text:
Talk:Mystery Science Theater 3000

Organization and formatting guidelines
This quote page is organized a little differently from others, largely because it can be divided into seasons and episodes and because many great quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000 are in the form of dialog, which confounds the usual quote formatting.

To add a quote, find the episode it occurs in and copy the formatting of an existing quote to your own needs. If you don't know what episode your quote appeared in, place it in the Unknown episode section, and I or someone else will move it as time permits.

The basic formatting guidelines (as I start this page) are as follows, using this example:

 * :[Sheriff Ben and Deputy Martin examine a spacecraft.]
 * :Sheriff Ben: It could be one of our missiles.
 * :Servo [as Martin]: This county has missiles, sir?

which will be rendered by Wikiquotes as:

 * [Sheriff Ben and Deputy Martin examine a spacecraft.]
 * Sheriff Ben: It could be one of our missiles.
 * Servo [as Martin]: This county has missiles, sir?

The formatting works as follows:

 * The colon indents the quote.
 * Double apostrophes (  ) around context lines (explanations) italicize the text. (NOTE: These are two consecutive ' characters, NOT a "double-quote" (").''
 * Triple apostrophes ( ''' ) surrounding a character name makes the name bold.
 * Double brackets make the character name a Wiki link, so you can click on the character for more information.
 * The expression "w:Character's FullName|" makes the character name a link to Wikipedia, where most if not all of the MST3K characters have entries.
 * Don't put any blank lines between lines within a single dialog quote, but make sure there's a blank line between separate quotes.

In long dialog sections, you should only put Wiki links around the first occurrence of each character (to save time and headaches). If all this formatting is too much for your to bother with, just use a simplified version:

 * :[Sheriff Ben and Deputy Martin examine a spacecraft.]
 * :Sheriff Ben: It could be one of our missiles.
 * :Servo [as Martin]: This county has missiles, sir?

Just try to remember the initial colon and the blank line between different quotes. Sooner or later, someone will likely come along and pretty it up. -- Jeff Q 11:18, 3 May 2004 (UTC)

NOTE: I removed the discussion on adding episodes and shorts, as all have been pre-added with new table of contents. — Jeff Q (talk) 07:02, 19 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Character list
Here is a set of preformatted character names that, if you paste them into your quotes, will provide full formatting and linking abilities, including disambiguation for common names. (Observer/Brain Guy has two lines to allow entries to display either "Observer" or "Brain Guy".)

 * SATELLITE OF LOVE
 * :Joel:
 * :Gypsy:
 * :Servo:
 * :Crow:
 * :Mike:

 * THE MADS
 * :Dr. Forrester:
 * :Dr. Erhardt:
 * :TV's Frank:
 * :Pearl:
 * :Bobo:
 * :Observer:
 * :Brain Guy:

A few of the characters may not yet have Wikipedia pages. If you feel adventurous, you might consider adding one yourself. -- Jeff Q 11:18, 3 May 2004 (UTC)

Riff sources
Although the introduction to this article leaves the cultural sources of the MST3K riffs "as mental exercises for the reader", it seems to me that some of the more obscure ones might benefit from a brief, explicit reference. I'm concerned that these quotes already have fairly complex formatting, but the following style for an explicit riff reference may be of use:

 * :&#x21d2; Riff description.

The "&#x21d2;" text gets translated into a double-line right arrow, and the phrase is italicized to set it off from the quote text. The result looks like this example from "Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders [10.03]":

 * ⇒ Riffing on the dental torture scene in Marathon Man.

This hint is enough to allow people to find out more, without bogging down the quote with a lot of detail. Since many MST3K riffs are on subjects with Wikipedia articles (like movies or celebrities), it's appropriate to put a Wikipedia link in these quotes. This neatly avoids distracting links within the quote text, too. Note that a Wikipedia link takes the form:

 * Article name

The "w:" signifies the English Wikipedia. (Substitute others as appropriate.) Be sure to add the vertical bar or pipe "|" after the article name; this suppresses display of the "w:" (or other) prefix.

Let's try this out for a while and see if it looks okay to readers. -- Jeff Q 22:51, 16 Jun 2004 (UTC)

Separating dialog segments
There is an unresolved problem in visually separating different dialog segments. Using the Standard (now called Classic) skin and its stylesheet, separating segments with a single blank line makes it clear that consecutive segments are separate. However, with the new Monobook skin forced on anonymous users and anyone who hasn't explictly chosen otherwise, it is difficult to see where one segment ends and the next begins. This problem does not look like it'll be resolved anytime soon.

Several approaches have been tried in this and other articles to remedy this situation, but most only fix the problem for one skin or the other. In order to make the article clearer without adding too much blank space for one skin, I have inserted the following HTML between each pair of dialog sections:

 * <hr width=50%/>

I didn't use the standard Wiki line markup " " because it looks exactly like the horizontal lines used in Monobook headings. It would be preferable to use Wiki markup, or to have spacing between the skins match, but based on my unanswered pleas on several discussion pages, I don't see this happening. Let's try this out for a while. I invite comments and questions. -- Jeff Q 02:20, 12 Jul 2004 (UTC)

Concerning Gigan / Gaigan
Jeffq said, "Pls cite reference on Talk pg if you insist "Gigan" is correct."

Very well, here you go:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0002V7OEC/qid=1103586396/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-0835741-4286515?v=glance&s=dvd

http://www.geocities.com/godzillauniverse/GiganStats.html

http://www.kaijuphile.com/rodansroost/kaijustats/gigan.shtml

http://gojistomp.org/gfacts/giganm.html

http://godzilla.monstrous.com/gigan.htm

http://www.tohokingdom.com/web_pages/kajiu_bios/gigan.htm

http://www.stomptokyo.com/movies/godzilla-vs-gigan.html

http://www.godzilla.stopklatka.pl/gigane.htm

http://www.avia-art.com/godzillawebsite/gnco/gigan.html

http://www.kaijuhq.org/Gigan.html

-- User:4.179.200.133 19:08, 20 Dec 2004

 * Wow! You don't do anything by half measures! ☺ I bow to your superior research. In fact, I'm embarrassed that I didn't think to check for Gigan's starring role rather than confine my review to its guest appearance in Godzilla vs. Megalon, and that I didn't think of checking out cover art in Amazon or Netflix. (I'm always leery of fan sites, as I've seen massive spelling problems in general in such things.) Cover art, in my opinion, is second only to the movie's title screen in confirming titles, and certainly trumps IMDb, which is not above the occasional error. I've restored your correction. Thank you for your work! — Jeff Q 03:19, 21 Dec 2004 (UTC)

Compact table of contents
The table of contents of this page has become extremely long, making it rather cumbersome. In the time it takes to scroll down to a TOC entry to click on the link, you could use a browser Find to jump right to an episode. To alleviate this, I've created a compact table of contents that fits on a single page and also gives a visual overview of the entire show. (You can take a look at it at User:Jeffq/Experiments/MST3KTOC.) Although there's no room for the episode titles in such a confined space, you can find an episode or short title by mousing over each show's box in the table and looking at the URL, or webpage name. (It appears in the status bar, usually at the bottom of the browser screen, for most browsers. For some browsers, like Opera, it pop-ups on the screen if you hover for a second over the box.)

The current test version has no quotes in it, but you can see a live page with a similar compact TOC at Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Please visit the MST3K test page and let me know what you think. If there are no objections, I plan to implement this new TOC on or shortly after 17 April 2005. (If we find out later that we don't like it, I'll be happy to restore the old TOC.) — Jeff Q (talk) 11:10, 3 Apr 2005 (UTC)

 * I've made some changes to the table that allow most current browsers to pop up the episode and short titles in a tooltip as the mouse hovers over them. There seems to be a bug in MSIE 6.0 that is preventing this for now, but the title still appears in the status bar for all browsers, IE included. — Jeff Q (talk) 10:16, 13 Apr 2005 (UTC)

 * Okay, the new table of contents is in place. (In the process of merging it into the existing quotes, I found we had one short (Why Study Industrial Arts?) misplaced and one episode (The Thing That Couldn't Die) misspelled.) Every episode, short, and special now has a header on the page, so people can add a quote simply by clicking on the Edit link for the correct show, avoiding editing the whole huge page. The new Notes section (just under the TOC) also has instructions on how to use the page and the TOC, and how to add quotes. — Jeff Q (talk) 06:50, 19 Apr 2005 (UTC)

 * I just retested the new TOC with MSIE 6.0, and the show titles pop up as tooltips just as they should. I expect the tooltips should now work for most if not all browsers less than 5 years old. — Jeff Q (talk) 06:27, 22 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Adding memorable quotes
I'm sure that many of the editors of this article are, like myself, rabid MST3K fans. But I'd like to ask folks to use some judgment on what quotes to add. Some of the recent additions have been what anyone other than a major fan of the show would likely consider quite inane, and some episodes have grown considerably from these amusing-but-not-hilarious quips. Of course, it's all subjective, but when you think about adding a quote, please imagine what it will look like to someone who hasn't seen the show, like your mother, perhaps, or your co-worker. The BBI staff once estimated that there were about 700 riffs in a typical show; surely we can focus on the ones that are funny for a general audience, or show off a unique element of the show. — Jeff Q (talk) 01:17, 14 May 2005 (UTC)

 * Again, I'd like to remind contributing editors that this article is not a MST3K transcription service. Quotes should only be included when they are entertainmenting or otherwise memorable on their own, without complex contextual information required just to understand them. I've just trimmed down a few paragraph-long contexts and removed others that added nothing to the quotes themselves. There is an additional problem with excessive quoting. We risk legal problems when we quote a large portion of a work, and Manos, for example, is added to so often that it might be wandering into copyright-violation territory. Please try to keep quotes down to the pithiest examples of MST3K. Thank you. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:31, 28 September 2005 (UTC)

Unknown episode
The "Unknown episode" link doesn't work for me. ~ MosheZadka (Talk) 04:14, 14 July 2005 (UTC)

 * That's because last week an anonymous user made a couple of erroneous edits last week, and I missed the fact that they resulted in an all-capitalized "Unknown Episode". I've restored its proper capitalization. Sorry 'bout the confusion. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:23, 14 July 2005 (UTC)

I stand in awe...
Oh. My. God!. This is amazing. Intimidating even. I feel like that monkey in 2001 staring at the black monolith with a bone club. Just imagine! To think that just one wikiquote page encompasses this much MSTness! I would applaud each and every one of you who have helped to make this achievement possible, but I'm too busy typing. I have no criticism or contribution or anything of actual value or worth to add. I just wanted to document here that I am.. well, in a word, speechless. ...Except of course for those words which I utilized prior to the word speechless, in order to convey in this medium that I am in fact speechless... And these words following which explain the words prior. I should perhaps say I'm speechful but in a speechless way, or in a way that ..well, never mind. Carry on and all that. It's just... Oh. My. God! ZachsMind 16:30, 19 July 2005 (UTC)

Don't change headings, please!
Please don't change the headings in this article. They are carefully matched to the links in the table of contents, so adding things like quotes or italics (even when done correctly) WILL break the links. If anyone has issues about heading formatting, please bring them up here on the discussion page before making changes. Thank you. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:15, 6 January 2006 (UTC)

Woops...
Sorry, I was naively trying to put what I thought was meant to be there. It had Bold Text sitting off to the left of the title, to I assumed it should've been around the title. Did I accidently mess with the amount of equals (=) when I did that? Viridis 00:22, 7 January 2006 (UTC)

 * Actually, Viridis, your edit did repair the link damage done by another editor who had perhaps inadvertently broken both the formatting and the links. You didn't repair the link level correctly (shorts are H4-style, using four equals on each side), but that's a minor problem compared to the link damage. The bold markup itself was superfluous because all wiki section headings are made bold without additional markup. I was more concerned about attempts like the earlier one, however well-intended they may be.

 * The few TV-show articles that have custom tables of contents, like MST3K, have to be very careful about synchronizing the headings with the links in the TOC. With over 300 internal links, MST3K is by far the most complex quote article on Wikiquote, so changing headings should never be done lightly. That's why every season, episode, short, and special already has a heading — no one should ever need to change them or add to them. (It's possible some may add movie-review sections to some of the specials, but they aren't in the TOC, so they won't cause new link problems.) ~ Jeff Q (talk) 07:46, 7 January 2006 (UTC)

Manos transcriptions
I've just removed considerable material from the Manos episode for three major reasons: I don't want to discourage folks from adding quotes to episodes, but we need to keep it reasonable and within policy. (Even now, with 23 quotes — 17 just for the film itself — this episode could still use major trimming.) Please read the above discussions and Firefly (TV series)/Format (which has a more complete discussion of current WQ TV-show formatting practices) before adding quotes. And always consider how your quotes will look to non-MSTies. Thank you for your attention. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 12:52, 10 January 2006 (UTC)
 * 1) Wikiquote is not a transcription service. It is not meant to provide a lengthy transcription of TV shows, just pithy (short!) quotes. We have enough of a challenge trying to keep under the Copyright Police radar without include whole swaths of dialog. There are other websites that do include significant transcriptions of this show. Whether or not they are copyright violators is entirely their problem. Small excerpts are the policy here.
 * 2) As I've pointed out several times before on this talk page, there are medium limitations in quoting audiovisual media. Anything that requires the reader to see the image or hear the dialog or sound effects usually makes for a poor pithy quote. Sometimes this can be ameliorated by including context lines, but general Wikiquote practice aims to keep these explanatory lines as short as possible. If the context lines are too long, it's usually a good sign that the quote isn't a good candidate for WQ inclusion. Along these lines, I removed the closing host segment because the humor comes from Torgo's speech, which can't be heard by Wikiquote readers. The editor made an admirable effort to illustrate Torgo's erratic speaking by uSiNg aLtErNaTiNg cApiTaLs, but that only means something to people who have already heard what it is supposed to signify. As I've also said before, Wikiquote excerpts should be meaningful to people who have never seen the show, read the book, heard the song, etc., and this clever transcribing doesn't overcome the problem.
 * 3) I would strongly suggest we not add quotes from MST3K that have been said many times elsewhere, like "You can't kill me — I quit!". These quotes should be something notable about MST3K, like clever (not trite) jokes on dialog and citations of quotes from other works or cultural references that aren't already beaten to death. There's an incredible amount of quotable material even with this restriction; observing this guideline will help us avoid problem #1 — becoming a copyright-violating transcription service.

Mitchell quotes
I've just merged the huge list of quotes from the old "MST3K quotes" section of Mitchell (film), as such a set doesn't really belong there. The following selective edit history of that article shows the following contributors to the former "MST3K quotes" section:
 * (cur) (last) 06:53, 16 January 2006 (UTC) Fireballil (→MST3K quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 21:48, 8 September 2005 (UTC) Visualclue (→MST3K quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 15:24, 15 July 2005 (UTC) Duke33 m (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 18:49, 28 June 2005 (UTC) Gulfstorm75 m (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 18:48, 28 June 2005 (UTC) Gulfstorm75 m (→Trivia - It was Servo who said this line, not Joel. Minor point really.)
 * (cur) (last) 19:24, 23 June 2005 (UTC) Robdumas (→MST3K Quotes - It was Servo, not Joel, who uttered the "Chubby Blue Line" riff. Also, added the "Chrysler Fury" riff.)
 * (cur) (last) 16:55, 21 June 2005 (UTC) FuriousFreddy m (→MST3K Quotes - Papa Was a Rollin' Stone)
 * (cur) (last) 18:35, 6 June 2005 (UTC) 128.82.253.69 (added trivia)
 * (cur) (last) 13:35, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:35, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:33, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:23, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:22, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:20, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:16, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→Synopsis)
 * (cur) (last) 13:14, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→MST3K Quotes)
 * (cur) (last) 13:09, 1 June 2005 (UTC) 131.51.128.21 (→Synopsis)
 * (cur) (last) 11:10, 1 June 2005 (UTC) User:131.51.128.21

I have real doubts as to the usefulness of some of the new quotes, but I wanted to record what was there before we worry about trimming it. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 12:09, 16 January 2006 (UTC)

Limit?
Perhaps, in order to avoid copyright violation (and spoiling all the jokes) we ought to impose a maximum number of quotes per episode; perhaps five or six? That way, only the communally recognized best few will be added, and we can avoid these overlong (although admittedly wonderful) reams of quotes. Polyhymnia 06:49, 2 February 2006 (UTC)

 * Like so many other aspects of Wikiquote, we haven't had enough regular participants, and too many issues to work out, to establish any formal policy on this issue. Two rules of thumb are for each editor to try to avoid adding more than 1-3 quotes per episode, and for the total number to be kept to 3-5. Obviously, these two intefere with each other, which requires us to cooperate with one another. Also, some episodes will have more interesting quotes than others. But it's probably a good idea to pare down any episodes with more than, say, 8 quotes. (Hear that, Torgo? ☺) ~ Jeff Q (talk) 19:54, 12 July 2006 (UTC)

 * Given that many, many of the episodes currently have no quotes posted at all, that's probably bringing down the AVERAGE number of quotes per episode, but I'll understand if that's not good enough. Certainly, adhering to Jeff's "Memorable Quotes Only" recommendation above would help a little. In other cases, I like the idea of posting as few quotes as possible from the host segments. I mean, let's face it, the host segments were great, but they weren't what MST3K was about. Especially the songs from the host segments, since we can't host the whole lyrics here for copyright violations anyway. Just keeping it to one-or-two-liners from the actual movie-watching, and keeping it to lines that even people who don't know the show would understand and find amusing, should help tamp down the number a little. After that, I don't know what else we can do. Sylocat 01:00, 15 November 2006 (UTC)

 * The problem with any guidelines for avoiding copyright is that it all depends on what the copyright holders wish to consider a violation, and how far they're willing to pursue it legally. As is pointed out in Copyrights, Seinfeld's owners managed to win a case against someone pubishing a work with only 41 quotes for the entire series, a threshold that most significant TV articles on Wikiquote have crossed. Best Brains, who told MSTies to "keep circulating the tapes!", are unlikely to have problems with this article, but that leaves anyone else with a copyrighted financial interest, like the original film holders or Rhino, able to raise the issue. (It doesn't matter whether it would make sense to sue or not, or to some extent even if they could win; what matters is whether they involve the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation in undesirable litigation.) Because of this, we should be careful to limit quotations for each and every episode, and we should try to keep to some arguably useful guidelines, like the ones discussed here and elsewhere. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 03:39, 25 November 2006 (UTC)

Invaders from the Deep
I have again removed a quote from "Invaders from the Deep" on the basis that there is no known copy of this episode available anywhere, which makes this quote unverifiable. I (and legions of MSTies!) sincerely hope the editor who added it can demonstrate otherwise. But until then, this episode will probably remain empty. (We can't even quote from the uncut show because we can't verify what parts were or weren't included in the MST3K airing.) ~ Jeff Q (talk) 03:43, 4 February 2006 (UTC)

Links to Wikipedia film articles
68.39.174.238 recently added links in the section headers of three MST3K episodes to their corresponding film articles. These discuss the original films, but typically do mention their use in MST3K. I've been mulling over this myself for quite a while without a clear idea of how to proceed, so allow me to bring up some advantages and disadvantages of such links.

Advantages:
 * Adding links to the individual films has obvious utility, as people would likely be curious about the original movies.
 * The most convenient place for these links to go is in the section heading. For most MST3K episodes, this is the only place where the title appears, and such a link follows the principle of least astonishment.
 * The links make a nice additional bolding and coloring for the headings, which are ordinarily not especially distinguishable from subheadings because of current MediaWiki style practices.

Disadvantages:
 * Wikipedia links in section headings cause significant problems with edit summaries. It's already very hard to get people to use edit summaries to properly describe what their edits are about (which is supposed to be a wiki requirement). Having a hugely complex link start off the summary during a section edit will guarantee virtually no one will use it, which is Very Bad.
 * These links also cause problems for edit histories. I'm not sure if the automatic section links will work at all with them, but I'm sure they'll be broken for especially long titles (like Incredibly Strange Creatures…) if the total length exceeds the maximum length of the edit summary input box.
 * Many users have link style settings that will prevent the links from being seen correctly when embedded in section headings (see w:Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings)). The standard solution is to add such a link in the paragraph's first sentence. In our situation, since we only have quotes, there is precedent for adding a single line (like a "see also" insert) that includes the link.

Much as I like the more-bold link section headings, I think we should add the "see also"-style line to prevent an uneven user experience and avoid discouraging edit summary use. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 17:14, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

 * 1)  I recently checked a similar heading-with-embedded-link on Wikipedia and confirmed that links in the headings do break the section links in the page history. In other words, you can't jump directly to a section from the page history if the section has a wiki link in it, which is presumably another reason why the style guides recommend against them. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 23:00, 23 February 2006 (UTC)

RWD: Do you remember the 50s
Thanks for fixing the song quote in Riding With Death, Jeff--I wasn't sure whether I needed to add all the details or not. As you know, only half the joke is up there; would adding the rest make the section too unwieldy, or is it ok to go ahead and do it? 67.170.27.91 04:52, 12 February 2006 (UTC)

 * Actually, I think the existing "quote" is much too long already. Not every great MST3K routine is a good candidate for Wikiquote. If a quote can't be expressed in a few concise lines, it's usually best not to include it here. We aren't trying to be an comprehensive compendium of quotes for any single subject; we're typically more interested in being accurate for a select groups of quotes. (This practice is not coincidentally affected by copyright concerns; our largest pages are already in danger of being cited as copyvios.) I'm actually starting to go through and trim down much of the existing text to curb us fans' natural tendency to add everything we find entertaining. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 06:15, 12 February 2006 (UTC)

 * Nooooo! You already went after the 80s dialogue in Space Mutiny, what more do you want?! Seriously though, I do understand your point, and I certainly don't want this section to get pulled down or hacked apart due to copyright violation. Thank you for your massive efforts to streamline this whole thing and not let it just become one big glob of fancruft, Jeff. That said, I think the "quote" can stand on its own as a valid joke example (he said, hopefully). 67.170.27.91 07:28, 13 February 2006 (UTC)

 * Don't worry. I'm still recovering from my last comprehensive, 11-season review. I'll be doing good just to fix formatting and accuracy problems for a while. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 08:32, 13 February 2006 (UTC)

 * Maybe I'm missing something in the policy guidelines, but it seems to me that if we can't post the entire song (which I can certainly respect), we shouldn't go halfways, and should just not post ANY of the song. Wikipedia's page for the Loituma Girl was locked for a while just because some words from various languages were recognizable in the gibberish lines the girl sang (which is one of the gimmicks of Loituma's performance of the Leva's Polka song itself), and Wikipedia didn't want us to post those lyrics due to copyright concerns. This raises two questions: 1. Where do we draw the line? And 2. Is there really much point to posting part of it if we can't post the whole thing? I propose we don't include lines that need so much context, and keep this strictly to one-or-two-liners from the movies. Sylocat 00:39, 15 November 2006 (UTC)

 * Like any other quotations, succinct lyric excerpts should represent what the participating editors feel are especially interesting, funny, or otherwise meaningful lines from songs. Like all quotations, they should be evaluated in the context of the material already quoted from an episode to avoid quoting a substantial portion of their enclosing episode (5-8 quotes max is often bandied about as a guideline). Within these limitations, it is not unreasonable to quote lyrical excerpts. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 06:31, 15 November 2006 (UTC)

Film-only and host-segment-only quotes
There have been some recent edits in which two kinds of quotes have been removed and then restored: Since this is an article for quotes from the MST3K episodes, a basic rule is that anything said within the show is fair game. (This does not override the pithiness, usefulness, and brevity factors, so let's not start quoting the credits, okay? ☺)
 * Quotes that are contained within the host segments, not the theater segments.
 * Quotes that feature only dialog from the film, without commentary from the MST3K characters.

Although the greatest interest in this show is in the mocking commentary during the films, I don't think it's especially controversial to include notable quotes from the host segments, which can be quite entertaining. Film-only dialog is probably a bit more controversial. Here are two points to consider:

 * Trademark MST3K phrases. Some dialog within the films is sufficiently notable within a MST3K context to include it even if we don't normally wish to include film-only quotes. Examples:
 * "Hi-keeba!" (Women of the Prehistoric Planet), because it's the single best-known MST3K trademark phrase.
 * "He tampered in God's domain" (Bride of the Monster), which, like some "stingers" (episode-closing film dialog), are memorable enough within MST3K to cite here.
 * On the other hand, callbacks — MST3K characters quoting earlier MSTied films in later ones — are a potential problem we've managed to avoid so far. Film-dialog quotes that are often used as callbacks could overwhelm the existing material if we aren't careful.

 * Lack of film article. Most of these films may never have quote articles of their own. In the off-chance they have memorable dialog, this may be the only place to find it. On the other hand, this article cannot be a respository for any significant amount of film dialog without a specific MST3K purpose, because it's already so huge with just MST3K-specific quotes. We should always prefer MST3K-specific material to the regular film dialog.

I suggest that we be very selective about film-only dialog, but not ban it just because it doesn't require commentary for its humor value or other notability. One guideline I recommend here, as in any question of adding material to an episode, is to consider the current amount of quotes in the episode. If it gets beyond half a dozen or so, we should think about what we believe should be deleted in order to make room for a new quote. This might help us to be more cautious about inclusion. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 04:24, 10 March 2006 (UTC)

"[N]" ?
What's with the superscript blue [N] in "Money Talks" ? 68.39.174.238 09:02, 18 July 2006 (UTC)

 * That's a "hover note", which, if you hold your mouse over the for a moment, will pop up some descriptive text. (Try it on the preceding sentence's "N".) It's an alternative to adding the klutzy explanatory notes that I (somewhat regretfully) established two years ago (see Riff sources above). (Those notes are marked by a "⇒" character, as currently shown in The Atomic Brain (movie).) Unlike the explanatory notes, and much like footnotes, they provide a means to add explanations at the point where they're needed without breaking the flow of the text. It's an experiment for now, just as the "⇒" notes are, as Wikiquote does not have any formal footnoting policy at this time. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 15:09, 18 July 2006 (UTC)

 * Problem is, the long ones (Like the Ben Franklin explanation) seem to get truncated with "..." at the end, making it useless for involved ones. 68.39.174.238 15:28, 20 July 2006 (UTC)

 * I'm curious — what browser (name & version) are you using, 68.39.174.238? There do seem to be some technical problems with browser-specific implementations of "title" attributes in XHTML (which is how hover notes, as well as several other wiki features, are done). I'd like to know the scope of the problem. as we do want to make Wikimedia projects work well for everyone. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 16:37, 20 July 2006 (UTC)

 * Latest Firefox (As of 09:52, 21 July 2006 (UTC)) 68.39.174.238 09:52, 21 July 2006 (UTC)

QotDK
Before I add this to the already large section I'll ask: Think adding the "In invented the basement" quote would be legit? 68.39.174.238 15:44, 20 July 2006 (UTC)

 * As I've suggested above, we should consider removing quotes to make room for any new ones for the longer sections. This encourages each editor to think hard whether they believe the new quote is more interesting than an existing quote, which will (hopefully) lead to cooperation between editors to select mutually interesting quotes. I don't recall an "invented the basement" quote from "Quest of the Delta Knights" off-hand, so I can't provide a personal opinion (although my lack of recall suggests it isn't one of my own favorites, whatever that's worth). One note: please don't abbreviate terms or titles being discussed. We have many readers who won't recognize MSTie-favored shorthand. (Indeed, as rabid a fan as I am, I first thought "QotDK" was some odd variation on Wikiquote's abbreviation for "quote of the day".) ~ Jeff Q (talk) 16:34, 20 July 2006 (UTC)

 * It occurs right about after the Bombadil one. 68.39.174.238 09:52, 21 July 2006 (UTC)

Last warning
Editors of this article have repeatedly refused to keep quotes per episode down to a reasonable count. (Certainly no more than 8! Five would be better.) en:Wikiquote has been warned several times by Wikimedia Foundation personnel that we are not doing enough to keep within WMF policy on avoiding copyright violations. Articles like this one may be subject to wholesale removal of quotes if we don't take a more active role in keeping quoting down to pithy excerpts. (I just removed more than half of the quotes from "Manos", an especially bad example, for starters.) I am going to start removing large numbers of quotes, possibly arbitrarily, in order to implement this. (I will probably be biased against badly formatted quotes, too, and remove any long tracts I run into.) Please beat me to the punch to avoid having this article turn into "Jeff Q's favorite MST3K quotes". Thank you for your assistance. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 17:27, 16 November 2006 (UTC)

 * Since we still seem to be adding more than I can trim, further endangering this article for potential deletion, I invite all Wikiquotians to begin reverting any and all edits to any episode in which there are more than the informal limit of 8 quotes, especially when the editor adds a quote without removing another one from the same episode. I will try to do this myself as well, but wikis really do require active participation from the community. Please help this effort to avoid deletion from copyright violations. Thank you. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 23:06, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

 * Perhaps fully protecting bad articles for a short period of time (say 24 hours) would get people's attention. Also, shouldn't this informal policy be written somewhere more noticeable? Maybe a talk page header can be created with the rules? Koweja 00:12, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

 * I'm not really in favor of protecting articles in this situation. Editing on this article is considerable but sporadic, so a 24-hour block may go completely unnoticed by anyone, and probably no more than one or two people at best. I'd prefer to stimulate a proper wiki attitude that "we're all in this together". But you're right, Koweja, that we need to communicate these limitations more effectively. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 05:31, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

 * So, where is this limit on how many quotes can be put in, exactly? Is it an official policy? I'm new here, I'm not really sure. I just put in a few quotes that gave me a good laugh.The Invisible Man 03:08, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

 * See "Limit?" above for a more detailed discussion. We're still working on a formal policy, but we've had several articles hacked up or even blanked by Foundation folks because we've done a poor job even trying to reduce potential copyright problems in several articles. New readers of this article (and other TV-show articles) should also consider the points made in "Manos transcriptions" above, as well as Firefly (TV series)/Format. To summarize these very briefly:
 * Episodes should have no more than 5 quotes, 8 in very rare cases.
 * Try not to add more than 1-3 of your own (we all have our favorites), and if the count goes over, remove some to make way for yours and prepare to defend your choices.
 * Avoid large scene transcriptions, too-visual or too-aural quotes, quotes that need lots of context to understand, in-jokes (like callbacks to other episodes), and in general, anything that requires that you must see the show to understand the humor.
 * Remember that this is a collection of quotes for everyone, not just MSTies. (We have our own websites for more complete collections.) ~ Jeff Q (talk) 08:23, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

 * Thanks Jeffq for the update. I'll keep it in mind if I do any more editing. I suppose well have our favourite episodes for this show, and when you're dealing with an episode like Manos or Eegah or any of the other classics (IMHO) it could get quite onerous.The Invisible Man 16:19, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

Space Mutiny Names
Hi, I was wondering if we should include the names for Punch Rockgroin in the space mutiny section, since they are the probably the most memorable quotes from the show.198.82.125.193 23:18, 4 December 2007 (UTC)

 * They are quite amusing for MST3K fans, but they aren't exactly the sort of thing one would expect to find in a very large version of Barlett's Famous Quotations. The intent is to collect a handful of the very best turns of phrase from episodes of the show (and those should only number 3 to 5 per episode at most — not "on average" — so this article already, as always, needs severe trimming). In this light, a bunch of names like "Slab Bulkhead", "Fridge Largemeat", and the rest (I have all 40 of them, including the deliberately inane "Bob Johnson", in my own offline MST3K quote collection) simply don't measure up to the expectation of pithiness or selectivity. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 03:21, 5 December 2007 (UTC)

 * It's also a very good idea to read the discussions above before adding any substantial material to any episode. We're obligated by copyright to trim this article down periodically to an non-substantive portion of the works (episodes), so large tracts usually get deleted anyway.

 * I'd also remind folks that unless and until we get more editors doing the trimming, not just me, this article is bound to reflect mostly my idea of what is pithy. Wiki articles work best when everybody does the cleanup, including the trimming. Far too many people only wish to add. As the illustrious aviator/author Antoine de Saint-Exupery once wrote (translated from the French), "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." ~ Jeff Q (talk) 03:38, 5 December 2007 (UTC)

bonappitdie from mr. b. natural
--72.87.57.201 20:15, 28 January 2008 (UTC)

Cutting down the article size
"WARNING: This page is 429 kilobytes long"

Holy crap.

Should we perhaps start spinning this article off into individual sections? The most organized way I can think of is to divide it by season, which would create a dozen or so pages (10 seasons, KTMA, then Shorts, Specials, and others on another page). This would also allow us to more easily police just how many quotes from each episode we have.

Thoughts? This is a massive undertaking, and I don't want to start doing it if everyone will hate me for it. :) EVula // talk // 16:16, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

 * Yeah, this page is often (as it is currently) the longest page on Wikiquote. When I weed things out, I usually edit either an episode or a season at a time to make it more manageable. I'm generally against splitting TV-show articles because (A) it's harder to count the total number of quotes; (B) the Seinfeld case suggests that courts can make stringent assessments based on an entire series of work; and (C) the length of the page is an additional encouragement to trim mercilessly to get only the best quotes.

 * This show presents some unusual problems, in additional to the commons ones of popular TV shows:
 * It has 198 distinct 90-minute episodes (not counting the specials), with 60 "shorts" contained within 57 episodes. Ten episodes even have two versions with the same title.
 * Its episode titles are often quoted incorrectly, and sometimes have no clear "correct" version. Because of these first two, a fixed custom table of contents is almost required, which in turn gives us headings for works that may never have quotes.
 * Best Brains, the company that created MST3K, has had a somewhat casual attitude about non-commercial copying (as long as the original-film owners don't complain and the commercially published home videos and DVDs aren't copied), which can contribute to fans' desires to quote as much as they want.

 * Like other MSTies, I like having far more than 100 quotes from the show (although as this page shows, I've long fought to get quoting down to something like 5 per episode). But when I wrote my initial 100-quote-per-series recommendation at User:Jeffq/Wikiquote:Exemption Doctrine Policy, I was specifically thinking that this article would have to be almost literally decimated. So I will strongly support any trimming you do that works toward that goal. In fact, I should be doing it myself, since I started this collection, and I hope I will also be able to contribute to the trimming. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 23:12, 11 October 2008 (UTC)

Theme songs
I've just removed the entire "Theme Songs" section because it's a clear copyright violation – complete lyrics to entire songs. I know I've been away from Wikiquote for quite a while, but I can't imagine we aren't still having to fight off threats of being shut down or spun off because of the ease with which we acquire copyvios, something the Wikimedia Foundation seriously frowns on, from our enthusiastic editors.

I also imagine that, were I to look at the rest of the page, I'd find vastly more quoted material than is quite legal, and much of it will be not pithy quotes, but scene transcriptions that don't belong in a quote collection. Please remember that Wikiquote cannot be an "ultimate quote compendium" – let alone a reference transcription! – for any show, even with the liberal toleration shown by Best Brains et al. What other websites do is their business (and their peril), but we must follow Wikimedia rules. Please consider deleting anything in this collection that doesn't stand out as a great, short quote, rather than just funny moments, looks, scenes, or other non-prose material. And try to keep it down to just a few quotes per show max. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 08:23, 3 August 2011 (UTC)

 * Yes, somebody please trim this article. Gargantuan pages like this are complete failures at featuring whatever memorable quotes may be buried therein. See my extended comment on this common failing at Votes for deletion/Whose Line Is It Anyway?. ~ Ningauble 13:50, 3 August 2011 (UTC)

Season 11 approaches
New MST3K episodes are expected on Netflix starting April 14, with Joel Hodgson running it but with a new host, new bot voices, and new Mads (along with some familiar guests). It's officially considered Season 11 (since the last official one was #10), even though it's really the 12th (because the KTMA season was not included when MST3K launched nationally).

I guess I'd better add another row to this collection's table of contents, since I created the unwieldy beast. (Don't let me stop any volunteers from taking this on!) But I feel I owe it to the community also to do some heavy trimming, since this has long been one of the most absurdly large pages on Wikiquote. I expect to start by removing everything that is an entire transcription of a scene or song, of which there seem to be many. (This is a copyright violation.) I encourage readers and contributors of this collection to do some trimming as well. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 07:00, 17 March 2017 (UTC)

 * Well, I got through Mitchell (slightly more than half the episodes), knocking off about 16 KB (or a whopping 2.5%). Will continue later. ~ Jeff Q (talk)

I've begun adding Season 11 quotes, though I am unsure how to add to the chart. SamuraiMaster (talk) 19:54, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

Discover
What's on It Mind... MiniMike11888 (talk) 22:23, 31 December 2019 (UTC)

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Talk:Mystery Science Theater 3000


text:
Kalki Krishnamurthy

Ramaswamy Aiyer Krishnamurthy (9 September 1899 – 5 December 1954) was a South Indian author who lived in Tamil Nadu. He wrote in Tamil under various pseudonyms, but became most famous using the name Kalki, evoking a prophesied avatar of Vishnu.

Quotes

 * There are many evils in this country. The only remedy for every one of them is freedom for the nation.
 * "The Poison Cure", as translated by Gowri Ramnarayan in Kalki : Selected Stories (1999)

 * Even after killing ninety nine tigers the Maharaja should beware of the hundredth.
 * "The Tiger King" as translated by Gowri Ramnarayan in Kalki : Selected Stories (1999)

 * You should be glad that the government has provided for chain and bangles at their own expense, why are you feeling so bad about it?
 * Comment made to his mother and aunt while he was shackled in jail for his political activities, as quoted in "Anandi Speaks On Kalki's Works" at chennaibest.com

Sivakozhundu of Tiruvazhundur (1939)

 * "Tiruvazhundur Sivakozhundu" in Ananda Vikatan (1939), as translated by Gowri Ramnarayan in Kalki : Selected Stories (1999)

 * It is natural for a train to run on its tracks. We get into a train because we believe that it will do that. But once in a while the train runs off the rails, and there’s an accident. Those who don’t actually witness such a happening can say, “No train will run off the rails, it is unnatural for it to do so”.

 * Listen, You can hear the thunder. Ten cracks in the last five minutes. The thunderstorm is a constant phenomenon, raging alternately over some part of the world or the other. Can a single man or creature escape death if all that charge of lightning strikes the earth? No. And therefore it is natural for thunder to crash, and only in the skies. But once in a long while lightning does strike the earth. Then, instead of killing its victim outright, it snatches his eyes away. Swami, would you say this is a natural phenomenon, or that it is against nature?

 * If it is natural for lightning to strike the earth, why doesn’t it strike each and every one of us? Why does it not blind us all?

Quotes about Krishnamurthy

 * The reason for his taking "Kalki" as a pen name was based on the myth of the "Kalki Avataram" (the final incarnation of Lord Vishnu, in the age of Kali). Through his writings, he wanted to bring about change in this age.
 * K Anandhi, Krishnamurthy's daughter, as quoted in "Kalki - The Man Behind The Legend" by Anuradha Sriraman at chennaibest.com

 * Generally, Kalki’s writings are well received by the people. There are two reasons for this. One thing is there will be humour in all his essays. Even in the saddest situation he will find something funny. … There was something very interesting about his writings. Writing the way he did, was something very great at that time, because there were no precedents to his writing style. Neither to his style or genre nor to the way the magazine was written. People talk about it even now. They say there is nothing that Kalki has not done, there is nothing left to be done. There is no scope of starting something new. Because, Kalki had experimented with everything, when it comes to the world of magazines... be it short stories, essays, cartoons, travelogues... he went to Sri Lanka in the 1930s and wrote a travelogue on Sri Lanka. People there were fanatical about Kalki. He was very popular there. Even when he used to deliver a speech somewhere, it used to be full of humor. So people never used to allow him to speak first at any function. Because once he is through with his talk, the audience will walk away. So he used to invariably deliver only the vote of thanks. Even that used to be so funny, people used to be literally rolling on the floor.
 * K Anandi, as quoted in "Anandi Speaks On Kalki's Works" by Anuradha Sriraman at chennaibest.com

 * Three reasons can be cited for the phenomenal success of Kalki's novels. First of all, he possessed in abundance the gift of story-telling. Secondly, he introduced healthy humour in his writings. And lastly, he threw light upon the cultural and social aspects of this country as well as the current time.
 * R. Dhandayudham, in "Special Features of Kalki’s Novels" (1966)

 * Kalki introduced healthy humour as against the dull and the vulgar. His humour does not hurt anybody and so makes everybody laugh.
 * R. Dhandayudham, in "Special Features of Kalki’s Novels" (1966)

 * Like the great European novelists of the 19th century, Kalki was a master of striking scenes and episodes. With some of the burning patriotic fervour of a Bankim Chandra and a Hari Narayan Apte, something too of the humour of Dickens and the gift of portraiture of a Thackeray Kalki spread out his novels in impressive sequence. Very often he is compared with Dickens and Thackeray for his sense of humour and his gift of portraiture respectively.
 * K.R. Srinivasa Iyangar, in "Kalki", The Indian PEN, Vol. XXI, No. 3 (March 1955), p. 78

title: Kalki Krishnamurthy


text:
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is a 1971 musical film about a poor boy who wins the opportunity to tour the most eccentric and wonderful candy factory of all.
 *  Directed by Mel Stuart. Written by Roald Dahl, based on his book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

It's everybody's non-pollutionary, anti-institutionary, pro-confectionery factory of fun! Taglines

Willy Wonka

 * [sings] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.

 * [sings] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free, if you truly wish to be.

 * [sings] A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.
 * Not original to this work, the proverb dates from at least the 18th century.

 * If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates.

 * [in the tunnel] There's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going. There's no knowing where we're rowing, or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing?! YES! The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing. And they're certainly not showing... ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!!

Oompa Loompas

 * [sing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo. I've got a perfect puzzle for you. Oompa loompa doompadee dee. If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Eating as much as an elephant eats. What are you at getting terribly fat? What do you think will come of that? I don't like the look of it!

 * Oompa loompa doompadee dah. If you're not greedy, you will go far. You will live in happiness too, Like the oompa loompa doompadee do! Doompadee doo!

Stanley Kael, News Anchorman

 * We begin with five golden tickets. Like five lucky bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at any point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when the first one would hit. But as you all know, last night we got our answer. While we in America slept, the first golden ticket was found in the small town of Duselheim, Germany. We've been waiting several hours for the follow-up story, and we're finally ready with a live report.

 * Four down and one to go. And somewhere out there, another lucky person is moving closer and closer to finding the last of the most sought-after prizes in history. Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and we might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must remember there are many more important things. Many more important things. Offhand, I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something. And now for tomorrow's weather, and...

 * That's it!! THAT'S IT!! It's ALL over! The Wonka contest is all over! The fifth and final ticket has been found, and we've got a live report coming in directly, now, from Paraguay, South America!

Other

 * Tinker: Up the airy mountain, down the rushing glen/We dare not go hunting for fear of little men. Nobody ever goes in. (pointing toward Wonka's factory) And nobody ever comes out!

 * Computer Operator: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days. But now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining golden tickets. (pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints out a response) It says: "I won't tell! That would be cheating." (pushes the buttons on the machine again) I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize. (the machine prints out another response) He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?" (sighs, then pushes the buttons once again, this time more angrily) I am now telling the computer EXACTLY what he can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate!!

 * Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

Dialogue

 * Henry Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of funhouse?
 * Wonka: Why? Having fun?

 * Charlie: Grandpa, look over there across the river! They're little men!
 * Grandpa Joe: Jumping crocodiles, Charlie! Now we know who makes the chocolate.
 * [everyone stares in amazement at the Oompa-Loompas]
 * Henry Salt: I never saw anybody with an orange face before. Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?
 * Mrs. Teevee: What are they doing there?
 * Wonka: Must be creaming and sugaring time.
 * Violet: Well, they can't be real people.
 * Wonka: Well, of course they're real people.
 * Henry Salt: Stuff and nonsense!
 * Wonka: No. Oompa Loompas.
 * Group: [turn around] Oompa Loompas?!
 * Wonka: From Loompaland.
 * Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland?! There's no such place.
 * Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady...
 * Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
 * Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it, and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Whangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Whangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten Vermicious Knids."
 * Henry Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
 * Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. [continues] And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
 * Veruca: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!
 * Henry Salt: All right, Veruca. All right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
 * Veruca: I want an Oompa Loompa now!
 * Violet: CAN it, you NIT!!
 * Augustus Gloop: This stuff is terrific!
 * Charlie: Grandpa, look at Augustus!
 * Grandpa Joe: Don't worry; he can't drink it all!

 * Charlie: Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka?
 * Grandpa Joe: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit!

 * Wonka: Must show you this. Lickable wallpaper for nursery walls. Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. Lick a pineapple. It tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead. Try it.
 * [the tourists lick the wallpaper]
 * Mike: Mmm! I got a plum.
 * Charlie: Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes so real!
 * Wonka: Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
 * Veruca: Snozzberries?! Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
 * Wonka: [grabs Veruca’s jaw] We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
 * Here, Wonka is quoting Arthur O'Shaughnessy's "Ode," Music and Moonlight (1874), lines 1–2.

 * Mr. Salt: [noticing signs on vats] Wonka. Butterscotch? Buttergin? Got a little something going on the side?
 * Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
 * Here, Wonka is quoting a line from Ogden Nash's "Reflections on Ice Breaking" in Hard Lines (1931).

 * Charlie: Mr. Wonka, what'll happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?
 * Wonka: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.

 * Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?
 * Wonka: I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
 * Grandpa Joe: I just wanted to ask about the chocolate... the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he get it?
 * Wonka: He doesn't.
 * Grandpa Joe: Why not?
 * Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
 * Grandpa Joe: [confused] What rules? We didn't see any rules! Did we, Charlie?!
 * Wonka: [angrily, yelling] WRONG, sir! WRONG!! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy! - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... "Memo bis punitor delicatum!" It's ALL there!! BLACK and white, clear as CRYSTAL!! You STOLE Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! You BUMPED into the ceiling, which now has to be WASHED and STERILIZED, so you get... NOTHING!!! You LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR! [returns to work in huff]
 * Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook... [furiously] You're a CHEAT and a SWINDLER...! THAT'S what you are!! How can you DO a thing like this?! BUILD up a little boy's hopes, and then SMASH all his dreams to pieces?! [lividly] YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!!!
 * Wonka: [cutting him off] I SAID "GOOD DAY"!!! [goes on about his work in huff]
 * Grandpa Joe: Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. [sets to leave] I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do! If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one!
 * [he and Charlie are about to leave, when Charlie slowly walks up to Wonka]
 * Charlie: Mr. Wonka?
 * [he places the Everlasting Gobstopper on Wonka's desk and sets off as Wonka stops writing]
 * Wonka: [puts his hand on the Gobstopper] "So shines a good deed in a weary world." [looks up] Charlie? [smiles] My boy. You've won! You did it! You did it! I knew you would! I just knew you would! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson! [The man originally known as Slugworth walks in.] Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!
 * Wilkinson: Pleasure!
 * Charlie: Slugworth!
 * Wonka: No, no! That's not Slugworth! He works for me!
 * Charlie: For you?
 * Wonka: I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You won!
 * Grandpa Joe: Won what?!
 * Wonka: The jackpot, my dear sir! The GRAND and GLORIOUS JACKPOT!
 * Charlie: The chocolate?
 * Wonka: The chocolate, yes! The chocolate, but that's just the beginning! We hafta get on! We hafta get on! We have so much time, and so little to do! Strike that. Reverse it. This way, please!

 * Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
 * Charlie: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world.
 * Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you. That's all right, isn't it?
 * Grandpa Joe: You're giving Charlie the...?
 * Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. That's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child, a very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.
 * Charlie: And that's why you sent out the golden tickets.
 * Wonka: That's right. So the factory's yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
 * Grandpa Joe: And me?
 * Wonka: Absolutely.
 * Charlie: What happens to the rest...?
 * Wonka: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.
 * [he and Charlie embrace]
 * [last lines]
 * Wonka: But, Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
 * Charlie: What happened?
 * Wonka: [smiles] He lived happily ever after.

Taglines

 * It's everybody's non-pollutionary, anti-institutionary, pro-confectionery factory of fun!
 * It's Scrumdiddlyumptious!
 * Your golden ticket to imagination and adventure!
 * Charlie is let loose in the chocolate factory and every kid's dream comes true.
 * Enter a world of pure imagination.

Cast

 * Gene Wilder - Willy Wonka
 * Jack Albertson - Grandpa Joe
 * Peter Ostrum - Charlie Bucket
 * Roy Kinnear - Henry Salt
 * Pat Coombs - Mrs. Salt
 * Julie Dawn Cole - Veruca Salt
 * Leonard Stone - Sam Beauregarde
 * Denise Nickerson - Violet Beauregarde
 * Ursula Reit - Mrs. Gloop
 * Michael Bollner - Augustus Gloop
 * Nora Denney - Mrs. Teevee
 * Paris Themmen - Mike Teevee
 * Gunter Meisner - Arthur Slugworth, turned Mr. Wilkinson

title: Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory


text:
Ali

Ali bin Abi Talib (Arabic: علي بن أبي طالب) (c. 20 September 601 or 17 July 599 or 600 – 27 January 661) was the cousin and son-in-law of the prophet Muhammad, fourth Caliph for Sunnis, and the first Imam for Shias, well known for his general knowledge, wisdom and eloquence. Most of the Sufi orders claim their descent from Ali.

Quotes

 * The best companion and helper is admirable morals.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 77, p. 149

 * The wealth of a miser is as useless as a pebble.
 * Do not let your difficulties fill you with anxiety. It is only in the darkest nights that the stars shine more brilliantly.
 * A moment of patience in the moment of anger prevents thousands of moments of regret.
 * There are so many highly esteemed ones who became miserable and humiliated just because of their bad temper and morals; and humble people who have attained eminence and the highest honors because of good temper and morals.

 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 71, p. 396

 * The weakest man is the one who is able to correct his moral defects, but doesn't take action.
 * Husayn al-Nuri al-Tabarsi, Mustadrak al-Wasā'il, vol. 11, p. 324

 * He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, while he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere.
 * As quoted in "Considerations By the Way" in Conduct of Life by Ralph Waldo Emerson
 * Variant translation: Believe me, a thousand friends suffice thee not; In a single enemy thou hast more than enough

 * Two things cause people to be destroyed: fear of poverty and seeking superiority through pride.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 72, p. 39

Nahj al-Balagha
Translations by Askari Jafri
 * Submission to Allah's Will is the best companion; wisdom is the noblest heritage; theoretical and practical knowledge are the best signs of distinction; deep thinking will present the clearest picture of every problem.

 * The mind of a wise man is the safest custody of secrets; cheerfulness is the key to friendship; patience and forbearance will conceal many defects.

 * A conceited and self-admiring person is disliked by others; charity and alms are the best remedy for ailments and calamities; one has to account in the next world for the deeds that he has done in this world.

 * If you overpower your enemy, then pardon him by way of thankfulness to Allah, for being able to subdue him.

 * Unfortunate is he who cannot gain a few sincere friends during his life and more unfortunate is the one who has gained them and then lost them (through his deeds).

 * When some blessings come to you, do not drive them away through thanklessness.

 * He who is deserted by friends and relatives will often find help and sympathy from strangers.

 * One who rushes madly after inordinate desire, runs the risk of encountering destruction and death.

 * Often your utterances and expressions of your face leak out the secrets of your hidden thoughts.

 * Hearts of people are like wild beasts. They attach themselves to those who love and train them.

 * So long as fortune is favouring you, your defects will remain covered.

 * Only he who has the power to punish can pardon.

 * Generosity is to help a deserving person without his request, and if you help him after his request, then it is either out of self-respect or to avoid rebuke.

 * There is no greater wealth than wisdom, no greater poverty than ignorance; no greater heritage than culture and no greater support than consultation.

 * Patience is of two kinds: patience over what pains you, and patience against what you covet.

 * Wealth converts a strange land into homeland and poverty turns a native place into a strange land.

 * Contentment is the capital which will never diminish.

 * Wealth is the fountain head of passions.

 * Whoever warns you against sins and vices is like the one who gives you good tidings.

 * Tongue is a beast, if it is let loose, it devours.

 * O son of Adam, when you see that your Lord, the Glorified, bestows His Favors on you while you disobey Him, you should fear Him (take warning that His Wrath may not turn those very blessings into misfortunes).

 * There are four causes of infidelity and loss of belief in Allah: hankering after whims, a passion to dispute every argument, deviation from truth; and dissension, because whoever hankers after whims does not incline towards truth; whoever keeps on disputing every argument on account of his ignorance, will always remain blind to truth, whoever deviates from truth because of ignorance, will always take good for evil and evil for good and he will always remain intoxicated with misguidance. And whoever makes a breach (with Allah and His Messenger) his path becomes difficult, his affairs will become complicated and his way to salvation will be uncertain. Similarly, doubt has also four aspects absurd reasoning; fear; vacillation and hesitation; and unreasonable surrender to infidelity, because one who has accustomed himself to unreasonable and absurd discussions will never see the Light of Truth and will always live in the darkness of ignorance. One who is afraid to face facts (of life, death and the life after death) will always turn away from ultimate reality, one who allows doubts and uncertainties to vacillate him will always be under the control of Satan and one who surrenders himself to infidelity accepts damnation in both the worlds.

 * A virtuous person is better than virtue and a vicious person is worse than vice.

 * Recommended prayers cannot attain the pleasures of Allah for you when obligatory prayers are left unattended.

 * Value of a man depends upon his courage; his veracity depends upon his self-respect and his chastity depends upon his sense of honor.

 * Every breath you take is a step towards death.

 * Like your body your mind also gets tired so refresh it by wise sayings.

 * Whenever a tradition of the Holy Prophet is related to you, scrutinize it, do not be satisfied with mere verbatim repetition of the same because there are many people who repeat the words containing knowledge but only few ponder over them and try to fully grasp the meaning they convey.

 * Anyone who loves us Ahlul Bayt must be ready to face a life of austerity.

 * A friend cannot be considered a friend unless he is tested on three occasions: in time of need, behind your back and after your death.

 * There is enough light for one who wants to see.

 * It is wiser to abstain than to repent.

 * Obstinacy will prevent you from a correct decision.

 * If two opposite theories are propagated one will be wrong.

 * When truth was revealed to me I never doubted it.

 * Death is never very far.

 * One who forsakes truth earns eternal damnation.

 * O son of Adam, if you have collected anything in excess of your actual need, you will act only as its trustee for someone else to use it.

 * There are people who worship Allah to gain His Favors, this is the worship of traders; while there are some who worship Him to keep themselves free from His Wrath, this is the worship of slaves; a few who obey Him out' of their sense of gratitude and obligations, this is the worship of free and noble men.

 * Through us you got guidance in the darkness and secured high position, and through us you got out of the gloomy night. The ears which do not listen to the cries may become deaf. How can one who remained deaf to the loud cries (of the Qur'an and the Prophet) listen to (my) feeble voice. The heart that has ever palpitated (with fear of Allah) may get peace.

 * So now, surely this world has turned its back and announced its departure while the next world has appeared forward and proclaimed its approach. Today is the day of preparation while tomorrow is the day of race. The place to proceed to is Paradise while the place of doom is Hell. Is there no one to offer repentance over his faults before his death? Or is there no one to perform virtuous acts before the day of trial?

 * O' my Allah! Sustainer of the high sky and the suspended firmament which Thou hast made a shelter for the night and the day, an orbit for the sun and the moon and a path for the rotating stars, and for populating it Thou hast created a group of Thy angels who do not get weary of worshipping Thee. O' Sustainer of this earth which Thou hast made an abode for people and a place for the movement of insects and beasts and countless other creatures seen and unseen. O' Sustainer of strong mountains which Thou hast made as pegs for the earth and (a means of) support for people. If Thou givest us victory over our enemy, save us from excesses and keep us on the straight path of truth. But if Thou givest them victory over us, then grant us martyrdom and save us from mischief.

 * Where are those who protect honour, and those self-respecting persons who defend respectable persons in the time of hardship? Shame is behind you while Paradise is in front of you.

 * Allah seeks you to thank Him and assigns to you His affairs. He has allowed time in the limited field (of life) so that you may vie with each other in seeking the reward (of Paradise). Therefore, tight up your girdles and wrap up the skirts. High courage and dinners do not go together. Sleep causes weakness in the big affairs of the day and (its) darkness obliterates the memories of courage.

 * During civil disturbance adopt such an attitude that people do not attach any importance to you — they neither burden you with complicated affairs, nor try to derive any advantage out of you.

 * He who is deserted by friends and relatives will often find help and sympathy from strangers.

 * Every person who is tempted to go astray, does not deserve punishment.

 * Our affairs are attached to the destiny decreed by Allah, even our best plans may lead us to destruction.

 * Failures are often the results of timidity and fears; disappointments are the results of bashfulness; hours of leisure pass away like summer-clouds, therefore, do not waste opportunity of doing good.

 * When Imam Ali was asked about Faith in Religion, he replied that the structure of faith is supported by four pillars endurance, conviction, justice and jihad.

 * Endurance is composed of four attributes: eagerness, fear, piety and anticipation (of death). so whoever is eager for Paradise will ignore temptations; whoever fears the fire of Hell will abstain from sins; whoever practices piety will easily bear the difficulties of life and whoever anticipates death will hasten towards good deeds. Conviction has also four aspects to guard oneself against infatuations of sin; to search for explanation of truth through knowledge; to gain lessons from instructive things and to follow the precedent of the past people, because whoever wants to guard himself against vices and sins will have to search for the true causes of infatuation and the true ways of combating them out and to find those true ways one has to search them with the help of knowledge, whoever gets fully acquainted with various branches of knowledge will take lessons from life and whoever tries to take lessons from life is actually engaged in the study of the causes of rise and fall of previous civilizations. Justice also has four aspects depth of understanding, profoundness of knowledge, fairness of judgment and dearness of mind; because whoever tries his best to understand a problem will have to study it, whoever has the practice of studying the subject he is to deal with, will develop a clear mind and will always come to correct decisions, whoever tries to achieve all this will have to develop ample patience and forbearance and whoever does this has done justice to the cause of religion and has led a life of good repute and fame. Jihad is divided into four branches: to persuade people to be obedient to Allah; to prohibit them from sin and vice; to struggle (in the cause of Allah) sincerely and firmly on all occasions and to detest the vicious. Whoever persuades people to obey the orders of Allah provides strength to the believers; whoever dissuades them from vices and sins humiliates the unbelievers; whoever struggles on all occasions discharges all his obligations and whoever detests the vicious only for the sake of Allah, then Allah will take revenge on his enemies and will be pleased with Him on the Day of Judgment.

 * A wise man first thinks and then speaks and a fool speaks first and then thinks.

 * A fool's mind is at the mercy of his tongue and a wise man's tongue is under the control of his mind.

 * Lack of friends means, stranger in one's own country.

 * Not to have a thing is less humiliating than to beg it.

 * Do not feel ashamed if the amount of charity is small because to refuse the needy is an act of greater shame.

 * To refrain from unlawful and impious source of pleasures is an ornament to the poor and to be thankful for the riches granted is the adornment of wealth.

 * If you cannot get things as much as you desire than be contented with what you have.

 * An ignorant person will always overdo a thing or neglect it totally.

 * The wiser a man is, the less talkative will he be.

 * Time wears out bodies, renews hopes, brings death nearer and takes away aspirations. Whoever gets anything from the world lives in anxiety for holding it and whoever loses anything passes his days grieving over the loss.

 * Whoever wants to be a leader should educate himself before educating others. Before preaching to others he should first practice himself. Whoever educates himself and improves his own morals is superior to the man who tries to teach and train others.

 * Anything which can be counted is finite and will come to an end.

 * If matters get mixed up then scrutinize the cause and you will know what the effects will be.

 * A man sarcastically started praising Imam Ali, though he had no faith in him and Imam Ali hearing these praises from him said "I am less than what you tell about me but more than what you think about me."

 * Those who have come alive out of a blood-bath live longer and have more children.

 * One who imagines himself to be all-knowing will surely suffer on account of his ignorance.

 * I appreciate an old man's cautious opinion more than the valor of a young man.

 * I wonder at a man who loses hope of salvation when the door of repentance is open for him.

 * Nawf bin Fizala Bakali, the famous scholar of the early Islamic days says that one night he was with Imam Ali. In the middle of the night, Imam Ali got up from his bed, looked for sometime at the stars and inquired of Nawf whether he was awake. Nawf said: "I got from my bed replying, "Yes, Amirul Mo'minin (Commander of the Faithful) ! I am awake".

 * Imam Ali said Nawf! Those are the fortunate people who adopt piety as the principle of their lives and are fully attentive to their welfare for the Hereafter. They accept bare earth as the most comfortable bed and water as the most pleasant drink. They adopt the Holy Qur'an and prayers as their guide and protector and like Prophet Jesus Christ (Isa) they forsake the world and its vicious pleasure.

 * Nawf! Prophet David (Daud) once got up at such an hour in the night and said this was the hour when prayers of everyone who prayed were accepted except of those who forcibly collected revenues or who were scandal- mongers or were persons in the police force of a despotic regime or were musicians".

 * I define Islam for you in a way that nobody dared do it before me. Islam means obedience to Allah, obedience to Allah means having sincere faith in Him, such a faith means to believe in His Power, belief in His Power means recognizing and accepting His Majesty, acceptance of His Majesty means fulfilling the obligations laid down by Him and fulfillment of obligations means actions (Therefore, Islam does not mean mere faith, but faith plus deeds).

 * If you understand Allah's Majesty, then you will not attach any importance to the creatures.

 * If you want to pray to Allah for better means of subsistence, then first give something in charity

 * When someone is sure of the returns, then he shows generosity.

 * Aid (from Allah) is in proportion to the trouble.

 * He who practices moderation and frugality will never be threatened with poverty.

 * One of the conveniences in life is to have less children.

 * Loving one another is half of wisdom.

 * Grief is half of old age.

 * Grant of patience (from Allah) is in proportion to the extent of calamity you are passing through. If you exhibit fretfulness, irritation, and despair in calamities, then your patience and your exertions are wasted.

 * Many persons get nothing out of their fasts but hunger and thirst, many more get nothing out of their night prayers but exertions and sleepless nights. Wise and sagacious persons are praiseworthy even if they do not fast and sleep during the nights.

 * Defend your faith (in Allah) with the help of charity. Protect your wealth with the aid of Zakat. Let the prayers guard you from calamities and disasters.

 * The first fruit of forbearance is that people will sympathize with you and they will go against the man who offended you arrogantly.

 * One who takes account of his shortcomings will always gain by it; one who is unmindful of them will always suffer. One who is afraid of the Day of Judgment, is safe from the Wrath of Allah. One who takes lessons from the events of life, gets vision, one who acquires vision becomes wise and one who attains wisdom achieves knowledge.

 * Bear sorrows and calamities patiently, otherwise you will never be happy.

 * One who comes into power often oppresses.

 * Adversities often bring good qualities to the front.

 * If a friend envies you, then he is not a true friend.

 * Avarice dulls the faculties of judgment and wisdom.

 * Oppression and tyranny are the worse companions for the Hereafter.

 * The best deed of a great man is to forgive and forget.

 * Silence will create respect and dignity; justice and fairplay will bring more friends; benevolence and charity will enhance prestige and position; courtesy will draw benevolence; service of mankind will secure leadership and good words will overcome powerful enemies.

 * A greedy man will always find himself in the shackles of humility.

 * Remember that this world which you covet so ardently and attempt to acquire so earnestly, and which sometimes annoys you and sometimes pleases you so much, is neither your home nor a permanent destination. You have not been created for it, nor invited to it as your resting-place. It shall neither remain with you for ever, nor will you remain in it eternally. If it has enticed you away with its charrns, it has also warned and cautioned you of real dangers lurking in its folds. Take account of the warnings it has given you and do not be seduced or deceived by its allurements. Let these warnings frighten you from being too greedy to possess it. Try to advance towards the place where you are invited for eternal bliss and turn your face away from the vicious world.

 * Beware! By Allah the son of Abu Quhafah (Abu Bakr) dressed himself with it (the caliphate) and he certainly knew that my position in relation to it was the same as the position of the axis in relation to the hand-mill. The flood water flows down from me and the bird cannot fly upto me. I put a curtain against the caliphate and kept myself detached from it. Then I began to think whether I should assault or endure calmly the blinding darkness of tribulations wherein the grown up are made feeble and the young grow old and the true believer acts under strain till he meets Allah (on his death). I found that endurance thereon was wiser. So I adopted patience although there was pricking in the eye and suffocation (of mortification) in the throat. I watched the plundering of my inheritance till the first one went his way but handed over the Caliphate to Ibn al-Khattab after himself. (Then he quoted al-A`sha's verse): My days are now passed on the camel's back (in difficulty) while there were days (of ease) when I enjoyed the company of Jabir's brother Hayyan. It is strange that during his lifetime he wished to be released from the caliphate but he confirmed it for the other one after his death. No doubt these two shared its udders strictly among themselves. This one put the Caliphate in a tough enclosure where the utterance was haughty and the touch was rough. Mistakes were in plenty and so also the excuses therefore. One in contact with it was like the rider of an unruly camel. If he pulled up its rein the very nostril would be slit, but if he let it loose he would be thrown. Consequently, by Allah people got involved in recklessness, wickedness, unsteadiness and deviation. Nevertheless, I remained patient despite length of period and stiffness of trial, till when he went his way (of death) he put the matter (of Caliphate) in a group and regarded me to be one of them. But good Heavens! what had I to do with this "consultation"? Where was any doubt about me with regard to the first of them that I was now considered akin to these ones? But I remained low when they were low and flew high when they flew high. One of them turned against me because of his hatred and the other got inclined the other way due to his in-law relationship and this thing and that thing, till the third man of these people stood up with heaving breasts between his dung and fodder. With him his children of his grand-father, (Umayyah) also stood up swallowing up Allah's wealth like a camel devouring the foliage of spring, till his rope broke down, his actions finished him and his gluttony brought him down prostrate. At that moment, nothing took me by surprise, but the crowd of people rushing to me. It advanced towards me from every side like the mane of the hyena so much so that Hasan and Husayn were getting crushed and both the ends of my shoulder garment were torn. They collected around me like the herd of sheep and goats. When I took up the reins of government one party broke away and another turned disobedient while the rest began acting wrongfully as if they had not heard the word of Allah saying: That abode in the hereafter, We assign it for those who intend not to exult themselves in the earth, nor (to make) mischief (therein); and the end is (best) for the pious ones. (Qur'an, 28:83) Yes, by Allah, they had heard it and understood it but the world appeared glittering in their eyes and its embellishments seduced them. Behold, by Him who split the grain (to grow) and created living beings, if people had not come to me and supporters had not exhausted the argument and if there had been no pledge of Allah with the learned to the effect that they should not acquiesce in the gluttony of the oppressor and the hunger of the oppressed I would have cast the rope of Caliphate on its own shoulders, and would have given the last one the same treatment as to the first one. Then you would have seen that in my view this world of yours is no better than the sneezing of a goat.
 * Known as the Sermon of ash-Shiqshiqiyyah (roar of the camel), It is said that when Amir al-mu'minin reached here in his sermon a man of Iraq stood up and handed him over a writing. Amir al-mu'minin began looking at it, when Ibn `Abbas said, "O' Amir al-mu'minin, I wish you resumed your Sermon from where you broke it." Thereupon he replied, "O' Ibn `Abbas it was like the foam of a Camel which gushed out but subsided." Ibn `Abbas says that he never grieved over any utterance as he did over this one because Amir al-mu'minin could not finish it as he wished to.

Letter 53: An order to Malik Al-Ashtar

 * These are the orders issued by the creature of Allah, Ali, the son Abu Taalib to Maalik, the son of Ashtar when he appointed Maalik as the Governor of Egypt to collect zakat there, to combat the enemies of Islam and Egypt, to work for the welfare of its people and to look after its prosperity.

 * Do not feel ashamed to forgive and forget.

 * Do not hurry over punishments and do not be pleased and do not be proud of your power to punish.

 * Do not get angry and lose your temper quickly over the mistakes and failures of those over whom you rule. On the contrary, be patient and sympathetic with them.

 * Anger and desire of vengeance are not going to be of much help to you in your administration.

 * Never say to yourself, "I am their Lord, their ruler and all in all over them and that I must be obeyed submissively and humbly" because such a thought will unbalance your mind, will make you vain and arrogant, will weaken your faith in religion and will make you seek support of any power other than that of Allah.

 * If you ever feel any pride or vanity on account of your sway and rule over your subjects then think of the supreme sway and rule of the Lord over the Universe, the extent of His creations, the supremacy of His Might and Glory, His Power to do things which you cannot even dream of doing and His control over you which is more dominating than that which you can ever achieve over anything around you. Such thoughts will cure your mental weakness, will keep you away from vanity and rebellion (against Allah), will reduce your arrogance and haughtiness and will take you back to the sanity which you had foolishly deserted... Try carefully to realize that a ruler can create goodwill in the minds of his subjects and can make them faithful and sincere to him only when he is kind and considerate to them, when he reduces their troubles, when he does not oppress them and when he never asks for things which are beyond their power. These are the principles which you should keep in mind and act upon".

 * Maalik! You must create in your mind kindness, compassion and love for your subjects. Do not behave towards them as if you are a voracious and ravenous beast and as if your success lies in devouring them. Remember, Maalik, that amongst your subjects there are two kinds of people: those who have the same religion as you have; they are brothers to you, and those who have religions other than that of yours, they are human beings like you. Men of either category suffer from the same weaknesses and disabilities that human beings are inclined to, they commit sins, indulge in vices either intentionally or foolishly and unintentionally without realizing the enormity of their deeds. Let your mercy and compassion come to their rescue and help in the same way and to the same extent that you expect Allah to show mercy and forgiveness to you.
 * Variant translation:
 * Awaken your heart to kindness and mercy for the people and love and tenderness for them. Never, never act with them like a predatory beast which seeks to be satiated by devouring them, for the people fall into two categories: they are either your brethren in faith or your kindred in creation.

General

 * There is no capital more useful than intellect and wisdom, and there is no indigence more injurious than ignorance and unawareness.
 * Ibn Shu’ba al-Harrani, Tuhaf al-'Uqul, p. 198
 * Variant translation: There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance

 * There is no knowledge and science like pondering and thought; and there is no prosperity and advancement like knowledge and science.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 1, p. 179

 * Associating with the wise and the knowledgeable people adds to the prestige of a person.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 78, p. 6

 * An alert and learned man will take advice from any event.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 1, p. 160

 * There are three signs of a knowledgeable person: knowledge, forbearance and silence.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 2, p. 59

 * Books are the gardens of scholars.
 * Abdul Vahed Tamimi, Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, p. 245

Religious

 * When wisdom reaches the pinnacle of perfection, it will suppress the vicious instincts and injurious desires.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 78, p. 6

 * To whatever extent a person's knowledge increases, his attention will be turned more towards his soul.
 * Husayn al-Nuri al-Tabarsi, Mustadrak al-Wasā'il, vol. 11, p. 323

 * Allah, the Exalted, gave the angels intellect without desires, He gave the animals desires without intellect, and He gave both to the sons of Adam. So a man whose intellect prevails over his desires is better than the angels, whilst a man whose desire prevails over his intellect is worse than the animals.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 60, p. 299, no.5

Regarding the Qur'an

 * Recitation of the Qur'an without contemplation and thought is futile.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 92, p. 211

 * Reciter and listener of the Qur'an are alike in prize and reward.
 * Husayn al-Nuri al-Tabarsi, Mustadrak al-Wasā'il, vol. 4, p. 261

 * Understanding the knowledge and wisdom of the Qur'an is by far, higher than memorizing.
 * Muhammad Kulayni, Usūl al-Kāfī, vol. 4, p. 418

 * The one from among the Muslims who recites the Qur'an but in the end finds his way to hell, is considerd to be among those that have taken the word of Allah in jest.
 * Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol. 92, p. 182.

Quotes about Ali

 * The character of the Commander of the Faithful (a.s.)(Ali bin Abu-Talib) was exceptional from birth to martyrdom. He was born inside the Ka'bah - which was unparalleled before his birth and remained unparalleled thereafter. And he was martyred while he was praying in the mosque. The Commander of the Faithful (a.s.) spent all the time between these two points in jihad, patience for the sake of God, acquiring knowledge and insight, and moving on the path of divine satisfaction. Early in his childhood, the hand of divine acumen gave Ali ibn Abi Talib (a.s.) to the Holy Prophet (s.w.a.). The Commander of the Faithful (a.s.) was only six years old when the Holy Prophet (s.w.a.) brought him to his own house from the house of Abi Talib. The Commander of the Faithful (a.s.) was educated by the Holy Prophet (s.w.a.).
 * Ali Khamenei, in "Supreme Leader's Speech to People of Bushehr" (26 June 2010)

 * Ali is acclaimed as the "Father of Sufism". Most of the Sufi orders claim their descent from Ali. According to Ali Hajjweri, the rank of Ali is very high in the line up of Sufism. According to Junayd of Baghdad, Ali is the Shaykh as regards the principles and practices of Sufism. … The roots of Sufism lie embedded in Islam itself. There are numerous passages in the Holy Quran which are of a mystical character. The Holy Prophet of Islam (peace be on him) himself displayed mystical inclinations and he very often retired to the cave of Hirah for the purpose of devotions, meditation and contemplation. The Holy Prophet was recipient of two types of revelations, one embodied in the Holy Quran, and the other that illuminated his heart. The former was meant for all, the latter for a selected few whose hearts could be illuminated with the Divine Light. The knowledge of the Holy Prophet was thus book knowledge (ilm-i-Safina), and heart knowledge (ilm-i-Sina). Ali got this heart knowledge from the Holy Prophet.
 * Khalifa Ali bin Talib, in "Ali, The Father of Sufism", at Witness-Pioneer International

Attributed

 * The most complete gift of God is a life based on knowledge.
 * The innumerable fools have made the learned very scarce.
 * The learned man understands the ignorant for he was once ignorant for he was once ignorant himself.
 * The ignorant man does not understand the learned for he has never been learned himself.
 * Knowledge gives life to the soul.
 * To respect the learned is to respect God.
 * Knowledge creates fear of God.
 * Practice makes knowledge perfect.
 * To teach is to learn.
 * Honesty is Divine language.
 * To fulfill promises is the highest form of integrity.
 * Truth means conformity of speech with the Divine mode of working.
 * Friendship is impossible with a liar.
 * Misrepresentation spoils narration.
 * Lying spoils news.
 * Enemity is the occupation of fools.
 * One's obedience to God is proportionate to one's wisdom.
 * To fight against one's own desires is highest wisdom.
 * The wise aim at perfection.
 * The foolish aim at wealth.
 * To separate oneself from things of time and to connect oneself with things of eternity is highest wisdom.
 * He is really wise whose actions reflect his words.
 * Humility is the product of knowledge.
 * Self-conceit poisons the mind.
 * Self-conceit impedes progress.
 * Pride mars greatness.
 * Humility is one of the nets spread by real greatness.
 * Boasting issues from small minds.
 * As quoted in Du’a Kumayl trans. N. Husayn Mardi, Chehel Sotoon Theological School: Iran, 1989.

 * Do not share the knowledge with which you have been blessed with everyone in general, as you do with some people in particular; and know that there are some men in whom Allah, may He he glorified, has placed hidden secrets, which they are forbidden to reveal. Remember the reply of the righteous slave to Moses when he said to him: 'May I follow you so that you can teach me what you know about what is right?' He replied: 'Surely you will not be able to be patient with me. How can you be patient about something which you do not understand?'.
 * When a dead person is placed in his grave, four kinds of fire will cover him, but then the prayer will come and put one of them out, and the fast will come and put another one of them out, and then charity will come and put another one out, and knowledge will come and put the forth one out, and it will say : ' If I had come sooner, I would a have put all of them out, and given you delight for I am with you now, and you'll not see anything else distressing.
 * A person's intellect becomes apparent through his dealings, and a man's character is known by the way he exercises authority. The intellect is a king and characteristics are its subjects, so if it is weak in governing them, disorder takes place. The intellect is better than desire, for the intellect makes you a king over your destiny, and desire makes you a slave of your destiny. The intellect is a natural disposition which learns from experience. The intellect is what arrives at what is correct through reasoning, and recognizes what has not yet happened through what has already taken place. Use your intellect to understand something when you hear about it-the intellect that examines, that is, and not just the intellect that repeats what it hears, for surely there are many who repeat the knowledge that they hear, and there are few who examine it. The one who has an intellect longs to be like the righteous people so that he can be of one of them, and he loves them so that he can be united with them in his love, even if he falls short in emulating their actions. The one who has an intellect does not openly display it except in one of two situations: when he is furthest away from seeking something in the world, and when he is furthest away from abandoning it. Surely hated adversity has final objectives in which it will inevitably end, so the one who has an intellect should try to sleep over it until this happens, for surely any attempt to stop it before it has come to an end will only intensify that hated diversity even more. The first opinion of the person of intellect is the last opinion of an ignorant person. The one who has an intellect finds harshness of life amongst persons of intellect more agreeable than a life of ease amongst the foolish.
 * As quoted in The Sayings and Wisdom of Imam Ali, The Muhammadi Trust

title: Ali