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Fawlty Towers

Fawlty Towers (1975–1979) is a BBC television sitcom about hotel owner Basil Fawlty's incompetence, short fuse, and arrogance that form a combination that ensures accidents and trouble are never far away.
 * Written by John Cleese and Connie Booth.

A Touch of Class

 * [Classical music is playing in the background. Basil is putting up a picture. Sybil walks in.]
 * Sybil: Don't forget the menu.
 * Basil: I beg your pardon?
 * Sybil: Don't forget the menu.
 * Basil: I thought you said you want— Right! I'll do the menu!
 * [He puts down the picture, walks over to a typewriter and sits down.]
 * Sybil: You could have had them both done by now if you hadn't spent the whole morning skulking in there listening to that racket.
 * Basil: Racket? That's Brahms! Brahms' Third Racket!
 * [pause]
 * Basil: [mutters] All morning? I've only had two bars!

 * Basil: Hello, Fawlty Towers. Ah, yes, Mr. O'Reilly. Well, it's quite simple. When I asked you to build me a wall, I was rather thinking that instead of just dumping the bricks down in a pile, you might find time to cement them together one on top of the other in the traditional fashion. [to Melbury] Could you fill it in, please? [to O'Reilly] Oh, splendid! Yes, but when, Mr. O'Reilly? [to Melbury] There. There. [to O'Reilly] Yes, but when? Ah, I see: the flu. [to Melbury] Both names, please. [to O'Reilly] Yes, I should have guessed, Mr. O'Reilly; that and the potato famine, I suppose.
 * Melbury: I beg your pardon?
 * Basil: Could you put both your names please? [to O'Reilly] Well, can you give me a date?
 * Melbury: I only use one.
 * Basil: You don't have a first name?
 * Melbury: No. I am Lord Melbury, so I simply sign "Melbury."
 * Basil: [Now realising that Melbury is of high class] [to O'Reilly] Go away. [hangs up] So sorry to have kept you waiting, your lordship. I do apologise.

 * Basil: Sybil, I forbid you to open that safe. [She does so] Sybil, I forbid you to take that case out! [She does so] Sybil, you cannot open that case! I FORBID it! [She does so]

 * Basil: [to Melbury] Well, how are you, Lord Melbury? 'Ow are yer then? All right, mate? 'Ow's me' old mucker? [He gently slaps Lord Melbury on the cheeks and pulls his ears] Any valuables to deposit, Sir Richard? Any bricks? [Lord Melbury panics and runs away] [to Richard] I do apologise...[to Melbury] You bastard!

 * Basil: [To Sir Richard and Lady Morris] Where are you going?
 * Sir Richard: We're leaving!!
 * Basil: Oh, don't! Please stay. You'll like it here.
 * Sir Richard: I've never been in such a place in my life! [They drive away]
 * Basil: [yells] You snobs! You stupid, stuck up, toffee-nosed, half-witted, upper class piles of... pus!

 * Mr. Waering: [furious] A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and water, please!
 * Basil: [smashing the picture, vexed] RIGHT!!!
 * [He frogmarches Mr. Waering to his table to be served.]

The Builders

 * Tibbs: Don't do anything we wouldn't do.
 * Basil: Just a little breathing, surely?

 * Manuel: [pretending to talk to someone on the phone] Manuel Towers. How are you? Is nice, today. Goodbye.

 * Delivery man: Where's the boss?
 * Manuel: ¿Que?
 * Delivery man: The, the... the generalissimo!
 * Manuel: [looks at him incredulously] In Madrid!

 * [Basil has just tripped over Sybil's garden gnome behind the reception desk]
 * Basil: What is this!! What is this doing... What is going on here??
 * Polly: Your wife ordered it. Call O'Reilly!
 * Basil: That golfing puff adder?! What does she want... [begins strangling the gnome]
 * Polly: [bangs phone on counter] CALL O'REILLY!
 * Basil: WHAT!?!
 * Polly: Or shall I call him?
 * Basil: No, no, I'll do it! I'll call him, you go and see if the roof's still on!

 * Basil: Ah, hello, Mr. O'Reilly. How are you this morning?... Oh, good, good. No rare diseases or anything?... Oh, I do beg your pardon: Basil Fawlty, do you remember? The poor sod you do jobs for?... Well now, how are things your end?... Oh, good... Good, good, good... Well now, how would you like to hear about things my end?... Oh, well, up to your usual standard, I think I can say. A few holes in the floor, the odd door missing; but nothing you can't be sued for.

 * Basil: [down the phone to O'Reilly] Now, look here, O'Reilly: I want my dining room door back and the other put back at one o'clock, do you understand?... No, I don't want to debate about it: if you're not here within twenty minutes with my door, I shall go and insert a large garden gnome over you. Good day.

 * Sybil: O'Reilly, I have seen more intelligent creatures than you lying on their backs at the bottoms of ponds. I have seen better organised creatures than you running round farmyards with their heads cut off! Now collect your things and get out! I never want to see you or any of your men in my hotel again.

 * Basil: Are you going to take something like that seriously?!
 * O'Reilly: Well... well, I thought I might...
 * Basil: [close to strangling O'Reilly] You thought you... What sort of man are you!?! Are you going to let her talk to us like that?!
 * O'Reilly: But she did!!
 * Basil: No, no, no, she thought she did. But we'll show her! We're not only going to take that door out and put the other one back, we're going to add that new door and block that one off as well. We're going to to the best day's work you've ever done, O'Reilly!!

 * Sybil: [Seeing Basil walking down the road with the garden gnome] Where are you going, Basil?
 * Basil: Just going to see O'Reilly, dear! [mutters] Then I think I'll go to Canada.

The Wedding Party

 * Basil: Reminds me of somebody machine-gunning a seal.
 * Major Gowen: The heat?
 * Basil: No, no. My wife's laugh.

 * Basil: [about Sybil's laughter] Please don't alarm yourself, it's only my wife laughing. I'm afraid her local finishing school was bombed.
 * Mrs. Peignoir: [shocked] Oh dear!
 * Basil: No, no, not really. Just a thought. Well now, what can I get you?
 * Mrs. Peignoir: Do you have any Ricard?
 * Basil: [confused] I'm sorry?
 * Mrs. Peignoir: Any Ricard?
 * Basil: [unsure what Ricard is, he pretends to check the bar] Uh, we're just out of it, I think...

 * Basil: Did you ever see that film, How To Murder Your Wife?
 * Major Gowen: ‘How To Murder Your Wife’?
 * Basil: Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times. [to Sybil, who is still laughing loudly] Very funny.

The Hotel Inspectors

 * Sybil: Don't shout at me. I've had a difficult morning.
 * Basil: Oh, dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmmm... or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?

 * Basil: I would find it a little easier to cope with some of the cretins we get in here, my little nest of vipers, if I got smidgen of co-operation from you.
 * Sybil: Co-operation? That's a laugh. The day you co-operate, you'll be in a wooden box. I've never heard such rudeness.

 * Mr. Hutchinson: There is a documentary on BBC2 this evening about Squawking Bird, the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s. Now this starts at 8.45 and goes on for approximately three-quarters of an hour.
 * Basil: I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
 * Mr. Hutchinson: Indeed I am, yes. Now is it possible for me to reserve the BBC2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast?
 * Basil: Why don't you talk properly?
 * Mr. Hutchinson: I beg your pardon?
 * Basil: No, it isn't.
 * Mr. Hutchinson: What?
 * Basil: It is not possible to reserve the BBC2 channel from the commencement of this televisual feast until the moment of the termination of its ending thereof, thank you so much.

 * Mr. Hutchinson: Oh no, come on now, this is quite absurd – sorry, I'm – I do not want the omelet!
 * Manuel: Is nice!
 * Mr. Hutchinson: I don't want the bloody thing, I've sent it back once!
 * Basil: Here, give it to me.
 * Mr. Hutchinson: I fail to see how this sort of thing can happen!
 * Basil: There, I've torn it up. You'll never see it again.

 * Basil: Spoons, eh?
 * Mr. Hutchinson: Sorry?
 * Basil: SP-THTHTHTHTH-OONS!
 * Mr. Hutchinson: I beg your pardon?
 * Basil: I understand you're in the spoon trade.
 * Mr. Hutchinson: Oh, yes. Yes.
 * Basil: Fascinating. How very absorbing for you.
 * Mr. Hutchinson: Well...
 * Basil: So much more interesting than being a HOTEL INSPECTOR!!
 * Mr. Hutchinson: Y-what...?

Gourmet Night

 * Sybil: André thinks Thursdays are a good idea.
 * Basil: Thursday?
 * Andre: Hmm, I think so.
 * Basil: Good! Then on all other days we'll serve up a great big trough of baked beans and garnish it with a couple of dead dogs.

 * [Basil is dealing with young Ronald Heath, a loathsome brat]
 * Ronald: I don't like the chips...They're the wrong shape, and they're just awful. Haven't you got any properly-shaped chips?
 * Basil: [with characteristically-surreptitious menace] Well, what shape are you accustomed to? Mickey-Mouse shape? Smartie shape? Amphibious-landing-craft shape? Poke-in-the-eye shape?

 [Polly is trying to tell Basil that Kurt is drunk in front of the guests]
 * Polly: He's potted the shrimps.
 * Basil: What?
 * Polly: He's potted the shrimps!
 * Basil: Shrimps? Not having shrimps tonight, Polly. Now... [starts to walk away with the guests]
 * Polly: He's soused! [beat] The herrings.
 * Basil: What are you on about?
 * Polly: [slowly] He's pickled the onions and he's smashed the eggs in his pot [crosses eyes] under the table.
 * Basil: [to the guests] Excuse me. [to Polly] Have you been drinking?
 * Polly: No, not me!
 * Basil: Then will you behave yourself!

 * Basil: He's drunk!
 * Sybil: Drunk?
 * Basil: Drunk! Soused! Potted! Inebriated! Got it?!
 * Sybil: I don't believe it!
 * Basil: Neither do I. Perhaps it's a dream. [pounds his head on the desk several times, sits up, looks around.] Nope, it's not a dream. We're stuck with it.

 * Basil: [yelling at his car] Come on! Come on! Start! Start, you vicious bastard! Come on! Oh, my God! I'm warning you! If you don't start... I'll count to three! 1, 2, 3! Right! That's it! [leaving the car, he starts yelling at it] I've had enough! You've tried it on just once too often! Right! Well, don't say I haven't warned you! I've laid it on the line to you time and time again! Right! Well, this is it! I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing! [he leaves the frame, returns holding a branch and starts thrashing the car over the bonnet]

The Germans

 * Major: Oh, Fawlty. How's, erm...
 * Basil: My wife?
 * Major: Er, that's it.
 * Basil: Fine. Absolutely fine. They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
 * Major: Is she? Good.
 * Basil: No, not her, the nail. They're taking it out tomorrow.
 * Major: What?
 * Basil: The nail! They're taking it out tomorrow.
 * Major: H-How did she get a nail in her?
 * Basil: No, I thought I told you, Major. She's having her toenail taken out.
 * Major: What, just the one of them?
 * Basil: It's an ingrowing one, Major.
 * Major: If it's causing you pain, you have it out!

 * [LAST LINES: the moose-head has landed on Manuel, after falling and knocking out Basil]
 * Manuel: He hit me on the head!
 * Major: No; you hit him on the head, you NAUGHTY MOOSE!!
 * [All four Germans look on]
 * Elder Herr: How ever did they win?

 * Major: Germans, coming here?
 * Basil: Oh just for a couple of days.
 * Major: I don't care much for Germans.
 * Basil: I suppose I see what you mean-
 * Major: Bunch of Krauts, that's what they are! All of them! Bad eggs!
 * Basil: Well forgive and forget, Major. God knows how, the bastards. Still...

 * Basil: [calling up the stairs, with Manuel holding onto him] Right, ladies and gentlemen, sorry to disturb you. Could I have everyone down here, in the lobby. There is something I think I ought to mention.
 * [The guests all gather in the lobby]
 * Miss Gatsby: What is it?
 * Basil: The point is, can I put it this way... [high voice] Fire.
 * Miss Gatsby: Fire?
 * Basil: Fire. Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fire!
 * Major Gowen: Fire?
 * Basil: Fire! Out there. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
 * [All the guests leave the hotel]

 * Basil: Listen, don't mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it alright. [returns to the Germans] So! It's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it. So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads. Wait a moment, I got a bit confused here, sorry. Sorry, I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war, so could you... what's the matter?
 * Elder Herr: It's alright.
 * Basil: Is there something wrong?
 * Elder Herr: Will you stop talking about the war?
 * Basil: Me? You started it!
 * Elder Herr: We did not start it!
 * Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland!

 * [Basil is in hospital and a nurse is tending to his injuries]
 * Basil: Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!
 * Sister: Yes, yes. We must have our little jokes, mustn't we?
 * Basil: Yes, we must, mustn't we? My God, you're ugly, aren't you? Mind boggling!
 * ''[The nurse is shocked by Basil's comments]
 * Sybil: Basil?!
 * Sister: I-I'll get the doctor.
 * Basil: You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.
 * Sybil: How dare you talk to Sister like that. Get back into bed!
 * Basil: You do not seem to realise that I am needed at the hotel!
 * Sybil: No they don't. They're managing beautifully without you.
 * Basil: Polly cannot cope!
 * Sybil: Well she can't fall over waiters or get her head stuck under desks or start burglar alarms or lock people in burning rooms or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face. But I think the hotel can do without that sort of coping for a couple of days. What do you think, Basil, hmm?

 * Ms Tibbs: We don't think you're well, Mr Fawlty.
 * Basil: Well perhaps not but I'll live longer than you.
 * Ms Gatsby: You must have hurt yourself!
 * Basil: My dear woman, a blow on the head like that... is worth two in the bush.

 * Manuel: [hidden behind front desk, with moose head in plain sight] How are YOU, sir? I can speak English. I learn it from a book.

Communication Problems

 * Mrs. Richards: What is going on here? I ask him for my room, and he tells me the manager's a "Mr Watt," aged forty.
 * Manuel: No, no. Fawlty.
 * Mrs. Richards: Faulty? What's wrong with him?
 * Polly: It's all right, Mrs. Richards. He's from Barcelona.
 * Mrs. Richards: The manager's from Barcelona?
 * Manuel: No, no. He's from, er, Swanage.

 * Mrs. Richards: Now, listen to me. I booked a room with a bath. When I book a room with a bath, I expect to get a bath.
 * Basil: [confused] You've got a bath.
 * Mrs. Richards: I'm not paying seven pounds twenty pence per night plus V.A.T. for a room without a bath.
 * Basil: [goes into the bathroom] There is your bath.
 * Mrs. Richards: [looks at it] You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful...
 * Basil: [sotto] Wish you were a mouse, I'd show you...
 * Mrs. Richards: And another thing... I asked for a room with a view.
 * Basil: [sotto to Manuel] Deaf, mad, and blind. [goes to the window, in a louder voice] Ah, this is the view as far as I can remember, madam... Yes, yes, this is it.
 * Mrs. Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
 * Basil: Well, that is Torquay, madam.
 * Mrs. Richards: That is not good enough.
 * Basil: Well, may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically—?
 * Mrs. Richards: Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
 * Basil: You can see the sea, [pointing out with his index finger] it's over there between the land and the sky.
 * Mrs. Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
 * Basil: Well, may I suggest that you consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea?... [sotto] Or preferably in it.
 * Mrs Richards: Now, listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.
 * Basil: Why, because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?
 * Mrs Richards: Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible, and the radio doesn't work.
 * Basil: No, the radio works. [sotto] You don't.
 * Mrs Richards: What?
 * Basil: I'll see if I can fix it, [sotto] you scabby old bat.
 * [He turns it on, loudly; it works fine; Manuel plugs his ears]
 * Basil: I think we got something then.
 * Mrs Richards: What?
 * Basil: I think we got something then!
 * Mrs Richards: [looking at Manuel with his fingers in his ears] What are you doing?
 * Manuel: Qué!?
 * [Basil swats him upside the head]
 * Basil: Madam, don't think me rude, but may I ask, do you by any chance have a hearing aid?
 * Mrs Richards: A what?
 * Basil: A HEARING AID!
 * Mrs Richards: Yes, I do have a hearing aid!
 * Basil: Would you like me to get it mended?
 * Mrs Richards: Mended? It's working perfectly alright.
 * Basil: No, it isn't!
 * Mrs Richards: I haven't got it turned on at the moment.
 * Basil: Why not?
 * Mrs Richards: The battery runs down. Now, what sort of reduction are you prepared to give me on this room?
 * Basil: [sotto] 60% if you turn it on.
 * Mrs Richards: What?!
 * Basil: My wife handles all such matters, I'm sure she'll be delighted to discuss it with you.
 * Mrs Richards: I shall speak to her after lunch.
 * Basil: [sotto, bowing] You heard that alright, didn't you?

 * [Mrs Richards comes down the stairs]
 * Misses Tibbs and Gatsby: Good afternoon.
 * Mrs Richards: First they give me a room without a bath, then there's no lavatory paper. [goes to the reception desk and starts banging the bell]
 * Misses Tibbs and Gatsby: Oohh.
 * Miss Gatsby: Would you like some of ours?
 * Miss Tibbs: We keep an extra supply.
 * Miss Gatsby: Yes, would you like some of ours?
 * [Mrs Richards ignores them and continues to bang the desk bell]
 * Mrs Richards: Hello! [Polly comes out of the office] Girl. There's no paper in my room. Why don't you check these things? That's what you're being paid for, isn't it?
 * Polly: Well, we don't put it in the rooms.
 * Mrs Richards: What?
 * Polly: We keep it in the lounge.
 * Mrs Richards: [shocked] In the lounge?!
 * Polly: I'll get you some. Do you want plain ones or ones with our address on it?
 * Mrs Richards: [still shocked] Address on it?!
 * Polly: How many sheets? [Mrs Richards looks appalled] Well, how many are you going to use?
 * Mrs Richards: [banging the desk bell] Manager!
 * Polly: Just enough for one? Tell me!
 * Mrs Richards: Manager! Manager!

 * Mrs Richards: [To Polly, after looking everywhere for her glasses] Are you blind? They were on my head! Didn't you see them?
 * Polly: Yes!
 * Mrs Richards: Didn't God give you eyes?
 * Polly: Yes, but I don't use them, because it wears the batteries out!

 * Mrs Richards: [Leaving the room] I can get downstairs by myself.
 * Basil: "Down" the stairs? Oh well, don't stop when you get to the basement! Keep straight on! Give my regards to the Earth's core!
 * Sybil: [to Mrs Richards] Are you sure you can manage?
 * Basil: If you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress!
 * Sybil: Basil!
 * Basil: Well, that was fun, wasn't it, dear? The odd moment like that? It's almost worth staying alive for, isn't it? It's nice to share a moment like that, isn't it, dear? It's what marriage is all about. I know – I read about it on the back of a matchbox.
 * Sybil: You know, Basil, sometimes...
 * Basil: [puts his arm round her waist] Seriously, Sybil. Do you remember the first time we were... manacled together – we used to laugh quite a lot.
 * Sybil: [puts his hand back] Yes, but not at the same time, Basil. [[exits]
 * Basil: Ah, that's true. That was a warning all right, wasn't it? Should have spotted that, shouldn't I? Zhoom! What was that? That was your life, mate! Oh, that was quick. Do I get another? Sorry, mate. That's your lot.
 * Sybil: [re-enters] Basil.
 * Basil: Back to the world of dreams... Yes, dear?
 * Sybil: What are we going to do?
 * Basil: Give it another fifteen years?

The Psychiatrist

 * Basil: He gets paid for sticking his nose—
 * Sybil: Oh, Basil—
 * Basil: No, I'm going to have my say! Into people's private... um... details. Well, just speaking for myself, I don't want a total stranger nosing about in my private parts— details!

 * Sybil: You're only single once.
 * Basil: Twice can be arranged!

 * Psychiatrist: There's enough material there for an entire conference.

 * Terry: Mr. Fawlty, take it easy!
 * Basil: Now listen here. I don't pay you to tell me to take it easy. I pay you to take it– no, I pay you to tell you to take it easy, so take it easy!

Waldorf Salad

 * Mr. Hamilton: Could you make me a Waldorf salad?
 * Basil: [puzzled] A wal....
 * Mr. Hamilton: Waldorf salad.
 * Basil: Uh, I think we’re just out of Waldorfs.
 * Mr. Hamilton: [angrily] I don’t believe this!

 * [Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton exit the dining room and head upstairs just as Basil comes out of the kitchen]
 * Basil: Yes, your steak will be ready in a moment, Mrs. Hamilton. He’s... He must have heard you coming, you know, and panicked, and run out into the yard. You know, after all the problems. We’ve...
 * Mr. Hamilton: Humph! [steps down the bottom of the stairs] How big a butterball do you take me for?
 * Basil: [confused again] Butterball...
 * Mr. Hamilton: You think I don’t know what’s been going on out there?
 * Basil: Oh, bit of a debacle, I’m afraid.
 * Mr. Hamilton: I’m talking about you taking £20 off me to keep the chef on, letting him go, cooking the meal yourself, and then pretending he’s still out there!
 * Basil: Oh, that?
 * Mr. Hamilton: Yes, that! And I’d be interested to know what you’ve got to say about it.
 * Basil: [to his guests who have just gathered in the lobby] Good evening.
 * Mr. Hamilton: I asked ya a question.
 * Basil: Yes, well I’m... I’m sorry that your meal has not been fully satisfactory this evening.
 * Mr. Hamilton: Huh?... What I’m suggesting is that this place is the... the crummiest, shoddiest, worst-run hotel in the whole of Western Europe.
 * Major Gowen: [angrily] No! No, I won’t have that. There’s a place in Eastbourne. What’s his name? [starts thinking about the name]
 * Mr. Hamilton: [turns to Basil] And that you are the British tourist board’s answer to Donald Duck!
 * Basil: Now look, I-I-I know things have gone wrong this evening, but you must remember that we have had thousands of satisfied customers...
 * Mr. Hamilton: All right, let’s ask them, eh?
 * Basil: What?
 * Mr. Hamilton: Let’s ask them. [turns to the other guests] Are you all satisfied? [points to Mr. Arrad] You! Are you satisfied?
 * Basil: [approaches the Major] Major, are you satisfied? I mean, you’ve been here seven years. Are you satisfied?
 * Major Gowen: Oh, yes, I love it here ...
 * Basil: Ladies, are you satisfied?
 * Miss Tibbs & Miss Gatsby: Oh, yes. Thank you, Mr. Fawlty, yes.
 * Miss Tibbs: And thank you for asking.
 * Basil: Not at all. [To Mr. Arrad] Mr. Arrad, are you satisfied?
 * Mr. Arrad: Well, yes, I...
 * Basil: Mrs Gurke, you?
 * Mrs. Gurke: Oh, very nice, sir, yes.
 * Basil: [to Mr. Hamilton] You see? Satisfied customers. Of course, if this little hotel is not to your taste, then you are free to say so, that is your privilege. And I shall of course refund your money, I know how important it is to you Americans. But you must remember that here in Britain, there are things we value more, things that perhaps in America you’ve rather forgotten about, but which to we British are far, far more important...
 * Mr. Johnston: I’m not satisfied.
 * Basil: The many... [Turns to Mr. Johnston] Wh... What?
 * Mr. Johnston: I’m not satisfied!
 * Mrs. Johnston: No, we’re not satisfied!
 * Basil: Well, people like you never are, are you?
 * Mrs. Johnston: What?!
 * Basil: There’s nothing I could do with a piece of pair like you, short of putting straw in the rooms.
 * Mrs. Johnston: I think you’re the rudest man I’ve ever met!
 * Basil: I haven’t started yet.
 * Mr. Hamilton: You’re not going to. You’re gonna stand here nice and quiet while these people say whether or not they’re satisfied; and you move off that spot, Fawlty, and I’m gonna bust your ass!
 * Basil: [beat] Everything’s bottom, isn’t it?
 * Mr. Hamilton: [pointing to Mr. Johnston] Yes, sir?
 * Mr. Johnston: I think this is probably the worst hotel we’ve ever stayed in.
 * Mrs. Johnston: Yes, it is. The service here is an absolute disgrace!
 * Mrs. Arrad: I agree.
 * Mr. Hamilton: You do?
 * Mrs. Arrad: Yes. D’you know that we had to wait nearly half an hour for our main course; and when it arrived, it was wrong.
 * Mr. Arrad: [hiding behind his wife] And when I complained, he completely fobbed me off with some rubbish about...
 * Mrs. Johnston: My prawns were off, and when I told him, there was an argument.
 * Mrs. Gatsby: And her meat was awfully poor.
 * Mr. Libson: And I asked you to fix my radiator three times, and nothing’s been done!
 * Mr. Hamilton: Satisfied customers, huh? [laughs and pulls Basil's tie] Hot dog. [then goes upstairs]
 * Basil: This is typical. Absolutely typical... The kind of... [turns to the guests in anger] ARSE! I HAD TO PUT UP WITH FROM YOU PEOPLE! YOU PONCE IN HERE, EXPECTING TO BE HAND WAITED ON HAND AND FOOT WHILE I’M TRYING TO RUN A HOTEL HERE! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA OF HOW MUCH THERE IS TO DO? DO YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? OF COURSE NOT! YOU’RE ALL TOO BUSY STICKING YOUR NOSES INTO EVERY CORNER, POKING ABOUT FOR THINGS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT, AREN’T YOU? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING – this is exactly how Nazi Germany started! A LOT OF LAYABOUTS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO CAUSE TROUBLE! WELL, I’VE HAD FIFTEEN YEARS OF PANDERING TO THE LIKES OF YOU, AND I’VE HAD ENOUGH! I’VE HAD IT! COME ON, PACK YOUR BAGS AND GET OUT!
 * [Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton come down the stairs]
 * Mrs. Hamilton: They’re packed.
 * Mr. Hamilton: Order ten taxis, will ya? I’ll pay for ‘em. [Goes back upstairs with his wife]
 * Basil: COME ON! COME ON!
 * Mrs. Gurke: What?
 * Basil: OUT! EVERYBODY OUT!
 * Mrs. Arrad: Out?
 * Basil: COME ON, UPSTAIRS! PACK YOUR BAGS! ADIOS! OUT!
 * Mr. Johnston: But it’s raining.
 * Basil: Well, you should have thought of that before, shouldn’t you? TOO LATE, NOW! Come on, out! RAUS! RAUS! RAUS!
 * [The camera cuts to Sybil who is behind the desk]
 * Sybil: Basil! What are you doing?
 * [The guests stop on the stairs]
 * Basil: Well, let me explain, my little workhorse. Um, the guests and I have been having a bit of an old chinwag, and the upshot of it all is – they’re off.
 * Sybil: [disbelieving] Off!?
 * Basil: Well, let me put it this way, dear: either they go or I go. [Sybil just looks at him] RIGHT! Right! Come on back, everybody! My wife’s had a better idea. Come on back. I’m going instead. [To Sybil] Well, goodbye, dear. It’s been an interesting fifteen years, but all good things must come to an end. [kisses Sybil] I hope you enjoy your new work here, helping to run a hotel. [turns to his guests] Goodbye, Major, goodbye, ladies... [turns to Sybil] Give my regards to Polly and Manuel. ‘Bye, dear.
 * Sybil: You’ve forgotten your keys, Basil.
 * Basil: So I have, dear, yes. Oh, and goodbye to all the rest of you. I hope you enjoy your stay here. [puts the keys on the desk] Don’t forget – any complaints, don’t hesitate to tell my wife. Any hour of the day or night – just shout! ‘Bye!
 * [Basil heads outside and acknowledges the rain pouring down on him. Back inside the lobby, Mr. Hamilton is phoning for ten taxis]
 * Mr. Hamilton: Ten minutes, that’ll be fine.
 * [Basil comes back into the hotel and speaks to Sybil]
 * Basil: Hello, dear, I’m back.
 * Sybil: What do you want, Basil?
 * Basil: A room, please. Um, Number 12 is free, I think. I’d like breakfast in bed at half past ten in the morning please, that’s eggs, bacon, sausage and tomato with the Waldorf salad, all washed down with lashings of hot screwdrivers and er...
 * [The ending credits play]

The Kipper and the Corpse

 * Basil: [sarcastically] Rosewood, mahogany, teak?
 * Mr. Leeman: [confused] I beg your pardon?
 * Basil: What would you like your breakfast tray made out of?
 * Mr. Leeman: I don’t really mind.
 * Basil: Are you sure? Fine! Well, you go and have a really good night’s sleep then. [looks at his watch, while Mr. Leeman goes upstairs, still confused] I’m hoping to get a couple hours later on myself. [shouting] I’ll be up in good time to serve you your breakfast in bed. If you can remember to sleep with your mouth open, you won’t even have to wake up – I’ll just drop in small pieces of lightly buttered kipper when you’re breathing in the right direction if that doesn’t put you out! [looks at the room behind the counter, searching for Sybil, then speaks to himself sarcastically, imitating his wife] Basil! [hits his hand]

 * Dr Price: You mean to tell me you didn’t realise this man was dead?
 * Basil: Well, people don’t talk that much in the morning. Look, I’m just delivering a tray, alright. If the guest isn’t singing ‘Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’’, I don’t immediately think: ‘Oh, there’s another snuffed it in the night! Another name in the Fawlty Towers Book of Remembrance’. I mean, this is supposed to be a hotel, not the Burma railway! I mean, it does say ‘hotel’ outside. Maybe I should be more precise: ‘Hotel for people who have a better than 50% chance of making it through the night’!

 * Polly: [trying to speak to her boss in code, telling him that the corpse’s arm is sticking out of the wardrobe’s door] She doesn’t mean any arm!!

 * Basil: Don’t say anything to anybody, but he’s dead.
 * Major Gowen: Ah. Shot, was he?
 * Basil: No, no, died in his sleep.
 * Major Gowen: In his sleep? Well, you’re off your guard, you see.

The Anniversary

 * [After Sybil disappears, Basil is shocked when guests arrive.]
 * Basil: They're here! They're here! What do I say? ...What am I going to say?
 * Polly: Oh... say she's... er... um...
 * Basil: She's "er, um"—oh, brilliant! Problem solved. She's "er, um."
 * Manuel: Is surprise party.
 * Basil: Yes?
 * Manuel: She no here.
 * Basil: Right?
 * Manuel: That is surprise!

 * Virginia: There is something very peculiar about all this. I won't stand here while an old friend like Sybil—
 * Basil: Look, it's perfectly Sybil. Simple's not well. She lost her throat and her voice hurt. The doctor came and said it was a bit serious. Not a lot; a bit. He went away, she started to puff up, he's coming back later this afternoon, and it's best for her to be on her own. Now what is so peculiar about that?
 * Roger: Her driving round in the town.

Basil the Rat

 * Mr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector: Mr. Fawlty?
 * Basil: [waves] Hello!
 * Mr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector: These premises do not come up to the standard required by this authority. Unless appropriate steps are taken instantly, I shall have no alternative but to prosecute or recommend closure to the appropriate committee of the council. Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines, dirty and greasy filters, greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer, dirty, cracked, and stained food preparation surfaces, dirty, cracked, and missing wall and floor tiles, dirty, marked, and stained utensils, dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator hoods.
 * Basil: About the deep fat fryer...
 * Mr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector: Inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuffs, storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, storage of raw meat above confectionery, with consequent dripping of meat juices onto cream products, refrigerator seals loose and cracked, ice box undefrosted, and refrigerator overstocked.
 * Basil: Yes, say no more...
 * Mr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector: [continues] Food handling routines suspect, evidence of smoking in food preparation area, dirty and grubby food handling overalls, lack of wash handbasin...which you gave us a verbal assurance you'd have installed on our last visit six months ago... and two dead pigeons in the water tank.
 * Basil: Otherwise, okay?

 * Terry: Look: all kitchens are filthy, Mr. Fawlty. In fact, the better the kitchen, the filthier it is. Have you ever read George Orwell's experiences at Maxim's in Paris?
 * Basil: No, do you have a copy? I'll read it out in court!

 * Manuel: I say to man in shop "Is rat." He say "No, no, no. Is a special kind of hamster. Is filigree Siberian hamster. Only one in shop." He make special price: only five pound.
 * Basil: Manuel, have you ever heard of the bubonic plague? It was very popular here at one time. A lot of pedigree hamsters came over on ships from Siberia.

 * Sybil: [Figuring what to do with Manuel's rat] Perhaps we could find a home for him.
 * Basil: Alright, I'll put an ad in the papers, "Wanted: kind home for enormous savage rodent! Answers to the name of Sybil."

 * [Manuel, under the popular misconception that ratatouille is made from real rats, attacks Terry for (supposedly) cooking his "Siberian hamster"]
 * Manuel: ...You put Basil in the ratatouille! Why? You murderer!! Why you put Basil in the ratatouille!!?
 * Terry: I haven't even made any bleeding ratatouille!

 * [The rat's head pokes out of the biscuit tray]
 * Basil: [To Mr. Carnegie] W-W-Would you care for a rat, or...?
 * [Awkward pause]
 * Basil: Just the biscuits then, please, Polly.

title: Fawlty Towers


text:
Talk:Joseph Smith, Jr.

Second quote
Gee, isn't that second quote in the Book of Mormon section a bit, um, long? --Frecklefoot 14:17, 1 Sep 2004 (UTC)

Can anyone verify the quote "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves?" If so, how early is it? I know it is repeated incredibly frequently in the LDS church, but I have never seen a Joseph Smith-contemporary record of it. --128.187.41.31 06:17, 15 Mar 2005 (UTC)

 * Here is an interesting website I found googling the topic; the guy says through all his research, the earliest he can date that quote is ca.1860. Gary Brimley 05:56, 23 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Here's for your time: Joseph Smith, quoted by John Taylor in "The Organization of the Church," Millennial Star 13, no. 22 [15 November 1851]: 339; James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency, 6 vols. [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966–75], 3:54; also see JD 10:57–58. There ya all go.

Its all bunk and you don't need to beleive a word of it. D.R.FULWILER PhD University of Nebraska professor of History

Let's try to not make this a personal discussion.

If you do any research you will find that most of Joseph Smith's quoted words are actually recorded in journals of those who were in attendance. So in order to find when and where he said this exact phrase you would need to do some research because why would a speaker record their words after they had spoken? Very impossible to record verbatim what they said.

Money digger changed to "miner?"
Not sure why someone changed the words "money digger" to "miner." I've checked two of the sources. Here is the text from "History of the Church," which I pulled from GospelLink:

Tenth—"Was not Joseph Smith a money digger?" Yes, but it was never a very profitable job for him, as he only got fourteen dollars a month for it. History of the Church Volume 3, p. 29

And here's the quote from "Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith," p.120, which I own: Tenth—"Was not Joseph Smith a money digger?" Yes, but it was never a very profitable job for him, as he only got fourteen dollars a month for it. Bochica 03:17, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Unsourced
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable and precise source for any quote on this list please move it to Joseph Smith, Jr.. --Antiquary 20:52, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

 * I should never get discouraged, whatever difficulties should surround me, if I was sunk in the lowest pit of Nova Scotia and all the Rocky Mountains piled on top of me, I ought not to be discouraged but hang on, exercise faith and keep up good courage and I should come out on the top of the heap. Quoted in Memoirs of George A. Smith, in George A. Smith papers, ms 1322, box, folder 1, Family and Church History Department Archives, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=55a78c6a47e0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

 * Because the children are praying for me.
 * Smith's reply when asked, "How do you dare think you are safe in the midst of your enemies?"

 * If you will stay with the majority of the Twelve Apostles, and the records of the Church, you will never be led astray.

 * Now gentlemen, you haven't bested me at the scriptures. See if you can best me at [jumping the mark]
 * A challenge of sport to departing ministers who came to debate the scriptures with Smith at his home.

 * Now, now, he's not all that bad, is he?
 * Speaking to some little children about the rough-looking Porter Rockwell whom they thought had come to trouble Smith.

 * I disobeyed God's command and gave the pages of manuscript to Martin Harris and I had my privilege revoked.
 * After losing the Book of Lehi manuscript.

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Talk:Joseph Smith, Jr.


text:
David Nobbs

David Nobbs (13 March 1935 – 8 August 2015) was an English comedy writer.

Quotes

 * When Reginald Iolanthe Perrin set out for work on the Thursday morning, he had no intention of calling his mother-in-law a hippopotamus.
 * Opening sentence, The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin

title: David Nobbs


text:
User:Frecklefoot

I'm the same Frecklefoot as on the English Wikipedia. I haven't made many contributions here. See my user page on Wikipedia instead. :-)

title: User:Frecklefoot


text:
User:JustPippa

Hello. My user name is B-101. I think I will be useful on quotes for The Simpsons. I am also a user for Wikipedia and Memory-Alpha.

Click here to talk to me

title: User:JustPippa


text:
SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants is an American animated television series that airs on Nickelodeon. The show follows the adventures of the title character and his various friends in the underwater city, and being pursued by the evil Plankton. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.

Seasons

 * Season 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Opening

 * [opening sequence]
 * Painty: Are you ready kids?
 * Kids: Aye-aye, captain!
 * Painty: I can't hear you!
 * Kids: Aye-aye, captain!
 * Painty: Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
 * Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! [the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]
 * Painty: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
 * Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
 * Painty: If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
 * Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
 * Painty: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.
 * Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
 * Painty: Ready?
 * Painty, Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!
 * Painty: SpongeBob SquarePants! [laughs]

Films

 * The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
 * Sponge Out of Water
 * Sponge on the Run

Spin-off shows

 * Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years
 * The Patrick Star Show

Specials

 * SpongeBob SquarePants Presents The Tidal Zone

Repeated quotes

 * SpongeBob: "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"
 * Patrick: "Oh, barnacles!"
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: "Aw, tartar sauce!"
 * Patrick: "Good morning, Krusty Crew!"
 * Mr. Krabs: "Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!"
 * Mermaid Man: "EEEEVILLL!!!"
 * Patrick: "Aw, fish paste!"
 * Fred: "My leg!"
 * Sandy: "Yee-haw!"
 * Plankton: "I went to college!"
 * Pearl: "Thanks, Dad."
 * Squidward: “Whatever.”

Video Games
SpongeBob SquarePants: Legend of the Lost Spatula

SpongeBob SquarePants: SuperSponge

SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman

SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (video game)

Nicktoons Unite!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Lights, Camera, Pants!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature from the Krusty Krab

Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island

SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis (video game)

Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots

SpongeBob SquarePants featuring Nicktoons: Globs of Doom

SpongeBob's Truth or Square (video game)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton's Robotic Revenge

Nickelodeon Kart Racers

Nickelodeon Kart Racers 2: Grand Prix

Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl

Nickelodeon Kart Racers 3: Slime Speedway

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake

Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2

About

 * The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [Genndy Tartakovsky's cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is SpongeBob but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of Ren & Stimpy.
 * John Kricfalusi interview (Oct 12, 2004),

 * I know the show I watch, All thirteen seasons aired in 2023, somehow it consists 293 episodes and I know whatever that means SpongeBob actually broke a 24-year streak after The Cosmic Shake, Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl, Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2, and more are released. However Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling and SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout both premiered in 2019, The Franchise just broke a 24-Year streak, Kamp Koral and The Patrick Star Show both premiered in 2021, Usually, Kamp Koral Season 2 premiered in 2024. See also for Ren & Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, and Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling.
 * (Feb 20, 2024)

title: SpongeBob SquarePants


text: Category:Films

title: Category:Films


text:
User:Kate

See also: w:User:Kate.

title: User:Kate


text:
Marilyn Manson

Brian Hugh Warner (born 5 January 1969), better known as Marilyn Manson, is an American musician, artist, and lead singer of the band which shares his stage name.

Quotes

 * If people really stopped and realized how much art and creative people move the world versus politics and religion, I mean it’s not even up for debate. An artist at least creates things, puts things into the world. Where as these other people are destroying things, taking things out of the world.
 * Interview on The Henry Rollins Show

 * I'm fucking sick of people who always try to blame movies, bands, songs, or talk shows for whatever the fuck hits them today – teen suicides, drug overdoses or everything else. If someone is stupid enough to kill himself because of a song, then that's exactly what they deserve – they weren't contributing anything to the society – it's one less idiot in the world. There's too many people – if more people kill themselves over music, it wouldn't disappoint me. What would disappoint me is that people are that stupid.
 * As quoted in The Phil Donahue Show

1990s

 * … I don't expect everyone to get something deep out of it. Some people can just listen to the music, or get their aggressions out, but I think with any great painting or movie, album or whatever it is, it's better if people can take what they need from it. That they're not forced to get some particular message.
 * As quoted in "Headbanger's Ball" (10 December 1996), MTV Europe.

 * The whole concept of this band is to present the ugly truth about society – warts and all, and let the chips fall where they may.
 * As quoted in Huh (October 1996).

 * If someone listens to our music, and it makes them creative, that makes me happier than anything. But with our music, we try to teach the masses of fans that not everything is as it seems.
 * As quoted in Huh (10 October 1996).

 * I hope that with our music we can inspire other people to be creative and to use their imagination, because it is something that is so lacking nowadays. You have virtual reality, MTV, video games and VCR's. Nobody really wants to think about things or create things. You have programs on a computer which will write a poem for you.
 * As quoted in Kerrang! (14 December 1996).

 * The world doesn't revolve around the sun, it revolves around a giant cock. That is what the world is about. It's about sex. Anybody who doesn't want to realize this is fooling themselves. People are bored because they've done everything they can do. So now the fear of death is the only thing that gets them excited. That's why some people have made me into some type of sex symbol. I'm death on wheels the way I look.
 * As quoted in Guitar School (1996).

 * Hopefully, I’ll be remembered as the person who brought an end to Christianity.
 * As quoted in Spin (August 1996), p. 34.

 * [The world's] not a great place anymore and it can't be. I'm sure it would have been much more enjoyable to be alive in the fifties, when there was at least an illusion of purity, and things that were taboo had such a great power to them. I think it was a time when magic was really alive. There's no imagination anymore. It was eliminated with video games and VCR's. I'm only necessary because of the way the world is. Well, maybe if I manage to make the world a better place then maybe I'd want to have a kid.
 * As quoted in Guitar World (1996).

 * I'm not anything like Brad Pitt or Antonio Banderas, but maybe it's the taboo element of my image, which is almost deathlike, that attracts them. I should be the last person that [people] should be attracted to.
 * As quoted in CMJ (January 1997).

 * In explaining things to people, I've come to terms with the fact that a lot of my goals are very Christian in the end. Because people no longer appreciate the taboos of sex, drugs, and rock & roll. I have to take them as far as they've ever been taken before, on a grand scale, in order for the world to realize we have to start over. It's very much like the mythology of the bible, the end of the world, and the antichrist and people are made to make a choice about their faith. I think certain elements of that are correct.
 * As quoted in CMJ (January 1997).

 * It's really important for me to get across to our fans that whenever I put myself in different circumstances. It is to learn from it so I can relay it to others.
 * As quoted in Circus (January 1997).

 * … if my ideology is a hand, then that's just two fingers. I incorporate a lot of Christian morality into what I do and in fact a lot of my beliefs are very conservative – like my desire for the world to be a better place where people use more intelligence. If you had to condense all that I believe in, it's that responsible, intelligent people should be allowed to do what they want. That artists and performers and architects, people who contribute something to the world, that actually have something to say as opposed to a business man or a politician, say, people who actually contribute to society, the power should be traded. The creators are always suppressed – other than the placebo "fame" that they're always given. I don't really suggest any solution – that we could all kick them out of their positions of power and take over. It's just the idea that if you enjoy what you do, that's why you should do it.
 * As quoted in NME (30 August 1997).

 * … if I hadn't gone to a private Christian school, I'd never have built up enough animosity to want to have started a band. And now that I have one, the fact that they are giving me such resistance and publicity, they have made me far bigger than they'd ever have wanted me to have become. So I guess in a strange way the Christians have influenced me the most.
 * As quoted in Vox (October 1997).

 * I think onstage it was more me trying to show people my pain, and offstage it was just feeling it, period.
 * On mutilating himself, as quoted in Rolling Stone (15 October 1998).

 * Understand this, tell others: in my dream vultures chase me into my burning house. There, they pick out the brains of my family, dismember them, devour. I emerge from my home and I am burning, skin falling away like a snake as the structure crumbles into a black skeleton. I cannot fight off the vultures. A young man or woman emerges from the ashes. He/she doesn't save me, because he/she is holding my cracked and swollen heart in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. I can read it. It discusses and compares in great detail the differences between me and the vultures. He wraps my heart in the paper and tosses it to the ground. Can you see?
 * As quoted in MarilynManson.com (6 February 1999).

The Long Hard Road Out of Hell (1998)

 * If you act like a rock star, you will be treated like one.

 * I wanted to address the hypocrisy of talk show America. How morals are worn as a badge, to make you look good and how it is easier to talk about your beliefs than to live up to them.

 * The only way that you achieve what you want and to fulfill your dreams and become great is by demanding that sort of attention. You have to make it happen.

 * [...] art and commerce are in essence incompatible.

2000s

 * Is adult entertainment killing our children? Or is killing our children entertaining adults?
 * As quoted in MarilynManson.com (2000).

 * If they think that an artist can destroy their faith, then their faith is rather fragile.
 * As quoted in BBC News (23 August 2005)

 * To me, anything that is a church is really just far too close minded.
 * As quoted in Ultimate Guitar (2007).

Bowling for Columbine (2002)

 * Marilyn Manson: The two by-products of that whole tragedy were violence in entertainment and gun control. And how perfect that that was the two things that we were going to talk about with the upcoming election. And also, then we forgot about Monica Lewinsky and we forgot about the President was shooting bombs overseas – yet I'm a bad guy because I sing some rock-and-roll songs – and who's a bigger influence, the President or Marilyn Manson? I'd like to think me, but I'm going to go with the President.
 * Michael Moore: Do you know that on the day of the Columbine massacre, the U.S. dropped more bombs on Kosovo than any other day?
 * Marilyn Manson: I do know that, and I think that's really ironic, that nobody said, "Well, maybe the President had an influence on this violent behavior." Because that's not the way the media wants to take it and spin it, and turn it into fear, because then you're watching television, you're watching the news, you're being pumped full of fear, there's floods, there's AIDS, there's murder, cut to commercial, buy the Acura, buy the Colgate, if you have bad breath, they're not going to talk to you, if you have pimples, the girl's not going to fuck you, and it's just this campaign of fear and consumption, and that's what I think it's all based on, the whole idea of 'keep everyone afraid and they'll consume.'

 * Marilyn Manson: When I was growing up, music was the only escape. If you put on a record, its not gonna yell at you about the way you dress, its gonna make you feel better about it.

 * Michael Moore: If you were to talk directly to the kids at Columbine or the people in that community, what would you say to them if they were here right now?
 * Marilyn Manson: I wouldn't say a single word to them. I would listen to what they have to say, and that's what no one did.

The High End of Low (2009)

 * We don't believe in credibility, because we know that we're fucking incredible.
 * "We're From America".

 * We don't like to kill our unborn, we need them to grow up and fight our wars.
 * "We're From America".

2010s

 * Art gives me the freedom I don’t have when I make music. In music, you feel a connection to the voice and think about the person behind it. In art that's secondary.
 * Regarding his latest art exhibition, as quoted in The Age (30 June 2010).

Misattributed

 * Suicide is painless.
 * Though covered by Manson, this is actually a lyric to "Suicide Is Painless" written by Mike Altman for the movie M*A*S*H (1970); the music (written by Johnny Mandel) later provided the theme music for the M*A*S*H TV series.

 * The death of one is a tragedy, but death of a million is just a statistic.
 * Being from Manson's Fight Song of Holy Wood, this is actually a quote misattributed to George Orwell, in his book,Animal Farm. It is a paraphrase, from Josef Stalin, in his response to the mass purges during the 1930s, that he ordered. He said, “A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.”

Quotes about Manson

 * [A] dude's getting bullied and shoots up his school, and they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin; where were the parents at?
 * Marshall B. Mathers, "The Way I Am" (2000), The Marshall Mathers LP

title: Marilyn Manson


text:
User talk:Kate

Thanks for the notice about the wider distribution of the Wikiquote QotD. I did slightly alter the sequence of quotes that I had in mind to use for the next few days, and the one I had intended to use today will probably be used tomorrow. I often have a number of quotes waiting in a queue now, and usually try to keep them together in sets where each in some way enhances the value of others, but I also often alter any intended arrangements in response to incidental occurences. I hope more people will be inspired to contribute quotations, as well as enjoy the ones that have been gathered. Thanks again. ~ Kalki 13:19, 2 Sep 2004 (UTC)

Thanks for reverting the vandal's work. The attempts to post this chinese SPAM here is becoming an almost daily thing now. I just got back from watching a movie, saw what was going on, and blocked the IP that was being used, but the IPs that are used by this nuisance vary, so I now usually just revert the garbage. Thanks again. ~ Kalki 03:12, 22 Sep 2004 (UTC)

title: User talk:Kate


text:
Talk:Harry S. Truman

Middle initial
Harry Truman's middle name is actually "S" so you're not supposed to put that period after his initial. Check out the WWII memorial for a real life example.

 * See Wikipedia's "Truman" article and "Use Of The Period After The 'S' In Harry S. Truman's Name" at the Truman Presidential Library website for an explanation of why "S." is correct usage, and how the controversy started. — Jeff Q (talk) 00:41, 20 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Public domain or fair use?
Those quote are Public Domain or Fair Use? --Aphaia 12:17, 29 Nov 2004 (UTC)

 * Which quotes are you referring to? The actual quotes listed are certainly covered by any reasonable definition of "fair use", as is pretty much every other short quote by a notable person (as opposed to book excerpts or long cinematic dialog) in Wikiquote. If you mean the website link, I don't think we need to ensure external links are fair use, although I try to remove links to sites that are obviously violating copyrights (like posted copies of books, CDs, videos, etc.). I couldn't verify this article's external link because it was generating an error when I checked. — Jeff Q (talk) 00:46, 20 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Who gets the credit
That quote: "It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit." is all over the web with varying attribution. I'm not sure when or where HST might have said it, but it is most likely a rephrasing of the older quotation:

'''"The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit." ' Benjamin Jowett, 1817-1893'' English Clergyman, Educator & Classicist Quoted in John Gross, The Oxford Book of Aphorisms

Found here: http://politicalquotes.org/node/38192

Dsmccoy 20:00, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

War profiteering = treason
I see everywhere that Senator Harry Truman denounced war profiteering as "treason"

From where is that quote? What is the whole text?

Help, please.

The Source is: Time Magazin, "Dinner Table Treason" April 6, 1942

"Never kick a cow turd on a hot day"
This is a famous quote by Harry S. Truman. He was a man of various wonders.

"Treason" comment
I don't think that Truman ever said that war profiteering was treason. In his work as chairman of the Truman Committee he was reported as having characterized the actions of at least one company (Standard Oil of New Jersey) as "treason", but this was a reference to their business dealings with Axis countries.

Yes, he absolutely did call it "Treason."

http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1144&dat=19420327&id=ilkbAAAAIBAJ&sjid=fEwEAAAAIBAJ&pg=2103,1133618

On the new deal
"I do not understand a mind which sees a gracious beneficence in spending money to slay and maim human beings in almost unimaginable numbers and deprecates the expenditure of a smaller sum to patch up the ills of mankind."

I would really, really, really like a citation for this quote. Not because it's dubious, just because it's a great quote. 74.78.116.93 05:34, 24 October 2008 (UTC)

Unsourced
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable and precise source for any quote on this list please move it to Harry S. Truman. --Antiquary 10:32, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog! --- This is from the play "Give Em Hell, Harry!" by Samuel Gallu: http://www.ralphkeyes.com/who-said-that-2/

 * I do not understand a mind which sees a gracious beneficence in spending money to slay and maim human beings in almost unimaginable numbers and deprecates the expenditure of a smaller sum to patch up the ills of mankind.
 * Defending the New Deal

 * Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

 * Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.

 * It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

 * It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.

 * My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference. -- This was in the book Plain Speaking: http://www.snopes.com/quotes/truman/truman.asp

 * The job of the Vice President is to go to weddings and funerals.

 * Whenever a fellow tells me he's bipartisan, I know he's going to vote against me.

 * When you hear someone praying real loud, that's the time to lock up the smokehouse. -- Actual full quote: "I am by religion like everything else. I think there is more in acting than in talking. I had an uncle who said when one of his neighbors got religion strong on Sunday, he was going to lock his smokehouse on Monday. I think he was right from the little I have observed." http://www.trumanlibrary.org/whistlestop/study_collections/trumanpapers/fbpa/index.php?pagenumber=8&documentid=HST-FBP_1-4_01&documentVersion=both&documentYear=1911

 * I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

"Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction"
I've seen this quoted a handful of times, always attributed to Harry S. Truman, but nothing reliable indicating he actually said it. Did he originate the phrase? If not, who did?

Chad Schultz (talk) 18:45, 13 October 2013 (UTC)

A politician can't get rich...
The following quote is said to be that of Harry S Truman. "You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook." To date, other than in memes and blog spots, I find it difficult to attribute the quote, even paraphrased, to Truman. To date I've found no link to a speech, formal or informally, where it appears; nor can I source it through any book or letters he has authored. HOWEVER... throughout the World Wide Web it comes back credited to Harry Truman. Someone please help me if possible, validate a place that PROVES he ever made the statement... in what context it was stated... what brought about him [supposedly]MAKING the statement. I thank you in advance for your assistance :)

 * I have found no reliable sourcing for this statement, but do not have time to presently seek any similar ones which it might paraphrase. ~ ♞☤☮♌Kalki·†·⚓⊙☳☶⚡ 12:35, 15 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Finding a total of zero (0) hits for this at Google Books, I and quite confident the quote is fake. The closest genuine quote I can find is this passage from Truman's diary dated 24 April 1954:
 * No young man should go into politics if he wants to get rich or if he expects an adequate reward for his services. An honest public servant can't become rich in politics. He can only attain greatness and satisfaction by service.
 * Off the Record: The Private Papers of Harry S. Truman (1997), ed. Robert H. Ferrell, p. 306 (Google Books). Also quoted at "Harry Truman Speaks", on the  Harry S. Truman Library and Museum website
 * "An honest public servant can't become rich in politics." is logically equivalent to "You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook." - Modus tollens

 * Quotation is authentic. Plain Speaking: An Oral Biography of Harry S Truman by Merle Miller, 1973-1974. SBN 425-02664-7 LOC 73-87198. The following comments by Truman appear in interviews with Merle Miller, Berkeley Medallion edition, October 1974, Chapter 10. "The Only Defeat - and Then Victory":
 * pg. 134: "No man can get rich in politics unless he's a crook."
 * pg. 136: "About this getting rich in politics. Like I said, you just can't do it unless you're a crook."
 * Jwoehr (talk) 20:56, 21 March 2020 (UTC)

Readers
The following quote is often attributed to HST, and yet I can find no primary source. Any thoughts?

-- "Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers." 47.197.144.23 19:59, 10 September 2017 (UTC)

Oppenheimer quote
"'Oppenheimer when he went into Truman's Office with Dean Acheson said to the latter, wringing his hands:'I have blood on my hands'. Truman later said to Acheson: 'Never bring that fucking cretin in here again. He didn't drop the bomb. I did. That kind of weepiness makes me sick.' Source: Jean-Jacques Salomon Science et Politique (1970) - * History in Quotations, Page 882"

This quote appears in that book and cites something from 1970. I have not seen the original source or what it cites. Harizotoh9 (talk) 05:57, 3 February 2021 (UTC)

 * This is an interesting quote and should be added to the page and also to the page on Oppenheimer. A quick seach and I found some sources on Google Books. Harizotoh9, please add it to the article. -- ო ~ #SheSaid 09:04, 3 February 2021 (UTC)
 * It's an interesting quote, but we'll have to verify it. Just because it appears in several books doesn't mean it's valid. The source is a book by Jean-Jacques Salomon from 1970 which will in turn cite the source. Then we'd have to check the original source. If the book in turn doesn't cite anything, then it could be a made up quote or apocryphal. Harizotoh9 (talk) 17:32, 5 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Hi Harizotoh9, in this case it may be possible to put the quote in a disputed section, if the quote itself otherwise meets WQ:Q, which I think it does. -- ო ~ #SheSaid 18:30, 5 February 2021 (UTC)

authors: დამოკიდებულება

title: Talk:Harry S. Truman


text:
User:Bonalaw~enwikiquote

Hi, I'm Bonalaw and I'm an alcoh... I mean, Wikiquotidian. I'm more active on English Wikipedia and less active on Wiktionary, so that makes me active in a very middling way here. The gaps are a bit more obvious on here, though, in that there are lots of them, so I'll probably hang out round here for a bit if that's OK with the rest of you. Bonalaw 17:24, 2 Sep 2004 (UTC)

title: User:Bonalaw~enwikiquote


text:
User:Slowking Man~enwikiquote

My main user page: w:en:User:Slowking Man

title: User:Slowking Man~enwikiquote


text:
Magnolia (film)

Magnolia is 1999 film about dramatic and humorous events in the lives of many people, intertwined in a 24-hour span of coincidence and chance in Los Angeles, California, on a day of extremely variable weather. Written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
 * For quotes on the flower itself, see: Magnolia

Narrator

 * It is in the humble opinion of this narrator that this is not just "something that happened." This cannot be "one of those things"... This, please, cannot be that. And for what I would like to say, I can't. This was not just a matter of chance. … These strange things happen all the time.
 * We may be through with the past, but the past is never through with us.

Claudia Wilson Gator

 * I'll tell you everything, and you tell me everything, and maybe we can get through all the piss and shit and lies that kill other people.

Jim Kurring

 * Let me tell you something, this is not an easy job. I get a call on the radio, dispatch, it's bad news. And it stinks. But this is my job and I love it. Because I want to do well. In this life and in this world, I want to do well. And I want to help people. And I might get twenty bad calls a day. But one time I can help someone and make a save, correct a wrong or right a situation, then I'm a happy cop. And as we move through this life we should try and do good. Do good... And if we can do that, and not hurt anyone else, well... then...
 * I lost my gun today when I left you and I'm the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it's on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things, that we should say what we're thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today, and I am not a good cop. And I'm looked down at. And I know that. And I'm scared that once you find that out you may not like me.
 * A lot of people think this is just a job that you go to... take a lunch hour, the job's over, something like that. But it's a 24-hour deal... no two ways about it... and what most people don't see is just how hard it is to do the right thing. People think if I make a judgment call, that it's a judgment on them. But that's not what I do, and that's not what should be done. I have to take everything and play it as it lays. Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail. And that's a very tricky thing on my part... making that call. The law is the law, and heck if I'm gonna break it. But if you can forgive someone... well, that's the tough part. What can we forgive? Tough part of the job. Tough part of walking down the street.
 * I can't let this go. I can't let you go. Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things, those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see?

Earl Partridge

 * I loved her so. She knew what I did, she knew all the fucking stupid things I’d done. But the love was stronger of anything you can think of. The goddamn regret. THE GODDAMN REGRET! And I’ll die, now I’ll die and I’ll tell you what. The biggest regret of my life, I let my love go. What did I do? I’m sixty-five years old, and I’m ashamed. Million years ago, the fucking regret and guilt, these things... don’t ever let anyone ever say to you, you shouldn’t regret anything. Don’t do that, don't! You regret what you fucking want, use that, use that, use that regret for anything, any way you want, you can use it, OK? Oh, God. This is a long way to go with no punch. A little moral, story I say: Love...Love...Love. This fucking life, it’s so fucking hard. So long, Life ain’t short it’s long, it’s long. God damn it! God damn, what did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

Frank T.J. Mackey

 * In this big game that we play, life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve, it's what you take. I'm Frank T.J. Mackey, a master of the muffin and author of the Seduce and Destroy system now available to you on video and audio cassette. Seduce and Destroy will teach you the techniques to have any hardbody blonde just dripping to wet your dock. Bottom line? Language. The magical key to unlocking the female analytical mindset. Tap directly into her hopes, her wants, her fears, her desires, and her sweet little panties. Learn how to make that lady "friend" your sex-starved servant. I don't care how you look. I don't care what car you drive. I don't care what your last bank statement says. Seduce and Destroy produces an instant money-back guarantee trance-like state that will get you this ´— naughty sauce you want fast. Hey — how many more times do you need to hear the all-too-famous line of "I just don't feel that way about you?"
 * Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men! [simulating sexual thrusting]
 * Men are shit. What? Men... are... shit. What, isn't that what they say? Because we do bad things, don't we? We do horrible, heinous, heinous, terrible things. Things that no woman would ever do. No, women, they don't lie. No, women don't cheat. Women don't manipulate us. But you see what I'm getting at. You see what society does? Little boys, it's, "Wow, womaaaan!" We are taught to apologize. I am sorry. I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry. What is it that we need? Is it their pussies? Their love? Mommy wouldn't let me play soccer... and Daddy, he hit me, so that's who I am, that's why I do what I do? Fucking bullshit. I will not apologize for who I am. I will not apologize for what I need. I will not apologize for what I want!

Dialogue

 * Young Pharmacy Kid: Strong, strong stuff here. What exactly you have wrong, you need all this stuff?
 * Linda Partridge: Motherfucker.
 * Young Pharmacy Kid: What are you talking about?
 * Linda Partridge: Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck do you think you are? I come in here. You don't know me. You don't know who I am, what my life is. You have the balls, the indecency to ask me a question about my life?
 * Old Pharmacist: Please, lady, why don't you calm down?
 * Linda Partridge: Fuck you, too. Don't call me "lady". I come in here, I give these things to you. You check, you make your phone calls, look suspicious, ask questions. I'm sick. I have sickness all around me and you fucking ask me about my life? "What's wrong?" Have you seen death in your bed? In your house? Where's your fucking decency? And then I'm asked fucking questions. What's... wrong? You suck my dick. That's what's wrong. And you, you fucking call me "lady"? Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on both of you.

 * Phil Parma: When was the last time you talked to your son?
 * Earl Partridge: ...I don't know. Ten, maybe... five... [moans]... that's another thing that goes...
 * Phil Parma: Your memory?
 * Earl Partridge: Time lines, you know? I remember things, but not... right there, you know?
 * Phil Parma: Yeah.
 * Earl Partridge: "Yeah". The fuck do you know?
 * Phil Parma: I've seen it before.
 * Earl Partridge: Yeah, other assholes like me.
 * Phil Parma: Oh, there's no asshole like you.
 * Earl Partridge: Cocksucker.
 * Phil Parma: How come every other word you use is either "cocksucker", "shitballs" or "fuck"?
 * Earl Partridge: Do me a personal favor.
 * Phil Parma: Go fuck myself?
 * Earl Partridge: Yeah, you got it.

 * Gwenovier: Come on, Frank. What are you doing?
 * Frank T.J. Mackey: What am I doing? I'm quietly judging you.

 * Rose Gator: Why doesn't Claudia... talk to you, Jimmy?
 * Jimmy Gator: Why? Because we've... We both don't know. What do you mean?
 * Rose Gator: No, I think you know.
 * Jimmy Gator: Maybe... I don't.
 * Rose Gator: Say it, Jimmy.
 * Jimmy Gator: I think she thinks... that I may have... molested her. She thinks terrible things that somehow got into her head... that I may have done. She said that to me last time, when it was... ten years ago, she walked out the door. "You touched me wrong. I know that." Some crazy thought in her head.
 * Rose Gator: Did you ever touch her?
 * Jimmy Gator: I don't know.
 * Rose Gator: [covers her mouth in disgust] ... Jimmy!...
 * Jimmy Gator: I don't know. I really don't.
 * Rose Gator: But you can't say!
 * Jimmy Gator: I don't know what I've done.
 * Rose Gator: [angry] Yes, you do. You do! But you won't say!
 * Jimmy Gator: I don't know. What? Please? Please.
 * Rose Gator: You deserve to die alone for what you've done!
 * Jimmy Gator: I don't know what I've done!
 * Rose Gator: [beginning to cry] Yes, you do!
 * Jimmy Gator: Rose, if I said that I knew, would you stay?
 * Rose Gator: No!
 * Jimmy Gator: But I don't know what I've done.
 * Rose Gator: You should know better!

 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: You look like you have money in your pocket.
 * Thurston Howell: Maybe I'm just happy to see my friend Brad there.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Just throw some money around. Money, money, money.
 * Thurston Howell: This sounds threatening.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Do you have love in your heart?
 * Thurston Howell: I have love all over. I even have love for you, friend.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Is it real love? The kind of love that makes you feel... that intangible joy... pit of your stomach... like a bucket of acid and nerves running around... making you hurt and happy and all over... You're head over heels?
 * Thurston Howell: You lost me with the last couple of cocktail words spoken my boy... but I believe it's that sort of love. Sounds nice to me.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I have love.
 * Thurston Howell: A very chatty kind, indeed you do.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: No, I mean I'm telling you - I have love.
 * Thurston Howell: Yes, and I'm listening avidly, fella.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: My name is Donnie Smith, and I have lots of love to give.

 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I used to be smart, but now I'm just stupid.
 * Thurston Howell: Brad, dear, who was it that said..."A man of genius has seldom been ruined but by himself"?
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: [quietly; to himself] ... Samuel Johnson...
 * Thurston Howell: It was the lovely Samuel Johnson! Who also spoke of a fellow "who was not only dull... but a cause of dullness in others."
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: "The cause of dullness in others."
 * Thurston Howell: Picky picky!
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Let me tell you this; Samuel Johnson never had his life shit on... and taken from him, and his money stolen! Who took his life and his money? His parents? His mommy, and daddy? Make him live this life like this... A man of genius who gets shit on as a child!... and that scars! That hurts! Have you ever been hit by lightning? It hurts. It doesn't happen to everyone. It's an electrical charge. It finds its way across the universe... and it lands in your body, and your head! And as for ruined, but by himself... not if his parents took his freaking life... and his money, and tell you to do this... and to do that, and if you don't...!
 * Smiling Peanut Patron #1: Your parents took your money you won on that game show?
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Yes! They did. [to Thurston] What does that mean, a spoke in the wheel?
 * Thurston Howell: Things go round and round, don't they?
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Yes, they do... They do. But I'll make my dreams come true.
 * Thurston Howell: Sounds sad as a weeping willow.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I used to be smart. But now I'm just stupid.
 * Thurston Howell: [raising his glass] Shall we drink to that?

 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I'm sick... I'm sick here now. I confuse melancholy with depression sometimes. You see?
 * Thurston Howell: Why don't you run along now, friend? Your dessert is getting cold.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I'm sick.
 * Thurston Howell: Stay that way.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I'm sick, and I'm in love.
 * Thurston Howell: You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: That's right! That's the first time you've been right. I confuse the two, and I don't care! [to Brad] I love you. I love you, and I'm sick. I'll talk to you - I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm getting corrective oral surgery tomorrow... for my teeth. I love you, Brad. Brad the bartender. You want to love me back? I'll be good to you. I'll be goddamn good for you. I won't be mad if you don't know who said what. I won't punish you if you get the answer wrong. I can teach you, and tell you...
 * Thurston Howell: Brad, you have a special secret crush over there, I think. Don't treat him too lovely. He might get hurt...
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: You, shut up! Mind your own business!
 * Thurston Howell: Gently, son!
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Brad, I know you don't love me now.
 * Thurston Howell: It's a dangerous thing to confuse children with angels.
 * Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: Brad, I know you don't love me now...You wanna know the common element for the entire group like he asked? I'll tell you the answer: I'll tell you 'cause I had that one. [pointing to the TV] I had that question. Carbon. Carbon. In pencil lead, it's in the form of graphite. In coal, it's mixed up with other impurities and in the diamond, it's in hard form. [in the voice of Jimmy Gator, the TV quiz show announcer] 'Well, all we really wanted to know was the common element, Donnie, but thank you for all that unnecessary knowledge. Ha, ha, kids! Head's so full of useless knowledge. Thank you. Thank you.' And the book says: 'We may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us!' [To Howell] And no, it is not dangerous to confuse children with angels!

 * Linda Partridge: [to her lawyer] I have to tell you something, I have something to tell you. I want to change his will. Can I change his will? I need to....No, no, no, you see, uhm, I never loved him. I never loved him. Earl. When I met him, when I started, I met him, I fucked him, and I married him because I wanted his money. Do you understand? I'm telling you this. I've never told anyone, I didn't love him, but now, you know, I know I'm in that will. I mean, we're all there together. We made that fucking thing and all the money I'll get. And I don't want it, because I love him so much now. I've fallen in love with him now for real as he's dying. And, uhm, I look at him, and he's about to go, Alan. He's moments. I took care of him through this, Alan. What now, then? I don't want him to die. I didn't love him when we met, and I did so many bad things to him that he doesn't know. Things that I want to confess to him, but now I do. I love him....This isn't any fucking medication talking! This isn't -- I don't know, I don't know. Can you give me nothing? You, you have power of attorney! Can you go, can you go in the final fucking moments and change the will? I-I don't want any money. I couldn't live with myself with this thing that I've done. I've done so many bad things. I fucked around. I fucking cheated on him. I fucking cheated on him, Alan! There. There. You're his lawyer, our lawyer. I am his wife. We are married. I broke the contract of marriage. I fucked around on him many times. I sucked other men's cocks...
 * Alan Kligman: Linda, stop. Now you take a moment, you breathe, and one thing at a time.
 * Linda Partridge: Shut the fuck up.
 * Alan Kligman: You know what would help you, Linda?
 * Linda Partridge: Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
 * Alan Kligman: You need to sober up.
 * Linda Partridge: Now, you must really shut the fuck up now, please - shut the fuck up.
 * Alan Kligman: Linda.
 * Linda Partridge: I have to go.
 * Alan Kligman: Let me call you a car, Linda.
 * Linda Partridge: Shut the fuck up.

Songs

 * Available on Magnolia: Music from the Motion Picture (1999); some of these songs are integrated very prominently into the stories of the film.

Two can be as bad as one It's the loneliest number since the number one
 * One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

No is the saddest experience you'll ever know Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know. I've allowed my fears to get larger than life.''' And it's brought me to my current agendum Whereupon I deny fulfillment has yet to arrive.
 * "One", by Harry Nilsson
 * '''Oh, for the sake of momentum

And I know life is getting shorter, I can't bring myself to set the scene. Even when it's approaching torture, I've got my routine.
 * "Momentum", by Aimee Mann

Would you object to Never seeing each other again?''' 'Cause I can't afford to Climb aboard you. No one's got that much ego to spend.
 * '''Now that I've met you,

So don't work your stuff, Because I've got troubles enough. No, don't pick on me When one act of kindness could be Deathly, Deathly, Definitely.
 * "Deathly", by Aimee Mann

What you hope is love Is just another thing that He'll be careless of. But though there are caveats galore, You've only got to love him more — And you do; You really do. Even when it's all too clear.
 * The sex you're trading up for
 * "You Do", by Aimee Mann

There's a cure. And you have finally found it.''' You think One drink Will shrink you 'til you're underground And living down. '''But it's not going to stop. It's not going to stop. It's not going to stop 'Til you wise up.'''
 * '''You're sure
 * "Wise Up", by Aimee Mann · Clip from the film of performances by Mann and cast members

You have come... to save me. '''Come on and save me... Why don't you save me? If you could save me, From the ranks of the freaks, Who suspect they could never love anyone, Except the freaks, Who suspect they could never love anyone, Except the freaks, Who could never love anyone.'''
 * Like Peter Pan, or Superman,
 * "Save Me" by Aimee Mann · Performance at the White House (11 May 2011)

Quotes about Magnolia

 * Sorted alphabetically by author or source

 * I have a feeling, one of those gut feelings, that I'll make pretty good movies the rest of my life. And maybe I'll make some clunkers, maybe I'll make some winners, but I guess the way that I really feel is that Magnolia is, for better or worse, the best movie I'll ever make.
 * Paul Thomas Anderson, as quoted in his profile at They Shoot Pictures Don’t They

'Magnolia'' is the kind of film I instinctively respond to. Leave logic at the door. Do not expect subdued taste and restraint, but instead a kind of operatic ecstasy.''' At three hours it is even operatic in length, as its themes unfold, its characters strive against the dying of the light, and the great wheel of chance rolls on toward them.
 * Magnolia is operatic in its ambition, a great, joyous leap into melodrama and coincidence, with ragged emotions, crimes and punishments, deathbed scenes, romantic dreams, generational turmoil and celestial intervention, all scored to insistent music. It is not a timid film. … The movie is an interlocking series of episodes that take place during one day in Los Angeles, sometimes even at the same moment. Its characters are linked by blood, coincidence and by the way their lives seem parallel. Themes emerge: the deaths of fathers, the resentments of children, the failure of early promise, the way all plans and ambitions can be undermined by sudden and astonishing events. … All of these threads converge, in one way or another, upon an event there is no way for the audience to anticipate. This event is not "cheating," as some critics have argued, because the prologue fully prepares the way for it, as do some subtle references to Exodus. It works like the hand of God, reminding us of the absurdity of daring to plan. And yet plan we must, because we are human, and because sometimes our plans work out.
 * Roger Ebert, in his review of Magnolia in Chicago Sun-Times (7 January 2000)

 *  Magnolia is a film of sadness and loss, of lifelong bitterness, of children harmed and adults destroying themselves. As the narrator tells us near the end, "We may be through with the past, but the past is never through with us." In this wreckage of lifetimes, there are two figures, a policeman and a nurse, who do what they can to offer help, hope and love. … The central theme is cruelty to children, and its lasting effect. This is closely linked to a loathing or fear of behaving as we are told, or think, that we should. … As an act of filmmaking, it draws us in and doesn't let go. It begins deceptively, with a little documentary about amazing coincidences (including the scuba diver scooped by a fire-fighting plane and dumped on a forest fire) … coincidences and strange events do happen, and they are as real as everything else. If you could stand back far enough, in fact, everything would be revealed as a coincidence. What we call "coincidences" are limited to the ones we happen to notice.
 * Roger Ebert, in his review for Great Movies (27 November 2008)

And all leads to the remarkable, famous, sequence near the film's end when it rains frogs. Yes. Countless frogs, still alive, all over Los Angeles, falling from the sky. That this device has sometimes been joked about puzzles me. '''I find it a way to elevate the whole story into a larger realm of inexplicable but real behavior. We need something beyond the human to add another dimension.' Frogs have'' rained from the sky eight times this century, but never mind the facts. Attend instead to Exodus 8:2, which is cited on a placard in the film: "And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite your whole territory with frogs." Let who go? In this case, I believe, it refers not to people, but to fears, shames, sins. Magnolia is one of those rare films that works in two entirely different ways. '''In one sense, it tells absorbing stories, filled with detail, told with precision and not a little humor. On another sense, it is a parable. The message of the parable, as with all good parables, is expressed not in words but in emotions. After we have felt the pain of these people, and felt the love of the policeman and the nurse, we have been taught something intangible, but necessary to know.'''
 * In one beautiful sequence, Anderson cuts between most of the major characters all simultaneously singing Aimee Mann's "It's Not Going to Stop." A directorial flourish? You know what? I think it's a coincidence. Unlike many other "hypertext movies" with interlinking plots, Magnolia seems to be using the device in a deeper, more philosophical way. Anderson sees these people joined at a level below any possible knowledge, down where fate and destiny lie. They have been joined by their actions and their choices.
 * Roger Ebert, in his review for Great Movies (27 November 2008)

 * There is no film... EVER... that has made me think and made me feel and made me question like Magnolia. It made me laugh and cry and squirm and giggle with nervous laughter. Yet, I can't deny that five years later my life is changed because I've seen Magnolia. I sit here at my computer getting goosebumps at the tenderness of Philip Seymour Hoffman.
 * Richard Propes, as quoted in Community Health Nursing: Caring for the Public's Health (2009) by Karen Saucier Lundy and Sharyn Janes, p. 957

Detractors missed its simple but affecting beauty. Writer/director P.T. Anderson assembles a riveting melodrama, or rather several riveting melodramas that can barely contain their energy and outpouring emotions. The individual vignettes, each brought to vivid life by a veteran cast at their best, are tied together by a theme as basic and yet crucial as forgiveness — a point driven home by Anderson’s use of biblical references (a certain amphibian in particular). There’s nothing subtle about either Anderson’s ideas or his tendency to pay homage to Altman and Scorsese. And there’s no denying how lively and entertaining the whole experience is.
 * Easily one of the best films in recent memory, the severely underrated Magnolia won top prizes at the Berlin Film Festival and the Toronto Film Critics Association Awards but was virtually ignored by the Academy (it scored three nominations without a win among them).
 * Radheyan Simonpillai, in Review at Askmen.com (22 January 2010)

 * Anderson's meandering multi-story megasoap with a message is over-ambitious, self-conscious, self-indulgent, self-important and clumsy into the bargain. But it's also one of the most enthralling and exhilarating American movies in ages. … Insofar as the film is about "story", little happens save that Anderson initially conceals information, and then slowly scatters snippets so that we can piece the jigsaw together. For all the humour, it's a dark portrait of loss, lovelessness and fear of failure in contemporary America, and not a film that trades in understatement.
 * Review in TimeOut London (24 June 2006)

Taglines

 * Things fall down. People look up. And when it rains, it pours.

Cast

 * Tom Cruise - Frank T.J. Mackey
 * Pat Healy - Sir Edmund William Godfrey/Young Pharmacy Kid
 * Julianne Moore - Linda Partridge
 * Genevieve Zweig - Mrs. Godfrey
 * Mark Flannagan - Joseph Green
 * William H. Macy - Quiz Kid Donnie Smith
 * Jeremy Blackman - Stanley Spector
 * Philip Seymour Hoffman - Phil Parma
 * John C. Reilly - Jim Kurring
 * Ricky Jay - Burt Ramsey/Narrator
 * Philip Baker Hall - Jimmy Gator
 * Melora Walters - Claudia Gator

title: Magnolia (film)


text:
User talk:JustPippa

If there are any quotes or pages you want me to add, just tell me.- B-101 23:19, 2 Sep 2004 (UTC)

Films & TV Shows
I was wondering if you would like to join the discussion for creating a standard on how Films and TV Shows should be formated. There are far too many ways people are creating pages, and unfortunately most are lacking and format. For my POV on what I would like to see, are TV shows seperated by episode (ex. "Buffy"), while Films be seperated by main characters (ex. Dr. Strangelove) - I think this format will gives us an advantage over IMDb. PEACE RoboAction 04:21, 30 Nov 2004 (UTC)

Adding uncreated articles to "List of films"
I see you have been trying to keep Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story on the List of films. This was moved to List of films/requested because there is no article for that title. This announces that someone wants a quote page for that film, but is not yet prepared to create a substantive one themselves.

This strategy came about after a discussion at Talk:List of films about what to do with the blizzard of red links being added to the article. Several ideas were discussed, and RoboAction finally acted on one by splitting it into a main article and a "requested" subpage. No one has objected to this yet, so we've basically been observing how well it works. If you have concerns about this system, I encourage you to join the discussion.

Of course, you could avoid the issue by creating the article. ☺ But we're hoping to encourage people to create substantive articles, rather than just a placeholding single quote (or worse). If you would like some ideas about creating a solid film quote article, please take a look at the examples cited at Wikiquote talk:Templates (both good and bad), some related ideas at Talk:List of films and Talk:Television shows, and RoboAction's vol1 and vol2 templates. You can also drop me a note on my talk page if you have any questions. Thank you for participating! — Jeff Q 23:53, 14 Jan 2005 (UTC)

Namechange
Sorry for the delay on the name change, but I just had time to get around to the basic cross-checking today. I moved your old pages here, as that seems to have been done on Wikipedia as well, and recreated your old username and blocked it to prevent impersonations. ~ Kalki 17:55, 29 October 2006 (UTC)

Nostalgia Chick
I have added a "" template to the article Nostalgia Chick, suggesting that it be deleted according to the proposed deletion process. All contributions are appreciated, but it may not satisfy Wikiquote's criteria for inclusion, for the reasons given in the deletion notice (see also "What Wikiquote is not" and Wikiquote's deletion policy).

You may contest the proposed deletion by removing the  notice, but please explain why you disagree with the proposed deletion in your edit summary or on its talk page. Also, please consider improving the article to address the issues raised. Even though removing the deletion notice will prevent deletion through the proposed deletion process, the article may still be deleted if it matches any of the speedy deletion criteria or it can be sent to Votes for deletion, where it may be deleted if consensus to delete is reached. ~ Ningauble 17:01, 6 October 2011 (UTC)

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called B-101. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name B-101~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:17, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:JustPippa