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Jeff Foxworthy

Jeffrey Marshall "Jeff" Foxworthy (born September 6, 1958) is an American comedian and actor, and a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

Quotes

 * I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
 * The Tonight Show, 27 March 2007

 * Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
 * Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy

 * People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."
 * Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy

 * Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and it's about comin' home. It's real music sung by real people for real people, the people that make up the backbone of this country. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
 * 2007 CMT Awards

You Might Be a Redneck If… (1993)

 * Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard. And if you play with 'em too hard, they'll spew like a can of beer.  I like to shake my daughter up, then hand her to people I don't like.  "Hold her just a minute, would you?"

 * When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, "Let him pull it on his head a few times, he'll learn. You wanna put a penny in the light socket?  Try that out.  OHH!  Hurt like hell, didn't it?  Don't do that no more."

 * My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."

 * Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

 * [Talking about "The First Singles Apartment"] They're all furnished pretty much the same way. In your bedroom, you have the mattress on the floor, protected by a mountain of dirty clothes, milk crates for night stands, lava lamp with a permanent glob in the bottom, stolen road sign on the wall, a blanket for a curtain. Out in the hall it was the mystery stain on the carpet, Budwiser mirror on the wall.  Out on the balcony it was the rusted-out Hibachi grill, plant with no leaves on it, bike with no chain on it.  In the den you had the spool.  If you get one of those, you'll be like "it's coffee table time!"  Next to that, the $9,000.00 stereo.  We're going hungry, but we've got tunes!  That was the stereo, you could turn it on after midnight and make the people down the street wet the bed.  And the beanbag chair with duct tape on it to keep the stuff from fallin' out of it.

 * [describing the aftermath of a singles' party] It looked like "Jonestown: The Morning After"! You're trying to wake up people you've never met before. "Hey, Man With No Pants and a Fireman Helmet On... please get up. I gotta go to work. Alright, lock the door when you leave. I just got a new sofa, I don't want anything to happen to it."1

 * My wife is a beautiful girl. To hear her describe herself, it sounds like "The Bearded Goat Woman from Hell". If she looked like that, I'd never let her out of the house! I'd chain her up in the backyard, charge 5 bucks for people to look at her. "Alright, now this is some scary shit. I mean it, stand back!" [mimes opening a gate, makes deformed faces and mimes closing the gate] That is my wife!"

 * [telling a "You Might Be a Redneck" joke] If your family tree does not fork.... I can see some couples here don't like that. "That ain't funny, is it, sis?"

 * [having his Camaro repossessed] He said, "Mr. Foxworthy, I'm from the bank, and unless you have $500, I am taking the Camaro with me." I got mad! I said, "$500?! Who keeps that kinda cash on them?" He said, "You can't write me a check?" I said, "No, I -- a check? Hell yeah, I can write you a check! I thought you needed money. Tell you what, I'm just gonna pay the whole thing off right now! I'm gonna be a congressman when I grow up."

Games Rednecks Play (1995)

 * Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

 * You don't have the stupidest family in the world, you don't have the goofiest family in the world. And if you ever need to verify that, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Five minutes at a fair, you'll be going, "You know what? We're all right. We're dang near royalty!"

 * I think {the designated driver program} is a great idea, because anything is safer than the way we used to do it: "Hey dude, get up! Give us a ride home, man! C'mon, whaddaya say? We'll buy ya a beer!"...The only problem with the designated driver program {is} it's not the world's most desirable job...But if you ever get talked into doing it, have fun with the group. Like at the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong damn house, preferably in their boss's front yard or something.

 * [from a skit about airports] You know you're in trouble when at the control tower, there's a note taped to the door that says "Back in five minutes."

Totally Committed (1998)

 * On life's list of fun things to do, [visiting my in-laws] comes in somewhere below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

 * [On why criminals rob nice-looking houses] You come up on a house where the grass is this tall, and there's a dog chained to the clothesline, and a motor swinging in the tree, buddy, that's a house where a gun lives! And you want to find out what kind it is, just crawl through the window after dark.

 * You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

 * [what men are thinking] I'd like a beer and I'd like to see something naked.

 * Women [in bed] are kind of like diesel engines. You know, it may take a little bit to get them going, but once you do, they can run a long, long time. Men, on the other hand, we're more like...bottle rockets.  Ooh. Aah.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

 * A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic -- bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta -- the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.

 * (To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars"!

 * If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.

 * If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

 * Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? Because the DNA's all the same and there's no dental records.

 * I've often said working with Larry is a lot like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

 * Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

 * My mother won't drive 50 miles an hour. You put her in a rental car, she's doing doughnuts in the grocery store parking lot!

 * [about rental car employees who ask if he wants the additional insurance]
 * I say "Yes, I would. 'Cause you've got a Ford Fiesta that's about to see more airtime than a skateboard at the X-Games."

 * [about a clerk, after recounting a story he read in which someone presented a store cashier with a million dollar bill and asked for change]
 * She goes "I'll bet it was a counterfeit million dollar bill." Kinda like your high school diploma, huh?

 * It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's the things my wife dreams I did...My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up, I was like "Oww! What was that for?" She said "I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill ."  I said "I wasn't dreaming anything!  Send her over to my dream, we'll both be happy."

 * You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers . . . I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

 * [about his daughters and nieces having developed a natural curiosity about boys]
 * When I get in the shower, there is nobody else in the bathroom. Now, when I get out of the shower, there's five little girls just loitering.  I finally confronted them.  I said "Why are all five of you in the bathroom?"  And my youngest one, who's really funny, she said "We're trying to see a hoo-hoo!"  I said "Well, I'm gonna tell the five of you all you need to know about hoo-hoos.  Hoo-hoos are extremely poisonous."  And without missing a beat, she said "They are not, or the dog would be dead!"  I hate a smart child.

title: Jeff Foxworthy


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User:Alphaxer0~enwikiquote

Hi, I am a 22 year old male from Maryland. My main interest is history, which I am currently studying at UMBC.

Visit my website @

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

title: User:Alphaxer0~enwikiquote


text:
Talk:Charles Baudelaire

' "C'était l'heure où l'essaim des rêves malfaisants. Tord sur leurs oreillers les bruns adolescents."

Syntax error? '

This passage is posted in the article as is. This version of Wikiquote is the English one, and your job is to provide a translation, not question the syntax of the French. Now I have no idea what Baudelaire said. Thank the Syntax Fairy.

Yockey quote about Baudelaire
I posted a quote from Francis Parker Yockey about Baudelaire. Why did it get removed?

I thought this was supposed to be encyclopedic and not just an article of praise.

--anon

 * Sorry, just noticed that it was only moved. I apologize.

 * --anon

title: Talk:Charles Baudelaire


text:
"Weird Al" Yankovic

Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic (born October 23, 1959) is an American musician, satirist, parodist, accordionist, and television producer.

Quotes

 * Alanis Morissette and I actually used to date. I especially liked it when we went to the movies.
 * AL TV, MTV, 1996; referring to the line "Is she perverted like me/would she go down on you in a theater" from Morissette's breakout hit You Oughta Know.

 * That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.
 * I Love the 90's Part Deux, VH1, 1998; referring to Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

 * I wrote "Eat It" because I wanted to buy a banana boat for Christmas. It worked.
 * I Love the 80's 3D, VH1, 1985.

 * I have very mixed feelings about [Napster]. On one hand, I'm concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!!!!!
 * Ask Al Archives: May 2000.

 * What kind of bananas do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?
 * Replying to a fan criticising the poor seats a reviewer of a concert received. "Ask Al" Q&As for September 6, 2004.

 * I think my chances of getting into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli's.
 * Ask Al Archives: August 2003.

 * Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.
 * Weird Al Yankovic tackles Life's BIG Questions.

 * Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don't make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows. I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely.
 * Celebrity Baby Scoop interview, 2 Feb 2011

Song lyrics

 * If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it.
 * "This Is the Life", Dare to Be Stupid (1984).

 * My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child.
 * "Generic Blues", UHF soundtrack (1989).

 * I'll never forget the first thing she said to me, she said: "Hey - you've got weasels on your face." Right then I knew it was true love.
 * "Albuquerque", Running with Scissors.

 * Look If you had one shot to sit on your lazy butt and watch all the TV you ever wanted until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it? or just let it slip? Yo
 * "Couch Potato", ''Poodle Hat.

 * Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media I edit Wikipedia
 * "White & Nerdy", Straight Outta Lynwood (2006).

 * I'm nerdy in the extreme Whiter than sour cream
 * "White & Nerdy".

 * I sued Taco Bell 'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas And I got fat! I sued Panasonic They never said I shouldn't use their microwave To dry off my cat!
 * "I'll Sue Ya", Straight Outta Lynwood (2006).

 * Oh, you don't wanna mess with the R-I-double-A They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R It doesn't matter if you're a grandma, or a seven-year-old girl They'll treat you like the evil, hard-bitten, criminal scum you are
 * "Don't Download This Song", Straight Outta Lynwood (2006).

 * Never had a date That you couldn't inflate
 * "You're Pitiful" (2006), Internet-released song

 * We only torture the folks we don't like You're probably gonna be okay.
 * "Party in the (, 2011)

title: "Weird Al" Yankovic


text:
UHF (film)

UHF is a 1989 film about a hapless dreamer who suddenly becomes in charge of a rinky-dink UHF television station and turns it into the most popular channel in town.
 * Directed by Jay Levey. Written by Weird Al Yankovic and Jay Levey.

TV as it was meant to be seen. In a movie theater. taglines

George Newman

 * Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!
 * Sex with furniture, what do you think?
 * Look up! Look down! Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! [George conks Bobbo in the face with the frying pan] Uh-oh. Bobbo fall down go boom. Uuupsy-daisy...Aw, what's wrong, Bobbo? I bet I know! You're hungry, aren't you? [Bobbo honks his horn weakly] Have I got just the thing for you! Yes sir, clowns AND kids alike just can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hackenberger's Butter Cookies! [He proceeds to stuff Bobbo's face with "cookies," which are actually dog biscuits; George has picked up the wrong box!!] Right, Bobbo? That's right! And guess what, Mom? They're nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobbo here likes 'em! [cut to a revolted Bobbo] Mmmm, THAT'S GOOOOOD!! [Bobbo looks ready to vomit] And don't forget folks, there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hackenberger's...[notices his mistake for the first time] Heh Heh Heh, UH-OHHH!! [Bobbo turns and glares at Uncle Nutzy as if to say "WHAT Uh-Oh?!?"] Bobbo's been eating...YAPPY'S DOG TREATS!! [a look of horror crosses Bobbo's face, and he runs off to the "little clowns' room."] That's right, Yappy's Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver-and-tuna taste... [We hear Bobbo vomiting]... With just a hint of cheese...!
 * You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can.
 * Oh, no. What time is it!? [arm with a watch breaks through the wall, George looks at the watch] Seven THIRTY!?
 * [to Satan] Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK!
 * Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who MOCKS him and LAUGHS at him as he's repeatedly CRUSHED and MAIMED! [almost tearfully] Hope you ENJOY IT!!!
 * [Message left on Teri's answering machine] Teri! I'm sorry! Come on give me one more chance please! Come on Teri! Teri! Oh Oh I'm in hell! I'M IN HELL!! TERI TERI PICK UP THE PHONE!! PICK UP THE PHONE!! PICK UP THE PHONE!!! OH OH TERI!!!!!! PLE-HE-HE-HE-HEASE!
 * [while sculpting a plate of mashed potatoes] This means something. This is important!
 * WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!!

Stanley Spadowski

 * [Grinning] This is my new mop. My friend George, he gave me this mop. It's a pretty good mop. It's not as good as my old mop, I miss my old mop. But it's still a good mop. Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you, 'cause life is like a mop. And sometimes, life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff, but you've got to clean it out. You gotta put it in here and rinse it out and start all over again. And sometimes, life sticks to the floor so bad a mop isn't good enough. It's not good enough. You gotta get down here with, like, a toothbrush or something, and really scrub, and if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work...you can't give up. You've got to run a window and yell, "HEY! THESE FLOORS ARE AS DIRTY AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"
 * Oh, Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a very, very, very lucky little boy. You know why?  You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOOOOOSE!!!
 * I'm thinkin' of something orange. Something orange. Give up? It's an orange. [laughs] Ok, now I'm thinkin' of something blue. Something bluuuuuue. [singing] DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA DAA DAAAAA!! [Thugs push him into the closet] Don't you like Bonanza?!
 * MY MOP!!!
 * This is pretty good watermelon...[pauses and considers]...Tastes like poop. I'm gonna eat some Corn Flakes.[grabs box of Corn Flakes] These are pretty good...WHOA!! Free toy inside! Free toy inside!! Let's find it. [rummages his hand in the box] Don't let your mom know that you do this.
 * Watch out, Mr. Coyote... Aww.

R.J. Fletcher

 * This is a business, not a home for irresponsible pus-brains!
 * (The broadcast which gets Channel 8 shut down by the FCC) This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot!! You think I CARE about the pea-brained yokels of this town?! If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first!! I can't stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
 * [speaking to the crowd at the telethon] Dear friends, I'm sure that one day you realize that by shutting down this hotbed of subversive activity...

Raul Hernandez

 * Not many people know this, but the turtle is nature's suction cup. [licks the bottom of a turtle, throws it towards the ceiling] Look. It sticks.
 * This is my ant farm. These little guys can lift fifty times their own weight. They also spend weeks digging these intricate little tunnels. And oh yeah, they really hate it when you do this! [Raul picks up the ant farm and shakes it] Oh look! They're really mad now!
 * For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly.
 * Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!

Others

 * Crazy Ernie: If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal! That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!
 * Richard Fletcher: [sarcastically, after having tripped up Noodles Macintosh] Awwwww, did I do that? Oopsie!
 * Joe Earley: [after cutting off a finger with a table saw] Can you believe this?! Would you look at that! Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers"! I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red.
 * Sy Greenblum: [In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial] Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.
 * Earl Ramsey: Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people; I do!
 * Teri: George Newman, you are a thoughtless, insensitive CREEP! From now on you can forget all my birthdays, because WE'RE THROUGH!
 * Philo: Hello, my name is Philo and welcome to...[unfolds a piece of paper with the title written on it; recites title with echo effect] Secrets Of The Universe. [folds paper back up] Today we are going to learn how to make plutonium from common household items.
 * Young book customer: [in a preview for "Conan the Librarian"] These books are a little overdue. [Conan slices him in two!!]
 * Gandhi: Give me a steak, medium-rare.
 * Kuni (and other karate experts): SUH-PLIIEES!!
 * Noodles Macintosh: [having just vengefully stuck a foot out and tripped up Richard Fletcher, now throwing Richard Fletcher's sarcasm right back at him] Awwww... did I do that? Oopsie!

Dialogue

 * Bob: How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen.
 * George Newman: You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really. Just BASH my head right in.
 * Bob: George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.

 * George Newman: Hey, Kuni!
 * Kuni: Hiya, George!
 * George Newman: Beginner's class today, huh?
 * Kuni: Yeah! They're so stupid! [A karate student is thrown out the window, it smashes and he falls to the pavement] STUPID!!!

 * R.J. Fletcher: You idiot! Can't you do anything I tell you to do?! Does this look like a Number 2 pencil?!
 * Richard Fletcher: No... but... I just thought --
 * R.J. Fletcher: You thought?! I don't [snaps pencil in two] pay you to think!
 * Richard Fletcher: But, Dad...
 * R.J. Fletcher: SHUT UP!

 * R.J. Fletcher: Do you see anything missing from this desk?
 * Stanley Spadowski : [Snapping his finger and pointing] That stapler?

 * George Newman: Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?
 * Stanley Spadowski: Yeah yeah. That was FUN.
 * George Newman: Great! How would you like to do that every day?
 * Stanley Spadowski: Yeah! That would be neat - WAIT A minute! Do I...still get to be the janitor?
 * George Newman: [Incredulously] Sure.
 * Stanley Spadowski: It's a DEAL!

 * Announcer: The world watched in amazement as he unlocked the secrets of Al Capone's glove compartment!
 * George: Ah-ha! ROAD MAPS!!

 * One of Fletcher's thugs: [Motioning towards George] Who is this guy?
 * George Newman: [As Stallone's Rambo] I'm your worst nightmare!

 * George Newman: I need a drink.
 * Bob: But you don't drink.
 * George Newman: Yeah, but I've been meaning to start.

 * R.J. Fletcher: You are a worthless human being, Mr., um...
 * Stanley Spadowski: Spadowski, sir. Stanley Spadowski.
 * R.J. Fletcher: [chuckles] Might I call you Stanley?
 * Stanley Spadowski: [chuckles] Okay...
 * R.J. Fletcher: Stanley, YOU'RE FIRED!!
 * Stanley Spadowski: But I-I-I didn't --
 * R.J. Fletcher: GET OUT!!

 * Harvey Bilchik: [lounging in his pool, answering his phone] YYYYO! Hey, Big Louie! So, what's up?
 * Big Louie: Bad news, Mr. Bilchik. None of your horses came in.
 * Harvey Bilchik: Aw, gee, too bad. So, what's the damages?
 * Big Louie: Seventy-five thousand dollars.

 * George Newman: Wait a minute... I think I'm missing something here.
 * R.J. Fletcher: Oh? Didn't I tell you? I own this place now.
 * George Newman: You what?!
 * R.J. Fletcher: What's the matter, kid, you got wax in your ears?
 * George Newman: But, my Uncle Harvey --
 * R.J. Fletcher: Harvey Bilchik is flying in tomorrow night to close the deal!

 * Blind Guy: [Turns Rubik's Cube] Is this it?
 * Bum: Nope!
 * Blind Guy: [Turns Rubik's Cube Again] Is this it?
 * Bum: Nope!

 * George Newman: HEY, KIDS! WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
 * Kids: (Boring) To Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse!
 * George Newman: THAT'S RIGHT! I'M YOUR UNCLE NUTZY! AND BOY, OH BOY. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME BIG FUN TONIGHT! Oh look and what in our kiddy corner. (To Billy) what's your name?
 * Billy: Uh, Billy.
 * George Newman: Billy what?
 * [Billy spits George Newman]

 * Kuni: Today, One of these lucky contestant wins his or her weight of fish. Right here on......
 * Audience: WHEEL! OF! FISH!
 * Kuni: Okay, Let's play the game! We start with yesterday's winner, Mrs. Phyllis Weaver.

 * Pamela Finklestein: [on phone] Yeah, but... yeah, but... "Broads don't belong in broadcasting?" Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department?
 * R.J. Fletcher: Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, "never call chicks broads."
 * Pamela FInklestein: [incensed] Why, you slimy... ooh! [hangs up]

 [On the game show, "Wheel of Fish", Phyllis Weaver has just spun the wheel and landed on a red snapper]
 * Kuni: Ahhh, a red snapper. Mmmmm, very tasty. Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can keep your red snapper...[Hiro-San emerges, carrying a table with a box]...or you can go for what's in the box that Hiro-San is bringing down the aisle right now!!! What's it gonna be? [Phyllis Weaver decides between the Red Snapper and the box. The audience points to the box]
 * Phyllis Weaver: I'll take the box. The box! [the audience applauds]
 * Kuni: You took the box! Let's see what's in the box! [Hiro-san opens the box, and the audience gasps: the box is completely empty!] Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!

 * Bob: I don't know about this, George. We don't know the first thing about what goes on in a television station.
 * George Newman: Don't worry, Bob. It's just like working in a fish-market. Except you don't have to clean and gut fish all day.

 * Stanley Spadowski: George, you know I was wondering, like if you were traveling through outer space, I mean like you're going real fast, like the speed of light, you know... hoooohhhhh... and all of a sudden you started screaming... aaaahhhhh aaaaahhhhh... Do you think your brain would blow up?
 * Bob: Guys, I'm trying to work... Do you mind?
 * Stanley Spadowski: I don't mind. Go right ahead. Do you mind, George?

 * R.J. Fletcher: This is an embarrassment! A disgrace! What do you think R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today?
 * Richard Fletcher: "Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here. Help, let me out."

 * George Newman: Hey, kids. Where y'wanna go? [indifferent silence] That's right. To Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse. And boy-oh-boy, are we gonna have big fun today. We're gonna have so much fun, we'll forget about how miserable we are, and how much life sucks, and how we're all just gonna grow old and die someday.
 * Little Weasel: I wanna go home!
 * George Newman: Shut up, you little weasel! Okay. Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who mocks him and laughs at him as he's repeatedly crushed and maimed! Hope you enjoy it!

 [In a preview for the TV movie "Conan the Librarian"]
 * Timid Man: Can you tell me where I can find a book on astronomy?

[Conan the Librarian lifts the man up with his bare hands]
 * Conan the Librarian: [imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger] Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?!

 [George and Teri make up]
 * Teri: What do you say, stranger?
 * George Newman: Teri, what are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again.
 * Teri: Well whatever gave you that idea?
 * George Newman: Well, my first clue is when you told me you never wanted to see me again.

 [while watching "Raul's Wild Kingdom"]
 * Bob: Where did you find this guy?
 * George Newman: Me? I thought you hired him.

 * Teri: George, did you get fired again?
 * George Newman: [banging his head against a counter] YES!!! YES, It's TRUE, IT'S ALL TRUE!! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEEEEEEE!!!!!! [instantly changes his mood] So, what's for dinner? [takes a look at what's for dinner] Mashed potatoes?! My favorite! Teri, you shouldn't have!

 * Pamela Finklestein: Yeah, so, can I help you?
 * George Newman: Hi, I'm George Newman. I'm the new station manager.
 * Pamela Finklestein: Ooooh! You know, when I first took this job, they told me that this position was only temporary, and that eventually, when the time was right, I would be moved up to news, which is really my forte. You know how long I've been working here? Two years! It's kind of hard to get promoted when every other week you have a new boss! This job really sucks! [sighs]
 * George Newman: [beat] This is my friend Bob.

 * Teri: George, when are you going to learn to take things a little more seriously? I mean, you've been wandering aimlessly from job to job ever since I've known you. If you could just get that overactive imagination of yours to work for you instead of against you, maybe you could... [turns around and discovers that George has molded his mashed potatoes into a mountain; she sighs] What are you doing?
 * George Newman: This means something. This is important.

 * Bob: Well, I've got good news and bad news.
 * George Newman: OK, Let's have the bad news first.
 * Bob: Well, given our current financial status compounded with fixed income and outstanding invoices...I figure this station should be flat broke by the end of this week.
 * George Newman: What's the good news?
 * Bob: I lied. There is no good news.

 * George Newman: What do you got there, Bob?
 * Bob: The Ratings
 * George Newman: Don't tell me we showed up on the list!
 * Bob: We're Number 1!
 * George Newman: Say What?!?
 * Bob: We beat the networks. This is unbelievable. Look at these notes. We got three shows in the top 5. Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse went through the roof. Do you know what this means? We're finally going to make some real money. George, We are the number 1 station in town!
 * [They both scream for excitement]
 * Announcer: There's lots of fun coming your way this weekend on U-62. First slam your way to health as you Stay Fit with Mike and Spike! Next, Everybody's favorite: Chef Bernie invites to go Bowling for Burgers! Sunday, Be a part of the excitement as we premiere our dazzling new game show, Strip Solitaire! And then, Join us for hilarious fun on The All New Practical Jokes and Bloopers! And you won't want to miss Celebrity Mud Wrestling with special guest: McCall Contraband! It's a whole new weekend on U-62, The reason television was invented!
 * Stanley Spadowski: Be there! [chuckles]

 * Stanley Spadowski: George? What's wrong, George?
 * George Newman: Stanley, you don't want to know.
 * Stanley Spadowski: [Looking genuinely puzzled] Why'd I ask? [Back to George] Is there anything I can do to help?
 * George Newman: Not unless you've got seventy-five thousand dollars on you.
 * Stanley Spadowski: [While searching carefully through a few crumpled pieces of currency] No, sorry.

 * Bum: Hey, Mister!
 * George Newman: Not now, okay?
 * Bum: Well, I was just wondering if it was too late to buy any of them shares. [produces a large wad of money] I'll take whatever you got left!
 * George Newman: [amazed] How much is that?
 * Bum: Two thousand dollars, heh heh heh! Keep your change!

 * R.J. Fletcher: Hey, what's going on here?
 * Harvey Bilchik: [preparing to sign a document George has produced] Heh heh heh!
 * R.J. Fletcher: Now wait just a minute! What do you think you're doing?
 * George Newman: [triumphantly showing the document Harvey Bilchik has just signed to the crowd] We did it! The station's ours!

 * R.J. Fletcher: You can't do this! We had an agreement, remember?! An oral contract! I'll sue!
 * Harvey Bilchik: Aw, blow it out your ear, scuzzbag!

 * R.J. Fletcher: [laughing smugly with a present in hand] Aw, Richard. You shouldn't have.
 * Richard Fletcher: Happy Fathers Day, Daaaad.
 * R.J. Fletcher: [looks in the box, throws the present back at his son] What is this piece of crap?! I thought I told you I wanted a Rolex! A Rolex! [a knock on R.J.'s office door] What?!
 * [A station employee opens the door cautiously and sheepishly, wearing a large white cowboy hat with a big feather band and a raccoon tail.]
 * Station Employee: Sir?
 * R.J. Fletcher: What do you want?
 * Station Employee: I just thought I ought to tell you sir, that there's been a lot of talk on the street about this Channel 62. They're... they're starting to get a pretty strong following.
 * R.J. Fletcher: Excuse me? Did you say Channel 62?
 * Station Employee: Uh huh...
 * R.J. Fletcher: Do I have to remind you, that we are a network affiliate? And we are in competition with other networks, not with a bunch of punks, broadcasting out of a closet!
 * Station Employee: But, s..s..s..
 * R.J. Fletcher: Do you enjoy wasting my time? Get out of my office! [employee starts to leave] And take that ridiculous thing off!
 * [The station employee stops, waits a minute, then takes off...his mustache and leaves!]

 * John Vector: R.J. Fletcher?
 * R.J. Fletcher: So what if I am?
 * John Vector: I'm John Vector, FCC. I've noticed your station is late in filing its license renewal this year. Now normally this kind of violation is punishable by a stiff fine. But I've been watching you lately, you made a big impression on me! Yeah, I am revoking your license. Effective immediately, you're off the air!

Taglines

 * TV as it was meant to be seen. In a movie theater.
 * A lot of TV stations have forgotten what "quality" means. But not Channel 62. They NEVER knew what it meant.
 * It's crazy. It's zany. It's hysterical. It's TV according to "Weird Al" Yankovic.

title: UHF (film)


text:
Sealab 2021

Sealab 2021 is a comedic re-imaging of the 1972 cartoon Sealab 2020.

Chickmate [1.4]

 * Sparks: Okay, Debbie. Forget about Hesh.
 * Debbie: Okay...
 * Sparks: I've got something for you.
 * Debbie: What is it?
 * Sparks: A book.
 * Debbie: What's the book?
 * Sparks: A Modest Proposal.
 * Debbie: By whom?
 * Sparks: Jonathan Swift.
 * Debbie: And what is the book about?
 * Sparks: [Long pause] Eating babies...

 * Black Debbie: Hey, Stormy.
 * Stormy: Hey, bla-. Debbie. [Pause] Hey, do you like rap?

 * Debbie: Now what in the Hell is that supposed to mean?
 * Sparks: It's like veal... only babies.

 * Stormy: It all comes down to the fact that you all have far more fast twitch muscle fiber.

 * Sparks: RIBS! DRIPPING WITH SAUCE! FALLING OFF THE BONE''

 * Stormy: Don't go out there, that black chick's crazy!

 * Marco: I call this the Latinator.
 * Debbie: Ugh. Yeah, nice backne.

 * Quinn: Why do you think they call me Doctor Quinn?
 * Stormy: I just thought that was a nickname. You know, like Dr. Dre. Eastside!

title: Sealab 2021


text:
Lilo & Stitch

Lilo & Stitch is a 2002 American-Hawaiian animated science fiction comedy-drama film produced by Walt Disney Feature Animation and released by Walt Disney Pictures on June 21, 2002, about a Hawaiian girl who adopts an unusual pet who is actually a notorious extraterrestrial fugitive from the law.
 * Written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois.

Note: The number of Stitch's original name (Experiment 626) is pronounced by-digit as "Six Two Six".

Dialogue

 * [In Jumba's cell after Experiment 626 escaped]
 * Jumba: [chuckles] He got away?
 * Grand Councilwoman: I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you.
 * Jumba: I designed this creature for it to be unstoppable.
 * Grand Councilwoman: Which is precisely why you must now bring him back.
 * Jumba: What, me?
 * Grand Councilwoman: And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture.
 * Jumba: [sighs] 626 will not come easily. Maybe direct hit from plasma cannon might stun him long enough to--
 * Grand Councilwoman: [interrupting, exasperated] Plasma cannon granted. Do we have a bargain, Dr. Jumba? [Jumba grunts in agreement]
 * Pleakley: B-b-but it's a delicate planet! Who's going to control him?
 * Grand Councilwoman: You will. [leaves]
 * Pleakley: Very good, your highness. I-- I didn’t quite-- [scared] Uh, you're not joking!
 * Jumba: So, tell me, my little one-eyed one. On what poor, pitiful, defenseless planet has my "monstrosity" been unleashed? [shifts to the oceans of Kauai as the opening titles begin]

 * [After Lilo shows up to hula dance class late, soaking wet, Mertle, Elena, Teresa, and Yuki slip in the puddles, one by one]
 * Moses: Stop, stop. Lilo, why are you all wet?
 * Lilo: [first words] It's sandwich day. [Moses looks confused; she sighs] Every Thursday, I take Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich.
 * Moses: [still confused] Pudge is a fish?
 * Lilo: [continues] And today we were out of peanut butter! So, I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a tuna sandwich! I can't give Pudge tuna! [whispers] Do you know what tuna is?
 * Moses: [hesitantly] Fish?
 * Lilo: It's FISH! If I gave Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late because I had to go to the store, and get peanut butter, 'cause all we have is, is STINKING TUNA!!
 * Moses: Lilo, Lilo. Why is this so important?
 * Lilo: [calmly] Pudge controls the weather. [Everyone exchanges surprised looks at each other]
 * Mertle: You're crazy.
 * [Lilo angrily starts jumping on her, punching her in the face and kicking her, then the other girls run away screaming]
 * Moses: [worried] Please! Please! [picks Lilo up] Everybody calm down! [puts her down; Mertle cries] Girls... [in Hawaiian] It's okay. [in English; calmly] Shh. [to Lilo; sternly] Lilo--
 * Lilo: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't do it again!
 * Moses: Maybe we should call your sister.
 * Lilo: [worried] No! I'll be good! I want to dance. I practiced. I just want to dance. I practiced.
 * Mertle: [notices invisible bite mark on her arm] Ew, she bit me.
 * Elena, Teresa, and Yuki: Ew! [Fade outside the hula school where Lilo is sitting on the porch and Mertle and her friends leave]
 * Moses: [crouches down to Lilo's height] I called your sister. She said to wait for her here on the porch. We'll try again on Sunday. [gets up and heads back inside]

 * [Nani heads back to the Pelekai house and finds the front door locked]
 * Nani: Lilo! Open the door, Lilo!
 * Lilo: [from inside] Go away.
 * Nani: [pokes her head through the doggy door and finds her little sister, laying on the floor under the couch with a record player sitting next to her] Lilo? We don't have time for this.
 * Lilo: Leave me alone to die.
 * Nani: Come on, Lilo, the social worker's gonna be here any minute!

 * Lilo: [to Cobra as she's creating voodoo dolls of her rivals] My friends need to be punished.
 * Cobra: [hands his contact card to Lilo] Call me next time you're left here alone.
 * Lilo: Yep.
 * Cobra: [to Nani] In case you're wondering, this did not go well. [effortlessly pulls the door open hard, letting the nails clatter] You have 3 days to change my mind. [closes the door and leaves. Nani angrily turns to Lilo, who immediately screams in alarm; Lilo then starts running and Nani starts chasing her]
 * Nani: [tackles Lilo in the kitchen and Lilo licks her arm; disgustedly] EW! [angrily] Lilo! [She then stops and points to the laundry room and goes into said room. She sets a blanket on the floor, climbs on top of the dryer, and opens the door and slams it shut with her boot. Lilo quietly comes out before getting caught and is brought back to the hallway in the blanket while growling and hissing like a cat; Nani angrily grabs Lilo's arm] Why didn't you wait at the school?! You were supposed to wait [angrily pounds on floor] there! Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you want to be taken away? [Lilo doesn't answer] Answer me!
 * Lilo: No!
 * Nani: No, you don't understand?!
 * Lilo: No!
 * Nani: "No", what?
 * Lilo: NOOOOO!! [hits the floor] Unh! [mumbles]
 * Nani: [annoyed] Ugh! You're such a pain.
 * Lilo: So, why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead? [starts walks upstairs to her bedroom]
 * Nani: At least the rabbit would behave better than you!
 * Lilo: Go ahead, then you'll be happy, because it will be smarter than me, too!
 * Nani: And quieter!
 * Lilo: You'll like it, 'cause it's stinky like YOU!!! [enters her bedroom and angrily slams the door]
 * Nani: [angrily] GO TO YOUR ROOOOOM!!!!!!
 * Lilo: [opens door; angrily] I'M ALREADY IN MY ROOM!! [slams the door again. Nani and Lilo angrily scream into their pillows as the dog barks]
 * [Later]
 * Nani: Hey. I brought you some pizza, in case you were hungry.
 * Lilo: We’re a broken family, aren’t we?
 * Nani: No. Maybe a little.

 * [Both Nani and Lilo witness the green light, not realizing it is a spaceship, coming towards Earth]
 * Lilo: A falling star! [the ship crash-lands] I call it! [pushes Nani] Get out, get out! I have to make a wish! [trying to push Nani out of her room] Can't you go any faster?
 * Nani: [leanin' back] Oh, no! Gravity is increasing on me!
 * Lilo: No, it's not!
 * Nani: Is too, Lilo. The same thing happened yesterday. [falls on top of Lilo]
 * Lilo: You rotten sister, your butt is crushing me! Why do you act so weird?! [angrily shuts the door on Nani's head]

 * [Nani and Lilo are at an animal shelter looking for a pet dog]
 * Nani: [to shelter worker] We're looking for something that can defend itself. Something that won't die, something...sturdy, you know?
 * Lilo: Like a lobster.
 * Nani: Lilo, you lolo! Do we have a lobster door? No, we have a dog door. We are getting a dog.
 * [626 sneaks out of the shelter, and avoids getting hit from plasma cannon]
 * Jumba: [off-screen] Ah-ha! So nice to see your pretty face again!
 * 626: Jumba?

 * Lilo: Hi.
 * 626: Hoo, ha...Hi. [hugs her]
 * Lilo: Wow!
 * [Later, Lilo comes back to the lobby with 626]
 * Rescue Lady: Oh, yes. Mmm-hmm. All of our dogs are adoptable. [sees 626; alarmed] Except that one! [runs and takes 626 away from Lilo as Nani quickly pulls Lilo away from 626]
 * Nani: What is that thing?
 * Rescue Lady: A dog, I think. But it was dead this morning!
 * Nani: [confused] It was dead this morning?
 * Rescue Lady: We thought it was dead, it was hit by a truck!
 * Lilo: I like him! Come here, boy!
 * [626 forcefully, against the rescue lady's grip, walks himself forward to get to Lilo as she called him to her, climbing up onto Nani and Lilo's laps]
 * Nani: [screams and pushes 626 away from her and Lilo; composes herself] Wouldn't you like a different dog?
 * Rescue Lady: [a bit breathless] We have better dogs, dear.
 * Lilo: Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello".
 * 626: He-- Hel--
 * Rescue Lady: Dogs can't talk, dear.
 * [626 narrows his eyes and bares his teeth in frustration]
 * Lilo: He did.
 * Nani: Does it have to be this dog?
 * [626 pants a few times before rolling his tongue out, sticking it up his nose and putting it back in his mouth, smacking his lips]
 * Lilo: Yes. He's good. I can tell.
 * Rescue Lady: [filling out paperwork at the front desk] You'll have to think of a name for him.
 * [Standing on a chair, 626 looks out the window]
 * Lilo: His name is Stitch.
 * [626, now named Stitch, looks at Lilo]
 * Rescue Lady: Now, that's not a real name... [Nani shakes her head quickly and waves her hand as if saying "No! Don't say that!"] ...in...Iceland. But here, it's a good name. Stitch, it is. And there's a $2 license fee.
 * Lilo: I want to buy him! [whispers] Can I borrow $2?
 * [With a semi-irritated look, Nani takes the money from the rescue lady and hands it to Lilo. Lilo then taps the money on her shoulder and hands it back to her, handing it to the shelter worker]
 * Rescue Lady: [stamps the adoption papers and hands the paper to Lilo with a friendly smile] He's all yours.
 * Jumba: [looking at Stitch through his scope] You're all mine.
 * Pleakley: Well, what's he doing?
 * Jumba: Shh! Keep quiet. He's listening for us.
 * Pleakley: [whispering, Stitch turns his head] How good is his hearing? I mean, can he-- [Jumba angrily chokes him]
 * [Stitch opens the door and gets out]
 * Jumba: [turns on the red laser pointer at Stitch] Why don't you run? [slowly squeezes plasma cannon's trigger as Stitch barks for Lilo]
 * Lilo: I'm coming, I'm coming! [hugs Stitch]
 * Pleakley: [pushes Jumba's plasma gun away just as it fires] STOP! I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous!
 * Jumba: [pushes Pleakley out of his way] Don't worry, I won't hit her.
 * Pleakley: [plugs plasma cannon with his finger] No! That girl is part of the mosquito food chain. [hands Jumba his View-Master] Here, educate yourself.
 * Jumba: [incensed] Using a little girl for a shield. [angrily] This is low, even for you!
 * Stitch: [wiggles his butt at Jumba, taunting him] Woo-hoo!
 * Jumba: Bah! [angrily pushes Pleakley away] Tear him apart with all both my bare hands!
 * Pleakley: Have you lost your mind?!
 * Lilo: [as Stitch barks like a dog] What is it, Stitch?
 * Pleakley: ''[he and Jumba hide themselves in a nearby bush] We cannot be seen!
 * [Stitch keeps barking like a dog as Nani and Rescue Lady enters the scene.]
 * Rescue Lady: [angrily using a spray bottle] Bad dog, barking at nothing.
 * [Stitch angrily rubs his head on the wooden porch; Jumba and Pleakley peek from the bush.]
 * Pleakley: You can't shoot, and you can't be seen. Look at you! You look like a monster. We have to blend in.

 * Mertle: [as Lilo approaches her; annoyed] What do you want?
 * Lilo: I'm sorry I bit you, and pulled your hair, and punched you in the face.
 * Mertle: Apology not accepted. Now get out of my way before I run you over. [screams as she sees Stitch crawling towards her]
 * Lilo: I got a new dog. His name is Stitch.
 * Mertle: That is the ugliest thing I have ever saw.

 * [as Pleakley get themself comfortable for the night, Jumba looks at Stitch through his binoculars]
 * Jumba: [laughs in amusement] This little girl is wasting her time. 626 cannot be taught to ignore its destructive programming. Ooh! Push that over. [to Pleakley] What are you doing?
 * Pleakley: [quickly takes his wig off] Nothing!
 * Jumba: Uh, say, I want to try it on.
 * Pleakley: No!
 * Jumba: Share! Let me try it!
 * Pleakley: Hey! Ow! You’re just jealous 'cause I'm pretty! [notices a mosquito] Don't move. A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. [more mosquitoses flies in] Look, another one. And another one! [a whole mosquito swarm flies in, covers him] Why, it's a whole flock. And they like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses. Now they're, um, they're-- [realizes the mosquitoes are sucking his blood; the scene cuts to a different shot as Pleakley screams painfully, offscreen]

 * Lilo: [as Stitch lifts her pillow, revealing the photo of her and Nani's deceased parents] That's us before. It was rainy and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things and push me. Our family's little now and we don't have many toys but if you want, you could be part of it. You could be our baby and we'd raise you to be good. "Ohana" means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, but if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves.

 * [Stitch grabs Jumba's plasma gun, but Jumba plugs it with a carrot]
 * Jumba: You shouldn't play with guns.
 * Stitch: [giving it to him] Oh, okay.
 * Jumba: Thank you. [hears the gun beeping, realizes it's overloading and throws it back to Stitch] Oh, I just remembered, it's your birthday! Happy birthday!
 * Stitch: [throws it to him; grunts] Merry Christmas!
 * Jumba: [throws it back] It's not Christmas!
 * Stitch: [throws it back] Happy Hanukah!
 * [As Jumba and Stitch play hot potato with the overloading gun, Pleakley grabs Lilo and runs out of the house]
 * Jumba: [in background, overlapped by Lilo] It's not Hanukah!
 * Lilo: We're leaving Stitch?!
 * Pleakley: Trust me, this is not gonna end well!
 * [Back to Jumba and Stitch]
 * Jumba: 1 potato!
 * Stitch: 2 potato!
 * Jumba: 3 potato!
 * Stitch: 4!
 * Jumba: 5 potato!
 * Stitch: 6 potato!
 * Jumba: 7 potato, more!
 * Stitch: My...!
 * Jumba: Mother...!
 * Stitch: Told...!
 * Jumba: Me...!
 * Stitch: You...!
 * Jumba: Are...!
 * Stitch: It.
 * Jumba: Oh! I win.
 * [The gun explodes, destroying Lilo's house. One of the flying objects from the explosion hits Pleakley, and he screams and flies offscreen.]

 * [After Lilo's house is destroyed]
 * Lilo: [explaining to Cobra about what happened] One of them had a giant eye in the middle of his face.
 * Nani: [enters the scene] Oh, Lilo. [Cobra puts Lilo in his car and shuts the car door] Please, don't do this.
 * Cobra: You know I have no choice.
 * Nani: NO! You're not taking her! I'm the only one who understands her! You take that away, she won't stand a chance!
 * Cobra: You're making this harder than it needs to be.
 * Nani: You don't know what you're doing! She needs me!
 * Cobra: [angrily points at her destroyed house] Is this what she needs?! It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you. [Lilo gets out of his car on the other side and flees into the tropical forest] Lilo! LILO!
 * Nani: Lilo!
 * [Stitch looks at Lilo's family portrait; Lilo then enters the tropic woods, where Stitch surprises her and hands her the portrait]
 * Lilo: [quietly and coldly] You've ruined everything. [Stitch hesitantly reveals his true alien form] You're one of them? [angrily shoves him away; quietly] Get out of here, Stitch. [She and Stitch then suddenly get captured by Gantu]
 * Gantu: Surprise! [laughs evilly] And here I thought you'd be difficult to catch. Ho-ho-ho. Silly me.
 * Nani: [searching for Lilo] Lilo? Lilo! [gets passed by Gantu, and she screams in horror; hears Stitch growling and gasps in shock]
 * [Gantu heads to his ship and puts Lilo and Stitch in his traveling glass capsule.]
 * Gantu: There you go, all buckled up for the trip. [puts his capsule on the back of his ship] And, look, I even caught you a little snack.
 * [Gantu gets on his ship and starts his engine.]
 * Nani: [gasps] NO, STOP! [gets blown down to the ground]
 * [Stitch gets himself out of Gantu's capsule. Gantu's ship then takes off to the sky, leaving Stitch falling to the ground]
 * Nani: Lilo.

 * Nani: [smacks Stitch with tree branch; angrily] Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where is Lilo? [Stitch doesn't answer] Talk! I know you can.
 * Stitch: [shakes his head and sighs; annoyed] Okay, okay.
 * Nani: [screams and smacks Stitch with tree branch; Stitch groans] Where's Lilo?
 * Stitch: [sighs] Lilo-- [gets zapped by plasma cannon blast]
 * Jumba: [after he captures Stitch] Ha-ha! Now all your washing is up!
 * Pleakley: [shows his ID] You're under arrest! Read him his rights.
 * Jumba: Listen carefully. [starts laughing while beating up Stitch]
 * Pleakley: Hello, Galactic command? Experiment 626 is in custody. We'll wait right here. [hangs up]
 * [Nani gets up and sees Jumba and Pleakley.]
 * Pleakley: [whispers to Jumba] Don't interact with her.
 * [Nani then slowly walks to them.]
 * Nani: Where's Lilo?
 * Jumba: Who? [Pleakley angrily slaps him] What?
 * Nani: Lilo. My sister.
 * Jumba: Uh, sorry. We do not know anyone by this, uh--
 * Nani: Lilo! She's a little girl, this big! She has black hair and brown eyes, and she hangs around with that THING!!
 * Stitch: Uh--
 * Jumba: [sighs; solemnly] We know her.
 * Nani: Bring her back.
 * Pleakley: Oh, we can't do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of Galactic resources.
 * Jumba: See, problem is...we're just here for him.
 * Nani: [sadly] So, she's gone?
 * Pleakley: Look at the bright side. You won't have to yell at anyone anymore. [chuckles nervously]
 * [Nani then sadly kneels to the ground and starts sobbing in dispair.]
 * Jumba: Come.
 * [Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley turns to leave. But Stitch stops and walks back to Nani to comfort her.]
 * Stitch: Ohana.
 * Nani: Huh?
 * Jumba: Hey! [snatches Stitch] Get away from her.
 * Nani: No! [quickly pulls Stitch back from Jumba; to Stitch] What did you say?
 * Stitch: "Ohana" means family. Family means nobody--
 * Nani: Nobody gets left behind.
 * Stitch: Or forgotten. Yeah. [to Jumba] Hey! [speaks alien]
 * Jumba: WHAT?! [angrily grabs Stitch] After all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that? JUST LIKE THAT?!
 * Stitch: Ih.
 * Jumba: Fine. [takes space handcuffs off of him]
 * Pleakley: Fine? You're doing what he says?
 * Jumba: Uh, he's very persuasive.
 * Pleakley: "Persuasive"?! What exactly are we doing?
 * Jumba: Rescue.
 * Nani: [delightfully] We're gonna get Lilo?
 * Stitch: Ih.

 * Gantu: [Stitch scratches the glass] Little savage. Get off my ship!
 * Stitch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!
 * Lilo: Stitch!

 * Lilo: Don't leave me, okay?
 * Stitch: [worried] Okay. Okay. [hears truck horn and sees said truck; determined] Okay.

 * David: So, you're from outer space, huh? I heard the surfing's choice.
 * [Stitch then gets captured by one of intergalactic guards.]
 * Intergalactic Guard: We have 626.
 * Grand Councilwoman: Take him to my ship.
 * Lilo: [angrily] Leave him alone.
 * Cobra Bubbles: [holds Lilo back] Hold on.
 * Gantu: Grand Councilwoman, let me explain.
 * Grand Councilwoman: SILENCE! I am retiring you, Captain Gantu.
 * [Gantu is shocked.]
 * Pleakley: Actually, credit for the capture goes to--
 * Grand Councilwoman: Goes to me. You'll be lucky if you end up on a Fluff Trog farm after we sort this thing out.
 * Jumba: Uh, I think I should--
 * Grand Councilwoman: You! You're the cause of all this! If it wasn't for Experiment 626, none of this--
 * Stitch: [interrupting] Stitch.
 * Grand Councilwoman: What?
 * Stitch: My name Stitch.
 * Grand Councilwoman: Stitch, then. If it wasn't for Stitch-- [realizes what just happened, turns back to Stitch]
 * Stitch: Does Stitch have to go in the ship?
 * Grand Councilwoman: [shocked, hesitant] Yes.
 * Stitch: Can Stitch say goodbye?
 * Grand Councilwoman: Yes.
 * Stitch: Thank you. [walks over to Nani and Lilo]
 * Grand Councilwoman: [looks at Nani and Lilo] Who are you?
 * Stitch: This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good. [walks back to board the ship]
 * Pleakley: Does he really have to go?
 * Grand Councilwomam: [sighs] You know as well as I that our laws are absolute. I cannot change what the Council has decided.
 * Cobra: [whispering] Lilo, didn't you buy that thing at the shelter?
 * Lilo: [takes out the adoption form and runs up to the Grand Councilwoman] Hey! [The Grand Councilwoman looks down at her] Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid $2 for him. See this stamp? I own him. If you take him, you're stealing.
 * Cobra: Aliens are all about rules.
 * Grand Councilwoman: You look familiar.
 * Cobra: CIA. Roswell. 1973.
 * Grand Councilwoman: [remembers] Ah, yes. You had hair then. Take note of this. This creature has been sentenced to life in exile, [takes space handcuffs off of Stitch] a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here...on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien life-form, Stitch, this family is now under the official protection of the United Galactic Federation. We'll be checking in, now and then.
 * Cobra: I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters.
 * Grand Councilwoman: I know what you mean. [to her intergalactic guards] Don't let those two get on my ship. [leaves]

Taglines

 * There's one in every family.
 * His name is Stitch.
 * Meet Stitch. This Summer, He's Coming to OUR Planet.
 * He's coming to our galaxy.
 * On June 21, The tradition is under attack.
 * May the Stitch be with you.

Cast

 * Daveigh Chase — Lilo Pelekai
 * Christopher Michael Sanders — Stitch
 * Tia Carrere — Nani Pelekai
 * David Ogden Stiers — Dr. Jumba Jookiba
 * Kevin McDonald — Agent Wendy Pleakley
 * Ving Rhames — Cobra Bubbles
 * Kevin Michael Richardson — Captain Gantu
 * Zoe Caldwell — The Grand Councilwoman
 * Jason Scott Lee — David Kawena

title: Lilo & Stitch


text:
Cliff Burton

Clifford Lee Burton (February 10, 1962 – September 27, 1986) was Metallica's second bassist after Ron McGovney.

Quotes

 * "When a man lies, he murders some part of the world.", (the film Excalibur). These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives.", (Stephen R. Donaldson, born in 1947). "All this I cannot bear to witness any longer. Cannot the Kingdom of Salvation take me home?", (possibly Burton).
 * Lyrics for "To Live Is to Die" on the album "...And Justice for All" (a song allegedly based on unused riffs found on Burton's tapes after his death in 1986 though these riffs were never disclosed)

Corpate ******* kill em all
 * Says this in the song: To Live Is To Die

title: Cliff Burton


text:
Lars Ulrich

Lars Ulrich (born December 26, 1963) is the drummer of American heavy metal band Metallica.

Quotes

 * If you'd stop being a Metallica fan because I won't give you my music for free, then fuck you. I don't want you to be a Metallica fan.
 * Quoted in Rob Tannenbaum, "The Playboy Interview: Metallica," Playboy (April 2001).

 * Don't talk it, walk it.
 * Quoted in Some Kind of Monster (2004).

 * If there are people that are dumb enough to use Metallica to interrogate prisoners, you're forgetting about all the music that's to the left of us. I can name, you know, 30 Norwegian death metal bands that would make Metallica sound like Simon & Garfunkel.
 * (Said upon discovering that, during the 2003 invasion of Iraq, uncooperative prisoners were exposed to the Metallica song "Enter Sandman" for extended periods by American interrogators.)

About Lars Ulrich

 * Don't download this song Even Lars Ulrich knows it's wrong. (you can just ask him!)
 * Weird Al Yankovic, "Don't download this song," from Straight Outta Lynwood (2006).

title: Lars Ulrich


text:
Garth Nix

Garth Nix (born 19 July 1963) is an Australian author of fantasy novels for young adults.

Quotes

 * I don't believe authors need to keep any specific values or ideas in mind while they are writing for children, but I do think authors need to be aware of their audience, and of the effect their work may have. So if they want to address particularly sensitive topics or taboos, they have to do so consciously and carefully. This is very different to toeing a particular moral line or leaving things out. Certainly I don't think good always has to triumph over evil; it depends on the story and the aims of the book. For example, I could envisage telling a story where the inaction of people leads to the triumph of evil. But I would include the hope that this would lead to the people involved doing better next time. Is that story then really about the triumph of evil, or is it about the awakening of opposition to evil?
 * As quoted in "A conversation with Garth Nix" by Claire E. White at Writers Write (July-August 2000)

Shade's Children (1997)

 * Gold-Eye's Change Vision suddenly gripped him, showing him a picture of the unpleasantly close future, the soon-to-be-now. Doors slid open at each end of the carriage, forced apart by metal-gauntleted hands four times the size of Gold-Eye's own. Fog no longer fell in lazy swirls, but danced and spiraled crazily as huge shapes lumbered in, moving to the pile of blankets... Gold-Eye didn't wait to see more. He came out of the vision and took the escape route he'd planned months before, when he'd first found the carriage. Lifting a trapdoor in the floor, he dropped down, down to the cold steel rails.
 * p. 9.
 * The Trackers were on the move again, spreading out to search. It sounded like a trio on each side of the train, coming toward him. Gold-Eye pictured them in his head, trying to get his Change Vision to show him exactly where they were. But the Change Vision came and went when it chose, and couldn't be controlled.
 * p. 10.
 * Soon the Myrmidons would surround him, silver nets shooting out to catch him in their sticky tracery. Then a Winger would come to take him away. Back to the Dorms. Or if he was old enough... straight to the Meat Factory.
 * p. 12.

Old Kingdom series (The Abhorsen Trilogy)

 * "Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker?"
 * Quoted various times by different characters in all three books.

Sabriel (1995)

 * ISBN 0007137303

He turned to the baby again and added, almost with a note of surprise, "Father of Sabriel."
 * "I am a necromancer, but not of the common sort, while others of the art raise the dead, I lay them to rest - or try too - and those that will not rest I bind, for I am Abhorsen..."
 * p. 14.
 * "A year ago, I turned the final page of The Book of the Dead. I don't feel young any more."
 * p. 46.
 * Five Great Charters knit the land together linked hand and hand. One in the people who wear the crown Two in the folk who keep the Dead down Three and Five became stone and mortar Four sees all in frozen water.
 * p. 216.
 * "I think I might love you too, Charter help me, but now is-"
 * p. 327.
 * “Toys, Abhorsen. And too late. Much too late.” It was not just words he spoke, but power, Free Magic power that froze Sabriel’s nerves, caught at her muscles. Desperately, she struggled to ring the bells, but her wrists were locked in place… Tantalizingly slowly, Kerrigor glided forward, till he was a mere arm’s length away. Towering over her like some colossal statue of rough-hewn night, his breath rolling down on her with the stench of a thousand abattoirs. Someone – a girl quietly coughing out her last breath on the floor – touched Sabriel’s ankle with a light caress. A small spark of golden Charter Magic came from that dying touch, slowly swelling into Sabriel’s veins, traveling upwards, warming joints, freeing muscles. At last it reached her wrists and hands–and the bells rang out. It was not the clear, true sound it should be, for somehow the bulk of Kerrigor took the sound in and warped it– but it had an effect. Kerrigor slid back, and was diminished, till he was a little more than twice Sabriel’s height. But he was not subject to Sabriel’s will. Saraneth had not bound him, and Kibeth had only forced him back. Sabriel rang the bells again, concentrating on the difficult counterpoint between them, forcing all her will into their magic. Kerrigor would fall under her domination, he would walk where she willed…
 * pp. 358-359.

Lirael: Daughter of the Clayr (2001)

 * ISBN 000713732X

"Mogget. Shut up."
 * "No mother, no father, no Sight."
 * p. 21.
 * "I am the Disreputable Dog. Or Disreputable Bitch, if you want to get technical. When are we going for a walk?"
 * p. 115.
 * "So are you saying that somebody went to all the trouble to make you a crypt a thousand years ago on the off chance that you might turn up one day, walk in, and have a convenient heart attack?"
 * p. 231.
 * When the Dead do walk, seek water’s run, For this the Dead will always shun. Swift river’s best or broadest lake To ward the Dead and haven make. If water fails thee, fire’s thy friend; If neither guards, it will be thy end.
 * pp. 359-360.
 * Sam swallowed. The dire pronouncement echoed in his ears, imbued with the faint hint of the Free Magic power that was contained within the cat form on his shoulder. He slapped Sprout on the rump to get her going; then he said the first thing that came into his head.
 * p. 381.
 * "Choosers will be beggars if the begging’s not their choosing," said the Dog.
 * p. 398.
 * I’ll sing you a song of the long ago - Seven shine the shiners, oh! What did the Seven do way back when? Why, they wove the Charter then! Five for the warp, from beginning to end. Two for the woof, to make and mend. That’s the Seven, but what of the Nine- What of the two who chose not to shine? The Eighth did hide, hide all away, But the Seven caught him and made him pay. The Ninth was strong and fought with might, But lone Orannis was put out of the light, Broken in two and buried under hill, Forever to lie there, wishing us ill.
 * pp. 525-526.

Abhorsen (2003)

 * ISBN 0060528737

 * "Wake me when what terrible thing is going to happen, happens, or if it appears I might get wet."

 * The Clayr Saw a sword and so I was. Remember the Wallmakers. Remember Me.
 * p. 52.
 * "Yet when ancient forces stir, many things are woken."
 * p. 60.
 * "Time and death sleep side by side," said the Dog. "Both are in Astrael's Domain."
 * p. 64.
 * "Yeerch. Soap. See how much I love you?"

 * "For everyone and everything, there is a time to die. Some do not know it, or would delay it, but its truth cannot be denied. Not when you look into the stars of the Ninth Gate."
 * p. 343.
 * She got up, grew her legs longer to get her body out of the water and shook herself dry. Then she wandered off, following a zigzag path along the border between Life and Death, her tail wagging so hard, the tip of it beat the river into a froth behind her.
 * p. 395.

Mister Monday (2003)

 * ISBN 0-00-717501-9

 * "You're sure that we'll find someone suitable here?" "Sure as eggs is eggs," replied Sneezer. "Surer even, eggs not always being what one might expect."
 * p. 33.

 * "Noon sits at the Master's right hand, Dawn at his left. Dusk stands behind, in the shadows. Yet sometimes it is easier to see the light when you stand partly in the darkness."
 * p. 241.

 * "Who can I trust?" Arthur blurted out. "Those who wish you well," said the Old One. "Not those who wish to use you well. Be a player, not a pawn. And that is three questions and all your time."
 * p. 247.

 * "Summon him forth," instructed the Will. "Let justice be meted out. There is much to do, you know, Arthur." "You'd think we could 'ave a cup of tea and biscuit first," muttered Suzy.
 * p. 392.

Grim Tuesday (2004)

 * ISBN 0-00-717503-5

 * "Double, treble, quadruple bubble, watch the stock market get into trouble..."
 * p. 75.

"Missed me," called out Suzy. "Close-run thing. Bit off my right clog. I was kicking it in the teeth, so I s'pose that's fair."
 * "What happened?" Arthur asked. He caught a glimpse of something below, but couldn't quite make out what it was. "The Nithling-"
 * p. 177.

"If you must call me anything, you may address me as Most Excellent Testamentary Clause," said the sun bear. "Claws?" said Suzy, as she tilted the chair to speed the bear on its way. "Orright, Claws, hop to it." "No, no, no," protested the sun bear. "Most Excellent-" "Claws it is," said Suzy loudly. "After you, Claws." "I said... oh... just don't speak to me," huffed the Will as it waddled after Arthur.
 * "Come on! You too, Will."
 * p. 300.

"The whole House is going to fall down if you don't make a decision!" Arthur argued.
 * "I don't want to make a mistake," said the Will softly. "Better not to make a decision than to make a mistake."
 * p. 319.

Drowned Wednesday (2005)

 * ISBN 0-00-717505-1

Jetsam thrown isn't just junk. Coughs and colds and bright red sores Waiting for us, so bend yer oars!"
 * "Flotsam floats when all is sunk.
 * p. 53.

Arthur bowed. He had already half-guessed the identity of their surprise guest. She had the hauteur that all the chief servants of the Trustees possessed. A kind of look that said, I am superior and you had better admit it.
 * "Lord Arthur, may I present Lady Wednesday's Dawn?"
 * p. 167.

"I think we get smashed to bits," said Arthur. "But like Longtayle said, it's mostly holes. And the current must aim for the holes, or get directed through them. We'll be all right." "What happens if we don't get smashed completely to bits, but just a bit smashed to bits?" asked Suzy after a while. "I mean, so we're still alive but drowning?" "Suzy, please don't ask me these questions right now," said Arthur, with as much restraint as he could manage.
 * "What do we do if we don't go through a hole?" asked Suzy.
 * p. 276.

Sir Thursday (2006)

 * ISBN 0-00-717507-8

"I think so-" "Shut up! That was not a question!"
 * "Lieutenant Crosshaw says you are a special case!" bellowed Helve. "I do not like special cases! Special cases do not make good soldiers! Special cases do not help other recruits become good soldiers! Therefore, you will not be a special case! You understand me!"
 * p. 124.

 * "All of us recruits are equal in the eyes of the Army: low as you can go."
 * p. 151.

 * "You are a weak reed, Recruit Green!" Helve shouted. "Weak reeds make for badly woven baskets! This platoon will not be a badly woven basket!"
 * p. 156.

Lady Friday (2007)

 * ISBN 978-0-00-717509-3

"Can't we?" asked Dame Primus. She sounded genuinely puzzled.
 * "No!" shouted Arthur. "What's wrong with you? They're people! You can't just kill hundreds or thousands of Piper's children because the Piper might... just might... make some of them do something!"
 * p. 46.

"Yes, I'm Arthur." Emelena mumbled something that Arthur correctly thought was about expecting him to be taller, more impressive, have lightning bolts coming out of his eyes, and so on.
 * "Am I correct in assuming that I address Lord Arthur?"
 * p. 55.

"No!" shouted Arthur. "Why do you keep asking? Do I look like some kind of crazy murderer?" "No..." Marek sounded as if he did still think that but didn't want to upset Arthur.
 * "You're really, truly not going to kill everyone?" asked Marek.
 * p. 91.

"I wanted to be a Nithling with three heads once, so that's no guarantee," whispered Suzy as she lay down and raised her arms and feet. "What's more, after a washing between the ears I thought it was possible."
 * "They could have attacked us straight away. And Fred wanted to be one, so they can't be all bad."
 * p. 254.

Superior Saturday (2008)

 * ISBN 0-00-717501-0

"You will be safe from all harm for the space of a quarter hour, as measured by this clock," replied the Old One. "You are mortal enough that I would not slay you like a wandering cockroach, or a Denizen of the House." "Thanks," said Arthur. "I think."
 * "Do you promise you won't hurt me?" asked Arthur.
 * p. 67.

"She probably just put on the uniform," said Dr Scamandros. "No one would question her."
 * "General Turquoise Blue?" asked Arthur. "I didn't make Suzy a general, did I? I remember her talking about it, but I don't remember actually..."
 * p. 78.

"Indeed," said Dame Quarto. "We had," added Dame Septum. She raised her hand and dramatically announced, "I shall attend to the Middle House!" "And I to the mountains!" declared Dame Quarto, and both strode from the room. "And I to... sorting our Superior Saturday," said Arthur. Somehow it didn't sound the same.
 * "Thank you for splitting. I guess we'd all better get on with it."
 * p. 106.

Lord Sunday (2010)

 * ISBN 0-00-717513-0

 * "I don't... I don't care," he said softly to his reflection. "I have a job to do. It doesn't matter what I have become. It doesn't matter what I look like."
 * p. 45.

"Yes," said Dusk. "This morning, in his cell. The guards outside were also slain, and only Sir Thursday's boots remained." "Sounds more like he escaped," Suzy said. "His feet were still in the boots," said Dusk.
 * "You mean he's dead too?" asked Suzy.
 * p. 143.

She started off at a run, but paused after a few steps when Giac didn't immediately follow. He was looking puzzled. "Come on!" "But I already am a rotten sorceror," he said.
 * "Come on, then, Giac," said Suzy. "Last one to the top is a rotten sorceror."
 * p. 181.

 * "Oh, to be a minion," muttered Giac to himself dreamily. "I was a sub-minion."
 * p. 184.

Interview at KidsReads (2003)

 * "Garth Nix" at Kidsreads.com (Scholastic: 2003)

 * Teachers are very undervalued for what they do.

 * If you like what you are writing, just write. Try to keep going before you stop to take a break. Keep going back before too much time has passed. And just stay with it.

title: Garth Nix


text:
Solomon ibn Gabirol

Solomon ibn Gabirol (Salamo Ben Jehuda Ben Gebirol, known in the Christian West as Avicebrol) was a Spanish-Jewish poet and philosopher (c. 1021-c. 1058)

Quotes

 * I before Thy greatness Stand, and am afraid:— All my secret thoughts Thine eye beholdeth Deep within my bosom laid.
 * Morning song, trans. Nina Davis.

 * In seeking wisdom, the first step is silence; the second, listening; the third, remembering; the fourth practicing; the fifth, teaching others
 * As quoted by Lama Surya Das, Huffington Post April 28, 2010.

title: Solomon ibn Gabirol


text:
User talk:61.48.130.38

This IP has been blocked from editing at Wikiquote because it has been used by a persistent vandal to post unwanted commercial advertisements here. Wikiquote is a non-profit, non-commercial, public service site, not a place for gratuitous advertising. ~ Kalki

title: User talk:61.48.130.38


text:
User talk:60.25.127.208

This IP has been blocked from editing at Wikiquote because it has been used by a persistent vandal to post unwanted commercial advertisements here. Wikiquote is a non-profit, non-commercial, public service site, not a place for gratuitous advertising. ~ Kalki

title: User talk:60.25.127.208


text:
Joseph Brackett

Joseph Brackett, Jr. (6 May 1797 – 4 July 1882) was an American Shaker Elder and songwriter, famous as the author of the song "Simple Gifts."

Simple Gifts (1848)

 *  'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,     'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right,      'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.  When true simplicity is gain'd      To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd, To turn, turn will be our delight      'Till by turning, turning we come round right.
 * Through the course of time these lines have often been altered into "'Tis a gift", rather than the original "'Tis the gift". The song was largely unknown outside of the Shaker community until Aaron Copland used the melody in his 1944 composition "Appalachian Spring". Many people have thought that the tune of "Simple Gifts" is a traditional celtic tune (as it is implied to be, as used in the theatrical play Lord of the Dance) but the music and original lyrics are actually the compositions of Joseph Brackett. The original lyrics to a song "Lord of the Dance", based upon the tune, were written by the Quaker poet Sydney Carter in 1963, and these were adapted (in ignorance of the actual origins) without authorization or acknowledgments in the play, but acknowledgement was eventually made, and some royalty payments arranged. Several other adaptations and parodies have since occurred. · Alison Krauss performance · Performance by the King's Singers - GMCLA performance · Arrangement by John Williams for the Inauguration of US President Barack Obama

Quotes about Brackett or "Simple Gifts"

 * The man who wrote this claimed it came to him by divine inspiration, and I truly believe that might have been the case. This may be the perfect piece of music. I've sung it close to 15,000 times over the years, and I never get tired of it.
 * Randy Folger, who sang the song each weekday for visitors at the "Shaker Village" in Pleasant Hill, Kentucky.

 * I don’t think he was musically trained, as far as I can tell from my research. There isn’t a lot of background material to find on this question, but I do believe that he picked up music as it was passed to him through the community. They felt it was a communal gift to be able to write music, a gift from God. They wrote about the experience as having inspirationally received a song.
 * Roger Hall, in in Simple Living: Discover spiritual gifts of the Shakers.

 * The Music Educators National Conference — the professional organization for American music teachers — named it among a handful of songs that every American should know. Teachers ranked it right up there with the "National Anthem," "Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "Home on the Range."
 * David Crumm in "From Lord of the Dance to Oldsmobile ads, the Shaker song 'Simple Gifts' can now be heard in all kinds of places" in Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service (30 November 1998)

 * Everyone agreed that this is a song all Americans should be able to sing. It was a hands-down favorite among teachers. And I've talked with kids in elementary and high schools about it, too. Any youngster can tell you what this song means: Simplicity is sometimes better than complexity, and we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously.
 * Will Schmid, president of the 1996 Music Educators National Conference, as quoted in "From Lord of the Dance to Oldsmobile ads, the Shaker song 'Simple Gifts' can now be heard in all kinds of places" by David Crumm in Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service (30 November 1998)

title: Joseph Brackett


text:
Sydney Carter

Sydney Carter (6 May 1915 – 13 March 2004) was an English Quaker poet and songwriter.

Quotes

 * So what do you believe in? Nothing fixed or final,  all the while I  travel a miracle. I doubt,  and yet  I walk upon the water.
 * "So what do you believe in?"

 * Your holy hearsay is not evidence. Give me the good news in the present tense. What happened nineteen hundred years ago May not have happened. How am I to know? So shut your Bibles up and show me how The Christ you talk about Is living now.
 * "Present Tense"

Shake the world and shock the hypocrite''' Rock, love, carry it away, turn it upside down. Let the feast of love begin, Let the hungry all come in, Rock, love, carry it away, turn it upside down.
 * '''Come holy harlequin!
 * "Come, Holy Harlequin" (1974) · Performance by Franciscus Henri (2005)

Throw their crutches on a heap''', Rock, love, carry it away, turn it upside down. Rock, love, carry it away, '''Lift the world up by your levity, Rock, love, carry it away, turn it upside down.'''
 * '''Teach the crippled how to leap,
 * "Come, Holy Harlequin" (1974)

 * I see Christ as the incarnation of the piper who is calling us. He dances that shape and pattern which is at the heart of our reality. By Christ I mean not only Jesus; in other times and places, other planets, there may be other Lords of the Dance. But Jesus is the one I know of first and best. I sing of the dancing pattern in the life and words of Jesus. Whether Jesus ever leaped in Galilee to the rhythm of a pipe or drum I do not know. We are told that David danced (and as an act of worship too), so it is not impossible. The fact that many Christians have regarded dancing as a bit ungodly (in a church, at any rate) does not mean that Jesus did. The Shakers didn't...
 * Green Print for Song (1974)

 * They are songs which can be sung in a Christian context, but they all had to mean something to me because I was often on the edge of not believing. The songs certainly have not made my fortune, but I am still grateful for the royalties when they come in.
 * On the songs One More Step, Lord of the Dance, and When I needed a neighbour which a survey of schools in the UK found to be the first, fifth, and sixth most sung of songs under copyright used in school assemblies.
 * The Times [London] (29 August 1996)

 * There are obvious problems with so many denominations in schools today, but I had collective worship at school and I do not think it is a bad thing.
 * The Times [London] (29 August 1996)

 * Faith is more basic than language or theology. Faith is the response to something which is calling us from the timeless part of our reality. Faith may be encouraged by what has happened in the past, or what is thought to have happened in the past, but the only proof of it is in the future. Scriptures and creeds may come to seem incredible, but faith will still go dancing on. Even though (because it rejects a doctrine) it is now described as "doubt". This, I believe, is the kind of faith that Christ commended.
 * Obituary in The Independent (17 March 2001)

 * Coming and going by the dance, I see That what I am not is a part of me. Dancing is all that I can ever trust, The dance is all I am, the rest is dust. I will believe my bones and live by what Will go on dancing when my bones are not.
 * Written as an epitaph based upon his lyrics to "Lord of the Dance".

Lord of the Dance (1963)

 * These quotes are from the definitive lyrics to original "Lord of the Dance" song which was written to accompany the Shaker tune of "Simple Gifts" by Joseph Brackett. These were later adapted (in either ignorance or denial of the actual origins) without authorization or acknowledgments in the theatrical play "Lord of the Dance", and in other adaptations since.

 *  I danced in the morning When the world was begun, And I danced in the moon And the stars and the sun, And I came down from heaven And I danced on the earth, At Bethlehem I had my birth.

 * Dance, then, wherever you may be, I am the Lord of the Dance, said he, And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be, And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said he.

 * I danced on the Sabbath And I cured the lame; The holy people Said it was a shame. They whipped and they stripped And they hung me on high, And they left me there On a Cross to die.

 * They buried my body And they thought I'd gone, But I am the Dance, And I still go on.

 * '''They cut me down And I leapt up high; I am the life That'll never, never die; I'll live in you If you'll live in me — I am the Lord Of the Dance, said he.

When I Needed A Neighbour (1965)

 * "When I Needed A Neighbour", written for Christian Aid (1965) · Performance for "Divine Hymns" at YouTube · Performance by Quartet from the Choir of St Luke's, Chelsea, London, UK (25 September 2020)

Were you there, were you there? When I needed a neighbour, were you there? And the creed and the colour And the name won't matter Were you there?
 * When I needed a neighbour

Were you there, were you there? I was hungry and thirsty, were you there? And the creed and the colour And the name won't matter Were you there?
 * I was hungry and thirsty

I'll be there, I'll be there Wherever you travel, I'll be there And the creed and the colour And the name won't matter I'll be there.
 * Wherever you travel

George Fox (1966)

 * Dedicated to George Fox, the founder of The Society of Friends ("The Quakers"), using a traditional tune known as "Monk's March", published on the EP Lord Of The Dance : Carols & Ballads (1966)

 * There's a light that is shining in the heart of a man, it's the light that was shining when the world began. There's a light that is shining in the Turk and the Jew and a light that is shining, friend, in me and in you.

 * "With a book and a steeple, with a bell and a key they would bind it forever, but they can't," said he. "Oh, the book it will perish and the steeple will fall, but the light will be shining at the end of it all."

 * "If we give you a pistol, will you fight for the Lord?" "But you can't kill the Devil with a gun or a sword!" "Will you swear on the Bible?" "I will not!" said he, "For the truth is more holy than the book, to me."

 * There's an ocean of darkness and I drown in the night till I come through the darkness to the ocean of light, for the light is forever and the light it is free, "And I walk in the glory of the light," said he.

Julian of Norwich (1983)

 * Also known as "The Bells of Norwich", this is a song dedicated to the sayings of Julian of Norwich, as recorded by Gordon Bok, Ann Mayo Muir and Ed Trickett on All Shall Be Well Again (1983) · YouTube video · Songaday Project - July 19, 2011 - Bells of Norwich · Performance by Albion Christmas Band with short prelude about Carter and Julian

Here by the tower of Julian, I tell them what I know.'''
 * '''Loud are the bells of Norwich and the people come and go.

 * Love, like the yellow daffodil, is Lord of all I know.

All shall be well again, I know.'''
 * '''All shall be well, I'm telling you, let the winter come and go

Quotes about Carter

 * The optimistic lines "I danced in the morning when the world begun and I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun" also contain a hint of paganism which, mixed with Christianity, makes it attractive to those of ambiguous religious beliefs or none at all. Carter himself genially admitted that he had been partly inspired by the statue of Shiva which sat on his desk; and, whenever he was asked to resolve the contradiction, he would declare that he had never tried to do so. However, he admitted to being as astonished as anyone by its success. "I did not think the churches would like it at all. I thought many people would find it pretty far flown, probably heretical and anyway dubiously Christian. But in fact people did sing it and, unknown to me, it touched a chord. . . "Anyway," Carter would continue, "it's the sort of Christianity I believe in."
 * Obituary in The Daily Telegraph (16 March 2004)

 * Carter's openness to religious truth makes talks of religious categories rather superfluous, which was indeed a major irritation for the early critics of the open-minded, non-credal statements of his songs. That two of his most popular lyrics, "One More Step" and "Travel On", should invoke the concept of journey was indeed no coincidence. In this voyaging faith of interrogatives, the creed lay in the question mark, often of a Zen-like paradox.
 * Obituary in The Independent (17 March 2004)

 * If any church could come to holding Sydney's allegiance, it was the Society of Friends, with its rejection of dogma, and its reliance on personal experience and social activism, and its affirmation of God's presence in every human being.
 * Obituary by Paul Oestreicher in The Guardian Unlimited (17 March 2004)

 * With irony — though never with bitterness — Sydney satirised every form of self-righteous faith; to be without doubt was, to him, the ultimate in godless pride. In two books, The Rock Of Doubt (1978) and Dance In The Dark (1980), he set out the signposts of his journey in aphorisms, a journey through the holiness of humanity.  "Bibles, legends, history are signposts: they are pointing to the future, not the past. Do not embrace the past or it will turn into an idol." Jesus was central to his experience, but not, in his words, "the official Jesus— but the Jesus who is calling you to liberty, to the breaking of all idols including the idol which he himself has become."
 * Obituary by Paul Oestreicher in The Guardian Unlimited (17 March 2004)

title: Sydney Carter


text:
User:Sam Hocevar

Wikimedia: Commons ~ Meta ~ Wikisource Wikipedia: Afrikaans ~ Asturianu ~ Български ~ Català ~ Česká ~ Kaszëbsczi ~ Cymraeg ~ Dansk ~ Deutsch ~ Ελληνικά ~ English ~ Esperanto ~ Español ~ Eesti ~ Suomi ~ Français ~ Galego ~ עברית ~ हिन्दी ~ Hrvatski ~ Magyar ~ Interlingua ~ Bahasa Indonesia ~ Italiano ~ 日本語 ~ 한국어 ~ Kurdî / كوردی ~ Latina ~ Lëtzebuergesch ~ മലയാളം ~ Bahasa Melayu ~ Plattdüütsch ~ Nederlands ~ Norsk ~ Polski ~ Português ~ Română ~ Русский ~ Sicilianu ~ Simple English ~ Slovenščina ~ Svenska ~ ไทย ~ Türkçe ~ Українська ~ اردو ~ Tiếng Việt ~ Walon ~ 中文 Wiktionary: Deutsch ~ English ~ Español ~ Français ~ 日本語 ~ Polski Wikibooks: Deutsch ~ English ~ Français ~ Polski ~ Русский ~ Svenska ~ 中文 Wikiquote: English ~ Français

title: User:Sam Hocevar


text:
User:ChrisPaterson

Chris Paterson born on August 20 1985 in Melbourne, Australia.

title: User:ChrisPaterson


text:
Duel Masters

Duel Masters (デュエルマスターズDyueru Masutāzu) is a franchise based on an anime and a trading card game.

Episode : Water You Waiting For?

 * “Hey! Why does the camera always pan up when I’m just getting to the good stuff?!”
 * “I hate it when that happens.”
 * - Shobu and Rykuta

 * “We’ve gone three day’s without sleeping or taking a bath but we’ve finally come up with the perfect deck!”
 * - Shobu

 * “Here goes…Eenie Meenie Peter Piper and the cow jumped over the moon!”
 * “So, is that how you open the portal?”
 * “Yes, I think so. Sometimes it just makes a pothole…”
 * - Portal Master and Shobu

Toru Toru Toru Part One

 * '''Kokojo: I know everything.
 * Shobu: How's that?
 * Kokojo: 'Cause I'm an evil genius.

 * Knight: Man, is it me or the camera is way too close?

title: Duel Masters


text:
User talk:221.197.20.188

This IP has been blocked from editing at Wikiquote because it has been used by a persistent vandal to post unwanted commercial advertisements here. Wikiquote is a non-profit, non-commercial, public service site, not a place for gratuitous advertising. ~ Kalki

title: User talk:221.197.20.188