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Stargate SG-1/Season 1

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Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007) is an American television series about a secret military team, SG-1, that is formed to explore other planets through the recently discovered Stargates. The show, created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner, is based on the 1994 science fiction film Stargate by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich.

Children of the Gods [1.1/1.2]

 * [First lines of the series]
 * [Soldiers are playing cards in the deserted Gate Room]
 * Dealer: Oh, man, this hand's as lousy as this detail. All right everybody, in or out?

 *
 * [O'Neill has tossed a Kleenex box through the Stargate to Abydos as a message to Jackson]
 * Maj. Samuels: What if the aliens get it?
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, they could be blowing their noses right now.

 *
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, here we go. Another scientist. General, please.
 * Capt. Carter: Theoretical astrophysicist.
 * Col. O'Neill: Which means?
 * Gen. Hammond: Which means she's smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.

 *
 * Capt. Carter: I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists.
 * Capt. Carter: Colonel, I logged over 100 hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or are we going to have to arm wrestle?

 *

 * [While examining the DHD on Abydos]
 * Capt. Carter: Amazing. This is what was missing from the dig at Giza. This is how they controlled it. It took us 15 years and 3 supercomputers to MacGyver a system for the gate on Earth. Look how small it is!

 *

 * [Carter is meeting Daniel Jackson for the first time.]
 * Capt. Carter: Dr. Jackson, I presume.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I can save these people!!
 * [Teal'c points his staff weapon at Jack.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Help me! [pause, quieter] Help me.
 * Teal'c: Many have said that.
 * [Teal'c suddenly turns and shoots another Jaffa. Then tosses O'Neill his staff weapon.]
 * Teal'c: But you are the first I believe could do it!

 *

 * [Teal'c has betrayed Apophis and all the refugees have fled, leaving him standing forlornly in the chamber.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Hey, come on!
 * Teal'c: I have nowhere to go.
 * Col. O'Neill: For this you can stay at my place, let's go!

 *

 * [Teal'c pulls up his shirt and the infant Goa'uld comes out of the pouch]:
 * Col. O'Neill: What the hell is that?!
 * Teal'c: It is an infant Goa'uld, the larval form of the gods. I have carried one since I was a child, as all Jaffa carry one.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, get it out of there.
 * Teal'c: In exchange for carrying the infant Goa'uld into maturity, a Jaffa receives perfect health and long life. If I were to remove it, I would eventually die.
 * Col. O'Neill: Hell, if I were you, I'd take my chances.

 *

 * [Daniel and Sam are discussing whether or not the Stargate can go to other planets.]
 * Dr. Jackson: I'm no astrophysicist, but isn't it possible that planets can drift apart?
 * Capt. Carter: I knew I'd like you.
 * Dr. Jackson: You mean I'm right?

The Enemy Within [1.3]

 * Col. O'Neill: You know, I'm kind of partial to P3575 if you don't mind taking P3A577.
 * Kawalsky: No I'll take 577.
 * Col. O'Neill: I'm not married to it.
 * Kawalsky: No, no it's_
 * Col. O'Neill: I want to be fair about it. How about we flip for it?
 * Gen. Hammond: How 'bout you go where I tell you!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: So this iris is gonna hold, right?
 * Capt. Carter: Pure titanium less than three micrometers from the event horizon. It won't even allow matter to fully reintegrate.
 * Col. O'Neill: [Looks blankly at Carter for a moment] ...So this iris is gonna hold, right?
 * Capt. Carter: If it doesn't, the fail-safe device will detonate, this whole mountain will vaporize and there'll be nothing to worry about.
 * Col. O'Neill: Ah, good! I feel much better.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Like bugs on windshield.

 *

 * Teal'c: I will pledge my allegiance to this world.
 * Col. O'Neill: I'm just not sure that's ever going to be enough for them to trust you. To be honest with you, I think they're scared of you.
 * Teal'c: I understand.
 * Col. O'Neill: You must be used to that by now, huh?
 * Teal'c: I am a Jaffa. I have served as a warrior for your enemy. I have carried your enemy within me.
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah. Well it's kind of a human thing. We tend to be afraid of things we don't know.
 * Teal'c: Why is O'Neill not afraid?
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, I saw you stand up to a god. Refuse to kill. I saw you make that decision.
 * Teal'c: Yes.
 * Col. O'Neill: In that moment I learned everything I needed to know to trust you.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Permission to barge in, sir?

 *
 * Col. O'Neill: Listen, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.
 * Maj. Kawalsky: We're friends.
 * Col. O'Neill: If you don't make it... can I have your stereo?

Emancipation [1.4]

 * [Regarding Carter's dressing like the locals]
 * Dr. Jackson: Anthropologists do it all the time. They dress and live as the people they're studying.
 * Capt. Carter: I'm not an anthropologist.
 * Col. O'Neill: [gleefully] You are today!

 *

 * Abu: No! I cannot look at you!
 * Capt. Carter: OK, now I'm hurt.

 *

 * [At Jackson's suggestion to blend in with the local populace, Carter has allowed herself to be dressed in an elaborate and heavily embroidered silk headdress and gown]
 * Capt. Carter: Daniel, find me an anthropologist that dresses like this and I will eat this headdress.

 *

 * Abu: You are most beautiful woman I have ever seen.(Leaves tent)
 * Capt. Carter: Uh, I guess the kid doesn't get out much.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Look uh, I will not wear this thing over my face. I don't care how much embroidery it has on it. And this…dress, or whatever it's called, I mean…I can't move, I can't walk…
 * Col. O'Neill: I don't know. It…it kind of works for me. I, uh…
 * Dr. Jackson: It's, it's you, it's…
 * Dr. Jackson and Col. O'Neill: You.
 * Dr. Jackson: Definitely you.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: All things considered… Samantha… if we have to come back here, it might be a better idea if we brought an all male team. No offense.
 * Capt. Carter: Well, in view of the fact that you all get to go to this party tonight and I get to stay in this… yurt that smells like rancid yak butter, none taken. I'll just get a good night's sleep, and hope for better luck next time.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: You going to be all right?
 * Capt. Carter: Still doubting me? I haven't been afraid of the dark since I was two.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: How is it that you always manage to come up with the worst case scenario?
 * Col. O'Neill: I practice.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: What a relief, I've never been so happy to see you guys!
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, sure you have. Remember that time on P3X-595 you drank that stuff that made you take off--
 * Capt. Carter: [interrupting] We won't get into that right now!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: So how do the Spirits decide who wins?
 * Sheva'da: It is a battle... to the death.
 * (Turgan unsheaths a long curved knife.)
 * Col. O'Neill: Hey! No one said anything about...[Multiple knives are pointed at his, Daniel's and Teal'c's throats]... knives!

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Do you think this thing is going to end up being a revolutionary drug back on Earth?
 * Dr. Jackson: Well if it does, I'm sure someone else will end up getting credit for it. It's not like we can tell them where it really came from.
 * Col. O'Neill: Damn, guess I'm going to have to cancel that Oprah interview!
 * Teal'c: What is an Oprah?

The Broca Divide [1.5]

 * Dr. Jackson: This is crazy. We don't know what could be there waiting for us when we come through.
 * Col. Makepeace: Don't you worry, boys. That's why the SG-3 Marines are comin' with. You can count on us to watch your backsides.
 * Dr. Jackson: Actually, it was more my front side I was worried about.

 * Col. Makepeace: Okay, we'll take point.
 * Col. O'Neill: Ah! We'll go through first. You watch our lovely backsides, remember?
 * Col. Makepeace: Have it your way, Flyboy.

 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, I got in a little wrestling match with Carter.
 * Dr. Jackson: Why?
 * Col. O'Neill: I guess she's got whatever Johnson's got. Had to drag her off to the infirmary.
 * Dr. Jackson: What, did she start a fight with you, like Johnson did with Teal'c?
 * Col. O'Neill: No, she, uh, tried to seduce me.
 * [pause]
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh. [pause] You poor man...

 *

 * Teal'c: Col. O'Neill?
 * Col. O'Neill: [imitating Desi Arnaz] Lucy, I'm home!
 * Teal'c: I am not Lucy.
 * Col. O'Neill: I know that. It's a reference to an old TV—never mind, open the door.
 * Teal'c: I will summon the doctor.
 * Col. O'Neill: No, come on. I'm fine. I'm back to being myself. Just open up.
 * Teal'c: I cannot be certain that you are back to being yourself. You referred to me as "Lucy."

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel, you dog, you keep this up, you'll have a girl on every planet.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: [uncomfortably] About my earlier behavior... I wasn't myself, and—
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, Carter, I don't even remember your earlier behavior.
 * Capt. Carter: You don't?
 * Col. O'Neill: No, I was infected too, remember?
 * Capt. Carter: [relieved] Right! Good, I'm—I'm glad.
 * Col. O'Neill: By the way, how's the wound?
 * Capt. Carter: Wound?
 * Col. O'Neill: I understand you got stabbed in the stomach?
 * Capt. Carter: Oh, yeah, that—that was nothing. With any luck, there won't even be a scar.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, good. I was concerned.
 * Capt. Carter: You were?
 * Col. O'Neill: Sure. [smiles] If it doesn't heal properly, you'll never wear that sweet little tank top number again.
 * [She stops in her tracks at that, and he keeps on walking.]

The First Commandment [1.6]

 * Col. O'Neill: Does it say "Colonel" anywhere on my uniform?
 *

 * Dr. Jackson: This tastes like chicken.
 * Capt. Carter: So what's wrong with it?
 * Dr. Jackson: It's macaroni and cheese.
 *

 * [Teal'c tests an alarm by tossing a rock into it]
 * Col. O'Neill: Perfect. If any little rocks sneak up on us, we'll have plenty of warning.
 *

 * Capt. Carter: You're sick and you need help. [points a gun at Hanson]
 * Capt. Hanson: That's your idea of help?
 *

 * Capt. Hanson: Do not betray me! I am your god.

Cold Lazarus [1.7]

 * Dr. Jackson: [on a walkie-talkie]: Jack, we've finished our recon, loaded up FRED and are ready to head back through the Gate. Is this...am I using this right?
 *

 * [Teal'c has been watching television]
 * Teal'c: Your world is a strange place.
 * Dr. Jackson:...So is yours.
 *

 * [Teal'c shoots a crystal with his staff weapon in the gate room]
 * Capt. Carter: [picking up a crystal shard] Here's a good one.
 * Technician: What's going on in there?
 * Teal'c: You received permission for me to fire my staff weapon in the Gate Room?
 * [Carter and Jackson glance uncertainly at one another, there is a pause]
 * Capt. Carter: [Turning quickly to leave] Oh, yeah.
 * Dr. Jackson: [Turning quickly to leave] Absolutely.
 *

 * [Col O'Neill has been placed in a cell and is being observed through a video]
 * Col O'Neill: Come on, get me out of here! Tell you what. Let me put it nicely.[gets on a chair and gets his face into the video] Get me the hell out of here!
 * Gen. Hammond: If that isn't O'Neill, I want to know who the hell we're looking at.
 *

 * [SG-1 is going off base, Teal'c is taking his staff with him]
 * Gen. Hammond: Teal'c, you'll have to leave that here.
 * Teal'c: I have seen your world. I will need it.
 * Gen. Hammond: Can't let you take your weapon, Teal'c. You—all of you—will be operating in public so you can't do or say anything that reveals the existence of the SGC or the Stargate.
 * [Hammond hands Teal'c a Chicago hat]
 * Teal'c: Chicago. The windy city. Home of the Black Hawks, the Bulls and the White Sox.
 * Col. O'Neill: Don't forget the Cubs.

The Nox [1.8]

 * [SG-1 is hunting an invisible beast called a "fenri"]
 * Teal'c: We will find them most vulnerable when they hover.
 * Dr. Jackson: Hover? Like a hummingbird?
 * Teal'c: With teeth.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Um, sorry to drop in on you like this, but we were... dead.

 *

 * Nefrayu: [indicating himself] Nefrayu.
 * Capt. Carter: Nefrayu.
 * Col. O'Neill: No, you can't keep him.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: I think they're a family.
 * Col. O'Neill: Of what?

 *

 * [O'Neill and Jackson are trying to explain to Nefrayu's father why they are hunting Apophis]
 * Col. O'Neill: He's just...bad. He's very...
 * Dr. Jackson: ...bad.
 * Col. O'Neill: ...bad. We just wanted to take him back to our world and have a little chat with him about all the nasty...
 * Col. O'Neill & Dr. Jackson: ...bad...
 * Col. O'Neill: ...things he's been doing.

 *

 * [O'Neill asks Nefrayu to go home but he does not, and ends up missing]
 * Col. O'Neill: I told him to go home.
 * Anteaus : I told you the same. The very young do not always do what they are told.
 * [Referring to both the young Nefrayu and to the relatively "young" race of humans]

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Shak'l thinks we're unarmed, Apophis thinks he's invulnerable.
 * Dr. Jackson: And... they're right. I think I found a flaw in your plan.

 * Dr. Jackson: I felt that blast kill me. I thought I-I thought we were dead. Weren't we dead?
 * Capt. Carter: Yeah.
 * Dr. Jackson: Okay. Well I thought heaven would be a little more upscale.
 * Capt. Carter: Oh, I don't think this is heaven.

Brief Candle [1.9]

 * Dr. Jackson: It's like we just stepped into the citadel at Mycenae.
 * Col. O'Neill: Thought you said it was Greek.
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, uh... Mycenae was an ancient city in the southern Peloponnese region.
 * Col. O'Neill: Where's that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Greece.
 * Col. O'Neill: Why do I do that?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Hiya kids.

Thor's Hammer [1.10]

 * Gairwyn: You're a little short for gods.

 *

 * (Jack and Teal'c are walking along in the caves.)
 * Teal'c: You should not have attempted to rescue me from the beam. If you had not done so you would not be here now.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, you'd have done the same for me. Course, you're not going to find me walking around with one of those Goa'uld larvae in my gut, but hey.

 *

 * Teal'c: It is dead.
 * Col. O'Neill: That's good.
 * Teal'c: I believe.
 * Col. O'Neill: You "believe"?
 * Teal'c: I am certain.
 * Col. O'Neill: Positive?
 * Teal'c: I am.
 * Col. O'Neill: Just a myth?
 * Teal'c: A myth.
 * Col. O'Neill: Good.

 *

 * (later as the Unas roars in the distance)
 * Col. O'Neill: Just a myth, huh?

 *

 * Unas: Your weapons cannot kill me! I know the secrets of the Labrynth. I could help you escape.
 * Col. O'Neill: A map would be nice.
 * [O'Neill begins shooting the Unas]

 *

 * Teal'c: Are you considering the same tactic as I?
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, the cliché is, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" And the answer's yes.

The Torment of Tantalus [1.11]

 * Dr. Jackson: The Pentagon said this was everything.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, please! The Pentagon's lost entire countries.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: You gotta go that one step further, don't you?

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: [angrily] Colonel, did you authorize Dr. Jackson to reveal classified information to this civilian?
 * Col. O'Neill: Absolutely not, sir! In fact, I advised him not to say anything to her in spite of the fact that she used to run the entire program and is responsible for most of our current knowledge about the Gate.

 *

 * [Catherine Langford is about to go through the Stargate for the first time.]
 * Col. O'Neill: It's a piece of cake.
 * [They go through.]
 * Dr. Jackson: You okay?
 * Catherine Langford: That was some piece of cake.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel, before your head explodes, may I remind you that we've got more important things to deal with right now?

 *

 * Catherine Langford: You don't recognize me?
 * Dr. Littlefield: C-Catherine? Hmm.
 * [Littlefield leaves]
 * Catherine Langford: Fifty years. And that's all he has to say.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Where's Daniel?
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, Ernest is showing him a new toy.
 * Capt. Carter: Really? What?
 * Col. O'Neill: Some fancy light show that may be the key to our existence or something like that.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Alright, basic survival training. We know what we have, what do we need?
 * Teal'c: [stating the obvious] We have the Stargate. We need the Dial Home Device.
 * Col. O'Neill: Thank you, Teal'c.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: The Dial-Home Device just fell through the floor into the ocean.
 * Dr. Jackson: So what are we going to do?
 * Capt. Carter: That thing may have a power source in it that we can use to get the Gate working.
 * Dr. Jackson: Uh...No! [horrified] You don't understand—this book may contain knowledge of the universe. I mean, this is—this is meaning-of-life stuff.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I'm no scientist, but couldn't we use that Ben Franklin thing?

 *

 * Dr. Littlefield: No prize is worth obtaining if you can never share it. Believe me, I know.

 *

 * [They're about to return through the Stargate.]
 * Catherine Langford: It's a piece of cake.
 * Dr. Littlefield: Not from what I remember.

Bloodlines [1.12]

 * [Bra'tac is looking SG-1 down]
 * Bra'tac: You, you are among the warriors who defeated the palace guard at Chulak? A human woman?
 * Capt. Carter: Hey, I'll have you know that I kicked my--
 * Bra'tac: [to Jackson] And you? A warrior of great skill and cunning? I could snap you like kindling. [to Teal'c] How could you bring these ha'sak with you?
 * Col. O'Neill: Hey, who you calling a hassick? [pause] What's a hassick?
 * Bra'tac: You challenge me, fool?
 * Col. O'Neill: Uh, no, we didn't come to fight you.
 * Bra'tac: A shame.
 * [Bra'tac swings his staff weapon at O'Neill, who uses it to knock him to the ground]
 * Col. O'Neill: We're here on a mission. If you don't want to be a part of it, just say so.
 * Bra'tac: You choose your friends well Teal'c. Though were I a hundred years younger, it might not have been quite so easy.
 * Col. O'Neill: You're over a hundred years old? God, I'm sorry.
 * [O'Neill extends a hand to Bra'tac, who pulls him to the ground with ease]
 * Bra'tac: One hundred and thirty three.
 * Col. O'Neill: You must work out.
 *

 * Teal'c: If we are caught, you will be brought before Apophis along with us.
 * Col. O'Neill: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
 * Bra'tac: No. The bridge is too well guarded.
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Here's the plan--
 * Bra'tac: I will lead. You will follow.
 * Col. O'Neill: Right.

Fire and Water [1.13]

 * [At a wake being held for Daniel, O'Neill, frustrated and angry, has just broken a window on Gen. Hammond's car]
 * Gen. Hammond: You know, that's my car, don't you?.
 * Col. O'Neill: You should get that window fixed.

 *

 * [SG-1 are going through Daniel's things after he has been declared MIA]
 * Capt. Carter: [reading from Daniel's Abydos diary] "Col. O'Neill thinks I'm a geek. I have no idea how to get us back. I'll never get paid."

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I'm not a big fan of that "bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog" stuff.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: About that apartment...
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, you didn't!
 * Capt. Carter: The, um, day after the memorial service.
 * Dr. Jackson: Memorial service?
 * Capt. Carter: Yeah. Colonel said some nice things.
 * Dr. Jackson: H-he did. [pause] He did?

Hathor [1.14]

 * Hathor: I am Hathor. You would be wise to unbind us and kneel before your goddess.
 * Col. O'Neill: [looks down] Hello.
 * Dr. Jackson: Hathor?
 * Hathor: Yes.
 * Col. O'Neill:You've heard of her?
 * Dr. Jackson: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
 * Col. O'Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock n' roll?
 * Dr. Jackson: In a manner of speaking.

 *

 * Hathor: May we take your hand?
 * Gen. Hammond: [suspiciously] Why?
 * Hathor: We wish to kiss it. To bless you with fertility and joy.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, you can't pass that up, sir.

 *

 * Hathor: You, with the crown of marble!
 * Col. O'Neill: [to Hammond] She might mean you, sir.

 *

 * [Carter and Frasier sneak up on Gen. Hammond, and Carter knocks him out with the butt of her gun]
 * Capt. Carter: Yeah, my career is over.
 * Dr. Fraiser: Don't worry about it. I can fix him up as good as new when this thing is over.
 * Capt. Carter: Great. So he can bring me up on charges.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: OK on three. One...
 * (Teal'c walks straight through the door without waiting for the count)

 *

 * [Carter is looking at the healed abdomen of O'Neill, who has no memory of past events]
 * Capt. Carter: Wow! It's a miracle!
 * Col. O'Neill (confused): Crunches.

 *

 * Dr. Fraiser: [inspecting Goa'uld slime] Maybe we'll at least get a cellular level analysis on the Goa'ulds, maybe we'll even find some DNA information.
 * Dr. Jackson: [uncomfortably] A lot of that will probably be mine.
 * Col. O'Neill: Ew.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah.

Singularity [1.15]

 * Dr. Jackson: So, what exactly are we going to see after this eclipse begins? I mean, it is black, and it is a hole...
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, it might be a black hole.
 * Dr. Jackson: Okay. Let me put that a different way...

 *

 * Capt. Carter: You can actually see matter spiralling towards it..
 * Col. O'Neill: Actually, it's called the Accretion disc.
 * Dr. Jackson: You can see why the local population would be afraid of i...What did you just say?!
 * Col. O'Neill: It's just an astronomical term.
 * Capt. Carter: You didn't think the colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors did you?
 * Col. O'Neill: [to Teal'c] not initially...

Cor-Ai [1.16]

 * Dr. Jackson: You know, I wish you wouldn't say "harvest." We're talking about human beings, not brussels sprouts.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some religious event.
 * Col. O'Neill: Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Has it ever occurred to anyone that he might not be guilty?
 * Byrsa woman: If was not guilty, there would be no Cor-ai.
 * Col. O'Neill: Innocent until proven guilty. Ever heard of it?
 * Dr. Jackson: Actually, throughout history the idea's pretty rare. Most cultures usually assume things the other way around. [O'Neill gives Jackson a very angry look] I'm just saying.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: You sure you're up to this?
 * Col. O'Neill: Why? You don't think I am?
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, it's—it's just that I've never actually heard you referred to as a diplomat. I think, um, "antagonist" was the word used.
 * Col. O'Neill: But I'm his commanding officer. It comes with the turf.
 * Capt. Carter: Wouldn't Daniel be better suited, as a linguist and cultural expert?
 * Col. O'Neill: All right, we'll all do it. How's that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Fine.
 * Capt. Carter: Co-co-counsels. Works for me.

 *

 * Hanno: I have just one question for you.
 * Dr. Jackson: [deflated] What is it?
 * Hanno: Can any of his present or future actions bring my father back from the dead.
 * Dr. Jackson: No nothing will do that.
 * Hanno: Then obviously no amount of good done in the past or the present will erase the guilt of what he has done.

 *

 * Teal'c: I told you before O'Neill, I will not run!
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, you're coming with us, even if I have to knock you out, and drag you out myself. Got it?

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs.
 * Col. O'Neill: Since when?
 * Gen. Hammond:Since the election of this administration!

 *

 * Hanno: You would protect those who want to kill you?
 * Teal'c: I would protect those who deserve to live.
 * Hanno: (repentant) I was mistaken. My memory was faulty. You are not he who killed my father.
 * Teal'c: I am the one.
 * Hanno: No. He is dead. You have killed him.

Enigma [1.17]

 * Airman: Gen. Hammond. Sir. The refugees... they've disappeared.
 * Col. Maybourne: What do you mean, "disappeared"?
 * Airman: I mean, like "Poof!" sir.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: Why did you call me out here?
 * Col. O'Neill: Cuz Maybourne's not.

 *

 * Col. Maybourne: I have a presidential order to take the aliens with me. Stop them. Use force if necessary.
 * Lya: (to Daniel) Your race has learned nothing. But you have. The Tollan are most welcome to join the Nox. Please come.
 * (The Tollan file up onto the Stargate ramp.)
 * Col. Maybourne: Stop!
 * (Lya face betrays disappointment as she raises her arms over her head in a circular motion. Behind her the Stargate folds active in sync with her arms)
 * Lya: Come.
 * (The Tolan turn toward the Stargate and each turns watery and disappears, leaving the gate room personnel pointing their guns at empty air.)
 * Col. Maybourne: Fire! Fire!
 * (Each of the weapons in the hands of the gate room personnel also turn watery and disappear from their grasp. Finally Lya glides back into the active Stargate and it deactivates.)
 * Col. O'Neill: God, I love those people.

Solitudes [1.18]

 * Col. O'Neill: You wouldn't think jagged bone digging into raw nerves would hurt, but it does.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Then we'd better start looking for a way. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to die on some god-forsaken block of ice a million light years from home. Is that clear?
 * Capt. Carter: Yes Sir!
 * Col. O'Neill: Good. Now help me up.
 * Capt. Carter: Ah, I don't think you should move.
 * Col. O'Neill: Probably not, but my butt's freezing to the ground. Come on. [Carter helps him up] Ah. [They look around] Ah, a little paint, a coupla windows, maybe a fireplace in the corner, it'll be just like home.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: [O'Neill's clasping his chest] What's wrong with your chest?
 * Col. O'Neill: I think I cracked a rib too.
 * Capt. Carter: Why didn't you say something?
 * Col. O'Neill: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: I didn't know you could cook.
 * Col. O'Neill: I can't, but my melted ice is to die for.

 *

 * [Carter and O'Neill are lying close to one another for warmth.]
 * Capt. Carter: Colonel?
 * Col. O'Neill: It's my sidearm, I swear. [Sam starts to laugh] No giggling... please.

 *

 * [Daniel has just realized Carter and O'Neill are on Earth and this is why they can't dial in.]
 * Dr. Jackson: [to Teal'c] What happens when you dial your own phone number? (Teal'C raises an eyebrow) Wrong person to ask...[turns to General Hammond] What happens when you dial your own phone number?
 * Gen. Hammond: (excitedly) You get a busy signal.

Tin Man [1.19]

 * Robot Carter: We are identical. Right down to the mole on our...
 * Capt. Carter: Hey! Hey! Shut up!

 *

 * Robot Jack: Somebody stole my life. That's what happened.
 * Col. O'Neill: You talking about my life?
 * Robot Jack: Hey! I've got every right to it that you do!

 *

 * [SG-1, except for Teal'c, has been duplicated in android form]
 * Col. O'Neill: Both Daniels think this is all fascinating, the Carters are arguing already, and Teal'c feels left out.

 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah well...there is, um, a little issue of security. You know everything I know about Earth. Codes, defenses...
 * Robot Jack: We'll bury the gate, don't worry. And don't even think about sending a bomb to make sure.
 * Col. O'Neill: I wasn't!
 * Robot Jack: Yes you were. I know you.
 * Col. O'Neill: All right. You have my word... colonel.
 * Robot Jack: Call me Jack.
 * Harlan: Colonel O'Neill?
 * Both O'Neills simultaneously: Ah, for cryin' out loud...

 *

There But For the Grace of God [1.20]

 * Dr. Jackson: Unless the last two years have been some wacky, wacky dream, I am a member of SG-1.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Wh-where is Teal'c?
 * [Everyone in the briefing room looks surprised; they don't know who Daniel's talking about]
 * Dr. Jackson: Uh, big guy. Gold emblem on his head. Goa'uld in his stomach. You can't miss him.

 *

 * Dr. Carter: Scientists have theorized that there are an infinite number of dimensions, each containing a different possible version of reality.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, it sounds like I theoretically, possibly, actually found one.

 *

 * [Sam and Jack hug and breifly kiss. Daniel looks towards Catherine in disbelief]
 * Catherine Langford: I take it they're not engaged in your reality?
 * Dr. Jackson: No.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Come on Daniel, let's get you fixed up.
 * Dr. Jackson: No! There's no time! We're all in very big trouble! They're coming! They're coming...

Politics [1.21]

 * Dr. Jackson: Now I know this is hard for you guys to believe, but I swear to you the whole time you thought I had disappeared on P3R-233, I was experiencing an alternate reality.
 * Col. O'Neill: [sarcastically] And you were there, and you were there, and there's no place like home.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Daniel, it's not that we don't believe you…
 * Dr. Jackson: So you do?
 * Col. O'Neill: No. It's just that we don't believe you.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Alright, when you were in this alternate reality, were there differences?"
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes. Ah, Teal'c was leading the attack on Earth, I wasn't even part of the program, you and Jack were engaged to be married.
 * Col. O'Neill: Excuse me?
 * Capt. Carter: What?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: All right, wait a minute. Let—let me get something straight here. Engaged?
 * Capt. Carter: It is theoretically possible.
 * Col. O'Neill: It's against regulations!
 * Capt. Carter: I'm talking physics, sir.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Major Samuels.
 * Samuels: Actually, it's Lt. Col. Samuels now.
 * Col. O'Neill: You'll always be 'Sparky' to me.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here.
 * Col. O'Neill: How about a bake sale? [Hammond gives him a stern look] Yard sale? Garage...
 * Gen. Hammond: This is what I look like when I'm not laughing, Colonel.
 * Col. O'Neill: Car wash?

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Senator, we have reason to believe that the Goa'uld are about to launch an attack, in force, in ships.
 * Senator Kinsey: Then I think they'll regret taking on the United States military!
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, for God's sake…
 * Dr. Jackson: [sarcastic] Oh, you're right! We'll—-we'll just upload a computer virus into the mothership!
 * [This is a reference to the film Independence Day, which, incidentally, was written by Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, the creators of the original movie Stargate.]

 *

 * (about Kinsey wanting to shut down the program)
 * Col. O'Neill: That's it, colonel.
 * Capt. Carter: It can't be...
 * Col. O'Neill: Sir, with all due respect-
 * Dr. Jackson: So with all due respect, the good senator is an ass.

Within the Serpent's Grasp [1.22]

 * [A group of Jaffa march past SG-1's hiding place]
 * Col. O'Neill: I always get a happy, tingly feeling when I see those guys.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: [inspecting a silver ball] Teal'c, what is this?
 * Teal'c: It is a Goa'uld long-range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced.
 * Col. O'Neill: Think it gets Showtime?
 * [The series was airing on the Showtime network at this point.]

title: Stargate SG-1/Season 1


text:
Stargate SG-1/Season 2

 * Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | Stargate: The Ark of Truth | Stargate: Continuum | Main

Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007) is an American television series about a secret military team, SG-1, that is formed to explore other planets through the recently discovered Stargates. The show, created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner, is based on the 1994 science fiction film Stargate by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich.

The Serpent's Lair [2.1]

 * [SG-1 is about to complete a suicide mission.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Now, I suppose this is the time for me to say something profound. [pause] Nothing comes to mind, let's do it.

 *

 * Bra'tac: We offer to lay down our lives for your world, human. You cannot ask more.
 * Col. O'Neill: No, I can't. But I think a better idea is to get the other guys to lay down their lives for their world first, hmm?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: We've been in worse situations than this.
 * Teal'c: Not to my knowledge.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I think what the Captain's asking is, "What now?"
 * Bra'tac: Now we die.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, that's a bad plan.

 *

 * Bra'tac: I have spent 133 years worshipping false gods! No more!

 *

 * Bra'tac: You are Hammond...(He gestures to his own head of Hammond's bald head) of Texas?
 * General Hammond: I am.
 * Bra'tac: Your warriors serve you well.

 *

 * Bra'tac: (Contemplating how to destroy the shield generator) The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship. Then. taking our weapons we must...
 * Col. O'Neill:(Arms two grenades and tosses them down. They watch as the generator explodes.) Grenades.

 *

 * [Jack gives Daniel a hug after seeing him alive]
 * Col. O'Neill: Space Monkey. Yeah!

In the Line of Duty [2.2]

 * Teal'c: [having just zatted Daniel] Are you injured?
 * Dr. Jackson: Dumb question. But, thank you. I think.
 * Teal'c: You are welcome.
 * Dr. Jackson: Just don't ever do that again.

Prisoners [2.3]

 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, look scary and take point.

 *

 * Linea: All debts have now been paid.

The Gamekeeper [2.4]

 * Capt. Carter: I like what they've done with the place.
 * Col. O'Neill: I'm not so sure I like what the place has done to them.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: We're out.
 * Col. O'Neill: [leaping out of the device] Whoa! Whew.
 * Capt. Carter: Wait. Didn't that seem just a little too easy?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes, it did. Let's go home.

 *

 * General Hammond: What are you doing, Colonel?
 * Col. O'Neill: Ah, I'm looking for the edges of a mask.
 * General Hammond: What?
 * Col. O'Neill:You're obviously not the real General Hammond.
 * General Hammond: Sit down, Colonel.
 * Col. O'Neill: I don't think so, bucko. The jig's up, we're on to ya.
 * General Hammond: What are you talking about?
 * Capt. Carter: We're still on P7J-989.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, you betcha. This is just a new game brought to you by our good friend [Pats Hammond on the head] the Keeper.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Where are we going?
 * Col. O'Neill: Back through the Gate to show them what their planet looks like... [gets confused] ...in our memories... before the virtual reality... Leave me alone!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: This is real this time, isn't it?
 * Gamekeeper: [sternly, to the residents] Do not pull that!! You are ruining the garden! [turns to glare at O'Neill and Jackson] I told you they will ruin everything! First, the garden, next, the entire planet!
 * Col. O'Neill and Jackson: [grinning] It's real.

Need [2.5]

 * Col. O'Neill: [to Daniel](chuckles) Surprisingly difficult to kill you, isn't it?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Carter's been having those... Goa'uld flashbacks of hers. She says if you don't stop using that... thing, you'll go to the dark side on us. If you haven't already.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Lately, I get this weird feeling when I'm near Teal'c.
 * Col. O'Neill: Hey, who doesn't?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [to General Hammond] We had a nice time, Sir. Carter found some naquadah. Teal'c made some new friends, as usual. Daniel got engaged. And I, uh... I'm gonna hit the showers.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: I wouldn't be here if I didn't care.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: You can't use this anymore. It will be hard. Trust me. But you don't have to go through it alone.

Thor's Chariot [2.6]

 * Col. O'Neill: You all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive, but we did destroy their de-Goa'ulding thing; might not they look unkindly on that?

 *

 * Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device in order to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
 * Col. O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
 * Dr. Jackson: I fired the staff at the machine.
 * Capt. Carter: And I... was there.

 *

 * [Col. O'Neill and Teal'c are observing the Horus guards]
 * Col. O'Neill: What's with the heads? They look like those guys who used to be with Ra back on Abydos.
 * Teal'c: They are Horus. They guard the family of Ra. These probably guard the Goa'uld Heru-ur.
 * Col. O'Neill: And he'd be Ra's what? Cousin? Uncle?
 * Teal'c: He is the son of Ra and of Hathor.
 * Col. O'Neill: [sarcastic] Nice pedigree.

 *

 * Heru-ur: Kneel before your god!
 * Olaf: My god is Thor! And he taught us to stand as equals!
 * Heru-ur: Your god cannot help you now. Only I can help you now. Strangers were seen coming through the Portal. Where are they? Answer! Answer!
 * Olaf: Thor taught us to have no fear of death!
 * Heru-ur: But what did he teach you of pain?

 *

 * Olaf: Thunder and Fire! You do indeed possess Thor's might!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I guess we'll have to hold up here awhile till things calm down.
 * Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will in fact calm up.

 *

 * [The hologram of the human viking Thor transforms into Thor's true form, which resembles a Roswell Grey.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, my god!
 * Thor: I am the actual one whom you know as Thor.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Before riding into battle the Sioux used to say, 'It is a good day to die'
 * [Col. O'Neill hits Dr. Jackson on the arm for saying it, when the skies suddenly darken. Black clouds roll out of the bright clear sky and peals of thunder are heard.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Then again, maybe not.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh my!
 * [Out of the middle of the black clouds a massive ship looking like the hammer teleportation devices descends upon the Goa'uld motherships and camp.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe this is Thor's Chariot.
 * Teal'c: An Asgard Mothership! I've only heard of them described in Jaffa legend!

 *

 * Gairwyn: The Ettins are gone. Thor sends his thanks. Without you this would not have been possible.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I still think we got kind of lucky.
 * Gairwyn: I was to give you a message to satisfy your curiosity. They are a race that has visited your world often. They are friend of all, protector of all. Except the Goa'uld with whom they are at war.
 * Col. O'Neill: That's fine. But I would've still liked to have met the fellow.
 * Gairwyn: Well like us, he says you are still much too young. As for us, we have much to rebuild. Thor promises to send an Asgard teacher to help us.
 * Teal'c: So Cimmeria will be a safe world again. That is good.
 * Gairwyn: I am also to tell you that Thor's new hammer will make the exception for the one named Teal'c. You are welcome here any time.

Message in a Bottle [2.7]

 * Capt. Carter: Like some sort of booby trap?
 * Teal'c: [confused] Booby?

 *

 * Daniel Jackson: You know, I don't think it's the artifact- he gets nervous like that every time he's around you. Maybe a crush.
 * Graham Simmons: Um, we're recording now.
 * Capt. Carter: Thank you, Lieutenant.
 * Daniel Jackson: Oops, hey, the artifact...

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Good morning, campers! Sleep well? I did.
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, it can't be morning.
 * Col. O'Neill: Ah, but it is. We ship out at oh, 1300 hours.

 *

 * Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
 * Col. O'Neill: It's wild horses, Teal'c... That was a joke... You told a joke. Don't make me laugh.

Family [2.8]

 * Fro'tak: You are the warriors of the Tau'ri? I am Fro'tak of the High Cliffs.
 * Col. O'Neill: Jack of the Windy City.
 *

 * Apophis: I will give one million currency to the Jaffa who brings Teal'c to me alive and another million for the heads of those who are with him.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, if you've got a price on your head, you're doing your job.
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [Wearing Jaffa armour] No wonder these guys are so cranky! Get me out of this thing.

Secrets [2.9]

 * Col. O'Neill: You know, I can navigate my way across the galaxy, but I get lost every time I come to Washington.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: It's 'O'Neill', with two L's. There's another Col. O'Neil with only one L, and he has no sense of humor at all.
 * [This is a reference to the 1994 movie Stargate, in which a dour Kurt Russell plays Col. Jonathan "Jack" O'Neil.]

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I retired myself one time. Couldn't stay away.
 * Jacob Carter: From your analysis of deep space radar telemetry...
 * Col. O'Neill: (flatly) Well it's just so damn fascinating.
 * Gen. Jacob Carter: I'm sure it is. Otherwise you wouldn't be receiving the Air Medal.
 * Col. O'Neill: We have our moments. (O'Neill, General Hammond, and Samantha Carter all look at each other and smile) Uh...will you excuse me? We just don't get out of Cheyenne Mountain nearly enough. I'm gonna go grab some air...outside. General, Captain, General...waiter. (as he walks away)

 *

 * Jacob Carter: But whatever you really analyze in that mountain, deep space or no deep space, it can't be nearly as exciting as the real thing. I'm talking about NASA Sam. I'm talking about you actually going to space someday.

 *

 * Heru'ur: You dare challenge me?
 * Col. O'Neill: I was thinking about it.
 * [Tosses knife through energy barrier into Heru'ur's hand]

Bane [2.10]

 * General Hammond: Maybourne has been given authorization to take Teal'c under surveillance of his medical team.
 * Col. O'Neill: General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.
 * [Maybourne looks at Hammond dumbfounded and afraid]

 *

 * General Hammond: [Hears unusual sound of something hitting against the iris] What is that?
 * Col. O'Neill: Those are bugs sir! Big! Ugly bugs!

 *

 * [Teal'c has just given Ally, a young girl, a very powerful Super Soaker water gun. She immediately uses it to squirt Teal'c, and then runs off]
 * Dr. Jackson: Guess we shouldn't have loaded it.
 * Teal'c: [pulling out an even bigger Super Soaker] How else would she defend herself? [squirts Daniel, then takes off after Ally]
 * Dr. Jackson: [wringing the water out of his shirt] Yes. How else.

 *

 * Ally helping Teal'c: Don't sweat it. [meaning "don't worry about it"]
 * Teal'c: [covered in perspiration] I cannot prevent it.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Carter, there are bugs on that planet. Big, huge, ugly honkin' bugs!'

The Tok'ra Part 1 [2.11]

 * Col. O'Neill: You know, in some galaxies this is called "loitering."

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: We're here to seek the Tok'ra.
 * Col. O'Neill: Assuming, of course, you are the Tok'ra.
 * Tok'ra: And if we're not?
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, I guess we all start shooting. There's blood, death, hard feelings… it'd suck.

 *

 * Teal'c: Chelnak!
 * Dr. Jackson: Direct translation: Very cool!

 *

 * [Jacob is about to die and Hammond and Carter are considering having him become a host to Selmak, which would save his life]
 * Capt. Carter: Well, believe it or not, we need your help, Dad.
 * Jacob: What? The Pentagon wants me to deliver a message to God when I get up there?
 * Gen. Hammond: Not exactly.
 * Jacob: Well, I don't plan to see the other guy.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: They were holding you prisoner, Colonel. Still are holding SG-3 and the rest of your team.
 * Capt. Carter: Only temporarily Sir. And they thought it was to protect us as much as them.
 * Col. O'Neill:...Yeah, I didn't buy that one myself, Sir.

The Tok'ra Part 2 [2.12]

 * Jacob/Selmak: (in a Normal Voice) Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us.
 * Capt. Carter: Oh, geez.

Spirits [2.13]

 * SG-11 Xe'ls: It is as I suspected! They intend to deceive our friend, Tonane! It is time to show these Earthlings the power of the Spirits!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Brace yourselves. SG-11 is boppin' around, wavin' their arms, makin' our people disappear.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Jack?
 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel?
 * Dr. Jackson: Are you you?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah. You?
 * Dr. Jackson: What?
 * Col. O'Neill: Never mind.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Don't shoot! Just let them tend to Xe'ls.
 * Col. O'Neill: How do I know you're the real Daniel?
 * Dr. Jackson: …Because.
 * Col. O'Neill: [shrugs shoulders] …yeah, okay.

 *

 * Xe'ls: Tekaya, destroy this place!
 * Dr. Jackson: Wait! You promised to listen.
 * Xe'ls: What they don't know won't hurt them. Isn't that what your leaders said? Their word means nothing!
 * Tekaya: As would mine! I gave my word to this one [indicates Jackson] so we could save you.
 * Xe'ls: Very well. I am listening but nothing might sway me from punishing you.
 * Col. O'Neill: For what? Showing Tonane who you really are? You've been posing as their gods for crying out loud.
 * Tekaya: Is that truly what you believe we do? When we drove away the Goa'uld a hundred years ago, we posed as their Spirits to guide and protect them without interferring.  And now...
 * Xe'ls: You have disrupted the harmony between us. In time, they will learn to fear us, take the key, and forge weapons against us.
 * Dr. Jackson: No. Tonane's people are from this world.  Even now they value the natural world above technology.
 * Col. O'Neill: Trust them. You shouldn't be posing as their gods.
 * Xe'ls: That still doesn't erase the second transgression.
 * Col. O'Neill: Fine. I give you my word. We will not try to mine the metal.
 * Tekaya: Even if we could take your word, your superiors will not be swayed by your oath.
 * Col. O'Neill: Then don't take my word for it. Shut down your Stargate.  That way, no one can come to your world unless you allow it.
 * Tekaya: (Looking at Xe'ls) Star travel is useless to us.  Let's shut down the gate.  Our friend Tonane is wise, as is our friend Jack.
 * Xe'ls: And so he is.

Touchstone [2.14]

 * Col. O'Neill: We came here in peace, we expect to go in one... piece.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Case of the left hand not knowing what the right foot is doing, sir?

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: Colonel, I need some documents hand delivered to the Groom Lake Facility.
 * Col. O'Neill: Are these documents sensitive enough to warrant a three-man team with a Jaffa escort, sir?
 * Gen. Hammond: Absolutely.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: This where you're keepin' the little green men?
 * Area 51 officer: There are no alien life forms at Area 51.
 * Col. O'Neill: [to Teal'c] Present company excluded, of course.

 *

 * Col. Maybourne: Teal'c! It's good to see you well.
 * Teal'c: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.
 * Col. Maybourne: Well, isn't that...interesting.
 *

 * Capt. Carter: Now, if we can't track the Touchstone, there may still be a way to track the second Gate on Earth.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, sure! Let's just put out an APB for a huge honkin' two-story metal ring with 39 little pictures all nicely engraved on it.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: We're transporting our people across the galaxy...to find something we lost in our own back yard! Incredible!

The Fifth Race [2.15]

 * Col. O'Neill: Well, this was an intergalactic waste of time!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [annoyed] Daniel, how long do you figure we oughta hang out here and scratch our cosmic heads?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I'm telling you, I am absolutely fine. There is nothing cruvus with me!
 * [Everyone in the room stares at him]
 * Col. O'Neill: What?
 * Dr. Jackson: You just said there's nothing "cruvus" with you.
 * Col. O'Neill: What? No I didn't.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes, you did.
 * Col. O'Neill: I did not.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes, you did.
 * Col. O'Neill: Didn't.
 * Dr. Jackson: Did.
 * Col. O'Neill: Didn't.
 * Dr. Jackson: Did.
 * Col. O'Neill: [annoyed] Cruvus?! What is that?!

 *

 * [Teal'c and Jack are boxing.]
 * Teal'c: What is the purpose of these gloves, O'Neill?
 * Col. O'Neill: So we don't hurt each other.
 * [Teal'c looks at him doubtfully.]
 * Col. O'Neill: I'll be honest with you, Teal'c, it's so you don't hurt me.
 * Teal'c: If our purpose is to not cause each other harm, why then are we doing battle, O'Neill?
 * Col. O'Neill: What can I tell you Teal'c, it's boxing. It's fun, c'mon!
 * [Jack begins dancing. When Teal'c doesn't move, he stops]:
 * Col. O'Neill: C'mon Teal'c, you gotta move around a little. You gotta dance!
 * Teal'c: I am confused, O'Neill. Are we preparing to dance or to do battle?
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, if you don't move around, you're a sittin' duck. You're a target!
 * [O'Neill lands a punch on Teal'c, who still is not moving]:
 * Col. O'Neill: Ha! Like that!
 * [Teal'c looks down at the spot on his chest where O'Neill hit him, then looks at O'Neill with raised eyebrows]:
 * Col. O'Neill: I'm sorry, did I hurt you?
 * Teal'c: I am fine.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well that's why you gotta move aroun-
 * [Teal'c hits O'Neill in the head, knocking him over]:
 * Teal'c: How was that, O'Neill?
 * Col. O'Neill: That's good...that's...good. But, uh, think about keeping your hands up...Is my nose bleedin'?
 * Teal'c: You are fine.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Well, apparently I've lost the falatus to speak properly! [pause] That wasn't a joke. I didn't do that on purpose.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Uh, w-well, my translation's a little bit vague, um, I think the circle means 'the place of our legacy'…or it could be 'a piece of our leg', but the first seems to make more sense.

 *

 * Asgard: You have already taken the first steps towards becoming the Fifth Race.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I'm back.
 * Dr. Jackson: What happened?
 * Teal'c: Do you still possess the knowledge of the Ancients?
 * Col. O'Neill: Nope. Don't remember a thing. [To Daniel] But ya know that meaning-of-life stuff?
 * [Daniel nods slightly]:
 * Col. O'Neill: I think we're gonna be alright...

A Matter of Time [2.16]

 * Col. O'Neill: Look, I know I should know this by now. I swear it'll be the last time I ask. These wormholes we go through, they're not always there, right?
 * Capt. Carter: No, sir. They can only form between two open gates.
 * Col. O'Neill: What's with the worm part? The worm thing. I-I don't get that.
 * Capt. Carter: That's just a metaphor.
 * Col. O'Neill: Right. I knew that.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Do you know anything about quantum gravity?
 * Teal'c: No.
 * Capt. Carter: Apparently, neither do I.

 *

 * [Watching the video feed from the doomed men and women of SG-10, slowed by the time dilation effects of the black hole's gravity]
 * General Hammond: There's nothing we can do to save them?
 * Col. O'Neill: They've had it, sir.
 * General Hammond: You know that for a fact, Colonel?
 * Col. O'Neill: No, sir, I don't. But have a look at Major Boyd's face. What does that tell you?
 * General Hammond: Very well. Disengage the Stargate.
 * Capt. Carter: Sir, by some fluke of Stargate technology, we are witnessing something that the laws of physics say we can't possibly witness.
 * Col. O'Neill: (angrily) We are witnessing good men dying in slow motion, Captain.
 * Capt. Carter: (embarrassed) You're right, sir.
 * General Hammond: Shut it down.

 *

 * Colonel Cromwell: Man, she is--
 * Col. O'Neill: Way smarter than we are. I know.

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Keep your distance, Lieutenant. Sir, for some reason, the warping of our space-time seems to be in advance of the gravitational field rather than as a result of it. It's probably a lensing effect generated by the Stargate itself, but I can't be sure.
 * Colonel Cromwell:(to Colonel O'Neill) Don't even pretend you understood that.

 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're pulling some major gees now.
 * Colonel Cromwell: I feel like I put on a couple hundred pounds.
 * Col. O'Neill: I wasn't going to say anything.

Serpent's Song [2.17]

 * Col. O'Neill: What do you want?
 * Apophis: To live.
 * Col. O'Neill: Can't help you there. That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute! You are your god! That's a problem.

 *

 * Apophis: I am worth far more to you than you will admit.
 * Col. O'Neill: You tell me what are you worth?
 * Apophis: Your people, they are still primitive. They will be destroyed.
 * Col. O'Neill: You don't look like you're up to it.
 * Apophis: Not me. There is another.
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah? Who?
 * Apophis: There is much you would learn from me, Tau'ri. [breathes heavily] But for that knowledge there is a price.
 * [Col. O'Neill rolls his eyes.]
 * Apophis: A new host.
 * Col. O'Neill: [raises his eyebrows] A host?
 * Apophis: So that I may live. In exchange for all the knowledge of the Goa'uld. The secrets of star travel, our weapons, our power.
 * Col. O'Neill: All that…
 * Apophis: In time, more.
 * Col. O'Neill: [leans down] Go to hell.
 * Apophis: A single human life is worth so much you would risk a world?
 * Col. O'Neill: That's right. That's why they call us the good guys.
 * [Apophis lies back and exhales.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Doc, let me know when he dies.

 *

 * [SG-1 is discussing Sokar]
 * Col. O'Neill: Which is he?
 * Dr. Jackson: I don't know, but his portion of Tuat, or the otherworld, was filled with lakes of fire, where the wicked were thrown into as punishment after torture and mutilation.
 * Col. O'Neill: Hell.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah, basically, he was the original Satan.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, isn't that special?

 *

 * Apophis: Teal'c, there was once a time you would have died for me.
 * Teal'c: That time is no more.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Holy...buckets.

Holiday [2.18]

 * [Teal'c and Col. O'Neill have just returned to the SGC through the Stargate]
 * Gen. Hammond: How did it go?
 * Teal'c: [in Col. O'Neill's body] It did not go well, Gen. Hammond.
 * Col. O'Neill: [in Teal'c's body, sarcastically] Ya think?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Describe for me... the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
 * Dr. Jackson: [In Ma'chello's body] I don't have a sister, Jack. And if I did, I wouldn't let you near her.

 *

 * Ma'chello: [in Daniel's body, speaking to people who ignore him] Hello, friend. I am new to this area. I would like to learn about your culture and customs. Will you teach me? Do you not understand me?
 * Fred: Spare any change, please?
 * Ma'chello: Why does no one answer me?
 * Fred: 'Cause you're strange.
 * Ma'chello: Am I? Tell me how I am strange.
 * Fred: Man, you can't be just walking up to people you don't know on the street and talking all weird like that, asking for stuff.
 * Ma'chello: Isn't that what you are doing?
 * Fred: Well, yeah, but--
 * Ma'chello: Then you must be strange as well.
 * Fred: I been called worse. Sure, I'm strange, too.
 * Ma'chello: I am called Ma'chello.
 * Fred: I'm Fred.
 * Ma'chello: Let us feast together, Fred, and celebrate our strangeness and... new-found friendship.
 * Fred: On you?
 * Ma'chello: If that is the custom, we will feast [indicates himself] on me.

 *

 * Ma'chello: [in Dr. Jackson's body] I do not wish to fight any longer. From now on I only want to eat hamburgers and french fries and ice cream sundaes and I want to be with good people like you, Fred.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Teal'c, what are you doing?
 * Teal'c: [In Jack's body] If I am to remain in this body, I must shave my head
 * Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] You're making a joke, right?
 * Teal'c: [In Jack's body] I am not joking.
 * Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Teal'c, you will not shave my head!
 * Teal'c: [In Jack's body] It is presently my head, O'Neill.
 * Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Teal'c, this is only temporary!
 * Teal'c: [In Jack's body] And if it is not?
 * Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Just give them a chance to find Daniel, okay? Teal'c, I'm going to see General Hammond. Promise me you won't touch the head until I get back.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "Why?"

 * Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "Why? Because I earned it, that's why. I earned it because I sacrificed my life for you and your people. The least you could do was compensate me with another."

 * Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "What right do you have to judge the value of my life?"

 * Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "I have suffered more than anyone should suffer in a lifetime. For 50 years, I fought against the Goa'uld, then I was betrayed by my wife, whom they secretly turned into a host."

 * Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "So was mine. She's still with them."

 * Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "At least you still have a planet. And friends. Two billion of my people died rather than surrender me to the Goa'uld."

 * Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "You have made great sacrifices. For that we owe you...gratitude. But it still does not give you the right to take another's life."

 * Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "If you had the technology, you would do the same."

 * Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "No, I wouldn't, because then I'd be no better than the Goa'uld."

 * Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "I AM NOT A GOA'ULD! I HATE THE GOA'ULD!"

 * Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "The Goa'uld use people as hosts because they think they're better than them. Because they think they deserve it. You're a Goa'uld, Ma'chello. I am nothing but a host to you."

 * Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "I am not a Goa'uld."

 *

 * Capt. Carter: "Colonel?"

 * Col. O'Neill (in Daniel's body): "I'm here."

 * Capt. Carter: "How do you feel, physically?"

 * Col. O'Neill (in Daniel's body): "Peachy."

 *

 * Dr. Jackson (in Jack's body): "Whoa. What a dream. What happened?"

 * Capt. Carter: "I don't have time to explain right now, Daniel, just bear with me."

 * Dr. Jackson (in Jack's body): "Okay."

 * Col. O'Neill (in Daniel's body): "Hey, Danny-boy."

 * Dr. Jackson (in Jack's body): "...Jack?!"

 *

 * Ma'chello: "Thank you. For my holiday."

One False Step [2.19]

 * Dr. Jackson: Déjà vu.
 * Teal'c: I am unfamiliar with that term.
 * Dr. Jackson: It means, "I feel like I've been here before."
 * Teal'c: That is correct, Daniel Jackson. Yesterday, when we first arrived on this planet.
 * Dr. Jackson: [Pause] Right. What was I thinking?
 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I have to admit this is one of the stranger cultures I've ever seen. As far as I can tell, they're communal, but there's very little sign of actual social communication. I haven't seen any tools or signs of a functional civilization.
 * Col. O'Neill: So they're a little less evolved than we are.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, we don't wanna jump to any conclusions. Remember the Nox.
 * Capt. Carter: And they did build these...homes.
 * Col. O'Neill: That's a kind appraisal. What about the UAV?
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I've tried everything I know about rudimentary communication, and to be honest, I've had more successful conversations with dogs.
 * Col. O'Neill: So...
 * Dr. Jackson: So they're probably a little less evolved than we are.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Can you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?
 * Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Witness if you will: Squat.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Well, we're not gonna stand around doing nothing.
 * Dr. Jackson: We're not doing nothing.
 * Col. O'Neill: You're videotaping a plant.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I think this might be important.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, I think you might be losing what's left of your mind.
 * Dr. Jackson: [Pause] ... What's that supposed to mean?
 * Col. O'Neill: It means that on a good day, you can be a little flaky.
 * Dr. Jackson: And on a good day you can be a little ignorant and condescending.
 * Col. O'Neill: Not condescending. You're obviously misreading a basic philosophical difference in opinion on how to handle a crisis.
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, please! We have a-a difference of opinion on just about everything.
 * Col. O'Neill: Gimme an example.
 * Dr. Jackson: I dunno, pick something! How about -- how about mythology?
 * Col. O'Neill: Rumors, lies, fairytales.
 * Dr. Jackson: [Finally losing it, jumping around in a frustrated circle] Y'see?! See? See? See? See?? See?? Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!
 * Col. O'Neill: Maybe it is; what's that got to do with filming a plant?!
 * Dr. Jackson: Exactly!
 * Col. O'Neill: What does that mean?!
 * Dr. Jackson: I don't know!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Y'know I thought the alien on the video looked fairly docile, more curious than harmful.
 * Col. O'Neill: I thought it looked... bald, white and naked.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: So this inaudible sound was making you sick, but not in the same way that it was affecting the aliens? They need the sound to live but we altered it by harming the organism that makes the sound?
 * Col. O'Neill: Sounds right.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: The plant is making that sound?!
 * Capt. Carter: Sir, it's an alien organism on another planet.
 * Col. O'Neill: Good point.

[Daniel sneezes] Col. O'Neill: "Bless"

Show and Tell [2.20]

 * Charlie: Mother says the boys of your culture don't cry.
 * Col. O'Neill: Not true! In fact there's an official list of reasons for which crying is a good thing.
 * Charlie: Mother is leaving.
 * Col. O'Neill: See, that's a good reason. "Mom Leaving" is, I believe, number six on the list of good reasons. Actually, six is "Mom Says She's Leaving in a Couple of Days." Five is "Mom Leaving Immediately." Four, of course, is "Mom Already Left."  Three—now, three is huge, one of the biggest ones on the list—

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: [While examining the monitor blasted by "Mother"] Theories? Suggestions?
 * Capt. Carter: Seems obvious this Re'tu exists.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, here's a question: How do we deal with an invisible threat?
 * Capt. Carter: We need a way to detect them.
 * Col. O'Neill: That would be helpful.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: [After the teams return from the Re'tu planet] So you would say threat assessment is high... [Turns to O'Neill]
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh yeah.
 * Capt. Carter: There were a lot of them, sir.
 * Teal'c: They are indeed invisible.

1969 [2.21]

 * Col. O'Neill: This looks suspiciously like the butt end of a Titan missile

 *

 * [A guard comes to get the SG-1 team.]
 * Guard: [in Russian] Вы советские шпионы? [Are you Soviet spies?]
 * Dr. Jackson: [in Russian]  Нет.  [No.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel?
 * Dr. Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies… oh.
 * Col. O'Neill: Nyet?!

 *

 * Maj. Thornbird: What was the weapon you used?
 * Col. O'Neill: [innocently] Weapon?
 * Maj. Thornbird: Our cameras saw some sort of weapon.
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh. Well, it's hard to say.
 * Maj. Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
 * Col. O'Neill: No, just difficult to pronounce.

 *

 * [Jack is being interrogated by a military officer in 1969.]
 * Maj. Thornbird: I'm Major Robert Thornberg. And you are?
 * Col. O'Neill: Capt. James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise.
 * Maj. Thornbird: Your dog tags say otherwise.
 * Col. O'Neill: They're lying.

 * [Later, in the same scene.]
 * Maj. Thornbird: You can either talk to me, or you can talk to the C-I-A.
 * Col. O'Neill: Hmmmm, Bob, can I call you Bob?
 * Maj. Thornbird: Even though you will achieve nothing.
 * Col. O'Neill: Unless that's exactly what we were trying to achieve.
 * Maj. Thornbird: Kirk, you can talk to me, or you can talk to the C.I.A.

 * Col. O'Neill:(pretending to be impressed) Ooh. All right. I'll be honest with you, Bob. My name's not Kirk. (pausing for effect) It's Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Or…
 * Capt. Carter: I can't think of an 'or' at the moment, sir.
 * Dr. Jackson: No 'or'?
 * Col. O'Neill: There is an 'or'.
 * Dr. Jackson: There's an 'or'?
 * Capt. Carter: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
 * Col. O'Neill: Captain, where there's a will, there's an 'or'... way.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: So what's the plan?
 * Col. O'Neill: Find the Stargate.
 * Dr. Jackson: Find the Stargate? That's the plan?
 * Col. O'Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: We'll go in disguise; pretend to be foreigners.
 * Col. O'Neill: How are you going to do that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I speak twenty-three different languages. Pick one.

 *

 * [SG-1 has traveled back in time and Carter has been adamant they cannot reveal they are from the future.]
 * Hippie: I'm Michael.
 * Teal'c: I am not at liberty to reveal my identity.
 * Hippie: Far out!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: It's true, Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago.
 * Dr. Jackson: From a galaxy far, far away.

 *

 * Michael: So your thing, that thing, on your forehead; what's it symbolize? Peace?
 * Teal'c: Slavery, to false gods.
 * Michael: Right on. So it's made out of...?
 * Teal'c: Do not discuss it further.
 * Michael: I dig. It's cool. [pause] So you just go AWOL?
 * [Stare from Teal'c]
 * Michael: Hey, we're cool. After the concert me and Jenny, we're even thinking about crossing the border up to Canada.
 * Teal'c: For what reason?
 * Michael: You know, man… the war.
 * Teal'c: The war with Canada?
 * Michael: ... No.

Out Of Mind [2.22]

 * Hathor: [appears from out of nowhere] Silence!
 * Col. O'Neill: Oh, I was so hoping never to see you again.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [To Hathor] You know…you really should do something about the breath.

 *

 * Hathor: (in a female voice) How do I contact the Asgard so that we may align ourselves with them?
 * Col. O'Neill: Roswell, it's a little place in New Mexico.

Csillagkapu/2. évad

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Stargate SG-1/Season 2