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Heinrich Heine

Christian Johann Heinrich Heine (December 13, 1797 – February 17, 1856) was a journalist, an essayist, and one of the most significant German romantic poets. Jewish by birth, he converted to Lutheran Christianity as an adult.

Quotes

 * Darling maiden, who can be Ever found to equal thee? To thy service joyfully Shall my life be pledged by me. Thy sweet eyes gleam tenderly, Like soft moonbeams o’er the sea; Lights of rosy harmony O’er thy red cheeks wander free.
 * Love's Salutation #1 The poems of Heine; Complete Part I,, by Heinrich Heine, Translator: Edgar Alfred Bowring (1908)

 * When I am with my sweetheart kind, A happy youth am I;So great the wealth within my mind, I the whole world could buy. But when her swanlike arms I quit, In that sad hour of pain, Away my boasted wealth doth flit, And I am poor again.
 * Presentiment #6 The poems of Heine; Complete  Part I,, by Heinrich Heine, Translator: Edgar Alfred Bowring (1908)

 * Indeed they have wearied me greatly, And made me exceedingly sad, One half with their prose so wretched, The other with poetry bad. Their terrible discord has scatter’d What little senses I had, One half with their prose so wretched, The other with poetry bad. But ’mongst the whole army of scribblers, They most have stirr’d up my bile, Who write in neither prosaic Nor true poetical style.
 * A Parody The poems of Heine; Complete], Part I, by Heinrich Heine, Translator: Edgar Alfred Bowring, London (1908)

 * Full-blossoming moon! In thy fair light Like liquid gold, the ocean gleams: Like daylight’s clearness, yet charm’d into twilight, Over the strand’s wide plain all is lying; In the starless clear azure heavens Hover the snowy clouds, Like colossal figures of deities Of glittering marble. No, ’tis not so, no clouds can they be! ’Tis They themselves, the Gods...
 * The Gods of Greece, #VI, The poems of Heine; Complete  Part II,, by Heinrich Heine, Translator: Edgar Alfred Bowring (1908)

 * The moon, too, hid herself Behind the clouds that darkly came over her; High up roarèd the sea, And then triumphantly stood in the heavens The stars all-eternal.
 * The Gods of Greece, #VI, The poems of Heine; Complete Part II,, by Heinrich Heine, Translator: Edgar Alfred Bowring (1908)

 * Out of my own great woe I make my little songs.
 * Aus Meinen Grossen Schmerzen (Out of My Great Woe), st. 1

 * Ich weiss nicht, was soll es bedeuten, Dass ich so traurig bin; Ein Märchen aus alten Zeiten, Das kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn.
 * I cannot explain the sadness That's fallen on my breast. An old, old fable haunts me, And will not let me rest.
 * Die Lorelei, st. 1

 * Du bist wie eine Blume, So hold und schön und rein; Ich schau dich an, und Wehmut Schleicht mir ins Herz hinein.
 * You're lovely as a flower, So pure and fair to see; I look at you, and sadness Comes stealing over me.
 * Du Bist Wie eine Blume, st. 1

 * At first I was almost about to despair, I thought I never could bear it — but I did bear it. The question remains: how?
 * An Karl von U.

 * Ich hatte einst ein schönes Vaterland. Der Eichenbaum Wuchs dort so hoch, die Veilchen nickten sanft. Es war ein Traum. Das küßte mich auf deutsch und sprach auf deutsch (Man glaubt es kaum Wie gut es klang) das Wort: "Ich liebe dich!" Es war ein Traum.'
 * I had once a beautiful fatherland. The oak tree Grew so high there, violets nodded softly. It was a dream. It kissed me in German and spoke in German (You would hardly believe How good it sounded) the words: "I love you!" It was a dream.
 * In Der Fremde (In a Foreign Land)

 * Dort wo man Bücher verbrennt, verbrennt man auch am Ende Menschen.
 * Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.
 * Almansor: A Tragedy (1823), as translated in True Religion (2003) by Graham Ward, p. 142
 * Variant translations:
 * That was but a prelude; where they burn books, they will ultimately burn people as well.
 * That was but a prelude; where they burn books, they will ultimately burn people also.
 * Wherever books are burned, men in the end will also burn.
 * Where they burn books, at the end they also burn people.
 * Where they burn books, they will also burn people.
 * It is there, where they burn books, that eventually they burn people.
 * Where they burn books, so too will they in the end burn human beings.
 * Where they burn books, they also burn people.
 * Them that begin by burning books, end by burning men.

 * Every woman is the gift of a world to me.
 * Ideas: The Book Le Grand (1826)

 * Don't send a poet to London.
 * English Fragments (1828), Ch. 2 : London

 * He who will establish himself on a certain height must yield according to circumstances, like the weather-cock on a church-spire, which, though it be made of iron, would soon be broken by the storm-wind if it remained obstinately immovable, and did not understand the noble art of turning to every wind. But a great man will never so far contradict his own feelings as to see, or, it may be, increase, with cold-blooded indifference, the misfortunes of his fellow country-men.
 * English Fragments (1828), Ch. 11 : The Emancipation
 * Variant: The weather-cock on the church spire, though made of iron, would soon be broken by the storm-wind if it did not understand the noble art of turning to every wind.

 * Christianity is an idea, and as such is indestructible and immortal, like every idea.
 * History of Religion and Philosophy in Germany, Vol. I (1834)

 * Mark this well, you proud men of action: You are nothing but the unwitting agents of the men of thought who often, in quiet self-effacement, mark out most exactly all your doings in advance.
 * History of Religion and Philosophy in Germany, Vol. III (1834)

 * Die Menschen in jener alten Zeit hatten Überzeugungen, wir Neueren haben nur Meinungen, und es gehört etwas mehr als eine bloße Meinung dazu, um so einen gotischen Dom aufzurichten.
 * People in those old times had convictions; we moderns only have opinions. And it needs more than a mere opinion to erect a Gothic cathedral.
 * Französische Bühne (The French Stage), ch. 9 (1837)

 * If one has no heart, one cannot write for the masses.
 * Letter to Julius Campe (March 18, 1840)

 * Wild, dark times are rumbling toward us, and the prophet who wishes to write a new apocalypse will have to invent entirely new beasts, and beasts so terrible that the ancient animal symbols of St. John will seem like cooing doves and cupids in comparison.
 * Lutetia; or, Paris. From the Augsberg Gazette, 12, VII (1842)

 * The future smells of Russian leather, of blood, of godlessness and of much whipping. I advise our grandchildren to come into the world with very thick skin on their backs.
 * Lutetia; or, Paris. From the Augsberg Gazette, 12, VII (1842)

 * No talent, but a character.
 * Atta Troll, ch. 24 (1843)

 * Ordinarily he is insane, but he has lucid moments when he is only stupid.
 * Of Savoye, appointed ambassador to Frankfurt by Lamartine (1848); as quoted in Insults : A Practical Anthology of Scathing Remarks and Acid Portraits (1941) by Max John Herzberg, p. 74

 * One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.
 * Statement of 1848, as quoted in The Cynic's Lexicon : A Dictionary of Amoral Advice (1984) by Jonathon Green, p. 91
 * One must forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.
 * As quoted in A Mania for Sentences (1985) by Dennis Joseph Enright, p. 10

 * So we keep asking, over and over, Until a handful of earth Stops our mouths — But is that an answer?
 * Lazarus, I (1854)

 * Rossini! divino Maestro!
 * Rossini, divine master.
 * Heinrich Heine's Pictures of Travel (1855) as translated by Charles Godfrey Leland, p. 270

 * Bien sûr, il me pardonnera; c'est son métier. [Of course he [God] will forgive me; that's his job.]
 * Death-bed joke (1856), attributed as last words; quoted in French in The Joke and Its Relation to the Unconscious (1905) by Sigmund Freud, as translated by Joyce Crick (2003).
 * Quoted as “Gott wird mir verzeihen, das ist sein Beruf.” in Letzte Worte auf dem Totenbett. Quelle: Alfred Meißner: "Heinrich Heine. Erinnerungen" (1856), Kapitel 5
 * Variant translation: Why, of course, he will forgive me; that's his business.
 * As quoted in Heinrich Heine (1937) by Louis Untermeyer

 * If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world.
 * As quoted in The Medical Record No. 674 (6 October 1883); also in And I Quote : The Definitive Collection of Quotes, Sayings, and Jokes for the Contemporary Speechmaker (1992) by Ashton Applewhite, Tripp Evans and Andrew Frothingham, p. 447

 * What an awful book the Corpus Juris is, this Bible of selfishness! I've always found the Roman code as detestable as the Romans themselves. These robbers want to safeguard their swag, and they seek to protect by law what they have plundered with the sword; hence the robber became a combination of the most odious kind, soldier and lawyer in one. Truly, we owe the theory of property, which was formerly a fact only, to these Roman thieves; and the much vaunted Roman Law on which all our present-day legislations and state institutions are based is nothing but the development of this theory in all its pernicious implications, in spite of the fact that this Law is diametrically opposed to religion, morals, common humanity and reason.
 * Memoiren, 1884 in the magazine Die Gartenlaube. Translated in Max Brod, Heinrich Heine: The Artist in Revolt, New York University Press, 1957 (p.77).

 * Great genius takes shape by contact with another great genius, but less by assimilation than by friction.
 * As quoted in Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern English and Foreign Sources (1899) by James Wood, p. 6

 * My songs, they say, are poisoned. How else, love, could it be? Thou hast, with deadly magic, Poured poison into me.
 * Lyrical Intermezzo, 57; in Poems of Heinrich Heine: Three Hundred and Twenty-five Poems (1917) Selected and translated by Louis Untermeyer, p. 73

 * Oh what lies there are in kisses! And their guile so well prepared! Sweet the snaring is; but this is Sweeter still, to be ensnared.
 * The Home-coming, Poem 74; also in Poems of Heinrich Heine: Three Hundred and Twenty-five Poems (1917) Selected and translated by Louis Untermeyer, p. 134

 * What! Think you that my flashes show me Only in lightnings to excel? Believe me, friends, you do not know me, For I can thunder quite as well.
 * Wartet nur! [Only Wait!] in Poems for the Times ; also in Poems of Heinrich Heine: Three Hundred and Twenty-five Poems (1917) Selected and translated by Louis Untermeyer, p. 262

 * Oaks shall be rent; the Word shall shatter — Yea, on that fiery day, the Crown, Even the palace walls shall totter, And domes and spires come crashing down.
 * Wartet nur! [Only Wait!] in Poems for the Times ; also in Poems of Heinrich Heine: Three Hundred and Twenty-five Poems (1917) Selected and translated by Louis Untermeyer, p. 263

 * Experience is a good school. But the fees are high.
 * As quoted in The Modern Handbook of Humor (1967) by Ralph Louis Woods, p. 493

 * When words leave off, music begins.
 * As quoted in Peter's Quotations : Ideas for Our Time (1977) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 343

 * The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle.
 * As quoted in The Cynic's Lexicon : A Dictionary of Amoral Advice (1984) by Jonathon Green
 * Variant translation: The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.
 * As quoted in The Routledge Dictionary of Quotations (1987) by Robert Andrews, p. 281

 * Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose.
 * As quoted in The Routledge Dictionary of Quotations (1987) by Robert Andrews, p. 60

 * The fundamental evil of the world arose from the fact that the good Lord has not created money enough.
 * As quoted in The Pillars of Economic Understanding : Factors and Markets (2000) by Mark Perlman and Charles Robert McCann

 * There are more fools in the world than there are people.
 * As quoted in One Big Fib : The Incredible Story of the Fraudulent First International Bank of Grenada (2003) by Owen Platt, p. 37

 * Music is a strange thing. I would almost say it is a miracle.
 * Letters on the French Stage (1837)

 * Christianity - and that is its greatest merit - has somewhat mitigated that brutal Germanic love of war, but it could not destroy it. Should that subduing talisman, the cross, be shattered, the frenzied madness of the ancient warriors, that insane Berserk rage of which Nordic bards have spoken and sung so often, will once more burst into flame. This talisman is fragile, and the day will come when it will collapse miserably. Then the ancient stony gods will rise from the forgotten debris and rub the dust of a thousand years from their eyes, and finally Thor with his giant hammer will jump up and smash the Gothic cathedrals.
 * "The History of Religion and Philosophy in Germany" (1834)

 * Do not smile at my advice -- the advice of a dreamer who warns you against Kantians, Fichteans, and philosophers of nature. Do not smile at the visionary who anticipates the same revolution in the realm of the visible as has taken place in the spiritual. Thought precedes action as lightning precedes thunder. German thunder is of true Germanic character; it is not very nimble, but rumbles along ponderously. Yet, it will come and when you hear a crashing such as never before has been heard in the world's history, then you know that the German thunderbolt has fallen at last. At that uproar the eagles of the air will drop dead, and lions in the remotest deserts of Africa will hide in their royal dens. A play will be performed in Germany which will make the French Revolution look like an innocent idyll.
 * "The History of Religion and Philosophy in Germany" (1834)

 * I believe in progress; I believe that happiness is the goal of humanity, and I cherish a higher idea of the Divine Being than those pious folk who suppose that man was created only to suffer. Even here on earth I would strive, through the blessings of free political and industrial institutions, to bring about that reign of felicity which, in the opinion of the pious, is to be postponed till heaven is reached after the day of Judgment. The one expectation is perhaps as vain as the other; there may be no resurrection of humanity either in a political or in a religious sense. Mankind, it may be, is doomed to eternal misery ; the nations are perhaps under a perpetual curse, condemned to be trodden under foot by despots, to be made the instruments of their accomplices and the laughing-stocks of their menials. Yet, though all this be the case, it will be the duty even of those who regard Christianity as an error still to uphold it ; and men must journey barefoot through Europe, wearing monks' cowls, preaching the doctrine of renunciation and the vanity of all earthly possessions, holding up before the gaze of a scourged and despised humanity the consoling Cross, and promising, after death, all the glories of heaven. The duration of religions has always been dependent on human need for them. Christianity has been a blessing for suffering humanity during eighteen centuries ; it has been providential, divine, holy. All that it has done in the interest of civilisation, curbing the strong and strengthening the weak, binding together the nations through a common sympathy and a common tongue, and all else that its apologists have urged in its praise all this is as nothing compared with that great consolation it has bestowed on man. Eternal praise is due to the symbol of that suffering God, the Saviour with the crown of thorns, the crucified Christ, whose blood was as a healing balm that flowed into the wounds of humanity. The poet especially must acknowledge with reverence the terrible sublimity of this symbol.
 * Religion and Philosophy in Germany, A fragment. p. 25

 * The whole system of symbolism impressed on the art and the life of the Middle Ages must awaken the admiration of poets in all times. In reality, what colossal unity there is in Christian art, especially in its architecture! These Gothic cathedrals, how harmoniously they accord with the worship of which they are the temples, and how the idea of the Church reveals itself in them! Everything about them strives upwards, everything transubstantiates itself; the stone buds forth into branches and foliage, and becomes a tree; the fruit of the vine and the ears of corn become blood and flesh; the man becomes God; God becomes a pure spirit. For the poet, the Christian life of the Middle Ages is a precious and inexhaustibly fruitful field. Only through Christianity could the circumstances of life combine to form such striking contrasts, such motley sorrow, such weird beauty, that one almost fancies such things can never have had any real existence, and that it is all a vast fever-dream the fever-dream of a delirious deity. Even Nature, during this sublime epoch of the Christian religion, seemed to have put on a fantastic disguise; for oftentimes though man, absorbed in abstract subtilties, turned away from her with abhorrence, she would recall him to her with a voice so mysteriously sweet, so terrible in its tenderness, so powerfully enchanting, that unconsciously he would listen and smile, and become terrified, and even fall sick unto death.
 * Religion and Philosophy in Germany, A fragment, p. 26

 * In my latest book, "Komancero," I have explained the transformation that took place within me regarding sacred things. Since its publication many inquiries have been made, with zealous importunity, as to the manner in which the true light dawned upon me. Pious souls, thirsting after a miracle, have desired to know whether, like Saul on the way to Damascus, I had seen a light from heaven; or whether, like Balaam, the son of Beor, I was riding on a restive ass, that suddenly opened its mouth and began to speak as a man? No ; ye credulous believers, I never journeyed to Damascus, nor do I know anything about it, save that lately the Jews there were accused of devouring aged monks of St. Francis; and I might never have known even the name of the city had I not read the Song of Solomon, wherein the wise king compares the nose of his beloved to a tower that looketh towards Damascus. Nor have I ever seen an ass, at least any four-footed one, that spake as a man, though I have often enough met men who, whenever they opened their mouths, spake as asses. In truth, it was neither a vision, nor a seraphic revelation, nor a voice from heaven, nor any strange dream or other mystery that brought me into the way of salvation; and I owe my conversion simply to the reading of a book. A book? Yes, and it is an old, homely-looking book, modest as nature and natural as it; a book that has a work-a-day and unassuming look, like the sun that warms us, like the bread that nourishes us; a book that seems to us as familiar and as full of kindly blessing as the old grandmother who reads daily in it with dear, trembling lips, and with spectacles on her nose. And this book is called quite shortly the Book, the Bible. Rightly do men also call it the Holy Scripture; for he that has lost his God can find Him again in this Book, and towards him that has never known God it sends forth the breath of the Divine Word. The Jews, who appreciate the value of precious things, knew right well what they did when, at the burning of the second temple, they left to their fate the gold and silver implements of sacrifice, the candlesticks and lamps, even the breastplate of the High Priest adorned with great jewels, but saved the Bible. This was the real treasure of the Temple, and, thanks be to God!
 * Religion and Philosophy in Germany, A fragment, p. 14-15

The Romantic School (1836)

 * Die Romantische Schule as translated by H. Mustard (New York: 2002)
 * Full text in German

 * Ich spreche von jener Religion, in deren ersten Dogmen eine Verdammnis alles Fleisches enthalten ist, und die dem Geiste nicht bloß eine Obermacht über das Fleisch zugesteht, sondern auch dieses abtöten will, um den Geist zu verherrlichen; ich spreche von jener Religion, durch deren unnatürliche Aufgabe ganz eigentlich die Sünde und die Hypokrisie in die Welt gekommen, indem eben durch die Verdammnis des Fleisches die unschuldigsten Sinnenfreuden eine Sünde geworden und durch die Unmöglichkeit, ganz Geist zu sein, die Hypokrisie sich ausbilden mußte.
 * I am speaking of the religion whose earliest dogmas contain a condemnation of the flesh, and which not merely grants the spirit superiority over the flesh but also deliberately mortifies the flesh in order to glorify the spirit. I am speaking of the religion whose unnatural mission actually introduced sin and hypocrisy into the world, since just because of the condemnation of the flesh the most innocent pleasures of the senses became a sin and just because of the impossibility of our being wholly spirit hypocrisy inevitably developed.
 * p. 3

 * Wenn man auch der protestantischen Kirche manche fatale Engsinnigkeit vorwirft, so muß man doch zu ihrem unsterblichen Ruhme bekennen: indem durch sie die freie Forschung in der christlichen Religion erlaubt und die Geister vom Joche der Autorität befreit wurden, hat die freie Forschung überhaupt in Deutschland Wurzel schlagen und die Wissenschaft sich selbständig entwickeln können. Die deutsche Philosophie, obgleich sie sich jetzt neben die protestantische Kirche stellt, ja sich über sie heben will, ist doch immer nur ihre Tochter; als solche ist sie immer in betreff der Mutter zu einer schonenden Pietät verpflichtet.
 * Although the Protestant Church is accused of much disastrous bigotry, one claim to immortal fame must be granted it: by permitting freedom of inquiry in the Christian faith and by liberating the minds of men from the yoke of authority, it enabled freedom of inquiry in general to take root in Germany, and made it possible for science to develop independently. German philosophy, though it now puts itself on an equal basis with the Protestant Church or even above it, is nonetheless only its daughter; as such it always owes the mother a forbearing reverence.
 * p. 24

 * Hence the one-sided errors—ces erreurs d'idée fixe—which we cannot escape when we stand too near to one or the other party; either deceives, yet does it unaware, and we confide most willingly in those who think as we do. But if we are by chance of such indifferent nature that we, without special predilection, keep in continual intercourse with all, then we are bewildered by the perfect self-confidence of either party, and our judgement is neutralised in the most depressing manner.
 * French Affairs page 156

Disputed

 * Money bequeathed to my wife "on the express condition that she remarry. I want at least one person to be truly bereaved by my death."
 * Testamentary Will of Heinrich Heine (1856); no published source for this has been located.

Misattributed

 * You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.
 * David Lloyd George

 * Every man, either to his terror or consolation, has some sense of religion.
 * James Harrington in The Commonwealth of Oceana (1656)

 * Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.
 * Ben Jonson

 * True eloquence consists in saying all that is necessary, and nothing but what is necessary.
 * François de La Rochefoucauld

Quotes about Heine

 * Heine's life mirrors that of [Rashel Mironovna] Khin's "misfit," being himself a self-hating Jew who mocked his coreligionists and in the end favorably re-assessed his old faith. Despite Heine's traditional Jewish upbringing, his father Samson permitted his wife Betty to remove her son from a private Jewish school and send him to a Catholic lycée. Consequently, Heine's knowledge of Judaism, like Berg's, was fragmentary and confused. Heine's adult apostasy, which he spoke of as an "admission ticket to European culture," brought him no such advantages, and he came to writhe under the stigma of being a convert. Though at times severely critical of Jews and Judaism, he shed much of his hostility as he learned more of Jewish history and culture. The Damascus Affair (1840), which involved a ritual murder libel against the Jews, marked the starting point of Heine's change of heart...
 * Carole B. Balin, To Reveal Our Hearts: Jewish Women Writers in Tsarist Russia (2000)

 * no one would claim that the revolt of a few hundred insurgents in the Warsaw ghetto in April 1943 influenced the course of the war in any way. The immense importance of this event was in another dimension: a symbol, as is often said, the manifestation par excellence of the will to attest by struggle 'despite everything' - the famous trotz alledem of Heinrich Heine, found also from the pens of Rosa Luxemburg and Karl Liebknecht, and again in the famous song of Wolf Biermann. It embodied the will and capacity of human resistance in the face of adversity, despite the extreme disproportion of forces.
 * Alain Brossat and Sylvia Klingberg, Revolutionary Yiddishland: A History of Jewish Radicalism (2016)

 * Heine says that a true autobiography is almost an impossibility, and that man is bound to lie about himself.
 * Fyodor Dostoevsky in Notes from the Underground (1864); this has led to the statement "True autobiography is almost an impossibility" being quoted as a direct quote of Heine.

 * Emotional sorrow has inspired many sublime lyrics, much profound insight and poetic exultation of a Byron, Shelley, Heine, and their kind.
 * Emma Goldman "Jealousy: Causes and a Possible Cure" (1910)

 * I sometimes dwell on the fact that there's one thing that time and humankind will not be able to take away from me, leaving me rich, richer than Croesus: the bliss that I derive from a Heine poem, from a Beethoven sonata or a DaVinci painting.
 * Anna Margolin "From a Diary" short story (1909) translated from Yiddish by Daniel Kennedy, ‘’During Sleepless Nights and Other Stories’’ (2022)

 * It was Heinrich Heine who gave me the most perfect idea of what a lyrical poet could be. In vain do I search through all the kingdoms of antiquity or of modern times for anything to resemble his sweet and passionate music. He possessed that divine wickedness, without which perfection itself becomes unthinkable to me,—I estimate the value of men, of races, according to the extent to which they are unable to conceive of a god who has not a dash of the satyr in him. And with what mastery he wields his native tongue! One day it will be said of Heine and me that we were by far the greatest artists of the German language that have ever existed, and that we left all the efforts that mere Germans made in this language an incalculable distance behind us.
 * Friedrich Nietzsche in Ecce Homo (1889)

 * In the middle of the war there was Heine, there was Goethe, there was Schiller. I did posters for the German club, in the middle of the war. When I think back to how happy I was, studying German and flunking algebra, and I think what was going on for other Jewish teenagers on the other side of the world, I'm so puzzled by those dates.
 * Cynthia Ozick Interview with ‘’The Guardian’’ (2011)

title: Heinrich Heine


text:
Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker (August 22, 1893 – June 7, 1967) was an American writer, poet, and critic. A fixture of 1920s literary society known for her acerbic wit and low opinion of romantic relationships, she became a member of the Algonquin Round Table.

Quotes

 * Excuse my dust.
 * Her proposed epitaph for herself, quoted in Vanity Fair (June 1925)

 * And she had It. It, hell; she had Those.
 * Regarding a character in Elinor Glyn's novel It; in her review, "Madame Glyn Lectures on 'It,' with Illustrations" in The New Yorker (November 26, 1927)

 * Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
 * The New Yorker (February 4, 1928)

 * Well, Aimee Semple McPherson has written a book. And were you to call it a little peach, you would not be so much as scratching its surface. It is the story of her life, and it is called In the Service of the King, which title is perhaps a bit dangerously suggestive of a romantic novel. It may be that this autobiography is set down in sincerity, frankness and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario.
 * "Our Lady of the Loudspeaker" in The New Yorker (February 25, 1928)

 * And it is that word 'hummy,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.
 * Her "Constant Reader" book review of The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne, in The New Yorker (October 20, 1928)

 * That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
 * "But the One on the Right" in The New Yorker (1929)

 * A lady ... with all the poise of the Sphinx though but little of her mystery.
 * Concerning a child actress in A. A. Milne's play Give Me Yesterday; in her review of same, "Just Around Pooh Corner" in The New Yorker (March 14, 1931)

 * The House Beautiful is, for me, the play lousy.
 * Review of "The House Beautiful" by Channing Pollock, The New Yorker (March 21, 1931)

For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)'''
 * '''Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through,
 * "The Flaw in Paganism" in Death and Taxes (1931)

 * The ones I like ... are "cheque" and "enclosed."
 * On the most beautiful words in the English language, as quoted in The New York Herald Tribune (December 12, 1932)

 * And I'll stay away from Verlaine too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.
 * "The Little Hours" in Here Lies (1939); this plays on the title of the popular song "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows"; Paul Verlaine was Arthur Rimbaud's lover.

 * I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.
 * "The Little Hours" in Here Lies (1939)

 * I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
 * "The Little Hours" in Here Lies (1939)

 * One more drink and I'd have been under the host.
 * As quoted in Try and Stop Me by Bennett Cerf (1944)
 * Misattributed as quatrain beginning “I like to have a martini,” (see below).

 * It takes me six months to do a story. I think it out and then write it sentence by sentence—no first draft. I can't write five words but that I change seven.
 * Interview, The Paris Review (Summer 1956)

 * There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.
 * Interview, The Paris Review (Summer 1956)

 * It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.
 * Interview, The Paris Review (Summer 1956)

 * All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.
 * Interview in The Paris Review, Issue #13 (Summer 1956)

 * [On being told of Calvin Coolidge's death] How do they know? (Coolidge was known as a man who said very few words.)
 * Quoted in Writers at Work 1st Series by Malcolm Cowley (1958)

 * There is no such hour on the present clock as 6:30, New York time. Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.
 * "New York at 6:30 P.M.", Esquire (November 1964)

 * Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
 * Response to an editor pressuring her for overdue work, as quoted in The Unimportance of Being Oscar (1968) by Oscar Levant, p. 89

 * It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
 * On her abortion, as quoted in You Might as well Live by John Keats (1970)

 * You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
 * Parker's answer when asked to use the word horticulture during a game of Can-You-Give-Me-A-Sentence?, as quoted in You Might as well Live by John Keats (1970).

 * What fresh hell can this be?
 * "If the doorbell rang in her apartment, she would say, 'What fresh hell can this be?' — and it wasn't funny; she meant it." You might as well live: the life and times of Dorothy Parker, John Keats (Simon Schuster, 1970, p. 124). Often quoted as "What fresh hell is this?" as in the title of the 1987 biography by Marion Meade, "Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell Is This?".

 * If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
 * From a review of the revised edition of The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White published in Esquire (November 1959).

Enough Rope (1926)
Ballads of a Great Weariness

 * Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

Observation

 * If I didn't care for fun and such,

 * I'd probably amount to much.

 * But I shall stay the way I am,

 * Because I do not give a damn.
 * First printed in New York World, (August 16, 1925)

Comment

 * Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

 * A medley of extemporanea,

 * And love is a thing that can never go wrong,

 * And I am Marie of Roumania.
 * First printed in New York World, (August 16, 1925)

Résumé

 * Razors pain you,

 * Rivers are damp,

 * Acids stain you,

 * And drugs cause cramp.

 * Guns aren't lawful,

 * Nooses give,

 * Gas smells awful.

 * You might as well live.
 * First printed in New York World, (August 16, 1925)

News Item

 * Men seldom make passes

 * At girls who wear glasses.
 * First printed in New York World, (August 16, 1925)

Unfortunate Coincidence

 * By the time you swear you're his,

 * Shivering and sighing,

 * And he vows his passion is

 * Infinite, undying,

 * Lady, make a note of this —

 * One of you is lying.
 * First printed in Life, (April 8, 1926) p. 11

Experience

 * Some men tear your heart in two,

 * Some men flirt and flatter,

 * Some men never look at you,

 * And that clears up the matter.
 * First printed in Life, (April 8, 1926) p. 11

Rainy Night

 * I am sister to the rain;

 * Fey and sudden and unholy,

 * Petulant at the windowpane,

 * Quickly lost, remembered slowly.
 * First printed in The New Yorker, (September 26, 1926) p. 10

Inventory

 * Four be the things I am wiser to know:

 * Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

 * Four be the things I'd been better without:

 * Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

 * Three be the things I shall never attain:

 * Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

 * Three be the things I shall have till I die:

 * Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

 * First printed in Life, (November 11, 1926) p. 12

Sunset Gun (1927)

Partial Comfort

 * Whose love is given over-well

 * Will look on Helen's face in Hell;

 * While they whose love is thin and wise

 * May view John Knox in Paradise.
 * First printed in Life (February 24, 1927) p. 5

A Pig's-Eye View of Literature: Oscar Wilde

 * If with the literate I am

 * Impelled to try an epigram,

 * I never seek to take the credit;

 * We all assume that Oscar said it.
 * First printed in Life, (June 2, 1927) p. 13

Fair Weather

 * They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.
 * First printed in New York World, (January 20, 1928) p. 13

Thoughts for a Sunshiny Morning
 * It costs me never a stab nor squirm
 * To tread by chance upon a worm.
 * "Aha, my little dear," I say,
 * "Your clan will pay me back some day."
 * First printed in The New Yorker, (April 9, 1927) p. 31

"Our Mrs Parker" (1934)

 * Quotes of Parker from Alexander Woollcott's biographical essay "Our Mrs Parker" in While Rome Burns (1934) which is the original published source for some of the best known comments Parker said at the Algonquin Round Table.

 * That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.
 * A similar line was later used by Ira Gershwin in "The Saga of Jenny" in Lady in the Dark (1942): "In 27 languages she couldn't say no."

 * And there was that wholesale libel on a Yale prom. If all the girls attending it were laid end to end, Mrs Parker said, she wouldn't be at all surprised.

 * Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
 * Caption written for Vogue 1916

 * Katharine Hepburn delivered a striking performance that ran the gamut of emotions, from A to B.
 * Woollcott writes in While Rome Burns that Parker had "recently...achieved an equal compression in reporting on The Lake, Miss Hepburn, it seems, had run the whole gamut from A to B." These words do not appear in Dorothy Parker's 1934 printed review of The Lake, but were elsewhere described as a spoken remark. "'We might as well go back,' said Dorothy Parker during an intermission of The Lake in 1934, 'and watch Katharine Hepburn run the gamut of emotions from A to B.'"
 * "Hepburn From A to B : Close-up of a Stage Struck Youngster" by Alan Jackson, in Cinema Arts Vol. 1 No. 2, (July 1937)

Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker (1996)
Great Big Visions of Quietude. Dotty saw an Ad, and it Left her Flat. Dotty had a Great Big Snifter of Cyanide. And that (said Dotty) Is that.
 * Dotty had
 * "When We Were Very Sore (Lines on Discovering That You Have Been Advertised as America's A. A. Milne)", first printed in New York World (March 10, 1927) p. 15; based on A. A. Milne's "Happiness"

Dorothy Parker: Complete Broadway, 1918–1923 (2014)

 * Almost overnight, Dorothy Parker was transformed from a woman of letters into a gin-soaked quote machine, with a martini in one hand and a dagger in the other. p. xiii

Chapter 1: 1918

 * Sinbad is produced in accordance with the fine old Shubert precept that nothing succeeds like undress. p. 6

 * Anyone can do that—the stunt lies in not doing it. p. 8

 * I thought that was going to be a good song, too, and then they went and rhymed “time” and “Rhine,” and spoiled everything. p. 24

 * They exude an atmosphere of The New Republic—a sort of Crolier-than-thou air. p. 36

 * There is one thing about Fiddlers Three, though, that held my attention all through the evening: Try as I might I could only discern two fiddlers.  p. 42

Chapter 2: 1919

 * To quote the only line of Gertrude Stein's which I have ever been able to understand, "It is wonderful how I am not interested." p. 64

 * You know how a play in dialect is. At the first act, you think, "How quaint!"; at the second act, you wish they would either stop using dialect or keep quiet; and at the third act, you wish you hadn't come. And Tillie, may I mention in passing, has four acts. p. 64

 * If the English version is in what, in our youth, we used to speak of affectionately as dear old iambic pentameter, the actors mercifully abstain from reciting it that way; they speak their lines as good, hardy prose. p. 76

 * The musical comedies of the month are She’s a Good Fellow and The Lady in Red, both of which owe their book and lyrics to Anne Caldwell—evidently a native of New York, judged by the casualness with which she rhymes “teacher” and “reach a.” p. 82

 * And you remember, Rabbi Wise has declared, in a heated moment, that our plays seem to be written for the hosiery buyers. If Dr. Wise had only witnessed our new summer reviews, he doubtless would have amended his statement to read “by the hosiery buyers.” p.89

 * This use of soldiers to make a play popular seems too much like taking an unfair advantage of the uniform—hitting below the Sam Browne belt, as it were. p. 93

 * In short, there is everything about this season's entertainment to make the Hippodrome what it always is—a Temple of the Arts to all those who hang pennants on their automobiles, use “Shake hands with my friend” as a formula for introduction, and sprinkle powdered sugar on their sliced tomatoes. p. 106

Chapter 3: 1920

 * The play holds the season's record, thus far, with a run of four evening performances and one matinée. By an odd coincidence, it ran just five performances too many. p. 121

 * Writing a book for the Follies seems to be about as profitable an occupation as furnishing flannel petticoats for the showgirls. p. 151

 * The management's method of procedure is evidently to hire some well-known man to write the book, and then, as soon as it is written, to give it away to some deserving family, and go out and engage an assortment of specialty acts. p. 151

 * Van and Schenck put their songs over so skillfully that it isn't until their act is all done that you realize what extremely indifferent songs they are. Now, when John Steel is singing, on the other hand, you are never fooled for a moment. p.153

 * Mr. Hodge plays with his accustomed ease, even carrying the thing so far as to repeat many of his lines with his eyes shut; and in a pretty spirit of reciprocity, many members of the audience sit through the play with their eyes shut. p. 175

Chapter 4: 1921

 * Of course, there are many things to be said for the afternoon performance, chief among them being that it cuts in so generously on one's work. p. 201

 * Naturally, you know how you would feel on setting out to see a performance of Aucassin and Nicolette done by a company of little ones; you would strive to hurl yourself beneath the wheels of a friendly truck, on your way to the theatre. p. 233

 * Bringing in a wounded soldier is getting to be rather like waving an American flag at the end of an act. One cannot harbor feelings of unmixed admiration for the playwright who will hide behind either of them. p. 250

Chapter 5: 1922

 * So seeing that there is nothing further to say, I shall go right on talking about The Circle, thus proving that I am a born reviewer of plays. p. 256

 * Rockliffe Fellowes gives a likable performance of the secondary crook's rôle, and there are some decidedly agreeable-looking doughnuts consumed in the first act. And that is about all one can say for Pot Luck. p. 260

 * If you arrive late, you won't know what anything is about, and if you are there all the way from the beginning, you won't care. p. 277

 * There is one thing that appreciably eases the strain for the plays that arrive at this time of year, and that is that practically nothing is expected of them. p. 306

 * The murdered man meets his death in an intriguing and novel manner, which the management asks its customers, as a personal favor, not to reveal to possible future audiences. It remains a secret, chummily shared by those that have seen the play and the four or five million who read it in its original form as a Saturday Evening Post story a year or so ago. p. 320

 * It is advertised as “a seagoin’ comedy,” and anytime they go leaving off the final g that way, you know what to expect. p. 324

Chapter 6: 1923

 * Two things made The Dice of the Gods, another play about drugs, seem much better than it had any real right to seem. One was that Morphia had come first, and once you had seen Morphia, nothing seemd so very terrible to you. p. 375

Attributed

 * The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
 * Widely attributed to Dorothy Parker and to Ellen Parr, but the origin is unknown.
 * "Age Before Beauty." "Pearls Before Swine."
 * Commonly attributed to Dorothy Parker and Clare Boothe Luce. "Age before beauty" said Luce while yielding the way. "And pearls before swine," replied Parker while gliding through the doorway.

Misattributed

 * Note: A great many misquotations are attributed to Dorothy Parker. Please try to verify the provenance of any quotations you believe should be ascribed to her. Parker herself wrote about the perils of misquotation in "A Pig's Eye Look At Literature"

 * If you want to know what the Lord God thinks of money, just look at those to whom he gives it.
 * Man and the Gospel (1891) by Thomas Guthrie "in His eyes wealth is not worth; and you may know how little God thinks of Money by observing on what bad and contemptible characters He often bestows it." p. 127.
 * “We may see the small Value God has for Riches, by the People he gives them to.” -- Alexander Pope (1727).

I saw a Madonna Standing in a niche Over the door Of the glamorous whore Of a prominent son of a bitch.
 * Upon my honor
 * Said to have been written in the guest-book of Hearst Castle, referring to the room occupied by Hearst's mistress, Marion Davies. Parker always denied it, pointing out that she would never have rhymed "honor" with "Madonna".
 * Since Parker didn't write it, there are many different versions of this, including ones where the word describing the whore is "favorite" or "famous", and ones where "son of a bitch" is modified by "the world's worst" instead of "a prominent".

Of God To choose The Jews How odd of God To choose the Jews 'It wasn't odd; the Jews chose God But not so odd As those who choose A Jewish God, But spurn the Jews Not odd Of God The goyim Annoy 'im. After four I'm under my host. I wish I could drink like a lady. "Two or three," at the most. But two, and I'm under the table— And three, I'm under the host.
 * How odd
 * This is actually by William Norman Ewer (1885-1976) in Week-End Book (1924); This has sometimes been misattributed to Parker, who was herself of Jewish heritage, in the form:
 * Similar sayings have also been attributed to Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
 * Cecil Brown
 * Leo Rosten
 * I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table,
 * Variant of:
 * The Harlequin, Volume 2, 1959, (page ?)
 * Perhaps attributed due to "One more drink and I'd have been under the host." (see above).
 * “Martini Madness: Dorothy Parker didn’t write the famous quatrain about martinis that’s always attributed to her.”, Troy Patterson, Slate, April 8, 2013

 * This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
 * Quoted in The Algonquin Wits (1968) edited by Robert E. Drennan, and The Dispatch (October 1962). As noted at Snopes, Drennan's source seems to be a Parker review which does not seem to contain this quote. If Parker wrote this statement anywhere the primary source seems to have gone missing.
 * The earliest attribution of this quote was published in the February 1960 Readers' Digest, and credited to a book review by Sid Ziff in the Los Angeles Mirror-News, which existed from 1955 to 1960. This is a little odd, considering that Sid Ziff was a sports columnist; the reference in Readers' Digest has been confirmed but the quote from the Mirror-News has not - see Quote Investigator for details.
 * 72 suburbs in search of a city
 * This description of Los Angeles, often attributed to Parker, seems to instead be based on Aldous Huxley having referred to L.A. as "nineteen suburbs in search of a metropolis" in his 1925 book Americana. In turn, he was likely quoting someone else.

 * You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
 * Attributed to Parker after her death, by Robert E. Drennan The Algonquin Wits (1968), p. 124. However the same quip appears anonymously fifteen years earlier, in the trade journal Sales Management (Chicago: Dartnell Corp., 1918-75), vol. 70 (Survey of Buying Power, 1953), p. 80: "Marxism never changes. You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks."

Quotes about Parker

 * It was easy to get a crush on Dottie Parker as she sent you flattering telegrams on your birthday, your show opening and whenever she thought you were slipping from her grasp. Her equipment was witty telegrams, vers de société and kisses on the lips when you aimed for her cheek. [...] One time Dottie and I decided to go to the Royalton to see Mister Benchley who was the most individual character I ever met. Benchley was half undressed and went on undressing to go to bed. Dottie said she was sleepy too, took off her hat and dress, and got into an enormous waste basket that looked like a giant's cradle made of leather. Dottie curled up. I said I was sleepy too, and, shedding my clothes, was starting to climb in with Dottie when Mr. Benchley's wife Gertrude made an unexpected appearance. "Hello, Gertrude," said Dottie. "Howard and I decided to drop in."
 * Howard Dietz, in Dancing in the Dark (1974), pp. 76-77

 * Dorothy Parker arrived at the Island one day with a huge suitcase which, when opened, contained only a large picture hat. She spent a week at Lake Bomoseen practically naked. Her figure was as eloquent as her verses.
 * Howard Dietz, in Dancing in the Dark (1974), p. 83

 * Everything I've ever said will be credited to Dorothy Parker.
 * George S. Kaufman, as quoted in George S. Kaufman and His Friends (1974) by Scott Meredith

 * She is a combination of Little Nell and Lady Macbeth.
 * Alexander Woollcott While Rome Burns "Our Mrs Parker" (1934)

 * [In the aftermath of the death of Parker's husband Alan] A woman who had been fond of Alan and who had always pretended to like her, although Dorothy doubted it, came over to offer condolences and assistance, as had many people that evening. How could she help? she asked. "Get me a new husband," Dorothy replied without a flicker of emotion.
 * cited in Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell Is This?  (by, 1988)

title: Dorothy Parker