text:
Benjamin Tucker

Benjamin Ricketson Tucker (17 April 1854 – 22 June 1939) was a journalist, socialist, and the leading proponent of American individualist anarchism in the 19th century.

Quotes

 * Education is a slow process, and may not come too quickly. Anarchists who endeavor to hasten it by joining in the propaganda of State Socialism or revolution make a sad mistake indeed. They help to so force the march of events that the people will not have time to find out, by the study of their experience, that their troubles have been due to the rejection of competition. If this lesson shall not be learned in a season, the past will be repeated in the future, in which case we shall have to turn for consolation to the doctrine of Nietzsche that this is bound to happen anyhow, or to the reflection of Renan that, from the point of view of Sirius, all these matters are of little moment.
 * Editorial postscript to and edition of State Socialism and Anarchism : How Far They Agree, and Wherin They Differ (11 August 1926)

Liberty's Declaration of Purpose (1881)

 * Liberty'' Vol. 1, No. 1 (6 August 1881)

 * LIBERTY enters the field of journalism to speak for herself because she finds no one willing to speak for her. She hears no voice that always champions her; she knows no pen that always writes in her defence; she sees no hand that is always lifted to avenge her wrongs or vindicate her rights. Many claim to speak in her name, but few really understand her. Still fewer have the courage and the opportunity to consistently fight for her. Her battle, then, is her own, to wage and win. She — accepts it fearlessly and with a determined spirit. Her foe, Authority, takes many shapes, but, broadly speaking, her enemies divide themselves into three classes: first, those who abhor her both as a means and as an end of progress, opposing her openly, avowedly, sincerely, consistently, universally; second, those who profess to believe in her as a means of progress, but who accept her only so far as they think she will subserve their own selfish interests, denying her and her blessings to the rest of the world; third, those who distrust her as a means of progress, believing in her only as an end to be obtained by first trampling upon, violating, and outraging her. These three phases of opposition to Liberty are met in almost every sphere of thought and human activity.

 * Monopoly and privilege must be destroyed, opportunity afforded, and competition encouraged. This is Liberty's work, and "Down with Authority" her war-cry.

State Socialism and Anarchism: How Far They Agree, and Wherin They Differ (1888)

 * Online text — originally published in Liberty 5.16, no. 120 (10 March 1888), pp. 2-3, 6

 * Probably no agitation has ever attained the magnitude, either in the number of its recruits or the area of its influence, which has been attained by Modern Socialism, and at the same time been so little understood and so misunderstood, not only by the hostile and the indifferent, but by the friendly, and even by the great mass of its adherents themselves. This unfortunate and highly dangerous state of things is due partly to the fact that the human relationships which this movement — if anything so chaotic can be called a movement — aims to transform, involve no special class or classes, but literally all mankind; partly to the fact that these relationships are infinitely more varied and complex in their nature than those with which any special reform has ever been called upon to deal; and partly to the fact that the great moulding forces of society, the channels of information and enlightenment, are well-nigh exclusively under the control of those whose immediate pecuniary interests are antagonistic to the bottom claim of Socialism that labor should be put in possession of its own.
 * ¶ 1

 * Almost the only persons who may be said to comprehend even approximately the significance, principles, and purposes of Socialism are the chief leaders of the extreme wings of the Socialistic forces, and perhaps a few of the money kings themselves. It is a subject of which it has lately become quite the fashion for preacher, professor, and penny-a-liner to treat, and, for the most part, woeful work they have made with it, exciting the derision and pity of those competent to judge. That those prominent in the intermediate Socialistic divisions do not fully understand what they are about is evident from the positions they occupy.
 * ¶ 2

 * The two principles referred to are Authority and Liberty, and the names of the two schools of Socialistic thought which fully and unreservedly represent one or the other of them are, respectively, State Socialism and Anarchism. Whoso knows what these two schools want and how they propose to get it understands the Socialistic movement. For, just as it has been said that there is no half-way house between Rome and Reason, so it may be said that there is no half-way house between State Socialism and Anarchism.
 * ¶ 4

 * The economic principles of Modern Socialism are a logical deduction from the principle laid down by Adam Smith in the early chapters of his “Wealth of Nations,” — namely, that labor is the true measure of price. But Adam Smith, after stating this principle most clearly and concisely, immediately abandoned all further consideration of it to devote himself to showing what actually does measure price, and how, therefore, wealth is at present distributed. Since his day nearly all the political economists have followed his example by confining their function to the description of society as it is, in its industrial and commercial phases. Socialism, on the contrary, extends its function to the description of society as it should be, and the discovery of the means of making it what it should be.
 * ¶ 6

 * It was at this point — the necessity of striking down monopoly — that came the parting of their ways. Here the road forked. They found that they must turn either to the right or to the left, — follow either the path of Authority or the path of Liberty. Marx went one way; Warren and Proudhon the other. Thus were born State Socialism and Anarchism.
 * ¶ 10

 * First, then, State Socialism, which may be described as the doctrine that all the affairs of men should be managed by the government, regardless of individual choice. Marx, its founder, concluded that the only way to abolish the class monopolies was to centralize and consolidate all industrial and commercial interests, all productive and distributive agencies, in one vast monopoly in the hands of the State. The government must become banker, manufacturer, farmer, carrier, and merchant, and in these capacities must suffer no competition. Land, tools, and all instruments of production must be wrested from individual hands, and made the property of the collectivity. To the individual can belong only the products to be consumed, not the means of producing them. A man may own his clothes and his food, but not the sewing-machine which makes his shirts or the spade which digs his potatoes. Product and capital are essentially different things; the former belongs to individuals, the latter to society. Society must seize the capital which belongs to it, by the ballot if it can, by revolution if it must. Once in possession of it, it must administer it on the majority principle, though its organ, the State, utilize it in production and distribution, fix all prices by the amount of labor involved, and employ the whole people in its workshops, farms, stores, etc. The nation must be transformed into a vast bureaucracy, and every individual into a State official. Everything must be done on the cost principle, the people having no motive to make a profit out of themselves. Individuals not being allowed to own capital, no one can employ another, or even himself. Every man will be a wage-receiver, and the State the only wage-payer. He who will not work for the State must starve, or, more likely, go to prison. All freedom of trade must disappear. Competition must be utterly wiped out. All industrial and commercial activity must be centered in one vast, enormous, all-inclusive monopoly. The remedy for monopolies is monopoly. Such is the economic programme of State Socialism as adopted from Karl Marx.
 * ¶ 11 & 12

 * What other applications this principle of Authority, once adopted in the economic sphere, will develop is very evident. It means the absolute control by the majority of all individual conduct. The right of such control is already admitted by the State Socialists, though they maintain that, as a matter of fact, the individual would be allowed a much larger liberty than he now enjoys. But he would only be allowed it; he could not claim it as his own. There would be no foundation of society upon a guaranteed equality of the largest possible liberty. Such liberty as might exist would exist by sufferance and could be taken away at any moment. Constitutional guarantees would be of no avail. There would be but one article in the constitution of a State Socialistic country: “The right of the majority is absolute.”
 * ¶ 13

 * The claim of the State Socialists, however, that this right would not be exercised in matters pertaining to the individual in the more intimate and private relations of his life is not borne out by the history of governments. It has ever been the tendency of power to add to itself, to enlarge its sphere, to encroach beyond the limits set for it; and where the habit of resisting such encroachment is not fostered, and the individual is not taught to be jealous of his rights, individuality gradually disappears and the government or State becomes the all-in-all. Control naturally accompanies responsibility. Under the system of State Socialism, therefore, which holds the community responsible for the health, wealth, and wisdom of the individual, it is evident that the community, through its majority expression, will insist more and more in prescribing the conditions of health, wealth, and wisdom, thus impairing and finally destroying individual independence and with it all sense of individual responsibility.
 * ¶ 14

 * This brings us to Anarchism, which may be described as the doctrine that all the affairs of men should be managed by individuals or voluntary associations, and that the State should be abolished.
 * ¶ 17

 * Laissez Faire was very good sauce for the goose, labor, but was very poor sauce for the gander, capital.
 * ¶ 19

 * Marx, as we have seen, solved it by declaring capital to be a different thing from product, and maintaining that it belonged to society and should be seized by society and employed for the benefit of all alike.
 * ¶ 20

 * If the individual has a right to govern himself, all external government is tyranny. Hence the necessity of abolishing the State.
 * ¶ 28

 * In the matter of the maintenance and rearing of children the Anarchists would neither institute the communistic nursery which the State Socialists favor nor keep the communistic school system which now prevails. The nurse and the teacher, like the doctor and the preacher, must be selected voluntarily, and their services must be paid for by those who patronize them. Parental rights must not be taken away, and parental responsibilities must not be foisted upon others.
 * ¶ 31

 * I will simply call attention to the fact that it is an ideal utterly inconsistent with that of those Communists who falsely call themselves Anarchists while at the same time advocating a regime of Archism fully as despotic as that of the State Socialists themselves.
 * ¶ 34

The Relation of the State to the Individual (1890)

 * Address before the Unitarian Ministers' Institute, Salem, Massachusetts (14 October 1890)

 * Anarchism, in dealing with this subject, has found it necessary, first of all, to define its terms. Popular conceptions of the terminology of politics are incompatible with the rigorous exactness required in scientific investigation. To be sure, a departure from the popular use of language is accompanied by the risk of misconception by the multitude, who persistently ignore the new definitions; but, on the other hand, conformity thereto is attended by the still more deplorable alternative of confusion in the eyes of the competent, who would be justified in attributing inexactness of thought where there is inexactness of expression. Take the term "State," for instance, with which we are especially concerned today. It is a word that is on every lip. But how many of those who use it have any idea of what they mean by it? And, of the few who have, how various are their conceptions! We designate by the term "State" institutions that embody absolutism in its extreme form and institutions that temper it with more or less liberality. We apply the word alike to institutions that do nothing but aggress and to institutions that, besides aggressing, to some extent protect and defend. But which is the State's essential function, aggression or defence, few seem to know or care. Some champions of the State evidently consider aggression its principle, although they disguise it alike from themselves and from the people under the term "administration," which they wish to extend in every possible direction. Others, on the contrary, consider defence its principle, and wish to limit it accordingly to the performance of police duties. Still others seem to think that it exists for both aggression and defence, combined in varying proportions according to the momentary interests, or maybe only whims, of those happening to control it.

 * Anarchists, whose mission in the world is the abolition of aggression and all the evils that result therefrom, perceived that, to be understood, they must attach some definite and avowed significance to the terms which they are obliged to employ, and especially to the words "State" and "government." Seeking, then, the elements common to all the institutions to which the name "State" has been applied, they have found them two in number: first, aggression; second, the assumption of sole authority over a given area and all within it, exercised generally for the double purpose of more complete oppression of its subjects and extension of its boundaries.

 * Aggression is simply another name for government. Aggression, invasion, government, are interconvertible terms. The essence of government is control, or the attempt to control. He who attempts to control another is a governor, an aggressor, an invader; and the nature of such invasion is not changed, whether it is made by one man upon another man, after the manner of the ordinary criminal, or by one man upon all other men, after the manner of an absolute monarch, or by all other men upon one man, after the manner of a modern democracy.

 * This distinction between invasion and resistance, between government and defence, is vital. Without it there can be no valid philosophy of politics. Upon this distinction and the other considerations just outlined, the Anarchists frame the desired definitions. This, then, is the Anarchistic definition of government: the subjection of the non-invasive individual to an external will. And this is the Anarchistic definition of the State: the embodiment of the principle of invasion in an individual, or a band of individuals, assuming to act as representatives or masters of the entire people within a given area.

 * Defence was an afterthought, prompted by necessity; and its introduction as a State function, though effected doubtless with a view to the strengthening of the State, was really and in principle the initiation of the State's destruction. Its growth in importance is but an evidence of the tendency of progress toward the abolition of the State.

 * Taking this view of the matter, the Anarchists contend that defence is not an essential of the State, but that aggression is.

 * What relations should exist between the State and the Individual? The general method of determining these is to apply some theory of ethics involving a basis of moral obligation. In this method the Anarchists have no confidence. The idea of moral obligation, of inherent rights and duties, they totally discard. They look upon all obligations, not as moral, but as social, and even then not really as obligations except as these have been consciously and voluntarily assumed. If a man makes an agreement with men, the latter may combine to hold him to his agreement; but, in the absence of such agreement, no man, so far as the Anarchists are aware, has made any agreement with God or with any other power of any order whatsoever. The Anarchists are not only utilitarians, but egoists in the farthest and fullest sense. So far as inherent right is concerned, might is its only measure.

 * The exercise of authority over the same area by two States is a contradiction.

 * "But," it will be asked of the Anarchists at this point in the argument, "what shall be done with those individuals who undoubtedly will persist in violating the social law by invading their neighbors?" The Anarchists answer that the abolition of the State will leave in existence a defensive association, resting no longer on a compulsory but on a voluntary basis, which will restrain invaders by any means that may prove necessary.

 * Why, the very first act of the State, the compulsory assessment and collection of taxes, is itself an aggression, a violation of equal liberty, and, as such, initiates every subsequent act, even those acts which would be purely defensive if paid out of a treasury filled by voluntary contributions. How is it possible to sanction, under the law of equal liberty, the confiscation of a man's earnings to pay for protection which he has not sought and does not desire? And, if this is an outrage, what name shall we give to such confiscation when the victim is given, instead of bread, a stone, instead of protection, oppression? '''To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury. But that is exactly what the State is doing.

Individual Liberty (1926)

 * Individual Liberty: Selections From the Writings of Benjamin R. Tucker Vanguard Press, New York, (1926) · Online text at flag.blackened. net · at Mises.org

 * Voluntary taxation, far from impairing the "State's" credit, would strengthen it. In the first place, the simplification of its functions would greatly reduce, and perhaps entirely abolish, its need to borrow, and the power to borrow is generally inversely proportional to the steadiness of the need. It is usually the inveterate borrower who lacks credit. In the second place, the power of the State to repudiate, and still continue its business, is dependent upon its power of compulsory taxation. It knows that, when it can no longer borrow, it can at least tax its citizens up to the limit of revolution. In the third place, the State is trusted, not because it is over and above individuals, but because the lender presumes that it desires to maintain its credit and will therefore pay its debts. This desire for credit will be stronger in a "State" supported by voluntary taxation than in the State which enforces taxation.
 * Liberty and Taxation

 * The Anarchists never have claimed that liberty will bring perfection; they simply say that its results are vastly preferable to those that follow authority.
 * Voluntary Cooperation a Remedy

Anarchism and Crime

 * Online text

 * Where crime exists, force must exist to repress it. Who denies it? Certainly not Liberty; certainly not the Anarchists. Anarchism is not a revival of non-resistance, though there may be non-resistants in its ranks. The direction of Mr. Ball's attack implies that we would let robbery, rape, and murder make havoc in the community without lifting a finger to stay their brutal, bloody work. On the contrary, we are the sternest enemies of invasion of person and property, and, although chiefly busy in destroying the causes thereof, have no scruples against such heroic treatment of its immediate manifestations as circumstances and wisdom may dictate. It is true that we look forward to the ultimate disappearance of the necessity of force even for the purpose of repressing crime, but this, though involved in it as a necessary result, is by no means a necessary condition of the abolition of the State.

Once for all, then, we are not opposed to the punishment of thieves and murderers; we are opposed to their manufacture.
 * Can you not see that it is the State that creates the conditions which give birth to thieves and murderers, and that to justify its existence on the ground of the prevalence of theft and murder is a logical process every whit as absurd as those used to defeat your efforts to abolish slavery and the Church?

 * As a general rule, the better people are, the more Anarchists and Socialists will be found among them.

 * If the defenders of privilege desire to exclude from this country the opponents of privilege, they should see to it that Congress omits the taking of the eleventh census. For the eleventh census, if taken, will undoubtedly emphasize these two lessons of the tenth: first, that foreign immigration does not increase dishonesty and violence among us, but does increase the love of liberty; second, that the population of the world is gradually dividing into two classes, Anarchists and criminals.

Liberty and Politics

 * Online text

 * The Anarchists believe in the family; they only insist that free competition and experiment shall always be allowed in order that it may be determined what form of family best secures this object.

 * The Anarchists believe in civil society; only they insist that the freedom of civil society shall be complete instead of partial.

 * The Anarchists believe in the State; only they insist that the greater part, if not all, of the necessity for its existence is the result of an artificial limitation of the freedom of civil society, and that the completion of industrial freedom may one day so harmonize individuals that it will no longer be necessary to provide a guarantee of political freedom.

 * The Anarchists most certainly believe in the Church; only they insist that all its work shall be purely voluntary, and that its discoveries and achievements, however beneficial, shall not be imposed upon the individual by authority.

Anarchism and Capital Punishment

 * Online text

 * I have also seen it stated that Capital punishment is murder in its worst form. I should like to know upon what principle of human society these assertions are based and justified.

 * But this is not to say that the society which inflicts capital punishment commits murder. Murder is an offensive act. The term cannot be applied legitimately to any defensive act. And capital punishment, however ineffective it may be and through whatever ignorance it may be resorted to, is a strictly defensive act,—at least in theory.

 * I insist that there is nothing sacred in the life of an invader, and there is no valid principle of human society that forbids the invaded to protect themselves in whatever way they can.

Passive Resistance

 * Online text

 * It is not wise warfare to throw your ammunition to the enemy unless you throw it from the cannon's mouth. But if you can compel the enemy to waste his ammunition by drawing his fire on some thoroughly protected spot; if you can, by annoying and goading and harassing him in all possible ways, drive him to the last resort of stripping bare his tyrannous and invasive purposes and put him in the attitude of a designing villain assailing honest men for purposes of plunder; there is no better strategy.

 * "Passive resistance," said Ferdinand Lassalle, with an obtuseness thoroughly German, "is the resistance which does not resist." Never was there a greater mistake. It is the only resistance which in these days of military discipline resists with any result. There is not a tyrant in the civilized world today who would not do anything in his power to precipitate a bloody revolution rather than see himself confronted by any large fraction of his subjects determined not to obey. An insurrection is easily quelled; but no army is willing or able to train its guns on inoffensive people who do not even gather in the streets but stay at home and stand back on their rights. Neither the ballot nor the bayonet is to play any great part in the coming struggle; passive resistance is the instrument by which the revolutionary force is destined to secure in the last great conflict the people's rights forever.

 * The idea that Anarchy can be inaugurated by force is as fallacious as the idea that it can be sustained by force. Force cannot preserve Anarchy; neither can it bring it. In fact, one of the inevitable influences of the use of force is to postpone Anarchy. The only thing that force can ever do for us is to save us from extinction, to give us a longer lease of life in which to try to secure Anarchy by the only methods that can ever bring it. But this advantage is always purchased at immense cost, and its attainment is always attended by frightful risk. The attempt should be made only when the risk of any other course is greater.

 * When a physician sees that his patient's strength is being exhausted so rapidly by the intensity of his agony that he will die of exhaustion before the medical processes inaugurated have a chance to do their curative work, he administers an opiate. But a good physician is always loath to do so, knowing that one of the influences of the opiate is to interfere with and defeat the medical processes themselves. He never does it except as a choice of evils. It is the same with the use of force, whether of the mob or of the State, upon diseased society; and not only those who prescribe its indiscriminate use as a sovereign remedy and a permanent tonic, but all who ever propose it as a cure, and even all who would lightly and unnecessarily resort to it, not as a cure, but as an expedient, are social quacks.

 * Passive resistance and boycotting are now prominent features of every great national movement.

Quotes about Tucker

 * From the 1880s through the first decade of the twentieth century, Benjamin F. Tucker led the Individualists. Born into a prosperous Massachusetts family and educated at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Tucker never quite managed to subdue his elitism. He began his anarchist career while in his teens, and in 1875, when he was twenty-one, became associate editor of The Word, Ezra Heywood's anarchist-feminist journal. In 1881 he founded Liberty, which quickly became the most important Individualist journal. Tucker derived his economic and political ideas principally from two sources: Josiah Warren and Pierre-Joseph Proudhon. Proudhon, the French printer whom all anarchists considered their intellectual father, developed an economic and social system that abolished government while it emphasized economic equality. Proudhon believed that such equality could be achieved only if individuals were left free to work out with each other the kinds of social and economic relationships most compatible with the autonomy of each. Josiah Warren was an American inventor who independently developed similar ideas. Warren spent most of his life devising social experiments in which his ideas could be tested, in the hope of proving that individuals could live together harmoniously without interference from the state...it was Tucker who brought their ideas together in Liberty and whose efforts attracted a solid core of followers and sympathizers.
 * Margaret S Marsh, Anarchist Women, 1870-1920 (1981)

 * In nearly every respect the sinister Johann Most seemed the antithesis of the handsome, well-bred Tucker, yet in some ways they were alike; both possessed compelling personalities that brought them numerous followers, and both were men with such imperious attitudes and intransigent opinions that they ended up by alienating those who had once been devoted admirers. Naturally two men, at once so different and so alike, were bound to clash.
 * Margaret S Marsh, Anarchist Women, 1870-1920 (1981)

 * Nonfeminist anarchists like Victor Yarros and Benjamin Tucker castigated their comrades who supported woman suffrage, however lukewarmly, as reactionaries bent on preventing the development of anarchy...Georgia Replogle, by trade a compositor, coedited a small anarchist periodical, Egoism, in which she argued that equal work deserved equal pay. Nonsense, retorted Benjamin Tucker in Liberty: "Apart from the special inferiority of woman woman as printer...there exists the general inferiority of woman as worker." Even skilled women, he insisted, demonstrated "a lack of ambition, of self-reliance, of a sense of responsibility. "
 * Margaret S Marsh, Anarchist Women, 1870-1920 (1981)

 * Tucker opposed violent revolution and believed in the achievement of his goals by education: When all are rational egoists, none will submit to exploitation, and by passive resistance they will starve out the state and the monopolists.
 * Robert Anton Wilson, in Everything Is Under Control : Conspiracies, Cults, and Cover-Ups (1998), p. 405

title: Benjamin Tucker


text:
South Park/Season 11

South Park (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado.

With Apologies to Jesse Jackson [11.1]

 * Randy: Oh, all right, I'd like to solve the puzzle: ...Niggers!

 * Principal Victoria: Stacy, go ahead and send in Eric Cartman.
 * [Cartman enters the room and starts laughing as uncontrollably as he did before at Dr. Nelson]
 * Principal Victoria: Eric, Mr. Nelson is concerned about how you react to little people.
 * Cartman: Oh, oh- did I hurt his little feelings? Ha ha ha!
 * Dr. Nelson: You know, you think you have the power to make me insecure, but your words are actually completely powerless.
 * Cartman: Oh-oh-oh-oh! If we could get, like, 8 of these, we can dress them all up like little beavers, right? And then put them in a pond, and see if they build a dam!
 * Dr. Nelson [as Cartman continues laughing at him]: You see? No matter what you say, I'm still standing!
 * Cartman: Barely!
 * Dr. Nelson: No matter how you act, I can rise above it!
 * Cartman: "Rise above it!" Get it?
 * Dr. Nelson: [his face is now blushing in anger] SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!
 * Principal Victoria: Mr. Nelson!
 * Dr. Nelson [as Cartman laughs at him again]: He didn't get to me. I was just joking.
 * Cartman: Look, look how his face is all red. He's like a little strawberry.
 * Dr. Nelson: Arrgh!

 * Stan: I get it now. After that little person talked the other day, I understand how you feel about somebody saying the N-word.
 * Token: So black people are midgets?
 * Stan: Goddamn it!

 * Token: Jesse Jackson is not the emperor of black people!
 * [Token walks away; long pause]
 * Stan: He told my dad he was.

 * Kids: [after Cartman enters the gym] Hello, fatso.
 * Cartman: Ey! What the hell is that? You think that's fucking funny?! Kyle, did you put everyone up to this? I bet you did! What the hell is going on?
 * Dr. Nelson: Now you know how it feels.
 * [Cartman starts laughing again]
 * Dr. Nelson: You better shut up or I'm gonna kick your ass!
 * Cartman: All right, all right, who is the freaking genius who dressed it up in little suspenders? Clyde, was that you?

 * Randy: Words with venom, words that bind, Words used like weapons to cloud my mind./I'm a person, I'm a man, but no matter how I try,/People just say, "Hey! There's that Nigger Guy."/Everywhere I go it's always the same,/Everyone just thinks of me as that one single name./"Hey Nigger Guy!" "Nigger Guy!" "Hi Nigger Guy!" Stop!/Now go, call me Nigger Guy, fill me with your hate,/Try to bring me down, boop bop you're too late./When will it end? Will there ever be a time/Where I can be thought of as more than just Nigger Guy? [Pause] Respect.

Cartman Sucks [11.2]

 * Cartman: You guys, I got it! Seriously, it's the greatest picture ever! Oh my God!
 * Stan: Whatcha do to Butters this time?
 * Cartman: It was genius! I waited 'til he was totally asleep, right? And then I got my camera, and I pulled down his pants, and then I took a picture of his wiener in my mouth! [cracks up]
 * Stan: Dude!
 * Cartman: I know, I know. Check it out. Look. [the other three crowd in and look at the picture] I got his whole wiener in my mouth, see? Ha ha. Oh man, I got him good!
 * Stan: Dude, how is putting Butters's wiener in his mouth getting him?
 * Cartman: Because that makes Butters gay now!
 * Kyle: No, dude, that makes you gay!
 * Cartman: Uh, what?
 * Kyle: You put a guy's wiener in your mouth, that makes you gay, stupid!
 * Cartman: [looks more closely at the picture] Uh-uh.
 * Kyle: Yeah-huh!
 * Cartman: Kenny, that doesn't make me gay, huh?
 * Kenny: Ha ha, that makes you very f***ing gay.
 * Cartman: But I'm not--I'm not gay, you guys!
 * Stan: You are now.
 * Cartman: No--no, it was a stupid mistake!
 * Kyle: Doesn't matter. You're gay now.
 * Cartman: No, it was just for a second! [puts the picture away] What-what can I do? How-how can I reverse this?
 * Stan: You can't!
 * Kyle: No--no wait. I-I know how you can reverse it, Cartman.
 * Cartman: How?
 * Kyle: The only way you can cancel it out is to get Butters to put your wiener in his mouth.
 * Cartman: [in low voice] Really?
 * Kyle: Yeah. Then it cancels out the gay polarity.
 * [long silence]
 * Cartman: Shoot, I gotta find Butters! [runs off]
 * Kyle: Idiot.

 * [Butters is playing with his toys]
 * Butters: [singing] Loo loo loo, I've got some apples, loo loo loo, you've got some too. Loo loo loo...
 * [Cartman enters the room]
 * Cartman: Butters.
 * Butters: Whoa, hey, Eric.
 * Cartman: Butters, guess what? I have a surprise for you.
 * Butters: A surprise? What is it?
 * Cartman: It's so buckskin awesome. You're gonna be so stoked. It's the best surprise ever!
 * Butters: Oh, boy!
 * Cartman: You ready?
 * Butters: Y-yeah!
 * Cartman: Okay! Just open your mouth and close your eyes and--and get on your knees!
 * [Butters closes his eyes, opens his mouth, and gets on his knees]
 * Butters: Oh, okay!
 * [Cartman grabs a bandanna from his back pocket and makes a blindfold from it, then puts it on Butters]
 * Cartman: Hang on a second here. [makes sure the blindfold is on snugly]
 * Butters: How come, uh, I can't see?
 * Cartman: 'Cause then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? [rushes off to get the toy box]
 * Butters: Oh, uh, ho, yeah.
 * Cartman: [under his breath] All right, that's good. [undoes his pants] Okay, open your mouth, Butters. [lowers them] That's good, just like that.
 * Butters: [warily] Hey. Hey wait a minute. This ain't a trick, is it? You're not gonna, eh, stick something yucky in my mouth, are ya?
 * [Pause]
 * Cartman: I swear on my mother's life, Butters, I am not going to stick anything yucky in your mouth. [lifts up his shirt to show his massive gut]
 * Butters: Okay!
 * Cartman: All right, you ready? [grabs Butters's head and draws it closer to his penis] All right just--okay, open, uh, okay, okay, here it comes. Just sit very still, okay? Here we go.
 * [the door opens and Butters's dad enters]
 * Steven Stotch: Butters!
 * Cartman: Uh! [dresses quickly]
 * Butters: Whoa! Hey, Dad!
 * [Cartman steps down from the toy box and runs away]
 * Steven Stotch: Butters! What are you doing?!
 * Butters: I'm getting a surprise! [points to his mouth]
 * Steven Stotch: Oh my God! My, my only son, reduced to this! [takes the blindfold off of Butters]
 * Butters: [looks around] Hey. Where did Eric go?
 * Steven Stotch: [quite concerned, on ended knee] Butters, how long have you been doing stuff like this?
 * Butters: Like what?
 * Steven Stotch: Don't lie to me, Butters! I know your secret now! No, wait, wait. It's okay. It's okay, Butters. This isn't a serious problem. You're just bi-curious.
 * Butters: What's...bi-curious?
 * Steven Stotch: You are. Just harmless curiosity, and it doesn't mean anything. We just need to get you some help, Butters.
 * [Butters' mom appears at the doorway]
 * Linda Stotch: What's going on, you two?
 * Butters: Nothing, Mom, I'm just a little bi-curious. [smiles]

 * [Cartman is trying to retrieve the picture of Butters's penis in Cartman's mouth, but it's nowhere to be found. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are playing basketball at the community park]
 * Stan: Aw, man, I've got H.O.R.S. now. [steps aside as Kenny receives the ball]
 * Kyle: Okay, my turn. [Kenny gives him the ball and Kyle prepares to shoot. Cartman approaches the park behind him]
 * Cartman: Where is it, you filthy Jew?!
 * Kyle: [throws up the ball] Where's what?
 * Cartman: [grabs Kyle by the collar and shakes him violently] You know goddamn well what!
 * Kyle: Let go of me!
 * Stan: What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
 * Cartman: I went home to alter the picture of me with Butters' penis in my mouth to look like Kyle, but it was gone! [shakes Kyle again] What did you do with my picture?!
 * Kyle: Knock it off! I don't have your stupid picture!
 * Cartman: [rolls up his sleeves] Give it back, Kyle!
 * Kyle: I don't have it!
 * Cartman: [stretches his arms left and right, then up and down] I swear to God, Kyle, if you don't give it back right now, [puts up his fists as if to box] I'm gonna break your f***ing Jew legs right here.
 * Kyle: Shut up.
 * Cartman: You shut up! You're lying, [points an accusing finger at Stan and Kenny] and you two are covering up for him! You know what? You're just like Jews yourselves! [points to Stan] Stan, you're a Jew, [points to Kenny] and Kenny, you're a Jew! You're all Jews!
 * [Kyle punches him on the right arm once, firmly]
 * Cartman: Ow! [puts his left hand over his right arm] Ow! Aaargh! [grimaces, turns around, and runs out of the park, screaming]

 * [Butters and Bradley, his roommate at church camp, are writing verses after Bradley got them in trouble]
 * Bradley: Butters, I'm sorry for getting you into trouble.
 * Butters: Aw, that's okay, Bradley.
 * Bradley: I really want to get better. I do everything the counselors say, but somehow I still feel confused.
 * Butters: Yeah, well, hopefully when we finish these verses, we won't be bi-curious no more and then we can go home!
 * Bradley: You're really terrific, Butters. I mean, I think you're great. [smiles, then pauses, horrified] Uh oh! OH, GOD! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! [jumps out of chair, panicked]
 * Butters: What's the matter?
 * Bradley: I-I think I...I think I like you.
 * Butters: Well, I like you too, Bradley!
 * Bradley: YOU DO?! You like-like me?!
 * Butters: Sure, Bradley! I like-like you a lot-lot! Hahaha!
 * Bradley: Oh god! We're both unfix-able!

Lice Capades [11.3]

 * Mrs. Garrison: All right, students, let's take our seats. Apparently we have a little problem here at the school which we need to talk about.
 * Cartman: Ah, yes. [points to Kyle] You mean the Jew problem. Good, good. I'm glad we're going to finally do something about it.

 * Cartman: We all know the only person who can spread the lice here is Kenny and the Jew.
 * Kenny: What?! F*** you!

 * [Clyde is in the waiting room awaiting treatment for his lice]
 * Girl: I have an ear infection. What are you here for?
 * Clyde: I have...I have AIDS.

 * [Kenny's parka is pulled off and thrown away, leaving only his underpants]
 * Cartman: All right, Kenny, you know what has to happen. Sock bath! Everyone wash Kenny with the soap and dry him off with the socks! [the students attack Kenny]
 * Kenny: [unmuffled] No, no, not the socks! No!

The Snuke [11.4]

 * Hillary Clinton: What is going on, Brian?
 * Brian: Ms. Clinton, it appears that terrorists have suck a snuke up your sniz.
 * Hillary Clinton: [fanning face] Oh my.
 * Brian: What can we do? Can we disable the timer?
 * Alan Thompson: It won't have a timer. Snukes are detonated remotely. Whoever our terrorist is has the detonator with him.
 * Brian: But then that means--
 * Alan Thompson: Yes. If we don't find that detonator, everyone in the town of South Park is going to die. Forever.

 * Cartman: Do you know what this is? This is apple juice!  It gives me super bad farts!

 * Homeland Security Head: Ferris, set up over there. Two of you can take that bed area.
 * Kyle: Hey!
 * Homeland Security Head: Donner, take over that station.
 * Kyle: What's going on?
 * Homeland Security Head: This department is being absorbed by Homeland Security.
 * Kyle: Homeland Security?
 * Homeland Security Head: Look, your little game of going over people's heads is over. You can still work, but from now on, you answer to me. You got that?
 * FBI Head: Excuse me, who's in charge here?
 * Homeland Security Head: I am.
 * FBI Head: Yeah, well, not anymore you're not. This department has just been assigned to the FBI.
 * Homeland Security Head: That's outrageous! On whose orders?
 * FBI Head: On order of the Secretary of Defense. You had your shot, now I'm in charge.
 * ATF Head: Not anymore you're not. Orders just came down from Central. They want ATF handling this on all fronts. All right, people, from now on, you're answering to me.
 * President's Staff Head: Not anymore they're not. Orders from the President. He wants this handled by his staff personally. Now Nelson is in charge.
 * Nelson: Not anymore I'm not! [awkward silence]

 * Staff Assistant: Sir, these kids are right. We've just received intel that Russian terrorists are believed to be responsible for the threat.
 * Staff Head: Where's the intel from?
 * Staff Assistant: We just read it on Drudge Report.

 * Staff Head: We do this my way! I'm the one in charge!
 * Kyle: [pauses] Not anymore you're not.
 * Staff Head: Oh, snap. [walks off, depressed]

 * Alan Thompson: The game is over! Get down on the ground!
 * Vladimir Stolfsky: How did they find us?
 * Alan Thompson: We know about everything. Your diversion to help the redcoats is over.
 * Vladimir Stolfsky: It doesn't matter. The detonator is on a timer. You are too late. In 3 minutes--
 * [power outage]
 * Vladimir Stolfsky: What the hell?
 * SWAT Team Member: The power went out.
 * Alan Thompson: So then what time is it?
 * [power returns and clock is stuck on 12:00:00]
 * Vladimir Stolfsky: Oh, crap!

Fantastic Easter Special [11.5]

 * [Cartman on Easter Bunny's lap in the mall]
 * Cartman: ...and I want a Baltor soldier doll for Easter, and 5 crash-and-go RC cars, you got that? DO YOU HAVE THAT?!
 * Easter Bunny: Uh...don't you think that's....
 * Cartman: No! No! You don't ask me questions! You are a rabbit. I am a human. If you don't bring me what I want for Easter, I can buckskin kill you!
 * ''[camerawoman takes a picture of Cartman and Easter Bunny. Cartman leaves]
 * Cartman: [happily] Bye, Easter Bunny!
 * Easter Bunny: Oh my God!

 * [Ninjas enter Professor Teabag's mansion and sneak up behind the butler, who is polishing silver. The butler senses and turns to see them]
 * Butler: MR. TEABAG, GET OUT!
 * [ninjas kill him]
 * Stan: They found me!
 * Prof. Teabag: Boys, get out of here. [opens a window and lets Stan and Kyle down a ladder] Head to the woods, I'll try to buy you some time. [goes over to table and gets a box of marshmallow peeps]
 * Ninja: [distantly] Check upstairs! [Teabag puts peeps into oven] Kitchen's clear, try the office! [Teabag sets oven for 15 seconds. Ninja bursts through the door] In here... [follows and notices peeps in oven] What's that? [peeps swell in oven as microwave ticks down. Teabag closes his eyes] PEEEEPS!
 * [oven explodes; explosion kills Teabag and ninjas and destroys mansion]

 * [In a Vatican Holding Cell]
 * Jesus: We have no choice, Kyle, You're going to have to kill me.
 * Kyle: What?!
 * Jesus: Stab me with this. [shows Kyle the nail file] If I die, I can resurrect outside the bars.
 * Kyle: No way! Do it yourself.
 * Jesus: Suicide is blasphemy. There's no choice here, Kyle.
 * Kyle: Dude, you don't understand. I'm a Jew. I have a few hang-ups about killing Jesus.
 * Jesus: Just make it quick, through the neck. I'll rise again immediately.
 * Kyle: Don't make me do this.
 * Jesus: My son, there is no time. Do it.
 * Kyle: Eric Cartman can never know about this.
 * Jesus: I understand. And Kyle...Happy Easter.
 * Kyle: Happy Easter, Jesus. [stabs Jesus in neck]
 * [Jesus makes dying noises and runs around cell bleeding to death]
 * Kyle: Jesus?

D-Yikes! [11.6]

 * [Mrs. Garrison defends a lesbian bar, called "Les Bos", from a Persian takeover]
 * Mrs. Garrison: Would you allow straight people in? Men?!
 * Persian Messenger: Well, we would allow whoever--
 * Mrs. Garrison: Choose your next words carefully, Persian!
 * Persian Messenger: Look, pal, we don't have to offer you anything, so...I don't know why you're being so difficult. This is crazy!
 * Mrs. Garrison: No. This isn't crazy. This...is..."Les Bos"!
 * [Mrs. Garrison kicks the Persian Messenger in the balls, in slow motion. The Persian Messenger screams in slow-motion agony]
 * Fellow Messenger: How dare you!
 * [Mrs. Garrison twists her body in slow motion a la Oracle Girl from 300]

 * Mrs. Garrison: Scissor me timbers!

 * Mrs. Garrison: I saw the way you were looking at me. Scissoring me with your eyes.

 * Mrs. Garrison: I mean, really I don't even understand how two women can make love, unless they just kind of scissors or something.

 * Mrs. Garrison: Children, I have to tell you something that you might find shocking. [sighs] I'm gay.
 * Stan: Again?

 * Mrs. Garrison: I know you're actually a woman.
 * Xerxes: How...? How did you find that out?
 * Mrs. Garrison: I hired Mexicans to spy on you! They saw you working out at Curves.
 * Xerxes: You don't understand. Women can't be the boss in Persian culture. Nobody can know about this.

Night of the Living Homeless [11.7]

 * Cartman: [jumps off his skateboard] Yes! I did it! [tosses his helmet away] I jumped over the homeless! Yes!
 * Kenny: Yes!
 * Stan: That was a sweet idea, Kyle.
 * Kyle: Goddammit, that wasn't my idea!

 * Randy: Waghh! I don't have any more change! [makes his way through the crowd of bums] Nooo! I don't have any change! I don't have any chaaange! [disappears under the sea of homeless people]

 * Chris Swollenballs: In the meantime, South Park citizens are being advised to stay indoors and protect their change.
 * Bum 9: [appears behind him in the newsroom] Spare some change?
 * Chris Swollenballs: What the...? You can't be in here.
 * Bum 9: Ya got any change, sir?
 * Chris Swollenballs: No I don't have any change. How did he get in here?
 * Bum 10: Chaaaaange?
 * Chris Swollenballs: No, please. I don't have any change. Honest, I don't. I don't have any-- [PLEASE STAND BY screen pops up, station goes off the air]

 * Gerald: Don't have any change. Don't have any change. Dammit! All right, you want change? Here. [reaches into his left pocket and tosses some change off to his left] There! There's some change. All right, a little bit. [reaches into his right pocket and tosses some change off to his right] There you go. Take the change. [leaves, but stops himself] Oh wait. Wait, now I don't have any change left for the bus. Hold on. Can I just get back some of that change, please?
 * Bum 12: Change, sir?
 * Gerald: Can I have just a little change for the bus, please? I need a little--anybody have some change? Change? Got any change? [Randy follows Gerald through his binoculars] Change. Change? [Randy lowers his binoculars in horror]
 * Steven: What happened?
 * Randy: [closes his eyes] He's become one of them.

 * Steve: Oh, God. One of them is a war veteran. [more knocking] We're gonna have to give him some change.

 * Homeless Advisor: They feed on our change. They need it in order to keep them moving.
 * Bum 14: Is that...is that some spare change?
 * Homeless Advisor: Somehow they're able to take our change and turn it into nourishment, sustenance.
 * Bum 14: Spare some of that change, sir?
 * Homeless Advisor: But now watch. [drops some coins into the bum's cup and walks back to the boys; the bum rattles his cup a bit]
 * Bum 14: Spare some change?
 * Homeless Advisor: It has already completely forgotten that I've given it change. It just wants more, change. Look over here. [heads to his left and the boys follow] This one I've kept deprived of change for over three days.
 * Bum 15: Chaaaaange?
 * Kyle: What's it doing?
 * Homeless Advisor: It's dying.
 * Cartman: Cool.

 * [Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman fall in the sewer]
 * Cartman: Aw, God, it really smells like Kenny's house down here.
 * Kenny: Stop backing talking about my house!
 * Cartman: Whoa, Kenny, relax, dude. We need to work together.

 * Homeless Woman: Spare any change, sir?
 * Cartman: No! Back off! [slams the door]

 * Kyle: Hi. [bum turns around to look at him] I've uh, I've been saving up for a new Xbox game, but but I think you could use the money a lot more than I could. [bum stares] Listen, I...I want you to take this. It's $20. [gives the money to the bum, backs up and smiles]
 * Bum: ...Got any more?
 * Kyle: [smile disappears] No, that's--I thought that was a lot.
 * Bum: [turns away and takes a few steps away from Kyle] Spare any change?
 * Kyle: You're welcome. [turns and walks away while looking at the ground in shock]

 * [Randy is walking down the sidewalk]
 * Bum 1: Spare some change?
 * Randy: No, sorry, I don't have any change.
 * Bum 2: Got any change?
 * Randy: No, sorry. [bum follows him]
 * Bum 3: Can you spare some change?
 * [Randy looks over his shoulder at the bum, speechless, continues walking and bumps into a bum in front of him]
 * Bum 4: Chaaaange?
 * Randy: Agh! I don't have any change! [bums begin to surround him]
 * Bum 5: Change?
 * Randy: No!
 * Bum 6: Chaaange?
 * [Randy runs off]
 * Bum 7: Spare some change?
 * Randy: Leave me alone, I don't have any change!
 * Bum 7: All right, God bless you, sir.
 * Randy: Aw, now I feel bad! Here! [runs back and puts some change in the cup] Ahhh! [runs off due to the bums following him]
 * Bums: [following Randy] Chaaaange, chaaaaange!

 * Bum 7: Spare some change?
 * Randy: I just gave you change!

 * Stan: We're not having Cartman jump over more homeless people.
 * Kyle: [angrily] That wasn't my idea!

 * Stan: [to Kyle after Cartman has jumped over three homeless people] Honestly, I don't know what you see in this, Kyle.

 * Christine: ''[horribly burned and missing her lips, holding a shotgun] DENNIS!
 * Dennis: Christine!
 * Christine: You son of a bitch! You tried to burn me!
 * Dennis: I had to, Christine, you were homeless!
 * Christine: No, I wasn't homeless, you stupid asshole!
 * Dennis: I have no idea what you're saying!
 * Christine: Yeah, because you burned my lips off!
 * Dennis: I nurned your rip sauce?
 * Christine: No, you burned my lips off!
 * Dennis: I have no idea what you're saying!
 * [Christine shoots Dennis in the chest, prompting a shootout that kills all the Evergreen survivors]

Le Petit Tourette [11.8]

 * Mrs. Garrison: [writing on blackboard] Okay, so what do we get when we multiply a negative number--
 * Cartman: Dick tits!
 * Mrs. Garrison: [pauses] ...when we multiply a negative number by another negative--
 * Cartman: Shoot! Asshole! [Stan and Kyle glance back at him. Mrs. Garrison sighs; Cartman smiles] Excuse me.
 * Mrs. Garrison: And if we apply what we've just learned, we see that all negatives can--
 * Cartman: Splodge! Balls! Bloody vaginal belch!
 * [whole class giggles]
 * Cartman: [in a sing-song voice] You guys, don't laugh. It makes me feel insecure about my illness.
 * Mrs. Garrison: All right, kids, let's just try to focus on learning, okay? Now all you need to remember here is that negative numbers--
 * Cartman: Tampons! Tampon dick shit!
 * Kyle: Will you knock it off already?!
 * Cartman: Kyle, don't you think I wish I could? I'd give anything to be normal like you. Kike.
 * Kyle: Don't push me, asshole!
 * Mrs. Garrison: Kyle! Watch your language! [Cartman begins laughing maniacally]
 * Craig: If I could yell "tampon dick shoot" in the classroom, I'd be so happy.

 * [Kyle visits the Children's Therapy Center to see children who really have Tourette's]
 * Mr. Donaldson: Well, Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski, I think your son has learned a lot and he appears to be honestly remorseful for making fun of people with disabilities. Piss! Piss!
 * Sheila Broflovski: Our son is a good kid; he just didn't understand that Tourette's is a real disease.
 * Mr. Donaldson: Well, I think the only thing left is for your son to apologize to his little classmate. [Cartman walks up and bats his eyes in anticipation]
 * Gerald Broflovski: Well, Kyle?
 * Kyle: [through his teeth, with his fists clenched] I'm sorry.
 * Cartman: What was that? I couldn't quite make that out, Kyle.
 * Kyle: I'm sorry!
 * Cartman: You're "starry?" I don't get what you mean by that, Kyle. You're starry because I--
 * Kyle: I said I'm sorry, you piece of-- [cuts himself off]
 * Cartman: Oh-oh, no, don't worry about it, Kyle, I understand. I've learned to deal with intolerance. Dumbstruck douchebag! And it means a lot that you're standing here, apologizing, with your dad and lovely mother. Fat Jew! Jew bitch! [covers mouth]
 * Sheila: Oh, thank you, Eric.
 * Cartman: Thank you. Big-nosed kike!
 * Mr. Donaldson: Well, I think we can all put all this behind us now. Piss out my ass!
 * Cartman: Yeah! Piss out your ass right onto Kyle's mom's fat fucking Jew face! [coughs] Oh goodness, excuse me. Oh geez, that was a bad one.

 * Cartman: [to Thomas] Isn't having Tourettes awesome?
 * [Thomas raises an eyebrow suspiciously]

 * Cartman: This Saturday I will go on national television, live. I will say horrible things on the air. Despicable things! And people will call me brave.

 * Cartman: Finally, my wish of going public with my illness can come true. Goddamn Jews! Suck my ass-barf!

 * Cartman: Thank you, everybody. Suck my balls!

 * Cartman: So I'm sorry, but I'm not doing the show and that's it. Goodbye! [gets up out of his seat and starts walking away]
 * Chris Hansen: Why don't you take a seat?
 * Cartman: No, I don't want to take a seat.
 * Chris Hansen: Have a seat.
 * Cartman: No, I'm just going to--
 * Chris Hansen: Take a seat, right over there. [Cartman walks over]
 * Cartman: How does he do that?
 * Chris Hansen: You know, one time, I was doing a show called To Catch a Predator, and we almost caught this pedophile, but then he ran from us because he didn't want to be on Dateline. So we tracked him down at his house, and you know what he did? He shot himself. It'd be a shame if you didn't want to be on Dateline. It'd be a shame if we had to track you down and you shot yourself.
 * Cartman: I just peed my pants! [covers his mouth, shocked]

 * Cartman: This Saturday I will actually say anything I want on national television. I'm going to blast the Jews, Kyle. I'm going to call them every name in the book, and people will call it brilliant television. They'll probably give me an Emmy.

 * Cartman: Titty sprinkles!

 * Pedophile 1: Oh no! Chris Hansen?! [shoots himself in the head]
 * Pedophile 2: "Dateline?!" [shoots himself in the head]
 * Pedophile 3: There aren't really brownies?! [shoots himself in the head]

More Crap [11.9]

 * [Randy is sitting on the toilet, straining and groaning for a long time. Meanwhile, a banner appears on the screen: "Emmy Award-Winning Series"]
 * Randy: Oh, God. Oh, here it comes. [goes for the final push, which has him pushing himself off the toilet seat by his hands several times] Whoa, hot! Hot, hot! Whoa, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! [a view from the street. Randy's moans can be heard; he can be seen moving about] Whoa, whoa! Whoa, hot! Hot, hot, hot-hot-hot-hot, hot, hot!! [back in the bathroom, the stool finally comes out with a dull splash as it hits the water] Dohhhhhh! Ooh! Ooh. [sobs in relief] Ohhh, it's over. It's over. [reaches for the toilet paper] Oh, God. [puts his briefs and pants back up in place] I feel so much better. Oh. [a view from within the toilet: Randy turns around to flush, but stops, looks down, and crouches down for a better look] Wow. That is huge. That has got to be the biggest crap I've ever taken. He-Hey, Sharon. Sharon, you gotta come see this.

 * Randy: [from the heart] I almost did it. I almost made something of myself. You know, when you get real close, you start thinking that maybe your life is gonna matter. [sobs some more] I mean, this was something I made! Something that came from me! That was a part of me! The only thing I ever made that was any good!
 * Stan: Gee, thanks, Dad.
 * Randy: You're welcome.

 * Stan: Do you really need the biggest-crap record? Could you maybe see your way to just letting my dad have this one?
 * Bono: Let him have it?! Why would I do that?!
 * Stan: Look, you gotta understand, sir. My dad's never won an award for anything. Ever. He doesn't have one single trophy. I mean, even I have a second-place trophy for most Sports Illustrated subscriptions sold.
 * Bono: I have the first-place trophy for that.
 * Stan: [surprised] Dude, don't you have enough? I mean, you got tons of money, a jet, and the biggest rock band in the world, a hot wife, and you've been knighted. I mean, at some point, can't you just kind of fuck off?

 * Butler: Look, I first knew something was wrong when I looked at Bono's first award for biggest crap. It said he took it in 1960.
 * Stan: So?
 * Butler: So that's the year Bono was born. Then it all made sense to me. How could Bono be so talented, so caring, and yet seem like such a piece of crap? Because he is crap. Don't you get it? Bono is not the record holder.
 * Stan: He's the record.

 * Herr Broloff: I'm sorry, Mr. Marsh, but if you cannot crap out the crap, it is not really a crap.

 * Randy: I'm sorry, Sharon. Sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry I can't crap like Bono.

 * Herr Broloff: My little crap has accomplished many things. But he could never shed the fact that he was really a number two. So he spent his life trying to be number one, in everything.
 * Stan: That's why he's able to do so much, try to help so many people, but still seem like such a piece of shit.

Imaginationland [11.10]

 * [Cartman is looking for a leprechaun. If he sees it, Kyle will suck his balls; if not, he will owe Kyle $10. This is the plot of the whole trilogy]
 * Kyle: This is so retarded, Cartman. You've got everyone believing your stupid story.
 * Cartman: [setting up a trip wire between two stones] It isn't a story; it's true! I saw a leprechaun. I've seen him come through here three days in a row now. [drops the rope, walks forward, and whips out a walkie-talkie] Hawk Eyes, this is Dragon Wind. Do you copy?
 * Clyde: This is Hawk Eyes. We've set up the net and we're standing by.
 * [Jimmy, Jason, and Craig are hoisting the net into place]
 * Cartman: Copy that, Hawk Eyes. Keep surveillance tag Alpha Niner. Dragon Wind out.
 * Kyle: Just admit you were lying, Cartman, so that everyone can go home.
 * Cartman: Oh, no! We have a deal, Kyle! If I can prove there's a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls, remember? [whips out his walkie talkie] Dragon Wind to Blackie. What's your six, Blackie?
 * Token: [rather pissed off] I don't want the code name "Blackie."
 * Cartman: Code names are what they are, Blackie. Check your six and alert when in position. [puts away the walkie talkie and gets back to setting the trip wire]
 * Kyle: This is fucking retarded.
 * Cartman: Hahaha, getting nervous, Kyle? When that leprechaun shows up, you must suck my balls. Don't forget I have a signed contract from you. [finishes setting the trip wire]
 * Kyle: Yeah, and if you couldn't prove there was a leprechaun, you have to give me $10. Now just pay up and stop being stupid!
 * Cartman: [whispering loudly] Goddammit, why hasn't it shown up yet? [whips out the walkie talkie] Dragon Wind to Faggot! Come in, Faggot!
 * Butters: [on a lookout platform with a telescope next to him; in subdued manner] This is Faggot. Go ahead.
 * Cartman: Faggot, I need you to keep surveillance north to northeast. Check back in five.
 * Butters: Okay, will do. Faggot out. [turns right and looks through the telescope, then exclaims]
 * Kyle: Okay, that's enough. Everybody! Cartman is just pulling one of his stupid tricks on everyone, because he's trying to get out of a deal he made!
 * Cartman: It was here, I swear it! I don't know why it's not showing up this time!
 * Kyle: You didn't see a leprechaun, fat ass! If you could prove it, I had to suck your balls, but if you couldn't, you had to pay me ten dollars! Pay up!
 * Butters: Uh, I got something! I got it! [the other boys turn and pay attention] It's, uh, oh, jeez, I think it's a leprechaun!
 * Cartman: [to Token] Set off diversion track C! [Token sets off a small bomb under a pile of leaves. Nearby a leprechaun skips into view, then stops upon seeing the boys]
 * Stan: Dude.
 * Jimmy: F-Fuck me, it's a leprechaun.
 * Cartman: [charging forth] Get it! [the leprechaun runs away, and the boys give chase] Get that Fucking leprechaun! I want it alive!
 * [the leprechaun crawls under a tree trunk and gets up. He trips over a rope and a net descends on him; he dodges it and runs off. He runs into a bush and trips a sliding door, which drops down behind him. It traps him in a cage. He looks around for a way out, but sees the boys crowd in]
 * Butters: Wow.
 * Stan: Cool.
 * Craig: No way.
 * Token: Whoa.
 * Jason: Wow.
 * Cartman: [making his way through, out of breath] Agh. Uh, move aside! Move aside! All right, butt hole, where's the gold?!
 * Leprechaun: You lads don't know what you're doing. I need to deliver an important message! There's going to be an attack!
 * Cartman: [gets out a Bowie knife] Tell me where the gold is or you die! [unsheathes it] Slow!
 * [the leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him out and disappears]
 * Stan: Where did he go?
 * [the leprechaun appears on a tree limb behind the boys; they turn to look at him again]
 * Leprechaun: I was sent to warn of a terrorist attack, but you boys have made me late. Now the terrorists will prevail! The end is near! :[makes a rainbow with his right hand and disappears. The group then turn back at Kyle]
 * Craig: Dude. [Cartman walks up to Kyle and clears his throat]
 * Cartman: Kyle... suck my balls. [brings out the contract both of them signed. Kyle stands motionless]

 * Stan: [answers phone] Hello?
 * Kyle: Dude, did you finish your math homework? I kind of lost track of time last night.
 * Stan: No, no, I hardly got any sleep. I had this whole messed up dream about some gay mayor guy taking us to Imaginationland where all these imaginary characters lived.
 * Kyle: [beat] ..And then it got attacked by terrorists?
 * Stan: Yeah, how'd you know?!
 * Kyle: Dude, I had the same dream! We jumped on the dragon's back and Butters got left behind!
 * Sharon: [enters with teary Linda and Stephen] Stan, Stanley. You haven't seen your little friend Butters, have you?
 * Stan: Why?
 * Linda: Our darling Butters never came home last night!
 * Kyle: What did they say?!
 * Stephen: We don't want to jump to conclusions, but... we're worried that maybe somebody kidnapped Butters, sodomized him over and over again and then fed his genitals to wild animals. [Linda starts crying] There, there, darling.
 * Kyle: ..Dude...

 * Trucker: Glad I picked you up, kid. It's dangerous for someone your age to be hitchhiking.
 * [...]
 * Cartman: Yeah, well... When a man has been wronged... he no longer cares about danger.
 * Trucker: You going to Washington to visit family?
 * Cartman: I've got unfinished business. You go through life being told there's justice... [looks photo of Kyle] then you learn that the only real justice is the justice you take. Make no mistake, Kyle. Before this is over, you will suck my balls.

Imaginationland Episode II [11.11]

 * [the portal begins to act violently. Lightning shoots out and it changes color frequently. Everyone backs away]
 * General: Talk to me! What's going on?!
 * [The guard comes in with Kyle and Cartman]
 * Lead Tech: Something is coming through the gate from the other side.
 * [a few moments later, ManBearPig walks through]
 * Operator: What is it?!
 * Tech 3: It's like a half-man, half-bear!
 * Lead Tech: And half-pig!
 * [ManBearPig grabs the tech and slams him against the portal's supporting wall]
 * Tech 4: Oh! No-no, wait! It's like a half-bear, half-man-pig!
 * [ManBearPig rips the tech's head off and tosses it towards the general. Everyone scatters]
 * General: Look out!
 * [ManBearPig jumps over and grabs the tech at both ends]
 * Tech 3: No! I think it's more like a half-man, and half-pig-bear!
 * [ManBearPig rips him in two at the waist]
 * General: Reverse the doorway! Send it back through!
 * [Kyle screams and runs away, but ManBearPig scoops him up]
 * Stan: Kyle!
 * [a dying tech pushes the red button at his station as he drops to the floor. Lightning flashes into the room as a tractor beam pulls Stan into the portal. ManBearPig resists the pull, but crushes Kyle in its hand for several seconds. Kyle lets out a dying scream as ManBearPig lets go of him as the tractor beam finally pulls it in. Kyle falls on the floor, blue in the face]

 * [Kyle is attempted to be revived through a defibrillator]
 * Paramedic: Clear! [sends power through the paddles. Kyle rises, then falls softly. No sign of life yet. The paramedic removes the paddles] I'm sorry. He's gone.
 * Cartman: No! Kyle can't die. [gets on his knees and checks various parts of his body for a pulse]
 * Paramedic: I'm sorry, young man.
 * Cartman: Kyle?
 * Paramedic: Well, at least now he doesn't have to suck anyone's balls.
 * Cartman: [enraged] Nooo! [begins giving Kyle CPR] No, he has a strong heart! He wants to live! Come on, Kyle! Come on, buddy!
 * General: He's gone, little boy.
 * Cartman: [to the paramedic] Zap him again! [opens Kyle's coat and shirt] Do it!
 * Paramedic: Charging.
 * Cartman: Do it!
 * [the paramedic places the paddles back on Kyle's body]
 * Cartman: Come on, buddy.
 * Paramedic: Clear.
 * Cartman: Come on, buddy.
 * [the paramedic fires away. Kyle rises, then falls softly. No sign of life yet.]
 * Cartman: Get out of here! [goes back to giving Kyle CPR. A woman covers her eyes in despair] Goddammit, Kyle, you never walked away from anything in your life! Now fight! [smacks Kyle around] Fight! Fight! Right now! [begins to break down] Fight! Fiiight! Fight! [slams down hard on his chest]
 * [Kyle coughs, then comes to. Cartman begins to weep happily]
 * Cartman: Give him some air. [an oxygen mask appears and Cartman places it over Kyle's nose and mouth] There, easy. Breathe easy. [weeps softly some more]

 * Butters: I'm supposed to be in school right now, but instead I have Snarf, Popeye, and Luke Skywalker all passed off.

Imaginationland Episode III [11.12]

 * Aslan: Imaginationland used to be a happy place, but then the terrorists attacked, and so many of us were killed. The barrier came down and all the most evil imaginary characters were unleashed.  Now our final battle must take place.  The evil characters are marching toward us...with the intent to wipe us all out.
 * Beavery Beaver: This is gonna be fun, huh?
 * Woodland Critters: [cheering] Yeah!
 * Aslan: We prepare for a battle we cannot won. Sweet and cuddly imaginary characters, many who have never held a weapon, must now fight for their very lives.  We are too few in number, but we have one hope.  That is where you come in, young boy. Only you can help us win the battle.
 * Butters: W-What can I do?
 * Aslan: You have a power here that you have yet to understand.

 * General: If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who bet leprechauns aren't real. So why do you care if something happens?
 * Kyle: Because I-- Because I think they are real. It's all real. Think about it. Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same can be said for Bugs Bunny and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real? They might be imaginary, but they're more important than most of us here. And they're all gonna be around till long after we're dead. So in a way, those things are more realer than any of us. [Cartman starts applauding, followed by everyone else]
 * General: [touched] Abort the sequence. [scientist does so]
 * Cartman: So, Kyle, imaginary things ARE real, huh? Guess that means I did win the bet after all... [Kyle looks angry] And you know what that means, Kyle...
 * Kyle: [snaps] Just let it go with your Fucking balls already, you Fucking asshole! Your friends have been in danger, and all you care about is your stupid bet?! Well, I have decided, Cartman, that even if we did have a bet, that I am NEVER going to suck your balls! [grabs Cartman by the scruff of his neck] You got that?! [pushes Cartman back] They can throw me in jail for the rest of my life, but I am NEVER going to suck your balls-- [punches Cartman lightly] EVER! So there!

 * Kyle: Oh God...
 * Superman: Yes, God's here too. He's gonna talk to you right after Captain Crunch.

 * Santa Claus: Okay, Kyle, that's enough ball-sucking.

 * Stephen: You were in Imaginationland, Butters. We read all about it in the paper. The question is, what were you doing in Imaginationland when you were supposed to be helping your mother clean up the basement?
 * Linda: You are grounded, mister.
 * Butters: Wait, I'm not grounded.
 * Stephen: Oh, yes you are!
 * Butters: Oh, yeah? [tries to use his imagination powers to end the grounding]

Guitar Queer-o [11.13]

 * [Stan and Kyle have just successfully completed the song "Carry on Wayward Son" on Guitar Hero as Randy walks in]
 * Randy: So you boys like this music, huh?
 * Kyle: Yeah, dude, it's Guitar Hero!
 * Butters: Stan and Kyle are really good at it!
 * Randy: Well, you kids wanna see something really cool? Check this out. [takes out a guitar, plugs in his amp, and begins playing "Carry on Wayward Son" while singing] Once I rose above the noise and confusion / Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion / I was soaring ever higher / But I flew too high... / Though my eyes could --''
 * Stan: [angry] Dad! Dad! What are you doing?!
 * Randy: I can actually play a lot of these songs on a real guitar. You want me to teach you boys how? [beams]
 * Cartman: ...Uh, that's gay, Mr. Marsh.
 * Stan: Yeah, that's stupid, Dad.
 * Randy: But... But this is real.
 * Cartman: Real guitars are for old people!

 * Stan: Dude...dude! That's Jay Cutler over there--quarterback for the Denver Broncos!
 * Kyle: Oh my God!
 * Mr. Hart: Would you boys like to meet him?
 * Stan: Are you serious?!
 * Mr. Hart: Jay, I want you to meet Stan and Kyle; they broke 100,000 points on Guitar Hero.
 * Jay Cutler: [in his jersey, reclining and drinking beer next to 2 women in bikinis] Wow, really? Nice to meet you guys!
 * Stan: Nice to meet you! I mean, you kind of suck but my dad says you might be good someday.
 * Jay Cutler: ...Thanks.

 * Mr. Kincaid: Stan Marsh, this is Thad Jarvis.
 * Thad: 'Sup.
 * Mr. Kincaid: Thad here has backed up a lot of really great Guitar Hero players. Isn't that right, Thad?
 * Thad: Yup.
 * Mr. Kincaid: He doesn't even need a game system to play on. He can play Guitar Hero acoustically.

 * Stan: [as the Skid Row song "I Remember You" plays] Look, Kyle...the game is still set up at my house and maybe we could go try playing it again over there.
 * Kyle: [sarcastically] Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity! Oh, thank you, Your Royal Lordship!
 * Stan: That isn't it at all.
 * Kyle: [angrily] You don't get it, Stan! I can play here all I want. I even get free Frescas. I don't need you anymore!
 * Stan: I know...I need you.

 * [Cartman, Kenny, Craig, Token, and Clyde are playing basketball; Craig fakes out Cartman and shoots]
 * Cartman: Stop cheating, Craig!
 * Craig: How was that cheating?!
 * Cartman: 'Cause you tricked me, you black asshole!

 * Announcer: Congratulations! You played Guitar Hero enough to score one million points! You...ARE...FAGS!
 * Stan: [after a long silence] ...That's it?
 * Kyle: Goddammit. Goddammit. [they walk away]

The List [11.14]

 * Butters: Well, I guess we'll never get that list from the girls.
 * Cartman: Screw that, dude. We're guys; we can out-think them.

 * [Nelly walks down the hall and hears Craig blowing a horn and gets kicked in the groin by Butters]
 * Nelly: Ow! What you did that for?! [Butters kick her again] Hey, What's your problem, asshole?!
 * Cartman: Bail! Bail! [back his house in the basement] Okay, our mission failed, but we've learned a lot, primarily that girls do not have balls.
 * Butters: [in a sling with a black eye] They sure don't.
 * Cartman: Never mind, because we are going to Plan B, one that I call, "Operation: Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time." When Nelly leaves the cafeteria for recess, Kenny will jump in front of her and spit on the ground.
 * Butters: You think maybe girls keep their balls on the inside of their tummies?
 * Cartman: Butters, we're done talking about girls balls right now. Pay attention.

 * Kyle: Oh so big deal, guys. You feel better now? Clyde's the best looking kid in the class. And then Token and Stan. And last is Francis, Cartman, and… [finds himself last on the list and is voted the ugliest; shocked] Me?
 * Cartman: You're last, dude! [laughs]
 * Kyle: No way!
 * Cartman: Yes way, check it out!
 * Stan: Cartman, lay off. You're next to last.

 * Stan: That didn't sparkle with her, did it?

 * Jenny: [Wendy has just revealed their secret] You just couldn't let it go.
 * Wendy: [surprised] What do you mean? Call the girls in!
 * Jenny: I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy.
 * Lola: Did you know, Wendy, that Clyde's father owns the shoe store in the mall? A lot of us have wanted to date Clyde to get free shoes, but we couldn't, because he wasn't...popular enough!
 * Wendy: [horrified] You knew!
 * Lola: [takes a package out of a file] Unfortunately, the members voted Clyde in the bottom five of the list. That's why we had to manipulate the votes, forge a new list and hide the real one. [points to the package]
 * Wendy: [angry] So that you could all justify dating Clyde and get shoes?! How dare you take advantage of your position! I'm going to tell Bebe and have you both DE-sparkled from the list committee!
 * Jenny: Bebe? Who do you think authorized the buyout? [shocking music plays]
 * Wendy: No, not Bebe.
 * Lola: She's dating Clyde now! Nobody loves shoes more than her!
 * Stan: [confused] What's going on?
 * Wendy: When the other girls find out you ignored their votes they're gonna--
 * Jenny: You really think they'll believe you over the heads of the Committee? We'll simply generate a new list, "biggest liars," and put you at the top!
 * Lola: Do yourself a favor, Wendy! Just let it go, and keep your little mouth shut!
 * Wendy: [coldly] I don't think so. [kicks Lola in the crotch, making her drop the list] Stan, run!
 * Stan: Jesus, dude! [runs after Wendy]

 * Clyde: [noticing Kyle's depressed state of mind as he walks past] Hey, Kyle! Look man, it doesn't matter what people think, okay? Y'know Abraham Lincoln was super-ugly too, but look what he accomplished! [pats Kyle on the back] Chin up, cowboy! [approaches a girl] Hey, what's going on? [girl starts speaking in the background]
 * Butters: [to Kyle] Hey! Nice...nice ears Ha ha! Pizza face! [runs off laughing]
 * Clyde: [ending his conversation abruptly and speaking angrily] Butters! That's not cool, man! He can't help how he looks!

 * Wendy: Stan, it's been really great hanging out with you again. [Stan smiles] I feel like you've changed somehow [Stan smiles more broadly] in a really awesome way.
 * Stan: Yeah, well I guess a lot of things...change, don't they?
 * [happy music starts playing as the camera zooms in to their faces. Wendy takes a step closer and leans in to kiss Stan. A funny look comes over his face and he vomits into Wendy's face...twice]

 * [deleted Scene, inserts immediately after Stan vomits on Wendy at the end of the episode. Wendy is smiling, despite Stan vomiting in her face, like old times]
 * Kyle: You know, I'm glad this is over, but I feel like everyone is gonna wish they knew who was really last on the list.
 * Wendy: Well, I guess we'll never know...except that I looked and it was Cartman.
 * ''[back at school, Cartman is sitting at The Ugly Kids's Table in the cafeteria]
 * Cartman: This is bull-crap!
 * Butters: [yelling from across the cafeteria and laughing] Hey ugly ugly! Did Adolf Hitler launch a Blitzkrieg across your face?
 * Cartman: Oh, well, that's fine! What really matters is the kind of person I am on the inside! [realizes what kind of person he is and gets dejected] Oh, goddammit. [bumps his head on the table. The kid that asked for Kyle's pickle earlier in the episode flat-out steals the pickle from Cartman's tray]

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: South Park/Season 11


text:
User talk:67.129.254.1

- InvisibleSun 19:43, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Please stop. If you continue to crete nonsense pages, you will be blocked from editing Wikiquote.--Cato 19:47, 26 February 2008 (UTC)

- InvisibleSun 20:30, 26 February 2008 (UTC)

title: User talk:67.129.254.1


text:
J. R. Moehringer

John Joseph "J.R." Moehringer (born December 7, 1964) is an American novelist and journalist. In 2000 he won the Pulitzer Prize for newspaper feature writing. He is a national correspondent for The Los Angeles Times.

Quotes

 * Beer is amazing. Nutritional. Medicinal. A beverage, but also a meal.
 * The Tender Bar, p. 108, ppb edition.

 * If only Ed Fleming had a mother who gave such sound advice. The manager of Wazoo's, a downtown Denver restaurant, Fleming is a CSU alum who has been darned giddy about the Rams' recent success. So giddy that he donned a necklace made of Pez candies, a red blazer - and nothing else. A few people gaped (some actually set aside their beers), but most ignored Fleming as he strutted like a red-blazered rooster, demanding that all hail the Mighty Naked Beer King.
 * The Rocky Mountain News, Going Gonzo In Ft. Collins - CSU Fans Let It All Hang Out As They Cavort And Revel Before Big Football Game Against Utah, October 23, 1994

title: J. R. Moehringer


text:
Edie Brickell

Edie Arlisa Brickell (born 10 March 1966) is an American singer-songwriter who became famous with the hit "What I Am" as the lead singer of the folk rock group Edie Brickell & New Bohemians. She is the wife of Paul Simon.

Quotes

 * Sail through the sea of sad faces with love. Love. Love for everyone. Drift like a little boat on a wave.
 * "Big Day Little Boat" on Edie Brickell & New Bohemians : Ultimate Collection (2002)

 * I really thought I could give it up... But I really love music, and having a creative outlet is really the best thing you can do for yourself.
 * "Whatever happened to Edie Brickell?" CNN.com (7 January 2004)

 * He made me mess the song up when I looked at him... We can show the kids the tape and say, "Look, that's when we first laid eyes on each other."
 * Of her performance of "What I Am" on Saturday Night Live, when she noticed Paul Simon standing in front of a cameraman. "Whatever happened to Edie Brickell?" CNN.com (7 January 2004)

 * In a world religion class, everyone was complicating life and existence by over-thinking. I had this sense it's right here, right now. It's who we are and what we feel. It's not this tangled web of psychology and philosophy. I was driving to band practice and started singing that song. I wanted to be real, not adopt some philosophy or role. Instinct is our driving force.
 * On her inspiration for the song "What I Am" in "Edie Brickell, New Bohemians Return to The Fillmore" in San Francisco Bay Times (12 October 2006)

Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars (1988)

 * I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean.
 * "What I Am"

 * Philosophy, is the talk on a cereal box. Religion, is a smile on a dog.
 * "What I Am"

 * Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.
 * "What I Am"; the earliest references to this clearly indicate "choke" is the word used in the song; since then "chuck me" and "shove me" have sometimes appeared in internet renditions of the lyrics.

 * What I am is what I am. Are you what you are — or what?
 * "What I Am"

 * The village idiots in her bed Never cared that her eyes were red Never cared that her brain was dead. In the hours that her face was alive It was a thing just to be by her side.
 * "Little Miss S."

 * Wheels keep on turning and turning and turning And nothing's disturbing the way they go around.
 * "The Wheel"

 * All your thoughts are in another head. Your dreams are sleepin' in a different bed. The force that moves you is a circular breath of life and death going round and round and round.
 * "The Wheel"

 * Maybe you ride a different wave. Maybe you catch another ray of the sun That I've just begun to feel.
 * "The Wheel"

 * I don't believe in hatred anymore. I hate to think of how it felt before  When anger overwhelms your very soul It's hard to realize you'll ever know  Love like we do.
 * "Love Like We Do"

 * When I'm all alone it's the best way to be. When I'm by myself nobody else can say goodbye. Everything is temporary anyway. When the streets are wet — the colors slip into the sky. But I don't know why that means you and I are — that means you and...  I quit, I give up. Nothin's good enough for anybody else, it seems.
 * "Circle"

 * I notice me. I notice you too. And there are simple things that we don't even try anymore. There's a way out of this. Beat the time. And every time I turn around we got some clever way to put each other down.
 * "Beat The Time"

title: Edie Brickell


title: 1854


text:
Talk:Captain America

Cleanup
so what else is left? all the quotes are cited and there is a link back to wikipedia ~
 * I completed the cleanup and removed the tags. ~ UDScott 22:25, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Videogame
Is it really necessary to include quotes from his sound fx in a video game?

 * Some of these are rather trivial, and might be removed with little protest, but there are no exclusions merely because their source is a video game. ~ ♞☤☮♌Kalki·†·⚓⊙☳☶⚡ 08:55, 20 February 2014 (UTC)

title: Talk:Captain America


text:
User talk:160.39.146.100

~ Kalki 22:21, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

title: User talk:160.39.146.100


text:
User:Khluvr621~enwikiquote

 * You might want to check out my Wikipedia page to know more about me.

 * Click HERE to see what I have contributed to WikiQuote.

title: User:Khluvr621~enwikiquote


text:
Talk:South Park/Season 11

Quote from "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson"
In the last quote... He says: "Klyde, was that you?". Klyde. Not Kyle.
 * so just change it. And it's Clyde with a c :D.

Quoting From Deleted Scenes
Earlier today, 86.150.3.187 edited the section of this article for the episode by adding a quote from the episode "The List." That would be fine, except that the quote wasn't from the actual episode; it was from a deleted ending/scene that was posted online at South Park Studios. This page and others like it are for quotes from actual episodes of South Park, NOT for ones from deleted scenes. Similarly, the only quote that is currently in the section for "The List" had an extra line in the end which appeared in the online teaser only. It was thus changed. There is nothing wrong with adding new quotes, just don't add ones from deleted scenes or alternate endings. 71.251.40.161 22:44, 17 November 2007 (UTC)

title: Talk:South Park/Season 11


text:
User talk:24.17.63.187

- InvisibleSun 00:10, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

title: User talk:24.17.63.187