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The Vicar of Dibley

The Vicar of Dibley (1994–2007) is a British sitcom created by Richard Curtis, and mostly written by Curtis and Paul Mayhew-Archer. The show was written for its title actor, Dawn French.

The sitcom is about a small fictional village called Dibley that gets a female vicar (set after the real-life change in Church of England law allowing the ordination of women). It is a comedic study of the effect that this has on a small rural community. The Vicar of Dibley came third in a 2004 BBC poll to find Britain's Best Sitcom.

The Arrival
10 November 1994

 * Reverend Pottle: Lord, we ask you to bless the members of this, thy congregation. (There are four people in the room.) We also ask you to remember the Queen, who has been having trouble with her piles again, and Mrs. Sinclair Wilson and all her family. (Alice whispers in his ear) Mrs. Sinclair Wilson, who has been having trouble with her piles again, and the Queen and all her family. May you bring them happiness in this life and in the next. Peace everlasting. Amen.
 * Alice: Amen.
 * (Alice looks up to see that Reverand Pottle has apparently dozed off in the pulpit. She nudges him and then checks his pulse. He is dead.)
 * Alice: Um... We now sing hymn number 16: 'The Day Thou Gavest Lord is Ended.'
 * (They begin to sing and carry on as Reverand Pottle slowly tilts and falls to the ground.)

 * (On deciding to rally the parish council against the appointment of a female vicar)
 * David Horton: They don't call me Sportin' Horton for nothing!
 * Hugo Horton: I didn't know they called you Sportin' Horton. I thought they called you Dirty David due to your enormous collection of Victorian porno-
 * David Horton: Oh for goodness sake! Shut up!

 * Geraldine Granger: You were expecting a bloke - beard, bible, bad breath.
 * David Horton: Yes, that sort of thing.
 * Geraldine Granger: And instead you got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom.
 * David Horton: So I see.

 * David Horton: Owen, this is Geraldine. She's the new vicar.
 * Owen Newitt: No it isn't! She's a woman!
 * Geraldine Granger: Oh! You noticed! [Points to breasts] These are such a giveaway, aren't they?

 * Alice: You can call me Alice.
 * Geraldine: Right.
 * Alice: Because it's my name.

 * Geraldine: I've just been visiting my new parishioners. Frankly I think that they would have been less surprised if the new vicar was Mr Blobby.

Songs of Praise
17 November 1994

 * David Horton: Am I alone on Sundays in preferring not to shake hands with the malodorous creature in the next pew?
 * Jim Trott: No no no no... I quite like that bit.
 * David Horton: Let alone kiss them?
 * Jim Trott: I love that bit!

 * Mrs Cropley: I rather enjoyed Lady Chatterley. Some very useful tips.
 * David Horton: I beg your pardon?
 * Mrs Cropley: Oh, gardening tips. Mellors was a game keeper. Very good at hedge control.
 * David Horton: I see.
 * Mrs Cropley: I thought the sex was jolly good fun as well!

 * David Horton: We are, for once, all agreed. Songs of Praise is cheapening, shallow and ridiculous,[Turns to Hugo] Isn't it?
 * Hugo Horton: Oh yes. Very cheapening.
 * Mrs Cropley: Utterly shallow.
 * Frank Pickle: Totally ridiculous.
 * David Horton: Excellent. Well, let's have a vote on this shall we? Anybody in favour of letting the morons from TV land into our church?
 * [All council members except David raise their hands enthusiastically, even Owen, who is just stretching his arm to put on a plastic arm-length glove.]
 * Frank Pickle: I mean, it's gotta be a hoot, hasn't it?

Community Spirit
24 November 1994

 * Jim Trott: [Over PA system] No no no no no no no Parking is allowed on the upper field! No no no no no no no refreshments will be available in the refreshment tent!

(A villager comes up to Jim)
 * Villager: Is that "No parking is allowed in the upper field", or "Parking is allowed in the upper field"?
 * Jim Trott: [Over PA system] No no no no no no no Parking is allowed on the upper field! OK?

 * David Horton: Our vicar has as many connections with the rich and famous as I have with the Black Panther Movement!

 * David Horton: [delighted] I've just been told the news; what a total and utter unmitigated cock-up! I thought the fair in '87 was embarrassing enough when those bloody kids put cannabis in the cupcakes, but this really is the queen of balls-ups! Hundreds of people waiting to see Elton John and you invite Rambling Syd Rumpo!
 * Mrs Cropley: I rather enjoyed the fair in '87. Such larks!

The Window & The Weather
1 December 1994

 * Owen Newitt: Filthy weather!
 * Jim Trott: No, no, no I've known worse.
 * Owen Newitt: Oh yes? When was that then?
 * Jim Trott: The Great Storm. When the windmill got blown over.
 * Owen Newitt: That wasn't The Great Storm, that was a moderately windy night! No, the really great storm... was The Great Storm.
 * Jim Trott: When was that?
 * Owen Newitt: When Dave Batt got decapitated.
 * Jim Trott: That wasn't the great storm!
 * Owen Newitt: Well, it was pretty damn great!

 * David Horton: I have spent the week investigating the prices of stained glass, and the lowest quote we have is for £11,000.
 * Owen Newitt: Bugger me! You could get someone killed for that!

 * David Horton: Sadly, you must minute Frank that Dibley can't afford a new window.
 * Geraldine: Stop writing, Frank! 'Can't' isn't in the Christian Vocabulary!
 * Owen Newitt: Yes it is! You can't commit Adultery, You can't steal...
 * Jim Trott: You can't even covet your neighbour's ass. Even if it is very alluring!

Election
8 December 1994

 * David Horton: What was that socialist tract you were spouting from the pulpit last week?
 * Geraldine: I've got a feeling it was the Sermon on the Mount.
 * David Horton: Jesus did not tell rich people to give all their money away.
 * Geraldine: I think you'll find he did actually!
 * David Horton: Nonsense. What did he say to the sick man? "Take up thy bed and walk." In other words "Help yourself". "On your bike."
 * Geraldine: Are you trying to establish a direct spiritual link between Jesus Christ and Norman Tebbit?
 * David Horton: You can't deny there are similarities.
 * Geraldine: [Loudly] There bloody are not!

 * Mrs Cropley: Nibble, Vicar? It's chocolate spread.
 * Geraldine: Chocolate? You promise?
 * Mrs Cropley: Yes.
 * Geraldine: Alright then, I will. [Takes a bite of cake and pulls a face] Hm. Very, uh, unusual taste.
 * Mrs Cropley: Yes, well I put in a bit of taramosalata as well.
 * Geraldine: Did you? Would you excuse me a moment! [Runs to the bathroom.]

 * Geraldine: God, I had a terrible night and my bottom had a worse one! That Cropley woman really is the Queen of Cordon Bleaaaagh!

Animals
15 December 1994

 * Alice: You know that stuff that they're selling now at the local shop?
 * Geraldine: Which stuff?
 * Alice: I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
 * Geraldine: Oh, yeah.
 * Alice: Well, you know, I can't believe it's not butter.
 * Geraldine: Yeah, well, I believe that is the idea, yeah.
 * Alice: Then yesterday I went to Kirkenden and I bought this other stuff, like a sort of home brand, you know.
 * Geraldine: Yes?
 * Alice: And, you know, I can't believe it's not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
 * Geraldine: Mmmm?
 * [pause]
 * Geraldine: I'm losing you now.
 * Alice: Oh, right. Well, you know I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?
 * Geraldine: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think it is butter.
 * Alice: No, no. I mean, you know the stuff that I can't believe is not butter is called I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?
 * Geraldine: Probably, yeah, yeah.
 * Alice: Well, I can't believe the stuff that is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. And I can't believe that both I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and the stuff that I can't believe is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are both, in fact, not butter. And I believe... they both might be butter... in a cunning disguise. And, in fact, there's a lot more butter around than we all thought there was.
 * Geraldine: Yeah. You see, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm sure God does and is intrigued by the whole thing.

 * Mrs. Cropley: The question is whether I bring the snails I've got for my new recipe.
 * Frank: What recipe is that?
 * Mrs. Cropley: Bread and Butter Pudding Surprise.

 * Owen: [looking at the giant vegetable Jim has grown] Well, bugger me.
 * Mrs. Cropley: You know, it's time the vicar did something about your bad language.
 * [looks at the vegetable]
 * Letitia: Ooh, it is a big bugger, though, isn't it?

The Easter Bunny

 * 8 April 1996

 * Owen: You're a tit short of an udder, you are.

 * Geraldine: Can I have a private talk with you?
 * Alice: Okay, as long as it's not about tampons because I just don't understand them.

 * (While delivering chocolate eggs in a bunny costume, Geraldine runs into another full sized bunny)
 * Geraldine: David!
 * David: Vicar! What are you doing?
 * Geraldine: I'm the Easter Bunny!
 * David: You can't be! I'm the Easter Bunny. I promised Letitia Cropley I'd do it.
 * Geraldine: Well, so did I!
 * David: Mad bat must have forgotten she'd already asked me. How demeaning! After all the time I've spent on these bloody ears! (Puts his rabbit head back on.)
 * Geraldine: I must say, you look surprisingly cute in that.
 * David: Shut up.
 * Geraldine: What a sexy little tail! (Gives it a squeeze.)
 * David: Stop that! I suggest we keep very quiet about this. You do one end of the village and I'll do the other. It will remain our secret.
 * Geraldine: Fair enough. Are you sure you don't want to come back to my burrow afterwards for a bit of bunny funny business?
 * David: Quite sure.
 * (They turn the corner and gasp as they are confronted with the sight of Owen and about a dozen other Easter Bunnies)''
 * Owen: Oh hell! Any more and we'll be able to stage a production of WATERSHIP BLOODY DOWN!!

The Christmas Lunch Incident

 * 25 December 1996

 * Alice: Vicar?
 * Geraldine: Mm-hm?
 * Alice: What are you looking forward to more than anything else at Christmas this year?
 * Geraldine: Well, my highlights are going to be Jurassic Park and the Queen's Speech, written this year by Ruby Wax, I believe. And what about you?
 * Alice: I'm totally excited about your first Christmas sermon; it, it's just going to be an experience I'll never forget.
 * Geraldine: Alice, my first Christmas sermon was last Christmas.
 * Alice: Oh, yeah, I forgot. It's not your fault, you probably just chose a boring subject.
 * Geraldine: What, the birth of Jesus Christ? Otherwise known as the greatest story ever told.
 * Alice: Yeah, first time you hear it. But after that, it gets a bit predictable, innit? Man and woman get to inn, inn full, baby is born in manger, angels sing on high blah blah blah.
 * Geraldine: You have forgotten to mention that that baby is in fact the Son of God.
 * Alice: Oh yeah, that is a nice twist.
 * Geraldine: A nice twist?!

 * Geraldine: (to a portrait of Jesus) Listen, birthday boy. If you don't help me, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to tell them that you actually are Noel Edmunds.

 * Geraldine: Well, here's to love and marriage, which go together like a horse and carriage, according to Cole Porter. He should know; he was gay. Ha ha!

 * Geraldine: And where was Jesus born?
 *  Child: In Dunstable.
 * Geraldine: Who told you that?
 * Alice: Well, I always thought it was a bit odd but that's what my mum told me. That Jesus was born in Dunstable.
 * Geraldine: In. A. Stable!

 * Frank: Lunch at one?
 * Geraldine: Can we have it just a little bit earlier?
 * Frank: Like when?
 * Geraldine: Like in about five minutes.

 * Jim: [drunk, laughing] Knock, knock.
 * Geraldine: Who's there?
 * Jim: No, no, no, no! [laughing uncontrollably] No, wait! No, no! Doctor!
 * Geraldine: [laughing] Doctor who?
 * Jim: Yes!

 * Frank: Very good sermon, Vicar!
 * Jim: No, no, no, no, yes! I like the way you move from the superficial and facile messages of popular music to the subtle and more complex revelations of the nativity.

 * (Geraldine has eaten three Christmas dinners and is at home, exhausted. The doorbell rings.)
 * Geraldine: I swear, if these are Jehovah's Witnesses I'm joining. Anything to get out of this village! You try to be nice to people, they turn you into the EC turkey mountain.

Engagement
26 December 1997

 * Owen Newitt: I believe this is your filling.
 * Geraldine: Oh... Thank you, Owen...
 * Owen Newitt: I'd have brought it sooner, but I've only just passed it.
 * Geraldine: Right... I won't be putting it right back in then...

 * [Geraldine has turned down Owen's proposal of marriage]
 * Geraldine: Promise me you're not too upset?
 * Owen: Well, I don't know yet how upset I am.
 * Geraldine: Well, not so upset you're going to go kill yourself or anything like that?
 * Owen: I haven't decided. But, before I do, answer me one question.
 * Geraldine: Oh, anything.
 * Owen: Right. Have you been drinking?
 * Geraldine: Have had one little dropsicle, yes.
 * Owen: Because if there's one thing I can't stand it's a woman who drinks. So, no, I'm not upset at all. In fact I'm very grateful to you from saving me from marriage to a lush who reeks of gin from dusk till dawn. Madam, I bid you farewell, you revolting old soak.
 * [Owen storms out]
 * Geraldine: That is one hell of a charming dude.

Dibley Live
8 January 1998

 * Geraldine: I think we have a caller on line one. Hello, caller.
 * David: Vicar, is that you?
 * Geraldine: It is indeed. Is that David Horton, local councilor, chairman of the parish?
 * David: You know bloody well who it is. I'm ringing up about this interview tomorrow.
 * Geraldine: David, I feel I should warn you, we are actually live on--
 * David: I'm cancelling. I'm sorry. I don't want that moron Alice asking me damn fool questions.
 * Geraldine: David.
 * David: And it's no good telling me you'll get someone else, because frankly they're all zombies. Frank, Newitt, Jim - I've got sheep who do a more probing interview. Have to cancel--talk to you later.
 * Geraldine: Uh, David. Just before you go, just between you and me, how are your hemorrhoids?
 * David: Well... They're terrible if you must know.
 * Geraldine: Aw. Really painful? Very embarrassing? Bit like a bunch of grapes hanging out your bottom?
 * David: ... Yes, well it is actually. My lavatory hasn't know what's hit it in the last few weeks.
 * Geraldine: Aw. Aw. Well thank you, David "Hemorrhoid" Horton for sharing that with us live on the Dibley Radio call-in. Anything else you'd like to add?
 * David: [silence] ... [fake German accent] And this is Rory Bremner now, using my real voice. I bet I had you all fooled, eh? Ha ha ha!
 * Owen: Zombies? He's got nerve.
 * Jim: No, no, no, that's right. I'm not going to watch his show anymore.
 * Frank: Nor me.
 * Owen: Bloody Bremner!

 * Geraldine: You're on in fifteen seconds, Frank, and I need to hear a little bit for level, so tell us what you had for breakfast.
 * Frank: Toast.
 * Geraldine: Yeah... I need a little bit more than that, so just make something up, you know, let your imagination run wild.
 * Frank: Wild! Great. Two pieces of toast

 * David: Moving on. I have received an entry form for the Best Kept Village competition. Any thoughts?
 * Owen: Yes, tear it up.
 * David: I beg your pardon?
 * Owen: Months of effort and what would we win? Some pointless poncy piece of paper saying : Dibley, Best Kept Village.
 * Jim: No no no no, it's not just a bit of paper; it's a title, a trophy. It's a cheque for two hundred and forty thousand pounds, presented by the Duchess of Kent.
 * Geraldine: No, that's Wimbledon, Jim.
 * Jim: Yes, that is Wimbledon.
 * David: Oh, come on. We did all right last year.
 * Geraldine: We came fifty-fourth out of fifty-four!
 * David: Is that right?
 * Geraldine: Remember Denfield?
 * David: Well, how could one forget those poor people?
 * Hugo: Yes. Who would have believed a lorry-load of BSE-infected toxic waste would have crashed into a nuclear fuel tanker causing a crater two hundred feet wide and the evacuation of the entire village?
 * Geraldine: And they came fifty-third.
 * David: Point taken.
 * [crumples the form]
 * David: Let's forget it.

 * Jim: Sex! Sex! Sex! That's all you get on television these days.
 * Geraldine: Is it?
 * Jim: It is on mine; I watch the Playboy channel.

 * Geraldine: For 10 points, which Tinker was commonly known as "Donkey Bonker"?

Celebrity Vicar
15 January 1998

 * David: Let's move on to the Gala. Any progress there, or is the climax of our show still "Owen and his Amazing Farting Duck"?

 * David: Right, we've got a lot of stuff to get through tonight, so if I could ask you all not to waste time with the traditional distractions, repetitions and general annoyances that are the usual content of these parish council meetings.
 * Owen: Good idea.
 * Geraldine: You're the boss.
 * David: Excellent. Ready, Frank?
 * Frank: Absolutely.
 * David: Bravo! Point one: the Gala Night. I thought St. Valentine's Day with all the profits going to the upkeep of the village hall. Happy with that, Jim?
 * Jim: Yes.
 * Hugo: Father.
 * David: Later, Hugo.
 * Hugo: I didn't say anything.
 * David: What do you mean?
 * Hugo: [his lips are not moving] Father. Father.
 * David: Oh no. It's a dream, isn't it?
 * Geraldine: [dressed as an angel] Yes, David, I'm afraid it is.

 * [Frank is on stage, doing an incredibly boring "impressions" routine]
 * Owen: [to David] I've got my shotgun in the van.
 * David: Load both barrels.

 * Geraldine: What's worse than not selling any tickets at all?
 * Owen: Well selling one ticket. But selling it to a serial killer.
 * Jim: No, no, no, no, th-that's right. Who comes on the stage, and slits all our throats, and then leaves us all in a great pool of blood!
 * David: Does anyone actually have this serial killer's address?

 * Geraldine: Why would anyone be stupid enough to want fame and fortune when you can have the stars at night and a proper friend by your side?
 * Alice: Oh, nice.

Love and Marriage
22 January 1998
 * Alice: [about her wedding] It's all going to be so perfect.
 * Geraldine: Yes, although I have been having second thoughts about you wearing this dress.
 * Alice: Really? You think I should go nude?

 * Alice: It's a thought.
 * Geraldine: No, no, no. I just think it should be simpler, that's all.
 * Alice: Oh, you mean like, like lots of hearts or something.
 * Geraldine: Yeah, could be, yeah.
 * Alice: With a different Doctor Who in each one.
 * Geraldine: No!

 * Jim: Well I've been married 43 years and the secret of a successful marriage Hugo, is sex and plenty of it.
 * Hugo: Well, hooray.
 * Jim: With as many different women as possible.
 * Geraldine: Oh, God.
 * Jim: Especially orientals cos they can go on...
 * Geraldine: Thank you, Jim. What about you, Frank?
 * Frank: Well, I've never had sex with an oriental.

 * Geraldine: If any person here knows of any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined together in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
 * Bigamy Lady: Yes!
 * [walks forward]
 * Bigamy Lady: I do. The groom is already married.
 * [the congregation gasps]
 * Bigamy Lady: He married me three years ago. And don't let him deny it! I've got the marriage certificate to prove it!
 * [after Hugo turns round to face her]
 * Bigamy Lady: Oh... sorry. Wrong church.

Autumn
24 December 1999

 * Owen Newitt: I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

 * Alice: I've done the test and it said I wasn't pregnant. The hamster didn't turn blue or anything.
 * Geraldine: I'm not sure I'm familiar with this particular pregnancy test.
 * Alice: Oh, it's how we've always done it here in Dibley. You see, you get a hamster, and you wee on it, and if it turns blue you're pregnant.
 * Geraldine: Right.

 * Jim: We're sorry to trouble you at this time, Vicar. It's just that you know when you said that if we had a serious problem that should come and see you.
 * Geraldine: [uneasy] Yes
 * Frank: [serious] We need to see you now. Desperately.
 * Geraldine: [Geraldine begins to feel for them] Of course guys, of course. Come on in. Make yourself at home. Have a seat. Now tell me, what's the problem?
 * Jim: [shows a crossword] It's Seven Down.

 * Frank: [Frank and Jim have just found out that Geraldine is planning to sleep with Simon] Good luck vicar, I think he'll make you very happy.
 * Geraldine: Aw, thank you Frank.
 * Jim: And if he doesn't I'll have a go!

 * Owen: She's already missed one set of Sunday services and it's important she doesn't miss another.
 * Alice: Can I just say, um, that I thought Mr. Pickle gave a lovely sermon as lay preacher.
 * Hugo: Yes, bravo. How you kept going for two and a half hours was amazing.
 * Owen: As I say, it's absolutely *vital* that she doesn't miss another Sunday. I need hardly remind you that we actually lost a couple of the older members of our congregation during last week's service.
 * Jim: Don't worry Frank, they were going to die anyway. And that fellow who stood up and said if this moron doesn't shut up soon I'm going to kill myself and then five minutes later shot himself in the head... well, he'd been gloomy for quite some time...

Winter
25 December 1999

 * Geraldine: Let's just finish this conversation, before I stab you to death.

 * Geraldine: Now Alice. You're single, a virgin and yet pregnant.
 * Owen: That happened to my cousin Sally.
 * Geraldine: No it didn't, Owen.
 * Owen: Yes it did. She gave birth three times but she never ever had sex with a man.
 * Jim: Except me.
 * Frank: And me.
 * Owen: And me if I'm honest.

 * Owen: I'd just like to say. I'll be slaughtering Daisy here tomorrow, so do order your Christmas beef after the show.

 * Frank: Isn't there something we can do to help? After all, we are the three wise men.

 * Jim: No, no, no, we are the kings.

 * Frank: Oh, right!

 * Jim: Most kings are brain-dead, inbred cretins.

Spring
27 December 1999

 * Bishop of Mulberry: Aww the baby is sleeping. We must be really QUIET

 * [Baby Geraldine has woken up]
 * Bishop of Mulberry: Aww hello little one, you're awake.
 * Geraldine: Yes, I wonder why.

 * Jim: That is life. Full of confusion. I found this gorgeous girl in Thailand. We snogged, well we more than snogged. I asked her to marry me, she said yes. We got married on a pineapple strewn beach. On the first night of the honeymoon she takes off all her clothes and it turns out she's a bloke called Duane.

Summer
1 January 2000

 * David: [Seeing Geraldine chained to the church] You look like an extra in a low-budget remake of a film by Ken Russell.

 * Owen: [walking into the parish hall] Sorry for being late but I made the mistake of going to my toilet today and it hasn't been flushed for ten days. I've only just regained consciousness.

 * Jim: I was so excited, I made love to a Swedish journalist.
 * Geraldine: We know, Jim. We were chained to you at the time.

Merry Christmas
25 December 2004

 * Geraldine: This Christmas is quite special this year.
 * Jim: Is Carry On Camping going to be on the telly?
 * Geraldine: No, no!
 * Owen: Is Jesus coming back to get rid of all the bad in this sick world?
 * Geraldine: Not that either, although it would be good to have someone new presenting Songs of Praise! But no, the reason that this year is special to me is that it is my tenth year in Dibley.
 * Frank: Here is a woman, who could have done anything. Gone anywhere! And yet you have chosen to waste the best ten years of your life stuck with us morons!
 * Geraldine: ... Yeah. Thanks for that!

 * [Geraldine is drunk in front of her parishioners]
 * Geraldine: [To woman in the crowd] Hello you! I haven't told anyone about your boob job!
 * ''[Winks at her, then looks at David]
 * Geraldine: And you! You think no one notices that you're.. bald. I mean everyone is looking at you, and thinking "My goodness. Why does this man have a massive egg for a head". CRACK ON!

 * Geraldine: [Geraldine giving her Christmas sermon while heavily drunk] On this day, many many years ago, a child was born. And his name was ummm... his name was... gosh, I know this... it's in that book. Ummm... [looks at Alice for answer].
 * Alice: [Whispers, trying to hint the name] J.
 * Geraldine: Jeremy! No, that's not it.
 * Alice: [Whispers louder than before] J-esus.
 * Geraldine: Jesus - no that's not right either. Doesn't matter, what's in a name? Important thing is... he was a very, very nice guy... apparently. (laughs) Two important things to remember about him. ONE, he loved all of us and he had a nice fluffy beard, and three, two, one - THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!! [She collapses and falls off the pulpit. The congregation applauds].

Happy New Year
1 January 2005

 * Owen: [Reading his letter to the Prime Minister] Dear Prime Minister...
 * Geraldine: Good Start!
 * Owen: Listen up, you stupid P**ck...
 * Geraldine: Smell a tiny problem there...
 * Owen: Yes, well, I thought he must get a lot of letters and that I should grab his attention right from the beginning.
 * Geraldine: Yeah, good point, I think that might be a little bit counter-productive, but let's see how we continue...
 * Owen: Dear Prime Minister, listen up, you stupid P**ck...
 * Geraldine: Yes...
 * Owen: Yours sincerely, Owen Newitt.

The Handsome Stranger
25 December 2006

 * Alice: I'm reading that fantistic new book from the bible!
 * Geraldine: [Hesitates] ...What new book from the bible?
 * Alice: The Da Vinci Code

 * Harry: [moves a large box] Sorry it's a bit of a mess. I just moved out of a student big flat in London it's gonna be a bit of a squeeze squeezing it all in so uh, well if you see anything you like the look of just steal it I'll never know.
 * Alice: Really?
 * Geraldine: [to Alice] No, not really.
 * Harry: Oh, I'm Harry by the way. Sorry. All over the shop today.
 * Geraldine: [shaking Harry's hand] Oh, right and I'm Geraldine. I just live down the lane.
 * Harry: Excellent.
 * Geraldine: Yeah.
 * Alice: And I'm Alice.
 * Harry: [shakes her hand] Splendid! Well, what a surprise so I actually receive a visit from a neighbour. I lived on the same street in London for 15 whole years and the bell never rang once.
 * Alice: Oh, we had a bell like that... We wired it wrong...

 * David: Yes well, there is one little thing: I brought along a bottle of champagne, because although she may not realize it, the Vicar last weekend did her 100th Wedding while she's been here.
 * [everyone cheers and David pops the cork off the bottle as Hugo brings glasses to the table]
 * Geraldine: [surprised] Really? 100? Goodness me. So that's 100 happy-in-love brides and grooms and... and I'm always the Vicar... I'm never the bride...
 * [Geraldine starts to break down]
 * Geraldine: I'm alw-I'm always in the cassack... I'm never in the lovely big white frocks...
 * [Geraldine starts crying]
 * David: Somebody cheer her up.
 * Owen: I'll marry you, Dollyknockers!
 * Geraldine: Shut up!

 * Geraldine: Everyone is welcome here in the bosom of my bosoms.

 * Geraldine: [writing in a notebook] Right, so just her first and last name then.
 * Harry: Well...
 * Geraldine: Come on Harry. You shouldn't be marrying someone if you don't even know their name.
 * Harry: [slowly] Well... obviously it's... Geraldine...
 * Geraldine: [writing] Geraldine...
 * Harry: Granger.
 * Geraldine: [writing] Grange...
 * [Geraldine turns around]
 * Geraldine: [shocked] Pardon?
 * Harry: Geraldine Granger... I'm asking you to marry me, Geraldine Granger.

 * Geraldine: What about-What about that other one you've been living with? Rosie the pretty one -
 * Harry: -My sister?
 * Geraldine: -WHAT?!

Dibley Christmas Carol Suggestions

 * Geraldine: Right, Owen, you said you'd delight and surprise us.
 * Owen: Yes, I'm not so sure about the delight bit any longer.
 * Geraldine: ... right, well fire away.
 * Owen:

Jesus was born on Christmas day Halleluia, halleluia But he never got his end away Halleluia
 * Geraldine: Next!

 * Geraldine: So Frank, how many verses?
 * Frank: 108. It's quite a controversial thesis and it took a little bit of time to formulate my... peroration.
 * Geraldine: Right, well, would you forgive us if we didn't hear all of the verses?
 * Frank: I could drop 1 or 2 in the middle.
 * Geraldine: Fire away!
 * Frank:

Praise the lord But hold on to your hat Jesus Christ was born a cat
 * Geraldine: You say it.
 * Alice: Next.
 * Frank: (walks away mumbling sadly)

 * Geraldine: Can I just say, before you start, that all my hopes for this competition - indeed, all my hopes that after 10 years there is one shred of talent or sanity in this village are resting entirely upon you?
 * Jim: No... No-no, no-no, no worries. I was trying to work out which bit of the nativity story was never done.
 * Geraldine: Good.
 * Jim: Then I realised... the actual birth.
 * Geraldine: Bad. And so it goes?
 * Jim:

Praise the lord, he's coming down the birth canal Here he comes, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Look, the madonna's fully dilated She shall not need an episiotomy
 * Geraldine: (Bangs head down on the table extreme force)
 * Alice: I rather like that.

Cast

 * Dawn French - Geraldine Granger
 * Gary Waldhorn - David Horton
 * James Fleet - Hugo Horton
 * John Bluthal - Frank Pickle
 * Liz Smith - Mrs Cropley
 * Trevor Peacock - Jim Trott
 * Roger Lloyd Pack - Owen Newitt
 * Emma Chambers - Alice Tinker

title: The Vicar of Dibley


text:
User talk:Jesussaves~enwikiquote

Hiya

I'm "Ben 10" a user of [Wikipedia]. So you're the one who made the article for High School Musical, huh? I don't know if you're the one who did it, but do you know why every just about every single line in the movie is in here? I mean there's a lot of good stuff in High School Musical, but in the individual characters' sections there's stuff that doesn't fit too well outside of context, and really ought to be moved to the Dialogue section. After all, it takes more than one person to make a show worth watching, right? Oh, by the way, great choice of user name.

Your account will be renamed
Hello,

The developer team at Wikimedia is making some changes to how accounts work, as part of our on-going efforts to provide new and better tools for our users like cross-wiki notifications. These changes will mean you have the same account name everywhere. This will let us give you new features that will help you edit and discuss better, and allow more flexible user permissions for tools. One of the side-effects of this is that user accounts will now have to be unique across all 900 Wikimedia wikis. See the announcement for more information.

Unfortunately, your account clashes with another account also called Jesussaves. To make sure that both of you can use all Wikimedia projects in future, we have reserved the name Jesussaves~enwikiquote that only you will have. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you do not like it, you can pick out a different name.

Your account will still work as before, and you will be credited for all your edits made so far, but you will have to use the new account name when you log in.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yours, Keegan Peterzell Community Liaison, Wikimedia Foundation 23:24, 17 March 2015 (UTC)

Renamed
 This account has been renamed as part of single-user login finalisation. If you own this account you can |log in using your previous username and password for more information. If you do not like this account's new name, you can choose your own using this form after logging in: . -- Keegan (WMF) (talk) 05:50, 19 April 2015 (UTC)

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: User talk:Jesussaves~enwikiquote


text:
User:Nkife

Me

title: User:Nkife


text:
User talk:Nkife

Talk here:

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! —LrdChaos 03:46, 24 August 2006 (UTC)
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title: User talk:Nkife


text:
Isis Unveiled

Isis Unveiled: A Master-Key to the Mysteries of Ancient and Modern Science and Theology, published in 1877, is a book of esoteric philosophy and Helena Petrovna Blavatsky's first major work and a key text in her Theosophical movement.

Isis Unveiled: A Master-Key to the Mysteries of Ancient and Modern Science and Theology (1877)
(Full text online, htm, + multiple formats)

Vol. I Preface

 * The work now submitted to public judgment is the fruit of a somewhat intimate acquaintance with Eastern adepts and study of Their science. It is offered to such as are willing to accept truth wherever it may be found, and to defend it, even looking popular prejudice straight in the face. It is an attempt to aid the student to detect the vital principles which underlie the philosophical systems of old.

 * The book is written in all sincerity. It is meant to do even justice, and to speak the truth alike without malice or prejudice. But it shows neither mercy for enthroned error, nor reverence for usurped authority. It demands for a spoliated past, that credit for its achievements which has been too long withheld. It calls for a restitution of borrowed robes, and the vindication of calumniated but glorious reputations. Toward no form of worship, no religious faith, no scientific hypothesis has its criticism been directed in any other spirit.

 * Men and parties, sects and schools are but the mere ephemera of the world's day.

 * Truth, high-seated upon its rock of adamant, is alone eternal and supreme.

 * We believe in no Magic which transcends the scope and capacity of the human mind, nor in "miracle," whether divine or diabolical, if such imply a transgression of the laws of nature instituted from all eternity. Nevertheless, we accept the saying of the gifted author of Festus, that the human heart has not yet fully uttered itself, and that we have never attained or even understood the extent of its powers.

 * Is it too much to believe that man should be developing new sensibilities and a closer relation with nature? The logic of evolution must teach as much, if carried to its legitimate conclusions...

 * When, years ago, we first travelled over the East, exploring the penetralia of its deserted sanctuaries, two saddening and ever-recurring questions oppressed our thoughts: Where, who, what is GOD? Who ever saw the immortal SPIRIT of man, so as to be able to assure himself of man's immortality?

 * It was while most anxious to solve these perplexing problems that we came into contact with certain men, endowed with such mysterious powers and such profound knowledge that we may truly designate them as the sages of the Orient. To Their instructions we lent a ready ear. They showed us that by combining science with religion, the existence of God and immortality of man's spirit may be demonstrated like a problem of Euclid. For the first time we received the assurance that the Oriental philosophy has room for no other faith than an absolute and immovable faith in the omnipotence of man's own immortal self. We were taught that this omnipotence comes from the kinship of man's spirit with the Universal Soul — God!

 * Our work... is a plea for the recognition of the Hermetic philosophy, the anciently universal Wisdom-Religion, as the only possible key to the Absolute in science and theology.

 * To show that we do not at all conceal from ourselves the gravity of our undertaking, we may say in advance that it would not be strange if the following classes should array themselves against us: The Christians, who will see that we question the evidences of the genuineness of their faith. The Scientists, who will find their pretensions placed in the same bundle with those of the Roman Catholic Church for infallibility...Pseudo-Scientists will, of course, denounce us furiously.  Broad Churchmen and Freethinkers will find that we do not accept what they do, but demand the recognition of the whole truth.Men of letters and various authorities, who hide their real belief in deference to popular prejudices.The mercenaries and parasites of the Press, who prostitute its more than royal power, and dishonor a noble profession, will find it easy to mock at things too wonderful for them to understand... From many will come honest criticism...

 * We look to the future. The contest now going on between the party of public conscience and the party of reaction, has already developed a healthier tone of thought. It will hardly fail to result ultimately in the overthrow of error and the triumph of Truth.

 * We repeat again — we are laboring for the brighter morrow. And yet, when we consider the bitter opposition that we are called upon to face, who is better entitled than we upon entering the arena to write upon our shield the hail of the Roman gladiator to Caesar: Moriturus te Salutât!

Before the Veil

 * It is nineteen centuries since, as we are told, the night of Heathenism and Paganism was first dispelled by the divine light of Christianity; and two-and-a-half centuries since the bright lamp of Modern Science began to shine on the darkness of the ignorance of the ages. Within these respective epochs, we are required to believe, the true moral and intellectual progress of the race has occurred.
 * The ancient philosophers were well enough for their respective generations, but they were illiterate as compared with modern men of science. The ethics of Paganism perhaps met the wants of the uncultivated people of antiquity, but not until the advent of the luminous "Star of Bethlehem," was the true road to moral perfection and the way to salvation made plain... Now, the dullest may read the will of God in His revealed word; men have every incentive to be good, and are constantly becoming better.

 * This is the assumption; what are the facts? On the one hand an unspiritual, dogmatic, too often debauched clergy; a host of sects, and three warring great religions; discord instead of union, dogmas without proofs, sensation-loving preachers, and wealth and pleasure-seeking parishioners' hypocrisy and bigotry, begotten by the tyrannical exigencies of respectability, the rule of the day, sincerity and real piety exceptional.

 * On the other hand, scientific hypotheses built on sand; no accord upon a single question; rancorous quarrels and jealousy; a general drift into materialism. A death-grapple of Science with Theology for infallibility — "a conflict of ages."

 * At Rome, the self-styled seat of Christianity, the putative successor to the chair of Peter is undermining social order with his invisible but omnipresent net-work of bigoted agents, and incites them to revolutionize Europe for his temporal as well as spiritual supremacy. We see him who calls himself the "Vicar of Christ," fraternizing with the anti-Christian Moslem against another Christian nation, publicly invoking the blessing of God upon the arms of those who have for centuries withstood, with fire and sword, the pretensions of his Christ to Godhood!

 * Between these two conflicting Titans — Science and Theology  — is a bewildered public, fast losing all belief in man's personal immortality, in a deity of any kind, and rapidly descending to the level of a mere animal existence. Such is the picture of the hour, illumined by the bright noonday sun of this Christian and scientific era!

 * Would it be strict justice to condemn to critical lapidation the most humble and modest of authors for entirely rejecting the authority of both these combatants? Are we not bound rather to take as the true aphorism of this century, the declaration of Horace Greeley: "I accept unreservedly the views of no man, living or dead"?  Such, at all events, will be our motto, and we mean that principle to be our constant guide throughout this work.

 * The whole question of phenomena rests on the correct comprehension of old philosophies. Whither, then, should we turn, in our perplexity, but to the ancient sages, since, on the pretext of superstition, we are refused an explanation by the modern? Let us ask them what they know of genuine science and religion; not in the matter of mere details, but in all the broad conception of these twin truths — so strong in their unity, so weak when divided. Besides, we may find our profit in comparing this boasted modern science with ancient ignorance; this improved modern theology with the "Secret doctrines" of the ancient universal religion. Perhaps we may thus discover a neutral ground whence we can reach and profit by both. It is the Platonic philosophy, the most elaborate compend of the abstruse systems of old India, that can alone afford us this middle ground.

 * Although twenty-two and a quarter centuries have elapsed since the death of Plato, the great minds of the world are still occupied with his writings. He was, in the fullest sense of the word, the world's interpreter. And the greatest philosopher of the pre-Christian era mirrored faithfully in his works the spiritualism of the Vedic philosophers who lived thousands of years before himself, and its metaphysical expression. Vyasa, Djeminy, Kapila, Vrihaspati, Sumati, and so many others, will be found to have transmitted their indelible imprint through the intervening centuries upon Plato and his school. Thus is warranted the inference that to Plato and the ancient Hindu sages was alike revealed the same wisdom. So surviving the shock of time, what can this wisdom be but divine and eternal?

 * Plato taught justice as subsisting in the soul of its possessor and his greatest good. "Men, in proportion to their intellect, have admitted his transcendent claims." Yet his commentators, almost with one consent, shrink from every passage which implies that his metaphysics are based on a solid foundation, and not on ideal conceptions.

 * Plato could not accept a philosophy destitute of spiritual aspirations; the two were at one with him. For the old Grecian sage there was a single object of attainment: real knowledge. He considered those only to be genuine philosophers, or students of truth, who possess the knowledge of the really-existing, in opposition to the mere seeming; of the always-existing, in opposition to the transitory; and of that which exists permanently, in opposition to that which waxes, wanes, and is developed and destroyed alternately.

 * Magician. — This term, once a title of renown and distinction, has come to be wholly perverted from its true meaning. Once the synonym of all that was honorable and reverent, of a possessor of learning and wisdom, it has become degraded into an epithet to designate one who is a pretender and a juggler; a charlatan, in short, or one who has "sold his soul to the Evil One"; who misuses his knowledge, and employs it for low and dangerous uses, according to the teachings of the clergy, and a mass of superstitious fools who believe the magician a sorcerer and an enchanter. But Christians forget, apparently, that Moses was also a magician, and Daniel, "Master of the magicians, astrologers, Chaldeans, and soothsayers" (Daniel, v. II).  The word magician then, scientifically speaking, is derived from Magh, Mah, Hindu or Sanscrit Maha — great; a man well versed in the secret or esoteric knowledge; properly a Sacerdote.

Volume I The "Infallibility" of Modern Science

 * We venture to say a few words in explanation of the plan of this work. Its object is not to force upon the public the personal views or theories of its author; nor has it the pretensions of a scientific work, which aims at creating a revolution in some department of thought. It is rather a brief summary of the religions, philosophies, and universal traditions of human kind, and the exegesis of the same, in the spirit of those secret doctrines, of which none — thanks to prejudice and bigotry — have reached Christendom in so unmutilated a form, as to secure it a fair judgment. Introduction

 * Since the days of the unlucky mediaeval philosophers, the last to write upon these secret doctrines of which they were the depositories, few men have dared to brave persecution and prejudice by placing their knowledge upon record. And these few have never, as a rule, written for the public, but only for those of their own and succeeding times who possessed the key to their jargon. The multitude, not understanding them or their doctrines, have been accustomed to regard them.  Introduction

 * The discoveries of modern science do not disagree with the oldest traditions which claim an incredible antiquity for our race. Chapter I

 * The astral perisprit is contained and confined within the physical body as ether in a bottle, or magnetism in magnetized iron. It is a centre and engine of force, fed from the universal supply of force, and moved by the same general laws which pervade all nature and produce all cosmical phenomena. Its inherent activity causes the incessant physical operations of the animal organism and ultimately results in the destruction of the latter by overuse and its own escape. It is the prisoner, not the voluntary tenant, of the body. Chapter VI

 * The infinite and uncreated spirit that we usually call GOD, a substance of the highest virtue and excellency, produced everything else by emanative causality. God thus is the primary substance, the rest, the secondary; if the former created matter with a power of moving itself, he, the primary substance, is still the cause of that motion as well as of the matter, and yet we rightly say that it is matter which moves itself. "We may define this kind of spirit we speak of to be a substance indiscernible, that can move itself, that can penetrate, contract, and dilate itself, and can also penetrate, move, and alter matter," which is the third emanation. Chapter VII

 * Everything lives and perishes through magnetism; one thing affects another one, even at great distances, and its "congenitals" may be influenced to health and disease by the power of this sympathy, at any time, and notwithstanding the intervening space. Chapter VII

 * Science tells us that heat may be shown to develop electricity, electricity produce heat; and magnetism to evolve electricity, and vice versa. Motion, they tell us, results from motion itself, and so on, ad infinitum. This is the A B C of occultism and of the earliest alchemists. The indestructibility of matter and force being discovered and proved, the great problem of eternity is solved. Chapter VII

 * Evidently Proclus does not advocate here simply a superstition, but science; for notwithstanding that it is occult, and unknown to our scholars, who deny its possibilities, magic is still a science. It is firmly and solely based on the mysterious affinities existing between organic and inorganic bodies, the visible productions of the four kingdoms, and the invisible powers of the universe. Chapter VII

 * That which science calls gravitation, the ancients and the mediaeval hermetists called magnetism, attraction, affinity. It is the universal law, which is understood by Plato and explained in Timaeus as the attraction of lesser bodies to larger ones, and of similar bodies to similar, the latter exhibiting a magnetic power rather than following the law of gravitation. Chapter VII

 * "True science has no belief," says Dr. Fenwick, in Bulwer-Lytton's Strange Story; "true science knows but three states of mind: denial, conviction, and the vast interval between the two, which is not belief, but the suspension of judgment." Such, perhaps, was true science in Dr. Fenwick's days. But the true science of our modern times proceeds otherwise; it either denies point-blank, without any preliminary investigation, or sits in the interim, between denial and conviction, and, dictionary in hand, invents new Graeco-Latin appellations for non-existing kinds of hysteria! Chapter VII

 * Annihilation means, with the Buddhistical philosophy, only a dispersion of matter, in whatever form or semblance of form it may be; for everything that bears a shape was created, and thus must sooner or later perish, i.e., change that shape; therefore, as something temporary, though seeming to be permanent, it is but an illusion, Maya; for, as eternity has neither beginning nor end, the more or less prolonged duration of some particular form passes, as it were, like an instantaneous flash of lightning. Chapter VII

 * While Moses forbids 'graven images' of Him whose name is not to be taken in vain, Spinoza goes farther. He clearly infers that God must not be so much as described. Human language is totally unfit to give an idea of this "Being" who is altogether unique. Whether it is Spinoza or the Christian theology that is more right in their premises and conclusion, we leave the reader to judge for himself. Every attempt to the contrary leads a nation to anthropomorphize the deity in whom it believes, and the result is that given by Swedenborg. Instead of stating that God made man after his own image, we ought in truth to say that "man imagines God after his image," forgetting that he has set up his own reflection for worship.  Chapter IX

 * What is imagination? Psychologists tell us that it is the plastic or creative power of the soul; but materialists confound it with fancy. The radical difference between the two, was however, so thoroughly indicated by Wordsworth, in the preface to his Lyrical Ballads, that it is no longer excusable to interchange the words. Imagination, Pythagoras maintained to be the remembrance of precedent spiritual, mental, and physical states, while fancy is the disorderly production of the material brain. Chapter XI

 * As Mr. Wallace justly observes, Hume's apothegm, that "a miracle is a violation of the laws of nature," is imperfect; for in the first place it assumes that we know all the laws of nature; and, second, that an unusual phenomenon is a miracle. Chapter XII

 * What proofs other than negative have we that the animal is without a surviving, if not immortal, soul? On strictly scientific grounds we can adduce as many arguments pro as contra. To express it clearer, neither man nor animal can offer either proof or disproof of the survival of their souls after death. And from the point of view of scientific experience, it is impossible to bring that which has no objective existence under the cognizance of any exact law of science. Chapter XII

 * There is a phenomenon in nature unknown, and therefore rejected by physiology and psychology in our age of unbelief... The whole difficulty lies in that 1, the ultimate moment of separation between the two is believed to be that when the body is declared dead by science; and 2, a prevailing unbelief in the existence of either soul or spirit in man, by the same science.  Chapter XII

 * The kabalists say that a man is not dead when his body is entombed. Death is never sudden; for, according to Hermes, nothing goes in nature by violent transitions. Everything is gradual, and as it required a long and gradual development to produce the living human being, so time is required to completely withdraw vitality from the carcass. "Death can no more be an absolute end, than birth a real beginning. Birth proves the preexistence of the being, as death proves immortality," says the same French kabalist [Eliphas Levi] . Chapter XIII

 * Man is not dead when he is cold, stiff, pulseless, breathless, and even showing signs of decomposition; he is not dead when buried, nor afterward, until a certain point is reached.  Chapter XIII

 * When science shall have effectually demonstrated to us the origin of matter, and proved the fallacy of the occultists and old philosophers who held (as their descendants now hold) that matter is but one of the correlations of spirit, then will the world of skeptics have a right to reject the old Wisdom, or throw the charge of obscenity in the teeth of the old religions.  Chapter XV

Preface to Volume II

 * Were it possible, we would keep this work out of the hands of many Christians whom its perusal would not benefit, and for whom it was not written. We allude to those whose faith in their respective churches is pure and sincere, and those whose sinless lives reflect the glorious example of that Prophet of Nazareth, by whose mouth the spirit of truth spake loudly to humanity.

 * History preserves the names of many as heroes, philosophers, philanthropists, martyrs, and holy men and women; but how many more have lived and died, unknown but to their intimate acquaintance, unblessed but by their humble beneficiaries! These have ennobled Christianity, but would have shed the same lustre upon any other faith they might have professed — for they were higher than their creed.

 * They are to be found at this day, in pulpit and pew, in palace and cottage; but the increasing materialism, worldliness and hypocrisy are fast diminishing their proportionate number. Their charity, and simple, child-like faith in the infallibility of their Bible, their dogmas, and their clergy, bring into full activity all the virtues that are implanted in our common nature.

 * We have personally known such God-fearing priests and clergymen, and we have always avoided debate with them, lest we might be guilty of the cruelty of hurting their feelings; nor would we rob a single layman of his blind confidence, if it alone made possible for him holy living and serene dying.

 * An analysis of religious beliefs in general, this volume is in particular directed against theological Christianity, the chief opponent of free thought. It contains not one word against the pure teachings of Jesus, but unsparingly denounces their debasement into pernicious ecclesiastical systems that are ruinous to man's faith in his immortality and his God, and subversive of all moral restraint.

 * We cast our gauntlet at the dogmatic theologians who would enslave both history and science; and especially at the Vatican, whose despotic pretensions have become hateful to the greater portion of enlightened Christendom. The clergy apart, none but the logician, the investigator, the dauntless explorer should meddle with books like this. Such delvers after truth have the courage of their opinions.

Volume II Theology

 * Chapter II

 * But, if the knowledge of the occult powers of nature opens the spiritual sight of man, enlarges his intellectual faculties, and leads him unerringly to a profounder veneration for the Creator, on the other hand ignorance, dogmatic narrow-mindedness, and a childish fear of looking to the bottom of things, invariably leads to fetish-worship and superstition.

 * In the Book of Hermes, "Pimander," is enunciated in distinct and unequivocal sentences, the whole trinitarian dogma accepted by the Christians. "The light is me," says Pimander, the DIVINE THOUGHT. "I am the nous or intelligence, and I am thy god, and I am far older than the human principle which escapes from the shadow. I am the germ of thought, the resplendent WORD, the SON of GOD. Think that what thus sees and hears in thee, is the Verbum of the Master, it is the Thought, which is God the Father... The celestial ocean, the AETHER, which flows from east to west, is the Breath of the Father, the life-giving Principle, the HOLY GHOST!" For they are not at all separated and their union is LIFE.

 * Chapter II

 * Every one of the numberless religions and religious sects views the Deity after its own fashion; and, fathering on the unknown its own speculations, it enforces these purely human outgrowths of overheated imagination on the ignorant masses, and calls them "revelation." As the dogmas of every religion and sect often differ radically, they cannot be true. And if untrue, what are they?
 * Chapter III

 * We can assert, with entire plausibility, that there is not one of all these sects — Kabalism, Judaism, and our present Christianity included — but sprung from the two main branches of that one mother-trunk, the once universal religion, which antedated the Vedaic ages — we speak of that prehistoric Buddhism which merged later into Brahmanism

 * The religion which the primitive teaching of the early few apostles most resembled — a religion preached by Jesus himself — is the elder of these two, Buddhism. The latter as taught in its primitive purity, and carried to perfection by the last of the Buddhas, Gautama, based its moral ethics on three fundamental principles.

 * Perhaps the Church of Rome was but consistent in choosing as her titular founder the apostle who thrice denied his master at the moment of danger; and the only one, moreover, except Judas, who provoked Christ in such a way as to be addressed as the "Enemy." "Get thee behind me, Satan!" exclaims Jesus, rebuking the taunting apostle.(Gospel according to Mark, viii. 33.)

 * This tradition, then, of which we have been speaking, affirms that, when frightened at the accusation of the servant of the high priest, the apostle had thrice denied his master, and the cock had crowed, Jesus, who was then passing through the hall in custody of the soldiers, turned, and, looking at Peter, said: "Verily, I say unto thee, Peter, thou shalt deny me throughout the coming ages, and never stop until thou shalt be old, and shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee and carry thee whither thou wouldst not." The latter part of this sentence, say the Greeks, relates to the Church of Rome, and prophesies her constant apostasy from Christ, under the mask of false religion. Later, it was inserted in the twenty-first chapter of John, but the whole of this chapter had been pronounced a forgery, even before it was found that this Gospel was never written by John the Apostle at all.

 * Chapter IV

 * "Tell me who it is who brings about the re-birth (the revolutio)?" is asked of the wise Hermes. "God's Son, the only man, through the will of God," is the answer of the "heathen." "God's son" is the immortal spirit assigned to every human being. It is this divine entity which is the "only man," for the casket which contains our soul, and the soul itself, are but half-entities, and without its overshadowing both body and astral soul, the two are but an animal duad. It requires a trinity to form the complete "man," and allow him to remain immortal at every "re-birth," or revolutio, throughout the subsequent and ascending spheres, every one of which brings him nearer to the refulgent realm of eternal and absolute light.

 * Chapter VII

 * The Buddhists maintain that there is no Creator but an infinitude of creative powers, which collectively form the one eternal substance, the essence of which is inscrutable — hence not a subject for speculation for any true philosopher.

 * Socrates invariably refused to argue upon the mystery of universal being, yet no one would ever have thought of charging him with atheism, except those who were bent upon his destruction. Upon inaugurating an active period, says the Secret Doctrine, an expansion of this Divine essence, from within outwardly, occurs in obedience to eternal and immutable law, and the phenomenal or visible universe is the ultimate result of the long chain of cosmical forces thus progressively set in motion. In like manner, when the passive condition is resumed, a contraction of the Divine essence takes place, and the previous work of creation is gradually and progressively undone. The visible universe becomes disintegrated, its material dispersed; and "darkness," solitary and alone, broods once more over the face of the "deep." To use a metaphor which will convey the idea still more clearly, an outbreathing of the "unknown essence" produces the world; and an inhalation causes it to disappear. This process has been going on from all eternity, and our present universe is but one of an infinite series which had no beginning and will have no end.

 * In the "fall of Adam" we must see, not the personal transgression of man, but simply the law of the dual evolution. Adam, or "Man," begins his career of existences by dwelling in the garden of Eden, "dressed in the celestial garment, which is a garment of heavenly light" (Sohar, ii., 229 b); but when expelled he is "clothed" by God, or the eternal law of Evolution or necessarianism, with coats of skin. But even on this earth of material degradation — in which the divine spark (Soul, a corruscation of the Spirit) was to begin its physical progression in a series of imprisonments from a stone up to a man's body — if he but exercise his WILL and call his deity to his help, man can transcend the powers of the angel. "Know ye not that we shall judge angels?" asks Paul (1 Corinthians, vi. 3). The real man is the Soul (Spirit), teaches the Sohar. "The mystery of the earthly man is after the mystery of the heavenly man... the wise can read the mysteries in the human face" (ii., 76 a).

 * Chapter VII

 * The inference to be drawn from all this is, that the made-up and dogmatic Christianity of the Constantinian period is simply an offspring of the numerous conflicting sects, half-castes themselves, born of Pagan parents. Each of these could claim representatives converted to the so-called orthodox body of Christians. And, as every newly-born dogma had to be carried out by the majority of votes, every sect colored the main substance with its own hue, till the moment when the emperor enforced this revealed olla-podrida, of which he evidently did not himself understand a word, upon an unwilling world as the religion of Christ. Wearied in the vain attempt to sound this fathomless bog of international speculations, unable to appreciate a religion based on the pure spirituality of an ideal conception, Christendom gave itself up to the adoration of brutal force as represented by a Church backed up by Constantine. Since then, among the thousand rites, dogmas, and ceremonies copied from Paganism, the Church can claim but one invention as thoroughly original with her — namely, the doctrine of eternal damnation, and one custom, that of the anathema.

 * Chapter IX

 * "The myths," says Horace in his Ars Poetica, "have been invented by wise men to strengthen the laws and teach moral truths." While Horace endeavored to make clear the very spirit and essence of the ancient myths, Euhemerus pretended, on the contrary, that "myths were the legendary history of kings and heroes, transformed into gods by the admiration of the nations." It is the latter method which was inferentially followed by Christians when they agreed upon the acceptation of euhemerized patriarchs, and mistook them for men who had really lived.

 * The allegories of the "fall of man" and the "deluge," are the two most important features of the Pentateuch. They are, so to say, the Alpha and Omega, the highest and the lowest keys of the scale of harmony on which resounds the majestic hymns of the creation of mankind; for they discover to him who questions the Zura (figurative Gematria), the process of man's evolution from the highest spiritual entity unto the lowest physical — the post-diluvian man, as in the Egyptian hieroglyphics, every sign of the picture writing which cannot be made to fit within a certain circumscribed geometrical figure may be rejected as only intended by the sacred hierogrammatist for a premeditated blind — so many of the details in the Bible must be treated on the same principle, that portion only being accepted which answers to the numerical methods taught in the Kabala.

 * "Noah is a revolutio of Adam, as Moses is a revolutio of Abel and Seth," says the Kabala; that is to say, a repetition or another version of the same story. The greatest proof of it is the distribution of the characters in the Bible. For instance, beginning with Cain, the first murderer, every fifth man in his line of descent is a murderer. Thus there come Enoch, Irad, Mehujael, Methuselah, and the fifth is Lamech, the second murderer, and he is Noah's father.

 * By drawing the five-pointed star of Lucifer (which has its crown-point downward) and writing the name of Cain beneath the lowest point, and those of his descendants successively at each of the other points, it will be found that each fifth name — which would be written beneath that of Cain — is that of a murderer. In the Talmud this genealogy is given complete, and thirteen murderers range themselves in line below the name of Cain. This is no coincidence. Siva is the Destroyer, but he is also the Regenerator. Cain is a murderer, but he is also the creator of nations, and an inventor. This star of Lucifer is the same one that John sees falling down to earth in his Apocalypse.

 * And is there no possibility that there was a period, and several periods, when man existed, and yet was not an organic being — therefore could not have left any vestige of himself for exact science? Spirit leaves no skeletons or fossils behind, and yet few are the men on earth who doubt that man can live both objectively and subjectively. At all events, the theology of the Brahmans, hoary with antiquity, and which divides the formative periods of the earth into four ages, and places between each of these a lapse of 1,728,000 years, far more agrees with official science and modern discovery than the absurd chronological notions promulgated by the Councils of Nice and Trent.

 * Chapter X

 * The Gnostics were the earliest Christians with anything like a regular theological system, and it is only too evident that it was Jesus who was made to fit their theology as Christos, and not their theology that was developed out of his sayings and doings. Their ancestors had maintained, before the Christian era, that the Great Serpent — Jupiter, the Dragon of Life, the Father and "Good Divinity," had glided into the couch of Semele, and now, the post-Christian Gnostics, with a very trifling change, applied the same fable to the man Jesus, and asserted that the same "Good Divinity," Saturn (Ilda-Baoth), had, in the shape of the Dragon of Life, glided over the cradle of the infant Mary.

 * Jesus taught the world nothing that had not been taught as earnestly before by other masters. He begins his sermon [on the Mount] with certain purely Buddhistic precepts that had found acceptance among the Essenes, and were generally practiced by the Orphikoi, and the Neo-platonists... Every word of his sermon is an echo of the essential principles of monastic Buddhism.

 * The Christian virtues inculcated by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount are nowhere exemplified in the Christian world... Meanwhile the vices which coarse-mouthed slanderers have attributed to Paganism, are current everywhere among Christian Fathers and Christian Churches.

 * The light of Christianity has only served to show how much more hypocrisy and vice its teachings have begotten in the world since its advent, and how immensely superior were the ancients over us in every point of honor.

 * The clergy, by teaching the helplessness of man, his utter dependence on Providence, and the doctrine of atonement, have crushed in their faithful followers every atom of self-reliance and self-respect. So true is this, that it is becoming an axiom that the most honorable men are to be found among atheists and the so-called “infidels”.

 * Let them [i.e. the Christian theologians] pass on – we have devoted too much space to them and their conglomerate theology, already. We have weighed both in the balance of history, of logic, of truth, and found them wanting. Their system breeds atheism, nihilism, despair, and crime: its priests and preachers are unable to prove by works their reception of divine power. If both Church and priest could but pass out of the sight of the world as easily as their names do now from the eye of our reader, it would be a happy day for humanity.

 * Chapter XI

 * Comparative theology is a two-edged weapon, and has so proved itself. But the Christian advocates, unabashed by evidence, force comparison in the serenest way; Christian legends and dogmas, they say, do somewhat resemble the heathen, it is true; but see, while the one teaches us the existence, powers, and attributes of an all-wise, all-good Father-God, Brahmanism gives us a multitude of minor gods, and Buddhism none whatever; one is fetishism and polytheism, the other bald atheism.

 * Jehovah is the one true God, and the Pope and Martin Luther are His prophets! This is one edge of the sword, and this the other: Despite missions, despite armies, despite enforced commercial intercourse, the "heathen" find nothing in the teachings of Jesus — sublime though some are — that Christ and Gautama had not taught them before.

 * To gain over any new converts, and keep the few already won by centuries of cunning, the Christians give the "heathen" dogmas more absurd than their own, and cheat them by adopting the habit of their native priests, and practicing the very "idolatry and fetishism" which they so disparage in the "heathens." Comparative theology works both ways.

Quotes about

 * By-the-bye you must not trust Isis literally. The book is but a tentative effort to divert the attention of the Spiritualists from their preconceptions to the true state of things. The author was made to hint and point out the true direction, to say what things are not, not what they are. Proof readers helping, a few real mistakes have crept in as on page i, chapter i, volume i, where divine Essence is made emanating from Adam instead of the reverse.
 * Koot Hoomi, The Mahatma Letters to A. P. Sinnett, Letter No. IX, (1923)

 * The book is out, and we have to patiently wait for the results... Isis emanating from women... The Hersites and literary Phihstines will go hard to work, the flings, squibs and coups de bee falling thick upon her—though aimed at you alone as the Editor of the Pioneer is far from being beloved by his colleagues of India, Spiritualistic papers have already opened the campaign in London and the Yankee editors of the Organs of "Angels" will follow suit, the heavenly "Controls" ejaculating their choicest scandalum magnatum. Some men of science—least of all their admirers—the parasites who bask in the sun and dream they are themselves that sun—are not likely to forgive you the sentence—really much too flattering—which ranges the comprehension of a poor, unknown Hindoo " So far beyond the science and philosophy of Europe, that only the broadest minded representatives of either will be able to realize the existence of such powers in man, etc." But what of that? It was all foreseen and was to be expected. When the first hum and dingdong of adverse criticism is hushed, thoughtful men will read and ponder over the book, as they have never pondered over the most scientific efforts of Wallace and Crookes to reconcile modern science with Spirits, and—the little seed will grow and thrive.
 * Koot Hoomi, The Mahatma Letters to A. P. Sinnett, Letter No. IX, 1881,  (1923)

title: Isis Unveiled


text:
David Wright (baseball)

David Allen Wright (born December 20, 1982) is a Major League Baseball player. He is currently third basemen for the New York Mets.

Quotes

 * I want to be a Met my whole career.

 * When I first got to the majors in 2004, female fans held up signs asking me to marry them. Those girls today were what, 13, 14? I'm 23, but that's a little young even for me.

 * As soon as baseball becomes a job, as soon as I stop caring, as soon as the smile goes away, I'll hang up my spikes and do something else.

 * "I think I still have something to give. There is still that passion, that fire in me that says, ‘Let’s feel sorry for yourself for a day or so and let’s get back at it. Let’s get back on the horse.' "
 * quoted by the New York Post

 * Throughout this entire rehab process, I have been driven to get back on the field as quickly as I can. That's why I had the shoulder surgery and that's why I underwent back surgery to reduce the risk of further issues going forward. With these two surgeries behind me, I hope to be able to put on a Mets uniform again as soon as possible. My desire to play is as strong as ever.
 * quoted by MLB.com columnist Lindsay Berra on The Official Website of The New York Mets.

title: David Wright (baseball)


text:
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The Punisher (2004 film)

The Punisher is a 2004 film about a former Special Forces soldier and FBI agent who starts a one-man war on crime after his family is murdered by gangsters, in retaliation for their boss's own son's demise. Based on the Marvel Comics character.
 * Directed by Jonathan Hensleigh. Written by Jonathan Hensleigh and Michael France.

"Not vengeance. Punishment."

Frank Castle

 * God, I hate this job. (While climbing out of a body bag.)
 * Good business, murder? Does Saint pay you for each one, or does he get a group-rate discount?
 * You shouldn't play with knives.
 * God's gonna sit this one out.
 * (v.o., from trailer) They murdered my family. They thought they murdered me. My actions are not vengeance. No, not vengeance. Punishment.
 * (v.o.) I leave this as a declaration of intent so no one will be confused. Number one: Sic vis pacem, para bellum. Latin. The boot-camp sergeant made us recite it like a prayer. Sic vis pacem, para bellum - "If you want peace, prepare for war."
 * (v.o.) Number two: Frank Castle is dead. He died with his family. Number three: In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy it is necessary to act outside the law. To pursue... natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No, not vengeance. Punishment.
 * You look like a strong kid. You must work out. Ever try isometrics? This antipersonnel mine weighs eight pounds. Not much, but try holding it with an outstretched arm. Hell of a workout.
 * I made you kill your best friend. I made you kill your wife. And now I've killed you.
 * (lighting a blowtorch) It won't hurt at first. It's too hot, you see? The flame sears the nerve endings shut, killing them. You'll go into shock, and all you'll feel is... cold. Then it'll hurt. Isn't science fun, Micky?
 * (Last lines, v.o.)Those who do evil to others - the killers, the rapists, psychos, sadists - will come to know me well. Frank Castle is dead. Call me...the Punisher.

Howard Saint

 * The man responsible for my son's death must die.
 * Thank you for that explanation. (just before shooting the person addressed.)
 * Fourteen shipments are perfect. One goes bad and I get this - why? Because you want to scare me? There's no insurance in this business, you know that. So I'm not covering your fucking losses! And Mike, if you don't like it, just remember one thing: I've got more guns than you do.
 * It's YOUR duty to make Castle DEAD! I don't care what it takes, what it costs. Call the Russian.
 * Close the club. Bring everyone in. We're going hunting.
 * Do you recognize the neighborhood - Little Cuba? Just think - the first time I saw you was only three blocks from here. Of course, the neighborhood was so much more colorful then. Now it's just for whores. You'll fit right in.
 * Fifty thousand dollars apiece, and fifty thousand more to the man who kills him. If you accept this money, you're in till it's over.

Quentin Glass

 * You're a small piece of shit and I don't want the karma of your death on my conscience.
 * We called New York, we called Las Vegas, we called Europe and Hong Kong, we even got the Sicilians in it for old times' sake. With what you're paying, Howard, we'll know everything there is to know about Otto Krieg in twenty-four hours.
 * In forty-eight hours, Castle is a memory. A pro from Memphis - the best.
 * With all due respect, we don't have more guns. It's my duty to inform you...
 * Okay, why don't you and I see if we can discover the true nature of pain?
 * If they knew, they would've told. They must not have known.

Harry Heck

 * I can hear what you're thinking, all your doubts and fears,
 * And if you look in my eye, in time you'll find the reason I'm here.
 * And in time all things shall pass away, and in time you may come back some day
 * To live once more,
 * Or die once more,
 * But in time your time will be no…more. (sung)

 * I know you. You're that boy in the newspaper... came back from the dead.
 * You like that song? I wrote it for you. I'm gonna sing it at your funeral.
 * You are one dumb son-of-a-bitch. Bringing a knife to a gunfight. [Castle triggers the ballistic knife, firing the blade into Heck's neck and killing him]

Joan

 * We want you to have dinner with us.
 * Good memories can save your life.
 * I don't know much, but I'm good with a needle. Don't ask.
 * You're gonna die tonight, aren't you? Is that what you want?

Dave

 * "You - are insignificant. You - are a coward. You - are a great disappointment to your mother and I!" [the camera turns to reveal the character in Dave's computer game, of whom he is speaking]
 * "No one's ever stood up for me before."
 * "Mr. Castle, we, uh, need your help right now, because the guy who's after Joan... is in her apartment. Right now."
 * "They tried to make me talk. I gave them nothing."

Others

 * Maria Castle: You and I - we're not lucky. We are blessed.
 * Frank Castle, Sr.: I bored the chambers and customized the triggers, and added some compensators. They used to be pretty good, but now they're nail-drivers.
 * John Saint: (just before he shoots Frank) My father and mother send their regards. This time they're not blanks.
 * Micky Duka: You're supposed to be dead!
 * Micky Duka: Quentin Glass. Been with Howard twenty years. The family consigliere, lawyer, CPA... and a sadist. Who knows what's going on with this guy?
 * Micky Duka: You are not a nice person.
 * Mike Toro: Our mother always put her cash in the mattress, which, I thought it was a good idea - until the house burned down. It was a big fire. She lost everything. That's what happens when you don't watch your money. You lose everything, Howard. Everything.

Dialogue

 * Jimmy Weeks: To Frank Castle – the finest soldier, the finest undercover op, the finest man I've ever known. What will I do without you?
 * Frank Castle: Get a girlfriend.

 * (Quentin Glass watches impassively while three hoodlums beat and kick Micky Duka.)
 * Quentin Glass: You sell homegrown pot by the ounce, Micky, not by the barrel. You sell badly-forged fake passports to Haitians. So what inspired you to become the Mr. Universe of international arms dealers? Micky, you should apologize for the death of Mr. Saint's youngest son.
 * Micky Duka: Okay, I know how it looks, but Bobby, he buys pot from me. And, and when he found out what I was doing, he insisted on coming in. He put up half the cash. He came of his own free will! (One of the hoodlums kicks him.) If you're gonna kill me, will you leave my face alone - for my mother?
 * Quentin Glass: We just made your bail. Now, if I'd wanted to kill you I would have left you in jail, where we have friends, and in a way I can only describe as deeply pornographic, you would have been killed. But you're a small piece of shit, and I don't want the Karma of your death on my conscience. But on the other hand, maybe I don't believe in karma. So, guys–
 * Micky Duka: No, no, no! I'll tell you anything you wanna know!
 * Quentin Glass: Then this'll be quick. I want to know one thing only: who brokered the deal?
 * Micky Duka: His name's Otto Krieg. And if it's any comfort to Mr. Saint, he's dead too.
 * Howard Saint, (entering): Well, it's not. It's actually no comfort at all. But what might be comforting to me is watching the slow death of the man who was supposed to be taking care of my son and making sure he did not get into trouble. Now, Micky, what would your father think of this? Your father gave his life for me. What would he say?
 * Micky Duka: I didn't know it was gonna happen like this. Please!
 * Howard Saint: Well, ignorance is no excuse. The man who is responsible for my son's death must die.
 * (Howard pulls out his gun, and aims it at Micky, but actually shoots one of his henchmen with it.)
 * Howard Saint: I told you to never let him out of your sight.
 * Henchman: Mr. Saint, Bobby told me to stay. Tell him, John. John!
 * (Howard shoots him again)
 * Henchman: Mr. Saint! It was Bobby's idea! He wanted to go alone! He thought he could impress you, or something.
 * Howard Saint: Thank you for that explanation.
 * (Howard shoots him again, this time, killing him. He looks to his other henchmen.)
 * Howard Saint: My son didn't need to impress me.

 * (At the city morgue)
 * Howard Saint: He was such a special boy...
 * Jimmy Weeks: Sir, are you confirming that this is your son, Robert Saint?
 * Howard Saint: He deserved better. Someone lied to him - promised him one thing, gave him another. Do you know that I used to have to dress him till he was thirteen? I'd tie his ties and comb his hair…I'll have to get him a new suit. (He kisses his son's forehead.) Who is Otto Krieg? Who are the people who work for him? Who are his friends? Who would stand to make money from this deal? Tell me.
 * Jimmy Weeks: We can't talk about the case, Mr. Saint. Now, I understand your grief, but for your own safety, leave this to the professionals.
 * Howard Saint: Professionals... yes. I'll do that. I'll do that. Goodbye, son.

 * Quentin Glass: His real name's Frank Castle. Senior agent, just got the Bureau's London desk. His alias, connections, apartments in Europe-none of it was real. Not even his death.
 * Howard Saint: Well, maybe it was. Maybe he died and came back to life so he could die again.
 * Quentin Glass: You have your chance. He's leaving for London next week, and he's at a family reunion in Puerto Rico.
 * Howard Saint: I think you should be there, so you can come back and tell Livia how he dies.
 * Quentin Glass: All right.
 * Livia Saint: Wait. (She lifts her veil.) His family. His whole family.

 * Candelaria: Vaya con Dios, Castle. Go with God.
 * Frank Castle: God's gonna sit this one out.

 * Howard Saint, (raising his glass): To Bobby.
 * Quentin Glass and John Saint: To Bobby.
 * Livia Saint: To a score settled.

 * (Neighbors watch while Frank Castle revs his souped-up car's engine.)
 * Bumpo: It's really loud. Is it supposed to be that loud?
 * Dave: Oh, it's beautiful!
 * Joan: He hasn't slept all week.
 * Bumpo: How do you know?
 * Joan: 'Cause I haven't slept all week.

 * Micky Duka: Stay away from me, Castle! I got friends, you know.
 * Frank Castle: Let's talk about your friends.
 * Micky Duka: Make your own friends, buddy. I'm not saying nothin'. I talk to you, they'll kill me.
 * Frank Castle: If you don't help me, I'll kill you now, Mick.
 * Micky Duka: The Saints tell me nothing!
 * Frank Castle: Nothing? They pay your rent... your legal bills. You should know something.
 * (Frank lights up a blow torch in front of Micky)
 * Micky Duka: What's the torch for?
 * Frank Castle: Two thousand degrees, Mick. Enough to turn steel into butter. It won't hurt at first. It's, uh, too hot, you see? The flame sears the nerve endings shut, killing them. Then you'll go into shock... and all you'll feel is... cold. Isn't science fun, Micky?
 * Micky Duka: I-I don't know shit!
 * Frank Castle: You'll smell burning meat, and then...then, it'll hurt.
 * Micky Duka: I SWEAR, I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!!!
 * [Frank goes behind the tied-up Mickey and uses the blow-torch on a steak and rubs Micky's back with a popsicle, and Micky flips out, thinking he's torching his back]
 * Frank Castle: Smell that, Mick? I'm burning off some of your fat.
 * Micky Duka: I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING! Anything, anything you wanna know.
 * Frank Castle: That's a good boy.
 * Micky Duka: Okay, any involvement in Howard Saint's business involves two Cubans: the Toro brothers. They control all the prostitution and gambling, up and down the gulf coast. Tons of cash. They give their dirty money to Howard Saint, who transports it in cigarette boats to his banks in Grand Haven; washes it, and wires it back clean as a whistle.
 * [Frank jabs him in the back]
 * Micky Duka: FU--! FOR THE LOVE OF GO-! [Castle sticks a popsicle in his mouth and lowers him]
 * Micky Duka: You are not a nice person. So, what's up, you gonna string up Howard Saint and blowtorch him?
 * Frank Castle: I like that idea. But I have something better. And guess what? You're gonna help me. Unless you wanna stay Howard Saint's lackey for the rest of your life.
 * Micky Duka: I hate the Saints. All of them.
 * Frank Castle: Tell me about them. What do they do; where, when.
 * Micky Duka: Howard Saint's a man of strict habits. He has first tee time five days a week at Tampa Springs. Never fails. He likes money, he likes power. But the thing this guy covets most, the wife, Livia. What happened to your family, Howard did that for her. She's just like him, and she's just as predictable. Every Thursday, she works out, gets her nails done and goes to the movies. Howard knows every move this broad makes. Any man who looks at her wrong, he ends up in Tampa Bay. Let's not forget Johnny boy, the son you didn't kill. What a putz. Last, but not least, Quentin Glass. Been with Howard 20 years-- the family consigliere, lawyer, CPA and a sadist. Who knows what's going on with this guy.

 * (Dave and Bumpo hear agonized screams coming from Castle's apartment.)
 * Bumpo: Should we call the police?
 * Dave: Let's... stay out of it. He's a very scary man.
 * Bumpo: He's killing someone and we're next.
 * Dave: Exactly!

 * (John calls his father, who's out golfing)
 * John Saint: (on the phone) Pop? You're not gonna believe this.
 * Howard Saint: Oh, I think I might.
 * (the camera pans down to reveal Frank Castle's headstone, dumped near a hole)

 * (Castle shows up at a press conference at police headquarters.)
 * Frank Castle: Hey, Jimmy.
 * Jimmy Weeks: Jesus, Frank! Where have you been?
 * Frank Castle: I got shot. I woke up. That's what I remember. You subpoena me, that's what I'll say. It's been five months since my family was killed. I don't see one man in jail.
 * Chief Morris: Obviously, you're upset–
 * Frank Castle: Upset? Is that the word? I used to get upset when I had a flat tire. I used to get upset when a plane was delayed. I used to get upset when the Yankees won the Series. So if that's what "upset" means, then how do I feel now? If you know the word, tell me, because I don't.
 * Chief Morris: Castle, if you're not gonna cooperate, we're gonna have to...
 * Jimmy Weeks: Wait, wait. This man's been through hell. Who's he supposed to trust right now. Let's get him to a safe house.
 * Frank Castle: I don't want a safe house, Jimmy. I don't want Witness Protection. I don't want anything. All I wanna know is who gave me up. Don't be a stranger, Jim.

 * Accountant #1: You know whose money this is? You know whose building this is?
 * Frank Castle: Howard Saint's.
 * Accountant #2: He's gonna fuck your life up.
 * Frank Castle: He already fucked my life up.

 * Dave, (reading from computer screen): He speaks six languages–he did two tours in the 12th Special Ops, CTU.
 * Bumpo: What's "CTU"?
 * Dave: Counter-Terrorism Unit.

 * Howard Saint: How is he still alive? I don't know, Quentin, I wasn't there. Why is he still alive? Now that... that is an interesting question. Maybe he's meant to suffer more, I don't know. But how can we make him suffer if we can't find him?
 * Quentin Glass: He's daring us.
 * Howard Saint: No, no. He, he misses his family and he wants to die. He's asking for help-so let's help him.

 * Joan: I, uh, I've lived in seven cities in seven years, and in each one I've managed to find the one guy who'll treat me the worst. But I'm trying to fix that. You're Castle.
 * Frank Castle: Used to be.
 * Joan: We saw you on T.V.
 * Frank Castle: I don't have one.
 * Joan: I'm Joan. Dave's the one with all the, uh, the metal? And Bumpo's the one that…well, you can probably figure out which one Bumpo is. We're really sorry.
 * Frank Castle: About what?
 * Joan: About your family.
 * Frank Castle: Did you know them?
 * Joan: No.
 * Frank Castle: I'm over it.
 * (Through the door, Joan sees a whiskey bottle on the table in Castle's otherwise bare apartment.)
 * Joan: Don't let your memories kill you.
 * Frank Castle: They won't kill me.

 * Frank Castle: Do I know you?
 * Harry Heck: I know you. You're that boy in the newspaper - came back from the dead.
 * Frank Castle: I didn't catch your name.
 * (Harry Heck holds up a guitar case with his name engraved on it.)
 * Harry Heck: You like that song? I wrote that for you. I'm gonna sing it at your funeral.

 * (Castle has joined his neighbors for dinner in Joan's apartment.)
 * Joan: I know it's not Thanksgiving, but, um, I'd like us all to say what we're thankful for. I'll start. Um…I'm thankful to be alive this year. And to have a job, and to be sober.
 * Dave: Yeah - I'm thankful for my mom…getting out of jail. You now, it's, it's cool. And this girl gave me her number…which is also cool.
 * Bumpo: Thanks for leftovers-I'm full. Thanks for Diet Pepsi. And thanks for good neighbors.
 * (There is a long, awkward silence while everyone stares at Castle.)
 * Frank Castle: Thanks for dinner.
 * Joan: I know what it's like. I know what it's like to try and make your memories go away. You can make new memories. Good ones. Good memories can save your life.
 * Frank Castle: I'm not what you're looking for.
 * Frank Castle: I'm not what you're looking for.

 * Quentin Glass: Where's Castle? (Dave and Bumpo stare at the floor.) Frank Castle. Who lives here. (to Bumpo) I asked you a question, fat man.
 * Dave: Leave him alone.
 * Quentin Glass: Then I'll ask you. Where's Castle?
 * Dave: He's not here.
 * Quentin Glass: Really? Are you sure?
 * Dave: (mumbles unintelligibly.)
 * Quentin Glass: What did you say? Hmm? I'm having a difficult time hearing you.
 * Dave: I said, "I'm not saying shit".
 * Quentin Glass: I don't want you to say "shit", I want you to answer me. You don't want to say anything about anything you might know? (He gets a set of pliers from tool cabinet and sits facing Dave.) Well, maybe we should get to know each other better. What's your name?
 * Dave: Dave.
 * Quentin Glass: You go to school around here? (Dave shakes his head.) You don't go to school?
 * Dave: No. No, I dropped out.
 * Quentin Glass: You dropped out? You're not doing drugs, are you?
 * Dave: Not right now...
 * Quentin Glass: And what are you doing with all this stuff? What is that?
 * Dave: Piercings.
 * Quentin Glass: Piercings. Did it hurt when you did that?
 * Dave: Not really.
 * Quentin Glass: You like that, when it hurt a little bit?
 * Dave: No.
 * Quentin Glass, (pointing to eyebrow ring): That's a special one there, isn't it? Is that your favorite? That's hard to get.
 * Dave: Yeah.
 * Quentin Glass, (fiddling with pliers): Answer my question, please.
 * Dave: No.
 * Quentin Glass: Come here. (He reaches for Dave's eyebrow ring with pliers.)
 * Dave: No... NO! (Quentin pins Dave's head and grabs the ring.)
 * Quentin Glass: (to Bumpo) Your friend's about to have a bad day. You can save him by talking. It doesn't have to be this way. (to Dave) You think you know about pain, boy? What do you know about pain? Huh? (He rips out eyebrow ring; Dave screams.) That's okay, that's okay. Dave? Li'l Dave? Are you gonna tell me?

 * (Joan and Frank Castle ride elevator to ground floor, where Bumpo tends to the mangled Dave.)
 * Bumpo: Look what they did to him…
 * Dave: They tried to make me talk. I gave 'em nothing.
 * Frank Castle: You don't know me. You don't owe me anything. I've brought you nothing but trouble. Why were you ready to die for me?
 * Dave: Because... you're one of us. You're family.

 * John Saint: Where have you been? Where's Quentin?
 * Howard Saint: Oh, well... he's wrapped up in something.
 * John Saint: I called home. No one was there.
 * Howard Saint: Your mother's gone.
 * John Saint: What?
 * Howard Saint: She took the train.

 * Joan: Say you kill them all; what then? What makes you any different from them?
 * Frank Castle: They have something to lose.

 * Salesman: Need help with some underpants, sir?
 * Quentin Glass: Go fuck yourself.

 * Frank Castle: I'm not a betting man, Jimmy.
 * Jimmy Weeks: I'll tell you who did it.
 * Frank Castle: You did it.
 * Jimmy Weeks: Saint did it!
 * Frank Castle: No, you did it. You called the other day 'cause you're sick, you need my help. That's what friends are for, right? Well here I am, I'm here to help.
 * Jimmy Weeks: What are you gonna do?
 * Frank Castle: I'm not gonna do anything.
 * (tosses him a bullet)
 * Frank Castle: You are.
 * Jimmy Weeks: Frank, I will...
 * Frank Castle: Let's say goodbye like the friends we were, huh? Not like animals.

 * Frank Castle: Howard Saint. HOWARD SAINT! (Saint stops, turns to face him.) You took everything from me.
 * Howard Saint: You killed my son!
 * (In the building behind Castle, John Saint's scream is followed by an explosion.)
 * Frank Castle: Both of them.

 * Frank Castle: You're right. Good memories can save your life. When Dave gets out of the hospital, check the cupboard. I left something. For all of you.
 * Joan: You're leaving?
 * Frank Castle: I have work to do. Read your newspaper every day. You'll understand.
 * Joan: Which section?
 * Frank Castle: Obituaries.

Cast

 * Thomas Jane as Frank Castle / The Punisher
 * John Travolta as Howard Saint
 * Rebecca Romijn-Stamos as Joan
 * Will Patton as Quentin Glass
 * James Carpinello as Bobby and John Saint
 * Laura Harring as Livia Saint
 * Samantha Mathis as Maria Castle
 * Roy Scheider as Frank Castle, Sr.
 * Ben Foster as Spacker Dave
 * Eddie Jemison as Micky Duka
 * John Pinette as Bumpo
 * Mark Collie as Harry Heck
 * Kevin Nash as The Russian

title: The Punisher (2004 film)


text:
Amy Poehler

Amy Meredith Poehler (born September 16, 1971) is an American actress, comedian, voice artist, director, producer and writer.

Weekend Update samples

 * If you can dance and be free and be embarrassed, you can rule the world.
 * Donald Trump and producer Mark Burnett are reportedly considering creating a Broadway musical based on The Apprentice. The pair came up with the idea when neither one of them could find a match to set fire to a pile of money.
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04jupdate.phtml
 * Britney Spears is recording a rap song about the recent controversies in her life. "I can't wait to hear that!", said no one.
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04bupdate.phtml
 * In a recent Valentine's Day posting on her fan website, Britney Spears says that...oh, who cares?
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04mupdate.phtml
 * A chimpanzee in China has quit smoking after 16 years, with the help of her keepers. The chimp was able to quit when the keepers STOPPED BUYING HER CIGARETTES!
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/05/05bupdate.phtml
 * A 14-year-old Indiana girl was arrested after she came to a middle school with a handgun, ammunition, and six small bags of marijuana. Man, Dakota Fanning's growing up so fast!
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/05/05cupdate.phtml
 * Christian conservatives are claiming that the hit documentary March of the Penguins supports the theory of intelligent design. Meanwhile, backers of evolution claim that intelligent design is refuted in the documentary March of the Bonaduces.
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/05/05aupdate.phtml
 * Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a surprise trip to Iraq Sunday. Also surprised to be in Iraq on Sunday: thousands of U.S. troops who were supposed to be home by Christmas.
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04tupdate.phtml
 * According to a new survey, 67 percent of teenagers are content or extremely happy most of the time. They're called stoners!
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04oupdate.phtml
 * This week, Donald Trump introduced a new twelve-inch doll of himself that speaks seventeen different phrases, which is amazing, as that's five more than the real Donald Trump.
 * http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04aupdate.phtml
 * (Picture of Keith Richards and Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones appear) This week, the California Raisins announced plans for a new world tour.
 * (On the 2006 US Midterm Elections) This week, in an ironic turn of events, Iraq brought regime change to the United States.
 * (In reference to the Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock divorce) It was announced this week that these will no longer be bouncing on that.
 * SNL 12/6/2006.
 * A woman's nether regions should always be shrouded in mystery.
 * SNL 12/6/2006.
 * Surprising news from New York, the whistle-blower had his whistle blown!
 * An orca trainer almost drowned after its orca dragged him down in the tank. He did reveal the locations of three Al-Qaeda hideouts.

Yes Please (2014)

 * I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I’ve grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place. So let’s peek behind the curtain and hail the others like us. The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. This is the honest way I want to live and love and write.

title: Amy Poehler


text:
User:TheMuuj/Signature

—TheMuuj Talk

title: User:TheMuuj/Signature


text:
User talk:No.78

Welcome
Hi. Welcome to English Wikiquote. Enjoy! —LrdChaos 03:45, 24 August 2006 (UTC)
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title: User talk:No.78