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Budget of Paradoxes/M

THE HAILESEAN SYSTEM OF ASTRONOMY.

 * The Hailesean System of Astronomy. By John Davey Hailes (two pages duodecimo, 1860).

He offers to take 100,000l. to 1,000l. that he shows the sun to be less than seven millions of miles from the earth. The earth in the center, revolving eastward, the sun revolving westward, so that they "meet at half the circle distance in the 24 hours." The diameter of the circle being 9839458303, the circumference is 30911569920.

The following written challenge was forwarded to the Council of the Astronomical Society: it will show the "general reader"—and help him towards earning his name—what sort of things come every now and then to our scientific bodies. I have added punctuation:

 * Challenge.
 * 1,000 to 30,000.
 * "Leverrier's name stand placed first. Do the worthy Frenchman justice.
 * By awarding him the medal in a trice.
 * Give Adams an extra—of which neck and neck the race.
 * Now I challenge to meet them and the F.R.S.'s all,
 * For good will and one thousand pounds to their thirty thousand withall,
 * That I produce a system, which shall measure the time,
 * When the Sun was vertical to Gibeon, afterward to Syene.
 * To meet any time in London—name your own period,
 * To be decided by a majority of twelve persons—a President, odd.
 * That mean, if the twelve equally divide, the President decide,
 * I should prefer the Bishop of London, over the meeting to preside.
 * Feb. 17, 1847."
 * Feb. 17, 1847."

Mr. Hailes still issues his flying sheets. The last I have met with (October 7, 1863) informs us that the latitude of England is slowly increasing, which is the true cause of the alteration in the variation of the magnet.

[Mr. Hailes continues his researches. Witness his new Hailesean system of Astronomy, displaying Joshua's miracle-time, origin of time from science, with Bible and Egyptian history. Rewards offered for astronomical problems. With magnetism, etc. etc. Astronomical challenge to all the world. Published at Cambridge, in 1865. The author agrees with Newton in one marked point. Errores quam minimi non sunt contemnendi, says Isaac: meaning in figures, not in orthography. Mr. Hailes enters into the spirit, both positive and negative, of this dictum, by giving the distance of Sidius from the center of the earth at 163,162,008 miles 10 feet 8 inches 17-28ths of an inch. Of course, he is aware that the center of figure of the earth is 17.1998 inches from the center of gravity. Which of the two is he speaking of?]

 * The Divine Mystery of Life. London [1861], 18mo. (pp.32).

The author has added one class to zoology, which is printed in capitals, as derived from zoé, life, not from zôon, animal. That class is of Incorporealia, order I., Infinitum, of one genus without plurality, Deus: order II., Finita, angels good and evil. The rest is all about a triune system, with a diagram. The author is not aware that is not animal, but living being. Aristotle had classed gods under, and has been called to account for it by moderns who have taken the word to mean animal.

A CHANCE FOR INVENTORS.

 * Explication du Zodiaque de Denderah, des Pyramides, et de Genèse. Par le Capitaine au longcours Justin Roblin. Caen, 1861. 8vo.

Capt. Roblin, having discovered the sites of gold and diamond mines by help of the zodiac of Denderah, offered half to the shareholders of a company which he proposed to form. One of our journals, by help of the zodiac of Esné, offered, at five francs a head, to tell the shareholders the exact amount of gold and diamonds which each would get, and to make up the amount predicted to those who got less. There are moods of the market in England in which this company could have been formed: so we must not laugh at our neighbors.

JOHANNES VON GUMPACH.

 * A million's worth of property, and five hundred lives annually lost at sea by the Theory of Gravitation. A letter on the true figure of the earth, addressed to the Astronomer Royal, by Johannes von Gumpach. London, 1861, 8vo. (pp. 54).

 * The true figure and dimensions of the earth, in a letter addressed to the Astronomer Royal. By Joh. von Gumpach. 2nd ed. entirely recast. London, 1862, 8vo. (pp. 266).

 * Two issues of a letter published with two different title-pages, one addressed to the Secretary of the Royal Society, the other to the Secretary of the Royal Astronomical Society. It would seem that the same letter is also issued with two other titles, addressed to the British Association and the Royal Geographical Society. By Joh. von Gumpach. London, 1862, 8vo.

 * Baby-Worlds. An essay on the nascent members of our solar household. By Joh. von Gumpach. London, 1863, 8vo.

The earth, it appears, instead of being flattened, is elongated at the poles: by ignorance of which the loss above mentioned occurs yearly. There is, or is to be, a substitute for attraction and an "application hitherto neglected, of a recognized law of optics to the astronomical theory, showing the true orbits of the heavenly bodies to be perfectly circular, and their orbital motions to be perfectly uniform." all irregularities being, I suppose, optical delusions. Mr. Von Gumpach is a learned man; what else, time must show.

SLANDER PARADOXES.

 * Perpetuum Mobile: or Search for self-motive Power. By Henry Dircks. London, 1861, 8vo.

A useful collection on the history of the attempts at perpetual motion, that is, at obtaining the consequences of power without any power to produce them. September 7, 1863, a correspondent of the Times gave an anecdote of George Stephenson, which he obtained from Robert Stephenson. A perpetual motionist wanted to explain his method; to which George replied—"Sir! I shall believe it when I see you take yourself up by the waistband, and carry yourself about the room." Never was the problem better stated.

There is a paradox of which I ought to give a specimen, I mean the slander-paradox; the case of a person who takes it into his head, upon evidence furnished entirely by the workings of his own thoughts, that some other person has committed a foul act of which the world at large would no more suppose him guilty than they would suppose that the earth is a flat bordered by ice. If I were to determine on giving cases in which the self-deluded person imagines a conspiracy against himself, there would be no end of choices. Many of the grosser cases are found at last to be accompanied by mental disorder, and it is difficult to avoid referring the whole class to something different from simple misuse of the reasoning power. The first instance is one which puts in a strong light the state of things in which we live, brought about by our glorious freedom of thought, speech, and writing. The Government treated it with neglect, the press with silent contempt, and I will answer for it many of my readers now hear of it for the first time, when it comes to be enrolled among circle-squarers and earth-stoppers, where, as the old philosopher said, it will not gravitate, being in proprio loco.

1862. On new year's day, 1862, when the nation was in the full tide of sympathy with the Queen, and regret for its own loss, a paper called the Free Press published a number devoted to the consideration of the causes of the death of the Prince Consort. It is so rambling and inconsecutive that it takes more than one reading to understand it. It is against the Times newspaper. First, the following insinuation:

"To the legal mind, the part of [the part taken by] the Times will present a prima facie case of the gravest nature, in the evident fore-knowledge of the event, and the preparation to turn it to account when it should have occurred. The article printed on Saturday must have been written on Friday. That article could not have appeared had the Prince been intended to live."

Next, it is affirmed that the Times intended to convey the idea that the Prince had been poisoned.

"Up to this point we are merely dealing with words which the Times publishes, and these can leave not a shadow of doubt that there is an intention to promulgate the idea that Prince Albert had been poisoned."

The article then goes on with a strange olio of insinuations to the effect that the Prince was the obstacle to Russian intrigue, and that if he should have been poisoned,—which the writer strongly hints may have been the case,—some Minister under the influence of Russia must have done it. Enough for this record. Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l'admire: who can he be in this case?

THE NEPTUNE CONTROVERSY.
1846. At the end of this year arose the celebrated controversy relative to the discovery of Neptune. Those who know it are well aware that Mr. Adams's now undoubted right to rank with Le Verrier was made sure at the very outset by the manner in which Mr. Airy, the Astronomer Royal, came forward to state what had taken place between himself and Mr. Adams. Those who know all the story about Mr. Airy being arrested in his progress by the neglect of Mr. Adams to answer a letter, with all the imputations which might have been thrown upon himself for laxity in the matter, know also that Mr. Airy's conduct exhibited moral courage, honest feeling, and willingness to sacrifice himself, if need were, to the attainment of the ends of private justice, and the establishment of a national claim. A writer in a magazine, in a long and elaborate article, argued the supposition—put in every way except downright assertion, after the fashion of such things—that Mr. Airy had communicated Mr. Adams's results to M. Le Verrier, with intention that they should be used. His presumption as to motive is that, had Mr. Adams been recognized, "then the discovery must have been indisputably an Englishman's, and that Englishman not the Astronomer Royal." Mr. Adams's conclusions were "retouched in France, and sent over the year after." The proof given is that it cannot be "imagined" otherwise.

"Can it then be imagined that the Astronomer Royal received such results from Mr. Adams, supported as they were by Professor Challis's valuable testimony as to their probable accuracy, and did not bring the French astronomer acquainted with them, especially as he was aware that his friend was engaged in matters bearing directly upon these results?"

The whole argument the author styles "evidence which I consider it difficult to refute." He ends by calling upon certain persons, of whom I am one, to "see ample justice done." This is the duty of every one, according to his opportunities. So when the reputed author—the article being anonymous—was, in 1849, proposed as a Fellow of the Astronomical Society, I joined—if I remember right, I originated—an opposition to his election, until either the authorship should be denied, or a proper retraction made. The friends of the author neither denied the first, nor produced the second: and they judged it prudent to withdraw the proposal. Had I heard of any subsequent repentance, I would have taken some other instance, instead of this: should I yet hear of such a thing, I will take care to notice it in the continuation of this list, which I confidently expect, life and health permitting, to be able to make in a few years. This much may be said, that the author, in a lecture on the subject, given in 1849, and published with his name, did not repeat the charge.

[The libel was published in the Mechanics' Magazine, (vol. for 1846, pp. 604-615): and the editor supported it as follows, (vol. for 1847, p. 476). In answer to Mr. Sheepshanks's charitable hope that he had been hoaxed, he says: "Mr. Sheepshanks cannot certainly have read the article referred to.... Severe and inculpatory it is—unjust some may deem it (though we ourselves are out of the number.)... A 'hoax' forsooth! May we be often the dupes of such hoaxes!" He then goes on to describe the article as directed against the Astronomer Royal's alleged neglect to give Mr. Adams that "encouragement and protection" which was his due, and does not hint one word about the article containing the charge of having secretly and fraudulently transmitted news of Mr. Adams's researches to France, that an Englishman might not have the honor of the discovery. Mr. Sheepshanks having called this a "deliberate calumny," without a particle of proof or probability to support it, the editor says "what the reverend gentleman means by this, we are at a loss to understand." He then proceeds not to remember. I repeat here, what I have said elsewhere, that the management of the journal has changed hands; but from 1846 to 1856, it had the collar of S.S. (scientific slander). The prayer for more such things was answered (See p. 349).]

JAMES IVORY.
I have said that those who are possessed with the idea of conspiracy against themselves are apt to imagine both conspirators and their bad motives and actions. A person who should take up the idea of combination against himself without feeling ill-will and originating accusations would be indeed a paradox. But such a paradox has existed. It is very well known, both in and beyond the scientific world, that the late James Ivory was subject to the impression of which I am speaking; and the diaries and other sources of anecdote of our day will certainly, sooner or later, make it a part of his biography. The consequence will be that to his memory will be attached the unfavorable impression which the usual conduct of such persons creates; unless it should happen that some one who knows the real state of the case puts the two sides of it properly together. Ivory was of that note in the scientific world which may be guessed from Laplace's description of him as the first geometer in Britain and one of the first in Europe. Being in possession of accurate knowledge of his peculiarity in more cases than one; and in one case under his own hand: and having been able to make full inquiry about him, especially from my friend the late Thomas Galloway—who came after him at Sandhurst—one of the few persons with whom he was intimate:—I have decided, after full deliberation, to forestall the future biographies.

That Ivory was haunted by the fear of which I have spoken, to the fullest extent, came to my own public and official knowledge, as Secretary of the Astronomical Society. It was the duty of Mr. Epps, the Assistant Secretary, at the time when Francis Baily first announced his discovery of the Flamsteed Papers, to report to me that Mr. Ivory had called at the Society's apartments to inquire into the contents of those papers, and to express his hope that Mr. Baily was not attacking living persons under the names of Newton and Flamsteed. Mr. Galloway, to whom I communicated this, immediately went to Mr. Ivory, and succeeded, after some explanation, in setting him right. This is but one of many instances in which a man of thoroughly sound judgment in every other respect seemed to be under a complete chain of delusions about the conduct of others to himself. But the paradox is this:—I never could learn that Ivory, passing his life under the impression that secret and unprovoked enemies were at work upon his character, ever originated a charge, imputed a bad motive, or allowed himself an uncourteous expression. Some letters of his, now in my possession, referring to a private matter, are, except in the main impression on which they proceed, unobjectionable in every point: they might have been written by a cautious friend, whose object was, if possible, to prevent a difference from becoming a duel without compromising his principal's rights or character. Knowing that in some quarters the knowledge of Ivory's peculiarity is more or less connected with a notion that the usual consequences followed, I think the preceding statement due to his memory.

THREE CLASSES OF JOURNALS.
In such a record as the present, which mixes up the grossest speculative absurdities with every degree of what is better, an instance of another kind may find an appropriate place. The faults of journalism, when merely exposed by other journalism pass by and are no more regarded. A distinct account of an undeniable meanness, recorded in a work of amusement and reference both, may have its use: such a thing may act as a warning. An editor who is going to indulge his private grudge may be prevented from counting upon oblivion as a matter of certainty.

There are three kinds of journals, with reference to the mode of entrance of contributors. First, as a thing which has been, but which now hardly exists, there is the journal in which the editor receives a fixed sum to find the matter. In such a journal, every article which the editor can get a friend to give him is so much in his own pocket, which has a great tendency to lower the character of the articles; but I am not concerned with this point. Secondly, there is the journal which is supported by voluntary contributions of matter, the editor selecting. Thirdly, there is the journal in which the contributor is paid by the proprietors in a manner with which the literary editor has nothing to do.

The third class is the safe class, as its editors know: and, as a usual rule, they refuse unpaid contributions of the editorial cast. It is said that when Canning declined a cheque forwarded for an article in the Quarterly, John Murray sent it back with a blunt threat that if he did not take his money he could never be admitted again. The great publisher told him that if men like himself in position worked for nothing, all the men like himself in talent who could not afford it would not work for the Quarterly. If the above did not happen between Canning and Murray, it must have happened between some other two. Now journals of the second class—and of the first, if such there be—have a fault to which they alone are very liable, to say nothing of the editorial function (see the paper at the beginning, p. 11 et seq.), being very much cramped, a sort of gratitude towards effective contributors leads the journal to help their personal likes and dislikes, and to sympathize with them. Moreover, this sort of journal is more accessible than others to articles conveying personal imputation: and when these provoke discussion, the journal is apt to take the part of the assailant to whom it lent itself in the first instance.

THE MECHANICS' MAGAZINE.
Among the journals which went all lengths with contributors whom they valued, was the Mechanics' Magazine in the period 1846-56. I cannot say that matters have not mended in the last ten years: and I draw some presumption that they have mended from my not having heard, since 1856, of anything resembling former proceedings. And on actual inquiry, made since the last sentence was written, I find that the property has changed hands, the editor is no longer the same, and the management is of a different stamp. This journal is chiefly supported by voluntary articles: and it is the journal in which, as above noted, the ridiculous charge against the Astronomer Royal was made in 1849. The following instance of attempt at revenge is so amusing that I select it as the instance of the defect which I intend to illustrate; for its puerility brings out in better relief the points which are not so easily seen in more adult attempts.

The Mechanics' Magazine, which by its connection with engineering, etc., had always taken somewhat of a mathematical character, began, a little before 1846, to have more to do with abstract science. Observing this, I began to send short communications, which were always thankfully received, inserted, and well spoken of. Any one who looks for my name in that journal in 1846-49, will see nothing but the most respectful and even laudatory mention. In May 1849 occurred the affair at the Astronomical Society, and my share in forcing the withdrawal of the name of the alleged contributor to the journal. In February 1850 occurred the opportunity of payment. The Companion to the Almanac had to be noticed, in which, as then usual, was an article signed with my name. I shall give the review of this article entire, as a sample of a certain style, as well as an illustration of my point. The reader will observe that my name is not mentioned. This would not have done; the readers of the Magazine would have stared to see a name of not infrequent occurrence in previous years all of a sudden fallen from the heaven of respect into the pit of contempt, like Lucifer, son of the morning. But before giving the review, I shall observe that Mr. Adams, in whose favor the attack on the Astronomer Royal was made, did not appreciate the favor; and of course did not come forward to shield his champion. This gave deadly offence, as appear from the following passage, (February 16, 1850):

"It was our intention to enter into a comparison of the contents of our Nautical Almanack with those of its rival, the Connaissance des Temps; but we shall defer it for the present. The Nautical Almanack for 1851 will contain Mr. Adams's paper 'On the Perturbation of Uranus'; and when it comes, in due course, before the public, we are quite sure that that gentleman will expect that we shall again enter upon the subject with peculiar delight. Whilst we have a thorough loathing for mean, cowardly, crawlers—we have an especial pleasure in maintaining the claims of men who are truly grateful as well as highly talented: Mr. Adams, therefore, will find that he cannot be disappointed—and the occasion will afford us an opportunity for making the comparison to which we have adverted."

This passage illustrates what I have said on the editorial function (Vol. I, p. 15). What precedes and follows has some criticism on the Government, the Astronomer Royal, etc., but reserved in allusion, oblique in sarcasm, and not fiercely uncourteous. The coarseness of the passage I have quoted shows editorial insertion, which is also shown by its blunder. The inserter is waiting for the Almanac of 1851 that he may review Mr. Adams's paper, which is to be contained in it. His own contributor, only two sentences before the insertion, had said, "The Nautical Almanac, we believe, is published three or four years in advance." In fact, the Almanac for 1851—with Mr. Adams's paper at the end—was published at the end of 1847 or very beginning of 1848; it had therefore been more than two years before the public when the passage quoted was written. And probably every person in the country who was fit to review Mr. Adams's paper—and most of those who were fit to read it—knew that it had been widely circulated, in revise, at the end of 1846: my copy has written on it, "2d revise, December 27, 1846, at noon," in the handwriting of the Superintendent of the Almanac; and I know that there was an extensive issue of these revises, brought out by the Le-Verrier-and-Adams discussion. I now give the review of myself, (February 23, 1850):

"The British Almanack and Companion.
"The Companion to this Almanack, for some years after its first publication, annually contained scientific articles by Sir J. Lubbock and others of a high order and great interest; we have now, however, closed the publication as a scientific one in remembrance of what it was, and not in consequence of what it is. Its list of contributors on science, has grown 'small by degrees and beautifully less,' until it has dwindled down to one—'a last rose of summer left withering alone.' The one contributor has contributed one paper 'On Ancient and Modern Usage in Reckoning.'

"The learned critic's chef d'œuvre, is considered, by competent judges, to be an Essay on Old Almanacks printed a few years ago in this annual, and supposed to be written with the view of surpassing a profound memoir on the same subject by James O. Halliwell, Esq., F.R. and A.S.S., but the tremendous effort which the learned writer then made to excel many titled competitors for honors in the antique line appears to have had a sad effect upon his mental powers—at any rate, his efforts have since yearly become duller and duller; happily, at last, we should suppose, 'the ancient and modern usage in reckoning' indicates the lowest point to which the vis inertia of the learned writer's peculiar genius can force him.

"We will give a few extracts from the article.

"The learned author says, 'Those who are accustomed to settle the meaning of ancient phrases by self-examination will find some strange conclusions arrived at by us.' The writer never wrote a more correct sentence—it admits of no kind of dispute.

"'Language and counting,' says the learned author, 'both came before the logical discussion of either. It is not allowable to argue that something is or was, because it ought to be or ought to have been. That two negatives make an affirmative, ought to be; if no man have done nothing, the man who has done nothing does not exist, and every man has done something. But in Greek, and in uneducated English, it is unquestionable that 'no man has done nothing' is only an emphatic way of saying that no man has done anything; and it would be absurd to reason that it could not have been so, because it should not.'—p. 5.

"'But there is another difference between old and new times, yet more remarkable, for we have nothing of it now: whereas in things indivisible we count with our fathers, and should say in buying an acre of land, that the result has no parts, and that the purchaser, till he owns all the ground, owns none, the change of possession being instantaneous. This second difference lies in the habit of considering nothing, nought, zero, cipher, or whatever it may be called, to be at the beginning of the scale of numbers. Count four days from Monday: we should now say Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday; formerly, it would have been Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Had we asked, what at that rate is the first day from Monday, all would have stared at a phrase they had never heard. Those who were capable of extending language would have said, Why it must be Monday itself: the rest would have said, there can be no first day from Monday, for the day after is Tuesday, which must be the second day: Monday, one; Tuesday, two,'—p. 10.

"We assure our readers that the whole article is equally lucid, and its logic alike formal.

"There are some exceedingly valuable footnotes; we give one of the most interesting, taken from the learned Mr. Halliwell's profound book on Nursery Rhymes—a celebrated production, for which it is supposed the author was made F.R.S.

 * "'One's nine,
 * Two's some,
 * Three's a many,
 * Four's a penny,
 * Five's a little hundred.'

'The last line refers to five score, the so-called hundred being more usually six score. The first line, looked at etymologically, is one is not one, and the change of thought by which nine, the decimal of one, aims to be associated with the decimal of plurality is curious:'—Very.

"This valuable and profound essay will very probably be transferred to the next edition of the learned Mr. Halliwell's rare work, of kindred worth, entitled ',' it will then be deservedly handed down to posterity as a covering for cheap trunks—a most appropriate archive for such a treasure."

In December, 1846, the Mechanics' Magazine published a libel on Airy in the matter of the discovery of Neptune. In May, 1849, one * * * was to have been brought forward for election at the Astronomical Society, and was opposed by me and others, on the ground that he was the probable author of this libel, and that he would not, perhaps could not, deny it. [N.B. I no more doubt that he was the author then I doubt that I am the author of this sentence.]

Accordingly, * * * was withdrawn, and a discussion took place, for which see the Athenæum, No. 1126, May 26, 1849, p. 544. The Mechanics' Magazine was very sore, but up to this day has never ventured beyond an attack on Airy, private whisperings against Adams—(see ante, p. 147),—and the above against myself. In due time, I doubt not my name will appear as one of the âmes damnées of the Mechanics' Magazine.

T. S. DAVIES ON EUCLID.
First, as to Mr. Halliwell. The late Thomas Stephens Davies, excellent in geometry, and most learned in its history, was also a good hand at enmity, though not implacable. He and Mr. Halliwell, who had long before been very much one, were, at this date, very much two. I do not think T. S. Davies wrote this article; and I think that by giving my reasons I shall do service to his memory. It must have been written at the beginning of February; and within three days of that time T. S. Davies was making over to me, by his own free act, to be kept until claimed by the relatives, what all who knew even his writings knew that he considered as the most precious deposit he had ever had in his keeping—Horner's papers. His letter announcing the transmission is dated February 2, 1850. This is a strong point; but there is another quite as strong. Euclid and his writings were matters on which T. S. Davies knew neither fear nor favor: he could not have written lightly about a man who stood high with him as a judge of Euclid. Now in this very letter of Feb. 2, there is a sentence which I highly value, because, as aforesaid, it is on a point on which he would never have yielded anything, to which he had paid life-long attention, and on which he had the bias of having long stood alone. In fact, knowing—and what I shall quote confirms me,—that in the matter of Euclid his hand was against every man, I expected, when I sent him a copy of my 22-column article, "Eucleides" in Smith's Dictionary, to have received back a criticism, that would have blown me out of the water: and I thought it not unlikely that a man so well up in the subject might have made me feel demolished on some points. Instead of this, I got the following: "Although on one or two minor points I do not quite accord with your views, yet as a whole and without regard to any minor points, I think you are the first who has succeeded in a delineation of Euclid as a geometer." All this duly considered, it is utterly incredible that T. S. Davies should have written the review in question. And yet Mr. Halliwell is treated just as T. S. Davies would have treated him, as to tone and spirit. The inference in my mind is that we have here a marked instance of the joining of hatreds which takes place in journals supported by voluntary contributions of matter. Should anything ever have revived this article—and no one ever knows what might have been fished up from the forgotten mass of journals—the treatment of Mr. Halliwell would certainly have thrown a suspicion on T. S. Davies, a large and regular contributor to the Magazine. It is good service to his memory to point out what makes it incredible that he should have written so unworthy an article.

The fault is this. There are four extracts: the first three are perfectly well printed. The printing of the Mechanics' Magazine was very good. I was always exceedingly satisfied with the manner in which my articles appeared, without my seeing proof. Most likely these extracts were printed from my printed paper; if not the extractor was a good copier. I know this by a test which has often served me. I use the subjunctive—"if no man have done nothing," an ordinary transcriber, narrating a quotation almost always lets his own habit write has. The fourth extract has three alterations, all tending to make me ridiculous. None is altered, in two places, into nine, denial into decimal, and comes into aims; so that "none, the denial of one, comes to be associated with the denial of plurality," reads as "nine, the decimal of one, aims to be associated with the decimal of plurality." This is intentional; had it been a compositor's reading of bad handwriting, these would not have been the only mistakes; to say nothing of the corrector of the press. And both the compositor and reader would have guessed, from the first line being translated into "one is not one," that it must have been "one's none," not "one's nine." But it was not intended that the gem should be recovered from the unfathomed cave, and set in a Budget of Paradoxes.

We have had plenty of slander-paradox. I now give a halfpennyworth of bread to all this sack, an instance of the paradox of benevolence, in which an individual runs counter to all the ideas of his time, and sees his way into the next century. At Amiens, at the end of the last century, an institution was endowed by a M. de Morgan, to whom I hope I am of kin, but I cannot trace it; the name is common at Amiens. It was the first of the kind I ever heard of. It is a Salle d'Asyle for children, who are taught and washed and taken care of during the hours in which their parents must be at work. The founder was a large wholesale grocer and colonial importer, who was made a Baron by Napoleon I for his commercial success and his charities.

JAS. SMITH AGAIN.
1862. Mr. Smith replies to me, still signing himself Nauticus: I give an extract:

"By hypothesis [what, again!] let 14° 24' be the chord of an arc of 15° [but I wont, says 14° 24'], and consequently equal to a side of a regular polygon of 24 sides inscribed in the circle. Then 4 times 14° 24' = 57° 36' = the radius of the circle ..."

That is, four times the chord of an arc is the chord of four times the arc: and the sum of four sides of a certain pentagon is equal to the fifth. This is the capital of the column, the crown of the arch, the apex of the pyramid, the watershed of the elevation. Oh! J. S.! J. S.! groans Geometry—Summum J. S. summa injuria! The other J. S., Joseph Scaliger, as already mentioned, had his own way of denying that a straight line is always the shortest distance between two points. A parallel might be instituted, but not in half a column. And J. S. the second has been so tightly handled that he may now be dismissed, with an inscription for his circular shield, obtained by changing Lexica contexat into Circus quadrandus in an epigram of J. S. the first:

 * "Si quem dura manet sententia judicis, olim
 * Damnatum ærumnis suppliciisque caput,
 * Hunc neque fabrili lassent ergastula massa,
 * Nec rigidas vexent fossa metalla manus.
 * Circus quadrandus: nam—cætera quid moror?—omnes
 * Pœnarum facies hic labor unus habet."

I had written as far as damnatum when in came the letter of Nauticus as a printed slip, with a request that I would consider the slip as a 'revised copy.' Not a word of alteration in the part I have quoted! And in the evening came a letter desiring that I would alter a gross error; but not the one above: this is revising without revision! If there were cyclometers enough of this stamp, they would, as cultivation progresses—and really, with John Stuart Mill in for Westminster, it seems on the move, even though, as I learn while correcting the proof, Gladstone be out from Oxford; for Oxford is no worse than in 1829, while Westminster is far above what she ever has been: election time excuses even such a parenthesis as this—be engaged to amuse those who can afford it with paralogism at their meals, after the manner of the other jokers who wore the caps and bells. The rich would then order their dinners with panem et Circenses,—up with the victuals and the circle-games—as the poor did in the days of old.

Mr. Smith is determined that half a column shall not do. Not a day without something from him: letter, printed proof, pamphlet. In what is the last at this moment of writing he tells me that part of the title of a work of his will be "Professor De Morgan in the pillory without hope of escape." And where will he be himself? This I detected by an effort of reasoning which I never could have made except by following in his steps. In all matters connected with π the letters l and g are closely related: this appears in the well-known formula for the time of oscillation π √(l : g). Hence g may be written for l, but only once: do it twice, and you require the time to be π √(l$2$ : g$2$). This may be reinforced by observing that if as a datum, or if you dislike that word, by hypothesis, the first l be a g, it is absurd that it should be an l. Write g for the first l, and we have un fait accompli. I shall be in pillory; and overhead, in a cloud, will sit Mr. James Smith on one stick laid across two others, under a nimbus of 3⅛ diameters to the circumference—in π-glory. Oh for a drawing of this scene! Mr. De Morgan presents his compliments to Mr. James Smith, and requests the honor of an exchange of photographs.

July 26.—Another printed letter.—Mr. James Smith begs for a distinct answer to the following plain question: "Have I not in this communication brought under your notice truths that were never before dreamed of in your geometrical and mathematical philosophy?" To which, he having taken the precaution to print the word truths in italics, I can conscientiously answer, Yes, you have. And now I shall take no more notice of these truths, until I receive something which surpasses all that has yet been done.

A FEW SMALL PARADOXERS.

 * The Circle secerned from the Square; and its area gauged in terms of a triangle common to both. By Wm. Houlston, Esq. London and Jersey, 1862, 4to.

Mr. Houlston squares at about four poetical quotations in a page, and brings out π = 3.14213.... His frontispiece is a variegated diagram, having parts designated Inigo and Outigo. All which relieves the subject, but does not remove the error.

 * Considerations respecting the figure of the Earth.... By C. F. Bakewell. London, 1862, 8vo.

Newton and others think that in a revolving sphere the loose surface matter will tend to the equator: Mr. Bakewell thinks it will tend to the poles.

 * On eccentric and centric force: a new theory of projection. By H. F. A. Pratt, M.D. London, 1862, 8vo.

Dr. Pratt not only upsets Newton, but cuts away the very ground he stands on: for he destroys the first law of motion, and will not have the natural tendency of matter in motion to be rectilinear. This, as we have seen, was John Walsh's notion. In a more recent work "On Orbital Motion," London, 1863, 8vo., Dr. Pratt insists on another of Walsh's notions, namely, that the precession of the equinoxes is caused by the motion of the solar system round a distant central sun. In this last work the author refers to a few notes, which completely destroy the theory of gravitation in terms "perfectly intelligible as well to the unlearned as to the learned": to me they are quite unintelligible, which rather tends to confirm a notion I have long had, that I am neither one thing nor the other. There is an ambiguity of phrase which delights a writer on logic, always on the look-out for specimens of homonymia or æquivocatio. The author, as a physician, is accustomed to "appeal from mere formulæ": accordingly, he sets at nought the whole of the mathematics, which he does not understand. This equivocation between the formula of the physician and that of the mathematician is as good, though not so perceptible to the world at large, as that made by Mr. Briggs's friend in Punch's picture, which I cut out to paste into my Logic. Mr. Briggs wrote for a couple of bruisers, meaning to prepare oats for his horses: his friend sent him the Whitechapel Chicken and the Bayswater Slasher, with the gloves, all ready.

 * On matter and ether, and the secret laws of physical change. By T. R. Birks, M.A. Cambridge, 1862, 8vo.

Bold efforts are made at molecular theories, and the one before me is ably aimed. When the Newton of this subject shall be seated in his place, books like the present will be sharply looked into, to see what amount of anticipation they have made.

DR. THORN AND MR. BIDEN.

 * The history of the 'thorn tree and bush' from the earliest to the present time: in which is clearly and plainly shown the descent of her most gracious Majesty and her Anglo-Saxon people from the half tribe of Ephraim, and possibly from the half tribe of Manasseh; and consequently her right and title to possess, at the present moment, for herself and for them, a share or shares of the desolate cities and places in the land of their forefathers! By Theta, M.D. (Private circulation.) London, 1862, 8vo.

This is much about Thorn, and its connected words, Thor, Thoth, Theta, etc. It is a very mysterious vagary. The author of it is the person whom I have described elsewhere as having for his device the round man in the three-cornered hole, the writer of the little heap of satirical anonymous letters about the Beast and 666. By accident I discovered the writer: so that if there be any more thorns to crackle under the pot, they need not be anonymous.

Nor will they be anonymous. Since I wrote the above, I have received onymous letters, as ominous as the rest. The writer, William Thorn, M.D., is obliged to reveal himself, since it is his object to prove that he himself is one 666. By using W for double Vau (or 12) he cooks the number out of his own name. But he says it is the number not of a beast but of a man, and adds, "Thereby hangs a tale!" which sounds like contradiction. He informs me that he will talk the matter over with me: but I shall certainly have nothing to say to a gentleman of his number; it is best to keep on the safe side.

In one letter I am informed that not a line should I have had, but for my "sneer at 666," which, therefore, I am well pleased to have given. I am also told that my name means the "'garden of death,' that place in which the tree of knowledge was plucked, and so you are like your name 'dead' to the fact that you are an Israelite, like those in Ezekiel 37 ch." Some hints are given that I shall not fare well in the next world, which any one who reads the chapter in Ezekiel will see is quite against his comparison. The reader must not imagine that my prognosticator means Morgan to be a corruption of Mortjardin; he proves his point by Hebrew: but any philologist would tell him the true derivation of the name, and how Glamorgan came to get it. It will be of much comfort to those young men who have not got through to know that the tree of knowledge itself was once in the same case. And so good bye to 666 for the present, and the assumption that the enigma is to be solved by the united numeral forces of the letters of a word.

It is worthy of note that, as soon as my Budget commenced, two guardian spirits started up, fellow men as to the flesh, both totally unknown to me: they have stuck to me from first to last. James Smith, Esq., finally Nauticus, watches over my character in this world, and would fain preserve me from ignorance, folly, and dishonesty, by inclosing me in a magic circle of 3⅛ diameters in circumference. The round man in the three-cornered hole, finally William Thorn, M.D., takes charge of my future destiny, and tries to bring me to the truth by unfolding a score of meanings—all right—of 666. He hints that I, and my wife, are servants of Satan: at least he desires us both to remember that we cannot serve God and Satan; and he can hardly mean that we are serving the first, and that he would have us serve the second. As becomes an interpreter of the Apocalypse, he uses seven different seals; but not more than one to one letter. If his seals be all signet-rings, he must be what Aristophanes calls a sphragidonychargocometical fellow. But—and many thanks to him for the same—though an M.D., he has not sent me a single vial. And so much for my tree of secular knowledge and my tree of spiritual life: I dismiss them with thanks from myself and thanks from my reader. The dual of the Pythagorean system was Isis and Diana; of the Jewish law, Moses and Aaron; and of the City of London, Gog and Magog; of the Paradoxiad, James Smith, Esq., and William Thorn, M.D.

September, 1866. Mr. James Biden has favored me with some of his publications. He is a rival of Dr. Thorn; a prophet by name-right and crest-right. He is of royal descent through the De Biduns. He is the watchman of Ezekiel: God has told him so. He is the author of The True Church, a phrase which seems to have a book-meaning and a mission-meaning. He shall speak for himself:

"A crest of the Bidens has significance. It is a lion rampant between wings—wings in Scripture denote the flight of time. Thus the beasts or living creatures of the Revelations have each six wings, intimating a condition of mankind up to and towards the close of six thousand years of Bible teaching. The two wings of the crest would thus intimate power towards the expiration of 2000 years, as time is marked in the history of Great Britain.

"In a recent publication, The Pestilence, Why Inflicted, are given many reasons why the writer thinks himself to be the appointed watchman foretold by Ezekiel, chapters iii. and xxxiii. Among the reasons are many prophecies fulfilled in him. Of these it is now needful to note two as bearing especially on the subject of the reign of Darius.

"1.—In Daniel it is said, 'Darius the Median took the kingdom, being about threescore and two years old.'—Daniel v. 31.

"When 'Belshazzar' the king of the Chaldeans is found wanting, Darius takes the kingdom. It is not given him by the popular voice; he asserts his right, and this is not denied. He takes it when about sixty-two years of age. The language of Daniel is prophetic, and Darius has in another an antitype. The writer was born July 18th, 1803; and the claim was asserted at the close of 1865, when he was about sixty-two years of age.

"The claims which have been asserted demand a settled faith, and which could only be reached through a long course of divine teaching."

When I was a little boy at school, one of my school-fellows took it into his head to set up a lottery of marbles: the thing took, and he made a stony profit. Soon, one after another, every boy had his lottery, and it was, "I won't put into yours unless you put into mine." This knocked up the scheme. It will be the same with the prophets. Dr. Thorn, Mr. Biden, Mrs. Cottle, etc. will grow imitators, until we are all pointed out in the Bible: but A will not admit B's claim unless B admits his. For myself, as elsewhere shown, I am the first Beast in the Revelations.

Every contraband prophet gets a few followers: it is a great point to make these sequacious people into Buridan's asses, which they will become when prophets are so numerous that there is no choosing.

SIR G. C. LEWIS.

 * An historical survey of the Astronomy of the Ancients. By the Rt. Hon. Sir G. C. Lewis. 8vo. 1862.

There are few men of our day whom I admire more than the late Sir G. Lewis: he was honest, earnest, sagacious, learned, and industrious. He probably sacrificed his life to his conjunction of literature and politics: and he stood high as a minister of state in addition to his character as a man of letters. The work above named is of great value, and will be read for its intrinsic merit, consulted for its crowd of valuable references, quoted for its aid to one side of many a discussion, and opposed for its force against the other. Its author was also a wit and a satirist. I know of three classical satires of our day which are inimitable imitations: Mr. Malden's Pragmatized Legends, Mr. Mansel's Phrontisterion, and Sir G. Cornewall Lewis's Inscriptio Antiqua. In this last, HEYDIDDLEDIDDLETHECATANDTHEFIDDLE etc. is treated as an Oscan inscription, and rendered into Latin by approved methods. As few readers have seen it, I give the result:

 * "Hejus dedit libenter, dedit libenter. Deus propitius [est], deus [donatori] libenter favet. Deus in viarum juncturâ ovorum dape [colitur], deus mundi. Deus in litatione voluit, benigno animo, hædum, taurum intra fines [loci sacri] portandos. Deus, bis lustratus, beat fossam sacræ libationis."

How then comes the history of astronomy among the paradoxes? Simply because the author, so admirably when writing about what he knew, did not know what he did not know, and blundered like a circle-squarer. And why should the faults of so good a writer be recorded in such a list as the present? For three reasons: First, and foremost, because if the exposure be not made by some one, the errors will gradually ooze out, and the work will get the character of inaccurate. Nothing hurts a book of which few can fathom the depths so much as a plain blunder or two on the surface. Secondly, because the reviews either passed over these errors or treated them too gently, rather implying their existence than exposing them. Thirdly, because they strongly illustrate the melancholy truth, that no one knows enough to write about what he does not know. The distinctness of the errors is a merit; it proceeds from the clear-headedness of the author. The suppression in the journals may be due partly to admiration of the talent and energy which lived two difficult lives at once, partly to respect for high position in public affairs, partly to some of the critics being themselves men of learning only, unable to detect the errors. But we know that action and reaction are equal and contrary. If our generation take no notice of defects, and allow them to go down undetected among merits, the next generation will discover them, will perhaps believe us incapable of detecting them, at least will pronounce our judgment good for nothing, and will form an opinion in which the merits will be underrated: so it has been, is, and will be. The best thing that can be done for the memory of the author is to remove the unsound part that the remainder may thrive. The errors do not affect the work; they occur in passages which might very well have been omitted: and I consider that, in making them conspicuous, I am but cutting away a deleterious fungus from a noble tree.

(P. 154). The periodic times of the five planets were stated by Eudoxus, as we learn from Simplicius; the following is his statement, to which the true times are subjoined, for the sake of comparison:

Upon this determination two remarks may be made. First, the error with respect to Mercury and Venus is considerable; with respect to Mercury, it is, in round numbers, 365 instead of 88 days, more than four times too much. Aristotle remarks that Eudoxus distinguishes Mercury and Venus from the other three planets by giving them one sphere each, with the poles in common. The proximity of Mercury to the sun would render its course difficult to observe and to measure, but the cause of the large error with respect to Venus (130 days) is not apparent.

Sir G. Lewis takes Eudoxus as making the planets move round the sun; he has accordingly compared the geocentric periods of Eudoxus with our heliocentric periods. What greater blunder can be made by a writer on ancient astronomy than giving Eudoxus the Copernican system? If Mercury were a black spot in the middle of the sun it would of course move round the earth in a year, or appear to do so: let it swing a little on one side and the other of the sun, and the average period is still a year, with slight departures both ways. The same for Venus, with larger departures. Say that a person not much accustomed to the distinction might for once write down the mistake; how are we to explain its remaining in the mind in a permanent form, and being made a ground for such speculation as that of the difficulty of observing Mercury leading to a period four times what it ought to be, corrected in proof and published by an industrious and thoughtful person? Only in one way: the writer was quite out of his depth. This one case is conclusive; be it said with all respect for the real staple of the work and of the author. He knew well the difference of the systems, but not the effect of the difference: he is another instance of what I have had to illustrate by help of a very different person, that it is difficult to reason well upon matter which is not familiar.

(P. 254). Copernicus, in fact, supposed the axis of the earth to be always turned towards the Sun.$(169)$ [(169). See Delambre, ''Hist. Astr. Mod.'', Vol. I, p. 96]. It was reserved to Kepler to propound the hypothesis of the constant parallelism of the earth's axis to itself.

If there be one thing more prominent than another in the work of Copernicus himself, in the popular explanations of it, and in the page of Delambre cited, it is that the parallelism of the earth's axis is a glaring part of the theory of Copernicus. What Kepler did was to throw away, as unnecessary, the method by which Copernicus, per fas et nefas, secured it. Copernicus, thinking of the earth's orbital revolution as those would think who were accustomed to the solid orbs—and much as the stoppers of the moon's rotation do now: why do they not strengthen themselves with Copernicus?—thought that the earth's axis would always incline the same end towards the sun, unless measures were taken to prevent it. He did take measures: he invented a compensating conical motion of the axis to preserve the parallelism; and, which is one of the most remarkable points of his system, he obtained the precession of the equinoxes by giving the necessary trifle more than compensation. What stares us in the face at the beginning of the paragraph to which the author refers?

"C'est donc pour arriver à ce parallelisme, ou pour le conserver, que Copernic a cru devoir recourir à ce mouvement égal et opposé qui détruit l'effet qu'il attribue si gratuitement au premier, de déranger le parallelisme."

Parallelism at any price, is the motto of Copernicus: you need not pay so dear, is the remark of Kepler.

The opinions given by Sir G. Lewis about the effects of modern astronomy, which he does not understand and singularly undervalues, will now be seen to be of no authority. He fancies that—to give an instance—for the determination of a ship's place, the invention of chronometers has been far more important than any improvement in astronomical theory (p. 254). Not to speak of latitude,—though the omission is not without importance,—he ought to have known that longitude is found by the difference between what o'clock it is at Greenwich and at the ship's place, at one absolute moment of time. Now if a chronometer were quite perfect—which no chronometer is, be it said—and would truly tell Greenwich mean time all over the world, it ought to have been clear that just as good a watch is wanted for the time at the place of observation, before the longitude of that place with respect to Greenwich can be found. There is no such watch, except the starry heaven itself: and that watch can only be read by astronomical observation, aided by the best knowledge of the heavenly motions.

I think I have done Sir G. Lewis's very excellent book more good than all the reviewers put together.

I will give an old instance in which literature got into confusion about astronomy. Theophrastus, who is either the culprit or his historian, attributes to Meton, the contriver of the lunar calendar of nineteen years, which lasts to this day, that his solstices were determined for him by a certain Phaeinus of Elis on Mount Lycabettus. Nobody else mentions this astronomer: though it is pretty certain that Meton himself made more than one appointment with him for the purpose of observing solstices; and we may be sure that if either were behind his time, it was Meton. For Phaeinus Helius is the shining sun himself; and in the astronomical poet Aratus we read about the nineteen years of the shining sun:

Some man of letters must have turned Apollo into Phaeinus of Elis; and there he is in the histories of astronomy to this day. Salmasius will have Aratus to have meant him, and proposes to read : he did not observe that Phaeinus is a very common adjective of Aratus, and that, if his conjecture were right, this Phaeinus would be the only non-mythical man in the poems of Aratus.

[When I read Sir George Lewis's book, the points which I have criticized struck me as not to be wondered at, but I did not remember why at the time. A Chancellor of the Exchequer and a writer on ancient astronomy are birds of such different trees that the second did not recall the first. In 1855 I was one of a deputation of about twenty persons who waited on Sir G. Lewis, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, on the subject of a decimal coinage. The deputation was one of much force: Mr. Airy, with myself and others, represented mathematics; William Brown, whose dealings with the United States were reckoned by yearly millions, counted duodecimally in England and decimally in America, was the best, but not the only, representative of commerce. There were bullionists, accountants, retailers, etc. Sir G. L. walked into the room, took his seat, and without waiting one moment, began to read the deputation a smart lecture on the evils of a decimal coinage; it would require alteration of all the tables, it would impede calculation, etc. etc. Of those arguments against it which weighed with many of better knowledge than his, he obviously knew nothing. The members of the deputation began to make their statements, and met with curious denials. He interrupted me with "Surely there is no doubt that the calculations of our books of arithmetic are easier than those in the French books." He was not aware that the universally admitted superiority of decimal calculation made many of those who prefer our system for the market and the counter cast a longing and lingering look towards decimals. My answer and the smiles which he saw around, made him give a queer puzzled look, which seemed to say, "I may be out of my depth here!" His manner changed, and he listened. I saw both the slap-dash mode in which he dealt with subjects on which he had not thought, and the temperament which admitted suspicion when the means of knowledge came in his way. Having seen his two phases, I wonder neither at his more than usual exhibition of shallowness when shallow, nor at the intensity of the contrast when he had greater depth.]

DECIMAL COINAGE.
Among the paradoxers are the political paradoxers who care not how far they go in debate, their only object being to carry the House with them for the current evening. What I have said of editors I repeat of them. The preservation of a very marked instance, the association of political recklessness with cyclometrical and Apocalyptic absurdity, may have a tendency to warn, not indeed any hardened public-man and sinner, but some young minds which have yearnings towards politics, and are in formation of habits.

In the debate on decimal coinage of July 12, 1855, Mr. Lowe, then member for Kidderminster, an effective speaker and a smart man, exhibited himself in a speech on which I wrote a comment for the Decimal Association. I have seldom seen a more wretched attempt to distort the points of a public question than the whole of this speech. Looking at the intelligence shown by the speaker on other occasions, it is clear that if charity, instead of believing all things, believed only all things but one, he might tremble for his political character; for the honesty of his intention on this occasion might be the incredible exception. I give a few paragraphs with comments:

"In commenting on the humorous, but still argumentative speech of Mr. Lowe, the member for Kidderminster, we may observe, in general, that it consists of points which have been several times set forth, and several times answered. Mr. Lowe has seen these answers, but does not allude to them, far less attempt to meet them. There are, no doubt, individuals, who show in their public speaking the outward and visible signs of a greater degree of acuteness than they can summon to guide their private thinking. If Mr. Lowe be not one of these, if the power of his mind in the closet be at all comparable to the power of his tongue in the House, it may be suspected that his reserve with respect to what has been put forward by the very parties against whom he was contending, arises from one or both of two things—a high opinion of the arguments which he ignored—a low opinion of the generality of the persons whom he addressed. [Both, I doubt not].

But he cannot mean that Englishmen in general are so easily managed. And as to Jonathan, who is but John lengthened out a little, he would see creation whittled into chips before he would even split what may henceforth be called the Kidderminster difference. The House, not unmoved—for it laughed—with sly humor decided that the introduction of the florin had been "eminently successful and satisfactory."

The truth is that Mr. Lowe here attacks nothing except the coexistence of the florin and half-crown. We are endeavoring to abolish the half-crown. Let Mr. Lowe join us; and he will, if we succeed, be relieved from the pressure on his pocket which must arise from having the turn of the market always against him.

Now, if Mr. Lowe insists on it that our integer is the pound, he is bound to admit that the present integer is the pound, of which a shilling, etc., are fractions. The next time he has a chop and a pint of stout in the city, the waiter should say—"A pound, sir, to you," and should add, "Please to remember the waiter in integers." Mr. Lowe fancies that when he pays one and sixpence, he pays in integers, and so he does, if his integer be a penny or a sixpence. Let him bring his mind to contemplate a mil as the integer, the lowest integer, and the seven cents five mils which he would pay under the new system would be payment in integers also. But, as it happens with some others, he looks up the present system, with Cocker, and Walkingame, and always looks down the proposed system. The word decimal is obstinately associated with fractions, for which there is no need. Hence it becomes so much of a bugbear, that, to parody the lines of Pope, which probably suggested one of Mr. Lowe's phrases—

 * "Dinner he finds too painful an endeavor,
 * Condemned to pay in decimals for ever."

To the poor, who keep no books, the whole secret is "Sixpence farthing to the half shilling, twelve pence halfpenny to the shilling." The new twopence halfpenny, or cent, will be at once five to the shilling.

In conclusion, we remark that three very common misconceptions run through the hon. Member's argument; and, combined in different proportions, give variety to his patterns.

First, he will have it that we design to bring the uneducated into contact with decimal fractions. If it be so, it will only be as M. Jourdain was brought into contact with prose. In fact, ''Quoi! quand je dis, Nicole, apportez-moi mes pantoufles, c'est de la prose? may be rendered: "What! do you mean that ten to the florin is a cent a piece'' must be called decimal reckoning?" If we had to comfort a poor man, horror-struck by the threat of decimals, we should tell him what manner of fractions had been inflicted upon him hitherto; nothing less awful than quarto-duodecimo-vicesimals, we should assure him.

Secondly, he assumes that the penny, such as it now is, will remain, as a coin of estimation, after it has ceased to be a coin of exchange; and that the mass of the people will continue to think of prices in old pence, and to calculate them in new ones, or else in new mils. No answer is required to this, beyond the mere statement of the nature of the assumption and denial.

Thirdly, he attributes to the uneducated community a want of perception and of operative power which really does not belong to them. The evidence offered to the Committee of the House shows that no fear is entertained on this point by those who come most in contact with farthing purchasers. And this would seem to be a rule,—that is, fear of the intelligence of the lower orders in the minds of those who are not in daily communication with them, no fear at all in the minds of those who are.

A remarkable instance of this distinction happened five-and-twenty years ago. The Admiralty requested the Astronomical Society to report on the alterations which should be made in the Nautical Almanac, the seaman's guide-book over the ocean. The greatest alteration proposed was the description of celestial phenomena in mean (or clock time), instead of apparent (or sundial) time, till then always employed. This change would require that in a great many operations the seaman should let alone what he formerly altered by addition or subtraction, and alter by addition or subtraction what he formerly let alone; provided always that what he formerly altered by addition he should, when he altered at all, alter by subtraction, and vice versa. This was a tolerably difficult change for uneducated skippers, working by rules they had only learned by rote. The Astronomical Society appointed a Committee of forty, of whom nine were naval officers or merchant seamen [I was on this Committee]. Some men of science were much afraid of the change. They could not trust an ignorant skipper or mate to make those alterations in their routine, on the correctness of which the ship might depend. Had the Committee consisted of men of science only, the change might never have been ventured on. But the naval men laughed, and said there was nothing to fear; and on their authority the alteration was made. The upshot was, that, after the new almanacs appeared, not a word of complaint was ever heard on the matter. Had the House of Commons had to decide this question, with Mr. Lowe to quote the description given by Basil Hall (who, by the way, was one of the Committee) of an observation on which the safety of the ship depended, worked out by the light of a lantern in a gale of wind off a lee shore, this simple and useful change might at this moment have been in the hands of its tenth Government Commission.

[Aug. 14, 1866. The Committee was appointed in the spring of 1830: it consisted of forty members. Death, of course, has been busy; there are now left Lord Shaftesbury, Mr. Babbage, Sir John Herschel, Sir Thomas Maclear (Astronomer Royal at the Cape of Good Hope), Dr. Robinson (of Armagh), Sir James South, Lord Wrottesley, and myself].

THE TONAL SYSTEM.

 * Project of a new system of arithmetic, weight, measure, and coins, proposed to be called the tonal system, with sixteen to the base. By J. W. Mystrom. Philadelphia, 1862, 8vo.

That is to say, sixteen is to take the place of ten, and to be written 10. The whole language is to be changed; every man of us is to be sixteen-stringed Jack and every woman sixteen-stringed Jill. Our old one, two, three, up to sixteen, are to be (Noll going for nothing, which will please those who dislike the memory of Old Noll) replaced by An, De, Ti, Go, Su, By, Ra, Me, Ni, Ko, Hu, Vy, La, Po, Fy, Ton; and then Ton-an, Ton-de, etc. for 17, 18, etc. The number which in the system has the symbol

 * 28(13)5(11)7(14)0(15)

(using our present compounds instead of new types) is to be pronounced

 * Detam-memill-lasan-suton-hubong-ramill-posanfy.

The year is to have sixteen months, and here they are:

 * Anuary, Debrian, Timander, Gostus,
 * Suvenary, Bylian, Ratamber, Mesudius,
 * Nictoary, Kolumbian, Husamber, Vyctorius,
 * Lamboary, Polian, Fylander, Tonborius.

Surely An-month, De-month, etc. would do as well. Probably the wants of poetry were considered. But what are we to do with our old poets? For example—

 * "It was a night of lovely June,
 * High rose in cloudless blue the moon."

Let us translate—

 * "It was a night of lovely Nictoary,
 * High rose in cloudless blue the (what, in the name of all that is absurd?)."

And again, Fylander thrown into our December! What is to become of those lines of Praed, which I remember coming out when I was at Cambridge,—

 * "Oh! now's the time of all the year for flowers and fun, the Maydays;
 * To trim your whiskers, curl your hair, and sinivate the ladies."

If I were asked which I preferred, this system or that of Baron Ferrari already mentioned, proceeding by twelves, I should reply, with Candide, when he had the option given of running the gauntlet or being shot: Les volontés sont libres, et je ne veux ni l'un ni l'autre. We can imagine a speculator providing such a system for Utopia as it would be in the mind of a Laputan: but to explain how an engineer who has surveyed mankind from Philadelphia to Rostof on the Don should for a moment entertain the idea of such a system being actually adopted, would beat a jury of solar-system-makers, though they were shut up from the beginning of Anuary to the end of Tonborius. When I see such a scheme as this imagined to be practicable, I admire the wisdom of Providence in providing the quadrature of the circle, etc., to open a harmless sphere of action to the possessors of the kind of ingenuity which it displays. Those who cultivate mathematics have a right to speak strongly on such efforts of arithmetic as this: for, to my knowledge, persons who have no knowledge are frequently disposed to imagine that their makers are true brothers of the craft, a little more intelligible than the rest.

SOME SMALL PARADOXERS.

 * Vis inertiae victa, or Fallacies affecting science. By James Reddie. London, 1862, 8vo.

An attack on the Newtonian mechanics; revolution by gravitation demonstrably impossible; much to be said for the earth being the immovable center. A good analysis of contents at the beginning, a thing seldom found. The author has followed up his attack in a paper submitted to the British Association, but which it appears the Association declined to consider. It is entitled—

 * Victoria Toto Cœlo; or, Modern Astronomy recast. London, 1863, 8vo.

At the end is a criticism of Sir G. Lewis's History of Ancient Astronomy.

 * On the definition and nature of the Science of Political Economy. By H. Dunning Macleod, Esq. Cambridge, 1862, 8vo.

A paper read—but, according to the report, not understood—at the British Association. There is a notion that political economy is entirely mathematical; and its negative quantity is strongly recommended for study: it contains "the whole of the Funds, Credit, 32 parts out of 33 of the value of Land...." The mathematics are described as consisting of—first, number, or Arithmetic; secondly, the theory of dependent quantities, subdivided into dependence by cause and effect, and dependence by simultaneous variations; thirdly, "independent quantities or unconnected events, which is the theory of probabilities." I am not ashamed, having the British Association as a co-non-intelligent, to say I do not understand this: there is a paradox in it, and the author should give further explanation, especially of his negative quantity. Mr. Macleod has gained praise from great names for his political economy; but this, I suspect, must have been for other parts of his system.

 * On the principles and practice of just Intonation, with a view to the abolition of temperament.... By General Perronet Thompson. Sixth Edition. London, 1862, 8vo.

Here is General Thompson again, with another paradox: but always master of the subject, always well up in what his predecessors have done, and always aiming at a useful end. He desires to abolish temperament by additional keys, and has constructed an enharmonic organ with forty sounds in the octave. If this can be introduced, I, for one, shall delight to hear it: but there are very great difficulties in the way, greater than stood even in the way of the repeal of the bread-tax.

In a paper on the beats of organ-pipes and on temperament published some years ago, I said that equal temperament appeared to me insipid, and not so agreeable as the effect of the instrument when in progress towards being what is called out of tune, before it becomes offensively wrong. There is throughout that period unequal temperament, determined by accident. General Thompson, taking me one way, says I have launched a declaration which is likely to make an epoch in musical practice; a public musical critic, taking me another way, quizzes me for preferring music out of tune. I do not think I deserve either one remark or the other. My opponent critic, I suspect, takes equally tempered and in tune to be phrases of one meaning. But by equal temperament is meant equal distribution among all the keys of the error which an instrument must have, which, with twelve sounds only in the octave, professes to be fit for all the keys. I am reminded of the equal temperament which was once applied to the postmen's jackets. The coats were all made for the average man: the consequence was that all the tall men had their tails too short; all the short men had them too long. Some one innocently asked why the tall men did not change coats with the short ones.

 * A diagram illustrating a discovery in the relation of circles to right-lined geometrical figures. London, 1863, 12mo.

The circle is divided into equal sectors, which are joined head and tail: but a property is supposed which is not true.

 * An attempt to assign the square roots of negative powers; or what is √ -1? By F. H. Laing. London, 1863, 8vo.

If I understand the author, -a and +a are the square roots of -a$2$, as proved by multiplying them together. The author seems quite unaware of what has been done in the last fifty years.

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2 even to itself? or perhaps a touch of pessimistic jealousy, the mistrust of disillusioned idealists who have become gloomy, poisoned, and bitter? or a petty subconscious enmity and rancour against Christianity (and Plato), that has conceivably never crossed the threshold of consciousness? or just a vicious taste for those elements of life which are bizarre, painfully paradoxical, mystical, and illogical? or, as a final alternative, a dash of each of these motives—a little vulgarity, a little gloominess, a little anti-Christianity, a little craving for the necessary piquancy?

But I am told that it is simply a case of old frigid and tedious frogs crawling and hopping around men and inside men, as if they were as thoroughly at home there, as they would be in a swamp.

I am opposed to this statement, nay, I do not believe it: and if, in the impossibility of knowledge, one is permitted to wish, so do I wish from my heart that just the converse metaphor should apply, and that these analysts with their psychological microscopes should be, at bottom, brave, proud, and magnanimous animals who know how to bridle both their hearts and their smarts, and have specifically trained themselves to sacrifice what is desirable to what is true, any truth in fact, even the simple, bitter, ugly, repulsive, unchristian, and immoral truths—for there are truths of that description.

2.

All honour, then, to the noble spirits who would fain dominate these historians of morality. But it is certainly

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