text:
Talk:Buffy the Vampire Slayer

NOTE: Formatting and inclusion guidelines have been moved to Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Format.

Adding to character list
A few of the characters may not yet have Wikipedia pages. If you feel adventurous, you might consider adding one yourself. — Jeff Q 04:56, 23 Apr 2004 (UTC)
 * I see folks have been busy over at Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Just about every regular and recurring character now has their own Wikipedia article. I've added a few recurring characters above that already appear in this article, but people should feel free to add others to help ensure correct Wikipedia article linking. — Jeff Q 03:05, 25 Nov 2004 (UTC)

More compact table of contents
Currently, we have quotes from only 29 of the 156 official Buffy episodes, yet the table of contents is already a page and a half long (give or take a little, depending on which skin [page style] you're using). I've been trying to come up with a useful custom table of contents that would make it easy to jump to any particular episode without scrolling down just to find the episode name in the TOC. I've created an experimental Buffy TOC page with one idea that I'd like people to look at and comment on, using its Talk page. My major concerns are: I've also added a little color to its season headers to echo the increasing darkness of the series.
 * Compact size to minimize scrolling and wasted space before actual quote entries.
 * Making the table complete so no one adding quotes has to do anything to the table of contents.

I don't plan to add it to this quote page unless I get a feeling that it would be positively received, so let me know what you think, either way. I'd also appreciate any suggestions. -- Jeff Q 07:58, 7 Aug 2004 (UTC)

 * Well, folks, I've had zero feedback on this issue, positive or negative. Therefore, I plan to implement the current version of this compact TOC later today. I hope that this will get people to give me some feedback. If it's more negative than positive, I'll just switch it back (being sure not to lose any quote changes made in the interim). — Jeff Q 06:32, 16 Sep 2004 (UTC)

Funny reference to www.homestarrunner.com
Andrew: You go through the door and are confronted by Trogdor the Burninator.

Note: That was copied off www.homestarrunner.com, homestarrunner didn't copy it off buffy. 203.41.14.140 03:38, 1 Dec 2004 (UTC)

 * I don't understand your point. Are you saying that this is not an actual quote from Buffy? I have it from a fairly reliable source that this is an exact quote from "Chosen" (the final episode), during the pre-apocalyptic D&D game. I haven't personally verified it from my own partial transcriptions, as I didn't find this particular quote interesting, but if there is some question of its legitimacy, I'll look into it. Let me know if that's what you mean. — Jeff Q 05:55, 1 Dec 2004 (UTC)

 * I believe this user was pointing out that the quote was a reference to the site, and then confirming that the site was not referencing Buffy. --OGoncho 08:59, 10 December 2005 (UTC)

In the series finale Chosen, Andrew said, "You go through the door and are confronted by Trogdor the Burninator." This was a reference to the website homestarrunner.com. For real. xiner 03:20, 17 February 2006

Copying and verifying quotes
I'm really glad so many people have contributed to this quote page, which was the largest one on Wikiquote, last I checked. However, we have a serious accuracy problem. I suspect that many folks copy quotes from various web sources, which I've found to be notoriously inaccurate. Many of these quotes bear only a passing resemblance to what was actually said, leave out words or entire dialog segments (without noting it with some markup, like our ": . . ." lines), or confusing two or more dialog segments.

In the past, I've meticulously reviewed new quotes to ensure accuracy, but my broader duties as a new sysop and the popularity of this page have put me really far behind in this cleanup process. I'd like to ask everyone to try to verify quotes they add by watching the episodes whenever possible to confirm them. If you can't do that, at least check with a relatively reliable source like the "Buffy vs. Angel" transcript guide. (We don't need all the stage direction that site provides, but I've found that the dialog itself is more than usually accurate. Incidentally, IMDb is an atrociously error-prone source of quotes; I recommend using it only as a starting point for new articles.) Thanks in advance to everyone for their assistance. — Jeff Q (talk) 09:10, 10 Jun 2005 (UTC)

Collapsing witticisms
As I belatedly got around to watching Firefly (a serious competitor with Buffy as Joss Whedon's best, IMHO), I found myself wondering about something. One of many recurring entertainments of these Whedon shows is the occasional witty line that suddenly dies in the middle, as if the wit suddenly ran out. Here are Buffy and Firefly examples:

 * Buffy: Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together, like chicken and… guh, another chicken… or… two… chickens, or… something — you know what I'm saying!
 * from Buffy, "What's My Line?", Part I

 * Mal: Well, looks can be deceiving.
 * Jayne: Not as deceivin' as a low-down… dirty… deceiver.
 * from Firefly, "Out of Gas"

 * Jayne: Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you to run afoul of his blushin' psychotic bride. She figures out who you are, she'll turn you in before you can say… "Don't turn me in, lady."
 * from Firefly, "Trash"; somehow Firefly's always come from Jayne ☺

I haven't seen Angel enough to provide an example, but I'd be shocked if it didn't have plenty to offer. What I'm wondering is whether Whedon-show fans have come up with a term for these collapsing witticisms, like MST3K's "Crow Syndrome" (extending suggestive quips to an extreme, only to be shouted down). The structure certainly isn't unique to Whedon's shows — Blackadder has a good measure of these — but I was hoping that there was a shorthand term among the Buffy/Angel/Firefly crowd. — Jeff Q (talk) 22:18, 14 Jun 2005 (UTC)

 * Added Trash quote to Firefly quote page. Hope that's okay. ZachsMind 06:12, 21 July 2005 (UTC)

Removal of quote
RPickman removed the following from "Life Series":
 * Jonathan: You guys! Stop touching my magic bone!

Why is that? I thought it was funny. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 17:42, 2 September 2005 (UTC)

 * Hey, guys, you've got me confused. RPickman explicitly removed the quote (according to the edit summary), then MosheZadka restored it, claiming it was a mistake, then Moshe re-removed it. I saw nothing on either of your talk pages or here that explains what's going on. Is there a problem with the quote? ~ Jeff Q (talk) 21:34, 2 September 2005 (UTC)

Wow. Didn't mean to stir up such a ruckus. I originally posted the quote; removed it becasue I wasn't sure it "worked" without lengthy context description (though the humor is pretty obvious). If I'm not the only one who enjoys the quote, by all means retain it. --RPickman 19:25, 4 September 2005 (UTC)

Keep quotes pithy
I'd like to ask contributing editors to be selective about what quotes they add to this Buffy article. Wikiquote cannot be transcription service (i.e., does not provide lengthy transcriptions of scenes, complete with extensive contexts and stage directions), for two major reasons: When adding a quote, please consider carefully these points: Thank you all for helping to keep this article focused. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:06, 1 February 2006 (UTC)
 * 1) We focus on actual quotations, not scene descriptions, so any material that is too visually or aurally oriented, or requires substantial context or stage directions to understand its merit, is simply beyond the  scope of what this project can provide.
 * 2) U.S. copyright laws (which en:Wikiquote must follow) frown on substantial excerpting of material for quotations. More than a handful of quotes per episode takes us into dangerous territory, and wholesale transcription of a scene is a definite no-no. We're looking for short, pithy quotes wherever possible.
 * 1) Are the spoken words funny or dramatic on their own, or because the scene looks or sounds that way? The latter is not a good candidate for inclusion here. Consider Buffy's line, "Harmony has minions?!" (from "Real Me"), which is hilarious for fans, but not especially compelling unless you already know Harmony and are watching Buffy crack up while saying it.
 * 2) Can a long scene be boiled down to a concise quote? Transcribing entire scenes is usually a bad idea. Often, one or two lines from the scene bring out the heart of the dialog.

Why brackets for context?
Is there a reason why brackets are used to describe the context and not parentheses, which are commonly used in plays, etc.? xiner 02:21, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

 * From what I can recall of months-long discussions of formatting issues 1-2 years ago, there were two basic reasons:
 * We borrowed many of our initial formatting cues from IMDb, which uses brackets.
 * Contexts can include parenthetical statements; brackets distinguish from these.
 * There may have been others, but I don't recall off-hand. There is a basic problem that comes up infrequently because of this: what to do when a wiki link is adjacent to a bracket. Various context guidelines (e.g., always use complete sentences, with period; be parsimonious with context links) and simple wording arrangement usually avoids this problem. In the rare cases it can't be avoided (which is pretty much always the initial word in a context line), a single space or a thin-space character (&thinsp;) prevents a problem. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 07:21, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

Miscellaneous (but by no means unimportant)
So far as I can tell, Jeff Q implemented the experimental Buffy TOC page in late 2004 as well as many of the formatting rules here. I thought I should give an acknowledgement here as I've removed many of his quotes from this page. xiner 03:56, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

 * You needn't credit my initial efforts, xiner, just because many of my quotes have gotten the axe in a trimming that I asked for. I did indeed start this article off with a lot of my own favorite quotes, but I'm glad to see that my initial efforts have been overshadowed by a community of enthusiatic editors. I have only three real concerns:
 * Keeping to basic Wikiquote principles of text-based pithiness and avoidance of excessive context (we are quoting words, not transcribing scenes);
 * Ensuring the quotes are accurately recorded (Wikiquote's greatest advantage over other quote sites); and
 * Keeping the page properly formatted for best visual impact.
 * I've fully expected some of my contributions to go as others' favorites are added. But I appreciate the consideration. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 07:32, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

Moved formatting guidelines
I've just moved the formatting and inclusion guidelines that used to be at the top of this discussion page to Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Format. (I've posted a notice of this on the top, but since it's not a proper discussion posting — one of the reasons that section had to go — I expect to remove it after we've had a month or two to get used to it. The guideline link in the main article now points to the new page.) This change will allow editors to treat the guidelines as they would any policy article, and discuss the guidelines and changes on its talk page, rather than the article's, with proper talk-page signatures and timestamps. This will avoid confusing the content with the discussions, as has been the problem here.

We should probably move any guideline-related discussions to Talk:Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Format, but I wanted to give everyone a little time to notice this major change first. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 07:54, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

Episodes whose transcripts have been perused
I thought I'd make a note for every episode whose transcript I went through. I hope others will order and find this useful.

Welcome To The Hellmouth; The Harvest; Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered; Becoming 1/2; Homecoming; Bad Girls; Two To Go; Grave; Same Time, Same Place; Help; Sleeper; Potential; First Date; Dirty Girls; Never Leave Me; Chosen — xiner 21:59, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

 * I would caution folks about using transcripts as ultimate sources for quotes. I have yet to find a single site that hasn't made some errors. (For Buffy, an excellent test is "Once More, with Feeling" — most sites have numerous mistakes.) It's always a good idea to check against the episode itself whenever possible. (And I don't mean the closed-captioning. From my experience with other shows' and films' CC, I expect many Buffy fan sites are more accurate than CC transcriptions.) ~ Jeff Q (talk) 02:26, 18 February 2006 (UTC)

 * One other word on a common source: IMDb. As I mention above in Copying and verifying quotes, it's atrociously error-ridden. However, it is the most official general film and TV source available. Frankly, I think IMDb links are more useful as an official source of general information than quotes, but even the quote links can provide a starting point for considering quotes to add. However, just about any serious Buffy transcription site will be more accurate, and the episodes themselves will trump the transcription sites. I encourage editors to use the most accurate source available to them for verification. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 02:36, 18 February 2006 (UTC)

 * I thought the first two and a half seasons of Buffy are precisely captured by Buffyworld.com. Small mistakes popped up in the second half of S3 and I can't vouch for accuracy after that. xiner 05:20, 19 February 2006 (UTC)

Punctuation (crusade against ...)
When copying quotes from any source...including closed-captioning...should consider using... um...things like periods, commas, semicolons and hyphens more often. After all, punctuation marks are often meant to deliver pauses.

Restored original custom TOC
I belatedly noticed that some editors had changed the custom table of contents so that it expanded in size by about 30%, even with many still-abbreviated titles. I have reverted it to the original custom TOC. I spent quite a bit of time picking just the right column widths and episode title abbreviations to ensure all rows were single lines for most modern displays and browsers (and a minimum of double-line rows for low-resolution displays) while still providing titles that are sufficiently distinct to allow readers to determine which ep is which. I did this for the following reasons: Putting full wording of each title into the TOC will sometimes ease (2), but will not help (1) or (3) and will cause of a greatly expanded TOC and a loss of uniformity and elegance. I invite discussion of which our current readers feel is better, or if any other alternatives come to mind. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 00:05, 17 June 2006 (UTC)
 * The whole reason for having a custom TOC is to keep it short, preferably as close as possible to a single screen.
 * I believed we would have three kinds of readers:
 * Those who know the titles well. These readers can easily decipher even the most brief abbreviations.
 * Those who know the titles vaguely, who might have only an idea of the title they're looking for, or who have an exact title but may not understand some abbreviations. These readers will still usually find the desired titles or title keywords. When they can't, they can browser-find for the keyword or full heading.
 * Those who don't know the titles, who are just browsing, or who are looking for a particular quote without knowing the episode. The TOC is irrelevant for these readers, except as how it allows jumping to different periods in the series, for which a shorter table is better.

I believe that the slightly longer TOC is more useful. I know most of the episode titles well, but I find it really annoying to have to decipher what I'm reading. Especially if what I'm reading has no vowels and uses numbers instead of words. It may make the TOC shorter to do it the other way but it isn't like it gets absurdly long the other way either. I will refrain from switching it back until more people express their opinion, but I feel that it would be more useful to the majority of people if the episode titles were easier to read at a glance. 66.62.91.130 20:54, 20 June 2006 (UTC)

 * Thanks for your opinion, 66.62.91.130. I acknowledge that, as a long-time WQ editor, I can have an overbearing influence on articles. I hope that others will chime in on this issue so we can really find out what our readers prefer, whether it be the compact one, a longer but clearer one, or even something else entirely. Your opinions count, folks! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 00:00, 21 June 2006 (UTC)

I prefer the current TOC, with sometimes-confusing abbreviations. I can still rely on the season number and approximately when the episode I'm after takes place in this season. As a reader, I find myself more likely to know these informations rather than a precise episode title if I'm looking for one in particular. I personnally think the problem with confusing titles is when the reader uses a screen reader or a non-video or non-standard video browser. Another way to achieve a TOC displayed on one modern screen and still using correct episode titles might be to heavily lower font size. I think it would be okay as most readers only need to see episodes titles in different cells, not to actually be able to easily read them. Thelvin 22:14, 3 July 2006 (UTC)

Transclusion
To try and help sort out the horrendous length of this article, I've moved season one out to a new one (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 1) and transcluded into this article. The custom contents still work, or seem to. If this is successful, maybe we could do the same with other seasons, and try and get the actual article itself close to the 30-odd kilobyte suggested length. -- Supermorff 20:43, 25 November 2006 (UTC)

Having had no objections so far, I've moved season 2 to Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 2 and transcluded. It's clear that each season separately is going to be considerably longer than 32 kilobytes, but I still think it's worth it. -- Supermorff 15:50, 1 December 2006 (UTC)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 3 check. -- Supermorff 21:36, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 4 done. Does anyone know if it's okay to transclude pages that themselves have transcluded pages? Say, for the abnormally long season 2 and 3, we split them up separately into a, b and c and transcluded? Would they appear correctly on this page? -- Supermorff 14:30, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

 * I'd hold off on the nested transclusions. These articles need some serious trimming, anyway, as they probably go beyond the 3-8 quote guideline we've been discussing as a pass at avoiding reasonable copyvio complaints. By the way, thanks for working on this! I should have mentioned this earlier. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 15:27, 12 December 2006 (UTC)
 * Oh, thanks. Appreciation is always... uh, appreciated. So, yeah, the nested transclusion thing was just an idea. After posting I pretty quickly decided it'd be more hassle than it was worth. -- Supermorff 15:51, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 5 is also done. -- Supermorff 16:49, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 6 is done. -- Supermorff 22:30, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

All finished with Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 7. -- Supermorff 12:58, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

Calling all Whedonverse Wikiquote veterans
I've been soldiering on (pretty much solo) trying to piece together a functional wikiquote for the Season Eight comic series, but I've only very basic command of the programming language, and am having trouble with correctly formatting the page and coding the links in the same manner as they are in the TV series' respective page. If anyone on here can help rectify this, I'd appreciate it, as I think that, as the series is canon and part of the same storyline,the pages for it deserve more than I can achieve alone.

Radicaladz 17:03, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

 * I don't have time at the moment to help much with this, but I'd like to make two points. First, if you want help on an article, you should give its title with a link. I assume you're talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight. Second, this naming doesn't quite follow any pattern I've seen either here or at Wikipedia. The latter seems to have a lot of naming and formatting problems surrounding the various comics, so I don't have an immediate recommendation on how to define this particular series, except that the comic series should not be presented as if it's season 8 of the TV series, because it isn't. It may very well be considered a "season 8 of the Buffy saga" by Joss Whedon, but that's information that should be in the intro paragraph (lead section) of the article. It may be necessary to review the entire set of Buffy article titles here (and at WP as well) to avoid confusion. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 18:08, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

Right. Duly noted. My apologies. I'm allowed one blond moment a month; government says so.

Radicaladz 13:42, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

 * But "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight" is the book's actual title.81.96.167.246 21:00, 25 June 2007 (UTC)

Disambiguation?
Would anyone object to a disambiguation page for Buffyverse pages? I want to link here from some of the Buffy/Angel characters on Wikipedia, and, since some characters appear in more than one series, linking to a disambiguation page would be easier than having four links to Wikiquote. If there's some policy not to have it or something, that's fine, just thought I'd ask first. 86.144.29.58 22:56, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Primeval

 * Could anyone with the Season 4 DVDs please do their best to transcribe the Sumerian Uber-Buffy speaks. I tried looking for it, but only found "UBER-BUFFY: Speaks Sumerian" Thanks

--Cokeandpoprocks 18:39, 18 February 2008 (UTC)

More problems with accuracy of quotes
Many of the recently added quotes (as of Sept. 18, 2008) are seriously flawed - not only in accuracy but containing misspellings and inappropriate capitalization. I cannot overemphasize the importance of drawing on reliable online sources of show transcripts(such as BuffyWorld.com and buffy-vs-angel.com), as well as the actual episodes on DVD. Lately, it seems some people may be trying to reconstruct quotes from memory, and failing.

title: Talk:Buffy the Vampire Slayer


text:
Real Genius

Real Genius is a 1985 comedy about two brilliant students that head a team of young geniuses developing a laser for what they believe is a class project. When they find out that their professor intends to turn their work over to the government for use as a weapon, they decide to ruin his plans.
 * Directed by Martha Coolidge and written by Neal Israel, Pat Proft, and Peter Torokvei.

When he gets mad, he doesn't get even... he gets creative. Taglines

Chris Knight

 * [to Mitch, as he is hanging upside down] Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.

 * Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?

 * [to a girl at a party] Don't eat that. Don't you know that eating that can give you very large breasts? [looks down at her chest] Oh my God, I'm too late!

 * Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Dialogue

 * Mrs. Taylor: Dr. Hathaway, I saw your program on radioactive isotopes last night, and I've got a question.
 * Jerry Hathaway: Yes?
 * Mrs. Taylor: Is that your real hair?
 * Jerry Hathaway: Tell me something. Is Mitch by any chance adopted?
 * Mrs. Taylor: Why, no!
 * Jerry Hathaway: Amazing.
 * Mrs. Taylor: Isn't it?

 * Jerry Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
 * Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
 * Jerry Hathaway: Good boy.

 * Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
 * Mitch: No.
 * Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
 * Mitch: What is that?
 * Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
 * Mitch: No!
 * Chris Knight: I'm kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

 * Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning...
 * Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
 * Mitch: No...
 * Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?
 * Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
 * Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
 * Mitch: Who is he?
 * Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
 * Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
 * Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
 * Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
 * Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him.
 * Mitch: Yeah...
 * Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

 * [Chris Knight and the recruiter enter a building. Chris is wearing springy antennas on his head.]
 * Recruiter: Chris, this is my assistant, Sherry Nugil, and this is Mike Dodd, designer of our new Telcom satellite.
 * Chris Knight: [as if honored] Doctor Dodd! [Casually] Telcom...Isn't that the satellite that's raining debris all over Europe?
 * Dr. Dodd: [sharply] Why is that toy on your head?
 * Chris Knight: [matter-of-factly] Because, if I wear it anywhere else, it chafes.
 * [The recruiter and Dr. Dodd look uncertainly at one another]
 * Chris Knight: I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't want you guys to think I was stuffy. You know, no fun. [Looking at Sherry Nugil] All brain, no penis. [Sherry laughs, Dodd and the recruiter look uncomfortable] I'm sorry, it was just an infantile response to authority.
 * Recruiter: Yes. You are Chris Knight, aren't you? [examines Chris' "visitor" tag]
 * Chris Knight: [reflectively] I hope so...I'm wearing his underwear.

 * [Discussing how Knight didn't come in to the lab]
 * Bodie: He said he didn't feel like it. And I said, "You'd better!" And he said, "Or what?" And I said, "Or you're gonna be in trouble." And he said, "Jam it."
 * Jerry Hathaway: That's a wonderful story, Bodie. I noticed you've stopped stuttering.
 * Bodie: I've been giving myself shock treatments.
 * Jerry Hathaway: Up the voltage.

 * Chris Knight: [about Susan] I'm sorry, but have you ever seen a body like this before in your life?
 * David Decker: She happens to be my daughter.
 * Chris Knight: Oh. Then I guess you have.

 * Chris Knight: No seriously, listen...if there's ever anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, you let me know, okay?
 * Susan Decker: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
 * Chris Knight: Not right now.
 * Susan Decker: A girl's got to have her standards.

 * Jerry Hathaway: I want five megawatts by mid-May. Look, I don't care if you're arrogant. I don't care if you're disrespectful. But your attitude's distracting Mitch, and that I won't have. The rules have changed. I want it by mid-May.
 * Chris Knight: I think that you're just forgetting about one little detail, and that's that I am out of here. I'm gone, I'm history, I'm Casper, I'm graduating.
 * Jerry Hathaway: To graduate, you need my course, dear boy. So it seems I have something to say about what you do and where you go. So from now on you and Mitch are going to spend every waking moment in the lab. You will solve my power problem, and you will solve it by my deadline.
 * Chris Knight: OK, if you think that by threatening me, you can get me to be your slave, well... that's where you're right, but - and I'm only saying this because I care - there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
 * Jerry Hathaway: I'm not kidding, Chris.
 * Chris Knight: Neither am I, Jerry.

 * Mitch: What are you doing?
 * Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

Taglines

 * When he gets mad, he doesn't get even... he gets creative.
 * MEET CHRIS KNIGHT, THE EINSTEIN OF THE '80'S. He can turn the simple into the simply amazing, and now he turns revenge into high comedy.
 * It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

Cast

 * Val Kilmer - Chris Knight
 * Gabriel Jarret - Mitch Taylor
 * Michelle Meyrink - Jordan Cochran
 * William Atherton - Prof. Jerry Hathaway
 * Robert Prescott - Kent Torokvei
 * Jon Gries - Lazlo Hollyfeld
 * Patti D'Arbanville - Sherry Nugil
 * Tommy Swerdlow - Bodie
 * Mark Kamiyama - 'Ick' Ikagami
 * Ed Lauter - David Decker
 * Louis Giambalvo - Maj. Carnagle
 * Severn Darden - Dr. Meredith
 * Stacy Peralta - shuttle pilot
 * Beau Billingslea - George
 * Joanne Baron - Mrs. Taylor
 * Sandy Martin - Mrs. Meredith
 * Dean Devlin - Milton
 * Yuji Okumoto - Fenton
 * Deborah Foreman - Susan Decker

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Real Genius


text:
MacGyver

MacGyver (1985–1992) was a television series about the adventures of a laid-back, extremely resourceful ex-secret agent named Angus "Mac" MacGyver, whose main asset is his practical application of scientific knowledge and inventive use of common items.

The Golden Triangle [1.2]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] People usually go to a Junk Yard looking for a bargain. I did. When I got my first set of wheels, one of them was kind of flat. I spent a lot of time in Hubcap Heaven, piecing together that first car. So would anybody else looking for a real bargain, like a matched set of top-secret pentagon missile launch codes. Of course, missiles come in all kinds, sizes and shapes. I've always been partial to round.

 * MacGyver: My mom used to make a great broiled chicken. One of my favorites. Funny, I'm starting to feel real sympathetic towards them chickens.

 * MacGyver: Herpetologists will tell you everyone has an inner fear of snakes—including herpetologists.

Thief of Budapest [1.3]

 * Yanna: Why do they hate us?
 * MacGyver: Some people are scared of anyone who runs free.

 * Messic: Budapest has gypsies like a dog has fleas.

 * MacGyver: [catching Jana picking his pocket] You looked down at your hand, that is a cardinal no-no.

 * Yanna: We want to go with you.
 * MacGyver: Where?
 * Yanna: America! America!
 * MacGyver: Right, right.
 * Yanna: The US of A. Clint Eastwood! Coca-Cola!
 * MacGyver: Yanna...
 * Yanna: Girls just want to have fun...?

 * Yanna: You Gypsy?
 * MacGyver: No. Not that I know of. Why?
 * Yanna: Because it takes a Gypsy to catch a Gypsy.

 * MacGyver: The man who said "Life is like a bowl of cherries" had it wrong. It's a bowl of Hungarian goulash: hot, sticky, and I'm not that hungry.

The Gauntlet [1.4]

 * MacGyver: The great thing about a map: it gets you in and out of places in a lot of different ways.

 * Lead Guard: [fires shot] HALT! That is far enough! [walks towards MacGyver] The map.
 * MacGyver: Now, I'd like to, but, ah, I really need it myself.
 * Lead Guard: You amuse me. [MacGyver shrugs his shoulders and swings map at guard, hitting him] OOOH! [falls to ground]
 * MacGyver: Sorry. But I really DO need it. [MacGyver unrolls map to reveal a metal rod inside the map that falls to the ground]

 * MacGyver: It just goes to show ya: A good map will always get you where you want to go.

 * MacGyver: I remember one time, I was maybe 7 or 8, my dad and I took a truck load of apples to market in another town. As soon as we got there, even as little as I was, I felt there was something wrong there. When I asked my dad about it, he said that they'd lynched an innocent man there. I was a lot older before I understood what that meant.

The Heist [1.5]

 * MacGyver: I've found from past experiences that the tighter you plan, the more likely you are to run into something unpredictable.
 * Robin: Then how do we do it?
 * MacGyver: We fake it.

 * Chris Rhodes: [puts tuxedo coat on MacGyver] Not bad. You look like... James Bond.
 * MacGyver: I feel like... [fake English accent] James Bond.

 * Catlin: Good evening. Is there anything you need?
 * Chris: I could use some luck, right about now.

 * Chris: (waking MacGyver up) How can you sleep?
 * MacGyver: (groggily) Usually, it's no problem.

 * Catlin: I haven't seen you around.
 * MacGyver: Haven't been around.

 * Catlin: Good luck.
 * MacGyver: Somehow, I know you mean that.

Hellfire [1.8]

 * MacGyver: This road would definitely be an E ride at Disneyland.

 * MacGyver: [Laura runs into MacGyver's arms and he holds her off the ground] Darling!
 * Laura Farren: Oh, I've missed you, MacGyver!
 * [checks him from head to toe]
 * Laura Farren: Elegant as ever.
 * MacGyver: As beautiful as ever. And oh so sexy! How did Bill ever see you before I did?
 * Laura Farren: Oh, just lucky, I guess.

 * MacGyver: (needing to straight Torgut's broken leg) Of course, you know we're going to have to give it a pretty good yank to straighten it, get a splint on it.
 * Torgut: Well, what are you waiting, Doc? Let's do it!
 * MacGyver: Oh, I was just wondering...
 * Torgut: Do you have any doubts you can do it?
 * MacGyver: Oh, no, that's no problem. It has to do with Curie's Law.
 * Torgut: Curie's what? Curie's Law?
 * MacGyver: Yeah. You know, the one that say the magnetic susceptibility of a paramagnetic substance is inversely proportional to the absolute temperature. You know.
 * Torgut: The magnetic susceptibility of the...
 * [MacGyver abruptly straightens his broken leg]
 * MacGyver: On the other hand... don't think about it.
 * Torgut: Oh... whew. You're real slick, MacGyver.
 * MacGyver: Well, naked dancing girls might have been a little better, but... you know.

 * Bill: (carrying unstable dynamite) You ever drop one of these?
 * MacGyver: Not recently. You?
 * Bill: Well, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a guy once bet me that I couldn't balance a stick of burning dynamite on my forehead.
 * MacGyver: Yeah, what happened?
 * Bill: Blew my head off.

Target MacGyver [1.10]

 * MacGyver: What a beautiful part of the world. It has everything but people.

Nightmares [1.11]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] It's a known fact that 80 decibels of rushing water is one of the most pleasing sounds known to mankind. On the other hand, ten and a half days at sea is enough water for anybody.

 * MacGyver: Like the magician said, a little misdirection never hurt.

 * MacGyver: Expecting trouble?
 * Pete: Well, you never can tell. The East Germans are just a little bit hot over this one.
 * MacGyver: Nice to know my work is appreciated.

 * Curt Neilson: You see, Barrett, MacGyver is a genuine patriot. They can be remarkably stubborn.

 * Curt Neilson: You have good veins.
 * MacGyver: Thank you.

 * Lisa: Hey, you're like me. You make do with what you got.
 * MacGyver: Yeah, I guess I do.

Deathlock [1.12]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] There are some places in this world that are a lot easier to get into then out of. Like East Berlin, for instance. I mean, look at me... I'm dying to leave.

 * Karen: And I thought all secret agents were cold and heartless.
 * MacGyver: No, Pete and I go way back to some pretty… funny places.
 * Karen: Is that what the camel is about?

 * [as MacGyver, Karen and Pete are trapped inside the mansion]
 * MacGyver: Always had to say how great you were, didn't you, Quayle? Afraid maybe people wouldn't notice.
 * Quayle: You'll be the last one to die, MacGyver.
 * MacGyver: That's what I figure too: Of old age, hopefully.

 * Karen: When I left him he was taking the motor out of a blender.
 * Quayle: Ah, yes, that's the handyman side of MacGyver; he likes to make clever little things out of odd bits.

 * MacGyver: When I was a kid, I use to build model airplanes with rubber band motors. Then I discovered batteries—it sure did increase the mileage.

Countdown [1.14]

 * Carole Tanner: Take a look what our eye in the sky has to say.
 * Captain Howard: What are they calling her?
 * Carole Tanner: Henry. 200 miles across and we are headed right down his throat. I think our passengers might object, not exactly vacation weather.

 * MacGyver: Sure is great to start off a sunny day thinking about the people you like most. My pal Susan, for instance. She's my landlady, the building maintenance person - and the only human being who's figured out how to keep me organized. So, how do I repay her? A twenty-first century breakfast, of course. I wonder how she likes her eggs

 * MacGyver: Pick a number between one and ten, quick!
 * Charlie: Seven.
 * MacGyver: Close, but wrong; I go first.

 * MacGyver: It's not technology, it's… art.
 * Pete: Art?! MacGyver, it's a damn bomb!
 * MacGyver: You just lack artistic taste.

 * MacGyver: Hey Pete, don't forget you and I have got a little golf match as soon as this is job is over.
 * Pete: Yeah right, and I'm gonna spot you a stroke a hole, buddy!

 * Carole Tanner: Tell me, Mr. MacGyver. Would you want to know that a very good possibility exists that you could die a violent death some time during the next three hours?
 * MacGyver: Yes, Ma'am, I would.

The Enemy Within [1.15]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] When you think about it, I take on a lot of jobs nobody else would want. The question is, why do I want 'em. I find myself asking these questions more and more and rationalizing answers with stuff like flexible hours, nice scenery, all expense paid vacations in colorful Eastern European luxury resorts. But, the bottom line is, I like it. I actually like getting into stuff that makes the old adrenaline pump. And, I get to meet some interesting people who have made some interesting career choices themselves.

 * MacGyver: What is it?
 * Ed: I'll probably be able to tell you that tomorrow - unless you're in a rush.
 * MacGyver: I'm in a rush.
 * Ed: You're always in a rush. You realize that this is bending the regulations just a little.
 * MacGyver: Ed, who rebuilt your sound system?
 * Ed: Ah, you have a point. You also have a sample.

 * [Bannister and Mac are watching Ed perform an autopsy.]
 * Bannister: You have to make jokes?
 * Ed: What do you expect? Tap dance? (to Mac) Who's your sensitive flower?
 * MacGyver: Ed, you've been down here too long.

 * Victoria: GRU. Special Operations.
 * Pete: Which means?
 * Victoria: He kills people.

 * Bannister: You know Mac, he can't let a puzzle alone.

 * MacGyver: What I'm going to do here is activate a magnetic field and… turn the chemicals into nylon. Good for ladies' stockings, and, uh… clogging the arteries of a kind old man.

 * Victoria: Did you finish packing, Mr. MacGyver?
 * MacGyver: Actually, it defeated me completely.
 * Victoria: You must learn not to be defeated so easily.

 * Pete: I need someone I can trust to stay on top of it.
 * MacGyver: You have got a whole file full of people on salary who can do that.
 * Pete: Yes, and any one of them could turn out to be the mole!

 * Pete: I thought we could rely on each other; I thought we were friends.
 * MacGyver: We are friends, Pete. We're friends, shall be ever more - after my vacation!

 * Viktoria Tomanova: John Wayne could not have done it better.

Every Time She Smiles [1.16]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] The first time I got to ride on a merry-go-round, I was about six or seven. I'd never seen anything like it. It was a kind of magic. Go to a merry-go-round anywhere in the world and you can see the same look in the kids eyes. It's magic. It's a shame we have to grow up... and lose it.

To Be a Man [1.17]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] One of the problems of flying a jet is that you don't have a lot of time to admire the scenery. I just entered Pakistani air space and already the Afghan border was coming up fast. One of our early satellites fell out of orbit and wouldn't you know it. It landed just inside Afghanistan. Now, the satellite has a small capsule in it with a lot of classified data we didn't want the Russians to get their hands on. And it's funny when you remember that we brought those early satellites back to Earth with wings on 'em.

 * MacGyver: I'm about 20 seconds from becoming part of the landscape.

 * Captain: [glaring at the sergeant] If it was not for my desperate need of non-commissioned officers, I would have you shot.
 * [the captain starts circling the sergeant]
 * Captain: One man, one single wounded man, and you lose your vehicle...
 * [the captain stops]
 * Captain: ...your weapons and the man!
 * [the captain steps directly in front of the sergeant]
 * Captain: You are going back on patrol!
 * Sergeant: Yes, sir!
 * Captain: Take the tank, and if you find the American, you'll only lose your rank and six months' pay.
 * Sergeant: But, sir...
 * Captain: If you do not find him, I will have you court-martialed for dereliction of duty. Now go!
 * [the sergeant salutes and leaves]

 * MacGyver: (after his plane blows up) I could just hear old Pete Thornton saying, "Why does he always have to wait until the last possible second?"
 * Pete: (back at Phoenix Foundation) He always waits until the last possible second.

 * MacGyver: Is your mother aware of all this?
 * Ahmed: She's a woman. She doesn't know about man's business.
 * MacGyver: So where is she now?
 * Ahmed: Milking the goat.
 * MacGyver: Isn't that your job?
 * Ahmed: It's not a man's work. (looks sheepish) The goat doesn't like me.

A Prisoner of Conscience [1.21]

 * Pete Thornton: What the hell are you doing here?
 * MacGyver: What do you mean, what am I doing here? You take an emergency leave of absence, grab a Soviet IdD a map of Northern Russia and you split. You didn't even say goodbye to me.
 * Pete Thornton: What, so you just naturally have to follow me?
 * MacGyver: Pete, we're friends. If you got troubles, I've got troubles.

 * Natalia: You are black market.
 * MacGyver: No, we're just your basic revolutionaries.
 * Demetri: Power to the people!

 * Pete: Change the timing?
 * MacGyver: Remember Belgrade?
 * Pete: Mm. Don't change the timing.

 * Dr. Suvarin: Still having illusions that you are a political prisoner, Demetri?
 * Demetri: That's what I am, you bedbug.

 * Natalia: Is he really schizophrenic, or is he political?
 * Pete: He's ill. Why do you ask?
 * Dr. Suvarin: There are... different modes of treatment.

 * Pete: Maria, are you sure you can handle your part of this plan?
 * Maria: My part is simple, they take advantage of cheap labor from the village. But yours, MacGyver, is… it's a bit mad.
 * MacGyver: Yah, that's the idea.

The Human Factor [2.1]

 * MacGyver: When James Bond gets an assignment, it's on the Riviera, up to his 007 in bikinis. Me? I end up 80 miles past nowhere. Courtesy of my buddy, Pete Thornton. New operations director of the Phoenix Foundation. And the guy who conned me into running a security test at STRADA, Strategy Research and Development Administration, run by a military hard-nose named Colonel Scott Woodward... who didn't like civilians... or civilian think-tanks like Phoenix... even after Pete's introduction.

 * Jill: MacGyver. Sometime consultant for the Phoenix Foundation. Alleged hockey player. Camel smuggler. Jack of all trades.
 * MacGyver: Jill Melissa Ludlum. Born in London. PhD, System Design, Oxford University, 1980. 1980-82, designed the Ludlum cybernetic circuit. 82-83... took a year off, for personal reasons. 83-86, immersed in the SRDA project. Hasn't come up for air yet. Reported to be a premiere technocrat.

 * MacGyver: A little problem here. I forgotten to bring along a card key. But you can't let something like that throw ya. Just because of a... laser trap. One of the things I used to love about the circus was the way they worked without a safety net. Scared me then, still does.... especially with a 20,000 volt laser ready to zap me.

 * Pete: We don't "roll the dice," we make a calculated choice. It's time we tried to think like MacGyver. His mind doesn't work like yours - or mine. We've got to put our gut to work, Woody.
 * Colonel Woodward: Instinct doesn't cut it, Pete. We've got plans.

 * Pete: Woody, these bypass codes are never gonna get us through the front door. MacGyver's got to know that by now, too. I'm sure he's looking for some other way out.
 * Colonel Woodward: Pete, you can't be sure of anything.
 * Steven Lee: If you're right, Mr. Thornton, MacGyver only has two choices for another way out. The maintenance shaft or the exhaust outlet.
 * Pete: Well, now we're getting somewhere.
 * Steven Lee: There's a catch. Both of them are mined with explosives from the outside access ports. We only have time to dismantle one.
 * Pete: Mined? So you're telling me if Mac tries to exit either way before we diffuse the explosives...
 * Colonel Woodward: He's gonna blow both of them to kingdom come.

 * Jill: This was a bad idea. This garbage chute is programmed to send everything into an acid bath. It can only hold 280 pounds.
 * MacGyver: I weigh 175. That means if you weigh any more than 105, we're in trouble.
 * Jill: I think we're OK.
 * [Garbage chute begins to activate]
 * Jill: I lied, I'm 108!

The Eraser [2.2]

 * MacGyver: Look. If this works, it'll keep us from getting caught. If it doesn't, it'll keep us from getting old.

 * Jimmy(The Eraser): Dreams are important, otherwise sleep is just eight hours of nothing.

 * Thornton: Mmm, this is great. Did you make this?
 * MacGyver: You're supposed to heat it.
 * Thornton: Mmm, I like it cold.
 * MacGyver: I didn't think you'd go in for whipped bean curd.

Twice Stung [2.3]

 * MacGyver: You don't go to people with your problems. You come to your friends.

 * Joanne: What're we gonna do?
 * MacGyver: Give me a couple of bobby pins.
 * Joanne: Bobby pins? Sure.
 * MacGyver: Yeah. Great. Let me borrow this, and, uh, a couple of buttons. Make it three.
 * Joanne: Another MacGyverism! Oh...
 * MacGyver: And let me borrow your glasses, please.
 * Joanne: They're yours.
 * MacGyver: Yeah, thanks.
 * Joanne: So what do we do now?
 * MacGyver: (letting down her hair, opening up her blouse) You just did it.

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] I don't care what anybody says, birthdays are important. So, when a good friend's turning sixty and I'm returning from another government mission, there isn't a much faster way to get home then to catch a ride on a T-38 ace flight. It's a good thing they didn't serve a meal on this flight... 'cause my heart was already in my mouth.

 * Pete: Mac, help me pick up this money, will ya? I wanna get it back to the Foundation vault.
 * Kelly: You mean all this money is real? But you said it was fake.
 * MacGyver: I didn't want you to get nervous.
 * Pete: Are you telling me you let this man carry around three hundred thousand dollars in cash and he thought it was fake money?
 * MacGyver: I didn't want to affect his performance.

 * Joanna Remmings: So, what do you think know, Kelly?
 * Kelly Sutton: Hey, after helping you guys pull this off, I fell like I can do anything.

The Road Not Taken [2.7]

 * Pilot: [entering a hostile country] We just crossed the border.
 * Pete: Pilot says we just left Thailand. He's not a happy guy.
 * MacGyver: I don't blame him.

 * MacGyver: Now I'm going to need some empty cans, some fuel, noisemaker, and some form of grease. Animal fat will do. Open that, will you, Pete?
 * Sister Margaret: What's he doing?
 * Pete: I haven't got a clue. But I'm used to it.

 * Pete: Well, Maggie, I guess I'll see you the next time you're in trouble.
 * Sister Margaret: I'll be looking forward to it.
 * Pete: Yeah, me, too.

 * Debra: I've never been able to figure out how your mind works. How do you think of these things?
 * MacGyver: Well, when it comes down to me against the situation, I don't like the situation to win.

 * Pete: Mac, I have just one question about rappelling: what do you do if the line breaks?
 * MacGyver: You fall.
 * Pete: Oh.

Eagles [2.8]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] The Golden Eagle's not just a bird. It's a natural wonder. But now it's on the Endangered Species list. So, the Phoenix Foundation came up with a project to ensure its survival. I was going to follow a pair of eagles that had mated and, hopefully, find their nest. It was called the Dead Horse Point Project. The idea was to make sure the eagle eggs, if there were any, were protected from their natural enemies, like hawks, mountain lions and, of course, man. It was a job Pete Thornton didn't have to twist my arm to accept. And to track an eagle, you've got to sort of become one. Get up there with them. Now, if you don't like heights, climbing a mountain while carrying a container with a hang-glider inside it might seem like a strange thing to do. Especially, when the weather starts to get very cold, very fast. Golden eagles mate for life. And, if Pete Thornton's information was correct, there was only one pair in the area. I was hoping the bird I'd seen was one of them. The climb up to look for those eagles took me from summer to winter in the same day. And there they were. Sitting on the most inaccessible roost I'd ever seen. Of course, it didn't seem inaccessible to them. It may seem cruel, but one animal's death means another will live. All a part of nature's balancing act. Civilization had thrown that balance out of whack, and when it came to those two eagles, it was my job to see if they could stick around long enough to put the scales back in order. When you're hang-gliding, you feel like you're part of the sky. Maybe that's why I can fly hundreds of feet off the ground without the sweaty palms I get when I look down from a stepladder. I guess the way you look at the world depends on where you are. From up here, it looked like a pretty nice place. They say imitation's the sincerest form of flattery. That's why I was copying the eagles' flight path. So they'd feel comfortable with me around and let me follow them long enough to find their nest, wherever it was.

Phoenix Under Siege [2.11]

 * Fred: That's the bomb? It looks like a little suitcase.
 * Victoria: Yes, well I find it more convenient then a brown paper bag. What's your name, anyway?
 * Fred: Fred—but you said you didn't want to know our names.
 * Victoria: Yours I want to remember.

 * Harry Jackson: There was a time when I could run all day without breaking a sweat. I tell ya: it's hell getting old.
 * [while running up a stairwell with his son]
 * MacGyver: Age is only in the mind, Harry.
 * Harry Jackson: Well, my mind tells me I'm gettin' old.

 * Harry: (Referring to the lab at the Phoenix Foundation.) Some of these gizmos look like they're straight out of Flash Gordon.
 * MacGyver: Oh, we passed Flash Gordon years ago.

 * MacGyver: When I was about ten I got my first chemistry set. I've been a beaker and test-tube nut ever since. My mom said I was gonna come up with a formula that would either improve the world... or blow up the house.

 * Phillips: What's the idea?
 * Victoria: My agreement with the Liberation Front is that you're all expendable. Besides that, you annoy me. (shoots him)

Birth Day [2.14]

 * Helene: Do you believe in fate, MacGyver? Well I do. Whenever I do anything good it turns out bad, and whenever I do anything bad it turns out worse!

Partners [2.18]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] The usual problem in Los Angeles on a lazy Saturday is... what to do. Surfing in the Pacific. Skiing in the mountains. Maybe, head to the beach and watch the girls roll in. Not exactly. I was celebrating, if that's the word, the anniversary of a friendship. I'd met Pete Thornton seven years ago today. So, I'd been running around all morning long following the anniversary instructions Pete had sent me. He asked me to locate a bar magnifying glass and bring it to him at Adler's Wrecking Yard at eight o'clock, sharp. Pete always could come up with something a little off-center. Now, where to find him.

 * Pete: I operate on a need-to-know basis. [Sighs] I guess you need to know.

 * Murdoc: I hope it's not too uncomfortable for you back there, gentlemen.
 * Pete: Don't worry. We'll live.
 * Murdoc: I seriously doubt that, Thornton.

 * MacGyver: Why didn't you tell me?
 * Pete: I operate on a need-to-know basis. I guess you need to know.

 * Jack Dalton: MacGyver, this is me, this is Jack, this is your buddy. Give it to me straight. You know how important my cab is to me; it's my future. You scratched it, didn't you?
 * MacGyver: Well, no - not exactly.
 * Jack Dalton: Okay, a dent; you put a dent in it.
 * MacGyver: Listen, Jack -
 * ''[interrupted]
 * Jack Dalton: I can live with a dent. Tell me it's a dent.
 * MacGyver: It's a little more than a dent. Mr. Thornton and I were riding in your cab chasing this woman, who was actually a man who had a guy with a bazooka waiting and he blew up your cab.
 * Jack Dalton: Hold it. Run that back. Run that by me again.
 * MacGyver: Um, Mr. Thorton and I were riding in your cab and we're chasing this woman...
 * Jack Dalton: No, no, no - just the last part.
 * MacGyver: Two guys with bazookas blew up your cab.
 * Jack Dalton: They blew up my cab with a bazooka?
 * MacGyver: Two bazookas. But I can explain.
 * Jack Dalton: Bazookas... you can explain bazookas? YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN BAZOOKAS!
 * [yelling, lunging out of his hospital bed for MacGyver]

 * Pete: Listen, MacGyver. Anybody who can use a paper clip, a pair of shoelaces, and a rusty monkey wrench to take out two bazookas could be very useful in taking Murdoc. Help me.

 * Pete: You are a do-gooder, MacGyver. Ninety percent of the people in the world are smart: they see trouble coming, and they duck and run. Ten percent are like you. Can't resist cleaning up the mess.

 * Pete: Probably a low-power charge, specially designed. It's only going to destroy the bed.
 * MacGyver: (sitting on the bed) What about the guy on it?
 * Pete: Yeah, that, too.

 * Murdoc: Do you remember what Mark Twain once said? "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

Bushmaster [2.19]

 * Kelly: My mom died right after I was born.
 * MacGyver: Any brothers or sisters?
 * Kelly: No. I guess I'm his daughter and his son.
 * MacGyver: Which one of you is here to rescue him?

 * Pete Thornton: [Handing over a gun to MacGyver] Here. Just for insurance.
 * MacGyver: Pete, you know how I feel about those things.
 * Pete Thornton: Yeah, I do, but you're defenseless out here.
 * MacGyver: No, just weaponless.

 * MacGyver: Egg whites are good for a lot of things. Lemon meringue pie, angel food cake, and... plugging up radiators.

Friends [2.20]

 * MacGyver: For the past seven years, I have done nothing but travel around the world getting shot up, locked up, blown up... and all I have to show for it are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape.

D.O.A.: MacGyver [2.21]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] Most people come to Southern California for the sunshine. But, there are others who burn easily so they stay in the shadows. Anthony Braddock was one of them. Tony Braddock was a professional chemist. He'd worked himself out of a career with British Intelligence and into building bombs for anyone who'd pay him. Maybe he wasn't the kind of guy you'd want your kids to grow up to be, but one of his bombs got me out of prison in Morocco. So when he called early on a quiet Sunday afternoon and said he was in trouble, I had to make good on my IOU.

 * MacGyver: (to Carol) Your phone is dead.
 * (Jules suddenly appears)
 * Jules: And so are you.

 * Carol Varnay: Memories are okay to have, as long as they don't get in the way of dreams.

 * Lancer: I need you to stop the killer.
 * MacGyver: Any idea who it is?
 * Lancer: We've got a suspect. He's a professional terrorist. His name is Peter Thornton.

 * MacGyver: Pete Thornton wanted to come. It wasn't easy keeping him away.
 * Braddock: Peter, yes, he always disapproved of me—a keen judge of character.

 * Pete: Right now, I know you better than you know yourself. You don't use guns. That gun doesn't feel right in your hand. It can't. You don't use guns, MacGyver. You hate them.

 * Carol Varnay: Marine Science. Going back to school, nights and weekends. It's going to take a little longer but, I'll do it. And you'll be invited to graduation.
 * MacGyver: Well, that's something I won't forget.
 * Jason Varnay: [doing a bicycle trick] MacGyver! Look! Watch this!

For Love or Money [2.22]

 * MacGyver: It's kinda interesting how you can put one thing with another and cook up the right formula for stayin' out of trouble. My old high school physics and chemistry classes come in real handy sometimes. Not to mention the fact that when you're in a squeeze, necessity always seems to come through as the true mother of invention.

 * Anton Dubcek: Viera, you are my wife.
 * Viera: It was an assignment.

 * Diana: Please, just take it, before I realize what I'm doing. (After Diana gives $20,000 to Anton Dubcek's new foundation.)
 * Anton: Thank you. You're very generous.
 * Diana: That's something no one's ever said to me before.
 * MacGyver: Feels pretty good, doesn't it?

 * MacGyver: [after Diana speaks to the police officer] Where did you learn to speak Czech?
 * Diana: Correspondence school.
 * MacGyver: You mean like, "the Czech is in the mail?"

 * MacGyver: (seeing the partially-wrecked car they're using) That's what you ordered?
 * Diana: I wanted something that wouldn't attract attention.
 * MacGyver: Even when they see us pushing it down a highway?

Lost Love [3.1] and [3.2.]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] When I was a little kid, I used to think ships were like magic. Sailing in from strange places carrying mysterious cargo. This ship was from the People's Republic of China and the cargo was kinda special. A single treasure, literally beyond price. It'd been on display during the voyage and its security had been the responsibility of the Chinese government. Now, it was going to be ours; Pete Thornton's and mine.

 * Pete: Chu. I mean Commissioner Chu.
 * Chu: Don't be inscrutable with me, Peter. It's good to see you again.

 * MacGyver: What's it gonna take? What's the price?
 * Racoubian: You know what trade I deal in. What could you possibly offer me? I know you won't betray your country's security.
 * MacGyver: You got that straight.

 * Racoubian: I like you, MacGyver, but I can't let them go. As for glasnost, I don't agree with the current Soviet administration, this new openness. Weak. Foolish. Impractical.
 * MacGyver: And you think killing three people is more practical. That's amazing.

 * Lisa: My husband's name is… Nicholai Kossov.
 * MacGyver: Kossov? Major Nicholai Kossov? I know him. I escaped from him in Hungary.

 * Jack: Maybe she's alive.
 * MacGyver: No. I saw her die... I killed her.

 * Pete: Since when are you a magician?
 * Jack: When? I have studied at the feet of Hindu mystics! Climbed the hidden mountains of Tibet to learn the lost secrets of that unknown kingdom. I have delved into…
 * MacGyver: … a magic course he got selling magazines in the tenth grade.

 * Jack: Excuse me. This is a closed rehearsal.
 * MacGyver: Oh, like the time you tried to pull a silk scarf out of the principal's ear and got his toupée instead?

 * Pete: MacGyver is kind of a... troubleshooter.

 * Lisa: I was ordered to attract you, yes. It was my job. But you must know, MacGyver. It was not all lies. There were real feelings, too.
 * MacGyver: I wish I could believe that.

 * MacGyver: Jack, doesn't this remind you of the time you were climbing through that Mayan pyramid full of snakes and spiders?
 * Jack: Did I tell you about that?
 * MacGyver: In great detail.
 * Jack: Well, actually, I didn't exactly participate in that crawl. But I saw the movie.
 * MacGyver: That's a comfort.

 * Lisa: You were both unbelievable.
 * Jack: Ah, shucks, ma'am, you're just saying that because it's true.

 * Lisa: There's a great deal I want to tell you.
 * MacGyver: Why bother?

 * Lisa: I will take care of MacGyver.
 * Kossov: Why?
 * MacGyver: Good question.
 * Lisa: In case you have forgotten, Major, we are not really married. This is my business.

 * Racoubian: But Nicholai attempted to escape. A fatal mistake.
 * MacGyver: Are you telling me he's dead?
 * Racoubian: Very.

 * MacGyver: Arnold Palmer's birthday. Pete's hero.
 * Jack: How in God's name can you know Arnold Palmer's birthday?!
 * MacGyver: Doesn't everyone?

 * Jack: (talking with a flashlight in his mouth) Haw muff fuffa?
 * MacGyver: You studyin' Russian?

 * Lisa: And my death was faked so that your people would believe the information I gave you. I had to authenticate it by dying.
 * MacGyver: And now you come back to life to con me into stealing the dragon. Pretty complicated.
 * Lisa: The Ming Dragon is a major treasure of the People's Republic of China. And the United States agent stole it.
 * MacGyver: Ah. But, brave Soviet agents are going to recover it. And, in a gesture of socialist solidarity, hand it back to Beijing, right?
 * Lisa: Yes.
 * MacGyver: [sarcastically] Gee, that's neat. General Racoubian moves up a couple of notches, maybe to Politburo... and little Lisa comes right along. Good career move.
 * Lisa: [drops her eyes in shame]

 * Pete: [after shopkeeper demands $7.50 in payment for a Dragon statue] Oh. Sure. I can handle that.
 * MacGyver: I'd say that's a real bargain.
 * Pete: [MacGyver picks out two bills from Pete's wallet] Those are twenty's!
 * MacGyver: [giving the money to shopkeeper] Keep the change.

Fire and Ice [3.5]

 * [Niki is working on the computer, when MacGyver comes up behind and covers her mouth]
 * MacGyver: EASY! EASY! TAKE IT EASY! I WANT TO MAKE A DEAL WITH YA. You don't scream, I don't scream. How bout that? Okay, Can I trust ya? Alright, I want you to turn around very slowly...
 * [Niki hits him in the stomach area with her elbow]
 * Niki: ALRIGHT, WHO ARE YOU?!
 * MacGyver: It'll come to me. What have you got in your bag?
 * Niki: Just this. [cocks gun] Now, who are you?!

Jack In the Box [3.7]

 * Jack: Welcome to CLUB DREAD!

The Widowmaker [3.8]

 * Murdoc: It´s your turn to burn, MacGyver!

Blow Out [3.10]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration]
 * [sneezes loudly]
 * MacGyver: Anyone who sounds like this should be home in bed. The fact is, I was but after a weekend of hearing myself sneeze, I was desperate. So, here I am, searching for the ingredients to old home remedy.
 * MacGyver: Excuse me, could you tell me where where I could find some eucalyptus leaves?
 * Box Boy: (sarcastically) Australia.
 * MacGyver: Thanks for your help.

Thin Ice [3.13]

 * MacGyver: Like most kids growin' up in Minnesota, I could skate before I could walk. So when my old coach sent a call for help, I jumped at the chance to come home and coach his team through the state championship playoffs. The Raiders had fought hard to find themselves in this best of three final against the Waverly Hawks. All I had to do was keep them on track. Hockey was the easy part. The hard part was the team's key player. Number 17, Derek Kirby. He was the team's biggest asset and my biggest problem. And as usual, right there at home in the penalty box.

The Odd Triple [3.14]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] Three and a half weeks. Two continents, five countries, one island, about nine thousand miles and I was wasted. Right now, I was looking forward to miles and miles of nothing happening, except sleep.
 * Jack: Welcome home!
 * MacGyver: No.
 * Jack: Ah, the man's overcome with emotion.
 * MacGyver: No, just overcome.

 * Jack: I just taped over some old movie.
 * MacGyver: My classic western collection!

 * MacGyver: We're officially crooks until we square with the police. Which means we should get a line on those jewels.
 * Jack: MacGyver, we're wanted criminals; we just broke out of a torture chamber by slugging an inspector of police and the head of security for the richest woman in the universe.
 * MacGyver: We've got no choice. Either we're innocent—or we're dead.

 * Liane Auber: [regarding her valuable jewellery] Did you see them on television?
 * MacGyver: Oh yeah.
 * Liane Auber: And what did you think?
 * MacGyver: I think it's kind of a flashy way of telling people you're rich.

 * Elena: You would probably give them to a campaign for hunger.
 * MacGyver: Yeah.
 * Elena: And save a few lives for what, six months, a year? Until they breed more starving children and the money runs out, and then what?
 * MacGyver: Then you'd have bought another year. You can do a lot in a year.

 * MacGyver: Well. Sorry to bust in on you like this.
 * Pete: What kept ya?
 * Jack: Are we great or what. What a team and since we're already all here together, I heard about this sunken treasure. Fifty million dollars in Nazi gold. See, this ship was torpedoed right off the coast and the gold was lost. All we gotta do is get a diving bell and three bathing suits and...

The Negotiator [3.15]

 * Remick: MacGyver.
 * MacGyver: Mr. Remick.
 * Remick: Its beautiful, isn't it? And it won't change, you know. I mean, I - I don't know what you think you're protecting. We don't want to see it change, either. The beauty of this land enhances the value of our own investment. I mean, you think we're fools; act against our own interests?
 * MacGyver: I think your company's first priority is to get your marina built.

 * MacGyver: Maybe we could get together some time and compare notes over a cup of coffee.
 * Deborah: I don't drink coffee.
 * MacGyver: Neither do I.

 * Remick: This is a two billion dollar project, MacGyver. The interest on that money alone could run well over a hundred million dollars a year, while you're busy delaying this thing. Which is something you'd know if you live in the real world.
 * MacGyver: I live in the real world, Remick. This one.

 * Deborah: MacGyver, the big people play their games. The world is wired a certain way. All we can do is... try to make it work for ourselves.
 * MacGyver: Now see, I don't believe that. I think we're all in this together. That's why I'm not gonna let them stop me.

 * Pete: Mr. Knapp is directly responsible for a conspiracy to commit murder.
 * Remick: That's outrageous.
 * Mr. Knapp: This is libelous. You have no proof of such an absurd accusation.
 * MacGyver: Yes, we do, Mr. Knapp. We have direct testimony.
 * Deborah: [Deborah entering room in handcuffs] Don't be so surprised. I'm a negotiator, Mr. Knapp. You know that. Testifying against you is just the best deal I could make.

Mask of the Wolf [3.17]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] Some people spend their lives trying to move up in the world. My friend, Jack Dalton, was at the top of that list. A dreamer who wakes up every morning with a new idea that will rocket him to the top of the economical ladder. The trouble is, because he was always in such a big hurry to get there, he'd take the kind of shortcuts that would drop him a rung lower. Living in this neighborhood was the result of his last shortcut.

 * Jack: Oh, come on, Mac. Where's your sense of adventure? What happened to that will o' the wisp guy I've come to know and love?
 * MacGyver: He's skiing. At a resort, where the greatest danger is an overpopulated hot tub.

 * Jack: Well I didn't come here to be shunned. I wouldn't shun you. Why would you shun me? I hate being shunned.

 * Jack: Hey, we're not dead yet! MacGyver's going to get us out of here. Aren't you, MacGyver?
 * MacGyver: (inspecting the barricade) Haven't got a clue.
 * Jack: Mac, that's not like you.
 * MacGyver: This door is over a foot thick!

 * Perry: It's not just the old man. The spirit of the wolf is part of my people.
 * Grant: Aw, since when? Perry, you and I have been stealing beads and trinkets out of the graves of your people for three years.

 * Two Eagles: We are in Illacom's world now. He will decide my fate—and yours.

 * Perry: My father was a fool, like you. He followed the trap lines until he died in his tracks out here. That's not going to happen to me. I work for Grant. I drive a Camaro.
 * Two Eagles: Bad trade for your soul.

 * Grant: We can make this a very unpleasant trip for you, Chief.
 * Two Eagles: I'm too old to be afraid.
 * Grant: Yeah, but you're not too old to be history.

The Endangered [3.19]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] Maybe I was tired. At least that's what I kept telling myself. I'd been following these two for a week. They'd landed clerk jobs with a government contractor three months ago. A week later, they were stealing top secret documents that kept them in Limos, parties, and very mean company.

 * MacGyver: There's a fine line in nature that divides the hunter from the hunted. The trick was to turn the situation around. The tools I had available were nature, Karen's coat, and the tranquilizer darts in her backpack. The first thing I had to do was to give them something to shoot at that wasn't me.

 * MacGyver: Yeah, I wanted to be a ranger.
 * Karen: You wanted to be a ranger. You wanted to be a pilot. You wanted to go to Africa! And every time I agreed and tried to be part of it? You changed your mind.

 * Karen: You and I closed the book a long time ago. The only reason you came here is because that close call made your life flash before your eyes, and my picture just happened to come up.
 * MacGyver: I wouldn't have come at all... if you'd told me about Sam.
 * Karen: I guess that I just needed to see you again to know it was really over.

The Secret of Parker House [4.1]

 * [first lines]
 * MacGyver: You never know where life's gonna take you. This is especially true when you've got a friend like Penny Parker. So, I wasn't too surprised when she called one day and told me she had inherited a mansion.

 * MacGyver: [in a voice-over narration as he's shown driving along rural highways and half-listening to Penny Parker's joyful excited long-winded chatter about how she'd inherited the old Parker House] There was a long story behind the way Penny came into her inheritance, and she was in no hurry to shorten it. In high-school geometry class, I'd learned that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but when telling a story, Penny always takes the scenic route.

 * Penny: Anyway, he told me how Aunt Betty's estate goes to the nearest female relative on her 25th birthday. And today is my 25th birthday, and I'm the closest female relative, and before I know it, I'm an heiress! Isn't that wild?

 * Penny: MacGyver! Oh that does it! I just want to pack up my things right now and I want to go home.
 * MacGyver: Penny, whatever is going on around here, it's got nothing to do with ghosts or goblins or the supernatural. There is a purely logical explanation for everything.
 * Penny: Really? Well, that would sound a lot more reassuring if you weren't holding a human skull.

Blood Brothers [4.2]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] My hometown had grown a whole lot in the years since I'd been back. But comin' home was still like reaching into a grab-bag full of memories, some of them good, some of them not so good. And you could never be sure which memory you were gonna come up with. The decisions we make shape our lives. When I was a kid, I made a bad decision about a gun and my life was never the same. Now I was back, 25 years later, to follow up on a promise. One I had to keep, no matter how much it hurt.

Deadly Dreams [4.7]

 * MacGyver: So what's the gripe? You've got some of the best scientific support available to any police department in the country!
 * Murphy: I'll send a thank-you note to the mayor. [tearing down poster of voluptuous model] See if you can find me something of Mel Gibson half-naked, will ya Wyatt?
 * Det. Wyatt: He's not really my type, Ma'am.

 * Kate Murphy: Listen to me, MacGriever—
 * MacGyver: It's MacGyver.
 * Kate Murphy: Whatever. You just don't get it. What we are doing here is police work. Now, sometimes the public—civilians like yourself—just don't understand what it takes to get the job done.
 * MacGyver: We don't, huh?
 * Kate Murphy: No, you don't. Now, I've heard you hate guns, abhor violence, and I'm sure my tank is very chilling to your... sense of justice and fair play. But we do live in the real world here. Guns and tanks and nasty crooks are all just a part of the big picture.

 * Zito: I think you'll find Mr. Cross to have anticipated most everything.
 * MacGyver: That so?
 * Zito: He's quite an unusual man, you see. It will be very difficult to stop him. To solve his deadly riddle, so to speak. His cunning is so complex, you have to be intellectually superior, exceptionally persistent, and possess an abundance of ingenuity to even get close to him. Are you all of these things, Mr. MacGyver? Yes, I know your name. Does that frighten you?
 * MacGyver: Should it?

 * Sweeney: Why would Zito want to help somebody else escape?
 * MacGyver: Good question. Maybe somebody in Homicide has an answer.

 * Sweeney: You're not into some kind of detective work here, are you, MacGyver?
 * MacGyver: Well, enough to believe that Dr. Zito had something to do with Cross' escape.

Fraternity of Thieves [4.10]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] Technology has just about taking over everything in the world today. But no matter how computerized and mechanized things get, people are still the most important part of any operation - and the weakest link.

 * MacGyver: I've got to know whether this involves something I can sleep with.
 * [referring to a Top Secret operation he doesn't know the details of]
 * AF Col. John Collins: What can't you sleep with, Mr. MacGyver?
 * MacGyver: Shady hip-pocket political scams, for one.

 * MacGyver: Pete, a parent can only take so much responsibility.
 * Pete: I wish it was that simple. I think we're all responsible. And I think some of us... maybe a lot of us, have been sending out the wrong signals.

The Challenge [4.12]

 * MacGyver: [voice-over narration] I'd been doing volunteer work at the Challengers Club for years, dropping by whenever I could. The club began with a dream and an empty building. With some hard work and imagination, it had survived for 15 years. When something was needed it was usually donated or scrounged. I'd added some stuff to the weight machine. I knew the kids would be thrilled with the results.
 * Rico: It'll never fly, man.

 * MacGyver: Hey, you never told me things were so bad.
 * Booker: If I did, you'd worry. And worrying is Cynthia's thing. She does it better than anybody I know.
 * Cynthia: It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.

 * Darlene: How many N's in the word "anniversary"?
 * Booker: Good question. How many D's in the word "dictionary"?

 * Booker: I'm going to talk about the kids. Because that's what the Challengers Club is all about. There are people here today who are going to tell you we have some bad kids at the club. Well, I'm going to tell yo how bad. Kids who come from bad homes, broken homes, no homes at all. Hungry kids... cold... beaten and broken kids. Kids who fix and use drugs for kicks. They're mad. Mad at you, mad at me... mad at the world they see. A world without opportunity.

 * Ray: Talking ain't gonna to change nothing! People like Larson are always gonna hate people like me. Just because we're black.
 * MacGyver: So you hate him back! Ray, the hate has got to stop somewhere. It has got to stop!
 * Ray: That ain't gonna change nothing!
 * MacGyver: Every action has a reaction. You have got to believe that.

Gold Rush [4.14]

 * MacGyver: I was ready for a lazy week of serious scuba diving off the Grand Keys. A Spanish galleon load with treasure had gone down over 4 centuries ago, and I was gonna spend my vacation lookin' for it. But, Pete Thorton had another idea. It also involved treasure hunting, but he told me I could leave my Hawaiian shirt at home.

 * Natalia: MacGyver, he's going to kill us anyway. If I can't bring this gold to my people, I believe the next best thing is to just step off and take him with us. What do you think?
 * MacGyver: I think you shouldn't go Russian on me just yet.
 * Natalia: What do you mean, "Russian"?
 * MacGyver: You know, heroic, fatalistic. Russian.
 * Natalia: Oh, that Russian.

 * MacGyver: Well, he lived his life as a hero. Seems he died the same way.
 * Natalia: Why, MacGyver, you're beginning to sound Russian.
 * MacGyver: What do you mean, Russian?
 * Natalia: Poetic, philosophical. Russian.

 * Pete: You two looked like you were in the middle of something. Don't let me stop you...
 * MacGyver: No no, that's okay Pete, I was just working on my Russian. But I think the lesson is over.
 * Natalia: Only for now...

The Invisible Killer [4.15]

 * MacGyver: When Pete Thornton established a stress-relief program for Phoenix Foundation employees, I thought it was a pretty good idea. The four men I was going to meet worked in high-pressure Phoenix positions throughout the country. My job was to take them over Mount Cascade on a 5-day hike. They'd have a chance to blow-off some steam and just forget about their jobs. And me? Well it was just something I liked to do.

 * MacGyver: Acrophobia wasn't on your application for this program. Are you hiding anything else?
 * Chuck: Just my pride.

 * Chuck: Maybe you were in prison for having a lousy sense of humor!

 * Chuck: (while looking at a high, rickety bridge) The brochure said this was going to be a stress-free weekend.
 * Tony: Come on, Chuck, you're not afraid of falling, are you?
 * Chuck: No, it's the sudden stop at the bottom that worries me.

 * MacGyver: I'll brief you on each of the next four days as we go along. Any questions?
 * Chuck: Yeah, what's for dinner?
 * MacGyver: A gourmet selection of the finest freeze-dried food known to man.

 * Deputy Walker: Sheriff, your wife's on the phone. She wants to know when you're coming home. Your twins have the measles.
 * Sheriff Max Hubbard: MacGyver, when is your program starting up again?

Easy Target [4.17]

 * MacGyver: [narration] It's occurred to me that some friendships are like a good game of hockey. The right balance of team work and smooth skating generally adds up to a winning combination. Like me and Pete Thornton. Partner, boss, friend - you can't do much better than that. But sometimes things come up that test the best of friendships, and this weekend of skiing was one of them.
 * Pete: It wasn't my fault!
 * MacGyver: Whose fault was it?
 * Pete: The guy cut me off, what was I supposed to do?

 * Jonathan: First a witness, now a hostage. You are a very able man, Mr. Thornton.

 * Pete: Listen, that man was skiing like he owned the whole darn mountain.
 * MacGyver: Pete! That man does own "the whole darn mountain."
 * Pete: Well, that's still no excuse for him to swing on me.

 * Lt. Col. Chambers: Do you realize that you've just destroyed a multi-million dollar piece of top secret military hardware?
 * MacGyver: [shrugging] Sorry.

Unfinished Business [4.19]

 * Man at Prison: Welcome back to the world. I found your target. He's here... camping. The whole area's marked off for hiking trails so tracking him will be a piece of cake. There's just one hitch. He's got a couple of guys with him. You ask me, you ought to wait till he's alone. How come you gotta talk to him, anyway? That's pretty strangeoid, you know that? Safer to whack him and have done with it. Hey, it's not my business. You gotta do what you gotta do, right? Whee's are over there. Happy hunting.

 * Jack: So let me see if I've got this straight. The gravel we dredge up from the river gets filtered through this thingy.
 * MacGyver: Sluice box.
 * Jack: Right. And the mud...
 * MacGyver: Concentrate.
 * Jack: I am, Mac.
 * MacGyver: This is called concentrate.
 * Jack: Alright. Have it your way, Mr. Perfect.

 * Deborah: You know, I've always been able to find something in my victims that I could hate. It made my job so much easier.

The Legend of the Holy Rose [5.1] and [5.2]

 * Newscaster: Leaders of the economic summit in Geneva vowed to ratify the interim agreement. In other news, the war against the powerful drug lords of Colombia has taken a new and dangerous direction. Narco-Terrorism has been unleashed on the United States soil with the same degree of arrogance as the declaration of war made by the Medellin cocaine cartel leaders against the Colombian government last month.

 * MacGyver: You're going to have to help me on this. I need a bunch of plastic. Something like, uh, garbage bags. Heavy-duty kind.
 * Alexander: Heavy-duty garbage bags?
 * MacGyver: Yeah. And this bamboo scaffolding. About a hundred feet should do this.
 * Alexander: Can we discuss this?
 * MacGyver: No. You don't want to know.

 * Alexander: Oh, my god, I just figured out what you're doing. You know what I think? I think you're crazy.
 * MacGyver: Give me a few hours, you'll know for sure.

 * Alexander: It flies! It really flies!
 * MacGyver: (surprised) Of course!

 * MacGyver: Just tell me what you want me to do!
 * Zoe Ryan: To help me find the holy grail!
 * MacGyver: Indiana Jones already did that, I saw the movie!

 * Erich von Leer: You're very fortunate to have such caring friends, Mr. MacGyver. I'm sure that your expertise would be very useful in our quest for the Temple of the Holy Rose, but, uh, as I said before, you're just too dangerous.
 * [looking at the Pendulum trap MacGyver is in]
 * Erich von Leer: Intriguing, isn't it?

 * Eunice: Here you go, luv. A traditional English breakfast.
 * Zoe: Cold toast, runny eggs, and prune juice. Swell.

 * MacGyver: Never thought I'd owe my life to a traditional English breakfast.

 * MacGyver: Where'd you say they had the artifacts?
 * Zoe Ryan: Downstairs in the study.
 * MacGyver: The study have a fireplace?
 * Zoe Ryan: It does. Why?
 * MacGyver: I'm afraid I have an idea.

Cease Fire [5.4]

 * Danielle: Control Tower, all clear.
 * [cable car starts down the mountain]
 * Danielle: So, how did you do this trip, MacGyver? Do you think they'll have a settlement today?
 * MacGyver: We're gettin' close, Danielle.
 * Danielle: That's wonderful. The Azmirs have been at war with the Samadians for a long time, haven't they?
 * MacGyver: Yep.

 * MacGyver: I'm going to need a nail.
 * Lisa Woodman: What for?
 * MacGyver: Well, if I can weld a good spark plug it'll replace the electrode.
 * Lisa Woodman: How are you going to weld it?
 * MacGyver: With wire, a battery, and jumper cables.
 * Lisa Woodman: How do you come up with this stuff?
 * MacGyver: Well, the stuff's already here. I just find a different way to use it.

 * MacGyver: If you've got something to say, you should say it. Or it's just gonna tear you up inside.

 * MacGyver: It was not a smart thing to do.
 * Lisa Woodman: It was your idea.
 * MacGyver: My idea?
 * Lisa Woodman: I had something important to tell you. You said if I had something to say, to say it. It woulda been kinda tough to tell you if you were halfway across the lake, wouldn't it?
 * MacGyver: Well, yeah.

 * MacGyver: Anybody got a knife?
 * Danielle: I do. It's got a lot of different blades.
 * MacGyver: I know.

Halloween Knights [5.6]

 * Murdoc: You know, MacGyver, that's why you're so hard to beat. Nobody knows what you're going to do next, including you.

 * Murdoc: I may be reformed, but I'm not crazy.

 * Murdoc: Don't worry, MacGyver. You'll see me again. Just keep looking over your shoulder.

The 10% Solution [5.9]

 * MacGyver: Hi, Pete.
 * Pete: MacGyver, you look terrific. You should wear a tux more often.
 * MacGyver: Strictly camouflage. Long as I have to be here, I might as well blend in.

 * MacGyver: Quite a painting, huh?
 * Laura: Peter Paul Rubens. The hills north of Antwerp. About 1625.
 * MacGyver: 1625? I wouldn't give you $15 for it. Sorry.
 * Laura: I know where you can get a great deal on a matador painting. On black velvet.
 * MacGyver: Now you're talking art.

 * Laura: You know, Rubens painted a lot of Antwerp landscapes, Mr. Bolinski. Are you sure this one is yours?
 * Sam Bolinski: Listen, doctor, this painting used to hang over our fireplace. As a boy, I would stare into it and wonder what was behind that hill, what was beyond those trees. I grew up in this painting, Dr. Sand. It is part of me.

 * Laura: Those are historic documents.
 * Madame Brandenburg: And now they're historic ashes.

 * Sam Bolinski: [pointing a gun at Mme. Brandeberg] You deserve to die. The world would be a better place without you and your kind.
 * Mme. Brandenberg: The feeling is mutual. Perhaps we are not so different, you and I.
 * Sam Bolinski: [starts to pull the trigger, then stops] No. We are very different. Outside, now!

Serenity [5.12]

 * MacGyver: [angrily] Thanks for the ride!
 * Pete: Well, now, wait a minute. Hold it. We're not through talking yet.
 * MacGyver: I am.

 * Pete: I told the board you would do it. I gave them my word. I made a commitment.
 * MacGyver: You committed me! Without asking me, without giving me a chance to say yes or no. Now, come on, Pete, look at me! I'm a hurtin' guy, I'm beat up. I need a month's worth of sleep... [pause] and I need a haircut!

 * Pete: Well what am I going to tell the board?
 * MacGyver: Tell them you made a big mistake.
 * Pete: Mistake, what mistake?
 * MacGyver: You forgot to ask me!

 * MacGyver: You think the marshal in Serenity will stand up to Murdoc?
 * Pete: Wyatt? He's about as tough as a bucket of warm spit. Nobody in town's going to help us. They're all scared of Murdoc.
 * MacGyver: That's reasonable. So am I.

 * Pete: (at Colton's grave) I'm responsible; can we talk?
 * MacGyver: Your timing's a bit irregular. (walks away)

 * MacGyver: See, I came out here cause I wanted my life to be different. I believe that's the way you make the world better, one person at a time.

 * Pete: I hear you're good.
 * Murdoc: To be precise, I'm the best.

 * Emmenthaler: But a man needs a gun.
 * MacGyver: You know, I can't figure why. I wasn't born with one. Surely don't plan on dying with one.
 * Emmenthaler: My friend, you will die much quicker without one. You will be the only man in Montana without a gun. How will you defend yourself?
 * MacGyver: I'll just have to think of something.

Strictly Business [6.19]

 * Murdoc: Goodbye, MacGyver. Rest in pieces!

 * Murdoc: Better death through chemistry, that's what I always say.

 * MacGyver: Are you the doctor?
 * Murdoc: Yes. I'm here to take care of you.

title: MacGyver


text:
User:Marknew

My main user page is located on the English Wikipedia:

Marknew's user page

title: User:Marknew


text:
User talk:Marknew

'''If at all possible, please post any messages to my talk page on the English Wikipedia. Thanks! -- Marknew'''

-

title: User talk:Marknew


text:
User:Eric119~enwikiquote

To quote myself, "To quote myself, 'To quote myself, "To quote myself, 'to quote myself, "To quote myself, 'To quote myself, "To quote myself, 'to quote myself, "To quote myself, 'To quote myself, "To quote myself, 'to quote myself, "To quote myself, 'To quote myself, "To quote myself, 'to quote myself, "To quote myself, 'To quote myself, "To quote myself, 'to quote myself, "to quote myself.......

w:User:Eric119

title: User:Eric119~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:131.111.250.45

To the user who has has emphasized what I consider a trivial quotation: What I declared in editing out the emphasis was a statement of admittedly subjective assessments, not an objective one. What you exhibit in replacing the emphasis is also behaviour based on subjective preferences, not objective worth. I do not dispute the fact that the quote added is very probably genuine, and a notable enough indication of JFK's personality to be included. I certainly must dispute with anyone who declares it is not a trivial comment, or that it is worthy of emphasis. It was certainly not something the author would have declared or wanted declared as if it were of profound and major significance for all people, or even anyone who is beyond an infantile fixation with titillation. Nor is it one that I think most people would characterize as major and significant. I am thus de-emphasizing it once more, and frankly cannot concieve of myself accepting any argument of why it should be emphasized, though I am willing to consider any you might present if you choose to emphasize it again. - Moby 00:39, 26 Apr 2004 (UTC)

title: User talk:131.111.250.45