people in your life. And I think of Neil; and If he would sit here right now what`d he say to me? He`d say "John! what's it about? What's life about... if you don't go through it as a man's man?". He'd say "Suck it up, take the fall do the time. Thats made you who you are. That makes you what you are. How long we`ve been around this thing of ours? This Cosa Nostra? 120 years... 'I mean what's it about? It's about the rules, parameters. You take the beating for the friend, you don't run, you don't lay down, you don't betray who you are... what you are.
 * Frank Locascio: Self Esteem...
 * John Gotti: Self Esteem is basic. You pick it up on the street, that goes with the street, you gotta remember Angie here. I loved this guy, I loved him and he was stupid, he never listened to me, he always wanted that god damn dope money... He never rolled, do you know that? HE NEVER ROLLED! My brother Gene, Joey DiMig,they dont roll they're doing a thousand years now, they don`t roll, they don`t rat. Why? Thats the rule. You don't break, you don't rat. Basic rules. Gives you a lil of power right? Not the kind of power these FEDs have. God forbid,right? God forbid we pull their chain in public. Fuckin dress better than them and they take it personal likes its a fuckin vendetta. Right? There supposed to act better than the rest of us. They just wanted me to be something I wasn't even born to be.
 * Frank Locascio: Humble, they want you to be humble.
 * John Gotti: Yeah so you humble me. What you got now? You got a war. You got a global war. You got the Chinks, you got the Dominicans, the Asians, the Russians, the Columbians, Jamaicans. What they doin? They desecrate the nation. You got your variable fuckin' snowstorms of cocaine and smack -- whatever the hell else they shove in their veins. You got a worldwide crime syndicate now. There's no rules. There's no parameters. There's no feelings. There's no feelings for this country.
 * Frank Locascio: Anarchy.
 * John Gotti: You got anarchy. So... 5-10 years from now, they gonna wish there was an American Cosa Nostra. 5-10 years from now....they gonna miss John Gotti.

 * Angelo Ruggerio: By the time the fence takes his cut, it's small potatoes. We're breakin' our balls for peanuts.
 * Gene Gotti: Not for nothing, but the guys don't have two nickels to rub together. What are we doin' here, policy slips? It's bullshit.
 * John Gotti: [suddenly ranting] All you's do, you cry like babies all day long, you bite my ass around the clock. If I'm not in here havin' my famous espresso with Tony Ducks by ten, I'm back by noon to check the numbers. But I'm the one that goes down to Mulberry to check it out with Mr. Neil, right? I'm the one that goes to Staten Island to pay respect to that lay-down cazzo Paulie. And then I I gotta drink bitter coffee, 'cause his spic maid cannot even run a fuckin' espresso machine. I gotta sit with that zombie Bilotti, doberman my ass!
 * [John stands up]]
 * John Gotti: I gotta go out to the island now to talk to Bobby about stolen watches? Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? You know I could've been a meter maid? I could've worked for U-P-fucking-S, and made more fuckin' money! Where the fuck you come cryin' to me about empty pockets? Why don't you just say what you want? You want a piece of DiB's porn? You want a piece of Sammy's construction? What do you want - demolition, cement, or garbage, which? You want trucks, meat, fish, garments? SO THE FUCK DO I!

Other

 * Carlo Gambino: These FEDs, they tolerate certain things. CERTAIN THINGS. Not Drugs.

Dialogue

 * F.B.I Agent: Mr. Gotti, I am with the F.B.I
 * John Gotti: You know what F.B.I stands for don't you?
 * F.B.I Agent: Why don't you tell me.
 * John Gotti: Forever bother the Italians.

 * Aniello Dellacroce: I've been negotiating all night.
 * John Gotti: [to Ruggiero] Just take a walk. [back to Dellacroce] Negotiating what?
 * Aniello Dellacroce: Your fucking life!
 * John Gotti: For taking out a fuckin' cokehead?
 * Aniello Dellacroce: BE QUIET! Sit down. I said, sit down.
 * [Gotti takes a seat]
 * Aniello Dellacroce: You know, I've clipped a lot of guys in my life. Close friends. Guys I didn't know. I didn't always agree that the guy should be clipped. But I never questioned the orders. And I never went off half-cocked, and clipped somebody I wasn't supposed to!
 * John Gotti: Neil-
 * Aniello Dellacroce: Now, you shut up! You just listen. Big Paul went down to Don Carlo for permission to have you whacked! It came this close. [gestures with forefinger & thumb] I told Don Carlo you were like a son to me. That touched the old man; he told Paul to give you a pass. But if Don Carlo had said you gotta go, I would've come here today with these two zips, and you would go. John, you cannot whack a made man on somebody else's crew! There are rules! You break the rules, and this whole goddamn thing of ours cracks and crumbles! You never break the rules. Capisce?
 * John Gotti: Capisce.
 * Aniello Dellacroce: Let's drink to that.
 * [Dellacroce pours liquor into two glasses]
 * Aniello Dellacroce: Wipe your face, John. You're sweating up a hundred-dollar shirt. Don Carlo says you'll do some time, but he's gonna take care of your family. Here. La familia, and the rules that hold us together.
 * John Gotti: La familia...and the rules that hold us together.

Cast

 * Armand Assante - John Gotti
 * William Forsythe - Sammy Gravano
 * Richard C. Sarafian - Paul Castellano
 * Frank Vincent - Robert DiBernardo
 * Anthony Quinn - Neil Dellacroce
 * Dominic Chianese - Joe Armone
 * Robert Miranda - Frank DeCicco
 * Scott Cohen - Gene Gotti
 * Raymond Serra - Frank LoCascio
 * Vincent Pastore - Angelo Ruggiero
 * Marc Lawrence - Carlo Gambino
 * Tony Sirico - Joe Dimiglia

title: Gotti


text:
Talk:Chiaki Kuriyama

Will someone please add an image to this article?68.96.23.7 22:55, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

title: Talk:Chiaki Kuriyama


text:
User talk:Our Neighbor Carl

Our Neighbor Carl
August 2004, The 4th Wave SKA REVOLUTION BEGAN, at the helm was the most swashbucklin', sexiest, entertaining SKA band to sail the three rivers of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. Not only do these crazy studs stun audiences with their powerful and bitchin horns, but know how to rock your socks off without selling their souls. So come and take a listen to your friendly neighbors: OUR NEIGHBOR CARL

Over the past year ONC has played with many bands including: Streetlight Manifesto, ClearviewKills, Running From Romance, Just Surrender, The Mystechs, A Fall From Grace, The Vogues, Operation Super-Catch, The Victory Year, Nothing Unexpected, Failure To Fall, Allstar, Nick Funyak, Brash, Winter's Halo, The Lie, and many more...

The bands myspace-MYSPACE

Band Members
The current line-up includes: Jordan Bergamasco-Lead Vocals/Alto Sax/Tenor Sax Rich Lukas-Guitar Jon Rizzi-Bass/Backup Vocals/Synth Victor D'Alesio-Drums Mike Kolonay-Trumpet Chris Lukas-Trumpet/Keys Eric Loeliger-Trumbone

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:24, 25 March 2006 (UTC)
 * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read Wikiquote.
 * To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our Village pump.
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 * To sign with a date, write four tildes (~~) and save.
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 * Be bold.

User page vs. user talk page
I notice that you've added apparent personal information to your talk page while leaving your user page uncreated. In case you don't know how the system works, user pages allow you describe yourself and your interests and activities to the Wikiquote community, and also provide a place to include quotes, whether they are from you, your friends and acquaintances, or famous folks already cited elsewhere on the project. These are provided to allow your fellow Wikiquotians to get to know you. User talk pages are provided for communication with other users, and are generally not the place to add personal information. See Userpage for more information. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:37, 25 March 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:Our Neighbor Carl


text:
Fried Green Tomatoes

Fried Green Tomatoes is a 1991 film about a housewife, unhappy with her life, who befriends an old lady in a nursing home and is enthralled by the tales she tells of people she used to know.
 * Directed by Jon Avnet. Written by Fannie Flagg.

The secret of life? The secret's in the sauce. Tagline

Ninny

 * It like to have killed us all. But not a one took it as hard as Idgie. Everyone thought she'd die right along with him. Night after night, she stayed by the river. Big George was the only soul she'd let near her, and he watched over her night and day. You know, a heart can be broken, but it still keeps a-beating just the same.

Idgie

 * [to Frank, as she is helping Ruth move out of the house] If you ever touch her again, I'll kill you!

Dialogue

 * Buddy: Did I ever tell you about the oysters?
 * Idgie: Oysters?
 * Buddy: I didn't tell you bout the oysters? Think about all the millions of oysters lying around on the bottom of the ocean. Then one day, God comes along and he says, "I think I'm gonna make that one different." and you know what he does? he puts a little piece of sand in it. and guess what it can do that the others can't.
 * Idgie: What?
 * Buddy: It can make a beautiful pearl.
 * Idgie: What if God made a mistake?
 * Buddy: Well, the way I figure it, he never makes mistakes. I mean, he made sure we got together. He made sure you got the best-looking most charming brother in the world!

 * Evelyn: [tearfully confiding her troubles to Ninny] I can't even look at my own vagina!
 * Ninny: Now,I'm afraid I can't help you with that one.

 * Evelyn: Ed... If I'd answered the door wearing only cellophane, would you still be watching the baseball game?
 * Ed: No, honey, I'd probably be checking you into a loony bin.

 * Idgie: It's a boy!
 * Reverend Scroggins: I think a little prayer of thanksgiving would be in order.
 * Idgie (jubilant): God dammit to hell, son of a bitch, she did it! Here's to Ruth.

 * Idgie: He won't even sit in the same room and have a meal today.
 * Sipsey: Oh, it don't make no kind of sense. A big old ox like Grady won't sit next to a coloured child, but he eats eggs... shoots right out of a chicken's ass.

 * Evelyn: Excuse me. I was waiting for that space.
 * Girl #1: Yeah? Tough!
 * Girl #2: Face it, lady, we're younger and faster.
 * Evelyn: ... Towanda. (screams and smashes into the car) Towanda!! Yes ma'am!
 * Girl #2: What are you doing? Are you crazy!?
 * Evelyn: Face it, girls. I'm older and I have more insurance.

 * Evelyn: I never get mad, Mrs Threadgoode. Never. The way I was raised, it was bad manners. Well, I got mad.. and it felt terrific! I felt like I could beat the shit out of all those punks. Excuse my language. Just beat 'em to a pulp. beat 'em till they begged for mercy! Towanda the avenger. And after I wipe out all the punks of this world, I'll take on the wife-beaters, like Frank Bennett, and machine-gun their genitals! Towanda will go on the rampage. I'll put tiny little bombs in Penthouse and Playboy so they'll explode when you open them. And I'll ban all fashion models who weigh less than 130 pounds. And I'll give half the military budget to people of 65 and declare wrinkles sexually desirable. Towanda, righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare!
 * Ninny: How many of them hormones are you taking, honey?

 * Idgie: I can't believe he swore on the bible.
 * Ruth: Well, not really. If that judge had looked any closer, he'd have seen it was really a copy of Moby Dick.

 * Ruth: I love your stories. Tell me a story, Idgie. Go on, you old bee charmer. Tell me a good tall tale. Tell me the one about the lake.
 * Idgie: What lake?
 * Ruth: The one that use to be here.
 * Idgie: Well, that was just a lie.
 * Ruth: I know that, fool. Tell me anyway. Tell me a story.
 * Idgie: Uh, one time... there was this lake... And it was right outside of town. We used to go fishing and swimming and canoein' in it. And, uh, see, one November, this big flock of ducks came in.. and landed on that lake. And then the temperature dropped so fast that the lake just froze right there. And they... er... the ducks... they... flew off, you see, and they took that lake right with them. Now they say that lake is somewhere over in Georgia. Can you imagine that? [Walks over to Ruth, who has just passed away, and begins sobbing]
 * Sipsey: [holding Idgie] It's okay, honey. Let her go...let her go. You know, Ruth was a lady, and a lady always knows when to leave.

Cast

 * Kathy Bates - Evelyn Couch
 * Mary Stuart Masterson - Idgie Threadgoode
 * Mary-Louise Parker - Ruth Jamison
 * Jessica Tandy - Ninny Threadgoode
 * Cicely Tyson - Sipsey
 * Chris O'Donnell - Buddy Threadgoode
 * Stan Shaw - Big George
 * Gailard Sartain - Ed Couch

Tagline

 * The secret of life? The secret's in the sauce.

title: Fried Green Tomatoes


text:
Holy Grail

The Holy Grail is a treasure that serves as an important motif in Arthurian literature. Different traditions describe it as a cup, dish or stone used by Jesus at the Last Supper and said to possess miraculous powers that provide eternal youth or sustenance in infinite abundance, often in the custody of the Fisher King. The term "holy grail" is often used to denote an elusive object or goal that is sought after for its great significance.

The quest for the Holy Grail makes up an important segment of the Arthurian cycle, appearing first in works by Chrétien de Troyes. The legend seems to combine Christian lore with Celtic myths of a cauldron endowed with special powers.

Quotes

Then we'll only be men And we'll drink from the Grail To be born once again''' — Then with nothing at all But the little we are ''We'll have conquered all time All space, the sun, and the stars.''
 * ''' If we only have love
 * Jacques Brel, in "If We Only Have Love" (1957), as translated in the closing scene in the 1968 musical Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris (1975 film version)

 * I simply state that I'm a product of a versatile mind in a restless generation — with every reason to throw my mind and pen in with the radicals. Even if, deep in my heart, I thought we were all blind atoms in a world as limited as a stroke of a pendulum, I and my sort would struggle against tradition; try, at least, to displace old cants with new ones. I've thought I was right about life at various times, but faith is difficult. One thing I know. If living isn't seeking for the grail it may be a damned amusing game.
 * F. Scott Fitzgerald, in This Side of Paradise (1920)

 * I have kept hidden in the instep arch Of an old cedar at the waterside A broken drinking goblet like the Grail Under a spell so the wrong ones can't find it, So can't get saved, as Saint Mark says they mustn't. (I stole the goblet from the children's playhouse.) Here are your waters and your watering place. Drink and be whole again beyond confusion.
 * Robert Frost, in Directive (1947)

 * In the year 569 of the Christian era, the Lombards crossed the Alps and rapidly occupied northern Italy, taking it away from the control of the Byzantine Empire. All? Not exactly. From his headquarters on the Comacina Island, General Francione still held the flag of the empire high on the Lario for a long time, tenaciously resisting the assaults of the Lombards. In "L'Isola" the ordinary events are narrated, the daily life on the besieged Lario; but also unusual events, such as the arrival of a British priest who brings with him a mysterious relic. This relic is none other than the Sacred Chalice, known today as The Holy Grail, whose events unfold between the Island, Piona and the mountains that surround the lake, up to a surprising and pending.
 * L’isola. L’enigmatica storia del Santo Graal sul Lario  by Giovanni Galli (2010)

 * Only the worthy can find the Grail, Leigh. You told me that.
 * Akiva Goldsman, for the film The Da Vinci Code (2006) based on The Da Vinci Code (2003) by Dan Brown, lines spoken by "Robert Langdon" played by Tom Hanks
 * Okay, maybe there is no proof. Maybe the Grail is lost forever. But, Sophie, the only thing that matters is what you believe. History shows us Jesus was an extraordinary man, a human inspiration. That's it. That's all the evidence has ever proved. But... when I was a boy... when I was down in that well Teabing told you about, I thought I was going to die, Sophie. What I did, I prayed. I prayed to Jesus to keep me alive so I could see my parents again, so I could go to school again, so I could play with my dog. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't alone down there. Why does it have to be human or divine? Maybe human is divine. Why couldn't Jesus have been a father and still be capable of all those miracles?
 * Akiva Goldsman, for the film The Da Vinci Code (2006) based on The Da Vinci Code (2003) by Dan Brown, lines spoken by "Robert Langdon" played by Tom Hanks

 * The Holy Grail the cup of the Last Supper was taken by a disciple of Jesus, Giuseppe d'Arimatea to collect the blood that dripped from Jesus' side following the wound inflicted by the centurion. From Palestine he found refuge in Britain ... When the barbarian armies advanced into Europe in the sixth century, they wanted to take him to a safer place. A priest left for Rome to deliver it to the Pope. The priest stopped on the Isola Comacina to escape the invasion of the Lombards. And the merit of the successful resistance against the barbarians was given to the Holy Grail and the Church of Isola Comacina was erected in honor of the Holy Grail. But with the victory of the Lombards, an attempt was made to bring the relic to safety [...] from Piona, then from Colico and hidden in a remote place in the Val Codera, where its traces have been lost. It is said that it was hidden behind a huge boulder and that when the friars sent by the pope returned to retrieve it, they found the place covered by the boulders of a landslide... and the Holy Grail nowhere to be found. According to someone it would still be here, lost under the stones in the valley.
 * , La leggenda del Santo Graal e del lago di Como: quando fu portato sull'Isola Comacina, QuiComo, February 27, 2023

 * The search for the Cup of Christ is the search for the divine in all of us. But if you want facts, Indy, I've none to give you.
 * "Dr. Marcus Brody", played by Denholm Elliot, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) screenplay by Jeffrey Boam

 * The quest for the Grail is not archeology, it's a race against evil. If it is captured by the Nazis the armies of darkness will march all over the face of the Earth. Do you understand me?
 * "Professor Henry Jones", played by Sean Connery, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) screenplay by Jeffrey Boam

 * You must choose. But choose wisely, for as the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you.
 * "Grail Knight", played by Robert Eddison, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) screenplay by Jeffrey Boam

 * Jeffrey Boam, based on a story by George Lucas and Menno Meyjes, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, (1989).

 * We all been playing those mind games forever Some kinda druid dudes lifting the veil. Doing the mind guerrilla, Some call it magic — the search for the grail. Love is the answer and you know that for sure. '''Love is a flower, you got to let it — you got to let it grow.
 * John Lennon, in "Mind Games" on Mind Games (1973)

 * As the dreaded Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his Knights seemed impossible. Then suddenly the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. The cartoon peril was no more. The Quest for the Holy Grail could continue.
 * Monty Python comedy sketch, featuring Terry Gilliam as the animator in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

 * It begins with the king as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become king. Now while he is spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the holy grail, symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the grail so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the grail, and the grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, "What ails you friend?" The king replied, "I'm thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat". So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the king. As the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the holy grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."
 * Richard LaGravenese, in The Fisher King (1991), as said by "Parry", played by Robin Williams

Idylls of the King (1862)

 * Quotes on the Grail from Idylls of the King, by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 * The sweet vision of the Holy Grail Drove me from all vainglories, rivalries, And earthly heats that spring and sparkle out Among us in the jousts, while women watch Who wins, who falls; and waste the spiritual strength Within us, better offered up to Heaven.
 * The Holy Grail (1869)

 * The Holy Grail! — … What is it? The phantom of a cup that comes and goes?
 * "The Holy Grail" (1842)

 * The cup, the cup itself, from which our Lord Drank at the last sad supper with his own.… If a man Could touch or see it, he was healed at once, By faith, of all his ills. But then the times Grew to such evil that the holy cup Was caught away to Heaven, and disappeared.
 * "The Holy Grail" (1842)

 * '''Sweet brother, I have seen the Holy Grail… The Holy Thing is here again Among us, brother, fast thou too and pray, And tell thy brother knights to fast and pray, That so perchance the vision may be seen By thee and those, and all the world be healed.
 * "The Holy Grail" (1842)

 * While he was eating he let his gaze wander distractedly on the crown of peaks that surrounded him and noticed, high above the valley, an enormous rock cube (Saas Carlasch) placed right at the end of a steep coast beyond which a basin seemed to extend, invisible from below. The boulder, which probably detached from the wall behind it, appeared well squared as if a superhuman stonemason had dug it out of the rock and placed it there in full view waiting to be transported downstream. It was isolated and unmistakable, easy to recognize as far as the meadow where it now stood. The more he looked at it, the more Còdero became convinced that this was the ideal place to hide The Holy Grail without going any further.
 * "L’isola. L’enigmatica storia del Santo Graal sul Lario" by Giovanni Galli (2010)

The Birth Of Sir Galahad (1925)

 * by Thomas De Beverley

 * No bravery is such a virtue as the Graele may gain.  For Arthour never gained it — Launcelot  Could not achieve it. Only three there were:  Galahad, Bors, and Percival; of these  Their spotless souls had ne'er been flecked by sin.

 * Then came a maiden in — though all the doors Were closed. She, in her hands, the Sangrael bore. Then was a table o'erlaid with goodly fare: Red wine in crystal cups, and meat and fruit. "Peace be to thee and thine," she said, "Sir Bors, Go to the perilous siege, the siege of death! But first the Sangrael Galahad shall achieve; His father he excels in purity." Then kneeled they down, while wafted on the air Was incense of such savour, as the world Had never known; and, when the dove took flight, The maiden vanished, as the mists of morn — Vanished before the rays of that red sun, The source of life. Thus vanished and was gone The maid — the cup of sacred wine remained.

 * Sir Bors de Ganis, he of Launcelot The nephew, brave as lions, pure as snow, With Galahad and Percival was destined The Holy Grail to witness and to taste Wine from the Sacred Chalice. Only these, Of all the Table Round, had purity Which gift alone the sangrael could win.

Letters of Helena Roerich II: 1935-1939

 * Kalachakra (the Wheel of Time, or the Wheel of the Law) is the Teaching ascribed to the various Lords of Shambhala. Traces of this Teaching can be found in almost all the philosophical systems and teachings of India. At present, it is perhaps known particularly in Tibet. One can also find obscure hints concerning Shambhala in Western literature. After all, the legend of the Grail also originated in the East, and is actually one of the numerous versions of the very same Shambhala... The Holy Grail is now guarded in the East. Recently there appeared quite a few investigators of the mysterious personality of Prester John, and also of the symbolism of the legend of the Grail. There is a theory that the Holy Chalice, or Grail, is the sacred Stone (read the legend about the "Stone" in On Eastern Crossroads), and such a version has its reason. (30 March 1936)

 * The thoughts you expressed about a symbol are very beautiful and quite true — the Chalice of Amrita, the Chalice of Beauty and Attainment, the Chalice — the Holy Grail! The legend about the Chalice — the Grail—also came from the East as one of the versions of a great spiritual achievement and the very same mysterious Shambhala. Incidentally, some investigators of the symbolism connected with the Grail perceive in this Chalice the Stone, which is at present in the world, accompanying historic events; later it is supposed to return to the "Heart" of Asia. This interpretation is also close to the truth. (2 April 1936)

 * The Chalice itself does exist, and before the beginning of a new era, it is sent to where the Teaching of Kalachakra shall be affirmed. Many legends exist about this Chalice. One of these says that the Chalice always comes unexpectedly and through the air. Thus, at the proper time, it was brought to the Lord Buddha. The origin of this Chalice is Egyptian, and its antiquity goes back to some twelve thousand years B.C. After the death of Buddha, this Chalice was for some time in a temple in KaraShahr, from which it disappeared, and since then has been guarded in Shambhala. According to all the legends, this Chalice will again appear before the New Epoch of Maitreya. (2 April 1936)

title: Holy Grail


text:
Bill Engvall

William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian, and a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

Here's Your Sign (1996)

 * [playing golf with his friends]
 * So finally, on about the 15th tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who play golf, you know the drive I'm talking about. The minute you hit it, you just drop your club. You hang on to the beer, let's don't get stupid. And I watch this ball just go and go and... kind of hit this guy in the head. And I felt bad, but he overreacted, I thought. I mean, it wasn't like a square hit; it just kind of glanced off his head. But he goes whippin' his car off the freeway, like "Oh, here we go!" Mr. Attitude! So now, he's barrelin' down the fairway, screaming at the top of his lungs, like "What are you, some kind of cruddy golfer?!" I'm like, "Hey, I hit you, didn't I? You were traveling 65 miles an hour. That's a pretty good shot, in my book."

 * Before I got married, I was on a date one night. This girl had a snake as a pet. A 12-foot boa constrictor; she named it Fluffy. Well, that's just sick in my book. But I didn't know about the snake, and it was our first date. We'd been out drinking. We drank way too much. We get back to her mobile home. Woo, wish I was making that part up. She shuts the door behind me and gives me one of these. [hisses, exhales] She wasn't real good at it, alright? "I'm gonna slip into something a little more comfortable... okay?" and I'm like, "Alright! I'll be waitin' right here! Well, maybe here. Hell, you'll see me." She comes out of the bedroom/kitchen... in a negligee and that snake wrapped around her neck. Boy, that'll sober you up! I'm backin' out the front door, going, "No, thanks, I can drive." She looks at me and she goes, "No, wait, Bill! Fluffy can wrap around us while we make love." I said, "No, he can't, 'cause I'll kill him... Okay?"

Dorkfish (1998)

 * I might've tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollerin' at his buddies, "Whoo! Whoa, check me out, dudes! Whoo, that ground is coming up..."—BAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right, dude– you're up."

Now That's Awesome (2000)

 * [about an incident in a coffee shop]
 * I said, "Ma'm, I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes, "You want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy, and they're considered a delicacy." You ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burnt cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.

 * [during a bit about dogs]
 * That's why they're man's best friend, 'cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.

 * [about how people in the 90's used "awesome" wrongly]
 * Webster's dictionary defines awesome as "anything that leaves you in awe and wonder." Like winning the lottery—twice. That's awesome. Getting a call from the IRS saying you've been audited and they owe you $50,000—that would be awesome. Ladies, you wake up tomorrow morning and the newspaper reads, "Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth." That would be awesome. Getting invited to the Playboy Mansion—on trampoline night, that would be awesome. And I started thinking, ladies and gentlemen, what would be awesome for Bill Engvall? What would leave me in awe and wonder? And it would have to be, if I left this stage tonight and I went back to my hotel room, and Shania Twain met me at my door, wearing nothing but a fur coat, holding a note from my wife that said, "Have a good time!"  THAT would be AWESOME! It ain't gonna happen—but that would be awesome.

 * [watching a baseball game in Los Angeles]
 * This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he goes, "You like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." He goes, "Did you know that, if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue that point. So I sat there for a second, I turned to him, and I said, "Did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left.

 * There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing somebody for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)

 * My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties. Welcome to my world.

 * I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school."

 * [while snow-skiing with his family]
 * I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

 * [about his son Travis]
 * [He] can procrastinate more than any kid I've ever met in my life. When I tell my son to go take a shower, it can easily be 45 minutes before I hear the water start running. Do you got one like this? He gets up in his bathroom, 'cause he has go to the bathroom again. And I don't even think he has to go; I think he just enjoys the comfort of that seat. It's like his La-Z-Boy rocker—he's got books in front of it, and LEGOs. One night, I told him to go take a shower, and I didn't hear the water run for about an hour, and I said, "That is it!" And I went upstairs and I walked in his room, and I heard this "boom, boom, boom." And I looked around the corner of the bathroom, he is standing butt-naked in front of the mirror going, "Shake your boom boom, shake your boom boom." And I let it go for about 10 seconds, then went "SHAKE IT, BOY!" We don't nekkid dance anymore.

 * [about magazines school children sell, which his wife buys without even looking at what she's buying]
 * We get a magazine called Modern Ferret. It's a magazine about that hairy rat, I swear to God! And if you ever see it, pick it up. On the inside cover, it's a woman and a man, who publish this magazine, and they wrote this inscription: "Someday, we hope to make money doing what we love, playing with our ferret." Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Pee-Wee Herman lose a lot of money playing with his ferret?

Here's Your Sign Reloaded (2003)

 * [after drunkenly getting his ear pierced]
 * I said, "It wasn't my fault, it was Captain Morgan !" And [my wife] goes, "Oh, kinda like Jose Cuervo made you ride the floor buffer?" and I said, "Exactly!"

 * [about how men are "basic", while women are detail-oriented]
 * I was at the gym working out with my buddy. My buddy Joey. And he goes, "Hey, man, I'm getting a divorce." I go, "Wow, that sucks. Can you spot me?" That was our whole conversation! So I go home, and I tell my wife, "Hey, Joey's getting a divorce." She goes, "Oh, my God! What happened?"  [him] "I dunno."  [her] "What do you mean, you don't know? Is she cheating on him, is he cheating on her?"  [him] "Again– I'm not holding anything back here– I don't know!" She goes, "Bill, someone tells you they're getting a divorce and you don't ask any questions?" And I go, "It's because he didn't ask me a question! He didn't say, 'Hey, Bill, what do you think about me getting a divorce?', he said, 'I'm getting a divorce', which said to me, 'I require no further input on your part.'"

15° Off Cool (2007)

 * Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.

 * I joke about it, fellas, but I tell ya, she runs that house. Good Lord. [Several female audience members cheer] Yeah, I know. I know. And if you're a married guy, I ain't telling you nothing you don't already know. But if you're single, and you're thinking about getting married, listen up. You ain't never gonna win the argument. Yeah. If guys were a sports team, we'd be 0-fer.

 * I love Slim-Jims so much, I once called their hotline. I swear to God. I told them, "I got your next billion-dollar idea." And the lady on the other end goes, "Oh, do tell." I said, "Alright. Men love beer and Slim-Jims. So, what you need to do, is drill a hole in the middle of that Slim-Jim...so we can suck beer through it and take a bite of Slim Jim! [Audience cheers] Yeah. GENIUS!...She hung up on me.

 * (Talking about what he wants at his funeral)
 * "And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!"

 * (mimicking a big fish talking to a little fish)
 * "Hey - Perch..."
 * (points at his eyes, then at the imaginary perch's)
 * "Look at me..."
 * (thinks, concedes, then points at the sides of his head where a fish's eyes would be)
 * "Look at me... Both eyes..." - oh, I've thought it all through - "if you ever see a worm... in the shape of a J... swim away. That's how we lost your Uncle Pike."

 * Boobs are the center of power. Boobs can make a 6-month-old baby and a 65-year-old man both act the same way. And I'm a big fan. Oh, man, I love 'em! And I ain't picky neither. I hate when I hear guys go "I don't like little boobs." I don't care! Big boobs, little boobs, saggy boobs, perky boobs. You could have boobs that look like nanners, I don't give a damn! They're the perfect toy! You squish them, mush them, POOF! They come right back out! You can't even break 'em! Oh, they're amazing. Boobs can make a long trip seem short, make a bad day seem great. [Points to a member of the audience] Bud, let's say you had a bad day at work. Boss been chewing you out all day long. The little girl sitting next to you shows you her boobs, you're like, "This day was GREAT!"

 * (mimicking a fish's gills wither side of his neck) "Hey..." (cracks) You paid to see it... "hey... Ever eaten a worm?" (2nd fish) "What? When did you ever eat a worm?" "Oh, one day, me and my buddy were laying on the bank... trying to catch our breath..." - thank you, for those of you who got that...

 * This year, ladies and gentlemen, I was cool for 2 seconds of my life. I got to fly with the Air Force Thunderbirds. (Audience hoots and hollers) You betcha! They called me up out of the blue, and they go, "Hey, we want you to fly with us." And I'm like, "You got the right number?" They said, "Yeah, Bill Engvall, comedian. You stand for what America stands for. Be an honor to have you fly with us." I'm like, (dork voice) "Be an honor to fly with 'ya." He goes, "Well, we gotta get you clearance from the Pentagon." I go, "Well, you're screwed."
 * 15 Degrees Off Cool (2007)

Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * I tell you what, if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Yeah, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.

 * She's online with her friends, and little boys are starting to call the house. Oh, my God, we had a kid call the house at two in the morning.  Oh, I lost it.  'Cause first of all, I'm off in La-la land with Shania Twain in the mountains somewhere.  I hear a phone ring and I'm like "Who's got a phone in the mountains??"  So when I realize it's my phone, I'm already a little miffed, so I go, "Hello!"  And this little voice says "Uh . . . is Emily there?"  And I go, "Dude, if you have a brain in your skull, you will hang this phone up right now!" Click.  Then my wife turns to me and goes, "Bill, you've got to be nice."  And I go, "No, ma'am.  "Nice" stops at midnight!"

 * [after watching the food teasing scene in "9 1/2 Weeks"]
 * I thought, "I'm gonna try that at my house!" Well apparently, bologna and string cheese is not a real big turn on to a blindfolded woman.

 * Who applies for that job? Who says "I want to work in lost luggage"?  You don't have a good day.  That's like having a job emptying port-a-potties.  You're just going to catch crap all day long.

 * [his plan to prevent potential boyfriends from taking advantage of his daughter]
 * I'm going to pull him in tight next to me so only he and I can hear the conversation. And I'm gonna say to him, "Boy, look at me. You see that little girl right there?  She's my only little girl, man. She's my life. So if you have any . . . thoughts . . . about huggin', or . . . kissin', you remember these words: 'I've got no problem going back to prison.'"

 * Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called "Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper." Just how "rapidly" are we talking?  'Cause I don't want to have to play "Beat the Clock" in the thicket.

Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again (2004)

 * Marital sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One For the Road (2006)

 * [about trampolines]
 * I discovered two very important facts that day - Number one: The springs will pull the hair out of your legs, and Number two: the dog doesn't like to jump.

 * [on getting his dogs boarded]
 * I don't know if any of you had ever done this, but it's like checking them into a spa. The girl at the front desk was like "HI! Just a few questions! What do your dogs like to sleep on, linen or wool?"...Concrete's good. "Well what kind of water do they like?" Clear. Put in a toilet, they'll freak. And then she actually asked me this: "Would you like to purchase a toothbrush for your dogs for the weekend?" Tell you what, you teach him to hold it, I'll buy the toothbrush.

 * [on being condescended to by a flight attendant] Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass...you just pushed my jackass button.

 * Watching NASCAR with my wife is like taking a test. Every single turn, she has a question. Now, here's the problem: Sometimes her questions actually make sense, I don't have an answer for them. So, I have to do that guy thing and go Pfft! You ever hear your man do that, ladies? That means he doesn't know the answer, but he's thinking.

 * And we have a German shepherd we found on the side of the road; that dog's psycho, now I know why she was on the side of the road. Yeah, "nothing's free." But I love that dog. That dog saved my hind end one night. My wife and I are about to go to bed, her wiener dog's jumping on the bed after I just talked to it. [Audience laughs] So just grabbed my wife's wiener dog and put her in the backyard. At about 2 in the morning, I'm woken up by this loud squealing coming from my backyard. My God, I ran out of bed in my underwear, put on my headlight house shoes, go out to my backyard, and a coyote had jumped the fence. Yes, and had my wife's wiener dog pinned down on the ground. I was like, "Aw, hell...appreciate what you're doing, just do it a little more quieter, couldn't you?" About that time, I felt this "WOOSH" right by my leg. That German shepherd ran into the backyard, hit that coyote broadside, that coyote did three flips and jumped the fence. I turned to the German shepherd and I said, "C'mon, you're sleeping in the bed." And the funny thing was, for about a week after, my wife and I would be sitting at the table having breakfast, and there would be about 2-3 coyotes across the road looking at our backyard, and you know the conversation was going like this: "...What? Naw, hell no. Don't go in there, that little dog's a setup. I ain't lying; ask Joe what happened to him!"

Here's Your Sign Live! (2004)

 * Men have three basic needs: Eating, sleeping, sex. That's it.

 * [Talking about the difference between the first and twentieth year of marriage] Remember that first year of marriage, you used to argue just so you could make up and have sex? Twenty years later, you're arguing just so they'll sleep in the other room.
 * Remember that first year of marriage, when you went to the bathroom? Oh, lock the bathroom door, turn on the shower, because God forbid they knew you were going poo. Twenty years later, that bathroom door is wide open...you're saying "Bring the camera!"
 * Remember that first year of marriage, you'd come home and go "Ugh, what a bad day at work" and your wife would go, "Oh, they shouldn't be treating you so bad. Here, go sit down, I'll get you a beer, you can tell me all about it." Twenty years later, you come home, "Ugh, I had a bad day at work," she's going, "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THIS HOUSE TODAY?! While you were at your 'job'?"

 * [about his daughter Emily, who scored 1390 on her SATs]
 * Now, I tell you that for two reasons.  One, to brag.  And two, to tell you she wants to retake the test.  I go, "what are you, stupid?"  I wish my SAT scores had four digits in it!  That equal 13.

 * My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot.  But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that . . . discretionary gene yet.  We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was . . . gifted.  I saw them, and I saw him see them.  But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up."  She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?"  And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

 * You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My bad!".

 * A half a Vicodin and a Bahama Mama...makes for a bitchin' day!

 * [after watching a spitting cobra spit at Steve Irwin]
 * Y'all, I am screaming at my television set: THEY'RE SPITTING COBRAS, YOU MORON!! Didn't you hear the [Hocking sound]

Aged and Confused (2009)

 * [about how he and his wife can't go out on a date, since they're married]
 * (A) I'm not going to get to pick the restaurant. Because I'm going to go "where do you want to eat?", and she's going to go "I don't care."  So I'll say, "okay, how about Italian?"  "Hmmmm...."  I'm not going to get to pick the movie, and there's a real good chance I'm not going to get lucky!  That's not a date!

 * [playing Pictionary with his wife and some friends]
 * [My wife] goes "that's not a bicycle, Rembrandt!" And I go "well, it ain't a monkey wearing glasses, Helen Keller!"

 * [taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica]
 * I go "what is it?" And she goes "we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!"  Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in the water?  "No, that's the best part!  We're in the water with the sharks!" And I go "have you lost your mind???"

 * We could walk into a Chinese restaurant right here in Chicago. And the waiter could have been born here, raised here, went to college here, he has never left the city limits.  I'm the idiot that walks in that restaurant and goes [in exaggerated Chinese] "Uh, yes.  I'll have fried rice.  Egg roll..." And you can see him go "I am so going to spit in your food, I swear to God."  And it drives my daughter crazy.  'Cause she goes "why do you do that?  That is so insulting to them!"

 * [having been recognized by a woman in a diner]
 * She sits down across the table from me, and didn't say "Hi, hello, my name is...." She just said "this is what I'm going to tell my husband when he gets home from work today.  I'm going to tell him that I had lunch with Jeff Foxworthy." [looks up] Really God? Really?

Multiple

 * I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No!  It stands for "Ruins Vacations."
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
 * Now That's Awesome (2000)

Here's Your Sign
Engvall's trademark routine is "Here's Your Sign". He retells stories of people asking him stupid questions (that usually have a blatantly obvious answer), to which he gives a sarcastic response, similar to Mad Magazine's Snappy Comebacks, followed by "Here's your sign".

 * His explanation for the "signs"
 * I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.
 * Here's Your Sign (1996)

 * Engvall is in the park flying a kite with his son.
 * Passerby: Y'all flyin' a kite?
 * Engvall: Nope, fishin' for birds! Here's your sign.
 * Here's Your Sign Reloaded (2003)

 * On the phone with his wife when the plane he was on stopped after hitting a deer.
 * Engvall: When we landed on the runway, we hit a deer with our airplane. You can't make this up. And it killed the deer, it wrecked the engine. We had to evacuate the plane. But the plane was so small it didn't have slides. The flight attendant said "Just step out." So they put us in a van and they're busing us back to the terminal and I'm laughing at this point because this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. And I got back to the terminal, I called my wife. I said "Baby, you're not gonna believe this. We just hit a deer with our airplane". There was a pause on the other end of the line, followed by...
 * Gail: Oh my God! Were you on the ground?
 * Engvall: Nope, Santa was making one last run! Here's your sign.
 * Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004)

 * Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.
 * Cop: You get your truck stuck?
 * Engvall: And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope, I was deliverin' that overpass, I ran outta gas." Here's your sign.
 * Now That's Awesome (2000)
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
 * Attendant: Tire go flat?
 * Engvall: Nope, I was drivin' along and the other three just swelled right up!
 * Attendant: Well, the heat'll do that.
 * Engvall: Here's your sign.
 * Here's Your Sign (1996)

 * Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.
 * Friend: Y'all movin?
 * Engvall: Nope, me and the wife just like to pack all our stuff up once or twice a week, see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.
 * A Decade of Laughs (2004)

 * Engvall and his buddy get off a boat with a big string of bass.
 * On-looker: You catch all them fish?
 * Engvall: Nope, talked 'em into givin' up. Here's your sign.
 * Here's Your Sign Reloaded (2003)

 * Engvall has an elk hung on the wall.
 * Neighbor: Oh, man. I didn't see that. God dang, did you shoot that thing?
 * Engvall: Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
 * Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004)

 * Engvall is waiting for an elevator. A man walks up
 * Man: Excuse me, are these the elevators that go up?
 * Engvall: No, these go side to side. The up ones are down the hall. (to audience) HE WALKED AWAY! (turns to where the man walked off) Here's your sign.
 * Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004)

 * in the lost luggage office in Buffalo
 * Lost luggage employee: Can I help you?
 * Engvall: Yes, you lost my luggage.
 * Employee: [looking directly at Bill] Has your plane landed yet?
 * Engvall: No, princess. I'm having an out-of-body experience.  I'm just checkin' on it. Here's your sign.
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.
 * Motorist: Did your car break down?
 * Engvall: Nope, my car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over. Here's your sign.
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * In the store, Bill is buying some pants.
 * Clerk: You gonna buy these?
 * Engvall: Nope, gonna steal 'em. Just wanted you to see them before I walked out of the store.  Here's your sign.
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * Engvall and his wife have, for three days, had a cement truck in their yard to re-do their porch.
 * Neighbor: You pouring concrete?
 * Bill: No, we're making big margaritas. Here's your sign.
 * Now That's Awesome (2000)

 * A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.
 * Store clerk: Oh, do you have twins?
 * Bill's friend: Yup, my wife was in labor for five years.
 * Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004)

 * After Bill is exhausted at a baseball fantasy camp, walking crooked.
 * Woman: Do your legs hurt?
 * Bill: Nope, just crapped my pants. Here's your sign.

 * Bill and Larry The Cable Guy walk by a stone that Bill's neighbor had had 1894, his address, carved into it.
 * Larry: Damn, that rock's old.
 * Bill: No, that's not its age, dumbass. That's how much it weighs. Here's your sign.
 * 15 Degrees Off Cool (2007)

 * Bill and his brother-in-law had shot a deer and drove it in to get processed. At a rest stop, a woman stops at the truck
 * Woman: Did y'all shoot this deer?!
 * Bill's Brother-in-law: No, ma'am, we did not shoot this deer. It was the saddest thing. We were just driving down the road, the deer got into the back of our truck at a stop sign, handed us a note and then shot himself! Here's your sign.
 * 15 Degrees Off Cool (2007)

 * Tow truck is pulling Bill's car out of his driveway
 * Bill's neighbor: Getting your car towed?
 * Bill: Nope, we're mating it, hoping to get a Mini Cooper. Here's your sign.

 * 15 Degrees Off Cool (2007)

 * Bill is at the pet store, buying a big bag of cat litter
 * Cashier: This for your cats?
 * Bill: Nope, for the family. Toilet's broke. Here's your sign. This is the kind that clumps up, right?

 * 15 Degrees Off Cool (2007)

 * Jeff's, Larry's, and Ron's Heres Your Sign.
 * Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * Jeff Foxworthy is having his house repainted and he has a piano in the corner
 * Painter: Is that y'all's piano?
 * Jeff: No, that's our coffee table. It just has buck teeth.  Here's your sign.

 * Ron White's son is going on a direct flight from Austin, Texas to Houston, Texas to see his grandparents. Ron is talking to the flight attendant.
 * Flight attendant: Is there going to be someone to pick him up when he gets off the plane?
 * Ron: No, I'm going to pin a $20 bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck. Here's your sign.
 * ''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

 * Larry's grandmother has died at age 104
 * Larry: My grandmother just passed away, 104.
 * Flower store clerk: Ooh, 104?  How'd she die?
 * Larry: How'd she die? She's 104!  She wrecked her Harley up here at Bike Week.  Here's your sign.

"Here's MY Sign..."

 * As told in the final section of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour Christmas CD:
 * Jeff Foxworthy: Tell 'em the one you did.
 * Engvall: Aw, why'd you have to bring that up?
 * Foxworthy: Come on, share that one with the group.
 * Engvall: Alright. Well, nobody's immune from this, not even me.
 * Foxworthy: Not even Brainiac here.
 * Engvall: I'm in the car park at the mall, and there's this guy with a coat hanger inside his window... and I could not stop myself. I said, "You lock your keys in your car?"
 * Driver: No, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry (dumbass). Here's your sign.

 * at the Engvalls' home, Travis is about to play on the piano.
 * Engvall's son, Travis: I'm going to play you a song from Harry Potter.
 * Engvall: Oh, the movie?
 * Travis: No, the book. Here's your sign.
 * When telling the joke on Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004), he stops his son before he says "sign".

 * on holiday in Hawaii
 * Engvall: Me and my wife were lying on the beach, and this girl walks by with a coconut bra on - literally, they just take a coconut, cut it in half, put strings on it and they wear it. Looks fine to me. But my wife made me laugh 'cause the girl walked right in front of us...
 * Bill's wife: Oh My God... d'you think those are real?
 * Engvall: Well, the way they're jiggling, probably...
 * Bill's wife: The COCONUTS!!
 * Engvall: Here's my Sign.
 * Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)

 * at the beach
 * Engvall: My son and his friends were surfing when one of them just wiped out, big time. I was laughing so hard, and he came out of the water, slapping the side of his head, and I could not stop myself. I said, "You get water in your ear?"
 * Travis' friend: Nope, my eyeball's stuck, trying to get it loose! Here's your-
 * Engvall: [Stopping him] Ah-ah-ah!

 * Engvall: Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey..." (pantomimes hitting his son) "We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".
 * Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)

title: Bill Engvall


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Blue Collar Comedy Tour

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is a comedy act consisting of:

 * Larry the Cable Guy
 * Bill Engvall
 * Jeff Foxworthy
 * Ron White

See the individual pages of these performers for their quotes originating from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

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ru:Шаблон:User ru-3

title: Template:User ru-3


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Template:User ru-4

simple:Template:User ru-4 ru:Шаблон:User ru-4

title: Template:User ru-4


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Template:User ru

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title: Template:User ru


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User:Kzzl

"I wanna wake up! Tech support! It's a nightmare! Tech support! Tech support!"

coolheadz:kenn

contribz

m:mcvonn

title: User:Kzzl