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Snatch (film)

Snatch is a 2000 film that features several different plots simultaneously, that only come together towards the very end of the film. There are two main plots, one that centers around a very valuable 86 carat diamond. It is stolen by Franky "Four-Fingers" and brought to London, where he, and the diamond, fall afoul of local thieves and underworld figures. The other revolves around an unlicensed boxing promoter named Turkish who finds himself in debt to the local crime boss, Brick Top (infamously known for feeding those who fall out of his favour to his prized pigs) after his boxer, Gorgeous George, is incapacitated in a dispute with a group of pikeys over a caravan. Forced to improvise, Turkish and his partner Tommy, acquire the services of the very pikey who knocked out Gorgeous George.

 * Directed and written by Guy Ritchie.

Stealin' Stones and Breakin' Bones. taglines

Turkish

 * Not many people are named after a plane crash.
 * [Voiceover] This is Tommy. He tells people he's named after a gun, but I know he's named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.
 * Hurry up, Tommy, before zee Germans get here.
 * That's Doug the Head. Everybody knows Doug the Head. If it's stones and it's stolen, he's the man to speak to. Pretends he's Jewish. Wishes he was Jewish. Even tells his family they're Jewish, but he's about as Jewish as he is a fucking monkey. He thinks it's good for business. And in the diamond business, it is good for business.
 * Now, I know he looks like a fat fucker … well, he is a fat fucker … but he's dirty and he's dangerous.
 * [Voiceover] Boris "the Blade", or Boris "the Bullet Dodger". As bent as the Soviet sickle, and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, it's just impossible to kill the bastard.
 * You show me how to control a wild fucking gypsy, and I'll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.
 * [Voiceover] Ever crossed the road and looked the wrong way? And hey presto, a car's nearly on you, so what do you do? You freeze. And your life doesn't flash before your eyes, 'cause you're too fucking scared to think – you just freeze, and pull a stupid face. The pikey didn't – why? Because he had plans on running the car over. It had previously occurred to me that the pikey had taken the demise of his mother rather lightly. For every action, there is a reaction. And a pikey reaction … is quite a fucking thing.
 * Tommy persuaded me to keep the dog; I eventually agreed, as long as he took it to a vet. Couldn't stand that squeaking anymore. The vet found a squeaky toy, an undigested shoe, and an eighty-six carat diamond lodged in the dog's stomach. Lot can happen in a week. [The dog barks] Still didn't shut it up, though.
 * Now … we are fucked.

Brick Top

 * In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary … come again?
 * I don't care if he's Muhammad "I'm-hard" Bruce Lee, you can't change fighters!
 * [To Turkish] You are on thin fucking ice, my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks! Now, fuck off.
 * Goody gumdrops. Get us a cup of tea, will you, Errol?
 * Listen here, you fucking fringe. If I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm talking, and I'll cut your fucking jacobs off.
 * Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.
 * Pull your tongue out of my arsehole Gary. Dogs do that, You're not a dog are yer Gary?

Bullet Tooth Tony

 * [Tony repeatedly slams a car door down on a man's head while the car phone rings; he politely answers] Bonjour?
 * [In French version] Bonjourrr?
 * [Madonna's "Lucky Star" comes on on the radio] Oh, I love this track.
 * [To a would-be assassin who has just run out of bullets] You're in trouble now, boy.
 * Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
 * So, you're obviously the big dick. And there on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little, mincy faggot balls. Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever; they smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ol' pussy, and have brought your two little, mincey, faggot balls along for a good ol' time. But you've got your parties muddled up; there's no pussy here, just a dose that will make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written on the side of your guns…and the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle .50" written on the side of mine…should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now…fuck off!

Mickey

 * For comedic effect, all of the character's lines are spoken with a thick Irish Traveller accent, slurred together, and spoken very quickly.

 * Save your breath for cooling your porridge
 * Deadly kick fer a fat focker, eh?
 * [Roused from his drunken stupor] I need to have a shite.
 * Fook, 'e's a big fella.
 * Now look, she wants the Heki 2 roof lights, uh, the stylish ash frame furniture, and the scatter cushions with, uh, matching shag pile cover. Yeah. Right. And she's terrible partial to the periwinkle blue boss.
 * Ya stay until the job is done!
 * Nobody brings a fella the size o' him, 'less they're tryin' to say somethin' without talkin'.
 * Why the fuck would I want with a caravan that's got no fockin' wheels?!
 * Ya like dags? Dags, ya like em?

"Cousin" Avi

 * Russians. Anti-semite cossack sluts.
 * I'm getting heartburn. Tony, do something terrible.
 * [After Rosebud has been badly injured in capturing Boris] First we get the stone, bubi, then we'll get you to a doctor. And not just any doctor, boychik, I'm gonna get you to a nice Jewish doctor. [To Tony] Find my friend a nice Jewish doctor!
 * [To his colleague] Yes, London. You know, fish, chips, cup o' tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fuckin' Poppins … London!
 * [When asked by the Customs agent at the American airport if he has anything to declare] Yeah, don't go to England!
 * [To Doug the Head] Shut up, and sit down you big, bald, fuck!

Others

 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: Drop the gun, fat boy.
 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: You can keep the 10 large, along with the body. But if I see you again – you motherfuckers! – well, look at him. [points to Franky Four Finger's corpse]
 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [referring to the gun he sold Tommy] Heavy is good, heavy is reliable. If it doesn't work … you can always hit them with it.
 * Chinese Victim of Bullet Tooth Tony: [after shooting Tony several times without him dying] I shoot you, you go down!
 * Franky Four Fingers: So the Biblical scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin". It was an easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But it was the "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Holy Catholic Church. Oy vey.
 * Sol: [Vinny tries to open the outer door at the bookies] It won't open because it's a security door!
 * Various characters: [regarding Boris the Blade] Sneaky fuckin' Russian

Dialogue

 * [After seeing Gorgeous George throw an elbow and headbutt a punching bag]
 * Tommy: Is he allowed to do that?
 * Turkish: It's an unlicensed boxing match, Tommy. It's not a tickling competition. These lads are out to hurt each other.

 * Turkish: [referring to their caravan/office] It's not good enough, Tommy. I want another one. And I want you to buy it for me.
 * Tommy: Why me?
 * Turkish: 'Cause you know about caravans.
 * Tommy: How's that, then?
 * Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which mean's you know more than me. Here's ten grand, and it would be nice to see change. [turns towards caravan]
 * Tommy: What's wrong with this one?
 * Turkish: [sarcastically, as he pulls the caravan door off trying to open it] Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tip-top. It's just I'm not sure about the colour.

 * Turkish: What's happening with them sausages, Charlie?
 * Sausage Charlie: Five minutes, Turkish.
 * Turkish: [stares at Charlie in disbelief] Hang on, it was two minutes five minutes ago!

 * Turkish: Fuck me, hold tight. What's that?
 * Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish.
 * Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?
 * Tommy: It's for protection.
 * Turkish: Protection from what? Zee Germans? What's to stop it from blowing your bollocks off every time you sit down?

 * Brick Top: Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog, are ya, Gary?
 * Gary: No, no, I'm not.
 * Brick Top: However, you have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary … all except loyalty.
 * [Errol zaps Gary]
 * Turkish: [narrating] It's rumored that Brick Top's favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs.
 * Brick Top: You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam. I'll give ya that. But I got no time for grassers.
 * [Liam is grabbed]
 * Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.
 * [He turns to face the two shocked boxers in the ring]
 * Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?

 * [In a pig farm, Brick Top is negotiating with Turkish while feeding the corpses to the pigs]
 * Turkish: [narrating] If you got to deal with him, just gotta make sure you don't end up owing him. 'Cause then you're in his debt. Which means you're in his pocket. And once you're in there, you ain't ever coming out.
 * Brick Top: I hear he's a good fighter, so I'm gonna use him. I'll be doing you a favour, boy.
 * Turkish: [narrating] What he means is I'm doing him a favour. 'Cause everybody knows nobody takes a dive in my fights, unlike his.
 * Brick Top: Here, Errol. I don't think he likes me. You don't like me, do you, boy?
 * Turkish: Don't know what you mean.
 * Turkish: [narrating] I do know I can't wait to get out of here. Fuck me, it stinks.
 * Brick Top: I'd like my fights to finish prompt so we can get the punters out before the authorities find out. Now, play your cards right, and I'll sort you out.
 * Turkish: [narrating] You can sort me out by showing me out. It's hard enough to make a living in a boxing world, so every now and then you gotta do something that might not agree with your principles. Basically, you have to forget you got any.
 * Tommy: Are they Lancashire pigs?
 * Brick Top: Who the fuck's talking to you, boy?
 * Turkish: [narrating] Oh yeah, Tommy. Brick Top loves Tommy.
 * Brick Top: Now, don't let me down. You don't want to let me down, do you, boy?
 * Turkish: [pause] See you ringside.

 * [Doug sees four Jewish kids smoking outside his shop]
 * Doug the Head: What are you doing?
 * Jewish Boy: [spits] It's a free country, innit?
 * Doug the Head: Well, it ain't a free shop, is it? So fuck off!

 * Franky Four Fingers: I have stones to sell, fat to chew, and many different men to see about many different dogs, so if I am not rushing you …
 * Doug the Head: Slow down, Franky, my son. When in Rome …
 * Franky Four Fingers: I am not in "roam", Doug. I am in a rush.

 * Gorgeous George: It's a campsite. A pikey campsite.
 * Tommy: Ten points.
 * Gorgeous George: What're we doin' here?
 * Tommy: Buying a caravan.
 * Gorgeous George: Off a pack of fuckin' pikeys? What's wrong with you? This will get messy!
 * Tommy: Not if you're here.
 * Gorgeous George: Oh, you bastard! I fuckin' hate pikeys!

 * Pikey Kid: That's a flash car, mister!
 * Tommy: Not as flash as your bike, though, is it?
 * Pikey Kid: Who're you looking for?
 * Tommy: Mr O'Neill.
 * Pikey Kid: Do you want me to go and get him?
 * Tommy: That's a good lad.
 * [The kid still hasn't left]
 * Tommy: Are you gonna get him for me?
 * Pikey Kid: Yeah.
 * Tommy: What are you waiting for?
 * Pikey Kid: The five quid you gonna pay me.
 * Tommy: Well, fuck off. I'll find him meself.
 * Pikey Kid: Two-fifty!
 * Tommy: You can have a quid.
 * Pikey Kid: Well, you're a real tight fucker, aren'tcha?

 * Turkish: [narrating] Now, there was a problem with pikeys or gypsies …
 * Mickey: What're ya doin' here? Get out of the way, man. [babbling and speaking quickly]
 * Turkish: [narrating] … you can't really understand much of what's being said.
 * Mickey: You Tommy? Come about the caravan?
 * Tommy: Mr. O'Neill.
 * Mickey: Fuck, man, call me Mickey.
 * Turkish: [narrating] It's not Irish, It's not English …
 * Tommy: How are ya?
 * Mickey: Weather's been kind, [starts babbling].
 * Turkish: [narrating] It's just, well, you know, It's just, pikey.
 * [Gorgeous George gets out of the car]
 * Mickey: Fuck me! Would you just look the size of him? How big are ya? Hey kids, how big is he?
 * Pikey Kid: Big enough man, fer sure.
 * Mickey: 'Ey Ma, come and look at the size of this fella. Bet you can box a lil', can't ya, sir? Ah, you look lak a boxer.
 * Mrs O'Neill: Get outta the way, Mickey. See if these fellas'd like a drink.
 * Tommy: Oh, I could murder one.
 * Mrs O'Neill: Be no more murdering done 'round 'ere, I don't mind telling ya.

 * [Gorgeous George not coming inside with them]
 * Mrs O'Neill: Is the big fella not coming with us?
 * Tommy: Nah, he's minding the car.
 * Mrs O'Neill: What's he think we are? Thieves?
 * Tommy: No, nothing like that, Mrs O'Neill. He just likes … looking after cars.

 * Mickey: Good dags. D'ya like dags?
 * Tommy: Dags?
 * Mickey: Dags. Ya like dags?
 * Mrs. O'Neil: Yeah, dags.
 * Tommy: Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.
 * Mrs. O'Neil: You're fairly welcome.

 * [After the wheels have fallen off the caravan that Tommy and George have just bought from Mickey]
 * Mickey: The deal was you bought it like you saw it. Hey, look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you. See that car? Just use it, for you're not welcome anymore. You should fuck off now while you still got the legs to carry you.
 * Gorgeous George: Nobody …
 * Mickey: Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right?
 * Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan.
 * Mickey: Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels? You want to settle this with a fight?
 * Mrs. O'Neil: Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting, Mickey! You know what happens when you fight.
 * Mickey: Get her to sit down. [turns to face Gorgeous George] For fuck's sake! Want the money? I ain't fucked you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.

 * Gorgeous George: Get back down, or you will not be coming up next time!
 * [Watches as Mickey warms up]
 * Gorgeous George: Oh, bollocks to you. This is sick. I'm out of here.
 * Mickey: You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. [pulls off his shirt] You stay until the job's done.
 * [Mickey kisses his good luck charm, George throws a punch, but Mickey dodges and knocks out George with a clean punch to the jaw]
 * Turkish: [narrating] It turned out that the sweet-talking, tattoo-sporting pikey was a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion. Which makes him harder than a coffin nail. Right now that's the last thing on Tommy's mind. If Gorgeous doesn't wake up in the next few minutes, Tommy knows he'll be buried with him. Why would the gypsies go through the trouble explaining why a man died in their campsite? Not when they can bury the pair of them and just move camp. It's not like they got social security numbers, is it? Tommy "the Tit" is praying. And if he isn't … he fucking should be.

 * Sol: No, it's a moissanite.
 * Bad Boy Lincoln: A what-a-nite?
 * Sol: A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Lincoln. It's Mickey Mouse, mate. Spurious. Not genuine. And it's worth … fuck all.

 * Turkish: You put Gorgeous George into a fight with a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion? What did you expect? A grease-down and a shiatsu?
 * Tommy: Who took the jam out of your doughnut?
 * Turkish: You took the fucking jam out of my doughnut, Tommy! You did!

 * Mickey: I'll tell you what, I'll do it for a caravan.
 * Turkish: For what?
 * Pikeys: For a caravan.
 * Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan.
 * [Looking around]
 * Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one?
 * Mickey: It's not for me. It's for me ma.
 * Turkish: Your what?
 * Pikeys: His ma!

 * Turkish: We've lost Gorgeous George.
 * Brick Top: [to all] Shh! [to Turkish] You're gonna hafta repeat that.
 * Turkish: We've lost Gorgeous George.
 * Brick Top: Well, where'd ya lose him? He's ain't a set of car keys, is he? And it's not as if he's incon-fucking-spicuous, now, is it?

 * Tyrone: I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats.
 * Vinny: Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

 * [After seeing Tyrone struggle to get out of the car because of his size]
 * Vinny: Oy!
 * Sol: What?
 * Vinny: I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fuck can he get away from, eh?

 * Sol: What's that?
 * Vinny: Heh-heh. This is a shotgun, Sol.
 * Sol: It's a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent!
 * Vinny: Yeah, I wanna raise some pulses, don't I?
 * Sol: You'll raise hell, never mind pulses!

 * Vinny: Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot over there?
 * Tyrone: It's too tight.
 * Vinny: Too tight? You could land a jumbo fucking jet in there!

 * Sol: He's a natural, ain't you, Tyrone?
 * Tyrone: 'Course I am …
 * [Reverses into parked van]
 * Vinny: A natural fucking idiot! What have you done?
 * Sol: Yeah, Tyrone, what have you done?

 * [Tyrone just backed into Franky Four Fingers' van]
 * Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
 * Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as though it's a packet of fucking peanuts, now, is it?
 * Tyrone: It was at a funny angle.
 * [All three turn and look back at the van]
 * Vinny: It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you!

 * Tommy: You said, get a good deal.
 * Turkish: I fail to recognise the correlation between losing 10 K, hospitalising Gorgeous and a good deal. How are we gonna explain this to Brick Top? That his fight isn't gonna happen?
 * Tommy: We replace the fighter.
 * Turkish: Oh, and hope he doesn't notice? And who the fuck are we gonna replace him with?
 * Tommy: What about John the Gun? Or Mad Fist Willy?
 * Turkish: You're not exactly Mr Current Affairs, are you, Tommy? [as Turkish talks about with a quick, split second shot of Mad Fist Willy going mad] Mad Fist went mad, and The Gun, [as Turkish speaks again with another quick, split second shot of John the Gun shooting himself in the head with blood splattered on the walls] shot himself.

 * [On learning that Franky is making his way to a boxing match – and gambling]
 * Avi: Did he have a case on him?
 * Doug the Head: Yes. He had a case.
 * Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking Four Fingers, Doug!
 * Doug the Head: Avi, I'm not telepathic.
 * Avi: Well, you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you have any idea why they call him Franky "Four Fingers", Doug?
 * Doug the Head: No, I have no idea.
 * Avi: Well, because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug! And I'm not talking about his fucking foreskin either!

 * Avi: [to his aide "Rosebud"] You got a toothbrush? I'm going to London. [into phone] You hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London!
 * [Quick, split-second shots of Avi's flight from New York to London, instantly]
 * Doug the Head: Avi!
 * Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald fuck! [Doug sheepishly complies] I don't like leaving my own country, Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less than warm, sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.
 * Doug the Head: We've got sandy beaches …
 * Avi: Yeah? So who the fuck wants to see 'em?

 * Tyrone: Look, are we gonna rob this bookies or what?
 * Sol: Yes, big man.
 * Tyrone: What are we waiting for, anyway?
 * Sol: We are waiting for a man with four fingers, carrying a briefcase, Tyrone.
 * Tyrone: And why's that?
 * Sol: Because the deal is, the Russian gets the case, we get the money.
 * Tyrone: What's in the case?
 * Vinny: Oh, for fuck's sake, Tyrone, just concentrate on the steering wheel.

 * [While robbing the bookies]
 * Sol: How you doing, Vince?
 * Vinny: I would be a lot better if you stopped using my name.

 * Female Bookie: All bets are off.
 * Sol: I'm not in here to make a fucking bet!
 * Female Bookie: 'Preciated, but [pointing at board] all … bets … are … off. If all bets are off, then there can't be any money, can there?
 * Sol: I ain't fucking buying that!
 * Female Bookie: Well, that's handy, 'cause I ain't fucking selling it. It's a fact.

 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: Give me the stone.
 * Vinny: [pointing] It's in the case.
 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: What? [takes out his earplugs]
 * Vinny: It's in the case!
 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: You put the stone in the case? Then open the case and give me the stone.
 * Sol: The only man who knew the combination … you just shot.
 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [in russian] Ёб твою мать. [pronounced "yob tvoyu mat", meaning "fucked your mother" or "motherfucker"]

 * Turkish: What brings you two here? Run out of pants to sniff?
 * Errol: That sounds like 'ostility, doesn't it, John?
 * John: And we don't like 'ostility, do we, Errol?
 * Errol: No, we don't, John.

 * Turkish: You take sugar?
 * Brick Top: No, thank you, Turkish; I'm sweet enough.

 * Brick Top: I've got a bare-knuckle fight in a couple of days. I wanna use the pikey.
 * Turkish: All right, of course.
 * Brick Top: Of course fucking of course. I wasn't asking, I was telling.

 * [After cleaning out Turkish's safe]
 * Brick Top: He's been quite a busy little bastard, that Turkish.
 * Errol: I think you've let him get away with enough, Guv'nor.
 * Brick Top: It'll get you in a lot of trouble thinking, Errol. I wouldn't do too much of it.

 * [Looking at a surveillance tape of the bookies]
 * Brick Top: Do you know these tits, Errol?
 * Errol: I know a lot of tits, Guv'nor. But I don't know quite any as fucking stupid as these two.
 * Brick Top: John?
 * John: I can't help, Guv.
 * [Until Tyrone appears onscreen]
 * Errol: Ah. Tyrone.
 * John and Errol: [simultaneously] You silly fat bastard.

 * Tommy: What's coursing?
 * Turkish: Hare coursing. They set two lurchers – they're dogs, before you ask – on a hare. And the hare has to outrun the dogs.
 * Tommy: So, what if it doesn't?
 * Turkish: Well, the big rabbit gets fucked, doesn't it?
 * Tommy: [pauses and thinks] Proper fucked?
 * Turkish: Yeah, Tommy. Before zee Germans get there.

 * Turkish: Well, do you want to do it?
 * Mickey: That depends.
 * Turkish: On what?
 * Mickey: On you buying this caravan. Ah, not the rouge one, the rose.
 * Turkish: It's not the same caravan.
 * Mickey: It's not the same fight.
 * Turkish: It's twice the fucking size of the last one.
 * Mickey: The fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it.
 * Turkish: Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich.
 * [Realizes his mistake as the gypsies stare threateningly at him]
 * Turkish: I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant …
 * Mickey: Save your breath for cooling your porridge. Now look: She wants the Hector-2 roof lights, uh... the stylish ash-framed furniture and the scatter cushions with the matching shag pile covering.
 * [Turkish and Tommy look at each other with confusion]
 * Mickey: Right. And she's terribly partial to the periwinkle blue. Have I made myself clear, lads?
 * Turkish: Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey, yeah. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague.
 * [Turns to Tommy]
 * Turkish: Did you understand a single word of what he just said?

 * Turkish: Okay, I reckon the hare gets fucked.
 * Mickey: What? Proper fucked? [laughs all round]

 * [After losing the bet to the pikeys]
 * Tommy: Who's proper fucked now, then?
 * [Next scene]
 * Tommy: There's something very wrong about this. It was us who wanted to buy a caravan off of him.
 * Turkish: Well, why didn't you "bust a cap in his ass", then, Tommy? Mind you, you'd do more damage if you threw it at him.
 * Tommy: What, you sayin' I can't shoot?
 * Turkish: No, Tommy, I wasn't saying you can't shoot. I know you can't shoot. What we're saying is that six pound piece of shit stuck in your pants would do more damage if you fed it to him.
 * Tommy: You saying the gun don't work?
 * Turkish: You've tried it?
 * [Next scene – Tommy tries to shoot out of the window, but the gun doesn't work]
 * Turkish: Whoops.
 * Tommy: (annoyed) I wanna see that sneaky fucking Russian.

 * [After hearing about Bullet-Tooth Tony surviving after being shot six times]
 * Avi: Six times?
 * Doug the Head: In one sitting.

 * Avi: So what should I call you, "Bullet"? "Tooth"?
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

 * Bullet Tooth Tony: A bookie's got blagged last night.
 * Avi: "Blagged"? Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the fucking language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.

 * [Standing over Franky's body]
 * Bad Boy Lincoln: What has he got a tea cosy on his head for?
 * Sol: [sarcastically] To keep his head warm.
 * Bad Boy Lincoln: Well, what happened to him?
 * Sol: He got shot in the face, Lincoln. I would have thought that would be obvious.
 * Bad Boy Lincoln: What'd you do that for? You mistake him for a rabbit? What'd you want me to do about it?
 * Vinny: Sort it out.
 * Bad Boy Lincoln: I'm not a fucking witch doctor.
 * Sol: But you are a bad-boy yardie, and bad-boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies.
 * Bad Boy Lincoln: I create the bodies. I don't erase the bodies.

 * Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
 * Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?
 * Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now, is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now, do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression: "as greedy as a pig".
 * [Slightly stunned pause]
 * Vinny: Well … thank you for that. That's a real weight off me mind. Now, I mean, wouldn't you mind telling me exactly who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs, of course.
 * Brick Top: Do you know what "nemesis" means? "A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent." Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt: me.

 * Brick Top: What do you think, Errol?
 * Errol: I think we should drip dry 'em, Guv'nor. While we've got the chance.
 * Brick Top: [exasperated] It was a rhetorical question, Errol. What have I told you about thinking?

 * Bullet Tooth Tony: All right, Mullet?
 * [Mullet freezes in shock, then turns around]
 * Mullet: Hey Tony! How you doin', mate, all right?
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Oh, nice tie.
 * Mullet: I heard you weren't about much these days, Tony.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you know? Still warm, the blood that courses through my veins. Unlike yours, Mullet.
 * Mullet: Do me a favor, Tone …
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: I will do you a favor, Mullet. I'll not get out of the car and bash the living fuck out of you in front of your girlfriends.
 * Mullet: Got to make it worth my while, mate. Jesus, Tony, you know that.
 * [Tony grabs Mullets tie and rolls up the window, wedging Mullets head in it]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Comfortable, Mullet? It seems sadly ironic that it's that tie that got you into this pickle. Now, you just take all the time you want.
 * Mullet: What the fuck you doing, Tone?!
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Driving down the street with your head stuck in my window. What do you think I'm doing, you pinarse?
 * Mullet: Slow down, Tone!
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: You been using dog shit for toothpaste, Mullet?
 * Mullet: Slow down, Tone. Slow down, Tony!
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Don't think I'll slow down. I think I'll speed up.
 * [He starts to accelerate]

 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in … Boris the Bullet-Dodger?
 * Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [gives him an odd look] Because he dodges bullets, Avi.

 * [Sol is holding two pistols]
 * Vinny: What do you mean, replicas?
 * Sol: They look the shit, don't they? And no one is going to argue. I've got some extra loud blanks just in case.
 * Vinny: Oh, in case we have to deafen them to death?

 * Avi: How do we wanna get rid of him? [talking about Boris in the carboot]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to shoot him?
 * Avi: It's a little noisy, isn't it?
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to stab him?
 * Avi: That's a little cold-blooded, isn't it?
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [annoyed] Do you want to kill him or not?
 * Rosebud: [in the backseat, taking the blade out of his jacket] I'll cut him. I got a blade.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Yeah, that's the spirit.

 * [In a car, tailing Bullet Tooth Tony]
 * Vinny: Do they fire? [while holding a Replica gun]
 * Sol: Of course they fire.
 * Vinny: But how'd you know, they're replicas. What do you know about replicas?
 * [Sol is annoyed by the questions. He raises the gun and fires. The gunshot is loud enough to smash the windows. They all shout in fright]
 * Vinny: What the fuck are you doing, Solomon?!
 * Sol: Well, you wanted to know whether or not they worked!
 * Vinny: I didn't mean try it in the car, Sol, you arsehole!

 * Tommy: You shouldn't drink that stuff anyway. [looking at the milk Turkish is drinking]
 * Turkish: Why, what's wrong with it?
 * Tommy: It's not in sync with evolution.
 * Turkish: Shut up.
 * Tommy: Cows have only been domesticated for the last eight thousand years. Before that, they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn't got used to dairy products yet.
 * Turkish: Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading?
 * Tommy: Let me do you a favour. [takes the milk off Turkish's hand and throws it out the window and it hits a car behind them followed by screeching tires and a loud crash]
 * Both: [look at each other] Whoops.

 * Bullet Tooth Tony: You. Want a knife?
 * Avi: Me? No, not me. I wouldn't know what to do.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: It's a knife, for God's sake. What's you used to keep you fork company for all these years? The sharp side, the blunt side. What do you want, a lesson?

 * [The car crashes into a pole]
 * Avi: [after coming to, and being told to get out of the car] What about Rosebud?
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: You can take him with you, if you like. [looks back at Rosebud, who drove a sword through his chest during the crash, and is now stone dead] Which bit do you want to take?

 * [In front of Boris' house]
 * Turkish: He's left the door open.
 * Tommy: Shouldn't think that a good idea. Should we go in?
 * Turkish: I don't wanna go in there. He's a dangerous bastard. Taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of Russian disputations. He's got as many of these nuts [grabs his balls] as he has those nuts. [points to his head]
 * Tommy: I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts. I want a gun that works, and I'm gonna tell him.
 * Turkish: [acts surprised about Tommy's confidence] My God, Tommy. You certainly got those minerals. Well, come on then. Before zee Germans get here. You just tell him who's in charge.
 * [Boris comes from behind, covered in blood maniacally muttering in Russian]
 * Tommy: Er, Boris.
 * [Boris continues walking towards his door, seizing Tommy by the nuts and squeezing hard enough to make Tommy collapse against the house]
 * Tommy: [wheezing] Fucking hell...
 * Turkish: You certainly told him, Tommy.
 * [Boris walks out of the house carrying an assault rifle]
 * Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [in Russian] … со мной? Ну что будете теперь делать? Что? ["With me? So what are you going to do now? Huh?"]

 * Sol: I don't want a fuss, and I don't want to put a bullet in your face, but unless you give me exactly what I want, there will be fucking murders.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [to Tyrone] What's your name?
 * Vinny: Shoot him.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [mocking] Ooh.
 * [Sol attempts to pistol-whip Tony; Tony catches his hand and grips it tightly as Vinny draws another gun]
 * Vinny: Let … go … of … the … gun!
 * [Tony releases Sol]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you're obviously the big dick. And that, on either side of you, are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
 * Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your guns, and the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point-five-oh" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now … fuck off.
 * [Sips his stout as Vinny, Sol, and Tyrone dejectedly slink away]

 * Avi: Tony.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: What?
 * Avi: Look in the dog.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: (What) You mean, "look in the dog"?
 * Avi: I mean, open him up.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: It's not a fucking tin of baked beans! What d'you mean, "open him up"?!
 * Avi: You know what I mean.
 * [The dog whimpers]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: That's a bit strong, isn't it?

 * [On learning that Vincent has stored the diamond in his trousers for safety]
 * Sol: You ain't from this planet, are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sitting in a car … that's worth less than your shirt?
 * Vinny: [looks out window] Bullet Tooth Tony and his friend, "Desert Eagle point-five-oh".
 * Sol: What have they got to do with anything?
 * Vinny: They're both staring straight at me.
 * [Tony comes into view, taps gun on car window]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. Now, out the car. And leave the water pistols behind you.

 * [Having blundered into Avi, holding him up at gunpoint]
 * Vinny: Give me the case!
 * Avi: [contemptful and fed-up] Fuck you. Shoot me.
 * Vinny: I will! I'll shoot you!
 * [Vinny and Sol fumble with their guns; Tony, hearing the shouting, approaches from another room. Boris enters, brandishing an assault rifle]
 * Boris: Pass me case, or I shoot you.
 * Avi: You know what? Fuck you too. Go ahead and shoot me, you'd be doing me a favor, you Russian fuck! Go ahead!
 * Boris: [to Vinny and Sol] You! Drop guns!
 * Vinny: [to Boris] Fuck you! You drop the gun!
 * Boris: [takes aim] Okay …
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [from another room] Avi? Pull your socks up!
 * [Avi, Vinny, Sol and Tyrone stare at one another, then fall to the floor; Tony shoots through the wall and into the room, wounding Boris]

 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Avi? Where's the case?
 * Avi: [on the floor face-down] Put the gun away.
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: What's Boris doing here? Boris, what are you doing here?
 * Boris: Fuck you!
 * [Tony shoots him twice, then goes over to Tyrone]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Where's the case?
 * Boris: [groans] You piece of crap …
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris.
 * Boris: I'll show you … now …!
 * [Tony shoots him four more times]
 * Boris: Fuck you!
 * [Tony shoots him again]
 * Boris: Almost had it …
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [annoyed] For fuck's sake …
 * [Takes careful aim and shoots Boris one more time; looks down at Tyrone]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [contempt] Fuck you, an' all.
 * [Casually pulls the trigger, only to learn that he has run out of ammunition]
 * Bullet Tooth Tony: [exasperated] You lucky bastard!

Taglines

 * Stealin' Stones and Breakin' Bones
 * Now you see it, now you don't!
 * Stealing stones is hazardous.

Cast

 * Jason Statham – Turkish
 * Stephen Graham – Tommy
 * Alan Ford – Brick Top Polford
 * Brad Pitt – Mickey O'Neil
 * Dennis Farina – Abraham "Cousin Avi" Denovitz
 * Rade Serbedzija – Boris "the Blade" Yurinov (as Rade Serbedgia)
 * Robbie Gee – Vincent
 * Lennie James – Sol
 * Vinnie Jones – Bullet Tooth Tony
 * Benicio Del Toro – Franky Four Fingers
 * Mike Reid – Doug "the Head" Denovitz

title: Snatch (film)


text: Talk:Snatch (film)

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: Talk:Snatch (film)


text:
John Paul Stevens

John Paul Stevens (April 20, 1920 — July 16, 2019) was an American lawyer and judge who served as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States from 1975 until his retirement in 2010.

Quotes

 * The ideas of liberty and equality have been an irresistible force in motivating leaders like Patrick Henry, Susan B. Anthony, and Abraham Lincoln, schoolteachers like Nathan Hale and Booker T. Washington, the Philippine Scouts who fought at Bataan, and the soldiers who scaled the bluff at Omaha Beach. If those ideas are worth fighting for -- and our history demonstrates that they are -- it cannot be true that the flag that uniquely symbolizes their power is not itself worthy of protection from unnecessary desecration.
 * Dissenting, Texas v. Johnson, 491 U.S. 397 (1989).

 * Great works of literature have frequently been produced by authors writing under assumed names. Despite readers' curiosity and the public's interest in identifying the creator of a work of art, an author generally is free to decide whether or not to disclose her true identity. The decision in favor of anonymity may be motivated by fear of economic or official retaliation, by concern about social ostracism, or merely by a desire to preserve as much of one's privacy as possible. Whatever the motivation may be, at least in the field of literary endeavor, the interest in having anonymous works enter the marketplace of ideas unquestionably outweighs any public interest in requiring disclosure as a condition of entry.
 * McIntyre v. Ohio Elections Commission (Majority opinion, 514 U.S. 334 (1995)

 * On occasion, quite apart from any threat of persecution, an advocate may believe her ideas will be more persuasive if her readers are unaware of her identity. Anonymity thereby provides a way for a writer who may be personally unpopular to ensure that readers will not prejudge her message simply because they do not like its proponent.
 * McIntyre v. Ohio Elections Commission (Majority opinion, 514 U.S. 334 (1995)

 * Under our Constitution, anonymous pamphleteering is not a pernicious, fraudulent practice, but an honorable tradition of advocacy and of dissent. Anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority. … It thus exemplifies the purpose behind the Bill of Rights, and of the First Amendment in particular: to protect unpopular individuals from retaliation--and their ideas from suppression--at the hand of an intolerant society. The right to remain anonymous may be abused when it shields fraudulent conduct. But political speech by its nature will sometimes have unpalatable consequences, and, in general, our society accords greater weight to the value of free speech than to the dangers of its misuse.
 * McIntyre v. Ohio Elections Commission (Majority opinion, 514 U.S. 334 (1995)

 * Money is property; it is not speech. Speech has the power to inspire volunteers to perform a multitude of tasks on a campaign trail, on a battleground, or even on a football field. Money, meanwhile, has the power to pay hired laborers to perform the same tasks. It does not follow, however, that the First Amendment provides the same measure of protection to the use of money to accomplish such goals as it provides to the use of ideas to achieve the same results.
 * Concurring, Nixon v. Shrink Missouri Government PAC, 528 U.S. 377 (2000).

 * Time will one day heal the wound to that confidence that will be inflicted by today's decision. One thing, however, is certain. Although we may never know with complete certainty the identity of the winner of this year's presidential election, the identity of the loser is perfectly clear. It is the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law.
 * Dissenting, Bush v. Gore, 531 U.S. 98 (2000).

 * After all, a district judge who gives harsh sentences to Yankees fans and lenient sentences to Red Sox fans would not be acting reasonably even if her procedural rulings were impeccable.
 * Concurring, Rita v. United States, 551 U.S. 338 (2007).

 * A democracy cannot function effectively when its constituent members believe laws are being bought and sold.
 * Dissenting, Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, 558 U.S. ___ (2010).

 * At bottom, the court's opinion is thus a rejection of the common sense of the American people, who have recognized a need to prevent corporations from undermining self-government since the founding, and who have fought against the distinctive corrupting potential of corporate electioneering since the days of Theodore Roosevelt. It is a strange time to repudiate that common sense. While American democracy is imperfect, few outside the majority of this court would have thought its flaws included a dearth of corporate money in politics.
 * Dissenting, Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, 558 U.S. ___ (2010).

 * [B]y requiring that an execution be relatively painless, we necessarily protect the inmate from enduring any punishment that is comparable to the suffering inflicted on his victim. This trend, while appropriate and required by the Eighth Amendment's prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment, actually undermines the very premise on which public approval of the retribution rationale is based.
 * Concurring in the judgment, Baze v. Rees, 553 U.S. 35 (2008).

 * A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms when serving in the militia shall not be infringed.
 * In his book, Six Amendments: How and Why We Should Change the Constitution, Stevens submits a revised 2nd Amendment - L.A. Times Feb. 1, 2019

 * All general business corporation statues appear to date from well after 1800.. The Framers thus took it as a given that corporations could be comprehensively regulated in the service of the public welfare. Unlike our colleagues, they had little trouble distinguishing corporations from human beings, and when they constitutionalized the right to free speech in the First Amendment, it was the free speech of individual Americans they had in mind.The fact that corporations are different from human beings might seem to need no elaboration, except that the majority opinion almost completely elides it…. Unlike natural persons, corporations have ‘limited liability’ for their owners and managers, ‘perpetual life,’ separation of ownership and control, ‘and favorable treatment of the accumulation of assets….’ Unlike voters in U.S. elections, corporations may be foreign controlled....It might be added that corporations have no consciences, no beliefs, no feelings, no thoughts, no desires. Corporations help structure and facilitate the activities of human beings, to be sure, and their ‘personhood’ often serves as a useful legal fiction. But they are not themselves members of ‘We the People’ by whom and for whom our Constitution was established.
 * (TH: In Justice Stevens’ dissent in Citizens United, he pointed out that corporations in their modern form didn’t even exist when the Constitution was written in 1787 and got its first ten amendments in 1791, including the First which protects free speech)
 * Quoted by Thom Hartmann in Krysten Sinema is the Epitome of Political Corruption, Thom Hartmann, CounterPunch, October 14, 2021

 * In addition to this immediate drowning out of noncorporate voices, there may be deleterious effects that follow soon thereafter. Corporate ‘domination’ of electioneering can generate the impression that corporations dominate our democracy. When citizens turn on their televisions and radios before an election and hear only corporate electioneering, they may lose faith in their capacity, as citizens, to influence public policy. A Government captured by corporate interests, they may come to believe, will be neither responsive to their needs nor willing to give their views a fair hearing. The predictable result is cynicism and disenchantment: an increased perception that large spenders ‘call the tune’ and a reduced ‘willingness of voters to take part in democratic governance.’ To the extent that corporations are allowed to exert undue influence in electoral races, the speech of the eventual winners of those races may also be chilled.Politicians who fear that a certain corporation can make or break their reelection chances may be cowed into silence about that corporation.On a variety of levels, unregulated corporate electioneering might diminish the ability of citizens to ‘hold officials accountable to the people,’ and disserve the goal of a public debate that is ‘uninhibited, robust, and wide-open.’
 * Stevens in 2010, quoted by Thom Hartmann in Krysten Sinema is the Epitome of Political Corruption, Thom Hartmann, CounterPunch, October 14, 2021

Quotes about John Paul Stevens

 * Even worse than the short-term effect of a corporation’s dominating an election or a ballot initiative, Stevens said (as if he had a time machine to look at us now), was the fact that corporations corrupting politics would, inevitably, cause average working Americans — the 95 percent who make less than $100,000 a year — to conclude that their “democracy” is now rigged. The result, Stevens wrote, is that average people would simply stop participating in politics, stop being informed about politics, and stop voting…or become angry and cynical. Our democracy, he suggested, would be immeasurably damaged and ultimately vulnerable to corporate-supported demagogues and oligarchs. Our constitutional republic, if Citizens United stands, could wither and could die.
 * Thom Hartmann in Krysten Sinema is the Epitome of Political Corruption, Thom Hartmann, CounterPunch, October 14, 2021

title: John Paul Stevens


text:
The Return of Jafar

The Return of Jafar is an American-Arabic direct-to-video sequel to the Disney hit Aladdin. It was released in 1994.

Iago

 * Hey, Jafar! SHUT UP!!!!

Dialogue

 * Iago: [smears dirt all over himself] I'll just get Aladdin on my side with a little sympathy act. And I'll be back in the palace quicker than you can say "Easy Street." [Aladdin turns corner to find him, who's pretending to pant for breath] Aladdin! I've finally got free...of Jafar.
 * Aladdin: [angrily surprised] Iago! What are you doing here?
 * Iago: Where are you? Getting dark. Hold me... [Aladdin tries to grab him] AHH! Hey, I meant gentle-like!

 * Genie: [returns to Agrabah] He's big! He's blue! He's BACK!
 * [Aladdin and Jasmine embrace him]
 * Aladdin: Genie!
 * Jasmine: You came back!
 * Genie: [turns red; winces] WATCH THE SUNBURN! [turns blue again] A-ha! Kidding! Did you miss me? Be honest.

 * Abis Mal: [to himself after Aladdin robbed him] That stinkin' Aladdin. First chance I get, I'll slice him in half.
 * Thief: [to other thieves] That stinking Abis Mal. First chance we get, let's slice him in half.
 * Abis Mal: [to the thieves] Hey, get over here and wash up! It's bad enough having to look at you without having to smell you.
 * Thief: [to the other thieves] Come. We do it now. No witnesses. [draws his sword]
 * Abis Mal: [takes a pail out of the well and dumps some water on top of himself, and Jafar's lamp falls out of the pail and hits him on the head] Ow! What is this? So help me, I'll sue whoever runs this well! A lamp? [picks it up] Well... [laughs] It might be worth a few shekels once it's cleaned up. [rubs it]
 * Thief: It will be of little use to you, Abis Mal, except to light your way in the valley of the dead. [the thieves pull out their swords ready strike Abis Mal; red smoke suddenly erupts from the lamp] It is bewitched!
 * [All the thieves except Abis Mal get on their horses and ride away in panic. Jafar's evil laugh is heard as he comes out]
 * Jafar: I am free! Free to exact vengeance upon he who has imprisoned me!

 * Genie: [catches Aladdin and Jasmine on tape] Rolling! Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. [to Jasmine] Looking great, Jazz. [to Aladdin] More emotion, Al! Tilt your chin a bit.
 * Iago: [furiously flies up to the camera] What does he hafta do to make it clear to you lunkheads?! [pushes Genie out of the way] The show's OVER! They wanna be alone! Break it up!

 * Jafar [to Abis Mal]: That was two wishes. Take your time with the third, or you will wish you had never been born!

 * Genie: [runs up to Jasmine with Abu to catch up to Aladdin and the Sultan] Make room for the picnic boys!
 * Jasmine: They already left, Genie.
 * Genie: [gasps] Without us?!
 * Abu: Without us?
 * Genie: No problem. I'll catch up in a flash!
 * Jasmine: Wait! Without me, too. Aladdin needs some time alone with Father to patch things up.
 * Genie: [to Abu] You know what this means, monkey boy? [Abu nods] MORE FOOD FOR US!

 * [After defeating Jafar, everyone gathers around Iago, who appears as though injured and unconscious]
 * Aladdin: But...I thought a Genie can't kill anybody.
 * Iago: [coughs, as he awakens] You'd be surprised what you can live through. [coughs again]
 * Aladdin: Alright!
 * Jasmine: Oh, Iago!
 * Genie: [laughs] HE'S ALIVE!!!!! [turns into a rocket and explodes]

 * Abis Mal: [last lines after the credits] Does this mean I don't get my third wish?

Cast

 * Jonathan Freeman — Jafar
 * Gilbert Gottfried — Iago
 * Jason Alexander — Abis Mal
 * Scott Weinger — Aladdin
 * Linda Larkin — Jasmine
 * Dan Castelleneta — Genie, Omar, Thief
 * Frank Welker — Abu, Rajah, Fazal, Egg Vendor, Thief
 * Val Bettin — The Sultan
 * James J. Cummings — Razoul, Thief

title: The Return of Jafar


text:
Crusade (TV series)

Crusade (1999), a short-lived spinoff to Babylon 5, picks up the B5 storyline following a biological attack on Earth that dooms its inhabitants to death within five years. Maverick Captain Matthew Gideon and the crew of the Excalibur desperately search known space for any information on how to cure the plague before the literal deadline.

 * Note:Quotes are organized by episode, in the order that series creator J. Michael Straczynski intended for them to be seen (intended airdate order).

*See the Crusade article on Wikipedia for an explanation of the multiple episode orders.

Racing the Night

 * Eilerson: Nations rise and fall. Planets live and die. But corporations go on, through good times and bad, because it's all about profit.

 * Galen: Never contradict a Technomage when he's saving your life. Again.

 * Gideon (to Matheson): Don't think.
 * Galen: Yes, quite right. If you wanted to think, you should never have joined the military in the first place.

 * Galen: I was just thinking on whether or not a comment would be 'most wanted or least needed'.
 * Gideon: I thought you said you don't hold a grudge?
 * Galen: I don't. I have no surviving enemies. At all.

 * [Eilerson and Matheson are discussing going back to the planet.]
 * Eilerson: I say we find out what the problem is, take care of it. I believe blowing it up is the usual solution to these things. And then we go back for the rest, and avenge the untimely death of Crewman...
 * Matheson: Varelli.
 * Eilerson: Varelli. [pauses] Vivisected. Terrible way to die.  We have to have our priorities, after all.
 * Galen: Did you say... vivisected?
 * Chambers: Yes, nearly all his internal organs were missing.
 * Galen: ...now that is interesting...

 * Galen: When you have reached the end of the road, then you can decide whether to go to the left or to the right, to fire or to water. If you make those decisions before you have even set foot upon the road, it will take you nowhere. [pauses] Except to a bad end.

 * Holographic Galen: Oh, my. Whatever shall I do? They've all left without me. I knew I'd forget where we parked that shuttle. I hope something dreadful doesn't happen to me.
 * [He looks up to see a ship overhead.]
 * Holographic Galen: Oh, look. Something dreadful.

 * Gideon: They don't want us leaving with what we know. Too bad we don't know anything.

 * Galen: If I'm going to die, I'd rather do so in a room with a view.

 * Galen (ref:to Gideon): Ten years ago, I rescued a stray cat. That brings with it a degree of obligation. I can't exactly go wandering off every time he gets stuck up a tree, now can I?

 * Galen: In the end, it's all the story of Job, isn't it?
 * Gideon: Some days, it feels like our faith is being tested, same as his.
 * Galen: Where do you put your faith, Matthew? In science? Your luck? This ship?
 * Gideon: I haven't decided.
 * Galen: Well, then, if this is the story of Job, a great deal of people are being inconvenienced for your benefit. Hope you appreciate it.

 * [Dureena attempts to get Galen to teach her everything he knows about technomancy.]
 * Galen: The answer is still no. For now.
 * Dureena: Then there's hope?
 * Galen: There is always hope, only because that is the one thing no one has figured out how to kill. Yet.

The Needs of Earth

 * Chambers (on the porn that came from Eilerson's data crystal): There's something you don't see every day.
 * Chambers: As a Doctor, I have to say that's totally unrealistic. An alien life form like the Pak'Ma'Ra is not biologically equipped to interface with humans in that kind of...
 * Gideon: It's an amazing thing, technology.
 * Gideon: It's an amazing thing, technology.

 * Gideon: I may have an idea.
 * Dureena: I don't think you've recovered from your last good idea.
 * Gideon: That would explain it.

 * Matheson: How odd. To know everyone's heart but my own.

The Memory of War

 * [Gideon orders that probes be dropped onto the planet.]
 * Galen: I want you to know that this thing just made a very large dent in my ship. Did you ever think about looking outside before you start throwing things overboard?
 * Gideon: Maybe next time you'll let us know when you're coming. So what brings you here this time?
 * Galen: An attempt, in all probability foolish and useless, to prevent you from going down to that planet.
 * Gideon: Galen, my people have been looking for this place since we left Earth. Now that you're here, what could you possibly say that would change that?
 * Galen: Well, how about if you go down there, the odds are that none of you will return alive? [pauses] Clear me for docking. Put away the breakables. Turn on the landing lights. I'm coming in.

 * [The crew finds a planet that is a paradigm for Earth's infection with the Drakh plague.]
 * Galen: Oh, how wonderful. A paradigm.  I'm sure the race that died beneath us would love to know that their fate had been reduced to a paradigm.[pauses] Sorry. Do go on.

 * Eilerson (to Dureena): I've decided to re-define our relationship. You pretend that you can't speak. I'll pretend that I can't hear. We'll get along famously.

 * [Gideon returns to grab a weapon.]
 * Eilerson: Where are you going?
 * Gideon: To follow a friend into hell.

 * [Gideon talks to the Apocalypse Box.]
 * Apocalypse Box: Do not trust.
 * Gideon: Do not trust who?
 * Apocalypse Box: Galen.

The Long Road

 * [Miners on a planet report sabotage... and a gold dragon.]
 * Galen: If I'm right, this is definitely something you should see.
 * Gideon: And if you're wrong?
 * Galen: Oh well that hardly seems likely, now does it?

 * Alwyn: If they come with guns, they will leave in boxes.

 * [Alwyn's demon-like creatures are attacking Earthforce personnel.]
 * Galen: The teeth are a very nice touch.
 * Alwyn: You think so? Not too big?
 * Galen: No, I think they are just about right.
 * Alwyn: Yes, I suppose you're right.

Visitors from Down the Street

 * Matheson: Showing that we can obey the new regs is all that stands between us and the creation of a new Psi-Corps. I'm not gonna be the one to mess that up.

 * Durkani: Sooner of later, the truth is going to come out. The truth is --
 * Kendarr: Out of fashion.

 * [launching the probes with the interstellar encyclopedia.]
 * Matheson: There are probably some who'll say that by doing this, we are interfering with their culture.
 * Gideon: Probably. Screw them.

The Well of Forever

 * [Galen visits Dureena's quarters for the first time.]
 * Galen: What have you done to your quarters?
 * Dureena: I made it the right size. I don't know why everybody else always makes things huge. This is the way I like it, nice and small. Have a seat.

 * Galen: Do you think I'm hiding things from you?
 * Dureena: Gideon says we all have things to hide.
 * Galen: Does he? How unfortunate. I was hoping he'd come farther than that.

 * [Upon first contact with the Fenn in hyperspace.]
 * Gideon: No it's not! It's mating with us?
 * Galen: Well it's not exactly the first contact situation that I'd envisioned, but ...

 * Gideon (to Galen): I didn't ask how you screwed me, I asked why.

 * Galen: Every technomage knows the fourteen words that will make someone fall in love with you forever, but she [Isabelle] only needed one.
 * Gideon: What word?
 * Galen: Hello.

Each Night I Dream of Home

 * [Lochely is walking around, having left Med Bay without permission.]
 * Lochley: No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
 * Gideon: Of course. You're just holding up the wall in case of emergency.
 * Lochley: Yeah, well, I thought it looked kind of weak. I try and do my part.

 * [Lochley has invited Gideon to stop by at B5.]
 * Matheson: You're smiling.
 * Gideon: No, I'm not.
 * Matheson: With respect, sir ...
 * Gideon: It's gas. Look, who are you going to believe, me or my face?

Patterns of the Soul

 * [After receiving orders to go to Theta 49, Eilerson complains about the destination.]
 * Eilerson: IPX doesn't give paid holidays.
 * Gideon: For a cause like this, I think we'd all happily chip in.

 * Max Eilerson: [to Gideon] Must be difficult for you, being a career military officer, having to play the roles of jailer, ferryman, executioner. That's where we're different. I just do what I'm told. The corporation knows all, sees all, and tells very little. If we make a bad call, we can honestly say that we've acted in good conscience based on the information available. Absolution in absentia, the blessed state of being able to say, "It's not my fault."

 * Gideon: Granted, I'm a bit eccentric, as captains go.
 * Dureena: Yeah. You gamble.
 * Gideon: Yeah.
 * Dureena: Yeah. You cheat.
 * Gideon: That's subjective.
 * Dureena: You never tell anyone the whole truth.
 * Gideon: And who does?

 * [Dureena finds a lost tribe of her people.]
 * Dureena: Your colony is the last of our people.
 * Female Elder: No!
 * Dureena: Yes. Xander Prime is destroyed. That's why I travel with the Humans. Our world as you remember it is dead. Until today, I thought I was the last of our race. If you don't seek help for the plague, it will mean the true end of our civilization.

The Path of Sorrows

 * Galen: Now that I have your attention, be a good fellow and humor me.

 * [Matheson walks in the bullet car, where Galen has just been for a few hours, sitting.]
 * Matheson: You like going nowhere at 120 miles an hour?
 * Galen: Of course. That is man's natural condition.

Ruling from the Tomb

 * Max Eilerson: I try to never upset someone who's at the helm of a rapidly falling object when I'm in it.

 * Lochley: Look, Captain, I didn't ask for this assignment. This whole Drakh virus conference was Dr. Stephen Franklin's idea. ... Now when Earthforce asked for an officer to oversee it, the good doctor put me at the top of his shortlist. Now, right now, my main goal is to find a cure for this so I can go Earthside and thank Stephen in person with a large brick.
 * Gideon: Well, there's incentive.

 * Lochley: Captain Gideon, 'security' happens to be my middle name.
 * Gideon: That's all well and good, but just in case your last name is 'breach' it won't hurt for me to double-check.

 * [Lochley confronts Gideon regarding an autopsy report.]
 * Lochley: You know what you are?
 * Gideon: Ruggedly handsome?
 * Lochley: A control freak.
 * Gideon: Can't I be both?

 * [Trace and Eilerson argue over who gets to dance with Dureena.]
 * Dureena: Gods, I am drowning in testosterone.
 * Eilerson: Well, luckily for you, you're equipped with flotation devices.

 * Lochley: Who was your old hero?
 * Gideon: Truthfully? John Sheridan.
 * Lochley: John Sheridan? No kidding.
 * Gideon: Were you ever under him?
 * [Lochley chokes on drink.]

 * Lochley: Can I be blunt?
 * Gideon: That's a trick question, right?

 * Gideon: You're telling me some guy actually managed to land you? Got you to lower your defenses enough to commit, and then let you get away? God, he must be the biggest loser in the galaxy.
 * Lochley: Oh, major loser. They don't come any bigger.
 * Gideon: Loser have a name?
 * Lochley: John Sheridan.
 * [Gideon spits out drink.]

 * Gideon to Lochley: Captain, you are the most double-talking, suspicious, second-guessing individual I have ever seen since the last time I looked in a mirror.

 * Lochley: Do you believe that there is a supreme being?
 * Gideon: Aside from John Sheridan?

 * Gideon: Captain, I have five years to cure the Drakh plague. Do I believe in God? I'll get back to you on that in five years and one day.

 * Max Eilerson: One man's lunatic is another man's saint or holy martyr. In the words of T.S. Eliot, "Saint and martyr rule from the tomb."

 * Dureena: You know, on my world, it was considered great evil to even try to presume to speak on behalf of the universe.

The Rules of the Game

 * Gideon: Plato once said that for everything that exists, there is a perfect form of it somewhere. A perfect Human being, a perfect chair, a perfect stick; so that everything is a Shadow of that one perfect form. Now, if we follow that train of thought, that means that somewhere in the universe there exists the perfect form of an absolute and complete idiot. And he left here an hour ago.

 * Eilerson (to Rolf Mueller): The term is prodigy. Seven letters, three syllables. I can see why it might give you problems.

War Zone

 * Gideon: This is my command. I'll do whatever's necessary. If that means turning the entire galaxy upside down and shaking its pockets to see what falls out, then that's what I'll do. I'm not subtle. I'm not pretty, and I'll piss off a lot of people along the way. But I'll get the job done.

 * Trace Miller: I've got plans for the weekend and being dead ain't part of 'em.

 * Dureena: Yes, I'm a thief, and a damned good one. Need to get inside something? Get out? Tunnel under? Go around? Go through? I'm it. You're going to hit some pretty strange places and you're going to need a lock pick. There isn't a lock made that I can't get through.

 * [Gideon hears Galen over a comline.]
 * Galen: Hello, Matthew. I just wanted you to know that I am here, and I'm watching, in case you should need help.
 * Gideon: Who's this?
 * Galen: Have you forgotten me so soon? Sad, but the way of the world, I suppose. Expect me when you see me.

 * Eilerson: I can appreciate dramatic irony as much as the next person, but this is pushing it a bit.

 * Drakh Captain: And when your world is gone, who will support you? Who will you serve? Who will you be?

 * [Gideon and Matheson talk about Eilerson.]
 * Matthew Gideon: He may be a pain in the ass, but he will be our pain in the ass.

Appearances and Other Deceits

 * [Gideon records in his log.]
 * Gideon: It's now three days since our visitors arrived on behalf of Earthgov's political affairs office. There's apparently some concern with how our work here is being perceived back home. They've been assigned to help us. Before their tour is finished, I may have to kill them, assuming Lt. Matheson doesn't beat me to it.

 * Mr. Welles: If anyone knows how to survive political change, it's me.

 * Eilerson: Never a Rosetta Stone when you need one.

 * Gideon: Eilerson was right about all of this. I hate it when he's right. He'll be insufferable for days.

 * [Gideon gripes about the new grey uniforms with red trim.]
 * Gideon: I look like a bellhop.

Cast

 * Gary Cole — Capt. Matthew Gideon
 * Daniel Dae Kim — Lt. John Matheson
 * David Allen Brooks — Max Eilerson
 * Peter Woodward — Galen
 * Marjean Holden — Dr. Sarah Chambers
 * Carrie Dobro — Dureena Nafeel
 * Tracy Scoggins — Capt. Elizabeth Lochley
 * Alex Mendoza — Trace Miller

title: Crusade (TV series)


text: User talk:24.185.19.173

title: User talk:24.185.19.173


text:
User talk:24.13.234.146

You are quite welcome to place quotations of yourself or others on a User page that you can create if you log in. Creating a page for quotations of yourself in the main article space is not appropriate for the Wikiquote project, which primarily exists to collect quotes of famous people, or famous works. Policies against vanity pages are simply some of the long standing rules on all the WIkimedia projects. ~ Kalki 11:40, 19 May 2005 (UTC).

title: User talk:24.13.234.146


text:
User talk:4.46.216.31

Aries
This IP address was used to create Aries, a quote article with only a single quote that is commonly attributed to Abraham Lincoln, and with no information on who or what this "Aries" may be or what source this attribution may have. Consequently, it has been nominated for deletion. Could the person who created this article provide some information on this quote or quotee? If it is a personal quote, it should not be in the main Wikiquote articlespace. If it is a legitimate quote by a notable person or from a notable work, it would help to prevent its deletion if we had a citation for its source. Thank you for your assistance. — Jeff Q (talk) 12:00, 19 May 2005 (UTC)

title: User talk:4.46.216.31


text:
Talk:Thom Yorke

hoorah.

hoorah indeed... i think

removed references to other quote archive
Sites that are compendiums of quotes (much like Wikiquote) are not primary sources, and should not be used as references in Wikiquote (it would be rather circular to reference a quote on one quote compendium with a another compendium). This is discussed in Sourcing if you'd like to read more about it.

Unsourced

 * "You want me? fucking well come and find me." "Talk Show Host"

 * "I'll be waiting, with a gun and a pack of sandwiches" "Talk Show Host"

 * "I think we're entering a very dangerous time. The West has set itself up, decided it's in charge, not for good intentions, not for the benefit of mankind. The people in charge, globally, are maniacs. They are maniacs, and unless we do something about it these people are going to deprive us of a future. And I know I'm paranoid and neurotic, I've made a career out of it. Hoorah. Most people don't even have time to think about it. People who watch MTV don't think about it, I don't have time to think about it. Luckily, I'm paranoid and neurotic, so I make the time."

 * "You will never make friends unless you like everyone genuinely. Oh well, I'm fucked then aren't I?"

 * "The others (Radiohead) were all brought up to be polite. I wasn't."

 * "They didn´t let us play at the Grammy awards cause they thought we weren´t good for the ratings. We were so happy, man..."

 * "I'm not afraid of computers taking over the world. They're just sitting there. I can hit them with a two by four"

 * "I can be very drunk in a club in Oxford on a Monday night and some guy comes up to you and buys you a drink and says that the last record you made changed his life. That means something."

 * "It's why we play it towards the end of our sets. It drains me, and it shakes me, and hurts like hell everytime I play it, looking out at thousands of people cheering and smiling, oblivious to the tragedy of its meaning, like when you're going to have your dog put down and it's wagging its tail on the way there. That's what they all look like, and it breaks my heart. - on Street Spirit (Fade Out)

 * "I wish that song hadn't picked us as its catalysts, and so I don't claim it. It asks too much. (very long pause). I didn't write that song." - on Street Spirit (Fade Out)

 * "Radiohead run like the UN, and I'm America."

 * "They're a joke aren't they? It's just lots of middle class people applauding a bunch of guys who act stupid and write really primitive music. Then people say 'oh it's so honest" Couldn't have put it any better." - On the band Oasis.

 * "It's always confused the living shit out of me that people can shag to our music. But people do apparently. Paranoid Android. This girl comes up to me, she bangs to Paranoid Android. How?"

 * (When told that many new bands are making a name for themselves by just simply copying radioheads first three albums) "Good luck with Kid A!"

title: Talk:Thom Yorke


text:
J. B. S. Haldane

John Burdon Sanderson Haldane (5 November 1892 – 1 December 1964) was a British geneticist and evolutionary biologist.

Quotes

 * My practice as a scientist is atheistic. That is to say, when I set up an experiment I assume that no god, angel, or devil is going to interfere with its course; and this assumption has been justified by such success as I have achieved in my professional career. I should therefore be intellectually dishonest if I were not also atheistic in the affairs of the world.
 * Fact and Faith (1934) Preface

 * I had it for about fifteen years until I read Lenin and other writers, who showed me what was wrong with our society and how to cure it... Since then I have needed no magnesia.
 * On being cured of his gastritis, as quoted in TIME magazine (24 June 1940)

 * An inordinate fondness for beetles.
 * A possibly apocryphal reply to theologians who inquired if there was anything that could be concluded about the Creator from the study of creation; as described in "Homage to Santa Rosalia, or why are there so many kinds of animals" by G. Evelyn Hutchinson in American Naturalist (May-June 1959); This alludes to the fact that there are more types of beetles than any other form of insect, and more insects than any other kind of animal.
 * Unsourced variants: The Creator, if He exists, has "an inordinate fondness for beetles". If one could conclude as to the nature of the Creator from a study of creation, it would appear that God has an inordinate fondness for stars and beetles. The Creator, if He exists, has a special preference for beetles, and so we might be more likely to meet them than any other type of animal on a planet that would support life.
 * As discussed here, a slightly different wording can be found in Haldane's 1949 book What is Life? The Layman's View of Nature, p. 248: "The Creator would appear as endowed with a passion for stars, on the one hand, and for beetles on the other, for the simple reason that there are nearly 300,000 species of beetle known, and perhaps more, as compared with somewhat less than 9,000 species of birds and a little over 10,000 species of mammals. Beetles are actually more numerous than the species of any other insect order. That kind of thing is characteristic of nature."
 * Stephen Jay Gould also discussed the quote in the article "A Special Fondness for Beetles" in the January 1993 issue of Natural History (Issue 1, Volume 2), which was reprinted on p. 377 of his book Dinosaur in a Haystack: Reflections in Natural History. Here he mentioned that Haldane had given a speech to the British Interplanetary Society in 1951, and that a report on the speech was included in Volume 10 of the Journal of the British Interplanetary Society which says that "he concluded that the Creator, if he exists, has a special preference for beetles."
 * In a letter to the August 1992 issue of The Linnean, a friend of Haldane's named Kenneth Kermack said that both he and his wife Doris remembered Haldane using the phrase "an inordinate fondness for beetles": "I have checked my memory with Doris, who also knew Haldane well, and what he actually said was: 'God has an inordinate fondness for beetles.' J.B.S.H. himself had an inordinate fondness for the statement: he repeated it frequently. More often than not it had the addition: 'God has an inordinate fondness for stars and beetles.' . . . Haldane was making a theological point: God is most likely to take trouble over reproducing his own image, and his 400,000 attempts at the perfect beetle contrast with his slipshod creation of man. When we meet the Almighty face to face he will resemble a beetle (or a star) and not Dr. Carey [the Archbishop of Canterbury].'"
 * The eminent nineteenth-century German theologian Matthias Joseph Scheeben had also been struck by "the hundreds of thousands of beetle species with their numerous specimens to each species" (Handbuch der katholischen Dogmatik, Vol. 2, 1878. See Scheeben, The Holy Spirit, ed. F. Fuchs, 1974, p. 144), but, unlike Haldane, he did not accord it any theological significance.

 * I suppose the process of acceptance will pass through the usual four stages: (i) this is worthless nonsense; (ii) this is an interesting, but perverse, point of view; (iii) this is true, but quite unimportant; (iv) I always said so.
 * Journal of Genetics Vol. 58, page 464 (1963).
 * Haldane may have been putting his own twist on a phrase he had heard elsewhere, since similar statements can be found earlier. On p. 113 of The Art of Scientific Investigation (1955), William Ian Beardmore Beveridge wrote: "It has been said that the reception of an original contribution to knowledge may be divided into three phases: during the first it is ridiculed as not true, impossible or useless; during the second, people say that there may be something in it but it would never be of any practical use; and in the third and final phase, when the discovery has received general recognition, there are usually people who say that it is not original and has been anticipated by others."
 * A note at the bottom of the page adds that "This saying seems to have originated from Sir James Mackenzie (The Beloved Physician, by R. M. Wilson, John Murray, London)". In addition, on p. 366 of "The Accident Prevention Problem in the Small Shop" in Safety Engineering Vol. 33 (1950), Earl B. Morgan wrote: "First, it is ridiculed; second, it is subject to argument: third, it is accepted."
 * A similar quote is also often attributed to Arthur Schopenhauer but this is likely incorrect since it does not appear in any of his published writings.

 * An ounce of algebra is worth a ton of verbal argument.
 * As quoted in his obituary by Maynard Smith in Nature 206 (1965), p. 239

 * No, but I would to save two brothers or eight cousins.
 * Reply when asked if he would give his life to save a drowning brother, as quoted in Mathematical Models of Social Evolution : A Guide for the Perplexed (2007) by Richard McElreath and Robert Boyd, p. 82; as you share on average half your alleles with a brother and one-eighth with a cousin, Haldane was giving the number of relatives one would have to save to "break even".

Daedalus; or, Science and the Future (1923)

 * An address "Daedalus or Science and the Future" (4 February 1923)

 * [F]our hundred years hence the power question in England may be solved somewhat as follows: The country will be covered with rows of metallic windmills working electric motors [generators] which in their turn supply current at a very high voltage to great electric mains. At suitable distances, there will be great power stations where during windy weather the surplus power will be used for the electrolytic decomposition of water into oxygen and hydrogen. ...In times of calm, the gasses will be recombined in explosion motors working dynamos which produce electrical energy once more, or more probably in oxidation cells.

 * is weight for weight the most efficient known method of storing energy, as it gives about three times as much heat per pound as petrol. ...[I]t is very light, and bulk for bulk has only one third of the efficiency of petrol. This will not, however, detract from its use in aeroplanes, where weight is more important than bulk.

 * These huge reservoirs of liquified gasses will enable wind energy to be stored, so that it can be expended for industry, transportation, heating and lighting, as desired. The initial costs will be very considerable, but the running expenses less than those of our present system. Among its more obvious advantages will be the fact that energy will be as cheap in one part of the country as another, so that industry will be greatly decentralized; and that no smoke or ash will be produced.

 * There is no great invention, from fire to flying, which has not been hailed as an insult to some god.

 * The conservative has little to fear from the man whose reason is the servant of his passions, but let him beware of him in whom reason has become the greatest and most terrible of passions. These are the wreckers of outworn empires.

 * The conservative has but little to fear from the man whose reason is the servant of his passions, but let him beware of him in whom reason has become the greatest and most terrible of the passions. These are the wreckers of outworn empires and civilisations, doubters, disintegrators, deiciders.

 * Science is as yet in its infancy, and we can foretell little of the future save that the thing that has not been is the thing that shall be; that no beliefs, no values, no institutions are safe. So far from being an isolated phenomenon the late war is only an example of the disruptive result that we may constantly expect from the progress of science. The future will be no primrose path. It will have its own problems. Some will be the secular problems of the past, giant flowers of evil blossoming at last to their own destruction. Others will be wholly new. Whether in the end man will survive his ascensions of power we cannot tell. But the problem is no new one. It is the old paradox of freedom re-enacted with mankind for actor and the earth for stage...But it is only hopeful if mankind can adjust its morality to its powers.

 * The time has gone by when a Huxley could believe that while science might indeed remould traditional mythology, traditional morals were impregnable and sacrosanct to it. We must learn not to take traditional morals too seriously. And it is just because even the least dogmatic of religions tends to associate itself with some kind of unalterable moral tradition, that there can be no truce between science and religion. There does not seem to be any particular reason why a religion should not arise with an ethic as fluid as Hindu mythology, but it has not yet arisen. Christianity has probably the most flexible morals of any religion, because Jesus left no code of law behind him like Moses or Muhammad, and his moral precepts are so different from those of ordinary life that no society has ever made any serious attempt to carry them out, such as was possible in the case of Israel and Islam. But every Christian church has tried to impose a code of morals of some kind for which it has claimed divine sanction. As these codes have always been opposed to those of the gospels a loophole has been left for moral progress such as hardly exists in other religions. This is no doubt an argument for Christianity as against other religions, but not as against none at all, or as against a religion which will frankly admit that its mythology and morals are provisional. That is the only sort of religion that would satisfy the scientific mind, and it is very doubtful whether it could properly be called a religion at all.

Possible Worlds and Other Essays (1927)

 * Possible Worlds and Other Essays (London: Chatto and Windus, 1927)

 * You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mine shaft; and, on arriving at the bottom, it gets a slight shock and walks away. A rat would probably be killed, though it can fall safely from the eleventh story of a building; a man is killed, a horse splashes.
 * "On Being the Right Size", p. 19

 * To the biologist the problem of socialism appears largely as a problem of size. The extreme socialists desire to run every nation as a single business concern. I do not suppose that Henry Ford would find much difficulty in running Andorra or Luxembourg on a socialistic basis. He has already more men on his pay-roll than their population. It is conceivable that a syndicate of Fords, if we could find them, would make Belgium Ltd. or Denmark Inc. pay their way. But while nationalization of certain industries is an obvious possibility in the largest of states, I find it no easier to picture a completely socialized British Empire or United States than an elephant turning somersaults or a hippopotamus jumping a hedge.
 * "On Being the Right Size", p. 26

 * It seems to me immensely unlikely that mind is a mere by-product of matter. For if my mental processes are determined wholly by the motions of atoms in my brain I have no reason to suppose that my beliefs are true. They may be sound chemically, but that does not make them sound logically. And hence I have no reason for supposing my brain to be composed of atoms.
 * "When I am Dead", p. 209

 * In scientific thought we adopt the simplest theory which will explain all the facts under consideration and enable us to predict new facts of the same kind. The catch in this criterion lies in the word "simplest." It is really an aesthetic canon such as we find implicit in our criticisms of poetry or painting. The layman finds such a law as $$ {\mathrm{\partial }x \over \mathrm{\partial } t} = \Kappa { \, \mathrm{\partial}^2x \over \mathrm{\partial }y^2}$$ much less simple than "it oozes," of which it is the mathematical statement. The physicist reverses this judgment, and his statement is certainly the more fruitful of the two, so far as prediction is concerned. It is, however, a statement about something very unfamiliar to the plain man, namely, the rate of change of a rate of change.
 * "Science and Theology as Art Forms", p. 227

 * Now, my own suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.....I suspect that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of, or can be dreamed of, in any philosophy. That is the reason why I have no philosophy myself, and must be my excuse for dreaming.
 * "Possible Worlds", p. 286
 * Similar remarks that seem derived from this have in recent years been attributed to Arthur Stanley Eddington, as well as to Haldane, but without citations of an original source:
 * The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. The world is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.

 * I have no doubt that in reality the future will be vastly more surprising than anything I can imagine.
 * Epilogue to "The Last Judgement", p. 310

The Causes of Evolution (1932)
Based on a series of lectures entitled "A Re-examination of Darwinism," delivered Jan. 1931 at the Prifysgol Cymru, Aberystwyth

 * We must... carefully distinguish between two quite different doctrines which Darwin popularised, the doctrine of evolution, and that of natural selection. It is quite possible to hold the first and not the second. Similarly with regard to the doctrines of Darwin's great contemporary Marx, it is possible to adopt socialism but not historical materialism.
 * Introduction, p. 2.

 * I do not propose to argue the case for evolution, which I regard as being quite as well proven as most other historical facts, but to discuss its possible causes, which are certainly debatable.
 * Introduction, pp. 3-4.

 * Darwin believed that the crossing of two types generally led to a blend, and that consequently bisexual reproduction tended to make a species uniform. He therefore had to postulate some cause constantly at work to keep up the inheritable variation within a species. He very naturally looked to the effects of differences of environment. ...It was shown that Darwin had been wrong in supposing that variations due to environment were inheritable. Selection merely picked out the best available line from a given population, and would not, as Darwin had believed, give rise to an unlimited amount of change.
 * Introduction, pp.14-20.

 * While the geneticists were disproving many of Darwin's ideas, the palaeontologists were determining the actual historical facts of evolution. ...they were able to verify the law of succession, first explicitly given by Darwin's colleague Wallace. "Every species has come into existence coincident, both in time and space, with a pre-existing closely allied species."
 * Introduction, pp.20-21.

We must remember, however, that the organisms studied in this way are far from representative. They are in general the most successful members of animal associations living in very constant marine or lacustrine environments. We have not got similar data for land species... Nor do we possess them for the rarer forms. We shall see... that perhaps dominant species in a uniform environment are the least likely to undergo sudden change to a new type.
 * Evolution in... cases has clearly been a very slow and almost (if not quite) continuous process, exactly as Darwin had predicted.
 * Introduction, p. 22.

 * Comparative parasitology supports the evolutionary hypothesis. If two animals have a common ancestor, their parasites are likely to be descended from those of the ancestor. This principle has been applied with considerable effect to the classification of frogs and other groups.
 * Introduction, p. 9.

 * The change from one stable equilibrium to the other may take place as the result of the isolation of a small unrepresentative group of the population, a temporary change in the environment which alters the relative viability of different types, or in several other ways...
 * Ch. IV Natural Selection, p. 102.

 * Evolution must have involved the simultaneous change in many genes, which doubtless accounts for its slowness. Here matters would have been easier if heritable variations really formed a continuum, as Darwin apparently thought, i.e. if there were no limit to the possible smallness of a variation. But this is clearly not the case when we are considering meristic characters. ...the atomic nature of Mendelian inheritance suggests very strongly that even where variation is apparently continuous this appearance is deceptive.
 * Ch. IV Natural Selection, pp. 103-104.

 * If the only available genes produce rather large changes, disadvantageous one at a time, then it seems to me probable that evolution will not occur in a random mating population. In a self-fertilised or highly inbred species it may do so if several mutations useful in conjunction, but separately harmful, occur simultaneously. Such an event is rare, but must happen reasonably often in wheat...
 * Ch. IV Natural Selection, p. 104.

Another possible mode of making rapid evolutionary jumps is by hybridisation. ...hybridisation (where the hybrids are fertile) usually causes an epidemic of variation in the second generation which may include new and valuable types which could not have arisen within a species by slower evolution.
 * Where natural selection slackens, new forms may arise which would not survive under more rigid competition, and many ultimately hardy combinations will thus have a chance of arising. ...Thus the distinction between the principal mammalian orders seems to have arisen during an orgy of variation in the early Eocene which followed the doom of the great reptiles... Since that date mammalian evolution has been a slower affair, largely a progressive improvement of the types originally laid down in the Eocene.
 * Ch. IV Natural Selection, pp. 104-106.

 * If human evolution is to continue along the same lines as in the past, it will probably involve a still greater prolongation of childhood and retardation of maturity. Some of the characters distinguishing adult man will be lost. It was not an embryologist or palaeontologist who said, "Except ye . . . become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."
 * Ch. V What is Fitness?, p. 150.

The most obvious alternative to this view is to hold that evolution has throughout been guided by divine power. There are two objections to this hypothesis. Most lines of descent end in extinction, and commonly the end is reached by a number of different lines evolving in parallel. This does not suggest the work of an intelligent designer, still less of an all mighty one. But the moral objection is perhaps more serious. A very large number of originally free-living Crustacea, worms, and so on, have evolved into parasites. In doing so they have lost, to a greater or less extent, their legs, eyes, and brains, and have become in many cases the course of considerable and prolonged pain to other animals and to man. If we are going to take an ethical point of view at all (and we must do so when discussing theological questions), we are, I think, bound to place this loss of faculties coupled with increased infliction of suffering in the same class as moral breakdown in a human being, which can often be traced to genetical causes. To put the matter in a more concrete way, Blake expressed some doubt as to whether God had made the tiger. But the tiger is in many ways an admirable animal. '''We have now to ask whether God made the tapeworm. And it is questionable whether an affirmative answer fits in either with what we know about the process of evolution or what many of us believe about the moral perfection of God.'''
 * I have given my reasons for thinking that we can probably explain evolution in terms of the capacity for variation of individual organisms, and the selection exercised on them by their environment. ...
 * Ch. V What is Fitness?, pp. 158-159.

 * Wright's theory certainly supports the view taken in this book that the evolution in large random-mating populations, which is recorded by palaeontology, is not representative of evolution in general, and perhaps gives a false impression of the events occurring in less numerous species. It is a striking fact that none of the extinct species, which, from the abundance of their fossil remains, are well known to us, appear to have been in our own ancestral line. Our ancestors were mostly rather rare creatures. " Blessed are the meek : for they shall inherit the earth."
 * Appendix, pp. 213-214.

 * Unaided common sense may indicate an equilibrium, but rarely, if ever, tells us whether it is stable. If much of the investigation here summarised has only proved the obvious, the obvious is worth proving when this can be done. And if the relative importance of selection and mutation is obvious, it has certainly not always been recognised as such.
 * Appendix

Quoted in book prefaces

 * The universe is not only queerer than we imagine, but queerer than we can imagine.
 * Oliver Sacks, An Anthropologist on Mars (1995)

Anecdotes

 * At Oxford, the young Haldane was frequently asked whether he was related to the "famous John Scott Haldane", his father, and he would answer "That depends on whether you consider identity to be a relationship."
 * J.B.S. Haldane, Lecture on BBC Third Program, 1965

Quotes about Haldane

 * J. B. S. Haldane counts fanaticism among the only four really important inventions made between 3000 B.C and 1400 A.D. It was a Judaic-Christian invention. And it is strange to think that in receiving this malady of the soul the world also received a miraculous instrument for raising societies and nations from the dead—an instrument of resurrection.
 * Eric Hoffer, The True Believer (1951) Ch.18 Good and Bad Mass Movements, §125, citing Haldane's The Inequality of Man (1938)

 * Although Haldane accepted the earlier and incorrect paleontological interpretation of the fossil record of Gryphaea, in his overall belief that the pace of evolution was rapid and seemingly discontinuous, rather than slow and continuous, he anticipated, at least in part and by three decades, the model of punctuated equilibria, which was proposed by... Niles Eldredge and Stephen Jay Gould.
 * Jeffrey H. Schwartz, Sudden Origins: Fossils, Genes, and the Emergence of Species (1999)

title: J. B. S. Haldane


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