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Vernon God Little

Vernon God Little is the debut novel by author DBC (Dirty But Clean) Pierre. It was the winner of the Man Booker Prize 2003, Whitbread Best First Novel Award 2003 and Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Award for Comic Writing 2003.

Act I. Shit happened

 * God knows I tried my best to learn the ways of this world, even had inklings we could be glorious; but after all that's happened, the inkles ain't easy anymore. I mean—what kind of fucken life is this?

 * This ink would survive Armageddon, I swear. Cockroaches, and this fucken fingerprint ink.

 * 'Can you name the two forces underlying all life in this world?'
 * 'Uh—wealth and poverty?'
 * 'Not wealth and poverty.'
 * Good and evil?'
 * 'No—cause and effect. And before we start I want you to name the two categories of people that inhabit our world. Can you name the two proven categories of people?'
 * 'Causers and effecters?'
 * 'No. Citizens—and liars.'

 * Velcro spiders seize my spine. You know gray areas are invisible on video. You don't want to be here the day shit gets figured out in black and white. I ain't saying I'm to blame, don't get me wrong. I'm calm about that, see? Under my grief glows a serenity that comes from knowing the truth always wins in the end. Why do movies end happy? Because they imitate life. You know it, I know it. But my ole lady lacks that fucken knowledge, big-time.

 * The sheriff puffs up like he just discovered fucken relativity.

 * When the rubbing of her thighs has faded, I crane my nostrils for any vague comfort; a whiff of warm toast, a spearmint breath. But all I whiff, over the sweat and the barbecue sauce, is school—the kind of pulse bullyboys give off when they spot a quiet one, a wordsmith, in a corner. The scent of lumber being cut for a fucken cross.

 * Mom's best friend is called Palmyra. Everybody calls her Pam. She's fatter than Mom, so Mom feels good around her. Mom's other friends are slimmer. They're not her best friends.

 * So the door flies open. Pam wobbles in, bolt upright like she has books on her head. It's on account of her center of gravity. 'Vernie, you eatin ribs? What did you eat today?'
 * 'Breakfast.'
 * 'Oh Lord, we better go by the Barn.' Doesn't matter what you tell her, she's going by Bar-B-Chew Barn, believe me.

 * Next thing you know, I'm halfway out of the building in Palmyra's gravity-field. You just can't argue with this much modern woman, I tell you.

 * Outside, a jungle of clouds has grown over the sun. They kindle the whiff of damp dog that always blows around here before a storm, burping lightning without a sound. Fate clouds. They mean get the fuck out of town, go visit Nana or something, until things quiet down, until the truth seeps out. Get rid of the drugs from home, then take a road trip.

 * Deep fucken trouble keeps my euphoria at bay. Pam just molds into the car. Her soul's already knotted over the choice of side-order, you can tell. She'll end up getting coleslaw anyway, on account of Mom says it's healthy. It's vegetables, see. Me, I need something healthier today. Like the afternoon bus out of town.

 * Reporters and camera people roam the streets in packs. I keep my head down, and scan the floor for fire ants. 'Far aints,' Pam calls them. Fuck knows what other fauna climbs aboard in the century it takes her to get in and out of the fucken car. Wild Fucken Kingdom, I swear.

 * The picture of Jesus that hangs behind the sheriff's door was taken at the crime scene. From a different angle than I last saw him. It doesn't show all the other bodies around, all the warped, innocent faces. Not like the picture in my soul. Tuesday breaks through me like a fucken hemorrhage.

 * Jesus Navarro was born with six fingers on each hand, and that wasn't the most different thing about him. It's what took him though, in the very, very end. He didn't expect to die Tuesday; they found him wearing silk panties. Now girls' underwear is a major focus of the investigation, go figure. His ole man says the cops planted them on him. Like, 'Lingerie Squad! Freeze!' I don't fucken think so.

 * Jesus just drops his head. I sting for him sometimes, with his retreaded, second-hand Jordan New Jacks, and his goddam alternative lifestyle, if that's what you call this new fruity thing. His character used to fit him so clean, like a sports sock, back when we were kings of the universe, when the dirt on a sneaker mattered more than the sneaker itself. We razed the wilds outside town with his dad's gun, terrorized ole beer cans, watermelons, and trash. It's like we were men before we were boys, back before we were whatever the fuck we are now.

 * Mom scurries across our porch with a tray of listless ole joy cakes. She's in Spooked Deer mode. She looked this way the last time I saw my daddy alive, although Spooked Deer can mean anything from her frog oven-mitt being misplaced, to actual Armageddon.

 * Apart from having the thighs and ass of a cow, and minimum tits, Leona's an almost pretty blonde with a honeysuckle voice you know got its polish from rubbing on her last husband's wallet. That's the dead husband, not the first one, that got away. She never talks about the one that got away.

 * Her ten-year-ole is called Brad. Little fucker broke my PlayStation, but he won't admit it. You can't tell him fucken anything; he has an authorized disorder that works like a Get Out of Jail Free card. Me, I only have a condition.

 * Facts may seem black and white by the time they hit your TV screen, but professional teams sift through mountains of gray to get them there.

 * The truth is a corrosive thing. It's like everybody who used to cuss the dead is now lining up to say what perfect angels of God they were. What I'm learning is the world laughs through its ass every day, then just lies double-time when shit goes down. It's like we're on a Pritikin diet of fucken lies. I mean—what kind of fucken life is this?

 * Fuck her. I kick a pile of laundry, and slam my bedroom door. What I'm seriously considering, in light of everybody's behavior, is just to evacuate through the laundry door; hop a bus to Nana's, and not even tell anybody. Just call up later or something. I mean, the whole world knows Jesus caused the fucken tragedy. But because he's dead, and they can't fucken kill him for it, they have to find a skate-goat. That's people for you. Me, I'd love to explain the sequence of events last Tuesday. But I'm in a bind, see. I have family honor to think of. And I have my ma to protect, now that I'm Man of the House and all. Anyway, whoever points a finger at me, just for being a guy's friend, has some deep remorse coming. Tears of fucken regret, when the truth comes marching in. And it always comes, you know it. Watch any fucken movie.

 * Her head-scarf and shades supposedly make her invisible. The invisible twitching woman. Me, I wear the reddest T-shirt you ever saw, like a goddam six-year-old or something. I didn't want to wear it. She controls what you wear by keeping everything else damp in the laundry.

 * See Hysteriaville here? Science says there must be ten squillion brain cells in this town, but if you so much as belch before your twenty-first birthday they can only form two thoughts between them: you're fucken pregnant, or you're on drugs. Fuck it, I'm outta here. Life's simple when I'm angry. I know just what to do, and I fucken do it. Underpants my fucken ass.

 * I'll tell you a learning: knife-turners like my ole lady actually spend their waking hours connecting shit into a humongous web, just like spiders. It's true. They take every word in the fucken universe, and index it back to your knife. In the end it doesn't matter what words you say, you feel it on your blade. Like, 'Wow, see that car?' 'Well it's the same blue as that jacket you threw up on at the Christmas show, remember? What I learned is that parents succeed by managing the database of your dumbness and your slime, ready for combat. They'll cut you down in a split fucken second, make no mistake; much quicker than you'd use the artillery you dream about. And I say, in idle moments, once the shine rubs off their kid—they start doing it just for fucken kicks.

 * Fate suddenly plays its regular card. Leona's Eldorado sashays past the pumpjack, full of musty, dry wombs and deep, bitter wants. Mom withers. The fucken timing of these ladies is astounding, I have to say, like they have scandal radar or something. They foam out of the car like suds from a sitcom washing machine, except for Brad, who stays in back. He's eating a booger, you can tell. Betty Pritchard gets out and starts to strut around the lawn like a fucken chicken.

 * Then Brad Pritchard appears at my window; nose to the sky, finger pointed at his shoes.
 * 'Air Maxes,' he states. 'New.'
 * He stands with his eyes shut, waiting for me to blow a fucken kiss, or break down weeping or something. Asshole.
 * I lift my leg to the window. 'Jordan New Jacks.'
 * He squints momentarily before pointing at my Nikes. 'Old,' he explains patiently. Then he points at his. 'NEW.'
 * I point at his, 'Price of a Barbie Camper.' Then at mine, 'Price of a medium-range corporate jet.'
 * 'Are not.'
 * 'Are fucken too.'
 * 'Enjoy jail.'

 * But the pessimist in me says, 'Kid, forget vacations, what yez need is a cake wid a fuckin bomb in it.' My pessimist has a New York accent, don't ask me why. I ignore it.

 * He's dressed in white, like the Cuban Ambassador or something. A jury would convict on his fucken shoes alone, not that his shoes are my biggest problem. They're the least of my fucken problems, know why? Because if you take a bunch of flabby white folk, of the kind that organize bake-sales and such, and put them in a jury, then throw in some fast-talker from God-knows-where, chances are they won't buy a thing he says. They can tell he's slimy, but they're not allowed to officially do anything, on account of everybody has to pretend to get along these days. So they just don't buy what he says. It's a learning I made.

 * It's almost possible to be brave in here, if you add up your Nikes, your Calvin Kleins, your youth, and your actual innocence. What shunts you over the edge is the smell. Court smells like your first-grade classroom; you automatically look around for finger-paintings. I don't know if it's on purpose, like to regress you and freak you out. Truth be told, there's probably an air-freshener for courtrooms and first-grade classrooms, just to keep you in line. 'Guilt-O-Sol' or something, so in school you feel like you're already in court, and when you wind up in court you feel like you're back in school. You're primed for finger-paintings, but what you get is a lady behind one of those sawn-off typewriters. Court, boy. Fuck.

 * I learned that the authorized world doesn't recognize the knife. Your knife is invisible, that's what makes it so convenient to use. See how things work? It's what drives folk to the blackest crimes, and to sickness, I know it; the thing of everyone turning the knife just by saying hello, or something equally innocent-sounding. The courts of law would shit their pants laughing if you tried to say somebody was turning the knife just with their calendar-dog whimpers. But here's why they'd laugh: not because they couldn't see the knife, but because they knew nobody else would buy it. You could stand before twelve good people, all with some kind of psycho-knife stuck in them that loved-ones could twist on a whim, and they wouldn't admit it. They'd forget how things really are, and slip into TV-movie mode where everything has to be obvious. I guarantee it.

 * They turn to stare daggers at me. The typist's daggers come wrapped in Kleenex, I guess so they don't get shit on them. I just stare at my Nikes. Things have gone beyond a fucken joke. You just know the justice system ain't set up for folk like me. It's set up for more obvious folk, like you see in movies. Nah, if the facts don't arrive today, if everybody doesn't apologize and send me home, I'll jump bail and run over the fucken border. Against All Odds. I'll vanish into the cool of tonight, see if I fucken don't, hum cross-country with the moths, with my innocent-headed learnings and my ole panty dreams.

 * A bright-eyed lady with short gray hair and bifocal glasses glides behind the tallest desk. Judge Helen E Gurie says the sign. Her swivel chair rattles politely when she sits. The Chair of God.

 * A high-voltage tremor cracks through me, of hope, excitement, and ass-naked fear. You think I'm going to stick around for the so-called justice system to get its shit together? Am I fuck. Buses leave Martirio every two hours for Austin or San Antonio. The automatic teller machine with fifty-two dollars in it, from Nana's lawnmowing fund, is a block from the Greyhound station. Which is five blocks from here.

 * 'I definitely saw changes in the boy,' says George Porkorney. You can see her cigarettes hidden behind the fruit-salad plant on the breakfast bar at home. 'His shoes got more aggressive, he insisted on one of those skinhead haircuts …'
 * 'I know,' says Betty in back.
 * Cut to Leona Dunt. Her handbag needs to be a yard taller for how big the word Gucci is written on it. 'Wow, but he seemed like such a regular kid.'

 * Muzak plays near the cells tonight. It fucken lays me out and buries me alongside my friends. It goes: 'I beg your par-den, I never promised you a rose gar-den.' Hot weather always brings these fucked ole tunes, always in the background, in fucken mono. Fate. Like, notice how whenever something happens in your life, like you fall in love or something, a tune gets attached. Fate tunes. Watch out for that shit.

 * In the end, I pass the time practicing faces for the psychiatrist. I don't know if it's better to act crazy, or regular, or what. If the shrinks on TV are anything to go by, it'll be fucken hard to find out, because they just repeat every damn thing you say. If you say, 'I'm devastated,' they go,  "I hear you saying you're devastated."  How do you deal with that? All I know is what I learned last week, that a healthy life should feel spongy, like a burrito. This Tuesday night, the first-week anniversary of the shootings, my life feels like a fucken corn chip.

 * Her sniffling feels like she physically has her tongue in my ear, like an anteater or something. Makes me want to puke and bawl at the same time, go fucken figure. Here's why she's going for gold, let me tell you: it's because now I'm not only in jail, but I might be fucken crazy as well. What a bonanza for her if I'm fucken crazy as well. Then her problem would be that she already spent her best whimpery moves; like, she'd have to shred a tit or something, just to keep up with the Unfolding Tragedy of Her Fucken Life. Out of kindness, I absorb the maximum number of sniffles before speaking.

Act II. How I spent my summer vacation

 * 'You had a bowel movement, outside school? At the time of the tragedy?'
 * 'Sometimes I can be kind of unpredictable.'
 * Silence fills the forty years Fate gives me to recognize the import of things. This would never happen to Van Damme. Heroes never shit. They only fuck and kill.

 * A thought comes to me; it is that a breeze on the butt, in the presence of supermarket lighting, should only be felt by the dead. I'm a naked fucken animal. But even naked animals need bail. Especially naked animals need it.

 * Mexico. Another coupon tacked onto the pile I'll redeem when I get some power in my fucken life. Look around this life and all you see is folks' coupons tacked everywhere, what they'll do if, what they'll do when. Warm anticipation for shit that ain't even going to happen.

 * I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge. Look at the way things are. I'm no fucken genius or anything, but these spazzos are in charge of my every twitch. What I'm starting to think is maybe only the dumb are safe in this world, the ones who roam with the herd, without thinking about every little thing. But see me? I have to think about every little fucken thing.

 * Instead of true joy, I feel waves; the kind that make you look forward to the smell of laundry on a rainy Saturday, the type of drippy hormones that trick you into saying I Love You. Security they fucken call it. Watch out for that shit. Those waves erode your goddam bravery. I even get a wave of gratitude for the judge—go fucken figure. I mean, Judge Gurie's been good to me, but—expand on the bowel thing?—I don't fucken think so.

 * My face caves in. This is how I'm being grown up, this is my fucken struggle for learnings and glory. A gumbo of lies, cellulite, and fucken 'Wuv'.

 * "We could turn your situation around three hundred and sixty degrees..."
 * "Learn some fucken math."

 * Eyes move to the screen like sinners to fucken church. 'A millionaire before he was ten,' says the reporter, 'Ricky is now well on the road to his second hundred million dollars.' The way he says 'doll-larrs' you'd think he'd dipped his fucken tongue in molasses, or something. Pussy or something. Ricky just sits there like a spare prick, in front of the Lamborghini he can't even drive. When they ask him if he feels great, he just shrugs and says, 'Doesn't everybody?'

 * I don't have an answer. I just blow some air through my cheeks and shuffle away, to fucken Mexico, via my room.

 * I carefully pull down the window behind me, then run under the biggest willow, to the back fence. Who lives on the other side is a wealthy couple; at least their house is painted wealthy. It means they spend less time spying through their screen, not like Mrs Porter. Wealth makes you less nosey, in case you didn't know.

 * It bums me to think how few things Taylor has actually said to my face; like, maybe twenty-nine words, in my whole fucken life. Eighteen of those were in the same sentence. A TV scientist wouldn't give great odds of a college girl running away in the heat of the moment with a fifteen-year-old slimeball like me, not after a relationship spanning twenty-nine words. But that's fucken TV scientists for you. Next thing they'll be telling you not to eat meat.

 * I just want to fucken die, go back to jail, to the warmth of Barry and his crew of madcap funsters. Last night was a long night at home, real fucken long. To cap it off, Kurt started barking again. I swear the barking circuit that orbits town every night starts and ends with fucken Kurt. For such a nerdy dog, I don't see how he got to be president of the barking circuit. It ain't like he's a fucken rat-wheeler or anything.

 * The preacher steps over the porch and maneuvers his flab past the kitchen screen. 'This glorious Saturday smells of joy cakes,' he booms. I swear the Lord giveth and just keeps fucken givething to Pastor Gibbons.

 * Lally follows us onto the porch. As soon as we're out of Mom's sight, he grabs my ear and twists it hard. 'This is the way forward, little man—don't blow it.'
 * Son of a stadium full of bitches. I rub my ear on the way to the New Life Center; the pastor listens to the radio as he drives, nose up to the windscreen. He doesn't talk to me at all. We pass Leona Dunt's house, with the fountain in front. Her trash is out four days early again. That's to help you take stock of all the rope-handled boutique bags, and razor-edged boxes barfing tissue and ribbon. You could sell her a fucken turd if it was giftwrapped, I swear.

 * The Lozano boys are out hawking T-shirts on the corner of Liberty Drive. One design has 'I survived Martirio' splattered across it in red. Another has holes ripped through it, and says: 'I went to Martirio and all I got was this lousy exit wound.' Preacher Gibbons tuts, and shakes his head.
 * 'Twenty dollars,' he says. 'Twenty dollars for a simple cotton T-shirt.'

 * 'Vernon, are you all right?' That's my ole mom. I swell with involuntary warmth.
 * 'I guess so,' I say. That's what you say around here if you mean 'No'.
 * She fidgets with my collar. 'Well, if you're sure—I only want you to be happy.' That's what you say around here if you mean 'Tough shit'.

 * 'And here's the winning ticket,' says Gibbons. 'Green forty-seven!' A sluggish frenzy breaks through the tent. The kid stops, and drags a mangled pink ticket from his pocket. He squints at it, like it might turn fucken green.

 * I stand insulated from my world by the buzzing tequila-ozone of what I just did. Lies scatter around me like ants.

 * Nah, my slime's so thick, it ain't worth coming clean at all. Take good note; Fate actually makes it harder to admit slime, the farther in you get. What kind of system is that? If I was president of the Slime Committee, I'd make it easier to come clean about shit. If coming clean is what you're supposed to do, then it should be made more fucken accessible, I say. I guess the shiver that really comes over me is that I just handed everybody the final nail for my cross. All they needed, on top of everything, was a credible lie. You can just see my ole lady on TV when they break the news, don't tell me you can't. 'Well but I even stayed up to pack his sandwiches...'

 * She gets that fabulous edge that girls get to their voices, the edge that spells oncoming Tantrum From the Bowels of Hell, that says, 'I'll scratch the heavens down around you and suck the fucken air from your lungs and spit you to fucken hell and you know it.'

 * A learning grows in me like a tumor. It's about the way different needy people find the quickest route to get some attention in their miserable fucken lives. The fucken oozing nakedness, the despair of being such a vulnerable egg-sac of a critter, like, a so-called human being, just sickens me sometimes, especially right now. The Human Condition, Mom calls it. Watch out for that fucker.

Act III. Against All Odds

 * A learning: deep shit sweetens your plans like crazy.

 * Fate always pays attention to what you think, then slams it up your fucken ass.

 * There's the learning, O Partner: that you're cursed when you realize true things, because then you can't act with the full confidence of dumbness anymore.

 * I hear Taylor's song through the 'Tss, tss, tss' of a guy's earphones, a couple of rows up. 'Better Man' is the tune, by Pearl Jam. I don't even know the words to the song, but you can bet I'll spend the next eighty years in hell making every line fit my situation. Even if it ends up being about fucken groundhogs in space or something.

 * The official ushers me to a desk, and sits behind it, all straight-backed, like he's the president of South America or something, like the borderline is the crack of his fucken ass.

 * An American family sweeps past me into the elevator, dressed like Tommy Hilfiger on a golfing convention; it's a mama with a tense ole man, and the traditional two kids—a good one and a bad one. Type of folk who get lighthearted over dinner-music, and start talking about their feelings, to show how liberated they are. Your fucken cutlery drawer on parade.

 * You can only really be yourself when you have nothing left to lose, see? That's a learning I made. It may sound dumb, but it ain't easy when your dreams roll up. Take note, you can feel jerksville lurking in back. And as we know, just by thinking it, you suffer it worse. The learning: potential assholeness when a dream comes true is relative to the amount of time you spent working up the dream. $$A=DT^2$$. It means I could even fucken puke.

Act IV. How my summer vacation spent me

 * Alright I stand accused of just about every murder in Texas between the time I left home and when they hauled my ass back. With my face all over the media, folks started seeing me everywhere, I guess. Recall, they call it. Watch out for that sucker. And I'm still accused of the tragedy. Everybody just forgot about Jesus. Everybody except me.

 * She said Mom closed up the house one day, turned the oven on full, and sat by its open door. Apparently, it's still a Cry For Help, even though our oven's electric.

 * School never teaches you about this mangled human slime, it slays me. You spend all your time learning the capital of Surinam while these retards carve their initials in your back.

Act V. Me ves y sufres

 * 'And we're not just talking executions here—were talking the ultimate reality TV, where the public can monitor, via cable or internet, prisoners' whole lives on death row. They can live amongst them, so to speak, and make up their own minds about a convict's worthiness for punishment. Then each week, viewers across the globe can cast a vote to decide which prisoner is executed next. It's humanity in action—the next logical step toward true democracy.'

 * 'Blind, dumb shit,' he spits, his breath like hot sandpaper in my ear.  'Where's this God you talk about? You think a caring intelligence would wipe out babies from hunger, watch decent folk scream and burn and bleed every second of the day and night? That ain't no God. Just fuckin people. You stuck with the rest of us in this snake-pit of human wants, wants frustrated and calcified into needs, achin and raw.'
 * The outburst takes me aback. 'Everybody needs something,' I mutter.
 * 'Then don't come cryin to me becausen you got in the way of another man's needs.'
 * 'But, Lasalle …'
 *  'Why you think the world chewin its own legs off? Becausen the goodies are right there, but we can't fuckin get 'em. Why can't we get 'em? Becausen the market for promises need us not to. That ain't the work of no God. That's human work, animals who dreamed up an outside God to take the heat.' Lasalle pokes a trembling lip at my face. 'Wise the fuck up. Intermingling needs make this world go round. Serve that intermingling, and you needs can get fulfilled. Ever hear say, "Give the people what they want?"'
 * 'Sure, but—where's that leave God?'
 * 'Boy you really missed the boat. I'll make it simple, so's even fuckin you can understand. Papa God growed us up till we could wear long pants; then he licensed his name to dollar bills, left some car keys on the table, and got the fuck outta town.' Water rushes to his eye-holes. 'Don't be lookin up at no sky for help. Look down here, at us twisted dreamers.' He takes hold of my shoulders, spins me around, and punches me towards the mirror on the wall. 'You're the God. Take responsibility. Exercise your power.'

 * One learning, though: my big flaw is fear. In a world where you're supposed to be a psycho, I just didn't yell loud enough to get ahead. I was too darn embarrassed to play God.

 * As I digest things, the regular Sunday quiet falls over the Row. You hear some papers rustle. Then a con calls out, softly.
 * 'Burnem—you okay, my man?'
 * I turn over the last sheet of paper on my pile. Under it lays an order for my execution, effective six o'clock tonight. I look at it like it was a napkin or something. Then I fall down on my knees, bawl like a storm cloud, and pray to God.

 * I take off my shirt. My skin is mostly healed now, from my art project. Tattooed in big blue letters across my chest are the words 'Me ves y sufres'—'See me and suffer.'

 * A terminal learning comes to me: that for all the sirens, game-show buzzers, and drum-rolls of life, it is the nature of men to die quietly. I mean, what kind of life was that? – a bunch of movies, and people talking about movies, and shows about people talking about movies. Still, I guess I asked for it. By being negative, destructive. I remember once calling my daddy to collect me from a place, but was sad when he came because I'd since grown to love the place. Death takes me like that.

 * I watch Lally climb out of the car. Bless the motherfucker to hell. Bless his bones smashed and stuffed through the ligaments of his puking fucked eyes, bless his mouth to suck me off, take my bile so it kills him dead to a place where he stays conscious and fucken broken and cold, shivering fucken worms and slime from organs that pop and fucken waste as I laugh.

 * Lally's face is a mask I fucken adore, suspended in time forever as slugs whistle and pierce the evening sky. He dances mid-air as chunks of his body pelt down like rain, before the bulk of him thuds twitching to the ground.

title: Vernon God Little


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User:Reviewgirlerika~enwikiquote

hi............. Reviewgirlerika is a 6th grader who lives in the Philippines. She loves animes too much especially Mankin (Shaman King), Hagaren (Full Metal Alchemist), Wanpisu (One Piece) and other animes. She also likes the television and computer so if you dare to take those things away from her, she might erase you on the face of this earth (joke!!)

Note: She speaks as the 3rd person. Also, she pays too much attention even to the tiniest detail so she always makes a minor edit. Also, forgive her for some editing flaws.

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this one is the 2nd reviewgirlerika account.-- wikiquote version

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title: User:Reviewgirlerika~enwikiquote


text:
Talk:MythBusters

Please see Templates/TV shows for standard formatting of TV pages. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 12:49, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

Maybe we should remove all quotes that are not funny by themselves? Because some of them really are not making any sense.
 * I'm in the process of converting the quotes to the TV standard, but I'm doing it on and off due to the boring and repetetive nature of the conversion. I'm also getting rid of some quotes that don't seem to work as well. I've been busy for the last couple days, helping to bring Red vs Blue on Wikipedia to a higher quality. I'll try and work on this article tomorrow. I won't submit the conversion until it's complete.--DooMDrat 13:24, 8 December 2005 (UTC)
 * I'll admit, I have barely done anything on the article (working on offline copy) since my last comment. Can someone who has access to more/all the episodes, for quote checking, take over?--DooMDrat 06:50, 24 January 2006 (UTC)

 * I was going to recommend the same thing. The list is way too big, like:

 * Jamie: Jamie wants big boom.

 * Adam: Coming up on Mythbusters: can we make gasoline blow up?

 * Adam: How hard can it be to blow up a room full of gasoline?

 * Adam: We made something blow up!

 * Jamie: (to Adam) You're a nice guy and all, but sometimes you can be a bull in a china shop.
 * Adam: I'm not gonna respond to that.

 * Is this supposed to be a collection of entertaining quotes or a transcripts of every episode? Dearly 19:10, 16 December 2007 (UTC)

Cleanup
I've gone ahead and rearranged the article to fit with the template. I also trimmed out some of the quotes that didn't seem to fit well as just words. —LrdChaos 18:54, 28 March 2006 (UTC)

Yeah! and some episodes are missing, like Mega Movie Myths!! It ticks me off man!!!
 * The "Mega Movie Myths" episode, much like the "Jaws Special", wasn't a "regular" episode but was instead a special. As such, it appears under the Specials section. —LrdChaos (talk) 13:26, 29 October 2006 (UTC)

Episode names
I notice that 195.188.250.140 has been going through and changing the episode names to include some of the other myths in a show, and it got me wondering: what should be done with the episode names? I originally copied the titles right from the Discovery Channel website (which I imagine is fairly authoritative when it comes to such things), but this often left some of the quotes for an episode without any context (like, "how in the world does that quote relate to that myth!"). I don't believe this is an issue for most other shows, so I was wondering if there was a consensus on what to do in a case like this—use the canonical title, or use an expanded title to add context? (There's a third option, which is to further divide each episode into its component myths, but this would create a lot more sections.) —LrdChaos 14:14, 30 March 2006 (UTC)
 * As per Jeffq at Village pump, I've resorted the original episode titles. I've also added subsections where appropriate to provide a little more context for some of the quotes (either where the episode is many-titled or the quote doesn't relate to the episode's title myth).—LrdChaos 17:37, 31 March 2006 (UTC)

I think that the proper heading syntax is not very useful in this situation. In my opinion it is hard to read through and notice where the episodes split. Right now they kind of run together. Especially since not all episodes have a quote. I think that it would look bettter if the the sections below each episode were just bolded or bolded and italicized. Then there would be a visual break for each episode without having to resort to actual lines.
 * The reason that I reverted the change that made the subsection headers italic is that they serve a purpose beyond just giving the section a name; they also provide an individually-editable section, so that you don't have to wade through the other parts of an episode or season to get to the part you want. It is possible, though, to italicize the text within the header, so if I have some free time later today, I might give that a shot to see how it looks. —LrdChaos 13:51, 21 August 2006 (UTC)
 * I've just gone through and change all the sub-episode level headers to italics, while still keeping their useful editable properties. I think it helps a bit with being able to distinguish them from episode-level headers, but it still isn't great. —LrdChaos 17:07, 22 August 2006 (UTC)

New TOC
To keep the table of contents from growing to be huge, I've copied the basic format from the Family Guy article (minus the colors). The upside is that it takes up less space; the downside is that it won't automatically update when a new episode is added. So, if you're adding a new episode (all episodes up to this point have a section, but there are going to be new ones), please remember to update the table of contents as well. If you don't feel comfortable editing the TOC (the format can be a bit confusing), please leave a note on this Talk page so that another editor can add the entry to the TOC. —LrdChaos 17:37, 31 March 2006 (UTC)

Cleanup tag
I added the cleanup tag because the custom TOC needs to be fixed. As is, it is pretty useless. ~ UDScott 15:19, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
 * I've gone through and removed the bracketed season.episode numbers from each title and from the TOC, with the result that the TOC works again. As such, I've removed the cleanup tag. —LrdChaos 04:20, 5 June 2006 (UTC)

Jamie's "want to see it again?" quote
Please stop re-adding this to the "Diet Coke and Mentos" article. I understand and acknowledge that he actually did say it, but that doesn't mean that it should be included here. Readers of Wikiquote cannot see Jamie mix the Diet Coke and Mentos in his mouth, and that's really the whole point. The actual quote, "want to see it again?", is not original nor otherwise memorable. Without being able to see him doing it, it means nothing at all. This Wikiquote page is not a MythBusters fan site; there are plenty of other places for that. —LrdChaos (talk) 06:00, 2 December 2006 (UTC)

Season episodes
some of the episodes that are listed under season 2 are part of season one, but were released (on DVD anyways) in a two part set. so i'm wondering if we should move some of them back to season one, or just leave them...

season one, part one includes: Exploding Toilet, Cell Phone Destroys Gas Station, Barrel of Bricks, Penny Drop, Buried Alive, Lightning Strikes/Tongue Piercing, Stinky Car, Alcatraz Escape, Chicken Gun, Explosive Decompression, Sinking Titanic, Breakstep Bridge, and Buried in Concrete. Osmo250 23:45, 6 January 2007 (UTC)

 * It seems that there's conflicting information on this. According to the "episode guide" from the Discovery Channel site, season 2 starts with the "Myths Revisited" episode; the "part 1" DVD includes all of the episodes that we (and Wikipedia) have listed as "Season 1", and the "part 2" DVD has some of the earlier second season episodes. For now, barring some new evidence either way, I think we should just leave it as is. —LrdChaos (talk) 14:30, 8 January 2007 (UTC)

 * good enough for me Osmo250 04:31, 9 January 2007 (UTC)

Don't Try it at Home!
I don't think that the we should add the quotes in the beginning of Mythbusters that tell you "not to try anything you see them do at home" on a certain episode. So these are the three options I thought that we could do:

 * Delete them.
 * Create a section for them.
 * Leave everything as it is.

It would be helpful if you could clear this up for me.--Fruit Boy

Italic textI believe that there should be a separate category, I count at least 8 or so variations, possibly more and it would be, at least to me, good to have them all listed separately, though the Hindenburg one, I think was added because that was (to the ader) the first time that quote appeared in that variant on Mythbusters.

How should the quotes be ordered?
I'm contemplating sitting down to do a marathon watch of MythBusters episodes and maybe fixing some quotes while I'm at it. Before I do, though, I want to see who cares about the episode order and what their opinions are. My personal view is that the current organization (regular episodes by year of airing, then pilots, then special episodes) is kind of clunky; I'd rather do as the Wikipedia page on MythBusters currently does, just showing the episodes by year of airing and folding the pilots and special episodes in as they come. That would also mean including these episodes in the table of contents, which isn't currently true. While we're at it, we could include a section for running gags like the opening quotes.

Does anyone have any suggestions on reorganizing this page? Also, are there any good templates we can pull in to auto-generate a pretty table of contents rather than the hand-rolled table we have now? The preceding unsigned comment was added by FredMSloniker (talk) 17:19, 10 February 2009.

 * I don't really have that much to say, except that I agree with the reordering. I like the idea of a recurring quotes section, itself subdivided into sections like "Don't try this at home...", "Opening Titles", and "Running Gags" (like "Well, there's your problem!" and "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.").  I'd put that at the top, followed by the pilot episodes, then the rest of the episodes by year.  I'm not sure about the specials, but I certainly wouldn't object to them being integrated to the rest of the article by year.
 * As for the templates, I would like to see a nice one that would be easy to implement. Having reorganized the table of contents manually (on an alternate account which I no longer use), I agree it's a pain to work with as it is. —MarsJenkar  (talk | contribs) 18:40, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * As for the templates, I would like to see a nice one that would be easy to implement. Having reorganized the table of contents manually (on an alternate account which I no longer use), I agree it's a pain to work with as it is. —MarsJenkar  (talk | contribs) 18:40, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

"Pseudoscience"?
That's pretty inflamatory. I'm gonna remove it for not being NPOV; 'pseudoscience' is pejorative whether you think it's valid or not. Writing this before someone inevitably reverts it. Gorman 11:42, 11 November 2010 (UTC)

title: Talk:MythBusters


text:
User talk:Doc029~enwikiquote

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 14:24, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Doc029. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Doc029~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:21, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:46, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:Doc029~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:213.148.229.209

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 15:18, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

Hi. I am sorry for reverting, but in my defense, many of the edit summaries were misleading. Please note that you have engaged in edit warring. Please see Talk:Joan of Arc. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 16:13, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:213.148.229.209


text: User talk:66.99.51.100

title: User talk:66.99.51.100


text:
Talk:Joan of Arc

There seems to be a disagreement between two (anon) users about this page. I suggest both users register, and explain here, fully, their reasoning and attempt to come to consensus. If this does not happen within a decent length of time, I will ask for an admin to revert to a a wrong version and protect the page. I also highly recommend to both users, after registering, to prepare a version of the article in their user pages, so that others will have an easier time to help them come to a consensus. Thanks ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 16:13, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

Little steps and clear comments
I've just completed some changes that were made in little steps and well commented. Please read them carefully and I'm sure we can all agree upon them. 213.84.117.22 22:42, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

 * It's quite all right to make big changes, too: just explain the rationale for possibly controversial changes in the Talk page. Thanks ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 05:03, 10 November 2005 (UTC)
 * PS. I have no opinion on the page. I just have a clear position that edit warring is not the answer. Currently, 213 agrees, which I am thankful for.
 * If you want to add more quotes, or make other changes, please suggest them here. Also, let me reiterate my recommendation to register: among many other things, it makes it easier to communicate (and actually gives you more anonymity: you don't have to use your real name or give out any e-mail address, and your IP address won't be revealed. Thanks ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 05:07, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

 * Please also note that, although edit summaries are essential for observing the flow of changes, controversial edits should be discussed in detail on the talk page. Debate-by-edit-summary is not recommended for these kind of ongoing issues because it (A) doesn't allow for anything but the most terse explanations, and (B) is harder for the community to study the issue. Any controversy that is important enough for multiple edits and reversions should be discussed in depth on an article's discussion page, preferably under a section header that tersely identifies the issue. Thank you for your cooperation. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:37, 11 November 2005 (UTC)

joan of arc
thereis nothing on this website that helps me

Unsourced
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Joan of Arc. --Antiquary 18:21, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * It is true I wished to escape; and so I wish still; is not this lawful for all prisoners?
 * When told she must be kept in irons, thus preventing her from a escape, which they also took note previously from her last escape, which she leaped from the tower.

 * I do not accept such a prohibition, if ever I do escape, no one shall reproach me with having broken or violated my faith, not having given my word to any one, whosoever it may be.
 * When told she is forbidden to leave the prison.

 * I learned to spin and to sew; in sewing and spinning I fear no woman in Rouen.
 * When asked about her childhood and what she did.

 * Pass that by [Passez outré]. I was thirteen when I had a Voice from God for my help and guidance. The first time that I heard this Voice, I was very much frightened; it was mid-day, in the summer, in my father's garden. I had not fasted the day before. I heard this Voice to my right, towards the Church; rarely do I hear it without its being accompanied also by a light. This light comes from the same side as the Voice. Generally it is a great light. Since I came into France I have often heard this Voice.
 * When asked about if she received the Sacrament of the Eucharist at any other Feast but Easter.

 * It had borne the burden; it was only right that it should have the honor.
 * When Asked why her standard had a place of honor at the King's coronation.

 * What I said was: 'Go boldly among the English,' and I went among them, too!
 * Asked if she told her troops that copies of her pennant would bring luck.

 * The poor folk gladly came to me, for I did them no unkindness, but helped them as much as I could.

 * Everything I have said or done is in the hands of God. I commit myself to Him! I certify to you that I would do or say nothing against the Christian faith.

 * Ha! You take great care to put down in your trial everything that is against me, but you will not write down anything that is for me!

 * I am a good Christian, properly baptized and I will die... a good Christian.

 * I came from God. There is nothing more for me to do here! Send me back to God, from Whom I came!

 * Most sweet Lord, in honor of Your Holy Passion, I implore You, if You love me, to instruct me in what I am to say to these churchmen. As regards to my clothes, I fully understand the order by which I accepted them, but I do not know how I am to set them aside. In this, may it please You to teach me.
 * When asked how she summoned her voices.

 * Truly, if you were to tear me limb from limb and separate my soul from my body, I would not say anything more. If I did say anything, afterwards I would always declare that you made me say it by force!

 * And if I were condemned and brought to the place of judgment and I saw the torch lit and the faggots ready, and the executioner ready to kindle the fire, and if I were within the fire, yet I would say nothing else and I would maintain unto death what I have said in this trial!

 * Through His Saints, God informed me of His great sorrow for the treason that I had committed by signing the abjuration. To save my life I betrayed Him and in so doing I damned myself!
 * In the margin of his paper the court notary wrote: "Responsio Mortifera" which means, "fatal answer."

 * My Voices have since told me that I did a great evil in declaring that what I had done was wrong. All that I said and revoked that Thursday, I did for fear of the fire!

 * I saw them with these very eyes, as well as I see you.
 * On how she recognized the saints of her visions.

 * Take heart and come on! I will not fly away.
 * At the town of Troyes to Brother Richard

 * I fear nothing, except treason.
 * At the town of Chalons, speaking to a friend from Domremy

 * You touch them! Your touch will do them as much good as mine.
 * At the town of Bourges, speaking to Madame Touroulde referring to religious items that some people brought for Jeanne to bless by her touch.

 * In God's name, Count, you mock me! Ransom? How you jest. You have neither the will nor the power to do so!
 * Reply to the Count of Luxembourg, at an offer of freedom.

 * I know well that these English will put me to death, because they think that after I'm dead, they will win the Kingdom of France. But even if there were hundred thousand more Godons than there are now, still they will never have the Kingdom!

 * Alas! Am I to be so horribly and cruelly treated? Alas! That my body, clean and whole, which has never been corrupted, should this day be consumed and burned to ashes! Ah! I would far rather have my head chopped off seven times over, than to be burned!
 * When informed of her inpending execution.

 * Alas! Had I been in the Church prison, to which I submitted myself, and been guarded by the Clergy instead of my enemies, as I was promised, this misfortune would not have come to me! Ah! I appeal to God, the Great Judge, for the great injuries done to me!

 * Bishop, I die because of you!
 * Bishop Cauchon strongly protested his innocence. Jeanne replied: "If you had placed me in the Church's prison and gave me into the hands of competent and suitable Church guardians, this would not have happened. That is why I appeal to God for justice against you!"

 * Rouen! Rouen! Must I die here? Ah, Rouen, I fear you will have to suffer for my death!

 * I ask you priests of God, to please say a Mass for my soul's salvation.

 * I beg all of you standing here to forgive me the harm that I may have done you. Please pray for me.

 * Good Brother Martin, I thank you for comforting me, but you must leave this place... now.
 * As the execution pyre was lit.

 * My Voices did come from God and everything that I have done was by God's order.

 * Hold the crucifix up before my eyes so I may see it until I die.

 * Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
 * Last words.

 * I fear nothing, for God is with me.

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind"
I'm seeing this attributed to Joan of Arc, but can't find a source. Is it misattributed? 71.11.176.25 23:18, 24 April 2023 (UTC)

title: Talk:Joan of Arc


text:
User talk:64.12.116.198

Please do not engage in edit warring -- see Talk:Joan of Arc ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 16:13, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:64.12.116.198


text:
User:Julianonions

Me again

title: User:Julianonions


text:
User talk:Julianonions

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 18:02, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:Julianonions


text:
User talk:65.91.14.191

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 18:05, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:65.91.14.191


text: User talk:12.214.115.64

title: User talk:12.214.115.64


text:
Legend (1985 film)

Legend is a 1985 fantasy film released by 20th Century Fox (in Europe) and Universal Pictures (in the U.S. and Canada), directed by Ridley Scott and starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry, Alice Playten, and Billy Barty. There may never be another dawn.taglines

Intro
But precious light is protected, harbored in the souls of Unicorns, the most mystical of all creatures. Unicorns are safe from the Lord of Darkness, they can only be found by the purest of mortals... Such a mortal is Jack, who lives in solitude with the animals of the forest. A beautiful girl named Lili loves Jack with all her heart. In their innocence, they believe only goodness exists in the world. Together they will learn there can be no good without evil... No love without hate... No heaven without hell... No light without darkness. The harmony of the Universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of Legends.
 * Once long ago, before there was such a thing as time, the world was shrouded in darkness. Then came the splendor of light, bringing life and love into the Universe, and the Lord of Darkness retreated deep into the shadows of the earth, plotting his return to power... by banishing light forever.

Jack

 * I trust you, Lili. I'll always trust you.

Lili

 * This place holds more magic than any palace in the world.

Darkness

 * Mother Night! Fold your dark arms about me. Protect me in your black embrace. I sit alone, an impotent exile, whilst this force, this presence, returns to torment me!
 * Looking upon these frail creatures, one would not think that they could contain such power. One could rule the universe with it!
 * I require the solace of the shadows and the dark of the night. Sunshine is my destroyer!
 * What have we here? A little boy!
 * Every wolf suffers fleas. 'Tis easy enough to scratch!
 * You think you have won. What is Light without Dark? What are you without me? [laughs] I am a part of you all. You can never defeat me. We are brothers eternal!

Blix

 * Maybe innocence. Maybe sweet. Ain't half as nice as rotting meat.

 * Hark! Mortal world turned to ice. Here be goblin paradise!

 * Higher, higher, burning fire, making music like a choir!

Others

 * I know everything, Jack. Yet I do not understand what has happened today. Suppose you tell me, Jack? You know these woods as well as any elf. Did you not see something odd today, any strange spirits? Did nothing untoward happen?
 * Honeythorn Gump

 * Love you say? Well love is another matter.
 * Honeythorn Gump

 * Look! Ugly one-horned mule!
 * Blunder, speaking of the unicorns.

 * She was so sweet, I could eat her brains like jam!
 * Blunder

 * Nobody knows but you. It's our secret Jack. Don't tell Gump! Promise? Promise? I could be anything you want me to be, even your heart's desire. You've got to help us, Jack! A fairy's love makes anything possible.
 * Oona

Dialogue

 * Jack [After Lili touches the unicorns]: What you did is forbidden.
 * Lili: Who says so?
 * Jack: It is known, Lili. These are sacred animals. You risk your immortal soul.
 * Lili: I only wanted to touch one. Where is the harm in that?

 * Lili: Are you afraid to kiss me Jack?
 * Jack: I'm afraid you'll break my heart.
 * Lili: Then still your heart. You're dear to me as life itself! Don't you wish this was our wedding ring?
 * Jack: If I say yes, will my wish come true?
 * Lili: I'm a princess. It's my right to set a challenge for my suitors. I will marry whoever finds this ring! [throws the ring in a lake]

 * Meg: Foul tasting fairy! [sees Jack] Come to Meg, juicy boy! Who be this tender morsel to disturb Meg Muckelbones's rest?
 * Jack: Jack. They call me Jack ma'am.
 * Meg: Jack! What a fine, fat boy you are, Jack!
 * Jack: You don't really mean to eat me, do you Ma'am?
 * Meg: Oh, indeed I do!
 * Jack: That would be a shame, because someone as fair and lovely as yourself Miss Meg, deserves far better than scrawny me. Don't you think?
 * Meg: You think me fair, do you Jack?
 * Jack: All the heavenly angels must envy your beauty!
 * Meg: What a fine meal you will make, be the rest of you as sweet as your tongue!
 * Jack: No wait! Fill your soul with loveliness! Feast on the beauty of your reflection. You are an angel miss Meg. Look!
 * Meg: Clever boy.

 * Screwball: There's only one thing I want to know.
 * Brown Tom: What?
 * Screwball: Why me?

 * Blix: Wow. Forgive that intrusion, great lord, but goblins are inclined to be outspoken and I like to encourage their initiative.
 * Darkness: [holding the unicorn's horn] Did you think this a mere plaything? With it, my empire is eternal! Before I ruled only the night. Now, my minions will frolic in darkness until the end of time. The unicorns are dead. Is this not true?
 * Blix: True lord, very plenty true.
 * Pox: Undeniably true.
 * Darkness: You lie! Here is dawn!
 * Blix: The stallion is dead, dead as dreams.
 * Darkness: Out with it!
 * Pox: The mare lives still!
 * Darkness: If even one unicorn walks the earth, my power is not complete.
 * Blix: It's just a female, lord. She has no power.
 * Darkness: Only the power of creation! Get the mare, I command you!

 * Darkness: Father, I hold the world in my grasp and yet, this girl distracts me. It has been an eternity since I have felt such desire. What am I to do?
 * Father: She fascinates you because her soul is pure. To make her one of us, charm her. Woo her. Change her spirit. Hypnotize her. Set her free. Bring her to you!

 * Darkness: How like you my gifts? Does the gown not please you?
 * Lili: [sobbing] No.
 * Darkness: Can you speak so of your bridal gown? I have found my true mate, and you know it!
 * Lili: Never!
 * Darkness: Beneath the skin we are already one. Was it not your sin trapped the unicorn? Even now the evil seed of what you've done germinates within you.
 * Lili: No. You lie! You disgust me! You're nothing but an animal!
 * Darkness: [laughs] We are all animals, my lady. Most are too afraid to see it!
 * Lili: Damn you!
 * Darkness: We are all of us damned, my queen.

 * Darkness: Some simple conversation?
 * Lili: I have nothing to talk about. You've stolen my dreams away!
 * Darkness: All things change, Lady. The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity. Dreams are my speciality. Through dreams, I influence mankind. My dream is of eternity with you. I offer you this rose, princess: my heart, my soul, my love.
 * Lili: Love?

 * Oona: I'll do what you ask if you'll kiss me, Jack.
 * Jack: Easy enough. [pecks her quickly on the cheek]
 * Oona: You call that a kiss? Am I not sweet?
 * Jack: Sweeter than bee pollen on summer wind.
 * Oona: [taking the form of Lili] Sweet as the wind that blows me to you!
 * Screwball: It's fairy magic!
 * Jack: Lili? Lili!
 * Oona/Lili: Yes, Jack?
 * Jack: This isn't real.
 * Oona/Lili: Oh, but it is! I'm warn and alive and want to be in your arms.
 * Jack: [hesitating] No, I can't! No. It's just more fairy glamor. Human hearts don't work that way.
 * Oona: What care I for human hearts, soft and spiritless as porridge? A fairy's heart beats fierce and free!

Songs

 * Just one step at a time And closer to destiny I knew at a glance There'd always be a chance for me With someone I could live for Nowhere I would rather be.

'''Is your love strong enough Like a rock in the sea? Am I asking too much? Is your love strong enough?'''
 * "Is Your Love Strong Enough?" by Bryan Ferry - YouTube video
 * Just one beat of your heart And stranger than fantasy I knew from the start It had to be the place for me Someone that I would die for There's no way I could ever leave.
 * "Is Your Love Strong Enough?" by Bryan Ferry
 *  Legends can be now and forever Teaching us to love for goodness sake. Legends can be now and forever Loved by the sun, loved by the sun.
 * "Loved by the Sun" by Jon Anderson - YouTube video
 * Who sings of all of Love's eternity Who shines so bright In all the songs of Love's unending spells? Holy lightning strikes all that's evil Teaching us to love for goodness sake. Hear the music of Love Eternal Teaching us to reach for goodness sake.
 * "Loved by the Sun" by Jon Anderson
 *  Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom To believe in the good in man.
 * "Loved by the Sun" by Jon Anderson

Taglines

 * There may never be another dawn.
 * A world full of magic, wonder and desire.
 * Adventure has got your back.
 * This is such stuff as dreams are made of. This is Legend.
 * She is of the purest innocence. He is pure evil. He is Darkness.
 * [from trailer; narrated by Tim Curry] There is a balance to the universe. The struggle to maintain that balance is the stuff of legends. For there can be no good without evil, no love without hate. Life needs death. Innocence feeds lust. There can be no heaven without hell, no light without me! I am Darkness!
 * [from trailer; narrated by Tony Jay] Through the ages, the powers of good and evil have been at work amongst us. Through the passages of time, many have attempted to probe and distinguish between myth and fact. What is innocence? What is purity? What is corruption? And what is evil? We still search for the answer. The confrontation between the forces has captured the imaginations of civilization's greatest philosophers, poets and writers. Now, through the cameras of one of the most innovative filmmakers of our generation comes a motion picture to fire the spirit, to excite the senses, to captivate the eye.

About Legend (1985 film)

 * All of the special effects in the world, and all of the great makeup, and all of the great Muppet creatures can't save a movie that has no clear idea of its own mission and no joy in its own accomplishment.
 * Roger Ebert Looking back at Ridley Scotts Legend

title: Legend (1985 film)


text:
Talk:David Boreanaz

Here's a link with quotes. http://tv.msn.com/news/article.aspx?news=205863&GT1=7361 ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 19:27, 9 November 2005 (UTC)

title: Talk:David Boreanaz


text:
Bernard Kerik

Bernard Bailey Kerik (born September 4, 1955) is an American consultant and former police officer who served as the 40th Commissioner of the New York Police Department from 2000 to 2001. As a convicted felon, he obtained a presidential pardon from President Donald Trump in 2020 for his numerous federal convictions for tax fraud, ethics violations, and criminal false statements.

After the 2003 invasion of Iraq, President George W. Bush appointed Kerik as the interior minister of the Iraqi Coalition Provisional Authority. In 2004, Bush nominated Kerik to lead the Department of Homeland Security. However, Kerik soon withdrew his candidacy, explaining that he had employed an undocumented immigrant as a nanny.

In 2009, Kerik pleaded guilty in the Southern District of New York to eight federal felony charges. In February 2010, he was sentenced to four years in federal prison. On February 18, 2020, President Donald Trump granted Kerik a full pardon for the federal convictions.

Quotes

 * Political criticism is our enemies' best friend.
 * Newsday, October 20, 2003

 * If you put Sen. Kerry in the White House, I think you are going to see that another terrorist attack happen … and I don't want to see another Sept. 11.
 * New York Daily News, April 22, 2004

 * President @realDonaldTrump supporters pulling Antifa terrorists away from building. There’s plenty of these videos. Why isn’t the #mainstreammedia reporting?
 * 7 January 2021

title: Bernard Kerik


text:
User:Willy Logan~enwikiquote

"It requires more than a day's devotion to know and to possess the wealth of a day." -Thoreau

title: User:Willy Logan~enwikiquote


text:
Captain N: The Game Master

Captain N: The Game Master is an animated series produced by DiC Entertainment based off of various video games available for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was also a short-lived comic book published by Valiant as part of the Nintendo Comics System.

Cartoon quotes

 * "'Trust me', he says. Ha! I'd sooner trust a vampire to give me a shave". ~Simon
 * "Looks like the Ultimate Warp brought us the ultimate wimp!" ~Simon
 * Kevin: Your powers don't scare us! Dracula: I'm so happy to hear that. You know, fear makes de blood taste terrible.
 * Kevin: Stay close. I think the bridge goes this way. Lana: What if you're wrong? Kevin: Then we'll be getting some free skydiving lessons - parachutes not included.
 * Simon: (under the effects of a love arrow) How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One is for your little button-nose. Two is for your cute little twinkle-toes. Three is... Mother Brain: Enough! I want the truth this time! What is your real plan? Simon: All right, I'll tell you. My plan is to hug and kiss those cute little wrinkles on your brain!
 * "It's a good thing for you I'm an animal lover. Now scoot, before I change my mind and make fur underwear out of you". ~Simon, to a lion
 * Lana: Some guide you are. Simon: An honest mistake. Mountain lions are related to dogs, you know. Lana: They're related to cats. Simon: Ah-ha! I always suspected Duke was part cat.
 * "I didn't save you. I saved him. He gets awful indigestion from eatin' strangers. Keeps me up all night". ~Bayou Billy
 * "Oh, he's probably just feeding the alligators...with himself". ~Simon
 * "I'm gonna scramble your eggplant when I get my gloves on you!" ~King Hippo
 * "If you promise not to eat me, I'll take you to Captain N!" ~Simon
 * "Let 'em go, or there's gonna be french-fried eggplant and hippo burgers for everyone". ~Kevin
 * "Toro! Toro! No, I mean Hippo! Hippo! Olé!" ~Simon
 * "Hey, it's either that or go back home and clean up my room". ~Kevin

 * Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are in a gymnasium training
 * King Hippo: I can't wait to cream the N-Team at the games.
 * King Hippo punches a punching bag with Simon's face taped to it
 * Punching Bag: SIMON
 * Eggplant Wizard runs into King Hippo
 * Eggplant Wizard: No! Wait! It was an accident!
 * King Hippo: Oh, I'll give you an accident on purpose!

 * Commentator: Our next event, tag team wrestling!
 * Kid Icarus and Kevin prepare to face-off against Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo
 * Commentator: There has been a mistake in the drawing.
 * King Hippo is ushered out of ring
 * Kevin: King Hippo is out of the competition. All right!
 * Commentator: King Hippo has been determined to be ineligible for tag-team wrestling. The replacement contender is...Donkey Kong!
 * Kevin and Kid Icarus look in shock as a gigantic Donkey Kong enters ring

 * After losing

 * Lana: That's not fair! Donkey Kong weighs more than you!
 * Kevin: Are you kidding? He weighs more than the Chicago Bears!
 * Lana: Who are they?
 * Kevin: Never mind, just a group from my world.

 "Get this junk off me before I have you frozen in butter sauce!" ~Mother Brain

 * Mother Brain: Quick, get me the second Sacred Treasure! Eggplant Wizard: Yes, your wrinkledness. Mother Brain: Never say the word "wrinkles" to me! These are beauty lines.

 * "Hmph! I could have done better, and I don't even have a body!" ~Mother Brain, after Lana wins the diving competition

 * Simon: But Medusa's even uglier than Mother Brain! One look at her face turns a man to stone! Kevin: Look on the bright side, Simon. You'd make a very handsome statue. Simon: Oh, yes! I would, wouldn't I?

 * Kid Icarus: Oh no, King Hippo is guarding the warp zone. We need some way to get past him.
 * Simon: No problem, just leave that to these disguises.
 * King Hippo is in a whirlpool bath. Simon approaches wearing a toga, sunglasses and a brunette wig. Pit is wearing a football helmet, masking his appearance
 * King Hippo: You must be the steam bath repairman I called. Get to work, I am barely sweating!
 * Simon: No worries, I will get that fixed with the help of my faithful assistant, Shrimpicus! Will you hand me the crescent wrench?
 * Kid Icarus: Right away...mutters to himself Dopeius Maximus!

 * "Uh, on the other hand, why worry about a neck when you've got an entire body to think of?!" ~Simon
 * "Well... this doesn't look so bad. But that does!" ~Simon
 * King Hippo: Ooh! That's hot enough. Simon: What's that? Still too cold?
 * "Don't worry, Princess. I got to be Game Master by learning from my mistakes". ~Kevin
 * Mega Man: There's no time to waste! We've got to mega move it! Kevin: Well, I wouldn't call hugging a princess a waste of time.
 * "What perfectly dreadful statues. Medusa has lousy taste in art". ~Simon
 * Mother Brain: Metroid mirror on the wall, am I the cutest of them all? Mirror: Princess Lana is the cutest chick. You're so ugly, you make me sick! Mother Brain: What do you know, twerp?! I will be the most beautiful woman in VideoLand! And you, Eggplant Wizard, are going to help me do it. Eggplant Wizard: M-m-m-me? Mother Brain: Yes, you! You can start by making me an apple! Eggplant Wizard: Uh, ah, whatever you say, Mother Brain. Magic words with which I grovel, make this brain a big juicy apple! (He turns Mother Brain into an apple.) Mother Brain: You idiot! I don't want to be an apple! I want to have an apple! Eggplant Wizard: Cool off, Mother Brain, or you'll became a baked apple! I can turn a princess to a pumpkin, a prince to a ham on rye; turning you back to normal is as easy as apple pie! (He turns Mother Brain into an apple pie. She grabs Eggplant Wizard and shakes him.) King Hippo: Hey! You look pretty tasty, Mother Brain! Can I have a slice? Mother Brain: Shut up and change me back!
 * Kevin: What have you done to the princess?! Mother Brain: What's the matter? Don't you like fairy tales? You remember this one. The beautiful princess eats the poisoned apple and falls into a deep sleep. And the handsome prince - ha! I suppose that's you - has to wake her out of the spell. Kevin: It's also the one where the prince destroys the ugly witch, isn't it? Eggplant Wizard: That's the one! Mother Brain: Shut up, you mental midget!
 * "You couldn't even wake up a frog with a kiss like that!" ~Simon
 * "I'm doing this for your own good, Captain N! Rescuing princesses is a man's job! (Duke growls at him) Shut up". ~Simon, after trapping Kevin
 * Kevin: Simon! Don't just sit there like a Thanksgiving turkey! Gimme a hand! Simon: Yes, well, I'd love to, but I'm tied up at the moment.
 * Guard: Halt! No one enters Castle Ironspire and lives! Kevin: But we're prepared to pay. Guard: I don't accept credit cards! Kevin: How about gold and jewels? Guard: Well... why didn't ya say so? Go right in and make yourselves at home.
 * Kevin: I don't get it! It's not working! Simon: Maybe it's my breath.
 * King Hippo: Hey, egg-breath! You're paddling the wrong way! Eggplant Wizard: Uh-uh, you are! The island's behind you! King Hippo: Then let me sit over there! I get seasick ridin' backwards! (stands up) Eggplant Wizard: Wait! You're rockin' the raft! (They fall off the raft.) YAAHHH!!! See what you did? King Hippo: Aw, shut up and swim!
 * "If you're trying to scare me, you're doing a good job!" ~Simon
 * "If we get out of this, remind me to have my Zapper waterproofed!" ~Kevin
 * "All right, you deadbeat! You can squeeze me! You can choke me! You can shake me! But mess my hair? No way!" ~Simon
 * Mega Man: Dr. Right, are you sure you can trust that mega rat? Dr. Light: There's good in everybody, Mega Man. You just have to look for it. Kevin: Yeah? Well, Wily does wear a clean lab coat!
 * Kevin: You'll pay for this, Dr. Wily! Dr. Wily: Sorry, Captain Numbskull. I left my wallet in my other lab coat.
 * "Let's make a run for it! Uh, on second thought, let's run away from it!" ~Simon
 * Kevin: Sorry if I upset your cat. Lana: But I don't have a cat.
 * Lana: What do you see in the mirror? Simon: You mean I'm a Prince Charming? Lana: No, Simon! I mean you're an arrogant, self-centered egomaniac! Simon: I'm that good, am I?
 * "Abandon ship! Women and Simons first!" ~Simon
 * Kevin: Hey, are you guys all right? Simon: Yeah. We're in hamburger heaven.
 * Mother Brain: That's it! I've found Captain N's weak spot. King Hippo: Uh, you mean he's afraid of rats?
 * Kevin: I learned this recipe from my uncle Lenny back in New York. Trust me princess, this is gonna be the coolest thing you ever tasted. Lana: What exactly is a pizza? Kevin: Oh, this is no ordinary pizza, it's a Captain N Special. N for nuts, N for nectarines, N for nachos... (Duke grabs the pizza) And N for "No"! Lana: I think you better rename it the Duke Special.
 * "What a shrimp! And every shrimp needs a shrimp salad!" ~Eggplant Wizard
 * "Yes. Well, it was very nice of you to drop by. Do come back and visit us soon, say, twenty years?" ~Simon
 * Simon: Stand back. Simon Belmont will take care of this deadly beast! (pulls out a golf club and gets ready to hit the lizard) Kevin: Don't you think that's the wrong weapon for the job? Simon: You're absolutely right. (throws the golf club aside, pulls out a rocket launcher, and points it at the lizard)
 * Simon: (as the baby dragon licks him) Knock it off! I'm not your mother! Kevin: No, but you probably smell like her.
 * Kevin: I'll see what the lightning bolt can do. Simon, you try on the armor. Simon: But I look awful in gold!
 * Eggplant Wizard: Forget the food! This is the chance of a lifetime! King Hippo: FORGET THE FOOD?! Eggplant Wizard: Don't you get it? If Link and Zelda are coming here, there won't be anyone left on Hyrule but their flunkies! King Hippo: They'll give us food? Eggplant Wizard: No, banana brains! The alarm's been turned off! We can steal the Triforce for ourselves! King Hippo: Then we can make Ganon's servants give us food!
 * "Oh, boy! Next to vampires, dragon-hunting is my favorite sport!" ~Simon
 * Lana: But Simon, that's an ironing board. Simon: Yes, and how appropriate for flattening my competition.
 * Simon: Who am I? Kevin: You're Simon Belmont, the vampire hunter. Simon: No, no, I'm definitely not him. I'd never forget a name like that.
 * "Thank you, Captain M. And thank you, Kid Licorice, Mega Mutt, Princess Lea, and you too, Puke". ~Simon, after getting amnesia
 * King Hippo + Eggplant Wizard: The stains of brains stay mainly on the veins. Mother Brain: I'll stain your brains if you don't get yourselves to Kongoland now!
 * Lana: We've got to get to CastleVania before it's too late. Kevin: Yeah, but Simon isn't ready to handle the Count yet. Simon: Don't be silly. Of course I can handle the count. Watch me. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Need I go on? Kevin: No. That was terrific, Simon. If there's a math quiz on CastleVania, I'm sure you'll pass.
 * "The worst part about being a handsome hunk of hero is having to get up early to save the day". ~Simon
 * Simon: Stop! I belong in the jungle! Kevin: You belong in a cage, maybe, but not the jungle!
 * Simon: Hey, cut it out. That tickles. Lana: What tickles? Simon: Well, there's a little fish nibbling my toe. That's a naughty little fellow. Simon says stop tickling my toes. (The Swamp Creature pops out.) Oh, I didn't mean it. You can tickle them all you want.
 * Kevin: Better buckle up, dudes. I don't have my driver's license yet. Simon: You what?!
 * Eggplant Wizard: Watch where you're stepping! That's my nose! King Hippo: Hey! Get your leg outta my bellybutton!
 * Eggplant Wizard: Don't shoot! I've got a wife and two baby eggplants at home. Kevin: Don't worry. I'm not gonna fry any eggplant. Just flowers!
 * Kevin: Looks like Mother Brain's world is finally brain-dead. Lana: We've done it! VideoLand is free at last! Mega Man: No more mega monsters attacking in the night! Pit: No more battles to the maximus! Simon: And best of all, no more waking up early!
 * "Good-bye, Captain N. Good luck. Um... must've gotten some flower pollen in my eyes". ~Simon

 * Mother Brain: As judge, jury, and executioner of VideoLand, I charge to all with conspiracy... to bring peace and freedom to everyone! How do you plead? Lana: Guilty... and proud of it. Pit: That goes for me too-icus. Mega Man: I agree. Simon: Uh, me too. Mother Brain: Order in the court! Eggplant Wizard: Uh, I'll have an eggplant sandwich. Uh, hold the pickles. (Mother Brain bangs her gavel) Okay, okay, uh, I'll hold the pickles! Mother Brain: Will you shut up?! I hereby sentence you to banishment into the Black Hole Warp Zone! Lana: The Black Hole Warp Zone?! Oh, but no one's ever come out alive! Mega Man: The gravity's so great, we'll be squished to no bigger than a grain of sand! Simon: How dreadful! None of my clothes will fit. No! I'm too handsome to die!
 * "No, I can't lie anymore. That's not the way it happened at all! Captain N is the real hero. I'm just a big-mouth!" ~Simon

 * Being stranded on Zebes unarmed; Kevin now deeply regrets disposing of his Power Pad and Zapper
 * Kevin{mocking himself}: Guess I will not be needing these any more.
 * Kevin: Yeah, real smart one Kevin. What I would not give for my Zapper. In fact, what I would not give for a squirt gun.

 * Mega Man: Uh, I guess, now that you're back, Your Majesty, you'll be showing all of VideoLand's mega villains who's the boss. Mirror King: I'll do better than that. I'll invite them all to the party!
 * Mega Man: Oz? I never heard of that warp zone. Where is it? Kevin: Uh, in a fantasy land called Hollywood. If you ever visit my world, I'll take you there.
 * King Hippo: But it's dangerous in [the Palace of Power], Mother Brain. Eggplant Wizard: Yeah! They eat eggplants for dinner!
 * Game Boy: Ready for disposal of defective unit. Eggplant Wizard: Disposal?! No way! Her Ugliness wants to play some games with your brain! Game Boy: I am programmed to play games! Eggplant Wizard: Hey! Be careful! I'm an eggplant, not a squash!
 * "No! Stop him! Eggplant, Hippo, grab that stupid mutt! He's pulling the plug on my beautiful plan!" ~Mother Brain
 * Kevin: Well, I'm pullin' the plug on this joker until we decide what to do with him. Simon: I know. Let's lock him up in a closet and throw away the key.
 * Dragonlord: Get away! Get away!

 * Mega Man is on guard duty while it is snowing outside
 * Mega Man{talking to himself}: Me having to do guard duty on my birthday. Brr, it is cold! I bet they would not have put out in this cold if I was not a robot!
 * Masked figure wearing a red cape runs past Mega Man
 * Mega Man{talking to himself}: Maybe not, intruder on deck!
 * Mega Man chases after intruder
 * Mega Man: Intruder, halt in the name of Princess Lana!
 * Intruder bolts down hallway
 * Mega Man: Very well, I will open fire!
 * Mega Man uses his arm cannon but misses the intruder, who runs into a room
 * Mega Man: A ha! I got him trapped now!
 * Mega Man prepares to capture the intruder, who takes off his mask to reveal himself as Simon, and is with Kevin, Pit and Princess Lana in the room
 * N-Team{in unison}: Happy birthday, Mega Man!

 * Captain N is bedridden
 * Dr. Light: This is getting serious. According to these biological readings, his lifeforce has dropped by more than half.
 * Lana: Oh no, Kevin!
 * Simon{worried tone}: But he is the Gamemaster!
 * Simon{composed tone}: I mean, what is the worry? It is just a simple Video Virus.
 * Dr. Light: Not to Kevin. Because he is not a native of Videoland, he was not immunized to it as we were.

 * Town in Alfregard. A man carrying spears and wearing a suit of armor is walking outside a shop. Inside, Princess Lana and Kevin are dismayed to see bare shelves
 * Shopkeeper: I have seen villians come, I have seen them go. But Dragonlord is the worst of them all! Everybody has been stocking up for his attack.
 * Kevin: So that bottle of fairy water is all you have left?
 * Lana: Guess we should go.
 * Shopkeeper: Wait! A powerful treasure has been hidden. Pulls out map But you will need to brave the cave of the Axe Knight to get it!
 * Lana places gold on counter; shopkeeper sells them his last item, the fairy water
 * Later, in the cave, they are about to get the treasure when the Axe Knight appears and swings at them
 * Kevin: Wait, Tin Man, pause! Kevin presses pause button, freezing enemies. Axe barely missed him Now that is what I call a close shave!

 * Simon, Link and Kid Icarus are working on a fake dragon to infiltrate Dragonlord's army. Enemies attack Simon
 * Simon: AUGH!
 * Link, Zelda and Kid Icarus kill enemies.
 * Simon: Thank you for the rescue, everyone.
 * Simon gets up and proceeds toward work site
 * Simon: But let us return to our duties. The dragon is not going to build itself.
 * Others give each looks as in "he is right, you know"

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Mother Brain: Why do I have a sudden craving for Banana Split?
 * [Mother Brain is in Donkey Kong's body and is angered at her two lackeys, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, for messing up big time.]
 * Eggplant Wizard: Something tells me, our tomatoes are cooked.
 * King Hippo: Something tells me you're right. Let's get out of here.
 * [They quickly slide down a tree to avoid Mother Brain's rage. She tosses the Gameboyifed Mother Brain body out of her hands and chases after King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard.]
 * Mother Brain: You imbeciles, look what you did. Now I'll be stuck in this harry body forever.

Comic book quotes

 * "It's always Captain N! He's the cause of all my troubles! They're right, though. Unless I can get rid of that pesky Game Master, my spring offensive will fall flat on its... face". ~Mother Brain
 * Bigtime: Look at my credentials. Bigtime Brannigan comes with an efficiency rating of 100%! Mother Brain: True. You are one of the best bounty hunters in the force, Bigtime. Most impressive. Bigtime: The best. Zoomer: That's not what I heard. There's a rumor-- (Bigtime fires at Zoomer.) Woo! Bigtime: I do so hate unsightly lint.
 * Samus: Now... get out there! Kraid: Are you kidding!? They'll catch me--I'll be sent to solitary confinement for a month! Samus: A month in solitary or a month in the hospital... it's your choice.
 * "What kind of guy do you think I am?" ~Kevin to Samus
 * Kevin: I'm going. Samus: Princess Lana would not want you to go. Kevin: Of course you'd say that. You... like me. You want me to stay. Samus: True. But if I were the Princess and you left the kingdom defenseless in order to be with me, I would despise you.
 * Zebes Security: In Mother Brain's name, has your mission been accomplished? Have you obtained... the item? Merchant One Captain: The "item" is intact... of course. You think we'd show our faces here without it? Zebes Security: Good point!
 * "Guess it's time to take a bite out of crime. Boy, crocodile sure tastes awful". ~Kevin as Duke, on biting one of King Hippo's cronies
 * "Yuck! Some things taste even worse than crocodile". ~Kevin as Duke, after biting King Hippo
 * "So, Mother Brain, what hologram are we going to hit them with next? Giant lizards? Snapping turtles? Vegetable peelers?!" ~Eggplant Wizard
 * "Welcome, Game Master--whichever one of you that may be! Heh-heh!" ~Mother Brain
 * "Too bad, Captain. I was going to save you for last, but first come first serve!" ~Mother Brain
 * Kevin: Computer! If Tall, Wet, and Ugly over here isn't an enemy... then she won't mind turning over her weapons! Mother Brain: Put down my... weapons? Why, of course! I'll be delighted to turn over my weapons. Kevin: Is that all? You must be traveling light today.
 * "I gave my word to Kevin to protect the Princess. I do not understand why he is so interested in her well-being - she's not half the hero I am! Still, I shall protect her..." ~Samus
 * Lana: What a dismal place... Guard: What did you expect, the Pleasure Zone?
 * "Hold me, Kevin. Hold me until forever comes again". -Samus

title: Captain N: The Game Master


text:
User talk:Poopoobuddy

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 10:29, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:Poopoobuddy


text:
User:Whywhywhy~enwikiquote

"Terrorists are out to attack the Australian way." " Is it a coincidence that these attacks only seem to happen when parliament is sitting?”

"I am a man of reason, without a reason"

"You can only truly change the world when you accept that you are what the world changed"

"Rules weren’t made to be broken, They were made to be fixed. But try telling a politician that."

"When i was a kid my mother sent me to see my GP for mental reasons". "I concluded that he was sane and that he was also a expert daylight robber." How did i turn out? Well now I'm 20 years old and a generally practitioning kid. --Whywhywhy 12:18, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User:Whywhywhy~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:JackofOz

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 12:51, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:JackofOz


text:
CNNNN

 CNNNN (Chaser NoN-Stop News Network) is an Australian television show, satirising American news channels such as CNN and Fox News.

CNNNN slogans

 * 9 11, 24 7.
 * We report, you believe.
 * Guaranteed twice as true as regular news.
 * Fighting the war on terror everyday.
 * Never compromise with terrorists. Never compromise on your coverage.
 * Bringing you other people's pain.
 * The network the whole world trusts implicitly.
 * More war than any other network.
 * Making the world safe again.
 * News with a touch of humanity.
 * 70% commercial-free.
 * Trust us. You can trust us.
 * Fighting the war on terror from from your own sofa with CNNNN.
 * No one has more news because no one has more desks.
 * Take two glasses of know-how and add a teaspoon of truth. Stir thoroughly.
 * Light on the details, so you can slam it down fast.
 * You don't mess with what's right.
 * First with the news. First with the corrections.
 * We like to call it the truth.
 * One network under God.
 * You're either with us or you're against us.
 * For 24 hour protection.
 * Zero tolerance news.
 * Your pre-emptive news network.
 * It's a brave news world.
 * Because opinion matters more than fact.
 * Now showing on Broadway.
 * Home of newstainment.
 * Now with 20% more chimp stories.
 * We will decide who makes the stories and the circumstances in which they make them.
 * Liberators of truth.
 * Hard news. Made easy.
 * Operation Enduring Entertainment.
 * We don't just cover wars, we win them.
 * The news you choose.
 * More N's than any other network.

Chris Taylor
Saddam is obviously spruikin' for a nukin'!

Plus, the necrophiliac who's accused his partner of being unresponsive in bed.

This whole cult of personality thing, I'm a little uncomfortable with it, to be honest. I mean, I'm not the story, the story is the story, I'm just the guy who happens to gather, research and write the story... and who voices and presents it, obviously... and sometimes wins awards for them. But without the story in the first place, I don't exist. And I sometimes tell my cadets, "there's no 'I' in story". I coined that. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

When I was covering the Bangladesh floods back in '98 I met Mukesh, a fifteen-year-old boy who worked in a factory there. He was earning less than a dollar a day, had been since he was six; he'd never been to school, couldn't afford it, but he dearly wanted to learn. And that's what my job's about: Educating people who want to learn. Not Mukesh, obviously, he doesn't have a TV - but other people who want to learn. That's why I'm with CNNNN.

[on a DVD commentary over a news story about sheep being stranded on a boat at sea] I guess I felt very at home reporting this story, because I too have a boat.

Chris: Coming back to host ACA year, I agreed to do it because I had some very set ideas about where the show needed to go. That's not taking away from Mitch, I think he did a terrific job, I think he was very good for his time, but you've only got to look at some of their old promos to see just how stale the mix had become.  Old Promo: Fat kids with ADHD caught on camera - joining Lebanese gangs to perform shonky renovations! And meet Australia's fattest germ-ridden Lebanese conman builder! He gave his child breast implants - now, she wants more! Our hidden cameras reveal that she's fat! Chris: My brief was to raise the bar, leading a return to quality journalism. More hard news, more politics now - that's a pretty good brief, and I think it's already apparent just how different the show is this year. New Promo: Tonight on A Chaser Affair. When to say no: How much fat is too much fat? We ask a politician! Plus, the Lebanese plastic surgeon whose kitchen germs turned a fat kid from this, into this - and why John Howard won't do a thing! And meet the notorious conman builder preying on our miracle diet mums: A special Chris Taylor investigation! That's A Chaser Affair, tonight at 9:30 on CNNNN.

Craig Reucassel
I'm not interested in chequebook journalism, I'm all about the story. That's what's important to me. '''It's not my job to sit down with some agent and haggle over price and work out what I can and can't say. That's for my producer to sort out.''' And only then will I do the story. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

You're watching the official Shoosh For Bush network: Just days now before the President embarks on his historic doze down under.

And coming up next, the arson squad blames a fake log fire for causing a fake house fire overnight.

Of course, for many years I did work in the field. I remember being in Somalia once and this poor, wounded kid crawled up to me - and he touched me. And I looked down, and there was a bit of blood on my suit. It was that moment that I realised: I'd prefer to work in the studio from now on. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

Julian Morrow
Due process is ready, aim, fire.

Yeah, I remember I was at the Walkley Awards last year and Chris Masters came up to me and he said, "How can you live with yourself?" He was referring to that story I did on overweight Bali victims. And a couple of days later, I ran into someone who'd been in the Sari Club that night. She said that since seeing my story, she's down to a size twelve. I thought to myself, "You know what, Masters? That's how I can live with myself." And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

[on a DVD 'commentary on commentary' over Chris Taylor's commentary] Don't you love the way Chris makes his voice deeper for the commentary?

Yeah, a lot of people criticised us for not reporting civilian casualties. But hey, do you cover a Miss World beauty pageant by focussing on the girls who didn't win? Of course not. I think a lot of people forget the Iraq was essentially a good news story. I'm very proud of the role that we played in helping to liberating those civilians who didn't die. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

Charles Firth
Oh, the court case didn't really bother me that much. Real people, the viewers, they don't care about that sort of stuff. They saw it for the witch hunt that it so obviously was. And even though the court did ultimately find me guilty of plagiarism, in a strange way I still felt that I'd won. Because nowhere in that judgement, did it ever say that that piece wasn't entertaining. And that's why I'm with CNNNN.

Yeah, I remember when - uh, we'd just seen this report about this little dog who could walk on his front feet. And, it was a very funny story, and everyone in the studio was just laughing - including Mike, the floor manager. And then I look up, and the next story as about 1200 people dead in Kosovo... And I just kept cracking up all the way through it. I'll never forget that dog. That's why I'm with CNNNN.

Everyone knows that 99% of kids take drugs every day.

This is the brain of a kid who took drugs. Guess what happened to him? He's now DEAD. Our investigation shows that every single drug user who's had their brain removed is now DEAD.

You may think that it doesn't apply to your kids! They may seem well-adjusted, happy and have plenty of friends. But ask yourself this: How can they be that happy all the time? It's totally unnatural! They're probably only happy because they're doped up on mowie wowie - right under your very own nose! Your kid may spend hours on their phone chatting to their friends, but how do you know they're not talking to their dealer discussing the next drop-off of a kilo of high-grade crack?

 On September 11 democracy also paid heavily. We now know the terrorists;
 * came from Tunisia, Algeria and Saudi Arabia.
 * Trained in Yemen, Sudan and Afghanistan.
 * Met in Indonesia and Malaysia.
 * Were funded through Italy and Germany.
 * And were taught to fly in America.

There can only be one response: Attack Iraq!

Why? Its leader is evil.

If this was Saddam Hussein’s heart, how black would it be? (Paint shop sales assistant looks through a colour catalogue and picks out a can of black paint. Reporter dips the heart in and holds it up.)

Now that’s a heart of darkness.

Chas Licciardello
Look, every kid has a dream. Every time a relative asks you what you want to be when you grow up, you always say the same thing. That dream, that's what drives you. That's what gets you through life. Sure, my dream was actually to be a doctor, but obviously I didn't get the marks, so that's why I'm with CNNNN.

LAMEASS!

Woody and Becky from CNNNN Sunrise
Woody: Coming up this morning, we talk to the Prime Minister of Australia, Howard Johnson.

Woody: [petting a kangaroo] Hey look, I found this jellybean in its pouch!

Woody: [holding a kitten over a pot of boiling water] Now, some people say this is inhumane, but I say it's delicious!

Woody: Now, I can't imagine how these Iraqi people must be feeling at the moment... Becky: Oh, I can! I mean, it's like when my sister came to stay at my place in '98 and I felt, like, totally invaded. Woody: Oh, yeah. Becky: Yeah, but then I realised, like, it was my own problem, that I was taking it out on her!

Newsbar items

 * Tafe lecturer still describing herself as an "academic"
 * Celebrity chef eating 2 minute noodles for dinner again
 * Cast of new Australian comedy show likely to include Glen Robbins
 * Joke is so funny it has to be sent to everyone in email address book
 * Parent suspects Bob Marley song may really be about marijuana
 * Seafood restaurant owner admits he has crabs
 * Petition of 43 munitions workers supports war in Iraq
 * Larry Emdur troubled by lingereing sense of emptiness
 * Audience worried Carlos Santana solo may never finish
 * Artwork accused of having ulterior motif
 * Labor party thrashed in national "Simon Says" championships
 * Bank of Nigeria puzzled by it's poor reputation
 * Non-Italian man uses Italian accent to order Macchiato
 * Newsbar proofreader lets gaurd down
 * No 1 dance hit ousted by almost identical track
 * Trendy dog insists on bottled toilet water
 * Non-pianist performs 'chopsticks'
 * Voice recognition software can't recognise owner swearing at it
 * Child plays with slinky a second time
 * Paralympians slam closing ceremony audience for "insensitive" standing ovation
 * Perpetually single guy tries to make it look like his choice
 * Cameraphone takes in-focus photo
 * Disneyland still waiting on formal UN recognition
 * Newbar item ends abruptl
 * Airport travelator makes passenger late for plane
 * Exotic items in pie shop all taste like pie
 * Guy convinced he could convert most lesbians
 * Reality show bears no resemblance to reality whatsoever
 * Bush & Howard now closer than ever: in polls
 * B-grade celebrity wishes paparazzi would invade her privacy
 * Actor's opinion on world events apparently newsworthy
 * Rock band takes itself seriously
 * Week a long time in politics, Guantanamo Bay
 * Gourmet pizza defined by inclusion of sundried tomatoes
 * Americans irritated by hordes of quiet, knowledgeable tourists
 * Latest special McDonald's burger tastes identical to last one
 * Nine album tracks just filler between three singles
 * Fifties decor in Hungry Jack's fools no one
 * Donkey voter a complete ass
 * Iraqi cheese-maker complains of Kurds getting in the Whey
 * Depressed magician performs optical disillusion
 * Psychotic gains respite after voices in head contract laryngitis
 * Newsreader rushed to hospital after trying to pronounce name of new Indonesian president Dr. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono
 * Calls for tougher sentencing on killer flus
 * Price war breaks out between $2.00 shop & $1.95 shop
 * Australian actress pretends she still calls Australia home
 * Bird and bee have sex with disastrous results
 * Twelve prams wrecked in Wiggles mosh pit
 * Wishful thinker sucks in stomach when on scales
 * Writer of the Newsbar regrets his obeying of the advice of the grammar-checking tool which is contained within Microsoft Word
 * Holden and Ford currently in peace talks

Mock commercials
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How much does it cost to disarm a country? Military personnel: $30 billion Combat weapons: $72 billion Rebuilding the country: $8 billion The look on your victims' faces when they learn there were no WMDs after all: Priceless. There are some justifications for war that money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCon.

In our last campaign we told you to be alert, but not alarmed. But even though now all Australians have fridge magnets, terrorism continues to threaten our way of life, so now we're saying, "OK, be alarmed". Soon every home will be sent this handy oven mitt which contains practical information on why you should be more afraid than ever - especially about the you-know-whos. If you see anything suspicious, contact the national panic hotline. Remember! If things don't fit, check your mitt! And be alarmed.

Voiceover: Tuesday night, catch the ABC's new lower-budget foreign affairs programme: Frugal Correspondent. This week, Middle East correspondent Simon Hurley visits a mosque in the middle of the east coast of Australia. Asia correspondent Ewan Watson investigates the new Chinese leadership at an arrivals lounge. Watson: (to newly-arrived Asian) Do you know anybody important in Beijing? Voiceover: And Jennifer Byrne profiles South-East Asian terror networks from her local Indonesian restaurant. Byrne: It's difficult to tell whether JI still poses a threat, especially from here at the Satay Palace. Voiceover: Now covering the world without leaving Australia! That's Frugal Correspondent, Tuesday on ABC TV.

At 7:30 tomorrow join special guest host Senator Richard Alston, looking at the pros and pros of the full Telstra sell-off. Plus, why the coalition war in Iraq was beyond reproach - and we meet the first Prime Minister in history whose policies deserve to be spared any media scrutiny! Senator Alston guest hosts The 7:30 Report tomorrow night on his ABC.

title: CNNNN


text:
User talk:68.23.97.239

~ MosheZadka (Talk) 14:01, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:68.23.97.239


text:
Talk:CNNNN

its a bit longer then a stub dont you think--Whywhywhy 14:08, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

 * Removed stub notice. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 14:30, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

CNN? --169.244.143.115 23:22, 2 February 2006 (UTC)

Cleanup
I've added a cleanup tag because quite a few of the quotes don't have proper formatting per Templates/TV shows. In particular, many of them have no formatting at all and are separated by spaceless HTML break tags, making it not only messy for readers but hard for editors to easily see separate quotes. I ask that interested editors please help out with formatting these sections. Thank you. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 19:02, 27 February 2006 (UTC)

"Lameass"
Why would Chas say 'lame-ass'? He has an Australian accent, that makes it 'lame-arse'. 'Ass' is a different word. It means mule.
 * Actually, "lameass" is correct. The "Lameass" segment is a parody of America's "Jackass". Shoemoney2night 04:35, 28 November 2007 (UTC)

title: Talk:CNNNN


text:
User talk:219.83.106.179

UDScott 14:08, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:219.83.106.179


text:
User talk:65.87.177.251

UDScott 14:09, 10 November 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:65.87.177.251