text:
Xiaolin Showdown

Xiaolin Showdown (2003-2006) is an animated television show created by Christy Hui, about a group of four young Xiaolin monks: Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo and Clay whose task is to collect powerful items known as Shen Gong Wu while battling the evil Jack Spicer and the ancient Heylin witch Wuya, who are also after the artifacts.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles [1.1]

 * Narrator: Thousands of years ago, a furious battle was waged between the great and noble Xiaolin Dragon Dashi and the evil Heylin witch Wuya. This was the first Xiaolin Showdown. Wuya pitted her dark magic against Dashi and his mystical power objects, the Shen Gong Wu. In the end, Dashi triumphed, and Wuya was forever imprisoned in a simple wooden puzzle box. The threat averted, Dashi spread his Shen Gong Wu around the earth. For generations, they have secretly maintained the balance of good and evil. And a long line of Xiaolin Dragons has stood ready to face evil, should that balance ever shift.

 * [at the Xiaolin Temple, must deal with the new recruits, Raimundo Pedrosa, Kimiko Tohomiko, and Clay Bailey]
 * Master Fung: Omi, I would like you to meet Raimundo.
 * Raimundo: ‘Sup?
 * Master Fung: Kimiko.
 * Kimiko: He said that? [gasped] Hey. No way!
 * Master Fung: And Clay.
 * Clay: Howdy.
 * Omi: Master, where are the new students?
 * Master Fung: Right in front of you, Omi.
 * Omi: They are not what I expected.
 * Master Fung: The best things in life rarely are.
 * Omi: You are right, master. Welcome, my new and strangely-attired friends.
 * Master Fung: I must be going, young ones. I can see there is much teaching to be done here.
 * Omi: Yes, master. Much teaching indeed.

 * Omi: What is that? Is it magic?
 * Kimiko: It's a PDA. I'm sending a message to a friend in Tokyo.
 * Omi: A secret message?
 * Kimiko: Nah. I'm just telling her I met a very strange kid who apparently doesn't know about personal space issues.
 * Omi: Really? Who? [Points at Clay] Is it that guy?
 * Clay: Not me, partner.
 * Raimundo: It's you, chrome dome.

 * [Meanwhile, meet the evil boy genius, Jack Spicer]
 * Jack: I want to rule the whole world! All of it! Not some of it. Not just Iceland or Fiji. I wanna rule the whole world!
 * Jack-bot: Pardon me, sir.
 * Jack: What? Can’t you see I’m on an evil rant here?
 * Jack-bot: Yes, sir, but your father sent you a gift from Hong Kong.
 * [Handing Jack a puzzle box]
 * Jack: Oh, a puzzle box. Oh, let’s see. And my prize is...[Opens up the puzzle box revealing to be a mask] a mask? Lame. [Throws the box away] All right, back to world conquest. My favorite pastime. Now, let’s see. Europe might not be a bad place to start. Or is that too obvious? Could go in for the unexpected, like Paraguay. But is that enough of an attention grabber? Could go down through Africa, over to South America and...
 * Wuya: Onward to Asia.
 * Jack: [screamed in shock] Spooky ghost lady! Attack!
 * [Squad of Jackbots draw their chest blaster and fires at Wuya. Unfortunately, the projectiles ended up passing through Wuya's translucent ghostly form]
 * Wuya: Plans for world conquest? My dear boy, we have much in common. What’s your name?
 * Jack: Jack Spicer. Who are you? What are you?
 * Wuya: Me? I’m your new best friend.

 * Raimundo: Right. Like we're gonna take directions from a gecko.
 * Dojo: Gecko!? Don't ever call me gecko!
 * Raimundo: Eh, my mistakes.

 * Dojo: Wuya! Wow, the years have not been kind to you.

 * Master Fung: It is your most solemn duty as Xiaolin Warriors to find all the Shen Gong Wu before Wuya does.
 * Raimundo: [raises hand] I have a question.
 * Master Fung: Yes, Raimundo?
 * Raimundo: I saw my room, and no bed. Just a mat. What the dealy? [Everyone stares at him] Um, we can talk later...

 * Dojo: Can't believe I went from Temple Guardian to babysitter in less than a day!

 * Omi: And so our grand quest begins. Follow me, TO VICTORY! [From off-screen] I have no idea where I'm going.

 * [Raimundo turns off the game Omi is playing and Omi starts crying]
 * Omi: YAAH! MY LITTLE FRIEND HAS BEEN TAKEN BY THE DARK FORCES OF EVIL! [to the game] Po-chi are you in there?!Can you hear the sound of my voice?!
 * [Raimundo laughs and Kimiko punches him]
 * Kimiko: Don't mess with the monk!
 * Raimundo: [Grimacing] Girl, you hit hard!

 * Raimundo: It’s a what now?
 * Dojo: A Xiaolin Showdown. It’s what happens when two warriors reach a stalemate over a Shen Gong Wu. Two words: Freak-y.
 * Omi: Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! I wager my Two-Ton Tunic against your Mantis Flip Coin. Whoever reaches the last stone first wins the Eye of Dashi. And the other Shen Gong Wu as well.
 * Wuya: Accept the challenge. Accept it!
 * Jack: I accept your challenge, Omi.
 * Omi: Let’s go! Xiaolin Showdown!

 * Dojo: That’s a Xiaolin Showdown for ya. Always keeps you guessing. Gong Yi Tanpai! That means “go”.

 * Master Fung: You have all done exceptionally well. Wouldn’t you agree, Dojo?
 * Dojo: Not bad, for amateurs.
 * Master Fung: The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.
 * Dojo: Where do you get this stuff?
 * Master Fung: I have a desk calendar.
 * Omi: Master Fung, there are so many Shen Gong Wu left to be found.
 * Master Fung: Your new friends will help.
 * Omi: Oh, yes, master. I have already taught much to Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay.
 * Master Fung: But, Omi, they are here to teach you.
 * Omi: But I am the chosen one.
 * Master Fung: You aren’t the only chosen one, Omi. Someday your new friends may become Dragons, as well. Kimiko, the Dragon of Fire. Clay, the Dragon of Earth. And Raimundo, the Dragon of the Wind.
 * Omi: Is this true, master?
 * Master Fung: Yes, but I didn’t want to tell you until you were ready.
 * [Omi groans]
 * Clay: I don’t think he was ready.

Like a Rock! [1.2]

 * Raimundo: You knew you couldn't beat us with your old man kung fu.
 * Omi: [laughing hysterically] Raimundo mocks Clay's Tai Chi by calling it "old man kung fu!" He implies Clay is like an old man doing kung fu!

 * Omi: I foolishly and shamefully lost a quarter second on the sandbags. As you might say, I smell bad.
 * Raimundo: I stink, not I smell bad.
 * Omi: I stink?
 * Raimundo: Yeah, and you smell bad, too. [laughs]

 * Omi: In your head, Raimundo!
 * Raimundo: It's 'In your face'.
 * Omi: Talk to my fingers!

 * Clay: Hmm, seems like the feller don't mean any harm.

 * Dojo: Ooh, that Fist of Tebigong must be close, 'cause I'm getting a wicked case of Shen Gong Wu rash! Yeah, it kinda itches here, but it's more burny down there, and behind the my tail I've got this unsightly cracking. I mean it, it's ooh.
 * Kimiko: I meant with the location of the Shen Gong Wu!

 * Jack Spicer: First order of business when I rule the world: vaporize all mimes.

 * Raimundo: There has gotta be some way outta here. Okay. Those walls are solid.
 * Kimiko: Let me try. [she throws Raimundo on a mime wall] You're right. Those walls are solid.

 * Raimundo: Well, this is nice, eh? The three of us friends having a few laughs together. But where's our fourth friend, Mr. Clay? Oh, that's right. HE'S LOSING THE FIST OF TEBIGONG TO JACK SPICER! DID YOU GUYS FORGET THAT?!

 * Raimundo: So, Clay? Can I give the Eye of Dashi a try?
 * Clay: Sure thing, Raimundo.
 * Omi: What? Why? I should try it before you. I found it.
 * Raimundo: Your snooze, your lose!
 * Omi: Then perhaps, I'll try the Fist of Tebigong on your head!
 * Kimiko: Guys, knock it off! Or I'll Third Arm Sash your mouths shut!

Tangled Web [1.3]

 * Kimiko: You maybe those boots make you look like a dweeb. right, Jack?

 * Omi: Yuck! This candy tastes most unpleasant!
 * Raimundo: That 'cause it's lipstick.

 * Dojo: [shivering] This water's cold. I'm tellin' ya, I don't know how my cousin, Nessie, stands living here! 'Course, if you ask me, she likes all the attention! "Hey, look! It's the Loch Ness Monster!"
 * Scottish Man: [offscreen] Hey, look! It's the Loch Ness Monster!
 * Dojo: See?

 * Omi: [reading the "Ancient Guide to Females"] Oh yes! Females are easily frightened!
 * Kimiko: [obviously irked] You're lucky you're cute, Omi.

 * Jack Spicer: Standard for my folk’s parties. Snobfest a-go-go.
 * Ashley (Katnappé): So, are you Jack? the kid they’re all talking about upstairs?
 * Jack Spicer: [Perking up hopefully] They’re talking about me?! Are they calling me a genius?!
 * Ashley (Katnappé): More like “weirdo”
 * Jack Spicer: WHAT’S SO WEIRD ABOUT ME?!

 * Omi: I am very surprised Kimiko can lift such a heavy pot with her delicate female arms.
 * Kimiko: [angry] WHAT!?!?

 * Omi: The Golden Tiger Claws are inside that palace?
 * Dojo: That's what this rash is telling me. Ohhh. Wonder if there's an ointment for this? Ahhhh-hhhh!
 * Raimundo: How do we get in there?
 * Clay: Maybe if we knock on the door and ask real nice like?
 * Dojo: That's the Emperor Palace. They don't just let anybody in there. We need connections!
 * Kimiko: Oh, no worries. I'll call my dad.

Katnappe! [1.4]

 * Jack Spicer: Stay out of this Ashley.
 * Katnappé: My evil name's Katnappe, doofus.
 * Jack Spicer: Who you calling' doofus, Kitty Litter?
 * Katnappé: Who you calling' Kitty Litter, Robo-freak?
 * Wuya: Enough! Cease your bickering.

 * Dojo: [after Omi's defeat] What happened? I blinked and missed it.

 * Katnappé: See you, Xiaolin Warriors. I've got more shopping to do. Me-ow!
 * Dojo: Except for the parts where she slapped us silly and got away, I think that went pretty well.

Shen Yi Bu [1.5]

 * Jack: Uh-huh, hmm. So, Mr. Tubbimura, tell us about yourself. Why should Jack Spicer, evil incorporated, hire you?
 * Tubbimura: [Bowing] Hai. Well er, I have, as you can see, extensive experience wreaking havoc and destruction.
 * Jack: Yeah not really looking for H and D.
 * Tubbimura: Er, I also have solid grasp of mayhem.
 * Wuya: Mayhem is good.
 * Jack: There's always a need for mayhem.

 * Tubbimura: You must choose. Drop the Sword of the Storm or fall.
 * Raimundo: 'Kay, I choose fall.

 * Master Fung: You weren't defeated by your opponent Raimundo.
 * Raimundo: Oh, no? Would you like to see the impression of his boot on my butt?
 * Master Fung: [Hurriedly] Oh, that won't be necessary. You were defeated by your lack of knowledge. Remember, a drop of knowledge is more powerful than a sea of force.
 * Raimundo: [Sighs] Can't anyone speak normally around here?
 * Master Fung: Reflect on these things. As for me, I think I shall try my hand at Goo Zombies 2.

Chameleon [1.6]

 * Jack Spicer: Oh, I’m leaving alright, and you’re coming with me!
 * Kimiko: Oh, really, who’s gonna make me?

 * Jack Spicer: Kimiko, meet Kimiko. Or should I say, meet your match.

 * Clay: Face it, Raimundo. He's all over you like stink on a skunk.
 * Raimundo: Ah-ah! The master isn't through yet. Gotcha, don't I?
 * Omi: No, the Ace is in your sleeve. I only hesitate because I'm thinking of Kimiko again. Or perhaps I should say, the one who CALLS herself Kimiko.
 * Raimundo: You're tiger instincts are keen, bro. But your theory about Kim is… I don't know, it's-
 * Clay: Buggier than a June bug?
 * Raimundo: Yeah, it's buggier than a June bug.
 * Omi: No. I am sure of myself on this matter. But if you will not listen, perhaps Master Fung will.

 * Omi: [points at Chameleon (disguised as Kimiko) taking the Shen Gong Wu to Clay and Raimundo] See? You see, you see, you see?!
 * Clay: I see but…I do not wanna believe.
 * Raimundo: NIFTY! I should've caught it at NIFTY!
 * Omi: Imposter, show your true form!
 * Kimiko (Chameleon): How about if I show you this instead?

 * Jack Spicer: Jack Spicer, evil boy genius. [starts putting the Shen Gong Wu in his sack while singing a tune]

 * Clay: Aw, man! That's the second hat this week. Now I'm mad! [starts huffing and puffing angrily]

 * Wuya: You have done well, Jack Spicer.
 * Jack Spicer: Evil Genius well!?
 * Wuya: Don't ruin the moment.
 * Jack Spicer: Sorry.

Ring of the Nine Dragons [1.7]

 * Jack: Any idea where we're going?
 * Wuya: No, but I could always glide through the walls, and peek ahead.
 * Jack: N-not a good idea.
 * Wuya: Why? You're not afraid of the dark, are you?

 * Omi: My viper strike was not very good.
 * Dizzy Omi: I never made it passed level 1.
 * Fat Omi: I ate cookie dough all night. [burps] Oh. May I never be hungry again.

 * Omi: Now remember, we must find the.. er... thingie!
 * Omi clones: [scratching heads] Oh, yes, we must find, we have to find the thingie!

 * Master Fung: I want them spotless, Omi. Spotless. [holds up a brush and gives Omi an angry look]
 * Omi: [remorsefully] Yes, Master. Spotless.
 * [Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay watch from outside the kitchen]
 * Master Fung: I will inspect your work in one hour. [leaves the kitchen, slamming the door shut]
 * Kimiko: Wow, I've never seen Master Fung so upset.
 * Clay: He looked as mad as a beaver in a petrified forest.
 * Omi: Master Fung is right to be angry. [starts getting to work] I have acted most shamefully. Because of my disobedience, we still only have one Shen Gong Wu.
 * Raimundo: Yeah, true. [Kimiko angrily nudges him in the arm] Ow! What?! I'm just agreeing with what he said. Besides, maybe it's better this way.

Night of the Sapphire Dragon [1.8]

 * Dojo: Maybe I can be the dragon of…FIRE!
 * Kimiko: Sorry, position's filled.
 * Dojo: Then how 'bout soot?
 * Raimundo: Soot? Not impressive.
 * Dojo: And this is comin' from the wind guy? Ooh! How 'bout gas, huh? I eat a few cans o' beans and BAM! I'm in, baby!

 * Omi: Ha! Right there!
 * Raimundo: The Sapphire Dragon.
 * Omi: The most dangerous Shen Gong Wu. It is only to be used as an absolute last resort. It will turn your enemy into a sapphire statue.
 * Raimundo: And a guy next door, the old lady down the street, the kids at the playground.

 * [After getting almost blasted by the sapphire dragon]
 * Raimundo: You think he'd be grateful we rescued him from the volcano.

 * Dojo: Alright then, just remember, you asked for it! [panicking whimpering]

My Homey Omi [1.9]

 * [Episode starts with the Xiaolin monks and Dojo in New York City]
 * Omi: [sees the statue of Lady Liberty through binoculars] Whoa! Who is that lady?
 * Kimiko: That's the Statue of Liberty, Omi.
 * Omi: She must have been a great Xiaolin warrior, to get a statue that big.

 * Dojo: Good luck. The Serpent's Tail is always moving.

 * Omi: Oh, no! My friends are lost in New York City! How will they survive without ME?!

 * Kimiko: Dojo, anything you can do here?
 * Dojo: Eh...uh, gee guys. I-I-I'm not big on trains. A-and that third rail really chafes.
 * Kimiko: Dojo!
 * Dojo: Okay, okay.

 * Jermaine: [To Jack] Are you afraid of getting whooped little boy?

 * Jack Spicer: Okay, got the Shen Gong Wu. Now, a little vaporizing of our enemies, and we'll call it a day.

Big as Texas [1.10]

 * Clay: Hey, fellas. [sees his hat full of milk] Huh?!
 * Omi: Only a 9 1/2 gallons. You get a free hat!
 * Clay: [angrily] Raimundo!
 * Raimundo: Think fast! [tosses the filled hat of milk at a furious Clay who then chases him around the room] Hey, what's one hat compared to your best friend Raimundo's life?
 * Clay: You are Texas toast, Rai!

 * Kimiko: Here's how it's going down, cow. I roped you, you get roped. Nobody gets hurt, nobody sues. Ready...Go!

 * Raimundo: [cringing] What... did I just land in?
 * Clay: That would be a cow pie.
 * Raimundo: No! I know pies! Pies have cherry, or apple, or rhubarb! THIS IS NO PIE!

 * Daddy Bailey: Clay, I reckon you've been a man longer than I realized
 * Jack: [To Wuya] How come we don't have a relationship like that?
 * Wuya: I'm not your mommy! Now pick up your toys Jackie, and let's go home.

Royal Rumble [1.11]

 * Jack Spicer: Technically, you don't sweat either but you still manage to put off some serious B.O., sister.
 * Wuya: I'm surprised you can smell anything considering how often you have you little fingers up your nostrils!

 * Kimiko: Omi, please tell Clay that he's blocking my light.
 * Omi: Clay, I have a message from-
 * Clay: Omi, tell Kimiko that I'll cast my shadow wherever I darn well please.
 * Omi: Kimiko, Clay responds-
 * Kimiko: Tell Clay that maybe his shadow wasn't so fat and huge.
 * Omi: Clay, Kim-
 * Raimundo: Omi, tell Kimiko AND Clay that they're both…[head enlarges; agitated] GIVING ME A HEADACHE!

 * Omi: My friends! Hearing the sound of your voices again will give me tremendous pleasure.
 * Kimiko: Omi!
 * Clay: Run!
 * Raimundo: It's a trap!
 * Omi: That did not give me as much pleasure as I had hoped.

 * Jack: You know this trap would never have worked if I hadn't lost my Xiaolin Showdown in the first place. Wait, that didn't come out right.

 * Omi: Sun Chi Lantern! [absorbs his friends' chi energies]
 * Wuya: Stop him! He's merging his chi energy with the others!
 * Kimko's voice: FIRE!
 * Clay's voice: EARTH!
 * Raimundo's voice: WIND!

 * Jack: Don't make me bust you up, little man.

 * Kimiko: We got the Serpent's Tail, the Orb of Tornami…
 * Clay: The Longi Kite…
 * Raimundo: And the Tongue of Saiping, which I do not recommend touching.

Mala Mala Jong [1.12]

 * Wuya: Let me guess…you're downloading more of your vapid hippity-hop music.
 * Jack Spicer: [imitates buzzer] I'm working up a Shen Gong Wu spreadsheet so we can know who has what. Check it. We have the Eye of Dashi, they have the Tongue of Saiping. We have the Third Arm Sash, they've got the Longi Kite. And those really cool Golden Tiger Claws… Omi sent them to the Earth's core, so nobody has them. How do I file that one?
 * Wuya: I don't need a scorekeeper! I need someone who will retrieve the Shen Gong Wu and waist time with- wait! I am sensing a new Shen Gong Wu! [gasps] It is the most important of them all. The Heart of Jong!

 * Jack Spicer: Smell ya later, losers! [Tries to fly off but has his foot caught in a lasso]
 * Clay: You'll smell us NOW, ya dirty snake!
 * Kimiko: Smell us now?
 * Raimundo: Clay's villain taunting needs some serious work.

 * Omi: Oh, yes. Squirrels are most fearsome opponents.

 * [Jack and Wuya have put some of the Shen Gong Wu together and Mala Mala Jong rises to life]
 * Wuya: Jack Spicer, behold… Mala Mala Jong! Mala Mala Jong is an ancient demon warrior. Powerful… Deadly… And invincible.

 * Kimiko: Now what? we just camp out here and wait?
 * Dojo: How 'bout we "sing songs" Or-or tell "ghost stories" Or ah..oh, oh, oh, oh! I know. S'mores!
 * Raimundo: Mala Mala Jong could be attacking the temple right now! We should be fighting with Master Fung!
 * Omi: Master Fung ordered us to guard the Shen Gong Wu.
 * Raimundo: But...
 * Omi: All we can do is formulate a plan to defeat Mala Mala Jong in case...
 * Clay: Master Fung fails.

In the Flesh [1.13]

 * Jack: Hey you know what they say, finders keepers, losers weepers.
 * Omi: The only one being a weeping loser is you Jack Spicer! And you Wuya! You shall weep over your loss as well!
 * Jack: Wow! That is the lamest taunt ever. Stick to the jumping and kicking Omi.
 * Omi: As you wish!

 * Raimundo: So, that's the way it's gonna be, huh?
 * Kimiko: You tell us, Raimundo.
 * Clay: You can always drop the Shen Gong Wu and leave.
 * Raimundo: Nah, I'm up for a Xiaolin slap down.
 * Omi: Raimundo, I am starting to think you are not enacting some sort of SECRET ELABORATE PLAN.
 * Raimundo: Nothin' escapes you, Omi.
 * Omi: Not even you!
 * Raimundo: Wrong.

Days Past [2.1]

 * Dojo: Hah! The joke's on you Wuya! You broke the Reversing Mirror. Seven years bad luck! In, your, face!
 * Wuya: Actually, since its the Reversing Mirror, its seven years good luck.
 * Dojo: Ooh, hadn't thought of that. Crud.

 * Omi: I am most confused. If you were just going to give me the pebble, why make me go through the whole Showdown?
 * Dashi: Two reasons. One, it was funny.
 * Dojo: True.
 * Dashi: Two, to teach you something.

 * Wuya: Crush them.
 * Dojo: [girly shriek] A retreat might be in order, here!

Citadel of Doom [2.2]

 * Kimiko: You...You...YOU!...
 * Clay: Doofus?
 * Kimiko: [to Clay] Thank you. [to Jack] YOU DOOFUS! You trapped Omi in the past forever!

 * Wuya: Delicious. My domination of the world is now...complete.
 * Raimundo: Uh, Wuya? You might wanna do head count. You're short one, Omi.
 * Wuya: Omi? [gasps, poof] Where's Omi?
 * Clay: Frankly, It's none of your business, Ma'am.
 * Wuya: Oh, as they say I have ways to making you talk.
 * Jack: He's trapped in a past!
 * Raimundo: What?
 * Jack: Yeah. He traveled back in time as some guy named Dashi for help!
 * Wuya: Omi's in a past?
 * Kimiko: Yes. And now he's trapped there!
 * Jack: And it was me who sent him back, Wuya! I was really on your side all the way! Stupid Omi walked right in to our trap! WOO-HOO! You can let me go now.
 * Wuya: Forget it, Jack. I'm not buying it.
 * Jack: Really? Even if I whimper? [whimpers]
 * Raimundo: Omi's really trapped in the past?
 * Kimiko: We'll never see him again, thanks to you!
 * Dojo: And I hope you feel guilty about it.
 * Clay: Yeah, nice going, you two-faced fink.
 * Raimundo: I...I never wanted anything happen to you guys, I...I just wanted my due.
 * Wuya: And now you're got it, Raimundo. To the dungeon with them!
 * Raimundo: Wait, wait! Wuya. What if these guys. You know swear loyalty to you. Maybe they could sort a live the the palace? With me?
 * Wuya: If, they swear their loyalty.
 * Raimundo: C'mon, guys! You won't believe the stuff she's got video games, racecars, speed boats...
 * Jack: Sold! You can let me go now.
 * Wuya: The offer's not for you, Jack.
 * Jack: Buy, you really hold the grudge.
 * Raimundo: Guys, Wuya rules the whole world. So, c'mon, join the winning team already. What do you say?
 * Kimiko: What do we say? How about...DREAM ON!
 * Clay': I'd sooner kiss the backside of a mule.
 * Dojo: [offscreen] Forget it!

 * Kimiko: What's the matter, Rai? You look pretty bored for a guy who rules the world.
 * Raimundo: What are you doing here!? Did you decide to join me?
 * Clay: Nope. Still rather kiss the backside of a mule.
 * Kimiko: We escaped, Raimundo. So be cool and let us go.
 * Dojo: Or be a loser and come after us.
 * Raimundo: Better run, 'cause I'm coming after you.
 * Kimiko: Have it your way.
 * Raimundo: C'mon. We got some former friends to catch.

 * Wuya: How like Dashi to give you the tool but not the knowledge of how to use it. He always was a fool. A smart dresser, but a fool.

 * Jack: Me? Fighting for good? In a bathrobe? Forget it. Next time we meet, we're enemies again.
 * [Is about to fly off when Omi grabs his trenchcoat and gives him sad eyes.]
 * Jack: But maybe some time, if we're not fighting over Shen Gong Wu, we can all go for ice cream. My treat.
 * Omi: Yes that would be most nice. We could get a Monday!
 * Clay: Sundae.
 * Omi: Even better!

The Shard of Lightning [2.3]

 * Wuya: You thought I'd stay out of that box forever, didn't you?
 * Omi: Yes, I did, Wuya. Well, another 1500 years would have been nice!

 * Master Fung: As soon as the user brings forth the power of the shard, he can move so fast no one can see him.

 * Omi: I would not count your ducks before they emerge from their shells!
 * Raimundo:...that one wasn't even close.

 * Omi: Hello, I'm ready to showdown here.

 * Katnappe: Stop copy me!
 * Two Jacks: Stop copy me!
 * Katnappe: Quit it!
 * Two Jacks: Quit it!
 * [Katnappe look at the watch]
 * Katnappe: That's it!

The Crystal Glasses [2.4]

 * Master Fung: The power of the Crystal Glasses should not be taken lightly.

 * Wuya: [Talking to Omi] Soon you will be my greatest ally!
 * Jack: I'll even write your own evil theme music! [dramatic music plays] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!
 * Omi: This is NOT right!

Pandatown [2.5]

 * Jack Spicer: [To Pandabubba] All you want is Hong Kong?! Can't I at least get double-crossed by somebody with some vision?

 * Raimundo: Come on, guys. You're making this too easy for me.

 * Raimundo: Come on, Omi! It’s a classic gong game!
 * Omi: Okay, I hear your concerns and I will take them under advisement with the apprentice’s. Clay, Kimiko?
 * Clay: I reckon’ we don't have a better choice.
 * Kimiko: Let’s give a shot.
 * Raimundo: What?! You’re believing Jack Spicer over ME?! That’s it! I'm finding my own way in, and anyone who wants can go with me!

 * Clay: Two-Ton Tunic!
 * Raimundo: Eye of Dashi!
 * Kimiko: Third-Arm Sash!
 * Omi: Orb of Tornami!

 * Kimiko: Come on, Rai. You can still win this.
 * Omi: Just think: "What would Omi do"?

 * Wuya: Forget it, Jack. What happens in Pandatown stays in Pandatown.

Sizing Up Omi [2.6]

 * Dojo: The Wings of Tinabi let you fly like an eagle, leaving a cool rainbow vapor trail.

 * Omi: [gets an idea] Raimundo, that is the answer! I will grow bigger backwards!
 * Kimiko: He got me on that one.
 * Omi: Clay, may I please bore the Reversing Mirror? Raimundo, may I please borrow the Changing Chopsticks?
 * Clay: Where are you going with this, Omi?
 * Omi: Changing Chopsticks! Reversing Mirror! [grows bigger] Now there is nothing I cannot accomplish! Except perhaps explaining to Master Fung about the temple ceiling.

 * Clay: You OKAY down there, partner?
 * Omi: Oh, yes! Dojo's earwax is most convenient! But I do wish I had a better view. Ah, that is much better!
 * Dojo: Better hope I don't sneeze!
 * Omi: Nooo, you have very clean sinuses! I thank you!

Enter the Dragon [2.7]

 * Dojo: Why is everybody looking at me like I'm some sort of freak? I AM NOT A FREAK!
 * Clay: Relax, Dojo. Nobody is saying anything [whispers OUT LOUD].

 * Omi: Has Dojo ever gotten out of his box?
 * Master Fung: It's only happened once. It was the last time anyone saw... Atlantis.

 * Omi: Why should I remain behind and Raimundo go? It took him the longest to become an apprentice, and no one thought he would make it! [Raimundo clears throat] Uh, I mean, except for me?

 * Dojo: [as Master Fung] Omi, it is Master Fung. Dojo is holding me prisoner!
 * Omi: No. I do not believe you! [eats an eggroll]
 * Dojo: [as a sad little girl; crying] Please let me out. I'm lost! [cries]
 * Omi: No! No, I cannot!
 * Dojo: [as a mother version of Omi] Omi, this is your mother speaking. You open that door this instant!
 * Omi: Dojo, you are merely wasting your efforts. Besides, I am an orphan.
 * Dojo: [as Omi] Omi, it's Omi. You've got to let me out!
 * Omi: [irritated] Oh, this is not getting most ridiculous!

 * Omi: I did not abandon my post! I am still at my post, actually I am inside my post!  But that Dojo pulled his sweater over my eyes!
 * Raimundo: Alright, that's gotta be Omi.

 * Master Fung: Who let Dojo out?
 * [Clay, Raimundo and Kimiko take one step to the left from Omi]
 * Omi: [ashamed with dismay] I am so ashamed. It appears Dojo is one very crafty dragon.
 * Master Fung: Oh, this is not good.

 * Kimiko: He does know how to make an entrance.

 * Master Fung: [to Omi as Dojo is about to eat him] Remember, Omi… The future of the world is in your hands.

The Sands of Time [2.8]

 * Dojo: [Drowsily] You kids need your rest. How about we get a fresh start tomorrow? And fly around, aimlessly...looking for the Shen Gong...[sleepily]..Wu. [snoring]
 * Kimiko: Dojo! Don't nod off on us now! [Wakes Dojo up]
 * Dojo: [Disoriented] J-Just 5 more minutes, mommy! I don't wanna go to school!

 * Jack: [Holding the Sands of Time] Looking for this, Xiaolin losers? Too bad! You're out of luck and out of time! Haahaaha!
 * Omi: It was up to me to find the Sands of Time and I failed all of you. My friends, Master Fung and the entire universe! I believe that about covers it.

 * Jack: I guess this would be the part where I let out my new trademark evil laugh. Hahahahahahhahahahah! Muahahahahahaha! [This continues for several seconds]
 * Omi: Not so fast Spicer! He who is last to be laughing laughs most loudly!
 * Raimundo: What Omi did to that sentence is what we're going to do to you!

 * Jack: [holding the Sweet Baby Among Us Wu] It's like taking candy from a bunch of babies!
 * Old Jack: Eh? Who's got the babies?
 * Jack: Hurry up, old timer. We gotta get the Ruby of Ramses before it reveals itself.

 * Jack: I've got two words for you. GYM MEMBERSHIP!
 * Old Jack: Wha? I...I don't recall that name. Gym membership! He owes me 5 bucks that guy.

Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil [2.9]

 * Clay: [Jack is reading Clay's mind] That Jack is slower than a three-legged cow in quicksand!
 * Jack: What!? I'm faster than any three-legged cow! [is hit by Omi]

 * Kimiko: Angry? Me? I am not angry. I’M THE LEAST ANGRIEST PERSON I KNOW!!

 * [Megan appears in front of the monks rolling in the Jack's shield]
 * Megan: Hi, I'm Megan.
 * Raimundo: Oh, there's something you don't see every day. A little girl in a hamster ball.
 * Megan: Are you looking for Jack Spicer and the ugly old hag? [everyone nods and she gets out of the shield] My stupid cousin Jack thinks he locked me inside that thing but I found the door.

 * Megan: It's time to play Megan Says. And Megan says "Scream like a sissy boy"!
 * Jack Spider: I don't think I know that one.
 * Megan: JAAAAAAACK!
 * [Jack screams like a sissy boy]

Dreamscape [2.10]

 * Jack: When hunting the elusive wu, you have to move as quiet as a cat. [stubs toe] OOOOWWWWWWWWW, OOOOHHH THAT HURT! [Screams loudly, then covers up mouth]
 * Kimiko: Yawn.

 * Jack: [Flying away] Don't worry Xiaolin Losers! I'll thank you in my acceptance speech! [laughs]

 * Raimundo: Everybody ready to go kick some Jack Spicer's butt?
 * Clay: Does it bull like that snort?
 * Kimiko: Yeah, I couldn't have put it better myself.
 * Omi: Uhh...I have some scroll to study right now.
 * Raimundo: What?

Master Monk Guan [2.11]

 * Chase Young: It will be up to you Dojo. Your stay here can be a pleasant or an unpleasant experience.
 * Dojo: [Quickly] I choose pleasant, how about pleasant, pleasant would be nice.
 * Chase Young: I thought you might.

 * Wuya: Whoever possesses the Monsoon Sandels will have legs that can stretch for miles!

 * Dojo: You know, I can still fit into the same swimming trunks I wore 1500 years ago!
 * Kimiko: [giggles] You mean your old toga?

 * Omi: Dojo, are you alright?
 * Dojo: [Annoyed] I'm sitting in a pot of soup, what do you think?!

The Evil Within [2.12]

 * Wuya: What are you doing!?
 * Jack: Do you have to sneak up on me all the time?
 * Wuya: Would you prefer I did this?! [she flies through Jack's face]
 * Jack: Whatever you do, PLEASE? Don't do that.
 * Wuya: You're here looking for Chase Young.
 * Jack: Could it be that one certain disembodied floating headed is getting...jealous?
 * Wuya: Don't be ridiculous! [laughs] What's so special about Chase Young anyway?
 * Jack: He's only the world's most skill master of Tai Chi. You know that's how you get to be a best. Hanging with the best.

 * Master Fung: For centuries, the mischievous spirit Sibini was trapped inside the Mosaic Scale.

 * Dojo: Come on, kid, we gotta burn rubber! The Monarch Wings has revealed itself.

 * Master Fung: Most disturbing. They have taken the Mosaic Scale. It is most unpredicatable Shen Gong Wu that can be used to create mischief.

 * Raimundo: Hey, Omi, everything cool?
 * Omi: Yes, Raimundo. I believe everything is the correct temperature.

 * Raimundo: I can't believe something that small could put up such a big fight!
 * Omi: [grabbing Raimundo's shirt] What! I am not that small!
 * Kimiko: I think he was talking about Sibini.
 * Omi: Oh, yes! He is very small.

The Deep Freeze [2.13]

 * Dojo: Hey, gang, got a live one incoming. It's the Shen Gong Wu called the Lunar Locket. Whoever possesses it, can control the phases of the moon.

 * Jack: [playing with the Lunar Locket Wu] Look at me! I'm the ruler of the moon. Watch! Look at it dance. Whoo-hoo! This is so awesome!
 * Wuya: Stop playing with the moon, Jack. It isn't a toy.

 * Jack: He's wrecking my lair. Do you know how hard it is to come by a decent lair these days?

 * Kimiko: Can't stand the heat? Then get off the mountain, tin man.

 * Omi: You made your bed, Spicer. Now you'll have to eat it!

 * Dude-Bot: Just because we are mortal enemies, does that mean we can't be friends?

 * Raimundo: Jake Spicer. Maybe we can warmed up by having a good ol' fashion butt kicking contest!
 * Jack Spicer: [nervously smiled] Hey,..guys, I..I know what you're thinking.
 * Kimiko: You couldn't possibly! Are you being screaming of little girl of screaming of yours!

Screams of the Siren [2.14]

 * Jack: I ask for knife-throwing lessons, mom sends me figure-skating. "You never know when it'll come in handy!" Now I feel kinda a bad for making a robot out of her juicer.
 * Dojo: That Spicer kid sure has nice form.
 * Clay: Whoo! Look there, a triple Salchow! [The others stare at him] What? Cowboys can't like figure-skating?
 * Raimundo: Come on, Omi. Just because you're built like a hockey puck doesn't mean you have to skate like one!

 * Jack Spicer: I'm an artiste, I communicate with my feet.
 * Wuya: If I had feet I'd communicate all over you.

 * Omi: How did she know about the vault?
 * Clay: Um, I may have mentioned it to her, but she said she never saw one before. But wasn't a monk there guarding it?
 * Kimiko: She, uh, kind of got me to convince one of the boys to hand scrub all the bathrooms.
 * Raimundo: She had me fill the Armadillo with sea-water. I figured it was just a rebel prank.
 * Omi: Now it all makes sense! Dyris wanted to know what Shen Gong Wu would have the power to create giant volcanoes to melt the polar ice caps and flood the world. [Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, Dojo, and Klowfange glares at him] I assumed it was idol chat-chit.
 * Klowfange: Hmm...you sure you lot are the good guys?

 * Kimiko: Did you get the Black Beetle?
 * Omi: Does it look like I got the Black Beetle?!
 * Raimundo: No, it looks like you lost the Gills of Hamachi.

 * Dyris: I can't believe you keep falling for that!

 * Omi: Where are the Shen Gong Wu?! [The Black Beetle Wu appears out of the water] The Black Beetle!
 * [Omi and Dyris touch the Black Beetle Wu at the same time, starting a Xiaolin Showdown]
 * Dyris: [pops out of the water] Back away, it's mine!
 * Omi: No. It is a Xiaolin Showdown!
 * Dyris: I'll wager my Fist of Tebigong against your Gills of Hamachi.
 * Omi: The game is Steal the Wu. Whoever takes the other's Wu first wins. And we play it on dry land!
 * Klowfange: You fool! You CAN'T let her out of the water! When on dry land, she turns to her true monstrous form!
 * Omi: How bad can she be? [turns around, seeing Dyris transformed into her true form] Oh. That bad. [sighs] Let's go. Xiaolin Showdown!

The Black Vipers [2.15]

 * Clay: [After setting Raimundo on fire] I'm sorry, Rai, I couldn't help it. I smell my favourite meal and I-
 * Kimiko: EVERY meal is your favourite meal, Clay!
 * Raimundo: I can't believe your first loyalty is to a pork chop!

 * [The group are tied to the ceiling upside down]
 * Jessie: Well it looks like our uninvited guests have decided on an extended stay in the HOSPITALITY suite.
 * Omi: Why, thank you! That sounds most inviting! Where do we go?
 * Raimundo: Omi, we're already in the hospitality suite.
 * Omi: Oh. I see. Perhaps I am misunderstanding the meaning of hospitality.
 * Kimiko: Or the meaning of sarcasm.
 * Omi: Oh, darn this sarcasm! It always seems to grab my goat!

 * Jack: Yes! I get this makes me queen!
 * [Everyone in the room looks at him oddly; a girl laughs]
 * Jack: ...King.

 * Omi: [sighs] This is the most disappointing event turning since the last...
 * Raimundo: Is it possible you're going for TURN OF EVENTS?

 * Omi: Very clever, using the Changing Chopsticks to shrink down our Wu and hide them in the cactus.

 * [Clay and Jessie rush over and touch the bag of Wu at the same time]
 * Jessie: Looks like if you want your rewards, you and me are gonna have a Xiaolin Showdown.
 * Clay: I accept. Your Silk Spitter against my Changing Chopsticks.
 * Jessie: The game is Demolition Viper Bike Derby! First to make it out in one piece, wins.
 * Clay: Let's just get this over with. Let's go. Xiaolin Showdown!

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

 * [Jack has copied himself with the Ring of Nine Dragons]
 * Old-looking Jack: Foul!
 * Jack and Fat Jack: I didn't touch you!
 * Fat Jack: Did not... [they start fighting, old Jack also fights]
 * Wuya: Stop! The Ring of Nine Dragons is for creating evil, not for copying yourself for your own amusement, or picking your teeth! [While big headed Jack does so]

 * Kimiko: Omi, what happened?
 * Omi: I am afraid, uh… Mala Mala Jong has come to life.
 * Raimundo: I can't believe we got here too late.
 * Clay: Oh, man, I feel more embarrassed than a mule at the Kentucky Derby.
 * [Back at the Xiaolin Temple...]
 * Master Fung: According to the scroll, the rise of Mala Mala Jong will allow a new Shen Gong Wu to be revealed. It is called the Emperor Scorpion. Whoever possesses it will have control over all Shen Gong Wu. If we can find it, we can use it to break Mala Mala Jong apart before it turns into the Fearsome Four.
 * Raimundo: Excellent! Great ending and not too long. Dragged a little in the middle though.
 * Kimiko: Don't get too excited, Raimundo. Here comes the bad part.
 * Master Fung: If the Emperor Scorpion falls into the wrong hands, the Fearsome Four will be unstoppable. This will be our only chance to save the world from certain destruction.
 * Raimundo: Why does there always have to be a bad part?

 * Raimundo: The Fearsome Four sound like they could use some anger management.

 * Kimiko: I can't believe how badly we messed up.
 * Raimundo: Now that Spicer is in control of the Fearsome Four there's no stopping him.
 * Clay: Yeah. It's not everyday a fella is responsible for the end of the world.
 * Omi: No! Stop! When Mala Mala first came together I could've called for your help. It is my fault. But I...ah choose to do it alone. I may have forgotten to mention that before.
 * Raimundo: It dosen't matter now...woah!
 * [Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay are off the ball and they're falling on a ground]
 * Master Fung: Working together is more then just fighting together. It is knowing how to use each other's strengths wisely.
 * Raimundo: Hey, could somebody please translate.
 * Clay: Well, I reckon Master Fung is speaking of our elements.
 * Kimiko: In other words, we should focus on what we do best.
 * Dojo: Cheer up, kiddo. You'll get another chance to save the world.

 * [After falling on ground while trying to stop Star Hanabi]
 * Raimundo: Dojo, dude, how come you didn't just fly?
 * Dojo: [With Clay's pants on head] Good idea. Just a little late.

 * Jack: Hello, Xiaolin losers! Ready to admit defeat?
 * Omi: Never! I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four!
 * Jack: [mimicking Omi] "I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four." [gets in Omi's face] Dude, get over yourself!

 * Jack: Fearsome Four! I command you to… [thinks] laugh evilly! [they laugh] Now laugh evilly while… hopping on one leg! [they do so]
 * Wuya: Stop playing, Jack!
 * Jack: In a minute. Now, laugh evilly while… TAP DANCING! [the Fearsome Four dance and laugh as music plays in the background]

The Return of PandaBubba [2.17]

 * Kimiko: Omi, look! Over there. It's the Tohomiko Electronics skyscraper!
 * Omi: Tohomiko? That sounds most familiar to my ears.
 * Kimiko: Hello? That's my last name.
 * Omi: Oh? I never thought of you with a last name.
 * Kimiko: And that's my Papa's building.
 * Clay: [In amazement] Your daddy is Toshiro Tohomiko the video game tycoon?!
 * Kimiko: Yeah, I can't wait to introduce you all to him, he's super cool!
 * Raimundo: And super rich! [His eyes turn into dollar symbols. To Kimiko] Did I ever tell you that you are my favorite monk?
 * Omi: [gigantic sad face] I thought I was your favorite...

 * Omi: These workers appear most focused on their work. And their eyes- they have the same 'nobody is home' look as Raimudo when he does his chores.
 * Raimundo: [offended] Yeah, well... you're short and you have a big head.

The Last Temptation of Raimundo [2.18]

 * [Jack is asleep]
 * Wuya: Jack, fire the laser! Jack!
 * Jack: [He wakes up, screaming] Wuya! With you it's hard to tell if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one!
 * Wuya: Just shut up and fire the laser.

 * Kimiko: Poor Rai. We've got to find him. Just so I can give him a piece of my mind!
 * Master Fung: We must not be too hard on Raimundo. It is the Shen Gong Wu that is controlling him.
 * Omi: Yes, but if he had not used the Golden Tiger Claws in the first place, we would not be down the lake with no paddles!
 * Dojo: Hey, kids! Special news bulletin! I did a little recon over Brazil and it turns out there WAS a lava flow. If it wasn't for a certain hero we all know, one village would be toast!
 * Kimiko: So, Raimundo was telling the truth? That's a first.

 * Omi: Remember, "Ugly is one skin deep". Dojo is a hideous, fire-breathing dragon, but we look past that!
 * Dojo: Ouch. Innocent dragon caught in the diss fest.

 * Jack: Um, once you become Raimundo, are you a he or a she? I just wanna get my pronouns straight!

 * Wuya: [During a Xiaolin Showdown] Shroud of Shadows!
 * Kimiko: Hey! That's cheating! That wasn't one of the Shen Gong Wu wagered!
 * Wuya: You're fighting evil. What do you expect?

 * Jack: Hey, usually I'm the one who messes up a Xiaolin Showdown. Looks like the shoe's on a different foot...if you had a foot. [chuckles, Wuya gets angry as she flies through his face, creeping him out]

 * Omi: We will always listen to you...no matter how stupid your excuse may be.

The Year of the Green Monkey [2.19]

 * Monkey: Mind turning down the volume? Some of us are trying to get a little shuteye.
 * Omi: [Using the Tongue of Saiping] In the middle of the day? You are a very lazy animal!
 * Rabbit: Huh, what a mouth on someone so small.
 * Omi: I am not small, I am compact!
 * Bird: Yeah, anymore 'compact' and we'd need a microscope to find you!

 * Master Fung: The Fountain of Hui has just revealed itself. When activated, it provides unlimited knowledge.
 * Kimiko: Sounds like a pretty handy Wu if you're doing a crossword puzzle.
 * Master Fung: I'm afraid by itself, it can only provide random information. But, when combined its sister Shen Gong Wu the Eagle Scope, the two can be used to unlock the greatest secrets of the universe.
 * Omi: You mean like why baboons have such colorful buttocks?
 * Master Fung: Yes, and even greater secrets.

 * Chase Young: Tongue of Saiping! Monkeys of the jungle, I summon your presence!

 * Omi: Now I understand! Jack is only a mere puppy!
 * Raimundo: ...Puppet, I'm guessing.

The Demon Seed [2.20]

 * Vlad: I hear Wuya dump you, again.
 * Jack Spicer: [Imitating Vlad] "I jear Wuya dump you!" Nobody hears Wuya dump me, because I dump Wuya.
 * Vlad: That is not what they say on Internet!
 * Jack Spicer: [Excitedly] I'm on the Internet?
 * Vlad: Da, in warrior chat rooms everywhere! You big laughing stock! Now when person loses everything, new hip thing to say is 'Aw, I got Jacked!' [Laughs evilly]

 * Kimiko: It's Spicer, he took the seed!
 * Clay: And the hotdogs! Come back here with them doggies you no good, low down snake, you yellow bellied, dirty little side winder. I'm gonna get you!

 * Vlad: What you know about Heylin Seed?
 * Jack Spicer: I read something about it in Evil Seeds and Gardens. Why?

 * Raimundo: I bet he writes those on the palm of his hand. [Kimiko snickers]
 * Master Fung: No Raimundo, I write them inside my eyelids. That is why I blink often. [Blinks rapidly]
 * Dojo: [Pops out of Raimundo's shirt] B-U-S-T-E-D. Ooooohhhh! [Shudders]

 * Raimundo: Whoo! C'est la vie, Salad-Breath!

The New Order [2.21]

 * Chase Young: You have learned well, Omi.
 * Omi: Well, I WAS taught by the best!
 * Chase Young: Thank you.
 * Omi: I was speaking of Master Fung!

 * Jack Spicer: H-hey, hey! H-how'd you get all the way over here when...I...left you...over there?

The Apprentice [2.22]

 * Clay: How do you manage to win every game?
 * Omi: That is most simple: I cheat. [they all look at him] No, no, I am a betrayer when I say I cheat.
 * Raimundo: How do we know that you're not betraying us now, Omi?
 * Omi: [seriously] Because, Raimundo, you are all my friends, and I could never betray my friends. [Laughs, knocking his head at the table] Ha ha ha, I have mastered deception! Let's play again!

 * Katnappé: Four monks down and one whiny geek to go.
 * Jack: I'M NOT WHINY!
 * Katnappé: Woozy Shooter!
 * Jack: Reversing Mirror!

 * Omi: I knew you would twice-cross me! So I twice-crossed you first!
 * Raimundo: That's double-crossed, but I think we get the idea.

 * Omi: Oh, thank you, Master Fung. I promise I will not let you up.
 * Master Fung: Down.
 * Omi: In every direction.

Something Jermaine [2.23]

 * Jermaine: [After Jack gets the Manchurian Musca] Yo, Omi, you must be trippin'.
 * Omi: I am not taking a trip!
 * Jermaine: Your hotdogging cost us a Shen Gong Wu!
 * Omi: Are you saying it is BECAUSE OF ME?!
 * Jermaine: I'm saying, some poser may need a refresher course on how to be a Xiaolin warrior.
 * Omi: A refresher course!? I should be TEACHING the refresher course!
 * Jermaine: Man, you got an ego bigger than that dome of yours.
 * Omi: Nothing is bigger than my dome! And I thank you to leave my dome OUT OF IT!
 * Jermaine: Can you believe this guy man?
 * Dojo: Hey, there are three things I've learned not to talk about. Religion, politics and Omi's head.

 * Dojo: No winner!? What a rip-off! You wouldn't see this in the old days!

 * Dojo: Boys and girls, let me tell you a story about these two dragon buddies. Always seen together, like peas and carrots.
 * Raimundo: Is this story gonna be long or short?
 * Dojo: It'll take as long as it takes!
 * Clay and Kimiko: Long story.
 * Dojo: One day, they have this spot. Angry wicked words were exchanged. Words? That could never taking back. And when it was old...these two friends...would never...speak..again. [sobs] It's funny. But I know even remember what the fight was about. [pause] Oh, wait. Now I remember. Chuck wanted to borrow my yo-yo. My favorite yo-yo. The treasure family yo-yo! I politely told Chuck know. But didn't live it that. NO! He snacked to my room and too many away! And then...he lost it. LOST IT!  Well, they played dumb. Never set a word. Until one night I caught a talking asleep! The only time that scoundrel couldn't tell them truth! And he's gone. GOOD RIDDANCE TO YO-YO THIEF! [spits on Clay's dinner]
 * Clay: Dojo, why'd you spittin' my food?
 * Dojo: Oh. Sorry.

 * Omi: I order you to spill your internal organs right now!
 * Jack: [screamed] What kind of sick people are you!?
 * Raimundo: I think he means spill your guts.

 * Jack: Hey, I want my stuff back.
 * Tubbimura: No, I will keep everything.
 * Jack: Think again, bubba. I press enter and doggy breath is a UFM. Unidentified flying Muffinface!
 * Tubbimura: No! Not my Muffinface! Ok, ok, I will return your stuff.

Dangerous Minds [2.24]

 * Jack: Worm-Bots, get your worm-butts back in line!

 * Master Fung: [As the temple collapses] Remember, the fate of the world rests with you!
 * Raimundo: Is it me or does the fate of the world rest with us a lot?

 * Jack: What do you think the spiders want with us?
 * Raimundo: Dude, we're in their web. Take a guess.
 * Jack: [Understanding] I DON'T WANT A SPIDER TO EAT ME!
 * Clay: Chill, evil partner! Spiders don't eat people! They desiccate you, suck out all your fluids until nothing is left. [Clay dried up and the others staring at him] What? Can't a cowboy have a hobby?
 * Jack: I don't want to be...what he said!

 * Omi: Hurry, everyone! Take my hand!
 * Jack: I have a better idea! I'll take the Golden Tiger Claws!
 * Kimiko: Jack, you jerk!
 * Jack: Too late, Xiaolin has-been!

 * Clay: Get a move on! They're gaining on us!

 * Dojo: I tell you. You should a seen me in action. Those spiders will think twice before messing with this dragon, again! Bada bing. [chuckles] AAAAHHHHHH!
 * Raimundo: [Laughs] Dojo, you should a seen yourself!
 * Kimiko: Rai, that wasn't very nice.
 * Raimundo: [scoffs] How can anyone be so afraid of a spider?
 * [A spider sits on Raimundo's shoulder. Raimundo screams, and hides behind baskets. Kimiko & Dojo laugh]
 * Dojo: What a pansy!
 * Omi: Tongue of Saiping! Thank you for your assistance, my small friend. [he gives a high-five on a spider]

Judging Omi [2.25]

 * Dojo: We got a category 5 Wu alert. The Ying Yo-Yo just revealed itself.
 * Master Fung: The Ying Yo-Yo is one of the lesser-known. Shen Gong Wu. It acts as a portal to the Ying-Yang World- a parallel universe with laws of its own. One must remain cautious. Its powers are not fully understood.

 * Kimiko: I was hoping we'd all rise together.
 * Omi: [Looking sad] Aw, me too. [Then looking happy] That is why I will work extra hard teaching you until that day comes when you too are ready to become Wudai Warriors.
 * Clay: Whoa, partner, and what makes you so sure YOU'RE the chosen one?
 * Omi: [Laughing] Is it not obvious? Who else is it going to be? Raimundo?
 * [Raimundo's head turns red and inflates while his hair starts to burn. Clay removes his hat, revealing a glass of water and he pours it on Raimundo's head. Raimundo gives Clay a thumbs-up.]
 * Omi: I am sorry. I was not laughing at you but with you.
 * Raimundo: I'm not laughing.
 * Kimiko: Here's a wild thought. Maybe it's me.
 * Omi: But you are a girl. [The others gasp] AAAAH!
 * [Chaos ensues, ending with Omi beaten up on the floor]
 * Raimundo: [Wincing] Nyah...
 * Kimiko: And your point?
 * Omi: Nothing, I like girls. [He passes out]

 * Omi: Jack Spicer! I order you to surrender at once!
 * Jack Spicer: Aw, of course I will surrender...BOBBLEHEAD!

Saving Omi [2.26]

 * Dojo: Very interesting... it says here that Alexander The Great had seven toes on one foot and three on the other.
 * Raimundo: What about Omi?
 * Dojo: Well, I'm pretty sure he has five on each. But I've never taken a closer look.

 * Dojo: It maybe be time use our secret weapon: The Sweet Baby Among Us!

 * Heylin Omi: If only I did not have to sleep! Then I could fight 24/7!

 * Omi: Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, I was ready to humiliate you in battle, but I have no idea why.
 * Kimiko: It’s OK, Omi. It’s just good to have you back.
 * Jack: Omi, I missed you so.
 * Omi: OK, now I am most confused.
 * Dojo: Jack brought the Reversing Mirror into the Ying Yang World. Instead of coming out whole, he must have left behind all of his evil.
 * Chase Young: I hate to interrupt such a nauseating moment, but we have some serious evil left on the agenda.
 * Clay: You have got no hold on Omi. He’s got his Chi back, and you ain’t getting your grubby hands on it.
 * Chase Young: Omi swore his loyalty to me.
 * Kimiko: He wasn’t himself back then.
 * Raimundo: Omi is going nowhere. Except back home with us.

 * Chase Young (Reptile form): Heylin Memory Recall!
 * Omi: [In recall] I do swear my loyalty to you. [End of recall] Wait. Chase Young is right. As a Xiaolin Monk, I am bound by my word.
 * [Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and Jack gasped]
 * Omi: I have no choice but to stay.

Finding Omi [3.1]

 * Dojo: I hate the AWAY games. The crowd's always against you.
 * [Wuya cheering]

 * Chase Young (Reptile form) and Omi (Cat form): [in unison] Goat Biting Tail! Horse Skipping Pebble! Cat Playing Fiddle! Duck Flipping Burgers!
 * Omi (Cat form): Sparrow Eating Hot Dog! [he then jumps off the rock]
 * Chase Young (Reptile form): [Sitting on the rock, surprised] Sparrow Eating Hot Dog?

 * Omi: No! It appears you have taught me too well!

 * Chase Young: I think the evil inside you is stronger than you think.
 * Omi: The good in you may be stronger then you know.

 * Master Fung: That is correct. Only ONE would rise, but not until you worked together AS one.
 * Dojo: I don't know about you, but I think he makes this stuff up as he goes along. [laughs to himself]

Bird of Paradise [3.2]

 * Omi: We may be outside, but we are not down.
 * Raimundo: I think he means we're down but not out.

 * Bird of Paradise: I have given you the greatest gift of all.
 * Clay: Farm equipment?

The Life and Times of Hannibal Roy Bean [3.3]

 * Kimiko: Wuya, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! The game is Meteor Shower. The first to reach the Moby Morpher wins!
 * Wuya: And to make it interesting, I wager my Ying Yo-Yo against your Yang Yo-Yo!
 * Chase Young: You never mention you have the Ying Yo-Yo.
 * Wuya: Oh. Didn't I? Must've slipped my mind.
 * Omi: Kimiko, remember, if you enter the Ying-Yang World without both Wu, you will come out evil!
 * Dojo: And if you enter evil, you come out good. We may need a score card for this one.
 * Kimko & Wuya: [in unison] LET'S GO! XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!

 * Dojo: Maybe I should take over. I'd like to leave the parallel universe in one piece.
 * Omi: Do you know how to fly the Silver Manta Ray?
 * Dojo: Please, I was flying before I could crawl. I'm not just a mystical dragon. I'm also a certified pilot!
 * Raimundo: Good enough for me! She's all yours, pappy!
 * Dojo: Now, let's see if we can pick up the pace a little!
 * [Silver Manta Ray falling and everybody screaming]
 * Dojo: Don't worry! I've got everything under control!

 * Kimiko: Maybe we should save the hugs until after we find you what's going on.

 * Raimundo: Clay, you know about tractors, maybe you can fix the Silver Manta Ray.
 * Clay: Oh, sure Rai, yeah. Tractors and mystical flying transports are like two peas from the same pod.

 * Omi: So it appears that it was not Jack who acted so stupid as to free Hannibal Bean, it was [realizing] ME?!
 * Hannibal [as Jack]: You got it sweet pea. Moby Morpher! [He turns back into his real form]
 * Omi: Enough chat chit! Today victory is mine Hannibal Bean!
 * Kimiko: This hardly seems like a fair fight.
 * Hannibal: True. Perhaps I should fight with my eyes closed.
 * [It then cuts to Kimiko and Omi who look very ticked-off]

 * Hannibal [as Clay]: Uhh... what in tarnation are you doin’?
 * Chase Young: I’m ending what I should have ended years ago.
 * Omi: Nooooooooo!
 * All: Hyah! Unh! Hyah!
 * Hannibal [as Clay]: Moby Morpher! [He turns back into his real form again] Nice to see you again, Chase. Hey, thanks for the assistance. Maybe one day I’ll return the favor. [Continues sinister laughter]
 * Clay: [Muffled] I’m afraid we got big problems, pardner.
 * Omi: I know. You ripped the words from inside my mouth.
 * Chase Young: You fools! You don’t know what you’ve done. You have unleashed the greatest evil the world has ever seen.
 * Raimundo: Hmmph! Sounds like end of the world time...again.
 * Chase Young: No. it is far worse than that.

Omi Town [3.4]

 * Omi: Now Dojo, you shouldn't kiss a horse on the lips before it gives you its' presents. [They all stare blankly]
 * Kimiko: Oh, kiss a gift horse on the mouth.
 * Everyone: Ohhhh.
 * Dojo: [Puzzled] I thought it was 'look a gift horse in the mouth'.

 * Dojo: Whoa! I wonder what my Great-Great-Great-Great Uncle Tiamat sent me? [he unwrapped the present] His bones. How thoughtful.

 * Jack: Hey! You're not supposed to be here!
 * Omi: Well, what comes in circles goes the other way in circles. [Everyone stares at him]
 * Wuya: Somebody translate! I'll be up all night.
 * Clay: I'm guessing "what goes around comes around.
 * Wuya: Oh, please. That wasn't even close.

 * Raimundo: Yeah, but I'm not sure, they're exactly what Omi's expecting.

 * Omi: MY LAST NAME IS CRUD?! OMI CRUD?!

 * Chase Young: Good morning, little monk. I'm not here to fight you, little monk, but to warn you.
 * Omi: Warn me?
 * Chase Young: Do you know where the other monks are?
 * Omi: Asleep?
 * Chase Young: They're in trouble and will your help.
 * Omi: I do not believe you.
 * Chase Young: Look, into the crow's eyes.
 * [The crow zooms in and shows Omi that Jack Spicer, Wuya and Hannibal Roy Bean are planning to raid the temple]
 * Omi: Why are you telling me this?
 * Chase Young: Just something I thought you ought to know, in case you wanted to do anything about it.
 * Omi: You want me to leave my parents and forfeit my honor. But I will not even they are old, fat and smelly. They need me and tonight I have to clean their teeth.

 * Hannibal: You're talkin' to Hannibal Roy Bean.
 * Raimundo: Oh, yeah! Well listen mister musical fruit I eat beans for lunch.

 * [Omi and Omi robot mother touch the Shen Gong Wu at the same time]
 * Omi: [shocked] Mother?!
 * Robot Mother: I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown. The game is Bamboo Hopping. First to fall, loses.
 * Omi: [heartbroken] My mother…on the side of evil?
 * Robot Mother: When you're a parent, you'll understand. I wager my Orb of Tornami against your Lasso Boa-Boa.
 * Omi: How'd you get my Orb?!
 * Robot Mother: I went through your pocket when you were clipping your father's toenails.
 * [Camera zooms in on Omi's face, feeling angry over being turned against by his own mother]
 * Omi & Robot Mother: [in unison] Let's go! XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!

 * Raimundo: She's not your mom, she's a robot!
 * Omi: [shocked] A robot!?
 * [The Xiaolin monks furiously turn to Jack Spicer]
 * Jack: [gesturing to Wuya and Hannibal; cowering fearfully] Hey, they made me do it. They made build all other robots. Hannibal Bean then used the Moby Morpher to make my robots look like your relatives. If you had any.

Treasure of the Blind Swordsman [3.5]

 * Blind Old Man: [As he's being kidnapped] Hey! Who is that? Where am I? I need to use the bathroom.
 * Wuya: [To Jack] What about the treasure chest?
 * Guardian: What?! That's disgusting! [Pauses] You- you were talking to me?

 * Jack: [Doing a crossword] What's a four-letter word for idiot?
 * Wuya: Jack.
 * Jack: Perfect!

 * [Omi is stuck to a cactus]
 * Kimiko: Omi! Are you okay?
 * Omi: [cringing] I have a thousand needles in my backside! WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

 * Blind Swordsman: You have summoned the spirit of the Blind Swordsman, loyal to whoever possesses the treasure chest.
 * Raimundo: So, how about showing us how to use our new weapons?
 * Blind Swordsman: Open your mind and trust that your weapon will show you the way.
 * Omi: Shimo Staff! Ha! Oh ho! My weapon and I are most magnificent! [smooch]
 * Clay: Big Bang Meteorang, do your stuff! Ha! Huh? Whoo! Well, I'll be a 3-legged centipede!
 * Kimiko: Arrow Sparrow! [Boom] Burn, baby, burn!
 * Raimundo: Blade of the Nebula! Huh? Hah! Whoo! I got the power! Hoo! Hoo! I got the power!
 * Omi: Come, Dojo. We must rescue the blind old man at once!

 * [Jack, Wuya, and Blind Old Man touch the sack of Wu at the same time]
 * Blind Old Man: I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown Trio!
 * Raimundo: Come on, let's take 'em!
 * Omi: No, we cannot dishonor his challenge.
 * Jack: Our Thorn of Thunderbolt and Silk Spitter against your Mantis Flip Coin and the Treasure of the Blind Swordsman.
 * Blind Old Man: The game is Emperor of the Train. Last man standing wins.
 * Jack, Wuya, & Blind Old Man: Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

 * Blind Old Man: Perhaps you I'd like to surrender now.
 * Jack: Perhaps you I'd like to keep your disses to yourself, four-eyes!
 * [Record scratches]
 * Wuya: He's blind!
 * Jack: Even better! Time to double-team, Mr. No-eyes! Ha ha! Jack's on an evil rant now! Thorn of Thunderbolt!
 * Wuya: Silk Spitter!
 * Blind Old Man: Mantis Flip Coin!

 * Raimundo: Way to kick butt! Especially when you can't see butt.
 * Omi: I do not understand. How can someone without sight fight so well?
 * Blind Old Man: [Sighs] Again with the questions. It is quite simple. I use my mind to see rather than my eyes. [loudly] DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME BEFORE? That is the secret to the treasure chest. The answers to all your questions lie inside. You just have to look.
 * Raimundo: The treasure chest! We left it back on the trail!
 * Kimiko: Uh, you left it back on the trail!
 * Blind Old Man: Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must find the bathroom.

 * Omi The Treasure of the Blind Swordsman is gone!
 * Raimundo: This is all my fault for leaving it behind.
 * Clay: Oh, what no good hombre could have taken it?
 * Dojo: Hmm. I have a pretty good idea.
 * [At night, wolf howls]
 * Hannibal Bean: With the Treasure of the Blind Swordsman mine, soon, the rest of the world will follow. Raah! [laughing evilly as its magic shines forth for him]

Oil in the Family [3.6]

 * Omi: We cannot just stand by and watch Wuya and Jack being chewed up by a big dinosaur.
 * Kimiko: You're right. Someone better get the camcorder.

 * Kimiko: Check out the spring in my step! Wudai Mars, Fire!

 * Raimundo: No, the old hag won't think small like that. She'll be thinkin'...
 * Clay: Yeah, anyway, Raimundo. Where I come from we have a sayin' follow the oil.

 * Clay: Dojo, you're practically one of them critters! Have any ideas?
 * Dojo: [Indignantly] I BEG YOUR PARDON! That's like me saying you're practically a monkey. Just because she speaks with a British accent doesn't make her smart, like a dragon! We fly, breathe fire and chew with our mouths closed!

 * Omi: The jig is down! You're at the top of your rope! Spoon over that Wu! [Pauses, everyone stares at him].
 * Jack: Oooh, oh! I got it! The jig is up, you're at the end of your rope, fork over the Wu! [Starts dancing and brings out an evil genius ribbon]

 * Wuya: Jack, use your Shen Gong Wu!
 * Jack: Changing Chopsticks! [shrinks Wuya]
 * Wuya: Not me you fool!
 * Jack: Changing Chopsticks! [shrinks himself]
 * [Wuya kicks Jack in the butt and Jack uses the Changing Chopsticks, making themselves normal-sized again]

 * [T-Rex merely eats it and fires it Kimiko she protect herself, Omi, Raimundo, Clay and Dojo]
 * Kimiko: [distance] WUDAI FIRE SHIELD! [As the fire hits leaks in the oil tank, causing an explosion]
 * [The fallen Ruby of Ramses and Rio Reverso drop to two separate places, and the dinosaur runs towards the Rio Reverso]
 * Kimiko: If we don't do something, we would wind up the ones extinct.
 * Raimundo: I got us into this but this time I got a plan. [slip n' slides on the oil, swipes the Ruby of Ramses Wu and he and the T-Rex touch the Rio Reverso together] T-Rex, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! My Ruby of Ramses against your Changing Chopsticks.
 * T-Rex: Jolly good. The game is Jurassic Chess.
 * Raimundo & T-Rex: [in unison] Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

The Return Of Master Monk Guan [3.7]

 * Dojo: You're...sending...me...away!?

 * Master Fung: I assure you that I will be here when you get back.
 * Dojo: That's what my last master said when he went to for a soda and never returned!

 * Master Monk Guan: You will do as I say, and never, EVER ask questions. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?
 * All: YES, MASTER MONK GUAN!
 * Master Monk Guan: Good. Now, any questions? [Raimundo raises hand] HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!? WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT QUESTIONS!?

 * Omi: What wise saying do you have for us?
 * Master Fung:...I have none.
 * Raimundo: C'mon, you can whip out one of those old cheesy sayings...[Master Fung makes an angry face]...that we all love.
 * Master Fung: I am afraid I am out of any 'cheesy sayings'.
 * Dojo: If you want I can give you your file. [Pulls out an extremely large folder of paper. Master Fung makes another angry face] Not that you would need a file like that. [hides folder with a wide grin]

 * Omi: This cannot be happening...Our Bobo is turning to the darkside. Again!
 * Raimundo: The name is Raimundo. Not Bobo!
 * Clay: Raimundo, what in the Sam Hill are ya doin?
 * Kimiko: We're your friends.
 * Raimundo: I got all the friends I need right here.

 * Hannibal: Poor little guy is like a fish outta water! [evilly laughing]

The Dream Stalker [3.8]

 * Omi: Solution is most simple! Raimundo must never sleep again!

 * Omi: During my shift, I shall keep you awake with the most ancient training method known as [hold a bucket of cold water] DODGE THE BUCKET OF ICE WATER!
 * Raimundo: Huh? [cold water hits his face, which get frosted with ice] WHOA!
 * [Omi breaks the ice off of Raimundo, who shivers]
 * Omi: You may need some practice, even though you will never be as good as me.

 * Raimundo: [yawns] Would it kill ya to get some reclining seats, Dojo.
 * Dojo: Please return all complaints to their full shut-up position, as we approach our final destination: Jack Spicer's lair.

 * Kimiko: Come on! Work it like you own it.
 * Raimundo: I think I'm gonna [yawns] just freestyle.
 * Dojo: Oooh, I got it! Trouble with a stuffed animal. Those things can get so surly.

Chucky Choo [3.9]

 * Master Fung: I miss you, too. But you must stop calling every 5 minutes!
 * Dojo: Master Fung...who's that?

 * Master Fung: Uh, Dojo, this is Frenchy Foo. Just an old friend passing through.
 * Dojo: [gasps] Another dragon!?
 * Master Fung: Dojo, it isn't like that.

 * Omi: [To the Xiaolin monks] Monks, double your efforts....Raimundo...Triple yours.

 * Kimiko: Jack Spicer, you’re like so not getting this Wu!
 * Jack: "Jack Spicer, you’re so like not getting this Wu!" Wrong! Meet my new Fishbots.

 * Dojo: Great morning, young monks and the pitiful in need of assistance.

 * Kimiko: Wait, you know each other?
 * Dojo: [to Chucky] You no good, yo-yo thief!
 * [Chucky Choo screams as Dojo tackles him]
 * Omi: I guess...will be yes.

 * Dojo: Alright, I'll give it he's handsome. But Chucky Choo, it's more slippering...
 * Clay: Uh...Baby oinker in a pig-catching contest?
 * Dojo: Yeah! When you shake his hand you better come your fingers. I'm pretty sure how you're lost my feet. [struggling]
 * Kimiko: There must be some mistake!
 * Chucky Choo: No. No, there is...no mistake. Dojo's right in all accounts.
 * Dojo: Liar! Don't listen to him! Because he...[exclaims] go on.
 * Chucky Choo: It's true. I was once a bad dragon. Who did bad things. But the worst thing I ever did, was the lose of friendship of mind closes friend. I changed since then. And I hope one day. I'll be lucky enough earn that friendship. What do you say, Dojo?

 * Omi: Dojo, keep your ears on the game!
 * Raimundo: Omi, you gotta be doing that on purpose.

Wu Got The Power? [3.10]

 * Dojo: The Denshi Bunny Wu is more impressive than its name suggests.
 * Raimundo: So, it doesn't make you a bunny?
 * Dojo: Noooo. That would be just plain, silly.

 * Jack Spicer: Shadow Slicer, Shadow Slicer, Shadow Slicer, Shadow Slicer.
 * [Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay dives at Jacks, but it was a Shadow Slicer hologram]
 * Jack Spicer: Jack is on his game. Smell you later, losers! [laughing while he flies off with their Shen Gong Wu]

 * Jack Spicer: That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?
 * Hannibal Roy Bean: My guess, an extra chromosome.

 * Raimundo: Whoa! My boom box is possessed!

 * Omi: Well, too prove myself worthy of being your leader. I must solve of your elemental Shen Gong Wu.
 * Raimundo: You did what!?
 * Master Fung: Omi, that was most unwised. So much un-restrength power could lead to great dangers.

 * Hannibal Roy Bean: I hate to rain on your parade snowball, but I do not think so!

Hannibal's Revenge [3.11]

 * Master Fung: Hannibal together with Wuya could mean the end of the world..
 * Raimundo: Where have I heard the before? Oh yeah! "PREVIOUSLY ON XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN"!

 * [Kimiko then shows Jack Spicer a video on her laptop]
 * Omi (imitating Wuya): Do not underestimate Jack Spicer. Those bubble-bots are genius.
 * Clay (imitating Chase Young): Spicer has taken his martial arts skills to a new level.
 * Raimundo: [offscreen] Dojo, get out of that shot!
 * Kimiko (imitating Hannibal Roy Bean): He is truly evil incoming.
 * Jack Spicer: Yes! It is time to make my move. Dark Prince Jack-o is back on top-o!

 * Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown Trio!
 * Hannibal Roy Bean: I'll wager my Moby Morpher against your Conch and Chase's Serpent's Tail.
 * Chase Young: I will fight without Shen Gong Wu.
 * Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): The game is Last To Drop Wins. [in unison with Hannibal and Chase] Let's go, Xiaolin Showdown!

 * Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): Mind Reader Conch!
 * Chase Young: I locked away that foolish vegetable once, I'll do it again
 * Hannibal Roy Bean: You cross the wrong Bean, when you cross Hannibal Roy Bean! [Throws a big chunk of rock]
 * Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): Mind Reader Conch!
 * Hannibal Roy Bean: That Chase has girly hair, a real warrior shaves his head like me.
 * Chase Young: Hah! You could pour fertilizer on your head and nothing would grow! [smirking]
 * Hannibal Roy Bean: ERRRRR! MOBY MORPHER!

 * Raimundo: [To Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer)] Yeah, you go girl-[shocked] boy.

 * Chase Young: [To Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer)] You surprised me, Spicer. I'm rarely surprised, but never fooled. [Sniffs] By the way, love the perfume.

 * Hannibal Bean: I see you've brought your kittens to do your fighting.
 * Chase Young: [Referring to Wuya] And I see you've brought my housekeeper to do yours.

Time After Time Part 1 [3.12]

 * Dojo: I have TENS all around!
 * Omi: I suppose beating Jack in the most colorful manner is the tie-breaker!
 * [all grin evilly at Jack as they converge on him]
 * Jack: No, no! You can't! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU?! [screaming as they attacking on him]

 * Raimundo: You know, if it weren't for Chase, we'd be so much further along in our fight against evil.

 * Omi: I fear I have ruined the future.
 * Old Master Fung: Remember this young monk, the future can always be changed.
 * Old Raimundo: Every once in a while, the old dude still spits out words of wisdom. But mostly he just spits.

 * Old Raimundo: Guys, this is a test we've been waiting for. I'd say we breaking in the palace, and take back of Sands of Time.
 * Old Clay: Oh, we're not exactly the lame mean rotten machine we'll will once more.
 * Old Raimundo: First, you were never lean. And second, we're still Xiaolin warriors. We fought together once, and we can do it again. It's up to us now. The Shroud of Shadows!

 * Old Raimundo: Kimiko, take the Denshi Bunny and turn yourself into a electricity. Then, travel through the wires until you'll find the Wu vault where Jack keeps his Wu. I used the conch to the location.
 * Old Kimiko: What's that? Oh, never mind. I'll look around to see where Jack keeps this Wu. [coughs] Denshi Bunny.

 * Old Raimundo: Omi! Use the Sands of Time! Make sure it never happens. Go!
 * Dojo: Sands of Time!
 * [Activates the Sands of Time to taking them back 1,500 years ago]
 * Omi: [sobs] No.

Time After Time Part 2 [3.13]

 * Grandmaster Dashi: Dojo, you look different. Kinda...chunky
 * Dojo: Hey! That's muscle!

 * Omi: This is my HOME!?

 * Raimundo: I'd much rather fight evil than mud-wrestle some pig.
 * Clay: Woah there, partner. This is not "some pig". All pigs are special in their own way.

 * Kimiko: And what makes you so sure?
 * Clay: That may be but it don't mean diddly, if we can't bust our way out of here.
 * Raimundo: We can escape! If I drink the Lao Mang Lone Soup.
 * Kimiko: No, you can't! It'll turn you evil!
 * Raimundo: But it'll give you guys enough time to escape.

 * Raimundo: So, we need to stop Omi from freezing himself into the future, so he won't go into the past, where he did what he did which resulted in what happened. Simple!

 * Raimundo: No, I didn't come this far to lose. We will find a way to win. It's our destiny.
 * [Jack Spicer falls from above while screaming and lands on the four villains as Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko and Clay walk backwards]

 * Raimundo: The game is Rescue the Damsel in Distress. First to save the damsel wins. Let's go.
 * Both: Xiaolin Showdown!

 * Omi: Dojo, you're saved!
 * Dojo: Oh, sweet prince. My hero!

 * Kimiko: What's going on?!
 * Raimundo: My guess, two parallel universes running into each other in a cosmic timeline continuum power up.

 * [Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, Clay and Dojo shake their bodies after they return to the temple]
 * Master Fung: I hope you have learned well from your quest.
 * Raimundo: I'm not quite sure what just happened. But I'll know, I'll never forget it.
 * Omi: What happened? Really happened?
 * Jack Spicer: [screams when he appeared behind Clay while Raimundo and Kimiko turn their heads] I wanna go home! [screams as he starts to run out of the temple while he freaks out]

 * [Last lines of the series]
 * Master Fung: As I told you, a leader would rise from the quest, and now... one has.
 * [Raimundo is suddenly lit up, and as he's engulfed by the light, his original red robes and his medallion soon disappear and are replaced with a black robe with a dragon on the sleeve and a red sash on him, revealing that he has become the official leader of the team]
 * Kimiko: Way to go, Rai! [Jumps into his arms and kisses him on the cheek]
 * Clay: You did it, partner!
 * Raimundo: [He has look of amazement, Kimiko jumps into his arms and kisses him on the cheek] I-I don't know what to say. Except I never thought it would be me...[Kimiko and Clay give him a look]...Well maybe a little.
 * [Raimundo then notices Omi standing behind Master Fung with a let down look on his face. However Omi comes out from behind Master Fung and sheds a few small tears... as from the moment Master Fung told Omi about the new students coming to the temple, Omi vowed to be a great leader. Omi, with tears in his eyes spreads a smile across his face. He and Raimundo bow to each other at the same time. Master Fung, Dojo, and the chosen ones smile too. Then, an explosion outside the temple occurs. Monks notice that every single villain they've encountered during the series are there with their original enemy, Jack Spicer smiling]
 * Master Fung: [to chosen ones, especially Raimundo who's busy removing his bandages before taking a second to survey their enemies] Now that you have risen to Shoku Warrior, your job has only begun. The survival of the world depends on you.
 * [With that, the team launch themselves into battle against the Heylins]
 * Dojo: Not too much pressure there...
 * [It then cuts to show Kimiko, Clay and Omi whose dots have begun to glow, running alongside each other and seconds later, Raimundo appears. As they edge closer, Raimundo then jumps into the air and prepares to launch a kick just as the screen goes black]
 * Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay: HAAIIIYYA!

Cast

 * Tara Strong - Omi, Megan, and T-Rex
 * Tom Kenny - Raimundo Pedrosa, Hannibal Roy Bean, Grand Master Dashi, Vlad, Blind Old Swordsman, Evil Squirrel, and Klofange
 * Grey DeLisle - Kimiko Tohomiko, Evil Doll, Betie, Dyris, Singing Old Lady, and Omi's Mom
 * Jeff Bennett - Clay Bailey, Master Monk Guan, Mala-Mala Jong, Cyclops, Evil Granny Lily, Dude-Bot, Jessie Bailey, Toshiro Tohomiko, Gigi, Parrot, Omi's Dad, and Blind Old Man
 * Danny Cooksey - Jack Spicer and Good Jack
 * Wayne Knight - Dojo Kanojo Cho
 * Rene Auberjonois - Master Fung (Season 1)
 * Maurice LaMarche - Master Fung (Season 2 & Season 3), Tubbimura, Raksha the Snowman, Fearsome Four, and Chucky-Choo
 * Susan Silo - Wuya
 * Greg Baldwin - Daddy Bailey
 * Lee Thompson Young - Jermaine
 * Jennifer Hale - Katnappe
 * Kevin Michael Richardson - Pandabubba

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Xiaolin Showdown


text:
User talk:24.167.180.135

~ UDScott 14:08, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:24.167.180.135


text:
User talk:MegamanZero

Welcome
~ UDScott 14:47, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

Father Grigori
Hey thanks alot for putting these quotes on wikiquote, when i didnt see it on the article i thought someone might have deleted it, until i saw the wikiquote logo on the article, anyway; good day.

Miish111 22:46, 11 May 2006 (UTC)

Did you see the ravenholm church map i built? you can see it here:

 * Looks pretty good. -ZeroTalk 23:00, 12 May 2006 (UTC)

Moving pages from WP
Thanks for all your new pages that you've moved from wikipedia (especially the recent character pages from KOF). But as you will see with my recent corrections, the formatting of these pages is consistently not as it should be. Could you take a look at my changes and the templates here so that that future pages can be created without need for correction? Thanks. ~ UDScott 14:38, 30 May 2006 (UTC)

 * No problem. Thnak you for filling me in. -ZeroTalk 15:02, 30 May 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:MegamanZero


text:
Talk:Mariah Carey

Sources

If anyone needs a source for the Beyonce quote go to mcarchives.com and search in 'news' for "VISION OF LOVE" SETS OFF MELISMA TREND.

Likewise, the Michael Jackosn quote is from

http://www.mariahdaily.com/temp/magscans/revista40_spain/4.jpg

It is translated from Spanish.

Whitney
I would like to know why someone randomly deleted the Whitney quote, please!

Unsourced
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Mariah Carey. --Antiquary 18:20, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

 * "Everyone's a diva these days."

 * "Forget the image, forget the ensemble, forget the rumours, forget the short skirts, the big hair, whatever! I owe this to the fans and I will never forget you so I want to accept this award on behalf of all of you."
 * Accepting Artist Of The Decade Award at the Billboard Music Awards.

 * "How are you, daaarrrling?!"
 * When asked what one question she would ask Marilyn Monroe in a 2005 interview

 * "There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train!"

 * "It was definitely a great way to spend a Wednesday night"
 * About the 2006 Grammys, at which she won three awards

 * "I feel that, because of technology, certain artists are disposable and it's a producer's world in a lot of ways. Protocols might as well be on the cover of most people's albums today."

 * "She's an actress, you know, while I've been doing this my whole life. Singing is... is first and foremost. It's a God given talent that I'm gratefull for, her thing is something different. She has nothing to do with competing with me.

 * I'm a singer and I write my own songs, I don't know about anyone else, and if someone happens to have the same hairstyle as me... that's not my problem."
 * About Jennifer Lopez

 * "What made you think I did that? It's called a push-up bra. It costs $14."
 * When asked if she had had a breast augmentation, in a 2001 interview.

 * "I think she's fabulous and hilarious. I didn't hear it, but when they asked me about it outside I just started to laugh. I said I suppose it must have been the best boob job in the world if I didn't even remember it. I'm going to send her one of my push-up bras so she can have it too."
 * About Sharon Osbourne who claimed Carey had had "The best boob job in Hollywood" whilst introducing her at the 2003 American Music Awards.

 * "Dear Sharon, THESE are the best boob jobs in Hollywood. Love, Mariah."
 * In a note to Sharon Osbourne, along with three Victoria's Secret bras.

 * I know breasts, and if they are fake, they are the single best boob job i've ever felt in my young 33 year life; for real!

 * "I can still count on one hand the number of men I've slept with [March 2006]."

 * "'They' all said I'd had a nervous breakdown, but people don't recover from nervous breakdowns three days later!"
 * To the people who claimed Carey had a 'nervous breakdown' in 2001.

 * "If 'they' counted me out, then they just have to count me back in."
 * To the people who claimed that her career was over after her 2001 'breakdown'.

 * "Because I'm not beaming with a radiant smile every two minutes, then I'm lonely and waiting for my hero? Well, guess what? I'm not waiting for my hero. I'm my own hero. That's my job."

 * "Music is what I love and it's what I feel and it's in me and to know that I can do something that I enjoy and hopefully bring some enjoyment to other people through what I do is an incredible felling and I am just really thankful for it."

 * "Then Joan Rivers, at the Oscars, said, 'Let me see, Mariah. Everyone says you gained weight.' You know what's really sick about that? The message we're sending to kids."

 * "I always felt like the rug could be pulled out from under me at anytime. And coming from a racially mixed background, I always felt like I didn't really fit in anywhere."

 * "I don't mind being compared to Whitney [Houston], there are people miles worse to be compared to."

 * "I nearly didn't get here because there wasn't a red carpet for me."
 * Poking fun at her diva image while picking up the Outstanding Contribution To Music award at the 2005 Capital FM awards.

 * "A lot of people are singing about how screwed up the world is, and I don't think that everybody wants to hear about that all the time."

 * "Butterflies are always following me, everywhere I go."

 * "I don't think anyone knows as much about what's right for me as I do."

 * I hope to be around past the 90's. I don't want to just be categorized as one of this era. My goal is to have a career that stands.

 * "I know I can be diva-ish sometimes, but I have to be in control. The nature of my life, the nature of what I do, is ‘divadom,’ it really is."

 * "I prayed very hard for this to happen and it happened. I don't even think about what I've achieved, I haven't focused on it and I wish I had, because I really want to enjoy it, and I don't know if I am enjoying it, because I am going through my life like a bulldozer. I still haven't marvelled at it."

 * "I'm not one of those people that goes into details of my personal life on national TV to get attention. Some things are better left unsaid."

 * "I'm really fortunate. I'm really happy, and I'm really really lucky to be where I am."

 * "If critics have problems with my personal life, it's their problem. Anybody with half a brain would realize that it's the charts that count."

 * "If you see me as just the princess, then you misunderstand who I am and what I have been through."

 * "In this world, I call the shots and I think I know best."
 * "It's hard to be someone that people talk about and write about, you know? They don't know me."

 * "My heart has never been broken, I've never broken anyone else's."

 * "This is for all of you out there tonight, reaching for a dream - don't ever give up! Never ever listen to anyone, when they try to discourage you, because they do that, believe me!"

 * "You really have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, "I'm proud of what I am and who I am, and I'm just going to be myself."

 * "I may believe in Santa, but I'm not delusional."

title: Talk:Mariah Carey


text:
User talk:66.28.32.148

Źź } ~ UDScott 16:22, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

~ UDScott 16:25, 6 February 2006 (UTC) kiouioyuyiytuutht SUCKS

You have been temporarily blocked from editing for vandalising Wikiquote. If you wish to make useful contributions, you are welcome to come back after the block expires. - InvisibleSun 18:46, 2 June 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:66.28.32.148


text:
User talk:199.43.172.254

~ UDScott 16:26, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

~ UDScott 15:36, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

- InvisibleSun 20:52, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

~ Kalki 13:50, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

title: User talk:199.43.172.254


text:
Edmund Waller

Edmund Waller (March 3, 1606 – October 21, 1687) was an English poet.

Quotes

 * The King governs by Law. Let us look back to the evils we had, in order to prevent more. There was loan, and ship-money, and extremes begat extremes. The House would then give no money. Let the King rely upon the Parliament; we have settled the Crown and the Government. 'Tis strange that we have sat so many years, and given so much money, and are still called upon for Supply. The Lords may give Supply with their own money, but we give the peoples; we are their proxies. The King takes his measures by the Parliament, and he doubts not but that all the Commons will supply for the Government; but giving at this rate that we have done, we shall be "a branch of the revenue." They will "anticipate" us too. But, let the officers say what they will, we will not make these mismanagements the King's error. 'Tis better it should fall upon us than the King. We give public money, and must see that it goes to public use. Tell your money, fix it to public ends, and take order against occasions of this nature for the future. We cannot live at the expence of Spain, that has the Indies; or France, who has so many millions of revenue. Let us look to our Government, Fleet, and Trade. 'Tis the advice that the oldest Parliament-man among you can give you; and so, God bless you!
 * Speech in parliament (19 October 1675).

 * The yielding marble of her snowy breast.
 * On a Lady passing through a Crowd of People; reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

 * That eagle's fate and mine are one, Which on the shaft that made him die Espied a feather of his own, Wherewith he wont to soar so high.
 * To a Lady singing a Song of his Composing; reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919). See also Eagles, for variations on this theme.

 * A narrow compass! and yet there Dwelt all that's good, and all that's fair; Give me but what this riband bound, Take all the rest the sun goes round.
 * On a Girdle; reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

 * For all we know Of what the blessed do above Is, that they sing, and that they love.
 * While I listen to thy Voice; reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

 * Under the tropic is our language spoke, And part of Flanders hath receiv'd our yoke.
 * Upon the Death of the Lord Protector; reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

 * In such green palaces the first kings reign'd, Slept in their shades, and angels entertain'd; With such old counsellors they did advise, And by frequenting sacred groves grew wise.
 * On St. James's Park; reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

Of Divine Love (c. 1686)

 * "Of Divine Love : A Poem in Six Cantos", as published in A Complete Edition of the Poets of Great Britain (1792), Vol IV.

 * Could we forbear dispute, and practice love, We should agree as angels do above. Where love presides, not vice alone does find No entrance there, hut virtues stay behind: Both faith, and hope, and all the meaner train Of mortal virtues, at the door remain. Love only enters as a native there, For born in heav'n, it does but sojourn here.
 * Canto III.

 * He that alone would wise and mighty be, Commands that others love as well as he. Love as he lov'd! — How can we soar so high?— He can add wings when he commands to fly. Nor should we be with this command dismay'd; He that examples gives will give his aid: For he took flesh, that where his precepts fall, His practice, as a pattern, may prevail.
 * Canto III.

Poetical Works of Edmund Waller and Sir John Denham (1857)

 * Edited and introduced by George Gilfillan (Full text online)

 * Illustrious acts high raptures do infuse, And every conqueror creates a muse.
 * Panegyric to My Lord Protector (or Panegyric on Cromwell).

 * Guarded with ships, and all our sea our own.
 * To My Lord of Falkland.

 * To man, that was in th' evening made, Stars gave the first delight; Admiring, in the gloomy shade, Those little drops of light.
 * An Apology for Having Loved Before (1664).

 * That which her slender waist confined Shall now my joyful temples bind; No monarch but would give his crown His arms might do what this has done.
 * On a Girdle (1664), st. 1.

 * My joy, my grief, my hope, my love, Did all within this circle move!
 * On a Girdle (1664), st. 2.

 * Go, lovely rose! Tell her that wastes her time and me That now she knows, When I resemble her to thee, How sweet and fair she seems to be.
 * Go, Lovely Rose (1664), st. 1.

 * How small a part of time they share That are so wondrous sweet and fair!
 * Go, Lovely Rose (1664), st. 2.

 * Consent in virtue knit your hearts so fast, That still the knot, in spite of death, does last; For as your tears, and sorrow-wounded soul, Prove well that on your part this bond is whole, So all we know of what they do above, Is that they happy are, and that they love. Let dark oblivion, and the hollow grave, Content themselves our frailer thoughts to have; Well-chosen love is never taught to die, But with our nobler part invades the sky. Then grieve no more that one so heavenly shaped The crooked hand of trembling age escaped; Rather, since we beheld her not decay, But that she vanish'd so entire away, Her wondrous beauty, and her goodness, merit We should suppose that some propitious spirit In that celestial form frequented here, And is not dead, but ceases to appear.
 * Upon the Death of My Lady Rich (1664).

 * Poets that lasting marble seek Must come in Latin or in Greek.
 * Of English Verse (1668).

 * The Muses' friend, Tea, does our fancy aid, Repress the vapours which the head invade, And keeps the palace of the soul serene.
 * Of Tea. Compare: "The dome of thought, the palace of the soul", Lord Byron, Childe Harold, canto ii. stanza 6.

 * Poets lose half the praise they should have got, Could it be known what they discreetly blot.
 * Upon Roscommon's Translation of Horace's De Arte Poetica.

 * The soul's dark cottage, battered and decayed, Lets in new light through chinks that Time has made; Stronger by weakness, wiser, men become As they draw near to their eternal home. Leaving the old, both worlds at once they view, That stand upon the threshold of the new.
 * On the Divine Poems (1686). Compare: "To vanish in the chinks that Time has made", Samuel Rogers, Pæstum; "As that the walls worn thin, permit the mind / To look out thorough, and his frailty find", Samuel Daniel, History of the Civil War, Book iv, Stanza 84.

 * There is a garden in her face Where roses and white lilies blow; A heavenly paradise is that place, Wherein all pleasant fruits do flow: There cherries grow which none may buy Till 'Cherry-ripe' themselves do cry.
 * Cherry-Ripe.

Quotes about Waller

 * How, to thy sacred memory, shall I bring
 * (worthy thy fame) a grateful offering?
 * I, who by toils of sickness am become
 * Almost as near as thou art to a tomb;
 * While every soft, and every tender strain
 * Is ruffled, and ill-natur'd grown with pain?
 * But, at thy name, my languish'd muse revives,
 * And a new spark in the dull ashes strives.
 * Aphra Behn, On the Death of Mr. Waller (1687)

 * Athens and Rome, when learning flourish'd most,
 * could never such a finish'd poet boast:
 * Whose matchless softness in the English tongue
 * Out-does what Horace, or Anacreon, sung.
 * Sir Thomas Higgons, On Mr. Waller (1687)

 * He was indecisive, vacillating, with more wit than judgment, and with more judgment than earnestness. In that age of high hearts, stormy passions, and determined purpose, he looks helpless and not at home, like a butterfly in an eagle's eyrie. A gifted, accomplished, and apparently an amiable man, he was a feeble, and almost a despicable character. The parliament seem to have thought him hardly worth hanging. Cromwell bore with him only as a kinsman, and respected him only as a scholar. Charles II liked to laugh at his jokes, and to Saville his company was as good as an additional bottle of wine. … Although he unquestionably in some points improved our correctness of style and our versification, there is not much to be said either for or against his poetry. It is as a whole a mass of smooth and easy, yet systematic, trifling. Nine-tenths of it does not rise above mediocrity, and the tenth that remains is more distinguished by grace than by grandeur or depth.
 * George Gilfillan in "The Life Of Edmund Waller" from his Poetical Works of Edmund Waller and Sir John Denham (1857).

title: Edmund Waller


text: User:Myleslong~enwikiquote

title: User:Myleslong~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:Myleslong~enwikiquote

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Myleslong. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Myleslong~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:31, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:53, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:Myleslong~enwikiquote