text:
Stargate SG-1/Season 7

 * Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | Stargate: The Ark of Truth | Stargate: Continuum | Main

Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007) is an American television series about a secret military team, SG-1, that is formed to explore other planets through the recently discovered Stargates. The show, created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner, is based on the 1994 science fiction film Stargate by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich.

Fallen [7.1]

 * Jonas: I got it!
 * Maj. Carter: Hopefully it's not contagious.
 *
 * Native: [pointing to Teal'c] He is Jaffa.
 * Col. O'Neill: No, but he plays one on TV.
 *
 * [Jackson has turned up alive on an alien planet, but without his memory]
 * Teal'c: Do you not recognize us, Daniel Jackson?
 * Daniel Jackson: I'm sorry.
 * [Jackson walks away. uncomfortable pause.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Not even me?

 *

 * Daniel Jackson: Besides, who am I gonna tell? I mean, I don't, uh, I don't remember anybody, right?
 * Col. O'Neill: Good one.
 * Daniel Jackson: Thanks, Jim.
 * Col. O'Neill: It's Jack.
 * Daniel Jackson: Right.

 *

 * Daniel Jackson: All I know is that the place you're searching right now is not it.
 * Col. O'Neill: So, where is "it"?
 * Daniel Jackson: Did I just say "all I know"?
 * Col. O'Neill: Everyone turn away.
 * Maj. Carter: Sir?
 * Col. O'Neill: I want no witnesses.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: All I'm saying... just for the record... this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with. [He turns and starts to leave the room]
 * Maj. Carter: Wackier than strapping an active Stargate to the bottom of the X-302?
 * Col. O'Neill: [As he walks out the door] Oh, yeah.
 * Maj. Carter: [Calling after O'Neill] Wackier than—than blowing up a sun?
 * Col. O'Neill: [From the corridor, unseen] Yep!
 * Maj. Carter: [to Jonas and Daniel] ...He's probably right.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I thought we were going with Red Leader on this one.

 *

 * [Col. O'Neill and Major Carter are testing out a new fighter, the X-302.
 * Col. O'Neill: I want to see what this thing's made of.
 * Maj. Carter: I could tell you exactly, sir.
 * Col. O'Neill: Another time, maybe. Please.

 *
 * [Jonas and Jackson are searching the computer on a Goa'uld mothership, trying to find the location of the exhaust shaft O'Neill and Carter must hit to destroy the mothership and Jaffa are about to catch them]
 * Jonas: Well, can't you do some kind of a... keyword search?
 * Daniel: Yeah? For what? Achilles?
 * Jonas: Well, that's good. I'm glad to see that your-your memory's finally coming back. Not to mention your razor-sharp wit, but why don't we try something like, uh... power-core venting?

 *

 * [Dr. Frasier has just given Daniel his glasses.]
 * Daniel Jackson: Oh, that's much better.
 * Col. O'Neill: Do you recognize me now?
 * Daniel Jackson: Your hair always been like that?
 * Col. O'Neill: Like what? [Looks confused at Daniel and then at Dr. Frasier]
 * Daniel Jackson: Never mind.

 *

 * Younger Traveler: They say that they are friends.
 * Elder Traveler: No one can be a friend, if you know not whether to trust them.
 * Col. O'Neill: Don't judge a book by its cover.
 * Elder Traveler: Enemies promises were made to be broken.
 * Col. O'Neill: And yet honesty is the best policy.
 * Elder Traveler: He that has too many friends has none.
 * Col. O'Neill: Ah, but birds of a feather...
 * Elder Traveler: I'm unfamiliar with that story. What lesson does it teach?
 * Col. O'Neill: It has to do with flocking...and togetherness...and to be honest I'm not that familiar with the particulars myself.

Homecoming [7.2]

 * Jonas: Which way?
 * Dr. Jackson: Uhhhh... this way!
 * Jonas: Sure?
 * Dr. Jackson: Nope!
 * Jonas: Right!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Haven't you guys heard the story about the dog and the dancing monkeys? It's about getting along and... dancing.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: You know, that planet you guys found me on was nice. The people were simple, life was quiet.
 * Jonas: Why didn't you stay?
 * Dr. Jackson: I couldn't remember what this was like.

 *

 * Her'ak: As for the rest of you, you will be publicly executed as an example to all who would defy their god!
 * Col. O'Neill: Does it have to be public?
 * [Her'ak points his staff weapon at Col. O'Neill]
 * Her'ak: I could kill you now.
 * Col. O'Neill: Publicly's fine.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: It's not that I mind...rejoining SG-1 and exploring the galaxy, meeting new cultures, jeopardy, saving the world, that kind of thing ... we get paid for this, right?
 * Col. O'Neill: [smiling] Welcome back.

Fragile Balance [7.3]

 * [Col. O'Neill has been turned into a teenager]
 * O'Neill Clone: Daniel! Will you tell them who I am?  Please?
 * Dr. Jackson: Okay. Love to.  Who are you?
 * Gen. Hammond: This boy claims he's Colonel O'Neill.
 * Dr. Jackson: This is a joke right?
 * O'Neill Clone: Daniel!
 * Dr. Jackson: Sounds like him, at least the loud grating part.

 *

 * O'Neill Clone: You want proof? Carter, you once carried a Tokra named Jolinar who gave her life to save you. Daniel, until recently you were an ascended being. Ya broke the rules, ya got yourself kicked out of the Oma Desala fan club and had your memory erased... (Teal'c enters the room)... and you and Bra'tac both just lost your snakes in a Goa'uld ambush. Had your tretonin yet this morning?

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has, somehow, regressed more than 30 years overnight?
 * Dr. Jackson: Stranger things have happened.
 * Teal'c: Name but one.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, there was the time he got really old, the time he became a caveman, the time we all swapped bodies...

 *

 * [Teal'c is looking through Col. O'Neill's fridge]
 * Teal'c: Are you conducting some sort of scientific experiment, O'Neill?
 * O'Neill Clone: Hey, come on, that salsa's still good.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: There's no easy way to tell you this, so... Sam's just gonna come right out and say it.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: What's going on?
 * Dr. Jackson: [referring to Loki] We're pretty sure this Asgard kidnapped you and attempted to replace you with a clone.
 * Col. O'Neill: How long was I asleep?!
 * Maj. Carter: Seven days.
 * Col. O'Neill: That's a record.

 *

 * Loki: No, no, no, this is all wrong.
 * Col. O'Neill: Hey! I'll tell you what's wrong. I just woke up, haven't had coffee, let alone a pee in seven days, and I find out you stole my ass and made a -- mini-me! Carter, I should be irked currently, yes?
 * Maj. Carter: Yes, I—I would be.

 *

 * Loki: I am a scientist. A former geneticist with the Asgard Ruling Council.
 * Maj. Carter: Former?
 * Loki: I was stripped of my stature when I was caught performing unsanctioned experiments on humans.
 * Col. O'Neill: What, you've got sanctioned ones?

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Why risk coming back here after nineteen years?
 * Loki: I thought he was the one.
 * Col. O'Neill and Clone: Me?
 * Loki: I believed his genetic code contained the key.
 * Col. O'Neill and Clone: Mine?
 * Col. O'Neill: [To the clone] Will you stop that?
 * Loki: He was physiologically advanced enough to carry and utilize all the data from the Ancient repository of knowledge. That would not be possible for any human one generation ago. He is a significant step forward on your evolutionary path.
 * Dr. Jackson: You just found this out recently?
 * Loki: I learned about it when all the Asgard did. O'Neill is legendary. [Col. O'Neill adopts a smug look]

 *

 * O'Neill Clone: Look, I know you don't think I am who I am, but, as far as I'm concerned, I am.. who.. I am.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Uh, what do we do if Thor doesn't show up? [Thor beams aboard the ship] Never mind.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, it's about time!
 * Thor: I apologize for not coming sooner. [angrily] Loki, what have you done?
 * O'Neill clone: Yeah, it seems he's been playing Dr. Moreau behind your back
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes. Dr. Moreau.

Orpheus [7.4]

 * [Dr. Jackson has just finished giving Intel about the Jaffa to SG-1 and Gen. Hammond, based on a dream]
 * Dr. Jackson: [surprised] So, you believe me, too?
 * Gen. Hammond: The things I've heard sitting in this chair…
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: It's time for Plan B.
 * Maj. Carter: We have a Plan B?
 * Col. O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.

 *

 * Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill has officially informed me that I have my mojo back.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Come on Teal'c, don't gimme the eyebrow!

 *

 * [Referring to the movie Signs]
 * Maj. Carter: So they fly halfway across the galaxy, in a highly advanced spaceship, but they don't use their technology to take over the planet. You know what their weakness turned out to be?  Water.  I mean, if that's true, why go to all the trouble to invade a planet that's two-thirds water? Not to mention the rain.
 * Dr. Jackson: Why do you watch those movies if all you're going to do is cut 'em up?
 * Maj. Carter: Come on! Don't you occasionally like to see if they're getting it anywhere close to the truth?

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Fraiser says that Teal'c needs a pep talk. I've been practicing in front of a mirror for an hour now.
 * Dr. Jackson: Not peppy enough?
 * Col. O'Neill: No, not really.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: We need a distraction
 * Maj. Carter: Grenades?
 * Col. O'Neill: Think Bigger
 * Maj. Carter: Claymores?
 * Col. O'Neill: [looking up at the dry dock with an unfinished mothership] Much bigger!

Revisions [7.5]

 * [Kendrick and his son Nevin have taken in O'Neill and Teal'c for the night]
 * Nevin: How many planets have you been to?
 * Col. O'Neill: I don't know. Lots.
 * Nevin: More than ten?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
 * Nevin: More than twenty?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes.
 * Nevin: More than thirty?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
 * Nevin: More than forty?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes.
 * Nevin: More than fifty?
 * Col. O'Neill: Maybe.
 * Kendrick: Nevin, let the poor man eat.
 * Nevin: It's more than fifty, isn't it?
 * Col. O'Neill: [quietly, to Teal'c] Think it's too late to pitch a tent?

Lifeboat [7.6]

 * Teal'c: Daniel Jackson's preliminary electroencephalogram proved anomalous.
 * Col. O'Neill: I dare you to say that again.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson/Martice: Just find the small woman and tell her that what she gave me is not good enough. It isn't working!

Enemy Mine [7.7]

 * Dr. Jackson: Whoa. What's this?  [uncovers a crate full of primitive tools] Artifacts?
 * Maj. Lorne: Yes.
 * Dr. Jackson: You found all this and you—you didn't contact me?
 * Maj. Lorne: We were going to.
 * Dr. Jackson: They've been moved.
 * Maj. Lorne: [annoyed] Well, they were in the way.
 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel, go to your happy place.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: [earnestly] Colonel, you don't understand. Unas are territorial, and when provoked, they can be extremely dangerous.
 * Col. Edwards: [to O'Neill] Is he always like this?
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah, pretty much.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: I guess I just spent a lot of time breaking you in, I just didn't want to have to start with a new colonel.

 *

 * Col. Edwards: O'Neill was right. You are a pain in the ass. But well worth it.

Space Race [7.8]

 * Eamon: (to Del Tynan) Has it occurred to you that maybe the reason you've been passed over so many times is not because you're a human, but because you're a moron?
 * (later, as Del Tynan's boss, Miles Hagan has him arrested)
 * Miles Hagan: (To Del Tynan) The reason you haven't been promoted is because you've been under investigation for corruption for the last 12 months. And you're a moron.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: How many times have I told you? Don't get caught by the bad guys!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: You're just sore that you lost.
 * Maj. Carter: Well, come on. It wasn't fair! Bunch of cheaters…
 * Dr. Jackson: So, whatcha gonna do?
 * Maj. Carter: Next year, I'm gonna kick butt.

 *

 * Warrick: [handing Carter a thick binder] Major Carter, if you are to be my co-pilot, you will need to know how the ship works.
 * Maj. Carter: What is this? [she opens the binder and begins to leaf through]
 * Warrick: A complete operations manual for the Seberus, I had it translated for you.
 * Maj. Carter: Thank you!
 * Col. O'Neill: [looking at the manual over Carter's shoulder] That's not our language!
 * Maj. Carter: It's mine, Sir.

 *

 * Warrick: I will go myself and pick one up after I get back from escorting Col. O'Neill, Dr. Jackson and Teal'c to the Hebridan capital building.
 * Col. O'Neill: T, you coming?
 * Teal'c: Major Carter has requested that I remain, so that I may assist her.
 * Col. O'Neill: She did?
 * Maj. Carter: I did? Yes. Thank you.
 * Teal'c: I do not wish to disappoint Major Carter
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes... I know the feeling.

Avenger 2.0 [7.9]

 * Maj. Carter: It's an energy-based weapon, sir. It could, potentially, replace the missiles on the X-303.
 * Col. O'Neill: Phaser?
 * Chloe: More like a photon torpedo.
 *

 * Felger: This is the very spot I was standing when I figured out how to recombine epsilon particles in a sub-space matrix. Then I got mugged by some teenagers.
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Felger's virus? I told you not to trust that brown nosin' little weasal!

 *

 * Felger: It's pretty cool, isn't it? You and I working together? We're sort of like the intellectual Butch and Sundance of the SGC.
 * Maj. Carter: Butch and Sundance got cornered and killed by the Bolivian army.
 * [Jaffa appear]
 * Maj. Carter: We've got trouble!
 * Felger: What kind of trouble?
 * Maj. Carter: Think "Bolivia"!

Birthright [7.10]

 * [Dr. Jackson explains to Nesa that he needs glasses because he can't see well]
 * Nesa: Perhaps you are in need of a symbiote.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah, I'll just stick with the glasses.
 *

 * Neith: Why have we brought them here?
 * Mala: Because that was the mission.
 * Neith: Why wasn't I told?
 * Mala: Because we knew you would disagree.
 *

 * [Speaking of the Hak'tyl]
 * Dr. Jackson: I can't help but think of the ancient Greek amazon mythos.
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes. Me too.
 * Dr. Jackson: They were female warriors who occasionally captured men from other tribes in order to mate with them. Would often, um, would sometimes remove their right breasts so they could more easily fire a bow and arrow.
 * Col. O'Neill: I see neither bow nor arrow.
 * Dr. Jackson: No.
 * Col. O'Neill: Wait, you don't s'pose that's why they want us, do you? You know, the three of us.
 * Dr. Jackson: To...to mate with? No, I don't think so.
 * Col. O'Neill: Cause you know me, I'm all for helping people.
 * Maj. Carter: [laughing] Oh, God!

Evolution, Part 1 [7.11]

 * Col. Reynolds: Not much faith in Plan A?
 * Col. O'Neill: Since when has Plan A ever worked?
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [To Ramius] Greetings! Well, uh, I know how this looks. So, I think it's important we clear up any misunderstanding right away. We did not come to kill you. Honest. Am I right!? The fact is, and this is the fun part, we actually came to save your ass...es. All your asses. Do you see the irony? All right, there's this guy out there, big guy, big guy in a black suit. None too fond of you Goa'ulds. Well, anyway, he's the one we're after, not you. So if you want to let us go, we'll be on our way, to save the world another da—you're not buying this, are you?
 * Ramius: Jaffa, Move Out!
 * [Ramius and his guards leave]
 * Maj. Carter: That went well.
 * Col. O'Neill: That went well.
 *

 * Teal'c: Your lord will be slain as will you, if you do not free us.
 * Jaffa: My god will fight for his people.
 * Bratac: Your god is cowering right now like a frightened child. I have seen it before!
 * Teal'c: Ramius will have you all die for him, while he attempts to escape!

Evolution, Part 2 [7.12]

 * Sgt. Siler: [adjusting Jacob's armor] How's that, sir?
 * Jacob: Pretty good. Reminds me of my old football days.
 * Sgt. Siler: They had helmets back in those days, sir?
 * Jacob: Funny.
 *

 * Bra'tac: Teal'c! Are you hurt?
 * Teal'c: Indeed.
 * Bra'tac: Where?
 * Teal'c: My pride.
 *

 * Jacob: Sam. Sam.
 * Major Carter: (grimacing) ugh.
 * Jacob: No lie still. Where does it hurt?
 * Major Carter: Everywhere.
 * Jacob: That's a good sign.

 *

 * Burke: Watch your step ladies we're not in Minnesota anymore.

 *

 * Burke: [pointing to the Ancient device] Is that that thing that made that guy do that thing?
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah, it's okay, it's off now.
 * Col. O'Neill: Good. That's good.
 * Dr. Lee: Yeah, at least we think it's off. It's not glowing anymore so…
 * Dr. Jackson: Glowing thing really gives it away, so if it's not glowing anymore it shouldn't be on anymore.
 * Dr. Lee: [to Daniel] Do you want to hold it?
 * Dr. Jackson: Nope. [moves away]
 * Burke: (laughs) That's crazy!

Grace [7.13]

 * [Alone on Prometheus, Carter is hallucinating that the rest of SG-1 is with her.]
 * Maj. Carter: Were you this annoying when you were ascended?
 * Dr. Jackson: I dunno, depends on who you ask. I thought I had a certain je ne sais quoi. Timing was so-so.

 *

 * Daniel Jackson: Hey! Have I told you my latest theory yet? It's really cool. Lose something?
 * Maj. Carter: Did you see a…
 * Daniel Jackson: Little girl?
 * Maj. Carter: Yeah.
 * Daniel Jackson: No.

 *

 * Teal'c: You are like a brother to me, O'Neill.
 * Col. O'Neill: You're like, what, 140?
 * Teal'c: A younger brother, perhaps. But that is not my point.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: All right Carter, come on, on your feet let's go.
 * Maj. Carter: I was wondering when you were going to show up.
 * Col. O'Neill: You just gonna sit there?
 * Maj. Carter: Too tired sir.
 * Col. O'Neill: Samantha, I'm a figment of your imagination. You're gonna call me Sir?
 * Maj. Carter: Old habit. Sorry.
 * Col. O'Neill: So, you gonna save yourself or what?
 * Maj. Carter: I've tried.
 * Col. O'Neill: Just giving up then?
 * Maj. Carter: I just don't know what else to do right now.
 * Col. O'Neill: You'll think of something.
 * Maj. Carter: Came to give me a pep talk?
 * Col. O'Neill: That's what friends are for.
 * Maj. Carter: Friends...
 * Col. O'Neill: Hey. This is you talking here. Might as well be honest.
 * Maj. Carter: What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?
 * Col. O'Neill: I would never ask you to give up your career.
 * Maj. Carter: Because you don't feel anything for me?
 * Col. O'Neill: Carter...
 * Maj. Carter: I'd let you go right now if I knew.
 * Col. O'Neill: That easy?
 * Maj. Carter: I didn't say it would be easy.
 * Col. O'Neill: Then what's stopping you if you really wanna know?
 * Maj. Carter: I'm trying.
 * Col. O'Neill: Maybe it's not me that's the problem here. Let's face it, I'm not that complex.
 * Maj. Carter: Me?
 * Col. O'Neill: Sam. I'm a safe bet.
 * Maj. Carter: As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unobtainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else.
 * Col. O'Neill: Jacob was right. You deserve more. I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me.
 * Maj. Carter: So what now?
 * Col. O'Neill: Go save your ass.
 * Maj. Carter: One last thing... [Sam imagines them kissing.] Never mind.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Hey.
 * Maj. Carter: Jack?
 * Col. O'Neill: [Shocked] Excuse me?
 * Maj. Carter: Sorry, Sir.
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes, well, a massive concussion will tend to disorient one.
 * Maj. Carter: How long was I out there?
 * Col. O'Neill: It's all relative Carter, that whole time space continuum thing.
 * Maj. Carter: Sir...
 * Col. O'Neill: Four days.
 * Maj. Carter: Could have sworn it was weeks.
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c and Daniel say 'Hi'. They're planning a little bit of a shindig for when you're up and around. There's talk of cake.
 * Maj. Carter: [Smiles] Cake?
 * Col. O'Neill: My idea!
 * Maj. Carter: Can't wait.
 * Col. O'Neill: Need anything? Magazine? Yo yo?
 * Maj. Carter: I'm fine.
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes you are.
 * Maj. Carter: Thank you Sir.
 * Col. O'Neill: For what?
 * Maj. Carter: ... Nothing.
 * Col. O'Neill: Think nothing of it. I've got plenty of that.

Fallout [7.14]

 * [The leaders of Langara have been negotiating with the SGC for a planet to evacuate to]
 * Col. O'Neill: You folks are done.
 * Dreylock: I don't understand.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well, you see, we actually like the Medronans. They're nice people. And we've decided there's no way we'd subject them to the likes of you. [smiles innocently] Deal's off. You're toast.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: [regarding the SGC] Miss it?
 * Jonas: Yeah, I do.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, judging from what you have to deal with back on Kelowna, I'm not surprised. I think I'd take life-threatening danger over one of those council meetings any day of the week.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel, their planet's going to explode!
 * Dr. Jackson: Jack.
 * Col. O'Neill: The whole damn planet!

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [To the leaders of Langara] That's what you get for dickin' around.

Chimera [7.15]

 * Maj. Carter: I feel compelled to warn you, most of the guys I've dated recently have died.

 *

 * [Elevator doors open to reveal Col. O'Neill]
 * Maj. Carter: Colonel!
 * Col. O'Neill: Carter.
 * Dr. Jackson: Coffee (Yawns)
 *

 * [Maj. Carter begins humming the show's theme music as she and Col. O'Neill ride an elevator.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Humming?
 * Maj. Carter: I am?
 * Col. O'Neill: You are.
 * Maj. Carter: Sorry.
 * Col. O'Neill: What's his name?
 * Maj. Carter: Now, why would you…
 * Col. O'Neill: Humming.
 * Maj. Carter: Pete.
 * Col. O'Neill: Pete.
 * Maj. Carter: Pete Shanahan, he's a cop.
 * Col. O'Neill: Speeding again, are we?
 * Maj. Carter: From Denver, he's a friend of my brother's.
 * Col. O'Neill: Set up.
 * Maj. Carter: Pathetic, I know.
 * Col. O'Neill: No, it's great.
 * Maj. Carter: Really?
 * Col. O'Neill: Isn't it?
 * Maj. Carter: Well, it's not serious.
 * Col. O'Neill: And yet...it is...hum-worthy.
 * Maj. Carter: Sir...
 * Col. O'Neill: Carter, it's none of my business, I'm just happy you're happy about something other than...quarks. [Pauses] Not bad with the quarks, huh?
 * Maj. Carter: Oh, excellent.
 * [pause]
 * Col. O'Neill: Bit uncomfortable, isn't it?
 * Maj. Carter: Yeah, a bit.
 * Col. O'Neill: Good luck.
 * Maj. Carter: Thank you, sir.
 *

 * Teal'c: Knowing your past experiences, Daniel Jackson, I do not know how you have slept well before now.
 * Dr. Jackson: Thank you, Teal'c. This conversation has been disturbing on many levels.

 *

 * Gen. Hammond: You're suggesting that Osiris is here on Earth manipulating Dr. Jackson's dreams?
 * Maj. Carter: We think it's possible, sir.
 * Col. O'Neill: Kinky.

Death Knell [7.16]

 * Maj. Carter: It's done. It's just not… finished.
 *

 * Maj. Carter: Have you not had your coffee this morning?
 * Jacob: ... Selmak doesn't like coffee.
 * Maj. Carter: You gave up coffee for your symbiote?
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.

Heroes, Part 1 [7.17]

 * [Emmett Bregman is attempting to interview all the top officers of the SGC, including SG-1]
 * Bregman: Col. O'Neill. Hi. I'm—
 * Col. O'Neill: [walking right past him] I like vanilla over chocolate, my favorite color is peridot, I think Tibet should be free, and if I could have dinner with anyone in the world, it'd be Mary Steenburgen.
 * Bregman: No-no, I'm just trying… Mary Steenburgen?
 * Col. O'Neill: I think she's nice.
 *

 * [Jackson has just led Bregman's camera crew on a chase through the SGC to his office, just to pick up a fax, which he reads aloud.]
 * Bregman: What is the, uh…what is the significance of that?
 * Dr. Jackson: It's fascinating.
 * Bregman: It's fasc…Okay. [to his crew] Back up. Back up. [back to Daniel] Uh, that's it? It's "fascinating"? Then why were we running?
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, uh, I just wanted to see if you'd chase me. [grins]
 *

 * [Carter gives a whole long presentation on the Stargate's inner workings]
 * Bregman: …could we get a shot of the Gate spinning?
 * Maj. Carter: [sarcastically] Sure. It's really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything.
 *

 * [SG-13 is exploring a new planet, heavily forested]
 * Col. Dixon: I don't see any indication of anything here.
 * Dr. Balinsky: Take the usual bet on that, sir?
 * Col. Dixon: Sure. Wells?
 * Airman Wells: Abandoned naquadah mine.
 * Col. Dixon: Boring. But good odds. Bosworth?
 * Bosworth: I'm going to put my money on trees, sir.
 * Col. Dixon: Bosworth's disqualified for being a smart ass. I'll go with two-headed aliens.
 * Airman Wells: Hostile or friendly, sir?
 * Col. Dixon: One head good, one head bad. Balinsky?
 * Dr. Balinsky: Oh, the ruins of an ancient city.
 * Col. Dixon: Yeah, you wish.
 *

 * Col. Dixon: Yeah, all-night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers... you have no idea. The reason they make them so damn cute is so you don't suffocate them in their sleep.
 * Airman Wells: Sir, you have four kids.
 * Col. Dixon: Yeah, why do you think I enjoy my work so much? Don't get me wrong, I love those little buggers to death, but trust me, having four kids makes going through a Stargate facing off against alien bad guys look like nothing.  This is relaxing.
 * Airman Wells: Then why did you have four?
 * Col. Dixon: Well, one's pretty bad, but you figure you got to have two so the little guy can have a brother or sister, right? Then you have two boys, and the wife says she want a girl so you figure "Hell, three can't be much harder than two", right? What you don't realize is that your brain's fried because you haven't slept. After three, four is no big deal. You're so deep in it that nothing seems to matter any more. It's chaos. You're just trying to make it through each day alive. In the end you spend all the energy you have trying to get them into bed only to lie awake praying they don't get hooked on drugs, hurt, or worse... wind up dead in an alley somewhere.
 * Airman Wells: Can't wait, sir.
 * Col. Dixon: Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.
 *

 * [SG-13 finds a ruined city]
 * Dr. Balinsky: Oh, Dr. Jackson's gonna die when he sees this!
 * Col. Dixon: What, again?
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I though as much sir. And I just wanted to express my deep and unyielding... love for you sir.

 * Bregman: You know, I'm going to get you on camera sooner or later, even if all I get is a series of shots of you avoiding being got.
 * Col. O'Neill: Fire away. I hope shots of my ass serve you well.

Heroes, Part 2 [7.18]

 * Maj. Carter: [Enters Col. O'Neill's private medical quarters] Sir, heard you were up and around.
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah... argh... still a little tender but they said I could go home.
 * Maj. Carter: We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts works well.
 * Col. O'Neill: Didn't help Fraiser much...
 * Maj. Carter: ... No.
 * Col. O'Neill: [after a moments silence] How's Cassie?
 * Maj. Carter: She's a strong kid, she survives, you know...
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah. You speaking at the memorial?
 * Maj. Carter: [nods] Sir... I... I just wanted to say... When you were lying there, I... [fights back tears] I'm really glad you're okay.
 * Col. O'Neill: [Walks over to her] C'mere. [He pulls her into a hug]

 *

 * Capt. Carter: Janet Fraiser was an extraordinary person. She was kind and funny and talented. Above all, she was courageous. Try as I might I could not find the words to honor her, to do justice to her life. Thankfully I got some help. While words alone may not be enough, there are some names that might do. We often talk about those that give their lives in the service of their country, and while Janet Fraiser did just that, that's not what her life was about. The following are the names of the men and women who did not die in service, but who are in fact alive today because of Janet.

Resurrection [7.19]

 * Dr. Jackson: Someone from a top secret, not to mention illegal, NID operation called 911?

 * Dr. Jackson: Ever had a birthday? You know a birthday, cake with candles on it, funny hats, pin the tail on the donkey, that kind of thing.

Inauguration [7.20]

 * [President Hayes is reading through SG-1's reports]
 * Pres. Hayes: "Hosted alien dignitaries"… "Acquired alien technology"… "Traveled back in time"? …Did they really blow up a sun?
 * Gen. Maynard: As I understand it, sir, yes they did.
 * Pres. Hayes: That's gotta look awfully good on the ol' résumé, eh?
 *

 * Pres. Hayes: How these people maintain their sanity is beyond me. I'm having trouble just sitting here listening to it.

Lost City, Part 1 [7.21]

 * [Talking to Dr. Jackson over the phone]
 * Col. O'Neill: No, no, no, wait. Don't hang up. I need a seven-letter word.
 * Dr. Jackson: I told Sam I wouldn't help you.
 * Col. O'Neill: Well then, this will be the one thing she doesn't know. "Up, Down, Charm"... Blank.
 * Dr. Jackson: "Strange."
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah, well, thanks anyway.
 * Dr. Jackson: No, the word you're looking for is... [O'Neill hangs up]
 * [Cut to Colonel O'Neill stepping out of the elevator where Daniel, Teal'c and Sam are waiting impatiently]
 * Col. O'Neill: How long have you been standing there?
 * Dr. Jackson: You said half an hour an hour ago.
 * Maj. Carter: General Hammond is waiting for us.
 * [Colonel O'Neill hands Maj. Carter the crossword puzzle]
 * Maj. Carter: The fate of the universe is hanging in the balance and you've been sitting in your truck finishing this?
 * Col. O'Neill: I believe the bet was double or nothing. [SG1 begins walking up the stairs towards the briefing room]
 * Maj. Carter: Okay, 23 across, "the atomic weight of boron." The answer is ten.
 * Col. O'Neill: So?
 * Maj. Carter: You wrote "fat."
 * Col. O'Neill: Your point?

 *

 * Daniel Jackson: [Describing the particulars of the Ancient device] Except for it wasn't meant for a physiology as primitive as ours.
 * Col. O'Neill: Easy fella ...
 * Daniel Jackson: Sorry.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: [Sitting on the ground] You know we've searched this place up and down...
 * Daniel Jackson: I know.
 * Col. O'Neill: We could have Goa'uld on our collective asses any minute now...
 * Daniel Jackson: I know....According to the text on this column, it's inside.
 * Col. O'Neill: [Sarcastically] Inside you say. Well let me tell you my friend. There is no inside. There's just a whole lot of [Hands pointing out for dramatic effect] outside.

 *

 * Maj. Carter: ... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....
 * Col. O'Neill: What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?
 * Gen. Hammond: Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.
 * Col. O'Neill: Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.
 * Maj. Carter: The last time, it did take a couple of days before we noticed any change in the Colonel's behavior.
 * Col. O'Neill: I'll be back on Monday ready to work.
 * Gen. Hammond: Permission granted.
 * Col. O'Neill: Thank you sir. Now if you'll excuse me, my favorite television show starts in half an hour. [He walks away]

 *

 * [At Col. O'Neill's house]
 * Col. O'Neill: Hammond send you by to check up on me?
 * Maj. Carter: No! It's funny really, I was out driving, you know....in my car, and I um... I drove here. [Laughs nervously] Yeah ...
 * Col. O'Neill: [Mockingly] "Funny."
 * Maj. Carter: Yeah...

 *

 * Maj. Carter: Sir? [Sits down next to him on the sofa]
 * Col. O'Neill: [After a long pause of her just staring at him] What?
 * Maj. Carter: I should have done it.
 * Col. O'Neill: What? Stuck your head in that thing? Are you nuts? Carter. You're one of this country's natural resources. If not National treasures. It couldn't have gone down any other way. I just hope it's worth it...
 * Maj. Carter: Even if we do find the Lost City. Even if we get there and find exactly what we're looking for to defend the planet....
 * Col. O'Neill: [Interrupts her] THAT ... would be worth it. [Jack and Sam stare at each other until a knock at the door interrupts their moment]
 * Daniel Jackson: [Opens the front door and pops his head in] Hello!?
 * Col. O'Neill: [Sam smiles in disappointment. Jack sideways glances at her before calling out to Daniel and Teal'c] In here!
 * Daniel Jackson: [He and Teal’c slowly walk in the door. They peer around the corner ans see Sam and Jack sitting close] Oh sorry, are we interrupting anything?
 * Col. O'Neill and Maj. Carter: [Dismissively] No...
 * Col. O'Neill: What are you doing here?
 * Daniel Jackson: Oh we ... well it's ... it's a funny story actually. We, we, ah, were driving by and we, uh ... saw Sam's car in the driveway, and ... and ... uh ...
 * Col. O'Neill: [Nudging Sam's arm, sarcastically] Funny.
 * Daniel Jackson: ... Teal'c said to me. Well he didn't actually say anything. He just kinda looked at me and did that eyebrow raise thing that he kinda does and I said to him, I said 'hey, why don't we stop by and'...
 * Col. O'Neill: [Interrupts Daniel] Is that doughnuts?
 * Teal'c: [Holds up the box, beaming] Indeed!
 * Col. O'Neill: [a la Monty Burns] Excellent!

 *

 * [Everyone is very drunk]
 * Col. O'Neill: You are so wrong. It's a perfect analogy: Burns as Goa'uld.
 * Teal'c: They are merely animated characters, O'Neill.
 * Col. O'Neill: You are so shallow.
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, Please! Teal'c's like one of the deepest people I know. He's so deep. [to Teal'c] Come-come on, tell 'em how deep you are. [to O'Neill, excitedly] You'll be lucky if you understand this.
 * Teal'c: My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
 * Dr. Jackson: Oooo! Y'see!
 * Col. O'Neill: No more beer for you.
 * Maj. Carter: I'm sorry, sir, but I have to agree. I don't see the connection.
 * Col. O'Neill: All right, that does it. You know, the entire VHS collection was going to one of you. It's going to Siler. He gets it.
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I hope you like Guinness, sir. I find it a refreshing substitute for… food.
 *

 * Dr. Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
 * Dr. Weir: Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
 * Dr. Jackson: Subtle, huh?
 * [It is also a lie, as Daniel never saw the stargate before he figured out how it worked]

 *

 * Dr. Weir: I've been awake all weekend. The reality of this is…it's an adrenaline rush.
 * Dr. Jackson: Hey, at least I know you have a beating heart!

 *

 * [Anubis has announced his plan to invade Earth in three days.]
 * Col. O'Neill: Three days from now's a Thursday. Thursday's no good for us.

 *

 * [Master Bra'tac comes through the Stargate, walks down the ramp and gives Dr. Weir an odd look.]
 * Dr. Jackson: This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She's the new leader of this facility.
 * [Dr. Weir extends her hand.]
 * Dr. Weir: Hello.
 * Bra'tac: Has Hammond of Texas fallen in battle?
 * Dr. Weir: Oh, no sir, he's fine!
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: And you are?
 * Dr. Weir: I am Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Colonel.
 * Vice President Kinsey: You can just call her your one hope of ever stepping through the stargate again.
 * Col. O'Neill: Bit of a mouthful.
 * Dr. Weir: I know I'm playing catch-up, but uh, I understand time is short.
 * Col. O'Neill: Actually it's all relative, ma'am; Carter could explain it better if we had more time.

Lost City, Part 2 [7.22]

 * Dr. Jackson: "Praclarush Taonas." Jack, this is it!
 * Col. O'Neill: See, I assume we still speak the same language, mostly.
 * Dr. Jackson: Sphere: Planet. Label: Name.
 * Col. O'Neill: Following. Still. You. Not!
 *

 * Maj. Carter: The clue for seven down is "celestial body." He wrote "Uma Thurman."
 * Col. O'Neill: [smiling] Yes.
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Daniel... I don't speak Ancient... yet, and when I do.. eventually, you know I'll never understand it.
 * Dr. Jackson: You have to try.
 * Col. O'Neill: Last time, things just popped into my fron.
 * Dr. Jackson: Fron is head.
 * Col. O'Neill: See. I have no idea what you are talking about.
 *

 * [O'Neill has torn Jackson's Tau'ri patch off his shoulder and is staring at it.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Jack, what are you doing?
 * Col. O'Neill: At.
 * Maj. Carter: What?
 * Col. O'Neill: At.
 * Dr. Jackson: This.
 * Col. O'Neill: That.
 * Dr. Jackson: That is at?
 * Col. O'Neill: You can stop... that.
 *

 * [SG-1 is taking a great deal of equipment through the Stargate]
 * Dr. Weir: Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink left in the kitchen.
 * Col. O'Neill: Is that a joke?
 * Dr. Weir: Perhaps. A bad one
 * Col. O'Neill: Yes. Very bad. But I sense hope for you.
 *

 * [SG1 and Bra'tac are in the scout ship]
 * Col. O'Neill: [Making adjustments to the crystals] Give me your zat. [Sam hands over a zat and Jack shoots the crystals. The engine sound increases. Jack closes the zat and hands it back to Sam.] There you go.
 * Maj. Carter: Sir. I think you should know that General Hammond authorised me to take command of the team if I determined that you ...
 * Col. O'Neill: [Interrupts her] Do it now.
 * Maj. Carter: Sir, I don’t think that’s necessary ...
 * Col. O'Neill: I trust you. I’ll make it easy for you. I resign. You’re in charge.
 * Maj. Carter: [Hesitates] OK... Sir, at your house before Daniel and Teal’c showed up, what I was gonna say was ...
 * Col. O'Neill: I know. [They stare at each other]
 *

 * Col. O'Neill: Then you know more than I do.
 * Maj. Carter: No, sir, I don’t. Now... sit down and take a look. [Pauses awkwardly] That’s an order.
 * Col. O'Neill: [Jack walks past Sam on his way to take the controls of the scout ship] Easy.
 *

 * [A hologram of Anubis appears in the Oval Office. Everyone in the office begins to act frightened except for President Hayes.]
 * Anubis: I am Anubis.
 * [President Hayes steps forward.]
 * President Hayes: You've got to be kidding!
 * Anubis: You are the leader of this world?
 * President Hayes: Henry Hayes, President of the United States of America, one nation among many.
 * Anubis: No more. Bow before your god.
 * President Hayes: [laughs] I don't think so! However, I am willing to discuss your surrender.
 * Anubis: If you possessed weapons matching mine, you would have used them.
 * President Hayes: Don't let the suit fool you, fella. We're gonna fight.
 * Anubis: You bring destruction upon yourselves.
 * President Hayes: [pointedly] Never going to happen.
 * [The hologram of Anubis disappears; President Hayes turns around to face the others.]
 * President Hayes: Too much?
 *

 * President Hayes: Will you shut the hell up?
 * Dr. Weir: Sorry, sir.
 * President Hayes: Not you, Doctor.
 * Kinsey: Excuse me?
 * President Hayes: Consider your resignation accepted, Bob.
 * Kinsey: You can't do that!
 * President Hayes: Oh, please! I've got enough on you to have ya shot.
 * Kinsey: This is the biggest mistake you will ever make.
 * President Hayes: But I think I'll stick to my original thought, which is shut the hell up!
 *

 * Teal'c: Anubis could not have missed our arrival.
 * Bra'tac: You are correct. Alkesh and gliders approach. Many.
 * [Cut to the outside with the hovering shuttle burning through the ice with a white hot beam. In the distance a large swarm of gliders and several Alkesh bear down upon the shuttle.]
 * Bra'tac: They will be in firing range in thirty seconds. More ships approach from the opposite direction.
 * Maj. Carter: [turning to the back of the shuttle's cargo bay where O'Neill is] Sir! We are about to get our ...!
 * Bra'tac: They are NOT Goa'uld.
 * [Outside the swarm of Goa'uld ships fly in a tight formation when suddenly two missles hit one of the Alkesh blowing it from the sky. More missles hit, blowing apart gliders and Alkesh as several squadrons of F-302 fighters intercept the Goa'uld ships bringing them down short of the shuttle. Behind the fighters the massive Prometheus slides over the shuttle shielding it from further attacks.]
 * Gen. Hammond: [On the bridge of the Prometheus] Protect that scout ship at all costs!
 *

 * [The Ancient weapons are destroying the Goa'uld fleet]
 * He'rak: Our shields are of no use!
 * Anubis: NOOOO!
 * [Anubis' mothership explodes]
 *

 * [In in the ice cave. Jack is in the Ancient chair. He passes out]
 * Maj. Carter: Sir? [She goes over to Jack and straightens his head to feel his pulse] Sir... His pulse is erratic. [To Jack] Don’t you dare leave us now. We won. [Jack part-opens his eyes and moves his head weakly. Sam takes hold of his chin.] Colonel.

 * Maj. Carter: [Pleads desperately] Please... Jack.
 *

 * [SG-1 has just placed a dying O'Neill in stasis]
 * Maj. Carter: We can't just leave him like this! Th-there has to be a way to reverse the process. The answer has to be here.
 * Dr. Jackson: I don't think this is it, Sam.
 * Maj. Carter: What do you mean?
 * Dr. Jackson: The dome is too small. It's like Taonas. It's obviously not a city, it's just an outpost of some kind.
 * Maj. Carter: This isn't Atlantis?
 * Dr. Jackson: I don't think so.
 * Teal'c: If this is not the Lost City...then where is it?

title: Stargate SG-1/Season 7


text:
Stargate SG-1/Season 8

 * Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | Stargate: The Ark of Truth | Stargate: Continuum | Main

Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007) is an American television series about a secret military team, SG-1, that is formed to explore other planets through the recently discovered Stargates. The show, created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner, is based on the 1994 science fiction film Stargate by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich.

New Order, Part 1 [8.1]

 * [Maj. Carter enters Dr Weir's office]
 * Maj. Carter: That cargo ship was modified using the knowledge of the Ancients. Now, there is no guarantee that anyone will ever be able to figure out how it was done.
 * Dr. Weir: And as the most likely person on the planet to figure it out, are you saying that if I don’t let you attempt to contact the Asgard, you won’t even try?
 * Maj. Carter: (smiling sarcastically): I would never say that.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: I was just going over some research material on the delegates they're sending. Camulus was the one who sent the original message. Then there's Amaterasu, Japanese Sun Goddess, and the last one is Lord Yu.
 * Dr. Weir: Yu?
 * Dr. Jackson: Don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously.
 *
 * Dr. Jackson: The System Lords can't be trusted, either as a group or individuals. They're posturing egomaniacs driven by an unsatisfiable lust for power, each one capable of unimaginable evil.
 * Dr. Weir: See, why should I be nervous? Sounds like an average day at the United Nations.
 *
 * Camulus: Your unexpected defeat of Anubis has created an unstable situation among the System Lords. In order to avoid open war, we came to an agreement to divide his territories and his armies evenly.
 * Dr. Jackson: How civilized of you.
 * Camulus: Yes. Unforunately, one among us has broken that agreement.
 * Dr. Jackson: Oh, no, no. Don't…don't tell me, let me…let me guess. It's ummm…
 * Amaterasu: [annoyed] (in a Female Voice) Ba'al.
 * Dr. Jackson: Ba'al!

 *

 * Thor: Time space distortions caused by the black hole have been interfering with my ship's long-range communications.
 * Maj. Carter: Understandable.
 * Teal'c: Indeed. For some.

New Order, Part 2 [8.2]

 * Dr. Weir: Oh, I'm not sure anything can surprise me at this point.
 * Camulus: I wish to request asylum.
 * Dr. Weir: Well, it seems I was wrong again.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: What's the last thing you remember?
 * Col. O'Neill: Getting my head sucked by one of those dang... Ancient... head suckers...And something about twins.

 *
 * [O'Neill regains consciousness, realizing Teal'c is no longer bald]
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c. What's with the hair?
 * Thor: O'Neill.
 * Col. O'Neill: Thor. You got aspirin?
 * Thor: You should feel better momentarily, and your memory will slowly return.
 * [Pause]
 * Col. O'Neill: Teal'c. What's with the hair?

 *
 * Col. O'Neill: Sweet. What is it?
 * Dr. Jackson: We don't know, you made it.
 * Col. O'Neill: No.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes.
 * Col. O'Neill: No.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes.
 * Col. O'Neill: No.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes.
 * Thor: You accessed the Ancient knowledge in your mind and instructed the ship's computer to design it.
 * Col. O'Neill: Doesn't mean I know what it is.
 * Dr. Jackson: You have to try, Jack.
 * [O'Neill looks uncertain, then approaches the weapon. He looks at it from several angles, then pokes at it uncertainly.]
 * Col. O'Neill: [After a moment, as though comprehension has struck him] Ah!
 * [O'Neill turns to the others]
 * Col. O'Neill: Yeah, I got nothin'.

 *
 * [O'Neill is mowing down Replicators with his new weapon]
 * Col. O'Neill: Who's your daddy!

 *

 * Dr. Weir: The Pentagon has convinced the President that there is one man who could run the SGC and make it politically viable from an international perspective, despite the fact that he is part of the American military establishment.
 * Col. O'Neill: Do we know this ... shrub?
 * Dr. Weir: Well, you know him rather well ... Brigadier General Jack O’Neill.
 * Col. O'Neill: [Stunned] Me?!
 * Dr. Weir: Yeah, you.
 * Col. O'Neill: Brigadier ... it’s on my list.
 * Dr. Weir: Congratulations.
 * Col. O'Neill: I should be clear... I like the promotion, paycheck and the parking spot. But I don’t really wanna be in charge of anything. No.

 *

 * Col. O'Neill: I've spent my whole life stickin' it to the Man. If I do this, I'll be the Man. I don't think I can be the Man.

 *

 * Maj. Carter: If you don’t take the job, we could end up with someone much worse. [Jack looks at her] Ok... that didn’t come out right...

Lockdown [8.3]

 * [O'Neill has recently been promoted to Brigadier General. When he walks into the room, Carter snaps to attention]
 * Gen. O'Neill: I'm only going to say this once, Carter: At ease.

 *
 * Dr. Jackson: So, how's the new job?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Oy! One crisis after another. This morning the mess got a shipment of Yukon Gold potatoes instead of the usual Russets.
 * Dr. Jackson: [sarcastic] No!
 * Gen. O'Neill: Oh, yes! The Golds don't make for good mash. Consistency's all wrong.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: I hear the new Russian Colonel came to see you, made a pitch to join SG-1.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yeah.
 * Dr. Jackson: What'd you say?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Told 'em to make french fries instead.

 *
 * [Col. Vaselov, a Russian recruit for the SGC, is insulted when O'Neill denies his request to join SG-1]
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah, don't take General O'Neill's decision personally.
 * Col. Vaselov: Frankly, his attitude is offensive. It leads me to wonder if he knows the cold war is over.
 * Dr. Jackson: His attitude has nothing to do with you being Russian. He's an equal opportunity offender.

 *
 * Lt. Col. Carter: Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?
 * Gen. O'Neill: I thought it odd he was shooting up the Gate room.

 *
 * Teal'c: And your condition?
 * Col. Vaselov: Not so good. But not so bad as the time I went drinking with Gen. Daskaivitch in Novgorod. That was worse headache.

 *
 * Dr. Jackson: Who shot me?!
 * [O'Neill exchanges very uncomfortable looks with Carter and Teal'c]
 * Gen. O'Neill: You were shooting up the Gate room...

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: You're not supposed to be walking around.
 * Dr. Jackson: It's my arm.
 * Gen. O'Neill: You were shot.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah. You shot me.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Not my point.

 *

 * Col. Vaselov: Are you being discharged?
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah, Dr. Brightman caught me stealing jello from the other patients' trays, so she kicked me outta here.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: He can pass through walls, Carter. He's welcome to leave any time.

 *

 * [O'Neill has collapsed at the foot of the Gate's ramp]
 * Gen. O'Neill: I'm okay! ...ish.

Zero Hour [8.4]

 * Gen. O'Neill: WALTER!
 * Sgt. Harriman: Sorry, sir. General O'Neill, Mark Gilmore. He's your new administrative aide.
 * Gilmore: General.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Did I order one of this--
 * Sgt. Harriman: [answers quickly before the question is finished] No, sir.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Do I really need--
 * Sgt. Harriman: Yes, sir.

 *

 * Gilmore: [regarding Jack] Well, he's not like other generals.
 * Sgt. Harriman: Actually, he's not like other people.

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: General.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Colonel! We've all met.
 * Dr. Jackson: Yes, actually, we know each other's life stories.
 * Gen. O'Neill: That snippiness?
 * Dr. Jackson: Is that a word?

 *

 * [Regarding the alien plant that's taken over a lab]
 * Dr. Lee: Well, the good news is, it hasn't eaten anybody yet.
 * Gen. O'Neill: [sarcastically] Well, thank you, Seymour.

 *

 * Ba'al: You have one day
 * Gen. O'Neill: Is that like one Earth day, or...?

 *

 * Ba'al: You dare mock me?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Ba'al, come on! You should know. Of course I dare mock you.
 * Ba'al: You have one more day. [Ba'al's hologram disappears]
 * Gilmore: Is it really wise to provoke him?
 * Gen. O'Neill: It's what I do.

 *

 * Dr. Lee: Gamma radiation seems to work. We're preparing a method of delivering a strong enough level to the entire base all at once. Now, non-essential personnels are gonna have to be evacuated, everyone else's gonna have to wear protective suits. You have to get General O'Neill to sign off on this right away.
 * Gilmore: You know he hasn't slept in over two days.
 * Dr. Lee: Yeah, that's why I'm asking you to do it.
 * Gilmore: Right.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: When you couldn't figure out what the Ancient device was for, you tampered with the power source so nobody else could.
 * Camulus: I did nothing of the kind.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Cammy...
 * Camulus:...Worth a try.

Icon [8.5]

 * [Jackson has requested to go back to a planet with an unstable political situation]
 * Gen. O'Neill: Regular contact, no exceptions. The second things start gettin' a little squirrelly—
 * Dr. Jackson: [walking away] Thank you.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Daniel! Squirrelly!

Avatar [8.6]

 * Dr. Lee: Well, I mean, we can input the parameters for different scenarios, but the vast majority of the simulation array comes from the mind of the user. The programming is actually built by interfacing memories from the individual’s consciousness with the chair’s matrix.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: Sir, you may have done it again.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yes. How did I do it this time?

 *

 * Dr. Carmichael: Which would mean that there's a good chance that the second player could be trapped along with Teal'c.
 * O'Neill, Jackson, and Carter: [in unison] I'll do it.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: How was it? Was it any fun?
 * Teal'c: Indeed. You died well in battle, O'Neill.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Obviously, there's something defective with this thing.

 *

 * [after the failsafe doesn't work]
 * Gen. O'Neill: I thought a failsafe was meant to be somewhat safe from failure.

Affinity [8.7]

 *

 * [Teal'c has just prevented three hooligans from beating someone they just rear-ended in a traffic accident caused by the thug]
 * Teal'c: This is unlawful behavior.
 * Thug: Who the hell are you?
 * Teal'c: Collision procedure dictates that you exchange insurance information and if necessary notify the police.
 * Thug: What?!
 * [The thug attacks Teal'c, who then proceeds to single-handedly defeat all three assailants]
 * Teal'c: I believe it will now be necessary to notify the police.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: [admiring Teal'c's apartment] Wow! I like what you're doing with the place. Sort of…Jaffa chic with an East African flare.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: How's the fern? [Teal'c gestures to a very sad, withered fern on a shelf] I don't suppose you've tried talking to it, have you?
 * Teal'c: [Looking concerned] I have not.

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: [ranting to Daniel and Teal'c] They make you afraid of being alone but at the same time tell you not to settle for anything less than the perfect romantic ideal, like that actually exists anywhere in the real world. Either way, you can't win.
 * Dr. Jackson: [to Sam, innocently] How's things?
 * Lt. Col. Carter: Good. We were talking about Teal'c's friend, right?
 * Dr. Jackson: I thought we were.

 *

 * Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
 * Dr. Jackson: And if that doesn't work?
 * Teal'c: A weapon is required.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: [to Carter] I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words: I need that report.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: [to Carter] You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble for the last couple of days and that's a red flag to me.

Covenant [8.8]

 * Alec Colson: Two o'clock, we go live. With the pictures, pieces of the alien ship, everything we've got.
 * Vogler: Alec! They tried to kill us!
 * Alec Colson: You think that didn't work in our favor?
 * Vogler: Dying doesn't work in our favor!

Sacrifices [8.9]

 * [As O'Neill and Jackson walk down the hall, Jackson finishes up a long, involved explanation of Jaffa-Goa'uld politics. O'Neill has a blank look on his face]
 * Gen. O'Neill: What was my question again?
 * Dr. Jackson: Um, "how's it going?"
 * Gen. O'Neill: [absently] Seemed so innocuous at the time.

 *

 * [Teal'c and Bra'tac have returned through the Stargate]
 * Gen. O'Neill: So, how was the trip?
 * Teal'c: [walking away] I have been betrayed by those I trusted most.
 * Gen. O'Neill: That good, huh?
 * Bra'tac: His mood is foul indeed.

 *

 * Jack O'Neill: They want a what?
 * Sam Carter: A goat, sir.
 * Jack O'Neill: You can tell them that lamb is far less gamy.
 * Sam Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
 * Jack O'Neill: Yeah, well you can tell them that's not going to happen.
 * Sam Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you were going to say that.
 * Jack O'Neill: They can have a piñata. That's always fun.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: Look, T, I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.

 *

 * [Dr. Jackson is attempting to calm the outraged Jaffa when Bra'tac and O'Neill enter]
 * Bra'tac: Silence!
 * Gen. O'Neill: Thank you. Now, Daniel, what's going on here?
 * [The Jaffa resume their shouting]
 * Bra'tac: Silence!
 * Gen. O'Neill: I said, "Daniel".

 *

 * Bra'tac: [to the newly married Rya'c and Ka'ryn] May you love and fight like warriors. Just not with each other.

 *

 * Bra'tac: [after Ka'ryn and Ry'ac abruptly end their wedding rehearsal] I can see why one must rehearse these ceremonies... [he quaffs the ceremonial wine from the rehearsal]

Endgame [8.10]

 * Dr. Jackson: They'll never see it coming.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
 * Dr. Jackson: [innocently] Yeah, where'd I learn that from?
 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Wait, you mean the Asgard took our gate?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yeah, normally they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well want.
 *

 * Dr. Jackson: [staring down at the gate-less gate room] Man, I'd hate to be the one that has to explain that to the President.
 * [O'Neill, standing next to him, turns and glares]

Gemini [8.11]

 * RepliCarter: My name is Samantha Carter.
 * Gen. O'Neill: All right, we've got a little conflict with that statement. We've already got one here.
 * RepliCarter: There are two of us.
 * Gen. O'Neill: [to himself] If only.

 *

 * RepliCarter: You have untapped greatness inside you, Sam, but you're limited by your own fears. You play by the rules, you do as you're told and you deny yourself your own desires.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: I have no desire to rule the galaxy, believe me.
 * RepliCarter: All humans desire power. It's just that most of them are never in a position to attain it.

Prometheus Unbound [8.12]

 * Dr. Jackson: Come on, Jack!
 * Gen. O'Neill: Still no, Daniel.
 * Dr. Jackson: But it doesn't have to be on a permanent basis!
 * Gen. O'Neill: I didn't let you go in the first place. What makes you think I'm gonna change my mind?
 * Dr. Jackson: Because.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Can you try to do better than that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Because they're going to need somebody who can translate Ancient. I'm the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Which is exactly why you're gonna stay right here.
 * Dr. Jackson: [desperately] Because I'll quit!
 * Gen. O'Neill: Why don't you just hold your breath? You haven't done that in a while.

 *

 * [Jack and Daniel are arguing over Daniel going to Atlantis and find General Hammond in Jack's chair in his office.]
 * Gen. O'Neill: General!
 * Major General George S. Hammond: Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Absolutely not! Welcome.
 * Major General George S. Hammond: Thank you.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Miss the chair?
 * Major General George S. Hammond: Actually I do.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Want it back?
 * Major General George S. Hammond: As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
 * Gen. O'Neill: That's not exactly what I meant...
 * Major General George S. Hammond: Doctor Jackson. Nice to see you again.
 * Daniel Jackson: Likewise. We miss you around here, sir. [Jack gives him an angry stare] So, to what do we owe this pleasure?
 * Major General George S. Hammond: I came to see if you were interested in joining the mission to Atlantis.
 * Gen. O'Neill & Daniel Jackson: You did?
 * Major General George S. Hammond: He's the most qualified person on this planet, and the mission commander needs someone who can translate Ancient.
 * Daniel Jackson: Really?
 * Gen. O'Neill: With all due respect, sir, I think you should tell the mission commander that I need Daniel right here.
 * Major General George S. Hammond: You just did.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I did. I did? [pauses] You, sir?
 * Major General George S. Hammond: Yes. Request denied. Doctor Jackson, you're with me. I'll have this chair shipped to Washington. You can requisition a new one.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I'll do that, sir.
 * Major General George S. Hammond: We leave tomorrow. Oh, and I'll be taking Walter, too.
 * [Hammond leaves, while O'Neill wears the expression of one who has no idea what just happened]

 *

 * [A Kull warrior has taken over the Prometheus, and has Jackson tied to the captain's chair.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Where's everybody else?
 * Kull Warrior: I transported them onto the al'kesh.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, you kept the wrong guy, 'cause I don't know anything about the ship.
 * Kull Warrior: But you are very attractive.
 * Dr. Jackson: [coughs in shock] What?
 * [The warrior moves in front of Daniel and straddles his legs]
 * Dr. Jackson: [trying to squirm away] Hey, you know, big guy, I'm flattered, really I am, it's just that, uh, you're not my type. And I'm more than a little disturbed that I might be yours.

 *

 * Vala: [in pain] Oh, oh, oh, you hit me!
 * Dr. Jackson: You hit me.
 * Vala: Yeah, you know, we could just have sex instead.

 *

 * [Vala wakes up in the Prometheus holding cell, dressed in SGC fatigues instead of her zat-resistant bodysuit]
 * Vala: Did you have fun taking off my clothes?
 * Dr. Jackson: It was your idea.
 * Vala: No, I meant while I was conscious. You know, so I could distract you and kick you in the head.

 *

 * Vala: Come on, you've seen me naked. The least you could do is cook me dinner.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Uh, the name's Olo. Hans Olo.

It's Good to Be King [8.13]

 * Maybourne: I get to name all kinds of stuff. You should see the Grateful Dead Burial Ground.

 *

 * Maybourne: I guess congratulations are in order. You made general.
 * Gen. O'Neill: You made king!

 *

 * [The team fetches O'Neill to operate the Ancient time ship. He sits down and looks around.]
 * Gen. O'Neill: You're gonna have to help me out here, Carter. Got any quarters?

 *

 * Garan: Surrender your weapons, or die where you stand!
 * Gen. O'Neill: Oh, if I had a nickel...

 *

 * [A tense standoff with the local inhabitants has just been defused.]
 * Gen. O'Neill: God, I miss goin' off world!

 *

 * [Teal'c and Daniel have been captured by Trelak, the First Prime of Ares.]
 * Trelak: Know this, shol'va; I will see to it that you suffer slowly.
 * Teal'c: And I will see to it that you die quickly.
 * [Later, Teal'c fights Trelak and ends it by sticking a dagger in his gut.]
 * Trelak: [last breath] You are a man of your word.
 * Teal'c: Indeed. [shoves the knife in deeper and walks away before Trelak even hits the ground]

Full Alert [8.14]

 * [Kinsey offers O'Neill his help]
 * Gen. O'Neill: I'm sorry. I must have missed an episode.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: Five bucks says Carter has a theory.

Citizen Joe [8.15]

 * Lt. Col. Carter: So, any big plans for the weekend?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Oh yeah, big. Huge!
 * Lt. Col. Carter: Yeah, me neither.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Oh, what are you talkin' about? I just walked in with a whole handful of ingredients for my world-famous omelettes.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: World-famous, huh? What's in it?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Eggs.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: I don't think that that actually qualifies as a recipe.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Oh, don't kid yourself. There's a secret ingredient. I can't tell you what it is, or I'd have to shoot you.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: It's beer, isn't it?

 *

 * Gordie: Furlings. They sound cute, like Ewoks.

 *

 * Gordie: [reading a letter] See, I'm not sure you should have sent in this one about Seth. It wasn't one of your best.
 * Bert: [reading another letter] They rejected "Hathor"?! Oh, but it was gold!

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: Look, I can see this isn't really your forte... so why don't you just put the gun down, before you get hurt.
 * Joe Spencer: Just don't come any closer!
 * Gen. O'Neill: I know your gun isn't real... however... mine is! [he draws his gun and points it at Joe]
 * Joe Spencer: Oh God! I'm sorry I'm sorry you're right it's just a toy!

 *

 * Joe Spencer: Between you and me, I totally see the analogy. Burns as Goa'uld.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Thank you!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Jack?
 * Gen. O'Neill: He's a barber.
 * Dr. Jackson: Broke into your house?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yeah...
 * Dr. Jackson: Second week in a row.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Mm-hmm.
 * Dr. Jackson: Alarm.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I'm thinking "dog".
 * Joe Spencer: You could try locking your front door.

 *

 * Joe Spencer: [to Teal'c] I know the hair makes you look different, but didn't you used to be more gold colored?

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: If General O'Neill had a stone as well shouldn't he've been able to see aspects of his life?
 * Dr. Jackson: Theoretically, yes he should.
 * [we see flashes of Joe at a bowling alley. He rolls a strike]
 * Gen. O'Neill: ...Thursday nights... Bowling League...
 * Joe Spencer: You saw that?
 * Gen. O'Neill: You've got game son.
 * Dr. Jackson: Wait a minute. Jack, you've been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years, and you never mentioned it?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yeah, sure I did. I know I did.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: No, no, you didn't, sir.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I didn't?
 * Dr. Jackson: You didn't find it the least bit odd?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Actually no. I found it quite relaxing.

Reckoning, Part 1 [8.16]

 * Oshu: Lord Ba'al was wise to send a representative.
 * Yu: (in an Old Man Voice) I would have killed him with my own hands!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: The odds aren't exactly in our favor.
 * Teal'c: They never are, Daniel Jackson.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: Jacob!
 * Jacob: Jack, we've got a problem. We need to talk.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Hi! Hello. How are ya? Long time, no see. What's doing? What's up? Hey, buddy!
 * Jacob: I'm sorry, Jack. It's good to see you again. Congratulations on your promotion.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Thanks.
 * Jacob: You deserve it.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yes. Well... What's up?
 * Jacob: The Replicators. They've launched an all out attack on the Goa'uld. If the Goa'uld can't find a way to stop them, the Replicators will easily overrun our galaxy, in a matter of weeks.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Why didn't you say so?
 * [Jacob gives O'Neill a look and walks off]
 * Gen. O'Neill: [after a pause, hurrying after Jacob] I'm sorry. You said we have a problem, not a big galactic emergency.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: [holding up a Tok'ra receiver used to track down Goa'uld fleet] You know, we could have used something like this a long time ago.
 * Jacob: The High Council never thought they could trust you with it.
 * Gen. O'Neill: What changed their mind?
 * Jacob: Nothing. They don't know I took it.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Ah.
 * Jacob: My relationship with the council is still a little strained.
 * Gen. O'Neill: It's not going to get any better if you keep stealing stuff.
 * [Jacob gives O'Neill a look]
 * Gen. O'Neill: No complaints! I'll take anything I can get: Weapons, receivers, silverware...

 *

 * [About Thor]
 * Gen. O'Neill: Don't be afraid to remind him that we've saved his cute little grey bum several times.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: [smugly] My, this is an occasion. You know that bitter taste in your throat? It's kind of wrapped around your uvula? That's what's left of your pride.

 *

 * Walter: Sir we are receiving a message from Thor. He said he is ready to transport...
 * [Sam is beamed out]
 * Jack: You were saying?
 * Walter: Never mind.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: I've got a better idea, instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? [grinning] That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.
 * Ba'al: You cannot be serious.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.
 * Ba'al: With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I think big.

 *

 * [Harriman and Siler are in the gate room, standing at the bottom of the ramp, on which stands a hologram of an obviously-impatient Ba'al]
 * Sgt. Harriman: I'm sure he'll be here any second now. [awkward pause] So umm…
 * Gen. O'Neill: I am so sorry. I was just finishing up a lovely brunch.
 * Ba'al: Impudence.
 * Gen. O'Neill: No, tuna.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: Oh, please don't tell me.
 * Ba'al: Anubis.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I asked you not to tell me.

Reckoning, Part 2 [8.17]

 * [RepliCarter is probing Daniel's mind]
 * RepliCarter: It would be much easier on both of us if you did not resist.
 * Dr. Jackson: Why, why, why, why, in the wide world of all things rational and sane, would I help you?

 *

 * RepliCarter: Do you really think that I am that different from Samantha Carter?
 * Dr. Jackson: In that you're a replicator bent on galactic domination at the expense of all living things.

 *

 * Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.
 * [What they are attempting suddenly works.]
 * Lt. Col. Carter: Next up, parting the Red Sea!

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: Well, we have no idea how this Ancient device works or what the effects will be, but since Anubis has no real corporeal form it's likely he would survive it.
 * Jacob: He'll have no one left to rule.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: For now. Time may not even be an issue for someone like him. He could essentially start over, re-populate the galaxy to his own specifications.
 * Gen. O'Neill: A little ambitious.

 *

 * RepliCarter: I could help you. We could unlock the knowledge of the Ancients, the secrets of the Universe, together.
 * Dr. Jackson: I have to admit it does sound interesting... On the other hand you're an evil killing machine so no, pass.

 *

 * [Replicator Carter has been trying to tap into Dr. Jackson's subconscious]
 * Dr. Jackson: You can't handle it, can you?
 * RepliCarter: I can. I just need time to process...share it with the others...
 * Dr. Jackson: Like the universe, it's infinite. It's not just knowledge and information; it's understanding on a level that you will never reach.
 * RepliCarter: Why do you think that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Because you're a machine.
 * RepliCarter: So are you; just of weaker construction.
 * Dr. Jackson: And that's where you're wrong.

 *

 * [Discovering that Jackson has been probing her mind, RepliCarter tries to disengage. Jackson catches her hand.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Trying to leave? Sorry. A little more time in Danny's world.
 * RepliCarter: [angrily] My brethren will not stop. You cannot control them.
 * Dr. Jackson: Not yet, but I'm learning.

 *

 * [Col. Reynolds has just attached a C-4 charge to a blast door]
 * Gen. O'Neill: Use two of those things.
 * Col. Reynolds: Sir?
 * Gen. O'Neill: [using quotation fingers] It's a "blast" door!
 *

 * [After setting off C4 to destroy a blast door trapping Siler and five other men]
 * Gen. O'Neill: Siler?
 * Sgt. Siler: Thank you, sir.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I expect to be put in your will.
 * Sgt. Siler: Already in it, sir.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Okay, that's… weird.

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: Oh, I heard from Thor.
 * Gen. O'Neill: How's he doing?
 * Lt. Col. Carter: Great. He sends us all his congratulations and says that he'll drop by for a visit as soon as his consciousness has been downloaded from the ship's computer into a new body.
 * Gen. O'Neill: That just never gets old, does it?

Threads [8.18]

 * [Jackson has been missing for a week, and Carter thinks he ought to be declared MIA. O'Neill refuses.]
 * Gen. O'Neill: All we know for sure is that he's missing.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: Sooner or later --
 * Gen. O'Neill: Forget it! I'm not fallin' for it this time.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: "Falling for it"?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yeah! How many times have you thought he was gone, and then he shows up, in one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead. [to the room] You hear that? I'm not buyin' it!
 * [They look around the empty room. Carter is exasperated]
 * Gen. O'Neill: What? He's just waitin' for us to say a bunch of nice things about him. Next thing you know, he'll come waltzin' through that door, [gestures at the closed door] like, right now.
 * [O'Neill and Carter both look at the door, O'Neill hopefully and Carter skeptically.]
 * Gen. O'Neill: Waltzing… now.
 * [Nothing happens.]

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: Dad, this is Pete.
 * Pete: [shocked] Dad?
 * Jacob: Not quite yet. You have to actually marry my daughter before you can call me that.

 *

 * Pete: You really got one of those things in your head?
 * Jacob: If by one of those things, you mean a 2000 year old Tok'ra symbiote, yes.
 * Pete: Seriously. Come on. That has got to freak you right out sometimes. It's weird.
 * [Pete grins at Jacob. Jacob gives Sam a questioning look, she looks awkward in response]

 *

 * [In an Ascended-plane "waffle house", "waitress" Oma chats with Daniel.]
 * Dr. Jackson: Menus?
 * Oma Desala: We don't need them here; just order what you'd like.
 * Dr. Jackson: Okay. I'll have the truth with a side-order of clarity, please.
 * Oma Desala: The replicator version of Sam was in your head, trying to access the knowledge buried in your subconscious, but you gained control of her instead. She killed you to stop you. That's where I stepped in. How's that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Pretty clear.
 * Oma Desala: Well, we aim to please! Customer comes first, you know!

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: It's been two hours since Pete left. You haven't said a word.
 * Jacob: I did so.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: "He seems nice?"
 * Jacob: I believe that's three words.

 *

 * Gen. O'Neill: So, we're all in agreement. One way or another, it's gotta go. Correct?
 * Teal'c: Indeed.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Thank you
 * Bra'tac: If you are suggesting we destroy this device against the wishes of the High Council, I must point out that would not be a good first step in relations between the Tau'ri and the newly formed Free Jaffa Nation.
 * Gen. O'Neill: [to Jacob] Why don't you do it? They already hate the Tok'ra.

 *

 * Jim: What do I have to do to get a coffee around here?
 * Oma Desala: [sharply] Find true enlightenment.

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: Can you tell me why you stopped me from killing Anubis the last time I was Ascended?
 * Oma Desala: Because if I didn't stop you, the others would have, and they wouldn't have been as nice about it.
 * Dr. Jackson: You mean, they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
 * Oma Desala: That was your choice.
 * [He gives her a look. She grins.]
 * Oma Desala: Okay. Maybe not the naked part.

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: Thank you, sir.
 * Gen. O'Neill: For what?
 * Lt. Col. Carter: For being here for me.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Always.

 *

 * [Jackson, alive and well, suddenly appears in O'Neill's office, stark naked.]
 * Dr. Jackson: It's, uh, a long story.

 *

 * [SG-1 is fishing at O'Neill's cabin]
 * Lt. Col. Carter: This is great.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I told you.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Well, lets not dwell.
 * Lt. Col. Carter:...There are no fish in this pond, are there?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Nope.

Moebius, Part 1 [8.19]

 * [Workers are delivering stacks of boxes to Jackson's lab, much to his surprise]
 * Dr. Jackson: Jack?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Daniel.
 * Dr. Jackson: What's goin' on?
 * Gen. O'Neill: [as he receives a clipboard from Siler] You been shoppin' online lately?
 * Dr. Jackson: What are you talkin' about?
 * Gen. O'Neill: [as he hands clipboard to Daniel] Well, you've got a little delivery here.
 * Dr. Jackson: [looks at clipboard] It's from Catherine's estate.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Yeah – kinda looks like she sent the whole thing.
 * Dr. Jackson: [as he enters his office] Holy ... buckets! Looks like her entire collection!
 * Gen. O'Neill: [pats Daniel on the shoulder] I prefer stamps.

 *

 * [Dr. Balinsky is enthusiastically showing rocks to a clearly bored O'Neill.]
 * Dr. Balinsky: Now, in addition, we discovered several grains of troilite and a mesostasis phase which contained micrometer crystals.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Hmm.
 * Dr. Balinsky: Now it's undergoing further testing, but we hope to have the results on your desk first thing tomorrow morning.
 * Gen. O'Neill: [sarcastic] Don't you keep me waiting!
 * Dr. Balinsky: [missing the sarcasm] No, sir! Now here's where things get really interesting, because you will notice in this fissure—
 * [Dr. Jackson runs into the room]
 * Dr. Jackson: Jack! We need—we need to talk. Oh, sorry for interrupting.
 * Gen. O'Neill: [desperately grabbing Jackson's arm] No, it's okay! If it's important, you must interrupt. You must!

 *

 * Dr. Jackson: We don't know where it is now. But we do know where it was... Giza, 3000 B.C.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: [shaking her head] You can't be serious.
 * Gen. O'Neill: What?
 * Dr. Jackson: It's the only way.
 * Gen. O'Neill: What?
 * Lt. Col. Carter: No, we agreed.
 * Gen. O'Neill: If I have to say "what" one more time, heads are gonna roll!
 * Dr. Jackson: We have a time machine. We can go back and get the ZPM.
 * Gen. O'Neill: She wouldn't let me go back and watch the Cubs win the World Series.

 *

 * [After arriving in Ancient Egypt c. 3000 B.C.]
 * Dr. Jackson: [excitedly] I can't believe I'm finally gonna prove that the Great Pyramids predate the 4th dynasty.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: So, what are you gonna do? Stand in the picture holding a newspaper with today's date?

 *

 * Lt. Col. Carter: I'm sorry, I keep thinking I'm gonna step on a bug and change the future.

 *

 * [Teal'c has disguised himself as one of Ra's Jaffa in order to steal the ZPM from Ra's treasure room]
 * Gen. O'Neill: Do you really think they're just going to let him waltz in and take it?
 * Dr. Jackson: Like I said, they don't even know what a ZPM is. To them it's like any number of dozens of ritualistic objects they pull out for any number of occasions. Besides, he's wearing the shiny suit.

 *

 * [In an alternate time line, Carter is practicing what she wants to say to her male boss.]
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't— God that's horrible! Who would ever say that?

 *

 * [In an alternate time line, Daniel Jackson teaches English as a second language.]
 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: Okay, uh, let's start with a simple greeting. Often the best way to begin interacting with someone is to find a topic of common interest. Everyone can relate to the weather, so let's start with that, shall we? Introduce yourself... and talk about the weather.
 * [A student raises his hand.]
 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: [pointing at the student] Yes.
 * Carlos: [standing up] Hello, my name is Carlos. You make me so hot.
 * [pause]
 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: [smiling uncomfortably] Okay, uh, not quite right, but the introduction part was good.

Moebius, Part 2 [8.20]

 * Major General George S. Hammond: Okay, people. Let me remind you. This mission is recon only. Do not engage the enemy. I'm allowing the use of this ship because of the obvious tactical advantage it provides you. Under no circumstances is it to be used to travel through time. (beat) Never in my life did I imagine ever giving that order.

 *

 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: Wait a minute. I thought the reason we brought the ship was so we didn't have to walk.
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: We can't just fly into an alien city. The mission is stealth recon. Meaning undetected.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Meaning shut up.

 *

 * [In the alternate time line, Daniel Jackson is brought before Apophis.]
 * Alt. Teal'c: He claims he is of the Tau'ri.
 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: [to Teal'c] You weren't supposed to tell him that.
 * Alt. Apophis: The Tau'ri have no Chappa'ai.
 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: Oh, sorry, guess I was wrong. I'm sure your information is correct. In fact, I'm usually quite wrong—quite unreliable, actually. To be honest with you, I'm insane.
 * Alt. Apophis: Speak!

 *

 * Alt. Apophis: I think there is much you can tell me.
 * Alt. Dr. Jackson: Well, if you wanna know about the early settlers of Mesopotamia, I am somewhat of an expert—
 *

 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: [hands a gun to Dr. Jackson] Safety off, point and shoot.
 * [Jackson points gun towards O'Neill]
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: [pushes gun away] Not at me.
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: [grimacing as she's being handed a gun] I don't really like guns.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: [sarcastically] Neither do I. How do you feel about explosives?
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: [brightening] Those I like a little better.

 *

 * [Versions of Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter and Teal'c have traveled back in time to Egypt in the year 2995 B.C., where they meet the Daniel Jackson of the original timeline]
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, this can't be a good sign.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Why's that?
 * Dr. Jackson: Where am I?
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Ancient Egypt?
 * Dr. Jackson: No, I mean the me from your time line.
 * Alt. Teal'c: I killed you.
 * Dr. Jackson: Why?
 * Alt. Teal'c: You were a Goa'uld spy.
 * Dr. Jackson: A good reason.
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: It was horrible!
 * Dr. Jackson: Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you here?
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Yes, excellent question.
 * Dr. Jackson: You don't know?
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Well, I thought I did, there, for a while, and then I realized I... didn't.
 * Dr. Jackson: Well, I know why I'm here.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Good. Let's start there.

 *

 * [Testing to see if the cloak works]
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: So what do I do?
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: Umm, try thinking invisible.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Okay. [pause] How do we know if it's working?
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: [walked outside the ship] Nope.

 *

 * Alt. Dr. Carter: I'm working on it. I think the power relay was overloaded. I may be able to reroute the circuit to the control interface… [realizes O'Neill is staring at her] What?
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: It's just a little weird hearin' that kind of stuff come out of someone so…
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: [a little defensively] So what?
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Hot.
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: [coughs in surprise] Really?
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Yeah.
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: Wow. Uh, it's just you… you're not the kind of guy that I usually attract.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: No?
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: No. Huh. God. Wow! This is kinda awkward.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Yeah, it's gettin' there.
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: I'm kind of attracted to… Daniel.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: What? [pause] Really?
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: Sorry.
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: No, that's okay, no problem there. It's just, you know… First impressions, I kinda thought he was… [tries unsuccessful hand-gestures] Never mind.

 *

 * Alt. Dr. Carter: Look, if we don't make it? [grabs O'Neill and kisses him firmly]
 * Alt. Colonel Jonathan J. O'Neill: Wait a minute. You said you liked Daniel!
 * Alt. Dr. Carter: I lied. I just wanted to get to know you better. You see, usually I'm a very cautious person and I tend to think things—
 * [O'Neill silences her with a kiss]

 *

 * [The restored SG-1 is at O'Neill's cabin, fishing. The scene is exactly as it was at the end of 8.18, 'Threads']
 * Lt. Col. Carter: This is great.
 * Gen. O'Neill: I told you.
 * Lt. Col. Carter: I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.
 * Gen. O'Neill: Well, lets not dwell.
 * [A fish jumps in the pond]
 * Lt. Col. Carter: ...Didn't that tape say there were no fish in your pond?
 * Gen. O'Neill: Close enough.

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Stargate SG-1/Season 8


text:
Stewart Brand

Stewart Brand (born December 14, 1938, in Rockford, Illinois) is an author, editor, and creator of The Whole Earth Catalog and CoEvolution Quarterly.

Sourced

 * A realm of intimate, personal power is developing - power of the individual to conduct his own education, find his own inspiration, shape his own environment, and share his adventure with whoever is interested.
 * Whole Earth Catalog (1968)
 * We are as gods and might as well get good at it.
 * Opening sentence of the Purpose of the 1968 Whole Earth Catalog.

 * In our researches on the likely economic apocalypse it's become clear what is the prime survival tool for hard times: friends. Good friends. Lots of them.
 * Whole Earth Epilog (1974), "History", p. 753

 * Information wants to be free. (Excerpted from: "On the one hand information wants to be expensive, because it's so valuable. The right information in the right place just changes your life. On the other hand, information wants to be free, because the cost of getting it out is getting lower and lower all the time. So you have these two fighting against each other." )
 * Whole Earth Review, May 1985, p. 49.

 * Science is the only news. When you scan through a newspaper or magazine, all the human interest stuff is the same old he-said-she-said, the politics and economics the same sorry cyclic dramas, the fashions a pathetic illusion of newness, and even the technology is predictable if you know the science. Human nature doesn’t change much; science does, and the change accrues, altering the world irreversibly.
 * Whole Earth Discipline (2009), page 216.

 * Certain knowledge of what to fight for, and what to fight against, gives meaning to life and provides its own version of discipline: never give up. That kind of meaning is illusory, I now believe, and blinkered.  Fealty to a mystical absolute is a formula for disaster, especially in transformative times.
 * Whole Earth Discipline (2009), page 210.

 * When environmentalists are wrong, it is frequently technology that they are wrong about, and they wind up supporting parochial Green goals at the cost of comprehensive ones. That happened with space technology, nuclear technology, and genetic engineering.  If your default position on a new technology is suspicion, you forfeit the ability to deploy it for your own purposes.  "The environmental movement has so far concentrated its attention upon the evils that technology  has done rather than upon the good that technology has failed to do," says Freeman Dyson.  But focusing on Green technological opportunity requires a shift in attitude toward novelty.
 * Whole Earth Discipline (2009), page 226.

 * Every interview with a public figure should include the question "What have you been wrong about, and how did that change your views?" The answer will tell us if the person is intellectually honest or a tale spinner with delusions of infallibility.
 * Whole Earth Discipline (2009), page 230.

 * Excessively precise economic analysis can lead to assessing everything in terms of its easily measurable melt value - the value that thieves get from stealing copper wiring from isolated houses, that vandals got from tearing down Greek temples for the lead joints holding the marble blocks together, that shortsighted timber companies get from liquidating their forests. The standard to insist on is live value.  What is something worth when it's working?
 * Whole Earth Discipline (2009), page 277.
 * Redundancy of function is always more reliable than attempts at perfect, which time treats cruelly.
 * How Buildings Learn
 * Against the flow of constant entropy, maintenance people must swim always upstream, progresses against the current like a watchful trout. The only satisfaction they can get from their work is to do it well. The measure of success in their labors is that the result is invisible, unnoticed. Thanks to them, everything is the same as it ever was.
 * How Buildings Learn
 * The house and its occupants mold to each other twenty-four hours a day, and the building accumulates the record of that intimacy.
 * How Buildings Learn, Chapter 1.

title: Stewart Brand