text:
The Tao of Pooh

The Tao of Pooh is a book by Benjamin Hoff. It gives a basic, though entertaining introduction to Taoism, using the fictional character of Winnie the Pooh.

 * "What's that?" the Unbeliever asked.
 * "Wisdom from the Western Taoist,"I said.
 * "It sounds like something from Winnie-the-Pooh," he said.
 * "It is," I said.
 * "That's not about Taoism," he said.
 * "Oh, yes it is," I said."

 * "When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
 * "What's for breakfast? said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
 * "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
 * Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
 * "It's the same thing," he said.

 * "Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
 * "Not that many listen though."
 * "That's the problem."

 * "Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
 * "Yes,"said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
 * "And he has Brain."
 * "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
 * There was a long silence.
 * "I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."

 * "While Eeyore frets ...
 * ... and Piglet hesitates
 * ... and Rabbit calculates
 * ... and Owl pontificates
 * ...Pooh just is."

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: The Tao of Pooh


text:
Talk:Loonatics Unleashed

Miscellaneous Quotes
I don't remember what episode it was, but my favorite line was Duck's response to meeting Rev's family: "AAGH! My brain is melting! There’s a whole family of them!" -- 98.108.12.72 00:44, 10 October 2010 (UTC)

title: Talk:Loonatics Unleashed


text:
User talk:67.82.91.247

~ Kalki 20:58, 21 January 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:67.82.91.247


text:
21 Jump Street

21 Jump Street (1987–1991) is an American police drama about undercover cops specializing in youth crime. It was created by Stephen J. Cannell and Patrick Hasburgh.

Pilot [1.01 & 1.02]
'''Off. Tom Hanson:''' This is Jump Street Chapel, right? '''Off. Doug Penhall:''' Only if you're Catholic. Ioki here thinks this is a Buddhist temple. Me? I think it's a synagogue. You know, my mom's Jewish, which only means I get to celebrate both guilt and hell. '''Off. Harry Truman Ioki:''' Yeah, you see, his father used to be a priest, so don't play bingo with this guy. He's a killer.

Penhall: You gotta turbocharge the hair or something, Hanson. You look like Richie Cunningham.

'''Cpt. Richard Jenko:''' Breakfast? Hanson: No, thanks. I'll grab an omelette later. '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Uh-uh. No, you won't. When was the last time you saw a teenager have a cup of black coffee and an omelet for breakfast? Uh-uh. From now on, it's potato chips, soda pop, French fries and pizza, man. It's the Pepsi Generation, sport! [throws Hanson a bag of chips] Hanson: [catching the chips] Don't call me "sport," okay? '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Hey, pard, I'm your boss. I'll call you anything I want. Have a seat, sport.

'''Cpt. Jenko:''' Now we're about four weeks ahead of you here, Hanson. So I'm going to have to rush you through some of the training. Hanson: What kind of training? '''Cpt. Jenko:' Hoffs!'' Gonna teach you how to be a teenager again, sport. How does that grab you? I'm talking about the bad kind. The kind that gets into trouble. The kind you're going to have to be like so's they think you're one of them. Dig. ''Hey, Hoffs! Wake up!'' [an attractive African-American woman enters the room] '''Off. Judy Hoffs:''' Relax, relax, I'm up. '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Hoffs, Hanson. Hanson, Hoffs. Hanson: (slow, nervous smile spreading across his face) Hi. [Hoffs smiles flirtatiously but says nothing] '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Jude, run this cat down to wardrobe and see if we can take some of the cop out of his presentation. And for God's sake, do something about the Jack Kennedy haircut too, will ya? [Again, Hoffs smiles but says nothing] '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Go with what Officer Hoffs tells you, Hanson. Been real, bro! Stick with Hoffs here and hook us up with a little field training tonight. ''[He gives Hanson an elaborate handshake which ends with Cpt. Jenko running his hand through his hair while Hanson's hand is still stuck out]'' Later! ''[Cpt. Jenko leaves the room, whistling]'' Hanson: (to Hoffs) Are you kidding me? Hoffs: Oh, so Jenk's a little bit of a hang-on hippie. Big deal! 'Cause when it comes to going undercover, the dude is the best. [sticking out hand] I'm Judy Hoffs. ''[Hanson tries to imitate the same handshake Cpt. Jenko just did]'' Hoffs: Uh, that's okay, honey. My people don't do that anymore. [gives regular handshake while patting Hanson's hand condescendingly] Hanson: Oh. [holds out bag of chips] Chip?

''[Hanson is arresting a man for selling him marijuana and putting a gun to his head, despite having been specifically told not to make a bust. He is reading the man his rights when a van pulls up]'' '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Terrific! Terrific! What the hell are you doing, Hanson?! Hanson: Making an arrest! Suspect threatened to kill me. [pulls out filled Ziplock bag] But not until I made the purchase. Open and shut. Solicit of sale and we made the exchange. [to the man on the ground] Didn't we, Jase? ''Didn't we, Jase?! '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Hey, save it. Save it, man. What the hell are you going to charge him with? Illegal sale of a pair of smelly socks? Hanson: What are you talking about? '''Cpt. Jenko:''' What's this? [pulls out a pair of socks from the Ziplock bag] What's this?! Panama brown? Huh? Hey, why don't you save 'em, pal? I like to wear the ones with the little turtles on the ankle pockets. [hurls the socks into Hanson's chest as police show up, complete with sirens and cars] '''Cpt. Jenko:' He was burning you, pal!'' Huh?! Good work, Hanson! Good work, Hanson! Good work, man, good licks! You just used up a punk we've been watching for six months on an ADW, which will be knocked down to brandishing by noon tomorrow! Even a boot like you should know that. [to a uniformed officer] Take him in, Artie. Hanson: Captain Jenko, look, I'm sorry. I- '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Hey, man, save it. And don't call me "Captain!" Hanson: Look, I was just trying to do my job here! '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Trying to what? Trying to cowboy the deal is what! Make a big collar, be a real cop. Now, with you being a real cop, I gotta pull Penhall out. Because every punk that's been hanging with Jase'll be able to make him easier than Elton John in a hat shop!

[Penhall and Ioki are attempting to fix Hoffs' car, a beat-up lime green Roadster] Penhall:Okay, try that now. [Hoffs attempts to start the car] Nothing! Hanson: (smirking) That's a nice car you got there, Doug. Penhall: It's not mine. It's Hoffs'. Hanson: [to Hoffs, gobsmacked] Really? Hoffs: Mmm-hmm. Hanson: Really? Penhall: Yup. Try it again. [car grinds without starting] Hanson: This is your car? Hoffs: What's left of it, yeah. Hanson: Really? Hoffs: Yeah, really! (in a stereotypical jive accent) See, they were just all out of those purple Caddys - you know, with the mud flaps, and the fur around the mirror, knowwhatimsayin'?

Ioki: I learned how to speak English by watching Dragnet in reruns, and I used to think a stakeout was what you did to get a sirloin to go. Now don't ask me what I thought "assume the position" meant.

The Worst Night of Your Life [1.06]
Hanson: Another slamerino for the Kingpins!  ''[The officers are going undercover at a high school prom. Cpt. Jenko is observing the suits on Ioki, Penhall and Hanson]'' '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Well, well, well. Farrrrrr out. Looks like we got a Japanese Elvis Presley, a pimp, and the butler. Hanson: With the budget we got, you're lucky we could afford to rent the pants. '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Maybe you should go without the pants. Tell 'em you're a poor butler. [stands up, shouting] Judith Esther! If you don't get that dress on soon girl, I'm gonna come up there and staple it on! [back to the men] I got the fire department on standby. But the key word here, amigos, is prevention. So if and when you spot Miss Wacko, whoever, just waltz her right out of the place. Dig? Ioki: Well, that oughta be easy. I mean, we don't even know who we're looking for. '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Well, leave it to your buddy there, Iceberg Slim. I understand he's got great instincts when it comes to the ladies. Right, Mr. Penhall? [Penhall gives a self-deprecating smile] '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Hoffs will be your date, Harry. Lucky Miss Kenny gets the butler, and Casanova, you know who you're with. Penhall: The one with the great personality. [to Ioki] Trade you for Hoffs. '''Cpt. Jenko:''' Bud, I don't know if I'd trust you fucking my great-grandmother.

Hoffs: You know, I didn't think it was possible, but this prom was even worse than the one with Charles Tyrone Cannon throwing up in the back seat of his father's Cadillac.

Blindsided[1.9]
Hanson:I didn't just ask her; I broke that girl down in the produce section!

Hanson and Penhall: WE'RE THE MCQUAID BROTHERS HAH!

Mean Streets and Pastel Houses [1.13]
Penhall: Studs and leather, here I come. KKK - awesome band. Hanson: Band? Penhall: KKK - Klean Kut Kids. It's a band. It's a gang. It's a floor wax. You gotta keep up with the popular culture, Hanson.  Hanson: I see I'm going to have to put this into terms you can understand. That's my stepbrother Douglas. He's kinda lame, but it's not his fault. You kick his tail - he tells my stepdad - my stepdad kicks my tail. Then I'm going to have to come back here and kick your tail. So, why don't you leave him out of this and I'll just kick your tail right now?

Besieged [2.02]
Penhall: Lookit...last night... Hoffs: Yeah, last night. Penhall: I just wanted you to know that I didn't plan for any of that to happen. I just came over to drink those beers. Hoffs: Come on, Penhall! Mr. White Knight arrives to console me. Next thing you know I'm in his arms, and then I...(long pause) Look, I feel like I've been taken advantage of here, Doug. Penhall: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute! I'm the one who came over to be consoled. I'm the one whose friend is driving around with a murderer. I'm the one who everybody thinks is crazy. I thought maybe you were a sympathetic ear. Hoffs: Oh, so you're trying to tell me you didn't plan on getting me in the sack when you came over last night. Penhall: No. Hoffs: Then why did you have those things with you? Penhall: "Things" with me? Hoffs: You had condoms in your wallet, Doug. Penhall: I always have condoms in my wallet. Hoffs: Yeah? Penhall: Yeah. Like...when you go for a drive. You bring a spare with you in case you get a flat. Hoffs: That's just great! Judy Hoffs, road hazard!

Orpheus 3.3 [2.16]
Hoffs: How many times have you seen this? Hanson: 122 times, but I don't watch the whole tape. I watch 3.3 seconds. 3.3 seconds that slipped through my fingers. 3.3 seconds where I could've done a thousand different things, but I didn't move. Do you know how many things you can do in 3.3 seconds? You can take off your shoes, pop a beer and shoot someone in 3.3 seconds. Hoffs: Come on, Hanson. Hanson: You can hold your finger down on the remote control and pass 17 stations in 3.3 seconds. You can open a can of tuna fish, shuffle and bridge a deck of cards, or twist the tops off six bottles of ginger ale in 3.3 seconds. Hoffs: Hanson, please! Hanson: You can ring a doorbell 22 times, lock and unlock a deadbolt four times, or sing the entire alphabet in 3.3 seconds.

Best Years of Your Life [2.20]
'''Off. Doug Penhall:''' This guy is the worst burglar I've ever seen. He's drunk. '''Off. Tom Hanson:''' Hammered. '''Off. Doug Penhall:''' Pickled. '''Off. Tom Hanson:''' To the gills.

Old Haunts in the New Age[4.6]
'''Off. Penhall:''' They're gonna have fireworks, free hot dogs. Even Sprinkles the clown! '''Off. Hanson:''' Sprinkles? Really?

Stand by your man [4.8]
Penhall: Did I ever tell you about Cindy Miller? [Talking to Hanson in a bar]

Hanson: Probably... (Drink his beer)

Penhall: Cindy Miller, I took her to the Senior Dance and we had a great time and you know and afterwards, I took her up to Chest View Drive kind of like an inspiration point you know so we could uh... (trying to say the words)

Hanson: Look at the big dipper!

Penhall: (thinks)... Yeah you know to make out (Little pause) So we're making out and uh I go to grab her (trying to say the word)

Hanson: Corsage...

Penhall: (Doug makes a sign with his head to approve the choice of the word) and she says no so, I stopped and you know we're talking for a little while and she leans over me and she says, she starts kissing me and she says "What's the matter? What's the matter? What's wrong? What's wrong?" so ,I figured she changed her mind and you know we start making out again ... and I go to grab her... (trying to say the word)

Hanson: Her other corsage!

Penhall: (Makes a sign with his hand) And she says no again! So this goes on for like an hour, yes, no, yes, no, what am I a light switch? So I figured she didn't know what the hell she want and I took her home (take a shot from his drink)

Hanson: Thank you Doug for that (coughs) very inspiring story...

Penhall: (looks at Hanson) Well the wind up is, I go to school the next day, and she told everybody I was like this major homo cause I took no for an answer... Do you believe that? ( Hanson shake his head by meaning no)

Penhall: Did you ever have a Cindy Miller? (Drinks his drink)

Wheels & Deals [4.10 & 4.11]
Det. Hoffs: Excuse me, Capt - (She sees Off. Hanson is at Capt. Fuller's desk with his feet up, eating grapes) Hanson: : Can I help you, Detective? Hoffs: Where's Fuller? Hanson: Bad clams. He left me in charge. Hoffs: Yes, but I'm the senior officer next to the captain. Hanson: (smirking): You're a girl. Hoffs: Hanson, if you don't tell me what's going on here (picks up letter opener), you, too, will be a girl.

Hanson: (picking up Capt. Fuller's ringing telephone): Fuller's Pleasure Palace. Capt. Fuller: HANSON? Hanson: Captain! A little humor. Capt. Fuller: Very little.

Cast
Johnny Depp - Officer Tom Hanson (seasons one through four) Holly Robinson - Detective Judy Hoffs Peter DeLuise - Officer Doug Penhall Dustin Nguyen - Officer Harry Truman Ioki (seasons one through four) Steven Williams - Captain Adam Fuller

Also starring
Frederic Forrest - Captain Richard Jenko (season one) Richard Grieco - Officer Dennis Booker (seasons three & four) Sal Jenco - Sal "Blowfish" Banducci (seasons one through four) Michael DeLuise - Officer Joey Penhall (season five) Michael Bendetti - Officer Anthony McCain (season five)

title: 21 Jump Street


text:
Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998-2001), later Two Guys and a Girl, was a sitcom based around Sharon Carter, Peter Dunville (Pete) and Michael Bergen (Berg) and their lives after college. Season 2 onwards also featured the characters Johnny Donnelly, Ashley Walker and Irene, who arrived as love interests for the three main characters and gradually became part of the main ensemble.

Pilot

 * Berg: Why can't you just let me be happy?
 * Pete: Because it's not fair to the rest of us!

 * Sharon: What's up with him?
 * Berg: He's breaking up with Melissa.
 * Sharon: Good.
 * Pete: What? I thought you liked her.
 * Sharon: I lied!

 * Berg: I didn't want you blaming me for screwing up the rest of your life, so I went over there to get you two back together!
 * Pete: And?!
 * Berg: And she never wants to see you again!

 * Berg: Hey! Come watch women's softball with me today.
 * Pete: Hey! I gotta go to class!  You see, Berg, we can't all be Philosophy majors.
 * Berg: It's not my fault a bunch of guys in sandals did my homework for me four thousand years ago.

 * Pete: You triple-majored in undergrad and you never even opened a book!
 * Berg: That's the wonder of me!

 * Berg: Who poured you a double mocha of grumpy this morning, huh?
 * Pete: I'm not grumpy! It's just I spent all night on this, I've got a test in structures, we have to be at work at three and... I'm breaking up with Melissa today.
 * Berg: Oh, boy! We have to be at work at three?

 * Pete: China's taking back the lease on Hong Kong.
 * Berg: Really? I never knew the Chinese were leasing.

 * Pete: Do you see me shopping for a ring? Noooo! Thusly, we are living in Hong Kong, waiting for our lease to run out.

 * Pete: Alright, you can't tell anyone.
 * Berg: As soon as you tell me, I'm chopping off my tongue.

 * Pete: I got everything planned out. Okay, the blue cards: why it's best for her, the yellows: why we should still stay friends, and the pinks: things to say when she starts to cry.
 * Berg: You know, this behavior reflects badly on both of us.

 * Berg: (to Pete) I just want you to know I support you 100% (turns away) Bill, it's starting!

 * Berg: Bill, I don't believe we've seen the last of this feisty young girl from Wisconsin!
 * Bill: Don't talk into the food.

 * Pete: I can't do this with you guys leering.
 * Berg: I always leer. She'd be suspicious if I weren't leering.  She'd be like, "Why isn't Berg leering?"  'Berg Leering'.  Isn't that a type of Merlot?  Maybe it's a Cabernet. (into voice recorder) 3.10: starting to babble.

 * Bill: I thought I told you no more experiments. They interfere with your work.
 * Berg: This is harmless.
 * Bill: Yeah, that's what you said when you couldn't get your sweat glands to stop. They had to follow you around with a mop.

 * Mr. Bauer: The shark's coming right at me and I only have one bullet left! I think, huh, I'm a goner!  Then I see the oxygen tank in its mouth, what do you think I do?
 * Pete: You shot the tank and the shark blew up(!)
 * Mr. Bauer: I shot the tank!  And the shark blew up!
 * Melissa: You're a brave man, Mr. Bauer.
 * Pete: Then, you and Richard Dreyfuss swam back to shore! Thanks a lot, Mr. Bauer.
 * Mr. Bauer: (laughing) Yeah, that was a hell of a day!

 * Melissa: Hey, Berg, what have you done to him?
 * Berg: Hey, this wasn't me, cause I'm the one who said he shouldn't break up with you!
 * Pete: No!
 * Melissa: I don't believe you!
 * Pete: No, I wasn't! He's evil!
 * Melissa: He may be evil, but at least he's honest!

 * Melissa: In ten years from now, when you're fat, and alone, and you have to wear a baseball cap at Club Med to hide your hair transplants, remember: you had a good thing here, and you blew it.

Women's softball team whoops and cheers.

 * Pete: I don't believe it, she broke up with me! I just got dumped.
 * Bill: Hee hee, boy did you ever! And in front of everybody, too!

 * Bill: Sharon, if you don't like it, quit. Life's a waste unless you're doing what you love.
 * Sharon: You're right! I mean, I can do anything I want!  I mean, I'm smart!
 * Bill: Absolutely right.
 * Sharon: Yeah, I'm motivated!
 * Bill: Yes, you are.
 * Sharon: I'm a people person!
 * Bill: I got to go back and count my pepperonis.
 * Sharon: I am! Aren't I, Berg?
 * Berg:  Shar!  You're a lot of things, but 'people person'?  It goes the Unibomber and then you.
 * Sharon: Hey!
 * Berg: No! (kisses her forehead) That's why we love you!

 * Sharon: Jeez, you two fight like a couple of broads! Kick his ass, Pete!
 * Pete: I can't, he's wearing my shirt.

 * Mr. Bauer: You know, I was in love once. We shared a flat in France.  Then the war came, all hell broke loose.  Somehow I found myself in Morocco running a nightclub and she walked back into my life.  But by then she was married.  Don't do what I did, son.  Don't let her get on that plane!
 * Berg: It's okay, Mr. Bauer. You'll always have Paris.

 * Berg: 7.48: having used eight hundred times the normal daily recommended dose, now experiencing a side effect of feeling extremely honest and, uh, forthright. I've never been more afraid in my life.

 * Berg: I did a bad thing.
 * Pete: Who, Berg? Who did you do a bad thing to?

 * Customer: Hey, can I see a menu?
 * Sharon: It's a pizza place!

 * Berg: There's no blueprint for life! Okay, first it's meiosis, out of the womb, snip.  Then you get a big ol' aneurysm and you slump over your desk!  Okay, everything in between just happens, Pete!  Enjoy it.

 * Berg: That's why you have me.
 * Pete: Are you gonna have my children?
 * Berg: There is an experiment at M.I.T. next week.

 * Pete: Hey, Berg, what do you think's gonna happen to Sharon?
 * Berg: I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids--
 * Sharon: (banging on window) Get your butts back in here!
 * Berg: (fondly) --take over Cuba!

Two Guys, a Girl and a Presentation

 * Berg: Med-School is all about love and toys.
 * Pete: As long as you're in it for the right reasons.

 * Pete: What are you doing? I thought you were studying.
 * Berg: I am.
 * Pete: You're watching General Hospital!

 * Berg: (interrupting Sharon yelling at him) Hold that thought, I may have poisoned Pete.
 * Sharon: Man, that is so unfair! On the one day I could really hate you, Pete steals my thunder!
 * Berg: Don't be mad at Pete!

 * Berg: Pete, I gotta tell you--
 * Pete: No, don't tell me now, I'm busy.
 * Berg: Busy? The cat's in the cradle, Pete.  Before you know it I'll be all grown up.

 * Pete: Most architects, when they graduate they only have a bunch of blueprints. I am going to have a 12,000 square-foot resume.
 * Berg: Man! You're gonna need one hell of a manila envelope.

 * Berg: Socrates, meet Guy With Removable Brain! Removable Brain, meet Pete!
 * Pete: Nice haircut!

 * Bill: You know, Ellen and I always dreamed of having a son who becomes a doctor.
 * Pete: Bill. What about an architect?
 * Bill: Hey, I've already got a building. I need free medical!

 * Berg: You have an ethical duty to tell the truth.
 * Pete: Sharon, you work for a chemical company - you have no ethics!

 * Pete: Wait, you're not actually going to listen to him?!
 * Sharon: Well...
 * Pete: Wait, this is Berg! The same guy who wanted to put a Bat-Pole between our apartments!
 * Sharon: Yeah... But now he's a doctor!
 * Pete: He's not a doctor!

 * Pete: Am I the only one who knows what's going on here?
 * Mr. Bauer: You are not alone, my friend! I was once the favorite, everyone looked up to me, and then along came the new kid on the block - Buzz Lightyear!  Showing off all his fancy gadgets to all my friends; I was just a pull-string cowboy, how could I compete?

''Mr. Bauer slumps over. Berg walks past and pulls an imaginary pull-string on his back, and he straightens up again.''
 * Mr. Bauer: And then!
 * Pete: Oh, God!
 * Mr. Bauer: What do you know, I get thrown in the toy-box along with Potato Head and Slinky Dog. Huh!  To Infinity and Beyond my ass!

 * Berg: 5.46: My roommate has just ingested four hundred times the daily dosage in just under twenty seconds. This will most likely be fatal. (Turns voice recorder off, then on again.) For me.

 * Berg: Listen, I might have poisoned my friend, and I need to know the side-effects. Yeah, it's a medical emergency. Hold- no, don't put me on hold! Don't put me on-- (singing) #and away! In my beautiful, beautiful... balloon!#

 * Berg: So, possible side-effects are sweating, stammering and... I'm sorry? He may become delusional?  Well, what the hell kind of side-effect is delusional!?  Haven't you people ever heard of diarrhea?

 * Pete: Okay, um, you're welcome. I mean, thanks.  I mean, thanks for welcoming me.
 * "Mr. Sulu": You're welcome.
 * Pete: Thanks!

 * Pete: My intent was to accent the axial design with a more modern mininilism-- More modern mimilist-- Sorry! Um, a more minilist--  Well, just new and simple!

 * Pete: Okay. (throwing his cards in the air and gesturing wildly) I see-- I see huge, crazy shapes!  Right, and-and-and a giant-- a giant Jack-in-the-Box!
 * "Mr. Sulu": A Jack-in-the-Box?!
 * Pete: Yeah! Yeah, a giant Jack-in-the-Box, th-th-that'll pop up and great the visitors, it-it's coned head swaying two storeys high!  And, oh!  And it'll say something like, like, "Ha-ha-ha!  Hello, Boys and Girls!"

 * Berg: Mr. Dunville has accidentally ingested a medication which is causing the delusional behaviour you're witnessing.
 * Pete: I don't even know this guy, but look at the excitement that the Jack-in-the-Box is causing! It's infectious!

 * Berg: You drank my alergesic medication. You're sweating, you're stammering, you're delusional!
 * Pete: You don't know what I'm talking about, Berg, I'm just a little nervous.
 * Berg: Oh yeah? Then what kind of museum has a huge... Jack-in-the-Box?  And stupid voices going, "Ha-ha!  Hello, Boys and Girls!"
 * Pete: A Children's Museum?
 * Berg: ...what?
 * Pete: This is for a Children's Museum, Berg.
 * Berg: Ohh!

 * Berg: So, I'm the one who's delusional!
 * "Mr. Sulu": Thank God(!) I thought it was me(!)

 * Pete: Sharon, he's ruining my presentation! (Turning to the panel.) He's ruining my presentation!
 * "Mr. Sulu": Yes, we're all aware of that.
 * Sharon: (grabbing Berg's arm and leading him out.) We'll be going.
 * "Mr. Sulu": Are you sure you don't want to spin plates as a finale?
 * Sharon: Listen, pal, I've had a really bad day!
 * "Mr. Sulu": Join the club!
 * Sharon: Hey, you want a piece of me, huh?

 * Berg: (Makes Star Trek noises into voice recorder and does Captain Kirk impression) Captain's Log, Stardate 644.1: The... Klingons have surrounded us and are attempting to board the Enterprise.  Kirk Out. (To panel) Mr. Sulu, take us to Warp Factor 8.  Chekov!  Nice dress.
 * Sharon: Berg!
 * Berg: Klingons! (To Pete) Bones!
 * Pete: Idiot!
 * Sharon: Berg, get out here, right now!
 * Berg: Scotty! Beam. Me. Up. Now!  (To room) Wait here!  I'll send help.

 * Berg: I screwed up big time.
 * Pete: Finally! An accurate diagnosis.

 * Pete: You're scared because you might finally care about something.
 * Berg: Then why do I screw up?
 * Pete: Because you're Berg!

 * Pete: When you're a big, famous surgeon look me up. I'll be the guy in Reno designing trailer parks.

 * Berg: "Mr. Sulu" called last night. You got the job.
 * Pete: I got the job? How can that be?
 * Berg: It's right here: Loved your designs. Hate your friends.
 * Pete: How come you didn't tell me they called last night?
 * Berg: Well last night I was too busy arguing with the sofa!

 * Berg: (Doing a Captain Kirk impression while talking to a skeleton) Bones! Talk to me, Bones.  You've... got to say something... we've... shared so much.  It's me, Jim, your... comrade, your... Captain, your friend.  We've... got to talk about this.  Show some... backbone, man!

Two Guys, a Girl and a Guy

 * Pete: (to Sharon about Ted) My God! See, first he's got you wearing scarves, then he's got you eating vegetables, next thing you know it's "Come on Sharon, let's smoke some crack".

 * Pete: Guys' night out.
 * Sharon: I'm a guy!
 * Berg: You lost your guy rights when you put on the scarf.

 * Berg: We sit on the upper deck and when the guy says, "This is where Paul Revere took his midnight ride," we both yell, "Yeah! On your Mom!"
 * Bill: Exercising the First Amendment.
 * Berg: When I do that bit with Sharon, people laugh. When I did it alone, they said, "Honey, move away from that man."

 * Pete: I love Melissa, just not at a Celtic game, you know? I mean every time they miss a shot, she says, "It's gonna be okay sweetie."
 * Bill: What does Sharon do?
 * Pete: Ah well, Sharon screams, "Hey! You make 7 million a year. Make the (Berg slams the pizza paddle on the counter)-ing shot!"

 * Pete: Oh Berg, no more medical experiments.
 * Berg: Just remember my eyedrop experiment paid for that couch.
 * Pete: Hey, Berg? What color would you say that couch is?
 * Berg: (squinting at the grey couch.) I don't know...blue!

 * Berg: Sharon hasn't been around all week, so I couldn't score stamps.
 * Pete: Oh. Oh well, listen...I'll give you the name of her connection. The post office!

 * Berg: Oh-ho-ho-kay! Trumpet swans, Big Brothers, soda? Come on!
 * Pete: Don't let him suck you in! Anyone with a yard this nice has to have something buried underneath.

 * Pete: Berg? Berg, do you notice something different about our Sharon?
 * Berg: No, nothing. Except that somebody gift-wrapped her neck.

 * Sharon: I gotta get to work.
 * Berg: Work? Or is Ted whisking you away to Scarf Warehouse?
 * Pete: Or House of Scarves.
 * Berg: Scarf Depot!
 * Pete: Jiffy Scarves!

 * Berg's Sneakers: Nothing can stop you! You're a winner!
 * Berg: 8:40! Firm arch support and emotional support.

 * Pete: I never thought I'd say this, but-- Mr. Bauer makes sense. (Berg looks confused.)  Not that we're pods!

 * Berg: We're gonna have to be--
 * Pete: No, no-no-no, don't say it!
 * Berg: --mature.
 * Pete: Oh, there, you said it.

 * Berg: I got stamps. Legends of the Rodeo: a thirty-two cent salute to a bygone era.
 * Pete: What's wrong with you?

 * Sharon: Thanks a lot! I had a perfectly good boyfriend and you guys had to go turn him into a husband!
 * Berg: We were being mature!
 * Sharon: Well, I'm not ready to be mature! I'm not done being friends with you guys yet.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Celtic Game

 * Melissa: Well, today, we learned all about the letter B. We baked bread, we studied butterflies, the student of the day was Billy Bumstead.
 * Sharon: Oh, well, I learned all about the letter S today. That I'm the self serving sellout, who's giving our environment a super sly drink, all for a sports car and a salary.

 * Pete: We're playing the Bulls!
 * Berg: The Celtics are playing the Bulls. You...didn't make the team.

 (Sharon just found out about the stolen banner)
 * Berg: She knows.
 * Pete: She does?
 * Berg: Act dumb.
 * Pete: "We are dumb.

(They go over to Sharon)
 * Sharon: Are you guys nuts?
 * Berg: I'm nuts...this is my partner, pretzels.
 * Pete: What seems to be the problem, ma'am?

Two Guys, a Girl and an Apartment

 * Berg: So what am I supposed to do?
 * Sharon: Yeah, Pete, I hope you and Melissa really gave some thought to how this is gonna affect Berg.
 * Berg: No, what am I supposed to do when I see her? Around the neighbourhood or at the pizza place. Do I like... hide behind a mailbox? Do I say 'Hello'? Do I try to trip her?
 * Pete: You say 'Hi' to her you big dummy. When she comes in to the pizza place you treat her like everybody else.
 * Sharon: Yeah, you just screw up her order and give her the wrong change.

 * Sharon: I'm leaning towards Max Larson.
 * Berg: No way! He lives with his mother and drives a van with no windows.
 * Sharon: So? He likes his privacy.
 * Berg: Yes, because he's a serial killer!

 * Berg: How can you medical people go around playing fast and loose with something like estrogen? Well, I'm sorry I lied, but you gotta help me. I'm in a bad way. I'm taping Guiding Light, man!

 * Berg: You know Pete, nothing says "I Love You" like a pathetic lack of commitment.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Softball Team

 * Pete: Bill, if you sponsor us it will be great publicity for the pizza place.
 * Bill: Yeah, like the 1985 Beacon Street Little Cheeses.
 * Pete: But they made the headlines.
 * Bill: For being the first team in Little League history to lose every game. They were always drowning their sorrows in my free pizzas. They got so fat I had to drive them to the games in groups of three.

 * Sharon: All right girls, let's hit the cages.
 * Bunny: Oh, I don't feel like dancing.
 * Sharon: The batting cages.

 * Sharon: You expect me to play with a team of chicks?
 * Madeleine: Hey squirt, three of us play for Boston College.
 * Leanne: I play for Florida State.
 * Bunny: And I play the main stage at 'Topless Topless Topless'.

 * Berg: I have a dream...a dream where women are free to roam all fields, not just right...but center, left, and yes -- even shortshop.
 * Sharon: Even pitcher?
 * Berg: Sorry, kitten -- that's man's work.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Recovery

 * Pete: Who are you to tell me what I need?
 * Berg: I'm your doctor.
 * Pete: You're not well enough to be anyone's doctor.

 * Pete: Where do I meet this rebound girl?
 * Berg: I don't know. Sharon, where do guys meet you?

 * Berg: (to Pete) Where you going?
 * Pete: To the psychiatric ward. To find out why I'm friends with you.

 * Pete: Berg, what are we gonna do with two women that we've picked up in a bar?
 * Berg: Don't make me get my anatomy book.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Party

 * Bill: I thought your birthday was in May.
 * Pete: Nope, that was just a rumour started by my birth certificate.

 * Berg: I think I really like her.
 * Pete: Why, because she doesn't fall at your feet?
 * Berg: And what is up with that?!?

 * Bethany: I wouldn't miss it for anything.
 * Berg: Well, what if both of your legs were caught in a bear trap and...you had a cold?
 * Bethany: I'd chew myself free and take a decongestant.
 * Berg: I love a girl with a plan.

 * Pete: Berg, I'm 24. Why did you make me 30?
 * Berg: You get better presents.
 * Pete: I don't want to be 30.
 * Berg: Act your age.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Chance Encounter

 * Pete: You're jealous, but listen buddy, I'm always gonna be Pete, you're always gonna be Berg, and we're always gonna be Pete-n-Berg.
 * Berg: Shut up! You've gotta believe me! Molly's like...girlfriend of the corn!

 * Berg: Molly has...how can I put this...horrifying scary evil violent side!
 * Pete: I see...that must be why she baked you muffins this morning!

 * Pete: Why aren't you at work.
 * Sharon: It's toxic Awareness day?

 * Pete: I can't just jump into spontanaeity

Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Delivery

 * Pete: I've known this woman for five months now and Berg thinks he can just waltz right in there and close the deal.
 * Berg: I object! Close the deal? I would like to apologise for his attitude towards women.
 * Sharon: Right. This coming from a guy with a VIP card at 'Topless, Topless, Topless'.
 * Berg: They have an excellent wine list.

 * Berg: This is an interesting brush stroke. What do you use?
 * Isabella: My naked body.
 * Berg: Really? Because we need our apartment painted.

 * Berg: I have to meet Bernie and Fitz at the gym at nine. We're watching intermediate aerobics.
 * Pete: Come on Berg, just go to the ten o'clock session.
 * Berg: That's advanced aerobics. Any girl with that kind of discipline, totally wrong for me.

 * Sharon: Just because Pete brings her pizza doesn't mean he's delivering the sausage.
 * Berg: I never...want to forget you said that.

Two Guys, a Girl and How They Met

 * Pete: This girl is a nightmare.
 * Berg: She’s like us…but a chick. You know I’m going to do her the ultimate favor and not date her.
 * Pete: Me too!

 * Pete: She’s completely my type, she has conviction, she’s principled.
 * Berg: Yeah, yeah but under that she’s exactly my type - naked.

 * Sharon: Wait what about this? On behalf of all the crocs we just croaked we at the Immaculate Chemical Company would just like to say, “Whoops!”

 * Berg: After you have a drink with us.
 * Sharon: I can't drink.
 * Berg: Then why are you in college?

 * Bill: Tell me something. How come none of you guys date Sharon?
 * Berg: She's Sharon.
 * Bill: What's that got to do with anything?
 * Berg: Pete, explain it.
 * Pete: She's Sharon.

 * Berg: These Milli Vanilli guys are awesome. It's like their music sounds so effortless. You know? It's like they're not even singing.

 * Berg: Help me pick a new major, No, I'm serious. I need to make a decision, go ahead pick a major, any major.
 * Pete: Russian Economics.
 * Berg: Phew, glad that's over with.

Two Guys, a Girl and Someone Better

 * Berg: See, I realised something here tonight. Ashley is the most devious, conniving, double crossing woman I've ever met. We must have children together.

 (Holding up a dress.)
 * Sharon: What about this one?
 * Pete: Hooker.
 * Sharon: High class or street?
 * Pete: Jerry Springer.

 * Berg: See something you like?
 * Ashley: Wow. Where'd you get that line, because you need to give it back.

 * Berg: All they do is study, they're pathetic.
 * Pete: Yeah, yeah I know. I mean that's who I want operating on me, the guy who just wings it.

 * Sharon: Berg, there's nothing wrong with being number two. I mean just as many people remember the second man on the moon, Captain, uh, what's his face.
 * Berg: Yeah, well, your chemical company destroys the planet.
 * Sharon: True, but we're number one at it.

 * Pete: Berg, all this means is you're just going to have to study a little bit more.
 * Berg: Or, find out who is number one and take them down.
 * Pete: Yes, you're maturing nicely

 * Berg: Excuse me, I bet I can guess your phone number.
 * Girl: No you can't.
 * Berg: Okay, you got me, you'd better write it down.

 * Pete: So, if you were a brady... you'd be Jan!
 * Berg: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
 * Pete: Does it show?

Two Guys, a Girl and a Vacation

 * Pete: You da Bomb!
 * Sharon: Where did he learn that?!
 * Berg: I just, don't know!

Two Guys, a Girl and a Tattoo

 * Pete: Guys, come on -- for once I need my own life.
 * Berg: He can't have his own life. Especially when we got nothing going on.

 * Berg: What is wrong with you?
 * Sharon: I'm sorry, this is how we play. When one of us is down, ya kick em!

 * Berg: Ashley, what are you doing here?
 * Ashley: Well, it’s a women’s gym, so obviously I was in the back having a pillow fight in my panties.

 * Sharon: I hate my gym, all it is is a disgusting meat market. They lure men into joining by putting all the Silicon Sallies by the window so they can ogle them.
 * Pete: You didn’t make the window again, huh?
 * Sharon: No, third row.

 * Sharon: What happened to your hand?
 * Berg: I was so upset about the whole thing with Nicole that I punched a mailbox causing me physical pain and a possible federal crime.
 * Sharon: That’s the best you could come up with?
 * Berg: It’s better than ‘I was so upset I wrapped my hand in this bandage.’

 * Berg: A few years ago, I kinda met Nicole at a party.
 * Pete: Don’t tell me you slept with her.
 * Berg: Well, that kinda ruins the end of my story.

 * Nicole: Forget it. I’m not going to have it removed.
 * Berg: Alright so keep ‘Berg’. But how about writing the word ‘ice’ in front of it?
 * Nicole: No.
 * Berg: ‘Hinden’?
 * Nicole: I’m not touching it.
 * Berg: ‘Whoopi Gold’?

 * Berg: What am I supposed to do? Go up to every girl I meet at a party and say, “Excuse me, are you planning on dating Pete Dunville in 3 years?”

 * Sharon: You will not believe the humiliation I just suffered for you. I had to peek into every shower stall. I got three screams, two dirty looks, and an invitation to play golf.

 * Berg: Holy incompatability, Batman.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Homecoming

 * Tim: I’m a stock broker now.
 * Pete: You manage money? In school you couldn’t manage to put on deodorant.

 * Pete: Oh Berg this is heaven.
 * Berg: I always knew heaven would have an open bar!

 * Johnny: Unlike you I’m proud of what I do.
 * Tommy: You’re not happy being a stripper?
 * Johnny: Tommy!
 * Sharon: You told him I was a stripper?
 * Tommy: Sorry, ‘exotic dancer.’

 * Sharon: And when it rains he gives me his jacket.
 * Deb: Rick gives me his jacket too.
 * Sharon: Yeah but Johnny isn’t an alcoholic.

 * Pete: Do you remember life before the luxury box?
 * Berg: Only vaguely.

Two Guys, a Girl and an Elective

 * Pete: Wow, these are the blueprints to the original Fenway Park!
 * Berg: You know in real life it’s much bigger.

 * Berg: So tell me, how are we going to work through these negative emotions?
 * Pete: Well I’m going to lunge at you and beat you to death with my sports broadcasting book.

 * Berg: If he’s so smart, why does it take him four days to fix a jukebox?
 * Sharon: Cause every night when he goes home I break a different part.

 * Pete: And Lasasso dunks it! Just like a man!... (becomes uncomfortable) Of course, I don't mean to imply that women aren't as good as men, they're just slower!... It's like a handicap, but not a bad one! Hey, one day maybe we'll even have a woman president! We almost had a black president! (by this point Sharon is screaming at the radio for him to shut up while Berg is plastered right up against a window trying to get Pete to stop.)

Two Guys, a Girl and an Internship

 * Berg: How was your first shift without me?
 * Ashley: Oh, it was horrible. People were being professional, Work was being done. No one even had the decency to follow me around with a jar of eyeballs, singing 'I Only Have Eyes For You'.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Wedding

 * Pete: Aren’t ex girlfriends supposed to drop off the face of the earth and if they can’t do that at least be really miserable. Or get really fat.

 * Johnny: I already have a tux.
 * Berg: Of course for the jukebox repairman awards.

 * Ashley: You’re right. I do have feelings for you. There are you happy?
 * Berg: I’m happy, I’m stunned, I’m shocked, I’m a walking festival.

 * Ashley: It’s not that simple. The problem is I have a…
 * Berg: You have a what? A plane to catch? A rash?
 * Ashley: No Berg, I have a boyfriend.

 * Berg: I say we chip in and get the night vision goggles.
 * Sharon: Cause there’s nothing that says commitment and trust like surveillance equipment.

 * Pete: The real tragedy about all this is that tomorrow is the first day of Katie’s life without me.
 * Berg: Wasn’t that day four years ago after she dumped you?

Two Guys, a Girl and Oxford

 * Sharon: You waltzed with her?
 * Pete: And a couple of tangos.
 * Sharon: And she gave you money? Pete you’re a hooker!

 * Sharon: Johnny is driving limos part time for some extra cash. It’s great, when he’s off duty we get to play ‘easy prom date.’

 * Ashley: You make me feel, you make me feel…
 * Berg: Like dancing?

 * Berg: How can what you have with Justin be so real if he can stand to be away from you for five months when I can’t even stand to be away from you for five minutes.

 * Sharon: Everybody's in love. You and Ashley, me and Johnny, Pete and his tricks.

 * Berg: Look at me, ok? I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm a wreck. I mean, sure I still look good, but that's just genetics.

 * Berg: Ashley! Ashley!
 * Ashley's neighbour: Will you shut up?
 * Berg: Do you mind? This is a private conversation.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Thanksgiving

 * Sharon: Wow. Thanksgiving at my place.
 * Johnny: Yeah. My sister makes a great Thanksgiving dinner, but I know yours is gonna be even better.
 * Sharon: I have to cook?
 * Pete: (Yelling to them upstairs through the window) Hey Sharon, here's another new tradition, close your window!

Two Guys, a Girl and Graduation

 * Sharon: I can't retake freshman English again!
 * Pete: Um Sharon, that's redundant. You don't need to say 'again' when you say 'retake.'

(Sharon hits him repeatedly with some papers.)

 * Berg: She is going to feel so bad...we must never let her forget this.
 * Pete: (chuckling) We never will.

 * Berg: She must never find out what happened that day.
 * Pete: And she never will.

 * Pete: [imitating Robin Leach] What would you do if you were young and beautiful and had a big bottle of champagne? You'd share it with your closest friends...and that's just what they did.

 * Sharon: Admit you did it.... or, tonight at dinner I'm gonna tell my father that you two squandered the thousands of dollars he spent to get me through college.... on a bottle of booze.
 * Berg': Well, I had to tell my father that I squandered thousands of dollars on booze to get me through college....

Two Guys, a Girl and Valentine's Day

 * Berg: (to Shaun)... And as far as you using me to make Johnny jealous, well I'm putting a stop to that first thing tomorrow morning!

 * Irene: I think you'll feel better if you just let it all out.
 * Sharon: Okay, Pete was just trying to hang a mirror, he doesn't love you, I hate your sweater, and YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!

 * Berg: Here's to the end of the holiday trifecta -- Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's Day. Also known as the Misery Season.

 * Shaun: That reminds me, I'd better get out of these clothes before the mud dries and they have to hose me off.
 * Berg: (laughing) There are so many wonderful things about THAT sentence.

 * Johnny: Anyway, I guess you and Berg didn't really hit it off.
 * Shaun: Actually, Berg and I had a terrific time.
 * Berg: (confused) We did? (Shaun kisses Berg), Hey look at that, we did.

 * Berg: You see? This woman is shameless -- shameless, wearing sexy dresses and making me special food.
 * Pete: You're right. You're right.  If she tries to make Johnny any more jealous, you might wind up sleeping with her.

 * Berg: Unless you learn to be happy for them it's just going to eat away at you until you become an angry, bitter yet incredibly beautiful woman.

Two Guys, a Girl and the Storm of the Century (1)

 * Berg: Boston Bait and Tackle, since 1943. We'll be safe here, I mean, imagine how many storms this place must have weathered.
 * Vanita: Read the little print
 * Berg: Re-built in 1994

Two Guys, a Girl and Ashley's Return (2)

 * Ashley: I hate you!
 * Berg: I despise you!
 * Ashley: I loathe you!
 * Berg: I'can get us a room!
 * Ashley: I can drive!

 * Berg: You just ruined my one chance at a healthy relationship!
 * Ashley: I'm so sorry! I just broke up your '35 second' relationship!

 * Vanita: Come on, we're all adults here.
 * Berg: No, you're pretty much the only one.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Fighter

 * Sharon: I want everyone to know I am just here for Berg.
 * Ashley: Well, why do you think I'm here?
 * Sharon: According to the Bible, to balance good.

 * Pete: Hey, Ashley, you know what? Your flying monkeys were just in here looking for you.
 * Ashley: I see they left behind a munchkin.

 * Pete: All I could think about was how I was gonna get Berg back for giving Ashley a key.
 * Sharon: Me too.
 * Pete: What were you gonna do?
 * Sharon: Leave a message on his machine as an ex-girlfriend. You?
 * Pete: I was gonna leave a home pregnancy test kit on his dresser.
 * Sharon: Wow, that's good. You really put a lot of thought into that.
 * Pete: He's my best friend.

 * Pete: Ashley, how did you get in here?
 * Ashley: Well, I figured you'd do something stupid like change the locks, so I left the window open a crack.
 * Pete: A crack? Oh, wait a minute, I forgot vampires can turn into mist.

 * Pete: If you're gonna wait, wait over there.
 * Ashley: Fine.
 * Pete: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. I'm not pointing to the booth. I'm pointing to Rhode Island.

Two Guys, a Girl and Barenaked Ladies

 * Sharon: Ashley and I have nothing in common, what are we going to talk about?
 * Pete: Do you have an interest in witchcraft?

 * Pete: Oh Ashley I like your perfume.
 * Ashley: Thanks Pete.
 * Pete: What is it? Brimstone?

Two Guys, a Girl and an Engagement (1)

 * Ashley: The nicest thing Pete ever said to me was “Oh wow that car almost hit you.”

(After finding out that Pete and Sharon kissed.)
 * Berg: How could you two do this to someone so wonderful?!
 * Pete: I know, I feel terrible about Johnny…
 * Berg: I’m not talking about Johnny I’m talking about me!

 * Ashley: Guys, guys, Sharon and Johnny are coming.
 * Berg: Damn! Stall!
 * Ashley: Brilliant! Because I was just going to warn you and then hurry them in. (Ashley runs out)
 * Pete: She's like a ray of sunshine. No, strike that. She's more like a death ray.

(Seeing Pete holding a slice of bread over the toaster.)
 * Berg: Are you just threatening the bread or are you waiting from a call from the governor?

 * Pete: She’s in love with Johnny.
 * Berg: Who says she can’t be in love with you too?
 * Pete: You!

 * Berg: It’s ludicrous because Sharon only loves Pete as a friend.
 * Ashley: And what’s a better basis for a marriage than love and friendship?
 * Berg: Sex! Money! An alliance between kingdoms!

 * Ashley: We were in a restaurant, he got down on one knee and said “Ashley will you marry me?” And I said yes.
 * Berg: So what, you changed your mind before the wedding?
 * Ashley: No.
 * Berg: Um Ashley, if this story doesn’t end tragically I’m going to be very upset.

 * Berg: You’re going to propose?
 * Johnny: Yeah.
 * Berg: Do you know all her family lost their money?
 * Johnny: I don’t care.
 * Berg: Is she pregnant? Are you an illegal alien? Do you need a kidney?
 * Johnny: I love her.
 * Berg: Congratulations! Her family is loaded!

 * Berg: Sharon is our best friend, if we find out your cheating on her we’ll kick your ass!
 * Johnny: You two are going to kick my ass?
 * Pete: We have friends.

Au Revoir Pizza Place

 * Sharon: Actually, we're engaged 'in theory.'
 * Pete: Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.
 * Sharon: Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple; an engagement is a promise to be married. and I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.
 * Johnny: Good luck finding a card for that.

Teacher's Pet Peeve

 * Ashley: What are you doing here? Didn't want to be alone in the building with Johnny?
 * Pete: You know...I don't appreciate your lucky guesses.

 * Dr. Peel: Sorry, surnames A to F are with Dr. Gordon.
 * Berg: Please, you can't make me go back there, the man is dead and no-one has notified him!

 * Pete: Ashley patched it up for me.
 * Dr. Peel: Seems like a good job, Dr. Walker, although maybe a little tight. Dr. Bergen, why should you not bandage the wound too tightly?
 * Berg: Well the medical reason is that the wound needs some air to heal...but the real reason is that Dr. Walker doesn't like Pete.

 * PA Announcement: Dr. Bergen report to the OR.
 * Berg: If you'll excuse me, I have lives to save.
 * PA Announcement: And bring a mop.

 * Dr. Peel: Dr. Bergen, can you help the nurses with the filing?
 * Berg: But, you don't have any of the other residents do that.
 * Dr. Peel: No, you're right, you'll be the first, maybe we'll put up a plaque!

 * Ashley: Has Johnny ever asked you to chop wood with him before?
 * Pete: No.
 * Ashley: Huh, interesting timing

 * Berg: John Goodman's mini-bike isn't ridden this hard!

Sunday in the Apartment

 * Pete: This is really important to me. I’m making good money now.
 * Johnny: Money isn’t everything.
 * Pete: Yeah, that’s what people who don’t make money say.

 * Ashley: I can’t stand pork. I can’t smell it. I can’t look at it. I can’t have it anywhere on the table.
 * Pete: Right, I forgot. They don’t eat their own.

 * Pete: I can’t believe you guys forgot. You’re a bunch of insensitive, self-centered jerks.
 * Ashley: Where’s Irene?
 * Pete: I ditched her at the theatre.

Halloween 2: Mind Over Body

 * Berg (holding up dishes): Brains; eyeballs.
 * Sharon: Berg, you work at a hospital. You couldn't have gotten real eyeballs?
 * Berg: Well, I tried, but a blind kid beat me to 'em.

 (screaming is heard outside the door, Pete opens the door and sees Irene)
 * Pete: Irene, you were screaming!
 * Irene: Oh, yeah, I must have been thinking out loud. Guess what I am.
 * Ashley: A danger to yourself.

 ''(Ed and Johnny bring a cooler into the apartment)
 * Johnny: Ok, just a little farther. Lucky I ran into you, you're a lifesaver.
 * Ed: Oh, I'm a people person. (sets down cooler) You know, if you're going to freeze yourself, you're going to need a lot more dry ice than that.
 * Johnny: No, it's for the punch bowl.
 * Ed: Oh, then you're fine.
 * Johnny: So, um, what do you do?
 * Ed: I don't think you'd be interested, it's kind of cerebral.
 * Johnny: I don't know, I'm a pretty open-minded person.
 * Ed: Well, maybe I could come back later to pick your brain.

Out with the Old

 * Pete: This century's gonna suck!

 * Robert Goulet: (on touring, to IRENE): I miss my cats. I have seven, you know.
 * Irene: (excitedly) Really?!!! Wow! Between the two of us, we have almost FIFTY cats!

The Wedding Dress

 * Sharon: When did my values get so out of wack? I never used to be like this, I wanted simpler things.
 * Pete: Well . . . you have Johnny.

 (Ashley's hand is stuck in the garbage disposal)
 * Johnny: How many years of school have you had?
 * Ashley: A year of prep school, four years of college and three of medical school.
 * Johnny: And yet you are going to die in a sink.

 * Berg: Look at all the women I'm not going to marry.

 * Pete: (Lifting a detatched arm of a mannequin) This was no boating accident

 * Sharon: Quick! Do something!
 * Berg: What?
 * Sharon: Throw Pete through the window!

 * Johnny: You would look great if you showed up in overalls.
 * Sharon: Yes but I want our wedding to be different than your sisters'.

 * Pete: Don't beat yourself up, Ashley will get over you.
 * Berg: Oh I don't know... I'm pretty special.

 * Sharon: (wants Berg to get her the dress another woman has) I've seen you talk a woman out of a dress--for once, use your powers for good!

 * Ashley: I've always dated smart guys who can't change a lightbulb. Regular people are refreshing.

A Rookie Script

 * Berg: I may not be the prize cow at the county fair and I know a lot of you think I'm not worth spit, but I beg to differ. I'll have you know, I'm worth tons of spit.

 * Berg: Did you see that guy hogging the spotlight?
 * Pete: I know, it just sickens me when a sports hero takes time out of his busy schedule to raise money for kids.

 * Germ: Thanks for helping me get this orderly gig. How long do I have to work here before they make me a doctor?

 * Ashley: Pete, hey, isn't a beautiful day?
 * Pete: I don't know, why don't you go away and I'll find out.

 * Sharon: Everything has to go.
 * Berg: But what if butt ugly comes back into style?

 * Sharon: Ashley has a new boyfriend?
 * Berg: Who is he?
 * Irene: I don't know.
 * Berg: Ah, well here is one of Pete's socks for your trouble.

 * Berg: Pete, everyone is staring at you. Because your standing next to me.

 * Ashley: (kissing Irene's cat) he's just a little cutie!
 * Irene: Oh, thank you!
 * Ashley: Oh, you're just a little cutie (kissing Irene too)
 * Berg: Oh, and she's just a little creepy!

Feast or Fireman

 * Berg: Pete, what are you doing here?
 * Pete: I just had a physical.
 * Ashley: So I was wrong you could pay someone to touch you.

 * Sharon: I love reading to kids their eyes are just so wide and glistening.
 * Ashley: That’s the Demerol.

 * Berg: Some day your children will ask you about this day and you’ll say, “Yes he was that good.”

 * Germ: Let’s get you in that backless hospital gown.

 * Pete: I’m going to be a fireman.
 * Berg: Well, I’d love to stay and talk to you about it some more but I have to get ready for astronaut school.

 * Ashley: My thumb is killing me from giving all those injections.
 * Berg: Yeah I don’t know how those junkies do it.

Once Again From the Beginning

 * Berg: Do you remember what he wrote on your anniversary card? 'Happy anniversary. It's been cool getting to know you. You're really cool. Stay cool. Johnny.'
 * Pete: And he wrote that in only two days.

 * Pete: My grandma always says the harder the choice the sweeter the rewards.
 * Berg: She also says that Winston Churchill shovelled her driveway.
 * Pete: You can't prove he didn't

 * Ashley: You are so funny, is it the celibacy?
 * Pete: That's nice. You know I take great comfort in the fact that there is a team of Japenese scientists working around the clock to destroy you.

 * Berg: Johnny is writing his own vows? All right, limericks!

 * Ashley: Hey, what's going on?
 * Pete: I don't know, I said your name and the stove just burst into flames!

 * Pete: Ashley, what's that ugly thing on your shoulders?

Another Moving Script

 * Berg: (arguing with Pete) Fine, FINE! I'm sleeping on the couch!....Which is just stupid because I have my own room!

El Matrimonio Loco

 * Ashley: Where's your idiot roommate?
 * Berg: The village recalled him.

 * Pete: Berg, everything I have to say to you, I can say with one finger.

 * Irene: Excuse me Superintendent Donnelly, I have a grievance
 * Johnny: OK, Irene, this is really not a good time.
 * Irene: But this is urgent. I've discovered a violation in the lease agreement.  It specifically prohibits prostitutes in the building and Pete's girlfriend is a whore.

 * Robert Goulet: (to Pete and Berg) Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen...can we just get on with THEIR wedding? I mean, uh, we'll marry you guys later -- when it's legal.

The Bear

 * Irene: All evidence of our misguided tryst must be destroyed
 * Berg: You’re not going to kill me, are you Irene?
 * Irene: Don’t be silly, would I tell you if I was?

 * Irene: Good morning.
 * Berg: Good morning.
 * Irene: You want breakfast?
 * Berg: No thank you.
 * Irene: You want to get the hell out of my bed?
 * Berg: Yes please.

 * Berg: Trust me, I’m more embarrassed about this than you are.
 * Irene: Because of Pete?
 * Berg: Sure. why not.

 * Ashley: I came down to change your bandages.
 * Pete: Why, do they need changing?
 * Ashley: No I just need cheering up.

 * Johnny: Don’t you’ll make me cry.
 * Sharon: Are you crying because you are an idiot cause that’s why I’m crying. This place is a dump!

Meat

 * Ashley: (Entering Johnny's new house.) Wow. It really makes you wonder what it takes to condemn a place.

 * Pete: (To Berg) We're having a surprise housewarming party for Johnny and Sharon.
 * Germ: I don't have the address.
 * Pete: Well, meet me at the party and I'll give it to you there.

The Satanic Curses
Berg: Guys, look at what we've become. We're supposed to be sending one of our best friends to hell yet all we can do is bicker and backstab each other.

Berg: Pete and Marty just broke up. Irene: Get out! Berg: Serious! Irene: No,no! GET OUT!

A Germ Runs Through It

 * Germ: (At the hospital) I asked for you, you know.
 * Ashley: Lucky me. I feel just like the pretty hooker in a Vegas whorehouse.

 * Berg: If you are about done I could use a break.
 * Ashley: How many times have you told Irene that?
 * Berg: I really wish you would stop making jokes about it.
 * Ashley: And how many times have you told Irene that?

 * Ashley: OK, you've had your fun now get off me.
 * Berg: Boy does that bring back memories.

 * Sharon: I can't believe it only took you one hour. It has taken my husband two days.
 * Carpenter: I'm sorry, is he disabled?

 * Johnny: I take a lot of pride in doing this myself, my great grandfather built the house I grew up in.
 * Sharon: Well dig him up, you need help.

My Dinner with Irene

 * Irene: Pete Dunville, I'm breaking up with you
 * Pete: I can honestly say I didn't see this coming

 * Sharon: (about Ashley) We are helping each other out; I need a job, she needs a friend.

 * Johnny: My wife is on a date with another woman.
 * Berg: Sweet.

 * Johnny: So did you tell Pete you and Irene are sleeping together?
 * Berg: No, I didn't want to ruin their date

 * Johnny: Let me guess, it's one of those restaurants where the waiters are rude, the portions are small and they make you wear long pants.
 * Ashley: And the forks are for eating, not scratching.

 * Johnny: How could you stand being around Ashley?
 * Berg: She let me sleep with her.

 * Pete: I don't think I'll be good company tonight.
 * Irene: You could be bound and gagged and you'd make good company.
 * Pete: You're picturing that right now, aren't you?

 * Pete: Oh what the hell, I've nothing better to do
 * Irene: Oh Pete, you know how to say all the right things!

 * Sharon: I can take care of myself.
 * Johnny: Yes but you just don't.

 * Johnny: I always thought you and Irene made a better couple.
 * Berg: Really?
 * Johnny: Yeah, I mean no matter how weird you act or how big of an ass you make of yourself, it doesn't seem to bother her.

 * Berg: What's that?
 * Pete: Well, at first look it's a date plaque, but since there's no such thing it is a piece of wood screaming "Danger! Danger!"

Drip

 * Pete: What the hell are you doing in my bed?

 * Berg: (sarcastically) Jogging.

 * Pete: Well you can't sleep here Berg. People talk as it is.

 * (Ashley checks her messages at home, but Berg is asleep in her bed)

 * Berg: Hello

 * Ashley: Uh, Who is this?

 * Berg: Well you called me, who do you think?

 * Ashley: Berg!?

 * Berg: Yep... (Realizing and getting up) No!

 * Ashley: Berg, What are you doing in my apartment?

 * Berg: I'm not in your apartment. Why would I be in your apartment? You know what happened here you uh, you started thinking about your ex-boyfriend Berg so you accidentally dialed me instead, you know...I understand. I'm more addictive than crack.

 * Sharon: C'mon. It's not like I don't want to. But, I mean, y'know we've got to act responsible here. It's not like we're teenagers.

 * Johnny: Are you making fun of my parents?

Rescue Me

 * (Berg, Pete and Johnny are waiting for Ashley and Sharon at an old folk's home)

 * Johnny: (looking at his watch) What is taking the girls so long? I'm getting hungry.

 * Berg: Yeah, I know, It's almost 4:30, we have to be asleep by 7.

 * (Johnny points a camera at Pete)

 * Pete: Where did you get that thing anyway?

 * Johnny: I bought it, for my baby, so we can record our first christmas as husband and wife.

 * Sharon: Isn't that sweet. (kisses Johnny)

 * Berg: How can you afford it?

 * Sharon: Go on. Tell 'em honey.

 * Johnny: I can't, I'm going to return it after the holidays.

 * Berg: (Lifting a glass) Here's to having a pulse.

 * Johnny: Ashley, you can't leave like this.

 * Ashley: Okay, well thank you Johnny.

 * Johnny: Yeah, you still got to pitch in your share.

 * Ashley: (putting down some money) Fine. Here.

 * Johnny: Woah. Okay, I don't know why I always have to play the cheapskate, but you forgot to pitch in... (turns the camera) for the wine.

 * Ashley: Why should I pay for the wine? I didn't even drink any.

 * Berg: Yeah, I just burped up like half my carrots, credit me 50 cents.

 * Sharon: Oh my god, Mr. Lockwood. Is he choking?

 * Berg: Sharon, I'm the doctor, okay. That's how old people breathe.

 * Berg: Look, It's finals time at Harvard. I say, we go and hang out under one of the dorm windows.

 * Pete: Nah, I don't want to save one of those guys.

 * Pete: (to Johnny) Hey, you're a big guy, go out onto the ice.

 * Berg: Oh, good idea. Okay, here's the plan, alright. When Johnny falls in, I'm going to pull him out, okay, and you're going to wrap him in a blanket.

 * Pete: Oh great, so you're the hero and I'm what, the stewardess.

 * Johnny: Forget about it. There's no way you're getting me out there on that ice.

 * (Pete grabs Johnny's wallet and throws it onto the ice)

 * Pete: Great, now your wallet's out there.

 * Johnny: Alright I need a stick.

 * Berg: I don't think a stick's going to reach that.

 * Johnny: No, to hit Pete.

Burning Down the House

 * (Berg breaks up his Mom's date with Stanley)

 * Berg: So... Stanley...What do you do for a living?

 * Stanley: I teach high school English.

 * Berg: That's very respectable. Where do you live?

 * Stanley: Over on Newberry.

 * Berg: Oh, that's a hip neighbourhood, you must be the cool teacher... What do you drive?

 * Stanley: I have a minivan.

 * Berg: Also known as a shagging wagon, I don't think so Stanley. (Opening the door) You just peddle your filth some place else.

 * Berg: Okay Mom, I'm only going to say this once. I don't like you're new friends. That Ashley girl, nothing but trouble.

 * Johnny: Pete, I had nothing to do with that fire.

 * Pete: Oh really, Where were you last night?

 * Johnny: I was at my Mother's.

 * Pete: Your mother's? What were you doing there?

 * Johnny: Drinking

 * Pete: Drinking at your Mother's house.

 * Johnny: She's hard to take.

 * Pete: So, if I was to call her right now, she'd back up your story.

 * Johnny: Who?

 * Pete: Your Mom?

 * Johnny: What are you doing with my Mom's phone number?

Give Mommy a Kiss

 * Sharon: (Reading the paper) Oh wow! Look at that. That stock that Ashley told us about has really gone down.

 * Johnny: (Dropping a plate in shock) Damn it, these dishes...are slippery.

 * Sharon: Thank god you were too chicken to buy more than one share. If it were up to me, I would have put all our money into that thing.

 * Johnny: Yeah, that would have been pretty dumb. Dodged a bullet there.

 * Sharon: Okay, I got to go to the store and get some coffee for the morning. Is there anything else that we need?

 * Johnny: No. Just coffee...(stopping Sharon as she leaves) and get that cheap kind! cause that's my favourite.

 * (Johnny grabs the phone)

 * Johnny: Ashley, when you get home will you get down here...(moves to put the phone down but picks it up again) It's Johnny.

 * (Johnny puts the phone down)

 * Johnny: (With his hands on his head) Boy I hope this isn't Aneurysm.

 * Johnny: (to Ashley) Have you seen the business section

 * Ashley: (looking at the paper) Huh, our stock is down a dollar.

 * Johnny: Not a dollar! Two dollars! That's twice that! Two times one, that's two! And it's all your fault.

 * Ashley: Here Johnny...(hands him two dollars) Here's your two dollars. Your retirement fund is now intact.

 * Johnny: You don't understand...(puts the money in his pocket) I sank everything we had into that stock.

 * Ashley: Huh, I'm not economist, but that was stupid... Why would you do that?

 * Johnny: I wanted to show Sharon that I'm a good provider. I wanted to put a big pile of money infront of her and say 'here, here's a big pile of money i made for you'.

 * Ashley: Well, the good news is now she can't take anything from you in the divorce.

 * Johnny: No wait. I have a plan, I want you to kill me.

 * Ashley: I'd love to, but first why don;t you check the financial channel. The merger went through you doubled your money.

 * Johnny: Wait, wait a second. Are you screwing with me?

 * Ashley: I was before, and it was fun. But now I'm not. You're a rich man Johnny.

The Aftermath

 * Irene: How could you do this to Berg?
 * Pete: If anyone, I thought you would understand.
 * Irene: Well you thought wrong Batman, the boy wonder’s got his cape all in a bunch
 * Pete: Irene, can’t we talk about this later, Commissioner Gordon just sent out the bat signal.

A Few Good Firemen

 * Ashley: Germ, I demand you retake this picture! ... Can you help me?
 * Germ: No! It's a camera, not the hand of God!

Adventures of Captain Karma

 * Ashley: Pete if you were anyone else I'd think you were coming on to me.
 * Pete: If you were anyone else maybe I would be.

 * Berg: I told Irene that I love her.
 * Pete: Really? Wow! I'm shocked! I mean I'm happy for you...no, not yet, I'm still shocked.

 * Pete: I hate romantic comedies.
 * Ashley: Why? Your whole love life is a joke.

 * Sharon: We are going to a business mixer tonight.
 * Johnny: I don't want to go to a business mixer.
 * Sharon: Sorry, I meant 'free booze.'

 * Katie: Oh my God! I know you, you're Mikey Bergen!
 * Berg: And you're...someone who knows me!

 * Katie: In my yearbook you told me to stay cool...so I did.

Make Mine Tea

 * Pete: You said wear black.
 * Sharon: I said wear something that blends in.
 * Pete: This does blend, I am the night!

 * Berg: My grandfather used to use an expression which I think might apply here.
 * Ashley: What was that?
 * Berg: 'Shut up Ashley.'

 * Ashley: Who was that?
 * Berg: Just a nice girl, that's why you don't know her.

 * Berg: I don't flirt with women Ashley, I talk to them. Is it my fault it comes out like music?

The Love Boat

 * Ashley: Would you do me a favor?
 * Pete: Yeah sure, you bend over and I'll pull out the stick.

 * Sharon: Why don't you ask Pete?
 * Ashley: What if he already has plans?

(Both burst out laughing at the idea.)

The Icewoman Cometh

 * Ashley: I need to talk to you.
 * Pete: Can't you come back when I'm not here?

 * Pete: Today I almost died.
 * Ashley: Underachiever.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

 * Ashley: Why don't you tell me what the surprise is just to make sure I'm not disappointed.
 * Pete: You know I'm suddenly amazed you were asked out in college.

 * Ashley: I had a great time today. I'd never heckled Shakespeare in the park before.
 * Pete: Well you stole the show with, "Get a day job thou bloweth."

 * Roger: My insides are something special.
 * Berg: Well sucks for you that you weren't born inside out.

 * Ashley: We've got three days, strictly fun, no emotional attatchments. Just think of me as a soldier on a weekend pass.
 * Pete: OK but if you knock me up, you have to take me back to your country.

 * Ashley: I wasn't exactly popular in high school.
 * Pete: Really?
 * Ashley: People said I had a superior attitude but that's just probably because they were all so stupid.

 * Ashley: I never knew you'd be such a good lover.
 * Pete: Yeah and imagine me with a good partner.
 * Ashley: Well until recently I couldn't imagine you with a non-plastic partner.

The Internet Show

 * Pete: Well Ashley, am I going to be the father of Satan's spawn?

 * Berg: Pete I need a favour.
 * Pete: Sure.
 * Berg: Can you ask Irene for a cup of urine?
 * Pete: Why, are we out?

 * Ashley: I am definitely not pregnant.
 * Johnny: How do you know?
 * Ashley: Because I am about to start a medical residency 30,000 miles away at Stanford and if I were pregnant that would complicate things and therefore I’m not.
 * Johnny: That will be a good story to tell your illegitimate baby.

 * Johnny: Oh, so Ashley told you she forgot to take her pill.
 * Pete: What?!
 * Johnny: Easy! She isn’t pregnant.
 * Pete: How do you know?
 * Johnny: She says she doesn’t want to be.

 * Ashley: I’m not pregnant!
 * Johnny: If you were it would be great. Your kid could look down on our kid and our kid could walk yours to therapy.

Cast

 * Ryan Reynolds - Doctor Michael Eugene Leslie 'Berg' Bergen
 * Traylor Howard - Sharon Donnelly (née Carter)
 * Richard Ruccolo - Peter 'Pete' Dunville
 * Nathan Fillion - Johnny Donnelly
 * Susanne Cryer - Doctor Ashley Walker
 * Jillian Bach - Irene

title: Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place


text:
Freddy vs. Jason

Freddy vs. Jason is 2003 film in which Freddy Krueger has grown weak, as the citizens of fictional Springwood, Ohio have suppressed their fear of him. In order to regain his power, he resurrects Jason Voorhees (from the Friday the 13th films) and manipulates him into traveling to Springwood to cause panic and fear. However, while Jason succeeds in causing enough fear for Freddy to haunt the town again, he continues to intrude on Freddy's territory and steal his potential victims. This ultimately sends the two monsters into a violent conflict.
 * Directed by Ronny Yu. Written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift.

Evil vs. Evil.taglines

Freddy Krueger

 * [narrating] My children... from the very beginning, it was the children who gave me my power. The Springwood Slasher, that's what they called me. My reign of terror was legendary. Dozens of children would fall by my blades. Then the parents of Springwood came for me, taking justice into their own hands. When I was alive, I might have been a little naughty, but after they killed me, I became something much, much worse. The stuff nightmares are made of. The children still feared me, and their fear gave me the power to invade their dreams, and that's when the fun really began. Until they figured out a way to forget about me. To erase me completely. Being dead wasn't a problem, but being forgotten, now that's a bitch. I can't come back if nobody remembers me. I can't come back if nobody's afraid. I had to search the bowels of hell, but I found someone, someone who'll make 'em remember. He may get the blood, but I'll get the glory, and that fear is my ticket home.
 * [to himself, after Blake gets away] Not strong enough, yet. Well, I will be soon enough. Until then... I'll let Jason have some fun.
 * [to Lori] Welcome to my world, bitch. I should warn you, princess... the first time tends to get a little... messy.
 * [Referring to Jason] He may get the blood, but I'll get the glory.
 * [After Jason steals his kill] She's mine! MINE! MIIIIIINE!
 * [Surprising Lori] Your eyes say no, no! But my mouth says yes! Yes!

Kia Waterson

 * Oh, God, y'all, two killers? We're not safe awake or asleep.
 * So, you're the one everybody's afraid of? Tell me something. What kind of faggot runs around in a Christmas sweater?

Dialogue

 * Mrs. Voorhees: [In Jason's dream] Jason, my special, special boy. Do you know what your gift is? No matter what they do to you, you cannot die. You can never die. You've just been sleeping, honey. But now, the time has come to wake up. Mommy has something she wants you to do. I need you to go to Elm Street. The children have been very bad on Elm Street. Rise up, Jason. Your work isn't finished. Hear my voice and live again. Make them remember me, Jason. Make them remember what fear tastes like.
 * [after Jason leaves, Mrs. Voorhees morphs into Freddy]
 * Freddy: I've been away from my children for far too long.

 (Storm begins to boom at the old Thompson house)
 * Gibb: Mary, Fuck or Kill? Your choices are... Your choices are The Three Stooges]. Go, Kia!
 * Kia: The one with the bad toupee hair.

(Gibb giggled)
 * Lori: No, no, no, no! It was Larry
 * Kia: Either way, I kill him.

 * 'Lori: (About Blake and Trey) Did you know they were coming over here?
 * Kia: (Softly) Listen, you gotta be quiet? Me and you are gonna be here all alone this weekend. I mean Blake's cute.
 * Lori': But he's not my type.
 * Kia: Ugh, who is? No one's ever gonna live up the fuzzy memory of your first love, Lori. You were fucking 14 so get real.
 * Lori: Yeah, I know we were young but what Will and I have was real.
 * Kia: Well, correct me if I'm wrong. Didn't Mr. Real just drop-kick your ass without so much of the goodbye handshake. Maybe he never called or maybe even write to you after he moved? Send you an Email?
 * Lori: No.
 * Kia: You see my point? It's time to leave the comment, Lori. You need to meet a guy

 (Lori, Kia, Blake and Gibb ran outside screaming in the pouring rain as Gibb only ran out half naked with a towel on her with blood on her hands when they see a cop car)
 * Deputy Stubbs: You kids need some assistance?
 * Gibb: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?!

 * Blake's Father: Blake! We need to talk. What were you doing over there? You were supposed to be watching your sister. Were you drinking?
 * Blake: My best friend was just killed, Dad! So how about getting me some fucking space!
 * Blake's Father: You watch yourself, boy!

(Blake was alone)
 * Blake: Don't worry, Trey. Cops let it slip! Somebody name Freddy. I'm gonna take him out myself, Trey. I swear to God.

(Noises begin to distract Blake)
 * Blake: Who is that?

(Blake walks off the front porch and got on the sidewalk when he spotted a goat bleating behind him.)
 * Blake: Jesus!

(Goat kept bleating as he can hear Freddy's cackle. Behind him, Freddy morphs into a silver shadow and tries to kill Blake but Blake was spared)
 * Blake: I'm okay! I'm alright!

(Blake runs back into the house as Freddy failed miserably at killing Blake)
 * Freddy: Not strong enough, yet. Well, I will be soon enough. Until then, he he heh! I'll let Jason have some fun!

 * Lori's Father: You sure you didn't see anything?
 * Lori: No, Dad. None of us did. I already went over this with the police.
 * Lori's Father: I don't know what I would've done without you, kid. You're all that I have left.
 * Lori: Dad, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise.
 * Lori's Father: Lori, look at me. You're exhausted.
 * Freddy: (Whispering) Lori!
 * Lori's Father: We need to get you to....
 * Freddy: BED!

(Lori wakes up)
 * Lori: I-I don't want to go to sleep, Dad. I just want to see my friends.
 * Lori's Father: I don't think it's a good idea to go to school today. After you've been into a post traumatic stress-
 * Lori: Dad, please. I just need to get out of the house, okay? I'll be fine.

(Lori leaves to get dressed for school)
 * Lori's Father: Well, at least drink your juice!

 * [after seeing Jason at the rave]
 * Kia: Was that him? The guy you were talking about... Freddy Krueger?
 * Lori: No, that wasn't the guy in my dream. That was somebody else.
 * Charlie: Who cares about some fucking dream guy, OK? That psycho in the hockey mask was real.
 * Bill: Dude, that goalie was pissed about something.

 * [Bobby Davis appears in a bloody bathtub in Mark's nightmare]
 * Bobby: Hey, Mark. You didn't forget about me, did you?
 * Mark: [whispers in horror] Oh, God.
 * Bobby: [as Freddy Krueger] Oh, that's right! Everyone forgot! That's why they weren't afraid anymore! That's why I needed Jason to kill for me, to get them to remember! But now, he just won't stop... [Bobby shows Mark his slit wrists] ...that hockey puck!

 * Will: It was our fear that gave him his powers. So we're marked now.
 * Bill: Man, screw that clown. What kind of a pussy goes after you in your dreams, anyway? Like that big ass motherfucker back in the cornfield. That's what we should be afraid of. Tell me who the fuck that was?
 * Deputy Stubbs: His name was Jason Voorhees.
 * Bill: Um. Shit! How'd you know we were here?
 * Deputy Stubbs: (Tosses keys to Will) Nothing personal, but the Scooby van out back wasn't even settle. You couldn't keep your keys to your door.
 * Kia: Great, so now we're completely fucked!
 * Deputy Stubbs: No, I'm here to help you. That this Jason Voorhees person drowned at Camp Crystal Lake. The counselors weren't watching him. Then, they made a mistake of killing his mother. Now legend has it, Jason kept returning from his grave to punish whoever returns to the camp. I think we're dealing with a copycat here.
 * Charlie: No. No. No, no, no. He's not a copycat. I've seen what he can do. He's the real Jason.
 * Deputy Stubbs: That's impossible, Linderman. Jason is dead.
 * Bill: Yeah, well, you better start thinking outside your little box, dude, 'cause somebody's definitely breaking the fucking reality rules, OK?

 * Will: Let's go, we can't help her anymore.
 * Lori: No, I'm staying.
 * Will: Are you crazy? You got what you wanted, you pulled Freddy out. Now he's fighting Jason. Come on, what more do you want?
 * Lori: He killed my mother, Will. It was Freddy. My father covered it up to protect me. He didn't do it.
 * Will: Oh, my God.
 * Lori: Look, he has taken everything from us. He has ruined both of our pasts. And I am not leaving until I see him die.

 * [last line]
 * Lori: [to Freddy] Welcome to my world, bitch! [decapitates him in slow-mo.]

Taglines

 * Evil vs. Evil.
 * Even a killer has something to fear.
 * Evil will battle Evil.
 * One, two, Freddy's coming for you... three, four, Jason's at your door...
 * Place your bets!
 * The "Slicer" - The "Dicer" - And This Time, They're Not Any "Nicer"!
 * When the son of a hundred maniacs battles an unstoppable killing machine, none will survive!
 * Winner kills all!

Cast

 * Robert Englund - Freddy Krueger
 * Ken Kirzinger - Jason Voorhees
 * Monica Keena - Lori Campbell
 * Jason Ritter - Will Rollins
 * Kelly Rowland - Kia Waterson
 * Chris Marquette - Charlie Linderman
 * Brendan Fletcher - Mark Davis
 * Lochlyn Munro - Deputy Stubbs
 * Katharine Isabelle - Gibb Smith
 * Kyle Labine - Bill Freeburg
 * Tom Butler - Dr. Campbell
 * Zack Ward - Bobby Davis
 * Gary Chalk - Sheriff Williams
 * Jesse Hutch - Trey
 * David Kopp - Blake
 * Chris Gauthier - Shack
 * Paula Shaw - Pamela Voorhees

title: Freddy vs. Jason


text:
User:Marudubshinki~enwikiquote

This is the Wikiquote account for maru dubshinki. My main user page and activities are on Wikipedia proper where I am an administrator, so if you want to contact me, my talk page there is a faster method.

All my edits, past and future, where possible and applicable, are hereby placed into the public domain.

title: User:Marudubshinki~enwikiquote


text:
Jackie Brown

Jackie Brown is a 1997 film about a female flight attendant who becomes a key figure in a plot between the police and an arms dealer.
 * Directed by Quentin Tarantino. Written by Quentin Tarantino, based on the novel Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard.

Six players on the trail of a half a million in cash. There's only one question... Who's playing who?taglines

Ordell Robbie

 * Now that there is the Tec-9, cheap-ass little spray gun made outta South Miami. It retails for $380. I get 'em for 2, sell 'em for 8. They advertise this Tec-9 as the most popular gun in American crime. Do you believe that shit? It actually says that in the little booklet that comes with it: "the most popular gun in American crime". Like they're actually proud of that shit.
 * AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.
 * [to Beaumont] You know man, I hate be the kind of nigga that do a nigga a favor and then Bam! hit the nigga up for a favor in return, but I gots to be that kinda nigga.
 * My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass.
 * You know your bail bondsmen, don'tcha? You know all them motherfuckers as crooked as a barrel of snakes, don'tcha?!

Dialogue

 * Ordell: Look at you and your free ass. Come here, boy, gimme a motherfuckin' hug.
 * Beaumont: Good lookin' out, man. I don't know what to say. Thank you, thank you...
 * Ordell: Uh-huh. Who was there for your ass?
 * Beaumont: You were there for my ass.
 * Ordell: Who?
 * Beaumont: You.
 * Ordell: Who?
 * Beaumont: You!
 * Ordell: Whooo?
 * Beaumont: You nigga, damn!
 * Ordell: You goddamn right. That's how that shit works: you get your ass in trouble, I get your ass out. That's my motherfuckin' job. And I don't mind telling you, nigga, it's steady work.
 * Beaumont: I'm still scared as a motherfucker, O.D. They talking like they serious as hell giving me time for that machine gun shit.
 * Ordell: Aw, come on, man, they just trying to put a fright in your ass.
 * Beaumont: Well, if that's what they doin', they done did it.
 * Ordell: How old is that machine gun shit?
 * Beaumont: About three years...
 * Ordell: Three years? That's a old crime, man! They ain't got enough room for all the niggas running around killing people today, now how are they gonna find room for you?

 * Beaumont: Man, you must be out of your fuckin' mind if you think I'm gonna get in this dirty-ass trunk.
 * Ordell: We ain't going nowhere but to Koreatown, man. You ain't gonna be locked in here no more than ten minutes.
 * Beaumont: I ain't ridin' in no trunk for no minute, man.
 * Beaumont: I just ain't getting in no goddamn, dirty-ass trunk man. I got a problem with small places.
 * Ordell: Well I got a problem with spending ten thousand dollars on ungrateful, peanut-head nigga to get 'em out of jail, but I did it!
 * Ordell: Well I got a problem with spending ten thousand dollars on ungrateful, peanut-head nigga to get 'em out of jail, but I did it!

 * Louis: Who's that?
 * Ordell: That's Beaumont.
 * Louis: Who's Beaumont?
 * Ordell: An employee I had to let go.
 * Louis: What'd he do?
 * Ordell: He put himself in a position where he was going to have to do ten years in prison, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know ain't no goddamn way he can do ten years. And if you know that, then you know Beaumont's gonna do anything Beaumont can to keep from doing them ten years, including telling the federal government any and every muthafuckin' thing about my black ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear-cut case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me.

 * [Louis and Melanie are looking at a picture]
 * Melanie: That's Japan.
 * Louis: Uh, looks like... I can... It shows...
 * Melanie: Wanna fuck?
 * Louis: Yeah.
 * [three minutes later]
 * Melanie: That was fun.
 * Louis: Yeah, that hit the spot.
 * Melanie: Now, we can catch up.
 * Louis: Yeah. [heavy breathing] Got a beer?
 * Melanie: Sure. In the fridge.

 * Ordell: This you and me talking, is this like a lawyer-client thing, and you can't repeat nothing I tell you?
 * Max: You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out.
 * Ordell: Well, if we ain't got no - what's that shit called? - confidentiality, why should I tell you a thing?
 * Max: Because you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand.
 * Ordell: Now why would a stewardess be bringing me fifty grand?
 * Max: Now you want me to speculate on what you do. My guess is you're in the drug business, except the money's moving the wrong way. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you.

 * Louis: [on having sex with Melanie] I just felt strange, you know, I thought, if she was your girlfriend...
 * Ordell: But you fucked her anyway?
 * Louis: Well...
 * Ordell: Well, I hope you felt appropriately guilty about it afterwards.
 * Louis: Afterwards, I did.
 * [They both laugh]

 * Cockatoo Bartender: What's your drink, brother?
 * Ordell: Let me have a screwdriver, homes.
 * Cockatoo Bartender: And what about you?
 * Jackie: Oh, I'm fine.
 * Cockatoo Bartender: Yes you are.
 * [they all laugh, the bartender leaves]
 * Ordell: Goddamn, girl, you come in here on a Saturday night, I bet you need nigga repellant to keep them muthafuckas off your ass.

 * Ordell: Is that what I think it is?
 * Jackie: What do you think it is?
 * Ordell: I think it's a gun pressed up against my dick.
 * Jackie: Well, you thought right. Now take your hands off from around my throat, nigga.

 * Jackie: Now sooner or later, they're gonna get around to offering me a plea deal, and you know that. That's why you came here to kill me.
 * Ordell: I ain't come here to kill you...
 * Jackie: No, no, it's OK, it's OK, now. I forgive you.

 * Ordell Robbie: Goddamn girl, you gettin' high already? It's just 2 o'clock!
 * Melanie: [chuckling] It's that late?
 * Ordell Robbie: You know, you smoke too much of that shit, that shit gonna rob you of your own ambition.
 * Melanie: Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV.

 * Max Cherry: I'll bet, besides maybe an afro, you look exactly how you did at 29.
 * Jackie Brown: Well, my ass ain't the same.
 * Max Cherry: Bigger?
 * Jackie Brown: Yeah.
 * Max Cherry: Ain't nothin' wrong with that!

 * Ordell: I don't wanna hear no fuckin' excuses, Louis!
 * Louis: I ain't givin' you fuckin' excuses, man, I'm telling you, I don't fuckin' - I'm givin' you fuckin' reasons!
 * Ordell: Oh, oh, oh, oh, you gonna tell me the reason you lost every goddamn cent I got in the world?
 * Louis: Hey, hey man-
 * Ordell: You gonna tell me reasons?
 * Louis: You better--
 * Ordell: Let me tell you the reason, motherfucker. The reason is, yo' ass ain't worth a shit no more!
 * Louis: Well, you-- You better fuckin' back off, man!
 * Ordell: [shoots Louis] What the fuck happened to you, man? Your ass used to be beautiful. [shoots Louis again]

Taglines

 * Six players on the trail of a half a million in cash. There's only one question... Who's playing who?
 * LOOK OUT! Caught between the Feds and a cold blooded killer. With half a million dollars up for grabs. No one knows how it's going down. Except for maybe JACKIE BROWN.

Cast

 * Pam Grier - Jackie Brown
 * Samuel L. Jackson - Ordell Robbie
 * Robert Forster - Max Cherry
 * Bridget Fonda - Melanie Ralston
 * Michael Keaton - Ray Nicolette
 * Robert De Niro - Louis Gara
 * Richard T. Jones - Harold Wolfe
 * Michael Bowen - Mark Dargus
 * Chris Tucker - Beaumont Livingston
 * Lisa Gay Hamilton - Sheronda
 * Tommy 'Tiny' Lister - Winston
 * Hattie Winston - Simone

title: Jackie Brown


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text:
Crash (2004 film)

Crash is a 2004 film about several people of different racial backgrounds who collide in one incident. The different stereotypes society has created for those backgrounds affect their judgment, beliefs and actions and this in turn causes problems for each of them.
 * Directed by Paul Haggis. Written by Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco.

You think you know who you are. You have no idea.

Opening Quote

 * In any real city, you walk, you brush past people, and people bump into you. In L.A, nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other just so we can feel something.

Cameron

 * I didn't ask for your help, did I?

Dialogue

 * Peter: We didn't get any coffee that you didn't want and I didn't order, and this is evidence of racial discrimination? Did you happen to notice our waitress was black?
 * Anthony: And black women don't think in stereotypes? When's the last time you met one who didn't think she knew everything about your lazy ass before you even opened your mouth? That waitress sized us up in two seconds. We're black, and black people don't tip, so she wasn't gonna waste her time! Someone like that, there's nothing you can do to change their mind.
 * Peter: So, uh, how much did you leave her?
 * Anthony: You expect me to pay for that kind of service? [Peter laughs] What? What the fuck is you laughing at, man?

 * Rick: [After his car is stolen] Why did these guys have to be black? No matter how we spin this thing, I'm either gonna lose the black vote or I'm gonna lose the law and order vote!
 * Karen: You know, I think you're worrying too much. You have a lot of support in the black community.
 * Rick: All right. If we can't duck this thing, we're gonna have to neutralize it. What we need is a picture of me pinning a medal on a black man. The firefighter - the one that saved the camp or something - Northridge... what's his name?
 * Bruce: He's Iraqi.
 * Rick: He's Iraqi? Well, he looks black.
 * Bruce: He's dark-skinned, sir, but he's Iraqi. His name's Saddam Khahum.
 * Rick: Saddam? His name's Saddam? That's real good, Bruce. I'm going to pin a medal on an Iraqi named Saddam. Give yourself a raise!

 * Anthony: You wanna listen to music of the oppressor, you go right ahead.
 * Peter: How in the lunacy of your mind is hip-hop music of the oppressor.
 * Anthony: Listen to it, man. Nigger this, nigger that! You think people go around calling each other honkies all day? "Hey, honkie! How's business?" "Going great, cracker! We're diversifying!"
 * Peter: [changes the station] How about this, huh? How about that? You like that? Man's singing about lynching niggers!
 * Anthony: And you think there's a difference, don't you?
 * Peter: [singing] "Gonna buy me a rope, and lynch me a nigger!"
 * Anthony: You've got absolutely no idea where hip-hop comes from, do you?
 * Peter: [singing] "I shoot 'em dead first, but I done broke my trigger!"
 * Anthony: You see, back in the '60s, we had smart black articulate black men. Like Huey Newton, Bobby Seale, Eldridge Cleaver, Fred Hampton. These brothers were speaking out, and people were listening. And then, the FBI said, "Oh, no! We can't have that! I know! Let's give the niggers some music by a bunch of mumbling idiots, and sooner or later they'll all copy it, and nobody'll be able to understand a fucking word they say! End of problem."

 * Daniel: Excuse me? Excuse me, sir?
 * Farhad: You finish?
 * Daniel: I replaced the lock. But you got a real problem with that door.
 * Farhad: You fix the lock?
 * Daniel: Nah, I replaced the lock. But you gotta fix that door.
 * Farhad: Just fix the lock.
 * Daniel: Sir, sir, sir, listen to me. What you need, is a new door.
 * Farhad: I need new door?
 * Daniel: Yeah.
 * Farhad: Okay. How much?
 * Daniel: I don't-- Sir, you're gonna have to call somebody that sells doors.
 * Farhad: You try to cheat me, right? You have a friend that fix door?
 * Daniel: Nah, I don't have a friend that fix doors, bro.
 * Farhad: Then go and fix the fucking lock, you cheater!
 * Daniel: You know what? Why don't you just pay me for the lock, and I won't charge you for the time?
 * Farhad: You not fix the lock! I pay! What, you think I'm stupid? You fix the fucking lock, you cheater!
 * Daniel: Hey, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop calling me names.
 * Farhad: Then fix the fucking lock!
 * Daniel: I replaced the lock! You gotta fix the fucking door!
 * Farhad: You cheat! You fucking cheater!
 * Daniel: [crumples up the charge receipt] Fine. Don't pay.
 * Farhad: What?
 * Daniel: Have a good night. [leaves]
 * Farhad: What? No! Wait! You come back here! You fix the lock! Come here, you fix my lock! Fix the fucking lock!

 * Lucien: You run over a Chinaman, stuff him in the back, then bring the truck here so I can share in the experience?
 * Anthony: Come on, man. It's a little bit of blood. It'll wash right off.
 * Lucien: Georgie, burn this thing.
 * Anthony: Burn it? It's a brand new Navigator. All you need is a little piece of carpet.
 * Lucien: You watch The Discovery Channel?
 * Anthony: Not a lot.
 * Peter: They got some good shit on that channel.
 * Lucien: Every night, there is a show with somebody shining a little blue light and finding tiny specks of blood splattered on carpets and walls and ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures, and special-edition plastic Burger King tray cups. And the next thing they show is some stupid redneck in handcuffs who looks absolutely stunned that this is happening to him. Sometimes the redneck is actually watching The Discovery Channel when they break in to arrest him, and he still can't figure out how on earth they could've caught him! Do I look like I want to be on The Discovery Channel?
 * Anthony: No.
 * Lucien: Then get the fuck out of my shop.

 * Officer Ryan: [talking on the phone] I wanna speak to your supervisor...
 * Shaniqua: I am my supervisor!
 * Officer Ryan: All right well, what's your name?
 * Shaniqua: Shaniqua Johnson.
 * Officer Ryan: "Shaniqua." Big fucking surprise that is.
 * Shaniqua: Oh! [hangs up]

 * Cameron: You know, sooner or later, you are gonna have to find out what it is really like to be black.
 * Christine: Fuck you man, like you know! The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching the Cosby Show.
 * Cameron: Yeah? Well at least I wasn't watching it with the rest of the equestrian team.
 * Christine: You know what, Cameron? You're right. I've got a lot to learn 'cause I haven't quite figured out how to shuck and jive yet. Lemme hear it again? "Sorry Mr. Poh-lice Man, you sure is mighty fine to us poor black folk. You sure to let me know next time you wanna finger fuck my wife!"
 * Cameron: How the fuck do you say something like that to me? You know what? Fuck you.
 * Christine: That's right, a little anger! It's a little late, but it's nice to see!

 * Officer Ryan: You don't like me, that's fine. I'm a prick. But my father doesn't deserve to suffer like this. He was a janitor. He struggled his whole life. Saved enough to start his own company. Twenty-three employees, all of them black. Paid 'em equal wages when no one else was doing that. For years he worked side by side with those men, sweeping and carrying garbage. Then the city council decides to give minority-owned companies preference in city contracts. And overnight, my father loses everything. His business, his home, his wife. Everything! Not once does he blame your people. I'm not asking you to help me. I'm asking that you do this small thing for a man who lost everything so people like yourself could reap the benefits. And do you know what it's gonna cost you? Nothing. Just a flick of your pen.
 * Shaniqua: Your father sounds like a good man. And if he'd come in here today, I probably would've approved this request. But he didn't come in. You did. And for his sake, it's a real shame! Get him the hell outta my office!

 * [After Maria takes Jean to the hospital]
 * Jean: Do you want to hear something funny?
 * Maria: What's that, Mrs. Jean?
 * Jean: You're the best friend I've got.

Cast

 * Sandra Bullock - Jean
 * Don Cheadle - Graham
 * Matt Dillon - Officer Ryan
 * Jennifer Esposito - Ria
 * William Fichtner - Flanagan
 * Terrence Howard - Cameron
 * Ludacris - Anthony
 * Karina Arroyave - Elizabeth
 * Loretta Devine - Shaniqua
 * Thandie Newton - Christine
 * Ryan Phillippe - Officer Hanson
 * Dato Bakhtadze - Lucien
 * Michael Peña - Daniel
 * Shaun Toub - Farhad
 * Keith David - Lt. Dixon
 * Tony Danza - Fred
 * Brendan Fraser - Rick
 * Marina Sirtis - Shereen
 * Nona Gaye - Karen
 * Ken Garito - Bruce
 * Yomi Perry - Maria
 * Ashlyn Sanchez - Lara
 * Daniel Dae Kim - Park

title: Crash (2004 film)


text:
Propertius

Sextus Propertius (50 BC – 16 BC) was a Roman elegiac poet in Maecenas' circle.

Elegies

 * Neque assueto mutet amore torum.
 * Never change when love has found its home.
 * I, i, 36.

 * Nudus Amor formam non amat artificem.
 * Love is naked, and loves not beauty gained by artifice.
 * I, ii, 8; translation by G.P. Goold

 * Navita de ventis, de tauris narrat arator, Enumerat miles vulnera, pastor oves.
 * The sailor tells of winds, the ploughman of bulls, the soldier counts his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.
 * II, i, 43–4.

 * Qua pote quisque, in ea conterat arte diem.
 * Let each man pass his days in that wherein his skill is greatest.
 * II, i, 46.

 * Aut patrio qualis ponit vestigia ponto Mille Venus teneris cincta Cupidinibus.
 * O like Venus attended by a thousand tender Cupids, setting foot upon the sea that gave her birth.
 * II, ii, 9-10.

 * Quod si deficiant vires, audacia certe Laus erit: in magnis et voluisse sat est.
 * What though strength fails? Boldness is certain to win praise. In mighty enterprises, it is enough to have had the determination.
 * Variant translation: Even if strength fail, boldness at least will deserve praise: in great endeavors even to have had the will is enough.
 * II, x, 5.

 * ''Quicumque ille fuit, puerum qui pinxit Amorem nonne putas miras hunc habuisse manus? is primum vidit sine sensu vivere amantes
 * Whoever he was who first depicted Amor as a boy, don’t you think it was a wonderful touch? He was the first to see that lovers live without sense.
 * II, xii, 1-3; translation by A. S. Kline

 * Nemo in amore videt.
 * No one in love can see.
 * II, xiv, 18.

 * Errat, qui finem vesani quaerit amoris: verus amor nullum novit habere modum
 * He errs that seeks to set a term to the frenzy of love; true love hath no bound.
 * II, xv, 29; translation by H.E. Butler

 * Absenti nemo non nocuisse velit.
 * Let no one be willing to speak ill of the absent.
 * II, xix, 32.

 * Unus quisque sua noverit ire via.
 * Let each man have the wit to go his own way.
 * II, xxv, 38.

 * Semper in absentes felicior aestus amantes.
 * Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
 * II, xxxiii, 43.

 * Cedite Romani scriptores, cedite Grai! Nescio quid maius nascitur Iliade.
 * Make way, you Roman writers, make way, Greeks! Something greater than the Iliad is born.
 * Of Virgil’s Aeneid.
 * II, xxxiv, 65.

Luridaque evictos effugit umbra rogos.''
 * ''Sunt aliquid Manes: letum non omnia finit,
 * There is something beyond the grave; death does not end all, and the pale ghost escapes from the vanquished pyre.
 * IV, vii, 1.

 * Magnum iter ascendo; sed dat mihi gloria vires
 * I am climbing a difficult road; but the glory gives me strength.
 * IV. 10. 3

title: Propertius