text:
Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

Understand Lydney
from Lydney

 * Lydney is an essential place to visit for anyone with a sense of adventure, and a journey down the A48. The high street may not be the most packed, but there is a wide selection of takeaways and hairdressers for your enjoyment. There truly is something for everyone, some of the pubs may even sell soft drinks too! Easily avoidable due to the bypass, Lydney may have seen more visitors to it's many, many, attractions in years gone by, and yet this has only had minimal impact on the carefully managed financial and social ecosystem that resides on the banks of the River Severn.

Admittedly, there are better places to visit, but none has the same sense of nervous enjoyment you get as when you walk past a group of teenagers after dark. This isn't a big place, so murder is harder to get away with. But will that stop them trying? The architecture has much to be learnt, and town planning is a silly idea for Americans, but still there is something extra about Lydney that makes you happy to get back on the road, no matter how long the journey has been thus far. With more housing estates than you'd have though for such a small town, there are many places that can be explored, and a selection that can be enjoyed too.

Soda
From French phrasebook:

 * Coke (soda) : imbuvable (...)

Ol' faithful
From Norwegian phrasebook:
 * My hovercraft is full of eels. : Luftputebåten min er full av åler. (...)

Backaches
From Tunisia:

Sleeping

Sleep with your head well posistioned on a pillow back aches are increasingly common in tunisia and other north east african states especially in unclimatised visitores to the country.

Jozona
Moved from Jozona by (WT-en) Evan 20:22, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)

Jozona is the 51st state found by ranch workers. It's main atraction is the John Kerry funslide located on Apple Head Street. On June 13th 2005 Congress aproved the state constitution.

 * Har! That picture's cracking me up. --(WT-en) Evan 20:35, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)

 * Also, the state song is "Visions of Jozona" by Bob Dylan. --(WT-en) Evan 20:39, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)

Boynave

Boynave is the 52nd state in the union. The streets include, Chinatown, Gayland, Kidzone, and Osama bin Ladens cave.

Thesis
Intended for Europe but added directly here to save time by (WT-en) Evan

Many visitors to Europe believe that the experience is one of repetitive visit to cathedral after cathedral without any way of knowing when the process is going to end. This is known in some quarters as the Church-touring Thesis.

 * Someone finally deleted my joke. My joke is highlighted in bold text. -- (WT-en) Andrew H. (Sapphire) 22:18, 7 December 2006 (EST)

 * Saint Peter in Chains Cathedral 325 West Eighth Street, Phone: (513) 421-5354, Email: Info@StPeterinChainsCathedral.org, - The European tourist pastime comes to Cincinnati! Saint Peter in Chains Cathedral is a beautifully ornate cathedral and recommended sight for anyone travelling through Cincinnati.

Antartica (sic)
''Created by a mostly entertaining vandal who replaced Antarctica with this... -- (WT-en) Mark 10:07, 30 Jul 2005 (EDT)''

Antartica was founded in 1012 by Aliens. The alien goverment moved their capital there in 1111. The king had a son and the mother was his intern Mo'nuco Le'wenska in 1115. It led to the divorce of the King and Queen and the marriage of the King and Le'wenska 2 months later when the Queen never remembered about going to the hospital. The prince never had a name untill 1146 when the king died. He changed it to Homer Jay Simpson Le'wenska. In 1158 he changed it to Homer Jay Simpson when Le'wenska died. He became king. When a group of Penguins in South Antartica started to rebell in 1170 led by a man who called himself Hank Hill, King Simpson called them traitors. A year later, in the hard winter of 1171, they called themselves Pokemon. People Okay Every Mannered Nation. It was coined by the co-founder, Butt Ers. In the spring of 1172, Hill and the Pokemon said that King Simpson had fathered an illegitament child. Simpson said it was false, but it was true. Betty Boop dated the king it got pregnate. Simpson needed to cover it up. So he called up Betty Boop, who was planing on anouncing her being pregnate, and asked her to marry her. The wedding was held a week later. During this time, the Pokemon said it was to cover up the Kings child. They had greater proof when a week later, Queen Betty Roborts Boop Jay Simpson the First said she was pregnate. 4 months later, Hill and ther rest of the Pokemon declared war. The goverment put the royal family in a secret chamber under the ocean floor. Weeks later, the Queen was in labor. The king grabed Boop, broke out of the chamber, found a crack in the ice and gave birth to Prince Robort Mo'nuca Boop Simpson the First on the battle feild. The battle going on was the Crack River Battle, where a land war was going on. The Pokemon had declared the half of the river on the east, but the Antarcians had declared all of the land. An Antarcian soilder had shot the king thinking he was a Pokemon. General Gribble backed off the war when he saw his king die, and the Pokemon had kept the land east of the river. The man that killed the King was hanged later. General Hill didn't want to see the king dead, just not controling every aspect of his life. But the Queen was on that battle feild with little Robort and she ran to a Antarcian military base. She was now the Monarch. She surrendered, giving the Pokemon complete control. On March 5th 1173, President Hank Hill and Vice President Butt Ers took control. An election would take place every seven years. As for the prince, Robort Simpson would later be elected President in 1250.

List of Presidents and Vice Presidents

 * 1) 1173-1187-Hank Hill-VP Butt Ears-Independance
 * 2) 1187-1194-Butt Ears-VP Tom Tucker-Independance
 * 3) 1194-1201-Burger King-VP Beg Fiut-New Age
 * 4) 1201-1215-Tom Tucker-VP El Ash Lie-Independance
 * 5) 1215-1222-Burger King-VP Kev En Bay Cin-New Age
 * 6) 1222-1229-Kev En Bay Cin-VP Tom Alek-New Age
 * 7) 1229-1239-Andy Presil-VP Kat Inahot-Independance
 * 8) 1239-1243-Kat Inahot-No VP-Independance
 * 9) 1243-1250-Tom Alek-VP Oliver Gordon-New Age
 * 10) 1250-1264-Robort Simpson-VP James Injulley-Simple Party
 * 11) 1264-1271-James Injulley-VP Doug Howard-Simple Party
 * 12) 1271-1281-Fred Rogers-VP Patrick Star-Independance
 * 13) 1281-1295-Patrick Star-No VP for 1281-1285, Juan Kerie 1285-1295-Independance
 * 14) 1295-1302 Juan Kerie-No VP for 1295-1299, Eric Cartman for 1299-1302-Independance
 * 15) 1302-Dave Allie-Zackery Roborts-New Age
 * 16) 1302-Zackery Roborts-New Age

Andy Presil resigned after people claimed he stole the election from Beg Fuit. Fred Rogers was killed by a crime still unsolved. Patrick Star was ditto that of Fred Rogers. At his inauguration parade, Dave Allie's limo was blown up by a moonman. Zackery Roborts went into the Pink House (the president's home) and the Pink House blew up. After that, the Moonmen invaded and took back Antartica and made the current residents slaves. They were ruled by dynastys.

 *  Hi'tl Dynasty-1302-1442

 * A'Do'La'Fa-1302-1339
 * V'La'Da'Me'Re-1339-1384
 * Yo'R'Mo'Ma-1384-1442
 *  Hu'ss'aan Dynasty-1442-1528

 * Sa'Da'Ma-1442-1514
 * Jo'H'Na-1514-1528
 *  Bi'La'Di'an Dynasty -1528-1746

 * O'Sa'Ma-1528-1679
 * A'L'Go'Re-1679-1746

 *  B'Sh'A Dynasty -1746-1818

 * Pe'Re'Se'Co'Te-1746-1760
 * Ge'Or'Ge-1760-1790
 * Du'Ba'Ya-1790-1818
 *  C'Li'Ta'De'Na Dynasty -1818-2005

 * J'Ef'As'En-1818-1855
 * Bi'La-1855-1917
 * Hi'Li'Re'Yu-1917-2005

 *  Kerry Dynasty -2005-Present

 * John-2005-Present.

The C'Li'Ta'De'Na Dynasty was the 5th Dynasty. When his father died in 1818, teenager J'Ea'Be B'Sh'A was too young for the throne, and he was turned into a slave untill he died in 1893. J'Ef'As'En C'Li'Ta'De'Na took control untill he died in 1855 at the age of 111. His son, 34 at the time, Bi'La C'Li'Ta'De'Na took control untill his death in 1917. By then, the people though that the new man to the throne, Hi'Li'Re'Yu C'Li'Ta'De'Na, was going to be their last. In 2005, after his 30th birthday, Hi'Li'Re'Yu's son, Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne, was kidnapped. Hi'Li'Re'Yu called an alert. A video then came in that had Jay Leno, George W Bush, and among other Antarticions, with their leader Howard Dean, decapitating Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne. They called themselves "New Pokemon". Hi'Li'Re'Yu called troops to find them. They have only found two members, but they won't say a word after all the torture they did to them. Another video came in 5 days later where Dean said:

"After 700 years of this dictatorship we have revolted! We are not going to sit here as this moronic dynasty goes on! Hank Hill, he would have did the same thing as us if he were a-"

The rest was cut off.

7/30 Attacks
On June 9th 2005, two weeks after the murder of Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne, CEO of FedEx Frederick Smith moved to Antartica and moved FedEx headquarters there. Howard Dean called him on the phone at his house in Antartica City. What followed was terror

On July 30th 2005 a FedEx plane flew into the Pink House and right after that a FedEx truck in the Capital Tunnel had a car bomb that exploded and then Frederick Smith blew himself up in front of the Capital Building. Someone called the fire department, and when they came Hi'Li'Re'Yu was rescued from the Pink House. He was sleeping when the plane hit and woke up from the impact. They thought that it was just a coincidince that the plane and truck were from FedEx. The body was mangled. They let the worst happen. An hour and a half later, the FedEx headquarters, build across the street from the Universal Trade Center, was packed with bombs and blew up. It was so forcefull that it damaged the Two Major Towers and damaged 4 of the others, knocked down 2, and only 1 tower was left undamaged.

Untill this point, Hi'Li'Re'Yu thought it was just a plane accident. When they tried to tell him about the car bomb and the suicide, he told them it was nothing, much less of a FedEx plot with Dean. True, in 1958, a week after the capital tunnel was build, a car went out of control when an oil leak caused it to catch on fire it crashed into the gates of the Pink House. When John Kerry, the kings right hand man since 1981, said that the FedEx headquaters were destroyed, Hi'Li'Re'Yu died of shock. Antartican law says that when the last member of a Dynasty dies, the right hand man starts the new Dynasty. The Kerry dynasty begin. John Kerry, now known as John The First Of The Dynasty Of Kerry had his first act be that all FedEx planes and trucks be stoped. Of the 10,115 planes and trucks stoped, 589 of them had bombs in them. An hour later, the Major Towers collapsed. Kerry proclaimed the only undamaged tower the Freedom Center. All the other standing towers were knocked down by a week.

Kabul Wikispammers
From Project:using Mediawiki templates. --(WT-en) Evan 12:08, 4 Dec 2005 (EST)

Dear wiki owner!

I apologize for spamming your great wiki. My name is Rahat and I live in Afganistan, Kabul. We have'nt any job here, but I should to buy some food for my family (there are two boys and one girl, and my wife Zuhra). That is the reason of spamming of your honest wiki site. This job gives me and my family some little money to live here, in Afganistan hell. I ask you to leave my links in your site, but if you dont like it - please email me at rahat-jaharri@yahoo.com and I will never spam your honest wiki anymore.

Good luck to you and your family. Rahat. 8)

Salazore
From Salazore

Salazore is a small a small Mediterannian island country.

Talk

 * Languages : Salazorian (official)

Concerning lions
Deleted from Kenya - Stay safe
 * Do NOT, for any reason, punch a lion.

Three Forks
Deleted from Three Forks - (or before it was edited very hard).

Welcome to Three Forks Montana (yee haw)! This town is full of mischef and mayhem and can be easily seen and visited in under a week.

Three Forks Montana has a mix of fun stuff to do for the discerning traveler. A bar, gas station, grocery store, parks, and the world famous Lucky Lil's Casino (where I accidently bounced a check) are part of the towns heritage.

From the Three Rivers, where Sacagawea herself said "enough is enough" in her native tongue and headed out to Oregon with Lewis and Clark, one can view the endless expanse of mountains, trees, shrubs, and hills.

If you're into rodeos, then you are in for a treat. Three Forks is home to the Three Forks Rodeo, and Rockin' the Rockies. Rockin' the Rockies is huge. Not the biggest concert in the world no doubt, but a "Woodstock" for Three Forks.

Three Forks is located about 30 miles east of Bozeman Montana and can be reached by a wide variety of vehicles including, but not limited to: Car, Boat, Airplane (it has it's own airport for cryin' out loud), helicopter, foot, 4-wheeler, motorcycle, ski, bobsled, or even hitch-hiking which is almost like a sport in that town.

Three Forks High School is where I graduted highschool from, and let me tell you, wow, what an experience. I'm not going to downplay it in any way shape or form, but Three Forks High is the ULTIMATE party school of Three Forks (barely beating Three Forks Elementary School). I can remember the senior keg that I didn't go to, but the stories. Oh my, the stories. And Prom was a whoozy. I didn't go to that either, but I heard some nasty stories about my friend and his girlfriend.

Moving on, Three Forks is known for Custers Last Rootbeer Stand. Bring a few $50's because that place is pricy!

Three Forks is surounded by water, with three huge pits to the east and rivers to the south and east. 1000 miles to the west is the Pacific Ocean.

Three Forks is planning on bidding for the 2012 Olympic Games, but that is not official, just something I heard. I guess that Custer's Rootbeer Stand hopes to draw some of the Olympic crowd.

Cow Tipping is the towns unofficial sport, and bridge jumping is HUGE there. Nobody has died yet from it that I'm aware of, but seriously, they should wear a helmet before doing it.

I have since moved to San Francisco after graduating high school there in 2000, but I hear that things there are even more crazy after I left than before I did.

And to complete the picture - from the deleted article about Three Forks High School.

Three Forks High School is the high school in Three Forks, a small, yet urban city in Montana.

It is connected to Three Forks Middle School and Three Forks Elementary School.

Population is under 1000.

English is the school's official language. Pig Latin may replace it within the next couple of years.

Three Forks High School has no heat.

The Carrot Rant
Rescued from Lake Balaton: (WT-en) Jpatokal 03:54, 16 Feb 2006 (EST)

 * I went on holiday to the lake Balaton a few weeks ago. I went to a market in the centre of Siofok (Bio, ie organic) and liked the look of a bunch of carrots. I bought them and added them to something I cooked. I was amazed at the taste. It reminded me of my childhood. A REAL carrot. This is the experience I had of all the fruit and veg I bought whilst on my trip. Authentic. Different. Not perfect, with bumps and all. So welcome. I was enthralled by it all and would love to buy somewhere there just to be able to eat that food every year, as much as possible. I have the feeling most of Hungary's fruit and veg is technically organic, ie free from sprays and fertilizers. I don't know about the stuff in the supermarkets, go to the peasant markets in the countryside, ie Balaton.

Garlic
From Transylvania:

 * It's best not to walk outside during the night, as you might become part of the undead. Lock your doors and have garlic ready. Infact dont sleep at night, be on your guard for the servents of the infernal one.

Japanese Safety
From Japan:

 *  the past it has not been uncommon for Godzilla and/or Rhodan to attack larger Japanese metropolitan areas (though these incidents have become less frequent over time). While many foreign travellers may find this an exciting and unique experience to behold, it is best to depart as quickly as possible from affected areas.

Yugozcheckoslovakokai
From Yugozcheckoslovakokai

Yugozcheckoslovakokai is a country south of Germany recently founded in early 2004 by the Chrisbel Gamblazanol, since the innaguration of Gamblazanol as His Majesty King Gamblazanol has decreed several new laws such as: the national holiday named Yazzir Day shall be remembered as the founding of Yugozcheckoslovakokai.

Visiting volcanoes
From Visiting volcanoes

Ok, my name is expertus volcanus. I'm here to tell you all about volcanos...well lets see, they are hot when they erupt and that red liquidy stuff...don't touch it, it might burn you. But it is excellent for roasting marshmallows, you don't even have to get close for this. And you better not go on the week when god is angry because he will sneeze lava all over you. Although we have seen in the movie "dante's peak" that rubber tires will withstand lava, our skin may not, I think it gets a little hotter than Mcdonald's coffee. Also when you go see a volcano, hold in your farts as they are flammable and may set your buttox on fire, believe me I know. Some safety precautions would be to bring a spray bottle with water in it and if anything erupts just set the bottle to mist and let her rip. This will cool the air around you and shield you from lava.

Shoot to kill
From Yatsushiro

"Jusco" and "Youme town" have recently opened in Yatsushiro, thus throttling any semblance of local flavour contained in the Yatsushiro shopping experience. These enourmous department stores are good for target practice, however. Remember - a shot to the head will kill. Just don't get bitten.

Overview
Germany is most noted for its involvement in World War I and the sequel, World War II: The Reckoning. Talks of World War III (Seed of Hitler) have been rumored.

Germans have the distinction of making the fastest turn-around from fascist to hippie, unlike the Italians.

Culture
Germans are most famous for Nena, a popular 1980's rock star who wrote a song about red balloons, peace, Jews, Hitler, and some other shit. They also have a ravenous appetite for wannabe American musicians, most notably David Hasselhoff. When not drinking beer, Germans are generally engaged in evil plans and starting wars. Their entire culture revolves around evil and war. And sausages. And beer.

History
The Germanic tribes which gave rise to today's Germany are most famous for the sacking of Rome. The Vandals and the Visigoths took turns tag-teaming Rome in what is now known as The Ass-Raping of Rome. The Vandals then went on to punk-rock stardom in the mid 1980's. The Goths just went on to become... hmm.

Spambot humor
Taken from a spambot that includes a joke along with the spam:

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

By Subway
Alternately, you can take the Buenos Aires subway to Iguazu Falls. The closest station to the Falls is Juramento on Line D (Green Line). From the station it is a quick 400 km walk to the Falls.

User:JackT3hSmasher
JackT3hSmasher has been slain by me, the One Star Bandit, whom he demonizes. The below was written by him upon his registering with this website to lure the RoflCopter and me to our doom. He underestimated our intelligence and overestimated his own. The RoflCopter intended to capture him, but I knew the world would be better without him.

I am JackT3hSmasher, and this website is the perfect place to set up a base for now. I will tell you the story of myself and the One Star Bandit.

Once, in a very little known online role-playing game, the Matrix Online, based on the popular trilogy, there was a person who used an ingame ability to create an NPC called a simulacra, or sim. This sim gained free will somehow, and fled. He was endowed with the powers of Chuck Norris and Leeroy Jenkins for mysterious reasons, and after his father was killed in the game Star Wars: Galaxies, he decided to use this power to fix everything, or so he said. Foolishly, he one-starred many message boards nobody cares about, like the forums of the Matrix Online. He did this as the first stage of his so-called "Great Plan of Fixing." This got him the name "One Star Bandit." Now, he didn't think it was enough, so he did some other stuff regarding the name itself that I won't go into. He is an idiot.

He then created SirFollowalotBot Industries. Don't ask me about his naming methods, what with the naming after rappers and stuff, I don't get it. But anyway, they make "bots that follow." SirFollowalotBots. The Bandit’s plan is to break the servers of online games with the bots who would follow all players within them, and that the servers would be replaced with ones he sabotaged with what he called the “Marshmallow Empire,” for the Grey Marshmallow was his other, lesser used, name. The Marshmallow Empire…I don’t know how he plans to stage all that, but he would probably be able to. He’s very resourceful for a former Non-player character. The Marshmallow Empire under him would somehow stretch into the world outside the internet (don’t ask), and would kill all idiots whom they couldn’t make intelligent and that he would do so by holding the online games hostage, and manipulate the game developing companies into manipulating the governments, thus giving the Bandit power over the world to a degree. But some didn’t like that idea. The RoflCopter himself formed a rebel alliance against the Bandit, and he was supported by Mr. T and Pamela Anderson, who endowed him with their power as the Bandit was endowed with the power of Chuck and Leeroy. This made the Bandit unable to detect his location, and because he used the power to protect his friends, the Bandit himself could not harm his followers. I do not know why this worked the way it did, nor do I care. The Bandit’s followers fought with the RoflCopter’s followers for months. The RoflCopter’s army was nearly wiped out in an attempt to assassinate one of the sources of the Bandit’s power, Leeroy Jenkins. Mr. T lost hope in the RoflCopter, and cut off his power from him. The Bandit’s chance had come. He captured the RoflCopter, and used him to drain the power of Pamela Anderson from him, and what remained of Mr. T’s, and it supplemented his own. The RoflCopter’s son whose name I don’t know became the new leader of the rebels. He made them greater than they had ever been, brought them to a new level of hope for victory. But he was killed a few weeks later. The next day, the RoflCopter escaped, but no one, not even the Bandit, knows how. The Bandit suspected that one of the bots might have done it, but knew that the bot would be dead soon anyway, for they only live a few days with few exceptions.

The Bandit allied himself with a person called Oblivion-Knight. Oblivion-Knight would help him in many things, and he used him as a presence on the forums. Oblivion-Knight put encoded messages on the forums that only some users understood, all others just though it was some 13-year-old's poorly "speeled" rambling. He created two additional accounts, Malware and Codeworks, for good measure. Oblivion-Knight had a form of "autism" as he called it, and he used it as an excuse for his idiotic behavior. It was actually a personality disorder, not autism as he thought. He had two "people" within him. Oblivion-Knight didn't know the other one existed, but I knew about him. Yes, that's right. I was the other person within him. And I worked for the Bandit as well. However, Oblivion-Knight got addicted to pretending to be an idiot on forums, and became one. He betrayed the Bandit for his plan of idiocy. I convinced the Bandit to free me, to separate me from that idiot. He granted my request, and put me into the Internet with him. In doing so he inadvertently touched me with the power of Leeroy Jenkins, and part of it stayed. I don’t know quite what happened, but I realized that he could not harm me. I revealed that Oblivion-Knight did not have a smart half and a dumb half, just a dumb half and an evil half. I betrayed the Bandit, and decided to use him, his story, for my own plan. A plan to become an internet meme after he and the RoflCopter kill each other. I mean, his story would sound so stupid, if I wasn’t a part of it, I would think it was a mediocre anime or something. And I begin the first stages on this wiki. It will work, and his plan won’t. I have a plan to manipulate events into them killing each other, and this being a wiki, the Bandit and the RoflCopter won’t be able to harm me here. It’s the perfect plan, time to get started. I just wanted to let you all know that. I have nothing against this website, but this must be done.

Oh, and I am truly sorry for increasing it from zero to one. Feel free to act as if I wasn't here after I am gone, for it is not really you who is to blame for it, it is me.

Spanish phrasebook

 * It's the dog's bollocks : Es los cojones del perro

Off track betting parlour
In place of "Off the beaten path", 1 April 2007:

Hibaland
The country located in a sea of books called the C of books. The capital is Heebie Jeebia. The popualtion is 50 people. IT is a very small island.

Language

The main language of Hibaland is Gibberish and Hibalandish. There are classes where you can learn these languages.

Culture

The culture is influenced by Westren ways and traditional ways such as Poptartiness and remmbering to respect their elders.

Food

The staple food of Hibaland is Poptarts which originated in Hibalalala City in the North. Other foods are hot dogs and sub sandwiches. People are living in the high life there.

Flag

The Flag is underdevolopment currently.

Govenrnememnt

There is a mayor of Hibaland but no Head Honcho. So there is many violence there.

People

All the people look excatly the same and their names are hiba for girls and Hobo for boys.

How not to hitchhike in Japan
From Hitchhiking phrasebook:

 * 1) Hello
 * 2) Are you possibly driving to ...?
 * 3) Can I drive with you?
 * 4) Can you drop me off at a motorway service area?
 * 5) Can I get out right here?
 * 6) Thanks for the ride!
 * 7) East, West, North, South

Japanese

 * 1) Konnichiwa (actual translation: "hello")
 * 2) Watashi Wa Paizuri no Tatsujin? ("I am the master of tit-fucking?")
 * 3) Odori onegai shimasu OR Tassukete kudasai ("Please dance with me OR Please help me")
 * 4) Anatah wa Fushi-yoko nemashi deshitka? (incomprehensible)
 * 5) Soko kudasai, ketsunoana. ("There please, asshole.")
 * 6) Arigatou Gozaimasu! ("Thank you!")
 * 7) East-o, Nishi, Nando, Siago (...)

Funny edit summaries

 * User:(WT-en) Huttite: "Why I left My Son a Stub"
 * User:(WT-en) Evan: When is a Country a Country? - I was country when country wasn't cool
 * The "cuckoo" phone number spammer: HOW ARE DEALEATE THE HOTEL HE OR SEA IS SON OF BEACH
 * User:(WT-en) Jpatokal: Better saved than sorry
 * Officially, 62.121.119.141, occasionally known as User:(WT-en) Sapphire: I wish that was the case ;)]
 * User:(WT-en) Evan: I lucked out and got the "rope" one. (Background info: )
 * 2007-10-30T19491 User:(WT-en) Jpatokal: mm, baby-eating undead female vampires (could use some MoS work, but no longer a stub)
 * User:(WT-en) Morph:C'mon India, press the fricken Shift key
 * User:(WT-en) Sertmann:Pesty TRANSYLVANIAN hotel owner who keeps adding 666 bytes - coindidence? I think not! :)
 * User:(WT-en) Jpatokal: yes, you have a small penis

Misnormer of any international policy
'''what is the immigration policy of Northern Cyprus to holder of Nigerian passport? This needs to be included in the list of countries that have enjoyed immigration waiver.I presume Nigerian passport has the reputation to be accorded with some modicum of respect as given to other countries. It should be noted that among the best countries in the whols world Nigerian are blessed with talents. In view of this, its misnormer of any international policy to exclude Nigerian from benefiting what nationals of other countries enjoy. (from )

Getting out of Compton
There is only one way to get out of Compton with your life. One must follow these instructions if they wish to exit.

 * 1. Move through Compton and go to the back alley of El Pollo Loco.
 * 2. There will be a dumpster with a small compartment on the side facing the building. Open it.
 * 3. There will be a burlap bag with the required tools for escape.
 * They should be:
 * A. A straight razor.
 * B. A bag of The Colonel's fried chicken.
 * C. An unreleased Tupac album.
 * D. A live grenade.
 * E. A clove of garlic.
 * F. A double sided bible/koran.
 * G. Metallica's ...And Justice For All album.
 * H. A fragment of the Spear of Destiny

 * 4. Take the bag and move towards the Gateway Shopping Center.

 * The citizens of Compton will naturally sense fear and the longing for escape, and will attempt to bite/kill you. If you or a companion is scratched or bitten, the victim will only have an hour before they become an official citizen of Compton. If bitten take the grenade, arm it, and attempt to take as many of them with you.

 * The fried chicken and the Tupac album are items of distraction if you must get away from a large mob.

 * 5. Once at the Gateway Center go into the Staples and knock on the managers door.
 * 6. Recite to the door: Acceptus ut Libertas.
 * 7. The door will open revealing a large speaker system.
 * 8. Place ...And Justice for All into the system and press play.
 * 9. Blackened will play. This will temporarily deafen the citizens of Compton, rendering them useless and it will unleash Letro: The Dragon of Compton.
 * 10. Using the fragments of the Spear of Destiny and the straight razor, slay Letro.
 * 11. Remove the dragons' head and place the clove of garlic in its' mouth.
 * 12. Dig a hole in the ground approximately 12ft. deep.
 * 13. Place Letros' head into the hole and move 1 foot of dirt upon it.
 * 14. Place the double sided Bible/Koran into the hole and cover it up. This should open the fiery exit gates of Compton.
 * 15. An earthquake will occur, run through the gates and escape to the nearest town.
 * 16. Never return.

Oneonta (Alabama)
Due to the community's small size it is next to impossible to fart and the whole town not know about it.

How NOT to "Plunge Forward"
Information about Tigray, Ethiopia

Initial Description:

Tigray is a very great place to see there is a lot of sites to see like the Axum tower. There are a lot of great hotels like the Axum hotel.Sorry there are no Mc donalds but the Axum hotel has some great burgers. - Oct. 8, 2008

Another User Plunges Forward:

Tigray is a very great place to see there is a lot of sites to see like the Axum tower. There are a lot of great hotels like the Axum hotel.Sorry there are no Mc donalds but the Axum hotel has some great burgers. Are there cannibals then? Because you know, just as all Westerners eat McDonald's, all blacks eat human flesh. - Feb. 5, 2009

March of the Penguins
'''An anonymous user gave this useful advice in Antarctica's Stay safe section. , In addition large swarms of penguins have been known to appear seemingly at randomly and attack tourists. The rationale behind said attacks is not for monetary gain but for entertainment as penguins are cold blooded sociopaths who inhabit this barren hellscape. The majority of these attacks are fatal. Penguin on human violence is well documented and recent reports suggest that the penguin colonies in Antartica are slowly amasing a formidable military force complete with infantry that numbers in the millions. In addition to this the United Nations has claimed that they also posses nuclear capabilities. Recent intel suggests that an invasion by the penguins is inevitable and that diplomatic attempts have failed. GOD HELP US ALL.

Abkhazia
On April 2 and 3, 2009 a single-purpose account (WT-en) Mfaabkhazia made a long string of COI edits to Abkhazia which replaced (among others):

with:
 * {{Welcome Box|How to Get to Abkhazia ...

Looks like they missed April Fools' by a day?

From Talk:Abkhazia:
 * Well well, looks like we've got the Ministry of Foreign Affairs editing now! This will need some cleaning up, I particularly liked the replacement of the {{warningbox}} with a {{Welcome Box}} ... (WT-en) Jpatokal 10:27, 2 April 2009 (EDT)

Shanklin
This version of Shanklin was considered an amusing read.
 * Revision as of 22:23, 26 December 2009 by Peterfitzgerald

 * Shanklin is a city in Isle of Wight.

 * Understand
 * Shanklin is a town on the Isle of Wight. It was once a thriving tourist attraction but in recent years guerilla warfare has erupted between the Shanklin Terror Defenders (STD) and the notorious Lake Boys. It is strongly advised not to travel to Shanklin unless on essential business.

 * Get in
 * There are two ways in to Shanklin, you can travel by air to the local Sandown airport, concern has recently been raised due to the poor state of the runway causing planes to flip over on landing. You can also access the town by sea, although the constant threat of attack by lesser spotted dogfish is never far away. Shark nets operate throughout the summer months although attacks do still occur.

 * Get around
 * The best way to get around is by using the Dotto train, this is a fast moving inter town link although is a frequent target for car jackers.

 * See
 * There is an exhilerating and often packed arcade situated on the seafront. This has been described by many as "vegas of the south" and is where you will find the local in crowd in the evenings. Dress code is essential so ensure you have a tracksuit, baseball cap, sovereign rings and white trainers.

 * Do
 * - not come to Shanklin.

 * Buy
 * There are two buzzing shopping areas of Shanklin, Regent st and Yarborough arcade. Regent st has an array of shops and restaurants, and is dominated by its flagship Woolworths store, complete with empty shelfs and non existant atmosphere. Yarborough arcade is a packed bazaar, and is certainly the place to grab a bargain. Colourful stores sell items from afare including Sega Master Systems, WWF wrestling figures, and Rizlas. This is without doubt the place to be seen for the classy and experienced shopper.

 * Eat
 * The local cuisine, greasy kebab, is available on most corners. Best enjoyed after 15 pints of warm Carling, which is easily available.

 * Drink
 * Joining the local youths for a bottle or two of the local brew, white lightning cider is an absolute must. You are bound to fall in love with there witty charm and enlightning conversation. A few local phrases will never go a miss, a simple you wot mate?, yeah bruv and in it will always go along way.

 * Sleep
 * Contact
 * The samaratins are always a good option, they are familiar with Shanklin and will fully understand your concerns.

 * Get out
 * As soon as possible, any means necessary, risk life or limb.

 * Stay safe
 * If you encounter a Lake boy it is important to remain calm and not to panic. Whatever you do never smile at them or make sudden hand movements. It is also important not to make any friendly gestures as this will be taken as confrontaional. It is generally best to avoid public toilets, bus shelters and Vauxhall Nova filled car parks as this is where they are usually found.

Negev
"See an Arab looking guy or woman with a strangely big belly and acting weird? RUN!"

New York City
This made me chuckle:

 * Bicycles are illegal throughout all of New York City. Bicycles can not be posessed by any person anywhere in the city and can not be ridden on either the street, sidewalk, or alley. Same goes for unicycles, tricycles, quadricycles, skateboards, roller skates, rollerblades, and even children's bikes, big wheels, and scooters. Posession of or operation of a bicycle or any of the above listed is punishable by a $750 fine and up to 3 years in Rikers Island prison.

Northern Lights
From the "Stay safe" section in this revision:

 * "Do not attempt to talk the the aurora. It can be curt and unfriendly in conversation. You will only get your feelings hurt."

School teachers and their new cars
I love this and only reluctantly removed it from the Oman country article.

"But all the local village cars are very simple and take grass and goats inside. Omanis carry one of their cattle when they go to Ibri because they consider it a sign of prestige. Coming back from Ibri to Biladishuhoom is often a problem because taxi drivers simply refuse to go there. Most of the Omani teachers drive their own luxury cars for coming to the school. But they come only up to Mokhniyath village and park their vehicle under the trees. It is possible for them to drive all the way to Bilad but they don’t want to spoil their new cars."

Remember to wash your hands
Oh yes:)

From Cruise ships, this edit.

You will fund the first of many hand sanitation dispensers. Best advice is to use the dispensers as often as possible and always after using the bathroom (toilet). The Norovirus illness is SWIFTLY passed by contact and therefore all surfaces could be the carrier, IT MAY CONFINE YOU TO YOUR CABIN FOR THREE DAYS!. Having sanitised your hands. The buffet awaits you.

Krynica Morska
The only thing to See in Krynica Morska:

"Wild boars sometimes roam the streets in search of tourists to feed them junk food."

The Gaza Strip, Texas
From Palestinian Territories:
 * There is no shortage of options when it comes to our accommodations. Discover well-appointed guestrooms with one, two or three beds plus such enticing extras as cable television with premium channels, refrigerator, microwave, and sofa sleeper.

I am still laughing at this one. What sort of muppets get work at SEO consultancies? --(WT-en) Burmesedays 08:11, 22 March 2010 (EDT)
 * Me too. I had the pleasure to revert it and it made my day. Now I know why the US lost the war in Iraq. They got diverted to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baghdad,_Afghanistan and didn't recognise they are in the wrong country ;-) (WT-en) jan 08:16, 30 March 2010 (EDT)

Danville (California)
Creative and amusing was this one. There have been a few like this, always American, and I wish I had noted the others also. --(WT-en) Burmesedays 07:17, 30 March 2010 (EDT)

 * Danville is known throughout the area as a haven for closeted, moneyed alcoholic salary men, their vapid, botox and valium-addicted cheating wives, and their booksmart, overprotected and steroid-addled children.

 * Elliott's bar is a local watering-hole located on Hartz Avenue that was established in 1907. It has cheap domestic "beer" such as Coors Light (known around town as "C-Minus"), shuffleboard, and a patio in the back - perfect for your inner NASCAR driver. Next door, Meenar's celebrates the heavily botoxed "cougar culture" that permeates every orifice of the community. Be prepared to see mothers and daughters dirty-dancing together while vying for the attention of the pimple-faced 20-something jock on leave from some overrated state institution of higher learning.

 * A few doors down, the Crown pub is a faux British bar serving quality beer on tap and great fish and chips. Next door is Norm's, famous for its racist 'chicken-shitting' contest on Cinco de Mayo, a holiday few in Danville know the significance of other than for cheap shots of bad tequila, bottles of Corona beer, and truly gringo-like "Mexican" food.

Get in
Are you sure you want to do that?

Get around
Modes of transportation available in Galt include but are not limited to: cars, motorcycles, bicycles, skateboards, electric wheelchairs, and obnoxiously large trucks, the latter being by far the most common and the most obnoxious.

Another method of transportation, especially useful for traversing from one side of the freeway to the other (and author tested, too!), is achieved by hopping deftly upon a moving boxcar as a train passes by one of the train crossings in town. While the train only comes occasionally, this can be very beneficial to the casual bum, or those people that are all to commonly afflicted by a strong urge to 'get out of town as quickly as possible'. (This urge has been compared to simultaneously contracting a Russian Flesh eating virus and having corrosive acid poured all over ones skin.)

See
The Flea Market (referred to by locals as the "Flee Market", with no differing inflection in tone.)

The Library: The one place of learning in Galt.

Galt High School: See real world anarchy at it's finest!

Liberty Ranch High School: Ever wanted to visit a prison, only to find it lacking in that good old penitentiary architecture you so greatly adore? Visit Liberty Ranch High School! Also to see: The $2,000,000 Agriculture building!

The Water Tower: Can somebody say arsenic? Only if they aren't choking!

To Do
It has long been pondered weather there is actually anything whatsoever anyone would possibly enjoy doing in Galt. The temperature of the local nightlife scene in Galt is Absolute Zero. You can join one of the two gangs of Galt, but your choices there are limited. Galt has no movie theater, bowling alley, or any place of recreation at all. Galt High Schools Theatre department is getting the ax after 99 years of bringing quality theater fun to the area. There have been reports of recent success in the entertainment field found by entering the local CVS drugstore and pressing the buttons on all the 20$ singing fish. Rumors proclaim a round can be obtained by aligning several fish and activating them in a rhythmical order. Recreational drug use occurs, but cops are always on the lookout for drugs they can confiscate and put to their own personal use.

Buy
Go to Autozone and sample their superb selection of car maintenance parts!

Or you can purchase a large number of collectible toy cars with cute little faces on them from the local Chevron station!

Eat
Fast Food is very popular in Galt. Locals know the secrets to getting extra BBQ sauce in the lines at Carl's Jr and McDonald's.

TRAVELER'S TIP: It is a well kept secret that the local Taco Bell features a coin game after 5:00 PM. (The coin machine was previously open to acsess before five, but this was suspended due to the burrito winning exploits of a lone hungry high schooler. Local legends repute that this now-graduated burrito bandit was capable of procuring anywhere from between 8 to 12 burritos in a single standing.) The operation of this exquisite machine is carried out as follows. A ready-to-win-big-and-get-bigger consumer will insert a coin into the machine and attempt to wiggle it onto a winning platform at the bottom of the machine. Should the consumer insert a quarter into the game and subsequently win, the coin machine allows a free bean burrito with onions, cheese, beans, and optional red sauce. A dime will result in a regular crispy taco containing 1 taco shell, ground meat products, shredded lettuce, and possibly a little cheese if you are lucky. The heavy nickel gambler has the chance to win a small package of Cinnamon Twists, usually containing 10 to 12 cinnamon twists (some sources repute that as many as 16 cinnamon twists have been found in a container).

Drink
There are no bars or taverns in Galt, owing to the fact that Galt is a culturally dead typically conservative town that doesn't like to have fun. You can buy beverages at the supermarket or a liqueur store.

Sleep
See "To Do".

Get out
Proceeding peripatetically on a compass bearing of north by northwest, the traveler shall arrive within 5 imperial minutes at the breath-taking geographical area yclept 'Out of Galt'

Getting out of Galt is usually accompanied by a sigh of relief, followed by a rush of euphoria, and then concluded with a over-whelming feeling of sadness brought on by the realization that nearly all time spent in Galt was a waste.

How to be a tout and how to walk the road down to alcoholism
From Trinidad (Cuba)

For those lazty afternoons in Trinidad it's fun to go down and meet the tourists getting off the Viazul. Not to engage them in conversation mind you, god forbid, but to coax them into any given Casa particular. This is best done with a few drinks on you. Just pick any Casa you like the look of and join in the scrummage for tourist dollars. It was disappointing that after all my hard work I was largely ignored by the new arrivals. If you don't feel like engaging at all it can be entertaining to view this situation from afar or at least across the street.

The drinking area at the top of the steps near the centre of town is enjoyable. At a certain point in the night or if you buy enough drinks they will start giving you doubles for the same price as single drinks. If the company you're in is not entertaining enough for you maybe you should avoid this area, there's precious little else going on beyond drinking.

Places to avoid
From Ulverston :

Make sure to avoid the "Hope and Anchor". Although the name appears inviting, patrons have discovered, beneath the rotting floorboards, a vortex leading to the 7th circle of Hell guarded by the miserly keeper of broken dreams. No good will come of this. (A naked Popeye with his arm flexed and bearing his anchor chortling into your soul)

Giant's Causeway
A drink, on the rocks?...
 * See
 * rocks

 * Do
 * look a rocks
 * touch rocks
 * climb rocks
 * admire rocks
 * pretend to be a rock
 * Buy
 * rock related items

 * Eat
 * who cares? we've got rocks!

 * Drink
 * something very strong, makes rocks a little more interesting...

From Poland
Poland is the biggest country in the world, and connects to Bangkok on Nonthaburi and Thonburi Provinces in Poland. There are lots of bridges from Poland to Thailand on Chao Phraya River. You can use BTS skytrain from Polish side on dark green line (Wongwian Yai/Krung Thonburi stations)

Dinner cruises
Dinner cruises on the Chao Phraya River are a touristy (but fun) way of spotting floodlit temples while chowing down on seafood and watching Thai cultural performances and you can see Poland from the other side of the river. Most operate buffet-style and the quality of the food is so-so, but there's lots of it and it's not too spicy. While the river can give a romantic experience, it can also be dirty and smelly with lots of plants floating around.

Walt Disney World
[//en.wikivoyage.org/w/index.php?title=Walt_Disney_World&diff=2103326&oldid=2103296]

By dragon
Dragons are very friendly and will give you a ride if you pay them with two dictionaries. Be sure to approach the dragon carefully and dont play a trumpet in front of them. They are very offended by the sound of trumpets and farting cats. especially grumpy cats. Dragons are very offended by grumpy cats.

Putney
Putney is the greatest place in the world. With numerous bridges train stations and hills, it's really got something for everyone. It also has this charming custom that if you say "Putney chutney" (chutney being the only word that rhymes with Putney) to any local resident, they will look at you funny.

By whale
God calls Jonah to proclaim judgement to Nineveh, but Jonah resists and attempts to flee. He goes to Joppa and boards a ship bound for Tarshish. God calls up a great storm at sea, and the ship's crew cast Jonah overboard in an attempt to appease God. A great sea creature sent by God, swallows Jonah. For three days and three nights Jonah languishes inside the fish's belly. He says a prayer in which he repents for his disobedience and thanks God for His mercy. God speaks to the fish, which vomits out Jonah safely on dry land. After his rescue, Jonah obeys the call to prophesy against Nineveh, and they repent and God forgives them.

-- A l i c e ✉ 06:11, 5 March 2013 (UTC)

fr:Vatican
Il existe des apprentissages pour être pape, ou bien garde suisse.

(Apprenticeships exist to become Pope, or even Swiss guard).

Portland (Maine)

 * Always leave windows shut and doors fully locked while in the car. Carjackings are quite common in both Portland, and Lewiston, maine. Be very cautious of your surroundings at night in clubs and on the streets. A clandestine kidney harvesting operation has been going on in Portland since 2008 now, and the state is no closer to getting this solved. Many a tourist has woken up in the hotel room in a tub full of ice after having their kidneys harvested unbeknown to them. All in all, Portland is the safest city in the state, but stay clear of the deering oaks area.

 * Get around: Maine has a tough OUI (operating under the influence) law which applies to not only cars but also boats, horses, and even lawn mowers. The legal limit is .08; the standard punishment is 60 days in jail, license suspension for one year, and a $2500 fine for the first offense. After a second offense, the driver license will be revoked permanently, not merely suspended, and the driver will be fed to a pack of satanic lobsters.

Lovers Key

 * Lovers Key or the Carl E. Johnson State Recreation Area, near Fort Myers Beach in Southwest Florida is a great place to make love, just like the name states.

Calgary

 * Eat: Cal's Calzone Zone an Alberta calzone chain that uses local ingredients. Beer is available. The Calgary location does serve Alberta Premium Whisky along with other liquor. Credit cards are not accepted, however the prices are reasonable. It's location is a closely guarded secret, only Bruno of 8th street knows it's location, only after a duel will he tell you.

(Also removed from Lethbridge, no address. 'Cal's Calzone Zone' is from this game.)

Biddeford

 * If you're from Biddeford you drink! It's a birth right.

Template:Shark
-- AndreCarrotflower (talk) 06:58, 9 December 2013 (UTC)

Demons at large in Andorra
(from Andorra#Do — Dracula is famous in Romania, meanwhile in another mountainous Romance-language speaking country...): "If you are afraid of sleeping in a tent because of the wild animals and night sounds (demons), a good place to stay while hiking and trekking in Andorra is staying at the Himàlaia Hotel in Soldeu, which has its own team of hiking guides who go every day with their guests to walk and discover a lot of interesting hiking routes around the country." ϒpsilon (talk) 11:51, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

Offa's Dyke Path in Wales

 * Stay safe:Don't refer to the Welsh as "English".

Getting out of Cooch Behar
like the way you got in.........can go furthur east towards the majical north eastern places of India or can get your bum back home. here:

Bermuda triangle
Hello, I am bermuda triangle. I was born on the day of march of 200th day of 19th center area of 40th century. My moms name is RVD (Ragavendar Sekhar), he is dad & mom of me and many triangles. Rvd totally has 7 wives and many more unknown to the world. He supposedly had many relationship and orientation usually doesnt matter, He gets commited with anything that crawls on ground. Recently he was seen roaming with this gigantic creature, reportedly seen in many place on lower part of asia, especially in southern India.

(the article was created by Special:Contributions/182.72.201.194 on 1. April 2014, nevertheless we already have a Joke article) ϒpsilon (talk) 10:18, 1 April 2014 (UTC)

Nelson (England)

 * Nelson is a dismally rain-soaked town in Lancashire that makes nearby Burnley look exciting... Nelson's a typical gritty, Lancastrian industrial town built on the cotton weaving industry and in terminal decline for more than thirty years... "Britain's most dangerous road", the A682, leads south into Nelson from the Yorkshire Dales to the North... Be careful. Cobbles and potholes (the size of tank traps) are challenging... There's a swimming pool called Pendle Wavelengths in the town centre at Leeds Road, BB9 9TD with a "Black Hole" feature... There are plenty of pubs where you can endeavour to forget you're still in Nelson... Few tourists come to Nelson and even fewer want to sleep in Nelson. This is just as well because there are no hotels actually in Nelson.

 * Go next: Nelson (New Zealand) which has less rain, more sunshine and its own symphony orchestra. Milk's twice the price, though. Daily flights are available with Singapore Airlines from nearby Manchester Airport via Munich, Singapore and Christchurch and take approximately 33 hours from Nelson (England) to Nelson (New Zealand).

(Nominated for deletion, but apparently kept as this is a real place.)

Ghost towns

 * Detroit, near Windsor (Ontario) - Partial ghost town, city population dropped from over 1.8 million in 1950 to 713,777 in 2010, the year after the Chapter 11 bankruptcy of automakers General Motors and Chrysler. (diff) The city was bankrupted in 2013.

Spam article: "How To Efficaciously Peel An Egg"
Easygoing room to strip an egg, bear orchis in pee before shedding.

DIRECTIONS: Arrange them in frigid water, lend to a furuncle. At one time stewing inspiring experiments remove from heating plant and rent rack for 15 to 17 minutes���Range in a icing tub and piazza in fridge. I would countenance tolerate for a twain of? hours, if non the sidereal day in front and cool science they should Peel literal leisurely.

If you treasured this article and also you would like to obtain more info pertaining to cool experiments - Learn More Here, please visit the site.

(I removed a link but otherwise it is as it appeared) ϒpsilon (talk) 18:58, 28 July 2014 (UTC)

From United States of America

 * Similar to race, gender is also a very touchy subject in the US. In general, gender differences are something you should never mention, it is regarded as gender discrimination by Americans. Also, in more liberal parts of the US, gender identity is a very sensitive issue, and you should never assume one's gender identity based on their biological sex. To avoid any unintentional offence, whenever meeting somebody for the first time, you should always ask them for their gender pronoun (i.e. "Do you go by he or she?") and never assume.

From Travellers' Pub
Many sites nowadays are requiring payment for premium access, and Wikivoyage should be no different. Therefore, I propose that the existing Administrator nominations process be replaced with a simpler system where users can make a donation to the WMF to upgrade their accounts to be admins, with no discrimination towards newer editors. There are no downsides that I can see: this would get rid of the broken RfA process as well as raise funds for the WMF. Thoughts? --Saqib (talk) 21:12, 1 April 2015 (UTC)

 * My thoughts are ... happy April 1st! :) --Andrewssi2 (talk) 21:18, 1 April 2015 (UTC)

 * Why not sell the page to a certain company? Happy April first, everybody! Hobbitschuster (talk) 21:39, 1 April 2015 (UTC)

 * I was thinking of selling off the Atlantic City article, one square at a time, Monopoly-style. How much for Park Place and Boardwalk? K7L (talk) 14:43, 2 April 2015 (UTC)

 * Also, Premium users can set their own private banners. Very useful for people who dislike the chosen banner on an article they read often. Nicolas1981 (talk) 06:06, 2 April 2015 (UTC)
 * We'll create a sandbox for premium users in their user space and there (and only there) they can write any obscenities and spam they want! ϒpsilon (talk) 08:10, 2 April 2015 (UTC)
 * Dare I ask what premium has to be paid to get my own private yacht and dock it in Thousand Islands? K7L (talk) 14:40, 2 April 2015 (UTC)
 * If you have to ask, then you can't afford it. ;-)  WhatamIdoing (talk) 20:18, 2 April 2015 (UTC)

From Hahn
While Hahn's main claim to fame is indeed the airport, its name is also somewhat funny to people who speak German, as it is the German word for a rooster. Sadly unlike the towns of Dull and Boring, there are no efforts as of 2015 to have a town twinning with Chicken, Alaska.

The way our article on Dipperz used to look
Understand

Dipperz has about 3,400 inhabitants. It's 10 km east of Fulda and about an hour away from Frankfurt. It is remarkable that 86% of the population above 16 years of age in Dipperz is involved either in agricultural labor or in administrative work (but mostly in the agricultural sector, they define themselves and especially each other as "Bauern" (engl: farmers))

Get in

Use the road (i.e. car or bus from Fulda, follow the street signs).

Get around

Dipperz itself is so small, that no one of reasonable fitness should have trouble walking through it in more than ten minutes. There are two bus stops on the main road with busses traveling from Fulda to either Poppenhausen, Dietershausen or Raddiatorhausen and back to Fulda. The busses leave on an hourly basis from 6:30 until 9:30, then every 2 hours until 17:00 and not at all after that, on public holidays, Sundays, and Saturdays after 18:00. The bus service is relatively cheap compared to the alternative, which is getting a cab. See

Dipperz is the gateway to the Rhön (a high region in central Germany with tough winters, unfriendly natives, unfertile soil, but beautiful nature, moderately good for skiing in winter). It is not possible to take the bus if you want to get there, a car is necessary.

Do

Dipperz features infamous wild life often found roaming about the "Dorfschenke". The high society of Dipperz (mostly young people who have dropped out of "Sonderschule" (engl: ?school)) can be found at the "Jugendtreff", a bunker like structure under the main road. Another very attractive hot-spot of the Dipperzer social scene is the "Haus des Weins" (engl: House of wining)

Buy

Every "Dibbozo" (=Dipperzer, local) will answer, if asked where one is able to buy stuff, that the best place to get what one is craving for would probably be "Flummiemanns Expressdroehnung" (near the gas station, not to be confused with the grass station, a barn where some farmers keep stacks of hay for the winter), a family run store offering a variety of basic every-day-use items (for example post stamps, sausages, clubs, umbrellas, some language books, beer, plastic bags, glue), but also some traditionally crafted items from the region (such as flower pots and other floristic utilities, Schmandweg, pottery, and mud sculptures). Other stores found in Dipperz are the bakery (fresh bread and bread rolls almost every weekend!) and the above mentioned gas station, great for buying beer or/and gas after hours.

Eat

One has three options when it comes to eating in Dipperz: 1) Buying whatever seems pricely reasonable at "Flummiemanns Expressdroehnung". Most members of the high society choose this; a common choice would be a sausage, a plastic bag and some glue. 2) This is probably the safest way of nutrition in Dipperz: leave the town and eat as far away as you can get before starving. Dipperz is known for a rather awkward preference when it comes to food, as the last option will emphasize. 3) Filling your stomach by adapting to the ways of the Dibbozo/the ways of cave men. This includes using sticks for digging up roots and eating cadavers. Unfortunately many fights result from competitive behaviors about food among elderly males. Cannibalism is said to have occurred.

Drink

It is only fair towards the anxious traveler to mention that another way of getting the calories is by drinking "Honig Med" (engl: honey most). It is rumored that "Honig Med" can only develop its unique, methanol like taste when brewed at night by a person who hasn’t washed himself in areas for at least a week. Hence the expression "Brauer-Bauer". It is also highly recommended to stop by at the "Haus des Weins" for a cold welcome and a warm beer.

Sleep

There is a hotel in Dippers which offers single rooms from 81 euro/night and dorms from 80 euro/night/person. Unfortunately there is only one single room and this is occupied by the owner.

Get out

The best way to get out is by bus or car/cab. The next train station is Fulda.

 * Is it twinned with Nelson (England)? ϒpsilon (talk) 16:24, 12 August 2015 (UTC)

 * From a passing glance, one might get the assumption ;-) Though Dipperz seems to be more rural than Nelson... Hobbitschuster (talk) 16:29, 12 August 2015 (UTC)

Freudian slips
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean a mother; it can be surprising what just might slip in.

From LGBT travel:
 * "Marseille - The fist gaybar in France..."

Presumably a well-intentioned fumble but "the fist" was inserted in 2011 and only finally pulled out in 2015, with Marseille knocked off the list entirely a couple years later by an anon-IP. What an uncomfortable four years that must have been.

And then there's this proposal for our sex tourism policy (emphasis mine):
 * "In regards to general cruising info, we don't have any listings as far as I am aware however, it's currently permissible and it's a very big part of the sexual side of gay travel. If we nip it in the butt now, that'd make it easier to just delete such additions if someone does try to add them."

A long time ago, in a galaxy, far, far away...

 * Jenkintown, also known as "GEE563" is the regional capital of Galactic Empire Pennsylvania HQ, located within Montgomery County, Pennsylvania which is just north of Philadelphia. Jenkintown runs along route 611 and is approximately .58 of a square mile and is home to 4,500 residents, as well as 234 Storm Trooper Regiments, 24 AT-ATs, 1 Star Destroyer, and an Imperial Shipyard. (the whole page continues as more of the same...)

...and the road won't reopen until 2105
From Amboy, California, USA:

From Blumenort

 * Apparently Blumenort is a real place, a tiny (pop 1100) Mennonite agricultural village 10km (6 miles) north of Steinbach, Manitoba with a pair of churches and a restaurant - but no hotel. An article was created in April 2008 by an anon-IP as a joke, see Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Blumenort. Many subsequent revisions were no better, for instance this charming invitation:

Blumenort is a city situated in the RM of Hanover in Manitoba.

The name comes from a German word that means "flower place" or "flower nook." Blumenort, despite its name, does NOT have an abundance of flowers. Blumenort is more abundant in fields, pigs, and chickens.

 * Get in
 * Take highway 12 to Provincial Road 311. Don't blink or you might miss it.

 * Get around
 * Everything in the immediate town is within a 10 minute walking distance. However, it is advised that you take a truck if you venture out into the countryside. Be very cautious of the gravel roads if you are unaccustomed to driving on such as they can prove extremely hazardous to unexperienced drivers.

 * See
 * Silo's
 * fields

 * "Entertainment"
 * Visit the spider web on the play structure at the park near the school. Be cautious, however, and avoid falling through the holes as this causes rope burn all the way up your leg.
 * Take pictures of the sunset. The large number of fields surrounding the village is very accomdating to such an activity.
 * Visit The Evangelical Mennonite Church, 59 Centre Ave, Blumenort, MB, R0A 0C0, 204-326-1644. Bring a bible.
 * Play in the gravel pit and get yelled at by local workers and run away as fast as you can.

 * Buy
 * Air Fresheners. Due to the surrounding farms, the evenings tend to smell like manure.
 * land

 * Eat

 * Drink
 * Alcohol is very strongly discouraged in this area. An attempt to do so may upset a number of the locals and result in a drive-by shunning.

 * Sleep
 * Your car at the side of the road. Blumenort has no hotels.

 * Contact
 * Strictly forbidden between those of opposite genders. Such a thing may lead to dancing, which all mennonites believe will lead to intercourse.

 * Get out
 * Make you sure you visit this intricate, small town before writing about it. People have already made fools of themselves by naming The Old Mill as a place to eat when it has been closed for quite a while, and was recently completely demolished.

Apple Valley

 * See Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Apple Valley (Minnesota).

 * Apple Valley (Minnesota) is a nondescript outer Minneapolis suburb with a zoo, a park and a golf course. It was nominated for DOTM on 18 August 2010 and nominated for Discover on 12 February 2017. The content is a mix of sarcasm and local in-jokes, called out on the talk page in 2010-11 but left largely untouched until 2017. According to the author, "Don't hate. Like anyone is ever going to look at this crappy, completely forgettable suburb's page anyway. Leave it alone for the sake of the bored office worker hitting 'random page' for the 104th time in a row waiting for the clock to hit 5:00 and contemplating how to kill themselves (on a related note, that's how this article came to be). You can save a life today by leaving this page as a witty, humorous exception to Wikivoyage's totalitarian, no-fun regime. User:(WT-en) The Guy who wrote most of this article"

Is this revision of Apple Valley (Minnesota) more of a dig at the way our article about Chicago sounds or more of a dig at Minnesotans? You decide! Hobbitschuster (talk) 18:20, 14 February 2017 (UTC)

From Blanc-Sablon
(From . Destination nominated for deletion here: Votes for deletion/December 2014.)

From Hotels

 * ===One-star hotels===
 * You don't see many of these, and with reason. One-stars are not just no-frills, but often downright dodgy: rooms are barely functional, shared bathrooms are somewhere down a corridor and the painted ladies from the all-hours karaoke bar next door dance the horizontal tango all night long in the room next to yours.
 * Major chains: None

(Added in 2005, removed in 2013. Topic now addressed at rating systems.)

From Oregon Trail
Oxen were favoured by many early pioneers; they tend to move slowly, but are less expensive than mules or horses and may be trained by leading, using a whip or goad. They respond to oral commands such as "Gee" (right), "Haw" (left), and "Whoa" (stop).

...and, from Oklahoma:
 * Everything's up to date in Kansas City.

From Places with unusual names
It's not a bug, it's a geographic feature! Places with unusual names are silly enough, but this "dirty" joke didn't make the cut:

 * Bath, indeed a historic Roman spa city. Not to be outdone, the filthy Americans named a town BATH ME after the British original.

...promptly reverted with (Using the U.S. Postal Service abbreviation of Maine to stand in for the word "me" is a real stretch. I feel like we're getting overly carried away. Should this be moved to "Jokes and other garbage"?)

And then there's this:
 * Hicksville, New York. None of that newfangled indoor plumbing like they got in Flushing.

A dubious "fact" concerning Dildo was inserted and then prematurely withdrawn in a brief cock-up.

From Avoiding travel through the United States

 * The US government has draconian laws against "Republikflucht" (desertion of the republic) and retaliates against expatriates in various ways. A routine tactic is to subject persons renouncing US citizenship to an exit interview with a Consular Officer; if the officer decides that the US citizen is renouncing with the primary purpose of tax avoidance, this person is banned from entry to the United States for life.

From London
diff

I hate travelling through London in 2021 because during rush hour because all the commuters are pissheads working in stressful jobs in some woke corporation in the city centre and have politics shoved down their throat. Enough is enough. NUKE LONDON NOW. Let Manchester be the new capital

From Austin - 960000 people in 2028
Austin is a city of over 960,000 people (2028) in the Hill Country region of Texas.

This was taken in 2021, so it makes sense, but won't in 2028

From Traralgon
There is no need for an early rise out here. Unless you were lucky enough to find some work on a local farm, whereby you would have no choice but to set the alarm for 3:30AM.

Truths aside, Traralgon has an almost unnecessary amount of local hotels, and a shortage of beds is not a local issue.

From Traralgon
Um... grass, cows?

From Angle Inlet

 * ==Get out==
 * As lodging at the Angle is based around Outdoor tourism, you'll likely be here for the hunting, fishing, hiking, golfing, or other outdoor activities in the area. If you find yourself in Angle Inlet, it's likely for the isolation and natural beauty of the area.  With little surrounding towns or villages, getting out should be the last thing to worry about while on vacation in this beautiful, un-disturbed, natural wonder.


text:
Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Dixieland

Dixieland, also known as the Confederate States of America, The Bible Belt, Jesusland or Neoconservative Hellhole, is a large country south of the Mason-Dixon Line in North America. It boasts the world's largest Republican population, with the seceded nation The Democratic People's Republic of Alaska following closely behind. The country is comprised of 11 states, all of which are not very impressive at all. The vast majority of Dixieland consists of farmlands, dirt roads, megachurches and good, small town values. The few cities blend into miles of urban sprawl, that the locals navigate with cars with a gas mileage never exceeding 10 mpg. Do not attempt to use a high mileage car or god forbid walk.

States
Texas: Home of Eternal President for Life, George W. Bush.

Arkansas: Land of the Ozark mountains and home to the turncoat traitor, Bill Clinton.

Lousiana: Consists of swamps, crocodiles, and a very messy coastline.

Mississippi: The place where gamblers go if they're too lazy to visit Las Vegas.

Alabama: The suckiest state in the confederacy. There is absolutely nothing worthwhile here. If you're passing by hoping to see something interesting, then you're just shit out luck. Move on.

Georgia: This state is a lot like Alabama, but marginally better because of their overabundance of peaches and their university's football team, the Georgia Bulldogs.

Tennessee: Home of the two separatist nations of Graceland and Dollywood. Both areas should be considered a war zone and extremely dangerous for travel.

North Carolina: Pork barbecue is the only endearing quality of this state.

South Carolina: Home of the dumbest sport on earth, NASCAR.

Virginia: Home and resting place of the great war hero, Robert E. Lee.

Florida: Where college frat boys go to party and get laid in the spring, Panama City in particular.

The country also lays shaky claim to the disputed territories of Oklahoma, Missouri, Kentucky and West Virginia. But truthfully, these states suck, so the yankees can keep them.

Cities
Due to the devastating effects of the Civil War, no major cities have been reconstructed, because the construction workers would rather sit on their fat, lazy asses and watch Larry the Cable Guy instead.

Understand
Dixieland was created in 1861 by a bunch of whiny, old white guys who wanted to keep their slaves. When told by the US government that they couldn't do so, they threw a gigantic hissy fit and declared themselves an independent nation. With the help of their guns, cannons and nuclear warheads, the south was able to attain victory against the northern oppressors. They would not get to keep their slaves however, as Harriet Tubman led every single one of them to freedom on the underground railroad.

Get in

 * By land:You will need a United States visa to get past the demilitarized zone at the mason-dixon line. If you attempt to sneak in or out without permission, you will be shot on sight with no questions asked. So be prepared!

 * By sea: Board the CSS Robert E. Lee, one of a series of blockade runners, in order to get past Union lines and reach the Dixie confederacy.

Get around
Getting around in a Dodge pick-up truck is the most preferred method of travel in Dixieland, even if they do waste a ton of gas.

See

 * The Alamo, historic site where Confederate forces successfully fended off a New Mexican invasion of Texas.

Do
Go to church and praise the lord. If you're the more adventurous traveller, you can go huntin', fishin' and honky-tonkin'. If you're going out to a bar (honky-tonkin'), just remember not to wear a condom or take birth control, as use of contraceptives down here are against the law and God's will. Remember, be fruitful and multiply!

Buy
Firearms. Much as all vehicles in the northern states are required to carry studded tires and snow chains year-round, vehicles in the Confederacy are required to carry a full gun rack and proudly display the Confederate flag at all times.

Eat
Biscuits, grits, fried chicken, collard greens, okra, and chitlins.

Drink
Coca-cola. Water is not even an option down here. If you drink pepsi, you will be branded a traitor and sent to a concentration camp.

Sleep
Just follow any tornader directly into the local trailer park to find quality segregated accommodation.

license: Creative Commons - Attribution Share-Alike - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/


text:
Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Keron

__NOINDEX__

Keron
'''Caution: Do NOT edit or move this page unless you have permission from Space Travel and Transport Department and the government of The United Planet of Keron. '''

This is a special version for Pekopon( Planet Earth )

Introduction
Keron is a the capital of the United Planet Keron (UPK), with a population of 3,000,000. Keron is the most advanced and biggest city on Planet Keron. 67% of the population are keronian and the rest are mixture of differnt space cultures, and only 0.0002% of the population are Pekoponian, which are from Pekopon(Plant Earth). The Downtown part of Keron have a lot of hi-tec shops, restaurants and cafes.

Government
The administrative of Keorn are The Keron Army Headquarter which is located in the Grand Star, which is also the headquarter of the armed force of Planet Keron. Keron is the most most secured city on Planet Keron, because it is the administrative center of the ertire Planet Keron.

Facilities
The main airport or spaceship-port in Keron is the Keron Capital SpacePort(KCP)and Keron Space Interchange Station(KIS) which is also the biggest on Planet Keron. The most attractive part of Keron is the Keonian National Museum, which is located in 966 Museum Drive, Keron. Inside the museum, there are a lot of information about the history of Planet Keron and Keorn(the city). And also Keronian United Square and Independence Plaza are also attractive.

Currency
The currency of Planet Keron is the Keron dollar, symbol as K$, the fixedexchange rate between US dollar of Pekopon and Keron dollar are 2.626US dollar to 1 Keron Dollar. There are a lot of money exchange shop in the city.The shop will only except US dollar as the offical currency of Pekopon. The Kerons also uses space dollar in their everyday business

Language
Most people in Keron speak Keronian(offical language of the central government and the army headquarter), also Sukon (as the Japanese on the Pekopon), both are the most popular lanugages in Keron.

History of Keron
Keron or the District of Keronian (the city and the district are coterminous), is the capital of the United Planet of Keorn. It is a planned city, designed specifically to house the federal government, and is not part of any other state. Its history, beautiful architecture, and excellent cultural centers attract millions of space traveler each year. Keron was established in 9662 B.C(Earth year) by an act of the infant Central Keronian Congress. To avoid a dispute between the various regions about which city should be the capital of the new united planet, Congress established a brand new city, outside any existing region on Planet Keron. The District of Keronian was carved out of other regions ,and the new city was built. Designed by architect Koututu, (a famous designer on Planet Keorn) according to Enlightenment-era rationalist philosophy, Keron(named after the Planet Keron) was formed. Fast-forward two thousand years, and you'll see that the Founding Fathers' vision has been partially fulfilled. Keron is a diverse city of native residents and transients from outer space who come to serve as employees of the many cental government departments and government contractors. While some are legislators, executives, and judges, most of the population is impoverished or middle class. As home to government decision-makers, the city's attention is sometimes on topics unique to the city such as advertisements for military technology from large space defense contractors vying for brainshare among Keron Army employees. It is a very "young" city, with a huge percentage of the population under 30(Keron year). Relatively few residents have lived here all their lives. Most recent census figures report that about 80% of the population has relocated in the past 50 years(Keron Year).

Meanwhile, Keorn's non-transient population is primarily multi-cultural, many of them came from different planets in the outer space.This has caused occasional tensions, as the theoretical ideals of a temporary governing population conflict with the needs of a real-world metropolis' permanent residents. As Keron doesn't belong to a state, its municipal government is required to provide all the services that would normally be provided by state governments. It is also subject to overrule by the Keron Congress, a body in which its residents have no voting representation. But now the situation has improved a lot.

Get In
By Spaceship or Space suttle Keron is served by one major spaceports.

Keron Space Interchange Spaceport (KIS), [2] located in the west bank of of the city, is the closest and most convenient. Walkways connect the concourse level of the B and C terminals to the Keronian Metro rail platform; the walk from the A terminal to the metro takes 5 to 10 minutes. To get downtown (10 minutes), take the Yellow Line toward Keronian United Square. For destinations to the east, take the Blue Line toward Town Center. To the south, take the yellow line toward Keronian national museum.

Keron Capital SpacePort(KCP), [3] is located at 26 miles west of downtown Keron. To get into the city, the most convenient option may be the Keronian Flyer coach [4], which operates every half hour to and from the Keron Capital SpacePort (Orange Line). It takes 20-25 minutes and costs K$8 one way or K$14 round trip. The Metro rail service from Keron Capital SpacePort to downtown Keorn takes another 20-25 minutes. The cheapest option is the Metrobus, an express bus which makes stops at Town Center, Keronian United Square, Keronian national museum (Blue and Orange Lines) and downtown Independence Plaza (Green, Yellow, Blue, and Orange Lines). It departs hourly (though not on the hour) and takes 50-60 minutes; the fare is K$3 each way. Ask the people at the information booth in the lower level of the airport terminal, near the baggage claim, which bus will be coming sooner. They also can direct you to the bus stop.

How to contact us
To vist Keron, contact the Space Tourist Department on your planet or contact the ambassy in the capital on your planet(if there is one).

(C) 2006 Space Tourist Department and Government of the United Planet Keron Copyright in any part of the space.


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Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Mars

 * Mars is the featured destination for 1 April 2018; see Joke articles/Mars.

Mars is the fourth planet from the sun, and is significantly colder and smaller than Earth.

Understand
Foreigners (meaning Earthlings) should be aware that the gravity is much lower on Mars. Mars, being a planet, is huge, and it is unrealistic to expect to see all of Mars in a short period of time, although it is possible to view half of Mars through a telescope. Generally, areas along the equator are the most hospitable to Earthlings (at about -15 degrees Celsius) as it is much warmer than the rest of Mars (the poles are colder than Yakutsk).

The Mars equatorial regions are the warmest part of the planet, as well as the most densely populated part of the planet. Most of the northern half of the planet is covered in ocean, and the southern part of the planet is almost entirely above sea level (except for the large Hellas sea and Argyre sea. Many places in the south part of the planet are uninhabitable.

The amount of gravity on Mars is significantly lower than Earths. Cities on Mars are built around this fact. unlike Earth, "bounding" is a common way of locomoting, and is very efficient. Inside most structures on Mars, gravity is artificially created for many reasons, mainly to keep muscles from atrophying and also to keep things tidy. Gyms are very important on Mars, as exercise is required in order to stay healthy with the low gravity. Gyms are a very popular spot for recreation.

Visa
All foreigners are required to obtain a visa before entering Mars, at the embassy of Mars in Antarctica. Be sure to make a personal trip to the embassy, or else your application will be rejected. If you arrive without a visa, be prepared for the Martian customs to fling you out into deep space. It will be very sad indeed.

By Space
Mars' primary gateway is the Mount Olympus International Spaceport (which will be larger than the one planned in Dubai) in the city of Xanthe. . It is one of the worst spaceports in the universe, with many earthlings wondering why there are restrooms for 3 different genders.

Access to Mount Olympus International Spaceport is only by space travel, which takes several months from Earth. Be prepared for a very long flight, although most shuttle services are actually quite comfortable, and you can float yourself in the spacecraft all the way like all NASA people do on television. Great for kids. Several airlines or 'spacelines' are able to take you all the way to Mars:

 * NASA operates flights once every 3 earth years. However, it has a very poor safety record (it is not allowed to enter the EU) with almost half of all spaceships ending up in flames.
 * Russian Federal Space Agency, one of the 'babyflots' founded as the Soviet Space Program dissolved together with USSR under Gorbachev. Its base is now in neighbouring Kazakhstan. They probably won't be operating any flights soon.
 * China National Space Administration, providing very cheap flights to Mars based primarily on cheap labour. However, since the spacecraft is a China-made product, it is not allowed to land on Mars, and all passengers have to parachute down through the atmosphere.

By Teleportation
You can teleport to Mars straight away. However, the wormhole to Mars is presently (I think, for it's the CIA's secret) in Baghdad, Iraq, so probably that's why the Americans attacked - to control Mars!

Get around
"Bounding" is a common way of locomating outside of structures, and many Earthlings are suprised how fast and smoothely they can actually move. Remember to be careful not to bump into other "bounders," as this is rude and can cause injury. Large cities have excellent public transportation services, such as subways, monorails, and buses.

On the other hand, Mars boasts a very poor sector in aviation. Popular airlines include Mars Airlines, and flights from Xanthe to Nepenthes depart daily. Note that Mars Airlines has an even worse passenger record than Biman Bangladesh Airlines, for flights can be delayed up to 1 year, then forgotten about entirely. Then you will realise that you are scammed and your $15,000 is gone and you are left with many poor passengers who are trapped in the transit area. Realise that your money could have been better spent on a bribe to one of the officers to allow you for a hop in one of the chartered planes. NOTE: Wikivoyage does not condone bribery.

Cities

 * Xanthe - By far the largest city of Mars, Xanthe (named for the region it is located) is in the nation Meridani, which was under Chinese rule until 2112. Xanthe is a very cosmopolitan city, and attracts the greatest number of tourists to Mars every year. The official language of Xanthe (and all of Meridani) is Chinese, although many other languages, especially English, are spoken due to the diversity of the city. Located on the Martian equator, the weather in Xanthe is very pleasant most of the time.

 * Nepenthes - Another popular tourist attraction on Mars. Nepenthes is famous for its nightlife and beach lifestyle. Located in the nation Elysium (which gained independence from United States of Europe in 2098), Nepenthes has mild weather. The languages spoken in Elysium are mainly English and Italian.

 * Hebes - The most populous of the Tempe nation (formerly American Republic of Temple), Hebes lays directly across the famous Valles Marineris from Xanthe. English is the most common language, as Tempe used to be under American rule. Hebes is renowned for its extremely "futuristic" city planning, including monorails and multiple city layers. Xanthe and Hebes, although of different Martian nations, are often called "the Twin Jewels of Mars" because of their close proximity to each other.

 * Hellespontus - The southernmost of the large Martian cosmopoli, Hellespontus may be cold for many tourists seaking a more pleasant, relaxed environment. However, the city is indeed very hospitable. Often called "the Amsterdam of Mars" for its extremely liberal drug and prostitution laws, Hellespontus attracts many visitors looking for a more "adventurous" vacation. Hellespontus is located in the nation Noachis, which was a Russian territory until 2090. It is a coastal city, located on the Hellas sea (the largest body of water in southern Mars). Gambling is a major industry in Hellespontus, and all cities in Noachis.

 * Tharsis - Another major city in Tempe, Tharsis is a highly modern and sophisticated city located a short distance from Hebes. While often overlooked, this city provides many tourist opportunities.

 * Apollinaris - Another equatorial resort city of Elysium. Italian is the most commonly spoken language.

 * Lycus - Although not a large city, Lycus is famous for its location: the base of the famous Olympus Mons, an important Martian landmark. Located in western Tempe Many tourists from around Mars and even Earth frequent the city for its renowned skiing oppurtunities. Being relatively high north gives Lycus a colder temperature.

 * Wtzxlr - A colony of Kanxxoztwa, It was a present from the president of Nax. Now it is a popular tourist getaway for people looking for three things: Nightclubs, nightclubs, and more nightclubs!From Salsa to Xandudian Extreme Metal its the dancer's paradise. Of course, they all are 24/7 for your convenience. Wtzxlr has worked extremely hard to become a big tourist destination. It has. It has gotten big-time resorts like Mc Donalds Hotel and even the George Bush Hotel. Even the wormhole in rural Pluto to Wtzxlr are now equipped with XXXXXXXXL seats, so that even the fattiest of the fattiest of all the fatties can be comfortable. From Salsa to Xandudian Extreme Metal its the dancer's paradise. Of course, they all are 24/7 for your convenience. Regarding language, German is spoken, but with Jupiteranian, you'll be alright.

Other destinations

 * Olympus Mons - a cultural symbol of Mars. The mountain is three times higher than Mount Everest on Earth, and the size of its base is expansive. A popular tourist attraction for those visiting Tempe.

 * Valles Marineris - Before Mars was terraformed, the valley was like the Grand Canyon of Arizona on crack. After terraformation, the valley is now a body of water, with costal cities such as Xanthe, Hebes, Noctis, Ganges, and Eos. Located at the equator, the area around the Marineris sea is by far the most densly populated area of Mars.

 * Nunanarambanga - In the poles of Mars at -55555 degrees, stands Nunanarambanga, a monument to President Uaranidiot Anafreek of Marujarandanga-Jazimora, a short-lived country of 0.0001 sq. kilometers and only one day of life. Mr. Anafreek was one of the most great leaders of the world: he cried in front of the Emperor of Tempe and did a temper tantrum not standing the shrieks of him, he gave him Marujarandanga-Jazimora. He was so happy he kissed the Emperor. After the guards found him, they executed him.

Talk
Like Earth, Mars has a wide variety of languages. All languages on Mars derive from Earth languages, however, they are heavily dialectized and are sometimes hard to understand. For Universes Language Guide please click on link.

Eat
Martian cuisine is diverse and differs from nation to nation, although the taste of the cuisine is not palatable to the human tongue, such as McDonald's with mixed sparrow stew.

Drink
Efforts to find water on Mars are, for the most part, a time-consuming exercise in frustration. What little water is available is HDO, an odd hybrid between water and heavy water in which each molecule contains one hydrogen, one deuterium and one oxygen atom. The nightlife also leaves much to be desired.

Sleep
Mars is bitterly cold and a wretched place to pitch a tent. Only consider sleeping on Mars if your only other option is sleeping in a youth hostile hostel or on an airline flight.

Go next

 * Moon
 * Sol
 * Space

isin: Solar System


text:
Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/MY HOUSE

MY HOUSE is a city in MY TOWN.

Understand
THIS IS MY HOUSE.

Get in
DAILY TRAIN SERVICE FROM CAPITAL CITY.

BUS TO AND FROM LOCAL TOWNS AND CITES.

By plane
NEAREST AIRPORT IS CITY AIRPORT.

Get around
ON FOOT.

THERE ARE PLANS TO BUILD A METRO AROUND MY HOUSE WITH THE FIRST 2 LINES DUE TO BE COMPLETED IN MARCH 1543.

See
THE MAGNIFICANT POSTERS ON THE WALL IN MUSEUM OF MODERN POSTERS.

MANY INTRESTING DOCUMENTRIES AND DRAMA SHOWS ARE SCREENED DAILY.

Do
NOTHING TO SEE OR DO!!!!!

Learn
MAKE USE OF THE EXTENSIVE LIBRARY AND READING COLLECTING

TAKE PART IN A POLITICS OR LANGUAGE COURSE

Work
MANY SERVANTS POISITONS AVAILVBLE IF WANTED

Buy
MANY VINTAGE ITEMS FOR SALE

MANY MEALS AVAILABLE AND GOOD PRICE TO FOR THE BUDGET CONCCIUSSOUS !!

Eat
LOTS OF FOOD AVAILABLE AND FROM AROUND THE WORLD TOO!!

ALL IN ONCE PLACE !! BARGAIN!!!

Drink
BEER IS GOOD

FOR LARGER FAN THE CHOICE MAY BE LIMITED HOWEVER

MUCH REAL ALE AND GUINESS IS OFTEN ON OFFER

Sleep
YOUR NOT SLEEPING IN MY BED !!!!!!!!!

Contact
WHEN YOU COME YOU MUST THROW AWAY YOUR PHONE IMMEDIATELY.

Stay safe
YOU CAN'T STAY SAFE HERE!!!!!!

Cope
I CANT COPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get out
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!


text:
Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Risa

Risa is in The Milky Way. Risa is a planet in South-East Milky Way with coasts on the Andaman Sea and the Gulf of Risa. It has 2 moons to the north-west, 2 suns to the north-east.

With great food, a tropical climate, fascinating culture and, hey, great beaches, Risa is a magnet for travellers the galaxy over.

Risa, dose however, come with a somewhat deserved reputation of being a paradise for "sex torusim".

Major Destinations
Galartha - Popular with rock climbers

Suraya Bay - Famous resort. Johnathon Archer, a famous starfleet captin expressed a desire to vist here.

Temtibi Lagoon - Famous for its facinating dual-sunset views

Banc de sable - A small island once popular with starfleet exploreres as quiet getaway with great parties under DFM (Double Full Moon). Since then however it has become a lot more commerilised and the parties have hugley grown with the main attendees now being Gap Year Students from Star Fleet Academy.

Understand
Due to the advanced weather modification network the climite here is perfect. The natural climate is extremley volitalie and for many years before the weather modification network was brought in, Risa would be an extremley unpleasnt place to be.

Coincidentally, the name Risa also exists in an early Earth dialect called "spanish". In this language the word "risa" translates as "laughter".

Talk
Thanks to a full universal translation system in operation communication should not a be a problem. It is however advised you be aware that when communicating matters releated to sexual behavior, Risians tend to be a lot more open about such topics then most other cultures.

Get in
Many daily shuttles come in and out of Risa, with espically frequent services to and from the Sol sytem. It is recommended you check with the Risa control access terminal for comprhensive information.

Get around
Public transporters and shuttle services are in abudance, and with the warm and friendly nature of Risans you should not find transportation a problem on Risa.

See
Among the beaches & rainforests, Hill tribes are another major attraction. The ethics of hill-tribe trekking are somewhat questionable, with tour groups tramping through some villages daily - particularly those inhabited by the famous long-necked Karen women - and the tribes consequently abandoning their traditional lifestyle in favor of hawking trinkets to tourists. Some trek operators attempt to limit the damage by restricting the number of visitors and employing local hill tribesmen as guides, but the competition is tough and many simply aim to minimise costs and maximise profits.

Do
One popular Risan attraction is Suraya Bay, where the Lohlunat, the Festival of the Moon, is held. Another attraction is a place called Galartha, a cliff face that changes pitch while you climb it.

Eat
The food alone is really reason enough for a trip to Risa. Curries, fruit shakes, stir fries, fresh fish made a zillion ways - and that's just the beginning. Food in Risa can be as simple fried noodles cooked at a street stall or as complicated as a ten-course meal by a royal chef served in one of Risa's 5 star hotels.

Since most backpackers will be sticking closer to the first than the second, one of the great things about Risa is that food from stalls and tiny sidewalk restaurants is usually quite safe. Unlike some South East Milky Way planets, travellers should worry more about overeating or too much curry spice than about unclean kitchens and bad food. In fact, street restaurants, where you can see what you'll get and everything is cooked on the spot (usually in a pool of germ- and diet-killing vegetable oil) can be a safe option.

recommended restaurant is a little boat that sails into the bay every evening just after sunset. Patrons wade out to it, and they serve seafood right off the deck. [edit] Etiquette

Cope
Bring an open mind and a sense of humour. Don't come with too many preconceived ideas about what Risa is like, as media and friends’ experiences have a habit of distorting reality.

If you're sticking to major cities and tourist areas, don't worry too much about under-packing; you can get hold of any essentials you've forgotten. Especially do not worry about clothing thanks to advanced climate control. You will only need a couple of changes of clothes as you can get washing done anywhere cheaply. Sandals for when your hiking shoes are too hot can be found easily in Risa, although large sizes for women are harder to come by. If female and anything above a size 2, busty, or tall, it is often difficult to find clothes that will fit you in any of the Risa shops. If you are male and have a waist more than 38" you will have trouble finding pants. You will largely be limited to backpacker gear (the omnipresent fisherman pants and "Same Same" t-shirts) or Replicated imports in Risian malls. It is useful to bring a few changes of clothes, as you may sweat your way through several outfits a day in the Risan weather.

Crime is non-existant for most of Risa.

Take snorkeling gear or buy it on arrival if you plan to spend a lot of your time in the water. Alternatively put up a notice looking for gear from someone who is leaving. A tent for camping if you are a national park buff is a good idea, as is a compass. You might like to bring compact binoculars too if wildlife is your thing. A good map of Thailand is also handy.

Take earplugs for when you're stuck in a noisy room or want to sleep on the Shuttle transports. Take a mirror for shaving, as often budget places won’t have any. Cigarette papers can be difficult to find, except in tourist centres. Climbing shoes for rock climbing are useful as Risa has some of the best cliffs this side of the Milky Way.

A personal music player is great as a huge range of music is available everywhere.

Into the toiletries bag throw sun screen and insect repellent. Mosquito coils are also a good idea. A small pocket size torch / flashlight will come in handy when the electricity goes out or for investigating caves. Condoms, of course. Passport photos come in handy for visas.

Last but not least, pack your stuff in plastic bags to stop them from getting wet, especially when travelling in the rainy season or on boats.

Aside from the above, the following are recommended:
 * Medication for mentals
 * Elctronic ID

Contact
Connectivity in Risa is generally a good level, espically since it became a member of the United Federation of Planets.

Internet
Public Access terminals are abudant through the main towns of Risa.