text:
Intolerable Cruelty

Intolerable Cruelty is a 2003 romantic-comedy film about a powerful divorce attorney who falls in love with the ex-wife of one of his clients.
 * Directed by Joel Coen. Written by Robert Ramsey and Matthew Stone, and John Romano, and Joel Coen and Ethan Coen.

Engage the enemy. tagline

Miles Massey

 * You fascinate me.
 * Sorry. I'm not omniscient.
 * Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.
 * Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!

Marylin Rexroth

 * I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex and I've nailed his ass fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it.

Gus Petch

 * You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you call Gus Petch.
 * [repeated line] I'm gonna nail your ass!
 * You didnt tell me they had a hard-on for anus africanus!

Wrigley

 * Who needs a home when you have a colostomy bag
 * [Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself] Told him it was no go...
 * Rex, sit!
 * Why kill the only woman you've ever loved when she's the richer party.

Donovan Donaly

 * Explain this away, darling!

Herb Myerson

 * I'm going to talk to you about the law. We serve the law. We honor the law. And sometimes, we obey the law. But this is not one of those times.

Bonnie Donaly

 * You should have seen this coming you Australian piece of shit!

The Baron

 * Has any one got some bones?
 * I am a baron you silly man!
 * [Pointing to Rex Rexroth] I introduced her to that silly man.

Dialogue

 * Rex: My wife has me between a rock and a hard place.
 * Miles Massey: That's her job. You should respect that.

 * Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor: strangling the witness!
 * Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.

 * Miles Massey: So you propose, that in spite demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her rear.
 * Rex: Is it possible?
 * Miles Massey: It's a challenge.

 * Gus Petch: You want tact, call a tactician! You want ass nailed, you call Gus Petch. Christ, you seem to be taking this pretty good. I have seen them come in here weeping like Baptists at a funeral, like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't fooling around.
 * Marylin Rexroth: Don't get me wrong Mr.....
 * Gus Petch: Petch. Gus Petch.
 * Marylin Rexroth: Whilst I don't find this terribly entertaining, I'm delighted you found this material. This will be my passport to wealth, independence and freedom.
 * Gus Petch:[Amused] Sounds like to me, you gonna nail his ass.

 * Miles Massey: I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.
 * Marylin Rexroth: Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.
 * Freddy Bender: No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.
 * Wrigley: Hear, hear.
 * Freddy Bender: Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house-
 * Wrigley: Miles' house.
 * Freddy Bender: Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.

 * Miles Massey: "Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery..." Mrs. Rexroth, do you know those lines?
 * Freddy Bender: Objection, your honor.
 * Judge Marva Munson: Grounds?
 * Freddy Bender: Uh... poetry recitation.

 * Mrs. Gutman: Sometimes there would be a gizmo.
 * Mrs. Gutman's Lawyer: A gizmo?
 * Mrs. Gutman: He had a device he called the Intruder. It was something he had the engineers at the factory design. And then he had a prototype built out of the parts from our vacuum cleaner.
 * Mrs. Gutman's Lawyer: I see.
 * Mrs. Gutman: So the vacuum cleaner wasn't available to me for several months.
 * Mrs. Gutman's Lawyer: Several months without the appliance.
 * Mrs. Gutman: Yes.

 * Wrigley: Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please. Um, baby field greens.
 * Nero's Waitress: What did you call me?
 * Wrigley: Uh, no, I-I... I-I didn't call you anything.
 * Nero's Waitress: You want a salad?
 * Wrigley: Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?
 * Nero's Waitress: What the fuck color would it be?
 * Wrigley: Why are we eating here?
 * Nero's Waitress: What's his problem?
 * Miles Massey: Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French Dressing.
 * Nero's Waitress: And for you?
 * Miles Massey: Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.
 * Nero's Waitress: Slaw Cup?
 * Miles Massey: What the hell.

 * Rex Rexroth: Have you sat before her before?
 * Miles Massey: No. No, the judge sits first. Then we sit.
 * Rex Rexroth: Well, have you sat after her before?
 * Wrigley: Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?
 * Miles Massey: The judge sits in judgment. The counsel argues before the judge.
 * Rex Rexroth: So, have you argued before her before?
 * Wrigley: Before her before, or before she sat before?
 * Rex Rexroth: Before her before. I said, before her before.
 * Wrigley: No, you said before she sat before.
 * Rex Rexroth: I did at first, but...
 * Miles Massey: Look, don't argue.
 * Rex Rexroth: I'm not. I'm...
 * Wrigley: No, you don't argue. We argue.
 * Miles Massey: Counsel argues.
 * Wrigley: You appear.
 * Miles Massey: The judge sits.
 * Wrigley: Then you sit.
 * Miles Massey: Or you stand in contempt.
 * Wrigley: And then we argue.
 * Miles Massey: The counsel argues.
 * Rex Rexroth: Which you've done before.
 * Miles Massey: Which we've done before.
 * Rex Rexroth: Ah.
 * Wrigley: But not before her.
 * [Judge Munson slams her gavel and everyone excepts Rex's sits down]
 * Wrigley: Rex, sit!

 * [The tape is being shown in court of Gus busting Rex cheating on Marylin. Watching it, she cries on cue and is comforted by Bender. However, Miles isn't fooled by this.]
 * Marylin Rexroth: I'm devastated. Completely devastated.
 * Freddy Bender: No further questions.

 * Marylin Rexroth: They bought Massey's argument. If I lied or cheated and was with Rex only for his money, then he shouldn't have to give me any.
 * Sarah Sorkin: Well, that makes no sense. Why else would you put in all those years?

 * [Marylin's poodle bites Miles Massey on his hand]
 * Marylin Rexroth: Ow. Howard.
 * Miles Massey: Howard. You named him after your ex.
 * Marylin Rexroth: I'm sentimental.

 * Wrigley: What do you think?
 * Miles Massey: What are they, ladles?
 * Wrigley: Berry spoons.
 * Miles Massey: Spoons?
 * Wrigley: Berry spoons. Everybody has spoons.
 * Miles Massey: And nobody *needs* berry spoons.
 * Wrigley: Everybody eats berries.
 * Miles Massey: Who are you, Pollyanna? Where'd you see 'em at? A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings? Stadium seat ass-warmers?

 * Freddy Bender: If you have a proposal to make, let's hear it.
 * Miles Massey: Well, at this point, my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation.
 * Freddy Bender: My client's ruled that out.
 * Miles Massey: My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution to the marriage without prejudice.
 * Freddy Bender: That's a fart in a stiff wind.
 * Miles Massey: My client proposes a 30-day cooling-off period.
 * Freddy Bender: My client feels sufficiently dispassionate.
 * Miles Massey: My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order.

 * Miles Massey: All right, so much for the ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy? [takes a drink of water]
 * Freddy Bender: My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets. [Miles spits out some water]
 * Miles Massey: Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with Kershner?
 * Freddy Bender: Kershner does not apply.
 * Miles Massey: Bring this to trial, we'll see if Kershner applies.
 * Rex: What's Kershner?
 * Miles Massey: Please, let me handle this.
 * Freddy Bender: Kershner was in Kentucky.
 * Miles Massey: Kershner was in Kentucky?
 * Freddy Bender: Kershner was in Kentucky.
 * Miles Massey: All right, Freddy, forget Kershner. What's your bottom line?
 * Freddy Bender: Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets.
 * Miles Massey: What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten Kershner?

 * Miles Massey: Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?
 * Wrigley: [thinks] Middle name?

 * Miles Massey: [of Rex's wife] Has she retained counsel?
 * Rex: I don't know... She has Rottweilers.
 * Miles Massey: Not a good sign.

 * Miles Massey: [after ordering food for both of them] I assume you're a carnivore.
 * Marylin Rexroth: [laughing] Oh, Mr. Massey. You have *no* *idea*.

 * [last lines]
 * Gus Petch: We gonna make you laugh, we gonna make you cry, but most of all, we gonna
 * [with audience]
 * Gus Petch: nail your ass!
 * Audience: [chanting] Nail your ass! Nail your ass! Nail your ass!

 * Gus Petch: ...and those Rottweilers were a menace, man!
 * Miles Massey: I told you she had dogs.
 * Gus Petch: You didn't tell me they had a hard on for Anus Africanus!

Taglines

 * Engage the enemy.
 * A romantic comedy with bite.

Cast

 * George Clooney - Miles Massey
 * Catherine Zeta-Jones - Marylin Hamilton Rexroth Doyle Massey
 * Geoffrey Rush - Donovan Donaly
 * Cedric the Entertainer - Gus Petch
 * Edward Herrmann - Rex Rexroth
 * Paul Adelstein - Wrigley
 * Richard Jenkins - Freddy Bender
 * Billy Bob Thornton - Howard D. Doyle
 * Julia Duffy - Sarah Batista O'Flanagan Sorkin

 * Jonathan Hadary - Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
 * Tom Aldredge - Herb Myerson
 * Stacey Travis - Bonnie Donaly
 * Wendle Josepher - Miles' Receptionist
 * Jack Kyle - Ollie
 * Isabell O'Connor - Judge Marva Munson
 * Irwin Keyes - Wheezy Joe
 * Colin Linden - Father Scot
 * Kiersten Warren - Claire O'Mara

title: Intolerable Cruelty


text:
The Railway Series

The Railway Series (1945-1996, 2007 - ) is a set of story books about a fictional railway located on the fictional Island of Sodor and the engines that lived on it.

Note: This article generally contains quotes from stories that have not been adapted for the television series Thomas and Friends.

Thomas and Gordon (Thomas the Tank Engine)

 * Thomas was a tank engine who lived at a Big Station. He had six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome. – Thomas the Tank Engine

Gordon Goes Foreign (Eight Famous Engines)

 * Gordon: When I was young and green. I remember going to London. Do you know the place? The station's called King's Cross.
 * The Engine: (Snorts) King's Cross! London's Euston. Everybody knows that.
 * Duck: Rubbish! London's Paddington. I know. I worked there.

 * The Narrator: They argued till they went to sleep. They argued when they woke up. They were still arguing when the other engine went away.
 * Gordon:(Irritated) Stupid thing. I've no patience.
 * Duck: Stupid yourself. London's Paddington, PADDINGTON, do you hear?
 * James: Stop arguing, you make me tired. You're both agreed about something anyway.
 * Gordon and Duck: What's that?
 * James: (laughs) London's not Euston. Now shut up!

 * Gordon: I'm sure it's King's Cross. I'll go and prove it.

 * Gordon: Come on! Let's go
 * Narrator: It was only afew minutes before the Guard blew his whistle; but Gordon thought it was ages!
 * Gordon: (To the coaches) COME ON! COME ON!

 * Gordon: Never mind I like a good run to stretch my wheels.

 * The Fat Controller: I wonder how Gordon's getting on.
 * The Station Master: Excuse me Sir, have you seen the news?
 * The Fat Controller: Not yet. Why?
 * The Station Master: Just look at this Sir.
 * Narrator: The Fat Controller took the news paper.
 * The Fat Controller: Good gracious me! There's Gordon. Headlines too! 'FAMOUS ENGINE AT LONDON STATION. POLICE CALLED TO CONTROL CROWDS'.

 * The Fat Controller: I see you had a good welcome in London.
 * Gordon's Driver and Fireman: We certainly did Sir! We signed autographs till our arms ached, and Gordon had his photograph taken from so many directions at once that he didn't which way to look!
 * The Fat Controller: Good! I expect he enjoyed himself. Didn't you Gordon?
 * Gordon: No Sir, I didn't.
 * The Fat Controller: Why ever not?
 * Gordon: (Sadly) London's all wrong, they've changed it. It isn't King's Cross any more. It's St Pancras.

Ballast (Small Railway Engines)

 * Donald and Douglas: Verra wee engines bring the ballast doun fra the hills.
 * Gordon: I don't believe it. Donald and Douglas have pulled our wheels before.
 * Rex: What d'you think of our 'chute'? Good isn't it?
 * Duck: Where did you spring from?
 * Rex: I've been here all the time. I'm Rex and you I'm sure, are Duck.
 * Duck: How did you know?
 * Rex: That's easy; there's only one great western engine in these parts.
 * Rex: (To Duck) As you can see, the small controller's given us different coats.
 * Mike: (Grumbles) Silly nonsense
 * Bert: (Protests) I like being blue.
 * Mike: (Fumes) It's all right for you, but not for me. Passengers'll say I look like a pillar box!
 * Rex: Shocking! (Winks at Duck) Consider my feelings. When we were both green. Passengers kept calling me Mike!
 * Mike: (Splutters) You...you...
 * Bert: Stow it you two. Duck, have you seen our coaches?
 * Duck: Where are they?
 * Bert: Over there.
 * Duck: But they're tru...(Finishes lamely) I mean they're not like ours.
 * Rex: I agree. They are like trucks, but they behave surprisingly well.
 * Mike: (rudely) Sez you.

Tit for Tat (Small Railway Engines)

 * Bert's Driver: We've got visitors today
 * Mike: We have 'em every day.
 * Bert's Driver: But these are special. One takes 'moving pictures' and the other writes books. So mind you all behave.
 * Bert: I don't want to be a moving picture in a book. I want to stay as I am.
 * Bert: They did it on purpose
 * Bert: They splashed me! They SPLASHED me!
 * Bert: Pictures indeed!
 * Bert: I'm a nice picture; covered in mud!
 * Narrator: He sizzled crossly when the Fat Clergyman sat in his tender for the journey back.
 * Bert: Driver oughtn't to allow him after what he's done!
 * Bert: (To himself) I know how to pay the Fat One out. It's a lovely plan. I only wish the Thin One was there too.
 * Bert: Tit for Tat! TIT for TAT!
 * The Small Controller: You're a very naughty engine. I won't have rudeness to visitors.
 * Bert: (Falters) They splashed me. I only.... (Bert is probably crying as he's talking)
 * The Small Controller: That's no excuse I'm ashamed of you.
 * Bert: (To Rex and Mike) Those visitors are nice. They came and said 'sorry', and I said 'sorry' too. Then they cleaned me like driver does. They know lots about engines. The Thin One's writing about me in a book. He promised he'd write about you too. Think of that!

Mike's Whistle (Small Railway Engines)

 * Mike: (mimics Duck's jammed whistle) Shplee! Shplee! It's shocking! If engines can't whistle properly, they shouldn't try.
 * Bert: Then why do you?
 * Mike: Why do I what?
 * Bert: Try to whistle, of course.
 * Mike: Shut up! You're jealous.
 * Narrator: Mike was proud of his shrill whistle.
 * Mike: Mine's better than yours anyway.
 * Rex: Listen, Mike. If I had a whistle like yours, d'you know what I'd do? (Pauses impressively) I'd lose it.
 * Mike: (Splutters) The Idea! Whistles are important, let me tell you. Engines without whistles aren't proper engines at all.
 * Narrator: Mike went redder than ever with fury. His steam pressure went up suddenly, and his safety-valves blew off, "Whoooooosh!"
 * Mike's driver: Hullo! As you're ready first, you'd better take the 'passenger'.
 * Mike: What! and leave my goods?
 * Mike's driver: Yes, Bert can do that. We can't have you blowing off in here. Come on!
 * Mike's driver: What's bitten him? He doesn't like coaches, but he's never been as bad as this.
 * Mike: (muttering) They're jealous, they're jealous. I'll show 'em! I'll show 'em!
 * Mike's driver: (remarks) He's in a flaming temper about something.
 * The Small Controller: I've no spare whistles. So you'll have to wait. It serves you right for being such a cross patch.
 * Bert: (as Mike comes in) What's that?
 * Rex: Shsh! Take no notice. It's an Improper engine.
 * Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me.
 * Rex: It's got no whistle.
 * Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we?

Useful Railway (Small Railway Engines)

 * Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully.
 * Rex: They're silly but they're useful.
 * Mike: What!
 * Rex: Farmers sell their wool.
 * Mike: What's that?
 * Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint.
 * Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight.
 * Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy.
 * The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train.
 * Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex.
 * Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy!
 * Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop!
 * Narrator: He whistled.
 * The trucks: On! On! On!
 * Narrator: Urged the stupid trucks.
 * The passengers: Oooh! Look! There's been an accident!
 * Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky.
 * Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all.
 * Mike: Sorry we laughed.
 * The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done.

Hullo Twins! (The Twin Engines)

 * Narrator: The trucks complained bitterly; but then, trucks always do and no one takes much notice. The coaches complained too. No sooner had they arrived with one train, then they had to go out again with fresh passengers as another.
 * Coaches: We don't know whether we're coming or going. We feel quite distracted.
 * Henry (grumbles): No one can say that we're afraid of hard work, but...
 * Gordon: We draw the line at goods trains.
 * James: Dirty trucks, dirty sidings. Ugh!
 * Duck: What are you boiler aching about? I remember on the great western...
 * Gordon: That tinpot railway....
 * Duck: Tinpot indeed! Let me tell you...
 * The Fat Controller: I hear you've lost your numbers. How did that happen?
 * Donald and Douglas: They maun hae slyly slippit Sirr. Ye ken hoo it is.
 * The Fat Controller: I know. Accidentally on purpose.
 * Donald and Douglas: Sirr! Ye wadnae be thinkin' we lost them on purrpose?
 * The Fat Controller: I'm not so sure. Now then, which of you is 57646?
 * Donald and Douglas: That, Sirr, is juist what we canna mind.
 * The Fat Controller: What are your names?
 * Donald and Douglas: Donal an' Douggie, Sirr.
 * The Fat Controller: Good! Then your controller can tell me which is which.
 * Donald and Douglas: Och! Ye'll get no muckle help fae him, Sirr.
 * The Fat Controller: Why?
 * Donald and Douglas: He disna ken oor names Sirr. Hoo could he? We only gien oorsels names when we lost oor nummers.
 * The Fat Controller: One of you is playing truant. I shall find him out and send him home. Inspector give these engines numbers, and set them to work.

The Missing Coach (The Twin Engines)

 * Donald: Ye may hae noticed, Douggie, that yon penters forgot somethin'.
 * Douglas: What did they forget?
 * Donald: They painted braw new nummers on oor tenders, but they put nane on uz.
 * Douglas: (Grins) Ye mean...
 * Donald: Juist that. Haud yer wheesht. Here's the inspector.
 * The Inspector: Now 9 and 10, here's Duck. He'll show you round before you start work.

 * Donald: We like it fine here.
 * Duck: That's good, but take my tip, watch out for Gordon , Henry and James. They're sure to try some nonsense.
 * Douglas: Dinna fash yersel. We'll suin settle them.
 * Narrator: Donald and Douglas had deep toned whistles.
 * Gordon: They sound like Buses.
 * Henry: (Sniggers) Or ships.
 * Gordon: (laughs) Tug-boat Annie! Ha! Ha!

 * Donald: Ye wadnae be makkin' fun o' uz wad ye noo?
 * Gordon: Er, no.
 * Henry: No, no, certainly not.
 * Douglas: That's fine. Noo juist mind the baith o' ye, and keep it that wey.
 * Narrator: That was the way Gordon and Henry kept it!

 * The Fat Controller: Ah! #9, and why have you not taken the goods?
 * "Donald" (Douglas): My tender is awa' Sirr.
 * The Fat Controller: I see, some defect no doubt. Tell me, why did #10 leave so quickly?
 * "Donald" (Douglas): Maybe, sir, he saw ye comin' and thought he was late.
 * The Fat Controller: Hm.

 * The Fat Controller: Douglas, why are you masquerading with Donald's tender?

About the books

 * I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of Thomas the Tank Engine in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of Eagle annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like Railtrack.
 * Lord Greaves, House of Lords Railtrack debate, Hansard, 5 April 2001

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: The Railway Series


text:
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