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User talk:Mateusc~enwikiquote

Mateusc, please do not remove the tag from Reirom while a Vote for Deletion on the article is underway. I see that you've registed your vote on Wikipedia as well, and are perhaps concerned that majorities on both sites are voting for deletion of these articles. Might I suggest that the best way to keep these articles is to prove your case by providing examples of how well-known this subject is? By definition, something is only notable if there is solid evidence of people taking notice of it; i.e., writing about it in places other than obscure newsgroups, blogs, and IRCs. Citing news articles, printed sources, and other tangible references to "Reirom" would show people unfamiliar with the topic that it's more than a private joke among a very small group of people. — Jeff Q (talk) 07:03, 31 Mar 2005 (UTC)

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Mateusc. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Mateusc~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:29, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:52, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:Mateusc~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:QuantumEleven

Buffy quotes
I want to thank you for all the quotes you've been contributing to Buffy the Vampire Slayer recently. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been tweaking many of them shortly after you add them. I hope you don't take offense to this, but Buffy is one of the two quote pages I shepherd rather closely to ensure accuracy and a uniform style. I'm way behind on accuracy checks, but I try to make style changes as soon as they come up. In your case, I've been adding periods to the context lines. It's trivial, I know, but that's part of the minuitae of copyediting. Could I impose upon you to add the periods when you add your quotes? Anyway, whether you do or not, I appreciate the substantial work you've done. — Jeff Q (talk) 07:41, 31 Mar 2005 (UTC)
 * No problem - thanks for correcting me! And I'm not offended in the slightest - corrections are just a way of telling me I need to be more throrough, especially as concerns formatting and setting quotes in context. And I'll look more closely for periods in context lines :-) — QuantumEleven 14:53, 12 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Hi, QuantumEleven, welcome back to Wikiquote! --Aphaia 15:55, 12 Apr 2005 (UTC)
 * Thanks, Aphaia! Good to be back... :) — QuantumEleven 15:13, 14 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Rassle vs. wrestle
Hi. I have undid your "spelling fix" in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and added a comment (you will have to open the section in edit mode to see it) for the rationale behind using rassle. In a nutshell: Buffy intentionally uses the "rassle" pronounciation, making fun of Faith, and does not prnounce it wrestle. This is important in this case, as it gives a slightly different "atmosphere" to the quote. Thanks ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 12:19, 7 November 2005 (UTC)
 * Oh, right, gotcha. Sorry! Thanks for checking up after my work! :) — QuantumEleven 13:32, 7 November 2005 (UTC)

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: User talk:QuantumEleven


text:
Talk:Mitch Hedberg

Website problem
Tried the link to the website today and it looks like it has been discontinued. BTW - these jokes are really funny! Barry Haupt, 12/28/2005.

Not a memoriam
I've removed all the rememberances and in-memoriams and "I loved Mitch" notes. This page is for talking about the style and content of the Wikiquote page, not about the comedians. Wikiquote is not a forum for discussion. Please do not post such things here, they might be deleted quickly. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 09:01, 11 December 2005 (UTC)

Style
Mitch Hedberg in performance was quiet, even painfully shy. I do not remember him ever raising his voice. So please do not put words in bold. I remember him stressing certain words, such as "did" in "but I did hit a guy," so italics are probably okay. --Eustace Tilley 15:54, 6 Apr 2005 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comment, but as other articles on wikiquote (Albert Einstein, Aristotle, John F. Kennedy, George Burns, etc) use this style; bold does not mean shouting, but rather an emphasize on memorable lines. As for your revert on alphabetical organization is totally unnecessary; if there was a time stamp (historic) we would organize it by that format, but since it is not, we go with an alpha order (users who still use keywords may do so) but it is simpler to add (and thus elimante duplicates) if it's in order. PEACE ~ RoboAction 21:13, 6 Apr 2005 (UTC)
 * In sharp contrast to the authors you mention, Mitch Hedberg's work is not sententious. The reader supplies the appropriate emphasis while reading; one size does not suit all. --Eustace Tilley 22:33, 6 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Groupings
I gathered the jokes about food and beverages into a group. There are some other themes, such as wordplay ("2-in-1"), altered states (drugs and alcohol), unconventional insights ("banana vs traffic light"), but geez, so much of his act was the non-sequitur nature I feel bad organizing it. --Eustace Tilley 00:51, 4 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Alphabetizing his quotes makes almost as little sense to me as would alphabetizing the Iliad. His is an oral legacy; many of his sayings begin with the same conversational leadin. Readers searching for a quote can find it with their browser's search facility by means of a remembered word ("banana", "duck", "harsh"). I see no benefit for the user, and I don't like making Mitch Hedberg's work appear mechanical or formulaic. --Eustace Tilley 15:54, 6 Apr 2005 (UTC)

I would just like to say...
Thanks for editing the death metal joke, I knew I had forgotten part of it and it came to me today, I was just about to edit it. I feel very foolish for not remembering it in its entirety.

Warning profanity?
I tried doing some searches to find other pages that had been branded Warning: This page contains profanity and drug references ? Seems unessesary and is a certain type of censorship. Not even mentioning the ignorance of the Drug Reference warning. That in it's self is highly offensive to me. (added by User:Sveden)

 * Agreed. I've removed the warning. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 15:09, 1 August 2005 (UTC)

I would like to ask someone to edit out the profanities in many of the jokes down there, as most curses shown were not really used in many of his routines. He was more layed back and shy than the outlandish cursing type that we see today.

 * Listen to "Strategic Grill Locations." He cursed on there a decent number of times. GURoadrunner.

Listen to Mitch All Together, he curses on there much more. Perhaps the user is familiar only with his televised appearances. They're not as profane.

This is not wikisource
Although it is very impressive that one would attempt to script out an entire 45 minute comedy set, this is not what wikiquote is. You may move it to wikisource although it may be a copyright violation. Please check out this page WQ:NOT Sveden 16:27, 1 August 2005 (UTC)

This article is not a copyvio for many reasons, and does not belong in Wikisource. One of the biggest reasons it is not a recreation of a 45-minute comedy set, as you claim, is because a comedy set is grouped together in an intentional comedic order. These quotes are not organized in that way. They are stripped out and re-categorized. Anyone with any comedic skill will tell you that the heart of a routine is the order of the jokes, the meta-story -- this page makes no attempt at that, and so you are wrong. Please find some other article to try out your annoying, fun-spoiling theories on. 69.142.21.24 18:53, 7 May 2006 (UTC)

 * The order of content in a quote article has nothing to do with its potential copyright violation. Quantity most certainly does. Sveden has a very good point. Editors of this article are urged to consider how this article might be construed as undermining the market for a quote book by whomever has the rights to Hedberg's material, and trim this article significantly, lest someone ignorant of his work do an inelegant job of reduction, as I had to do for Jack Handey. This is a very real concern. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:25, 1 July 2006 (UTC)

 * Not a copyvio. It's not a direct translation of a comedy set, it's a bunching of quotes. GURoadrunner

 * Most copyright violations are not direct transcriptions; they are simply sufficiently large excerpts of copyrighted material that they go well beyond the limits of "fair use". Please read Copyrights and its discussion page for more information. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 14:42, 15 July 2006 (UTC)

 * Who gets to decide which jokes make the cut? Me?

I agree. It's not copyvio at ALL. Hedberg's jokes are strictly one liners, and are used at random and interchangeabley in his various acts/performances/cd's. I don't even think anyone really "owns" them other than himself. These are absolutely quotes of his (since they are individual one liners and aren't connected) in the same way jack handy's are. This isn't even an excerpt as Jeffq puts it because these quotes cannot be sourced to any one act. lighten up folks, besides the delivery of the jokes was the main part. Without hedbergs delivery style..they are just that. quotes. 90% of the humor is lost if you are just reading them online or in a book.

 * Well, you're wrong. Just because the page isn't a comprehensive reproduction of each of his shows does not mean it isn't a copyvio. You would still be violating copyright if you took a (copyrighted) book and republished it with the chapters in a different order, and you would still be violating copyright if you shuffled all the sentences in the book around. The same applies here; copyright is attached to the entirety of the show, and it's only by using small snippets of the original that this page may be considered non-infringing fair use. (I say "may" because there are no hard and fast rules about what is and is not fair use.) That the jokes are less funny when written than spoken has absolutely no effect on whether or not the page is copyvio. —LrdChaos 14:23, 28 August 2006 (UTC)

Are you kidding me? Undermining a market for a quote book... First, you can't own rights to quotes. You can own rights to a recorded performance of Mitch, and a transcript of that performance might, might be violative of copyright. But even then... There are two copyright theories which I think apply. I urge the editors to consider these. First is originality... if a comedian repeats a quote multiple times, the copyright holders of the recorded performance cannot own that quote apart from their recording. It just goes against all that is copyright. In addition, words or short phrases cannot be copyrighted because they are not seen as original enough. This again applies to short joke quotes such as those seen on this page. Now, again I accede that a full transcript is copyrightable. Second is fair use. I think that Harper Row v. Nation Enterprises fully applies. In that case a rip-off magazine stole a few quotes from the same source, and it was found only to be copyright infringement because it 'took away the heart of what was originally copyrighted.' This is exactly the opposite. These are small phrases (see non-originality above) that are not linked to one another that do not take the heart from any recorded performance of Mitch's. I would go so far as to say if some schmuck did write a 'marketable quote book of Hedberg's material' (ha ha ha) that s/he would not own copyright to any of the quotes, only to the compilation as a whole. I find this page to be in no way violative of any theoretical copyright holder. --70.255.43.83 22:47, 22 September 2006 (UTC)

Major makeover
I've just redone this page nearly from scratch, as I listened to Mitch All Together and then the "Comedy Central Presents" episode. As a result, I've been able to provide sources for all of the quotes now present, and rather than pick and choose which of the others to keep, I've just eliminated the entire "Unsourced" section. It may make sense to add an "Unsourced" section with only a few quotes, but please don't get carried away and add too many quotes to that section (I'll trim it periodically if it seems to be growing too large). —LrdChaos (talk) 21:27, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

 * I think this page was better when it had more jokes, even if they weren't sited. I think people may use this site to read Hedberg's funny jokes, not necessarily to use them in scholarly sources.

 * This was an evisceration. I miss all the jokes.

To those who have said (and to those who also feel, but have not said) that the page was "better" when it had more jokes, I understand your position, but it's important to note that Wikiquote is not a place for collecting all, or even a significant portion of, the jokes. The previous "version" of the page, full of jokes as it was, was almost certainly a copyright violation, and as such, was probably illegal and could have left Wikiquote/the Wikimedia Foundation open to being sued. This new "version", with significantly fewer full jokes, reduces that risk. The sourcing of the jokes is also better within the spirit of Wikiquote as a whole, which is to provide accurate, verifiable samplings of a person's material, whether it be a novel, a comedy routine, or a film. —LrdChaos (talk) 14:43, 15 November 2006 (UTC)

I used to come here for the jokes I couldn't here on his CDs, not they're gone. The other jokes came from live shows, you can't cite live shows.
 * Well, that isn't what Wikiquote is about. You're more than welcome to go back through the edit history for the article to read the jokes, and if you wanted, you could, under the GNU Free Documentation License, create your own site with that material (with proper attribution to Wikiquote editors as required by the license). When one thinks about what Wikiquote is, it's helpful to consider the sort of things you might find in a commercially-available book of quotations; while we don't have to worry as much about space, we still want to present quotes with sources whenever possible, so that people can be assured that a quote they're reading was actually said by someone, and they can be pointed to the original source to check for themselves.
 * With unreleased live shows, this is impossible. While someone could say that "oh, he told that joke on such-and-such a date", there's no way for anyone to verify that it was said, or that it's presented here the way it was told. When you consider that Mitch would sometimes tell the same joke with slight variations from time to time, it's a real problem to nail down a "right" version that anyone can be absolutely sure that he said. —LrdChaos (talk) 15:25, 27 November 2006 (UTC)
 * This major makeover is extremely awful. I am the person who originally organized the previous page into categories that made sense, and from what I could tell other people liked the categories. I agree with "unsigned2" (November 27) that I came here to see jokes that aren't on the CDs — I listen to the CDs but want to know more jokes! I don't really think it's right that this is supposed to be just a sampling of his work; this was the only web page on the internet that listed, well, everything. Now it's just in the history pages. Awful. This new page is worthless... if I wanted to know these jokes, I'd just listen to the CDs. I'll go copy an old history page and create a new website so people have a single location to get all great Mitch jokes. Visit Mitch-Jokes.com, everybody! This will be up in a day or so. Timneu22 23:38, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

 * Okay, folks. I'm getting a little tired of anonymous people making absurd claims about what isn't a copyright violation. None of the editors posting above except LrdChaos and myself has shown the least awareness of the complexities of copyright law, and none have demonstrated any care about whether this Wikiquote gets shutdown just like French Wikiquote did a year ago because of over-enthusiatic fans of a subject. It's been made clear, not only here but in the links evey registered user gets when they create a username, that Wikiquote's purpose is not and cannot be to collect substantial troves of quotes from any one subject — only select, pithy excerpts. If you don't like it, you can create you own website, as LrdChaos advised and as Timneu22 indicates has been done. There's even a good chance that that new site won't be sued for copyright violation because it is too obscure to attract legal attention. As a highly ranked, globally noted site, Wikiquote cannot afford this risk, and the Wikimedia Foundation which runs this site won't tolerate it if we Wikiquotians fail to prevent it. If you wish to continue to participate in this project, please read and follow the guidelines. Feel free to ask me specific questions on my talk page if you have them. Thank you for your attention. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:42, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

Use of cite.php
I don't much care for the use of cite.php-style references here (or anywhere else on wikiquote, for that matter). To the extent that multiple quotations come from the same source, our guide suggests using sections to reduce the redundancy in citations. But I'm not going to undo it since this page is at least consistent, and whomever did it clearly put a lot of work into it. 121a0012 21:57, 25 November 2006 (UTC)

 * I was the one who did it (for the "Mitch All Together" section, anyway), because it was possible to get better granularity for sourcing the quotes in such a way as to make grouping them into a section illogical (if nothing else, having a subsection for each track on the CD would likely encourage people to include more quotes in each section, and start to put this page back near copyvio status). I suppose it might work to include the sources as subitems in the list; I might give that a try at some point to see how it looks, but feel free to try it out yourself and change it if you think it works better. —LrdChaos (talk) 23:36, 25 November 2006 (UTC)

mitch-jokes.com link
I've removed this again, and I'm going to continue to remove it so long as it violates several policies. For one, by copying what amounted to a copyright violation here, the site is then a copyright violation. From Wikipedia:Copyrights:
 * If you know that an external Web site is carrying a work in violation of the creator's copyright, do not link to that copy of the work. Knowingly and intentionally directing others to a site that violates copyright has been considered a form of contributory infringement in the United States (Intellectual Reserve v. Utah Lighthouse Ministry).

As Jeffq said above, the new site probably isn't likely to end up being sued for copyright infringement, but only as long as it keeps a low profile. Linking to the site from Wikiquote (and much higher-traffic Wikipedia) is not going to keep a low profile.

Secondly, and much less of an issue next to the copyright problems, WP:EL and WP:COI both discourage people involved with a site from adding a link to that site to Wikimedia projects. From WP:EL:
 * You should avoid linking to a website that you own, maintain or represent, even if the guidelines otherwise imply that it should be linked. If the link is to a relevant and informative site that should otherwise be included, please consider mentioning it on the talk page and let neutral and independent Wikipedia editors decide whether to add it. This is in line with the conflict of interests guidelines.

Since it seems that the entire point of the site is to provide all of the quotes that were formerly here (which are almost certainly a copyright violation), it should not be added as a link until that site has taken steps to stop infringing on the copyright. —LrdChaos (talk) 14:16, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

Copyvio once again
Okay, we're back into serious copyright violation again. The Mitch All Together section alone includes 63 quotes, which is about 1 per minute of audio. This is blatant copyvio. For the last time, Wikiquote is not the place to record everything interesting that someone says, but only a select set of the very best from a person or creative work.

As this article has a history of copyright violations, we're going to have to take more drastic action if the regular editors don't start demonstrating a willingness to follow Wikimedia rules about limited fair-use. If this article isn't trimmed to no more than 20 quotes per work (which is almost certainly too much as well, but will perhaps do as a first pass), I will personally remove enough material to get it down to this level. Since I'm not a fan of Hedberg and don't wish to spend considerable time evaluating each quote, the removals will probably be arbitrary and make everyone unhappy. (Be thankful — senior Wikimedians like Jimmy Wales have been known to blank a Wikiquote article for such violations. Arbitrary pruning is tame by comparison.)

I beg you all to save me this work and you this pain by bearing down and weeding out all but the very best of Mitch. I'll check back in a week or two. Thank you for your assistance and cooperation. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 17:33, 10 July 2007 (UTC)

How is that copyright violation? It's not audio, it's just written words. And if Wikiquote can't have so many of these jokes because of copyright violation, then why does it exist at all? --Jeffo bazoni

 * Wikiquote exists to quote selected statements from people's remarks and works, primarily those that people find the most notable. There is a good deal of leeway in fair-use provisions of US copyright law, but having a full or nearly full transcript of a comedian's routine definitely exceeds fair-use provisions, even for a non-profit endeavor. ~ Kalki 00:52, 11 July 2007 (UTC)

Does it make a difference if the comedian is dead? Jeffo bazoni

 * No. An artists copyrihts are legal assets, and they become the property of whomever s/he has willed them o upon their death. As Copyright points out, copyrights typiclly continue at least 50 years after the deah of the artist. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 09:43, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

So, what, probably, is an adequate amount of quotes for a page such as this? --Jeffo bazoni

 * There is no way to know for sure. (And if you think that's a frustrating answer for this article, think about how those of us who worry about all 10,000 articles fret. (See Copyrights and its talk page, which I've already mentioned above and which will continue to be the main place to see what the issues are, for some idea of what we're trying to accomplish.) I've already given you a first-pass target above. There are no guarantees that more action won't need to be taken later, but this would show at least some conscientious effort to reduce Wikiquote's exposure (and, not incidentally, make the article focus on a "very best of" set of quotes). ~ Jeff Q (talk) 15:29, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

 * Well, JeffQ mentioned that no more than 20 per work was his upper limit, and I'm certainly inclined to agree. To that end, I've made a couple of passes over the page and trimmed it down so that no section has more than 20 quotes. —LrdChaos (talk) 15:32, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

 * Thanks, LrdChaos. Just to be clear, everyone, I wrote in no official or legal capacity when I suggested 20. One can easily interpret our informal guideline of 3-5 quotes per TV episode as having an comedy-album parallel of 3-5 quotes max. This kind of severe trimming is quite arguable. But I personally didn't want to be so ruthless unless we had more recent complaints, as long as regular editors of this article showed they could do the job of being selective. I hope that everyone here will monitor this article for excessive quoting, because I know LrdChaos works on a vast number of articles and tasks for Wikiquote, and shouldn't be expected to do all the difficult work on this one. Wikis work best when we each do our little bit. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 17:10, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

Update
We now appear to have consensus on a Limits on quotations guideline, under which this article will need further trimming. ~ Ningauble 13:16, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Checking at the moment (Feb 2013), it says "Spoken-word (speeches, standup comedy, interviews, etc.): Five quotes maximum for any work not in the public domain." Ugh. Much trimming needed! Do you think there should be a disclaimer at the top of the page to discourage people from adding them back? 50.136.38.41 10:05, 18 February 2013 (UTC)
 * I am leery of adding more types of notes to editors within articles, but I have sometimes wondered whether this would be an appropriate use for Wikipedia's Editnotice feature. ~ Ningauble (talk) 16:33, 18 February 2013 (UTC)

Dufrenes?
How do you spell what you say [Doo-Fraynes]?

- I'm sure it's spelt "DuFranes" or "Dufranes"

 * It is Dufrenes - LS

"Dufresne" is well-known last name in Canada, and is pronounced Mitch's way. There have been many hockey players of note with that name. Search Dufresne at The Internet Hockey Database

Picture
Can someone upload a picture of Mitch. Thanks.

What does this mean?
"My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?" I assume this is a joke. why? what does it mean?Kdammers (talk) 05:19, 25 December 2016 (UTC)

title: Talk:Mitch Hedberg


text:
User:Jameson~enwikiquote

Wikipedia User Page

title: User:Jameson~enwikiquote


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Joel Spolsky

Joel Spolsky (born 1965) is a programmer, entrepreneur, and writer.

Quotes

 * Remember, just because Microsoft can do something, doesn't mean you can. Microsoft makes their own gravity. Normal rules don't apply to them.
 * "Our .NET Strategy"

 * The secret of Big Macs is that they're not very good, but every one is not very good in exactly the same way.
 * "Big Macs vs. The Naked Chef"

 * Beware of Methodologies. They are a great way to bring everyone up to a dismal, but passable, level of performance, but at the same time, they are aggravating to more talented people who chafe at the restrictions that are placed on them.
 * "Big Macs vs. The Naked Chef"

 * Most college students, fortunately, are brash enough never to bother asking their elders for advice, which, in the field of computer science, is a good thing, because their elders are apt to say goofy, antediluvian things like "the demand for keypunch operators will exceed 100,000,000 by the year 2010" and "lisp careers are really very hot right now."
 * "Advice for Computer Science College Students"

 * People ridiculously overvalue aesthetics and beauty when evaluating products. It's one of the reasons iPods, and, for that matter, Keanu Reeves, are so successful.
 * "The Road to FogBugz 4.0: Part IV"

 * Full service brokers, in this day and age of low cost mutual funds and discount brokers, are really nothing more than machines for ripping off retail investors.
 * "Wall Street Survival 101"

 * If something seems possible, that's probably because someone is already doing it. When something seems that it can't possibly work, nobody tries it. Real innovation happens when someone tries anyway, overlooking an obvious flaw, and finds a way to make an idea work.
 * "How Hard Could It Be? Inspired Misfires, Personal Development Article"

 * Smart, and Gets Things Done
 * "The Guerilla Guide to Interviewing"

title: Joel Spolsky


text: Template:Disputed

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Category:Friedrich Nietzsche books

The category contains literary works by Friedrich Nietzsche.

title: Category:Friedrich Nietzsche books


text:
Jean Cocteau

Jean Maurice Eugène Clément Cocteau (5 July 1889 – 11 October 1963) was a French poet, novelist, painter, and filmmaker.

Quotes

 * I have a piece of great and sad news to tell you: I am dead.
 * "Visite" in Discours du Grand Sommeil (1920); later published in Collected Works Vol. 4 (1947)

 * A prig always finds a last refuge in responsibility.
 * The Wedding on the Eiffel Tower (1922), Preface

 * I am a lie who always speaks the truth.
 * "Le Paquet Rouge" in Opéra (1925)

 * The Louvre is like the morgue; one goes there to identify one’s friends.
 * "Le Secret Professionnel" in Le Rappel à l’Ordre (1922; 1926)
 * Variant: The Louvre is a morgue; you go there to identify your friends.
 * As quoted by Roger Shattuck in "A Native Son of Paris", Jean Cocteau and the French Scene (1984)

 * Poets don’t draw. They unravel their handwriting and then tie it up again, but differently.
 * Dessins (1924), as quoted by Pierre Chanel in "A Thousand Flashes of Genius", Jean Cocteau and the French Scene (1984)

 * True realism consists in revealing the surprising things which habit keeps covered and prevents us from seeing.
 * Le Mystère Laïc (1928); later published in Collected Works Vol. 10 (1950)

 * Wealth is an inborn attitude of mind, like poverty. The pauper who has made his pile may flaunt his spoils, but cannot wear them plausibly.
 * Les Enfants Terribles translation by Rosamond Lehmann (1929)

 * Mystery has its own mysteries, and there are gods above gods. We have ours, they have theirs. That is what’s known as infinity.
 * "Anubis" to the Sphinx, in Act 2 of The Infernal Machine (1932); Collected Works Vol. 5 (1948)

 * Depuis le jour de ma naissance, ma mort s'est mise en marche. Elle marche à ma rencontre, sans se presser.
 * The day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking toward me, without hurrying.
 * "Postambule" in La Fin du Potomac (1939); later published in Collected Works Vol. 2 (1947)

 * One of the characteristics of the dream is that nothing surprises us in it. With no regret, we agree to live in it with strangers, completely cut off from our habits and friends.
 * "Du Rêve" in La Difficulté d’Etre [The Difficulty of Being] (1947)

 * What is line? It is life. A line must live at each point along its course in such a way that the artist’s presence makes itself felt above that of the model... With the writer, line takes precedence over form and content. It runs through the words he assembles. It strikes a continuous note unperceived by ear or eye. It is, in a way, the soul’s style, and if the line ceases to have a life of its own, if it only describes an arabesque, the soul is missing and the writing dies.
 * "De la Ligne" in La Difficulté d’Etre [The Difficulty of Being] (1947)

 * Film will only become an art when its materials are as inexpensive as pencil and paper.
 * As quoted in The Super 8 Book (1975) by Lenny Lipton (ed. Chet Roaman); also in Aesthetic Aspects of Recent Experimental Film (1980) by Barry Walter Moore, Garth S. Jowett, p. 6

 * After the writer’s death, reading his journal is like receiving a long letter.
 * On the journal of Franz Kafka; diary entry (7 June 1953); Past Tense: Diaries Vol. 2 (1988)

 * Man seeks to escape himself in myth, and does so by any means at his disposal. Drugs, alcohol, or lies. Unable to withdraw into himself, he disguises himself. Lies and inaccuracy give him a few moments of comfort.
 * "On Invisibility" in Diary of an Unknown (1953)

 * An artist cannot speak about his art any more than a plant can discuss horticulture.
 * As quoted in Newsweek (16 May 1955) Variant translation: Asking an artist to talk about his work is like asking a plant to discuss horticulture.

 * The trouble about the Académie is that by the time they get around to electing us to a seat, we really need a bed.
 * On his election to Académie Française (1955)

 * We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?
 * On his election to Académie Française (1955) Variant translation: Of course I believe in luck. How else does one explain the successes of one's enemies?

 * What is history after all? History is facts which become lies in the end; legends are lies which become history in the end.
 * As quoted in The Observer (22 September 1957)

 * The poet never asks for admiration; he wants to be believed.
 * Newsweek (7 April 1958)

 * Poetry is indispensable — if I only knew what for.
 * As quoted in The Necessity of Art (1959) by Ernst Fischer, Ch. 1

 * Art produces ugly things which frequently become more beautiful with time. Fashion, on the other hand, produces beautiful things which always become ugly with time.
 * As quoted in New York World Telegram & Sun (21 August 1960); also in Threads: My Life Behind the Seams in the High-Stakes World of Fashion (2004) by Joseph Abboud, p. 79

 * A film is a petrified fountain of thought.
 * Esquire magazine (February 1961)

 * The ear disapproves but tolerates certain musical pieces; transfer them into the domain of our nose, and we will be forced to flee.
 * As quoted in An Encyclopedia of Quotations About Music (1981) by Nat Shapiro, p. 130

 * You’ve never seen death? Look in the mirror every day and you will see it like bees working in a glass hive.
 * As quoted by Ned Rorem The Dick Cavett Show (PBS) (6 October 1981)

 * Commissions suit me. They set limits. Jean Marais dared me to write play in which he would not speak in the first act, would weep for joy in the second and in the last would fall backward down a flight of stairs.
 * Vogue (May 1983)

 * That pile of paper on his left side went on living like the watch on a dead soldier’s wrist.
 * On his visit to the deathbed of Marcel Proust, as quoted in "Cocteau: The Great Enchanter" by Edmund White Vogue (May 1984)

 * I have lost my seven best friends, which is to say God has had mercy on me seven times without realizing it. He lent a friendship, took it from me, sent me another.
 * Vogue (May 1984)

 * Don’t for a moment believe He was killing the young; He was costuming angels.
 * Vogue (May 1984)

 * He has the manner of a giant with the look of a child, a lazy activeness, a mad wisdom, a solitude encompassing the world.
 * On Orson Welles, as quoted in The New York Times (11 October 1985)

 * There are too many souls of wood not to love those wooden characters who do indeed have a soul.
 * On marionettes, as quoted in The New York Times (15 February 1987)

 * The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head.
 * As quoted in Moments of Clarity (2002) by Thomas L. Jackson, p. 88

 * The skin of all of us is responsive to gypsy songs and military marches.
 * As quoted in Slonimsky's Book of Musical Anecdotes (2002) by Nicolas Slonimsky, p. 33

 * Mirrors would do well to reflect a little more before sending back images.
 * As quoted in Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists (2007) by James Geary, p. 159

 * The joy of youth is to disobey, but the trouble is that there are no longer any orders.
 * As quoted in Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists (2007) by James Geary, p. 271

Le Coq et l’Arlequin (1918)

 * Later published in Le Rappel à L’Ordre (1926) and Collected Works Vol. 9 (1950)

 * When a work appears to be ahead of its time, it is only the time that is behind the work.

 * What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.

 * Art is science made clear.

 * One must be a living man and a posthumous artist.

 * An original artist is unable to copy. So he has only to copy in order to be original.

 * All good music resembles something. Good music stirs by its mysterious resemblance to the objects and feelings which motivated it.

 * The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood.

 * In Paris, everybody wants to be an actor; nobody is content to be a spectator.

 * Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.
 * Variant translation: Tact in audacity consists in knowing how far we may go too far.

 * The extreme limit of wisdom — that’s what the public calls madness.

 * If it has to choose who is to be crucified, the crowd will always save Barabbas .

 * There are truths which one can only say after having won the right to say them.

 * We shelter an angel within us. We must be the guardians of that angel.
 * Also quoted in Diary of an Unknown (1991) as translated by Jesse Browne.

 * Look out! Be on your guard, because alone of all the arts, music moves all around you.

A Call to Order (1926)

 * Le Rappel à l’Ordre (1926)

 * Such is the role of poetry. It unveils, in the strict sense of the word. It lays bare, under a light which shakes off torpor, the surprising things which surround us and which our senses record mechanically.
 * "Le Secret Professionnel" (originally published 1922); later published in Collected Works Vol. 9 (1950)

 * Mettez un lieu commun en place, nettoyez-le, frottez-le, éclairez-le de telle sorte qu'il frappe avec sa jeunesse et avec la même fraîcheur, le même jet qu'il avait à sa source, vous ferez œuvre de poète. Tout le reste est littérature.
 * Take a commonplace, clean it and polish it, light it so that it produces the same effect of youth and freshness and originality and spontaneity as it did originally, and you have done a poet’s job. The rest is literature.
 * "Le Secret Professionnel" (originally published 1922); later published in Collected Works Vol. 9 (1950)

 * A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses.

Opium (1929)

 * Victor Hugo was a madman who thought he was Victor Hugo.

 * Life is a horizontal fall.

 * Everything one does in life, even love, occurs in an express train racing toward death. To smoke opium is to get out of the train while it is still moving. It is to concern oneself with something other than life or death.

 * A car can massage organs which no masseur can reach. It is the one remedy for the disorders of the great sympathetic nervous system. … The craving for opium can be endured in a car.

 * If a hermit lives in a state of ecstasy, his lack of comfort becomes the height of comfort. He must relinquish it.

 * There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard.

 * If an addict who has been completely cured starts smoking again he no longer experiences the discomfort of his first addiction. There exists, therefore, outside alkaloids and habit, a sense for opium, an intangible habit which lives on, despite the recasting of the organism.... The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house.

 * It is not I who become addicted, it is my body.

Diary of an Unknown (1988)

 * Diary of an Unknown (1988) as translated by Jesse Browner

 * Respect movements, flee schools.

 * Do as the beautiful woman: see to your figure and your petticoats. Though, of course, I am not speaking literally.

 * People would say to Al Brown: "You are not a boxer. You are a dancer." He laughed at this, and won.

 * Do not take up cause against the inaccuracies printed about you. They are your protection.

 * Be a constant outrage to modesty There is nothing to fear: modesty is exercised only among the blind.

 * One is either judge or accused. The judge sits, the accused stands. Live on your feet.

 * Hasten slowly. Run faster than beauty.

 * Find first, seek later.

 * Be helpful, even if it compromises you.

 * Compromise yourself. Obscure your own trail.

 * He who is affected by an insult is infected by it.

 * Understand that some of your enemies are amongst your best friends.

 * Fight any instinct to be humorless, for humorlessness is the worst of all absurdities.

 * Do not fear being ridiculous in relation to the ridiculous.

 * See your disappointments as good fortune. One plan's deflation is another's inflation.

 * Do not close the circle. Leave it open. Descartes closes the circle. Pascal leaves it open. Rousseau's triumph over the encyclopedists is to have left his circle open when they closed theirs.

 * Allow the power of the soul to grow as flagrant as the power of sex.

 * Expect neither reward nor beatitude. Return noble waves for ignoble.

 * Hate only hatred.

 * Disavow anyone who provokes or accepts the extermination of a race to which he does not belong.

 * Be a mere assistant to your unconscious. Do only half the work. The rest will do itself.

 * Consider metaphysics as an extension of the physical.

 * Know that your work speaks only to those on the same wavelength as you.

 * Anything of any importance cannot help but be unrecognizable, since it bears no resemblance to anything already known.

 * The ultimate politeness in art consists of speaking only to those who are able to uncover and measure its relationships. Anything else is symbolic, and symbolism is merely transcendental imagery.

On Invisibility

 * Poetry, being elegance itself, cannot hope to achieve visibility. In that case, you ask me, of what use is it? Of no use. Who will see it? No one. Which does not prevent it from being an outrage to modesty, though its exhibitionism is squandered on the blind. It is enough for poetry to express a personal ethic, which can then break away in the form of a work. It insists on living its own life. It becomes the pretext for a thousand misunderstandings that go by the name of glory...

 * Beauty is always the result of an accident. Of a violent lapse between acquired habits and those yet to be acquired. It baffles and disgusts. It may even horrify. Once the new habit has been acquired, the accident ceases to be an accident. It becomes classical and loses its shock value.

 * Man seeks to escape himself in myth, and does so by any means at his disposal... unnable to withdraw into himself, he disguises himself. Lies and inaccuracy give him a few moments of comfort, the trifling feeling of escape experienced at a masked ball. He distances himself from that which he feels and sees. He invents. He transfigures. He mythifies. He creates. He fancies himself an artist. He imitates, in his small way, the painters he claims are mad.

 * Accuracy is vexing to a crowd of would-be fantasizers. Hasn't our age coined the term "escapism," when in fact the only way to escape oneself is to allow oneself to be invaded?

 * Poetry is a religion without hope. The poet exhausts himself in its service, knowing that, in the long run, a masterpiece is nothing but the performance of a trained dog on very shaky ground.

 * Poetry is an ethic. By ethic I mean a secret code of behavior, a discipline constructed and conducted according to the capabilities of a man who rejects the falsifications of the categorical imperative. This personal morality may appear to be immorality itself in the eyes of those who lie to themselves, or who live a life of confusion, in such a manner that, for them, a lie becomes the truth, and our truth becomes a lie...

 * Beauty cannot be recognized with a cursory glance.

Misattributed

 * The reward of art is not fame or success but intoxication: that is why so many bad artists are unable to give it up.
 * Cyril Connolly in The Unquiet Grave (1944; 1951), Part 2

 * Originality consists in trying to be like everybody else — and failing.
 * Raymond Radiguet, who was quoted by Cocteau in his acceptance speech to the Académie Française (October 1955)

Quotes about Cocteau

 * I met a young man of nineteen or twenty, who at that time vibrated with all the youth of the world. This was Jean Cocteau, then a passionately imaginative youth to whom every great line of poetry was a sunrise, every sunset the foundations of the Heavenly City.
 * Edith Wharton in A Backward Glance (1934), p. 285

title: Jean Cocteau


text:
Mulan (1998 film)

Mulan is a 1998 Disney film about a young maiden who secretly goes in her father's place to join the army and becomes one of China's greatest heroines in the process. It is based on the Chinese legend of Hua Mulan. It was produced by Walt Disney Feature Animation and released by Walt Disney Pictures.
 * Directed by Barry Cook and Tony Bancroft. Screenplay by Rita Hsiao, Chris Sanders, Philip LaZebnik, Raymond Singer and Eugenia Bostwick-Singer. Story by Robert D. San Souci. Songs by Matthew Wilder and David Zippel.

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.

Fa Mulan

 * [in a man's voice] Excuse me. Where do I sign in? Ha, I see you have a sword. I have one too. They're very manly and tough.

The Emperor

 * A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.
 * I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home. Impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace and...you have saved us all.

Dialogue

 * [First lines]
 * Guard: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! LIGHT THE SIGNAL! [Shan Yu appears with his falcon; the guard lights the signal fire, and the rest on the Great Wall of China is also lit] Now all of China knows you're here.
 * Shan Yu: Perfect.

 * [General Li, the General of the Chinese Imperial Army, arrives at the Emperor's Palace]
 * General Li: Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border.
 * Chi Fu: Impossible. No one can get through the Great Wall.
 * General Li: Shan Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.
 * Emperor: No. Send your troops to protect my people. Chi Fu.
 * Chi Fu: Yes, Your Highness?
 * Emperor: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible.
 * General Li: Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.
 * Emperor: I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

 * Fa Mulan: Quiet and demure. Graceful. Polite. Delicate. Refined. Poised. [she noted the answers on her arm] Punctual. [rooster calling] Ai-yah! Little Brother? Little Brother? [Little Brother was a dog sleeping] There you are. Who's the smartest doggy in the world? Come on, smart boy. Can you help me with my chores today?
 * [Mulan helped her out Little Brother start to feed the chickens and runs by draggin sack of feed]
 * Fa Zhou: [praying the ancestors] Honorable ancestors, please help Mulan impress the matchmaker today. [Little Brother runs by dragging a sack of feed; chickens start pecking the grain left behind] Please, please help her.
 * [Mulan helped a Little Brother a bone and chewing the bone with the stick]
 * Fa Mulan: Father, I brought your - Whoa! [accidentally breaks a teacup]
 * Fa Zhou: [holding a teapot with his cane] Mulan.
 * Mulan: I brought a spare.
 * Fa Zhou: Mulan.
 * Fa Mulan: The doctor said 3 cups of tea in the morning.
 * Fa Zhou: Mulan.
 * Fa Mulan:...and 3 at night.
 * Fa Zhou: Mulan, you should already be in town. We are counting on you to-
 * Fa Mulan: Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck. [runs off]
 * Fa Zhou: Hurry. [Little Brother looks Fa him while chewing his bone] I'm going to pray some more.

 * The Matchmaker: "Fa Mulan."
 * Fa Mulan: Present.
 * The Matchmaker: [to herself, writing on clipboard] Speaking without permission.
 * Fa Mulan: Oops.
 * Grandmother: [whispering to Fa Li] Who spit in her bean curd? [Mulan walks into the Matchmaker's building with the Matchmaker following behind and closing the door]
 * The Matchmaker: Hmm, too skinny. [Cri-Kee escapes from his cage.  Mulan attempts to catch him] Hmph, not good for bearing sons. [Mulan puts Cri-Kee in her mouth when Matchmaker turns around to face her] Recite the final admonition.
 * Fa Mulan: [nodding and smiling] Mmm-Hmm.  [Takes out fan and covers her mouth as she spits out Cri-Kee]
 * The Matchmaker: Well?
 * Fa Mulan: Fulfill your duties calmly and ref-- [looking at her arm with smeared writing] spectfully. Reflect before you snack [looks at her arm again] act.  [now rapidly] This shall bring you honor and glory.  [Fanning herself rapidly and sighing in relief] Huh.
 * The Matchmaker: [snatches the fan and looks at it on both sides. She grabs Mulan's right arm pulling her along while smearing the writing and leaving some ink on her hand] Hmmm, this way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws you must demonstrate a sense of dignity [The Matchmaker smears ink around her mouth.  Mulan staring at the Matchmaker pours some tea onto the table then notices her mistake and pours the tea into the cup] and refinement.  You must also be poised. [Mulan notices Cri-kee in the tea-cup as the Matchmaker takes the cup]
 * Fa Mulan: Um, pardon me.
 * The Matchmaker: And silent!
 * Fa Mulan: [begins to climb on table, reaching for the teacup] Could I just take that back? One moment.
 * [They both begin tugging on the teacup, causing it to spill, and Crikee to jump inside the Matchmaker's dress.]
 * The Matchmaker: Why you clumsy-
 * [She begins to leap around the room, due to Crikee being in her dress. She knocks over the furnace, accidentally sits on the coals, and begins jumping around even more. Mulan attempts to help by fanning her behind, causing it to burst into flame]
 * Grandmother Fa: [to Fa Li] I think it's going well. Don't you?
 * The Matchmaker: PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!!! [Mulan throws the tea on the Matchmaker and puts out the fire. She bows, hands the teapot back to the Matchmaker and covers her face as she walks toward Fa Li and Grandma Fa] You are a DISGRACE! [throws down the teapot] You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor! [storms off]

 * Chi Fu: Citizens, I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City. The Huns have invaded China. By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army. [Reading from list] The Hsiao Family, the Yi Family.
 * Son: I will serve the Emperor in my father's place.
 * Chi Fu: The Fa Family.
 * Fa Mulan: No. [Her father walks over to Chi Fu.]
 * Fa Zhou: I am ready to serve the Emperor.
 * Fa Mulan: Father, you can't go.
 * Fa Zhou: Mulan..
 * Fa Mulan: Please, sir, my father has already fought bravely, and-
 * Chi Fu: Silence! [to Fa Zhou] You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.
 * Fa Zhou: Mulan, you dishonor me.
 * Chi Fu: Report tomorrow at the Wu Zhong Camp. [He hands Fa Zhou a scroll.]
 * Fa Zhou: Yes, sir.
 * Chi Fu: [Continues to read] The Chu Family, the Chang Family, the Yong Family.

 * [At dinner, Mulan pours the tea, then angrily sets her cup down]
 * Fa Mulan: You shouldn't have to go!
 * Fa Li: Mulan...
 * Fa Mulan: There are plenty of young men to fight for China.
 * Fa Zhou: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.
 * Fa Mulan: So you'll die for honor.
 * Fa Zhou: I will die doing what's right.
 * Fa Mulan: But if you-
 * Fa Zhou: I know my place! It is time you learned yours.
 * [Mulan gasps softly at Fa Zhou's words and tearfully leaves. Fa Zhou sits back down to finish his dinner.]

 * [The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Granny Fa wakes up and walking into Fa Li and Fa Zhou's bedroom]
 * Grandmother Fa: Mulan is gone!
 * Fa Zhou: What? [looks at Mulan's flower comb] It can't be. [He finds his closet empty, then runs outside and calling out] MULAN!! [He stumbles while walking because of his leg injury] No.
 * Fa Li: You must go after her. She could be killed.
 * Fa Zhou: If I reveal her, she will be.
 * Grandmother Fa: Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Mulan.

 * [In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor.]
 * Great Ancestor: Mushu, awaken.
 * Mushu:            I LIIIIIVE!!!!!!!             So, tell me, what mortal need my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word, and I'm there.
 * Great Ancestor: Mushu.
 * Mushu: And let me say something, anyone's who foolish to threaten our family- vengeance will be            MIIIIINE!!!!!!!             Grrrrrr.
 * Great Ancestor: MUSHU! These are the family guardians. They...
 * Mushu: Protect the family.
 * Great Ancestor: And you, O Demoted One?
 * Mushu: I ring the gong.
 * Great Ancestor: That's right. Now wake up the ancestors.
 * Mushu: One family reunion, coming right up. [bangs the gong] Okay, people, people, look alive, let's go, come on, get up, let's move it, rise and shine, y’all way past the beauty sleep thing, trust me. [The rest of the ancestors materialize]
 * Ancestor Woman #1: I knew it, I knew it. That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start.
 * Ancestor Man #1: Don't look at me, she got it from your side of the family.
 * Ancestor Woman #2: She's just trying to help her father.
 * Ancestor Man #2: But if she's discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!
 * Ancestor Farmer: Not to mention, they'll lose the farm.
 * Ancestor Woman #1: My children never caused such trouble, they all became acupuncturists.
 * Ancestor Man #1: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists.
 * Older Lady Ancestor: No, your great-granddaughter had to be a  CROSS-DRESSER!
 * [The ancestors continue arguing]
 * Ancestor Man #2: Let a guardian bring her back.
 * Ancestor Man #1: Yes, Awaken the most cunning.
 * Ancestor Man #3: No, the swiftest.
 * Ancestor Woman #3: No, send the wisest.
 * Great Ancestor: SILENCE! We must send the most powerful of all.
 * Mushu: [laughs] Okay, okay, I get the drift, I'll go.
 * [The ancestors laugh.]
 * Mushu: Well, y'all don't think I can do it? Watch this here. [blows a tiny flame] Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot, huh? Don't make me have to singe nobody to prove no point.
 * Great Ancestor: You had your chance to protect the Fa Family.
 * Older Lady Ancestor: Your misguidance led Fa Deng to disaster.
 * Fa Deng: Yeah, thanks a lot.
 * Mushu: And your point is?
 * Great Ancestor: THE POINT IS we will be sending a real dragon to retrieve Mulan.
 * Mushu: What, What?! I'M A REAL DRAGON!!!
 * Great Ancestor: YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THIS SPOT! NOW, AWAKEN THE GREAT STONE DRAGON!!!!!!!!
 * Mushu: So you'll get back to me on the job thing? Just one chance, is that too much ask? It's mean not like it'll kill ya. [to the dragon statue] Yo, rocky wake up! Ya gotta go fetch Mulan! Come on, boy. Go get her. Go on. [whistling] Come on. Grr. Grr. Hello?  HELLOOO?!  Hello! [He accidentally hits the ear of the dragon with a gong, and it falls off] Uh-oh. [the statue falls apart] Uh, Stony? Stony? Oh, man, they're gonna kill me.
 * Great Ancestor: Great stone dragon, have you awakened?
 * Mushu: Uh, yes, I just woke up. I am the Great Stone Dragon. Good Morning. I will go forth and fetch Mulan. Did I mention that I was the Great Stone Dragon?
 * Great Ancestor: Go. The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws.
 * Mushu: Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. [He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landings on top of him] Oh, my elbow. Oh, oh. I know I twisted somethin'. [He lifts the head off.] That's just great, now what? I'm doomed and all 'cause Miss Man decided to take a little drag show on the road. [Cri-Kee appears chirping] Go get her? What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone, Humpty-Dumpty mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in the temple. Wait a minute, that's it. I'll make Mulan a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work. That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man. [Cri-Kee follows Mushu] What makes you think you're coming? [Cri-Kee chirps] You're lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you? [Cri-Kee chirps again] What you mean a loser? How 'bout I pop one of your antennas off, and throw it across the yard then who's the loser, me or you?

 * Hun Soldier: Imperial Scouts.
 * [The Huns' leader turns around and lowers his hood]
 * Scout #1: Shan Yu.
 * Shan Yu: Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Hun Army.
 * [The Huns laugh]
 * Scout #2: The Emperor will stop you.
 * Shan Yu: Stop me? He invited me. [grabs Scout #2's throat] By building his Wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. GO! [Throws Scout #2 back on the ground] Tell your Emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready. [the two Scouts get up and run] How many men does it take to deliver a message?
 * Hun Archer: [draws an arrow and taking aim] One.

 * Fa Mulan: Okay, how about this? [clear throat] Excuse me. Where do I sign in? Aha, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly and tough. [accidentally drops sword, Khan neighs laughing and is hit with a shoe] I'm working on it. Oh, who am I fooling? It's going to take a miracle to get me into the army.
 * [Mushu's shadow appears surrounded by flames]
 * Mushu: Did I hear someone ask for a miracle? Let me hear you say AHHHHH!!!
 * Fa Mulan: AAH!
 * Mushu: That's close enough.
 * Fa Mulan: A ghost.
 * Mushu: Get ready, Mulan. Your serpentine salvation is at hand. For I have been sent by your ancestors... to guide you through your masquerade. [To Cri-kee] Come on, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work. [as behind the rocks with the fire] So heed my word cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is DEATH!
 * Fa Mulan: Who are you?
 * Mushu: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls. I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Mushu. [Mushu comes out from behind the rocks] I'm pretty hot, huh?
 * [Khan immediately tramples him]
 * Fa Mulan: Uh, my ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?
 * Mushu: Hey, dragon. Dragon. Not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing.
 * Fa Mulan: You're... um...
 * Mushu: Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?
 * Fa Mulan: Tiny.
 * Mushu: Of course. I'm travel size for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright. [Khan snaps at him] Down, Bessie. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. [Mulan slaps him] Alright, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! [To Cri-kee] Make a note of this. Dishonor on YOU, dishonor on your COW, dis-
 * Fa Mulan: Shut up, I'm sorry. It's just I've never done this before.
 * Mushu: Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. We clear on that? All right. Okie-Dokie, let's get this show on the road. Cri-kee, get the bags. Let's move it, heifer.

 * [Mulan, disguised as Fa Ping, arrives at the army camp.]
 * Mushu: Okay, this is it. Time to show 'em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up and strut. Two, three. Break it down. Hup, two, three. And work it. Beautiful, isn't it?
 * Fa Mulan: They're disgusting.
 * Mushu: No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.
 * Recruit: Look, this tattoo will protect me from harm.
 * Yao: Hmmmmm.
 * [He punches the recruit]
 * Ling: [laughing] I hope you can get your money back.
 * Fa Mulan: I don't think I can do this.
 * Mushu: It's all attitude. Be tough, like this guy here.
 * Yao: [spits] What are you looking at?
 * Mushu: Punch him. It's how men say hello.
 * [Mulan punches Yao, he slams into Chien Po]
 * Chien Po: Oh, Yao. You've made a friend.
 * Mushu: Good. Now slap him behind. They like that.
 * [Mulan does so]
 * Yao: Whoa ho ho! I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.
 * Chien Po: [picks up Yao] Yao, relax and chant with me. [Yao growls and chanting] Nanuami tofu dah.
 * Yao: [chanting] Nanuamitofudah.
 * Chien Po: Feel better?
 * Yao: Yeah. Ah, you ain't worth my time, chicken boy.
 * Mushu: Chicken boy?! Say that to my face, you limp noodle! [Yao grabs Mulan and attempts to punch her and he misses accidentally punching Ling]
 * Yao: Oh. Sorry, Ling. Hey! [he grabs her leg, but Ling kick Yao to Chien Po and 3 men start fight and Mulan ran away] You're dead
 * Ling: Oh, there he goes! [Mulan runs off, there chasing after in the tent there chickens, however, Chien Po push his stomach to his men like Bowling]
 * Fa Mulan: Hey, guys. [Chi Fu is seen with General Li and Shang at the military camp]
 * General Li: The Huns have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Shao Pass, and stop Shan Yu before he destroys this village.
 * Chi Fu: Excellent strategy, sir. I do love surprises. [laughs]
 * General Li: You will stay and train the new recruits. When Chi-Fu believes you're ready, you will join us, Captain. [General Li gives his sword to Shang]
 * Shang: Captain?
 * Chi Fu: Huh. This is an enormous responsibility, General. Perhaps a soldier with more experience.
 * General Li: Number one in this class, extensive knowledge of training techniques, an impressive military lineage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job.
 * Shang: Oh, I will, I won't let you down. This is I mean, yes sir.
 * General Li: Very good then. We'll toast China's victory at the imperial city. I'll expect a full report in 3 weeks.
 * Chi Fu: And I won't leave anything out. [walk out of the tent]
 * Shang: Captain Li Shang. Leader of China's finest troops. No, The greatest troops of all time.
 * [exits his tent to find the troops fighting each other; we see one soldier with a black eye salute, then faint]
 * Chi Fu: Most impressive.
 * General Li: Good luck, Captain. YAH! [General Li is leaving away with the troops of the military lineage]
 * Shang: Good luck, father.
 * Chi Fu: Day one.
 * Shang: Soldiers!
 * [The soldiers stops fighting, Yao punches a man one time.]
 * Soldiers: [points to Mulan as the disguised ping] HE STARTED IT!!
 * [Shang walks to Mulan with his sternly face, she gets up.]
 * Shang: I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.
 * Fa Mulan: Sorry... [in her 'man' voice] Uhh... I mean, uh, sorry you had to see that, but you know how it is when you get those, uh, manly urges, and you just gotta kill someone... fix things, uh, cook outdoors...
 * Shang: What's your name?
 * Fa Mulan: Uh... I, I, uh...
 * Chi Fu: Your commanding officer just asked you a question.
 * Fa Mulan: Uh, I've got a name. And it's a boy's name too.
 * Mushu: [whispering in Mulan's ear] Ling. How 'bout Ling?
 * Fa Mulan: His name is Ling.
 * Shang: I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours.
 * Mushu: Try, uh, Ah Chu.
 * Fa Mulan: Ah Chu.
 * Shang: Ah Chu?
 * Mushu: Gesundheit. [chuckles] I kill myself.
 * Fa Mulan: Mushu.
 * Shang: Mushu?
 * Fa Mulan: No
 * Shang: Then what is it?
 * Mushu: Ping. Ping was my best friend growin' up.
 * Fa Mulan: It's Ping.
 * Shang: Ping?
 * Mushu: Of course, Ping did steal my girl-
 * [Mulan muffles Mushu]
 * Fa Mulan: Yes, my name is Ping.
 * Shang: Let me see your conscription notice. [Mulan took a Conscription to him and reads it the Fa Zhou] Fa Zhou? The Fa Zhou?
 * Chi Fu: I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.
 * Fa Mulan: He doesn't talk about me very much.
 * [Mulan tries to spit, but ends up with a glop drooling of spit hanging from her lip]
 * Chi Fu: I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic.
 * [all the soldiers laughs]
 * Shang: Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins.
 * Mushu: [to Mulan] You know, we'll have to work on your people skills.

 * Mushu: All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty. Come on. Hup, hup, hup. [Mushu takes the blanket] Get your clothes on, get ready, got breakfast for ya. Look, you get porridge and it's happy to see you. [Cri-Kee pops up from the porridge, Mushu tosses him out] Hey, get outta there. You will make people sick.
 * Fa Mulan: Am I late?
 * Mushu: No time to talk. Now remember, it's your first day of trainin', so listen to your teacher and no fightin', play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, one of the other kids wanna fight, then you have to kick the other kid's butts.
 * Fa Mulan: But, I don't wanna kick the other kid's butts.
 * Mushu: Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face. Ooh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. Come on, scare me girl.
 * Fa Mulan: RARRRR!
 * Mushu: There, That's my tough-lookin' warrior. That's my talkin' about. Now get out there and make me proud. [To Khan] What do you mean the troops just left?
 * Fa Mulan: They what?
 * [Mulan out the tent and took shoe on to ran off]
 * Mushu: Wait, you forgot your sword! My little baby, off to destroy people. [whimpers]

 * Chi Fu: Order. People, order.
 * Soldier: I'll have a pan-fried noodle.
 * Chien Po: Ooh, ooh, sweet-and-pungent shrimp.
 * Soldier: Moo goo gai pan.
 * Chi Fu: That's not funny.
 * Ling: Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. [To Mulan] Hello, Ping. Are ya hungry?
 * Yao: Yeah, 'cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.
 * Shang: Soldiers! [all assemble into line] You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning. Anyone who act otherwise, will answer to me.
 * Yao: Ooh, tough guy.
 * Shang: Yao. [Shoots up the arrow at the top of a pole] Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.
 * Yao: I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on.
 * Shang: One moment. You seem to be missing something. [Chi Fu comes forward with two bronze disks, which Shang hangs on Yao's wrists] This - represents discipline and this - represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. [as Yao, Ling, Chien Po and Mulan fail to get it] We've got a long way to go.

 * [Shan Yu cutting the top of tree, while he seen the falcon brings him a little girl's doll from the village, sniffing doll, Shan Yu and Huns gets a doll from his falcon]
 * Shan Yu: [tosses the doll to his soldiers] What do you see?
 * Hun Twin #1: Black pine, from the high mountains.
 * Hun Twin #2: White horse hair, Imperial stallions.
 * Hun #3: [sniffs doll] Sulfer from cannons.
 * Shan Yu: This doll came from a village in the Tung Shao Pass, where the Imperial Army's waiting for us.
 * Hun Archer: We can avoid them easily.
 * Shan Yu: No. The quickest way to the Emperor is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

 * Mushu: This is such a bad idea. What if somebody sees you?
 * Fa Mulan: Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.
 * Mushu: So a couple of guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Well, myself, I kind of like that cornchip smell.
 * Fa Mulan: [splash to Mushu, she takes a bathing and rinse her hair in the lake] Ahhh.
 * Mushu: All right. That's enough. Get out before you get all pruny and stuff.
 * Fa Mulan: Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch.
 * Mushu: Yeah, yeah. [talking and acting like a girl] Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid girl habits. Pfft, Hygiene.
 * Yao: Me first! Me first! Me first!
 * Mushu: [seeing Yao, Ling, and Chien Po run to the lake where Mulan is bathing] Oh, we're doomed There are a couple things I know they're bound to notice. [Mulan seeing Yao, Ling, in the lake, at the waterhole, and Chien Po got big toe in the water, but then Chien Po jumps in the lake and waves to them, there always plays splash out tom Mulan, the frog jumps out the lily pad in the lake]''

 * Yao: Hey, Ping.
 * Fa Mulan: Oh, hi, guys. I didn't know you were here. I was just washing, so now I'm clean, and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.
 * Ling: Come back here. I knew we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Ling.
 * Chien Po: And I'm Chien Po.
 * Fa Mulan: Hello, Chien Po.
 * Yao: [standing on a rock] And I am Yao, king of the rock. And there's nothin' you girls can do about it.
 * Ling: Oh, yeah? Well, I think Ping and I can take you.
 * Fa Mulan: I really don't want to take him anywhere.
 * Ling: Ping, we have to fight.
 * Fa Mulan: No, we don't. We could just...close our eyes...and - swim around...
 * Ling: Come on, don't be such a- [Mushu bites Ling on each leg] OUCH! Something bit me.
 * Mushu: Ugh! Ach! What a nasty flavor.
 * Ling: SNAKE! [Ling and Chien Po scramble onto the rock with Yao, while Mulan sneaks away, she whistling to Khan, and Khan bring Mulan and Mushu comes out the lake while done bathing]
 * Yao: OOOH, SNAKE!
 * Chien Po: SNAKE! SNAKE!
 * Ling: Some king of the rock. [Yao shoves him off]
 * Fa Mulan: [Mulan and Mushu escape back to shore from Yao, Ling, and Chien Po] Boy, that was close.
 * Mushu: No. [brushes his teeth with the toothpaste in his mouth] That was vile. You owe me big. [spits it out and squirts more toothpaste in his mouth and brushes again]
 * Fa Mulan: I never want to see a naked man again.
 * [a big group of naked men run past them, laughing]
 * Mushu: Hey, don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts.

 * [Shang and Chi Fu are in the tent]
 * Chi Fu: You think troops are ready to fight? Ha. They would not last a minute against the Huns.
 * Shang: They completed their training.
 * Chi Fu: Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be Captain. Once the General reads my report, your troops will never see battle.
 * Mushu: [Listening outside with Cri-Kee] Oh, no, you don't. I've worked too hard to get Mulan into this war. This guy's messin' with my plan.
 * Shang: We're not finished!
 * Chi Fu: Be careful, Captain. The General may be your father, but I am the Emperor's counsel. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed.
 * [Li Shang walks out of his tent and passes Mulan]
 * Fa Mulan: Hey. I'll hold him, and you punch. [chuckles] Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain.
 * [Li Shang leaves.]
 * Mushu: I saw that.
 * Fa Mulan: What?
 * Mushu: [about Li Shang] You like him, don't you?
 * Fa Mulan: No, I-
 * Mushu: Yeah, right, sure. Go to your tent! [Smiling Mulan, walks away; to Cri-Kee] I think it's time we took this war into our own hands. [They rush into the tent, as Chi Fu humming Strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, a slippers, and uses long handle bath brush. Switch scenes; Cri-Kee types out a letter, like a typewriter] Okay, let me see what you got. [reads] "From General Li. Dear Son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot if you'd come and back us up." Hmm, that's great expect you forgot: And since we're out of potpourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some.             HELLO!!!             This is the army! Make it sound more urgent, please! You know what I'm takin' about? [Cri-Kee chirps, salutes and hops around typing another letter] That's better, much better, let's go. [to Khan, drinking water] Khaney, baby. Hey, we need a ride.
 * [Khan squirts Mushu off, and Cri-Kee slowly backs off.]

 * [Chi Fu is storming from the lake with one slipper missing]
 * Chi Fu: Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! And I do not squeal like a girl.
 * [A panda, ridden by Mushu, who is disguised as a messenger, appears and eats Chi Fu's other slipper. Chi Fu squeals like a girl]
 * Mushu: Urgent news from the General. What's the matter? Never seen a black-and-white before?
 * Chi Fu: Who are you?
 * Mushu: Excuse me? I think the question is who are YOU? WE'RE IN A WAR, man! There's no time for stupid questions. I should have your hat for that; snatch it right off your head. But I'm feeling gracious today, so, carry on before I report you.
 * [Chi Fu reads the message and looks around for the messenger, but the panda has climbed a tree]
 * Chi Fu: Captain! Urgent news from the General! We're needed at the front.
 * Mushu: Pack your bags, Cri-kee. We’re moving out.

<hr width = 50%>
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ For a long time we've been marching off to battle. ♪
 * Yao: [singing] ♪ In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle. ♪
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ Like the pounding beat / Our aching feet aren't easy to ignore. ♪
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ Hey / Think of instead / A girl worth fighting for! ♪
 * Fa Mulan: Huh?
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ That's what I said / A girl worth fighting for / I want her paler than the moon / With eyes that shine like stars. ♪
 * Yao: [singing] ♪ My girl will marvel at my strength / Adore my battle scars! ♪
 * Chien Po: [singing] ♪ I couldn't care less what she'll wear / Or what she looks like / It all depends on what she cooks like / Beef, pork, chicken, mmm... ♪
 * Yao: [singing] ♪ Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer! ♪
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ And I bet the ladies love a man in armor! ♪
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ You can guess what we have missed the most / Since we went off to war! ♪
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ What do we want? ♪
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ A girl worth fighting for! ♪
 * Yao: [singing] ♪ My girl will think I have no flaws ♪
 * Chien Po: [singing] ♪ That I'm a major find ♪
 * Fa Mulan: [singing] ♪ How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind? ♪
 * Yao, Chien Po and Ling: NAH!
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her! ♪
 * Yao: [singing] ♪ He thinks he's such a lady-killer! ♪
 * Chi Fu: [singing] ♪ I've a girl back home who's unlike any other! ♪
 * Yao: [singing] ♪ Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother! ♪
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ But when we come home, in victory / They'll line up at the door! ♪
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ What do we want? ♪
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ A girl worth fighting for! ♪
 * Ling: [singing] ♪ Wish that I had ♪
 * Chorus: [singing] ♪ A girl worth fighting for! / A girl worth fighting... ♪

<hr width = 50%>
 * [at outside of the medic tent. The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Shang, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Mulan, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Shang stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Mulan realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on.]
 * Fa Mulan: I can explain!
 * Chi Fu: So it's true!
 * Fa Mulan: Shang!
 * Chi Fu: [yanking Mulan out of the tent and revealing her hair out of a bun] I knew there was something wrong with you! A WOMAN! [throws her to the ground] TREACHEROUS SNAKE!
 * Fa Mulan: My name is Mulan. I did it to save my father!
 * Chi Fu: HIGH TREASON!
 * Fa Mulan: I didn't mean for it to go this far!
 * Chi Fu: ULTIMATE DISHONOR!
 * Fa Mulan: It was the only way! Please, believe me!
 * Chi Fu: Captain?
 * [Shang walks over to Khan and takes out Mulan's sword. Khan rears back and Mushu are shocked.]
 * Chi Fu: [to the soldiers holding Khan] Restrain him. [Shang walks toward Mulan with sword in hand and the Gang of Three start to rush over to her]
 * Yao, Ling and Chien-Po: NO!
 * Chi Fu: You know the law.
 * [Shang walks over to Mulan and throws the sword in the snow]
 * Shang: A life for a life. My debt is repaid. [to the soldiers] Move out!
 * Chi Fu: But you can't just...
 * Shang: [to Chi Fu] I said, Move out.
 * [The Chinese Army sadly walks away, leaving Mulan, Mushu, and Khan in the snow.]
 * Mushu: I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. [He uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire] Hi.
 * Fa Mulan: I should never have left home.
 * Mushu: Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta learn to let these things go.
 * Fa Mulan: Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So I looked in the mirror, I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing.
 * Mushu: Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. [He spits on the helmet.] Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, look at you, you look so pretty. The truth is we're both frauds. Your ancestors never sent me, they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. [Cri-Kee cries] What?! What do you mean you're not lucky!? You lied to me? [Cri-Kee nods. Mushu turns to Khan.] And what are you, a sheep? [Khan snorts, he groans and throws Cri-Kee]
 * Fa Mulan: I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home.
 * Mushu: Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise.

<hr width = 50%>
 * [Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Huns hold the Emperor, Shan-Yu drops down from the roof]
 * Shan-Yu: Boo. [Shan-Yu steps into the balcony next to the Emperor, to Hun Bald Man #1 and #2] Guard the door. [they walk off down the stairs that lead to the balcony, pacing around the Emperor] Your walls and armies have fallen, and now it's your turn. Bow to me.
 * [Cut to the entrance to the stairwell that leads to the balcony. Hun Bald Man #1 and #2 come down the stairs and close the door, joining Hun Archer Man, Hun Strong Man and Hun Long-Hair Man. Mulan and company are around the corner]
 * Fa Mulan: Okay, any questions?
 * Yao: Does this dress make me look fat? [Mulan slaps him] OW!
 * [Mulan, Yao, Ling and Chien-Po walk out disguised as concubines]
 * Hun Archer: Who's there?
 * Hun Bald Man #2: Concubines.
 * Hun Bald Man #1: Ugly concubines.
 * Ling: Oh he's so cute.
 * [Hun Bald Man #2 smiles and waves. Hun Bald Man #1 elbows Hun Bald Man #2. A bitten apple falls out from beneath Ling's dress]
 * Shang: [from around the corner putting his head down into his hand] Aww.
 * [Shan-Yu's Falcon sees Shang and prepares to screech, Mushu from above singes off all his feathers with his fire breathing]
 * Mushu: Now that's what I call Mongolian Barbeque. [Hun Bald Man #2 picks up the apple and offers it back to Ling. Ling, Yao, and Chien-Po pull into their dresses and reveal fruits. Chien-Po uses two watermelons to smash them on the heads of Hun Bald Man #1 and #2. He then smashes their two heads together and they fall to the ground. Ling pushes the apple into Hun Long-Hair man's mouth and kicks him in the stomach causing Hun Long-Hair Man to stoop over on the ground. Ling uses his head to whack Hun Long-Hair Man's back. Hun Strong Guy lunges his fist at Yao and misses, he misses with the other. Yao grabs one arm and flips him over. Mulan kicks away Hun Archer Man's bow and knocked arrow, avoids his strike by turning her back to Hun Archer. She follows with a left elbow to the stomach followed by a left upper cut knocking Hun Archer to the ground. She sits on his back and uses the bow to pull his head back]
 * Fa Mulan: Shang, go!
 * [Shang runs up the stairs and into the room where Shan Yu and the Emperor are.]
 * Shan-Yu: I tire of your arrogance old man.  BOW TO ME!!!
 * Emperor: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.
 * Shan-Yu: Then you will kneel in pieces.
 * [Shan-Yu draws back his sword to strike the Emperor. Shang runs up and blocks the striking blow of Shan-Yu with his sword. Shang swipes with his sword. Shan-Yu grabs Shang's arm and throws him towards the edge. Shang grabs onto a column and he flies over the edge, swings back and kicks Shan-Yu. Shan-Yu falls to the ground, Shang on top of him. Shang punches Shan-Yu. Shan-Yu grabs Shang and rolls over forcing Shang to be on his back underneath him. Shang uses his knee to hit Shan-Yu from behind as he uses his hand to hit him in the head. Shang forces Shan-Yu onto his back and grabs his arm pulling it behind Shan-Yu's back. Mulan, Chien-Po, Yao and Ling enter the balcony from the stairs]
 * Fa Mulan: Chien-Po, get the Emperor.
 * Chien-Po: [standing in front of the Emperor and bowing] Sorry, your Majesty.
 * [Chien-Po lifts up the Emperor and runs over to Mulan who is by a rope attached to a column in the balcony. Chien-Po uses his sash as a pulley and rides down the rope to the ground. Shan Yu watches the Emperor leave]
 * Shan-Yu:            NO!!!!!!!!
 * [Shan-Yu uses his free arm to elbow Shang in the face. Shan-Yu gets up and head-butts Shang and throws him to the ground]
 * Yao: Come on!
 * [Shan-Yu begins to approach Mulan and the rope. Mulan grabs Shan-Yu's sword and cuts the taught rope. The crowd cheers]
 * Shan-Yu: No. [Roars in anger]
 * [Shan-Yu pulls out his sword lodged in the column and heads toward them. As Shang sees Shan-Yu approaching, he takes out his knife. Shan-Yu knocks away the knife, punches him in the face, and grabs Shang by the shirt collar]
 * Shan Yu: You. you took away my victory.
 * [Mulan's shoe hits Shan-Yu in the head]
 * Fa Mulan: No! I did. [pulls her hair back]
 * Shan Yu: The soldier from the mountains. [Mulan runs from Shan Yu as Mushu and Cri-kee arrive riding Hayabusha]
 * Mushu: So what's the plan?
 * Fa Mulan: Umm...
 * Mushu: YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN?!
 * Fa Mulan: Hey, I'm making this up as I- [skids to a stop as she sees the fireworks display] go. [Points to the fireworks] Mushu!
 * Mushu: Way ahead of ya, sister. Come on, Cri-Kee. [jumps from window onto a black butterfly kite and use the wings to soar over toward the fireworks tower. Shan Yu attacks Mulan, and she shinnies up a pole. Shan Yu cuts down the pole, and Mulan and the pole go through the wall. Mulan jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Mushu and Cri-Kee are gathering ammunition]
 * Mushu: [lands on fireworks using the butterfly kite as wings] Citizens, I need firepower.
 * Fireworks people: Who are you?
 * Mushu: Your worst nightmare.
 * [The two men jump off the tower. Mulan pulls herself onto the roof and climbs up to the crest]
 * Man in Crowd #1: On the roof!
 * Man in Crowd #2: Look!
 * [Mulan lines up where she is standing with the fireworks tower across the way. Shan-Yu breaks through the roof behind Mulan. Mulan backs away and searches for something on her person to help her against Shan-Yu.  She finds a her fan, takes it out, and opens it]
 * Shan-Yu: It looks like you're out of ideas. [Shan-Yu lunges with his sword. Mulan dodges to her right and lets the sword go right through the fan.  She closes the fan back up on the sword and twists the fan with both hands so that Shan-Yu loses his grip.  The sword flies toward Mulan and she catches it by the handle slipping off the fan with her sword movement]
 * Fa Mulan: Not quite.  [calling out]  Ready, Mushu?
 * Mushu: [behind Shan-Yu tied to a large rocket firework] I AM READY, BABY! [He blows fire onto a stick and hands the stick to Cri-Kee who's standing on the firework] Light me! [Cri-Kee lights the fuse. Shan-Yu approaches Mulan. Using the sword as a lever, Mulan lunges at Shan-Yu kicking him in the face then sweep kicks him and he falls to the ground. Mulan picks the sword back up and stabs it into Shan-Yu's cape. The rocket on Mushu ignites and hurls him toward Shan-Yu. Mulan lies flat down on the left side of the roof. Shan-Yu sees the approaching rocket and attempts to move, but the sword has him pinned to the spot. The rocket hits Shan-Yu  propelling him toward the firework tower. Mushu grabbed onto the sword as he went by letting the rocket do the work. Cri-Kee hangs on to Mushu's tail. Mulan jumps back up to the crest of the roof and runs away from the fireworks tower grabbing Mushu and Cri-Kee off the sword]
 * Fa Mulan: Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof. [The rocket rides Shan-Yu into the fireworks tower causing masses of explosions and fireworks to fly everywhere. Mulan jumps near the edge of the roof.  Propelled by the explosion, she grabs onto a lantern that is hanging on a taught rope and starts to slide down.  She looks down and releases her grip so that she lands on the back of Shang causing the two of them to stumble to the ground. Shan-Yu's sword follows and lands on the ground near by.]
 * Mushu: [landing and flying backwards on his butt a couple of times pointing at the fireworks] Ah ha ha ha ha.  [Mushu's catches Cri-Kee with antenna on fire as Cri-Kee falls toward him] [to Cri-Kee]  You are a lucky bug. [Mushu pinches out the fire on Cri-Kee's antenna]

<hr width = 50%>
 * Chi Fu: THAT WAS A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT ON MY LIFE! WHERE IS SHE?! NOW she's done it! WHAT A MESS! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.
 * Shang: She's a hero!
 * Chi Fu: 'Tis a woman. She'll never be worth anything!
 * Shang: Listen, you POMPOUS...
 * Emperor: THAT IS ENOUGH!
 * Shang: Your Majesty, I can explain! [The Emperor raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Mulan]
 * Emperor: I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home. Impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! AND... You have saved us all.
 * [The Emperor of China bows to Mulan; Chi Fu, Captain Shang, Ling, Yao, Chien-Po and the entire gathered crowd do the same]
 * Mushu: My little baby's all grown up and...[sniffle]... and savin' China. You have a tissue?
 * Emperor: Chi Fu.
 * Chi Fu: Your Excellency?
 * Emperor: [indicating Mulan] See to it that this woman is made a member of my council.
 * Chi Fu: A member of... what? [sputters] But- uh- there are no council positions open, Your Majesty.
 * Emperor: Very well. [to Mulan] You can have HIS job.
 * Chi Fu: Wha-? I- [faints]
 * Fa Mulan: With all due respect, Your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.
 * Emperor: [takes off his personal crest] Then take this, so your family will know what you have done for me. [gives her the sword of Shan Yu] And this, so the world will know what you have done for China.
 * [Mulan embraces the Emperor]
 * Yao: Is she allowed to do that?
 * [after also hugging Yao, Ling and Chien-Po, Mulan approaches Shang]
 * Shang: Um... You... You fight good.
 * Fa Mulan: Oh. Thank you. [to Khan] Khan, let's go home.
 * [Mulan leaves; the Emperor walks up next to Shang]
 * Emperor: The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
 * Shang: Sir?
 * Emperor: You don't meet a girl like THAT every dynasty.

<hr width = 50%>
 * [At Mulan's house, Mulan approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.]
 * Fa Zhou: Mulan.
 * Fa Mulan: Father, I've brought you the sword of Shan-Yu and the Crest of the Emperor. They're gifts to honor the Fa Family. [Her father drops the gifts and hugs her]
 * Fa Zhou: The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.
 * Fa Mulan: I've missed you too, Baba.
 * Grandmother Fa: [watching them] Great. She brings home a SWORD. If you ask me, she should've brought home a MA-
 * Shang: Excuse me. Does Fa Mulan live here? [Mother Fa and Grandmother Fa stare at Shang, then point in toward the house] Thank you.
 * Grandmother Fa: Woo! Sign me up for the NEXT war!
 * Shang: Honorable Fa Zhou, I- Mulan! Uh, you forgot the helmet. Well, actually [to Fa Zhou] your helmet, isn't it? I mean...
 * Fa Mulan: [to Shang] Would you like to stay for dinner?
 * Grandmother Fa: [offscreen] Would you like to stay forever?
 * Shang: Dinner would be great.
 * Mushu: [to Great Ancestor] Come on! Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.
 * Great Ancestor: [sighs] All right. You can be a guardian again.
 * Mushu: AAAAAHHH-HAAAAAAA! WHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOOO!
 * [Cri-Kee rings the gong; all the ancestors come out.]]
 * Mushu: Take it, Cri-Kee. [Cri-Kee plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.]
 * Ancestor Man #1: You know, she gets it from my side of the family!.
 * Mushu: [swings on a chain] CALL OUT FOR EGG ROLLS! [He falls off and goes sliding out Man the Temple door.]
 * Great Ancestor: Guardians.
 * Fa Mulan: Thanks, Mushu. [She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Little Brother, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.]
 * Great Ancestor: MUSHU!

About Mulan (1998 film)

 * Mulan is an impressive achievement, with a story and treatment ranking with Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King.
 * Roger Ebert, in his 3.5-star review of Mulan, dated June 19, 1998
 * Despite her delicate features and voice. Disney expects us to believe that Mulan’s ingenuity and courage were enough to carry her to military success on an equal basis with her cloddish cohorts.
 * Mike Pence, op-ed on the website for his radio talk show, (1999); as quoted by Henry Barnes in "Mike Pence: Disney's Mulan is 'mischievous liberal propaganda", The Guardian, (7/19/2016).
 * You see, now stay with me on this, many young men find many young women to be attractive sexually. Many young women find many young men to be attractive sexually. Put them together, in close quarters, for long periods of time, and things will get interesting. Just like they eventually did for young Mulan. Moral of story: women in military, bad idea.
 * Mike Pence, op-ed on the website for his radio talk show, (1999); as quoted by Henry Barnes in "Mike Pence: Disney's Mulan is 'mischievous liberal propaganda", The Guardian, (7/19/2016).

Cast

 * Ming-Na Wen as Fa Mulan
 * Lea Salonga (singing voice)
 * BD Wong as Captain Li Shang
 * Donny Osmond (singing voice)
 * Eddie Murphy as Mushu
 * Miguel Ferrer as Shan Yu
 * June Foray as Grandmother Fa
 * Marni Nixon (singing voice)
 * Harvey Fierstein as Yao
 * Gedde Watanabe as Ling
 * Matthew Wilder (singing voice)
 * Jerry Tondo as Chien-Po
 * James Hong as Chi-Fu
 * Soon-Tek Oh as Fa Zhou
 * Pat Morita as The Emperor of China
 * George Takei as First Ancestor
 * Miriam Margolyes as The Matchmaker
 * Freda Foh Shen as Fa Li
 * James Shigeta as General Li
 * Frank Welker as Cri-Kee and Khan (Mulan's horse)
 * Chris Sanders as Little Brother (Mulan's dog)
 * Robert Clotworthy as Zhencha (Big Twin Hun #2)
 * Mitch Carter as Lieren (Big Twin Hun #4) and Hun Army
 * Jack Gilpin as Bai (Big Twin Hun #1)
 * John Walcutt as Sheshou (Elite Hun Soldier)
 * Patrick Pinney as Fa Deng,and Parade Leader.and Hun Twin 3
 * Peter Renaday as Hun Army
 * Matthew Labyorteaux as Hun Army
 * Jack Angel as Ancestors, Hun Army

title: Mulan (1998 film)


text:
The Adventures of Pete & Pete

The Adventures of Pete & Pete (1993–1996) was an American comedy teen sitcom about two brothers named Pete which aired on the Nickelodeon cable channel.

 * "Did I ever tell you guys your the best family I know? I mean I'm making great time, I'm traveling with a great family....hey what do u say we do something special and make a pit stop! Bug juice on the house, and well even break out the paper plates!- Don Wrigley adressing his family in "King of the Road"

 * "You always see the truth in the shine." - Cecil Tucker (Pete and Pete)

 * "9 o'clock, and all is pipe!" Artie

 * "Hey a hot lather machine huh? Woo woo woo ingenius!"- little pete talking shit during "field of dreams"

 * "This is so much better than underpants… I used to look at all the flaws in the world and I'd think 'If I could make one thing perfect…', and then I did - underpants" ~ Inspector 34

 * "Passengers will refrain from KILLING MY SOUL!" ~ Bus Driver Stu Benedict

 * "Artie! The strongest man... in the world!" ~ Artie, The Strongest Man in the World

 * "I am the Doctor of Death, and I have come to cure you of your life." ~ Endless Mike Hellstrom

 * Older Pete Wrigley: I'll give you anything you want. You can destroy anything in the house, tear up the yard, anything.
 * Endless Mike Hellstrom: Anything?
 * Older Pete Wrigley: [thoughtfully] Anything.
 * Endless Mike Hellstrom: You got any... Neopolitan ice cream? [Older Pete nods] Good, Wrigley. Good

 * "Carrot-top Judas... THOU HAST FORSAKEN ME!" ~ Bus Driver Stu Benedict

 * "Pipe!" ~ Artie, The Strongest Man in the World

 * "Oohh sweet dark, sweet dark...the stars, don't you remember the stars? Oh the twinkly stinkly smelly belly stars"- Artie, in "the rangeboy"

 * "C'mon Pete, we gotta kill Bob while he's still alive!" ~ Don Wrigley

 * Park Ranger Thorsen: You got a license for that tattoo, son? [Young Pete shows him a license]
 * Young Pete Wrigley: Read it and weep, fungus-lick!

 * "Hey, Blowhole, wherever you are, in forty-five minutes I'm going to be famous. And you know what you're going to be? A blowhole!" ~ Little Pete Wrigley

 * "If you're gonna change something, I said change something that matters." - Little Pete Wrigley

 * "I just wanted to change the world but after a whole year of trying the only thing i changed was my underpants." - Little Pete Wrigley

title: The Adventures of Pete & Pete


text:
User:Neoliminal

If god had intended for us to fly, he would have existed.

title: User:Neoliminal


text:
User talk:68.225.40.224

Thanks for experimenting with Wikiquote. Your test worked, and has now been reverted or removed. Please use Sandbox for any other tests you want to do, since testing in articles will normally be reverted quickly. Please see the welcome page if you would like to learn more about contributing to our compendium of quotations. For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read Wikiquote, and also What Wikiquote is not for a list of common activities that Wikiquote does not support. — Jeff Q (talk) 05:24, 1 Apr 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:68.225.40.224


text:
User talk:206.45.186.116

Thanks for experimenting with Wikiquote. Your test worked, and has now been reverted or removed. Please use Sandbox for any other tests you want to do, since testing in articles will normally be reverted quickly. Please see the welcome page if you would like to learn more about contributing to our compendium of quotations. For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read Wikiquote, and also What Wikiquote is not for a list of common activities that Wikiquote does not support. (RE: blanking of Tommy Douglas) — Jeff Q (talk) 05:33, 1 Apr 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:206.45.186.116


text:
User talk:202.172.40.156

Edward Said
Could you explain what you were trying to accomplish with your two recent edits to Edward Said? It's hard to interpret this is anything but vandalism, which is frowned upon. If it was merely an editing experiment, you can use Sandbox to perform test-edits that do not affect articles. Thank you for your cooperation. — Jeff Q (talk) 05:46, 1 Apr 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:202.172.40.156