text:
Face/Off

Face/Off is a 1997 film about a revolutionary medical technique that allows an undercover agent to take the physical appearance of a major criminal and infiltrate his organization.
 * Directed by John Woo. Written by Mike Werb and Michael Colleary.

It's like looking in a mirror - only not taglines

Dialogue

 * Sean Archer: Any word from the LAPD intelligence? If there IS such a thing?
 * Loomis: Not yet, sir.
 * Sean Archer: Of course not, because we're a covert anti-terrorist team that is so secret, that when we snap our fingers nothing happens!

 * [Archer and Castor are in a Mexican standoff in the hangar]
 * Sean Archer: [jams his pistol into Castor's neck] Give up, Castor! Your time's up! [beat]
 * Castor Troy: [laughs as his pistol is jammed into Archer's neck] Well, you better hit me, Sean, 'cause you got only one bullet left!
 * Sean Archer: So do you. [Troy stands up and the two point pistols at each other's heads]
 * Castor Troy: Wow! We've got something in common! We both know our guns.
 * Sean Archer: What we don't have in common is that I don't care if I live, and you do.
 * Castor Troy: Sean, that hurts. You're not having any fun, are you, Sean? Why don't you come with us? Try terrorism-for-hire. We'll blow some shit up! It's more fun!
 * Sean Archer: Shut the fuck up!
 * Castor Troy: You watch your fucking mouth! I'm about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell-A" deserves! But I'll give this shithole a break if my brother and I walk.
 * Sean Archer: Bullshit.
 * Castor Troy: Oh-oh, oh, I-I see, I see. Y-You think I'm bluffing. Maybe I am. But then, maybe, I am not. More importantly, what would you do with me locked up? You'd drive your wife and kid crazy! Say, how is your daughter, anyway? Your... your darling Janie? Your little peach? Is she ripe? Ri-ripe-r...I'M READY!! [pulls the trigger but there is no bullet. Castor drops his gun]

 * [Archer sits down to interrogate Sasha]
 * Sean Archer: Hello, Sasha. When was the last time you saw Castor Troy?
 * Sasha Hassler: Who cares? He's dead.
 * Sean Archer: Answer the question.
 * Sasha Hassler: I know my rights. I don't have to answer shit.
 * Sean Archer: You're right. But know this: you're a convicted felon, on probation for harboring Castor Troy. One phone call from me and your son will end up in a foster home. [beat]
 * Sasha Hassler: [takes a deep breath] I understand why you would use such a threat. But you try to take him away from me, I swear to you....I haven't seen him for years.
 * [Archer looks at her for a moment. He then gets up and goes to another interrogation room where Dietrich is sitting]
 * Sean Archer: This reeks of you. It's got your signature all over it. [Dietrich gives a hard look at Archer]
 * Dietrich Hassler: Maybe. But you ain't got nothing on me, and you know it.
 * Sean Archer: Maybe so. But I can keep you within city limits, or I can talk to your sister again. She's right outside. [Archer backs away from Dietrich] Only this time, I'll be nice. [He walks around the table Dietrich is sitting at]
 * Dietrich Hassler: Hey, Sean, how's your dead son?
 * [Dietrich breaks out laughing. Archer suddenly pushes him to the floor by the neck and jams his pistol into Dietrich's eye]
 * Dietrich Hassler: I don't know anything! Okay! Okay, I heard something about the 18th, but that's all I know! [Archer puts his pistol away]

 * Tito Blondi: Great, so we've got a date. Now where the hell's the damn bomb?
 * Sean Archer: Only Pollux Troy will know that.
 * Hollis Miller: It's your call, Sean.
 * Sean Archer: Does Lazarro know your plan?
 * Hollis Miller: No, this is a black bag operation. Strictly off the books. You can't tell Lazarro, and you can't tell your wife.
 * Sean Archer: [rubs his cheeks] Oh, god. What are you asking me to do? Okay, let's see. You're asking me to break the law, risk my neck, and you're asking me to put in the dark all the people that're above me and trust me. [He takes a deep breath] I'll do it.

 * [Archer has entered Erewhon posing as Castor]
 * Burke Hicks: What's the matter, pal? Dontcha remember the little people? [Archer turns and recognizes him]
 * Sean Archer: Burke Hicks.
 * Burke Hicks: Yes.
 * Sean Archer: I bust... [catches himself] I believe Sean Archer busted you for stalking the UN Secretary General.
 * Burke Hicks: Oh, no, Archer framed me. I had nothing to do with that. Word was you got wasted. [beat]
 * Sean Archer: You want to see what "wasted" looks like, little man?

 * [Archer-as-Castor has gotten into a fight with Dubov]
 * Walton: I stop the fights. Not you.
 * Sean Archer: When I get out of here -
 * Walton: If you get out of here.
 * Sean Archer: I'm gonna have you fired.

 * [Archer, with Castor's face, sits down with Pollux]
 * Pollux Troy: Not feeling very coordinated lately, are you?
 * Sean Archer: [with a low voice] Listen, bro. I am soooo fried. If the psychos find out I'm this wacky we're both dead meat.
 * Pollux Troy: Shock treatment? What's the matter, did they operate? [Pollux touches Archer's face]
 * Sean Archer: I was in a coma! Jesus, you're still so frickin' paranoid! Aren't they giving you your medication in here?
 * Pollux Troy: What was my medication?
 * Sean Archer: [sighing in "exasperation"] Pollux, I hand-fed you those pills for years. Vivex! I haven't forgotten that. It's just everything else. My reflexes, my synapses, it's all like a... tab of bad Quantrax. I don't even know why that fucking Yeti jumped me the other day.
 * Pollux Troy: Dubov? You had a sex sandwich with his wife and his sister the night he was sent here.
 * Sean Archer: Well, that explains why he was so upset. We're gonna blow up L.A., bro. Ain't that cool?
 * Pollux Troy: Sure, rub my nose in it, why don't you. Ten million dollar design and those militia nut jobs get to keep their cash.
 * Sean Archer:' It's so fucking unfair! That bomb you built does deserve an audience. I mean, it's a work of art, it belongs in the Louvre.
 * Pollux Troy: Yes, it does. Oh, well. I guess the L.A. Convention Center will just have to do.
 * Sean Archer: [rejoices to himself] Thank you.
 * Pollux Troy: For what?
 * Sean Archer: You are so fuckin' pathetic.

 * [Archer is posing as Castor at Erwhon when a guard opens his cell door]
 * Guard: You've got a visitor.
 * [Cut to Archer entering the visitor's room. The magnetic boots clamp into place. A door then opens, revealing Castor Troy with Archer's old face. As they exchange looks, Castor smirks. He then cocks his head, walks across the room, and eventually breaks into a wide grin]
 * Castor Troy: Oooooo-WEE, you're good lookin'! Ya hot!
 * [Castor steps towards Archer]
 * Castor Troy: It's like looking in a mirror, only not. [Castor walks around Archer]
 * Sean Archer: Troy?
 * Castor Troy: Now that is between us. OK?
 * Sean Archer: But you were--were, were, in--in--in-
 * Castor Troy: In a coma?
 * Sean Archer: --in-in-in-
 * Castor Troy: Nothing like having your face cut off to disturb your sleep! Read the newspaper lately? [thrusts an article in Archer's face headlined "Deadly Inferno at Walsh Institute", with Dr. Walsh's picture]
 * Sean Archer: You killed them?
 * Castor Troy: Yeah well. Beats paying the bill, huh? I mean, come on, uh, if a face lift costs five grand...[shows Archer's wedding ring on his hand] SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE!!??? [In his mind, Archer pictures Tito, bound and gagged alongside Miller and Dr. Walsh, being doused with gasoline]
 * Sean Archer: Tito! [In a flashback, Castor drops his cigarette lighter into a puddle of gasoline, sparking a large inferno]
 * Castor Troy: I torched all the evidence that proves you're you, okay? So, wow! [looks at watch] Looks like you're going to be in here for THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS!! Now, I have got to go. I've got a government job to abuse and [whispers into Archer's ear] a lonely wife to fuck. Oh, I'm sorry...make love to! God, I miss that face! [He licks the side of Archer's face. Archer promptly grabs Castor by the neck, throws him to the floor, and attempts to strangle him]

 * [Castor drives into Archer's neighborhood and glances at the various houses as he drives by]
 * Castor Troy: Look at this place. I'm in hell! I may never do a hard on again.
 * [Eve is just coming down the front steps when Castor drives past the house. He recognizes her a moment too late and slams on the brakes]
 * Castor Troy: Oh, yes. Here we go.
 * [He speedily backs the car up to the curb. As he gets out, he pulls down his sunglasses and smirks at Eve]
 * Dr. Eve Archer: Well I suppose it was only a matter of time before you forgot where we lived.
 * Castor Troy: Come on, give me a break. Every house on this block looks the same. [walks around Eve] The nice part of you....Eve. My one and only Eve.
 * Dr. Eve Archer: So how was your vital assignment?
 * Castor Troy: Which one was that?
 * Dr. Eve Archer: [scoffs] How should I know, Sean? [beat]
 * Castor Troy: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, yes! The uh, the out-of-body experience, yes. That one.

 * [Castor finds Eve's diary in her desk drawer. He flips it open to a recent entry]
 * Castor Troy: "Date night. Fizzled again. We haven't made love in two months." What a loser. [He ponders, but suddenly hears "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag" playing. Cut to Jamie in her bedroom chatting on the phone with her boyfriend in just her panties and t-shirt as the music plays on her stereo]
 * Jamie Archer: I got your email, Karl. The poem you sent me was pretty kinky. [Castor slowly pushes the door open]
 * Castor Troy: [inhales] The plot thickens... [Jamie looks up and glares at Castor]
 * Jamie Archer: [on the phone] Hang on a second. [She attempts to slam the door in Castor's face. Castor steps forward and keeps it from closing] I'll have to call you back. [hangs up] You're not respecting my boundaries.
 * Castor Troy: I'm coming in, Janie.
 * Jamie Archer: Janie? [Castor glances at Jamie's bed pillow, with her name stitched on it]
 * Castor Troy: I don't think you heard me, Jamie. You got something I crave. [Castor presses himself up against Jamie as he reaches around her to grab her cigarettes]
 * Jamie Archer: Clarissa left those here.
 * Castor Troy: Oh, well I won't tell mom if you don't. [He lights a cigarette]
 * Jamie Archer: When did you start smoking?
 * Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. [blows smoke rings in Jamie's face] Papa's got a brand new bag! OW! [Jamie laughs. Castor slowly walks out of the room singing along to the music]

 * [Castor walks into the FBI observation room as Wanda and Buzz watch Pollux eating a gourmet meal, singing opera, and waving his utensils like a conductor]
 * Buzz: Sir, we just wanted you to know....
 * Wanda: We're all really sorry about Tito.
 * Castor Troy: [sips his coffee] Oh, hey, shit happens, you know. So is our star witness talking?
 * Buzz: Yeah, about what kind of mustard he likes on his tongue sandwiches.
 * Wanda: That bomb is out there. We're almost out of time.
 * Castor Troy: [bites his lip] Hmmm.... [A door flies open and Lazarro comes into the room]
 * Victor Lazarro: Archer! [Castor turns to Lazarro] You made a deal with Pollux Troy. That isn't like you.
 * Castor Troy: Well, when all else fails, fresh tactics! [winks at Lazarro]
 * Victor Lazarro: Fresh? Let me tell you my fresh tactic: from now on, everything to do with this case goes through me, you understood?
 * Castor Troy: Hmmm.
 * Victor Lazarro: Good! Thanks.
 * [Lazarro leaves the office. Castor switches off the interrogation room video camera. Pollux rises as Castor comes in, chuckling]
 * Castor Troy: [turns off the recorder] You're supposed to be snitching and making me look good!
 * Pollux Troy: Look good?
 * Castor Troy: Mmm-hmm. [Castor sits down on the edge of the table]
 * Pollux Troy: Seeing that face on you makes me afraid my tiramisu might come back up.
 * Castor Troy: Well think about me. This nose. This hair. This ridiculous chin. [sighs] Brother, we're going straight.
 * Pollux Troy: Ooh, my goodness. Did you exchange brains as well?
 * Castor Troy: The first thing I need you to "confess" to is the location of the bomb.
 * Pollux Troy: What about our $10 million?
 * Castor Troy: What about "when I become an American hero for defusing the bomb?" What's that worth? Know that, thank you! Next question!
 * [The two laugh. Castor grins and wags a finger in Pollux's face]
 * Castor Troy: You're not the only one in the family with the brains.
 * Pollux Troy: No. Although now I am the only one with the looks.
 * Castor Troy: Touché.

 * [Castor-as-Archer has just returned to the office after being taken to the grave of Archer's son that he killed years ago]
 * Wanda: You turned your beeper off.
 * Castor Troy: Well, it's my son's birthday.
 * Wanda: Well, here's some poetic justice, sir: Castor Troy is dead.
 * Buzz: He got killed while trying to escape Erewhon. [Castor turns to them]
 * Castor Troy: Where's his body? I wanna see his body.
 * Wanda: It hasn't been recovered yet.
 * Castor Troy: [explodes] "It hasn't been recovered yet"?! [beat] Get the LAPD on this!
 * Wanda: Even if he is alive, Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to this city!
 * Castor Troy: You-you must trust me. He's already here.

 * [Archer as Castor and Dietrich with his gang discuss their plans and drink alcohol with some drugs]
 * Aldo: So, once we kidnap supercop, then what? [beat]
 * Sean Archer: Tiny... surgery. l'd like to take his- his face- off. [Makes a gesture like taking off his own face] Yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, l have to use the little boys wee-wee room.
 * Dietrich: Cas. You wanna take his face--
 * Sean Archer: Yes. His face - off! [Makes manipulations with his fingers at Dietrich's face] Eyes. Nose. Skin. lt's coming - off. [Pretends taking off his own face again]
 * Dietrich: [Reflectively makes a similar gesture] The face... off. [Archer collapses on a bed in another room] No more drugs for that man.

 * [Castor-as-Archer stops Jamie's boyfriend from attempting to rape her and his him pinned against his car]
 * Castor Troy: OK, say you're sorry!
 * Karl: I'm sorry!
 * Castor Troy: I didn't hear it!
 * Karl: I'm sorry!
 * Castor Troy: Mean it!
 * Karl: I'm so sorry!
 * [Castor throws Karl onto the pavement]

 * [Castor has just rescued Jamie from an attempted rape]
 * Castor Troy: Dress up like Halloween, and ghouls will try and get in your pants.
 * Jamie Archer: Typical, Dad. Some guy tries to rape me and I'm to blame? [Castor hands Jamie a cigarette. She accepts and lights one]
 * Castor Troy: [sits down in a chair] This isn't you. You haven't been the same since Mike died. Hiding behind someone else's face. Hoping you wouldn't feel the pain. While we're talking, do you have protection?
 * Jamie Archer: Protection? You mean like a condom? [Castor pulls a butterfly knife from his pants pocket]
 * Castor Troy: Protection. Next time, let Karl take his pants down, slip this in his thigh, twist it, so the wound won't close. Go on. Get out of here. [Jamie leaves; Castor reclines in his chair] I am the king.

 * [Castor and Archer are divided by a glass wall and have their guns drawn]
 * Castor Troy: [sighs] I don't know what I hate wearing worse: your face or your body. I mean, I certainly do enjoy boning your wife, but let's face it, we both like it better the other way, yes? So why don't we just trade back?
 * Sean Archer: You can't give back what you've taken from me.
 * Castor Troy: Oh, well... Plan B: Lets just kill each other.

 * [Castor sits down in his office to sulk. Seconds later, Lazarro comes in]
 * Victor Lazarro: Sean? Look, we're friends. So I'm going to tell you face-to-face. I don't give a damn if you are TIME's Man of the Year. After last night's bloodbath, I am terminating your war on terrorists. [Castor's eyes flash with rage]
 * Castor Troy: Is that because I'm getting all the kudos, and you're not?
 * Victor Lazarro: Yes, well. I don't know where you're getting your intelligence. It's not from a field agent. Obviously you know too much. Washington's starting to worry. Justice wants a hearing. They're concerned about the constitutionality of your gestapo tactics and frankly, so am I! [He clutches his chest, feeling palpitations. Castor takes notice of this]
 * Castor Troy: OK, Victor, I'll, uh, give the taxpayers a break. [puts his hand on Lazarro's shoulder] But I've got something I'd like to confess. I don't think you're going to like it. [puts his mouth on Lazarro's ear] I am Castor Troy... [He throws Lazarro to the floor and punches him in the chest hard enough to stop his heart completely. Castor collects himself and picks up his desk phone]
 * Castor Troy: Timmy? Kim?
 * Kim: Yes?
 * Castor Troy: Call paramedics. Victor Lazarro's had a heart attack.
 * Kim: I'll come right away.
 * Castor Troy: Thank you.

 * [Castor-as-Archer, and Archer-as-Castor, are in a Mexican standoff in the church]
 * Sean Archer: This is between us. Leave them out of it.
 * Castor Troy: No. You should have left them out of it. Your son was an accident. I wanted to kill you. But, you took it so personally. Why couldn't you just kill yourself or let it go?
 * Sean Archer: No father could.
 * Castor Troy: No brother could either.
 * Sasha Hassler: [coming in] Neither could a sister. Hey baby. [give a spare gun to Archer as Castor]
 * Castor Troy: [annoyed] Sasha, what the fuck are you doing here?
 * Sasha Hassler: Gee, Archer, I'm crashing the party. You okay, baby?
 * Sean Archer: Yea. I'm fine. Thanks.
 * Castor Troy: Sasha... baby, I'm Castor. That's Archer.
 * Sasha Hassler: [disbelieving Castor when he tells her his real identity and still believes him as the real Archer] And I'm bored. Put the fucking gun down.
 * Henchman #2: (coming behind Sasha) Why don't you put your guns down?

 * [Jamie points a gun at Castor-as-Archer and Archer-as-Castor]
 * Castor Troy: Ah, good girl, Jamie! Shoot him!
 * Sean Archer: Honey, don't listen to him, honey! He's not your father! Hear my voice! I'm your father!
 * Castor Troy: Use your eyes, Jamie! Shoot him!
 * Sean Archer: Don't shoot, don't shoot! Just, just...
 * Castor Troy: This scumbag... this scumbag shot your brother, Jamie! Kill him!
 * [Jamie shoots Archer in the shoulder]

Taglines

 * In order to catch him, he must become him.
 * To destroy your enemy, you must find him, face him, and then... become him.
 * It's like looking in a mirror - only not.
 * Only one will survive.

Cast

 * John Travolta – Sean Archer/Castor Troy
 * Nicolas Cage – Castor Troy/Sean Archer
 * Joan Allen – Dr. Eve Archer
 * Alessandro Nivola – Pollux Troy
 * Gina Gershon – Sasha Hassler
 * Dominique Swain – Jamie Archer

title: Face/Off


text:
The Howling (film)

The Howling is a 1981 horror film in which a TV newswoman, after a near fatal encounter with a serial killer, is sent to a country resort where the residents turn out to be werewolves.
 * Directed by Joe Dante. Screenplay written by John Sayles and Terence H. Winkless, based on the novel by Gary Brandner.

Imagine your worst fear a reality.

Dr. George Waggner

 * [on TV] It is, after all, what we are. Repression. Repression is the father of neurosis, of self-hatred. Now, stress results when we fight against our impulses. We've all heard people talk about "animal magnetism", about the "natural man" and the "noble savage". As if we had lost something valuable in our long evolution into civilized human beings—and there’s a good reason for this. Man is a combination of the learned and the instinctual, of the sophisticated and the primitive. We should never try to deny the beast, the animal, within us - only to channel these energies in a positive direction.
 * All of us have a great untapped potential - a potential for living. What we do with that potential, with that life, depends as much on our attitudes toward our physical desires as it does on the social programming of our minds. The struggle between mind and body is not a necessary one. It produces anger, frustration, the strain of modern-day living in a world that's moving too quickly toward its own annihilation. Stress results when we fight against our impulses, when we attempt to destroy the natural man or woman within us. Repression is the father of neurosis, of self-hatred.

Walter Paisley

 * [about his occult bookstore] We get 'em all: sun-worshippers, moon-worshippers, Satanists. The Manson family used to hang around and shoplift. Bunch of deadbeats!
 * [watching Karen transforming on TV] Oh, boy!

Eddie Quist

 * [pulling the bullet from his fractured skull out of the hole it left in his head] You said on the phone that you wanted to get to know me. Well, here I am, Karen. Look at me. [pulls out a piece of his brain] I want to give you a piece of my mind. I trusted you, Karen. You can trust me now.
 * She didn't feel a thing, Karen. None of them do. They're not...real, the people here. They're...they're dead. They can never be like me. But you're different, Karen. I watch you on TV. And I know how good I can make you feel. I'm gonna light up your whole body, Karen.

Karen White

 * We have to warn people, Chris. We have to make them believe.
 * Good evening. From the day we're born, there is a battle we must fight, a struggle between what is kind and peaceful in our natures, and what is cruel and violent. That choice is our birthright as human beings, and the real gift that differentiates us from the animals. It is as natural to us as the air we breathe. All of us take it for granted. But now, for some of us, that choice has been taken away. A secret society exists, and is living among all of us. They're neither people nor animal, but something in between. They're monstrous mutations with violent natures that must be satisfied. I know what you're thinking, because I've been where you are... But I have proof, and tonight I'm going to show you something... to make you believe! [she howls and starts to transform]

Others

 * Erle Kenton: You can't tame what's meant to be wild, Doc. It just ain't natural.
 * Fred Francis: [on the phone after Karen freezes during a newscast] Who knows? Maybe she's pregnant. Listen, get in touch with that Fujiama, Fujimoto, or whatever the hell her name is and get her ready for the 11:00 report.

Dialogue

 * Karen White: There was howling just a minute ago.
 * Bill Neill: It was probably somebody's stray dog.
 * Karen White: Not like any dog I've ever heard. It sounded like a wolf.
 * Bill Neill: Honey, you're from Los Angeles. The wildest thing you've ever heard is Wolfman Jack. This is the country. There are no wolves here.

 * Chris Dugan: We'll find out if any of Eddie's killings were on a full moon.
 * Walter Paisley: Hey, that's a lot of Hollywood baloney. Your classic werewolf can change shape any time it wants, day and night, whenever it takes a notion to it. That's why they call 'em shapeshifters. I got a dozen books on it.
 * Terri Fisher: What about killing it with silver bullets?
 * Walter Paisley: Well, sure. Silver bullets or fire, that's the only way to get rid of the damn things. They're worse than cockroaches. They come back from the dead if you don't kill 'em right. Plus they regenerate, you know what that is? Cut off an arm, cut off a leg, stick a knife in the heart, nothing. They may look dead, but bam, three days later, they're as good as new.
 * Chris Dugan: You believe in this?
 * Walter Paisley: What am I, an idiot? I'm makin' a buck here. You want books, I got books. I got chicken blood, I got dog embryos, I got black candles, I got wolfbane. Look at this: silver bullets. Some joker ordered them. Thirty-ought-six. Never picked 'em up. I take Bank AmeriCard, American Express, Visa. You gonna buy that or what?

 * Chris Dugan: [looks in what was Eddie Quist's morgue locker] He's not here!
 * Morgue attendant: He was here this morning!
 * Terry Fisher: [notices the damage on the inside of the locker door] Look at the door!
 * Chris Dugan: You think somebody took him?
 * Morgue attendant: Well, he didn't just get up and walk away!

 * Eddie Quist: Hello, bright boy.
 * Chris Dugan: Eddie?
 * Eddie Quist: You know me, and I don't know you. Now why is that?
 * Chris Dugan: Where is she?
 * Eddie Quist: Why? Is she your girlfriend?
 * Chris Dugan: Just answer the question. Where's Terry?
 * Eddie Quist: Just down the ritual center, down the path. That's where Wagner sends us to, uh, unwind. He's so repressed.
 * Chris Dugan: What did you do to her?
 * Eddie Quist: Why tell you, when I can show you. [points to tape recorder; sounds of growling and screaming] She's got a sexy voice. I like a woman with a sexy voice. I, uh...listen to this part here. [sound of Terry screaming]
 * Chris Dugan: You're crazy!
 * Eddie Quist: Oh, I'm much more than that, bright boy. I'm much more. [hands Chris his rifle] Here. Take it. For all the good it'll do you. Call it a gift. Come on. [pats his chest] Come on, bright boy. Lay one on me. Don't you know anything?

 * Bill Neill: I'm looking for my wife.
 * Marsha Quist: Why?

 * Karen White: Where's Bill? And what have you done to him?
 * Marsha Quist: He's one of us now.
 * Dr. Waggner: In given time, he would've brought you over to us; our secret would be safe.
 * Donna: It's wonderful, Karen. When I was first bitten, I fought against it and so did Jerry. And then we found the Doctor. He helped us. He helped us to adjust. You see, Karen, he understands all about the gift. He knows how to use it... how to control it.
 * Dr. Waggner: You'd have Bill back; there's still time if you accept the gift.

 * Jerry Warren: It was a mistake to bring her to the Colony.
 * Erle Kenton: We should have stuck with the old ways. Raising cattle for our feed. Where's the life in that?
 * Charlie Barton: The humans are our cattle.
 * Erle Kenton: Humans are our prey. We should feed on them, like we've always done. Screw all this "channel your energies" crap.
 * Dr. Waggner: But the danger of exposure! We need this shelter to plan! To catch up with society! Times have changed and we haven't! Not enough.
 * Marsha Quist: Shut up, Doc! You wouldn't listen to me! None of you! "We can fit in," you said. "We can live with them!" You make me sick.
 * Dr. Waggner: Marsha!
 * Marsha Quist: Oh, you're through, Doc! She's ours now...for the taking.

 * Karen White: Chris, run! They'll kill you!
 * T.C. Quist: That gun won't do you any good, mister.
 * Chris Dugan: Don't come any closer.
 * [T.C. snarls and starts to transform, but Chris shoots him and he collapses]
 * Chris Dugan: I have silver bullets in here.
 * Jerry Warren: Silver bullets, my ass! Get up, T.C.!
 * [Jerry aims his own gun at Chris, but is also shot down with a look of shock]
 * Dr. Waggner: [to Karen] They're real. [approaches Chris]
 * Chris Dugan: Don't come any closer, Doc, please.
 * [Waggner growls, and Chris shoots him]
 * Dr. Waggner: [with a look of relief] Thank God... [collapses, dead]

 * [last lines, after Karen transforms and is shot on live television]
 * First man at bar: The things they do with special effects these days! Did you see the one about the guy in the spaceship?
 * Second man at bar: It was real. She turned into a werewolf, and they shot her.
 * First man at bar: You're plastered!
 * Second man at bar: Doesn't mean it wasn't real.
 * Third man at bar: Hey, Ernie? Put that pepper steak on for me, would you? And a hamburger for the lady.
 * Ernie: How do ya want that?
 * Third man at bar: How do you want it, honey?
 * Marsha Quist: Rare. [smiles]

Taglines

 * Imagine your worst fear a reality.
 * Beyond anything human.
 * When the howling starts... the horror begins!
 * They're out there - and you're in the middle of your worst nightmare...
 * All your nightmares are about to be transformed into one single inescapable fear.
 * [from TV spot] What she has witnessed, she cannot escape. What he has become, he cannot control. And what you experience, no one will believe - until they come face to face with the inhuman fear that is The Howling.

Cast

 * Dee Wallace Stone - Karen White
 * Patrick Macnee - Dr. George Waggner
 * Dennis Dugan - Chris Dugan
 * Belinda Balaski - Terry Fisher
 * Christopher Stone - R. William Neill
 * Kevin McCarthy - Fred Francis
 * John Carradine - Erle Kenton
 * Slim Pickens - Sam Newfield
 * Robert Picardo - Eddie Quist
 * Dick Miller - Walter Paisley
 * Elisabeth Brooks - Marsha Quist

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: The Howling (film)


text:
Banking

Quotes about the business of Bank institutions where one can place and borrow money and take care of financial affairs.

Quotes

 * The reason that the United States had a banking industry that was radically better for the economic prosperity of the country had nothing to do with differences in the motivation of those who owned the banks. Indeed, the profit motive, which underpinned the monopolistic nature of the banking industry in Mexico, was present in the United States, too. But this profit motive was channeled differently because of the radically different U.S. institutions. The bankers faced different economic institutions, institutions that subjected them to much greater competition. And this was largely because the politicians who wrote the rules for the bankers faced very different incentives themselves, forged by different political institutions. Indeed, in the late eighteenth century, shortly after the Constitution of the United States came into operation, a banking system looking similar to that which subsequently dominated Mexico began to emerge. Politicians tried to set up state banking monopolies, which they could give to their friends and partners in exchange for part of the monopoly profits. The banks also quickly got into the business of lending money to the politicians who regulated them, just as in Mexico. But this situation was not sustainable in the United States, because the politicians who attempted to create these banking monopolies, unlike their Mexican counterparts, were subject to election and reelection. Creating banking monopolies and giving loans to politicians is good business for politicians, if they can get away with it. It is not particularly good for the citizens, however. Unlike in Mexico, in the United States the citizens could keep politicians in check and get rid of ones who would use their offices to enrich themselves or create monopolies for their cronies. In consequence, the banking monopolies crumbled. The broad distribution of political rights in the United States, especially when compared to Mexico, guaranteed equal access to finance and loans. This in turn ensured that those with ideas and inventions could benefit from them.
 * Daron Acemoglu and James A. Robinson, Why Nations Fail: The Origins of Power, Prosperity and Poverty (2012)

 * “They do not know how to do right,” declares the Lord,
 * “who store up in their fortresses
 * what they have plundered and looted.”
 * Amos 3:10 NIV.

 * The modern banking system manufactures “money” out of nothing; and the process is, perhaps, the most, astounding piece of “sleight of hand” that was ever invented. In fact, it was not invented. It merely “grew”. …  Banks in fact are able to create (and cancel) modern “deposit money”, just as much as they were originally able to create, or call in, their own original forms of private notes. They can, in fact, inflate and deflate, i.e., mint, and un-mint the modern “ledger-entry” currency.

 * The best way to rob a bank is to own one.
 * William K. Black, The Best Way to Rob a Bank is to Own One: How Corporate Executives and Politicians Looted the S&L Industry (2005)

 * I am just a banker "doing God’s work".
 * , CEO, Goldman Sachs, 2009 statement. Source: Wall Street Journal, May 2010.

 * Banks are the temples of America. This is a holy war. Our economy is our religion.
 * Giannina Braschi, "United States of Banana," AmazonCrossing, 2011.

 * Banks do not have an obligation to promote the public good.
 * Alexander Dielius, CEO, Goldman Sachs, Germany, Austria, Eastern Europe, January 2010 statement, as quoted in Wall Street Journal, May 2010.

 * The actual process of money creation takes place in commercial banks. As noted earlier, demand liabilities of commercial banks are money.  … Confidence in these forms of money also seems to be tied in some way to the fact that assets exist on the books of the government and the banks equal to the amount of money outstanding, even though most of the assets themselves are no more than pieces of paper...
 * The 1992 revision of this booklet is available on wikisource

 * Commercial banks create checkbook money whenever they grant a loan, simply by adding new deposit dollars in accounts on their books in exchange for a borrower's IOU.

 * The 12 regional reserve banks aren't government institutions, but corporations nominally 'owned' by member commercial banks.
 * Federal Reserve Bank of New York, I Bet You Thought... (1977), p. 27.

 * We are not against borrowing money and we are not against bankers. We are against trying to make borrowed money take the place of work. We are against the kind of banker who regards a business as a melon to be cut. The thing is to keep money and borrowing and finance generally in their proper place, and in order to do that one has to consider exactly for what the money is needed and how it is going to be paid off.
 * Henry Ford, My Life and Work Chapter 11, Money and Goods, (1923)

 * Bankers have no right to establish a customary law among themselves, at the expence of other men.
 * Foster, J., Hankey v. Trotman (1746), 1 Black. Rep. 2; reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, The Dictionary of Legal Quotations (1904), p. 17.

 * The study of money, above all other fields in economics, is one in which complexity is used to disguise truth or to evade truth, not to reveal it.
 * John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence it came, where it went (1975), p. 15.

 * The process by which banks create money is so simple that the mind is repelled.
 * John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence it came, Where it Went p. 29.

 * The use of money does not disestablish the normal process of creating credit. Money, it is true, is always being paid into the banks by the retailers and others who receive it in the course of business, and they of course receive bank credits in return for the money thus deposited. But for the manufacturers and others who have to pay money out, credits are still created by the exchange of obligations, the banker's immediate obligation being given to his customer in exchange for the customer's obligation to repay at a future date. We shall still describe this dual operation as the creation of credit. By its means the banker creates the means of payment out of nothing, whereas when he receives a bag of money from his customer, one means of payment, a bank credit, is merely substituted for another, an equal amount of cash.
 * , Currency and Credit (1919), p. 20

 * And I sincerely believe, with you, that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies; and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.
 * Thomas Jefferson, 3rd US President, in a letter to John Taylor in 1816.

 * Money is created when banks lend it into existence. When a bank provides you with a $100,000 mortgage, it creates only the principal, which you spend and which then circulates in the economy. The bank expects you to pay back $200,000 over the next 20 years, but it doesn't create the second $100,000 - the interest. Instead, the bank sends you out into the tough world to battle against everybody else to bring back the second $100,000.
 * Bernard Lietaer, Beyond Greed and Scarcity, YES! A Journal of Positive Futures, (Spring 1997)

 * While economic textbooks claim that people and corporations are competing for markets and resources, I claim that in reality they are competing for money - using markets and resources to do so. So designing new money systems really amounts to redesigning the target that orients much human effort... Greed and competition are not a result of immutable human temperament... greed and fear of scarcity are in fact being continuously created and amplified as a direct result of the kind of money we are using. For example, we can produce more than enough food to feed everybody, and there is definitely enough work for everybody in the world, but there is clearly not enough money to pay for it all. The scarcity is in our national currencies. In fact, the job of central banks is to create and maintain that currency scarcity. The direct consequence is that we have to fight with each other in order to survive.
 * Bernard Lietaer, Beyond Greed and Scarcity, YES! A Journal of Positive Futures, (Spring 1997)

 * So limited is our knowledge that we resort, not to science, but to shamans. We place control of the world's largest economy in the hands of a few elderly men, the central bankers.
 * Benoît Mandelbrot, The (Mis)Behavior of Markets (2004, 2008), Ch. 13, p. 254–255.

 * With money every form of intercourse, and intercourse itself, is considered fortuitous for the individuals.
 * Karl Marx in The German Ideology.

 * We [Banks] have a "right to make a profit"
 * Brian Moynihan, CEO, Bank of America, 2011 statement. Source: Money.CNN.com October 5th, 2011.

 * But please do not think that I am not fond of banks, Because I think they deserve our appreciation and thanks.
 * Ogden Nash. ‘Bankers are Just Like Everybody Else, Except Richer’, The Face is Familiar (1954).

 * Since those who rule in the city do so because they own a lot, I suppose they're unwilling to enact laws to prevent young people who've had no discipline from spending and wasting their wealth, so that by making loans to them, secured by the young people's property, and then calling those loans in, they themselves become even richer and more honored.
 * Plato, The Republic, 555c, G. Grube and C. Reeve, trans., Plato: Complete Works (1997), p. 1166.

 * In the epoch of imperialism, the bankers became the aristocrats of the capitalist world.
 * Walter Rodney,

 * There ain't nothin' to it. You go into the fancy meeting room and you just sit there and never open your yap. As long as you don't say nuthin' they don't know whether you're smart or dumb. When the question of a loan comes up, if it's a friend of yours, you vote to give it to him and if he ain't a friend, you don't.
 * Casey Stengel, on his duties as "vice-president of a flourishing bank in California"; as quoted in "Try and Stop Me" by Bennett Cerf, in The Raleigh Register / Beckley Post-Herald (December 5, 1964)
 * Globalization creates interlocking fragility, while reducing volatility and giving the appearance of stability. In other words it creates devastating Black Swans. We have never lived before under the threat of a global collapse. Financial Institutions have been merging into a smaller number of very large banks. Almost all banks are interrelated. So the financial ecology is swelling into gigantic, incestuous, bureaucratic banks — when one fails, they all fall. The increased concentration among banks seems to have the effect of making financial crisis less likely, but when they happen they are more global in scale and hit us very hard. We have moved from a diversified ecology of small banks, with varied lending policies, to a more homogeneous framework of firms that all resemble one another. True, we now have fewer failures, but when they occur... I shiver at the thought.
 * Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable (2007) Ch. 14: From Mediocristan to Extremism, and Back, pp. 225-226

 * The banks do create money. They have been doing it for a long time, but they didn't quite realise it, and they did not admit it. Very few did. You will find it in all sorts of documents, financial textbooks, etc. But in the intervening years, and we must all be perfectly frank about these things, there has been a development of thought, until today I doubt very much whether you would get many prominent bankers to attempt to deny that banks create credit.
 * H. W. White, Chairman of the Associated Banks of New Zealand, to the New Zealand Monetary Commission, 1955.

 * There is no group of people on the planet more stupid than bankers. They should be called bonkers. Look at the famous banks that are suddenly losing billions, because they handed out loans like lunatics.
 * Michael Winner, English film director and producer. From his interview in The Daily Mail (UK) newspaper, 17th June 2008.

Henry Ford: My Life and Work, Chapter 12, Money - Master or Servant (1923)
Full text online

 * Bankers play far too great a part in the conduct of industry...

 * The average successful banker is by no means so intelligent and resourceful a man as is the average successful business man. Yet the banker through his control of credit practically controls the average business man.

 * The banker is, as I have noted, by training and because of his position, totally unsuited to the conduct of industry. If, therefore, the controllers of credit have lately acquired this very large power, is it not to be taken as a sign that there is something wrong with the financial system that gives to finance instead of to service the predominant power in industry? It was not the industrial acumen of the bankers that brought them into the management of industry.

 * My objection to bankers has nothing to do with personalities. I am not against bankers as such. We stand very much in need of thoughtful men, skilled in finance. The world cannot go on without banking facilities. We have to have money. We have to have credit. Otherwise the fruits of production could not be exchanged. We have to have capital. Without it there could be no production. But whether we have based our banking and our credit on the right foundation is quite another matter.

 * The bankers who do straight banking should regard themselves as naturally the first men to probe and understand our monetary system—instead of being content with the mastery of local banking-house methods; and if they would deprive the gamblers in bank balances of the name of "banker" and oust them once for all from the place of influence which that name gives them, banking would be restored and established as the public service it ought to be, and the iniquities of the present monetary system and financial devices would be lifted from the shoulders of the people.

 * If the present faulty system is more profitable to a financier than a more perfect system would be, and if that financier values his few remaining years of personal profits more highly than he would value the honour of making a contribution to the life of the world by helping to erect a better system, then there is no way of preventing a clash of interests. But it is fair to say to the selfish financial interests that, if their fight is waged to perpetuate a system just because it profits them, then their fight is already lost. Why should finance fear? The world will still be here. Men will do business with one another. There will be money and there will be need of masters of the mechanism of money. Nothing is going to depart but the knots and tangles. There will be some readjustments, of course. Banks will no longer be the masters of industry. They will be the servants of industry.

 * Business will control money instead of money controlling business. The ruinous interest system will be greatly modified. Banking will not be a risk, but a service. Banks will begin to do much more for the people than they do now, and instead of being the most expensive businesses in the world to manage, and the most highly profitable in the matter of dividends, they will become less costly, and the profits of their operation will go to the community which they serve.

Disputed

 * The death of Lincoln was a disaster for Christendom. There was no man in the United States great enough to wear his boots and the bankers went anew to grab the riches. I fear that foreign bankers with their craftiness and tortuous tricks will entirely control the exuberant riches of America and use it to systematically corrupt modern civilization.
 * Sometimes attributed to Otto von Bismarck, German Chancellor (1815-1898). The apparent source of this is a German-American named Conrad Siem (d. 1931), who, in 1915, published recollections of conversations he allegedly had as a youth (about 12 years old) with Bismarck 37 years earlier. Should be treated skeptically.

This quote is said to be from the prospectus for the Bank of England, but it does not not appear in A Brief Account of the Intended Bank of England or elsewhere in The Writings of William Paterson. The earliest known appearance is from the 1930s.
 * The bank hath benefit of interest on all moneys which it creates out of nothing.
 * Attributed to William Paterson, founder of the Bank of England. No primary source for this has been found.

 * Banking was conceived in iniquity and was born in sin. The Bankers own the earth. Take it away from them, but leave them the power to create deposits, and with the flick of the pen they will create enough deposits to buy it back again. However, take this power away from them, and all the great fortunes disappear, and they ought to disappear, for this would be a happier and better world to live in. But, if you wish to remain the slaves of Bankers and pay the cost of your own slavery, let them continue to create money and control credit.
 * Attributed to Josiah Stamp by Silas W. Adams in The Legalized Crime of Banking (1958).

title: Banking


text:
Moral Orel

Moral Orel (2005–2008) is an animated show on Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" segment, which centers around the life of Orel Puppington, a young boy who consistently fails in his attempts to understand and abide by Protestant Christian values.

The Lord's Greatest Gift [1.01]

 * Doughy: Hey Orel, wanna come over to my house and play?
 * Orel: Can I, mom?
 * Bloberta: Alright, but don't take any rides from strangers
 * Orel: Why?
 * Clay and Bloberta: Because you're in your good Sunday suit!
 * Orel: Oh, right. Well goodbye.
 * Orel and Doughy walk along the sidewalk
 * Orel: Boy, Doughy, Reverend Putty's sermon today sure made me think.
 * Doughy: Orel! You know you're not supposed to think when it comes to God and faith!
 * Orel: I know but-
 * Doughy: Hey, let's cut through the cemetery!
 * Orel: Okay.
 * Orel and Doughy are walking through the cemetery
 * Doughy: It's always so pretty. Do you think it's because dead people make good fertilizer?
 * Orel: Hmmmmm...maybe. But they sure make bad Christians.

 * Orel: Gee dad, I was just trying to stop those dead people from spitting phelgm onto God's face
 * Clay: That much I understand, son. But there are other ways of preserving God's gift of life
 * Orel: How?
 * Clay: Well, for one... [Picks up the Necronomicon from the shelf] where in this book does it say the dead have to be naked?
 * Orel: Well, it doesn't really, but some of their clothes were stinky and messy with blood.
 * Clay: Their clothes didn't smell, Orel, their bodies smell. Their disgusting, exposed bodies.
 * Orel: Oh. I guess I was too caught up in bringing them back to life to notice
 * Clay: That's no excuse. Nudity is a horrible thing, and should only be committed as a last resort. Remember the lost 11th Commandment: Thou shalt be ashamed of thy natural anatomy.

God's Chef [1.02]

 * Principal Fakey: Orel, there are some things that are burned so deep into a person's subconscious that you forget just why they're there. You only know that they've scarred you in such a horrible and personal way that they must be right.

 * Orel: Dad, how do you make babies?
 * [Clay walks over to his book-shelf and takes out a book entitled "The Fake Facts of Life, Ages 5-15"]
 * Clay: How old are you, Orel? 9?
 * Orel: 11.
 * Clay: Hmm, 11. This is interesting.  Now that you're 11, you can now know the real story.  "Babies are made by God's chef, visiting ladies at night while they're asleep and injecting them with the delicious glaze from his holy pastry bag." Brilliant.
 * Orel: Gods Chef?
 * Clay: All right here in the black and white.

Charity [1.03]

 * Rev. Putty: Friends, I look around this town and my heart breaks. But it's not the kind of heartbreak I get when a woman rejects me.

 * Clay: But I don't know if you realize the true danger of crack. Crack is a gateway to slang.
 * Orel: Slang?
 * Clay: Yes. Remember, son... people know who you are by the words you use, not the things you do.
 * Orel: I'm sorry, Dad. From now on, when I do drugs, I'm going to speak properly.
 * Clay:: Attaboy. Just remember the lost 13th Commandment. Thou shalt not bastardize the American language.

Waste [1.04]

 * Clay: You have a lot of time before you decide what you're going to do for a living. And when you do start working, it's not going to be as easy as just peeing into a Tupperware container. Working is a very hard, soul-numbing and joyless experience, son
 * Orel: Gosh, thanks for preparin' me for the future Dad, you're the best!
 * Clay: If I can make sure you're ready for the dead-end bleakness of adulthood, then I've done my job.

 * Bloberta: I'm not throwing out your breakfast again, it's a waste. And God hates waste
 * Orel: He does?
 * Bloberta: Yes. Why do you think He won't even throw the devil away?
 * Clay: Your mother's right, Orel. What's more, your track coach, Mr. Stopframe, has just sent me a 12 page letter.
 * Orel: What does it say?
 * Clay: Oh, many many things...but here on page 7, he mentions you.
 * Orel: Oh, but why did he send you--
 * Clay: He says that you've been coming in with slower and slower times at practice.
 * Orel: What else does he write about Dad?
 * Clay: Well, that's all as far as you're concerned.

The Blessed Union [1.05]

 * Stephanie: Well, in this town, I guess I could use someone like me when I was your height. OK kid, I’m gonna give you a “Prince Albert”
 * Orel: “Prince Albert?”
 * Stephanie: Yep, I’m gonna put one of these through your Johnson. Then when you’re finally tall enough to drive it home, your good lady wife will be squealing like she’s won a year’s supply of pantyhose.

 * [In the study after Clay learns of Orel's piercing]
 * Clay: Orel, I want you to stay away from that person
 * Orel: But dad, she has such a warm attitude
 * Clay: "Warm attitude?" You kids today and your slang
 * Orel: But it's true, she's very pleasant
 * Clay: Son, she's only pleasant because she is different. When you're normal like the rest of us in Moralton, you have the luxury of being unpleasant.

Omnipresence [1.06]

 * Clay: Son, imagine my disappointment when I got a call from the hospital, and found you weren't sick or injured.

 * Clay: I'm surprised at you, Orel; you know that only God and the government can decide who lives and who dies.

God-Fearing [1.07]

 * Orel: Gee, the Lord sure works in mysterious ways!
 * Reverend Putty: He's not mysterious, Orel; He works in one way. Give Him the opportunity...and He's gonna get ya!

 * Doughy: Is being a policeman scary?
 * Officer Papermouth: No, son, I’m never scared when I’m out on the beat; because I have the best backup team out there, Officer’s God and Jesus. I know God protects me from all danger and Jesus guides my bullets straight into the brains and lungs of lawless slime.

Loyalty [1.08]

 * Clay:Your friendship and loyalty to Joe led you to hurting other people.
 * Orel: Yeah…those boys in the forest…
 * Clay: No, I’m talking about your three real friends: Doughy, Tommy and the rest!

 * (after finding out the situation with Orel and Joe from the gang by making them drink alcohol)
 * Clay: Okay, boys, alright. Well, thanks. I'll handle it.
 * Doughy: You're not gonna hit them, are you, Mr. Puppington?
 * Clay: Oh, Doughy, God wants us to beat our kids when they're bad.
 * Doughy: He does?
 * Clay: Yes.
 * Doughy: Why?
 * Clay: Because....[Walks off]

Maturity [1.09]

 * Clay: That kid gets more action than I do.
 * Bloberta: I'm still weaning him, Clay.
 * Clay: Bloberta, he's seven! He should not be using your milk to wash down his meatloaf, which I pay for by working that stinking dead-end job!
 * Bloberta: I'm so sick of your complaining. Why don't you just quit your job and quit being such a crybaby?
 * Clay: Oh, thanks for the sympathy! You have never been on my side!
 * Bloberta: Why would I be on the side of a self destructive alcoholic?
 * Clay: I can't believe I gave you the privilege of satisfying me every night

 * Clay: Oh son, behaving like a grown up is many things. First and for most, it means doing things that you hate doing.
 * Orel: Like what, pop?
 * Clay: Well, like dealing with people who make you unhappy, being stressed about things you have no control over, working soul-numbing jobs.
 * Orel: Oh.
 * Clay: Then gradually as we endure these hardships and accept them as normal, that's when we finally earned the right to get drunk and be emotionally distant from our families.

The Best Christmas Ever [1.10]

 * Reverend Putty: I'd like to welcome a very special Merry 1st Christmas to our Jews for Jesus friends. You know, during this joyous season, it is easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas. What Christmas is really about is the birth of the cute little baby who would grow up to die an unbelievably horrible death for our sins. You know who I'm talking about: Jesus, our Savior! Born from an attractive, young virgin named Mary.
 * Jesus was an unplanned birth that really made a name for itself. Not only is he a symbol of righteousness, but also the perfect poster child against abortion! Like if Joseph had refused to let the baby grow within Mary, who knows what this building would be right now... maybe even a synagogue! But because Joseph had the moral goodness to raise the "surprise;" we are safe and warm here in a Protestant church. Amen, and merry Christmas.

 * Radio Jingle: If the Lord were alive today, what would you give Him this Christmas?
 * What do you give someone who has everything and more?
 * He can heal the sick, so don't give Him an aspirin
 * He can walk on water, don't get Him a surfboard
 * If the Lord were alive today, what would you give Him this Christmas?
 * Give Him a $20 gift certificate from Pizza Jo's!

God's Image [2.01]

 * Clay: Son, I know things have been rough over the past few months, what with your mother's unreasonable behavior and bitter coldness towards me.
 * [Orel is about to put some Chinese food in his mouth]
 * Clay: Don't say it, you and Shapey are still young, needy, impressionable children. So your mother and I have decided to stay together. If only for appearances. The last thing we want people to think is that we don't care about our own kids. That's one fact that is none of their business

 * Mr Christein: [in a stereotypical Jewish accent] Figgurelli, I hear the townspeople are all into this segregation mishegus. Oy, it reminds me of when King Herod got spilchiche because of our Lord and savior
 * Sal Figgurelli: Huh?
 * Mr Christein: You know. It starts with the stereotyping and ends with the kaputz?

Love [2.02]

 * Rev. Putty: God wants you to love Jesus more than anything else in the world. More than your mother, more than your father, more than your favorite food. And yes, even more than money.
 * [The adults of the congregation gasp with horror]

 * Clay: Love is a very beautiful, very intense feeling for a startling short period of time. Before long, you realize it gets in the way of the important things in life; like, just going to sleep or being left alone. That's when love starts fading and lies kick in.
 * Orel: But how long does it actually take for love to fade?
 * Clay: Oh, quicker than you think, kid, quicker than you think.

Satan [2.03]

 * [Coach Stopframe is looking through a book of Satanic spells and then looks a photo of Clay]
 * Orel: Coach Stopframe?
 * Coach Stopframe: Oh, hi, Orel.
 * Orel: Whatcha got there?
 * Coach Daniel: Mmm, nothing, just a picture. Oh, hey, Orel, do you think that you could get me a little bit of your dad's hair?
 * Orel: Sure! What for?
 * Coach Daniel: Well, I...want to buy him a new comb and I need to see what gauge teeth to get on it.

 * Flygron: Greetings. I am Flygron. Come in and have some pizza.
 * Orel: Yum! [Runs inside]
 * Flygron: Uh, who's the kid?
 * Coach Stopframe: He's the virgin.
 * Flygron: What? That's totally against the law.
 * Coach Stopframe: But it's for the ritual.
 * Flygron: Don't you know any legal virgins?
 * Coach Daniel Stopframe: Hadn't crossed my mind, really.

Elemental Orel [2.04]

 * Doughy: Wow, Orel, you're the best detective ever!
 * Orel: No, Doughy, the best detective of all was King Solomon. He cleverly deduced that a mother never wants her baby cut in half.
 * Doughy: Oh yeah, that was some caper!

 * Orel: Gosh, my mom’s treating those people like they’re her family.
 * Doughy: I don’t know, Orel. It looks she’s just ignoring them and fed up and not happy at all to be here.
 * Orel: Exact… ly…
 * Doughy: Uh, I think I’m gonna go home.
 * Orel: [sadly] Bye, Doughy.

Offensiveness [2.05]

 * Orel: Your birthday? Why didn't you say anything, Miss Censordoll?
 * Miss Censordoll: I prefer not to annually celebrate the emergence of my unclad body through such an unsavory passage as my mothers womb

 * Orel: Hot dog, picket signs!
 * Miss Censordoll: There’s a special Saturday screening of “The Greatest Story Ever Told”
 * Orel: That’s not a dirty movie
 * Miss Censordoll: They all are, Orel, if you find a way to look at them just right…
 * Orel: But, it’s about the life of our Lord. It can’t be that bad
 * Miss Censordoll: Then let’s let God be the judge of that, shall we?

[Censordoll twitches uncontrollably and writes “MOVIE TOO LONG AND BORING, DISTRACTS AUDIENCE INTO WHORING!” onto the blank picket sign]
 * Miss Censordoll: Of course! That God, even he makes me feel inferior.

God's Blunders [2.06]

 * Doughy: Is sin radioactive?
 * Rev. Putty: Yes. That's why it's dangerous to get it near your groin.
 * Doughy: Yikes!

 * Clay: God makes two types of mistakes. The first kind is called "a miracle". You know, like bleeding statues, burning bushes, earthquakes and hurricanes that destroy disgusting foreign cultures? Those are all good mistakes that back up our faith in positive ways. And then there are His not so good mistakes. Traffic jams, the common cold and the mentally retarded. Those are called "God's blunders"

Pleasure [2.07]

 * Reverend Putty: Now this is not to say that the pious life is completely devoid of joy. Oh, there’s lot of great stuff! There’s platonic friendship, nice weather, the thrill of a good night’s sleep....uh....just to name a few.

 * Orel: Dad?
 * Clay: Where? I mean- Here for ya!
 * Orel: I’m sure finding it hard trying to avoid all of the devils pleasure traps
 * Clay: Ah, don’t worry, son. When you get older and have a family, you’ll find that leading a virtuous and pleasure-free life comes as easy as waking up in the morning.
 * Bloberta: Clay, I’m setting your couch alarm so you’re not late for work again tomorrow!
 * Clay: [mockingly] Fine! [to Orel] Okay, it’s a lot easier than waking up in the morning.

 * Clay: (after Orel tells him he's been having wet dreams about God spanking him) You've been having what about who doing what?! I think you know what this means! (Orel makes an aroused grin, Clay realizes belting him won't solve this problem) Just...just meet me in my study.

The Lord's Prayer [2.08]

 * Clay: In this cold, cynical, free-thinking, lonely world you’ve made, it’s somewhat expected when new friendships are welcomed with open hearts.

 * [The Puppington Family are having new neighbors, the Posubules, for dinner, and they're all saying grace.]
 * Everyone: Our Father, who/which art... [Everyone stops, slightly confused, then resumes] ...in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses/debts... [everyone stops again, more conscious, and then continue cautiously forward] ...as we forgive those who trespass/our debtors...
 * Clay: Debtors?!
 * Art Posubule: Trespassers?!
 * Both: What are you, nuts?! Get out!/Let's go!
 * Bloberta and Poppet Posubule: Well, you think you know someone!
 * Art: Get up, kids. I can't believe you would expose my children to this without my consent!
 * Clay: Your children? What about my kid, he's only nine!
 * Orel: Twelve.
 * Bloberta: Please, just leave!
 * Poppet: Gladly!
 * Clay: You don't even understand what the Lord's Prayer means!
 * Art: How dare you!? Forgive your debtors!
 * Clay: Forgive your trespassers!
 * Art: You owe me a bottle of wine!
 * Clay: GET OFF MY PROPERTY!! (Slams the door)

Holy Visage [2.09]

 * Miss Sculptham: The crusades took place during the Dark Ages, which was a very pious and righteous time in our history. Doughy?
 * Doughy: But the Dark Ages sound scary.
 * Miss Sculptham: Well, it they're not. "Dark" in this case, means something more like "shade" and "shelter." To be in a cool, dark place away from the oppressive heat of blinding enlightenment.

 * Him: So what did they end up getting back from the Crusades?
 * Miss Sculptham: Well, as you can see, many of the artifacts are here behind this glass. We have the Holy Grail, a porthole from Noah's Ark, and the skeleton of the baby Jesus. All of these, of course, can be purchased in the museum gift shop.

Be Fruitful and Multiply [2.10]

 * Rev. Putty: (praying) Lord, Putty here. Reverend Putty, for what that's worth. I don't know what the deal is with you, but I do and do and do for you, and all I ask is one measly thing in return! Seriously, is a lady really that difficult to conjure up? I mean, you make trees for a living. And I'm saying it could be any lady! Any size, any shape, any colo— I mean, any weight. The point is, I'm not picky. Amen.

 * Orel: I think that as long as you have at least one of those "F" words in your life, you can't be lonely. For you see, a lot of the problems starts when people get too greedy and want all of the "F" words, and don't appreciate the ones that they have. Then they're just making their live miserable...and who ever heard of somebody actually wanting to make his life miserable. Amen.

Praying [2.11]

 * Buddha: Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of that candle will not be shortened.

 * Principal Fakey: You're our ringer, Orel, remember that. Not to put the pressure on you, but to put all of the pressures completely on your head.

Repression [2.12]

 * Reverend Putty: Uh, look, just try not to think about it. Not a sight out of mind.
 * Principal Fakey: That is easy to say.
 * Reverend Putty: You can do it. Distract yourself. Giver your wife a baby, that'll make you feel like a good husband. Just pretend.

 * [Block Posabule comes running into the study and smashes some glasses]
 * Block: Yay! Break!
 * Clay: Orel! Look what you let in [Hits Block with a fly-squatter] Skat Shapey! Shoo shoo!
 * Orel: Dad, that's not Shap--
 * Clay: What's up son?

Turn the Other Cheek [2.13]

 * Clay: Orel, you know you shouldn't upset your mother by coming home with dirty clothes, because then, your mother talks to your father, and no-one wants that

 * Clay: (as Orel undoes his pants for a "lesson") Forget it, save it.
 * Orel: But aren't you going to teach me a lesson?
 * Clay: No, I'm not.
 * Orel: So, what does this mean, you're giving up on me, Dad?
 * Clay: Orel, a father never gives up on his son, because then he's not really a father; and if I'm not a father, all I really am is a husband, and that's practically worthless.
 * Orel: Uh-huh.
 * Clay: Also, you did follow my advice, kiddo, so punishing you would be an admission of wrongness on my part, and believe you me, that ain't gonna happen.
 * Orel: So why did we even come in here?
 * Clay: Well, we had to cast what's called a smoke-screen.
 * Orel: A smoke-screen?
 * Clay: Yes, it's a valuable tool I use in order to give your mother the illusion that I'm actually doing my job as your father.
 * Orel: Neat! You're the best, Dad. I love you.
 * Clay: Sure do. Well, we got about one more minute in here.
 * (Orel and Clay just stand and sit there for just over a minute while the credits roll)

Geniuses [2.14]

 * [While hiking, Orel and Doughy discover the "missing link" in a block of ice]
 * Orel: Wow look, it's the fictional missing link from the ghost book
 * Doughy: Say, that should take care of our coincidence badges!

 * Clay: Geniuses is the most simplistic way of disproving evolution while at the same time proving that a miracle of God's pure brainpower, He whipped up the universe in his heaven shaped laboratory hundreds of years ago
 * Orel: Wow
 * Clay: In fact, Geniuses is so simplistic that even the lowest form of life can understand it

Courtship [2.15]

 * Doughy: Boy Orel, I sure do have a great life! Always getting to do what I want and never having to worry about getting germs from hugging my parents or anything.

 * Orel: Gee, Mr. Creepler's been parked outside of your house for hours now.
 * Doughy: I know. He keeps asking me to get in the back of his boring old ice-cream van.
 * Orel: Well maybe he's just lonely and needs a friend.

School Pageant [2.16]

 * Mr Christein: Crooning? What the mishegus is this 'crooning?'
 * Mrs Christein: It's like "canting", but without the no Jesus

 * Three weeks later...
 * Bloberta: I hate you Jesus,
 * Clay: You rotten little fink,
 * Officer Papermouth: Your sermon never pleases,
 * Doctor Potterswheel: And all your parables all stink,
 * Mr.Figgurelli: Your eyes are beady, nose is weird, a goofy basket case,
 * Old Woman: I'd like to take that stupid beard and rip it off your face!
 * Rev.Putty: Prancing gayly on the water, a long haired scrawny clod, you maybe someone's daughter but you sure ain't the son of....
 * Everybody: [In church] Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-God, I hate you Jesus, with your boring miracles, you smell like a hundred cheeses have been shoved right up...shoved right up...shoved right up my nose!!
 * Orel: Wow! Everybody sure hates Jesus! Whoops...

Presents for God [2.17]

 * [Around town, there is a big epidemic of STD's, thanks to Orel's "soul-saving business"]
 * Bloberta: Well, I just don't know what's causing all these horrible diseases
 * Clay: [Reading a newspaper, covering his face] it's a real mystery
 * [Clay removes the newspaper, revealing that he has gonorrhea on his cheek]
 * Clay: Say, I think I'll go and paint the...uh...lawn!

 * Orel: Hey, maybe I could become a heathen just long enough for Reverend Putty to come and save me! That'd make God happy.
 * Clay: Sorry pal. Until your eighteen, your soul belongs to us.

Orel's Movie Premiere [2.18]

 * Doughy: [As a snake-like belt] come here, Orel, while your pulling your pants up from my spanking!
 * Doctor Potterswheel: Is his dad molesting him?
 * Clay: What?!

 * Orel: Gee, Joe completely changed the meaning of everything I wrote
 * Doughy: Gosh Orel, that's too bad
 * Orel: I guess some things get misinterpreted
 * Doughy: Like what?
 * Orel: Hmm...not sure [Scratches his head with the Bible]

Nature (Part 1) [2.19]

 * [Clay has finished spanking Orel]
 * Clay: I hope that's taught you a lesson, son.
 * Orel: It sure has! I'm never gonna do that, with those, in there, for that long, ever again!
 * Clay: Good boy son, good boy...
 * [Pause]
 * Orel: Is that it?
 * Clay: Yup, you can go.
 * Orel: Oh, you're not going to lecture me some more.
 * Clay: Nah, gonna relax for a while.
 * Orel: Gee...
 * [Orel looks at the mounted deer on the wall above the fireplace, this grabs Clay's attention]
 * Clay: Orel, how would you like to go on father and son outing together?
 * Orel: Father and son, and how!

 * [Later on in the hunting trip..]
 * Clay: (After a large swig of alcohol) I gotta tell you, Orel; your cup is always half empty. You need to be more like your old man and look at the blight side of things.
 * Orel: Blight?
 * Clay: I didn't say bright, I said blight. "My life is sunny and blight". Bright means the opposite, it means sudden withering death, and...(Suddenly despondent)...Oh, who am I kidding? My life is full of bright.
 * Orel: You mean blight?
 * Clay: Oh God...
 * Orel: What's the matter?
 * Clay: ...I hate myself...
 * [Orel's eyes tear up as Clay looks at the bottle he's holding.]
 * Clay: (Screaming) Why do you quit working on me?! She always fools me, Orel. "I'll make things better dear. Drink me. Put me inside you, I'm great!" And she chokes me just like every other whore out there! They're all worthless, kid. Every woman. Don't let 'em get ya. All of 'em wanna get ya. They just grab you and pull you into them! And then you're forced to stay in and pull out and stay in and pull out! And then they gut ya. And then they grip ya by right where it counts. And then they start squeezing things out! Things that are like weights around your head! You sit there for the rest of your life, with nowhere to go and no one to be!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!!
 * [Orel, terrified at this rant, accidentally discharges his gun.]
 * Orel: Dad!

Nature (Part 2) [2.20]

 * Orel: Are you okay?!
 * Clay: (laughing like a madman) Okay? Am I okay?! You shoot one thing this whole trip, count them, one thing and it's two of my last bottles of liquor?!
 * Orel: Sorry, dad! It was an accident!
 * Clay: There are no accidents! You have done nothing but whine and complain like a little lady in a flowery, sissy skirt and attractive high heels about my drinking since we got here!
 * Orel: It's because you become a bad person when you drink!!!
 * Clay: Oh, I do, do I? Well, we'll see about that! (He tries to take off his belt to spank Orel but can't. His pants fall down. He tries to pull them back up but can't. Orel tries to help) Get away from me! I'll do it myself! (After failing to put his pants up again, he curls into a ball and weeps pathetically. Finally, he stops and manages to pull his pants up.) Okay... It's time you became a man! Where's my rifle?
 * Orel: I-I-I don't think...
 * Clay: There it is! (grabs his rifle and starts aiming it around)
 * Orel: (trembling) Dad! W-Watch out!
 * Clay: Please, Orel. I know exactly what I'm doing.
 * Orel: Yeah, but you might shoot it off by mistake!
 * Clay: There aren't any mistakes either. No mistakes, no accidents, no flop-ups, no boner.
 * Orel: But...
 * Clay: DON'T "BUT" ME! (pulls the trigger, shooting Orel in the leg)

 * [Clay finally wakes up after sleeping off all of the alcohol he drank the previous day; it's in the late afternoon]
 * Clay: [cheerfully] Mornin'!
 * Orel: Morning was 13 hours ago.
 * Clay: Missed the roosters, eh? High time for some breakfast!
 * Orel: I wanna go home
 * Clay: Why? What happened?
 * Orel: You shot me in the leg.
 * Clay: No I didn't.
 * Orel: Look.
 * Clay: Oh. I don't remember that. So that means it's not my fault!

Numb [3.01]

 * After trying to get Shapey back from the Posabule family, Bloberta has ended up with both Shapey and Block, who bond quickly.
 * Shapey and Block: Mine!
 * Shapey: Cake?
 * Block: Cake!
 * Shapey: Yummy?
 * Block: Yummy!
 * Shapey: Mine?
 * Both: Mine! [They laugh happilly]

 * Rev. Putty: Bloberta! What brings you...
 * Bloberta: Reverend, I want you.
 * Rev. Putty: I... uh... I'm sorry?
 * Bloberta: I need you. I have this feeling.
 * Rev. Putty: Oh, well, uh... Meet me at the church repressional.
 * Bloberta: No! I want to be with you! I want your mind, your body. I want to get close to you in anyway. Touch you, anywhere. I'm yours, all yours!
 * Rev. Putty: AAAAHHHH!!! (ejaculates in his pants and falls on his knees) I'm done.
 * Bloberta: What?
 * Rev. Putty: I'm done! Go away! Go a million miles away! (slams the door)

Grounded [3.02]

 * Bloberta: Good afternoon.
 * Clay: Oh, yeah? What's so afternoon about it?
 * Bloberta: Well, it's 4:30 P.M. What kind of an example is that for your son?
 * Clay: Don't worry about Orel, he's fine! A chip off the 'ol block, out of my flesh and...
 * [Clay opens the door to the bathroom to find Orel bathing in the blood of his friends, who are standing around with knives and other sharp things.]
 * Clay: ...blood?
 * Orel: Oh, hi, dad. Pretty great, huh?

 * [Clay has finished spanking Orel, causing Orel to forget his enlightenment]
 * Clay: I hope that's taught you a lesson, son.
 * Orel: It sure has! I'm never gonna do that [Shocking his heart], with those [Defibrillator pads], in there [The Hospital], for that long, ever again!
 * Clay: Good boy, son...good boy...
 * [Pause]
 * Clay: Orel, how would you like to go on a father-and-son outing together?
 * Orel: Father and son; and how!

Innocence [3.03]

 * Clay: Wait a minute! you're asking me to take responsibility for what Orel does?
 * Rev. Putty: I know it's a tall order.
 * Clay: 90% of the time, I'm not even responsible for my own action!
 * Principal Fakey: What if you quit drinking?
 * Clay: (mockingly) Yeah, what if?

 * (After being told about "the children's crusade")
 * Orel: Did the children's crusade really work?
 * Miss Sculptham: of course they probably did, how dare you question things when I don't!

Alone [3.04]

 * Miss Censordoll: I am not "Holier-than-thou", Mother. But I am Holier than you.

 * Nurse Bendy: Firstly, we must all pray for grace! Dear Lord in Godland, bless this mess of delicious food and thank you kindly for keeping our joyous family together under this one love-filled roof! We all need people who aren't mean to me or that don't act like they care about doing dirty, awful things to you. [becoming more despondent with each sentence] We need family because they care that I'm a real person who has thoughts of sadness, sometimes, along with happy thoughts or scared or aloneness thoughts. I feel thoughts of emotions and I need people to know that. So, thank you for keeping this family in good... shape. [suddenly cheerful again] The end for now, while we eat, signed, my family. [wipes a tear from her eye] Wow. My eye is really sweating up a storm here.

Trigger [3.05]

 * Orel: Where did you learn to shoot like that, Doughy?
 * Doughy: I don't know. I guess you just have to act like nobody cares; like, nothing you ever do really means anything to anybody. You know, like you're totally invisible.

 * Doughy: Hey, sheriff? You want me to stay here to make sure that Orel doesn't goof anything up? Or maybe you can take me on the hunting trip with you, sheriff.
 * Clay: Oh ho ho, Doughy. That was just a ploy to get Orel to shoot better. Why, you could be Lee Harvey Oswald and I still wouldn't bring you on that trip with me.

Dumb [3.06]

 * Joe: Hey Orel, where are you going tagging along with your dad like a goofy-two-shoes?
 * Orel: My dad's taking me hunting
 * Joe: Cool! I love killing things! It's funny!
 * Orel: Yeah...
 * Joe: You should try shooting animals right in the legs, that way, It'll be easier to punch them to death!

 * Joe: Um...are you my mom?
 * Nurse Bendy: What? Who told you that?
 * Joe: Some dummy...
 * Nurse Bendy: How can I be your mom? I've never even hit you!

Help [3.07]

 * Miss Censordoll: Finish this one: "Unbridled free thinking leads to...?"
 * Bloberta: Free thinking...free thinking...free thinking? This that even a word?
 * Miss Censordoll: Two words. Some call it a phrase.

 * Mrs Hymentact: Modella, I'm surprised at you
 * Modella Hymentact: It wasn't I, mother
 * Mrs Hymentact: Well, it certainly wasn't our dear, little Lunchbox here
 * Bloberta: Mom, that was me singing...along with the family
 * Mrs Hymentact: Really, Bloberta; you know we don't need two sopranos, and your older sister has perfect pitch
 * Bloberta: I know
 * Raymond Hymentact: Oh please, nobody's per--
 * Mrs Hymentact: RAYMOND!!!
 * Raymond Hymentact: I'll shut up!

Passing [3.08]

 * Angela: Only God could explain why you stayed here with me, and your brothers and sisters didn't. It must have been all that praying I did during the pregnancy with you. Do you know I didn't even smoke? Imagine being that preoccupied that you forget to even light up a cigarette every once in a while. My stomach was tied in such knots, and...I was so steeped in all my prayers that I couldn't even force down a highball. I mean, if it wasn't for food, I would've wasted away to nothing; and of course, through everything that was going on through my mind, I never had time to horseback ride or go on a roller coaster. And that trampoline out back, that practically went to waste. With all that lack of exercise, it's a wonder you were ever born at all.
 * Clay: Mom, are you telling me that you're trying to tell me that I'm not your precious, only ever?
 * Angela: Well, you're my precious, only, living ever. By default.
 * Clay: You lied to me!
 * Angela: No!
 * Clay: You lied to me, Mommy! I'm not going to be your precious, only, living ever any more!
 * Angela: No! Clarence, come back! I mean, Clay!

 * [The paramedics arrive after Clay's prank causes his mother to have a fatal heart attack]
 * Paramedic 1: I'm sorry, Mr Puppington, cardiac arrest.
 * Paramedic 2: She was in heaven before we got here.
 * Arthur: No...there is no heaven... [Clay hugs him, crying. Arthur shoves him aside] I don't need anymore of your leftovers.
 * Clay: You'll go to hell for saying there's no heaven.
 * [Arthur raises his arm to slap him, but stops]
 * Arthur: You're not even worth it.
 * Clay: Not worth it?

 * Arthur: I want to see you in my study. Now.
 * [Arthur gives Clay Ol' Gunny]
 * Arthur: Clay, it's been a grand Puppington tradition that the head of the household passes down Ol' Gunny to his firstborn son. But I am not passing it onto you now because of that tradition. I am in fact ending the tradition. There will be no coming of the age hunting trip. I don't want this in my possession anymore. It's tainted. With blood.
 * Clay: Sure it's not just ketchup?
 * Arthur: No, look closer. You killed your mother with this gun.
 * Clay: You know, it's a sin to bear false witness.
 * [Arthur raises his hand to strike Clay, but stops]
 * Clay: Oh, oh, oh, and remember the last lost sixty-third commandment: Thou shalt never forget thy loaded a gun when thou has an innocent child in the house!
 * Arthur has already left Clay alone]

Closeface [3.09]

 * [Orel is trying to find a date to the Arms-Length Dance]
 * Orel: You see, I think Stephanie's kind of lost because she never had anyone special to take to the Arm’s Length Dance; and as far as I can see, bringing someone special to that is important to her happiness and maybe even mine.
 * [Block enters the room and starts annoying Orel.]
 * Orel: Shapey plea- I mean Block- Block?! [gasps] Christina! Of course! There is someone special in my life! But, I'm not supposed to like her, because she's different. Unless, you don't mind? Please give me a sign, would you mind if--
 * Block: No!
 * Orel: Wow! Of all the things he could have said!

 * Rev. Putty: Are you kidding? You can't compare you and her to Orel and his little Orellette.
 * Stephanie: Why, because we're two girls, and tolerance is only a pretend theme?
 * Rev. Putty: No. Because she didn't care about you.
 * Stephanie: ...wow. You remember it better than I do.
 * Rev. Putty: Yeah, I remember. When you've had my track record with love that stuff hits you like a ton of bricks. I felt bad for ya. But, if you keep playing that song, we might both get lucky tonight.

Sundays [3.10]

 * Dotty: Florence, pull yourself together. It's embarrassing enough to be your friend!
 * Florence: Dottie...we are not friends.

 * Florence: These are my zebras.
 * Rev. Putty: Oh, boy...
 * Florence: Do you like them?
 * Rev. Putty: Uh, Florence...
 * Florence: I've been collecting them since I was seven.
 * Rev. Putty: That's sad-- I mean nice.

Sacrifice [3.11]

 * Rev. Putty: Well, if you remember last week's sermon, I ended it with a little cliffhanger: What was in the tomb when Mary Magdalene and company checked it out? Well, here's the answer: nothing. Nothing was in the tomb. Now, usually, nothing is a down. One big goose egg. Well, this time the goose laid a golden egg, people. Nothing meant "hope" for everyone. So the next time you look and see nothing, have a little hope for me. Amen.

 * Clay: Well, well, well, Dr. Quentin Xavier Potterswheel!
 * Potterswheel: Clay.
 * Clay: Hey, Doc, we were just talking about ex-wives.
 * Potterswheel: Uh, I'm a widower.
 * Clay: Oh, right, right. Must be nice to lose a wife to sickness and death instead of her just plain ol' getting sick of you.
 * Potterswheel: No... Not so nice, especially when you're a doctor.
 * Clay: She just loved those painkillers! Probably didn't even realize she was infected, right Doc?
 * Potterswheel: She was... quite comfortable when she passed.
 * Clay: "Numb", some call it! Now, me and Jesus, we like to feel the pain. Tell me, doc. Did some of those painkillers protect her against you?
 * Potterswheel: What does that mean?
 * Clay: You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate- those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And when you finally get one of these... [Points at Dolly and imitates a fanfare] ...coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to hoard it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. [About to cry] That you love. And the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you. Survive off you. [Potterswheel wipes his brow nervously with a handkerchief] If that one gets too sweaty, I've got an extra one for ya.
 * Potterswheel: Uh...
 * Clay: Oh, come on. It's a nice one.
 * Dolly: Clay, maybe the doctor would like to be left alone.
 * Clay: Oh, is that so? Well maybe you would like to put those slutty little breasts of yours right in my kisser! [Officer Papermouth puts a hand on Clay's shoulder] Ooh, the long arm of the law! [Papermouth readies to pistol whip the man, who just laughs]
 * Potterswheel: No, Roger!
 * Clay: Yeah, Roger, listen to the wife murderer! [he laughs again; Potterswheel grabs a knife and Reverend Putty grabs a bottle. Dolly leaves in a huff.] Aw, you better go too, Reves! Let the men handle this!
 * Reverend Putty: How would your teeth like a five finger discount on a knuckle sandwich, Puppington?!
 * Clay: [opens his mouth, waiting for them to smash his teeth in] Well? What are you waiting for? I'm waiting! I'm waiting! [after seeing him try to egg them on, the men leave, realizing he's not worth it] Well, it looks like the only fists that are raised in this town are pacifists! Yeah, run, get out of here! Get out of here, cowards! Look at you! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Where are you all going?! GET BACK HERE! YOU COME BACK HERE!!! SHOW ME THAT YOU HAVE ONE ONCE OF TESTOSTERONE BETWEEN THE THREE OF YOU!!! [he drops to his knees] With all you people as role models, no wonder my son is...sensitive.

Nesting [3.12]

 * Clay: Oh don't ever call it silly son. Not saying what's on our mind is what this country is based on!

 * [Orel stands stoically in Clay's study. Clay stares blankly at Orel]
 * Clay: [Awkward] So, uh...how are...things...Orel?
 * Orel: [quick and blunt] I think we should get right to the lecture and punishment because I have a lot to do.
 * Clay: Whoa! Mister Busy!
 * Orel: You had six months to talk.
 * Clay: The last six months were not filled with you helping some mad woman campaign against me and my job!
 * Orel: You don't even like your job.
 * Clay: Like? Like?! No-one likes their job! Have you listened to anything I've ever said in here? Does this chair absorb my voice? Do all these dead animal heads eat my words before they reach your delicate little ears?!
 * Orel: Can I go now?
 * Clay: You know that thing that you do with your hands, and mouth, and throat, and stomach? That thing called "eating?" Well, say goodbye to that forever if I lose my position in this town because of you!
 * Orel: I will.
 * Clay: Okay!! [Normally] You can go.

 * Clay: Reverend Moderator, citizens of Moralton, friends, I have been criticized quite intensely for the outlawing of our little gooey breakfast buddies. I have been called a calloused hunter by my esteemed opponent. Does hunting and death really pose such a horrible threat to this town? Death, dear friends, is the best thing ever! Death is the beginning of our everlasting life. The only eggs I smash are the eggs of filth, the inhuman eggs that squeeze with vile evil, through the tantalizingly moist passage of feminine foul temptation, [is now becoming more and more lustful] protruding from our mother, bit by bit, with wrongful, erotic succulence. Completely enveloped by that soiled, evil, maternal opening.

Honor [3.13]

 * Clay: What are you doing here with my son?!
 * Orel: Stop!
 * Clay: The thought of you two together makes my skin crawl!
 * Orel: Please! All we were doing was...having a nice time. For the first Christmas in...I don't know how long. I felt relaxed and full of joy.
 * Clay: This...is...rape! You raped my son!
 * Bloberta: What?
 * Clay: With niceness, in order to get to me! Well, it worked, you got to me! Now you stay away from him! He's not yours, I am! [He stops, realizing what he's just said] I mean-- he's mine, my son! Oh, I miss you..., Orel. I need you in my life..., Orel. And I...I...I...love you.
 * Bloberta: [Bitterly] We should go.
 * Clay: I love you, I love you, I love you..., Orel.
 * Orel: Come on, dad, it's late.
 * Clay: No! [He takes a step towards Stopframe, but cracks a picture of the two]
 * Daniel Stopframe: He's right. It's too late.
 * Clay: Right. [he turns to leave]
 * Daniel Stopframe: I had fun. [Clay turns around, only to see Stopframe smiling with Orel. Heartbroken, he leaves with his family, but leaves behind the stuffed bear. Stopframe strokes it.] Well, how are you at trimming?

 * Rev. Putty: Today's Christmas sermon is about family. What is family? Well, a lot of times, family is just a bunch of people who are forced to be together just because they came out of each other, but every so often...a miracle happens. A loving family, just like that—out of nowhere. Now, what causes this? A belief in God, a strong moral structure, blind luck? Who knows? Who cares? Ah, you're not gonna get any answers out of me. I'm just a puppet for the Big Guy. I don't write this stuff. The end. I mean, Amen. Nah, who am I kidding? The end.

Beforel Orel

 * Arthur: I blame myself for how you treated Orel.
 * Clay: Orel is doing fine...ish.
 * Arthur: Well, I have to admit, I was kind of surprised he didn't know about God for so long in this God-forsaken, God-fearing town. Why?
 * Clay: I didn't have the confidence to answer any of his questions, let alone talk about God (he starts crying) because I felt worthless.
 * (Both Arthur and Clay recall when the younger version of the former told the childhood version of the latter, "You're not even worth it." This resulted in Clay associating abuse with worth and attention.)
 * Clay: But now I know that's the answer to EVERY ONE of his questions!!! I never want you to see Orel again.

Cast members

 * Carolyn Lawrence - Orel Puppington, Christina Posabule, Dolly Forghetti
 * Scott Adsit - Clay Puppington, Dr Potterswheel, Doughy Latchkey, Coach Stopframe (Season 3), Ms Censordoll (Season 3), Art Posabule, various
 * Britta Phillips - Bloberta Puppington, Agnes Sculptham, Stephanie Foamwire-Putty, Tommy Littler, Nurse Bendy, Florence Papermouth, Poppet Posabule, various
 * Jay Johnston - Coach Stopframe (Seasons 1 & 2), Ms Censordoll (Seasons 1 & 2), Principal Fakey, Officer Roger Papermouth (Seasons 1 & 2), Joe Secondopinionson, Sal Figurelli (Seasons 1 & 2), Carl Latchkey
 * William Salyers - Reverend Rod Putty
 * David Herman - Principal Fakey (Season 3), Officer Roger Papermouth (Season 3), Sal Figurelli (Season 3)
 * Tigger Stamatopoulos - Shapey Puppington, Block Posabule
 * Dino Stamatopoulos - Dale Armature, Cecil Creepler, Arthur Puppington, Raymond Hymentact
 * KK Dodds - Kim Latchkey, Dotty

title: Moral Orel


text:
User talk:Rudyskaman

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:43, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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Daniel dawson
An article that you've created and/or edited, Daniel dawson, has been nominated for deletion at Votes for deletion (VfD). Based on reviews of similar quote articles, it is suspected that these are not quotes of notable figures with published references, which is what Wikiquote collects, but rather quotes from yourself or your friends or acquaintances. These are what we refer to as "vanity" quotes, much like Wikipedia's "vanity" articles. As is pointed out in FAQ and What Wikiquote is not, which are recommended reading, such quotes are perfectly acceptable on one's user page, but are not a proper subject for quotation in Wikiquote articles.

If so, I invite you to copy the quotes to your user page before the article is deleted. If instead these people have some notoriety in the world at large, and have been quoted in the mainstream media, please provide evidence of this in the VfD entry mentioned above. Thank you for your cooperation. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:43, 19 July 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:Rudyskaman


text:
User talk:Rholton

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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title: User talk:Rholton


text:
User talk:AtroposTheRandom~enwikiquote

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called AtroposTheRandom. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name AtroposTheRandom~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:17, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:42, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:AtroposTheRandom~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:Kimberinthecity

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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title: User talk:Kimberinthecity


text:
User talk:DMY

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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title: User talk:DMY


text:
User talk:Sabin~enwikiquote

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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 * Be bold.

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Sabin. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Sabin~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:34, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:57, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:Sabin~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:NotoriousTF

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
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title: User talk:NotoriousTF


text:
User talk:Fjalex~enwikiquote

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
 * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read Wikiquote.
 * To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our Village pump.
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 * To sign with a date, write four tildes (~~) and save.
 * Before creating new articles, consult our guide. You may practice how to edit a page at Sandbox.
 * Be bold.

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Fjalex. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Fjalex~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:23, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:47, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

title: User talk:Fjalex~enwikiquote


text:
User talk:Woodchuckjr

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)
 * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read Wikiquote.
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 * Be bold.

title: User talk:Woodchuckjr