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The Fairly OddParents

The Fairly OddParents (2001–2017) is a Nickelodeon animated television series created by Butch Hartman. The series follows the life a 10-year-old boy, Timmy Turner and his two wish-granting fairies, Cosmo and Wanda.

The Big Problem/Power Mad! [1.1]

 * Wanda: You can't spell "Vicky" without "icky".

 * Vicky: All right, Twerp! Time for bed.
 * Timmy: But it's only 6:04.
 * Vicky: Well, it's 9:04 on the east coast. BED!
 * [one minute later, Timmy's clock changes to 6:05]
 * Cosmo: Now it's 9:05 on the east coast!

 * Timmy: Well, how do I look?
 * Cosmo & Wanda: Ew!
 * Timmy: 'Ew' is right! I don't have any hair!
 * Wanda: Sure you do! It's here on your back! [Lifts his shirt to show his back is covered in hair]
 * Timmy: That's just creepy.

 * [Timmy, having wished himself to be older, sees his Mom and Dad kissing]
 * Timmy: [covers his eyes] Arrrgh! It burns!

 * [Older Timmy has been eating "grown-up" food at a restaurant]
 * Waiter: That'll be $265.
 * Timmy: WHAT?! That's more than I get in allowance- I mean, that's more than I make in a month!
 * Waiter: Well, you should have finished college.
 * Timmy: Did YOU finish college?
 * Waiter: [breaking into tears] NO! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M A WAITER?!?!

 * Fairy-Gram: Fairy-Gram for Cosmo and Wanda.
 * Cosmo: I'm Cosmo and Wanda!
 * Fairy-Gram: Now that your kid is big and hairy, your next assignment is mean and scary.

 * Wanda: You mean we're being reassigned?
 * Fairy-Gram: Ha ha ha! I mean, yes, and we're all very sorry.
 * Cosmo: Can we have a couple of hours to say good-bye to Timmy?
 * Fairy-Gram: Can I have five dollars? [Timmy hands him a five-dollar bill] Two hours. [disappears]

 * Cosmo: Miniature golf is a great kids' game!
 * [Cosmo and Wanda are turned into a tee and ball]
 * Timmy: Ow! My back!
 * Wanda: Let me try the Age-O-Meter. Kid...adult...Oh, no! You've become even more of an adult!
 * Cosmo: We've got to resort to the heavy artillery!
 * [Cuts to Timmy riding a kiddie ride outside a store]

 * Vicky: And this is for the TV, and this is the VCR, and this is the DVD, and this is the surround sound, and this is the combination microwave popcorn maker/neck massager, and I don't know what this plug does, but I ain't payin' for the electricity.

 * Timmy: I lost a life! On level 1! What am I, 4?

 * Cosmo: [as Ricky] Wanda! You've got some splainin' to do!
 * Wanda: [as Lucy] Even though that's not the way everybody says "explaining", I respect our differences and your right to say it in the way you want.
 * Cosmo: Eh, babaloo?
 * Wanda: That, too.
 * Cosmo & baby: WAH!
 * Vicky: Boring! [Changes channel]

 * Wanda: [As news reporter] And now, here's Cosmo with the weather.
 * Cosmo: [Holding a feather] I thought you said feather. [A pause, then smiles]

 * Wanda: Just let me clairify this. You married, your car.
 * Cosmo: [In southern accent] Yep, now my kids get seventeen miles to the gallon! [Has chair thrown at him]
 * Wanda: And we'll be right back.

 * [Timmy enters Level 8 of the video game, which looks like an underwater version of his Aunt Gertrude's house]
 * Aunt Gertrude: [as a giant lobster with large claws] Hello, Timmy! Let Aunt Gertrude pinch those chubby cheeks of yours!
 * Timmy: I hope she means my face!

 * Timmy: I wish I had cheeks of steel!
 * Wanda: I hope you mean your face.
 * Timmy: I do!

 * Cosmo: It's a show about nothing!...How do we know when it's over?
 * Vicky: [watching the show] I do. [changes the channel]

 * Cosmo: Follow me to the TV; I've got an idea!
 * Wanda: [writing in a book] Wednesday, March 22nd: Cosmo had an idea!
 * [Later]
 * Cosmo: I'm all out of ideas!
 * Wanda: [writing in book] Well, easy come, easy go.
 * [Even later]
 * Cosmo: I had another idea!
 * Wanda: [writing in book] This was a magnificent day for Cosmo!

 * Vicky: Well, keep it down; you know when I'm watching you, I'm watching something on TV!

 * A.J.: It's 6:13. Timmy always goes to the bathroom at 6:13.
 * Chester: And that's weird. He always struck as a 7:43 whizzinator.

 * Timmy: Those creeps! Wait 'til I reset them!
 * Wanda: No! If you turn off the game while they're in there, or if they lose their 3 lives, they'll disappear forever.
 * Timmy: Then I wish they're out of the game!
 * Cosmo: You can't! [turns his head into Timmy's] Quote: "I wish for a video game that's challenging - a game that you can't wish yourself out of!" Unquote. [returns to normal]
 * Wanda: You either win the game, or take off the helmet.
 * Timmy: You guys don't do anything halfway, do you?
 * Cosmo: Nope. We're two halves of a whole idiot!

 * Narrator: His velvety voice and beautiful lyrics have moved many a generation...
 * Cosmo: [singing] The wheels on the bus go round and round!
 * Narrator: He is a talent that will fill your heart with joy.
 * Cosmo: [singing] There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name O!
 * Vicky: Man, there is nothing on today!

 * Cosmo: I'm a Cosmo Coin, and boy am I glad to see you.
 * Timmy: Ditto!
 * Wanda: [Running on the treadmill that keeps the power going] This'll be great for my glutes!

 * Timmy: I wish I had something to stop Vicky!
 * Cosmo: Hey, that's just vague enough to work!
 * [Cosmo creates a door, and Timmy's parents come in]
 * Mom: Vicky! It's us.
 * Dad: Timmy's Mom and Dad!
 * Mom: We're back!
 * Dad: You can go home now.
 * Vicky: [screaming and melting] Nooooo!

Spaced Out/TransParents! [1.2]

 * Queen Jipjorrulac: We wouldn't have to blow up all these planets if you just stop for directions.
 * King Gripullon: Quiet! I'm still the king around here!
 * Queen Jipjorrulac: King of getting lost.
 * King Gripullon: Silence!

 * [first instance of Timmy's recurring explanation for the amazing things he has as the result of his fairy godparents]
 * Chester: Killer Crash suit, dude!
 * A.J: Yeah -wherever did you get it?
 * Timmy: Uhh, internet?

 * Wanda: We have good news and bad news.
 * Timmy: What's the good news?
 * Cosmo: The alien we got you is actually a prince from the dreaded war planet Yugopotamia.
 * Wanda: And his parents are on their way to destroy the Earth and rescue their son!
 * Timmy: What's the bad news?
 * Wanda: Oh, wait...that was the bad news!
 * Timmy: [shouting] Then what's the good news?!
 * Cosmo: I found a nickel!

 * [While Timmy shows off the dinosaur he wished for to the class]
 * Mr. Crocker: Incredible! No normal child could have access to that kind of genetic technology. There's only one logical explanation...Fairy Godparents!

 * [At the end of a three way phone call, Timmy and Chester simply hang up]
 * A.J.: Doesn't anyone say "goodbye" anymore?

 * Cosmo: Yippee! That hurt!
 * Timmy: No, Cosmo, you're supposed to say "ouch" when something hurts
 * Cosmo: Oh, okay. Yippee! That ouched!

 * Mr. Crocker: Can I offer you anything with that? Cream, sugar, magic?
 * Wanda: What was that last one?
 * Mr. Crocker: [unsure] Sugar?

 * Wanda: [Principal Waxleplax is stuck in a trap Crocker tried to set up for Cosmo and Wanda] I may be naive, but I don't think she's doing it right.
 * Principal Waxleplax: [screaming] CROCKER!
 * Mr. Crocker: [sarcastically] Oh, perfect.

 * Principal Waxleplax: A week of detention for all of you! [to Timmy] You for faking your show and tell[to Chester and A.J.] You for going into the girls bathroom! [to Crocker] And you for trapping me in a toilet paper cocoon and promising two young boys they could enslave the earth! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

A Wish Too Far!/Tiny Timmy! [1.3]

 * Trixie Tang: [Shielding herself from Timmy's bright teeth] May I grace you with my presence?
 * Timmy: It'll be your honor!
 * Trixie Tang: Oh, you're good!

 * Timmy: What do those popular kids have that I don't?
 * Cosmo: Besides the clothes and the money and the stuff?

 * [Timmy has become popular, so Chester and A.J. have to find a new friend]
 * Chester: Elmer, you're the new Timmy. [puts Timmy's hat on Elmer]
 * Elmer: Neat! Can my boil have a hat, too?

 * Timmy: What's going on?
 * Wanda: You're being sued by Fairy World, and Jorgen Von Strangle is the persecutor!
 * Timmy: Don't you mean prosecutor?
 * Wanda: No!
 * Cosmo: I'm gonna be the defense attorney!
 * Timmy & Wanda: NO!
 * [Cosmo turns into a defense attorney]
 * Cosmo: And, for my first legal maneuver, I'd like to make a motion! [starts dancing]

 * Cosmo: Don't look at me. I'm just a coal miner!

 * Mom: Take good care of our fancy new vase while we're gone! Oh, and Timmy, too. Keep an eye on him.

 * Vicky: [glaring at vase] I hate you. Stop mocking me!

 * Timmy: Look at the size of this food! If I could shrink everyone in the world down to this size, there'd be enough food to end world hunger!
 * Wanda: Oh, that's beautiful, Timmy!
 * Cosmo: But not why we're here! Look! Big candy!
 * Timmy: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!

 * Single Cell Princess: [very fast Valley girl] My interests include wiggling and swimming. My turn-offs are penicillin and antibiotics. But enough about me, tell me about you.
 * Timmy: Well, my name's Timmy and I have a short attention span and... [wanders off]

 * Timmy: [repeated throughout episode] So bored, can't focus.

 * Vicky: That's right, Timmy's throwing a "Break Timmy's Stuff" party at his house!

 * Cosmo: We're in Kidney Land! Oh, my gosh!  Look!
 * Cosmo & Wanda: It's Walt Kidney!

 * Timmy: Mission control, this is what makes Vicky tick. Cool I can see what Vicky sees.
 * Pettiness: Excuse me, this is a secure area. Who are you?
 * Timmy: Uh, I'm Bob from the ahhh... central nervous system.
 * Vicky's Sub-Conscious: Hi Bob.

 * Pettiness: I'm Pettiness, that's Jealousy.
 * Jealousy: Why don't I have a suit like that?

 * Pettiness: And this is Anger.
 * Anger: [sweet] Hello, would you like a cookie?
 * Timmy: Sure.
 * Anger: [sweet] Well... [angry] SO WOULD I!

 * Timmy: [being chased by a swarm of antibodies] I have to find a way out before they box me in! That's it. [flies up a finds a fast-food talkbox] A voice box!
 * Voice Box: Welcome to Voice in the Box. May I take your order?
 * Timmy: [activates a megaphone] I wish I was out of here! [reverbrates up Vicky's larynx]
 * Vicky: [cleaning the house] I have to clean the mess I made and- [in Timmy's voice] I wish I was out of here!
 * Wanda: Did you hear that? Timmy learned ventriloquism.
 * Cosmo: And Vicky's the dummy!

 * Vicky: What?! Cute little animals?! And they're CLEANING?! GET OUT!

Father Time!/Apartnership! [1.4]

 * Dad: TROPHY-SENSES TINGLING! TO THE TROPHY CASE!

 * Dad: What happened here?!?!
 * Timmy: Uh...I melted your trophy with heat vision?
 * Dad: Where did you get heat vision?
 * Timmy: Uh...Internet?
 * Cosmo: Oh, he's good.

 * Dad: I'm so mad I wish blinding beams of heat would shoot out of my eyes right now!

[Cosmo starts to grant his wish but Wanda stops him]
 * Wanda: No, no, ours is the one with the silly pink hat.

 * Dad: Go to your room and don't come out until you learn responsibility for other people's property...or welding skills...whichever comes first!

 * Timmy: Now it's time for Scary Stories From The Future! In the future, there will be 500 TV channels.
 * Young Dad: Far out!
 * Timmy: But nothing to watch!
 * Young Dad: AAH!

 * 1970's Cosmo: The system's trying to take him prisoner!
 * 1970's Wanda: We're all prisoners...on the inside!
 * 1970's Cosmo: I love you!

 * 1970's Wanda: That little Billy Gates and his crazy ideas.

 * Timmy: [as Young Dad, offering his trophy] Hi, Mom! I'm Dad. Will you take this; go out with me; marry me; and someday have a boy with a silly pink hat?
 * Young Mom: Okay. I'll come by your house later!
 * Timmy: [as Young Dad] Groovy! If I'm asleep in a tent in the backyard, wake me up and tell me about the race, in excruciating detail!''
 * Young Mom: Okay. [wanders off]

 * Dad: This is me graduating dictator college. And this is me taking over the world - with smiles! And this is where I'd put a trophy- IF I HAD ONE!

 * Wanda: I hate everything! I hate cats, I hate this day. I'm going to bed...which I hate!

 * Wanda: You're such a Mama's boy!
 * Cosmo: I'm not!
 * Wanda: [turns Cosmo into a baby] Now you are!
 * [Cosmo defecates in his diaper]
 * Cosmo: Hey! You made me make a poopie!

 * Cosmo: Let's get something straight! I'm not bright! Big words confuse me! I have the attention span of a rodent! But Wanda loves me anyway. She makes me happy and THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR YOU!

 * Mama Cosma: It's not working! He's falling in love with her again!
 * Cupid: Well, where's the dough? You know, as the god of love, I love cash.
 * Mama Cosma: And I love the idea of Cosmo not being able to love Wanda.
 * Timmy: [frustrated] At this rate, I'll never get home! [grabs one of Cupid's arrows] I'll just make them fall in love, and sort it out later.
 * Cosmo: [spots a nickel and ducks] Ooh! I spy a nickel!
 * Cupid: [arrow hits Cupid] You know, Mama Cosma, there is something I love more than money: YOU! [Mama Cosma screams as Cupid chases her]

 * Wanda: I'm sorry I yelled at you puddin'. I promise I won't do it unless you really mess up again.
 * Cosmo: Like I will tomorrow?
 * Wanda: It's a date.

 * Dad: Okay honey, are you ready for your anniversary present?
 * Mom: [blindfolded] Oh, I'm so excited! What is it? What is it?
 * Dad: Open your eyes!
 * Mom: It's a blindfold! Oh, I've always wanted one!

Chin Up!/Dog's Day Afternoon [1.5]

 * The Crimson Chin: Great jaws of justice! Spatula Woman!
 * Timmy: But that's just a geek in a costume!

 * The Crimson Chin: My powers...gone! There must be some sort of Chintonite in this facility!

 * Timmy/Cleft: [tied to a giant hairy leg missile] Couldn't you have shaved this thing?!
 * The Bronze Kneecap: [pointing to his kneecap] Don't make me use this!

 * Timmy/Cleft: The Crimson Chin is still a hero, right?! He'll save me, right?!
 * The Crimson Chin: Stupid ketchup!
 * Timmy/Cleft: Well, uh... besides, I'm not in any real trouble, right?! If I were in any real danger, my Godparents would get me outta here, right?!
 * Cosmo: Stupid ketchup!

 * The Crimson Chin: By my mother's mandible - I say NAY!

 * [Timmy wins the Comic Book Convention fancy dress competition]
 * Wanda: He's my hero!
 * Cosmo: [holding a hero sandwich] And this is mine! [attempts to squeeze ketchup while shaking it up and down, but can't] Stupid ketchup!

 * Timmy: I can't believe it! I'm this dog's dog.
 * Wanda: Isn't that a rap song?
 * Cosmo: [gives himself some rap clothes] Word! [gets weighed down by all the stuff and crashes to the bottom of the fishbowl]

 * Timmy: Dogs have a better sense of smell. And they can see in black and white.  And they can go to the bathroom anywhere they want!
 * Cosmo: So can I. I'm just polite!

 * Cosmo: [sing-song] I married the smart one!
 * Wanda: [sing-song] And I married the...well, he's cute, right?

 * Cosmo: Ooh, yeah - I'm gonna swing, Daddy-o! I'm gonna call up all my old friends [leafing through book] Lessee, Wanda, Wanda, Wanda with a star beside it, Panda, no that's "Wanda" with a smudge on the 'W'. I...I...I miss Wanda!

 * [floating at a typewriter]
 * Wanda: Finally, a romance novel to shake the ages. [starts typing] It was dawn. I was in my towel when the ninjas attacked...

Dream Goat!/The Same Game [1.6]

 * Vicky: Here's a physics lesson, Poindexter. Undies plus gravity equals WEDGIE!

 * Wanda: Aw! Goat love!
 * Cosmo: They say it's the most honest love there is!

 * [Timmy is trapped by a mob after admitting to setting the town mascot Chompy free]
 * Timmy: I'm doomed!
 * Cosmo: Well, you've lived a good life, right?
 * Timmy: I'm only ten!
 * Cosmo: I said good, not long!

 * Dad: Well, son, I'd have to do this: [screams like a female] Hypothetically, of course.

 * Cosmo: [to a gray blob] Are you Timmy?
 * Gray Blob #1: No. I'm Chet.
 * Wanda: [to another gray blob] Are you Timmy?
 * Gray Blob #2: I'm Dominic.
 * Cosmo: [to the first gray blob] Are you Timmy?
 * Gray Blob #1: I just told you! I'm Chet.
 * Cosmo: I hate this wish! I can't tell which blob is our blob.

 * Gray Dr. Bender: Is this your ball on our lawn, and your gray on our gray?
 * Gray Timmy: Dr.Bender! Wendell! You're big gray blobs just like me!
 * Gray Dr. Bender: Actually we're the grayest and the blobbiest.
 * Gray Timmy: But everyone's exactly alike!
 * Gray Dr. Bender: That's where you're wrong, little, not so gray boy! In fact, only blobs as gray and blobby as we are can have a gray ball as fun as this. Now beat it!

 * Dr. Bender DDS: Well, Bucky The Buck-Toothed Tooth Boy, that's where you're WRONG!

 * Cosmo: If you're playing Timmy Ball, wear a helmet.
 * Wanda: What about Wanda Ball?
 * Cosmo: I know that game!
 * Wanda: Do you know I use a cinder block?
 * Cosmo: Didn't know that! [Wanda drops a cinder block on his head] Aah!

Christmas Every Day [2.1]

 * Timmy: Who are all these gifts for?
 * Vicky: Nobody. I just like making you work!

 * Vicky: Merry Christmas Mr. and Mrs. Turner. Is it time for my Christmas bonus?
 * Dad: Yep. This year you get to leave early!

 * Timmy: I love the smell of Christmas in the morning!

 * Chet Ubetcha: It's ho-ho-horrible! As Christmas enters its third week, the world screams, "Christmas is entering its third week!"

 * Chet Ubetcha: [on a television in a shop window] As the world falls apart at the seams, people everywhere are asking "who is responsible for this?", and "how can we tear them limb from limb?"!
 * Timmy: Err... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
 * Cosmo: Yeah! He's cute when he's angry!

 * Wanda: What do you second rate, not-Christmas holidays want with our Timmy?
 * Easter Bunny: He better unwish that wish, or he's gonna an egg where the sun don't shine!
 * Cosmo: In the closet?

 * Cowgirl: Merry Christmas! [Hands Timmy some gas for his snowmobile] Or, as we say in Montana; you're standing in cow manure!
 * Timmy: Awesome!

 * Timmy: I made it all the way across the ocean to Greenland and nothing bad happened!
 * [Large shark breaks through the ice and eats the snowmobile]
 * Timmy: [looks to camera] Well, that's inconvenient.

Boys in the Band/Hex Games [2.2]

 * Timmy: Cookies? For dinner? With our... phone number on them?
 * Dad: These aren't for you son, these are for the Chip Skylark concert!
 * Mom: We're going to hurl these on stage and hope that Chip calls us, and offers to be your big brother!

 * Vicky: MOVE IT, TWERP! It's called 'Pay-Per-View'; which means if I don't view, THEN SOMEONE'S GONNA PAY!

 * Timmy: Yeah, well, you know what I wish? I wish something bad would happen to him!
 * Wanda: Okay, but you can't wish him maimed.
 * Timmy: Okay, then. I wish-
 * Cosmo: Or injured.
 * Timmy: Then-
 * Wanda: Or beaten...or dead.
 * Timmy: Fine. I wish that the worst possible non-lethal thing would happen to Chip Skylark right now!

 * Chip Skylark: Tuesday's apple sauce day.

 * [Vicky has captured Chip Skylark and is showing him her dresses]
 * Vicky: Do you like THIS one that makes me look like Mrs Chip Skylark, or THIS one that makes me look like Mrs. Chip Skylark!?!

 * Vicky: I love you, Chip Skylark! I'm gonna call all my friends and invite them to the wedding! First, I gotta find some friends.
 * Chip Skylark: Another day, another wackadoo holding me against my will.

 * Vicky: You can watch this while I find someone who will perform a marriage ceremony between a crazed fan and a celebrity teen hostage. To the Internet!

 * Timmy: I'm really sorry about [Vicky holding you hostage], Chip.
 * Chip: Oh, that's all right, little pal. It's not like you wished for this to happen.

 * [Chip Skylark's Icky Vicky song]
 * V...I...C...K...Y... The sound of her name makes the little kids cry. AAH!
 * Hey Vicky, you're so, so icky. Just the thought of being around you makes me oh, so sicky.
 * Hey Vicky won't you please explain how you get so much enjoyment out of causing kids pain.
 * Oh Oh Oh! A chick who's just plain mean. A sour sweet sixteen.
 * She's a fire breathing dragon in a pair of black jeans.
 * Eeew!
 * Hey Vicky won't you tell us true; how we ever got the bad luck to be stuck with you.
 * Oh Vicky can we say one thing, it's your super total yuckiness that makes us wanna sing
 * Icky Vicky.
 * Eeew! Eeew!
 * Icky Vicky.
 * Eeew! Eeew!
 * Icky Vicky.

 Vicky: LOOK CHIP! I found the only Justice of the Peace on earth who can marry a couple against their will!

 * [an astronaut is planting a flag on the moon, when Timmy floats past on a skateboard]
 * Astronaut: Houston, we have another problem... Over.
 * Controller: It's always problem, problem, problem with you guys. Don't you ever call just to say "hi"? Over.

 * [Cosmo is riding on Timmy's back as he skates through a jungle, in a pastiche of Yoda and Luke in The Empire Strikes Back]
 * Cosmo: Learn to skate in difficult environments you must... because scared of gorillas am I!

 * A.J.: Wow! Look at Timmy roll nimbly back and forth! I mean...[looks at a book of Skate Lingo] Shred!

 * A.J.: Hey! Vicky's totally cheating! I mean... [looks at a book of Skate Lingo] Cheating!

 * A.J.: [explaining to Vicky why she can't do the "Timmy Tuck"] Timmy's small and nice; you're tall and weighed down with too much evil.

 : Vicky: [refusing to give Timmy the crown] Oh, you want this crown? You got a better chance of some loser 12 year old waistory falling out of the sky and plowing me into the ground! [Francis falls out of the sky on a skateboard screaming and plowing Vicky in the ground.]
 * Vicky: Here you go.

 * Cosmo: [seeing Chester crash] "Wow, his whole face hit at the same time! He must be really good!"

Boy Toy/Inspection Detection [2.3]

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: There's evil afoot...I mean, a-Chin!

 * Chester: Wow! A Timmy Turner action figure! With thumb-sucking action! Yo!

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: I eat evil...for breakfast!

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: I have goats...in my pants!

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: Justice...thy name is Chin!

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: Of all my muscles, my brain is one of 'em!

 * Timmy: I wonder why I got so bored with you?
 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: Check out my dimple, it's huge!
 * Timmy: Now I remember; your action phrases stunk!

 [Vicky is demanding that two boys do her chores]
 * Vicky: You do my dishes, and you cut my lawn.
 * Boy: But these are your chores.
 * Vicky: And these are High Definition photos of you two sneaking into an R-rated movie! AND...ACTION!

 * Vicky: Well, well, well, what's this? Two new toys? [grabs Cosmo and Wanda] Well, guess who they get to meet!
 * Tootie: Not Mr. Hammer....
 * Cosmo & Wanda: Mr. Hammer?
 * Vicky: Yes, Mr. Hammer and his friend, Mrs. Saw! [Vicky takes out a hammer and saw.]
 * Cosmo: Hi, Mrs. Saw! I'm Cosmo, and this is Wanda! [Wanda glares at him.] Don't you want to be a good host?
 * Tootie: NO! Those are Timmy's dolls!
 * Vicky: Oh, that changes EVERYTHING! [she takes out a blowtorch.]
 * Cosmo: Hey! Mr. Fire! Have you met Wanda?

 [Vicky's dog Doidle peed, which was actually spilled lemonade]
 * Vicky: Bad dog! You know you're only supposed to do that outside or at Timmy's house!

 * Timmy: I'm just...
 * Cosmo & Wanda: A stupid ten year old boy!
 * Timmy: Right. And I'm not interested in girls,  and I won't be until I'm...
 * Cosmo & Wanda: A stupid eleven year old boy!
 * Tootie: Then...there's hope? THERE'S HOPE!

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: I am totally into the idea of you giving me to Tootie. This way, she'll always have a little piece of you that she can smother and choke with love.
 * Timmy: Wow! That was an oddly specific action phrase.

 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: I put the "man" in mandible!

 * Vicky: When it rains, it melts!

 * Timmy: I wish the Chin doll was indestructible and had 12,000 "I Hate Vicky" action phrases.
 * [Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands. Vicky fires her blow torch at the Crimson Chin action figure, but the toy remains intact]
 * Crimson Chin Action Figure: Your icky, redheaded yuckiness cannot pierce the shield of Tootie's love! [Vicky fires her blow torch again, with the same result] Evil redheads make boy bands say "EWWWWW!"
 * Vicky: Why won't this stupid toy BREAK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 * [Mom and Dad are eating breakfast]
 * Dad: Honey, you've outdone yourself again! What do you call this?
 * Mom: Cold cereal and milk.
 * Dad: It's marvelous! I'm falling in love with you all over again!

 * Dad: Did you notice all of those nice things Timmy has? I don't remember getting him those nice things. Why don't I have nice things?!  I want some nice things!

 * Dad: [seeing that Timmy's room is full of stuff that he hasn't bought for him] Young man, where did you get all these nice things?
 * Timmy: Uh...Internet?
 * Dad: And where did you get Internet?
 * Timmy: Uh...uh...
 * Dad: [gasps] He's stammering! Our son is the Wall-2-Wall-Mart shoplifter! [screams like a girl]
 * Timmy: What?! You don't think I stole this stuff, do you?
 * Dad: [screams like a girl again]
 * Timmy: That's a yes...but I didn't do it!
 * Dad: [screams like a girl again then passes out]
 * Mom: That's it, young man, you know you're not supposed to make your father scream like a girl three times in one day!

 * Cosmo: [trying to distract Jorgen with a slideshow] And this is us vacationing in Egypt. [showing an image of Wanda in Egypt with a disgusted expression as Cosmo is also shown in the image vomiting into a barf bag]
 * Wanda: Cosmo had food poisoning.
 * Cosmo: [a similiar image to the first one, but set in Paris] And this is us in Paris.
 * Wanda: Food poisoning.
 * Cosmo: Fancy food poisoning! [shows another image with Cosmo and Wanda in a amusement park setting] And this is me getting food poisoning in Kidneyland- [Jorgen vaporizes the projector screen]
 * Jorgen: Your puny slideshow does not amuse me.
 * Cosmo: [cowering alongside WAnda] Well, we could just sit here cowering in fear of you.
 * Jorgen: Oooh! I'll get my camera!

 * Police Officer: [to Timmy, as he confronts Francis] Alright, son. Leave this law-abiding grey child alone!

 * Mom: Timmy, we love you and they just want to help!
 * Timmy: Oh, yeah? Do you love me enough to give me a chance to show you that you're wrong?
 * Dad: Well, all right, son. One chance, but if you're wrong it's off to the clink...which I hear is nice! Why don't I get to go to the nice clink?!

 [Mom and Dad break into Timmy's room with a tank he had wished for]
 * Dad: Say! Where'd you get the nice tank, son?
 * Timmy: Uhh... Internet?
 * Mom and Dad: Works for us!

[They drive out of the room and over a car]
 * Mom: Was that the Dinkleberg's car?
 * Dad: I hope so! That's what I was aiming for!

Action Packed/Smarty Pants [2.4]

 * [While watching television, Cosmo is disguised as a box of popcorn, Timmy eats part of him]
 * Cosmo: Aah! My brains! Babble and drool!

 * [Timmy is transformed into a Bruce Willis style action hero]
 * Timmy: Awesome! I have a five o'clock shadow!
 * Cosmo: And it's only 7 A.M.!

 * Timmy: The horror! The pure, unadulterated PG-13 horror!

 * Cosmo: [is being disintegrated by Jorgen's invention] You musn't blame yourself, even though it is all your fault.
 * Wanda: Timmy, remember- we love you...
 * Timmy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I goofed up this world. Now, I'm ungoofing it.

 [While on the phone]
 * AJ: Are you playing the Crash Nebula video game? Shouldn't you be studying?
 * Timmy: What are you? My Mom?

[Timmy hangs up]
 * AJ: Hey genius, you missed the receiver.

[Timmy hangs up again]
 * AJ: Nope, still off.

 * [Timmy is studying for his quiz]:
 * Cosmo: Hey, wanna play the Not Study Game?
 * Timmy: How do you play?
 * Cosmo: [after shoving Timmy's textbooks off the desk] You're already playing!
 * Cosmo & Timmy: YAY!
 * [after a "Not Study" poof, we see Cosmo and Timmy playing the Crash Nebula video game]

 * Timmy: Shouldn't you be rescuing a calculator from a tree?"
 * A.J.: Spell "calculator".
 * Timmy: C... A... L... Q... [A.J. smiles at him] Later! [runs away]

 * Timmy: I don't know anything anymore!
 * Cosmo: Welcome to my world!

Super Bike/A Mile in My Shoes [2.5]

 * Wanda: And don't make him re-live Super Toilet!
 * Cosmo: It took the plunger...THE WHOLE PLUNGER! [curls into fetal position and sucks his thumb]

 * Super Bike: [after Timmy says he can't win, if it would only make his dad sad] Well, if he really loved you, he'd let you [head turns into a dragon, with a demonic voice] RIDE ME!
 * Timmy: Don't say that! My Dad loves me!
 * Super Bike: How do you know he's not lying?
 * Timmy: How do I know you're not?
 * Super Bike: Well, [turns back to its regular self] I'm a bike.

 * Cosmo: Hi, Super Bike! Meet Super Screwdriver!
 * Super Bike: [angrily] Super Toilet!
 * Cosmo: AAH! So...much...clogging! [curls into fetal position and sucks his thumb again]

 * Wanda: Super Bike... Meet Super Toilet!

 * Timmy: [poofing into Hairy World] Fairy World?
 * Hairy monster: Hairy World.
 * [A fairy cow poofs in]
 * Cow: Dairy World?
 * Timmy: Hairy World.
 * Cow: Oh darn it! [poofs away]

 * Cosmo: [rubbing the wands together like sticks] Huh! If I could just light these candles, we could eat!
 * Wanda: Did it ever occur to you we're in a fishbowl filled with water?
 * Cosmo: That's why I'm trying to light these candles. Somebody's got to dry up all this wet food!
 * Timmy: Hey guys, what's new? [the candles light]
 * Wanda: Uh...the laws of physics?

 [Talking to Cosmo as Timmy]
 * Mom: Oh, sweetie, you feel warm, and you look positively green!
 * Dad: Warm? Green? Those are all the symptoms of steamed broccoli! Get the thermometer! And the salad shooter!

 * Mom: [finds Wanda (as Timmy) watching TV] Timmy! What are you doing up this late? It's way past your bedtime!
 * Wanda: But...uh...but...
 * Dad: No "buts", young man. You march straight to bed, and don't make me get the giant robot in here.
 * [Mom and Dad then walk into the kitchen and find Cosmo (as Timmy) sneaking into the cookie jar.]
 * Mom: Timmy! What are you doing in here? You were just in there.
 * Cosmo: Uh.... no I wasn't?
 * Dad: Well, that settles that. But you know you're not supposed to eat sweets this late at night...or change from pink to green.

 * Mom: [seeing Cosmo disguised as Timmy] Oh no! Timmy feels warm! And he's green!
 * Dad: Warm? Green? Those are all the symptoms of steamed broccoli! Get the thermometer! And the salad shooter!
 * Mom: [spotting Timmy (as a gill-less fish) floating upside-down in the fishbowl] I better get the fish a thermometer, too!

Timvisible/That Old Black Magic [2.6]

 * [Timmy is being chased by Francis, the school bully.]
 * Wanda: You know, sweetie, running away from your problems never solved anything.
 * Francis: [knocking other children out of the way] Turner!
 * Cosmo: But it's great cardio - run, Timmy, run!

 * Spanish teacher: ¿Donde esta el queso de apestoso? (Translation: Where is the American cheese?) [original airing version; all current versions substitute "American" for "smelly"]
 * Cosmo: [holding up a piece of cheese emblazoned with the U.S. flag] ¡Aquí! [clears throat] Tengo un puerco en mis chones.
 * Wanda: You have a hog in your pants?
 * Cosmo: ¡Sí! [pulls a pig out of his pants]
 * Spanish teacher: Then you get extra credit!
 * All: Yay! Extra credit!

 * Dad: [holding two cell phones] Turner One, this is Turner Two, come in, over. Turner One come, in! WHY DON'T I ANSWER?!

 * Anti-Cosmo: I'm Anti-Cosmo, [pouring tea] I'm not an idiot in any way whatsoever.
 * Anti-Wanda: And I'm the Anti-Wanda! I'm incredibly stupid and I eat with my feets! [begins eating a sandwich with her feet]
 * Anti-Cosmo: You see, we've been trapped behind that blasted barrier for centuries. But we knew that one Friday the 13th, some child would be stupid enough to have his fairies wish him here, and set all of us free! You're our hero; our big, stupid hero!

 * [the Anti-Fairies are escaping from Fairy World]
 * Wanda: Jorgen, you have to get them back!
 * Jorgen: And I will! I will use every urge of my awesome fairy powers to... [factory whistle appears and blows] Shift's over - your problem!

 * Aide: Mister President, you almost caused a nuclear war! What are you going to do next?
 * President: I'm goin' to Escalator Land!

 [at Escalator Land in a flashback]
 * Wanda: I thought you liked that other amusement park, Escalator Land.
 * Timmy: No way! That park was for babies...
 * [Flashback to Timmy's visit, riding an escalator)]
 * Young Timmy: Dad, when do we get to the ride?
 * Dad: This is the ride!
 * Mom and Dad: Yippee!

Foul Balled/The Boy Who Would Be Queen [2.7]

 * Trixie and Veronica: [as heard by the boys] Blah-blah shopping! Blah-blah clothes! Blah-blah hair! Blah-blah boy bands! Blah-blah we'll never notice you!

 * Timmy: [after being turned into a girl] EEEEEKKKK! What did you do?! I didn't wish for this!
 * Wanda: You said "I wish" and "Girl".

 * Timmy's Dad: [eating Chester-endorsed breakfast cereal] Mmm! These Chester-O's are a great part of any winner's complete breakfast!
 * Timmy: Don't you want to try some Timmy-O's? [pulls out a cardboard box of cereal oats with a crude crayon drawing of Timmy taped onto it and we hear a laughing baby in the background]
 * Timmy's Dad: That loser cereal? That's for pack-mules. Son, I need to achieve.
 * Cosmo: [cereal is thrown into fish bowl] Hey! These are for pack-mules!

 * Timmy: [as a girl] I'm going out to the mall to find something Trixie would like. But just so you two have something to laugh at while I'm gone- [to Cosmo] I wish you were a woman, [to Wanda] and you were a man!
 * Cosmo and Wanda: What?!
 * Timmy: You're my godparents. No choice. [Cosmo and Wanda do as Timmy asked] Congratulations. You're now Cosma and Wando!

 * Wanda: [after Chester bunts the ball, and it grinds against his braces] Wait! It bounced against his braces and split into twenty-seven separate, yet still-in-play, pieces of baseball.
 * Timmy: [with a calculator] Let's see... 3 outs each times 9 players...twenty seven outs?!
 * Wanda: That's nine innings of outs in one swing!
 * Umpire: Game over! Losers lose!

Mighty Mom and Dyno Dad/Knighty Knight [2.9]

 * Dad: And that's all you need to know about where babies come from!
 * Timmy: But what's the machine for?
 * Dad: I'll tell you when you're older!

 * Mighty Mom: [stopping a helicopter getaway] It sure is drafty up here.
 * Dyno Dad: [to criminal] You better button up or you'll catch your death, OF JUSTICE!

 * Sir Finkleberg: [greeting Timmy] What ho, tiny knight with a shield that smells like a hundred horses' butts? I am on my way to pull the sword from the stone, and claim my rightful place as King of England.
 * Timmy: And you are-?
 * Sir Finkleberg: I have many names; the Shining Knight, the Hammer of Fury. But you, my fellow warrior, may call me... Sir Finkleberg.
 * Timmy: Finkleberg? What kind of dumb name is Finkle- [gets stomped into a crevice by Finkleberg; then pops back up] Cool! I got trampled upon by Sir Finkleberg.

Fairly Fairly Quite Contrary/Nectar of the Odds [2.10]

 * Juandissimo: Wanda, my love! [begins kissing "Wanda's" hand] I've missed you more than the sun misses the dawn!
 * Wanda: Well, that's all very flattering...
 * Cosmo: But that's my hand pal, and guess what, I don't need magic to turn it into a FIST! [tries unsuccessfully] [Juandissimo then turns Cosmo into a tortoise and his wand lands several feet away] When I get my wand..oh, you are in for it! [crawls towards wand]
 * Juandissimo: [over-dramatically] You see how he almost turned his hand into a fist?! I am lucky to be alive!

 * Jorgen: The handsome fairy has failed to rescue his godchild...[the crowd boos]...but he is still very sexy! [the crowd cheers and showers Juandissimo with flowers]
 * Juandissimo: This, I can live with.

 * Cosmo: [mocking Juandissimo] Hey, Muscles Magoo! [turns into Juandissimo] Look at me! I'm fancy, and my long black hair flows in the wind!
 * Juandissimo: Stop making fun of my outer beauty!
 * Cosmo: I'm strong, but I still lost my woman to an idiot!
 * [a few moments later]
 * Cosmo: [turns into a fat Juandissimo] Chunky Hunky!
 * Juandissimo: STOP!
 * Cosmo: [turns into a fat monkey Juandissimo] Monkey Chunky Hunky!

 * Juandissimo: [to Wanda] Your voice...is like the chorus of a thousand angels!
 * Cosmo: Yeah?! Well, my foot is gonna feel like the chorus of a thousand- [Juandissimo turns Cosmo into a tortoise] REVENGE! REVEEEEEENGE! [starts crawling towards his wand]

 * Wanda: Why doesn't he just wish for sweeter lemonade?
 * Cosmo: I can do that! [he takes off his shoes and socks, then sticks his socks into a glass.]
 * Wanda: I said "sweeter", not "sweatier"!
 * Cosmo: Really? I thought you said, "dunk your sweaty socks in Timmy's lemonade"!

 * Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha with BIG news...I'M THE TALLEST NEWSCASTER ALIVE! DETAILS AT ELEVEN!

Hail to the Chief/Twistory [2.11]

 * Wanda: [with Cockney accent] Oh no! Without our wands, we can't use our magic to change everything back!
 * Timmy: [with Cockney accent] I say, this is a bit of a stickywicket! [normal voice] I mean, dude! This reeks!

 * Timmy: Oh no! One of them is going to turn the future America into a yellow-toothed-electricity-deprived rathole!
 * Cosmo: Yeah! And the other one is going to turn it into a brightly-lit democratically-run rathole!

 * Wanda: Don't worry Timmy! It's not over 'till the fat lady votes!
 * Cosmo: Can the principal vote?

 * George Washington: [recurring] Must- chop- WOOOOOOD!

Fool's Day Out/Deja Vu [2.12]

 * Wanda: Cosmo thinks everything's funny. Watch. [to Cosmo, speaking in a monotone voice] Pudding.
 * Cosmo: Ha-ha-ha! She said 'puh', then 'ding'!

 * Mom: We're going to read fairy tales to low privileged, confused dolphins!
 * Dad: We're gonna read "The Little Dolphin Who Cried..." [dolphin cry]!
 * Mom: Have fun, you two!
 * Vicky: Oh, don't worry. [holds up a bunny suit] We're going to redefine the word fun!

 * Dad: Hey, guess what, Timmy, we're gonna grade you on your performance! We'll give you an A-! [holds out an A-]
 * Timmy: An A-minus?!
 * Dad: Up-bup-bup, questioning the grades, that gives you a B. [holds out a B]
 * Timmy: But...
 * Dad: Talking back, that gives you a C! [holds out a C]
 * Timmy: A C?!
 * Dad: Raising your voice! D! [holds out a Q]
 * Timmy: That's a Q!
 * Dad: That gives you an F, smarty pants! [hands him an F]

 * Dad: Hey, guess what Timmy, we're gonna grade you on your performance!
 * Timmy: Oh yeah? Then I'm gonna grade you too!
 * Dad: A B?!
 * Timmy: Up-bup-bup, questioning the grades gives you a C!
 * Dad: Uh...uh...uh...
 * Timmy: Stammering gives you a D!
 * Dad: What...are you mad?!
 * Timmy: Insulting the teacher, F!
 * Dad: [starts to cry and leaves with Mom]

 * Timmy: [Timmy is playing a Crash Nebula video game, like he did back in "Smarty Pants."] Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
 * Cosmo: Uh... never cook bacon with your shirt off? [whistling, removes shirt and tie, bacon splatters out of the pan]
 * Timmy: No. I wish my life had a reset button!

 * Timmy: This time I'm ready for Crocker's stupid test!
 * Mr. Crocker: Heh. Good news, Turner. You've taken F to a new level. I'm going to give you a Super F! Heh-heh-eh-eh-heh!
 * [Timmy pushes the re-do button]
 * Mr. Crocker: A D! As in...don't get your hopes up for a high-paying career! [chuckles]
 * [Timmy pushes the re-do button]
 * Mr. Crocker: B! As in...but you're not supposed to be this smart.
 * [Timmy pushes the re-do button]
 * Mr. Crocker: An A-! As in...oh, wait, I give so few A's, I have no prepared sarcasm.

Information Stupor Highway [2.13]

 * Veronica: Do I think Timmy Turner is neat? Actually, my love for him burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, but I can't let Trixie know that. [typing] No way, he's gross!
 * Timmy: Oh, great. The crazy one likes me.

 * Various moms: [recurring line] (name of child), I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother/father by coming in anyway! [breaks down door with battering ram]

Scary Godparents [2.14]

 * Cosmo: This year, I'm a floating human janitor.
 * Wanda: And I'm a floating human nurse.
 * Cosmo: Who floats!
 * Vicky: And I'm the Wicked Witch of "Where's-My-Candy?!"

 * Dad: I'm going as your mom!
 * Mom: And I'm going as your dad!
 * Timmy: And I'm going straight to therapy.

 * Jack-O-Bots: Activate gloat mode!

Ruled Out/That's Life [3.1]

 * Timmy: It's violent!
 * Mr. Turner: And educational!
 * Timmy and Mr. Turner: But mostly violent! Yay, violence!

 * Timmy: [tackles Eddie to the ground] Eddie, no! Dad, run! Eddie's back from the dead, and he wants to KILL you!
 * Mr. Turner: Kill me? Why would he wanna kill me? Your mom's the one who forgot to feed him when you went to summer camp. [echoes] Camp. Camp.

Shiny Teeth/Odd Odd West [3.2]

 * Chester: Hey, why does this jail cell have a coyote-shaped dog door?
 * Sanjay: Because fate is cruel?

 * Chet: [as Chip Skylark speaks (and fails) in protest against making Skip Sparkypants the star of a commercial] What? There's a boy trapped in a well? This is Chet Ubetcha saying: "I'm getting that boy out of the well!"

Love Struck [3.4]

 * Timmy: Cosmo! I wish all the girls were back.
 * Cosmo: You got it! [pause] What's a girl?
 * Timmy: Well, they're soft, and cuddly!
 * [Cosmo 'poofs' a big pink cushion into the room.]
 * Timmy: No, they're warm and they make you feel nice.
 * [Cosmo 'poofs' a monster truck into the room.]
 * Cosmo: [To monster truck] Yay! I'm gonna call you Wanda.

 * One of Cupids' Cherubs: We're losing all love power, I'm transferring the emergency backup power to your coffee machine.

 * Wanda: Whoever you are, you're going down
 * Cosmo: Whoever I am, no I'm not!

 * Timmy: Tootie, Will you be my valentine?
 * Tootie: Yes, Yes, YES!
 * Timmy: Oh, well.
 * [Tootie kisses Timmy a lot]
 * Cosmo: Aw, that's adorable.
 * [Tootie keeps kissing him a lot]
 * Cosmo: That's getting awkward.
 * [Tootie still kisses him a lot]
 * Cosmo: And now, it's just plain creepy.
 * Wanda: Oh, shut up and kiss me, will ya!
 * ''[Wanda kisses Cosmo.)
 * Cupid: Ain't love a hoot? Come on everybody, let's march! One, Two! One, Two! One, Two

[The screen closes to black]
 * Trixie: [on Timmy's answering machine] Hi, Timmy. It's me, Trixe.

 * Cherubs: [while transporting nuclear missles with hearts on them] LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Cosmo Con/Wanda's Day Off [3.5]

 * Mr. Turner: Hit it, Britney!
 * Britney: You got it! [starts dancing with her backup dancers]
 * Mrs. Turner: Hey! Wait a Minute! Dad never asks ME to hit it! [pulls her shirt sleeve up and kicks Britney Britney out of the house] AND STAY OUT!
 * Britney: [disgusted] That's it! No more private gigs!

 * Mrs. Turner: Can't a woman clip coupons in the comfort of her own bathroom?
 * Mr. Crocker: [nervously] I guess I should've knocked first.

 * Juandissimo: [covered in roaches] Ladies! Come back! Underneath this crunchy roach exterior beats the heart of a lover! [is overtaken by the roaches]

 * Cosmo: [observing a cockroach with Timmy, but nothing of interest has happened yet] Are we done yet? I've got nothing, and this is boring.
 * Timmy: We haven't learned anything yet.
 * Cosmo: [ecstatically] Make a wish! Make a wish!
 * Timmy: I don't know; with Wanda not being here, and you being- you... [sees Cosmo tearing up] Oh, come on! It's not that I don't trust you, it's- no wait, it's pretty much that.

[Cosmo wails in hysterics]
 * Timmy: Okay, okay! One teeny wish, and that's it!

 * Cockroach Leader: [notices a UFO attacking] Forces are invading! We need reinforcements!
 * Timmy: Martians? You sent martians to destroy the cockroaches?
 * Cosmo: You said nothing on Earth could destroy them, so I picked something not from Earth. [UFOs zap anything within sight, but fail to kill any roaches]
 * Timmy: Martians destroy everything; except roaches! Don't you watch the movies?
 * Cosmo: Please, Timmy! Wanda's gonna be home any minute. If she sees this, she's gonna think I'm a idiot!
 * Timmy: And this would be news to her how? [Cosmo's lip quivers] Augh, great. The lower lip thing.

Odd Jobs/Movie Magic [3.6]

 * Cosmo: [after everyone else besides Timmy and his friends leave the showing of Timmy's film] Your friends really seemed to like it.
 * Timmy: Well, duh! They were in it; but what did Trixie think? [finds a picture of Trixie's hand, with a note written on it] You stink. Attached is a photo of my hand. Please talk to it.
 * Cosmo: I'm gonna say that's a thumbs-down.

 * Timmy: I'll never abandon you guys for a girl again! Now excuse me while I go abandon you for a girl.

 * Timmy: I don't understand! Why aren't you talking to me?!
 * Trixie: Because, anonymous voice from nobody, you won an award for comedy, and everyone knows that comedy is the lowest form of entertainment. Next to animation.

 * Trixie: Oh, my gosh! I forgot! I'm totally in love with rock stars!

Abra-Catastrophe! [3.7-9]

 * Timmy: Crocker can make 2 + 2 = fish!

 * Mr. Crocker: You know what this bow down needs? SHRIMP PUFFS.
 * [shrimp puffs fall from the sky]
 * People: Ah. Shrimp puffs.

 * Timmy: You always were a lousy teacher, Crocker. But I did learn something from science class, and that is what happens when you split an atom.

Most Wanted Wish/This is Your Wish [3.12]

 * Jorgen: The rules of the Texas Cage Match are very simple: if you get blasted in the butt, YOU LOSE!

[camera pans to two fairies with very large rears]
 * Large Fairy #1: Of course.
 * Large Fairy #2: Typical.

 * [Cosmo during his training]
 * Cosmo: I know how to make it (Pompeii) warmer! Mt. Vesuvius erupts, destroying the city]
 * Cosmo: I know how to make it (Atlantis) cleaner! [flushes it down the ocean]
 * Cosmo: I call it (Xanadu) Pittsburgh!

 * Wanda: Ordinarily, I'd agree with you, [door slams on her] but the slight concussion is making me less suspicious...has that hat always been orange?

The Secret Origin of Denzel Crocker! [3.14]

 * Cosmo: Must resist stupidity impulse...

 * Jorgen: Denzel Crocker! You have revealed your secret!
 * Denzel: No it was a mistake!

Pipe Down/The Big Scoop [3.16]

 * [The Turners and the Dinklebergs get ready to play Charades]
 * Timmy's Mom: Come on! Let's play Charades!
 * Timmy's Dad: All right, you guys. Remember the rules of Charades. This means "sounds like" [pulls his ear]. This means "two words" [pulls up two fingers]. This means "you got it" [touching his nose]. Now let's show the Dinklebergs how we Turners are the best charades players ever!
 * [1.25 Seconds Later]
 * Timmy's Dad: YOU ARE THE WORST CHARADES PLAYER EVER!
 * Dinkleberg: Thanks for the trophies, Turner.
 * Timmy's Dad: This [waves his arms like a bird] is not a bulldozer! This [gallops like a horse] is not a fudgesicle! And [pretends to row a boat] HOW IS THIS GHOSTBUSTERS II?!
 * Timmy: But...
 * Mr. Turner: [pointing to his butt] No buts! [Points to Timmy's room] Go to your room!

Chip off the Old Chip/Snow Bound [3.19]
[Timmy is watching a Wheel of Fortune-like game show, the puzzle reads "GET CHIP SKYLARK TO SAY I WISH I HAD T_MMY TURNER'S VOICE"]
 * Contestant: I'd like to solve the puzzle! Is it "Get Chip Skylark to say I wish I had Timmy Turner's Voice?" [a buzzer sounds]
 * Host: No! I'm sorry. It's that old song, "Get Chip Skylark to say I wish I had Tommy Turner's Voice".

 * Vicky: And then, when I was eight, my mom and dad said my turtle ran away. But he couldn't have run away. Turtles can't run!

The Big Superhero Wish! [4.9]

 * Nega Chin: We'll meet again, Crimson Chin! I swear it!
 * Crimson Chin: You can't swear. Only the super-edgy 1985 Crimson Chin can swear!
 * 1985 Crimson Chin: Yeah, and I got cancelled for it!

 * Timmy/Cleft: Thanks for saving me, Crimson Chin. You're a real hero.
 * Nega Chin: Yes I am, Cleft. Yes I am. [evil laugh]
 * Timmy/Cleft: Hey, what's up with the evil laugh?
 * Nega Chin: Um..uh...Stay in school! [flies off]

 * Doctor Crocktopus/Crocker: [imprisoned in the Nega Chin's lair] This is a very depressing room. No sunlight, no hope... I should teach kids in here!

 * Dr. Crocktopus/Crocker: IT'S THE NEGA CHIN! THE CRIMSON CHIN'S ARCHENEMY!
 * Baby Shredder/Vicky: How did you know that?
 * Dr. Crocktopus/Crocker: I've confiscated a lot of comic books in my time.

Channel Chasers [4.15-17]

 * [In a show parodying Speed Racer]
 * Adult Timmy: Hand me the Remote!
 * Timmy: [extremely fast in a parody of bad anime dubbing] Why should I trust you? You're an adult! And if you're an adult that means you're not a child, and if you are not a child that means you're an adult, and if you're an adult that means you can be trusted! [Parody of Speed Racer's rapid frame changing] Aah! Ooh! Aah!

 * [In a show parodying Blue's Clues]
 * Jeff: Hi, kids! I'm Jeff! Ignore the shaving cut and the five o'clock shadow. I'm really a kid, just like you. Hey, let's go find some hints! Some Clint's Hints! Come on!

 * [In a show parodying Sesame Street]
 * Cosmo: I've never felt more alive! Get it? Felt! FELT!

 * Adult Timmy: [about to fade away] It's up to you. You can stop Vicky in "Maho Mushi". You can... change the future.
 * Timmy: But if I do, you won't exist!
 * Adult Timmy: Sure I will. And I'll exist in a future worth getting into. You can do it, Timmy. You're a great kid. I know.
 * [He fades away]
 * Timmy:No, come back! Please! Please! [screams] Every time something cool happens in my life- Every Time, Vicky ruins it! Well, I'm not gonna let her ruin anything else!

 * [The Turners confront Vicky after finally figuring out she's evil]
 * Mr. Turner: So Vicky, what do you have to say for yourself?
 * Mrs. Turner: In the face of this overwhelming evidence that you are, and always have been, an evil, lying, troublemaking shrew!
 * Vicky: [in tears] I'm, I'm sorry! I blame television!
 * Mr. Turner: Nice try! What do you take us for, idiots?
 * Vicky: Yes?
 * Mrs. Turner: Vicky, you're fired!

Catman Meets the Crimson Chin/Genie Meanie Minie Moe [4.18]

 * Timmy: [to Mr. Burkenbakke] Mr. Burkenbakke? What are you doing with this garage sale? There's no garage.
 * Mr. Burkenbakke: Of course not. I'm a teacher. I can't afford a garage. It's a "I Don't Have a Garage" garage sale. I don't make "Crocker" money.
 * Timmy: [reading a sign] Make Smoof, Not War? What's "smoof"?
 * Mr. Burkenbakke: Only the most naturally recurring material on Earth, little dude.
 * Timmy: How come I've never heard of it?
 * Mr. Burkenbakke: Because, "the man" doesn't want you to.

 * Norm: [appears after Timmy rubs his lamp] Whoa, man! That was some party. Hey! This isn't Marlo's house; and these aren't my pants.
 * Timmy: Hey, you're a genie!
 * Norm: Well, I guess we can cut brains off the wish list. Okay, kid here's the deal: I am Norm. I'm a magical genie, and- [Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda walk away] -hey! Wait up! [poofs back in front of Timmy] What's the big ten-year old hurry? What, are you late for a wedgie? Don't ya get it, for freeing me from the lamp, you get three wishes so- [Timmy and his fairies walk away again; and Norm poofs back up in front of Timmy] Hey! Smoof for brains! What part of three wishes do you not understand?
 * Wanda: Timmy doesn't need you. He has fairy godparents. [Cosmo and Wanda's hair gets tangled]
 * Cosmo: The swirl is dangerous!
 * Norm: [chuckling] Fairy Godparents? [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, they're useful.

 * Timmy: [in front of Trixie Tang's house] Time to get what I've always wanted; Trixie Tang's love.
 * Wanda: Timmy, this is going to end badly.
 * Timmy: I'll just be more specific: I wish Trixie Tang loved Timmy Turner.
 * Norm: Whatever you say. [puts wish in action]
 * Trixie Tang: [lovestruck] I love Timmy Turner. I love Timmy Turner.
 * Timmy: Excellent! [a boy walks up to Trixie] Not excellent! Who's that?
 * Norm: That? That's Timmy J. Turner, of Penouscha, Wisconsin. [Trixie kisses the boy, and he faints, awestruck; as Trixie floats another boy] That's Timmy K. Timmy, El Sadungo, California. [Trixie kisses the boy and he also faints; as Trixie then floats to a old man] Timothy T. Turner, of Plattsburgh, Georgia...
 * Timothy T. Turner: [Trixie gives him a peck kiss of affection] Oh-ho, you are sweet!
 * Norm: You know what they all have in common? They're all smarter than you! [laughs] You think this is fun? I think so.
 * Timmy: You're going back in the lamp.

 * Timmy: [to Norm] You tricked me!
 * Norm: How could I trick you? I mean, you're ten years old and I'm fifty thousand. And with those teeth. I mean look at the size of those things! Hey, there's something you could've wished for: human-sized teeth.

 * Norm: [trapped inside a vacuum] I can't get out! Darn it! This bag is made out of smoof, isn't it? There are three things I can't escape from: magic lamps, the charms of Barbara Eden, and smoof stuff!

 * Police Guard: [handing Uncle Albert a package] Package, Uncle Albert.
 * Uncle Albert: Splendid! Put it by the other ones, eh? [sets down Norm's lava lamp] Ah, another lamp for my collection. I can't wait to rub it... [Norm smirks triumphantly] ...as soon as they let me out of this straightjacket!
 * Police Guard: [to another guard] Poor sap. He thinks genies really exist.
 * Guard: Loony, eh?
 * Uncle Albert: Ah-hahahaha! GENIES!
 * Norm: [in defeat] Aw, smoof!

School's Out!: The Musical [4.19-20]

 * Sanderson: [as the Pixies are driving along in the desert in a car] Well, HP, it seems like another thirty-seven year plan to take over Fairy World has failed.
 * Head Pixie: Yes, Sanderson. It seems like as long as there are fairies on Earth, we will never get the upper hand.
 * Sanderson: I can't believe they're making us drive home this time.

 * Flappy Bob's Father: [thinking their circus train is about to crash] I knew I should've finished law school!

 * Kid: [standing in an extremely shallow pool of water (just a puddle of water) in Camp Learnatorium] How am I supposed to pee in this?

 * Sanderson: [to Timmy] Oh hi, Turner. Don't mind us; we're just enjoying the show. Your misery is like going to the movies for us. [to Head Pixie] Want some popcorn?
 * Head Pixie: It's unsalted and unbuttered, right?
 * Sanderson: And unpopped.

 * Wanda: Isn't there supposed to be a good cop and a bad cop?
 * Jorgen: We had some cutbacks. Now do you want to stay in fairy jail for the rest of your fairy life, or do you want to blame Cosmo?
 * Wanda: No!
 * Jorgen: [flips badge over to "good cop" side] Please?
 * Wanda: No!
 * Jorgen: Okay, good cop over. Blame Cosmo!
 * Wanda: Blame Cosmo? [segue into "Floating with You" song]

 * Cosmo: [handcuffed with Wanda, after "Floating with You" song finishes] You really are kind of naggy.
 * Wanda: Did you get the handcuff key?
 * Cosmo: Yep. Operation "Distract-Jorgen-with-a-mushy-gooey-love song" works every time!
 * Jorgen: [sobbing in a corner over the love song] I saw her, and no other? And that part with the fingerprints! Fingers aren't shaped like that [hearts]! That is love!

 * Cosmo: [pointing to bridge] There's still enough pretty color left for one of us to slide down the rainbow bridge! Wow. There wasn't a single manly word in that sentence.

 * Head Pixie: And just think all we had to do to beat our fairy enemies is to rip a clown from his super hilarious destiny and convince him that fun wasn't fun but that boring is fun.
 * Sanderson: You had to be a clown to fall for that one.
 * Head Pixie: A really dumb clown!
 * Flappy Bob: That kid is right! They were using me! I'll show them who's a dumb clown!

Fairy Idol [5.19-20]

 * Timmy Clone: This tea tastes like stupid green fish and fat pink fish!
 * Cosmo and Wanda: WHAT?!
 * Cosmo: Nobody calls Wanda fat except my mother, and me that one time and I'll never make that mistake again.
 * Wanda: Nobody calls Cosmo stupid except me, Jorgen, and well everybody and its still not nice!
 * Timmy: Uh oh... that doesn't sound good.
 * Cosmo and Wanda: WE QUIT!
 * Timmy: OH NO! What did my clone do?!
 * Wanda: Goodbye forever, you ungrateful twerp!
 * Timmy: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
 * Norm: Hey. Anyone has an evil plan going great today? No just me? Ha Ha!
 * Timmy: You made my godparents quit. Why you do that?
 * Norm: Isn't it obvious? With those 2 out of the picture that position is open to anyone including me. All the power of a Genie all the freedom of a fairy. How great will that be? For me.
 * Timmy: You'll never get away with this!
 * Norm: Sure I will because according to Da Rules in about 4 seconds Jorgen is going to wipe your memory.
 * Jorgen: Timmy Turner you have lost your godparents!
 * Norm: Get him out of there, will ya? I gotta meet Railroad McBraceface back at the single wide.
 * Jorgen: Your godparents have quit! Which means you lose EVERYTHING! Binky, I need more ominous music. Play track 7. [Binky turns on a track on a CD which plays "Pop Goes the Weasel"] I SAID TRACK 7!
 * Binky: Sorry!

 * Norm: I'll tell you in song!

 * AJ: We don't feel like thinking anymore. SURFS UP DUDES!

 * Norm: [After 2 weeks of not granting a wish] And then I said who cares?

 * Norm: Oh but before I grant your wishes I QUIT! HA! IM NOT A FAIRY ANYMORE! DOUBLE HA HA!
 * Jorgen: Timmy Turner once again you have lost your fairy. BINKY TRACK 7! And this time when I wipe your memory it will stay wiped!
 * Norm: Hah!
 * Jorgen: And you! You are no longer a Fairy you are a genie once more!
 * Norm: You think I care? I still jerked Timmy of his godparents and those two floating nitwits are out of a job. I still win!
 * Chester: [to Norm] Not yet! You lied to me! You tricked me and you used me to hurt my best friend! Nobody makes a fool out of Chester McBadbat; except the school system, the government, and every girl I've ever met!

 * Girls: They're bald! Gross!

 * Timmy: Hat. Clothes. Shoes— [he looks down at his feet; due to the way he is drawn, his pants and "shoes" are the same, continuous object] Whatever! Bed covers. Enjoy your day off guys; I love you!
 * Cosmo and Wanda: We love you too Timmy!

 * Cosmo: [after exploding due to magical back-up] Neat! I'm string! YAY!

Vicky gets Fired!/Chindred Spirits [6.12]

 * Vicky: Guess what twerp, it's game night! So what do you want to play? Checkers or Dungeons?

 * Vicky: Hello twerp WANNA PLAY A GAME?!

 * Hair Razor: I LOVE BEING EVIL!

The End of the Universe-ity [6.9]

 * Wanda: Don't do it, Timmy. Think of all the people on the Earth.
 * Cosmo: Think of your parents who spent your college money on hot dogs and are unconcerned when Vicky shows up with chainsaws.

 * Mr. Crocker: Ahh! I'm naked!

Anti-Poof [7.1]

 * Anti-Wanda: I'm so happy I should explode.
 * Foop: Hello Clarice, I mean mother.

 * Anti-Cosmo: No silly. You are the opposite of Baby Poof and you name shall be FOOP!

 * Foop: Prepare for takeoff. Its time for a playdate OF DOOM!

 * Foop: There's a new sheriff in town and his name, unfortunately, is Foop!

 * Foop: I've waited my whole life for this moment! All 6 Hours and 45 Minutes of it!

 * Denzel Crocker: Who's The Boss Now Fizzy!

Crocker Shocker [7.6]

 * Wanda: You built Fairy World over a place called Giant Bucket of Acid World ???!
 * Jorgen Von Strangle: In hindsight, it was probably not the best plan.

Timmy Turnip [7.7]

 * Grandma Gladys: You stink!

[Grandma Gladys slaps Timmy with a fish]
 * Timmy: Why did you hit me with a fish?!
 * Grandma Gladys: It's a tradition in this holiday.
 * Grandpa Vlad: In yakristmas we hit you with a seabass.

Frenemy Mine [7.8]

 * Vicky: Ahaha! I love tarring the twerp! [tries to run, but cannot]
 * Timmy Turner: Hah! You tarred yourself to the street! And here comes a steamroller!

Playdate of Doom [7.12]

 * Jorgen: I am Jorgen Von Strangle! DON'T BE A DUMMY!

 * Foop: Time to play with Poof.. the game of doom!

 * Foop: Hello Auntie Wanda and Uncle Idiot, I mean... Cosmo

 * Foop: Boy you are one annoying cleaning lady!

Balance of Flour [7.15]

 * Poof: MORE! GOOD! MORE!

 * Poof: MORE BROWNIES!

 * Mother Nature: There's nothing here. IT'S NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE!

Please Don't Feed the Turners [7.16]]

 * Timmy: You know, I'm not so sure we should go into space just 'cause a circus monkey picked our name from a hat.
 * Mr. Turner: That's exactly why we should go. Monkeys are never wrong about space travel.
 * [later, the rocket is headed right for the sun]
 * Mr. Turner: We're headed for the sun! We got a defective monkey!

 * Doug: I ain't here, [in Dark Laser's voice] 'cause I'm not Doug Dimmadome. I am Dark Laser. And you, Timmy Turner, have fallen for the old circus-monkey-picked-your-name-from-a-hat-to-win-a-trip-to-space-contest trick.

Spellementary School/Operation Dinkleberg [7.20]

 * Foop: DEATH!

 * Mrs. Powers: Hello class. I'm Mrs Powers. Welcome to Spellementry School.

 * Mrs. Powers: Does anybody want to make a nomination? [For class president]

 * Elf Kid: I nominate Foop
 * [Foop celebrates]
 * Elf Kid: Spelled backwards !
 * Foop: [To himself] You always falls for that...

 * Mrs. Powers: And the winner is Foop...
 * Foop: YES!
 * Mrs. Powers: ... Spelled Backwards!
 * Foop: Everytime! Wait, anonymous?!?! But that's impossible! I voted for myself, repeatedly!

 * Foop: [other personality] Actually Poof won me over my his speech so I changed our vote! Oh you imbecile!

 * Dinkleberg: You see Turner, I am part of a secret organization called MEAN! The ministery of evil and abusive neighbors!

Love Triangle [8.1]

 * Mrs. Powers: Alright who threw that?!

 * Goldie Goldengirl: Oh spiders!

 * FOOP: IT'S FOOP!

Timmy's Secret Wish [8.2-3]

 * Cosmo: Give me a T I M M Y! What does it spell? Seriously what does it spell?

 * Timmy: I object!
 * Blue Fairy Council: On what grounds?
 * Timmy: On the grounds that we're losing? Cosmo, wake up!

 * Jorgen: I think we all remember the last secret wish. December 19 1986. Little Joshua Applebee secretly wished for Chuckles the Fairy eating Cockatiel.

 * Foop: [plays Toccata & Fugue in D minor on organ] Sorry I just love to play at funerals.

 * Jorgen: Turner, what did you wish for?
 * Timmy: Okay don't be mad but, I secretly wished that everyone would stop aging so that I could stay 10 years old and keep my fairies forever.
 * Blue Fairy council Member: What? WHAT?! WHEN DID YOU MAKE THIS WISH?!
 * Timmy: 50 years ago?!
 * Jorgen: So let me get this straight, you and everyone else on earth are actually 50 years older?!
 * Cosmo: Do the math Jorgen. 10 + 50 is 13. You're fine Timmy. Lets all go home. If my hunch is correct there should be a puppy there waiting for me.

 * Father Time: Sorry, sorry, I forgot to set my watch for Daylight Savings Time. I sprung ahead when I should have fallen back. Hey, I brought gifts. [he reaches into his beard] You know what they say, there's no present like the time. [pulls out four watches] Get it?
 * Blue Fairy Council Member: He's been doing that same joke for thousands of years.

Invasion of the Dads [8.4]

 * Mr. Turner: I'LL FIX IT!

 * Mr. Turner: Yesterday, I tried to fix a pencil sharpener at work and they had to CALL IN THE COAST GUARD!
 * Timmy: C'mon Dad, you're exaggerating
 * Mr. Turner: [Picks up Timmy to his face] Tell that to Mitch from accounting, he clung to a floating copier for hours until the fish CAME OUT! [Sobbing] Waaaah, oh Miiitch....
 * Mrs. Turner: Oh honey, don't be so hard on yourself. What do you say we make some popcorn and watch the toilet?
 * Mr. Turner: It's no use, I'm an incompetent BOOB! [Walking sobbingly to the front door] I'm just going to stand in the garbage can, in the alley, for the rest of my life [Opens the door with a wrench, an ocean of water floods into the house]

 * Mr. Turner: I flooded the house trying to make hot dogs.

 * Timmy: Guys! I need help.
 * Cosmo: Not now Timmy, we're upset 'cause Timmy blew up!

 * Cosmo: No! You have a perfect civilization. Why would you want to add a woman to it?

 * Cosmo: [talking to Timmy, about Dad] He destroys everything he touches: The toilet, the TV, your childhood...

When L.O.S.E.R.S. Attack [8.5]

 * Timmy: Your calling yourselves the L.O.S.E.R.S.?
 * Wanda: Oh we took the bear bus.
 * Vicky: The eyes!

Meet the Oddparents [8.6]

 * Mr. Turner: It's no use, son! The gig is up!
 * Mrs. Turner: We know your secret!
 * Timmy: Ahhh! You were right, Wanda! I got careless and now I'm totally busted!
 * Mr. Turner: That's right, son! You might as well 'fess up!'
 * Timmy: Well, -
 * Wanda: Timmy, no!
 * Poof: Poof, poof!
 * Timmy: It's too late. My mom and dad know I have... fairy godparents.

Two and a Half Babies [9.7]

 * Foop: February 3rd, your mine!

Return of the L.O.S.E.R.S. [10.4]

 * Foop: Oh it’s gonna get darker a lot sooner than that
 * Dark Laser: Quiet! She'll hear us

Certifiable Super Sitter [10.19]

 * Vicky: certified this!

Films

 * The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour (2004-06)
 * Wishology (2009)
 * A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! (2011)
 * A Fairly Odd Christmas (2012)
 * A Fairly Odd Summer (2014)

Sequel shows

 * The Fairly OddParents: Fairly Odder (2022)
 * The Fairly OddParents: A New Wish (2024-present)

title: The Fairly OddParents


text:
Category:Shakespearean plays

Plays by William Shakespeare

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Category:Shakespearean plays


text: Category:Science fiction books

title: Category:Science fiction books


text:
Category:Science fiction

Science fiction works and related resource of this project.

title: Category:Science fiction


text: Category:Fantasy books

title: Category:Fantasy books


text:
Category:Chuck Palahniuk books

The category contains literary works by Chuck Palahniuk.

title: Category:Chuck Palahniuk books


text:
User talk:68.113.27.168

If you are Geza Palotas you are welcome to log in and create a user page with your name and post some thoughts on it, of your own or those of others, but the article space is reserved for people and works which are famous, or which already have proven notability in some field. A search for "Geza Palotas" (within quotation marks) with Google yielded no hits at all. Thus these pages are likely to soon be deleted. You could paste all these thoughts onto a User page with no problem. ~ Achilles 03:23, 2 Dec 2004 (UTC)

title: User talk:68.113.27.168


text:
Goodfellas

Goodfellas is a 1990 film about the rise and fall of three gangsters, spanning three decades.
 * Directed by Martin Scorsese. Written by Nicholas Pileggi and Martin Scorsese, based on Pileggi's book, Wiseguy: Life in a Mafia Family.

Three Decades of Life in the Mafia.taglines

Henry Hill

 * As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. To me, being a gangster was better than being President of the United States. Even before I first wandered into the cabstand for an after-school job, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. It was there that I knew that I belonged. To me, it meant being somebody in a neighborhood that was full of nobodies. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted. They double-parked in front of a hydrant and nobody ever gave them a ticket. In the summer when they played cards all night, nobody ever called the cops.
 * Paulie might've moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody.
 * My father was always pissed off. He was pissed that he made such lousy money, he was pissed that my kid brother Michael was in a wheelchair, he was pissed that there were seven of us living in such a tiny house. After awhile he was mostly pissed because I hung around the cab stand. He knew what went on at that cab stand, and every once in a while I'd have to take a beating. But by then I didn't care. The way I saw it everybody takes a beating sometime.
 * Hundreds of guys depended on Paulie and he got a piece of everything they made. And it was tribute, just like in the old country, except they were doing it here in America. And all they got from Paulie was protection from other guys looking to rip them off. And that's what it's all about. That's what the FBI could never understand. That what Paulie and the organization does is offer protection for people who can't go to the cops. That's it. That's all. They're like the police department for wiseguys.
 * One day some of the kids from the neighborhood carried my mother's groceries all the way home. You know why? It was outta respect.
 * For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day and worried about their bills were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something, we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again.
 * Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week, no matter what. Business bad? "Fuck you, pay me." Oh, you had a fire? "Fuck you, pay me." Place got hit by lightning, huh? "Fuck you, pay me." Also, Paulie could do anything. Especially run up bills on the joint's credit. And why not? Nobody's gonna pay for it anyway. And as soon as the deliveries are made in the front door, you move the stuff out the back and sell it at a discount. You take a two hundred dollar case of booze and you sell it for a hundred. It doesn't matter. It's all profit. And then finally, when there's nothing left, when you can't borrow another buck from the bank or buy another case of booze, you bust the joint out. You light a match.
 * For most of the guys, killings got to be accepted. Murder was the only way that everybody stayed in line. You got out of line, you got whacked. Everybody knew the rules. But sometimes, even if people didn't get out of line, they got whacked. I mean, hits just became a habit for some of the guys. Guys would get into arguments over nothing and before you knew it, one of them was dead. And they were shooting each other all the time. Shooting people was a normal thing. It was no big deal. We had a serious problem with Billy Batts. This was really a touchy thing. Tommy'd killed a made guy. Batts was part of the Gambino crew and was considered untouchable. Before you could touch a made guy, you had to have a good reason. You had to have a sitdown, and you better get an okay, or you'd be the one who got whacked.
 * Saturday night was for wives, but Friday night at the Copa was always for the girlfriends.
 * See, you know when you think of prison, you get pictures in your mind of all those old movies with rows and rows of guys behind bars...But it wasn't like that for wiseguys. It really wasn't that bad. Excepting that I missed Jimmy. He was doing his time in Atlanta...I mean, everybody else in the joint was doing real time, all mixed together, living like pigs. But we lived alone. And we owned the joint.
 * [after the Lufthansa heist] It made him sick to have to turn money over to the guys who stole it. He'd rather whack 'em. Anyway, what did I care? I wasn't asking for anything and besides, Jimmy was making nice money with me through my Pittsburgh connections. [showing a montage of dead gangsters] But still, months after the robbery they were finding bodies all over. [police surround a truck, open it to see a dead man hanging on a hook like a meat husk] When they found Carbone in the meat truck, he was frozen so stiff it took them two days to thaw him out for the autopsy.
 * You know, we always called each other goodfellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, "You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us." You understand? We were goodfellas. Wiseguys. But Jimmy and I could never be made because we had Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Italian so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It's like a license to steal. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Tommy being made, it was like we were all being made. We would now have one of our own as a member.
 * [about Tommy's murder] It was revenge for Billy Batts, and a lot of other things. And there was nothing that we could do about it. Batts was a made man and Tommy wasn't. And we had to sit still and take it. It was among the Italians. It was real greaseball shit. They even shot Tommy in the face so his mother couldn't give him an open coffin at the funeral.
 * For a second, I thought I was dead, but when I heard all the noise I knew they were cops. Only cops talk that way. If they had been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead.
 * If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you. It doesn't happen that way. There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies. So your murderers come with smiles. They come as your friends, the people who have cared for you all of your life, and they always seem to come at a time when you're at your weakest and most in need of their help.
 * It was easy for all of us to disappear. My house and cars were either registered in the name of my wife or my mother-in-law. My driver's license and social security number were phony. I never voted; never paid taxes. My birth certificate, arrest sheet, and my service record from the Army were all that existed to prove to the government I was ever alive.
 * See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the life. I still love the life. And we were treated like movie stars with muscle. We had it all, just for the asking. Our wives, mothers, kids, everybody rode along. I had paper bags filled with jewelry stashed in the kitchen. I had a sugar bowl full of coke next to the bed. Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free cars. The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the city. I'd bet twenty, thirty grand over a weekend and then I'd either blow the winnings in a week or go to the sharks to pay back the bookies. Didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. When I was broke I would go out and rob some more. We ran everything. We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers. We paid off judges. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over. And that's the hardest part. Today, everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. Right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

Karen Hill

 * One night, Bobby Vinton sent us champagne. There was nothing like it. I didn't think there was anything strange in any of this. You know, a twenty-one-year-old kid with such connections. He was an exciting guy. He was really nice. He introduced me to everybody. Everybody wanted to be nice to him. And he knew how to handle it.
 * I know there are women, like my best friends, who would have gotten out of there the minute their boyfriend gave them a gun to hide. But I didn't. I gotta admit the truth. It turned me on.
 * It was like he had two families. The first time I was introduced to all of them at once, it was crazy. Paulie and his brothers had lots of sons and nephews and almost all of them were named Peter or Paul. It was unbelievable. There must have been two dozen Peter’s and Paul’s at the wedding. Plus they were all married to girls named Marie. And they named all their daughter’s Marie. By the time I finished meeting everybody, I thought I was drunk!
 * Well, we weren't married to nine-to-five guys, but the first time I realized how different was when Mickey had a hostess party. They had bad skin and wore too much make-up. I mean, they didn't look very good. They looked beat-up. And the stuff they wore was thrown together and cheap. A lot of pant suits and double knits. And they talked about how rotten their kids were and about beating them with broom handles and leather belts. But that the kids still didn't pay any attention...After a while, it got to be all normal. None of it seemed like crimes. It was more like Henry was enterprising and that he and the guys were making a few bucks hustling, while the other guys were sitting on their asses waiting for hand-outs. Our husbands weren't brain surgeons. They were blue-collar guys. The only way they could make extra money, real extra money, was to go out and cut a few corners...We were all so very close. I mean, there were never any outsiders around. Absolutely never. And being together all the time made everything seem all the more normal.
 * We always did everything together and we always were in the same crowd. Anniversaries, christenings. We only went to each other's houses. The women played cards, and when the kids were born, Mickey and Jimmy were always the first at the hospital. And when we went to the Islands or Vegas to vacation, we always went together. No outsiders, ever. It got to be normal. It got to where I was even proud that I had the kind of husband who was willing to go out and risk his neck just to get us the little extras.
 * But still I couldn't hurt him. How could I hurt him? I couldn't even bring myself to leave him. The truth was that no matter how bad I felt I was still very attracted to him. Why should I give him to someone else? Why should she win?

Dialogue

 * Jimmy: [To young Henry, after he gets cleared in court] Congratulations, here's your graduation present [Puts money in Henry's pocket]
 * Henry: For what? I got pinched.
 * Jimmy: Hey, everybody gets pinched, but you did it right. You told 'em nothing and they got nothing.
 * Henry: I thought you'd be mad.
 * Jimmy: I'm not mad, I'm proud of ya. You took your first pinch like a man, and you learned the two most important things in life. You listenin'? Never rat on your friends, and ALWAYS keep your mouth shut. [Gives Henry an affectionate light slap on the cheek and leads him out of the courtroom. Outside, Paulie and many of the other gangsters are waiting for him.]
 * Paulie: Hey, you broke yer cherry! [The other gangsters cheer and congratulate Henry]

 * Henry: You're a pistol! You're really funny. You're really funny!
 * Tommy: What do you mean I'm funny?
 * Henry: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy!
 * Tommy: [dangerously] What do you mean? You mean the way I talk? What?
 * [Everyone becomes quiet]
 * Henry: It's just, you know, you're just funny. It's funny, the way you tell the story and everything.
 * Tommy: Funny how? I mean, what's funny about it?
 * Anthony: Tommy, no, you got it all wrong —
 * Tommy: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. [to Henry] What did ya say? Funny how?
 * Anthony: You're right.
 * Henry: Just —
 * Tommy: What?
 * Henry: Just, ya know, you're funny.
 * Tommy: You mean, let me understand this, 'cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?
 * Henry: Just... you know, how you tell the story — what?
 * Tommy: No, no, I don't know. You said it! How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me?! Tell me, tell me what's funny!
 * [Long pause]
 * Henry: Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!
 * [Everyone laughs]
 * Tommy: Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him! You stuttering prick, you! Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning!

 * Karen: [narrating, at a makeup party with other wives] Well we weren't married to 9 to 5 guys but the first time I realized how different was when Mickey had a hostess party. They had bad skin and wore too much makeup I mean, they didn't look very good. They looked beat up. And the stuff they wore was thrown together and cheap. A lot of pant suits and double-knits. And they talked about how rotten their kids were and about beating them with broom handles and leather belts, that the kids still didn't pay any attention. When Henry picked me up I was dizzy. [later in her bedroom] I don't know, I don't know if i could live like that. God forbid, what would happen if you had to go to prison?
 * Henry: Karen! [laughs]
 * Karen: Vicki said that Jeannie's husband-
 * Henry: You know why Jeannie's husband went to the can? Because of Jeannie! Because he wanted to get away from her that's why! Let me tell you something; nobody goes to jail unless they want to. Unless they make themselves get caught. They don't have things organized. I know what I'm doing, I got things organized with these guys. You know who goes to jail? Nigger stick-up men, that' who. You know why they get caught? Because they fall asleep in the get-away car, Karen. Come on, don't worry so much sweetie. Come here.
 * [Henry and Karen start kissing]
 * Karen: [narrating] After awhile, it got to be all normal. None of it seemed like crime. It was more like Henry was enterprising, and that he and the guys were making a few bucks hustling, while all the other guys were sitting on their asses, waiting for handouts. Our husbands weren't brain surgeons, they were blue-collar guys. The only way they could make extra money, real extra money, was to go out and cut a few corners.
 * [Cuts to Henry and Tommy hijacking a truck]
 * Tommy: Where's the strongbox, you fuckin' varmint?!
 * Karen: [narrating] We were all so very close. I mean, there were never any outsiders around. Absolutely never. And being together all the time made everything seem all the more normal.

 * Tommy: Just don't go bustin' my balls, Billy, okay?
 * Billy: Hey, Tommy, if I was gonna break your balls, I'd tell you to go home and get your shine box. [To his friends] Now this kid, this kid was great. They, they used to call him Spitshine Tommy. I swear to God! Now he'd make your shoes look like fuckin' mirrors. 'Scuse my language. He was terrific, he was the best. He made a lot of money, too. Salud, Tommy!
 * Tommy: No more shines, Billy.
 * Billy: What?
 * Tommy: I said no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time; they didn't go up there and tell you. I don't shine shoes anymore.
 * Billy: Relax, will ya? You flipped right out, what's got into you? I'm breakin' your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kiddin' with ya.
 * Tommy: Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, you know? There's a lotta people around...
 * Billy: Tommy, I'm only kiddin' with you. We're having a party and I just came home, and I haven't seen you in a long time, and I'm breakin' your balls, and right away you're getting fuckin' fresh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
 * Tommy: I'm sorry too. It's okay. No problem.
 * Billy: Okay, salud. [moment of silence as he takes a drink] Now go home and get ya fuckin' shinebox!
 * Tommy: [smashes his glass in anger] Motherfuckin' mutt! You, you fuckin' piece of shit...! [Henry and Jimmy restrain him]
 * Billy: [taunting] Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on! Come on! Let him go!
 * Tommy: Henry, he bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy! You bought your fucking button! Keep that motherfucker here, keep him here! [leaves]

 * [Henry, Jimmy, and Tommy are digging up Billy Batts' decaying corpse to move it]
 * Tommy: Hey Henry, Henry, hurry up, will ya? My mother's gonna make some fresh peppers and sausages for us.
 * Jimmy: Oh hey, Henry, Henry, here's an arm!
 * Henry: Very funny, guys.
 * Jimmy: Here's a leg.
 * Tommy: Here's a wing! [laughing] Whaddya like, the leg or the wing, Henry? Or do you still go for the ol' hearts and lungs?
 * Henry: [retching] Oh, that's so bad.

 * Tommy: Spider, that bandage on your foot is bigger than your fucking head. Next thing you know he'll have one of these fucking walkers. But you can still dance. Give us a couple of fucking steps, Spider. You fucking bullshitter, you. Tell the truth. You want sympathy, is that right, sweetie?
 * Spider: Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy?
 * [Everyone, but Tommy, laughs]
 * Jimmy: I didn't hear right. I can't believe what I heard. [giving Spider cash] This is for you. I got respect for this kid, he's got a lot of fucking balls. Good for you! Don't take no shit off nobody! A guy shoots him in the foot, he tells him to go fuck himself. Tommy, you gonna let this fucking punk get away with that? What's this world coming to?
 * Tommy: [standing and shooting Spider] That's what the fucking world's coming to, how do ya like that? How's that?
 * Henry: What is wrong with you?!
 * Jimmy: What is the fucking matter with you?! What, are you stupid or what?! I was kidding with you. Are you a sick maniac?
 * Tommy: How do I know you're kidding? You breaking my fucking balls?!
 * Jimmy: I'm fucking kidding with you, you fucking shoot the guy?!
 * Henry: [inspecting Spider on the floor] He's dead.
 * Tommy: [after a brief silence] I'm a good shot, what do you want from me?
 * Anthony: How could you miss at this distance?
 * Tommy: You got a problem with what I did, Anthony? Fucking rat, anyway. His family's all rats, he'd have grown up to be a rat.
 * Jimmy: Stupid bastard, I can't fucking believe you. Now, you're gonna dig the fucking thing now. You're gonna dig the hole. I got no fucking lime, you're gonna do it.
 * Tommy: Fine! I'll dig the fucking hole, I don't give a fuck. What is it, the first hole I ever dug? I'll fucking dig the hole. Where are the shovels?

 * Paulie: [about Henry's cheating] Karen came to the house. She's very upset. This is no good; you gotta straighten this out.
 * Jimmy: We gotta have calm now, ya understand? We don't know what the hell she's gonna do. She's getting all hysterical, she gets very excited.
 * Paulie: She's wild. And you, you gotta take it easy, you got children. I'm not saying go back to her this minute, but you got to go back. It's the only way. You got to keep up appearances.
 * Jimmy: I got the two of them come to my house every day commiserating, the two of them. I can't have it. I can't have it. I can't do it, Henry. I can't do it.
 * Paulie: Nobody says you can't do what you want to do.
 * Jimmy: Do what you wanna do, we all know that. I mean, this is what it is. Ok? You know what it is. You have to do the right thing, you have to go home to the family. Understand? You gotta go home. Ok? Look at me. You gotta go home. Smarten up. All right?
 * Paulie: All right. I'm gonna talk to Karen. I'll straighten this thing out. I know just what to say to her. I'm gonna tell her you're going back to her and everything's gonna be just the way it was when you were first married, it's gonna be romance, it's gonna be beautiful. I know how to talk to her, especially to her. In the meantime, Jimmy and Tommy are going to Tampa this weekend to pick up something for me. Instead you go with Jimmy.
 * Jimmy: Yeah, you come with me. We'll go down there. Ok?
 * Paulie: Have a good time, take some time for yourself, relax, sit in the sun, take a couple of days off. Enjoy yourselves. And when you come back, you'll go back to Karen. Please. There's no other way. You're not gonna get a divorce. We're not animale.
 * Jimmy: She'll never divorce him. She'll kill him, but not divorce him. [they laugh]

 * Henry: [narrating] In prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a pasta course and then we had a meat or a fish. Pauline did the prep work, he was doing a year for contempt and he had this wonderful system for doing the garlic. He used a razor and used to slice it so thin that it used to liquify in the pan with just a little oil. It was a very good system. Vinny was in charge of the tomato sauce. I felt he used too many onions but it was still a very good sauce.
 * Paulie: Vinny? Don’t put too many onions in the sauce.
 * Vinny: I didn’t put too much onions, Paul. Three small onions that’s all I did, three onions.
 * Johnny: How many cans of tomatoes did you put in there?
 * Vinny: I put two cans! Two big cans.
 * Johnny: You don’t need three onions.
 * Henry: [narrating] Johnny Dio did the meat. We didn’t have a broiler so Johnny did everything in pans. And it used to smell up the joint something awful and the hacks used to die, but he still cooked a great steak.
 * Johnny: Vinny? How do you like yours?
 * Vinny: Rare. Medium rare.
 * Johnny: Medium rare, hmm, an aristocrat.
 * Henry: [narrating] See, you know, when you think of prison you get pictures in your mind of all those old movies with rows and rows of guys behind bars but it wasn’t like that for wise guys. It really wasn’t that bad. Except that I’d miss Jimmy. He was doing his time in Atlanta. I mean, everybody else in the joint was doing real time all mixed together living like pigs but we lived alone. I mean, we owned the joint. Even the hacks we couldn’t bribe would never rat on the guys that we did. [Enters the room with a sack of contraband] Sorry it took so long, that skinny guard’s getting to be a real pain in the ass
 * Paulie: We’re gonna have to do something about that.
 * Henry: Naw, I took care of him.
 * Paulie: What did you bring?
 * Henry: Bread. [tosses a loaf of bread to Paulie]
 * Paulie: Good. Fresh.
 * Henry: Vinny, I got your peppers and onions. Salami, prosciutto, ‘lotta cheese.
 * Paulie: Come on, come on, what else?
 * Henry: Scotch. [holds up a bottle of Scotch]
 * Paulie: Nice.
 * Henry: Some red wine. [gives the bottle of red wine to Paulie]
 * Paulie: Ok, now we can eat.
 * Henry: I got some white too.
 * Paulie: Give me the white too. Beautiful. Ok, boys, let’s eat!

 * [Karen and her children are visiting Henry in jail]
 * Guard: Mrs. Hill, this way. Sign this book, please.
 * [Karen signs ledger but something catches her eye]
 * Name of Inmate: Henry Hill
 * Name of Visitor: Janice Rossi
 * Visitor's center
 * Henry: What are you talking about?
 * Karen: I saw her name in the register.
 * Henry: Jesus Christ.
 * Karen: You want her to visit you? Let her stay up all night, crying and writing letters to the parole board.
 * Henry: What am I doing here? Where am I? I'm in jail. I can't stop people from coming to see me.
 * Karen: Good. Let her sneak this stuff in for you every week. [Karen dangles a bag of illegal drugs in front him] Let her fight these bastards every week!
 * Henry: Look what you're doing! Stop it!
 * Karen: I'm sorry. Let her sneak this shit in for you.
 * Henry: Will you stop it, Karen? Will you stop it?
 * Karen: Let her do it! Let her do it!
 * Henry: STOP IT!!!
 * [Kids react to anger; Karen starts to sob]
 * Karen: Nobody is helping me. I am all alone. Belle and Morrie are broke. I asked your friend Remo for the money that he owes you, you know what he told me? He told me to take my kids down to the police station and get on welfare.
 * Henry: Karen, It's going to be okay.
 * Karen: Yeah? Even Paulie, since he got out, I never seen him. I never see anybody anymore.
 * Henry: It's only you and me. That's what happens when you go away. I told you that we're on our own. Forget everybody else. Forget Paulie. As long as he's on parole, he doesn't want anybody doing anything.
 * Karen: I can't do it.
 * Henry: Yes, you can. Karen, Listen to me. All I need is for you to bring me this stuff. I got a guy in here from Pittsburgh who's gonna help me move it. Believe me, in a month we're gonna be fine. We won't need anybody.
 * Karen: I'm afraid. I'm afraid if Paulie finds out...
 * Henry: What did I just say, Don't worry about him. He is not helping us out. Is he putting any food on the table? We've gotta help each other. We've just gotta-- Listen, We've gotta be really really careful while we do it.
 * Karen: I don't want to hear a word about her anymore, Henry.
 * Henry: Never.

 * [Henry returns home after being released from prison]
 * Henry's Children: Daddy! Oh, we missed you! Are you out here to stay? Did you see our pictures? I did the one with the house and the rainbow.
 * [Henry takes a look at the low-rent tenement his wife and kids are living in and reacts with disgust]
 * Henry: Karen, get packed, we're moving out of here.
 * Karen: With what?
 * Henry: Don't worry with what. You just start looking for a new house, ok? I gotta go to Pittsburgh in the morning. Those guys out there they owe me 15 grand. We'll be all right, I got things lined up.
 * Karen: Pittsburgh? You have to go see your parole officer tomorrow.
 * Henry: Karen, don't worry about it, everything's gonna be fine. Who wants to go to Uncle Paulie's?
 * [Children cheer. Cut to Paulie's house where the families are having a big dinner. Later Paulie speaks to Henry in private]
 * Paulie: I do not want any more of that shit.
 * Henry: What shit? What are you talking about?
 * Paulie: Just stay away from the garbage, you know what I mean.
 * Henry: What-- Paulie..
 * Paulie: I'm not talking about what you did inside, you did what you had to do. I'm talking about now. From now. Here and now.
 * Henry: Paulie why would I want to get into that?
 * Paulie: Don't make a jerk outta me, just don't do it. Just don't do it. Now I wanna talk to you about Jimmy, you gotta watch out for him. He's a good earner but he's wild, takes too many chances.
 * Henry: I know Jimmy. You think I'd take chances like Jimmy?
 * Paulie: And Tommy, he's a good kid too but he's crazy, he's a cowboy, he's got too much to prove. You gotta watch out for kids like this.
 * Henry: Yeah, I know what they are. I only use them for certain things.
 * Paulie: Listen, I ain't gonna get fucked like Gribbs, ya understand? The fuckin' guy is 70 years old and he's gonna die in prison. I don't need that. So I’m warning everybody. Everybody. Could be my son, could be anybody. Gribbs got twenty years just for saying hello to some fuck who was going behind his back selling junk. I don't need that. Ain't happening to me. You understand?
 * Henry: Uh-huh.
 * Paulie: You know that you're only out early 'cause I got you a job, right? I don't need this heat, understand that? You see anybody fucking around with this shit you're gonna tell me, right?
 * Henry: Yeah.
 * Paulie: [smacks Henry on the cheek] That means anybody. All right?
 * Henry: Yeah, of course.
 * [Cut to Henry making cocaine]
 * Henry: [narrating] It took me about a week of sneaking around before I could unload the Pittsburgh stuff, but when I did, it was a real score. I started using Sandy's place to mix the stuff and even with Sandy snorting more than she mixed, I could see that this was a really big business. I made $12,000 in my second week, I had a down payment on my house and things were really rolling. All I had to do every once-in-a-while was tell Sandy that I loved her. But it was perfect, I'm telling you. As long as I kept getting the stuff from Pittsburgh, I knew Paulie would never find out. Within a couple of weeks it got to be so big I needed some help. So I got Jimmy and Tommy to come in with me.

 * Henry: [sniffling] Paulie, I am really sorry. I don't know what else to say. I know I fucked up.
 * Paulie: You fucked up.
 * Henry: You know but I'm all right know. I can be trusted now, Paulie. I'm clean. On my kids, I'm clean.
 * Paulie: You looked me in the eye and you lied to me. You treated me like a fuckin' jerk; like I was never nothing to you.
 * Henry: Paulie, after what you said, I couldn't come to you. You know, I--I was ashamed. I--I'm ashamed now. But I got nowhere else to go, Paulie. You're all I've got and I need really, really need you help. I really do.
 * Paulie: Take this.[pulls a wad of cash out of his pocket and hands it to Henry] Now I gotta turn my back on you.
 * Henry: [narrating] 3,200 bucks. That's what he gave me. 3,200 bucks for a lifetime. Wasn't even enough to pay for the coffin.

 * [Henry enters a diner]
 * Henry: [narrating] If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you. Doesn't happen that way. There aren’t any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murders come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help. So I met Jimmy in a crowded place we both knew. I got there 15 minutes early and I saw Jimmy was already there. We took the booth near the window so we could see everyone who drove up to the restaurant. He wanted to make sure I wasn't tailed. He was jumpy. he hadn't touched a thing. On the surface, of course, everything was supposed to be fine. We were supposed to be discussing my case. But I had the feeling Jimmy was trying to sense whether or not I'd rat him out to save my neck.
 * Jimmy: I been telling you your whole life, don’t talk on the fuckin' phone, right? Now you understand? Huh? But it's gonna be ok, I think you got a good chance of beating the case. You know that kid? You know the one from the city we're talking about? You know who I'm talkin' about?
 * Henry: Yeah.
 * Jimmy: The kid turned out to be a rat. Soon as he got pinched he ratted everybody out. He ratted youse all out. But I know where he is, he's hiding out. You know what I'm saying? Would you have a problem going with Anthony on vacation and take care of that?
 * Henry: [shakes his head] Mm-mmm. No, not at all.
 * Jimmy: That way they got nothin', huh?
 * [Jimmy slips a message with information. Screen freeze-frames]
 * Henry: [narrating] Jimmy had never asked me to whack somebody before. But now he's asking me to go down to Florida and do a hit with Anthony. [Screen resumes] That's when I knew I never would have come back from Florida alive.

Taglines

 * Three Decades of Life in the Mafia.
 * "As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a gangster."—Henry Hill, Brooklyn, N.Y. 1955.
 * Murderers come with smiles.
 * Shooting people was 'No big deal'.
 * In a world that's powered by violence, on the streets where the violent have power, a new generation carries on an old tradition.

Cast

 * Robert De Niro - Jimmy Conway
 * Ray Liotta - Henry Hill
 * Joe Pesci - Tommy DeVito
 * Lorraine Bracco - Karen Hill
 * Paul Sorvino - Paul Cicero
 * Chuck Low - Morris 'Morrie' Kessler
 * Christopher Serrone - Young Henry Hill
 * Frank Sivero - Frankie Carbone
 * Tony Darrow - Sonny Bunz
 * Frank Vincent - Billy Batts
 * Frank Adonis - Anthony Stabile
 * Catherine Scorsese - Mrs. DeVito, Tommy's Mother
 * Gina Mastrogiacomo - Janice Rossi
 * Suzanne Shepherd - Karen's Mother
 * Debi Mazar - Sandy
 * Kevin Corrigan - Michael Hill
 * Charles Scorsese - Vinnie
 * Michael Imperioli - Spider
 * Tony Sirico - Tony Stacks
 * Samuel L. Jackson - Stacks Edwards
 * Vincent Pastore - Man with Coat Rack
 * Ray DeBenedictis - "Pete"
 * Jerry Vale - Himself
 * Henny Youngman - Himself

title: Goodfellas