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Amitav Ghosh

Amitav Ghosh (born 1956) is an Indian author, well known for books such as The Shadow Lines, The Calcutta Chromosome, The Hungry Tide, The Circle of Reason, etc. He has done field work in Egypt on the fellaheen village of Lataifa, which resulted in the book In an Antique Land (1993). The Shadow Lines won the Sahitya Akademi Award, India's most prestigious literary prize. Ghosh is currently Distinguished Professor in Comparative Literature at the Queens College in the City University of New York.

Quotes

 * Thailand has railways and the British never colonised the country,... In 1885, when the British invaded Burma, the Burmese king was already building railways and telegraphs. These are things Indians could have done themselves.
 * Amitav Ghosh, Interview with "The Week"

 * Hinduism would scarcely be recognizable today, if Vaishnavism had been actively suppressed in the 16th century: other devotional forms may have taken its place, but we cannot know what those would have been. It is a simple fact that contemporary Hinduism as a living practice would not be what it is if it were not for the devotional practices initiated under Mughal rule. The sad irony of the assault on the Babri mosque is that the Hindu fanatics who attacked it destroyed a symbol of the very accommodations that made their own beliefs possible.
 * "The man behind the mosque", The Little Magazine

From The Shadow Lines (1988)
The Shadow Lines is a novel describes the relatively sedentary life of the book-ish protagonist against the mobile lives in the family of his diplomat uncle. Particularly in focus is his cousin, Ila, and the youngest of his uncles, Tridib. The powerful narrative come to a climax during religious riots in pre-Bangladesh East Pakistan in 1964.

Bengal Gastric
[Digestion problems are endemic in Bengal.

Every now and then a rumble in his bowels would catch him unawares and he would have to sprint for the nearest clean lavatory. This condition was known as Tridib's gastric.

Once every few months or so we would answer the doorbell and find him leaning against the wall, his legs tightly crossed, the sweat starting from his forehead. But he wouldn't come in right away; there was a careful etiquette attached to these occasions. My parents and grandmother would collect at the doorway and, ignoring his writhings, would proceed to ask him about his family's doings and whereabouts, and he in turn, smiling fixedly, would ask them how they were, and how I was, and finally, when it had been established to everyone's satisfaction that he had come on a Family Visit, he would shoot through the door straight into the lavatory. (3-4)

[My grandmother] believed [Tridib] capable of exerting his influence at a distance, like a baneful planet -- and since she also believed the male, as a species, to be naturally frail and wayward she would not allow herself to take the risk of having him for long in our flat where I, or my father, might be tempted to move into his orbit. (4)

He (Tridib) did not seem to want to make friends with the people he was talking to, and that perhaps was why he was happiest in neutral, impersonal places - coffee houses, bars, street-corner addas - the sort of place where people come, talk and go away without expecting to know each other any further. This was also why he chose to come all the way from Ballygunge to Gole Park for his addas. . . (9) The truth was that in his own way, Tridib was something of a recluse: even as a child I could tell that he was happiest in that book-lined room of his, right at the top of their old family house. It was that Tridib whom I liked best; I was a bit unsure of the Tridib of street corners. (18)

Maps, Places, and the Familiar
[Ila is Tridib's niece,and the narrator's secret, unrequitted longing] I tried to tell her but neither then nor later, though we talked about it often, did I ever succeed in telling her that I could not forget because Tridib had given me worlds to travel in, and he had given me eyes to see them with; she who had been travelling around the world since she was a child, could never understand what those hours in Tridib's room had meant to me, a boy who had never been more than a few hundred miles from Calcutta. I used to listen to her talking sometimes to her father and grandfather about cafes in the Plaza Mayor in Madrid, or the crispness of the air in Cuzco, and I could see that those names, which to me were a set of magical talismans because Tridib had pointed them out to me on his tattered old Bartholomew's Atlas, had for her a familiarity no less dull than the Lake (in Calcutta) had for me and my friends; the same tired intimacy that made us stop on our way back from the park in the evening and unbutton our shorts and aim our piss through the rusty wrought-iron railings. (20) I began to tell her how I longed to visit Cairo, to see the world's first pointed arch in the mosque of Ibn Tulun, and touch the stones of the great Pyramid of Cheops. . . I watched her, waiting eagerly to hear what she would have to say. Suddenly she clicked her fingers, gave herself a satisfied nod, and said aloud, inadvertently: Oh yes, Cairo, the Ladies is way away on the other side of the departure lounge. I had a glimpse at that moment, of those other names on the map as they appeared to her: a worldwide string of departure lounges . . . each of them strikingly different, distinctively individual, each with its Ladies hidden away in some yet more unexpected corner of the hall. . . . I imagined her alighting on these daydream names - Addis Ababa, Algiers, Brisbane - and running around the airport to look for the Ladies, not because she wanted to go, but because those were the only fixed points in the shifting landscapes of her childhood. (20) I could not persuade her that a place does not merely exist, that it has to be invented in one's imagination; that her practical, bustling London was no less invented than mine, neither more or less true, only very far apart. It was not her fault that she could not understand, for as Tridib often said of her, the inventions she lived in moved with her, so that although she had lived in many places, she had never travelled at all.(21)

Examinations
[In] my own small, puritanical world, in which children were sent to school to learn how to cling to their gentility by proving themselves in the examination hall. [23] Ila lived so intensely in the present that she would not have believed that there were people like Tridib, who could experience the world in their imaginations as concretely as she did through her senses, more so if anything, since to them those experiences were permanently available in their memories, whereas with her, when she spoke of her last lover's legs, the words had nothing to with an excitement stored in her senses, but were just a string of words that she would remember while they sounded funny and then forget as completely as she had the lover and his legs. (30)

If we didn't try ourselves [to invent what we saw] we would never be free of other people's inventions. [31]

Betraying a Child's World
I don't know what the matter with him is, my mother said, he has been waiting for her (Ila) for days. . . At that moment I hated my mother. For the first time in my life she had betrayed me. She had given me away, she had made public, then and for ever, the inequality of our needs; she had given Ila the knowledge of her power and she had left me defenceless; naked, in the face of that unthinkable, adult truth, that need is not transitive, that one may need without oneself being needed. (44) After that day Nick Price, whom I had never seen, and would, as far as I knew, never see, became a spectral presence beside me in my looking glass; growing with me, but always bigger and better, and in some way more desirable - I did not know what, except that it was so in Ila's eyes and therefore true. (50) There is something strikingly different about the quality of photographs of that time. It has nothing to do with age or colour, or the feel of paper. . . . In modern family photographs the camera pretends to circulate like a friend, clicking its shutters at those moments when its subjects have disarranged themselves to present to it those postures which they would like to think of as informal. But in pictures of that time, the camera is still a public and alien eye, faced with which people feel bound either to challenge the intrusion by striking postures of defiant hilarity, or else to compose their faces, and straighten their shoulders, not always formally, but usually with just that hint of stiffness which suggests a public face. (60)

... they knew that their world, and in all probability they themselves, would not survive the war. What is the colour of that knowledge? Nobody knows, nobody can ever know, not even in memory, because there are moments in time that are not knowable: nobody can ever know what it was like to be young and intelligent in the summer of 1939 in London or Berlin.  And in the meanwhile, there they are, in that gilded summer, laughing and singing their way back to Brick Lane. (68)

Ila has no right to live there, she said hoarsely. She doesn't belong there. It took those people a long time to build that country; hundreds of years, years and years of war and bloodshed. Everyone who has lived there has earned his right to be there with blood: with their brother's blood and their father's blood and their son's blood. They know they're a nation because they've drawn their borders with blood. (77-78)

[grandmother; about Ila] her hair cut short, like the bristles on a toothbrush, wearing tight trousers like a Free School Street whore. (80)

[abundant physical courage - Robi does not join the strike. Why?] Because a rule's a rule; if you break one you have to be willing to pay the price.  But is it a good rule? I asked. I could not get him to answer my question.

I saw Ila's face again as I had seen it that night in the taxi, wet with tears, twisted with anger and hatred, and I thought of how much they wanted to be free; how they went mad wanting their freedom; I began to wonder whether it was I that was mad because I was happy to be bound: whether I was alone in knowing that I could not live without the clamour of the voices within me. (88) There seemed to be something fitting, after all, in the manner in which I learnt of my grandmother's death: she had always been too passionate a person to find real place in my tidy late-bourgeois world, the world that I had inherited, in which examinations were more important than death. (92) I began to marvel at the easy arrogance with which she believed that her experience could encompass other moments simply because it had come later; that times and places are the same because they happen to look alike, like airport lounges. (103-104) I saw Ila again and again as she was when she stepped out of that car at Gole Park, eighteen years ago; on that morning when she wrenched me into adulthood by demonstrating for the first time, and forever, the inequality of our needs. And when she did not come back to the cellar that night, I knew she had taken my life hostage yet again; I knew that a part of my life as a human being had ceased: that I no longer existed, but as a chronicle. (112) But he (Tridib) did know that that was how he wanted to meet her, May -- a stranger, in a ruin. He wanted them to meet as the completest of strangers -- strangers-across-the-seas -- all the more strangers because they knew each other already. He wanted them to meet far from their friends and relatives -- in a place without a past, without history, free, really free, two people coming together with the utter freedom of strangers. (144)

at bottom she thought the Shaheb was. . . weak, essentially weak, backbone-less; it was impossible to think of him being firm under threat, of reacting to a difficult or dangerous situation with that controlled accurate violence which was the quality she prized above all others in men who had to deal with matters of state. (147)

Borders
[About seeing the border from the air] But if there aren't any trenches or anything, how are people to know? I mean, where's the difference then? And if there's no difference both sides will be the same; it'll be just like it used to be before, when we used to catch a train in Dhaka and get off in Calcutta the next day. . . (151)

Everyone lives in a Story
Everyone lives in a story, he says, my grandmother, my father, his father, Lenin, Einstein, and lots of other names I hadn't heard of; they all lived in stories, because stories are all there are to live in, it was just a question of which one you chose. . . [182]

I tried to see Dhaka as she (grandmother) must have seen it that night, sitting by her window. But I hadn't been to Dhaka, and in any case her Dhaka had long since vanished into the past. I had only her memories to go on, and those put together could give me a faint, sepia-tinted picture of her arrivals in Dhaka, decades ago: a picture in which I could see dimly in the middle distance, a black steaming engine, puffing smoke, and a long line of carriages. . . . I can guess at the outlines of the image that lived in her mind, but I have no inkling at all of the sounds and smells she remembered. Perhaps they were no different from those in any of the thousands of railway stations in the subcontinent. Perhaps, on the other hand, they consisted of some unusual alchemical mixture of the sound of the dialect and the smell of the vast, mile-wide rivers, which alone had the power to bring upon her that comfortable lassitude which we call a sense of homecoming. (193) Years later, I used to wonder at my mother's odd relationship with her little transistor radio. It was given a place of singular honour in her room: it stood on the same shelf on which she kept framed pictures of her dead parents. She never missed the morning news if she could help it: those bulletins were the liturgy of the ritual of our breakfast. [198]

Fear
He cried like that all the way home, for all of us.  It would not be enough to say we were afraid; we were stupefied with fear.

That particular fear has the texture you can neither forget nor describe. It is like the fear of the victims of an earthquake, of people who have lost faith in the stillness of the earth. And yet it is not the same. It is without analogy for it is not comparable to the fear of nature, which is the most universal of human fears, nor to the fear of violence of the state, which is the commonest of modern fears. It is the fear that comes from the knowledge that normalcy is utterly contingent, that spaces that surround one, the streets that one inhabits, can become, suddenly and without warning, as hostile as a desert in a flash flood. It is this that sets apart the thousand million people who inhabit the subcontinent from the rest of the world - not language, not food, not music - it is the special quality of loneliness that grows out of the fear of the war between oneself and one's image in the mirror. (204*)

Riot
Every word I write about those events of 1964 is the product of a struggle with silence. It is a struggle I am destined to lose - have already lost - for even after all these years, I do not know where within me, in which corner of my world, this silence lies. All I know of is what this silence is not. It is not for example, a silence of imperfect memory. Nor is it a silence enforced by a ruthless state - nothing like that, no barbed wire, no checkpoints to tell me where my boundaries lie. I know nothing of this silence except that it lies outside the reach of my intelligence, beyond words - that is why this silence must win, must inevitably defeat me, because it is not a presence at all; it is simply a gap, a hole, an emptiness in which there are no words. (218)

On the whole in the whole of the valley there was not one single recorded incident of animosity between Kashmiri Muslims, Hindus, and Sikhs. There is a note of surprise -- so thin is our belief in the power of syncretic civilizations -- in the newspaper reports which tell us that the theft of the relic had brought together the people of Kashmir as never before. [225]

There is nothing quite as evocative as an old newspaper. There is something in its urgent contemporaneity -- the weather reports, the list of that day's engagements in the city, the advertisements for half remembered films, still crying out in bold print as though it were all happening now, today -- and the feeling besides, that one may once have handled, if not that very paper, then its exact likeness, its twin, which transports one in time as nothing else can. [227]

There are no reliable estimates of how many people were killed in the riots of 1964. The number could stretch from several hundred to several thousand: at any rate not very many less than were killed in the war of 1962. [229]

From the evidence of the newspapers, it is clear that once the riots had started both governments did everything they could to put a stop to them. . . for the madness of a riot is a pathological inversion, but also therefore a reminder, of that indivisible sanity that binds people to each other independently of their governments. And that prior, independent relationship is the natural enemy of government, for it is in the logic o states to exist at all they must claim the monopoly of all relationships between peoples. [230]

The theatre of war, where generals meet, is the stage on which states disport themselves: they have no use for memories of riots. (230)

I discovered that Khulna is about as far from Srinagar as Tokyo is from Beijing, or Moscow from Venice, or Washington from Havana, or Cairo from Naples. (1200 km) [231]

Chiang Mai in Thailand was much nearer to Calcutta than Delhi is; that Chengdu in China is nearer than Srinagar is. . . Yet did the people of Khulna care at all about the fate of mosques in Vietnam and South China (a mere stone's throw away)? I doubted it. But in this other direction, it took no more than a week. . . [232] They had drawn their borders, believing in that pattern, in the enchantment of lines, hoping perhaps that once they had etched their borders upon the map, the two bits of land would sail away from each other. . . What had they felt, I wondered, when they discovered that they had created not a separation, but a yet-undiscovered irony - the irony that killed Tridib: the simple fact that there had never been a moment in the four-thousand-year-old history of that map, when places like Dhaka and Calcutta were more closely bound to each other than after they had drawn their lines. . . (233)

[Note: Compare the description of Shashi Tharoor's Riot]

Indian Administrative Service
Robi told us stories about his colleagues in the Indian Administrative Service -- funny stories about lonely young men who lived in huge colonial mansions in remote districts and spent their time writing symbolist poetry and masturbating. (241) NOTE: compare shades of English, August by Upamanyu Chatterjee And then I think to myself why don't they draw thousands of little lines through the whole subcontinent and give every little place a new name? What would it change? It is a mirage; the whole thing is a mirage. How can anyone divide memory? If freedom were possible then Tridib's death would have set me free. And yet all it takes to set my hand shaking like a leaf, fifteen years later, thousands of miles away, is a chance remark by a waiter in a restaurant. (247)

From Nana Sahib And The Texas Detour (2003)
This famous essay in the New Yorker (April 7, 2003), written in the shadow of the Iraq occupation compares American imperialism with imperialisms of the past.

What President Bush likes to call the 'coalition of the willing' is dominated after all by America, Britain and Australia - three English-speaking countries whose allegiances are rooted not just in a shared culture and common institutions but also in a shared history of territorial expansion. Seen in this light, the alignment is only the newest phase in the evolution of the most potent political force of the last two centuries: the Anglophone Empire.

Some of today's imperial enthusiasts have pointed to Indian democracy as proof that a colonial presence can be reconstructive, helping to create a stable civil society. To counter this argument, however, we need only to look at a list of cities where Al Qaeda's fugitive leaders are said to have taken refuge - Aden, Rawalpindi, Peshawar, Quetta, Lahore, Karachi. The British bestrode these cities for centuries and yet the antagonism to the West that simmers in them now is greater even than it was in 1857.

In the world of human beings, even defeat is a transaction. If there is any lesson to be drawn from the subcontinent's experience of empire, it is that defeat can be negotiated in many different ways. In India democracy thrives, while in Pakistan democracy has consistently devolved into authoritarianism. For Iraq to go the way of India, the current avatar of the Anglophone empire will have to succeed in creating, in the span of a few years, what earlier incarnations failed to do over decades.

Many hawks in the United States now openly admit to a veneration of past empires, yet they seem to have absorbed the military lessons of imperialism to the exclusion of all else. I suspect that this is the reason that many in the British political establishment were so dismayed by the build-up to the Iraq war. They know all too well that an aura of legitimacy and consent is essential in matters of empire.

Legitimacy and the tactics of persuasion are obviously not high priorities for the Bush administration. The task would be difficult anyway. In the 19th century, the apparatus of persuasion was effective partly because the colonising force could exercise close control over the flow of information. . ..

The Great Derangement: Climate Change and the Unthinkable (2016)

 * the great, irreplaceable potentiality of fiction is that it makes possible the imagining of possibilities.

 * Recognition is famously a passage from ignorance to knowledge.

 * at exactly the time when it has become clear that global warming is in every sense a collective predicament, humanity finds itself in the thrall of a dominant culture in which the idea of the collective has been exiled from politics, economics, and literature alike.

 * Just as novels have come to be seen as narratives of identity, so too has politics become, for many, a search for personal authenticity, a journey of self-discovery.

 * to imagine other forms of human existence is exactly the challenge that is posed by the climate crisis: for if there is one thing that global warming has made perfectly clear it is that to think about the world only as it is amounts to a formula for collective suicide. We need, rather, to envision what it might be.

 * To want to be ahead, and to celebrate and mythify this endeavor, is indeed one of the most powerful impulses of modernity itself.

title: Amitav Ghosh


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Talk:High School Musical

Ryan's Quotes
I haven't seen the movie for awhile, and I couldn't remember very many quotes by Ryan. More quotes by him would be great, if anyone knows any. -Jesussaves March 30, 2006.

Line before Gabriella Montez
I should ask why there is a headline text line before Gabriella's quotes. This line should be deleted. - Calebaldwinjun9 February 24, 2007

Oh, thank you so much! I really appreciate the person who deleted the line before Gabriella's quotes!! -Calebaldwinjun9 March 3, 2007

The quotes should be in order.... 67.81.170.159 22:20, 4 May 2007 (UTC)

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Talk:High School Musical


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User talk:134.48.200.217

Wikiquote exists for the collecting of notable quotations of famous people and famous works. When people are not interested in responsibly contributing to the development of the project incidents of their deliberate vandalism can result in IP addresses being blocked from editing. ~ Kalki 23:04, 30 March 2006 (UTC)

title: User talk:134.48.200.217


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User talk:71.126.83.11

Wikiquote exists for the collecting of notable quotations of famous people and famous works. When people are not interested in responsibly contributing to the development of the project incidents of their deliberate vandalism can result in IP addresses being blocked from editing. ~ Kalki 23:06, 30 March 2006 (UTC)

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User:Shii

I am Ashibaka, attributor of annoying unsourced Einstein quotes!

Navigation

 * Up to Wikipedia

title: User:Shii


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Talk:Star Trek: Enterprise

This page is almost becoming a complete script of the series in the Dialogue section. I would recommend adding no further dialogue, unless it is of some particular interest, and ear marking uninteresting dialogue for deletion.

This is terribly formatted. I might try my hand at cleaning it up. There are so many quotes here that do nothing to capture the spirit of the series. This isn't a shipper page. 62.254.216.154 12:57, 24 April 2006 (UTC)

It would be even better to delete some part of the article and re-write it enterely. Quotes organized by characters is too old fashion and do not containt references to specific episodes. It would take some time but I'm going to looking for scripts and find better quotes. 14:32, 18 May 2008, xenachan

title: Talk:Star Trek: Enterprise


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Taken (miniseries)

Taken is a science fiction miniseries which first aired on the Sci-Fi Channel in 2002 and won an Emmy award for Outstanding Miniseries.

Allie Keys

 * My mom told me once that when you're afraid of something, what you want more than anything else is to make it go away. You want your life back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it. But nothing ever stays the same. That's not your old life at all. That's your new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back to the way things were. Your choice is about hiding, or about going right to the heart of the thing that scares you.

 * Sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps, small steps. To do ordinary things to deal with something that is in no way ordinary. We're always going someplace new, all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we aren't moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps, and you try to be honest, not to live as if nothing had changed but still to go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be.

 * When you're little, you like to think you know everything, but the last thing you really want is to know too much. What you really want is for grown-ups to make the world a safe place where dreams can come true and promises are never broken. And when you're little, it doesn't seem like a lot to ask.

 * I didn't ask for any of this. I want to be a little girl. I just want to be a little girl.

 * Everyone knows not to stare into the sun; it's something your mother tells you when you're a kid. "Don't look at the sun or you'll go blind." But sometimes you want to understand something so badly that you'll risk going blind for just a glimpse of what it might all be about.

 * Even when we know we'll never find the answers, we have to keep on asking questions.

 * My grandfather used to tell my mom that kids should never have to worry about anything more serious than baseball. Everything you need to know is there. It has success and failure, moments when you come together and moments where you stand alone. And it has an ending. Not a clock, like in other sports, but an ending. And that, my grandfather said to my mom, is as close as a kid should have to come to that sort of thing.

 * People talk a lot as if the most important thing in life is to always see things for what they really are. But everything we do, every plan we make, is kind of a lie. We're closing our eyes and pretending that the day won't ever come when we won't need to make any more plans. Hope is the biggest lie there is, and it is the best. We have to keep going as if it all mattered, or else we wouldn't keep going at all.

 * People say that when we grow up, we kick at everything we've been told, we rebel against the world our parents worked so hard to bring us into, that part of growing of is kicking at the ties that bind. But I don't think that's why we kick at all. I think we kick when we find out that our parents don't know much more about the world than we do. They don't have all the answers. We rebel when we find out that they've been lying to us all along, that there isn't any Santa Claus at all.

 * Is every moment of our lives built into us before we're born? If it is, does that make us less responsible for the things we do? Or is the responsibility built in too? After you hit the ball, do you stand and wait to see if it goes out, or do you start running and let nature take its course?

 * The hardest thing you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye.

 * What makes a man who he is? Is it the worst things he's ever done, or the best things he wants to be? When you find yourself in the middle of your life and you're nowhere near of where you were going, how do you find the way from the person you've become to the one you know you could have been?

 * When everything in your life is right on track, it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason; it's easy to have faith. But when things start to go wrong then it's very hard to hold on to that faith. It's hard not to wonder whose reasons these things happen for.

 * My mother always talked to me a lot about the sky. She liked to watch the clouds in the day, and the stars at night... especially the stars. We would play a game sometimes, a game called, what's beyond the sky. We would imagine darkness, or a blinding light, or something else that we didn't know how to name. But of course, that was just a game. There's nothing beyond the sky. The sky just is, and it goes on and on, and we'll play all of our games beneath it.

 * Most people change kind of slowly. They're who they are and then after a while, they're someone else. But some people know the exact moment where their lives changed. They saw the person they were going to marry or the look in their baby's eyes the first time he smiled. For some people, it's not the good things in life that made them change. It's something they've gone through that makes everything they look at from that moment on seem very different from how it had always been.

 * People are lonely in this world for lots of different reasons. Some people have something in their disposition. Maybe they were just born too mean, or maybe they were born too tender. But most people are brought to where they are by circumstance, by calamity or a broken heart or something else happening in their lives that wasn't anything they planned on. People are lonely in this world for lots of different reasons. The one thing that I do know is, it doesn't matter what any one of them might tell you--nobody wants to be alone.

 * Some people have given up all hope of anything in their lives every changing. They just go on with it day by day, and if something were to come along and make things different they probably wouldn't even notice it right off, except for that kind of nervous feeling you get in your stomach. My mom and I used to call that "the car trip feeling," because it was how I'd feel whenever I knew we were going to go somewhere far away or somewhere new.

 * When you're a kid, all you ever want is for the stories your mom reads you to be true. You think you can crawl inside the world that's in every book and live in the pictures on every page, but deep down you know that this isn't something that could ever happen. And it's knowing that the magic isn't quite there, that it's just over the next hill or maybe in the next story, that makes you feel safe in your bed at night. You really wouldn't want it to be any other way.

 * There are times when it seems like the whole world is afraid...when the fear is something you have to live with day in day out. When people get scared, they do a lot of different things. They fight, or they run, they destroy the thing they're afraid of, or they put a lot of distance between it and them...make it something you can shoot at with a friction-action gun.
 * Why do people want so desperately not to be alone? Why is it more comforting to think you are being watched than to know that no one at all is watching? And why, really, does that make us any less alone? In the end, if there are others out there, then wouldn't we be, all of us, still alone together?

 * People believe what they want to believe. They find meaning where they can, and they cling to it. In the end, it really doesn't matter what's a trick and what's true. What matters is that people believe.

 * People like to examine the things that frighten them, to look at them and give them names, so saints look for God, and scientists look for evidence. They're both just trying to take away the mystery, to take away the fear.

 * We all like to think that we have some control over the events in our lives, and a lot of the time we can fool ourselves into thinking that we really are in charge. But then something happens to remind us that the world runs by its own rules and not ours and that we're just along for the ride.

 * You know in cartoons, the way someone can run off a cliff and they're fine, they don't fall until they look down? My mom always said that was the secret of life. Never look down. But it's more than that. It's not just about not looking. It's about not ever realizing that you're in the middle of the air and you don't know how to fly.

 * The world is made up of the big things that happen and the small ones. And the part that's so unfair is that we call them "big" and "small", because when something happens to you, when you lose something or someone that you really care about, that's all there is. The world may be blowing up around you, but you don't care about that. You don't care about that at all.

 * I have this idea about why people do the terrible things they do. Same reason little kids push each other on the schoolyard. If you're the one doing the pushing, then you're not going to be the one who gets pushed. If you're the monster, then nothing will be waiting in the shadows to jump out at you. It's pretty simple, really. People do the terrible things they do because they're scared.

 * We're all standing on the edge of a cliff, all the time, every day, a cliff we're all going over. Our choice isn't about that. Our choice is about whether we want to go kicking and screaming or whether we might want to open our eyes and our hearts to what happens once we start to fall."

 * If a dream is just a dream, something that happens in your mind while you're asleep, then that's alright. It's yours to take with you into the morning, and it fades away there in the light. But when the dreams start to come while you're awake, and they come with the light, then that is not all right. What we look for then is other people who have dreamed what we've dreamed, who have seen what we've seen. When the dreams become real, sometimes the only comfort you can find is in knowing that you're not alone.

 * I think when you're older, what gets hard is that you forget how to take things as they come. And sometimes, the things that do come are more than anyone should have to take.

 * People come home for a lot of reasons. They come home to remember. They come home because they’ve got nowhere else to go. They come home when they’re beaten. They come home when they’re proud. They come home looking for a door out into their past or a road out into their future. They come home for a lot of reasons, but they always come home to say goodbye.

 * Some people put a lot of work into their lawn, as if a patch of green grass was the most important thing in the world. As if they thought that as long as the lawn out front was green and mowed and beautiful, it wouldn't matter at all what was going on inside of the house.

 * Do you know the feeling of daring yourself to walk across a dark room? That way you're excited, because you know, you really do know that there's nothing there to hurt you. Some people get to chose their dark rooms. They get to look for places where the fear is only skin deep, but some people are nowhere near that lucky.

 * People move through their lives sometimes without really thinking about where they're going. Days pile up, and they get sadder and lonelier without really knowing why they're so sad or how they got so lonely. Then something happens. They meet someone who looks a certain way or has something in their smile. Maybe that's all that falling in love is; finding someone who makes you feel a little less alone.

 * Sometimes people come to a moment where they think they've found that one last chance to be someone else. And they go for it. When it doesn't work out, they spend the rest of their lives looking back over their shoulder at what might've been.

 * How do you let someone go? How do you understand that's alright, that everything changes?  How do you find a way for that to make you feel good about life, instead of breaking your heart?  The hardest thing you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye.

 * I think people get mean when they're scared.

 * I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t know what I’m going to be, what I’m going to learn. But what I do know is this: Life, all life, is about asking questions not about knowing answers. It is wanting to see what’s over the next hill that keeps us all going. We have to keep asking questions, wanting to understand. Even though we know we’ll never find the answers, we have to keep on asking the questions.

Dr. Chet Wakeman

 * I don't watch daytime TV. It weirds me out.

 * What's a five-letter word for idiot?

 * [Mary is using her laptop, when a video file of Chet appears] Hiya, Tootz. I programmed this video file to send itself in twenty-four hours if I didn't delete it. I didn't delete it, so I guess you must've deleted me... Yeah, I sorta saw that one coming.

 * [to Allie Keys] Little girl, I love the way your mind works.

 * [to Mary, after his death] There's something I wanted to share with you. We're all so desperate for meaning, aren't we? All of us. You too, Mary, even if you think you're not. You want answers, and in that way, I think the aliens are gonna disappoint you. Here's the stone truth of it: They're still asking the same questions we are. No one is God here. We're all in the same boat.

Charlie Keys

 * No. You're not going to take me.

 * [to Chet Wakeman] When this is over, I'd like a moment to knock you on your ass.

Mary Crawford

 * Could they put it back, this thing that had been bred out of them for eons and eons?

Capt./Maj. Owen Crawford
[Repeated Line]

 * You're the sun and the moon to me. The sun and the moon.

Sally Clarke / Jacob Clarke / Lisa Clarke
Repeated Line.
 * I love you. Everyday and twice on Sundays.

Howard Bowen

 * [Col Crawford's two closest men talks about their boss] I've said this before Marty, but that is one nasty bastard.

Discussions
[discussing Apollo 13]

 * Eric Crawford: Do you think our friends had anything to do with it?

 * Maj. Owen Crawford: Between their preponderancy to intervene in our affairs, and the growing incompetence of NASA, I'd choose NASA... what?

 * Eric Crawford: If you were still in charge of the project, you'd use this as evidence of an imminent alien threat.

 * Maj. Owen Crawford: Probably.

---

Owen Crawford: Boys...you must be done with all your homework.

Sam Crawford: We just wanted to listen to some music first.

Owen Crawford: You always could do your homework at the last minute...but you're setting a bad example for your big brother. [to Eric] And don't look so bent out of shape, you're not the straight-A student, you're not the one who can afford to spend an evening by the record player-

Eric Crawford: I finished my homework at the library, Sir.

--- Maj. Owen Crawford: Can you imagine what would have happened to people if, in 1947, they thought that we were going to be invaded by aliens?

Sam Crawford: Gee, I don't know... growth of the military-industrial complex? Trials to see if you were an alien sympathizer?

---

Mary Crawford: I know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourself, "I can get the girl by myself. Why do I need this bitch in the mix?"

General Beers: I prefer not to use the term "in the mix."

---

Allie Keys: Can I ask you something?

Captain Walker: Sure.

Allie Keys: Are you mad at them?

[Captain Walker shakes his head]

Allie Keys: But you'll fight with them just the same.

Captain Walker: That's our job.

Allie Keys: ...Grown-ups are weird.

---

Charlie Keys: You got a nice move to the post. That kid yesterday thought he could get one past you, but you were right there.

Allie Keys: What I do is I fool myself. I make myself believe that I'm really going to cover. Because *I* believe it, he believes it.

Charlie Keys: Then, how do you get yourself over to the post?

Allie Keys: I don't know. I'm afraid if I ever stop to think about it, it won't work anymore.

---

[two simultaneous, different conversations] John, Alien Visitor: I'll try to put this in terms that you commonly use. I'm a scientist. We were all scientists. We came here to learn about your world. Our idea was to find out everything: your history, your biology, everything. We came here to learn. We're not that different from you, genetically, biologically. But what you call evolution has changed us. We see things in you that we no longer recognize in ourselves.

Dr. Chet Wakeman: What do we know? They're this energy that can manifest itself in different ways: as the beings we've seen, as their crafts, as our thoughts. There's no right or wrong about them.

John, Alien Visitor: The whole concept of right and wrong was... alien to us. The idea that the things we were doing were cruel...

Dr. Chet Wakeman: They have no concept of kindness or cruelty. No way of seeing beyond the 'oneness' of all that energy...

John, Alien Visitor: ...to the separateness, the uniqueness, your ability to hate, to love, to feel. You have compassion, as well as cruelty. We-we lack both. Or that is, the traits lie dormant...

Dr. Chet Wakeman: ...in their brains. Like the animal that lives far back inside all of us. But an experience of something basic can awaken that primitive thing.

John, Alien Visitor: And that's what happened. Your grandmother, Sally. She took me in and showed me a great kindness.

Mary Crawford: Something could've touched one of them, something small and simple, and awakened this sense of what was missing. Something gone and half-remembered.

John, Alien Visitor: And so our greatest experiment began.

Mary Crawford: Could they put it back, this thing that had been bred out of them for eons and eons?

John, Alien Visitor: Your emotional core, your strength, your feeling, and our more evolved consciousness. Could we bring these two together? If we could do this, we would have the next...

Mary Crawford: ...step in the evolution of life.

John, Alien Visitor: [Looking at Allie] The experiment was an unqualified success.

["John", ACT 6, approx. 00:58:40]

Chet Wakeman: What scared you? What did you see?

Mary Crawford: It's like a walk through a minefield, isn't it?

Chet Wakeman: What is?

Mary Crawford: Life...y'know, you start out, there's just a few mines---childhood diseases, falls from high places---then you hit adolescence, and there's more mines---drugs, unprotected sex, drunk drivers, lonely kids with guns---and the older you get, the more mines you see...and all you're trying to do now, really, is to get to the other side of the field, but that's not possible, is it? No! because the more you look, the more mines you see and pretty soon you realize that there's nowhere left to step.

Chet Wakeman: Mary...what did you see?

Mary Crawford: What did I see? [pause] I saw where all the mines were. I saw everything I'd ever done. Everything that'd ever happened to me. I saw where all this would end. That's what Owen saw. That's what destroyed him. I'm not folding like my grandfather did. Did what I see frighten me? Of course it did. Will it stop me? No...everybody dies.

title: Taken (miniseries)


text:
User talk:Mukerjee

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User talk:Chad Garret~enwikiquote

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Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Chad Garret. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Chad Garret~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:19, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:44, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

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Cheap Seats

Cheap Seats (2004–2007) was a television program broadcast on ESPN Classic hosted by The Sklar Brothers, Randy and Jason. The brothers appear as fictional ESPN archivists who amuse themselves by watching old, campy sports broadcasts and wisecracking about them.

1997 Spelling Bee [1.5]

 * Spelling Bee: It's okay, kid. Spelling bee says, not everyone can win. Someone has got to lose, and that someone just happens to be you.

Superdogs! Superjocks [1.7]

 * Jason: By the laws of the label super, these dogs should all have one fatal weakness.
 * Randy: For Superman it was Kryptonite.
 * Jason: For the Supersonics it was Vin Baker.
 * Randy: For the Superfreak it was crack cocaine.
 * Jason: And for these superdogs, it may just be their superjock counterparts.

 * Jason: Ok who calls great athletes, superjocks?
 * Randy: Super dorks.

 * Randy: (Talking About Mike Conley) Why's he so mad? 'You cannot bring that camera on my lawn! Uh-uh.'

 * Jason: (Talking About Bill Johnson) Me, a Superjock?

 * Barry Tompkins: You know Willie what strikes me is there's a derogatory term that we sometimes use in regards to athletes...
 * Jason: Please don't.
 * Barry Tompkins: ...they got a little dog in 'em.
 * Jason: Ah you did.
 * Randy: Ahhh.

 * Willie Gault: If they would compete in the Olympics, maybe they would win gold medals too.
 * Jason: But dogs can never compete in the Olympics because they're dogs.

 * Randy: Well at least this event isn't biased in favor of Lundquist, an Olympic swimmer. [during a swimming contest in which Lundquist is the only pro swimmer in]

 * Randy: [cracking up while seeing a fat woman bent over] Baby got... Baby got back. Jason: And lots of it.

 * Randy: "He's dragging the dog. Who the hell is this guy, Ike Turner?

 * Randy: Uh that's not a word-a-ly. Jason: Uh actually Ran, it is.

 * Jason: Alright settle down lady; it's not the NBA Finals.
 * Randy: Is this crowd even in the same place as this event?
 * Jason: Are they even in the same season as this event?
 * Randy: Yeah it's like late Fall in the stands.

 * Annoucer: Everyone loves watching Superdogs! Superjocks! right?
 * Girls: No!
 * Annoucer: Well now you can play it anytime you want. It's the Superdogs! Superjocks! Home Game.
 * Girl 2: Awesome.
 * Annoucer: You can choose to be your favorite Superjock.
 * Girl 2: I don't want to be Steve Lundquist.
 * Girl 3: I don't want to be Steve Lundquist either.
 * Annoucer: Kids, no one wants to be Steve Lundquist, not even Steve Lundquist. That's why every game comes with an extra Mike Conley, in his swimming attire.
 * Girl 1: Wow, is that real Spandex?
 * Annoucer: It sure is and it smells like him too.
 * (Girl 1 sniffs)
 * Annoucer: The rules are simple. Each player is dealt five cards from the yellow deck. Then the player sitting second closest to the yellow deck rolls three dice. Move the amount of spaces equal to the side of the red die facing away from you. If the total on your next roll is less than the age of your dog in human years, times two, you earn the right to draw two happenstance cards from the Doggie Deck. Move five spots if you draw a Willie Gault card, but if your other card is a Loch Ness Boombox, it cancels your move and lets other players rub your dog's nose in it. It's that easy! Superdogs! Superjocks!: The Home Game. Guaranteed to be a whole lot of dog gone fun. Cards, dice, board sold separately, dogs not included.

 * Jason: Dog looks good. Randy: Yeah, did he just come back from a Summer tour with The Dead?

 * Randy: "Yes he's ready, that's why he's choking himself to get going.

 * Randy: "That's not fair, he's bionic.

 * Randy: "I like how the crowd is roped off. Jason: Yeah that's so they won't leave.

 * Jason: Ohhh, Jackie Smith of dogs.

 * Bob Sarlatte : Well you know as a former footballer myself, just in college
 * Jason: It wasn't a major college, D3, D4 really. Actually it was Juco. Not even it was a league. It's just a group of guys that got together. It was flag football, I was 10, 11 maybe. And it wasn't football, it was kickball. I used go with my dad. Well I went alone he dropped me off. My parents were divorced, my mom worked three jobs. I get sad when I see parents hugging their kids but enough about me, nice frisbee toss.

 * Jason: Yep she's refusing to finish the race. Who is she, Scottie Pippen's dog?

 * Jason: Awww, what a loser.

 * Jason: "There's was a love that was not allowed to florish. Society said no but their hearts said yes, tonight on The Hump.

 * Jason: Don't let him touch that, don't! He's just a baby!

 * Jason: Hey, it's the Loch Ness Boombox!

Superstars 1978 [1.8]

 * Randy: This Race is like that scene from Breaking Away.

 * 'Jason: Yeah, let's hope there's not a refrigerator at the bottom of the pool.

1994 World Series of Poker [1.10]

 * Jason: Where's Russ' Fans?

 * Randy: I need my fan.

 * Jason: Get the man his fan.

1973 Superstars [1.20]
Jim McKay: Rounding out the field, the former heavyweight champion of the World, here is Joltin' Joe Frazier...

The Sklars: I believe it's Smokin' Joe Frazier McKay, it was Joltin' Joe DiMaggio. Well he's up. Frazier, a little anxious. Joe's yellow trunks showing his first true love: swim wear fashion.

McKay: O'kay moving on the marks and this is 25 meters down and back. They will go...

Randy: DOWN GOES FRAZIER! DOWN GOES FRAZIER!

1986 Roller Derby [1.24]

 * Ed Helms: Who are you that you are not suicidal? Because I don't like you, and how can you like yourself?

Creative Breaking Championships/K-1 Fighting [2.2]
Tom Servo: Shameless! Mike Nelson: It'll never last.
 * Crow T. Robot: You know, this is just a great idea - a cable show where you make fun of other people's videos.

 * Crow T. Robot: "These guys are Smurfs, right?"

 * Mike Nelson: "With any luck at all, Gamera will come down and smite them both."

 * Randy: The world's most overzealous graphics department.
 * Jason: Nothing says quality sport quite like a hyphen.

Outdoor Games 2000 [2.3]

 * Randy: "Remember, if it's raining outside, if you got a firearm in your hand, and diabetes is impairing your vision, for God's sake, wear a hat."

Scrabble 2003 [2.4]

 * Jason and Randy: TILE PILE!

1980 MLB All-Star Game [2.9]
Randy: "A very special episode of Cheap Seats, because today the first day we have a live studio audiance. Jason: "Twenty-five people." Randy: "Yeah!" (Crowd cheers) Randy: "Now how did we pull it off you may ask inquisitively? Well it was easy we lobbied ESPN really hard for months and we finally reached a compromise. Jason: "They said no" Randy: "Uh huh. So we decided to go behind their backs and start diverting tour groups from ESPN down here to the library. Now we have a group here today with us." Jason: "We have a great group with us today." Randy: "Who is with us today?" Jason: "We have got Doctors Without Borders. Randy: "I love doctors with" Jason: "They do such good work." Woman In Audiance: "Uh excuse me. Excuse me actually we are Doctors With Borders. Randy: "With Borders? I've heard of Doctors Without Borders." Jason: "What is Doctors With Borders?" Woman In Audiance: "Doctors With Borders is a group of doctors that work within the borders of gated communities. We help people that need medical care who make at least eighty thousand dollars a year." Randy: "Well I guess maybe if we pull our salaries collectively we could be one patient" Woman In Audiance: "I don't think so. Also could get a little more chardonnay up in here we're dying. Thank you."
 * Jason: "Hey everybody, welcome to Cheap Seats."

 Jason: "Or in this case onto the surface of the sun."
 * Randy: "You know why Willie Randoplh is such a good hitter, he always hit the ball where the sun don't shine."

 Randy: "The Cobra."
 * Jason: "And to anyone who says that these players dog it at the All-Star game take a look at that throw by Parker. Almost all the way to the infield."

 * Jason: "Somebody at first base is taking the game a little too seriously."

 Randy: "Yeah the ariel shots there are courtsy of Chopper 4." Jason: "Whose your news source?" Randy: "Chopper 4."
 * Jason: "Do you hear helicopters?"

 (Welch gets him at first) Randy: "That's why."
 * Jason: "Why is Welch paying so much attention to the runner? It's an All-Star game."

 * Randy: "Oh Willie this is almost as embarrassing as Robert Wuhl sat on Comic Relief 8."

 Jason: "Well it's Garvey, so yeah."
 * Randy: "Did Garvey have to actually smack him in the face?"

 Jason: (Doing the voice of a cop that the regular guy is talking to) "Oh no, no no you gotta stay right here." Randy: "Why it's so boring." Jason: "You wanna get tazed? Because I will use force If I have to."
 * Randy: (Doing the voice of a regular guy in the dug out) "Hey man if I wanna run out there and take my pants off you got my back right?"

 Randy: "This cannot be before the third inning." Jason: "Or after the sixth."
 * Jason: "Dodger Stadium is packed."

 Jason: "And there goes my eyesight."
 * Randy: "There goes the bat."

 * Randy: "Feel like this at bat started at last year's All-Star game."

 Randy: "Marge Schott." Jason: "Alright the point is we felt that Cheap Seats as a sports franchise deserved its own mascot too." Randy: "So we combed the country. Scouting Renaissance fairs, Illegal rodeos, Wal-Mart grand openings looking for every conceivable novelty creature." Jason: "And we narrowed it down to the three finalist. Here are their auditions." Rik Esasky: (Wearing a chicken suit) "First off I will not wear this head. I don't believe in it. I will not act like a goofy mascot." C.C. Galleta: (Wearing a chocolate chip cookie suit) "You might have seen me in a few roles. I played a chocolate chip cookie in the How About Some Milk campaign." Slider: (A homeless person) "To be honest man I haven't been inside of a building In about five years. I'm freaked out man." Rik Esasky: "I will not shine a bald man's head at a baseball game." C.C. Galleta: "I'm a gogetrahidra I can do anything. You ask me to do anything and I can do it." Slider: " I can make a dollar last me month. A month!!" Rik Esasky: "I will not run and dive on a rain soaked tarp." C.C. Galleta: "I can play many different types of cookies." Judge: "You can lose those chocolate chips if we need you to?" C.C. Galleta: "Absolutly I can take them out I can play Pecan Sandy if that's what you want uh these are birthmarks so." Slider: (Crying) "Ah man have you ever since a cat without it's eyeballs in it's head" (digging through a trash bag) Judges: "No no no no!" Slider: "You have? What's the answer?"
 * Jason: "Now baseball in the 80's is a sport that featured the greatest mascot in American sports history."

 C.C. Galleta: "Well I think the question is what talents don't I bring." Rik Esasky: "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." Slider: "Uh I can find vitamins in cigarette butts. Alot of vitamins in that stuff yall guys don't know." C.C. Galleta: "You know I can..Cookie Dance I don't know If you could use that on your show." Slider: "Did you know If you're feeling emotional pain if you hurt yourself in the (beep) it stops it?" C.C. Galleta: "Stage talking. Hello! How are you!? Please dunk me in milk." Rik Esasky: "Where be now your jives, your gambles, your songs?" Slider: "I can..I made these shoes..made those shoes. I made those shoes!" Randy: "When would you do something like that?" Rik Esasky: "Well clearly not here apparently."
 * Judge: "So what kind of talents do you bring to the table?"

 Jason: "A little bit but I feel like that's his hook." Randy: "Just like Marge Schott."
 * Randy: "Did the cookie seem racist to you?"

 * Jason: "You know I'm just surprised that the Dodger ball boy didn't go into the stands and try to swipe the ball from the guy that just caught it."

 * Jason: (In lower voice) "Some sad news, Griffey's ten year old song Ken Jr. torn his ACL during the father-son catch prior to the game."

 Randy: "I think it was pre." (Tommy pitches the ball and the bionic man sound comes on) Sklars: "Or was it!"
 * Jason: "Tommy John? Was this pre or post bionic arm surgery?"

 Randy: "That's Detective Reitz to you Al." Jason: "Played by a young Dennis Franz." Randy: "Were not going to see is naked rump are we?"
 * Al Michaels: "Ken Reitz the batter."

 Randy: "Uh every other All-Star game but this one."
 * Jason: "Ahh Ken Reitz, what's an All-Star game without him?"

 Jason: "Reitz with a rope!" (Willie Randolph gets the ball but it drops out of his glove) Jason: "All-star." (Second baseman throws a wild throw to first but goes past him) Jason: "All-star." (Catcher throws to second and Second baseman gets Reitz out) Jason: "And all-star and the inning ends with your basic 4-3-2-6 put out."
 * (Reitz hits the ball)

 Randy: "And Ken Reitz reminding us just how good Willie Randolph is." Jason: "And Ashlee Simpson reminding us just how talented Ken Reitz was." Randy: "And Dick Chaney reminding us just how honest Ashlee Simpson is. More Cheap Seats after this."
 * Jason: "Oh Willie Randoplh reminding us that fan voting doesn't necessarily put the best players in the All-star game."

 Sklars: "Whoa!" Randy: "Whoa" Jason: "Why don't you care?" Audience Member: "Ah Jewish or non Jewish he's a great ball player." (Jason whistles) Randy: "Ok! Just got weird in here. Wow" Jason: "Yeah because there's bigotry in here." Randy: "I smell that. I smell that yeah." Audience Member: "What just cause I don't care that Rod Carew is Jewish or not?" Randy: "Yeah wow." Jason: "Wow what are you going to tell us next that your favorite movie was American History X?" Audience Member: "I don't know, I thought Ed Norton played a strong character." Randy: "Ah-Ha!" Jason: "Ah-Ha!" Randy: "I think someone needs to go to the Museum of Tolerance." Jason: "Right after we go back to the game." Randy: "I need to get my hook back." Jason: "So do I."
 * Audience Member: "I don't care"

 (Winfeild pops it up) Randy: "And Winfield kills another seagull."
 * Jason: "You guys wanna take the toothpick out of Winfield's hand and give him a real bat?"

 Jason: "Yeah it was the only uniform in history that you could wear to Ruth's Chris Steak House."
 * Randy: "Did the White Sox uniform come with a sport coat that year?"

 Jason: "Not necessarly? So he's still a follower?" Randy: "Yes he's the leading follower." Jason: "What the fuck does that mean!"
 * Keith Jackson: "But the first time he's been a leader not necessarily a follower."

 Randy: " They'd be wasting their mustaches if they didn't."
 * Jason: "Do you think Hernandez and Reitz have mustache contests in the Cardinal's clubhouse?"

 Jason: "6'9" with the afro."
 * Al Michaels: "Ed Farmer, 6'5"."

 (Pete Rose comes on the screen) Randy: "I think I just found someone."
 * Randy: "I bet you Hernandez gets a hit off Farmer. Who wants to bet me? Anybody?"

 Jason: "Oww!!" Randy: "Well it's a good the ball hit Farmer that way Randolph didn't have a chance to boot it."
 * (Hernandez's hit hit's farmer on the ankle)

 (Jason gets the phone)
 * Randy: "All-Star, bases loading, Pete Rose at the plate. What are the odds?! Seriously what are the odds. Call Danny Sheridan."

 * Jason: "And sadly that at bat would cost Rose his rightful place in Cooper's Town."

 Jason: "A conclusion so shocking, so exciting, that we just had to show it to you."
 * Randy: "Welcome back to Cheap Seats. Now you've seen the complete mascot auditions now it's time to see the shocking conclusion."

 (C.C. gets all gitty) Slider: "HAAAA!" Rik Ssasky: "You guys are wrong. You guys made a big mistake." Slider: "Hey Hey Hey Hey. It's over." (Slider tries to take a bite of C.C.) C.C. Galleta: "Don't eat me. No no! (All of them argue) Slider: "You guys cool out we gotta find shelter!"
 * Jason: "Guys it was a tough decision but we're going to have to go with The Cookie."

 Jason: "Again just like Marge Schott." Randy: "Yes. Alright let's move on to the bottom of the seventh inning. National League up 3 to 2. Trying to hold to their ninth straight All-Star win."
 * Randy: "I think The Cookie got shanked at the end there."

 * Randy: "Darrell Porter, the Willie Randolph of catchers."

 Jason: "Yeah, he was Bill The Butcher."
 * Randy: "Wasn't Phil Garder in Gangs Of New York?"

 * Jason: "When Ray Knight starts stealing off you. You might want to consider the quick pitch."

 Jason: "I love Alias, doesn't that show have another name?"
 * Randy: "A lot people don't know this but Phil Garner is Jennifer Garner's father."

 (Pitch bounce off the catcher and hits the umpire between the legs) Jason: "Ooooh and that one just took out the Keebler elves." Randy: "He won't be making any Town House crackers any time soon, I can tell you that much." Jason: "Two balls with one strike." (Umpire wipes the plate) (Jason in a high voice) Jason: "I'll just wipe off the plate and... oh God, tell my wife I love her." Randy: "You're wearing a cup, right?" Jason: "I was but I took it off in the eighth. Boys needed some air." Randy: "Good call."
 * Randy: "John Kibler is the umpire behind the plate."

 (Jason in high voice again) Jason: "Oh God! Please block it! Thank you." (Umpire throws the ball) Jason: "Get that demon ball outta here!"
 * (Next pitch)

 (Jason in a robot voice) Jason: "Greetings, Professor Falken. Would you like to play an All-Star game?"
 * Randy: "Is that a scoreboard or your typical desktop computer in 1980?"

 Jason: "Ladies and gentlemen..." Sklars: "The Giant Cookie!!" (C.C. comes out) C.C.: "How bout it!" How bout it!" (Randy hands him a gallon of milk) Sklars: "Drink! Drink! Drink!" C.C.: "Drink? You want me to? Ok!" (C.C. drinks it but spits it out) Sklars: "Owww!" C.C.: "I'm sorry. I forgot. I'm lactose intolerant." [pause] Randy: "That's ok!" (Sklars cheer) C.C.: "Seriously guys, my throat's closing up! Can't breathe! Choking on vomit!" Randy: "He's really hurt." [pause] Sklars: "The Cookie!!!"
 * Randy: "Alright, before we go it's time to bring out our new Cheap Seats mascot..."

(At the end it shows In Memory of C.C. Galleta "The Giant Cookie" Shelf Life: 1 Day)

1978 Superteams [2.14]
Keith Jackson: Baseball and football...

The Sklars: ...and sliding bad graphics. Perfect,

Keith Jackson: ...1978 leading the Kansas City Royals you'll see third baseman George Brett...

The Sklars: ...From a higher than usual camera angle. What's up ladies I got gum.

Jackson: Second baseman Frank White the young man who succeed in his home town...

Jason: But who failed everywhere else

Jackson: shortstop Freddie Patek...

Randy: Chicks dig the long ball unfortunately for 5'5 Freddie Patek, homey chicks will settle for a fielders choice.

1995 Spelling Bee [3.2]
Randy: The Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. Jason: Where kids just get to be kids. Jason: Who are put on a stage in front of a nationally televised audience and asked to spell words that would make a dictionary editor wet his pants. Jason: Remember most of these kids are only 12 or 13. Randy: And at a puberal age your number one goal is just to fit in. Jason: Wait a minute, what was that word you just said. Randy: Puberal Jason: Ah what's the language of origin please? Randy: It's Latin. Jason: Definiation please. Randy: Puberal. Of or relating to puberty. Puberal Jason: Could you use it in a sentence please? Randy: You were pretty damn ugly when you were puberal. Jason: Yeah well you were puberally pathetic. I didn't know you were in a mariachi band. Randy: Well I looked like you ok, so whose laughing now huh. Spell the word. Jason: Puberal...P.U.B.E.R.R.A.L. Puberal. (ding) Randy: Oh sorry. This must be bringing up a lot of stuff for you? Jason: No it's not.
 * Jason: "Today we're going to revisit one of our favorite non-sports.

 * Sklar Brothers: "Spelling, spelling words on the dance floor. Spelling till you cant even spell no more. Spelling on a Sunday afternoon."

 Jason: He's intern. Randy: I thought interns in Washington liked to work under the desk. Folks!!
 * Randy: Who's next to Cameron?

 * Sklar Brothers: "Mcnutt!!"

 * Randy: "McHell Yeah"

 Randy: Ok cilantro as in seriously dude you've never heard of cilantro.
 * Patrick Mcnutt: Can you use it in a sentence please.

 * Jason: "Mcnutt, Mcstalling."

 * Jason: "Ok he's got this one in the Mcbag."

 Randy: I did it all for the gnocchi!! The gnocchi!! Jason: Come on Randy: So you can take that cookie!!! And stick it up your..!!! Jason: Alright that's enough.
 * Cameron: Ladled a cream sauce over the gnocchi.

 Jason: Cameron you dirty bird. Sohini Ramachandran: Succedaneum Randy: Man, when your word is almost a complete sentence, you know your in trouble.
 * Cameron: Succedaneum

 * Jason: "Dear lord explain to me why I get this word and Mcnuff gets cilantro. And I want a PlayStation 2 for Christmas. Ahem."

 Randy: She's got it. Sohini: C.C. Jason: She's got it! Sohini: D Jason: She's got it!!! Sohini: A. N. I Sklars: uuuuh!!! Randy: No PlayStation for you.
 * Sohini: Succedaneum. S.

 Beamy: Hey guys, I have a favorite. Randy: Beamy Jason: Beamy! Our favorite Cheap Seats beam. What are you doing? Beamy: Well you know, just hanging out watching the bee having a little gin. Randy: That's a little weird. Beamy: Yeah i guess im off the wagon. Jason: Ok well who's your favorite in the 95 bee? Beamy: Well i got alot of money riding on Justin Carroll. Randy: Wait, you bet on this? Beamy: Yeah i used to have kind of a bad gambling problem. So I guess I'm off that wagon too. Well see you guys later. Jason: Ok wow seeing a new side of Beamy here. Randy: Well lets get back to the action and see if he's right.
 * Jason: And Even though things are getting interesting, its hard to pick a clear favorite.

 Sklars: Gooy! Gooy! Gooy!
 * Randy: Who's the cutest little speller in the world?

 * Wendy Guey: Y Jason: Cos I said so, damn it.

 * Jason: "Oh!! Piano man went off!!"

 Jason: No, it's Vin Diesel's website. He's really into spelling.
 * Randy: "The Vindicator is a newspaper?"

 Jason: I heard she beat out Jill Kelly and Kobi Tai during the regionals.
 * Randy: What! I wouldn't have expect spelling bee contestant among her earlier work.

 Jason: And that's when the gardener showed up.
 * Cameron: The hiemal weather took its total on Vera's old house.

 * Jason: "Is he trying to hear Cameron through the microphone."

 Beamy: You know what is is fucking heating up. Sklars: Whoa! Jason: Ok Randy: Beamy Jason: Relax man Beamy: Hey what I am relaxed what are you talking about? Randy: are you drunk? Beamy: Hey (beep) damn right Im drunk i got 15 grand riding on this thing. Jason: Alright guys you know what can we loss the beam effect. Randy: Yeah this is really uncool you don't just show up to work drunk Jon. Beamy: Whoa who's Jon. My name is Beamy. Jason: Alright fine Beamy! You obviously have a drinking problem, you very clearer have a gambling problem you need help. I don't know how much more clearly we can spell it out for you. Beamy: Well maybe i can spell it out for you. S P E..Fuck you. Randy: Alright Jason: oh Come on! Cut him off Beamy: Cut you off Randy: Get him some coffee. Beamy: You go coffee Jason: Alright we'll be back after this. Beamy: You..I..You be back. Sklars: We will be back Randy: Actually Beamy: Good maybe when you come back you (Beep!) Jason: Oh come on! Randy: What?
 * Randy: Well things are really heating up Justin Carroll is on...

 * Jason: "Ow! my face the smiling's killing me. Stop clapping! stop clapping damn you!"

 Jason: I'll probably buy some friends. Kids can be pretty shallow.
 * Katie: So what are you going to do now with your winnings and now that your the National Spelling Bee Champion.

Women's Sports (Bass-N-Gal, Boxing, Ann Meyers NBA Tryout) [3.3]
Randy: I told you wide world would cover this nonsense. Next year I'm gonna try out a monkey.

Sam Nassi (Pacers owner): I don't know basketball.

Jason: And who would expect you to know about basketball. You're just an NBA franchise owner

Sam Nassi (Pacers owner): When I bought the club I went to the Indianapolis 500

Randy: because I thought the Pacers were a racing team. I'm learning people be patient with me.

Jason: Well the good thing is people in Indiana don't really take their basketball too seriously so you're in good shape there

1977 Superstars [3.11]
Randy: An Austrian Emmy? (He was talking about the Superstars trophy)

Jason: No, it's Schwarzenegger's hood ornament

Randy : Superstars rule number 1: if your best highlights are in black & white, you've got no shot.

Keith Jackson: Another Olympian Guy Drut of France

Randy: At least his highlights are in color.

Keith Jackson: 1976 Celebrity Superstars champion Kevin Dobson

Randy: Who? Where was Telly Savalas?

Jason: auditioning for Cannonball Run.

Keith Jackson: From The Los Angeles Dodgers first baseman Steve Garvey

Jason: He even rounds the bases like a bitch.

Keith Jackson: Pro Football representatives include...

Randy: That Doesn't even look like a star. (He was talking about Dave Casper)

Jason: It looks like a character from Mummenschanz.

Keith Jackson: Quarterback Steve Grogan of the New England Patriots.....

Jason: He's Alan Partridge

Randy: No, He's a Hungover Wayne Gretzky

Keith Jackson: The Houston Oilers dynamic Billy "White Shoes" Johnson, the man with the smooth moves.....

Randy: Did they burst into his room at 2 am to take that picture?

Keith Jackson: And wide receiver Lynn Swann of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the home run receiver.

Randy: Looks like Lynn cut his hair to fit in the star, now that's commitment.

1996 Spelling Bee Part 1 [3.13]

 * Sklar Brothers: Bee the shit out of this motherfucker!

 * Jason:Now he's just making shit up.

 * Randy: I knew I should have spent more time going over my poisons damn it.

 * Randy: Is he on his knees.
 * Jason: It's Dorf on spelling.

 * Jason: Are there any phonebooks for this kid to stand on.

 * Jason: And next to him are the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
 * Randy: Damn you tight shot!
 * Randy: Damn paparazzi!

 * Randy: I love you microphone

 * Jason: What did I tell you about wearing shorts?
 * Randy: No one can see.
 * Jason: I can.

 * Randy: Man when Jamie Foxx researches a role he really goes all out.
 * Jason: Georgia!

 * Jason: Alright enough fucking around is it or is it not French.

 * (Making fun of Abbie Dick)
 * Jason: Think this girl got teased when she was a kid.
 * Randy: Sure being from Hedgesville and all.
 * Jason: What's up Hedgehead.
 * Randy: Hedgehog.

 * Randy: She was probably preoccupied with trying to find a husband so she could take his last name.
 * Jason: Although if she marries Luther Head and they decide to hyphenate, you got problems.

 * Jason: The voices in his head must be really funny.

 * Rebecca: Che
 * Jason: ah.
 * Rebeeca: ve
 * Jason: oh
 * Rebecca: lure
 * Jason: And people are already leaving.

 * Rebecca: C
 * Jason: whoa.
 * Rebecca: h.
 * Jason: ok.
 * Rebbeca: e.

Jason: yeah.
 * Rebecca: v.
 * Rebbeca: e.
 * Jason: Inside voice Rebecca.
 * Rebbeca: l
 * Rebecca: u
 * Rebecca: r
 * Rebecca: e, I'm I correct?
 * Jason: I wanna say no.

 * Jason: Raise the roof bitches.

 * Randy: Where the hell is she going?
 * Jason: Back to Jupiter.

 * Randy: "You know this guy is kicking himself for not bringing his tripod.
 * Jason: "Or for wasting four years in film school for this.

 * Randy: What the hell is he doing below the camera line.
 * Jason: They won't even show it. It's like Elvis on Sullivan.

 * Jason: What do you think imaginary spelling dinosaur.
 * Randy: Well I think your fucking crazy Rebecca.

 * Jason:Here's an alternate pronunciation. Spell the fu*king word!

 * Jason: Mmm this microphone smells like words.

 * Jason: Promise me microphone that whatever happens you'll still love me and my imaginary dinosaur.

 * Announcer: Will Rebecca Sealfon spell erythema right and move on in the Bee? Will Ron Parker reclaim the show for his own? Will Randy and Jason be out of a job? Will Gina learn to love again? Will there be a season four of Cheap Seats? Find out on season four of Cheap Seats to find out.

Evel Knievel [4.4]

 * Jason: Hey everybody welcome to Cheap Seats.
 * Randy: What are you doing?
 * Jason: What am I doing, what are you doing? You look like a star spangled idiot.
 * Randy: Ah no I look like Evel Knievel and you were suppose to wear the costume too.
 * Jason: Whoa ok no I never said I was going to wear a costume.
 * Randy: Earlier today you said we were going to Knievel it up.
 * Jason: Right, we're going to go out there Knievel it up get our dare on, go wild.
 * Randy: When I hear someone say Knievel it up I assume that means put on a costume.
 * Jason: Ok no. I have been Knieveling it up way longer than you have. Ok and if you want to Knievel it up like a master, you're going to have to remember one thing ok. Knieveling it up here, Knieveling it up here, Knieveling it up never here!.
 * Randy: So what I'm I suppose to do now.
 * Jason: Your're suppose to be Knieveling it up! God!

 * Jason: Nothing gets a crowd more pumped for Daredevil action than three cars and a truck driving slower than your grandmother..on a jazzy!

 * 'Randy: Some call it a performance van.
 * Jason: We call it Evel's future home.

 * Randy: Why does Evel have a giant magic wand?
 * Jason: No the question is how come we don't have magic wands?
 * Randy: I know.
 * (wands magically appear in their hands)
 * Sklars: Awesome!!!'''
 * (Guy comes into the picture)
 * Guy: Here's those tapes you wanted
 * (Randy uses his wand to turn him into a plate of cookies.)
 * Randy: Sweet!
 * Jason: No Way!
 * Randy: Let's see Dandy Don relax a plate of these.
 * Jason: Hey gimmie a cookie.
 * Randy: No.
 * Jason: Give me a cookie.
 * Randy: No.
 * Jason: Give me a cookie!
 * (Randy uses his wand on Jason and turns him into a stuffed animal bar)
 * Jason: Dude you're a dick.
 * Randy: You're a dick.
 * Jason: No you are.
 * Randy: You are.
 * Jason: You!
 * (Jason uses his wand on Randy and turns him into a magic wand)
 * Randy: Dude you turned me into a magic wand.
 * Jason: Yeah I did.
 * Randy: Well which wand am I?
 * Jason: I don't know!

 * Randy: The handle bars in the back end of a motorcycle?
 * Jason: Has Evel ever seen a motorcycle?

 * Jason: Uhhh how about you come over here Cosell. I just jumped like ten buses while you sat on your fat as.

 * Randy: Did Evel just say that his back splattered?
 * Jason:It's your back Evel not a watermelon.

 * Jason: Is he jumping over the stadium.

 * Randy: Doesn't it sound like there's another motorcycle behind him.
 * Jason: Damn you Fonzie!

 * Jason: All he gets is one dollar. It Broadway Danny Rose he's agent?

 * Randy: 34? I would have said 64.

 * Evel: Well you did what I did you'd be shaking to.
 * Jason: What, age too quickly.

 * Randy: This woman reminds me of someone.
 * Jason: Shanda the dancing intern.
 * Randy: No.
 * Jason: Dickie Thon?
 * Randy: Yes, yes thank you that was going to bother me all day.

 * Jason: Shut up nerd.

 * Randy: Such a shame.
 * Jason: Ah what is.
 * Randy: Evel, the man was at the peak of his career here and yet he died penniless.
 * Jason: Uhh he's actually still alive and I'm pretty sure he's got some money.
 * Randy: Maybe, but he could've had alot more money if he hadn't made that one business decision that was a little too daring.
 * Jason: Which business decision?
 * Randy: Knievel's Knishes.
 * Jason: That's Jewish fast food that doesn't sound very daring.
 * Randy: He opened seven locations in the Gaza Strip.
 * Jason: uff.
 * Randy: Four more in Takiron.
 * Jason: Wow.
 * Randy: And his opening one more in Damascus.
 * Jason: Shut up!

 * Randy: Do you care that Evel once beat a writer with a baseball because he didn't like what he wrote about him.
 * Jason: Wow, not good to be that guy.
 * Randy: No.
 * Jason: Wait a minute should we be worried suddenly i do care.
 * Randy: Relax Jay, he's dead and penniless now.
 * Jason: He's not dead Ran.
 * Randy: Alright, well what are the chances he's actually watching this show.
 * (Phone Rings)
 * Jason: Hello, what I'm so sorry.
 * Randy: Who's that?
 * Jason: It was mom we forgot to get a birthday card for Gordon.
 * Randy: Oh my god are we fucked!. Hey Shanda
 * (Shows Shanda dancing)

 * Randy: What the hell am i doing, what the hell am I doing what the hell am I doing!! This was a mistake!

 * Jason: He's got it, he's got it he's got it!! He's ehhhh. Is that blood?

 * Randy: Usually everything happens so fast in Evel's life.
 * Jason: Yeah he's got a lot time now to think about what went wrong here.
 * Randy: Until he crashes into the rocks and dies.

 * Randy: Land in the water. Land in the water.

Jason: Land in the water. Sklars: Doh! Jason: Well I guess he's dead what else is on tv tonight?

 * Jason: Boy you know it's serious when they're telling you his real name.

 * Jason: I mean it wasn't my fault if that's what your saying no sir, I did my job right. I can't help it if he can't ride a dang rocket.

 * Jason: Let's all run in random directions.

 * Jason: He didn't do it you stupid idiot.

 * Jason: Are they making Evel work the camera as well?

 * Jason: Evel may have not nailed that jump but did you know that in 1999 he was inducted into the motorcycle Hall of Fame?
 * Randy: I didn't even know there was a motorcycle Hall of Fame. Who else is in there?
 * Jason: Relly Leak, Fonzie, Henry Winkler.
 * Randy: Whoa whoa whoa isn't that the same guy.
 * Jason: No Ran. I watched Fonzie. I love Fonzie. Kelly Leak you are no Fonzie!
 * (Phone rings)
 * Randy: Hello.
 * Jason: Who is it?
 * Randy: uh huh. uh huh. Hold on. It's Kelly Leak.
 * Jason: What does he want?
 * Randy: He wants to play me at air hockey. If he wins I gotta go to a movie with him.
 * Jason: What if you win?
 * Randy: What if I win? I get the tip of his finger.
 * Jason: Sweet.
 * Randy: Your on (beep). I mean that in the best possible way.

 * Randy: Hey everybody welcome back to Cheap Seats. Now the snake river canon jump was a big departure for Evel. It's like when Jordan played for the White Socks or when Shaq did did Kazaam or Blue Chips or tried to rap.
 * Jason: But just like Jordan coming back to play for the Wizards. Evel eventually got to his bread and butter.
 * Randy: Yelling at Kwame Brown.
 * Jason: Yep and jumping buses on a motorcycle.
 * (Phone Rings)
 * Jason: Yello.
 * Randy: Who is it?
 * Jason: It's Kwame Brown. Oh your mad yeah we don't care because your Kwame Brown Ha!
 * (Slams the phone down)
 * Randy: I feel you were too nice to him.
 * Jason: Really?
 * Randy:Mmmhmm.

 * Randy: Where's my rabbits foot Where's my rabbit's foot! Where the fuck is my rabbit's foot!

 * Jason: They're making him hold his own mic.

 * Jason: Meatloaf taking time out of his busy fantasy football schedule to record Evel's theme song.

 * Randy: Remember when he jumped over a crying Thomas Hill?

 * Jason: Well that's our show thanks for watching. Wait when did you put that outfit back on?
 * Randy: During the Cheapies.
 * Jason: But that was like twenty seconds ago.
 * Randy: Yeah listen I wanna go back to something you said earlier on the show about Knieveling it up not being here. I totally disagree and I think you'll agree with me in about three seconds.
 * Jason: Oh yeah why's that?
 * Randy: Because BANG!
 * (Randy uses wand on Jason and Jason suddenly is wearing an 80's windbreaker and some fruity pants.)
 * Jason: Come on!
 * Randy: Because POW!
 * (Randy uses wand on Jason again and Jason is now wearing a doctor's clothing.)
 * Jason: Randy
 * Randy: Jesus you know what I think I actually got the price tag up on this one. Because Zim.
 * (Randy now turns Jason into Shanda the dancing intern.)
 * Randy: No.. shoot what if I just Zooy!!
 * (Randy now puts Jason in a cop uniform)
 * Jason: I'am not a cop.
 * Randy: Knevely!
 * (Randy now puts Jason in a cookie uniform the one that a guy was wearing from when they were looking for their own mascot)
 * Jason: Not cool Ran not cool!
 * Randy: What dude I bought these wands at Costco they were on sale..
 * Jason: Good I don't care!
 * Randy: I have like a bunch of batteries like six hundred double A batteries. I'm sorry.

2004 Juggling Champs/Ultimate Frissbee [4.8]

 * (Dramatic music builds)
 * Randy: Are you feeling it Jay?
 * Jason: Oh I'm feeling it...

 * Randy and Jason: Frisbee montage yo!

 * Randy and Jason: (singing) Frisbee! Now I'm catching the frisbee, Frisbee! I just threw you the frisbee, Frisbee! Now I'm spiking the frisbee tonihihite...Frisbee!

1996-1997 High-School Dunk Contests [4.9]

 * Announcer: (Ron Artest is shown) Here is Ron Artist...Not sure if I'm pronouncing that right.

 * Randy: Don't worry, he's mellow.

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