text:
Lean on Me

Lean on Me is a 1989 biographical-drama film that tells the true story of Joe Clark, an inner city high school principal in Paterson, New Jersey, whose school is at risk of being overtaken by the New Jersey state government unless students improve their test score.
 * Directed by John G. Avildsen. Written by Michael Schiffer.

A true story about a real hero. Taglines

Joe Clark

 * This is an institution of learning, ladies and gentlemen. If you can't control it, how can you teach? Discipline is not the enemy of enthusiasm!

 * The Lord said, "Do whatever you have to do." And he didn't say "Joe, be polite."

 * All right people, here we are. This is the day. In one hour, you are going to take an exam, one administered by the state to test your basic skills, along with the quality of education here at Eastside High. And I want to tell you what the people out there are saying about you and what they think about your chances. They say that you're inferior! That you are just a bunch of niggers and spics and poor white trash! Education is wasted on you! You cannot learn! You're lost! I mean all of you! I want all the white students to stand up. All my white students. Stand up. Right now. Stand up. C'mon, all my white students, stand up, stand up. That's it. C'mon, stand up...These are my white children, and they're the same as all of you! They've got no place to go. If they had, they would have abandoned us a long time ago like everybody else did. But they couldn't. So here they are at Eastside High, just like the rest of us. You can sit down. Are you getting my point, people? Is it beginning to sink in? We sink, we swim, we rise, we fall. We meet our fate together! Now, it took the help of a good, good friend to make me know and understand that. And I do understand it. And I'm grateful. I'm eternally grateful...And now, I've got a message for those people out there who've abandoned you and written you off! Can you hear me? CAN YOU HEAR ME? Good!...You are not inferior! Your grades may be. Your school may have been. But you can turn all of that around and make liars out of those bastards in exactly one hour, when you take that test and pass it and win! So here's what I want you to do: When you find your minds wandering, I want you to knuckle back down and concentrate. Concentrate! Remember what's at stake. And show them what Eastside High is all about, a spirit that will not die!

 * [with a baseball bat in his hand] They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well, now they can call me Batman!

 * I don't have to do nothin' but stay black and die!

 * [after refusing admittance to the Fire Chief] You know what he's saying right now? "Black bastard can't throw me out!" You know where he's saying it? Out in the parking lot.

 * [at an assembly] I want all of you to take a good look at these people on the risers behind me. These people have been here up to five years, and done absolutely nothing. These are drug dealers and drug users. They have taken up space. They have disrupted this school. They have harassed your teachers. And they have intimidated you. Well, times are about to change. You will not be bothered in Joe Clark's school. These people are incorrigible. And since none of them could graduate anyway... [to those onstage] ...you are all expurgated. You are dismissed! You are out of here, forever. I wish you well! Mr. Wright... [after Security Dean William Wright and Eastside's new guards eject all the "problem" kids from school, Clark's audience in the decaying auditorium grows silent] Next time, it may be you. If you do no better than they did, next time, it will be you. They said this school was dead, like the cemetery it's built on. But we call our Eastside teams "Ghosts", don't we? And what are ghosts? Ghosts are spirits that rise from the dead. I want you to be my ghosts. You are going to lead our resurrection, by defying the expectation that all of us are doomed to failure. My motto is simple: If you do not succeed in life, I don't want you to blame your parents. I don't want you to blame the white man. I want you to blame yourselves. The responsibility is yours! In two weeks we have a practice exam, and the Minimum Basic Skills Test on April 13. That's 110 school days from now. But it's not just about those test scores. If you do not have these basic skills, you will find yourselves locked out. Locked out of that American dream that you see advertised on TV, that they tell you is so easy to get. You are here for one reason. One reason only: To learn. To work for what you want. The alternative is to waste your time and to fall into the trap of crime, drugs, and death. Does everyone understand that? Do all of you understand me? Then welcome to the new Eastside High.

 * [after asking teachers to put up their hands] Because you are failing to educate them, this is the posture that many of our students will wind up in. Only they'll be staring down the barrel of a gun!

 * Mr. Mayor, on behalf of myself and on behalf the students of Eastside High, you can tell the State to go to Hell!

 * [to the Eastside students who have gathered outside City Hall to demonstrate on his behalf] Wow... Somebody tell me why I can't get this kind of turnout for study hall!

 * Hey, son...! [removing Sams' baseball cap] Put something in your head, not on it!

 * [to Kid Ray, who is leaving school to work for a crime syndicate] You'll be dead in a year, son. Hear what I'm saying? You'll be dead in a year!

 * [explaining why he expelled students from his school] They say one bad apple spoils a bunch. Well what about three hundred? Rotten to the core!

 * [after bringing down a drug dealer] Get this disgrace to his race out of here!

 * [at lunch, in the cafeteria, Clark has singled out Sams] I want all of you to look at this slovenly, sloppy boy here as an example of how not to dress. Now if you look like this when you look in your mirrors in the morning, find something else to put on. Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life. If you don't have it for yourself, you're not gonna get it from anywhere.

 * Code 10! Code 10! This is Joe Clark! Get those chains off the doors, the enemy's here!

Dr. Frank Napier

 * [to Joe] All your shit comes down on me. It's like you're a big bird with radar. And I'm tired of getting hit!
 * The truth is that for all your talking, all your 'Crazy Joe' routine, what have you ever done? Nothing. You're nothing but an insignificant man. It's like you were never born. Your life hasn't made one bit of difference, and neither has mine! Wanna take that to the grave?

Other

 * Boys in Bathroom: [singing] Fair Eastside, By thy sign, we'll stand, and always, praise thy name. (Praise Thy Name, Praise Thy Naaaaaame) To heaven, yea Lend our hearts, and hands, to help increase thy fame. Ooh Lord, thee honor, yea Of all Eastside High, cross forth our loyalty Loyalty, loyalty.

Dialogue

 * Joe Clark: You think you can run this school? If you could, then I wouldn't be here, would I? No one talks in my meetings. NO ONE! You just take out your pencils and write. I want the names of every hoodlum, drug dealer, drug user, and miscreant who's done nothing but take this place apart on my desk by noon today. Reverend Slappy...You are now my chief custodian, Reverend Slappy. You will scour this building clean. Graffiti goes up, it's off the next day. Is that clear? ...Detention students can help you. Let them scrub this place for awhile; let them discover what a fine living people like yourself make doing this. And tear down those cages in the cafeteria! If we treat our students like animals, that's exactly how they'll behave...! This is my new Dean of Security, Mr. William Wright. He will be my Avenging Angel, as you teachers reclaim the halls. This is an institution of learning, ladies and gentlemen. If you can't control it, HOW CAN YOU TEACH?! Discipline is not the enemy of enthusiasm...! Mr. Zirella, you are my new Head Football Coach. Mr. Darnell -- stand up, Mr. Darnell -- Mr. Darnell will be your assistant. You know why you're being demoted, Mr. Darnell? Because I'm sick and tired of our football team getting pushed all over the field! Thank you, sit down! I want precision. I want a weight program. And if you don't like it, Mr. Darnell, you can quit. Same goes for the rest of ya. You tried it your way for years. And 60% of your students -- excluding those with criminal records -- 60% of them can't even pass our state's Minimum Basic Skills Test. THAT MEANS THEY CAN HARDLY READ! They've given me one school year, less than 12 months, to turn this place around...to get those test scores up, so the state will not take us over to perform the task which you have failed to do -- TO EDUCATE OUR CHILDREN! Forget about the way it used to be. This is not a damn democracy. We are in a state of emergency, and my word is law. There's only one boss in this place, and that's me - the "HNIC." Are there any questions? Mr. Wright, with me.
 * [exits]
 * Mr. O'Malley: "HNIC"?
 * Ms. Levias: The "Head Nigger In Charge".

 * Dr. Frank Napier (holding the newspaper): You've seen this yet?
 * [Joe Clark takes the newspaper from Frank, read the headline that says "Principal 'Crazy Joe' Clark Fights With Former Student"]
 * Dr. Frank Napier: You know, all your shit comes down on my head.
 * Joe Clark: Aw, Frank, look--
 * Dr. Frank Napier: No, you let me talk. It's like you're a big bird with radar, and I'm tired of getting hit!
 * Joe Clark: Is this my fault?
 * Dr. Frank Napier: This is nothing! I've got union lawyers threatening me, and there's talk of a walkout!
 * Joe Clark: Well let 'em! They're not teaching anything down there anyway!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Then it's your job to do something about it!
 * Joe Clark: Not one of them has a personal stake in that school, Frank, not one!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: The Fire Chief was just here; he says it's illegal to bar those doors. Mrs. Barrett is organizing a parents' group to try to get you removed, since you insulted them at that meeting the other night when you suggested that they "get off welfare"!
 * Joe Clark: Oh, I didn't mean that...
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Cause the fact is quite a few of them need it.
 * Joe Clark: I wasn't talking to all of them, Frank. Now look, you came and recruited me, man. You disappoint me, brother, you disappoint me.
 * Dr. Frank Napier: The disappointment here is you!
 * Joe Clark: Me?!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Yes!
 * Joe Clark: Look, you know who I am. You've known me 30 years! You knew what I would do! You know how I operate!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Nigga, can you keep quiet!? The fact is you're screwing up! You're alienating everybody! Look at you; you have no life, your wife left you...I oughta walk out on you myself!
 * Joe Clark: Well, go ahead! Bail the hell on out!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: But I said I would back you up!
 * Joe Clark: That's what you said, Frank! That's what you said!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Brother, I will go through the fire with you! But you are not taking care of business! This shit you're pulling now, you've just gone plain loco! Now, you suspend Darnell! What the hell was that?
 * Joe Clark: Darnell is symptomatic of the disciplinary problems that we have in this entire-
 * Dr. Frank Napier: He is a good, strong, young black teacher! So, he...dumped that desk right on top of your head? Well, right on! Good for him! You will reinstate that man, you hear?! [Clark waves his hand in acknowledgment.] And then you fire Mrs. Elliott. Why?! Because she didn't want to kiss your ass?! Well, I wouldn't either! How about that?!
 * Joe Clark: Mrs. Elliott has an ego problem!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Yeah, well, you lost the best teacher we had! We couldn't get her back now if we wanted to.
 * Joe Clark: I don't have time for Mrs. Elliott's problem!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Well, you better make time!
 * Joe Clark: We are being crucified by a process that is turning blacks into a permanent underclass here, Frank! A permanent underclass!
 * [Uninterested, Dr. Napier turns away]
 * Joe Clark: Nuh-uh, see? Nobody wants to talk about that. Nobody! Mrs. Elliott's missionary zeal about Mozart has nothing to do with our problem! Nothing! What good is Mozart going to do a bunch of children who can't go out and get a job?!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Joe, your personal battles are gonna cost us the war. Worry about the test scores.
 * Joe Clark: [screams] What the hell you think I'm worried about, Frank?!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: End of discussion! Debate is over; you will write a formal apology!
 * Joe Clark: I will what?!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: A formal apology! For your treatment of Mrs. Elliott and Darnell and for your vicious and thoughtless insults to the women of this community! You will kowtow; you will step and fetch!
 * Joe Clark: Frank, if you think you can get me...!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Get used to it; it's the way of the world! If you're so hot on discipline, then goddammit... [Slams a fist on his briefcase] start by accepting mine! Because contrary to popular opinion, I'm the Head Nigger In Charge! [Savagely grabs his briefcase and heads for the door, then turns back to a speechless Clark] Come on, let's go get something to eat.
 * Joe Clark: [following him to the door and walking out with him] You really think you're bad, don't you?

 * Joe Clark: Now, let me tell you something: The trouble with being a teenager is you don't know nothin'. The problem with teenagers is you think you're smarter than people who've already been down the road you're traveling. You know what I'm tryin' to say to you, boy? DO YOU?!
 * Thomas Sams: Yes, sir.
 * Joe Clark: Did you tell your father I threw you out of school? [Sams shakes his head without making eye contact; Clark picks Sam's head up, yells] Look at me, DAMN IT!
 * Thomas Sams: [sobs] No, sir.
 * Joe Clark: Why not? No guts, huh? Afraid of what he's gonna say to you, aren't ya?
 * Thomas Sams: My father doesn't live with us anymore, sir.
 * Joe Clark: Oh, is that what you're doing now? Go around feeling sorry for yourself, boy? Huh? Go on. Get outta here! You're wasting my time!
 * Thomas Sams: [crying] Please let me back, sir. I have to get back in school. I can't go home and tell my mom I got kicked out of school.
 * Joe Clark: Now why should I let you back into my school, Sams?
 * Thomas Sams: 'Cause I'm gonna do better, sir.
 * Joe Clark: How?
 * Thomas Sams: By doin' my work.
 * Joe Clark: What else?
 * Thomas Sams: And stayin' out of trouble.
 * Joe Clark: What have you been thinking about all this time? Why should I believe you now?
 * Thomas Sams: 'Cause I changed my ways.
 * Joe Clark: I don't believe you, Sams. I don't think you've changed a thing. Go on, jump!
 * Thomas Sams: [sobs] No, I don't wanna jump!
 * Joe Clark: Yes, you do! You smoke crack, don't ya? YOU SMOKE CRACK, DON'T YA?! [Sams hangs his head in shame; Clark picks up Sam's head up again] LOOK AT ME, BOY! DON'T YOU SMOKE CRACK?!
 * Thomas Sams: Yes, sir.
 * Joe Clark: You know what that does to you? Huh?
 * Thomas Sams: No, sir.
 * Joe Clark: [taps Sam's head with his finger] It kill your brain cells, son. It kills your brain cells! Now when you're destroying your brain cells, you're doing the same thing as killing yourself. You're just doing it slower! Now, I say if you wanna kill yourself, don't fuck around with it! Go on and do it expeditiously! Now go on and jump! JUMP!
 * Thomas Sams: [sobbing in tears] No! I don't wanna kill myself, sir!
 * Joe Clark: You're quite sure about this, are you?
 * Thomas Sams: Yes, sir.
 * Joe Clark: All right, Sams, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna go back on my own word just this once and let you back into my school -- 'cause you're still a baby and you don't know shit. But you understand this, boy: You're not gonna get a moment's rest. I'm gonna be on your case every minute; you mess up just once, and you're outta here. Now, you understand me? Do you understand me?
 * Thomas Sams: Yes, sir.
 * Joe Clark: [calms down] Now, go on back downstairs.

 * Mrs. Elliott: I would love to chat, Mr. Clark, but I have a concert next week in New York and I would like to be prepared.
 * Joe Clark: What?
 * Mrs. Elliott: Prepared. You do know what that means. It means capable, ready, and up to your job.
 * Joe Clark: What concert, Mrs. Elliott?
 * Mrs. Elliott: The one at Lincoln Center. We do it every year.
 * Joe Clark: Until now. Your concert is cancelled.
 * Mrs. Elliott: What?
 * Joe Clark: CANCELLED! You do know what cancelled means, don't you Mrs. Elliott? Over! Finished! Terminated!
 * Mrs. Elliott: WHY? These children have worked too hard!
 * Joe Clark: And for not telling me for one thing!
 * Mrs. Elliott: I filed a form in your office! Why don't you talk to...
 * Joe Clark: And for RANK insubordination! You've questioned my judgement, my competence, my intelligence!
 * Mrs. Elliott: I don't want to get into this! You're the one that comes around here to bother me! You're a bully, a despicable man! I have nothing to say to you!
 * Joe Clark: Alright, let's just accommodate that, Mrs. Elliott! YOU'RE FIRED!
 * Mrs. Elliott: You need a psychiatrist!
 * Joe Clark: GET OUT! RIGHT NOW!
 * Mrs. Elliott: Fine, fine! Fired! Fired! YOU will hear from MY lawyer! [hits the wall]

 * Mr. Darnell: Mr. Clark, just what was that all about?
 * Joe Clark: I distinctly said, "No one moves during the singing of the school song". Now, if you can't understand that, find yourself another place to work!
 * Mr. Darnell: I was picking up a piece of paper!
 * Joe Clark: You're contradicting me in front of my students.
 * Mr. Darnell: They're my students, too!
 * Joe Clark: They are my students, Mr. Darnell!
 * Mr. Darnell: Just what are you trying to prove? I'm working my ass off of you, took the demotion and I'm doin' my job! You're just getting your rocks off for treating me like trash!
 * Joe Clark: No, sir. That's what you were picking up.
 * Mr. Darnell: [slamming the folders onto Clark's desk] Goddamn it! You give me the goddamn respect you would damn well want yourself, or I will kick your black ass!
 * Joe Clark: You are suspended, sir, as of right now! Get out!
 * [Mr. Darnell yells out of frustration and upturns Mr. Clark's desk. They stare at each other briefly, then Mr. Darnell angrily storms out of the room]

 * [Clark looks at the boys' restroom, suspects Sams is hiding something]
 * Joe Clark: Let's see what you got in here.
 * Thomas Sams: You don't want to go in there, Mr. Clark, it stinks!
 * [Clark grabs Sams and they go into the boys restroom]

 * Dr. Frank Napier: Don, the man has a legitimate problem. How's he supposed to keep drug dealers out of his school if their buddies can just push open the exit doors and let 'em walk on in?
 * Mr. Rosenberg: He's got a point, sir.
 * Mayor Don Bottman: Rosenberg, this doesn't concern you.

 * Mayor Don Bottman: What do you want?
 * Leonna Barrett: Clark!
 * Mayor Don Bottman: Just like that, huh? Head on a platter.
 * Leonna Barrett: You think I got an attitude. Well, let me tell you what I think. I know why you like Clark. He's a guard dog. Does your dirty work. Keeps the black folk in line - that's fine. But you've got to get re-elected. I've got enough folks lined up with me to give you a DAMN hard time, and I will get more. I will organize. I will beat the streets.
 * Mayor Don Bottman: Unless I do what?
 * Leonna Barrett: Appoint me to the school board so we can vote Clark out. Otherwise, we'll just have to vote you out.
 * Mayor Don Bottman: Vote me out? You know, it's always good to see citizens avail themselves of the democratic process.
 * Leonna Barrett: My job's gonna be easy. You're not too popular these days, are ya?

 * Joe Clark: Don't talk to me about saving those kids. The mayor wants to save his budget. And you wanna save your ass!
 * Dr. Frank Napier: Well, so what? You want the truth?
 * Joe Clark: Yeah, Frank. Let's have some truth.
 * Dr. Frank Napier: The truth is that for all your talking, all your 'Crazy Joe' routine, what have you ever done? Nothing. You're nothing but an insignificant man. It's like you were never born. Your life hasn't made one bit of difference, and neither has mine. Wanna take that to the grave?

 * Thomas Sams: Hey, Mr. Clark, what did they get you for?
 * Ms. Levias: What's the charge? What's this all about?
 * Leona Barrett: It's about someone finally standing up to this man instead of taking his orders like a maid.
 * Ms. Levias: How dare you speak about people like that? Who do you think you are?
 * Joe Clark: Mrs. Barrett, if you think you can-
 * Leonna Barrett: SHUT UP! You're finished! [holds up the tape recorder] The school board's gonna hear this at 7:00, and we're gonna vote your black ass out.
 * Thomas Sams: [calling after Barrett] Yo, bitch! Vote on THIS! [grabs his crotch at her]
 * Joe Clark: Sams, you go to class! [turning back to Joan] Ms. Levias, you're acting principal now. I expect you to perform as I would.

 * Ms. Levias: Mr. Clark.
 * Mr. Clark: Yes, Ms. Levias?
 * Ms. Levias: May I talk to you for a minute, please?
 * Mr. Clark: What do you want?
 * Ms. Levias: I want you to transfer me.
 * Mr. Clark: To where?
 * Ms. Levias: Out of here!
 * Mr. Clark: You know, this doesn't surprise me one bit, Ms. Levias. I've sensed resistance in you since our very first meeting.
 * Ms. Levias: You're an egomanical windbag.
 * Mr. Clark: Who are you talking to?!
 * Ms. Levias: I'm talking to you! You like to whip people who can't fight back! I thought I could take it because I had a father in the same kind of pain that makes you such a bastard, but I was wrong! Life is much too short! I will not endure you any longer!
 * Mr. Clark: You will not endure me?!
 * Ms. Levias: The only reason I haven't walked out, and half the staff along with me, is because those children need us here.
 * Mr. Clark: Oh, the children need you?
 * Ms. Levias: You're so busy talking discipline, you forget to educate!
 * Mr. Clark: Is that so? Then what the hell do you think I've been doing all this time?
 * Ms. Levias: So you cleaned it up. That was the easy part.
 * Mr. Clark: That's the easy part?
 * Ms. Levias: Those children want to be helped. They have worked their hearts out for you, Joe. Done everything we've asked them, believed what we told them. But I feel sorry for them. They're not ready to take that test!
 * Mr. Clark: What the hell are you talking about? I have done everything——
 * Ms. Levias: I! I! It is always I! There are 300 teachers on the faculty here! You do not do it all alone!
 * Mr. Clark: [begins to walk away] I don't have to stand here and listen to these accusations.
 * Ms. Levias: You will listen! You will stand there and you will listen!
 * Mr. Clark: All right, Ms. Levias. All right, go ahead and talk.
 * Ms. Levias: For the past seven months, you've been flapping your mouth and you haven't heard a thing. You haven't even seen what's painfully obvious.
 * Mr. Clark: I'll tell you what I DO see, lady——
 * Ms. Levias: NO! I'M talking now! Let me finish! Everybody here may not like you as a person, but we all applaud your effort. But what you don't understand is that the same people who support you are the ones that you're beating up! You don't even take the time to say, "Thank you", "Job well done", nothing. You just step in their necks, constantly abuse them, criticize them.
 * Mr. Clark: (walks towards Ms. Levias) Ms. Levias, what do you want from me? What the HELL do you want?!
 * Ms. Levias: I want you to get this straight. Most of the teachers that are here are here because they care about those children out there. This school, this fight, they are in it with you. They take it home at night the same as you. They are part of those children's lives. You are thoughtless and cruel. And it hurts. And none of them deserve it. They are sick of it, and so am I!

Taglines

 * A true story about a real hero.

 * Eastside High was a training ground for jail. Then Joe Clark took over. Now the kids are getting something they never had. A future.

 * At Eastside High, they called him "Crazy Joe" for padlocking the doors, and for changing all the rules. But Principal Joe Clark was crazy about one thing only - the students who loved him.

 * Eastside High never had a principal this tough - or one who cared this much about its students.

Cast

 * Morgan Freeman – as Joe Clark
 * Beverly Todd – Mrs. Joan Levias
 * Alan North – as Mayor Don Bottman
 * Robert Guillaume – as Dr. Frank Napier
 * Ethan Phillips – as Mr. Rosenberg
 * Lynne Thigpen – Leonna Barrett
 * Robin Bartlett - Mrs. Elliott
 * Michael Beach – Mr. Larry Darnell
 * Sandra Reaves-Phillips – Mrs. Powers
 * Tony Todd – William Wright, Dean of Security
 * Sloane Shelton – Mrs. Hamilton
 * Jermaine 'Huggy' Hopkins – Thomas Sams
 * Karen Malina White – Kaneesha Carter
 * Karina Arroyave – Maria
 * Alex Romaguera - Kid Ray
 * Jose R. Severino - John Jones
 * Michael P. Moran - Mr. Ed O'Malley
 * Ivonne Coll – Mrs. Santos
 * Regina Taylor – Mrs. Carter
 * Jim Moody – Mr. Lott
 * Linda M. Salgado – Linda
 * Mike Starr – Mr. Zirella
 * Reverend Herschell Slappy – Himself
 * Cole Dragone - Boss
 * Michael Imperioli - George

title: Lean on Me


text: Template:DIRMARK

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Template:DIRMARK


text:
Template talk:DIRMARK

to sysops

 * Please read commons:Template talk:DIRMARK.
 * Please protect template:DIRMARK against moves and edits. Thanks in advance! best regards en:User:Gangleri | T 22:13, 14 January 2006 (UTC)

authors: לערי ריינהארט

title: Template talk:DIRMARK


text:
God of Thunder (video game)

The following quotes are from God of Thunder.

Dialogue

 * You find a shovel...With your face. - Odin, when Thor finds a shovel in a dark level
 * Sorcery & Such
 * Our 33rd year of going out of business

 * Odin: You've found a child's doll. Put it under your shirt…and P-L-E-A-S-E don't let anyone see you carrying it!
 * WILL YOU PUT THAT AWAY! What would Hercules think if he saw you playing with that? - Odin, on use of the doll
 * Thor: What's with the doll
 * Hermit: Miss Muffy is NOT a doll!

 * Thor: What's with the doll
 * Hermit: Shhh... She might hear you!

 * Thor: What's with the doll
 * Hermit: She's my only friend

 * Thor: What's with the doll
 * Hermit: It's a personal matter

 * Thor: What's with the doll
 * Hermit: Mind your own business!

 * Relg: Hi and welcome to Relg's TV and Bridge Repair. We can fix ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. As long as it's a TV or a bridge.
 * Relg: Which bridge needs fixed?
 * Thor: My dental bridge
 * Relg: Dammit Thor, I'm a TV and bridge repairman, not a dentist!
 * Thor: London bridge
 * Relg: Sorry, we only work in a fifty mile radius

 * Odin: You have found Nognir's Lair, my son! He is very powerful, but if you are patient and do not panic you will defeat him!
 * Welcome to Ken's House of Wonders. If you survive your trip, it will be well worth it! - Hermit outside
 * Child: If you're entering town, watch out for the Red Guards. They will throw you in jail for almost anything! You sure don't want to end up there…or do you?
 * Sign Outside Lokisburg: Have a pleasant stay, but remember these few rules:
 * No cussing
 * No smoking
 * No spitting
 * No jaywalking
 * No speeding
 * No rebellions
 * No kissing your Mother or Father 'goodbye'
 * No golden apple selling
 * No door-to-door sales
 * No drinking
 * No unlicensed pets
 * No unauthorized opinions
 * No people taller than sixteen pixels
 * No bad, inside jokes
 * No dropping ice cream on the governor's foot
 * And especially,
 * NO red haired thunder gods!

 * Child: Do ya think that the Force will be with us since we're the Rebels?
 * Woody: Here at Woody's we have everything you need for the home, office or local rebellion.
 * Woody: What can i get for ya?
 * Thor: Hammer
 * Woody: Sorry, we're sold out of that
 * Thor: Chisel
 * Woody: Sorry, we're sold out of that, too
 * Thor: 'C' clamp
 * Woody: Sorry, we're sold out of that, also
 * Thor: Screwdriver
 * Woody: Sorry, we're sold out of that, also too
 * Thor: Tonic & Gin
 * Woody: You don't catch on very quick, do you?
 * Thor: Electric Saw
 * Woody: This just might be your lucky day! I think I have one of those left ............ Ah yes, here it is, But I don't know where you're going to plug it in.

 * Odin: Use your Electric Saw! I will power it with my…uh…my…Omnipotent Odin-ness!
 * Odin: You found a Mystic Mushroom. It could probably be used to cast magic spells…But not by you.
 * Odin: {Thor tries to use Mystic Mushroom} You chant the ancient spell you heard as a child. Fleegad…Hepturk…Seepwon…Zraxik…Hike! Nothin'.
 * Man in Lokisburg: {Hears his wife told him to get some food from the pantry while she gathered firewood} WHAT! Well, what does she expect me to eat….a couple of pop-tarts? I'm a meat and potatoes man! Keep the silly key, I need REAL food!
 * Andy's Armor Repair
 * You scuff 'em, we buff 'em

 * Thor: How many licks does it take?
 * Surtur: Let's find out. A one…Ta-whoooo…{Eats the sucker} I guess the world will have to wait a while longer for that one.

 * Thor: Why can't you tickle yourself?
 * Surtur: I don't know. And that IS the correct answer to your question.

 * Odin- {Thor kills someone in Part One} My son, I know it is fun to shoot people but if you kill all the good guys you'll never complete your mission. You lose points, too!
 * Odin- {Thor kills someone in Part Two} Didn't I tell you not to shoot your friends…back in Part I…Remember?
 * Odin- {Thor kills someone in Part Three} Ok, have it your way, kill all your friends. Then you'll probably have to order a hint book to finish the game.
 * Child- You're my hero! They should make a comic book about you!

title: God of Thunder (video game)


text:
Wikiquote talk:Administrators

template:DIRMARK T

 * Please read commons:Template talk:DIRMARK.
 * Please protect template:DIRMARK against moves and edits. Thanks in advance! best regards en:User:Gangleri | T 22:56, 14 January 2006 (UTC)

Language skills of administrators
Based on s:Wikisource_talk:Administrators that I initiated there, I would like to suggest admins to voluntarily disclose their language skills. As we have so many translated quotes, knowing the language skills of administrators may make it easier to request translation verification and for inter-language coordinations. My dear fellow admins, how would you think of my idea?--Jusjih 02:30, 28 December 2007 (UTC) (admin here and on English Wikisource)

Hamid Bin Ahmad Al-Rifaie

 * Why did you delete the article ... We have repaired the article .. I have to add the sources .. I have also attached files for books PDF format ... I'm astonished by this act???? Is it deleted for deletion only??FALCON-MAN 08:26, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
 * The article was deleted pursuant to Votes for deletion/Hamid Bin Ahmad Al-Rifaie, where the consensus was that the subject is not sufficiently notable. Proponents for keeping the article did not provide persuasive evidence that the works are widely quoted or noted in sources independent of the author's affiliates. ~ Ningauble 15:48, 22 February 2010 (UTC)

 * The article was nominated for deletion for certain reasons listed there .... Defects have been repaired and the addition of sources for the article ... As well as the addition of books and files attached to PDF format ..... Question: What is the benefit of the vote if the article had been repaired!!! Voting was on the defects, and defects repaired?? So the vote has no value to him??? In other words: the vote was for some reason ... The reason ended ... So vote for him no value FALCON-MAN 16:05, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

nutshell
I have removed a newly added "nutshell" from this page (copied from Wikipedia), which read "Administrators are users trusted with access to certain tools. They are expected to observe a high standard of conduct, to use the tools fairly, and never to use them to gain advantage in a dispute." I am not sure we need one, but I would not object if it accurately summarized the page. However, I think this language places an emphasis on behavioral issues present in the Wikipedia policy but not in the Wikiquote version. One may hope it never becomes necessary to add that particular emphasis here. ~ Ningauble 22:38, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Inertia
To ask, is this person an Administrator?72.184.129.252 06:51, 8 July 2010 (UTC)

Help with stats
I would like to ask if there is a way I can compile stats of local Wikiquote contributions for different local languages for newly created Wikiquote articles and improved ones in the past 30 days especially getting the stats for women wikiquote.user:Shoodho

Changes proposed by Ottawahitech are substantial and deserve discussion
How the article began up until December 2023, and how it begins now, after my revert: Administrators are Wikiquotians who have "sysop rights".↵Current English Wikiquote policy is to grant this access liberally to anyone who has been an active Wikiquote contributor for a while and is generally a known and trusted member of the community.↵"This should be no big deal," as Jimbo has said. "Sysop" and "administrator" are really misnomers, as they are just Wikiquote users who have had performance and security-based restrictions on a couple of features lifted because they seemed like trustworthy folks and asked nicely. Sysops are not imbued with any special authority, and are equal to everybody else in terms of editorial responsibility. On December 10, 2023, removed this established text and replaced it with the following:

An administrator is a user with specific tasks who is trusted by the community. Being an administrator is not a title of merit or difference compared to other Wikipedians, but a service function for which a user voluntarily decides to take responsibility; in fact, an administrator does not have more rights than other users nor does he enjoy particular privileges; on the other hand his duties are very specific. To carry out his tasks he is provided with some additional features of the software. The term of office is not pre-established and an administrator has the right to resign from their office. If serious problems arise, an administrator can be removed (see the relevant paragraph).

The original version was clear and clean, helpful to anyone interested in the duties of an admin and the road to becoming one. The changes removed specific and useful information, replacing it with a bunch of editorializing, which is not even accurate. In fact, an admin DOES have more rights than other users, e.g. the "mop," the "tools," whatever you want to call them, are wielded by admins and not by everybody. This is why, per BRD, I restored the original version. I hope others will comment on whether or not some new wording should have consensus. HouseOfChange (talk) 02:24, 28 January 2024 (UTC)

title: Wikiquote talk:Administrators


text:
Vimanarama

Vimanarama (2005) is a three-issue comic book miniseries by Grant Morrison and Philip Bond in which a young English Muslim finds himself at the centre of armageddon after his nephew releases dark spirits.

Issue #1

 * Ali: It's just... I mean, everything is pre-ordained and occurs by God's will, isn't it? But if it's God's will that this girl Sofia is ugly or stupid or boring... then... then doesn't that mean that he hates me? You know, sometimes you just you just hate somebody and with God it could be me...
 * Omar: God loves everybody, Ali. Even you. If she's ugly it's dad who hates you.

 * Sofia: I've just been thinking. When did everything stop being normal?

 * Sofia: Okay. I think we unleashed the forces of darkness by mistake.
 * Ali: Lucky I brought my dad's hammer.

 * Sofia: Ali. That tiny little popping noise you just heard was the sound of me going completely insane.
 * Ali: Mine was more of a "ping".

Issue #2

 * Ben Rama: Sofia, I know you find this strange, but my love's genetic material runs through your body. I can make you immortal once more and you'll remember being her.
 * Sofia: Immortal? Wait a minute! Wait. I'm just a girl from the southeast of England. Immortality was never on my list of things to do before you're thirty.

 * Ben Rama: My head! My knee! My knee... grazed beyond redemption!

Issue #3

 * Ali: If I'm so irresponsible, why do I always end up feeling responsible for everything?

[Ali's brother Omar has found him in the afterlife]
 * Omar: Praise God. I'll be your guide.
 * Ali: You? I'm the one who figured out how to get here using nothing but a piece of rope.
 * Omar: Oh, so you hang yourself like an idiot and now you're an expert! I remember when you were wetting yourself on the prayer mat!
 * Kandivali: And I remember both of you wetting yourself at the same time on a copy of the Sunday Times colour supplement!
 * Ali: Dad? Does no one trust me to save the world on my own?

[The demons are attacking New York, which is built atop the lost ruins of Atlantis]
 * General: They claim to be some sort of indigenous people.
 * Aide: Atlanteans, sir.
 * President: Atlanteans? Oh dear lord. Did we persecute Atlanteans?

 * Omar: ...Ali is dead? Oh, no, no, no, no! Not you. God sent us all back. It's your turn now. It's your job to be great, Ali. I run the shops so you can be free to be great. Come on, you lazy bugger! We've all had a hard day. The whole world has had a hard and unusual day. Wherever you are, I'm still with you, little brother. I'm still praying for you, like I always do.

title: Vimanarama


text:
Ashoka

Ashoka the Great (Devanagari: अशोक; IAST transliteration: Aśoka, 304 BCE – 232 BCE), known also as Piyadasi (Pali. Sanskrit:Priyadarśin – meaning 'good looking'), and Devanaŋpiya (Pali. Sanskrit:Devānāmpriya meaning 'beloved of the Gods'), was the emperor of the Mauryan Empire from 273 BCE to 232 BCE. After a number of military conquests, Ashoka reigned over most of South Asia and beyond, from present-day Afghanistan to Bengal and as far south as Mysore. An early supporter of Buddhism, Ashoka established monuments marking several significant sites in the life of Shakyamuni Buddha, and according to Buddhist tradition was closely involved in the preservation and transmission of Buddhism. The name "Ashoka" means "without sorrow" in Sanskrit. Ashoka was the first ruler of ancient Bharatavarsha (India), after the famed Mahabharata rulers, to unify such a vast territory under his empire, which exceeds the boundaries of the present-day Republic of India.

Quotes

 * Ten years (of reign) having been completed, King Piodasses (Piyadassi) made known (the doctrine of) Piety to men; and from this moment he has made men more pious, and everything thrives throughout the whole world. And the king abstains from (killing) living beings, and other men and those who (are) huntsmen and fishermen of the king have desisted from hunting. And if some (were) intemperate, they have ceased from their intemperance as was in their power; and obedient to their father and mother and to the elders, in opposition to the past also in the future, by so acting on every occasion, they will live better and more happily.
 * "The Greek Section of the Kandahar Inscription" as translated by G. P. Carratelli in A Bilingual Graeco-Aramaic Edict by Aśoka: The First Greek Inscription Discovered in Afghanistan (1964) edited by G. P. Carratelli and G. Garbini, p. 32; Piyadassi is one of the titles of Ashoka, meaning Beloved of the Gods, "Piety" here is a translation of the Greek εὐσέβεια, Eusebeia.

Edicts of Ashoka (c. 257 BC)

 * Using primarily Girnar version of the edicts, issued in 257 B.C.

 * Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, has caused this Dhamma edict to be written. Here (in my domain) no living beings are to be slaughtered or offered in sacrifice. Formerly, in the kitchen of Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, hundreds of thousands of animals were killed every day to make curry. But now with the writing of this Dhamma edict only three creatures, two peacocks and a deer are killed, and the deer not always. And in time, not even these three creatures will be killed.

 * Everywhere within Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi's domain, and among the people beyond the borders, the Cholas, the Pandyas, the Satiyaputras, the Keralaputras, as far as Tamraparni and where the Greek king Antiochos rules, and among the kings who are neighbours of Antiochos, everywhere has Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, made provision for two types of medical treatment: medical treatment for humans and medical treatment for animals. Wherever medical herbs suitable for humans or animals are not available, I have had them imported and grown. Wherever medical roots or fruits are not available I have had them imported and grown. Along roads I have had wells dug and trees planted for the benefit of humans and animals.

 * Respect for mother and father is good, generosity to friends, acquaintances, relatives, Brahmans and ascetics is good, not killing living beings is good, moderation in spending and moderation in saving is good. The Council shall notify the Yuktas about the observance of these instructions in these very words.

 * To do good is difficult. One who does good first does something hard to do. I have done many good deeds, and, if my sons, grandsons and their descendants up to the end of the world act in like manner, they too will do much good. But whoever amongst them neglects this, they will do evil. Truly, it is easy to do evil.

 * Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, desires that all religions should reside everywhere, for all of them desire self-control and purity of heart. But people have various desires and various passions, and they may practice all of what they should or only a part of it. But one who receives great gifts yet is lacking in self-control, purity of heart, gratitude and firm devotion, such a person is mean.

 * Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, does not consider glory and fame to be of great account unless they are achieved through having my subjects respect Dhamma and practice Dhamma, both now and in the future. For this alone does Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, desire glory and fame. And whatever efforts Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, is making, all of that is only for the welfare of the people in the next world, and that they will have little evil. And being without merit is evil. This is difficult for either a humble person or a great person to do except with great effort, and by giving up other interests. In fact, it may be even more difficult for a great person to do.

 * There is no gift like the gift of the Dhamma, (no acquaintance like) acquaintance with Dhamma, (no distribution like) distribution of Dhamma, and (no kinship like) kinship through Dhamma. And it consists of this: proper behavior towards servants and employees, respect for mother and father, generosity to friends, companions, relations, Brahmans and ascetics, and not killing living beings. Therefore a father, a son, a brother, a master, a friend, a companion or a neighbor should say: "This is good, this should be done." One benefits in this world and gains great merit in the next by giving the gift of the Dhamma.

 * Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, honors both ascetics and the householders of all religions, and he honors them with gifts and honors of various kinds. But Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, does not value gifts and honors as much as he values this — that there should be growth in the essentials of all religions. Growth in essentials can be done in different ways, but all of them have as their root restraint in speech, that is, not praising one's own religion, or condemning the religion of others without good cause. And if there is cause for criticism, it should be done in a mild way. But it is better to honor other religions for this reason. By so doing, one's own religion benefits, and so do other religions, while doing otherwise harms one's own religion and the religions of others. Whoever praises his own religion, due to excessive devotion, and condemns others with the thought "Let me glorify my own religion," only harms his own religion. Therefore contact (between religions) is good. One should listen to and respect the doctrines professed by others. Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, desires that all should be well-learned in the good doctrines of other religions.

 * Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, conquered the Kalingas eight years after his coronation. One hundred and fifty thousand were deported, one hundred thousand were killed and many more died (from other causes). After the Kalingas had been conquered, Beloved-of-the-Gods came to feel a strong inclination towards the Dhamma, a love for the Dhamma and for instruction in Dhamma. Now Beloved-of-the-Gods feels deep remorse for having conquered the Kalingas. Indeed, Beloved-of-the-Gods is deeply pained by the killing, dying and deportation that take place when an unconquered country is conquered. But Beloved-of-the-Gods is pained even more by this — that Brahmins, ascetics, and householders of different religions who live in those countries, and who are respectful to superiors, to mother and father, to elders, and who behave properly and have strong loyalty towards friends, acquaintances, companions, relatives, servants and employees — that they are injured, killed or separated from their loved ones. Even those who are not affected (by all this) suffer when they see friends, acquaintances, companions and relatives affected. These misfortunes befall all (as a result of war), and this pains Beloved-of-the-Gods. There is no country, except among the Greeks, where these two groups, Brahmins and ascetics, are not found, and there is no country where people are not devoted to one or another religion. Therefore the killing, death or deportation of a hundredth, or even a thousandth part of those who died during the conquest of Kalinga now pains Beloved-of-the-Gods. Now Beloved-of-the-Gods thinks that even those who do wrong should be forgiven where forgiveness is possible.

 * All men are my children. What I desire for my own children, and I desire their welfare and happiness both in this world and the next, that I desire for all men. You do not understand to what extent I desire this, and if some of you do understand, you do not understand the full extent of my desire.

 * You must attend to this matter. While being completely law-abiding, some people are imprisoned, treated harshly and even killed without cause so that many people suffer. Therefore your aim should be to act with impartiality. It is because of these things — envy, anger, cruelty, hate, indifference, laziness or tiredness — that such a thing does not happen. Therefore your aim should be: "May these things not be in me." And the root of this is non-anger and patience. Those who are bored with the administration of justice will not be promoted; (those who are not) will move upwards and be promoted. Whoever among you understands this should say to his colleagues: "See that you do your duty properly. Such and such are Beloved-of-the-Gods' instructions." Great fruit will result from doing your duty, while failing in it will result in gaining neither heaven nor the king's pleasure. Failure in duty on your part will not please me. But done properly, it will win you heaven and you will be discharging your debts to me.

 * The people of the unconquered territories beyond the borders might think: "What is the king's intentions towards us?" My only intention is that they live without fear of me, that they may trust me and that I may give them happiness, not sorrow. Furthermore, they should understand that the king will forgive those who can be forgiven, and that he wishes to encourage them to practice Dhamma so that they may attain happiness in this world and the next. I am telling you this so that I may discharge the debts I owe, and that in instructing you, that you may know that my vow and my promise will not be broken. Therefore acting in this way, you should perform your duties and assure them (the people beyond the borders) that: "The king is like a father. He feels towards us as he feels towards himself. We are to him like his own children."

 * Beloved-of-the-Gods speaks thus: Father and mother should be respected and so should elders, kindness to living beings should be made strong and the truth should be spoken. In these ways, the Dhamma should be promoted. Likewise, a teacher should be honored by his pupil and proper manners should be shown towards relations. This is an ancient rule that conduces to long life. Thus should one act.

 * Dhamma is good, but what constitutes Dhamma? (It includes) little evil, much good, kindness, generosity, truthfulness and purity. I have given the gift of sight in various ways. To two-footed and four-footed beings, to birds and aquatic animals, I have given various things including the gift of life. And many other good deeds have been done by me.

 * People see only their good deeds saying, "I have done this good deed." But they do not see their evil deeds saying, "I have done this evil deed" or "This is called evil." But this (tendency) is difficult to see. One should think like this: "It is these things that lead to evil, to violence, to cruelty, anger, pride and jealousy. Let me not ruin myself with these things." And further, one should think: "This leads to happiness in this world and the next."

 * Whatever good deeds have been done by me, those the people accept and those they follow. Therefore they have progressed and will continue to progress by being respectful to mother and father, respectful to elders, by courtesy to the aged and proper behavior towards Brahmans and ascetics, towards the poor and distressed, and even towards servants and employees.

 * This progress among the people through Dhamma has been done by two means, by Dhamma regulations and by persuasion. Of these, Dhamma regulation is of little effect, while persuasion has much more effect. The Dhamma regulations I have given are that various animals must be protected. And I have given many other Dhamma regulations also. But it is by persuasion that progress among the people through Dhamma has had a greater effect in respect of harmlessness to living beings and non-killing of living beings.

 * Although Ashoka was victorious in this horrific and gruesome war, he felt remorse for all the suffering he had caused and hence turned to Buddhism. He wrote in his Edict Thirteen that: The Kalingas were conquered by His Sacred Majesty the King when he had been consecrated for eight years. One hundred and fifty thousand persons were thence carried away captive, and one hundred thousand were there slain, and many times that number perished. Directly after the annexation of the Kalingas, began his Sacred Majesty's zealous protection of Dharma, his love of Dharma, and his giving instruction in that. Thus arose His Sacred Majesty's remorse for having conquered the Kalingas, because the conquest of a country previously unconquered involves the slaughter, death, and carrying away captive of the people. That is a matter of profound sorrow and regret to His Sacred Majesty.
 * in V.A. Smith 2009: 171) quoted from    Malhotra, R., & Infinity Foundation (Princeton, N.J.). (2018). Being different: An Indian challenge to western universalism.

Quotes about Ashoka

 * In the political sense Ashoka had failed; in another sense he had accomplished one of the greatest tasks in history. Within two hundred years after his death Buddhism had spread throughout India, and was entering upon the bloodless conquest of Asia. If to this day, from Kandy in Ceylon to Kamakura in Japan, the placid face of Gautama bids men be gentle to one another and love peace, it is partly because a dreamer, perhaps a saint, once held the throne of India.
 * Durant, Will (1963). Our Oriental heritage. New York: Simon & Schuster.

 * When Buddhism first emerges in what may be termed the light of history, it is as an established system highly favoured by the great king Asoka, about 250 B.C. It is made clear by his edicts that only a small number of scriptures, whose titles are only partially identifiable with known extant writings, were then recognised as preserving the spoken discourses of the Buddha.
 * John Mackinnon Robertson, in Pagan Christs : Studies in Comparative Hierology (1903), p. 257

 * So impressive was Ashoka's example that many other Asian monarchs adopted it. Japan's Prince Shotuku, for example, used it to unify the Japanese nation and improve international relations. For this policy, the renowned historians Arnold Toynbee and H.G. Wells have called Ashoka the greatest monarch who ever lived.
 * Malhotra, R., & Infinity Foundation (Princeton, N.J.). (2018). Being different: An Indian challenge to western universalism.

 * Asoka (264 to 227 B.C.), one of the great monarchs of history, whose dominions extended from Afghanistan to Madras... is the only military monarch on record who abandoned warfare after victory. He had invaded Kalinga (255 B.C.), a country along the east coast of Madras, perhaps with some intention of completing the conquest of the tip of the Indian peninsula. The expedition was successful, but he was disgusted by what be saw of the cruelties and horrors of war. He declared, in certain inscriptions that still exist, that he would no longer seek conquest by war, but by religion, and the rest of his life was devoted to the spreading of Buddhism throughout the world. He seems to have ruled his vast empire in peace and with great ability. He was no mere religious fanatic.
 * H. G. Wells, in The Outline of History (1920)

 * For eight and twenty years Asoka worked sanely for the real needs of men. Amidst the tens of thousands of names of monarchs that crowd the columns of history, their majesties and graciousnesses and serenities and royal highnesses and the like, the name of Asoka shines, and shines, almost alone, a star. From the Volga to Japan his name is still honoured. China, Tibet, and even India, though it has left his doctrine, preserve the tradition of his greatness. More living men cherish his memory to-day than have ever heard the names of Constantine or Charlemagne.
 * H. G. Wells, in The Outline of History (1920)

 * In the history of the world there have been thousands of kings and emperors who called themselves "their highnesses," "their majesties," and "their exalted majesties" and so on. They shone for a brief moment, and as quickly disappeared. But Ashoka shines and shines brightly like a bright star, even unto this day.
 * H. G. Wells, as quoted in Zentrepreneurism (2006) by Allan Holender, p. 139

title: Ashoka


text:
User:Penguins Are Animals 5327

Retired

title: User:Penguins Are Animals 5327


text:
Wikiquote talk:Quote of the day/January 15, 2006

mmm self-aggrandizement


text:
David Foster Wallace

David Foster Wallace (21 February 1962 – 12 September 2008) was an American novelist, essayist, and short story writer. His works include The Broom of the System (novel), Infinite Jest (novel), The Girl With Curious Hair (short story collection), Brief Interviews with Hideous Men (short story collection), A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again (essay collection), and the posthumously-published The Pale King (novel) and Both Flesh and Not (essay collection).

Infinite Jest (1996)

 * What if sometimes there is no choice about what to love? What if the temple comes to Mohammed? What if you just love? without deciding? You just do: you see her and in that instant are lost to sober account-keeping and cannot choose but to love?

 * My chest bumps like a dryer with shoes in it.

 * Severity is in the eye of the sufferer, it says. Pain is pain.

 * After a few weeks of this she'd spend a whole day weeping, beating at herself as if on fire.

 * Betraying her class and origin with the heartbreaking openness Joelle's always viewed as either terribly stupid or terribly brave

 * There are no choices without personal freedom, Buckeroo. It's not us who are dead inside. These things you find so weak and contemptible in us - these are just the hazards of being free

 * 'You know what your problem is, Hallie?' 'I have just one problem?'

 * Then Thursday Coyle had his left wrist tied to his right ankle and was still beating this new kid Stockhausen until Schtitt sent Tex Watson down to tell him to knock it off.

 * They can kill you, but the legalities of eating you are quite a bit dicier.

 * These worst mornings with cold floors and hot windows and merciless light—the soul’s certainty that the day will have to be not traversed but sort of climbed, vertically, and then that going to sleep again at the end of it will be like falling, again, off something tall and sheer.

 * That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.

 * That everyone is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else. That this isn't necessarily perverse.

 * The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. Yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don‘t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

 * Molly Notkin often confides on the phone to Joelle van Dyne about the one tormented love of Notkin's life thus far, an erotically circumscribed G.W. Pabst scholar at New York University tortured by the neurotic conviction that there are only a finite number of erections possible in the world at any one time and that his tumescence means e.g. the detumescence of some perhaps more deserving or tortured Third World sorghum farmer or something, so that whenever he tumifies he'll suffer the same order of guilt that your less eccentrically tortured Ph.D.-type person will suffer at the idea of, say, wearing baby-seal fur. Molly still takes the high-speed rail down to visit him every couple of weeks, to be there for him in case by some selfish mischance he happens to harden, prompting black waves of self-disgust and an extreme neediness for understanding and nonjudgmental love.

 * "If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around a Substance-recovery halfway facility like Enfield MA’s state-funded Ennet House, you will acquire many exotic new facts…That certain persons simply will not like you no matter what you do. That sleeping can be a form of emotional escape and can with sustained effort be abused. That purposeful sleep-deprivation can also be an abusable escape. That you do not have to like a person in order to learn from him/her/it. That loneliness is not a function of solitude. That logical validity is not a guarantee of truth. That it takes effort to pay attention to any one stimulus for more than a few seconds. That boring activities become, perversely, much less boring if you concentrate intently on them. That if enough people in a silent room are drinking coffee it is possible to make out the sound of steam coming off the coffee. That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt. That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do. That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness. That it is possible to fall asleep during an anxiety attack. That concentrating intently on anything is very hard work. That 99% of compulsive thinkers’ thinking is about themselves; that 99% of this self-directed thinking consists of imagining and then getting ready for things that are going to happen to them; and then, weirdly, that if they stop to think about it, that 100% of the things they spend 99% of their time and energy imagining and trying to prepare for all the contingencies and consequences of are never good. In short that 99% of the head’s thinking activity consists of trying to scare the everliving shit out of itself. That it is possible to make rather tasty poached eggs in a microwave oven. That some people’s moms never taught them to cover up or turn away when they sneeze. That the people to be the most frightened of are the people who are the most frightened. That it takes great personal courage to let yourself appear weak. That no single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable. That other people can often see things about you that you yourself cannot see, even if those people are stupid. That having a lot of money does not immunize people from suffering or fear. That trying to dance sober is a whole different kettle of fish. That different people have radically different ideas of basic personal hygiene. That, perversely, it is often more fun to want something than to have it. That if you do something nice for somebody in secret, anonymously, without letting the person you did it for know it was you or anybody else know what it was you did or in any way or form trying to get credit for it, it’s almost its own form of intoxicating buzz. That anonymous generosity, too, can be abused. That it is permissible to want. That everybody is identical in their unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else. That this isn’t necessarily perverse. That there might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels."

 * 'So then at forty-six years of age I came here to learn to live by cliches,' is what Day says to Charlotte Treat right after Randy Lenz asked what time it was, again, at 0825. 'To turn my will and life over to the care of cliches. One day at a time. Easy does it. First things first. Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Ask for help. Thy will not mine be done. It works if you work it. Grow or go. Keep coming back.' [...] I walk around with my arms out straight in front of me and recite these cliches. In a monotone. No inflection necessary. Could that be one? Could that be added to the cliche-pool? "No inflection necessary"? Too many syllables, probably.'

 * Hal, who's empty but not dumb, theorizes privately that what passes for hip cynical transcendence of sentiment is really some kind of fear of being really human, since to be really human (at least as he conceptualizes it) is probably to be unavoidably sentimental and naïve and goo-prone and generally pathetic, is to be in some sort of basic interior way forever infantile, some sort of not-quite-right-looking infant dragging itself anclitically around the map, with big wet eyes and froggy-soft skin, huge skull, goey drool. One of the really American things about Hal, probably, is the way he despises what it is he's really lonely for: this hideous internal self, incontinent of sentiment and need, that pules and writhes just under the hip empty mask, anhedonia.

Short stories

 * The idea was to have the accident and whatever explosion and fire was involved occur someplace isolated enough that no one else would see it, so that there would be as little an aspect of performance to the thing as I could manage and no temptation to spend my last few seconds trying to imagine what impressions the sight and sound of the impact might make on someone watching. I was partly concerned that it might be spectacular and dramatic and might look as if the driver was trying to go out in as dramatic a way as possible. This is the sort of shit we waste our lives thinking about.
 * "Good Old Neon", Oblivion: Stories

 * A large percentage of bright young men and women locate the impetus behind their career choice in the belief that they are fundamentally different from the common run of man, unique and in certain crucial ways superior, more as it were central, meaningful—what else could explain the fact that they themselves have been at the exact center of all they've experienced for the whole 20 years of their conscious lives?—and that they can and will make a difference in their chosen field simply by the fact of their unique and central presence to it...
 * "Mister Squishy", Oblivion: Stories

 * At the base of the plane, Styles freelance photographer is down on one knee, going handheld, still in the same Hawaiian shirt. The famously reclusive R. Vaughn Corliss is nowhere in view. Doug Llewellyn’s wardrobe furnished by Hugo Boss. The Malina blanket for the artist’s lap and thighs, however, is the last minute fix of a production oversight, retrieved from the car of an apprentice gaffer whose child is still nursing, and is not what anyone would call an appropriate color or design, and appears unbilled. There’s also some eleventh hour complication involving the ground level camera and the problem of keeping the commode’s special monitor out of its upward shot, since video capture of a camera’s own monitor causes what is known in the industry as feedback glare — the artist in such a case would see, not his own emergent Victory, but a searing and amorphous light.
 * "The Suffering Channel", Oblivion: Stories

 * We all have our little solipsistic delusions, ghastly intuitions of utter singularity: that we are the only one in the house who ever fills the ice-cube tray, who unloads the clean dishwasher, who occasionally pees in the shower, whose eyelid twitches on first dates; that only we take casualness terribly seriously; that only we fashion supplication into courtesy; that only we hear the whiny pathos in a dog's yawn, the timeless sigh in the opening of the hermetically-sealed jar, the splattered laugh in the frying egg, the minor-D lament in the vacuum's scream; that only we feel the panic at sunset the rookie kindergartner feels at his mother's retreat. That only we love the only-we. That only we need the only-we. Solipsism binds us together, J.D. knows. That we feel lonely in a crowd; stop not to dwell on what's brought the crowd into being. That we are, always, faces in a crowd.
 * "Westward The Course Of Empire Takes Its Way", ''Girl With Curious Hair

Consider the Lobster (2007)

 * The American Academy of Emergency Medicine confirms it: Each year, between one and two dozen adult US males are admitted to ERs after having castrated themselves. With kitchen tools, usually sometimes wire cutters. In answer to the obvious question, surviving patients most often report that their sexual urges had become a source of intolerable conflict and anxiety. The desire for perfect release and the real-world impossibility of perfect, whenever-you-want-it release had together produced a tension they could no longer stand.
 * Big Red Son
 * A city that pretends to be nothing but what it is, an enormous machine of exchange - of spectacle for money, of sensation for money, of money for more money, of pleasure for whatever be tomorrow's abstract cost.
 * Big Red Son, on Las Vegas, NV
 * Nor let us forget Vegas's synecdoche and beating heart. It's kitty-corner from Bally's: Caesar's Palace. The granddaddy. As big as 20 walmarts end to end. Real marble and fake marble, carpeting you can pass out on without contusion, 130,000 square feet of casion alone. Domed ceilings, clerestories, barrel vaults. In Caesars Palace is America conceived as a new kind of Rome: conqueror of its own people. An empire of self.
 * Big Red Son, p. 9
 * Not unlike urban gangs, police, carnival workers and certain other culturally marginalized guilds, the US porn industry is occluded and insular in a way that makes it seem like high school.
 * Big Red Son
 * It is difficult to describe how it feels to gaze at living human beings whom you’ve seen perform in hard-core porn. To shake the hand of a man whose precise erectile size, angle, and vasculature are known to you. That strange I-think-we’ve-met-before sensation one feels upon seeing any celebrity in the flesh is here both intensified and twisted. It feels intensely twisted to see reigning industry queen Jenna Jameson chilling out at the Vivid booth in Jordaches and a latex bustier and to know already that she has a tattoo of a sundered valentine with the tagline HEART BREAKER on her right buttock and a tiny hairless mole just left of her anus.
 * Big Red Son, p. 16
 * So much about today’s adult industry seems like an undeft parody of Hollywood and the nation writ large. The top performers are comic-book caricatures of sexual allure. The prosthetic breasts and lifted buttocks and (no kidding) artificial cheekbones are nothing more than accentuations of a mentality that yields huge liposuction and collagen industries. The gynecologically explicit sexuality of Jenna, Jasmin, et al. seems more than anything like a Mad magazine spoof of the “smoldering” sexuality of Sharon Stone and Madonna and so many other mainstream iconettes.Not to mention the fact that the adult industry takes many of the psychological deformities that Hollywood is famous for—the vanity, the vulgarity, the rank commercialism—and not only makes them overt and grotesque but seems then to revel in that grotesquerie.
 * "Big Red Son", p.29-30

The Pale King (2011)

 * Past the flannel plains and blacktop graphs and skylines of canted rust, and past the tobacco-brown river overhung with weeping trees and coins of sunlight through them on the water downriver, to the place beyond the windbreak, where untilled fields simmer shrilly in the A.M. heat: shattercane, lamb’s-quarter, cutgrass, sawbrier, nutgrass, jimsonweed, wild mint, dandelion, foxtail, muscadine, spinecabbage, goldenrod, creeping charlie, butter-print, nightshade, ragweed, wild oat, vetch, butcher grass, invaginate volunteer beans, all heads gently nodding in a morning breeze like a mother’s soft hand on your cheek. An arrow of starlings fired from the windbreak’s thatch. The glitter of dew that stays where it is and steams all day. A sunflower, four more, one bowed, and horses in the distance standing rigid and still as toys. All nodding. Electric sounds of insects at their business. Ale-colored sunshine and pale sky and whorls of cirrus so high they cast no shadow. Insects all business all the time. Quartz and chert and schist and chondrite iron scabs in granite. Very old land. Look around you. The horizon trembling, shapeless. We are all of us brothers.

 * The next suitable person you’re in light conversation with, you stop suddenly in the middle of the conversation and look at the person closely and say, “What’s wrong?” You say it in a concerned way. He’ll say, “What do you mean?” You say, “Something’s wrong. I can tell. What is it?” And he’ll look stunned and say, “How did you know?” He doesn’t realize something’s always wrong, with everybody. Often more than one thing. He doesn’t know everybody’s always going around all the time with something wrong and believing they’re exerting great willpower and control to keep other people, for whom they think nothing’s ever wrong, from seeing it.

 * "Maybe it's not metaphysics. Maybe it's existential. I'm talking about the individual US citizen's deep fear, the same basic fear that you and I have and that everybody has except nobody ever talks about it except existentialists in convoluted French prose. Or Pascal. Our smallness, our insignificance and mortality, yours and mine, the thing that we all spend all our time not thinking about directly, that we are tiny and at the mercy of large forces and that time is always passing and that every day we've lost one more day that will never come back and our childhoods are over and our adolescence and the vigor of youth and soon our adulthood, that everything we see around us all the time is decaying and passing, it's all passing away, and so are we, so am I, and given how fast the first forty-two years have shot by it's not going to be long before I too pass away, whoever imagined that there was a more truthful way to put it than "die," "pass away," the very sound of it makes me feel the way I feel at dusk on a wintry Sunday--... And not only that, but everybody who knows me or even knows I exist will die, and then everybody who knows those people and might even conceivably have even heard of me will die, and so on, and the gravestones and monuments we spend money to have pour in to make sure we're remembered, these'll last what-- a hundred years? two hundred?-- and they'll crumble, and the grass and insects my decomposition will go to feed will die, and their offspring, or if I'm cremated the trees that are nourished by my windblown ash will die or get cut down and decay, and my urn will decay, and that before maybe three of four generations it will be like I never existed, not only will I have passed away but it will be like I was never here, and people in 2104 or whatever will no more think of Stuart A. Nichols Jr. than you or I think of John T. Smith, 1790 to 1864, of Livingston, Virginia, or some such. That everything is on fire, slow fire, and we're all less than a million breaths away from an oblivion more total than we can even bring ourselves to even try to imagine, in fact, probably that's why the manic US obsession with production, produce, produce, impact the world, contribute, shape things, to help distract us from how little and totally insignificant and temporary we are... The post-production capitalist has something to do with the death of civics. But so does fear of smallness and death and everything being on fire."

 * "Routine, repetition, tedium, monotony, ephemeracy, inconsequence, abstraction, disorder, boredom, angst, ennui—these are the true hero’s enemies, and make no mistake, they are fearsome indeed. For they are real."

 * Every love story is a ghost story.

 * "How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words."

 * The assumption that everyone else is like you. That you are the world. The disease of consumer capitalism. The complacent solipsism.

 * Since we all breathe, all the time, it is amazing what happens when someone else directs you how and when to breathe. And how vividly someone with no imagination whatsoever can see what he’s told is right there, complete with banister and rubber runners, curving down and rightward into a darkness that recedes before you.

Every Love Story Is a Ghost Story: A Life of David Foster Wallace (2012)

 * 'Tax Law is like the world's biggest chess game with all sorts of weird conundrums about ethics and civics and consent of the governed built in. For me, it's a bit like math. I have no talent for it but find it still erotically interesting.'

Essays

 * We're all—especially those of us who are educated and have read a lot and have watched TV critically—in a very self-conscious and sort of worldly and sophisticated time, but also a time when we seem terribly afraid of other people's reactions to us and very desperate to control how people interpret us. Everyone is extremely conscious of manipulating how they come off in the media; they want to structure what they say so that the reader or audience will interpret it in the way that is most favorable to them. What's interesting to me is that this isn't all that new. This was the project of the Sophists in Athens, and this is what Socrates and Plato thought was so completely evil. The Sophists had this idea: Forget this idea of what's true or not—what you want to do is rhetoric; you want to be able to persuade the audience and have the audience think you're smart and cool. And Socrates and Plato, basically their whole idea is, "Bullshit. There is such a thing as truth, and it's not all just how to say what you say so that you get a good job or get laid, or whatever it is people think they want."
 * 100-word Statement on the Millenium. Rolling Stone, December 1999.

 * The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.
 * Kenyon College Commencement Speech, April 21, 2005, published as This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life.

 * That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.
 * Commencement Address at Kenyon College. Gambier, Ohio. May 21, 2005.

 * And I submit that this is what the real, no-shit value of your liberal arts education is supposed to be about. How to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone, day in and day out.
 * Kenyon College Commencement Speech.

 * I felt despair. The word’s overused and banalified now, despair, but it’s a serious word, and I’m using it seriously. For me it denotes a simple admixture — a weird yearning for death combined with a crushing sense of my own smallness and futility that presents as a fear of death. It’s maybe close to what people call dread or angst. But it’s not these things, quite. It’s more like wanting to die in order to escape the unbearable feeling of becoming aware that I’m small and weak and selfish and going without any doubt at all to die. It’s wanting to jump overboard.
 * A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

 * An ad that pretends to be art is — at absolute best — like somebody who smiles warmly at you only because he wants something from you. This is dishonest, but what's sinister is the cumulative effect that such dishonesty has on us: since it offers a perfect facsimile or simulacrum of goodwill without goodwill's real spirit, it messes with our heads and eventually starts upping our defenses even in cases of genuine smiles and real art and true goodwill. It makes us feel confused and lonely and impotent and angry and scared. It causes despair.
 * A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

 * There is something inescapably bovine about an American tourist in motion as part of a group. A certain greedy placidity about them. Us, rather. In port we automatically become Peregrinator americanusy Die Lumpenamerikaner. The Ugly Ones.
 * A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

 * How long has it been since you did Absolutely Nothing? I know exactly how long it's been for me. I know how long it's been since I had every need met choicelessly from someplace outside me, without my having to ask or even acknowledge that I needed. And that time I was floating, too, and the fluid was salty, and warm but not too-, and if I was conscious at all I'm sure I felt dreadless, and was having a really good time, and would have sent postcards to everyone wishing they were here.
 * A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

 * The emergence of something called Metafiction in the American '60s was hailed by academic critics as a radical aesthetic, a whole new literary form, literature unshackled from the cultural cinctures of mimetic narrative and free to plunge into reflexivity and self-conscious meditations on aboutness. Radical it may have been, but thinking that postmodern Metafiction evolved unconscious of prior changes in readerly taste is about as innocent as thinking that all those college students we saw on television protesting the Vietnam war were protesting only because they hated the Vietnam war (They may have hated the war, but they also wanted to be seen protesting on television. TV was where they'd seen the war, after all. Why wouldn't they go about hating it on the very medium that made their hate possible?) Metafictionists may have had aesthetic theories out the bazoo, but they were also sentient citizens of a community that was exchanging an old idea of itself as a nation of do-ers and be-ers for a new vision of the U.S.A. as an atomized mass of self-conscious watchers and appearers. For Metafiction, in its ascendant and most important phases, was really nothing more than a single-order expansion of its own theoretical nemesis, Realism: if Realism called it like it saw it, Metafiction simply called it as it saw itself seeing it. This high-cultural postmodern genre, in other words, was deeply informed by the emergence of television and the metastasis of self-conscious watching.
 * E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction

 * And I'm not saying that television is vulgar and dumb because the people who compose Audience are vulgar and dumb. Television is the way it is simply because people tend to be extremely similar in their vulgar and prurient and dumb interests and wildly different in their refined and aesthetic and noble interests.
 * E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction

 * And make no mistake: irony tyrannizes us. The reason why our pervasive cultural irony is at once so powerful and so unsatisfying is that an ironist is impossible to pin down. All U.S. irony is based on an implicit "I don’t really mean what I’m saying." So what does irony as a cultural norm mean to say? That it’s impossible to mean what you say? That maybe it’s too bad it’s impossible, but wake up and smell the coffee already? Most likely, I think, today’s irony ends up saying: "How totally banal of you to ask what I really mean."
 * E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction

 * So then how have irony, irreverence, and rebellion come to be not liberating but enfeebling in the culture today’s avant-garde tried to write about? One clue’s to be found in the fact that irony is still around, bigger than ever after 30 long years as the dominant mode of hip expression. It’s not a rhetorical mode that wears well. As [Lewis] Hyde. . .puts it, "Irony has only emergency use. Carried over time, it is the voice of the trapped who have come to enjoy the cage." This is because irony, entertaining as it is, serves an almost exclusively negative function. It’s critical and destructive, a ground-clearing. Surely this is the way our postmodern fathers saw it. But irony’s singularly unuseful when it comes to constructing anything to replace the hypocrisies it debunks. This is why Hyde seems right about persistent irony being tiresome. It is unmeaty. Even gifted ironists work best in sound bites. I find gifted ironists sort of wickedly funny to listen to at parties, but I always walk away feeling like I’ve had several radical surgical procedures. And as for actually driving cross-country with a gifted ironist, or sitting through a 300-page novel full of nothing by trendy sardonic exhaustion, one ends up feeling not only empty but somehow. . .oppressed.
 * E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction

 * [W]e prefer not to countenance the kinds of sacrifices the professional-grade athlete has made to get so good at one particular thing. . . . We prefer not to consider the shockingly vapid and primitive comments uttered by athletes in postcontest interviews, or to imagine what impoverishments in one's mental life would allow people actually to think in the simplistic way great athletes seem to think. Note the way "up-close and personal profiles" of professional athletes strain so hard to find evidence of rounded human life—outside interests and activities, charities, values beyond the sport. We ignore what's obvious, that most of this straining is farce. It's farce because the realities of top-level athletics today require an early and total commitment to one pursuit. An almost ascetic focus. A subsumption of almost all other features of human life to their one chosen talent and pursuit. A consent to life in a world that, like a child's world, is very serious and very small.
 * Tennis Player Michael Joyce's Professional Artistry as a Paradigm of Certain Stuff about Choice, Freedom, Discipline, Joy, Grotesquerie, and Human Completeness

 * Beauty is not the goal of competitive sports, but high-level sports are a prime venue for the expression of human beauty. The relation is roughly that of courage to war. The human beauty we’re talking about here is beauty of a particular type; it might be called kinetic beauty. Its power and appeal are universal. It has nothing to do with sex or cultural norms. What it seems to have to do with, really, is human beings’ reconciliation with the fact of having a body.
 * Federer as Religious Experience, New York Times, August 20, 2006

 * It's hard to get good answers to why Young Voters are so uninterested in politics. This is probably because it's next to impossible to get someone to think hard about why he's not interested in something. The boredom itself preempts inquiry; the fact of the feeling's enough. Surely one reason, though, is politics is not cool. Or say rather that cool, interesting, alive people do not seem to be the ones who are drawn to the Political Process. Think back to the sort of kids in high school or college who were into running for student office: dweeby, overgroomed, obsequious to authority, ambitious in a sad way. Eager to play the Game. The kind of kids other kids would want to beat up if it didn't seem so pointless and dull. And now consider some of 2000's adult versions of these very same kids . . . Men who aren't enough like human beings even to dislike—what one feels when they loom into view is just an overwhelming lack of interest, the sort of deep disengagement that is so often a defense against pain. Against sadness. In fact the likeliest reason why so many of us care so little about politics is that modern politicians make us sad, hurt us in ways that are hard even to name, much less to talk about. It's way easier to roll your eyes and not give a shit. You probably don't want to hear about all this, even.
 * The Weasel, Twelve Monkeys, and The Shrub

 * Can the decision to be less selfish ever be anything other than a selfish decision?
 * Consider The Lobster

 * If you are bored and disgusted by politics and don't bother to vote, you are in effect voting for the entrenched Establishments of the two major parties, who please rest assured are not dumb, and who are keenly aware that it is in their interests to keep you disgusted and bored and cynical and to give you every possible psychological reason to stay at home doing one-hitters and watching MTV on primary day. By all means stay home if you want, but don't bullshit yourself that you're not voting. In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: you either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some Diehard's vote.
 * Up, Simba

 * I had a teacher I liked who used to say good fiction’s job was to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
 * An Interview by Larry McCaffery

 * In ways that certain of us are uncomfortable about, SNOOTs' attitudes about contemporary usage resemble religious/political conservatives' attitudes about contemporary culture: We combine a missionary zeal and a near-neural faith in our beliefs' importance with a curmudgeonly hell-in a-handbasket despair at the way English is routinely manhandled and corrupted by supposedly educated people. The Evil is all around us: boners and clunkers and solecistic howlers and bursts of voguish linguistic methane that make any SNOOT's cheek twitch and forehead darken. A fellow SNOOT I know likes to say that listening to most people's English feels like watching somebody use a Stradivarius to pound nails. We are the Few, the Proud, the Appalled at Everyone Else.
 * Tense Present: Democracy, English, and the Wars over Usage (Harper's Magazine, April 2001.)

 * A Democratic Spirit is one that combines rigor and humility, i.e., passionate conviction plus sedulous respect for the convictions of others. As any American knows, this is a very difficult spirit to cultivate and maintain, particularly when it comes to issues you feel strongly about.  Equally tough is a D.S.'s criterion of 100 percent intellectual integrityyou have to be willing to look honestly at yourself and your motives for believing what you believe, and do it more or less continually.
 * Tense Present: Democracy, English, and the Wars over Usage (Harper's Magazine, April 2001.)

 * Almost anyone who loves tennis and follows the men's tour on television has, over the last few years, had what might be termed Federer moments. These are times, watching the young Swiss at play, when the jaw drops and eyes protrude and sounds are made that bring spouses in from other rooms to see if you're OK
 * Federer Both Flesh and Not

 * The John Ziegler Show is the first local, nonsyndicated late-night program that KFI has aired in a long time. It's something of a gamble for everyone involved. Ten o'clock to one qualifies as late at night in southern California, where hardly anything reputable's open after nine.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * More than any other mass medium, radio enjoys a captive audience—if only because so many of the listeners are driving—but in a major market there are dozens of AM stations to listen to, plus of course FM and satellite radio, and even a very seductive and successful station rarely gets more than a five or six percent audience share.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * John Ziegler, who is a talk-radio host of unflagging industry, broad general knowledge, mordant wit, and extreme conviction, makes a particular specialty of media criticism.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * The fact of the matter is that it is not John Ziegler's job to be responsible, or nuanced, or to think about whether his on-air comments are productive or dangerous, or cogent, or even defensible. That is not to say that the host would not defend his "we're better"—strenuously—or that he does not believe it's true. It is to say that he has exactly one on-air job, and that is to be stimulating.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * KFI's John Ziegler is not a journalist — he is an entertainer. Or maybe it's better to say that he is part of a peculiar, modern, and very popular type of news industry, one that manages to enjoy the authority and influence of journalism without the stodgy constraints of fairness, objectivity, and responsibility that make trying to tell the truth such a drag for everyone involved. It is a frightening industry, though not for any of the simple reasons most critics give.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * In some respects all this variety is probably good, productive of difference and dialogue and so on. But it can also be confusing and stressful for the average citizen. Short of signing on to a particular mass ideology and patronizing only those partisan news sources that ratify what you want to believe, it is increasingly hard to determine which sources to pay attention to and how exactly to distinguish real information from spin.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * Whatever the social effects of talk radio or the partisan agendas of certain hosts, it is a fallacy that political talk radio is motivated by ideology. It is not. Political talk radio is a business, and it is motivated by revenue. The conservatism that dominates today's AM airwaves does so because it generates high Arbitron ratings, high ad rates, and maximum profits.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * For obvious reasons, critics of political talk radio concern themselves mainly with the programs' content. Talk station management, on the other hand, tends to think of content as a subset of personality, of how stimulating a given host is.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * Hosting talk radio is an exotic, high-pressure gig that not many people are fit for, and being truly good at it requires skills so specialized that many of them don't have names.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * KFI's spot load is an instance of the kind of multivariable maximization problem that M.B.A. programs thrive on. It is obviously in the station's financial interest to carry just as high a volume of ads as it can without hurting ratings—the moment listeners begin turning away from KFI because of too many commercials, the Arbitron numbers go down, the rates charged for ads have to be reduced, and profitability suffers.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * It is, after all, unlikely that Rush Limbaugh always feels as jaunty and confident as he seems on the air, or that Howard Stern really is deeply fascinated by porn starlets every waking minute of the day. But a host's persona is not the same as outright acting. For the most part, it's probably more like the way we are all slightly different with some people than we are with others.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * Because of the Fairness Doctrine, talk stations had to hire and program symmetrically: if you had a three-hour program whose host's politics were on one side of the ideological spectrum, you had to have another long-form program whose host more or less spoke for the other side. Weirdly enough, up through the mid-eighties it was usually the U.S. right that benefited most from the Doctrine.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * The Fairness Doctrine's repeal was part of the sweeping deregulations of the Reagan era, which aimed to liberate all sorts of industries from government interference and allow them to compete freely in the marketplace. The old, Rooseveltian logic of the Doctrine had been that since the airwaves belonged to everyone, a license to profit from those airwaves conferred on the broadcast industry some special obligation to serve the public interest. Commercial radio broadcasting was not, in other words, originally conceived as just another for-profit industry; it was supposed to meet a higher standard of social responsibility.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * ompared with many talk-radio hosts, John Ziegler is unusually polite to on-air callers. Which is to say that he doesn't yell at them, call them names, or hang up while they're speaking, although he does get frustrated with some calls. But there are good and bad kinds of frustration, stimulation-wise. Hence the delicate art of call screening.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.
 * Overall, the layout and myriad tactical functions of the prep room are too complicated to try to describe this late in the game. At one end, it gives on to the KFI newsroom, which is a whole galaxy unto itself. At the other, comparatively uncluttered end is a set of thick, distinguished-looking doors leading off into the offices of the Station Manager, Director of Marketing & Promotions, Program Director, and so on, with also a semi-attached former closet for the P.D.'s assistant, a very kindly and eccentric lady who's been at KFI for over twenty years and wears a high-tech headset that one begins, only over time, to suspect isn't really connected to anything.
 * "Host: Deep into the mercenary world of take-no-prisoners political talk radio." The Atlantic, April 2005.

Quotes about

 * Nothing is new wave anymore that I can think of. Name something far out and it's been done. To be daring is old hat. Everything I can think of seems ordinary now. That doesn't mean I don't like it. David Foster Wallace, for instance. I like him a lot, but what he does was done by Gogol.
 * Carol Emshwiller Interview (2001)

title: David Foster Wallace